Transcript of Turd’s Havin’ His Baaaaby: Monday, November 18th, 2024

Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to The Chose, and happy Monday. And boy, does it feel like a Monday. We have mountains to climb.

We've got mountains to move, but it doesn't feel like a Monday because it's a very exciting Monday to be sat. Because we're feeling joyful.

We're feeling joyful.

I can't even imagine how you're feeling. I'm just going to throw to turdy because it's turdy's big day.

Let me tell you how I'm feeling. Literally, I was in the bathtub last night after my whirlwind announcement.

Do you want to just announce for anyone who's not on social media but only listens to The Toast?

Oh my God, there are a couple of people like that. Yes, so I shared on my social media yesterday. Perhaps you guys aren't aware, but I am with a child. I am pregnant. Yeah, that's right. I'm having his baby. Yes, she is. Yesterday, we finally told people, Seriously, you guys have not to make everything about me, but today is exclusively about me. So seriously, don't even bother.

I agree, but you just hit him with a we, finally told people.

Oh my God. I did. You're a we. I'm not a we. I feel even stronger about the lack of wee now that I've been through this. Me. But I guess we did tell people yesterday because Ben was calling up. I had a couple of people to call. Oh, my God. Ben was like, All right, I got to call. How many friends do you have?

And it was a collab post.

It was a wee. It was a wee. We finally told people, You guys, seriously, nobody knows how hard this has been for me.

I think those who know you, and that's literally everyone who listens to the show knows you inside and out, knows that this was probably It's so hard for you on so many levels.

It's the hardest secret I've ever had to keep. And seriously, when you and Olivia had both gotten pregnant, there's something special about the first time. Every time is special, of course, but the first time really hits different. And you had told me, I remember struggling so much. I actually got drunk and told a couple of people. I didn't even keep the secret. Well, I just told people that I could trust. Now, with my own secret, I can't get drunk. So I really was not telling people, Oh, my God. I don't think I actually knew how much of a burden it was on me until I let it go last night. I was in the tub after, and when I got out, Ben was like, You were singing so loud in the tub. And I'm like, I haven't been singing. Obviously, on the toast I have because I had to pretend. And remember when I said I could never be an actor? Lies. I'm an amazing actress. I could totally do it. I don't think I realized what weight this was carrying on me. Not only one, I'm a joyous person. I like to chat and share positive news.

Also, I don't keep information to myself that well. It's not one of my skills. Three, I talk for a living. There's so much going on in your life when this new thing happens. To just sit here and... That's why we've been talking about food so much. What the hell else is there to talk about? Oh, my God. If I didn't tell you guys one second sooner than I already did, I was seriously going to explode.

No, That's the hardest part. The first trimester is so isolating, whether or not you do a podcast because you're going through all this stuff and you can't talk about it. I feel like that's the reason you want to share most publicly soonest is to You talk about what's going on with you.

Not only that, the isolating part is so real. I know, and in Judaism, we're very superstitious. If you're following all the rules of Judaism, you're nine months pregnant, pretending like you're not. Everybody around you just acts like, Oh, how you feel? No one's really... I couldn't do that. And I obviously immediately told my immediate family and Ben's immediate family. And obviously, having you guys has been such an outlet for me. But I also just had to tell my friend Margot Fish pretty early. I trust her implicitly, so it wasn't about that. I just needed someone to talk to in such a real way. I'm so glad that I did. I didn't need to tell a million people, but I needed an outlet. I needed a friend. And that's the person I talk to the most outside of my family. I felt really good about that. I'll get into the details. Nause, phagia, yes, I've been diagnosed with IBS, TMJ, literally everything that could befall you has befallen your girl. Injunction with your coxedinia. And let me tell you, my coxedinia has never been fucking worse. And I'm sitting even more. And a way to counteract coxedinia is to be more active.

And I seriously-Not adoption. Walking to lunch is my activity of the day every day. And there was A period in time. I would love to go look at my steps. I lived pretty close to our studio. For two months straight, Ben drove me every single day. The idea of just putting one foot in front of the other was unfathomable. We sat in so much traffic to go four blocks. I didn't fucking care. I could not move. And I need to talk about Ben, obviously. An integral part of this journey. And it's so funny. When we started telling a lot of our friends, so many of the girls were like, Oh, my God, isn't it amazing what your body can do and how much our husbands are so useless? And they totally are. Honestly, every time Ben complains, literally last time we ate a lot of Chinese food. He's like, I'm so nauseous. And I was like, You're what? Having said that, as much as a husband can do, Ben has done. He has been, and I have not been easy. I don't think that's going to come as a surprise to anyone. I'm usually very congruence with the woman that we know.

I'm usually very bossy from the bed. Get me this, get me that, get me this, get me that, times 45. Seriously, I am an animal. The mood swings, the hormones, the rage you feel at the smallest, rage. Oh, my God. Ben has not once held it against me. He just moves on. I'm so appreciative. Then every couple I'm like, Oh, my God, I'm really sorry. And then the cycle starts over again. I say to Ben, I would stop if I could. I literally can't. Please, leave me alone. He has been so wonderful. And shout out to him. Although, if he complains one more fucking time and just seeing it, there have been so many things that I wasn't expecting. Oh, my God. I can't even finish a thought. I have so many things to say.

No, and we're going to thoroughly break this down on the Patreon. Turdy is sat, but that is for later this week. So now just give us the thoughts that you're thinking.

When I went on I'm on this journey, and when I would picture my life pregnant, there were a couple of things I was like, Oh, that'll be hard. Obviously, one of them was not drinking. I'm very social. I love to drink. Let me tell you, that's been the easiest part. I don't miss drinking at all. I hate, hate, hate. I was actually really worried. That was definitely something that I think pushed off my decision to... I love to go out and socialize. I'd love to have a cocktail. It's such a part of my life that I couldn't even imagine my life without that. And seriously, you guys, if you're worried about it, it's not You will not miss it. It seriously makes me sick to even think about it. I knew I'd have to cut back on certain things, but there's two things specifically that I am living without that I am really deeply struggling with. And on one of them, I am cheating. The first is Advil. In general, over-the-counter medication. I'm a big customer of Big Pharma. I buy everything whenever I have the smallest ailment. It's an Advil, it's an Aleve, it's an et cetera.

I got them all. Love all of them, have been living without. All my little ailments, they're really starting to take me down. I'm not okay.

Yeah, that is really hard. It's an adjustment. Not being able to take medication. You can take Tylenol, but why would you waste your time or your money? Have you taken anything? No. I had to take Advil after my cerclage when I was in so much pain, and Dr. Fox told me I could take Advil, and so I did. Was it amazing?

It was It was so necessary. I know some bitches- And in hindsight, that I was only taking Advil after a surgery that leaves you in as much pain as childbirth, where you get the horse pills.

It made a dent. But anyways, I'll just say it was fine.

I know that there are some bitches who post Postmates like Jimmy John's to the delivery room. I will be postmating Advil. Actually, I don't even need to postmate it.

Claudia, they give you the high prescription Advil after childbirth. And that's what we deserve.

I love Advil so much. I can't believe it.

Like the 600 milligram tablet.

I'm really aware of how much Ben takes it because he goes into the bathroom and I hear the bottle rattle. He's always got something, a headache, sinuses. That has been something I didn't foresee, really challenging. Now, the other challenge, I would say my greatest challenge that I have not been able to really stay away from, but I tried really hard is soda. Obviously, I love soda. Everybody knows that about me. I always thought, if I had to live without soda, I could, but I don't want to. I actually Really cannot live without it. First of all, it has all of the things that I, as a pregnant person, need, like bubbles for the nausea, the burping, the taste is so good, and the caffeine. One thing I'm having a major aversion to, which has been really challenging, is coffee. You said the day I got pregnant that I have to throw my coffee made away because it's cancer in a bottle.

It's not even sold in other countries. It's biohazardous.

If you guys are curious, I am on the Jackie O' Wellness plan, so I listen to what Jackie says. Then Margot introduced me to Chobani. Right before I got pregnant, I was like, Okay, this Chobani is a fine substitute. The Chobani. There are a couple of things that I cannot fuck with post-pregnancy, post-whatever you want to call it, conception. Chobani, Gilmore Girls. Some things just make me...

