Transcript of Joey Gynecomastia with Joey Camasta: Tuesday, October 28th, 2025

Good morning, girlies. It's The Toast. It's Jackson Claude, and we're your hosts. It's your favorite show, the fast-five things you need to know. We'll start your day off swirly, it's The Toast. They sound amazing. Welcome back to The Toast. Happy Tuesday. I'm so excited to be sitting down with the king of mall Sashimi. That's right. It's Joey Kamaster. Hello.

Welcome. I like the little teaser that you added.

Oh, thank you. Did you get my clue?

I got the clue because I knew that. I thought you were going to put an Uber on it if we did it. But then I was triggered by the word trouw. Now, I don't know why. It just makes me feel like a trouw seems ugly. Why is Olivia called Trout?

Okay, You'd have to ask Jackie why she calls Olivia Trout. I'm not 100% sure.

It's the worst name ever. I was like, Trout.

On my Instagram, I've been doing these clues, and Jackie said that Sashimi was going to be too niche. A couple of people got it. They thought it was Ben just because he loves fish. Then they thought it was Olivia because we call her Trout. Then a couple of people were like, Wait, Mall Sashimi. It's the king of Mall Sashimi, Joey Kamaste.

They put the clue together. Welcome to the toast. I made it out alive, and here I am. Now, I supposed to be looking at you. I always forget.

The thing is, look wherever you want.

Yeah, I'm going to look around.

Wherever you look is none of my business.

That's my camera, though?

That is your angle, yes. Okay. Smile. You're on camera. Now, if you were to be cast in a modern remake of Hairspray, who do you think you would apply?

I would hope divine.

Who's that?

Tracy Turnblad's mother.

What did you call her?

The I'm a Turnblad.

Oh, you said divine?

That's who played the original John Waters.

I grew up in the John... I'm in the Nikki Blonsky era. You grew up in the Ricky Lake era.

Yes, Ricky Lake era.

Yes, no, I'm very Tracy. Oh, and you're Tracy's mom. I love that. Tracy's mom, yes. Wait, let's make a TikTok after this. A new hairdo, yeah. To one of those songs.

Hey mama, hey mama, good old son.

For those who might be new here, even though you were literally just on the toast while I was on maternity leave, thank you for doing that. Thank you for getting Jackie to talk about Grinder. Oh, you're welcome.

That was really- She was wearing Grinder socks, and she's lying. I knew that she found them in her husband's straw.

She was caught. 100%. I'm so excited for you to be here with me. We low-key have so much to catch up on. We have not podcasted together since Jackie's last maternity leave. Charlie's two years old. Oh, my God. That was the mall Sashimi, the day everything changed.

We both have new faces.

I have the same face, except it's just a little bit bigger.

Dr. Sharon Guisey.

I haven't been to Dr. Sharon Guisey in a while because I was pregnant.

Are you allowed to have Botox when you're pregnant?

No, or when you're breastfeeding.

When are you able... Here's the hard-hitting question. When are you getting back on the on the stand.

On the sauce. It's either going to be this month or in another year. Because you can't breastfeed because he'll get it. He'll catch it. Exactly. Then Ruby will be so skinny. That's not what we want.

We don't want modeling contracts just yet.

Not yet. So much to catch up on with you. Now, we're going to do the fast five. You're one of my favorite people to discuss pop culture with.

There's a lot going on.

But there's a lot going on in your life since you've last been here. Let's talk about you leaving Barstool.

Yeah, let's do it.

Let's do it. What's the take? People were shook. Girls in our Facebook group were screaming, crying, throwing up out and about their favorite show. I know.

Well, all good things have to come into an end. No, it just wasn't... I had a parcel of the contract, so it was like my contract was up. I was at a place where I could sign again for however long it was they were offering, or I could go on and do my own thing. I feel like I wanted to definitely get more into the cooking space. I think it's just like it had its run, and I think it was time.

It was beautiful. Yeah.

I can't say enough good things about force.

You can't. Yeah. Now, tell me, who was the best person you met there and who was the worst?

The best person I met Tommy Smokes. The worst was probably my Inner Saboteur.

I love when you go Inner Saboteur. Yeah. Okay, good for you.

No, I think it was a perfect experience. I loved doing it, but I feel like if I was going to get stuck there, I was going to be losing all the jeunasse quoive, what makes me me. There was no Susie Homemaker there. I wasn't doing interior design, and I wasn't doing lots of cooking- Glam, the things you love. Glam and all that stuff. It was subdued by the gambling addiction.

Yeah. Do you feel you left with a gambling addiction?

No, probably less now.

Okay, that's good.

I do enjoy going on DraftKings and feeling frivolous on the big games. I'm watching sports a lot. But yeah, there was a 100% experience the whole way around. I loved it.

You and your co-host, Pat, left things well? Yeah.

We don't really hang out very much.

That's so crazy. He's still doing the show. I loved that era for you. Yeah, it was fun. You still have your podcast with Snuki.

Yes, it's roaring.

It's roaring. I've been seeing your clips all over. You guys are so funny.

Thank you. We're starting to do clips now. We're trying to... And then the 21st century. I got us microphones.

Yes, microphones.

It's hard to get her in the studio because she has 900 kids, five stores. She's such a star. Yeah. She's filming that show still.

Are you still on that show? What is it called now? Family Reunion?

Family Vacation. Jersey Shore Family Vacation. Yeah, I do cameos and appearances. I think the next one we were at, we filmed so much. They filmed year round.

I just saw this clip. I don't know if it's from a newer episode. It's from the new show, Family Reunion or Family Vacation, where Snoggy falls off the booth and you're there. Yes. Oh, my God. What happened? Is she okay?

Yeah, she's fine. She takes a licken and keeps on ticking. She didn't even know what happened until the next day, and she wasn't even hurting the next day. I don't understand what was going on. But yeah, that's not a party trick. We were in Boston and whiling out. That was Dren, actually. It wasn't Nicole. You know who Dren is? No. It's her violent alter ego.

Alter ego, yeah.

She was there. She's the one who summoned me to the club that night. We were both in Boston working on separate projects.

Okay, separate projects.

I went over there and she was trying scooch up on the booth and get up and dance, but there was no back.

She didn't realize it was hollow behind her.

Yeah, it was behind her. She went down a few 25 stories.

Honestly, she looked like she snapped in half.

But she's okay? She's fine. She jumped right back up and didn't know anything had happened.

Now, are you single, Joey Kamasta?

No, I have a boyfriend. Are you still seeing? Yes, we're still together. Wow, that's a long time now. That's my sister-in-law is listening to right now. Say hi to Mary.

Hey, Mary. Love you. Bye.

Everything's going strong. He is taking a leap of faith. He left to the backpack across the yard for the You're kidding. He's been gone for like... I haven't seen him in a month.

He couldn't get away from you fast enough.

No. He's been gone for a month and a half.

By himself?

Well, he started by himself. He started with his family. Then he went on a solo thing. Now, his best homegirl met him in... I don't know where the hell they were at this point. They were in Switzerland, and now they're in Amsterdam. But to close out his- I love his journey. He was going out to discover herself. I'm going to get dying. Hopefully, she comes back to you. I'm meeting him in Paris on the Bridge and- That's so cute. To take my husband home. Take my lover home.

Who's the carry and who's the big?

I'm definitely the big in both senses, size and finances.

Are you still on a Zen? We have so much to catch up on.

I'm a new girl, Trisepitide.

Trisepitide. I hear that's the one. That's the one, yeah.

I didn't know. I was doing the Wegovy for so long, but now I'm on this. I love it. I know everyone says it's horrible how to get nauseous you get, but that's how I know it's working. Of course. I want to be like, watering at the mouth about to throw up at all times.

Exactly. It's like when you're pregnant. They say when you start to feel sick, it's signs of a healthy pregnancy, but you're also in the back of a taxi.

It's like legal bulimia.

Correct. Have you ever on your Ozempic journey gotten to the point of barfing? Because I didn't. I got super nauseous. No, I wish. Right, but I didn't barf.

I didn't barf. No, I never did. But then they give those tiny little pills. I don't take those. I like it. You don't take those? They come in the mail with it, but I'm like...

What's it called?

Zofran. Zofran. Zofran. Apparently, I had no idea that I had this. There's this phobia of throwing up that I had growing up, and I didn't know what it was. I had OCD horribly, and I would do chants and the number of things because I was terrified of throwing up. You're like Lena Dunham and Girls. I went vegetarian for 10 years because I was terrified of it.

