Transcript of To Spain For A Fart

This episode is sponsored in part by Z biotics pre alcohol let's face it, most of us are not 21 years old partying like we used to. We have to make the choice between a great night or a great morning after. At least that's what we thought, Chrissy and I until we tried pre alcohol. I don't drink a whole bunch anymore and I was on the fence about this one. But a few weeks ago astor and I went out for some drinks for my birthday. The pre alcohol was sitting on the counter and I decided why not give it a try? And let me tell you, pre alcohol is the real deal. Z biotics Pre alcohol probiotic drink is the worst. The worlds first genetically engineered probiotic. This was invented by PhD scientists to tackle rough mornings after drinking. Let me tell you how it works. When you drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in your gut. Its this byproduct not dehydration thats to blame for your rough next morning. But pre alcohol produces an enzyme to break this byproduct down. You just need to remember to make z biotics your first drink of the night.

Drink responsibly and then youre going to feel your best tomorrow. I kept hearing about pre alcohol and I wondered what is it actually like? Now that I've tried it I get why everyone is talking about it. And with their GMO technology, Zbiotics is continuing to invent probiotics that will help the everyday challenges of modern living. So go to zbiotics.com commercial to learn more and get 15% off your first order. When you use that code commercial at checkout, Zbiotics is backed by a 100% money back guarantee. So if you're unsatisfied for any reason, they will refund your money, no questions asked. All you have to do is head to zbiotics.com commercial and use that code commercial at checkout for the 15% off. Thank you Zbiotics for being a sponsor of a wonderful morning after drinks and of the commercial break. I wish you well. I wish you well in hell on this episode of the commercial break. So of course right before the plane takes off, we go through the list of children and we say, do you have to go to the bathroom? No. Do you have to go to the bathroom? No. Are you sure you don't have to go to the bathroom?

Because you haven't been to the bathroom in 10 hours. Are you sure you don't have to go pee pee poo poo? No. No. And five fucking seconds after the plane takes off. Daddy, I had to go pee pee. Fuck you. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, and this is my calcium filled friend, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris. Ed, and best to you out there in the podcast universe. How are you? Thanks for joining us. Back just here in the studio, just for a short period of time before we go off again to our lovely lives of fame and wealth.

In our.

Own minds, in our own heads. Chrissy, fresh from Mempho. I'm back from a incredible wedding in Spain, Astrid's cousin's wedding, which, till the very last minute, we didn't know if we were going to attend because Astrid kept insisting that my neck would blow up if we got on the plane. I think she really wanted.

Thyroid was explode.

I gotta be honest. I think at one point it felt like it was going to. She kept on insisting. She was like, let's just cancel this. Let's cancel it. And I'm like, listen, if I thought I could get into surgery one day earlier, then I would cancel the trip and go have the surgery, but it's not possible. Yeah, the guy's got other people to attend to. I can't just, you know, he's. Well, who am I? And. But what I really think Astrid was.

Trying to say, don't you know who I think I am?

Don't you know who I think I am? Don't you imagine who I think I might be? What I really think Astro was trying to say was, why don't you stay home with the kids? It'll be much safer for you here and probably a lot more fun for me because you're a calcium filled asshole right now, and I think I want you to stay home. But that's.

I'm glad you guys made it.

Yeah, we did. We did it for us, a short trip for anyone else, a very long trip for us, a short trip to Spain. And man, was a lot of fun. But I'm literally off the plane and I am.

You are.

I'm all kind of upside down and sideways. It's like 09:00 at night there. So I think. I feel like I'm going to go to sleep. And the kids who know, who have traditionally not suffered from jet lag, are suffering from. I can already tell they're suffering. We just got off the plane. I could already tell they're suffering from it. My. One of my daughters could not keep her head up. Still, like, we got home at like two or three in the afternoon yesterday. And she on the way home, she was like so drunk, sleepy. It was one of the funniest things I had ever seen knocking into walls. She was doing this whole head bobbing thing in the car. I got to say, you know, I lived here in Atlanta for a very long time and only on a few occasions have I considered myself, have I considered that I'm in really bad Atlanta traffic. Like 2 hours to get home.

Sunday.

Chrissy. We on the way there, we have never know. We have this 536 36 30 flight. So like any smart family with children, we say, let's get there by 330. That way we've got 3 hours. We can go to the delta, check in, we can beg them for the bulkhead seat so as not to annoy every other fucking person on the plane. If we can get that bulkhead seat, we've got a little bit of room and the kids can kind of feel like they're stretching their legs a little bit. And then since we have a baby who weighs like 900 pounds and is 7ft tall, I mean, that kid, I.

Picked her up earlier, I can only hold you for a little while.

She's in the 99.9 percentile for everything. Height, weight, intelligence. I mean, the girl is super smart, super sassy, prone to meltdowns at any moment because she's the baby of the family. And then she's also huge. So when we see someone and we're trying to convince them that she's still an infant, they're like, yeah, right.

I know. She does look much older.

I know she can walk into a bar and probably not be carded. But then we try and convince the airline attendant that she's an infant with needs a crib. And she's like, which crib is that child going to fit into? She needs the whole bulkhead. We don't have those kind of cribs. So we get in the car, let's call it a, let's call it like 245. Figuring it normally takes us without any traffic, about 30 minutes to get to the airport. With traffic maybe 45, maybe an hour, but we still got.

You're talking about on the way there.

On the way there.

Got it. Okay.

And this is on a weekday, so we're. Yes, okay. So we're just, we got all the bags packed in the car. Everyone's just.

Now that makes more sense. I thought you were talking about on the Sunday when you.

Oh, no, I'll explain. I'll explain both ways. So when we are about to get in the car, I kind of feel like I sense we're cutting it a little bit close for wanting to be there at least two wanting to be there at least 2 hours before the flight takes off.

Yeah.

Because they start boarding an hour before. And that's a whole fucking shit show. Everybody knows that it's a shit show. Though I do have to say those delta attendants are whipping people into shit.

Yes, they are.

Yeah. Sit down. We didn't call you. Sit down.

Yep.

And I like that. I think that. Okay, so we get in the car, I sense we're cutting it a little close. It's now like 03:00 315 and Astrid says to me, don't worry about it. We got plenty of time. And I'm like, hon, I really think we need to go. Because Astrid, the most organized human being I have ever met in my entire life, doesn't miss a beat, doesn't miss a detail, does not miss an opportunity to tell me I'm wrong, ever, has made the assumption that the flight is actually 45 minutes later than it actually is. So when we get in the car, I put on that waze or whatever, Google, whatever the thing is with the traffic, I put it on and it's telling me it's going to take an hour and 30 minutes to get to the airport. Normally takes 30 hours and 30. And I thought to myself, holy shit, we are fucked. We're going to get there at 445 05:00 for a flight. We have one of those park and fly bullshits. You know what I'm talking about? You park, they fly, you park. You wait for 7 hours for one of those little bus uncomfortable busses to pick you up.