Have you been making that noise yet?

Of course. Every time I take out the trash, and by the way, taking out the trash is no longer my job. Was it your job before? Yeah, I'm the housemate. I do everything. But Ben has completely taken on And once the garbage gets even remotely full, take it out. I could smell it from my bedroom. Get it out. But certain things, and I don't know what it is, my hand soap. Oh, my God, I'm so mad. Right before I got pregnant, I wanted to really fancify my apartment, and I got all new hand soap and matching cream from The Way, the hair company. I went somewhere that had The Way cream. I was like, I mean, The Way soap. I'm like, Oh my God, this is amazing. Got it from my whole... If Ben washes his hands in the other room, I could smell it. I said, Get back in the shower. I said, Get in the shower. Use Dawn. Certain things have seriously crippled me, and the Chobadi creamer is one of them. I actually am having a little bit right now because I need... I haven't had coffee in months, a full proper coffee.

I can't remember last time I finished coffee.

No, trying to find the right-hand soap is a journey. And then you will get to it. You just need unscented. That's why now we use those Dove hand soaps in my house. That was a result of pregnancy, trying to find a hand soap that didn't make Mona Bon. It went to Blackberry Farm. Everything smelled so good. I was like, I want everything from here.

It didn't smell as good as it has. I travel now around my house with my body wash because I actually like the smell of my body wash, and that's what I wash my hands with. And if Ben needs soap, I say, Go get the body wash. We are just working with what we have.

Yeah, it's so crazy, the little things.

Oh, my God.

And you forget. I would have forgotten all these things. No.

Lest you not remind me. Let me tell you, I feel like I've had a very... And I'll get into this more deeply because I think a lot of people were really surprised that I was pregnant because I've had a pretty complicated relationship with when I felt like I was going to be ready. And I've I've never really been afraid of being a mom. I just know, seriously, I'm going to crush it. These kids love me. Oh, my God, could it be more entertaining? But the concept of pregnancy, I've always found really intimidating, really daunting, and really unappealing. Everything I've heard and I've seen, I'm like, You know what? No, I'm good. And now that I'm on the other side of it, I can tell you it is that bad. It really, really is. And everybody tries to prepare you, and there's really no... And if I meet one more bitch, How are you feeling? Totally Totally fine. I've been feeling great. No, I'm really not nauseous at all.

You mean pregnant people who say that?

Yes, I can't. You know what? There were a couple of people in my life who knew how I felt, and they were like, Listen, by the way, it really wasn't that bad. I felt totally fine. I was like, You know what? Maybe I'll be one of those girls. Maybe I'll be one of those girls. I found out I was pregnant so early. How? What? Three weeks? Eight days before my miss period. I just took a test because I was going to have a drink. I wasn't even expecting. So I have known for so long... Where was I going with this thought? And the first couple of weeks, I felt nothing because I wasn't even supposed to know I was pregnant yet. And I was like, You know what? I'm one of those girls. I was working out. Me and Hillary doing the soda, and I was really eating well and feeling good. And I was like, Oh, my God. It skipped me. I'm crushing. I'm crushing. I was really ready to lean in, really be like, Courtney.

You're going to be one of them who does yoga throughout your pregnancy.

And who loves being pregnant. I'm going to be Courtney Kardashian. Cut to, seriously, three weeks later, I'm Kim pregnant with North. I'm not okay. I'm huge. I'm sick. I'm feeling every little thing. There's two types of pregnancies, Courtney and Kim, and I'm having a Kim pregnancy. And because I found out so early- You were never...

Even if you were having an actual Courtney pregnancy, you would respond to it as a Kim.

No, Jackie, let me tell you, I really tried. I really, really tried. I remember I must have been four weeks pregnant, and I'm walking to the elevator with Ben, and I was like, This is so special. This is probably the only time. So many times you're pregnant, and then you have to raise your other kids, right? I can't fucking imagine. Oh, my God. Sounds horrible. So this is one of the only times in my life we'll be able to just really enjoy it, and I'm feeling good. Jackie, I tried. I tried to be positive. I tried to lean in to my feminine side. No, thank you.

Okay. Well, the good news is, as you are now in your second trimester, things will start to look I can't even- And they will get better before they get worse.

I can't even really complain about how I feel. Right now, I'm so tired. I slept from 9:00 to 7:00. All I do is go to sleep. But compared to how I felt during the Jewish holidays was some of the worst timing for me, I can't even I can complain, but I am looking forward. I'm feeling a lot more like myself, and I do think telling people, I don't think I realized how much it was stressing me out. It was just consuming everything I said on the podcast. Could it be taken misconstrued? I was about to post something the other day, and I was like, I feel like that might be a virtue signal to pregnancy. And then you told me it was because I've been eating so much cereal. So I was going to post a story, obsessed with cereal. In my cereal era. And the box of honeycomb said, Post on it, and I wanted to be like, Marjorie Post. And then I was like, Is this a sign?

That is a pregnancy.

I just don't think I realized how much of a toll it was really taking on me. And I really wanted to surprise people and ward off evil eye. We have so many disgusting contators. I don't think I realized how much it really was weighing on me and how much better I feel already, just having been able to tell people. And of course, the attention, the likes, the engagement, it does not hurt. I didn't know that many people could see. The press. I didn't know that many people could see my post. Where have you guys been all my life? So good to know that your phones do work and that I do come up for you, but you've just been largely ignoring me. That's totally fine. It's totally fine.

How's it going on TikTok for you? Because I know that Instagram is very mama friendly. It is. Mama content really gets out there to the masses.

I don't think that I am I'm not big in the mom community on TikTok yet. So I think I'm migrating over there. I've only posted one thing. It did perform pretty well, but I got to get in with those girls.

You got to get in the algo.

Yeah, in the algo, if you will. Oh, and I have something I want to say now. And I'll just... I'll wait for everyone who yelled at us for leaving the Eres tour early. I'll wait for you guys to apologize. And also, I need to give like, major shout out and credit to my sister, Jackie, who took the entire fall for it. When it was me, I was so sick. Probably the biggest mistake I made in my first trimester was going to the Hours Tour. And that day, I was- You tried not to go. I was so sick, and I tried not to go. And shout out to Jackie's neighbor, Randy, because I gave her my ticket, and then I took it back because we were down there with our friend Margot, different Margot, who didn't know at the time. She was like, You're not coming. We flew down here for it. And I was like, I'm so sick. And she was like, Who fucking cares? Like, Get up. And I was like, Oh, okay. And then Ben was like, Yeah, you should go. We flew all the way down here. Everybody She was giving me bad advice.

Not me. Jackie was like, You should stay. I already called Randy. I already gave your ticket away so that you couldn't go back on it, and then she went back on it.

And then 10 minutes later, I took it back. And I'm really sorry, Randy. That was actually unbelievably uncool of me. I've been meaning to tell you to explain to her why I took the ticket back. I will. Okay. I decided to go, and I had a good time, but halfway through, I really started to break down. Like, heat, sweat, nausea, exhaustion. I don't even know. And by the end, I was texting Ben. I was like, and we still had this huge walk to the car. I was I was breaking down. The next day, I slept the entire day. I felt so sick. I actually had such a pit. I was like, What am I doing? This is so much more important than a ticket. I felt really silly. And then when we started getting so much hate about leaving early, I was like, Oh, these bitches don't even know. And they obviously assumed it was Jackie, like hater Jackie, hating every minute of it. When it was literally me, I was like, Can we leave earlier? But our friend Margot didn't know, so I was trying to be normal. And it was just... I know I went to the Ares tour for one reason.

And the reason was, and I talk about this in the vlog, and we are not sharing the gender yet, but I definitely have a preference when it comes to gender. And that's a boy.

Based on gender?

I feel like that's bad to say, but that's what's the preference? And I don't know, the idea of having a daughter, it didn't seem... I was like, I don't know. I can't see it. I can't see it. And then when we went to the Ares tour, there were so many moms with their young daughters having so much fun getting dressed up. I'm like, Oh, that's what I'll do. That's me. I could see it. I feel like for that reason alone, I'm glad I went to the Erris tour because it helped me visualize a potential possibility. But other than that, big mistake, huge. It is no place for a woman in her first trimester The jumping, the dancing. Also, for the first time, I'm really very sensitive to being around a lot of people. They're getting sick. I don't know. It was a mistake, but I learned a valuable lesson, so I'm glad that I went.

