Transcript of Whip It This Thanksgiving!

Hey, Chrissy. Best to you.

Best to you, Brian.

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. It's the holiday season and a lot of times podcasts like ourselves will take off, but not us, Chrissy. We have bills to pay and miles to feed. So we are going to be producing brand new episodes of the commercial break this entire holiday season, and I thought it was important to let our audience know. Jingle, jingle all the way Jingle, jangle your dingle dangles. Stick with the commercial break and stay tuned for the 12 days of TCB. Our first ever 12 days of TCB.

That's right.

December 13th through Christmas Day. Brand new episodes every day. Well, excuse me for having enormous flaws that I don't work on on this episode of the commercial break. The other day I was at my dad's and I opened up the refrigerator door and they had been to Costco and they had bought a whole box of whipped cream in a can, like 20 bottles, right? And I looked at it and just for a second, I was like, ah, everybody's sleeping. No one will notice when the whipped cream is all watery when it comes out because Brian huffed all this stuff. No one will notice that I'm outside with my pants off, howling at the moon. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Yeah, boy. Aw, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the dear friend and co host of the show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

Best to you, Brian.

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Chrissy and I currently depressing ourselves here in the studio watching my 600 pound live on TLC.

It's really fast.

That show has been on forever and ever. I think I've been watching it forever and ever. It is sad. It's formulaic. It's sad. You want to scream at the television. How did you do this? And why can't you seem to see what's going on? And I don't want to fat shame here on the show, as I've been accused of doing, sometimes I'm not. I hope I don't come across that way, but. But sometimes I might come across that way. But the reality is that on my 600 pound life, these people. I'm explaining to Chrissy so in case.

I. Yeah, because I don't really watch it.

People are usually over £600. There's few doctors in the country that will operate on someone this big because of all of the inherent dangers in operating on someone that's so unhealthy. And got so many problem, problem internally and externally, including skin problems, organ failure, you know, diabetes, high blood pressure, whatever it is they have going on. You can't be £600 and not have health problems. So they come in, and he'll say, okay, I'm putting you on a program. It's the doctor now is out in the program. You're going to go from probably consuming 15 to 20,000 calories a day to consuming 1200 calories a day eating high protein, low carbohydrates, or no carbohydrates. And then they. Because this is an issue in their head, it's an obsessive compulsive need to eat. It's some kind of disordered eating. And you didn't get this way because, you know, everything's sunny and bright in your head. You got this way because something's going on underneath all of this, and Dr. Nalzard knows this. So then he tells them to go lose usually 50 or 60 pounds in a month or two, then come back and see me. And if you do that, then I will consider you for surgery.

But that almost never happens, the first go around. On a very rare occasion, it does. Somebody's really got themselves together. You know, they really have decided, this is it. I'm done. And they figure it out the first go. But usually it were like, two, three, four visits in, and Dr. Niles Arden will tell them like it is point blank. He will always give them the speech, you are very fat. You're going to kill yourself. How does someone eat your neck? He always says this. They'll be like, well, I'm just starving, and I just needed something to eat. And he'll be like, you could eat. You cannot eat for two years and not be starving. You know, he's like, yeah, it's true. You could eat for. You could not eat for years, and you probably would not starve to death. And. And then he will eventually usually do the surgery on someone, and then they have some chance of losing a greater deal of weight really quickly. He'll put them on a liquid diet for a couple of months after they have the surgery. Christy asks, how can you be on a liquid diet for a couple of months?

Well, they have so much fat on their bodies. That's what your body eats in order to create energy to live, right? So you're not going to die when someone says you need. You can only go 30 days without food. That's assuming that you're a normal human being with a normal amount of fat on your body and we all have a few extra pounds. But these people are really extraordinarily obese. I mean, look, you see, I don't.

Even know how you fight ants.

Your food, I don't know. And you know, a lot of these people don't have jobs.

That's what I'm saying.

They're living in poverty.

To eat that much, those many calories every single day, that just wow, that's, that's a lot of money.

Here's the shame on us as a society is that we have allowed the big industrial food complex here in America to get us to a point where you don't have to have a lot of money to fill your belly with thousands and thousands of empty calories a day. Because you could, you could use food stamps to go buy 10 boxes of Debbie snack cakes. And I don't mean to point out Debbie, but fuck that snack cake bullshit. And each one of those has 500 calories. And you could eat those till you're blue in the face and still have money left over for Cheetos and Doritos and ice cream and all this other shit.

Cheap food.

It's cheap food. Cheap food tastes good because it's, it is literally made, manufactured, manufactured to make your taste buds and your hormones to go crazy. Then they go crazy for it. That's why you can go to McDonald's. And I know this is a fucking fact, man. I have felt this before. You can go to a McDonald's or a burger King or whatever, name your favorite fast food place and you can go sit and eat a fucking meal. You know, Big Mac, large fry milkshake, Coca Cola, and two hours later, be hungry. You're hungry because your body's getting nothing what it needs, it's just getting empty calories. That's right. So your body's still starving. So the. What is amazing to me about this show after all of these years, my 600 pound life, after all these years of watching, is that there is no shortage of the next person to come on this show who is dealing with the exact same issue, who has gotten this large just eating on their own. And you should see the meals some of these people consume. It's unbelievable. There's one, I'll never forget it. The guy was, as soon as his mom left the house, he was ordering two or three large pizzas.