Because of your OCD?

Omniphobia. I don't know what it is. All the girls that have it in this chat are screaming right now. Whatever that is, I had no idea. So apparently the girls that are addicted, that have that phobia are addicted to Zofran because it prevents you from ever getting nauseous or throwing up.

Zofran is a miracle drug.

Why is it so tiny, though? I think I have to take a whole handful.

And I love the whole under your tongue thing. The sensation. Oh, was that what you're supposed to do? Yeah, it has to dissolve under your tongue.

I was popping on like TikTokTaks.

No, no, no, no. I had no idea. You have to put it under your tongue, let it dissolve, and then swallow. It's fucking gross, but it really works. Yeah. Still on Ozempic. Still on that. Still With your boyfriend.

Still with the boyfriend. Everything's doing good. I'm leaving to scoop him up in a couple of weeks to go to France.

That is so cute. I know. That he's on his Epray love journey and you're going to meet him.

Yeah, to meet him.

Are you the marrying kind, Joey Kamasta?

I mean, whatever. I would I have to get married. You would?

Yeah. Do you think you would invite me?

Oh, yeah, I would definitely invite you.

Would you let me officiate?

You would officiate, but I would also want to get some of your contacts that you have for rentals and florals.

For sure. We'll get it comped.

Yeah, I need something comped.

But I don't feel like I really can be the person I want to be until I've officiated a gay wedding.

You haven't done it yet? No. Does your faith allow that?

Yeah, I'm sure it does. Yes, of course. And you would let me? Yeah, I don't care. I would be like a good- I'd be honored. You'd be honored.

So would I- Would I step on a glass even though I wasn't another versus Jewish?

Is your man Jewish?

No, but we can still smash things.

I think you can do whatever you want at your own wedding. Yeah. Jump the broom.

Correct. Yeah, there's a different tradition. Tradition is for everyone.

What other life changes have you been going through, Joey, since I've last seen you?

Well, I got a hair transplant. That's why my hair looks wild. I do apologize. I don't know how to style it. I've been bald for so long.

How long ago did you do it?

I got it done in February.

It's October. Okay. Now, can you look back your hair? Can I see your hairline? You did it here by your forehead?

Yeah, I did it here and the bald spot and then over here.

Can I tell you I never would have known?

Well, see how fluffy and big it is now? It's like I never had hair before, so I had to... I would keep it short and... Buzzed. And just jizz it down. Gel it down because I know how to do with it. But now that I have it, I don't want to get to cut it anymore because I'm afraid it will ever grow back again. I don't know how to style it. I need to go see Rita Hayes on.

Did you go to Turkey or was this a local job?

No, Dr. Schuteller, who did my titties. Dr. Schuteller? Yeah, all in-house. It does everything in-house. You can get anything done in East- In the city? No, in East town, over New Jersey.

I'm so happy for you.

He's given a jump from there. Hotskipin to jump from there. Hotel does everything. They do. Now, he's been on the titty committee for many moons. He's the go-to titty person.

Remind me what you did to your titties?

I had- You had breasts. I had a breast. I had top surgery. I know that can- I had top surgery. Early on my transition. That's always a good party trick when I pretend I'm trans because I already have the voice going. You never know what you need. If I had to get into a good school or something, I could play trans.

Check a box. You could play, right. So your breasts, do you have any scars?

Yeah, I have scars under here. Oh, wow. I have a T scar. I can really pull it out if I have to. Then he took my nipples off, put it on the table and cleaned them out, put them back on.

That condition where men have like a little boopy. Gynocomastia.

My name is comastia. I was always like, this is the fat titty committee fucking surgery for me.

It's literally in your name.

Yeah. Oh, wow. I've been triggered for many years.

Many years. But you seem like you're looking and feeling and doing better than ever.

I am. I love that. I am, but I'm at a law place. I'm ready for something new. I'm ready for it to... You are.

Yes. Maybe you need to go on a backpacking solo trip through Europe to find yourself. What's your next move? Because I feel like you had this barstool era. While it was the last thing people would have expected, right? Joey...

Oh, this cheap fucking studio. I'm joking.

Well, I think it was the last place people expected you to be, and you were the last person anyone expected Barstool to hire. But it was a brilliant marriage. You were so great there. I feel like they really highlighted your talents. Now, How are you moving on to bigger and better things. We're so excited to see what Joey can master. I'm excited to see it, too.

In a perfect world, you know how you all manifest and we have our career boards? Yeah, of course. But there's different people on my career boards. Many of me people that were just cooking in their house, not even trying. When I do my cooking shows, Ben came over and experienced the oolala of the big times. He loved it. I'm so used to having a production and people that are doing food styling and all these things. I need to pack my iPhone up like this and just me cooking. That's what people want. My goal is to have the people that just go on their TikToks and do the shitty video, and then they put it up. Then next thing, they have to have a cookbook, and they're on an Andrew Barrymore show, and they're doing all that. That's my journey. I want my Martha Stewart era is upon us. I want to make sashels of Simmerpots and sell them. I want a brand deal with cookwares.

Who is your cooking idol? Who's Ina?

Ina? Yes, Ina. Who's Martha.

Can you believe her name is Ina? I know. I feel like not enough people talk about that. Not to be a six-year-old, but it's Vajina.

I had no idea she was Jewish until I found out the hard way. When I found she was making a noodle kugel, I had no idea. But yeah, now it's even more homey and cozy, though.

Jeffrey's so Jewish. Oh, very Jewish. You could just look at him. He doesn't need to say, Hi, I'm Jeffrey, and I'm Jewish. We know.

What else do we know about Jeffrey?

I think the question is, what do you know about Jeffrey?

What does her friend Michael know about for me.

Michael's a star. Those tablescapes, really party.

One flower, and a lot of them.

Yeah, no, and he loves- I learned so much. I learned so much.

Like a runner.

Like a train, a runner.

Yeah. I went past her house this summer when I was at Hampton, I took a hydrange leaf, and I have it. You did? Yeah. It was from the fence.

You know how girls get their wedding bouquets? You can get it like, dehydrated and saved and framed. You should do that with the hydrange.

Yeah. Well, the leaf's about to get crumpled, so I have to put it somewhere safe. It's time. But I thought that was going to make some magic happen. But yeah, Ina is my girl. In modern day, Wishbone Kitchen. I love her with my whole heart. I've been trying to be friends with her for so long. I DM her, and sometimes she just puts an L-O-L, but she hasn't took the bait yet.

I feel like she's really busy. Her and Ben were supposed to cook together, and she canceled three times, and I never rescheduled, just want to say. I love her. I could see you two really vibing. Yeah, I could see it, too. But I think she's busy.

She is busy. She's got cookbooks. She's opening Dior packages at all times. Aren't we I need to get on a good PR list if anyone's watching. Yeah, please.

We got the PR girls. I know. Joey, please use this platform. What do you want most in this world? It's like we're like Santa. Free shit. Okay.

Never to gain weight and to take naps. I'm just ready for it. I love napping. Have you had a Lola blanket yet?

We do Minkie Couture, actually. Don't forget to use Cotos.

Cotos. What is Minkie Couture? Can they send you one of those?

Minkie Couture is the real blanket, and then Lola copied them.

Oh, pardon. Yeah.

It's like Chanel.

What do you think they're watching? For sure. Well, I won't know the difference until I try it myself.

Minkie, give Joey a blanket. Yeah, I like the neutral tones. Give him one of those big hugs blankets.

Cool neutral tones. Thank you.

Your home is beautiful. Thank you. Not recently, but since the last time I saw you, your apartment was new, and you've been making lots of updates. I feel like you really do have You're not what people expect, right? When you look at you, you think one thing- Rough around the edges. Yeah, you do have this bold to edgy look. But then you're also like this very chic- Expensive.

Gay.

You don't actually look gay. When you walked in this morning with your big trench coat like you did. It's London Fog. But just looking at you, I wouldn't necessarily think that you're gay. Thank you. Oh, is that a compliment?

Well, I mean, yeah.

You're self-hating gay.

Yeah, I mean, always. But I think I've been a woman for so long. I mean, transition is finally sticking.

Oh, right. Now, if you were a woman, what would your name be?

I would want it to be something like a boy name, a boyish name.