Yeah, let's go good. Yeah, I just wanted to-We're going to just wait on those apologies.

Yeah, seriously, you guys- Seriously, you never know what someone's going through, and isn't that what we're always trying to tell you?

Trust your face.

I know, and you really thought the worst of Jacks. It was all the hate was directed towards you. I just sat there and let you take it, and you're a queen for taking it.

Happy to absorb it for my girl.

But that's what was really going on. I was dying, breaking down.

Well, we are so happy for you. I just really-We are so excited to hear Her updates from you on how you're feeling and your POV on the whole thing because I agree with you. Your readiness has always been a topic of conversation. I feel like the way that you felt about certain people when they got pregnant, that being a big mover and shaker for you.

Yeah, let me think.

I feel like you are that to a lot of people.

That's sweet. Thank you. I'm trying to think who moved me and shaken me the most.

When someone got pregnant and you're like, Oh.

I know. Haley Bieber moved me quite a bit. Who's cooler and more fabulous than her? Who else? I don't know. It was largely about... It was about that, but I feel like a lot of it had to do with my weight. There was a time in my life where it was just inconceivable that I would get pregnant. I'm 5 feet, I'm so huge, and I'm what? I'm going to gain another 50, 60 pounds. I couldn't physically bear it. So that's a huge part of my personal journey. Not everybody has the problems that I did. But for me, for a lot of years, it was so not even in the realm of possibility, honestly. I couldn't I didn't see it.

Yeah.

No, that makes total sense. I don't even want to talk about my weight currently. I keep saying to everyone, I'm such a liar. I'm like, I've made peace with it. Whatever. I literally haven't. I'm so mad.

You'll never fully make peace with it, but you will become peaceful about it, and it will just... It is what it is.

Let me say one thing, actually.

One positive. Also, when you start showing, that's also the hard thing about the first trimester. Yes, maybe the third trimester is even more enduring physically, but you're showing and everyone knows around you. Even strangers know.

Take he. Literally last weekend, me and Ben went for a walk. We went to a diner at the end of the walk. If I don't eat, I'm really not okay. In Home goods the other day, I seriously almost threw up. But I was so... And of course, they didn't have a table. They were five minutes. So there's a chair. I take the chair. I'm just breathing, trying not to pass away on this chair. And this 900-year-old man comes. I know everyone's looking at me like, Get up for the man. No, men, get up for me. If I had stood up in that time, I would have completely fainted. And I felt so guilty. That's the hard part about not showing. But the thing I wanted to say about my body, which I literally my whole life have hated, still hate. The one positive thing, I will say, is that I've always hated my stomach. It has just been the bane of my existence. Looking in the mirror, hate, hate, hate. And I still look in the mirror and hate. But there is also a part of me that looks at it lovingly now. There's a child in there.

I sometimes wake up and my hand is on my Fupa. Before, it used to be on my Fupa. I would be imagined a chainsaw cutting it off. Now it's there, like very rubbing.

It's like pillowy for the baby. It's a little cushion.

I hate my Fupa a little bit less.

That's beautiful. Thank you. Well.

We'll do a full breakdown. If you are a Patreon member, the vlog dropped last night. That I started when I found out I was pregnant, and it takes you through the first.

So much. It's such a fun watch.

Yeah. Like doctor's appointments, telling Telling people. It was actually a true labor of love. I'll continue a lot of the journey. I probably keep most of that more intimate stuff on the Patreon. It's just where I feel more comfortable. I know a lot of people are annoyed about that, but it just evil eye, evil eye, evil eye. Like, patereon. Com/toast. Then this week, we will do a Q&A about the whole journey, any questions anybody has about... Conception. Yeah, that's right.

How'd you do it? Raw dog in it.

Things of that nature. It's just a great time to be a Patreon member. It's a great time. It's a great time to be me, honestly, so not to be annoying.

Well, we're really, really so happy for you. Happy that you're sharing. So excited for all the updates to come.

Same, same, same. Now that it's out, oh my God, the TikToks I could make, the TikToks I will make. I made two this morning. It's just...

The creativity is flowing out of you. It's losing out of me. Right. Yeah. It's very beautiful. And we do have a lot to get into today, while also, we'll probably come back to this every five seconds because it's the biggest thing going. That's the big celeb news of the day.

Oh my God, it is the big celeb news of the day, especially because it is Monday. Jackie and I did watch Yellow Still, last night. There'll be a brief recap. I'll talk about nothing happening.

Yeah, but still, just like, back with our faves. And they know that. They know it's just a show that you're watched. It's a comfort show at this point.

Yeah, there's a couple of people, and they gave us so much comfort when comes to Beth and Rip last night. So for that, I'm grateful. But overall, it was a ma on my episode.

Yeah. Well, I guess without further ado, because that's really all there is to catch up on.

Seriously, I can't talk about anything other than myself. I have weeks and weeks and weeks of just bottled up stories, emotions.

I hope I enjoyed these last few weeks.

Yeah, seriously, good luck ever talking again. For real. I really let you run wild these last couple of months because I had nothing I ran wild.

She was insane.

She didn't shut the fuck up. It was insane.

So without further ado, about turdy loo, do, do, do. I don't know.

I feel I think I haven't talked about myself enough, but I don't have anything else left to say, really. Although, if you're proud of me with questions, I could wax poetic.

No, that's what I mean. We're always coming back to this. Yeah. So without further ado, here are the fast five stories that you need to And the Fast Five stories that you need to know.

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Remind me. Okay, Dr. Fox, one thing, and the second thing is-Go now. Vanessa Carleton. But just, I seriously can't remember stuff, so I need to tell you. Okay. So I just wanted everyone to know, yes, Dr. Fox is my doctor, the doctor who literally saved Jackie's life. And I never had an OB/GYN who I was in love with. And honestly, I probably haven't been the best about my reproductive health. I have been to the OB/GYN five times, once every five years. And so he's my doctor. And if anybody wants to know what I'm going through, it's so great to have a doctor who's really well-versed in my family's medical history because Jackie's condition actually is hereditary. And so thanks to that, Dr. Fox knows all about your cerclage, every time I go in for a scan, which will be double the norm amount of time because of the cerclage, I always have to go transvaginal. So just know, while everyone else is getting ultrasounds, I have a big rod up my vagina because of Jackie, which is just amazing. Let's talk about that transvaginal probe. I never felt anything like that in my entire fucking life.

Oh, my God. I never knew you could feel like you could shit, vomit, and piss all at the same time. Oh, my God, that stick is insane.

Yeah, it's an insane stick.

What nerve. The way they just wheeled it around like Harry Potter. Oh, my God. That stick is actually what nightmares are made of. Men will never know what that's like.

There's so much. Especially, I feel like at my early appointments when the baby was a grain of rice, they couldn't find it because it's so small.

So they really are digging around, excavating. Oh, my God, could not breathe.

Damn.

I have to do that every time because like I said, Jackie and her problem.

Well, it can be hereditary, but it could also be like, circumstantial. Yeah, of course. No. It not necessarily means that you'll have the same thing because for me, it could have happened. It didn't happen in my first pregnancy, so it could have been like- A fluke. And something that happened because of my first labor. Yeah, no. My first labor was labor-intensive.

He has said that he's had patients whose other siblings don't have it, and some do. It's just something to look out for. But it is nice to know, go in But I didn't realize that meant that every single one of my appointments, and I have double the amount of scans as everybody else. I didn't know that it made me a special, and so that's really exciting. Just know when I go to the doctor, that's what I'm experiencing. I'm never going to have in the movies when they put the thing on your belly. No.

You'll have some of those.

I don't know.

He said he literally- It's not always going to be the TV.

He literally warned me. He said transvaginal every time.

With him, but you'll go other places and get it on the belly.

It's just not going to be like it is in the movies.

You'll get out of the TV at At some point. What was Vanessa Carlton?