And he would eat those two or three large pizzas before the morning was up. And then his mom would bring him lunch, which would be like four or five Big Macs and French fries. And then at night he would order more takeout food, you know, Chinese food, three or four dishes. And he would eat it all ever to the last rep and he would say, I feel sick after every one of these meals. But it's the only thing that comforts. Yeah, it's a. Yeah, it's obsessive. It's obsessive. Eating is essentially what it is. And the part that like gives me a little bit and I have sympathy for these people. Don't. Don't make it. I don't want to make it sound like I'm like these people. Like you throw the baby out with the bathwater. They're sick like anybody else who's sick. You got a problem, you need an addressing. You need professionals to help you come in. And we've all been there in some capacity, maybe not with eating, but what really makes me even a little bit more sympathy for these people is you have to fucking eat. When you are doing heroin.

You don't need to have heroin three times a day. Like, you know, you're not going to go to the grocery store and pick up heroin three times a day so you can survive. But you need food to eat. So when you have disordered eating, it can really throw you for a loop because you must confront your demons multiple times a day. And that's got to be really, really difficult. So happy, happy Wednesday before Thanksgiving, everybod. Hope you have a great meal tomorrow.

Speaking of the food additives, isn't that what Clark Griswold is? He's like a food.

He's a food additive business. Yes, he's in the food additive business. He's making that cereal a little bit more crunchy for a little bit longer. Yeah. So we can get.

About time to watch that movie.

Oh my God. Is it. I was going to talk to you about this before we got wrapped up in my 600 pound life. I just realized this is coming out Wednesday before Thanksgiving and I'm probably depressing everybody about the meal they're going to have tomorrow. Don't worry. One or two very large meals ain't gonna like I'm a dietitian. Don't worry. You all get fat over one.

Thanksgiving doesn't count.

No, Thanksgiving never counts. Yeah, I'm on a diet right now too. And. And I got. I'm going to have to confront Thanksgiving in the only way that I know how and that's to have five cheat days in a row. You know, I fucking hate turkey too. Like turkey, like the old hate turkey. I do dislike Turkey. And I think it's because I've only had it cooked really well. No offense to anybody whose turkey I've eaten once or twice in my life. My dad used to. My mom used to cook a turkey and my dad would carve it up, they would team up to make it. And I do remember a few really good Thanksgivings when I was a child where I just loved that fucking turkey and gravy and mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes with yams, with fucking marshmallows. And stove top stuffing is the only kind of stuffing you need. Stovetop stuffing, and then, you know, green bean casserole rolls, fresh made rolls, pecan pie, pumpkin pie. We used to have silk pie, French silk pie, which is just delicious. Fine with me. I do love a good apple pie with ice cream, though.

That would alet mode, as they say. God damn, do I love that. But the recent experiences I've had with turkey are just not good. I mean, for God's sakes, I think I got salmonella one Thanksgiving that almost killed me. I don't think it was from the turkey, though. I think it was from the pork. But. But if I had that turkey back from back when I was a kid, I think I would eat turkey every Thanksgiving. But usually the family has just decided that no one really cooks turkey well, so we're going to do something else. But this year. So every year for like the last 10 years, it's not been turkey. It's been tacos or whatever. Lasagna, whatever it's been.

Yeah.

This year we are braving the wilds yet again. We are going back to the traditional Thanksgiving meal and we will see how it all works out.

Okay.

If you don't hear from me after Thanksgiving, then, you know it didn't go well because every Thanksgiving I seem to get food poisoning. So let's see what happens this year.

But why don't you just order a really good turkey?

From where?

Fox Brothers?

Well, we're not going to be near Fox Brothers, but I guess there's a places that we could order.

Tons of places that you could get like, Thanksgiving meals from.

Yeah, no, I'm not talking about here. We're not going to be here in Atlanta, but yes, there probably are. I think Publix does it too. I think Publix will cook your turkey for you. Yeah. Oh, yeah, the Whole Foods does it. That's true. And man, what kind of gravy do you like?

I'm not a big gravy person.

I don't like pan gravy. I like that, you know, shitty, nasty in a jar that you warm up. They're like, you know, I don't like that. Yeah, that's for me. I'm all about that. Give me that. Give me that shitty, nasty, empty calorie gravy that we were talking about.

Homemade gravy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

But I'm just. I'm still, though, just not a gravy person.

That gravy. And then give me some mashed potatoes. They don't need to be anything fancy. I just want.

I'm not a big sauce or gravy person. I like the actual thing itself.

Yeah. I am the exact opposite. I like to cover my food in sauces. Anything sauce. Hot sauce, steak sauce, gravies. I don't know. There's something about like a dip. Yeah, well, you know, dip in a sauce are two different things, but I. They're kind of in the same family, I think.

I like to dip into a sauce.

