Transcript of Everybody Wants This

Here's a comforting thought for you. Somewhere in the world right now, someone's crawling up, getting all cozy, getting ready to go to bed. And the thought of you crossed their mind. And they were hit with such a wave of rage that they've become too dysregulated to fall asleep. On this episode of the Commercial Break. I love tickling the kids. It's like one of the joys.

It's actually considered torture.

Torture? Yeah. They don't seem to mind it.

Well, I'm just saying.

Who considers tickling torture? What in the good fuck are we talking about?

The parenting gurus on Instagram are saying. That Facebook sounds more like a Facebook thing. They're going to comment.

The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now. Yeah, boy. Oh, yeah. Catching Kitten. Welcome back to the Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is a wifey to my husband, Astrid, but Tanya Green. Astrid, hello. Hello, hello. Hello. Welcome back to the studio. I have convinced my incredible wife to come back in the studio and talk with the audience. Such a fan favorite out there. Yeah, right. I swear to God, the women in this... The women... Well, first of all, I surround myself with only women, so that might be one of the reasons why. The audience is mostly women, and then everybody loves the women on this show, and everybody just gives me shit.

Well, I think you're being a little dramatic.

I don't think I'm being dramatic.

Also, it only took you a whole year to invite me back.

Well, that's true. Well, I mean, we do have somebody that we pay to be in that seat. Her name is Kristen Joy only. It is true. This is Chrissy's. This is Chrissy's seat. This is Chrissy's seat. As long as I'll have her and she'll be here, then I guess that's going to be her seat. She did take a considerable amount of time off last year. Right. That's true. We had to make up for. We're now contractually obligated to be here more often than ever, and I'm sure the audience loves it. Esther joining me because October is a wacky month for all of us as as I go deal with some health issues, and there's some travel involved in there. Christie is now probably spending the next seven days recovering from menfo, which I hear went well. I saw the pictures. That's a picture.

Did you? I saw pictures. She posted.

I know. Well, she posted, and then menfo posted.

Very fun pictures. Yeah.

And did you see that Chrissy was actually in one of the reels?

On Saturday- I didn't see like, mempho's pictures. I saw from her personal- From her personal profile? Yeah. She was having fun with some friends there, and it looked good.

So mempho is a big deal, and therefore, they have a videography crew, and I'm sure lots of photographers that run around. It's an actual real festival. It's an actual real festival. Not like a TCB minus in Florida. Not like a TCB Live. Well, if it had ever happened. Right. I saw on the reel, Saturday night, I was thinking to myself, Well, I wonder how Christie's doing. I wonder how Jeff and Christie are doing. I hope the festival is going well. Then, lo and behold, an hour later, a pop's a reel, and the reel is like a mix cut, right, of all these people dancing and music and this. Right smack dab in the middle of the reel is Chrissy dancing in the crowd, double fisting. And I'm like, Oh, there we go. Go Chrissy. Go Chrissy. I wouldn't expect anything less. She did text me to let me know she's alive and that at her age, she doesn't know how much longer she's going to be doing this. I call bullshit. I call she's going to be doing this for a long time to come because it's in her DNA. It's in her DNA to hang out like that.

She can do a four-day party. She doesn't have 27 kids. It is true.

I mean, Chrissy, if it makes you feel better, I'm younger than you are, and I can probably handle a lot less than you do.

Esther and I went to a wedding. Tina's wedding, actually. We went to Tina's wedding, and they were serving up some punch. What was that? Like a- Oh, no, it was I think it's sangria.

Yeah, it's sangria.

But I don't know if it was technically sangria.

Oh, it was Greek sangria, I remember.

With Uso. Didn't it have uzo in it? No. It didn't have uzo in it?

I thought it had uzo. I thought it had uzo. No, I had something with mango, was it?

Mango, uzo. I don't know. But Anyway, it was a strong punch.

No, because sangria is wine and juice. That's sangria.

Wine and juice. But I think they were pouring some uzo in.

The Greek version, they put some mango juice.

I don't know. Anyway, whatever. The point is- It was delicious. It was strong. It was good. I tasted just a little bit of it. I was driving, and I don't really drink anyway.

I don't drink. I drank one and I was drunk.

I know. Esther gets in the car and she goes, I'm drunk. And I go, Good, I'm getting lucky. I'm getting lucky, and lucky means everyone's going to go to bed early in my house. Congratulations to Tina, by the way, who got married. I don't think we mentioned that on air. Our good friend Tina, lovely human being married to another lovely- I mean, people here know her.

She's been a guest host.

Of course, she's been a guest host. She's helped out with it. She's really been on board with the commercial break since day one, I feel like. I think she's an OG commercial break lover. There you go. I wanted to ask you a question. What exactly is it that you... Yes, you. What is it exactly that you're watching at night while I'm here in the studio pretending like I'm working?

Oh, God. Well, this weekend, I got hooked with Nobody Wants This.

Is that the show about the podcast?

Yes. It's like an actual true story. Again, this is not an actual fact because I'm in this show, but it's something like the creator. Sorry about facts. Yeah, the creator or the director of the show That's her true life story.

She had a podcast.

She has a podcast to this day with- What is the name of the podcast? Oh, I have no idea. Okay. I didn't dig that deep about it. But whatever the show, it's about a rabbi played by Adam Brody.

Adam Brody.

And Kristen Bell, who played this girl that has a sex- Therapy podcast? Yeah, it's not therapy. It's just like she talks about- Sex advice. It's basically like lifestyle podcast, but they do have a lot of sex and dating conversations. Okay. Yeah, it's about how both of them fall in love and him being a rabbi and a Jewish family and all of that. It was fun. I mean, honestly, I don't know much about Jewish in-depth, about the religion. It was just It was interesting, and it was a very cute love story. They have a big chemistry on screen, so that's my jam.