And then they unbelievably have someone that's never driven before in their entire lives driving the bus like 2 your to drop you off at the gate that or at the, you know, door that certainly isn't yours. Okay? So on the way there, it's just the traffic. Now it's hour and 30 hours and 35 hours and 40. It keeps getting worse. Time just keeps on inching back. We are in traffic basically from my house all the way to the airport. That's like 27 miles. It was insane. It was the. It was some of the worst traffic I have ever.

I'm telling you, this is. Yeah, I know this traffic.

I know you do. I know you do. It's one of the downsides of recording. Where we record is that chrissy has to take the drive up here and then the drive back.

The drive up is no problem. It's I know.

It's the drive back. Holy shit.

Heading back into town.

So this park and fly reservation on deck, because, you know, that's how Astrid is. Extremely organized. Park and fly reservation, ready to go. All we have to do is get there. So about halfway there, I realized that that bus had better be waiting for us, or now, not only are we not going to be early to the flight we miss. We might miss the flight. And missing a flight with 26 children.

Miss the flight.

Miss the flight. Because remember, Astrid thought it was 45 minutes later than it was, so that 45 minutes cushion disappeared.

Yes.

They stopped checking people in an hour before. And we have to check in face to face because one of the children is a child, and they need. Their passport, needs to be checked independently. It's just the way that it works in this God forsaken place we call the United States of America. Why? Everybody else can check in but the baby, who is no danger to anybody? I can basically. I can basically take my burner phone and say, yeah, I'm Joe Schmo, and end up on the plane. And the baby, who can't even talk, has to show her face at the front gate. I don't know. Don't ask me. So I'm like, babe, babe. And I know Astrid. I'm like, the whole time we're driving, I know Astrid. So I think to myself, there's got to be a better way. If we could only park at the airport, close to the airport, around the airport, not at a park and fly where we have this x factor, which is, is the bus gonna be there? Is the driver gonna be competent enough to drive us there in a short amount of time? And how many other people are we gonna have to pick up and drop off along the way?

And so I start googling. Not recommended you google while you drive. But I did it. I start Googling airport valet, because I know this has become a thing. I did it. I've done it in a couple other reports when I've been late for a flight. Airport valet. Sure as shit. They've got one. Sure. Shit. I call them. Sure as shit. They can be there and be ready by the time we get to the airport, they can be ready to pick up the car. And I'm like, babe. She's like, how much? I know what Astrid is thinking. Two things. Number one, shit, it didn't work out like I wanted it to. So she's wrong, right? And that I know for my love, my. My beautiful wife, that is a little bit irritating to her that she doesn't want to be wrong. And no one wants to be wrong. Let's just admit it. No one wants to be wrong. I don't want to be wrong, but I am all the time. It's part of life. So she doesn't want to be wrong, number one. Number two, she's going to be angry at herself. If we have to spend more money than initially intended, because we don't have any money, even though we do 7000 episodes of the commercial break a day, we don't have any money.

And so. But I call them, and it's double more expensive than it is, of course, to park and fly. Park and fly. You leave your car at their location and they decide when the fuck they're gonna drop you off. Valet. You leave your car at your location, they take it somewhere and bring it back to you. It's double more expensive. But I. So now we're making. So I hang up the phone. I say, listen, I'm gonna call you right back. We hang out phone. We're having all this marriage debate in the car. And she's like, well, it's up to you. And I'm like, no, no, no, don't. Don't leave this up to me because it's going to be up to me. And then when we're reviewing the finances at the end of the month, it's going to be my fucking fault for everything, Ruth, is that we just kind of fucked up. It's no one's fault. We all assumed we had more time than we actually did. Between the traffic and not knowing when the actual plane was taking. We all just made a mistake. That's it. What are we going to do? That happens to.

Yeah, you gotta make a game time decision.

We did have to make a game time decision. And so I. So together, collectively, I said, listen, are we gonna lose any money on the park and ride reservation? And after some assessment, it was determined that we would lose $15 because we only made a reservation. Like, hold it for $15. You don't pay till you leave. And it was also the determination was made that with so many children and so many ba. I mean, we are literally going to Spain for a fart. And we brought the entire house.

Well, you were going to a wedding, so I get it.

No, I'll get into it. I'll get into it.

But you gotta have your lotions, your potions, your costumes changes.

Three outfits. Yeah. Flowers, the flower baskets, the flower girls, the wedding, the hair, the makeup, the whole night. The guys have to have, you know, this thing for the reception, this thing for the party, this thing for the rehearsal, it's a whole fucking to do. And then you realize at the end of it, it really never fucking mattered. It didn't matter at all. I could have just brought one change of clothes.

I've gotten to realize that on more than one trip that I've taken. Like, I definitely overpack. For sure, I want to overpack, but I want options.

I want my entire closet, because I know. And just like I did on this trip, I know it's the one fucking thing that I. You know, that one thing you're debating at the end, you're like, should I bring that shirt? T shirt looks good on me. Looks good on me. But a glance of the weather says it's going to be cold and 70, so, you know, it's gonna be. It's gonna be raining in 70. That is not warm weather. Is short sleeve shirt an economical, and I mean economical packing wise, an economical choice to make. No, it isn't. You get there, it's sunny and 92 degrees, and you hate yourself for leaving that one fucking short sleeve shirt. I hated myself. And then guess what was on? Guess what had just been freshly washed, hanging up when I get home, it's that fucking short sleeve shirt reminding me of what an asshole I am. I should have brought another suitcase. Who cares? $50.

Always bring the. Always bring the t shirt. You can always wear a t shirt at a point just to make yourself feel like you wore it.

Yes, I agree. I agree. But, you know, it's Spain, and so, you know, t shirts, like I learned the first time.

The boots, the coats.

Yeah.

Dresses.

Yeah. Well, I figure a jeans and a t shirt is always an option. Yes, but you are definitely an american if you're wearing jeans and a t shirt. And I have learned over the last 70,000 trips I've taken to Spain that I really don't want to be called out as an American, even though my Spanish is terrible. And I'll get into this at a future point of the conversation, but my Spanish is terrible, and everybody recognizes me as a gringo right off the bat. An american gringo, no matter what I wear.

Well, I mean, you're irish, so.

Yeah. I don't look the part.

You don't look straight. I don't look the part to begin with.

I get one or two compliments on my Spanish. Either that's nice that you're trying, or your accent is really good. Just which accent are you doing?

That's the back when I used to go to the tanning bed years ago, a lot. Now I get really dark.

I. Oh, yeah, you're italian.

All of a sudden. Would. I mean, when. If I would be out and there would be. People would try and talk to me in Spanish.

Yeah, well, yeah, well, that's.

But I didn't know.

That's so stereotypical.

Oi.

Oi, oi, oi, now. Oi, now. And she spoke the part, too. Yeah. Gracias. Grassy ass, kids. Okay, so debate going on. The decision is made to go. Let's go ahead and just do this. That way. There's no chance.

Yeah, it cuts down on a little bit of anxiety.