Like, it's an androgynes.

Like, Joey, even. Is your full name Joseph? It's Joseph. John. Augustine Camesta.

Augustine, that's very beautiful because you're Italian, yes? Yes. Does your family call you Joseph? I could see that.

No, they just call me Joey or Faggot. Either one. Whatever is going on that day.

Whatever everyone's feeling.

Is this live?

Yes. Well, no, it's not live. It hasn't been. It's not out yet, but if you want to cut something out, we can. No, say it. You don't want to cut out the slur?

No, loud and proud.

Yeah, right. You have the ability. You have the privilege of using the slur. You've suffered for it.

I've suffered long enough. My people have suffered long enough. Yes, they have. Our people have been through worse.

Yes. Who is a gay person that you hate?

Who is it that I can't stand? I don't know, since earlier, I hate, but I can't stand Law Roach.

What?

I don't know.

He just seems like- We're from the same place.

The Bronx? The world. I saw you doing it the other day. I don't know. Maybe because I saw him judging drag shows or something, and he was nasty to the girls. Something like that. I don't hate him. I mean, that's... Oh, Jonathan Van Ness, I don't like either.

Yeah, but that's not a unique take. I feel like a lot of people don't like Jonathan Van Ness ever since his Rolling Stone exposé. But I feel like you always randomly love and hate people. I know you love Caitlin Jenner. We love her, too. Love, yes. She is going to be on this week's episode of The Kardashian's. Will you be tuning in?

Oh, what is she doing there?

They're saying goodbye to their house. They're selling that house that they all grew up in. The Black and White House. The Black and White House. They're having this big dinner. Then Chris said, spoiler alert, Caitlin's coming up.

Hang on, look who's here.

Wearing heels today. She was actually wearing hokas.

What is it? Oh, flap flop. No, no.

Hoka is the sneakers, the trendy running sneakers.

She got osteoporosis. They have to be careful.

Everybody forgets, Kaylyn is like one of the most- An older woman. Yes, but accomplished athletes of our time. Oh, so she can do it. Triathlon, triathlete, whatever she used to do. What's your Starbucks order?

This is a quad Oatmilkiced Macchado.

What's a quad?

Four shots.

Wow. Four shots of Espresso in that tiny little thing?

I've been napping severely the past few days because I was in a way- Are you depressed? No, not really. I was on We went on a girls trip this weekend. Fun. Where'd you go? We went out to Cape May, down all the way in New Jersey. They have a really cool Halloween, Thanksgiving-y fall festival there.

When you go on a girls trip, who are the girls?

Nicole. . And her friends from home, and then one of our gay best friends. Fun. We all did that. We went to this big house, and then we had really drank every day, went to wineries, went to restaurants and stuff.

Can I ask you an honest question, Joey? Yes. Do you ever feel threatened by J-Wau and her friendship with Nicole? Because Nicole has two best friends.

Yeah, no, I don't feel threatened. We had to learn that early on. Between her best friends from home, her dream short best friends, and now me, we all had to stake our claim and put our foot in the ground and stand our ground. So everyone knows to respect each other's boundaries. I am jealous of J. Well's tits.

Yeah, me too.

If I got tits again, I would want those.

Oh, yeah. I always say if I got tits, which I will one day, I'll be bringing my sister Margot to the office and say, copy and paste. She got beautiful breasts. Beautiful She's a beautiful brass. She's a beautiful girl.

A satchler. A satchler. Satchler. Exactly. That transitioned from snatchler to the satchler. Did someone forget a Vowel?

No. Do you remember? Do you watch Van der Pum Rules?

Not in the recent years. I know.

One of the most recent seasons, Katie Maloney brought a guy and he was four feet tall and had really curly hair, and his name was Satchel. We just started calling Margot Satchel.

I do like that show, though.

Me too.

It's not there anymore.

What shows are you watching right now?

What are you into? I mentioned Murdaugh. Heavy.

Heavy. Are you watching the scripted one on Hulu?

I'm watching every time I I'll Google Murda on the TV and I've watched it all. Now I even know where I am in the storyline, whether it's real or fake.

You were big on the Karen Reid case, too. Oh, yes. She's friend of mine. You believe she's innocent?

Yes, she's innocent. You've been chatting with her? We've been face-chatting. You're kidding. Face-timing. Yes, she's doing great. There's a news story coming out about her. Who's playing her? You should have her on the podcast. I tried. She's so busy. She's not busy. She's not allowed to do anything like that until after something happens. She's still going to court for the next trial. Got it. Season 3 of Karen Reid.

Season 3, right.

But I do love her, obsessed with that. But Murdaugh, back to Murdaugh. There's so many twists and turns. I know. I think I'd like to reach the end of where he is now. I guess he's still alive and in prison.

The dad. Dad. Yeah.

But now I'm watching the Hulu version of it with Patricia Yes. Anything with our cat in it, I know is going to be a fucking killer. You watch Chipsy Rose? Of course, Chipsy Rose. Severance. What else? Anything she's in is fucking fabulous. Yeah, she's pretty major. I knew I was going to like it.

You're big into true crime.

True crime. I love true crime. Nothing is really doing it for me as far as series goes. What should I be watching?

Me and Ben are watching- I need new shows.

You know what's a bed rot?

We have a story. Would you watch Nobody Wants Us? The Netflix show?

I do with the rabbi.

Yeah, with the rabbi. I feel like you would like it.

Is it ongoing, though?

Is new season just came out.

That's what it was. Okay, I've watched the old season. I haven't seen the new season yet.

I think you'd like it.

I like the first season.

Yeah, and we have a story. We'll talk about it a little bit. That's what we're currently watching, watching the Kardashian's. Oh, are you watching Dancing with the Stars?

I am. You know what? I wanted to hate it because I just I'm in a way that I'm not big enough to start to be on the show. So I automatically- But I feel like that's a good goal. It is a goal. Also, traitors. I want to be on the traitors.

Oh, you would be great.

I know. I said to wait till they start how you're hiring the- The bottom of the barrel.

The bottom of the barrel, right. Me too. Then we'll be like, Hi, we're ready.

Hi. But to Dance with the Stars, they're pulling on my heart's strength to see that fucking- Dedication. Robert, Erwin, is just getting me every time. We both have dead parents. We know how it is. I identify with him and also identify as being his lover when he turns Is he not of age? I don't know. He looks very young.

He looks 13, but also 37.

I'm sure he's of age. I think he's like 21.

Now, let me ask you a question. Yes, ma'am. Because every time we talk about dancing with the Stars, I talk about how I feel like there's something going on between Zack and Dylan Afron. Ever since Dylan became a big star, Zack hasn't come to the ballroom. He hasn't supported on Dedication Night. The other siblings came on Dedication Night. He danced for his sister.

He dedicated to- She's trying to hide that fatcha, mama.

Is that what you think?

That face.

You think he's got a new face and he's just unavailable?

Hopefully, he went back to his old face. It got real scary there for a moment. I don't know where we lie at this point. I know. I think that could be it because he doesn't want the ridicule.

That's an interesting theory. I had thought that it was like, Zack Efron has always been the big star in his family. Now Dylan's getting his flowers, and it's been hard for his ego.

What was Chris Jenner doing there in the audience? Was she trying to get Alex Earle to do a reality show?

I'm so glad you brought that up. She was there positioned as Alex. I don't know about Alec Baldwin, Friends and Family.

Does she speak the language, though?

How is she going to- Hilaria or Chris?

Chris. How is she going to communicate with Hilaria?

I don't know, but I think that's why she It was there. Okay.

It was odd.

It was odd.

There was now it's there.

Joey, I have a question for you. Yeah. Are you ready for the Fast Life Stories?

I've never been more ready.

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Yes. She is the human Xanax that cooks behind the TV in beautiful clothes. Her husband's hot as fuck.

Well, she is seemingly hitting back after the internet has speculated that she used a surrogate to welcome her most recent baby. So Nora Smith is hitting back after flaunting her abs. Two weeks after announcing the birth of her fourth baby, the internet then started speculating that she welcomed her newborn, Fawnie Golden, via surrogate. So she posted this picture two weeks after giving birth, okay? And of course, it's an insane photo. She doesn't look like she gave birth in the last 20 years. And as someone who just did give birth, I can show you what it looks like if you want. It doesn't look like that. And so she's hitting back. She shared a picture holding her baby girl as well as another snap with the newborn on her lap showing off her stomach.