Yeah. Okay. So pregnancy hormones. And by the way, something so strange. I mean, I'm such an emotional person. Everything makes me cry. How many times I cry on this podcast? Like a thousand times. I've not really cried during this journey. I don't know. I'm not feeling emo. I can't explain it, which is so bizarre for me. But the hormones are hitting in different and unique ways. I was dying to tell the story on the toast, but I knew it would so signal that I I was pregnant a week ago. Me and Ben woke up early. I don't know. I was lying in bed and Ben was getting dressed. I had told the Alexa to put on some music. I'm literally going to cry telling the story. They put on a thousand... No. 1000 Miles. I know Ben loves that song, and I thought he loved it because of white Chicks. He was telling me, he was like, I love this song. I'm like, I know. He's like, No, whenever I think about it, I just picture myself in my parents apartment growing up, putting the CD in my dad's Bows. I didn't know what he was going to say next, and what he did, seriously, hit me right between...

I was seriously... I sobbed for 35 minutes. He was like, I just picture myself. I'm picturing fat little Ben, curly hair. Ben, as a kid, was very sensitive. He was really encouraged to lean into his emotions. So he gets a CD. He's like, I popped it in my dad's bow's, and I just sat down and tried to teach myself how to play it on the piano. I seriously cried for 20 minutes. Oh, my God. I'm going to cry. Talking about it again. The image of Ben, who doesn't play piano, but trying to teach himself piano with his CD player while his parents, he probably was hiding from his parents. It was actually too much to bear. I literally was hysterically crying. He thought I was so crazy. And he was leaving. That's why he woke up early. He was going to Dallas. They did an event in Dallas this week. So you're leaving me with this story. I'm going to slip my wrists. I'm just so upset.

No, that's so cute. I think it touched you even more in addition to the hormones, because it's like, that could be your future child doing that. Totally. Like, teaching themselves. Like, putting on toast by Claudia Ashray, learning how to play the chords to play backup for mommy. A thousand %.

And we need to come up with a name For the child? For the little. Yeah, in the family, because I don't know what to call this thing. I feel weird saying it. I think those were all the things I wanted to say.

Other things could come up along the way. Maybe this story We will remind you of something that happened this weekend because some of the big news from the weekend was the big fight. There was actually two big fights this weekend, so that's a little confusing. But there was one fight on Friday night, Jake Paul versus Mike Tyson on Netflix in Dallas. Netflix. I watched the whole thing. Netflix's first live sports event ended with a bang as the boxing match between Jake Paul and Mike Tyson went all eight rounds with Jake Paul coming out victorious via a unanimous decision. I tried to watch the fight, and literally during Serrano, or maybe before that, my Netflix cut out and it never came back, so I went to sleep.

Yeah, a lot of people had that issue. To be honest, Netflix really needs to get their act together. They've done a couple of live events, and it's clear that that's a format they want to get into. It's worse every single time. I mean, the Love is Blind Live reunion was such a fucking shit show. That Chris Rock live special had so many issues. At this point, in the beginning, I was like, Okay, give him a It's completely unacceptable.

No, I mean, cable does it every day. No, and they're in the Stone Age.

Paperview, which is what usually is the format for a fight. If you're going to switch from this OG format, you got to buck up. It's awful.

Yeah, it's really crazy. But the fight was the biggest thing.

Yeah, I thought it was really interesting how people's narrative so quickly changed because I was watching, and it started at 8:00, and they didn't go on until midnight. I saw so many I saw different interviews. I saw people on social media, and everyone was like, Mike Tyson is going to beat the shit out of Jake Paul. I can't wait. He's a beast. He's going to get his ass beat. Then the fight happened. While he didn't do that, he managed to make it eight rounds, but he lost, obviously, and he lost every round, in my opinion. He was clearly the weaker. I mean, he's 58. What do you expect? It's so funny how the narrative is now like, Why does Jake Paul only beat up old guys? Because I guess Jake Paul's thing, and it's actually really smart, is he's gotten really far being taken seriously as a boxer because he puts together these huge productions. I mean, that show on Netflix was produced by MVP, Most Valuable Producer, or whatever, productions. That's Jake Paul's company, so he's really involved in the whole thing.

You mean Untold Jake Paul? Right. My favorite. He has this big deal. The show I was watching when I went into labor.

He has this big deal with Netflix. He's a businessman. Everybody says about him, Yeah, but he only... And he's undefeated, or he lost once to Tommy Fury. They're like, He's He boxes former athletes, retired boxers, big names that people want to tune into, but not necessarily the best fighters. Now everyone's mad at Jake Paul. This was elder abuse. Please, you thought it was great when you thought Mike Tyson was going to win. Right. So please, you can't just change your mind. You liked it at first. The narrative has completely changed.

No. And even though Mike Tyson lost, from what I'm seeing, he lost with dignity, with $20 million in his pocket.

Well, that's the other thing. I'm not sure, and me and Ben talk about this every time there's a fight with Jake Paul, is they say there's a script, and it's this conspiracy theory. And now, of course, if you watch a WW, you know that's scripted. But with boxing, it's these types of Logan Paul type fights.

We don't know. Now, Logan Paul is WW. By the way, it's very confusing. And then there was also a UFC fight.

We don't know if they're really... I could see a world in which Jake Paul wants to be taken seriously as a fighter. I do believe that Mike Tyson was in a lot of debt. I don't think there are many opportunities for him to make $20 million in a night anymore. I think that maybe him and Jake Paul had some agreement. Yeah, give me the 20 mil, and you can beat me. Whatever. Sure. I think if it was scripted, and that is what had happened, Mike Tyson comes out winning anyway. I think he needed the money. If it wasn't that, and it was a fair fight, then it was a fair fight. I don't know if these types of fights are scripted. Why would Floyd Mayweather ever box Logan Paul? He has more money than God. I think that he made $50 million. Yeah, but still, why would he do that fight? This could be a person that's fought two times in his life. Can I fight Floyd next?

Do you know what I mean? I don't know.

These fights confuse me. I'm one of the people... I understand the Paul brothers and how big of a deal they are. I think a lot of people clown on them, especially when you think about how they started It. They've had their own scandals, but I understand the magnitude of how impressive it is of what they built. They literally each have hundreds of millions of dollars. I actually respect what they've built. People hate them and clown on them. I don't.

But I don't understand. This hark's back to the Forbes creator list that had them down for $8 million or $11 million, but he just made $40 million in the night before end of the year.

That's before sponsors. That's before his own production company. It's absurd. That list, yeah. The Paul brothers, say what you want about them, are incredible businessmen.

Wait, and then also, so there's WWE, there's Jake Paul and boxing, there's UFC, and there's also what- MMA.

Mma.

Tyson Fury does. He's the heavyweight boxing champion. Is that this?

No, heavyweight is UFC.

I don't think it is.

And there was a UFC fight the next night, a big one. Right, a huge one. On Saturday night. Then I was there.

I wish I watched both of them. Well, I couldn't even watch Netflix, but to watch them both to see what the difference in fighting styles is. Oh, I watched. It's so different.

I'll tell you, the Jake Paul one, first of all, you wear gloves. That's huge. That's a punch to the face.

And that's like, Cinderella Man.

Sure. It's like jab, cross, jab, jab, cross. Uppercut. Yeah, exactly. Kickboxing. There is a ref so that you can't get your ass beat to the filth. The UFC, there is a ref, too. They're not wearing gloves. You can kick, you can jump. You can seriously do whatever the fuck you want. I've seen people jump on other people and suffocate them. It's much more violent, UFC. Then WWE is all staged. It's stage fighting.

It's Total Bellas.

It's Total Bellas, exactly.

Understood. Then the Tommy Furia of it all, which you sent, or someone sent me a TikTok that now the The Ladies of Tommy Fury are coming out. Some lady said on a podcast that she slept with Tommy Fury in Dubai, and she's smiling. It literally gave me the heebie-jeebies.

Some actual rodent went on this British podcast hosted by three dudes, and she was just like, Yeah, they're not in Dubai. Tommy had slept with three girls, and then me. I'm literally the reason that they all broke up.

You forgot the smile from ear to ear. He slept with three girls, and then me.

With shit-eating grin on her face. I think she thought these three podcast hosts thought she was hot and would think that this was cool. They're like, Really? I just know that they all thought she was disgusting. I hate this bitch so much. Seriously, I wish her only the worst. She's sitting there with this just shit-eating grin on her face. She thinks she's hot shit, and somebody lied to her several times. I just actually never wanted to punch someone so much in my life.