My anxiety was really high. Between the calcium in my brain and my normal inclination to get to be really irritated by being late, I was in full blown internal panic mode, which I'm sure was, like, leaking out of the side of my eyeball. And Astrid could see it. It was twitching. I was like, ah. Meanwhile, the kids are in the back, yelling and screaming, drawing on our brand new car, you know, the whole night drawing with permanent marker all over our cardinal. So I said, hey, listen, hunt, here's the deal. We had formulated a plan a, which with the plan a was you drop. You take some of the kids with some of the bags, most of the big bags, we'll drop you off as close as we can. So you just have to kind of roll it in there. And then I'll go. And then I thought to myself, well, no, this just gets. This really just does what Astrid initially wanted me to do, which was leave, take some of the children and stay here in Atlanta. Because if I miss the flight, then what are we going to do? I'll be there two days later.

So we'd make this. After some conversation. I say, hey, listen, hud, at the end of the day, yes, we could make it and everything could be just fine. But what if we don't? And we had to pack all these kids and all these fucking bags back in because there was no other. There's only one direct flight a day out of Atlanta to where we're going. We're going to have to wait till tomorrow for that to happen. Then you're going to miss these events that you want to go to. You're going to miss your parents being there, all. All this other stuff that you. If we want to do that. I tried to apply some woman logic to it, you know what I'm saying? Like, you don't want to miss. You've packed half a bag of clothing just for tomorrow's events, right. You don't want to have to miss those events, you know? What about all that shopping you're going to do on our free day? So we get the valet, and I will tell you something. The valet, while terribly expensive, worked as directed as meant to be advertised. It was incredible. The guy, I called him and I told him where I was, and he showed up 510 minutes later.

And I even got a free password. Blue is back, by the way, in case anyone didn't know, blue is still here, still alive. We left her somewhere. I was hoping not to pick her up, but they reminded me I had to, so here she is. By the way, Astrid made a suggestion that we do a giveaway here on the commercial break. We give blue away.

Oh, I like that.

With a free lifetime of food and medical care. And some people responded that they would. They would enter that contest. No, you would. Don't lie to me. No, you wouldn't. So this guy picks up the car, and we get in, and I am.

Telling, don't just pull right up.

No, you pull right up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The valet spot.

There's no valet spot.

It's just left there, like, underneath.

Maybe in the domestic. Maybe I'm domestic.

Domestic, yeah.

This is international. There's only one place to go. And so you just. You. He tells you kind of which door to be around. He says, be around this door and that door, and I'll find you. You know, just tell me what car you have, and I'll find you. And it took about ten minutes for him to get there because he, you know, you got to call him when you're, like, at a certain place. And then he follows you. And so there was a police officer standing there the whole time, and I'm just standing outside the car, like, where is it? Two different police officers come up to me, is this your car? And I go, it is. And I'm waiting for the valethe cool, cool. Just wait by the car. And I was like, cool, cool. That's awesome. Cool, cool. I gotta think of how many times I've been to the airport where I'm about to get arrested for being 5 seconds. Stopped for 5 seconds somewhere.

Yeah.

I mean, they're no joke in Atlanta. They keep you moving along. You gotta get your bags and go. Don't. No time for kisses. Kissing ride is a different place altogether. You got it. I don't know what that shit is. That's out of Marta. Yeah, that's it. Marta. And private schools here. So I wait, he comes, I have a special kiss.

And ride place, though, that I go to with Jeff.

Oh, you do? What is that? What do you mean? A special kiss and ride?

Well, I mean, it's. The cell phone line is another. You know, they've closed that one down.

Oh, they did?

On the delta side.

Yeah, fuck that. That was fun.

Yeah, no, there's, like, the lower level, and you can kind of pull up, but not all the way.

Okay.

Yeah, just. Just hang back.

Just scoot a little bit. Scoot off to the. Just hang back.

Just hang back a little.

Just. Cause 3 miles worth of traffic while Jeff fingers me real quick, and then, well, I give Jeff some roadhead, and then we're off. Don't worry about it. Yeah, yeah. I think I do know what you're talking about, though.

Yeah. Other people know to do it, too.

Cool.

They kind of scoot next time.

Next time. Someone's dropping. Yeah, next. Scoot, scoot. Coombie. Hey, I'm giving a blow job here. Leave me alone.

Everybody would probably say, cool, cool, cool, cool. If I said that.

It's this officer who looks actually cool, cool. You know, he's, like, 26 years old, like, probably in the know about everything, you know? And he comes up and he's like, hey, man. Yo, that car. And I said, yeah, that's my car. Cool, cool. He's like, you got to move that shit. And I'm like, no, I'm with the valet. I'm waiting for the valet.

Cool, cool, cool, cool.

Everyone's getting paid. Everyone's getting $10 along the way. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure it's some kind of, you know, they are. Whatever. Anyway, so we get there, and we really don't. We have finally get through. Security. Took a long time. Of course. We have so many children. It always takes a long time. And we. We have one of those. Whatever you call it, the, you know, fly go. Pre checked. I'm not yet a criminal kind of thing. What is that?

Right?

TsA precheck. We have TSA pre check, and we just, you know, go right through. But with so many children. Yeah, you're always pissing off everybody behind you. Everyone's always irritated. I'm always carrying 32 different passports with the tickets stuck inside of them, and they're always asking, you know, you got to flip through. And they got it. It's a whole fucking order. It gives me so much anxiety. But we get there, and we get there with kind of, like, three minutes to spare before they start boarding.

Oh, I mean, that's great.

It was great. But we cut it close. Had we taken the park and fly, I think we would have made it. But I think we would have pissed everybody off on the plane. We would have made everybody wait. So two things. Two points here, because there's no point to the story, but to this part of the story. Two points. Number one, I got stuck in really bad fucking traffic on the way there. And I think that's one of the times where I can say to myself, this is really bad Atlanta traffic. Because upon further review, there were no car accidents. There were no blue light. It's phantom traffic.

It is phantom traffic stop. And then you. You get to where that stop was and then it just opens.

Just goes, yeah, yeah. It's like, what? Why? It's one fucking moron. It is cutting across twelve lanes of traffic to get off at his or her particular exit. They got their driver's license on the back of a cereal box. They finally made it to exit and everybody slowed down just to let that one guy. Because that one guy was gonna kill everybody. And then that just backs up. Yeah. Backs up and backs up until everybody's just stopping for no reason.

So frustrating.

It is.

So not that I want to see a bad car wreck. That's not it.

No, but I feel better. I feel better. At least there was an ambulance somewhere. Yeah, I know there was an accident 7 hours ago and now I'm suffering for it 22 miles away. And number two is, is that airport valet. That's a thing that should be. That should. I think more people should take advantage of this. It's very expensive, but if you have the money like I do, then listen, it was either pick up blue from the boarding place or get the valet. And I said, honey, what are we.

Really doing right now? Are you really debating this?