How many kids does she have?

Four. She has four kids. And she's 24. So this is what she wrote, Women's bodies are pure magic, diviny designed to create, grow, and nurture life. We become the bridge between heaven and earth, guiding into this world.

Even her words are soothing.

With that, our bodies transform and stretch. I used to feel the need to bend and force it back, how it used to look, only to realize that it has been home to four Well, but you're 24. The final stage is filled with grace and slowing down.

Let me see your stomach.

Yeah. My stomach or hers? No, hers. Okay, because I was like, get out.

We were sharing Mildress earlier. It could be... I mean, did she ever Did she ever gain weight when she was pregnant? She had a bump. Well, wouldn't they know that she was pregnant the whole time, or she just came out of nowhere with a new baby?

No, she has been pregnant. I don't know if anybody saw her in a bikini. You could wear a prosthetic. I'm not saying that she did, but you could wear a prosthetic bump. Like Beyoncé. Like Beyoncé. Yes, I'm glad you brought that up. What is a celebrity conspiracy theory you 100% believe? Because mine is that Beyoncé did not carry Blue Ivy, specifically.

I don't even know. Let me think.

They say Avril Lavigne died and came back as that bitch Melissa. I don't really buy that one. Melissa who?

Rivers?

Yes, Melissa Rivers.

I like the one where Katie Perry is at Jemimony Ramsey.

I like that one, too. They really do look alike.

She's dating that man now. Justin Trudeau. Justin Trudeau.

Yes, we spoke about that yesterday. What do you make of that?

I mean, get it, girl. I like it. I mean, the last one, I thought that he was much bigger than a star. I think Orlando Bloom marrying her together, it dulled his celebrity. It was almost like now she was the only one. I didn't even think of him as an actor anymore. He went into the... He fated to the bat.

I think it also made people not like him.

Something about him. I don't know. But I do like this new thing for him because so much as you need to get that man out. He was hot.

Have you ever seen Orlando Bloom's penis?

Yes. He was on the thing.

Yes, on a... On a... On a... On a paddle board. Paddle board, In the nude. I don't know if he knew he was going to get paparazzi, but we saw his penis. Is that interesting?

I love seeing penises. I'll always say that's to a penis.

Yeah, I just feel like it's fun.

Yeah, but back to Nara Smith. I think she's that type of body. She's a model. I think every other model like that, we saw Heidi Klum and all these other women who give birth, and they snap back two weeks later. So it could be true. She's 24 years old. She's a model.

Heidi Klum walked in a Victoria's Secret Fashion Show six weeks postpartum.

Yeah, see what I mean? That's insane. She is able to snap back like that. I think if If she was taken out as surrogate, I think she's the person to probably share it and be okay with that.

I think there's a lot of things we just don't understand about her.

If it was surrogate, I don't think it would be her being vain. Maybe it's because- She had an issue or something. Yeah, you don't want to screw it up.

Joey, do you want to be a parent one day?

I always said this. If I'm not as rich as Andy Cohen and able to give my kid the life that he deserves as a gay kid, I ain't doing it yet. I'm not slumming it.

I think that's fair.

On a school bus across town.

Right, you don't want to budget.

No. I want to be able to have the vacations and all the other things, international friends and the private schools and the charity events and things.

I don't want to- Does Snuki have beef with Andy Cohen? No. Why do I remember something like that?

It was that- He made a nasty comment. Well, no nasty comment. It was about the Housewives of Jersey. Everyone's saying, Is she going to be on it? Is she going to be in the next house? Andy was very blunt. No, I have no reason to- Cast her. She's not there. There's very sure it's such an iconic thing itself. It doesn't tie in with what the franchise of this is. It just wouldn't work.

And has Nicole ever been on Watch What Happens Live? Yes. And did you bartend?

I bartended a separate time.

Got it. Okay.

I didn't bartend then, but Nicole's been on a few times. Oh, good. I don't think there's anything. It was just miscommunication.

Okay. I feel like his tone was not the nicest. Probably. But I'm like a stunky defender till I die. You know that about me, right? I'm trying to get her over here. Yes, I know. I'm trying to book Nicole as a co-host. You guys, she's always been really, really helpful. Maybe let this be my plea. I don't know if you know or that she knows. She was my number one celebrity in high She's the only one you fuck with.

She fucks with. You're the only one she fucks with.

I know. I really want her to come on the podcast.

She goes, Who is it? She goes, It's Claudia. She goes, Oh, yeah, for her, I'll do it.

No, I'm telling you, she would love it. I think she would have a great time. She could promote any of her projects. She's not desperate, right? She has a nice thing going on over there in Jersey. I love her. This is big news for you. Diddy has received his prison release date. He's got a 50-month sentencing for his federal crimes, and they say that he will be released from prison May eighth, 2028.

That's not that far. I would get myself ready now. This is for the big reveal party. I would start planning the next White Party. I'd be in there knowing what I'd be doing when I'm getting out.

Like an exciting- Who is to buy you, who will get invited, who won't.

Write the tell all.

Right, of course.

So he can go on all the talk shows. The Tell All. How many months is it since then? Until then?

Fifty.

So it'll be fifty months from now to then? Yeah. I don't think he'll do the full fifty.

You don't. Well, actually, is it fifty, twelve months? No, it's probably less.

But then he's going to have to be on probation. Is he not allowed to drink or have free coughs anymore?

Yeah, or travel. Free cough free zone. Free cough free zone. Title. Can I ask you a question? Yes, ma'am. I actually feel, and correct me if I'm wrong, that you would thrive in a prison environment because you're tatted up, and so people would just automatically respect you. You look a little intimidated.

It's not the intimidation. It's about giving permission for people to chuckle or laugh. Do you know what I mean? People are such a high, strong environment. My little quirks, and same with you, we would both thrive because- No, I would not thrive in a prison environment. You think our funny bone would get us through everything?

I wouldn't be able to flex my funny bone. My biggest fear in life is going to jail. I have nightmares about it all the time.

Mine is that and amputation.

Amputation? A specific limb or any amputation? Any amputation. What about a finger?

No, I'd rather die. Really? No, it's my biggest... Again, I am not being disrespectful to the amputy community.

Amputee community, of course.

But it's something that makes me so uncomfortable. But I'm an adult and I'm respectful, and I'm caring, and I'm compassionate, so I'm not going to ever show face about it. But at the inside, I'm freaking out. That's your worst nightmare.

So uncomfortable. So you'd rather go to prison?

If I had to, depending on what limb. I mean, maybe if it's just a digit, I would be fine. Let's say a leg. No leg. Prison.

Wow. I'd rather live without a leg. Really? I mean, now that you're saying it, it does sound nice to lay down all day long and not be able to have to get up.

That does sound satiating. I have to cross that bridge when I got there. It depends on what unit I'm in. If I can be with where Situation was and where Firefest was. They were there together, Firefest.

I read Mike, the Situation's memoir, by the way. It's incredible. Has Snuki written a memoir?

Not a memoir.

I know she wrote a fictional novel.

She has many books. She has Guido Beach. She has- Those are fiction.

That's a lot about her life.

How to be a Guida. Confessions of a Guida. Then she has The three mom books.

Oh, are any of them memoirs about her rise to Fame?

No, but I think that's the next one.

She should because Mike, the situations, obviously, his story is a little bit different.

Can I have a cookbook? Do you have any publishing friends? I can help, yes. I want a cookbook, too. Anyone?

Yeah, by the way, just put it out there, Joey. Right into the camera.

The cookbook, thank you.

And one of those blankets. I read his memoir. It was incredible. He talked about his time in prison and how he met Billy McFarlane from the fire festival. They became, not buddies, but they only met once or twice.

That lawyer was there, too. Cohen, Mike Cohen. Michael Cohen. Really? Yes, he was there, too.

I used to live on the same block as him. The day he got out of prison, it was paparazzi. I was like, Oh, finally, my time has come. But it was for Michael Cohen.

I would have still tripped and fell in cause of the scene.

He, of course, flushed your titty or something. Yeah.

But let's flush back to Diddy. Yes. I don't know if I should be supporting him. He's a bad person.

I believe he's guilty of the crimes that he's accused of.

Well, I hope he finds peace in prison and gets to forgive himself and can...

What did he have to do to win you back?