The girl falls in love with the rabbi? Right. The one difference that I do know- With the hot rabbi.

I'm not saying this. This is how they call him in the show. Oh, hot rabbi. Which is true being the actor who plays it.

Adrian Brody?

Adam.

Adam Brody. So not Adrian Brody.

You know, back from The O-C?

I know. I have no fucking clue about The O-C. Don't ask me about The The only thing I remember about The OC, is it Misha Barton that was in that show? I think so, yes. Okay. There was a lot of trouble around that whole... That was only on for one season, wasn't it? Two seasons? I don't remember.

I didn't actually watch it.

Okay. I thought that was your age group, The OC.

Yeah, well, a little bit, yes. I was actually younger.

I was more 90210. I'm 12, 13 years old, then 90210 comes out. You're like a boomer. I don't know.

I'm a millenn.

I don't know if I would call myself a boomer. I think I'm a Gen Xer is what I am. Actually, technically, I think I'm a Gen Xer.

Yeah, it has actually come through the last couple of days.

Esther and I are watching-It's been showing. Thank you, baby. It's my parathyroid. It's on fire. It's making me feel old. That's what they say about the hyperparathyroidism is a lot of people will say, I felt like I got old overnight because of the way that it makes you feel, like brain fog and tired and icky bones. Anyway, I don't want to talk about that all episode long. We've already spent enough time on it. But what I was going to say is Aster and I are watching Love is Blind the other day. Yes. We're watching the first episode, first, second episode. In the episode, it's all pod episodes, right? You've seen Love is Blind. Everyone's seen Love is Blind. They're in their pod. Yeah, they're in their pod's face. They're in their pod's face. They're trying to get to know each other. There's a couple, and both of the people- Well, weird enough.

Sorry to interrupt you. It's like people dress up to go in the...

It's like no one- I was telling Asteradat.

I was like, no one Why? I guess they actually do it for the cameras. Of course, maybe. Because they know it's a TV show. But it's like some of these girls take it to the whole next... I'm like, Honey, no one... He's not actually seeing you. So why are you so worried?

He's not seeing you. And what does It doesn't matter what the other girls think because they're not going to... No one has physical interaction with each other. The males and the females don't have any physical interaction with each other unless they actually get to that moment where they meet each other. And in that case, of course, you get fucking dressed up or if you're out at the resort.

Yeah, but I think it's like, they also take this show, I feel like, and I'm not saying they're a bad person at all. It has nothing to do with this, but it's like an audition, like a life audition. Of course it is. Because afterwards, we already know, most of them become big influencers, models, actors, whatever.

I think that's the problem with a lot of these reality shows that become big hits in society is that while you... You know, nick Lachet is always calling it The Experiment, well, it's not an experiment anymore. Not really, yeah. Maybe the first season it was an experiment, maybe, because you still know you're going to be on a television show and you're still auditioning for a television show. These people take this way seriously. My opinion is, is that no matter how earnestly you want to find love, you are definitely also wanting to be famous. You don't put all your bullshit out there and open yourself up for that criticism and ridicule and investigation and trolling. You don't do that unless you have a real desire to be in the limelight. I'm not saying that's wrong. Look at me. I have a fucking show and I can't put myself out there. I'm not throwing stones in a glass house. But I don't believe that there are many of those people that are earnestly just looking for love. Yeah, of course not.

Because also there's no guarantee you're actually going to find love. Even though some of them have been actually successful marriages, it actually seems like they did find love. There's no guarantee. I think there are more couples that have broken up than the ones that have stayed together.

I think that there is a 10% success rate on that show about couples that have stayed together long term. I don't know what the actual number is.

Is this scientific information?

Yeah, it's scientific information in my hypercalcified brain. I'm going to assume 10%, because there's one couple every season that seems to make it, and that's it, except for the first season.

It's Is that normally the first one that gets engaged. It's like the one that shows- Serendipitously gets together. There's always that one couple. They like each other very much from the very beginning. Or that's the way they edit.

I think It's that couple. There's always one couple each season that it feels like they were meant to be there in that moment to find each other. I love seeing that moment. I think that's great. Regardless of what their intentions are as far as fame is concerned, there is real something going on.

So now you understand why I like romance.

I love romance, too. I said I love that first story. I'm not going to give it away because I don't know if people watch it yet, but I love that first story. I love seeing real love blossom. But unlike that real love on that television show that's all Honey Moon-ish and all that stuff, Astrid and I are laying in bed in a sweet moment- Well, we have our pillow talk. Holding hands, watching Love is Blind, and all of a sudden, they show these two people in a pod, and they're both wearing white Converse shoes. And Astrid turns to me, she goes, Why don't you wear white Converse shoes? You're such an old man. You don't wear white Converse shoes. And I'm like, What the fuck? I'm just sitting here watching Love is Blind. Why all of a sudden am I getting attacked for not wearing white Converse shoes in this moment? And they said, Listen, I was wearing Converse shoes before you even thought. I was wearing Converse shoes, but they were out of style for a while.

But then that was your argument. Well, first of all, I didn't specify they had to be white.

Okay.

I just said Converse shoes. Okay, Converse shoes. And then you went and said, Well, they're out of style, blah, blah. I used Converse when I was- They were out of style. 18, two centuries ago. I'm like, Yeah, I know, but they came back.

Did you wear jelly shoes as a child? No. You didn't wear jelly shoes? No. You never wore jelly shoes? No. Okay. Name a fad or a trend that you had when you were young, pre-teen, teenager, 13, 14 years old, that you just couldn't get away from.

Like, fated jeans.

Faded jeans. Okay. Faded jeans.

How do you call it?

The big bellbottoms? Yes. Bellbottoms were a thing when I was a kid, too.

Oh, and also low...

Yeah, hip riders. Hip riders.

It was a big thing. I don't know why.