Yeah. She's gonna go somewhere eventually. Like the boarding place is gonna kill her. She's gonna go to some shelter somewhere. You don't have to worry about it. Maybe she'll become like the mascot of the place, you know what I'm saying? She'll live in the lap of luxury for the rest of her life. You don't have to worry about it. Why are we here? All right, let's take a break. Plenty more spain to talk to. To talk about. And I want to hear about Mempho also, because I heard it was a good time. I saw that it was a good time. Actually.

It was a good time.

I'm just glad you survived.

I did.

I did.

Lots of fluids.

Lots of fluids. Oh, do tell. Chrissy. Don't threaten me with a good story. All right, we'll be back.

I know this sounds crazy because we are a podcast, but we have a phone number because we are also a sentient AI chatbot being designed to receive compliments and content ideas at 212433 TCB. So crazy how that works. If you want to follow us on Instagram, our handle is hecommercialbreak and our TikTok handle isvpodcast. So go find our profile and watch the videos we painstakingly put together for you and our 20 other followers. If you find yourself wanting more, check out our website@tcbpodcast.com, because you can find all of our audio and full length video episodes. And if you just do all of those things, we will love you forever.

Bye. If your business sends or receives global payments, try OFX. OFX helps businesses securely move money in over 50 currencies at great rates. With our easy to use online platform and currency experts available 24/7 you can transfer money anytime, anywhere, fast, secure, and simple. Partner with the currency expertise. Open an OFX account today. Visit ofx.com. regulated by the Central bank of Ireland as an emoney institution, for the past three seasons of Gone south, we've covered one story per season. We tried to figure out who killed Margaret Kuhn.

She told me, I'm gonna kill you.

I said, well, do it, bitch. Go ahead and do it. We delved into the violent world of the Dixie mafia. I'm an outlaw, and I was a thief. But I'm far from being the psychotic.

Nutcase that I've been made out to be.

And we tracked a serial killer in Laredo, Texas. Just turn around, please. Turn around. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Now, gone south is back for a fourth season, but this time, we're doing things a little differently. So in gone south season four, we'll be bringing you new stories every week with no end in sight. I'm Jed Lipinski. Welcome back to Gone south, an odyssey original podcast. Listen and follow now on the free odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts for new episodes. Every week. We got a tv on in the background here in the studio, and I'm watching I don't know what show this is. Married at first sight, I think is what it is. And I want to know when did, like, makeup artists and stuff start wearing doctor's coats, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Look.

Yeah, it's a. Look. It's a whole thing. I think we should reserve doctor. It's like. It's like a. I don't know, like, a badge. You should only wear it if you're actually.

I agree. I agree. There was this one guy that I saw one time that was in my chiropractor's office, and he had his own, like, little separate thing, and it was like doctor weight loss or something. And the guy was walking around wearing a white lab coat, but when I looked him up, because he looked kind of different, and I. I looked him up, and he's like a model slash stunt guy. You shouldn't be wearing that white coat.

I know. You know, Astrid, because you call yourself doctor back when we thought this podcast might make money. Asterisk, you should go get a facial every once in a blue moon. And I was like, okay, all right. You know, I'm down. I'm not, you know, I'm unlikely to get a lot of, you know, botox and fillers and all that stuff, so why not keep up with the skin?

The skin.

So I said, okay, you know what? I'm down. So she gets me this little, like, a membership to this place, and you go once a month or once every three weeks, and you get a skin treatment, you know, whatever it is. And the lady who did the skin treatments, they're all walking around with lab coats on, and I'm like, why? Why can't you just wear a sweater? I mean, make me feel a lot better. If we weren't pretending that you're a doctor and pretending that I'm a patient when what you're really doing is pretending that I have a lot of money and trying to add on services like butternut squash, you know, eye repair or something. How was mempho?

Mempho was incredible. Yeah. Beautiful weather. It was a good time. Unfortunately, it was, you know, right after the hurricane.

Oh, yeah, that's true.

Yeah. It was in between two hurricanes. It was in between Helene and Hilton.

Wow.

Which, yeah, for a lot of people, said that Mempho actually ended up sending up a lot of stuff towards the hurricane relief.

Okay. Up in the nice of them.

Yes. But the music was great. It was. I was dancing my butt off.

I saw that. I saw that. Yeah. Chris is a professional pr firm, you know, putting out reels, and I was concerned about.

I was gonna be on there. I don't even think they knew who I was. Who?

No, I was.

But please.

See, everybody knew who you were. You're the wife of the guy who puts on the festival. I'm pretty sure they know who you are.

Well, I don't know that everybody knows, like, the camera operator people I don't know. So anyways, yes, I made the reel.

Yeah, you did.

And I was getting down on Saturday night.

I was concerned about Chrissy. I think I even told this to astronauts. I was very concerned about Chrissy and her whereabouts and what was going on, because I went to Memphis with Chrissy a couple of years ago and she didn't show up till like nine in the morning. A little worse for the. Where. I was like, where's Chrissy? So I thought to myself, well, I.

Should so many people there that you want to see and hang out.

Yeah, of course.

And yeah, it's a party. Jeff doesn't get done with work until late, so I'm out.

Chrissy is the social. She's the social manager. Not the social media manager, because she doesn't even know what social media is, but the social manager of the festival.

Are you impressed that I posted? I posted.

You posted.

I did.

Oh, yeah. I'm impressed that you even know what that means, quite frankly.

I was like, I'm posting, look, I'm posting. All the music was incredible. Everything was great. Tons of good friends to be seen. Weather was amazing. Last day, I ended up getting an iv fluid.

Okay, fluids. I was a little confused there for a second. I was like, she went in for it.

No, they. Jeff actually had one of those. A doctor. An actual doctor. Oh, an actual doctor wearing a lab coat.

That doesn't make, that makes me feel just as bad as the people who aren't doctors wearing doctor's coats.

Yeah, but he did the iv. Like, the IV station does make you.

Feel better, doesn't it? It does.

It was amazing.

Yeah.

I mean, you know, I tend to think kind of like, eh, is it really gonna make a difference? I can just drink some water. But it does, it does.

I think I told you about that one time I went to like a friend's house party in the woods people. The rich part fan, part of the family in the woods kind of people. And they were hanging off the head of stairwell with all the banisters. And they were hanging, the guy was a doctor and he was hanging all the iv's. He bought like a box of IV's and he was hanging them from the banister. And then people were sitting all the way down the stairs at like 12:00 p.m. the next day. Everyone with needles in their arms. But I'll tell you what, most people felt much better afterwards.

And it does give you a jolt. Add like the b twelve stuff in it and all the vitamins and things and, yeah, I was like, wow, the.