I mean, I'm a thirst trap, so he would just need to sign me to his new record label.

Right, give me a cookbook. Yeah, a cookbook. And a Mickey Couture blanket.

Yeah, a Mickey Couture blanket, a cookbook line. I mean, sorry, a cookware line, dishes, a candle, my own fragrance, a candle.

What's celebrity brands, people who do crazy, Chrissy Tegan, which brands do you think are good? For the kitchen. Dolly has a line.

I talked about this on the podcast the other day, and I recently just ran into it, but I forgot to tell her about it. Rachel Zoe has a line at...

Tj Max & Marshalls. Do you know that Rachel Zoe makes the cuteest kids clothes? Because Ruby's entire wardrobe, TJ Max & Marshalls, is so cheap. It's Rachel Zoe.

Who knew? I got to throw blankets. I got measuring cups. I got little clips for the bags. I got all this shit. I know she doesn't have a hand in it. I think she probably signs her name over to it. I don't know. I would hope she does.

Well, because I think that makes her money. All the stuff she does, like the Zoe report, that's not really generating revenue. It's the T. J. Max Marshall's, Kohl's. It's the big box stores. I know that I know. I hope she is involved because I love it.

Now that I know her namesake, when I'm going there, it's almost like going to the grocery store and you see a quality product like Nabisco or a name like Kraft. You trust it. Something you can trust, an American standard.

What do you think about her on the Real Housewise in Beverly Hills?

That's what happened. I like it. I said, I'm so happy for your resurrecognition. I met her at a party. I was fucked up during Fashion Week. Of course. I totally forgot to tell her about my Zoe report of the blankets. So Rachel Zoe, I love. Courtney Cox's Homecourt things are fabulous. What does she make? She makes a spray for the kitchen counter.

Surface cleaner.

Hand Oh, like soap. Yeah, like room sprays and things like that.

Canals.

I didn't know that. Homecourt. I do enjoy that.

That's a cute name.

Yeah, isn't it? Who else do I like?

What about because you're really into beauty, too, like hair and makeup.

Oh, yeah.

I love- You like The Way?

The Way? I used to use The Way tons of time, but they're my favorite product. I love their dry shampoo mousse. It was the best. Why do people do that? They're not doing any aerosols right now because they're growing green. But I love The Way. I do love Lady Gaga's Flavier and Makeup.

House Labs. House Labs.

The foundation is the best.

I recently switched to a new foundation. I feel like such a makeup girl, Natashha Janona.

Oh, yes.

It's I'm a queen. It's fabulous.

Yeah, she's a queen. Her concealer is probably the best, too.

I've heard that, too, but I'm in my no concealer. I don't know if you could tell. Yeah, we're very fresh. I don't know if you could tell.

I'm getting a lot of sleep. I'm really wearing Charlotte Pillsbury powder today.

Oh, you look gorgeous. Do you do full beat every day?

Not every day. I was going to do one for her today, but I was like, I have to go to the eye doctor after this.

Oh, so you don't want to get a stye.

I have no contacts left, and I have to go to Europe.

Europe is calling.

I'm spending a week in Bourjo. I can't. Right. But I love... Who else is doing good over there?

That rare beauty is good. Do you do road skincare?

I had it all, but can I be honest? It's lovely and glowy and gorgeous. Those pretty girls are young things. I'm holding things up with- You don't find them relatable.

With Scotch tape and glue.

That's fair. I need a little more retinol. I need a little more resurfacing.

What about JLo Beauty?

Reservicing. I hate JLo.

Oh, okay. Let's talk about that.

I found out the bitch is fucking working out of my gym now.

What gym?

I don't want to say, but it's near my house.

She goes to the same gym as you.

I don't think she goes there. She just showed up there one day. It's like, fucking get off my dick, bitch.

Oh, you think she's following you?

Well, she probably is. I can't stand her.

Talk to me a little bit about that because I'm actually- I just think because I've heard from people in the industry for over many, many years.

I remember when I was working at Patricia Field as a drag queen, she came in there and she tried to buy a cowboy hat for me, and she gave me attitude. Oh, wow. Her and P. Diddy. Right. Her and P. Diddy. Oh. This is when they were dating back in the '90s.

So, yes, you're saying she doesn't have a great reputation.

She has a horrible reputation for being a nasty bitch to people around her, people above her, people below her. She's just a cunt. Interesting. I don't play that game. I don't either. Be a humble queen like us.

I'm constantly in awe of our humbleness and our modesty. Thank you. And head down to earth, we both are. I think that's probably one of the keys to our long-term success.

Yeah, but she had a selfie in the mirror at the gym.

And it was your gym.

Yeah, so I haven't been back since. I haven't been there all year, but still.

I forgot that she used to date P. D. She's had a long life. Okay, next up. Morgan Wallen. You know he was arrested in 2024?

Well, the body camera footage- If I went to prison with him, that would be- Is that your celebrity crush? I mean, one of them, I would do Filthy Things. You would? Yes. A country boy?

I don't see that. I guess, yeah, you are low-key country.

That's not my main crush or my main hall pass.

Who is your main crush?

Drake, motherfucking May.

I thought you were going to say Drake Bell. No. Who's Drake May?

Drake May is the quarterback of the Patriots, the hottest guy in the game.

Wait, I have to look him up.

Why do you know that? Because he's the hottest guy I've ever seen in my life.

Drake May.

My sister-in-law is watching.

Oh, he's so cute.

If things don't work out, meet your brother. I'm going with Drake May.

Does he have a boyfriend?

No, he has a wife.

I'm sorry.

He's Christian.

That's what I meant. He has a wife. Oh, look, that's the first thing that comes up when you...

He is so cute. I've always been thinking of a Patriot.

His wife and stuns in her outfit. Okay, Wait, let's see. Let's open her Instagram. Her name is Anne Michael May.

She's probably a toaster.

Wait, she's so cute. Sounds like they got married in front of a big cross.

Yeah, from the Lord.

From the Lord. Okay, I'm happy for them.

Do you still have your Hupsta from your wedding?

My Hupsa? No. Oh. My Hupsa. Thank you for introducing me to Dräge May, but I'm talking about Morgan Wallen. So you're saying you would totally have sex with Morgan Wallen?

Multiple times a day.

I think you'd have to fight a lot of people.

I don't to throw a chair in my asshole.

Yeah, right.

With all four legs going at the same time.

That's top five, one of the funniest things you've ever said.

I like the bad boy part about him, but that's not the one that turns me on about him. I think he's just so unserious and maybe not all there. I think that's why he's a little dumb-looking.

He's a little... Yeah. Well, he was arrested in 2024. We talked about he's also been arrested in 2020, but the body camera footage from the 2024 arrest has just been released.

I want to ask on body camera.

He is literally asking if his hair looks good. I guess he has trauma from his 2020.

He wanted to tell him for his hair transplant.

He wanted to redo it. He was unhappy with how it came out. We wanted to make sure that his 2024 Munchchat was a little bit more composed than his 2021, according to recently released footage. In the clip, he can be seen chatting with the officers after he was arrested and brought to a local precinct in Nashville for booking. Throughout the interaction, Wallen remained cordial with the officers, but there was one constant conversational focal point the star wanted to make sure was in order before he was processed, and that's his appearance. An officer asked Wallon- Does anyone have a Charlotte Pillsby powder? Right. You say you've been arrested before. There's your picture if you want to see it from last time. Do I got to take another picture? And he said, Yeah, they'll probably take an updated picture for you. Can you make sure I got my hair looking decent? Vanity queen. Vanity queen. So if you want to look at the photo side by side, clearly, photo one, it's really not great.

Well, that's giving Hillbilly hoedown.

Right. Then he said, In 2024, I can do better. Did he not have teeth there? He's really drunk. In 2024, he's like, I can do better. He's smiling.

That's the one I want.

Looking more quaffed. Yeah. Looks like he definitely went to doctor.

This is after he made sure that- His hair looked good.

Okay. Yeah. So he's like, This wasn't his first rodeo. Yes. Have you ever been arrested?

Yes, twice.

You're kidding. What were your crimes?

First was underage drinking prom weekend.

Okay, that doesn't count.

Wildwood, New Jersey.

You were like, I've thrown in the drunk tank.

Yeah, and I got handcuffed to the guy I had a crush on.

Oh, so you planned it that way.