That's not cool that you had sex with Tommy Fury after he slept with three girls and he has fiancé and baby at home. We're not impressed.

Wait, what part of it are you feeling prideful about? Is it the fact that you broke up a family? Is it the fact that you were his fourth choice for the night? Which part is requiring you to be smiling so hard? I'm not sure. I watched that video, and I actually felt, you know what? Emotion, disgust.

Yeah, same. Same. Well, that's all the fight news for the weekend. That's your fight recap.

It was like, Free Girls Before May. I just fucking hated her.

Same.

The fight, I just want to say I really enjoyed. Every time there's an influencer-y fight that's made into a big pay-per-view thing, I always enjoy it so much. Not the fighting part, but a lot of the... There's so many celebrities who come, and it's a fun event to watch. Although, I don't know who's in In charge of programming. I would just love if the main fight didn't start at 1:00 in the morning. Yeah.

They have the DCC out there.

Yes, we saw all the DC. It was a little bit of a spoiler as to who made it this year because we haven't seen the new season yet.

Yeah, but it's also like they post on social media, we know who made it. Yeah.

I knew that my, spoiler alert, my Swerly Reese and Charlie had made it. That was all I really cared about.

Yeah. Then, oh, and Ben went to the other fight.

Yes. Then the next night, there was like, UFC, the separate one that a ton of celebrities were at, including Ben. I'm passed out. I went to bed at 8:00 watching Veep. Actually, I woke up in the middle of the night, choking on my own throw up. It was actually really crazy.

How did Ben get tickets? Ben. Okay. Who'd he go with? He brought his friend Encore.

Like, literally people faunting over him like, Oh, no, Ben, take my free seats. Take my free seats. You don't understand the power of the BSC.

Did he offer you a ticket?

Of course, but I was not going.

Now, do you wish that you went?

When he got home, I was in I was in a fitful sleep. When he got home, I was up, and I was so hungry, too. So I was like, Can you get me a piece of bread and tell me about your night? And he was telling me that he saw Brianna Chicken Fry, and I was really jealous. And not Ben. He's so funny. He's literally texting with Brianna Chicken Fry. I'm like, Hey, I'm in this lounge. You want to meet? He didn't just run into her. He so makes magic happen. And then he ran into Kelly Teller. They had never met. And so Ben was nervous. He was like, I'm going to go up and say that I'm your husband. And Kelly was like, Oh, my God. Of course, I know BSC. I'm a swirly. She was everything you could possibly want. So Ben was feeling really high on his own shit. Who else did he tell me he ran into? It was star-studded. Before Before they went to dinner, and there was a new restaurant opening. So that's where Ben went. And obviously, it was packed with cool people. And I get tagged in a million TikToks when I get home.

And Bethany was at this restaurant opening, and so she's making a TikTok, Come with me to fabulous new restaurant opening. And she is filming. It's just Ben. So yeah, Ben spoke to Bethany. Ben met everyone. Ben was out and about. And for the most part, I haven't gotten to anything. I just have no energy to go. And whenever Ben gets home, he's like, It's horrible. Nothing is worth going to. And I never feel full of it.

Every once in a while.

Even when Ben was getting dressed, I was so tired, and so was he. He had a hard day. And I was like, I said, I'm like, I, seriously, I'm so I'm not jealous of you. Have the best time. Bye. Meanwhile, I got home. I was actually like...

But just take the era's lesson.

No, it's so true. It's so true. It's so true.

Are you ready for our next story? Last night was the Governor's Awards 2024. It's the Oscars Governor's Awards. The pictures, they're standing... It's all the celebrities were there, standing in front of a red carpet. Yeah, I saw. They look beautiful. It's the Oscars. I'm like, The Oscars weren't on last night, were they? No, it's the Oscars Governor's Award.

They really just... Any excuse to get dressed up, these people? Yeah.

J Lo was there, Angelina Jolie, Selena, Jennifer Lawrence was there, pregnant, wearing Bottega, a sister in pregnancy for you.

I need to keep a list of who I'm pregnant with at the same time.

But also, it'll start coming... Obviously, there are people who are at the end of their run, but people who are in the same timeline as you, you'll start finding out soon.

Yeah, I was briefly pregnant with pooky.

Yes, you were Sure. Demi Moore and Nicole Kidman, did you see last night during Yellowstone how hard they were pushing that new show, Landman?

I did see how hard they were pushing that new show.

Did it work for you?

Honestly, a little bit. They said that it was premiering after Yellowstone. If I wasn't so tired, I fell asleep right after. No, it wasn't.

It was a sneak peek. It wasn't a premiere. It was like a preview.

Okay. The only thing is John Ham. I don't know why. I know John Ham is in one of the most critically acclaimed best TV shows, Mad Men. Something about him is not a serious actor to me. I feel like he's always in it being satirical, in 30 Rock. I don't know why. When I saw he was in it, I was like, Oh, this show is not going to be good.

Also, I feel that way about Demi Moore. I feel like the Taylor Sheridan world. It's like he finds people and new up and coming. I don't want people that have been around doing this-If I know your name? In a million other shows. The thing is, I don't even know a single- Except for- Except I'll allow Billy Bob Thornton because he's the landman. Agreed.

Agreed, 1,000%. But when it comes to the Yellowstone characters, I do not know a single, besides for RIP, a single one of their first and last names in real life.

Also, Michelle Randolph is in Landman.

Taylor Sheridan likes her.

Yeah, I like her. She's great.

I like her, too. Obviously, I mean, what's not to like?

That's a big draw for me, but I could just see myself watching for her and then being annoyed that she's not in every scene.

I don't know. Also, Taylor Sheridan is pissing me off. If I'm going to support another one of his shows, I don't want it to be this one.

They're clearly trying to take the whole Yellowstone audience because the show's ending, but it has the biggest audience in TV cable history, and they're trying to put it on another show, and they've chosen Landman.

And I don't think it's a worthy air.

The title also makes me laugh.

Agreed. I was saying to Ben last night, I need Taylor Sheridan to go on Joe Rogan. Or a podcast, a long form. Because I want to know what his motives are. Yeah.

Would you say Landman is greater than Sandman?

That piece of shipbook you read to your kids? Yeah, I would say.

I haven't seen Sandman for a while. I I might have hidden it.

I ripped it up and threw it in the garbage.

Anyway, more governors at the Governor's Awards.

I'd love to see the swirleys being glamorous.

Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson.

What about Kim Zolciak and Chet Wilson?

Not pictured, but maybe they just didn't walk the carpet for privacy.

Love that Rita Wilson, now that I'm in this phase in my life. Love that she'd never changed her name.

Rita Wilson-Hanks.

Yeah, she's Rita Wilson. Love that. Yeah.

I guess this is just giving me a little taste of award season if you're feeling hungry.

I'm not, but I did like to see everyone looking beautiful. Everybody looks like a clown these days. Being ugly is a competition, and they're all trying to win first place. To see everyone looking normal and sound of mind, it was a pleasure. Jennifer Lawrence looked absolutely beautiful. She never steps out. When she does, she doesn't make us regret it. Every time I see her, I'm like, We made the right bitch famous. Totally. Totally. She's so beautiful.

Yeah, she really is.

She's got the personality to match, which people that beautiful usually don't.

Because they're the theater kids who shut you out of 13 because they were jealous of your big personality.

Not only that, they've never had to rely on anything other than their looks.

Yeah, and their talent.

Let's talk about models.

Are you ready for our next story? I am. Some big sports music news.

Sports Dorets? Oh, yes.

Beyoncé will perform Cowboy Carter's songs for the first time during NFL halftime show on Christmas.

On Netflix. Can somebody explain it to me?

Beyoncé will perform songs from Cowboy Carter during halftime of the NFL game between the Baltimore Ravens and the Houston Texans on Christmas Day at NRG Stadium in her Texas hometown. Details about their performance are scarce. However, Netflix teased in a press release Sunday that it will include some special guests who are featured on her genre bending country album, which- Oh, Miley. Had collaborations with Miley, Myley, Post Malone, Shibuzi, and more artists.

Also, Jackie, can you explain it to me? No. Football on Christmas is on cable.