Why aren't you wearing hip riders right now? Why aren't you wearing your fated bellbottom jeans with hip riders?

Well, in reality, because I don't have the body I had when I was 12. Stop. None of us have the body we had when we were 12. Also, I don't really know why they even exist. I don't think they even look good on models. No.

No, they're- It's awful.

It's super uncomfortable, too. They're a late '90s thing. You sit down and it's like your- Butt crack shows.

Yeah. Okay, so there's the same thing.

But not with Converse.

That's not- But listen to me. Those fated jeans and those bell bottoms are back. Have you seen these mom jeans? You have a pair of mom jeans.

I wore one one time. Even you were like, Oh, no. No, honey, no.

It did not look good. I was like, Oh, babe. That's like mom, mom. That's like your mom's mom. That's It's like you're trying to hide, trying to steal sausage from the grocery store, hiding. Listen, here's my point. My point is that everything old becomes new again. And just because I didn't jump on the Converse trend five years ago when it started coming back, doesn't mean I'm not hip. It just means I don't currently have a pair of Converse.

No, but then you started going like, Well, I can't afford a pair of Converse.

I didn't say I couldn't afford a pair of Converse.

You made it sound like I'm telling you to go buy good Gucci sneakers or something. It's like, Okay, well, 50 bucks. That's pretty normal shoe price.

Listen, my love, my love. See, this is what this guy from Love Is Blind has to look forward to. It's all shits and giggles in those pods. And then your wife starts telling you you look ugly because you're not wearing Converse shoes currently.

In that line of thought, you know what I read today? What? I mean, I'm not sure if this would be considered a fun fact, but that on every first date, the first 10 minutes are lies.

All lies.

All lies. Because it's just two people trying to make each other comfortable. That's right. I feel like that's what the pods are in Love is Blind. It's just all lies.

It's 10 days of all lies. It's 10 days of all lies.

If you think about it, it's almost like haters behind a screen or just with a keyword. You feel confident enough to just say whatever. I think that's what happened in the pods. All of a sudden, well, of course, they're more vulnerable and they cry and they laugh. According to the show, they make it look like they're showing their true selves.

Yes.

But I don't know that's 100% true, especially when they know they're on a TV show where all of this is going to be displayed.

Here's something interesting that I noticed about this particular season of Love is Blind. Some of these guys immediately addressed things that I don't think in seasons past they would have addressed. One guy said, I voted for Trump, then I voted for Biden when I found out.

Well, he was like, So my dad is very Republican, and last election, I voted for Trump. He qualified. Almost if he could see her face, and all of a sudden he started like, But in the most recent I thought about it.

To his credit, he said he made a very ill-informed or a misinformed decision about voting for Trump. Now, this isn't a knock on Trump voters. I'm just sharing what he actually said on the show. And then he explain that he found out through one of these DNA services that he had always thought that he was white, but he was only 0.3% European, and the rest of him was African. Anyway, here's the point. There was another guy who said, Hey, I'm I admit I've cheated. There was another guy who said something about a past relationship that didn't work out, but it was toxic for both of us. Here's why I believe that they're saying that, not because they're trying to be truthful right up front, but because they know that the people out in the audience are going to dig in their past. Some girl, some past relationship, if it's a girl, some past relationship.

Oh, yeah, they're going to come.

Yes, they're going to come out. They don't want any surprises. They want to say it right out front. But I do believe, I don't think that the first 10 minutes are lies. I think the first 10 minutes, we're trying to feel each other out, and we're manipulating the conversation to be favorable for everybody. So I don't know if it's like- Fair enough. Yeah, I don't think you say like, Oh, I'm only 22 years old when I'm 36 years old. I don't think you say like, I'm 6'8 when I'm 6'1. I think you just try and you're really softening the edges to make sure that... Here's the reality.

But that's honestly why even in relationship, this is a very, of course, personal opinion, but it almost like you really don't get to know the person 100% in reality until you actually live with them. Oh, for sure. Because it's like that's when you start really seeing all this, the quirks of what they really like or don't like or how they go by on a day-to-day basis, where just dating, it's like, only if you really have deep conversations.

I don't even think that works.

But like, right.

Yeah. You don't really know somebody until you They sleep with them, and they take up the entire bed, and they sweat all night long. Here's why I actually don't think you know somebody until you live with them. Because we are all by nature. The Japanese say, I was watching that show Shogun, and they were saying that men have three hearts. They have the heart in their mouth, that's the one they show the world. They have their heart in their chest. That's the one they only give to the friends and the ones they love. Then they have a heart deep down that is only for themselves. Everyone has some part of them that they don't give up. But if you live with someone, it's hard not to see that part that they don't give up.

It's almost like the same. You know how people say, when you travel, even not in romantic relationship, but travel with a friend, and then it's like you really are testing if that's a true friendship? It's because, and it happened to me, even when I was 15 years old, you really travel for a period of time with someone and spending every single day with them doing stuff, picking where you're going to eat and all of that. Then you start like, Oh, I thought she was my friend.

I thought she was my friend.

I thought we had things in common.

She only tips 5%. The other thing is that Dr. Phil said this, and not the world's biggest Dr. Phil fan, even though he did a good job reading our commercials for us.

Not the most fan, but I do know everything he says.

Yeah, I'm not the I'm the biggest fan of his, but I do have a few of his platitudes that he has shouted out over the years. One of them is spend a week with someone while they have the flu or while they're sick, then you will really get to know them because we show the ugliest side of us when we don't feel well. I think that's true. I think that when you don't feel well, everything goes out the window and it's like your true self. I'm so surprised you're still with me because I've been sick for the last two years and you still haven't left me. Well, we do have 23 kids, so what am I going to do?

Well, I'm still waiting so that you to reach that time where I can drop you off at the senior living facility.