They ran out of zip ties because they were doing zip ties for everyone because they had to get the whole hotel out.

So a bunch of kids. Okay, wait. Tell me a story from the beginning. Where did you grow up, by the way? Jersey?

It was Union, New New Jersey. We were at prom weekend in Wildwood, New Jersey. This was the weekend of June seventh in 1997.

I was just three years old.

Yes. We were all in the Crown Hotel, piled in, and we're all drunk and- Wait, sorry to interrupt.

Did you come out in high school or you were still in the closet?

I was out in middle school, yeah.

Out and about?

Yeah, there we are. I had bleached hair and I was wearing a kitten heel.

So they knew.

They knew. Okay. I guess we were all enjoying drinking and we were in our rooms and they came knocking on the door and they walked in. If they found alcohol in the room, you got zipped up. I was 18 at the time.

Oh, so they charged you as an adult?

I guess. I think my parents had to pay $80 to get me out.

Okay, cheap at the price.

What lip is that? Fenty.

Oh, this is a Fenty lip. Yeah.

I love it. Do you like it? Yeah. Is it like a hydrating bomb?

It's like a lipstick, a creamy lipstick. I'm not crazy about the consistency. You see it's getting dirty.

Yeah, I have to go to Sephora before I leave for Europe.

For your free big trip. Oh, that's the last time I saw you.

In Sephora? Yes, that's right.

Okay, wait. Sorry, go back. You and the boy.

They raid the room. The guy I was with, they ran out of the zip tie, so he was like, We have to cuff you two together. I was like, Oh, no. There's all these pictures of us coming down the stairs. Was he gay?

No. Oh, so you just had a crush on him. Yeah, he was so hot. He was unrequited.

I haven't seen him in a year. He probably still is hot.

What is he up to? I don't know. People who were hot in high school are like...

nick or Cioly. I'm really happy.

Put it out there, Joey.

You know who you are.

Nickercioli. Yeah. Maybe his sister's a toaster. Yeah.

We got handcuffed together and we went into the clenker. The grossest thing ever happens, I remember that weekend, I had a little toy cat. I I was raver at the time. What's a toy cat? It was like a little figurine. I went on the boardwalk. I was figurine. It was in my pocket. They were searching for like, drugs and knives and stuff. He found this little toy, like a kitten in my thing. He goes, at least after this, you can at least tell your friend you got some pussy this weekend. I was like, eow.

Not pussy. Sick. Oh my God. I'm underage. Then the second time you got arrested?

This was dramatic. They took my shoelaces away this time. Oh, wow. It was for blocking the box. In your car? In my car, going into the Holland Tunnel, blocking the box. Wait, that's a crime. There was an unpaid parking ticket for $80. That's so there was a warrant for my arrest out. You're kidding. They literally took me away in cuffs. I was on a date.

You were driving to the Holland Tunnel on a date?

I lived in Jersey at the time. It was in the '90s.

And you were going into the city? It was the '90s. Okay.

It was the '90s. I was driving into the city and blocking the box. They pulled you over just to give you a ticket for blocking the And then I ran my plates. Oh, shit. You have an unpaid parking ticket. They took me into cuffs.

Wait, that's so dramatic.

Yeah, and I was like, Can you take off your shoelace? I said, I just got these shoes. Can you just take the shoes off? I was like, I'm not doing this. I had my picture taken, and I thought I was like- Wait, do you have a mug shot? I don't I can't find it. If anyone can find it, Joey can ask Joseph- It predates the internet, maybe. It does predate the internet.

And was it in Jersey or were you in New York state?

I was crossing over.

So which state were you in, technically?

New Jersey. I had an intention on going to this because I was only But he never made it. I never made it. I did make it eventually. The guy was like, Let him drive the car. That's what I was going to ask. But they took me in.

On a date, and I haven't been in the dating scene in a while, when your partner gets arrested, do you stay with them? How many dates had you been on with What was his name?

We were just hanging out for a while, maybe a couple of months.

So you knew him pretty well?

Yeah.

If it was a first date, I don't have to come with you to jail, right?

Well, no. What's happened, he had to wait with the car because they took me into the station. That was behind the Holland. There was a prison. I went to prison. They put me in there and they took my pictures and they were asking me stuff. I thought I was in there. I thought my parents had to refinance the home to get me out of prison. It was $80.

Okay, that's insane. But neither time that you were arrested, you really committed a major crime. No. What's the biggest crime you've ever committed?

Probably stealing at the self-checkout.

Yeah, but we've all been there. That's not a crime. It's just a rite of passage.

I don't know. It I like to... I like to... Not pickpong. I like to... I'll take a cute knife from the table of the restaurant.

You do? I would. I would steal a pen. I've never... Actually, one time, Ben and I stole a couple of salad dressing little... Who would need those little things?

I like those, too. I like cute little things. It's more about the rush that is. The accouchumon.

Yeah, of course.

The last time I stole that, it was at... I know this is a Tau restaurant. They had these little chopstick holders. It was like a little gipsy lady. Oh, I know those. A geisha lady going like this. Then he turned it over. It says, I stole this from from Tau. I didn't even know that until I got home.

Got it. You must not be the first person to have stolen.

No, I'm not. I won't be the last. Again, because of my fear of going to prison, I really don't like to do too many crimes.

Yeah, you don't mess with that.

That ring has been bothering me. Where did you get that?

It's from Ring Concierge.

I heard about that.

Yeah, I'm a big fan. Maybe they're tosters, too. Would you like something gifted? Yes. They're also a sponsor of The Toast, so please- Ring Concierge.

I need jewelry. Do they make gold jewelry?

Yes, they make everything.

I need jewelry.

Thank you. Be more specific.

I would like gold chains. I would like a ring. I love emeralds. I would love a pendant. I would love anything you're dishing up. Love that.

Today's episode of The Toast is brought to you by Sacks Fifth Avenue. Clearly, I'm an incredibly fashionable person in Sacksid. Who do we want to represent us. It's Sacks. Jackie and I are big, big fans of Sacks. Obviously, being from New York, we know how iconic and important Sacks Fifth Avenue as an institution is, like Karen Huger's marriage. And Sacks Fifth Avenue, sacks. Com, shopping in-store, shopping online. It's such a party experience. It's Most of that time of year, you ever walk outside and you're like, that weather feels like Sacks of Avenue? We're so living in that era right now. It's holiday season coming up. We're shopping for other people. We're going to holiday parties. We're getting fabulous trips planned, trips to the Cape, Clambakes. And Sacks is here for all of your holiday needs. So whether you are looking for something to buy for somebody in your life, Sacks is great for that. They cover all different categories. They have men's, they have women's, they have fashion, obviously, they have accessories, they have home, they have beauty, they have kids. They also just make it really fun. When you're shopping on sacks. Com, I feel as though their website is extremely intuitive.

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For a limited time, Nutrafall is offering our listeners $10 off their first month's subscription and free shipping when you go to nutrafall. Com and enter promo code The Toast. Find out why NutraFall is the best selling hair growth supplement brand at nutrafall. Com. That is spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L. Com, promo The Toast. That's nutrafall. Com, promo code, The Toast, to get $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping. Today's episode is also brought to you by Roback. Let's talk about Roback. They just dropped something that might be our newest fall obsession. It's called the Bedford Mocknack. And don't you feel like everybody's talking about Mocknack I feel like everybody on TikTok is like, mock neck, mock neck. You know what? I didn't even realize because I didn't know what a mock neck was. I have a couple, and one of them is Roback, and I love it. The mock neck comes in ivory, navy, and green. It's a very flattering high neck detail that doesn't choke you. It keeps you warm, but it also covers your double chin if that's that you're in. If you're in a stage of life where comfort is very, very high on your priority list, perhaps you just had a baby, you're living in your soft clothes era, the Bedford mock neck gets it.

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Com. Our code is toast, and that will get off your first order through the end of this week. Roback. Com. Thank you, Roback, for sponsoring today's episode. Our next story. Kim Kardashian is shocking fans with a bombshell confession about her next career move. So she's ready to give up her Kim K persona in 10 years. So the Reality Star was on the Graham Norton show, and she said, I'll be qualified in two weeks. I hope to practice law. Maybe in 10 years, I think I'll give up- Which was that latex nude bandy-looking outfit I thought. Yes. Maybe in 10 years, I think I'll give up being Kim K and be a trial lawyer. That's what I really want. Sure. She also hasn't officially passed the bar yet. And you know everyone's wanting her not to pass.