Netflix is live streaming the game on Wednesday, December 25th, the Christmas game. Oh, great.

It's another piece of shit we're not going to be able to watch.

Good luck watching.

Wait, the game is also on Netflix?

Netflix is livestreaming the game.

But that's crazy because-Do they have a NFL contract?

They don't. Yeah.

Prime does. Prime has Thursday Night Football, and then the rest of football is on cable.

Well, they maybe made a big bid for the Christmas game.

Just one rogue game on Netflix. This makes no sense.

Netflix does a lot of one rogue.

Netflix is so janky.

Unless this is not an NFL-affiliated. It is, but could you imagine them paying the Ravens in payment?

Oh, you mean not an NFI?

They're Ravens and the Texans to play.

But there have been non-affiliated Super Bowl or football performances outside the stadium?

Yes, Taylor Swift did that big one in Houston, I think, for the Super Bowl, but it was the day before. This is different because they are playing football on Netflix.

I'm so confused. Also, speaking of football, Travis's team lost last night. They're now no longer out defeated.

And they lost to Josh Allen's team. To Hailey Steinfeld's boyfriend. Taylor didn't go to the game, so they lost when she doesn't go, which I'm happy for her that they lose when she doesn't go. That looks good for her. But she didn't cross paths with Hailey.

It wasn't- Well, that's the other thing. What is the status? This is a blind spot in my Swifty knowledge, if somebody could leave a comment. What is the status of Hailey Steinfeld's relationship with Taylor Swift? She was briefly in the girls squad.

It's obviously non-existent or else. They would have gone to the game together. They would have been waiting for this game their whole lives.

Yes, but Taylor couldn't go to the game regardless. She's in Aera's Mode. Even though she had the night off, I think.

And the Toronto to Buffalo is a very short flight.

She doesn't do that. If she's in a city, she's not leaving. She's finishing her- But the last show was on Saturday, and the game was on Sunday. And then she's going to Vancouver.

She really could have gone.

That's weird.

But she didn't want to see Haley. Maybe that's it. That's what I'm saying.

I don't know if Haley was there.

But yeah, the Chief's lost.

The Chief's Lost. The Chief's Lost. It was a tough... I actually watched it. It was a good game.

Also, I was going to say back to the other artists with Beyoncé, Shibuzi is doing SNL in a few weeks.

Shibuzi is doing SNL.

With Paul Mezcal as host.

I like Paul Mezcal. He is a nice-looking boy.

I've seen the trailer for Gladiator, and I'm very open to it.

The fuck is Gladiator?

The movie Gladiator. They're remaking it. Paul Mezcal. Are they? Yeah. I think it just came out.

Well, I wanted to go to the movies yesterday, and you and your Matt Damon quote are actually ruining my life. Me and Ben were like, We just want to go be fat, eat popcorn. We don't need to see the best movie. We just need to see something.

You guys should see Gladiator.

There's nothing The only thing was this Judy Greer movie, A Christmas Pageant. Sounds amazing. I was like, Wow, are we really going to see... No, Jackie, it's about these bad kids. It's all about kids. Judy Greer is just the mom. It looked so stupid to the point where I was like, I don't think we can go.

I think you just have to wait one week. Everything's coming out in a week.

I know. I have my Wicked tickets.

Your Wicked?

I have my Wicked and I'm ready to go.

Your Tickets, Tickets, Tickets? Tickets, Tickets, Tickets. Well, that's very exciting. It is. Are you ready for our next story? No.

Oh, my God. Are you? No. Is it our next story that's brought to you by Too Faced? Yes. All right, so Jackson and I are really excited to be working with Too Faced again. Their viral bestseller, Kissing Jelly Lip Oil Gloss, is the ultimate holiday present this holiday season. They literally make the gift giving so It's crazy because there's actually a to and from where you can write a little note written on the packaging. It's really perfect for gifting. It comes in six juicy and nostalgic sense. Sour watermelon, bubble gum, grape soda, pinya culada, raspberry, sweet cotton candy. It It delivers 12 hours moisture. It has immediate shine. It's really comfortable, and it doesn't have that sticky, tacky feeling. It's, of course, vegan and cruelty free, and it's $22. Because they have so many fabulous sense, I thought it would be fun to play a little game with Jax. I'm going to give you a situation. Let's play an improv. I'm telling you where you're going. Tell me which of these Kissing Jelly Lip Oil gloss scents you are going to wear for the following situations. Let's say you're running errands. Which one are you running errands?

Which one are you reaching for?

Bubble gum. Such a running errands vibe. Can you care to explain yourself? I might be chewing bubble gum, too.

Casual. Yeah, I like that. What about a very chill holiday get together?

I think raspberry.

I think I think Asbury is a good call. I will ask you what you think about Pinya Colada because the Pina Colada is a clear gloss with a gold shimmer, and I feel like gold shimmer is very holiday.

It is very holiday. That would be my backup. But I feel like just Asbury, it's the vibes of the holiday.

What about a Date Night? Which one you're reaching for?

So then it has to be Zack's favorite flavor, right? He loves the sour watermelon. Loves.

But what about birthday kiss? It's like a smoochy type of... For Date Night. Okay.

For date night? Birthday Yes.

Let's say you have a big holiday work party.

Big holiday work. For me, I'm going Pina Colada because of the gold shimmer.

Right. No, you're right. What about just a classic work?

Classic work?

It's a regular day at the office for Jacky O. She's an in-office girly. She's no longer working remote.

I think sweet cotton candy because it's cool mint blue, and I love that smell.

Last but not least, let's say you're having brunch, very casual, the Mamosas with the swirleys. Not me, of course. I'll be doing a virgin mimosa with friends and family.

Grape soda.

Yeah, grape soda. I love the concept. We were raised on lip glosses with delicious flavors, and I love that they're bringing this back because I feel like we're all I'm obsessed with lip oils now, looking for that plump, hydrated look. But bringing back that early 2000s nostalgia when we all used to eat our own lip gloss, obsessed. And Too Faced is just a fabulous brand where you could really trust their products. So from errands to Date Night, Too Faced jelly lip oil is the perfect scent for every moment. No matter what you celebrate this year, treat yours and your loved ones lips to an ultra nourishing lip oil/gloss hybrid that instantly softens your pout. Shop the Kissing Jelly Lip Oil gloss now. You will love it. If you're shopping Too Faced, get everything, especially their Kissing Jelly Lip Oil Gloss. It's the perfect gloss for the season. Today's episode is also brought to you by Haya Health. So typical children's vitamins are really candy in disguise. They're filled with two teaspoon of sugar, unhealthy chemicals, other gummy junk that kids who are growing up just should not eat. And that's why Haya was created. It's a pediatrician-approved, superpowered chewable vitamin.

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We didn't even address the fact that we were matching today.

I mean, there's so much to address. I'm literally with child. How could we address something so rudimentary?

We just needed to address the twins in the room.

Are the twins in the room with us?

Right here.

Oh, I'm not having twins.

Sad.

Do you guys know that that was definitely something I was potentially looking forward to? Although I am on a side of TikTok where girls are talking about how they found out that there was a second baby at 25 weeks. So There's still hope for me. And that would explain why I'm rapidly gaining weight.

But you never know.

It's not completely off the table, but it's not currently on.

Our next story is some fun celeb hookup news because Kristin Cavalari is sharing that she hooked up with Jason Statham and Morgan Wallen, her friend claims. Kristin and Justin put out a video. You have to watch. They did that trend of suspect is blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, we need to do that.

Claudia, they fucking roasted each other.

It was- Never mind.

So funny and so honest. In that video, we learned that she has hooked up with Morgan Wallen and Jason Statham.

Okay, I love Kristen Cavalari for this.

This is what Justin Anderson said about her. Suspect let Morgan Wallen hurt her feelings, and she kept going back. Then about Jason Statham, suspect's hottest hookup that she's never told anyone about was Jason Statham, is what Justin Anderson said.

I feel like there are certain people in Hollywood, and Kristen Cavalier is definitely one of them, who are really pretty, have been famous for a long time, and have definitely hooked up with a lot of celebrities. I feel like people like that are never giving us enough information. I guess that's how you stay hooking up with celebrities is by not being a blabbermouth. But the absolute gossip girl in me needs to know who certain people have hooked up with. The fact that we are now getting this tiny bit of really juicy information. The Morgan Wallen one is so crazy to me. I love this. I need more young hot things in Hollywood to tell us who they're hooking up with.