At the Villages down in Florida, Christie and I down at the Villages. Right. Asha's waiting for the commercial break to pay off. The passage, yeah. She was hoping that Kamala Harris was going to choose to come to the commercial break instead of call her Daddy.

Right. I'm sure that was a big debate within the team. Should we send her to call her Daddy or to the commercial break?

To be honest and to be fair, I sent invitations to both candidates, and neither of them responded. That's why I got Austin, NASA, to come in.

That's why you got me instead.

All right, let's take a break, and we'll be back. Esther's got a good idea. We should talk about some fun facts that no one knows, like Surprising Facts. I think that's a good idea. Surprising Facts, not about us because you already know everything about me. But all right, we'll be back. We'll take a break.

My darlings, my angels, my sweet little cherubs, it's that time again where I try to convince you to follow us on Instagram at the Commercial Break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. We really don't post that much, so it's no skin off your nose. If you'd like to get in touch with us directly, you can text us or call us and leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3 TCB. You know we are just sitting by the phone waiting with baited breath for you to call. So please leave us an ask TCB and we'll give you some mildly concerning advice. Peace and blessings.

This episode is sponsored in part by Zbiotics. Zbiotics, pre-alcohol. Let's face it, most of us are not 21 years old, partying like we used to. We have to make the choice between a great night or a great morning after. At least that's what we thought, Christie and I, until we tried pre-alcohol. I don't drink a whole bunch anymore, and I was on the fence about this one. But a few weeks ago, Esther and I went out for some drinks for my birthday. The pre-alcohol was sitting on the counter, and I decided, why not give it a try? And let me tell you, pre-alcohol is the real deal. Zbiotics, pre-alcohol probiotic drink, is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. This was invented by PhD scientists to tackle rough mornings after drinking. Let me tell you how it works. When you drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in your gut. It's this byproduct, not dehydration, that's to blame for your rough next morning. But pre-alcohol produces an enzyme to break this byproduct down. You just need to remember to make Zbiotics your first drink of the night. Drink responsibly, and then you're going to feel your best tomorrow.

I kept hearing about pre-alcohol, and I wondered, what is it actually like? Now that I've tried it, I get why everyone is talking about it. And with their GMO technology, Zbiotics is continuing to invent probiotics that will help the everyday challenges of modern living. So go to zbiotics. Com/commercial to learn more and get 15% off your first order when you use that code commercial at checkout. Zbiotics is backed by a 100% money back guarantee. So if you're unsatisfied for any reason, they will refund your money, no questions asked. All you have to do is head to zbiotics. Com com/commercial, and use that code commercial at checkout for the 15% off. Thank you, Zbiotics, for being a sponsor of a wonderful morning after drinks and of the Commercial Break. For the past three seasons of gone south, we've covered one story per season. We tried to figure out who killed Margaret Coon.

She told me, I'm going to kill you.

I said, Well, do it, bitch. Go ahead and do it. We delved into the violent world of the Dixie Mafia.

I'm an outlaw, and I was a thief, but I'm far from being the psychotic nutcase that I've been made out to be.

And we tracked a serial killer in Laredo, Texas. Just turn around, please. Turn around. Now, Gone South is back for a fourth season, but this time, we're doing things a little differently. So in Gone South Season 4, we'll be bringing you news stories every week with no end in sight. I'm Jed Lepinsky. Welcome back to Gone South, an Odyssey original podcast. Listen and follow now on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts for new episodes every week. All right, we're back. Astrid tells me that she has some surprising facts she thinks I need to know about life and the love and the pursuit of happiness. And so go ahead, Astrid. Your segment, take it away. Oh my God. Giving up control of the... The only woman in my life that can just bowl me over.

You know we all have... I mean, almost every household has a hallucinogen. Is that how you say it?

Hallucinogen? Yeah.

In their pantries.

Oh, well, I should have taken it out given that we had children, but I'm sorry I left the- No.

I'm sorry I left the ketamine in. It's nutmeg. Nutmeg is that high.

Oh, nutmeg is a hallucinogen.

I had no idea.

Baby, this is crazy. Did you know that there are kids? There was a TikTok challenge going around for a while, kids to be like a whole thing of nutmeg to get high? Oh, yeah. And there were children who died, died because they were eating a whole thing of nutmeg. It's like eating a whole cinnamon.

Look, it said what I- Whole can of cinnamon. What I read, it's like, Nutmeg has hallucinogenic effects that one consume large amounts. You can have symptoms like mild to intense hallucinations, disorientation, giddiness, stupor.

Stupor, yeah.

Euphoria and feelings of levitation.

Levitation. Okay, next time Reggie Watts comes on, we're eating the Nutmeg. I'm calling Reggie right away. All right, I have a surprising fact for you. You want me to throw one at you? Mm-hmm. Okay. Due to the brain being able to monitor your every movement and anticipation of upcoming sensations, you are unable to tickle yourself. I don't think that that's true.

It is true.

You You don't think you can tickle your own feet? No. When you tickle your own feet, it doesn't tickle?

Yeah, no. It is true. I don't know.

I think this is a little bit false. I think I can tickle my own feet. No, you cannot tickle. I'm not going to do it here on the commercial break. No one wants to see my feet. Well, you can see me as a- You can quickly, you know. Well, no, I can't tickle under my arm pits. But I'm not very ticklish in the first place.

Look, no. It is true. I don't know.

I feel like if I was to put my foot... Like when I'm in the shower and I'm doing all my 3,000 rituals. For three hours long. Yeah, my three hour long. My three hour long stay away from the children.

And wife.

And wife. When I do that, you know that... What do they call that thing? The pumace? Yeah. That stone that you rub on your feet to make it smooth? I feel like when I rub that certain ways, it tickles my feet.

Yeah, okay, but you're now... Oh, my gosh. You're breaking the statement. You're using a tool. That doesn't count. It's you yourself with your hands.