The thing with her is, how is someone... I know she's very accolated.

She's extremely accolated, yeah.

She knows all the stuff, but who's going to take her seriously as a lawyer? It's like, you know what I mean?

Okay, let's say you are blocking the box on a date and you get arrested.

I would do it because I know it'd be highly publicized. Right. Anyone who's like... And she knows her shit, but I think she's going to have a hard time getting serious things.

But I think her passion is getting Yes. Getting people out of jail. That's what she would... I guess when you're trying to get out of jail, having the most famous lawyer probably helps. Yeah. Right?

Well, it worked for her dad. Yes.

What do you think about OJ? Did he do it?

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, I agree.

I think the Murdaugh did it, too.

I would love for you to host a true crime podcast because you really get into stuff. You were super... And by the way, I was following Karen Reid, and I found out that she was found not guilty on your TikTok Live. Yes. You love to go live. I love following you.

I do because it's my one I don't like having to... I like just press button and go. I don't like having to edit and produce and press these buttons. I don't know how to do all that. You're lucky I don't have to turn the phone on.

It's so true.

I need a jitter bug.

How old are you?

46.

Do you feel 46?

No.

No. Do I look What is it? No, not at all. I'm always shocked by your age because I feel like we also just get along really well.

I feel like I have Benjamin Button syndrome.

Yeah, you are aging backwards. Right.

Well, thanks, Dr. Tiller.

Yeah, of course. Do you do any procedures, face?

I do. I I do Botox. I do Botox, fillers. I do the fillers. I go to Face Esthetics in Westfield, New Jersey, to Christina. Injector Steena on my Instagram. I do all that. I'm trying to get my smile makeover done. I need the teeth. I have a Dr. Andy Jean. Mira.

I don't think you should get your teeth done. You don't. No. Jackie and I, we talk a lot about veneers here at the podcast because it seems like you can't be famous if you don't have veneers. Jackie and I feel like the one thing holding us back is that we have our real teeth.

But all the most famous people don't have them. Do you know what I mean?

All the famous people have I have veneers. Every single one.

Myles Streep?

For sure. Some are brighter than others. Like, Miley Cyrus is so obvious. Her teeth are falling out of her face. But I don't know. I just feel like your teeth are in your smile is what makes you you.

I guess so.

I wouldn't do it, Joey. Okay.

I would cancel that.

But Kim Kardashian says she's going to be a lawyer. The idea that you would ever stop being famous. If you watch a show, it's a point of contention between her and Courtney, specifically. That Courtney really wants to wind down, be a mom.

Courtney's been wound down.

Right. And Kim just doesn't stop taking on new things.

She just sits her needs those Gummy vitamins.

Do you take Lemme?

I have Lemmy. Me too. I know that's your friend. Can I have some Lemmy, please?

Simon, put it at...

Simon, thank you. I need the Lemmy GLP-1.

Yes, by the way, those are actually really good.

I have them. I have them. I need that. I need the Lemme Sleep. I heard they knock you the fuck out.

Let me sleep is pargy. Let me tell you something about those Lemme Gummies. They're fucking delicious. When I was so skinny and I was being really good on my diet, I used to look forward to my morning Lemmes because I take the hair, skin, and nails one, too, because it's so delicious tasting.

Simon also made a natural disaster kit that I never got.

Oh, you didn't get his natural disaster kit?

No, I didn't get that, and I didn't get the candles, the sniff candles.

Oh, by the way, sniff candles. Instant Karma is the best candle. Thank you.

I'm going to have to have- By the way- Toaster. I'm going to give my address at the end of this an encrypted message that only vendors can see.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Oh, I don't want to leave, but go ahead.

No, you don't have to leave. The stories are more so just a vessel for us to- Great.

Before we move on, can we talk about Kim K real quick? Because I am going to the Louver this Next week.

What do you make of the Louver heist?

Well, did you see her with her face cover like she was being robbed with all the same color jewels on?

So when Kim was- Did you see my TikTok about it? Okay, did you see that I made a TikTok about it, too? When Kim was in Paris, she went to trial because the people who robbed her were being put on trial. Yeah, she wants to say, Fuck you. She looked sick. She had her big sunglasses. I bought those sunglasses. I was so inspired. The Céline's sunglasses? They're a liar. Oh, a liar? Yeah, a liar. They took about six months to come. I ordered them. I'm like, Who bought sunglasses? And I remembered what I had done. Now my face is a little too fat for them. But I'll get back them. I do remember that. What did you make of the Louver heist? The crown jewels being stolen.

I'm just saying she had her face covered the night before, wearing the same exact color jewels.

Oh, yes. Oh, you're talking about something else. Yes, she did. She went to a birthday party or whatever.

No, it was Academy, Awards Academy or something.

Her face had a bag over it. The bag over. And she wore a huge necklace.

I thought that was a fuck you to her. I thought when she wore the diamonds and cord, it was a fuck you. But this was probably like... Am I correct in the statement where she had... Did they put a pillowcase over her head?

No, she was zip-tied.

But they didn't put anything over her head?

No, she was wearing a robe. She always tells a story. She was wearing a robe and she got zip-tied and thrown in the bathtub with the concierge from downstairs. Got it.

I thought that she was trying to emulate that thing. But this is what happened to me. They heard my jewels, fuck you, and something like that. But then the next day, the very next day, the jewel heist happened.

And you think she had something to do with it?

I'm just saying she did it, but maybe it was Caitlin. Was in the mask when the mask went.

It was definitely Caitlin. If you're the thief and you have these jewels, you can't really sell them right now.

You can't really sell them. Everyone broke it down. They probably would only get $200,000 each after they got them apart, and they dropped the biggest one. How do you drop a crown?

And they broke it, too.

That's what I'm saying. What was it made of? A plaster?

I mean, they're really old. They're from the Napoleonic era.

If I had to pick Napoleon out in a lineup, I wouldn't know who he was. I'm sorry to this man.

I completely agree. I watch... Do you watch The Empress? Such a good show. It's in a different language. It's like, dubbed English. How do you watch it without throwing things? It's so annoying, but it's worth it. They have Napoleon in there. That's how I've envisioned Napoleon.

Was Napoleon gay?

No, he had a woman, Josephine.

Is it a religious? Is it a religious figure? Or was he a political figure?

No, he was the leader. Artist? Leader. I don't know if it... No, not artist. France? France. He's one of the greatest war time. If you were co-signing with Jackie, she would be able to tell you.

Do you think if I drop his name at a Paris restaurant, I'll get a free advertiser?

Yeah, I think he's beloved, but don't quote me on that. I'm not sure.

Should I bring up how the Frances first lady is a man?

Okay, great question. I'm glad that you brought this up. There is a conspiracy theory. Conspiracy theory? Jacques? What's his name? Emmanuel Macron.

Macron.

And they say that- Like the macaron? Macaron, exactly. They say that his wife is actually secretly a man.

Yeah. I saw all the pictures. I don't know. I haven't met her yet, but there's crazier things have happened.

It's so true.

Also, I need Paris recommendations from the tosters. If you know where I should be going, if anyone owns a villa, they want me to go there, let me know. A free champagne tasting.

I just feel like whatever fifth and final story I was going to choose isn't worth it. I'd just rather chat with you, if that's okay. I'd be honored. Tell me more, Joey. Joey, what are your hopes and dreams?

Well, I'm hoping to make it to a restroom after this double Espresso.

Of course. That was very brave of you.

It's going right through me. I'm just hoping for a new light to be lit in my life.

I love that.

A fire to lead the way.

What's the best gay bar in New York City?

I would have to say Rise. I don't even know that one. That's the one I've always. Where is it? That's on ninth Avenue in 50 something street.

Oh, the neighborhood.

The Gaperhood. The Gaperhood. I mean, that's the one I've really been going to. I don't even know what's out there anymore. There's so many The young queens have really turned it up.

Right, they turned it up. I had to like the Monster, even though I was escorted out of there once.

Oh, that was scary down there.

Down there. The basement. The basement.

The basement. I've been...

Okay, not me getting kicked out for vaping in the basement. Like, crazier things happen in the basement. That was a hate crime because you're a woman. One thousand. They I just wanted to be out of there. Then I snuck back in and I think it was the owner. He was like, I kicked you out, and I was so black out.