Or have hooked up with. Now that Kristen, she said she doesn't want to date celebrities anymore. She just wants a regular degular. She's not jeopardizing her opportunities to go with celebrity. For future hookups. She'll let us know.

Yeah, I love this for her.

This video was so funny. You have to watch it.

I need to watch it. Well, she lives in Nashville, by the way, so it makes sense. I feel like if you're a pretty girl who lives in Nashville, you've hooked up with Morgan Wallen.

Or you've had a chance.

Yeah.

I feel like if you're an ugly girl- The ones really shocking because also he's married with children now.

And he is a movie star. He doesn't even live in the States. He is a global movie star.

So go, Kristen.

Go, Kristen. I wonder what phase of her Fame. Like Laguna Beach era. Well, not Laguna Beach. She was a minor.

A while ago because like I said, he's married with kids.

And then she was married. So it must have been before.

I think it was before all that. Then also, don't forget, even though we just think of Kristen and Jay Cutler, and he's just her ex-husband who's annoying, he was Jay Cutler.

Oh, no. I don't forget that he's- Jay Cutler. Kind of like a Patrick Mahomes type.

Right. Just a little- I love a marriage, an actual marriage between a mega star and a star athlete.

Mostly football. I don't know why I have a special place. I'm trying to think who else made a good marriage.

In football?

Yeah, with a celebrity. Olivia Colpo? Yes, Russell Wilson and Cierra. Yeah, but Olivia Colpo is new. I mean, who's been together? Now, they're an institution. Okay. Russell Wilson and Cierra. That's a really good one. Although, is he retired? I can't remember. I feel like back in the day, who's Tony Romo married to?

He is married to- Not Jessica Simpson. Chase Crawford's sister.

Sister. Yeah, that's a good one.

Yeah, it is a good one. Also, it was not football that I was just thinking. Oh, Kate Upton and Justin Verlander.

Perfect example. Oh, my God, I can't talk. Joanna Garcia-Swisher.

And nick Swischer.

And nick Swischer. That's a good one. That's a good one. There's good ones in baseball, too. Yeah. Oh, our favorites, Hannah Jeter and Derek Jeter.

Our favorites.

They're an institution. I like them a lot. That's a good one.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Bidding is such sweet sorrow.

A little beyond a chicken fry news. Biana? Rihanna. Ms. Chick is... Ms. Chick. Ms. Chick is threatening to release video of Zack Brian allegedly abusing her.

Do it, do it, do it.

She claims she has a video of her ex, Zack Brian, abusing her. She threatened to release this Who posted footage on Sunday morning after the country singer is posting images of her cat on social media. She took to TikTok to say, If that man doesn't stop sharing pictures and videos of her cat, she'll post a video of him whipping shit at my face.

I guess he's been posting to taunt her. I'm not sure what the origins of this cat are. I don't know if it was a cat they got together, if it was a cat, Brianna, because they both had a lot of pets, and the pets that they brought into the relationship, as far as I know, left with them. Brianna left with her dog, and I think a cat, too. But maybe this is a cat that they foster together. I'm not sure. But Brianna has been saying it's her cat, and he stole it from her. I guess he's taunting her. The only thing he can really do, he has nothing to say against her. He's just torturing her with the pictures of this cat. He sure shut up after that.

Yeah, because she had said previously, I miss Stump so much. I want to fucking kidnap him. But when Zack left and didn't tell me anything, he took Stump out of spite. He didn't even like cats. His dog Jack hates cats. She My dog, Boston, loves cats. I love cats. Can someone steal the cat back for me? The animals throughout this have been one of the hardest parts. I just think about Boston and Jack and Stump. I think about Stump every night.

Oh, my God. We need to get this cat back. Yeah. Well, I think she should make more threats. Obviously, this is a person who, I think, responds to this type of violent and aggressive behavior. That's his method of communication. I would threaten to put it all out there if the cat isn't left on my doorstep by 9:00 PM tonight.

Of course, Dave commented, Do it.

I commented, Even if he stops posting the cat, you should post it. I know, and I think that she is slowly rolling back this line of thinking because you could tell him in the first episode, you talked about it, and then in the second, there was already a shift. But when you really were in a relationship with someone that you love, even if they did wrong to you, you still have this odd need and want to protect them. I'm sure she has things on her phone that could seriously destroy. She just have to post it, whatever. She's starting using it to her advantage. I like this concept of making threats. I think it's an effective way of communicating with seriously diabolical manipulative pieces of shit. They respond to that. They almost respect it. I love this. I really do. I think it's a brilliant approach, and I think it will be quite effective. Yeah.

Also on the Brianna's personal life front, she's really been living, enjoying life. I think she posted a video and some guys hosing up to her and people were- She's been sharing on TikTok about this guy, Aussie, Australian. She's just fighting back in the comments.

This is a guy she's been sharing on TikTok. She's calling him the Aussie guy. I think he's Australian. I think she met him at a bar a couple of nights ago when he's in New York for a week, and they're just hooking up. She's being very open about what that is. But she's out every night. She's staying at a hotel in New York looking for an apartment, looking fabulous, going to fabulous events. Dana White gave her tickets to the UFC. It wasn't like that she went to that fight that she saw Ben at for fun. She's a big celeb now. They hooked it She was sitting two rows behind the President, one row behind Miles Teller. She's at that level.

She's a slum. She's living her best life, as they say.

No, it's fabulous.

No one deserves it more. But someone said, someone commented on her TikTok, that was fast. She said, Well, I was cheated on my whole relationship. So, yeah.

Even if she wasn't, okay, shut up. What if you actually shut the fuck up? I think the world would be an amazing place if you did that. Just a thought. Love this journey for her. I think it's also made people realize how really radio silence she had went on social media during her relationship. She would post every now and then, but now you forget she's a content creator by trade. Now, she's posting content creators, three to five times a day. People are like, Oh, my God, I missed this side of you. This is what she became popular for, going out every night, fashion, makeup, personality, and she's so bad.

She's having fun, and she deserves fun after what she's been through.

She deserves fun. Yeah. Those are the fast five. Let's quickly dive into the Yellowstone recap. Episode 2 of the final season, aired last night. Not much happened, although it was an enjoyable episode. I found myself enjoying every minute of it. Me too.

I have a question. Once again, did I miss something on the TV that says- No. Okay. Because one day- I was looking out for it this time. One day, it's six months before, six weeks before, and then the next day.

One day, John's alive, but we don't see him.

One day, Rip is walking, and the next day, he's walking back to the ranch. I'm like, Oh, Lloyd's probably shocked to see What'd you need a horse because of the snake bite?

No. Ben was so confused, and I made it a point to have to point out to him. They didn't do six weeks before. The thing is, they keep going back and forth in time. Usually, there's a big indicator that we're back in the future. That would be Kevin Costner, because half the show, he's alive. Where are you?

If he's not there. Or even then it cuts to- They're not doing a good job. It cuts to Beth in a black dress. I thought she was going to the funeral. But okay, clearly, we're somber now. What is that? I need it spelled out for me. What day of the week is it?

I do want to say best part of the episode, dropping that wench Piper Parabo off at the airport. When I thought when she was walking to the airport and then she turned around, I'm like, Do not turn around. Go to the airport. Please leave. I could not stand her. Not that idiot, not even being on house arrest.

I'm just worried this is not how her story ends because why would they have the actress Piper Parabo be in the last season for only three minutes? They could have I just not paid her for this season and not had her. I completely forgot about her.

But she's so unnecessary and she's so random. That exchange between her and Beth was really funny. But I need her out of the state immediately. Oh, my God, wait. Am I just really emotional and pregnant, or when Rip said he'd never left the state before, did you also cry?

I didn't cry, but my heart.

You felt. Squeezed. I love this man. I would do anything for Yeah.

No, I wanted to know. They were obviously so happy when they went down to Four Sixes for the night.

Yeah. They're really trying to highlight a shift in the culture between Montana and Texas, how Texas is a state that really embraces and harnesses agricultural and farming, and they make it... Everybody respects it. In Montana, because of all these bureaucracy and tourism and big companies, it's a dying job.