Well, it doesn't say you can't use a tool. It just says you can't tickle It didn't say you couldn't use something to tickle yourself.

How do you tickle somebody? So when you're going to tickle the kids, you actually go to the bathroom, grab your pumas.

Yes, I grab the pumas.

I'm like, Kids, I'm going to tickle you. That's not how you tickle somebody.

Okay, all right. Fair enough. I do feel like if I scratch my feet are so sensitive, I feel like if I tickled my feet in a certain way, then I would actually tickle myself. I don't think this is true.

I think it is true. It's a scientific fact. I actually can state that you cannot tickle yourself, even though you're saying that you can.

Okay, well, I'm going to try it later and we'll see what happens. Okay.

And I want to record it for an Instagram read. Oh, no, no, no. So people start following on Instagram.

Lots of people follow us on Instagram. No one follows us on Instagram. That Instagram is miserable.

Yeah, but I wonder why would be the... Why? What's the point on us not being able to tickle ourselves? Is it for safety purposes?

Because our brain... No. I I think what they're stating, I think, this is another hypercalcified statement coming out of my brain. I think what they're saying is your body already anticipates your own movements and your own sensation. You know, at a certain age, probably 10, if you grab your arm, you know what that sensation is going to feel like, and you anticipate it before it even happens. It's just like watching a needle go into your arm. You already know what that feels like. There's no surprise.

Right. There's no point to...

Yeah. I love tickling the kids. It's like one of the joys.

It's actually considered torture.

Torture? Yeah. They don't seem to mind it.

Well, I'm just saying.

Who considers tickling torture? What in the good fuck are we talking about?

The parenting gurus on Instagram are saying. Facebook. Sounds more like a Facebook thing. They're going to comment you.

Okay. All right.

I'm done with it. You got to stop once the kid says, No more. At first. At the first, no more point. Okay.

We have one particular child who says, Stop, stop, stop. And then the second you stop, says, Do it again. Do it again. I think that it's hard to read a three-year-old or a four-year-old and what their intentions are based on that. All right, give me another surprising fact, and I'll make a decision about whether or not I'm going to continue to torture our children. Hold on.

This was... Okay. In some places, dying is illegal. Isn't that ridiculous? Dying?

Give me a place where dying is illegal.

I'll give you more information. Yes. In Italy, since March of 2012, it has been illegal to die in Falciano Del Masico. The current mayor issued a legal decree stating, It is forbidden with immediate effect to all citizens, residents in the municipality of Falciano Del Masico, and to whoever passes by its territory to cross to cross the border of earthly life and to enter the afterlife.

What? What?

Wait, what?

Okay, hold on. Do they have a problem with people coming there and committing haricari or something? Offing themselves, unaliving themselves, as the kids would say?

It says then that this decree was issued because the communes cemetery is currently full and the disease must It must be buried. Buried? Buried. Buried in the nearby town of Mondragón. And apparently, I read a little bit more on this because I thought that was actually funny. How can you make... And what happens also? Okay, I died there. What they're going to do? Sue the death?

Well, no, they sue your- The deceased?

They're going to sue them?

Well, I actually think I know about this. What they do is if you die there, then your family has to pay to have you FedEx, shipped to another location.

To where it's legal to die. Yes, you have to pay for UPS next day. Also in Norway, there's multiple places around the world. What? But these are two I read about.

But you and I have been to Europe a lot, right?

But not to this place.

No, not to this place. Just follow me on this. We've been to Europe a lot, and we've been to Italy. Italy is a country, like a lot of other countries in Europe, that is really saturated with a lot of open space, punctuated by very tight villages. Villages that are essentially everybody's on top of each other, essentially. But those villages can be tiny. They could be like half a mile long, and then everything's right around that main street, and that's it. How could they run out of space for a cemetery? There's not another place for a cemetery? There's not one more place for a cemetery?

I don't know how big that town is. I don't know.

I have no idea. You need to find the information because now I'm all concerned.

Well, the other place, it's a Norwegian town, but it's actually an archipelago. So it's like a very small island. Okay, that's a different story. That it's halfway between Norway and the North Pole.

Oh.

And it has frozen ground. It's actually very interesting, the reason why. It is so called that dying has been illegal there since 1950, when locals discovered that bodies weren't decomposing in the cemetery because of the frigid weather.

Okay, that I can I understand. Do you know why... We've been to New Orleans one time, right? Yes. Okay, remember we went by some of those cemeteries and everyone's up off the ground and they're in those caskets that are sitting up off the ground? Because it floods. Because it floods. And when it floods, the bodies come floating up. Actually, during Hurricane Katrina, which was terrible, they had bodies that were coming out of the ground, which is just awful to think about. But that I can understand. If you can't bury someone because they don't decompose because the ground is frozen, and then every once in a while, the body just- That's a scientific reasoning behind it.

But still, to me, it's just-Silly. Silly. The statement of like, okay, what if somebody dies in there? What happens then? What are the consequences of doing something illegal, like dying?

There's no consequences of dying. Never thought dying was illegal. Dying is the one thing that is consequence-free. It might hurt for the people around you, but it's consequence-free to you, I assume, because nothing happens after that. I mean, or depending on what you believe.

Depending on what you believe.

Depending on what you believe.

You could go to hell.

Oh, I'm definitely going to hell. Well, actually, I think I'm going to heaven because I saved Peaches. I think Peaches is my one ticket.

Good thing you brought this up. Why do you tell your listeners that the squirrel was named Peaches? That's not how we named her.

You named it Peaches. Peach.

One. Not Peaches.

Peach?

Yeah, and I told you.

Babe, Peach is not a name.

The kids and I- Hey, Peaches.

No. Peaches is the name. That's how...

A name is a name. People name their kids Storm and North and South and whatever. Oh, I know. Trust me. Okay, well, that's not a name to me.