Time I almost died from salmonella, back, like, season number two. I remember that. I got a couple IV's and both, they were life saving. I mean, I felt like a different human being afterwards. Now I shit it all out within 12 hours. But I felt so much better in that moment. Within an hour of leaving that the hospital, I just felt like it was a different person. I was like, wow, that really does make me feel so much better. Little fluids when you're not feeling it and, you know. So one of our new sponsors has this product where they talk about how. And this is not an advertisement. I want to make that clear. I am not advertising. They are a sponsor of the show, but I am not advertising at this moment. They had a whole phone call with me where they explained that its not actually dehydration that causes the hangover. Its this enzyme that is broken down from the alcohol to whats called, like, they call it pre alcohol. Right. Or some kind of enzyme thats broken down. That enzyme then causes a lot of distress in your body as it. As time goes on.

So by beating back this enzyme with probiotics, then you can hopefully avoid the worst parts of the feeling the next morning.

Yeah, I didnt get that sample before I left.

I wish I had given it to you for Mempho. I really do, but. Right. It came after you laughed. So anyway. Well, good. I'm glad. And financial success for. For Jeff. Not that you tell me it wasn't here on the show, but financial. Was it a good turnout?

Yeah, it was a great turnout.

Did they sell out the festival?

They did not sell it out.

Okay.

But they don't normally sell it out. Well, they did sell out vip.

Okay, well, that's all that matters. As long as the rich people had a good time, that's all that matters.

And the sweets. Yeah, the sweets and vip were sold.

Oh, yeah. What are those sweets? Like 25 grand a pop or something about. Yeah. Wow, that's crazy. But then you get, like, what? Like. Yeah, you get a dot treatments with people in lab coats.

Yeah.

You get food, catering, free anal bleaching, stuff like that.

You know, all the important stuff and drinks.

Oh, wow. God damn that. Yeah. Someday when I don't have children, so many children, when I don't call them children anymore, when they could take care of themselves. I'm gonna come back to Memphis.

Your kids are gonna want to go to Mempho.

My kids are gonna want to go to bef.

There's gonna be some good stuff.

Well, if they keep that lineup going, Jack White was there. I saw that. I did not know.

Roots. The roots are really good. Diggable planets, diggable plants.

Yeah. I saw the performance by dig. Trey was there with Goose. Who can. Goose. I had predicted Goose and Trey would play together. They did not.

They did not know. They were on different nights.

But I have to say that, you know, goose. Goose.

I know. And I saw Goose a few years ago and was kind of like, eh. But I saw them at Mempho and they were really good. And I had this goose head, I guess. Explain to me why. Because they switched out a member or something, and he was like, this other guy's really good. And it was.

Oh, okay. Well, it's like a baseball team. You just switch out the players. This mix and match. No one gives a shit. Well, I mean, listen, there's that. Some bands that happens to, you know, you're missing the magic, and then someone brings the magic, or at all kind of. Kind of comes together. Goose, over the last year, I have seen. They've been on, like, the Bert cast with Bert Kreischer. I mean, they've been everywhere that Goose has, and they're selling out and selling out. So good for them. I'm. Listen, if I'm being quite frank, I think there are jam bands that I like better. Right? And that jam band, side of me, I prefer my fish to my widespread. You know, I like fish better than I like widespread. And I think Goose is like some combination. And I don't want to, like, you know, paint them with a broad brush. But I think I would prefer to go see fish if it was. If it was up to me. But I have heard a few songs, because I've watched a lot of their videos. I have heard a few songs that I like. Yeah.

Live.

They were great.

Well, good. There you go. And, you know, what I wanted to say is that I did not know this, but now I do. Our good friend Reggie Watts is also good friends with Jack White. Did you know that? And Conan O'Brien. They were all together just a day after the show, after the Mempho show, they were all together for some other show that Jack was doing. So Jack seems to be tearing it up right now. Renaissance.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The new album is so good. I love it. And, yeah, his live performance is just. I mean, like shot of a cannon. I mean. And it's just boom, boom, boom. Song, song, song, song, song.

Yeah. Wow.

Well, high energy.

I'll say this. Pass along my salute. Ace to mister Jeff Hoden, who I think has done a fantastic job with that birthday. It's not easy to make a festival work in 2024. It's the year of festival deaths. So the fact that they put it on and it was a success and that maybe there'll be another one next year. They're already planning the next one. Oh, good. All right, so we'll wait to see how that unfolds.

Now, we got riverbeat in the spring.

Yeah, that's right. And then what? Big barbecue fest or something that can happen again. Okay. Smoke slam, river beat, Mempho, all of that.

Three huge events.

Memphis is the place where Jeff puts on shows. So if you're in the area at any time during the year, just look. Look up Jeff Hodley misses Jeff Hoadley and see if you can find a good festival that's there for you. And happy birthday to Jeff, by the way. It is his birthday. I'm sure I will do something for him like I do every year.

Some audio trees, audio treat for fun. So back to Spain.

Back to Spain. So let's get. Let's get now into the important stuff, the meat, potatoes of the show, as we used to say. Well, here's the question. Here's one more question. Would you consider them about mempho? Would you consider the mempho crowd an older crowd or a younger crowd?

Well, yeah. So it is a little bit of an older crowd.

Like thirties, forties.

Yes.

Kind of thing. Okay.

Yeah, but the river be is younger.

It's younger, yeah.

It depends on the meat, you know, depends on the. Who you've got.

Yeah. I would say with Trey goose Jack, the planets.

Yeah. I mean, a lot of that. Warren Haynes. I mean, a lot of that is.

Yeah.

An older.

You're not 17 years old. Yeah, probably.

Listen, like, back when Mempho had post Malone. Oh, my God. Yeah, it was packed.

Wait, Mempho had post Malone?

Yeah.

When? This was three years ago. Four years ago.

Four or five years ago.

The year before I went. Yeah. So it was four years ago.

Yes, I was. Oh, yeah.

Wow. Great. Fantastic. Okay, and so would you say that it's a good, like, the people who are partying, the people who are having their treats, their sweets and treats before they. Of course, before they get to Mempho. His drugs are illegal inside of Mempho, but treats and sweets, what do you think their drug of choice is? Is it mushrooms and ecstasy? Is it cocaine? Is it. I'm just wondering what the kids are into this year.

Is it weed and mushrooms?

Weed and mushrooms. It's mainly a weed and mushrooms crowd. Okay. Okay, good. I just wanted to know that. I wanted to know what I'm looking at. I want to know how I appropriately plan for my next Mempho visit. And I'm going to start collecting my goody bag now, just like I did before the further fest. I planned three months in advance, and I couldn't wait another 12 hours. I blew it all before I got to the gate. All of it. I did it all in one night. Okay, so we get on the plane to Spain. We get on the plane to Spain with no rain and we have this bulkhead seat. We've managed to convince the lady that, yes, our child is not, in fact, a teenager, but she's one years old, and that we should need the bulkhead seat so that all of us can sit in one big line and then we can take care. Take care of the kids.

How did you have to convince that? Because then you just get those seats.

Yeah. Actually, on most international flights, those seats where you have like a three four three combination on the plane, the bigger planes, the whatever they call them, those planes, they purposefully, in economy, block those seats out.

Okay?