It seems like Beth is starting to maybe see a future for them elsewhere. Then John dies. I don't know if that propels her forward into the future or takes her back. Maybe it's like, Oh, we could have had this, but now we can't.

Yeah, I don't know either, but it's nice to see her having some ideas because somebody needs to do something.

It was also nice to hear from Casey. Even last week, we struggled to place Casey within the family. Is he supposed to take over? What's he about? He literally said what he's about, which is that, I like the ranch work, but I never wanted to take this over. Yeah.

Now it's on Tate. Obviously, it's a big question to ask a kid who seriously has said three words in his whole life. But it seems that he's having the same feelings. I like working here. I don't want to run it. But my God, it seems like nobody wants to work these days. Bitch, it's a family business. Some people would kill for this. Get up. Get to work. No, that scene, and I'm sorry. I really don't like his wife. She is just... She doesn't do anything wrong. I feel like even recently, she really has leaned into the Dutton life, and I think she straddles her two worlds very well. I just find, maybe it's her haircut. I find her insufferable.

Yeah, and I always just feel like she's making things really emotionally weighted for Tate. Just saying stuff. Your dad just pulled-Ben said the same thing.

He just pulled When they pulled over.

He just pulled over on the side of the road. You could have been like, Oh, he had to take a call. Instead, it's like, When your father's quiet.

Yeah, Jackie. Ben literally was like, That's probably the wrong thing to say to your kid. I'm like, For sure.

He's going through a lot. He's just a kid. You don't have to put all this emotional weight on him. You could have just made up an excuse for why he pulled over.

Jackie, she didn't have to make one up. He literally said, I have to download something on my phone for work. Hang on. Okay. Sorry, honey. He had to download something for work on his phone. We made him at the house. That was a really weird scene.

But that's just like classic her. They do the floors, and it's like, every house is home.

Yeah.

The floor is great.

She's so serious. She's so serious. I also hate that bitch for market equities. When she was getting her pussy on that table, I was like, Girl, this is literally a government building because you put your dress back on. This is Wendy's. I was like, Get your pussy off the table.

She obviously sees Jamie for the loser that he is. How can she even muster up?

A kiss? Yeah, but she obviously sees a nice future for herself, so she's putting out-Oh, you think that's what it is?

Or she's like, and what I also don't understand is why would a woman like this literally give herself mind, body, soul, everything to this company? That she's wearing herself out for the company? I don't think she's going to say with Jamie, I think once this is all said and done, she moves on and then seduces the next man who's in the way.

No, because Jamie's so easy. If he becomes the governor so easy, then she's the governor's wife. I could see her doing this, yes, for the company, but more so for herself.

No, but she's not pursuing the wifey route. She would already have a ring on her finger. She's just manipulating him for the company. It's like, Girl, why do you care so much about this company? They could fire you.

I feel like she's just manipulating him because she can. By the way, and when Beth choked her, obsessed.

No, but I'm telling you, it doesn't end in marriage for the two of them, or else she already would have manipulated Jamie into proposing to her. She's really just using him for market equities.

It is really nice to see Casey do something for once in his life. He's always just letting life pass him by. Even him making that phone call, I was like, Finally. Oh, so you have contacts? Yeah.

Where the hell have they been? But I think that's also just as a man, now that his father is gone, he has to step up to the plate. He's the man of the family, so he's got to call his contacts and download his app.

That rattlesnake thing, I was like, I'm going to have nightmares for life.

I thought she already was bitten.

Oh, so did I, which is better than what it ended up being. Not her laying there, lying in fear for how long? I just about passed away.

Yeah, that was shocking.

No. I don't remember how they picked who goes to Texas and who doesn't, but the way, I would be so relieved. That kid is crying in the bunkhouse, Becky Ellison, bitch. You could be in Texas.

Stop crying. No. The MVP of the show is Gator the Cook.

Oh, he is just a delight. He's a delight. It's clear that because John is not in the show anymore, they beefed up other people's scenes. We got so much Beth and Rip, and we got so much of the cowboy Humor. I love it. Where was this content all along?

No, John was sucking all the energy out of the room. Also, I think they were making a show more for TV and less for the cowboys across America watching. I think they realized it's the people who are shown on the show who love the show, let's do more of this. Even showing that Smith last week.

By the way, last week, people were writing in the comments, he is actually a real You knew it. He had passed away. The episode was dedicated to him. That's who that was.

That's really sweet.

He was a famous Texas blacksmith.

Yeah. I love the highway scene with Beth and the police officer. It's like, that did nothing to move the story. Line, except just like... No, it's at the same. Yeah. It's just like nice dialog and appreciation for our cattle ranchers. You know what? We don't appreciate our ranchers enough. I can say that. No, we don't. I don't think about I can't say that. My piece of steak comes from. I had beef stew last night. I wasn't thinking about the rancher that rounded up the cattle and took him to Texas for Brucealosis.

I meant to say this last week, too. Every time the episode ends and it's executive producer Kevin Costner, I'm like, Get the hell out of here.

You can't take credit for this. You obviously don't love it enough.

You don't even show up.

How can you have been an ERP? Because he signed on since the beginning.

In name only. He's an executive producer in name only.

But the Bruce Solosis is really cramping my style.

I agree. I need fucks to get back to Montana.

And they just are parked up in the desert because they want to be. Taylor Sheridan, the actual man, offered them to stay in bunkhouses, but they want to be sleeping with the snakes.

No, Jackie, they didn't offer it. It's a part of his service. You can pay extra. They paid for the land. They're paying to rent just to get through the season, and it would have made it more... They're on an extremely budgeted travel agenda. They can't pay for the bunkhouses, too. That's like getting an upgrade at a hotel.

I guess so. It just seems like they want to be sleeping in the dirt.

I mean, why they aren't sleeping in their cars is beyond me. There's a truck right there. They can't get in. Go lay down. Even when Rip was like, I can't leave, and she was like, We're going to a hotel. Sleep in Beth's car.

Yeah. It's a little much.

Yeah, they're making it hard for themselves.

They're making it harder than it needs to be. Why are they so far? Why don't you park up next to the bunk house or a close by? They really want to be so remote.

Yeah. How are they charging their I was thinking about that because Rick keeps picking up the phone.

True. Maybe a car charger.

Maybe there's a generator or something in the car. Definitely a generator.

Definitely.

Yeah, because the gator's got a gate.

Gator's got a gate. Maybe solar power.

Yeah. You know that house in the East camp that Casey and his wife are building? I need that house.

Yeah, but no neighbors for miles, and it's just you guys.

You have to really like your wife, which I think he does.

Yeah, or you could get eaten by a bear, and no one would know.

Yeah.

Just something to think about.

But you'd have a nice house. You'd have quiet. In this economy, owning land, it's worth a couple of bears.

It's worth a couple of billion as the show is foretelling.

They still just won't sell it, right? I know why, but it's better than it being taken from them. That's true.

I don't know.

Their financial situation does confuse me a little bit. Beth is riding around in a Bentley, buying everyone hookers in hotel rooms, flying everyone out. Meanwhile, they're broke.

Beth has money from her job previously when she shorted stock. She's rolling in it. The Ranch work season, it sustains itself just barely, but that's what Ranch life is. You make just enough to get to the next season. But remember when they had a helicopter?

Where's the helicopter? Are these people rich or I can't tell. They look so much staff, drivers.

They're not liquid.

They're not liquid. All right, well, that's the Yellowstone recap that honestly was better than the actual episode. There's that. That's our show, you guys. Oh, tomorrow, we have a guest. We've been teasing it for quite a bit. We'll announce it later today. I'm really excited about it. I actually watched the episode yesterday because I had some edits to make. It was so good, reliving it again. You guys are really going to love it. So I'm excited for that. If that's all, that is all for today. Thank you guys so much for listening to the Toast of the Millennial Morning show, where we deliver the Fast Life stories. You need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube. So if you're watching us on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give us a video. Thumbs up. We're also available as a podcast, anywhere a podcast can be found. So that's Spotify, it's just your public video, iReadyCastbox. All the places, what be listening to podcast, Vanessa Toast. Leave a five-star review about our beautiful setting and wickedly talented we are.

Love you. Bye.