Take a vote. I want to hear 2124333TCB. No, say it on Instagram. Peaches or Peach. Well, I already said it on Instagram. It's Peaches. I called it Peaches.

No, I mean ask people to DM us on Instagram.

All right, DM us on Instagram because Astrid wants to increase engagement on Instagram. You're always thinking about the show, and I do appreciate that. But Peaches is a better name, and I already named it on Instagram. No, it's Peaches. Okay, it's It's already out there for the world to see peaches. And by the way, peaches is- But Peaches is multiple. It's plural. I know it's multiple peaches, but we're not talking about the fruit.

We're talking about a fruit. In my Spanish speaking brain, that doesn't even make sense. It's like if you were called Brian's.

Well, it could be called Brian's. No. You can call me Brian. All right, let me tell you a fun fact. Ready? Okay. Okay, here we go. Oh, I had it. One second. Okay, here it is. Before becoming arguably the world's most famous rapper, Kanye West worked as a telemarketer. As a telemarketer.

What is like people who call you selling stuff?

Yes, who call you trying to sell you stuff, trying to convince you to buy some shitty product, your car insurance, your warranty is out.

But why is this a fun fact?

It's a fun fact. I don't think you Did you know?

No, I didn't know for sure, but I don't find it really surprising.

I find it surprising that Kanye West managed to do anything before he became a rapper. Have you seen him and his girlfriend running around Italy? Him and his whatever they are, Bianca Sourisci?

Yeah, I saw a picture today on Instagram, and I actually don't know, actually, information, but I saw a picture. And honestly, I think she really looks so much like Kim Kardashian, like her face. I don't know. I saw the picture and I was like, wow, she really looks like Kim.

I get the comparisons.

I really do.

There is an essence that is very Kim K-ish. But I actually think Bianca is prettier than Kim Kardashian. For sure, by a mile.

Well, she doesn't have as many fillers. Oh my God, that Kim Kardashian. My opinion, that's what I thought. Listen, no shame if you use fillers, and that's why you... That's fine. It's up to you. But I just, personally, I find it that when it's not too...

I have this Our Instagram algorithm is on spot. I mean, it is so hot. I love our Instagram. When I'm scrolling through reels, I'll oftentimes get reels with one view.

By on spot, you mean like crazy ridiculous?

Yes, crazy ridiculous. Well, that's what I want. I want crazy ridiculous. I don't want to see what everybody else is seeing. I want to see the people out there. There's a lot of unwell people out there, and I want to see what they're doing on Instagram. But there's this one... I don't know how this came into our algorithm, but now I'm fascinated by it. There's this one doctor who is... Hundreds of thousands of followers, was a former Botox filler user herself, and she's a plastic surgeon. Now she is doing nothing but talking about the dangers and the downsides of fillers and Botox and other things like that. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't or you should Botox babies. She's talking a lot about filler babies, kids, children, 16, 17, 18 years old, that their parents are allowing them to go get Botox to get these fillers to make them look better, and the negative side effects it's now having, like how the fillers move around your face.

You are putting some chemicals in your body.

She keeps showing these nightmare stories and these nightmare pictures, and it's really fucking scary. And it makes me go, Maybe I just get old. Maybe I'm just going to get old. Maybe that's okay.

I think I'm okay with that. Okay, despite it being, of course, an external thing that you put into your body, I think I'm okay with people who do Botox and stuff just to as a skincare routine, to prevent deep wrinkles and that stuff. I just personally don't find actual fillers, people who inject their lips and make them look like- Balloons. Balloons. I don't find that- Speaking-attractive.

She's been saying how Botox, first of all, is a neurotoxin, so it's very dangerous to you. But second of all, can actually work against you when it comes to those wrinkles because of the way that Botox works. It basically paralyzes the muscle.

Yeah, but it wears off, my understanding.

It wears off. But when it wears off, apparently over time, those wrinkles become worse and worse, and you need more neurotoxin in order to kill it. It's just like it's a never-ending cycle. That some people- It makes sense. Yeah. That some people have such bad reactions to Botox that it's scary. It's like Russian roulette. It's not a game worth playing. Now, that's her personal opinion, and I get it. Speaking of fillers, have you seen those two girls that were on 90 Day Fiance, D. R. C. And Stacey? D'arci and Stacey. Have you seen them lately?

Irrecognizable.

Unrecognizable. Unrecognizable. That is- Oh, yeah.

I said it in Spanish.

You said in Spanish. Yeah, but that was cute actually.

In Spanish, it's irreconocible.Yeah, irreconocible.

What did you say?

Irrecognisible.

What?

Unrecognizable.

Okay, say it again.

I'm going to learn it.Irreconocible.Irreconocible?

Mm-hmm.irreconocible?yup.oh, okay. Look at me. I'm learning Spanish here.Look.

At you. You're improving your R pronunciation in Spanish.I.

Used to be good at it, and then I lost it, and now I'm getting it back again.It's.

Hard are you Americans to pronounce our R's?

Yeah, it wasn't hard for me at first, and then it got hard when I tried to do it, but.

Yeah.

Okay, we're going to go see if it's illegal to die in dog world here and where we live, and we'll be back in a few minutes. That fucking dog. What are we going to do about that dog, babe? I don't know.

Maybe we should give it away on a- As a prize? Tcb, yeah.

Yeah, we're going to do a TCB raffle. Blue. If you want thousands of dollars worth of medical bills.

We'll sponsor. No, we'll sponsor the vet bills and the food.

Oh, I'd happily pay the vet bills. The thing is, I cannot, for the life of me, think about harm or the dog not being here. Do you know what I'm saying? At the end of the day, when I- Well, I do think you can. I can. I can imagine life without her, but I can't imagine the process of... We've talked about this. Yeah, I know. Me too. I feel the same. I can't think about the process of giving her away. My mind won't let me go there.

Well, listen, maybe we can do some therapy about that.