Because it's the only place on the plane where they will actually hang a crib for you if you go. And if you ever have a bulkhead seat on one of those international flights, and you look, there are these little. They look just like little screws in the wall, but they're not actually screws. There are places where they stick these pins inside and then a crib comes hanging down and just like, you know, you can put a child in there and let it go to sleep. And actually, we've done this with all of our children at some point now. Fair enough. Our child is way too big to fit into one of these. But the lady was nice enough. And so they reserved that you have to go to the gate to the check in or to the gate and ask for that. And then they have to take mercy upon you every time. So we don't get it every time, but this time we got it good, thankfully. So everybody's, you know, they come around, they serve dinner first. That's what they do. As soon as the plane gets up in the air, they serve dinner.

None of my children like what they're serving. I think the food is okay. It's not great. I will say that I love fucking Delta airlines and I will take them every chance I get. It's just a hometown thing. They seem to be very nice. The flights don't seem to be as crazy as the ones I see on instagram. Like, there aren't as many people going nuts. I don't know what it is. All of the things are free. You don't have to pay for the bathroom. 16 extra bags. A bag when you check in, right? If you want a cracker, it's $10. Like, all of those things are included in the flight. And by the time I get done with all of those things on any other airline, I'm sure I would have just spent as much money as I did just buying a Delta ticket in the first place.

Exactly.

So why not go ahead and just buy the delta ticket, especially on an eight or nine hour flight overnight with a bunch of children? Like, might as well just, like, pay the little bit of extra. I'm not flying first class. I'm just flying economy. But if I'm a fly economy, let's have the meals and the drinks included and any snacks I might need along the way. So that happens. Let me tell you a few things about this. When you sit at the bulkhead seat, you're sitting in front of the galley where the ladies and gentlemen do all of their work, or some of their work. And also in front of the main stacks of bathrooms.

Bathrooms.

So, in this plain configuration, there are two bathrooms on the left, two bathrooms on the right, and one larger or two larger bathrooms in the middle, one on each side of the plane. It's a double aisle plane. There is also, then this door that sits. There's a door and then a little space where they will do their work. This door looks exactly like a bathroom door, except it says on it in big writing, employees only door must be closed at all times. But other than that, you have. There's no reason to suspect that it's anything different but a bathroom. So less than so, of course, right before the plane takes off, we go through the list of children, and we say, do you have to go to the bathroom? No. Do you have to go to the bathroom? No. Are you sure you don't have to go to the bathroom because you haven't been to the bathroom in 10 hours. Are you sure you don't have to pee pee poo poo? Meow, meow, meow. And five fucking seconds after the plane takes off, as we're taxiing down the daddy, I had to go beep me.

Fuck you. You're gonna have to shit yourself because I already asked that goddamn question 30 times before we left. Why do you say no? This is like the age old parenting question. Why did you tell me no when you clearly had to go with some of my children who I know are just fucking bullshitting me? I make them go to the bathroom, and I say, pull down your pants, point your penis toward the water, and hope that something comes out because I'm not having it anymore. You better put that choo cha on that fucking seat and hope that I hear the sweet noise of tinkling. Poor daddy's gonna be pissed. I don't want to hear one more word out of you until piss is running down that toilet bowl. No. That's how they say it, too. No, I don't believe you. You're a liar. A bald faced liar. We get on the plane, and I swear, Chrissy, the plane is, like, literally lifting off off the ground. And two of my children are already like, daddy, I need to go, baby. And I'm like, well, I don't know what to tell you. You got it?

You gotta hold it. I don't know. We can't. You can't walk around the plane right now. And now they're, you know, they're both doing this whole dance like, daddy, daddy. And now I feel the urgency because if it was an adult human being, I'd be like, it's your own fucking fault. Hold it. Take a deep breath. But their kids and any ramifications from them peeing on themselves is gonna come down on me.

Yeah.

Not them. So now I know, oh, God, what am I gonna do about this, you know? So there's a flight attendant that is sitting in the jump seat, the one that faces you on the right and the left side of the plane. And I could see her because I'm in one of the aisle seats. She's looking straight at me. I'm looking straight at her. She knows what's going on. And I go, ma'am, my kid has to go to the bathroom. Can I please take him? Because we're all fucking adults here, and we know that whether you're heading in the air or already in the air or whatever, you can figure out a way to manage yourself in a bathroom, right? It's. No one's in danger. My kids not gonna go rolling down the aisle. It's a fucking airplane, you know? And she goes, now, I'm sorry, sir. No. And I'm thinking to myself, well, fuck you. But eventually we do get in the air.

And finally to the approved elevation.

Yes. Okay. Now, my kids have already made themselves extraordinarily comfortable in the airplane. They have their shoes and their pants off, basically. And I'm like, put your shoes on, God damn it. We got to go to the bathroom and said, fucking. This is. If you could think of one place on earth where there are less germs, you let me know. Because an airplane toilet is about as bad as it gets. And so, you know, okay, we're putting on our shoes. We're going. And so I tell one of the. I say, okay, go. You know, go that door right there. Go. And I'm gonna put the rest of my clothes, your child's clothing on, and then I'll be there in a second. Well, all of a sudden, I turn the corner, and I see that my kid has got that door open that says, do not open or under any circumstances of penalty of law. And no shit, it's a stairwell.

Oh, my God.

It is the place where they go and they take a nap. It is the lounge for the attendants.

Oh, God.

Which you only hear about in song and story. I mean, right? You don't ever see that shit. You only hear about it, but no shit. It's like a secret club. It's like a Ritz Carlton down there. And I'm sitting up here trying to manage 70 kids in a bulkhead seat, and I'm like, no, no, no. So I close the door, but then I open it just a little bit. Just. So now we get into the big bathroom in the middle of the plane, and I got one of my kids, and him and I are doing this dance around each other because now I have to go pee pee, too, because, you know, might as well. We're all going pee pee. So now we're doing this dance. I'm like, okay. And my son is basically, like, rubbing his whole body against the toilet, you know, hey, daddy, how does the pee pee know where to go? That's a question he had for me. And I'm like, what do you mean, how's the pee pee? Nowhere to go? He goes, how does it know to go in the water? I was like, because you're pointing your penis in that direction.

The kids say the damnedest things. They really do. So now he's done. And then I'm like, okay, hold on 1 second, buddy. Now I gotta go. Wash your hands. So he's over there making an incredible mess, washing the hands, and then he's like, opening the door, and I'm like, no, close it. And he's like, but I got him done. And I'm like, I know, but I'm not. Close it. This is the. This is the plight you must suffer because you said now when I asked you. Now you gotta wait for your dad's prostate to open up so I can go pee pee, too. It's an incredible clusterfuck of affairs going on, but we managed to get through it and we go back to the seat. Now, I'm going to share with you. The rest of the flight is relatively uneventful. I could go into every detail, some of them funny, some of them not. Maybe I will in future episodes. But the rest of the flight is relatively uneventful. The kids go to sleep. They wake up, they fuss a little, they yell at each other. They, you know, grab iPads and phones and scream at each other.