I was like, How long ago was this? Vaping just since we met you two years ago. How did you...

No, I was actually early on the vape train. Do you vape?

I do, yeah, when I'm drunk.

Yeah, of course. I'm actually over a year clean for my vape, which is really sad.

You always smoke those tiny shit little thing mangoes.

The stings. Yeah, the mangoes. What's your vape?

I like when the wine has a chain on it. It's like a purse, and it's this big fucking rig.

It looks Yeah, like a huge printer.

Yeah. I want to be able to charge it and have it and can't lose it. It's like those little things. They don't give me the hit I need. That you need, right. I like one of the big ones, like the Gaz or Razz or...

Yeah, the cloud machine. Yeah.

All those.

But you're old-fashioned. You like a cigarette, too.

I would like a real cig. A drunk cig is nothing like it.

Do you only smoke cigs drunk or year-round? Oh, yeah.

If I smoked one, yeah, I would shit myself.

Yeah, it's really crazy. Oh, who's texting you? Oh, sorry.

My producer.

Okay, production.

I know.

That's what I say when Jackie texted me. Who's texting me? My producer.

Producer. I'm always impressed by your level of production here. I do love that you have an iPad. I wonder how you get things on there.

My iPad case.

The case I do like from Casetify.

Thank you. Is it from Casetify? Yeah. It is.

But yeah, gay bars, I really haven't been frequenting them much. I'm much more of a... Since I have the home, I just entertain. You love a dinner party. I love a dinner party. I love having people over. I don't like to leave the house if I don't have to.

Okay, dream dinner party table. Who's invited?

Okay, this is hard. At my house?

Yeah. Oh, God. Let's say eight people, including you.

Oh, my God. Okay.

Dead or alive.

Well, I'm going to have to say Nini Leaks. Perfect choice. She's going to be there. She's going to host with me, co-host. I don't need any leaks. I would want... This is a hard question.

I know.

I don't even know. Oh, Alex Consani. Okay. I would love her to be there. She's like my new favorite obsession.

Yeah, you and everybody else.

I would invite someone who really knows food like a chef, like a hot chef that can help us cook. Do you think Bobby Flay is hot? Yeah, I'll bring him over.

Okay, four.

Bobby Flay. I'm never this slow. I'm never this slow on my feet.

You need someone to bring the laughs, like somebody like energy, like a comedian.

Someone on drugs.

Okay, or someone on drugs.

Oh, comedian. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, now we'll get I would have Jessie Kirsten. I love her. She's my fucking idol. I love her. She's the best. If you don't know who she is, look up Jessica Kirsten. She's the funniest comedian, alive, dead, any time of the life. She's the best. I agree. She's really funny. Oh, my God. Jessie Kirsten will be there. I would need someone for... Now we need a diversity. We need to have the girls, the gays, and the theys. I would need someone trans. I have a transgender ready. You do. I have a transgender ready.

Okay. Perhaps a Jew?

I don't know any Jewish people who host a weekly podcast. I hate it. I would invite you.

You better. Yes. Sitting right here.

I have to bring your husband, too, because he'll bring good appetizers.

Seven. Give me one more.

Then the last, certainly not least, would be Chipsy Rose. She's friends with you. I was so mad when you got her. I was so upset.

I know. I think about my career and- Your career highs. My career, peaks and dollies in my career. I don't think enough about how impactful that was for the community.

Yeah, it really was. I was so happy for you, at the same time, I was like, That should have been me.

I knew that it wasn't going to last with her and that freak. Yeah, thank God. What's his name? Ryan. I know she has another man's baby. Yeah, me and Gipsy were pregnant at the same time together. We're close like that.

Are you done having babies? No. How many do you want? Is Jackie done?

I don't think so.

What's the count on the Ashtreys' Sisters? How much does Olivia have?

Olivia has two. Jackie's, God willing, about to have three.

Oh, she has two already, Jackie?

Yes. I have one.

How many? How many do you want?

Well, in a dreamland- Have a sister. Five. Five? In practicality, like, Oh, I have to be the one to carry them. Do you have time for all that? Right.

That's like, would you... Vane reasons or not are just convenience.

It's just like, it's physically hard. It's just like, it's physically hard.

Would you do it?

I think I'll probably have three, but I would like to have five.

Are the Jewish people allowed to have surrogates? Yeah, of course. I didn't know that. They just can't eat meat and cheese at the same time.

Correct. Very confusing.

Who would your people be?

Okay, if I'm having a dinner party- So obviously, me, I'll be there. Obviously, you'll be there. Joan Rivers will be there, a thousand %. I forgot about Joan. Luke Holmes will be there. Jane Lynch will be there.

I heard she was misgendered on the show the other day, yesterday.

She was misgendered on the show yesterday, and I have to tell you, she slid into my DMs. Did she? I swear to God.

So Jane's watching?

Jane is watching, and I sent her a message, actually, before the show. I was like, Wait, do you want to come on? Let's see what she says. I happened to fucking love Jane Lynch. Best in show fame. It's so funny. I'm actually dying for her to come on the podcast. Oh my God, she's so major. I cannot believe she saw that clip. I wanted to die. I'm so jealous. Not Margot Emmerising. If she comes on, you can come and pretend. You could sit behind the desk, pretend to be like a loser.

I'm dressed like Sue. Sue. Sue Lester.

You're going to be at track soon?

Yeah.

So yeah, Chain Lynch is going to be invited to my dinner party. Yes. Who do I love? Who's my fave? Mindy Kayling.

Oh, yes.

I came if you didn't want Ru Paul at your dinner party. Oh, right. I feel like It was a fun time.

He doesn't drink, though. Oh. Not that you have to drink.

No, of course not.

Have you had a drink yet?

I have, of course. Don't worry about me.

Where are you like? Can you go out? Have you had to go on to dinner at all since then? Are there any hot new restaurants I need to know about because I'm trying to get free restaurants as well.

I'm so the worst person to ask. I don't leave my house. Me neither. Well. We'll try again next time. Yeah.

I... What were you saying?

I was going to wrap up, but you say. Anything else you want to say? Anything else you want to ask for?

Just please send help. I'm just trying to get it from point A to point B, and that all starts with you. It all starts with you. I'm going to ride in the fur blankets, wearing a neck full of jewels, sniffing candles with a...

With a lemme coming out of your ass. Joey, it's been an absolute pleasure. Where can people find you? I follow you on TikTok and Instagram.

You can follow me at Joey Kamasta everywhere. Joey Kamasta on TikTok and on Instagram.

Remember your old username?

Mr. P7. 9. Oh, I miss him. I know. You were like, I think you're the one had told me to change it.

Yeah, it makes no sense. Jackie did it first. Yeah, it makes no sense.

Everyone was like, Who's Jackie O'Problems? Right. Now it's Jackie O'Shre.

Justin Sylvester, the lady sitter. He changed. Did he? Now he's Justin A. Sylvester. It looks like Justina Sylvester.

I love him. Yes, @joykomast. Com. Kamasta on Instagram. Please follow me. I don't have nearly enough followers to make the money I'm looking to do. Tiktok @joey. Comasta. Not the dot. Then, yeah, just anywhere. I live in New York. If you want to come see me.

Yeah, come to my house.

Yeah, but I I'll be back. There's going to be a long pregnancy.

I told Joey that he has to come back because I still have a bunch of open dates in November and December, and people love you, so I would love for you to come back.

Well, I'll just come. Hopefully no one falls sick.

Hopefully, nobody gets stabbed in the street by a man with hair transplants. I know. We'll see. On their way to the turst.

I know. Well, hopefully I had a good showing this week. You crushed. The girls are very... They're tough.

They're a tough crowd, but they love you always. You were the number one most accrusted, and I will say, when Jackie, we were planning maternity leave, you were the first person I texted. Thank you. I love you. I love you. Thank you guys so much for listening to the Toast and Lanai Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five stories. You need to know for my next Friday on YouTube. So if you're watching us on YouTube, please don't forget to subscribe and hit the thumbs up. We're also available as podcast, and we're a podcast we found. So that's Spotify, attention to your public video, I already cast all the places that is in podcast. Find us a toast, leave a five-star review about a beautiful setting and wickedly talented we are. Love you.

That was Trisha Paytis. She used to do that.

Yeah, well, Churny has been doing it. Churny has been doing it.