Okay. Therapy is never a bad thing. All right, let's take a break and we'll be back.

I know this sounds crazy because we are a podcast But we have a phone number because we are also a sendy and AI chatbot being designed to receive compliments and content ideas at 212-433-3TCB. So crazy how that works. If you want to follow us on Instagram, our handle is at the Commercial break, and our TikTok handle is @tcbpodcast. So go find our profile and watch the videos we painstakingly put together for you and our 20 other followers. If you find yourself wanting more, check out our website at tcbpodcast. Com, because you can find all of audio and full-length video episodes. And if you just do all of those things, we will love you forever. Bye.

Okay, long running has been the debate in this house. Not a debate, but a conversation going on. It becomes apparently clear when you have a mixed-race family or a mixed-heritage family, let's put it that way. When you're in a mixed family- Multiculture. Multiculture. When you are in a multicultural relationship, You start to understand that there clearly are differences based on where you happen to be born, where the universe put you when you first came here. One of those things is humor. Humor is different for everybody around the world. What's funny in Amsterdam may not be funny here in the United States. What's funny in England may not be funny here in the United States. Certainly, what's funny in Venezuela is different than what's funny here in Georgia. I would like to now conduct an experiment, live here on air, where I'm going to tell Astrid the base of the base jokes, what we would consider just the meat and potato jokes of the United States.

Also, a question. Yes.

Answer.

Oh, did you say dad jokes?

I didn't say dad jokes. Oh, sorry. But go ahead. Well, I was going to say that I think the meat and potatoes of jokes where we all start to learn, not all of us, but most of us start to learn some sense of humor, are the silly jokes that are patriarchal in the family. Your grandfather, your uncle, your dad, the guy next door, if that was how you grew up, strangely, that the guy next door was telling you jokes. Some dude saying stupid jokes that were not supposed to be funny, but ended up being funny. Dad jokes. It's a thing.

They're funny because they're so bad.

They're so bad. They're funny. They're funny.

But why? Yes. I think this... Just the title Dad Jokes, shows a cultural difference, per se. Because why you guys named it Dad jokes. It's like you're being nice about it. You know how we call them in Spanish, in Sanita? Bad jokes. It's like...

Umar Meyanda.

We're up front about it.

Umar Meyanda.

Right. We're just like, they're bad jokes.

They're bad jokes.

Bad jokes are bad jokes. Also, why dad... Okay, so a mom cannot say a bad joke?

No, you're not understanding. Here's the premise, right? The premise is- But it's more- It's like a cultural thing. It's passed down from dad wearing long shorts and white socks hiked up to his calves to dad's to dad wearing. You've seen those commercials, like their prudential commercials or something, Don't become your parents. Have you seen those commercials where the guy is trying to convince people not to become their parents by talking about the weather. It's the same premise is that for some reason, all fathers in the United States start telling these silly, corny jokes in an effort to connect with their children, to be impressive to the friends of the children. I don't know. It's just something that happens to us. We all of a sudden start telling these baseline jokes. At least I had my grandfather used to do this. My other grandfather used to do this. My dad, on occasion, would do this. He's not really a joke guy, but on occasion, he would come up with a bad joke. Oncles used to do it. I mean, just older gentlemen, I remember saying these silly, lame, stupid jokes that were clearly silly and not all that funny in moment, but it always seemed to come from the males in the family, the older males in the family, especially when I was young, young, like under the age of 13 years old.

I don't know. I guess a lot of people had that experience, and that's why they call it dad jokes. But you're right. It could just be called bad jokes, and that would be it, too. But what I'd like to do is conduct an experiment where I give you a number of dad jokes, and I'm going to see if I can make you laugh with these dad jokes. These dad jokes are well known. They're well worn. I think one or two of them is going to make you pop. Are you ready?

Okay.

Okay. What do you call a fake noodle?

A fake noodle.

An impasta. Okay. How do you make an artichoke?

You choke the...

You strangle it. See? Okay, don't think about it too much. Don't get too cerebral on me. We're going to ruin the whole segment. Why did the tomato blush? I don't know. Because it saw the salad dressing. Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?

Because they have special powers.

Because they're such fungies.

Fun, guys?

Yes. What did one plate whisper to the other plate?

Hmm.

Dinner is on me.

It's so silly.

Did you hear about the famous pickle? No. He was a big dill. What do you call a nosy pepper? Oh, wait, hold on one second. I lost that one.

A nosy pepper. Yes.

What do you call a nosy pepper?

A ladding?

Hold on one second.

Because we're very nosy.

Well, that's true. You are. Jalapeno business. Okay, hold on one second. I have another.

I think I don't even understand that one.

I don't understand that one either. But I thought it was funny. Why do April showers bring May flowers? Oh, April showers bring May flowers. But what do May flowers bring? I don't know. Pilgrims. How do you make a tissue dance?

A tissue dance?

You put a boogie in it. What is a funny mountain called? Hilarious.

Oh, my God. But you did also found the actual worst.

I found the worst of the worst. There's a bad- There's a bad. Yes.

Okay.

What do you call a song about a tortilla? A rap song? The child refused to nap. She was found guilty of resisting arrest. I actually think that's really funny. Why is it bad to iron a four-leaf clover? I don't know. You never want press your luck.

Oh, my God.

What keys unlock a banana? Monkeys. What's blue and doesn't weigh much?

Our dog.

Light blue. The color? Yes. Where did you... What happened to the frog that parked illegally? It got towed.

I feel like I'm boring the listeners because I don't laugh.

Yeah, you don't find these funny, do you? No. Okay, tell me, you have a Venezuelan.

I have just one for you. It's not Venezuelan. It's a dad joke. It's a dad joke. But I just found it very pop culture-appropriate.

Okay, go.

Hold on. I don't know about here. Okay. My son asked me to stop singing Oasis songs in public. I said maybe.