But everyone is relatively cool, and the people around us are relatively cool about any little mistakes that happen. Except for two. There are two notable incidents on this flight, and I want to tell you about them because I think it's some of the most funny. Number one. And then second little item to note is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Without fate, really, without any doubt. And I will share that with you on the other side of this break. We'll be back.

Are you lonely? Depressed? Listless? Feeling silly? Call TCB at 212433 TCB to get advice on your most difficult life circumstances. That advice will probably be bad, but that's okay. Call today. It's only $79.99 plus shipping and handling for ask TCb advice services. That's 212-43-3822 now that I have your attention, you should know that you can also follow us on Instagram hecommercial break and on TikTok ecBpodcast. If you want to request our latest sticker, head to tcbpodcast.com. click contact and select sticker request from the drop down menu. And don't forget, you owe me $79.99 plus shipping and handling.

Okay, let me explain something about airplanes and physics, because I know about airplanes and physics.

It's a supercomputer.

It flies by magic. There are little birds that go under the wings, and the pilot says, go, raven, go. And wa bam. You're in the air. Your pee pee disappears when you press that loud flushing noise. I love how my kids cover their ears, too. They love to flush the toilet. They hate the noise it makes. They're fascinated by how quick the pp goes away, but they can't stand the noise. It's fast. Yeah, I agree. By the way, it's very loud. You think all the technology we have in 2024, you could soften the noise of that just a little bit. So the physics of a plane work like this. It goes in the air. It's on the ground, then it goes in the air.

Oh, good.

But when it does, there's something happens between the ground level. The pressure, the air pressure, the amount of pressure on your body from oxygen and other stuff. Stuff. It changes as you go up. As you go up, it gets lighter. There is less pressure because the air is thinner. There is less oxygen, and therefore less things to put weight on your body, just like you would if you went down like that Titanic submarine did a couple years ago. But when that happens, it does funny things to water bottles. And you've all done it. We've all done it. We've all had a water bottle we brought on the plane. And it shrinks.

Yeah.

My kids have these water bottles that Astrid brought them. They bought them the indestructible water bottles with some kind of character on them. Peppa pig, toy story, Batman and Robin, you know, whatever. They're basically pieces of, like, steel that you can't crush, that you can't open. They have tops on them, and then they have straws that fold, little plastic straws that fold. So we get on the plane, and it's about 15 minutes into the ride. And of course, right after we go pee pee, the kids start loading up for the next embarrassing moment by drinking as much water as humanly possible. So my kids start saying, I'm thirsty, daddy. I'm thirsty. So I go to the appropriate bag, of which we have 30, and I grab their water bottles out and I flip up the straw just to give them, you know, a little head start, a little help. You know, I flip up the straw, and when I do, it comes water. Not pouring out, shooting out. And when I say shooting out, I mean. And three rows behind us like a fucking fountain. And it sprays the guy right behind me the most.

And, I mean, he got, I don't know, a quarter of a cup of water all over him. I mean, it just went. And not only was I amazed, but when I realized it was going behind us all over the place, I was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. The dude was the coolest. He was, like, wiping his cool, cool, man. He's, like, wiping his face off. He's not wet, you know, freezing cold. Those fucking planes are. They do that on purpose to put you to sleep. Those planes get, like, to be, like, 58 degrees.

I know, but I can't sleep when it's that cold.

It's supposed to, like, slow your body it's to keep everybody calm. It's like a hospital or a jail. It's, like, supposed to keep everybody calm, but it just makes me miserable.

Yeah.

Especially the long haul flight where you get super high in the air. It's like. I don't know. It's for efficiency. But I've also had a pilot tell me that it's really. They do that to make you a little bit sleepy. So now he's got to be cold and wet the entire flight because I don't know how physics work. I should have twisted the bottle open first, and that way, if any water pulled out, poured out, it would have been on me and not on him. So. Okay. But while I'm apologizing for this, my other two children grabbed the water bottles out of my hand that I have gotten out of the bag to give to them. So I'm like, apologize. Oh, man. Let me. I get you a napkin. He said, no, no, no. It's cool, man. Don't worry about it. I get it. It's cool. It was pretty funny, and I was like, yeah, it really was. So me, I. Not. It. Not. As soon as I turn around from apologizing to one person, the next child opens up their water bottle, it goes flying in the opposite direction. That lady was not so cool.

She was like, yeah, now I get it. I don't want to be wet on a plane, either. And I'm sorry about my son's germ filled water spilling all over you, but I really apologize, so. And she was, you know, whatever. Okay. Move on. You know, there was only one thing to do in that case is apologize, and then just turn forward, or else you're gonna end up on instagram like those other people being hog tied for a seven hour flight. Right? And I don't want to be that guy, so. And then the third child, Astrid, and I realize what's going on here, and the third child is about to open it up, and we're like, no, no, no.

Right?

She managed to get it halfway open, and it sprayed forward and not backward, which was. Which was good. So, in other words, don't be careful with your water bottles, kids. But here, let me tell you the most disgusting thing. So it's like, I don't know. It's. We got to be 5 hours into this eight hour flight. Eight and a half hour flight. First of all, the weather is so fucking wild that a normally eight, eight hour flight only took 7 hours and 42 minutes because the winds are so strong and so fast up in that stratosphere. Where however, you know, whatever, 5 miles up in the air that it's pushing the plane at an amazing speed. That plane was going like 600 mph, which is crazy. Should be going like 445.

We got it in like 30 minutes. A full 30 minutes early. Just coming from Memphis.

Oh really?

Back to Atlanta?

Yeah, that's crazy. And then it took 10 hours to go the opposite direction because we could only go 400 mph because we're flying against the wind. Crazy. But anyway, we're like number of hours into this flight. Everybody's sleepy, everybody's cranky, everybody's tired, it's dark. You know that kid, some of the kids are sleeping, someone that were just whining. And I'm just sitting there with my earphones on, pretending that I'm listening to something, but I'm really not. I'm just hoping that no one talks to me. Hoping that none of my kids see that I'm awake and I've been watching because I'm right in front of it as people go in and out of the bathrooms. Oh yeah, some people spend a lot of time in there. Some people are very. They're bigger human beings. I can't believe that they can fit in there, but they do. It's just fun to kind of people watching. Watching. Going in out of the bathroom is a bit. You can tell when someone takes a shit because they come out of a bathroom, they close the door instantaneously and then they look around, you know what I'm saying?

And then when they're in there for a while.

Yeah, right. Ten to 15 minutes. But then when it's a normal pee pee, you know, they're in there for a couple minutes, maybe five.

Yeah.

And then they leave the door open. They just get it. They spring out of there like I didn't have to shit today. If we stop the plane, it won't be this way because it's pee pee all the time, you know. Okay, so. But at one point, and by the way, this bulkhead divides the upper classes from the lower classes. The lower classes being me and the upper classes being the comfort seats and the premium seats. Well, the comfort seats, I don't think the premium seats have their own. You know, the first class have their own bathrooms way up front that no one can go to or look at, turn into a stone and die or something like that. I'm not sure. I don't know.