Okay, that's terrible. That is terrible, babe. That is really bad.

I thought that was cute.

Are there any Venezuelan jokes? No, no, no. You don't have any of those one-liner, set-up punchline jokes?

I tried that, but translating a joke kills it. It's really difficult. Kills a joke. It really does. And you were saying it is true, like humor. It's very cultural-related because I feel like humor around the world It's based mainly in our... I'm not sure if this is a word in English, but I'm going to try. Like idiosynchrosis?

Yes, in our idiosyncrasies.

So it's very particular I mean, even within countries, within regions, depending on how big inner cultural difference are in some countries. But so I think that's part of it. And honestly, it's It's a common... I do have a lot of friends that are also immigrants, not here in the US, but all around the world. And that's when we always talk about this. And you find, if you were to immigrate to Japan, I'm sure you The humor you would consume would be mainly American humor. You would be on YouTube watching the comedians you like. And it's weird. And listen, that's not to say that I can... I've gone to plenty of comedy shows with you here, with Americans, and I do laugh. I do find it funny. But there are some jokes always, and you know this, in every single show, there are parts of the shows that it's almost like, I don't get it, but I just don't get it because I wasn't born and raised here.

It's just, I don't know, it's just different. There's an old saying that all real estate is local or all politics is local. I actually think that all humor is local. I agree. I think if you really want to get to know a culture, know the comedians in that culture, know their comedy, and then you can really understand because this is so true. This is a very flat, blunt example because it's in its timely example. A Trump joke might not go over well in the middle of Arkansas, but maybe in New York, it's funny, right? Just because of the differences in thinking and the cultural attitudes.

And also even, at least in Venezuela, for example, we do have a lot of jokes that are based on we make fun of certain states. Of course. I'm sure here it's the same, right? I'm not sure which. Well, I don't know. People joke about Florida or stuff like that. But yeah, that. So if you're not, I don't know. You really have to be in tune with the culture to find it funny. Again, there are some podcasts that I listen to that you know about, and they're Venezuelan podcasts or hosted by Venezuelans. And they do, sometimes when they're talking about humor, they have looked up to big American comics, right? So that's not to say It cannot be funny. Of course, I watch Saturday Night Live, for example, with you, and I laugh with a lot of the sketches, right? But there's always some stuff that I'm like, okay, whatever.

Yeah, you know, and I never really thought about that. Saturday Night Live has to a very broad appeal because it's popular all over the United States, right? Where if you go to a comedy show here in Atlanta with a local comedian, it's likely he's going to say things about, I don't know, Peachtry Street or the kids who go to school at whatever private school that we all know is full of rich brats or whatever it is. It can be a lot different from place to place, and it's so local, especially when Gustavo comes, sometimes he's laughing at a Venezuelan comedian. He's trying to translate it to me. I don't find it funny. Not always, but most of the time, I don't find it funny.

That's why I said when you told me, Oh, that's fine. You find like Venezuelan dad jokes. I did some research, but I was like, This is not going to go well. I can't translate them, but it's going to be just me telling you a story. Okay. Translating a joke, almost like translating, interesting enough, artists who a release songs in multiple languages, the song, it's always the best version of the song. It's the original language. Absolutely. It's like, for example, I'm a big Shakira fan, and I When she releases a song in English that was first released in Spanish, it can be comedy, almost. It's like, Oh, wow, this is really bad. Because it's like you're not Like the message.

Gets lost in the translation.

I think the same applies for comedy. Yes, Gustavo is here, my brother, and him and I are cracking up about something. When we tell you, you look at us like, We have, you know. You're like, Okay, whatever. That's not funny.

Yeah, I also just, I also just judge your comedy taste in general.

Same.

It's fair enough. A lot of people judge my comedy taste. Thank you for coming on. You're welcome. I love you dearly.

Thanks for having me.

I love you dearly.

Just because you needed me.

The audience loves you. Thank you. One of these days, we're going to do an all-female version of the commercial break.

All-female? We're going to kick you?

Yeah, just kick me out. You, Tina, Christina, Haudley. You all just come on.

And bitch about you?

Yeah. When I lose my voice in my parathyroid surgery, you can just come and bitch about me.

Sounds fun.

I'm sure a lot of people think so. If you'd like that episode, let me know. Maybe I'll put it together. All right. For the rest of, really for the rest of October, you're going to get a mixed bag here at the commercial break. You'll get best of's. You'll get some with Astrid. Maybe you'll get one with Christina, maybe one with Christina. I don't know. Who knows? A few with Hodeley. It's going to be all over the place. As I say, take some time to take care of myself. Thank you to all the people who have been texting and sharing their concern about me. I'll be fine. Everything is going to be okay. Prognosis is good. I just need to get it done. Once I get it done, I'm going to feel much better.

Maybe the show will even get better.

I think it will, actually, yes, because I think that my brain will stop being so foggy. I'll talk even faster than I do right now. All right, 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3-822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. Ask TCB. We're taking them all right there at that phone number. You can also leave a voice message if you're so brave. And some people have been doing that. We've been getting some phone calls lately, which is- We're also sending out the possum sticker. Oh, yes. We're sending out the possum stickers because I hate possums, and so can you by going to tcbpodcast. Com.

And so can you hate us because we hate possums.

Yes, you can hate us because we hate possums. At least one person really hated us because we hated possums. But I saved a squirrel. So forgive me my sins. Tcbpodcast. Com. Hit the Contact Us button. Drop down menu says, I want my free sticker. Give us your address, and Astrid will send it away.

Sorry, I know I'm late a lot of the time.

Add the commercial break on Instagram, Tcb podcast on TikTok and youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak. Selected episodes and interviews. I love you, Astrid. Love you, too. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Astrid and I always say, we do say we must say goodbye. Bye.

Oh, hell, yeah.