Although I've noticed that people do come up from the other areas to go. A couple times I've flown.

Depends on who the attendant is. And I think they allow those comfort seats sometimes to scoot on up there. Like, you know, the middle bathrooms are taken. But I think under most circumstances, it's only. It's only the pre you only that's reserved for first class. But anyway, a couple of gold plated. Yes, gold plated bathrooms. But at one point I noticed a lady walking up and down the comfort aisle because, you know, kind of sticking out there. And I can see, without much effort, I can see that comfort aisle. I can see a lady walking up and down the comfort aisle. Larger lady, older, maybe in her sixties, kind of disheveled a little bit, wearing what I can only describe as the sweatpantsuit of all sweatpants. But whatever, make yourself comfortable. And she's walking up and down the aisle with bare feet. Bare feet. Now, we already discussed this on the show. We've discussed it a few times. It's a big fucking no no, it is not. Wear no foot apparel on a. On a plane. First of all, it's disgusting for everyone else. Second of all, it's disgusting for you. You know how many times on average, they clean those planes?

Zero. That's how many times they clean those planes. The carpets are blue or brown for a reason, because it hides all the disgustingness that is going on on those carpets. They're disgusting. People go walk into those bathrooms with pee and poop and all that shit all over the floor. Then they walk all over the carpet. You don't want to have anything to do with that. I couldn't believe it. I was mortified. I was like, what is this fucking lady doing? Why does she put on some shoes or at the very least, some socks? At the very.

Yes. Some compression socks or something. You had to have. You had to take your shoes off.

Yes. Socks you can throw away at the very first bathroom you see once you land. Right? But then she does something that I really thought was just something no human being would ever do. She opens the door of the smaller bathroom in the middle seat, the middle area, and she walks in and is in there for ten to 15 minutes. She went in to the bathroom of an airplane that is being used by additional 300 people hours into the flight, barefoot. And she is going to the bathroom in there barefoot. Chrissy. I could not believe my eyes. I could not believe my eyes. It was the most single handed, the single disgusting thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Why? Why would you do that? Do you have no sense in your head? Do you have no comp? This is why this country is in fucking trouble. It's because we are at a point now where people think it's acceptable in any way, shape or form to go into a airport bathroom. Airplane bathroom with zero covering on your stinky ass feet.

Yeah, they probably actually clean the bathrooms in the airport more than they do.

Yeah, the airport bathrooms, no problem.

I've always seen people mopping and wiping.

In Atlanta, there's, like one attendant per bathroom 24 hours a day. They're always in there, you know, doing it. Monitoring my vaping, going on in the bathroom. Monitoring my secret vaping. Before or after a long flight, you know what I'm saying? But this lady went in and then she walks out like that. Like nothing happened. She just walked normal. First of all, she closed the door and she looked around, so I noticed he took a shit. Second of all, what are you thinking? What in the world could possibly be rolling around that thick skull of yours that it would be okay to go to the bathroom in an airplane with nothing but your feet? Chris, name another disgusting thing you ever seen in your life that could top that. Name one.

Yeah, it's bad.

People have had sex with me who have reported less disgust in their faces, who have. Who have a look of less disgust than mine. After I saw that lady come out of the bathroom, that was amazing. Only, oh, Chrissy. I was like. And then Astrid was, like, sleeping over in the corner. But I really wanted to wake her up and alert her. Yeah, look. Meanwhile, so the rest of the flight, anytime anyone had to go to the bathroom on my. I avoided that bathroom altogether because I was like, I'm not gonna be a part of that. I'm not going to be part of that crime that just happened. If the police. If the police want to come and question me about a witness report about that crime, I'll talk. I'll talk. Because there's no hiding that that lady needs to be arrested. I was embarrassed she was going to the same country I was. Yes. I should have taken a picture of her. So if I saw her in Spain, I could have avoided her like the plague. This lady is disgusting. And then, you know, she got out before I did because she was in front of me.

Right.

I wanted to see if she was, like, with somebody. Was there a man or a woman in her life? Is there children in her life?

You have to put shoes back on then over the dirty, bare feet.

Oh, Chrissy.

And.

I mean, are you rubbing your feet with disinfectant when you get back? Maybe that would just lessen the disgust a little bit, like you figure I don't want to ruin a good pair of socks or shoes. So what I'm doing is I'm using my feet because at least I can put disinfectant on them. Do you have rubber gloves? I mean, this, like the whole, I could not get over it. For 2 hours I sat on that plane and wondered what was, what would become of this lady, how her life choices would roll out. Would she fall in love? Would she have, you know, does she have children, the grandchildren coming? Does she live with somebody? Is there any hope for this lady to have a meaningful life? I was so curious about this one lady, I just couldn't get over it for the entire breaker.

Right. As far as a partner goes.

Imagine, yeah, imagine you start dating someone. They say, hey, I want to take you to Paris, first class, all accouterments included. And then you get into that first class seat and you're like, oh, my God. 3 hours into the flight, they get up with their, take their socks off and head to the bathroom. Imagine what would, what would you think?

No. I would say no.

No. I'd have to say no.

Well, this is quite the beginning to your story.

Oh, so much more to come. Stay tuned. Stay tuned. Tomorrow more. I'm sure we'll be talking about this trip for a long time to come. There's massages and weddings and dancing horses. Oh, my.

Now I want to hear about the dancing horse.

Oh, the dancing horses. I mean, I think that's maybe one of the least interesting things that happened on the trip. So I'll tell you more about it. It's funny that christina put out a best of episode about massages. I happened to hear that episode. Listen, when I was in Spain because I love to hear myself when I'm traveling. And I said, oh, that's funny that you just put out a massage episode because I just got one this morning and she said, I knew it. I knew you were going to get a massage inspection. So anyway, thanks to Christina for all her hard work. Thanks to my wife for joining us. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you much. We appreciate it.

More surprises to come.

Thank you, listeners. Yeah, more surprises to come. I'll be going for a procedure later on this week, so hopefully we'll have fresh episodes for you the entire time. But if we don't, I'm probably dead. And thanks for listening.

It's been great. It's been great.

We had a lot of fun. That's right. Cool, cool, cool. Coo, I forgot the phone number. 212832. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. We are taking them all. Send them to us. Hey, we're gonna be doing some special episodes in Christmas time. During Christmas time leading up to Christmas day. I want to know if there's any charities that you feel strongly about. Charities, let me know. Text me. Send an email@tcbpodcast.com. comma the dropdown menu. You can contact us or get your free sticker. Drop down menu says, I want my free sticker. Give us your address. We'll send it to you. No must, no fuss. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok and YouTube.com, they commercial break thanks to Natasha Leggero for being on our show this week. Go check out her show. Are you smarter than a celebrity with Travis? Kelsey okay, Chrissy, guess that's all I can do for today. But I'll tell you that I love you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Christy and I always say, would you say, and we must say goodbye.