Oh, you like to dip into a sauce. Oh, you don't want to pour it on something? Oh, no, pour it on. As far as I'm ladle it on, I. If I. If I can not taste the thing I'm really tasting, I would really appreciate it. My wife is always making fun of me because there's always some hot sauce on the table and I just smother my food in it. Or barbecue sauce or gravy or whatever. I don't know. It's just me. I just like it like that. Yeah, yeah. Maybe it was my mom's cookies that turned me off. All the hot sauces and gravy. Well, my mom was smart enough to smother her foods and gravies and sauces. Maybe because, you know, hey, listen, my mom was good for a lot of things, right? A lot of things.

Everybody's not a good cook.

Food was not one of them. We had four meal go to meals. We would have those. It seemed like every week it was just like the same rinse and repeat.

Yeah.

Which is fine. I survived. I'm here. You know, I got a huge parathyroid out of it, but whatever. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

Happy day before Thanksgiving.

Happy day before Thanksgiving. I hope everybody's going to have great plants. We're going to sit around, watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

That's such a classic.

It's always been something that I've done. I. Even when I was single, I would oftentimes get up. Now I watch the actual live parade, but, you know, they do it live. And then they do. Then they'll repeat it right away. And then they'll have the kennel show, the dog show. So it's always been like a personal tradition of mine that I've carried on now the kids to watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade. Just have it on in the background. Watch it, check it out. Listen to the shitty lip sync songs they do in front of the Macy's in New York.

They do.

Man, it's just always awful. Hey, Santa. Hey, Santa. And now from Lifetimes movie, I emailed Santa. It's John Claude Van Damme and Mrs. Wasn't Hollingsworth. You know, they sing some stupid song that is terribly lip synced and then.

You know, it moves along quickly.

Three hours. It does not move along quickly.

Well, you know, it's usually just like a little, you know, quick burst of something and then they go to the next float.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. They. They keep it popping along. They learn to keep it popping along. But it's three, maybe four hours. I think it's three hours. Is it four hours or three hours? It's something like that. It's a long thing. But that's what's so great about it, is it ushers in the. In my opinion, ushers in the Christmas season with a lot of fanfare. I like to see the balloons. Every year they have new ones. I can deal with the shitty music because I get the Santa Claus and the Christmas trees and so many people out there seeming like they're having a lot of fun in there, usually wrapped up in some kind of gear because it's cold up there. It just seems. It's very festive to me.

It is very festive. Wasn't there one year when they, you know, the. They showered it with confetti. Confetti. And it was people's IRS return.

Oh, really? Is that true? Is that true?

Yes, it was something sensitive. Something sensitive document.

Social Security records. Yeah, it's the plans for the 911 attack. Donald Trump's tax returns. Oh, man, that's funny. I didn't know that. Yeah. Okay. All right. And then the. So we'll rinse and repeat on that. That'll probably be on for most of the day. And then of course, you got the. The dog, the Kennel show, the 50th annual AKC.

I love that.

You know, best in show, whatever it is. And I'll tell you what, I have no fucking ide. Why Thanksgiving and the kennel dog show go together. But I'll take it. I. I'll Take it. I do enjoy watching those dogs prance around, like. Yeah.

I'm like, oh, that's cool.

And you know the. The. The movie Best in Show?

Oh, God, one of my favorite movies.

Brilliant from head to toe, from beginning to end.

Yes, yes.

It's just.

It's the.

It's Christopher Guest's best work. It's got to be. It's got to be. Besides Spinal Tap, it's got to be my favorite. But that. Or Waiting for Government is pretty good too. But so that Best in Show, the movie, they have the two commentators, one who's the straight guy, right? And I don't say straight like literally. I mean, he's like the straight man. He got what tells you about the facts. He's not funny. And then they always have some. In the Best in Show, they have a terribly goofy guy who's saying crazy shit.

He's so great. He just died, actually.

Eugene Levy.

No.

Oh, no, not Eugene Levy. What was his name?

I know.

Yeah. His son now does the. Oh, I can't remember. Anyway, you know, he was wonderful.

He's hilarious.

Yeah, he was hilarious. But when you watch the kennel dog show and watch it this year, guys and girls, watch it because you'll realize that the reason why Best in Show is so funny is because it's actually true. There's one loose cannon on the group who's always saying crazy shit, and the other guy's job is to kind of pretend like it didn't happen. It is really funny to me. Oh, that become comedy.

So watch that.

What are you doing for Thanksgiving? You're going to be at home?

Yeah, yeah, we're hanging out.

You're hanging out? The girls coming?

The girls are coming?

Yeah.

Jeff's mom.

When are they going to be in town?

Yeah, they're coming in town.

They're coming in town. They're going to stay for a couple of days.

Got the same for the week.

Oh, that's great. Oh, that'll be good. Yeah, it'll be lovely. You're going to put up the tree?

I am.

Okay. We already got our. We've got our tree up for three weeks.

I think a lot of people decorated earlier this year.

I don't know why. It just struck us. It just struck me like it was.

Some form of joy.

Yeah, I think you're right about that. I think it was like, well, this is a terribly depressing time of life. Let's. I really love the country that I used to live in. But now Matt Gates is going to determine whether or Not I go to the bathroom. So you know what? I'll. I'll go ahead and do that. Yeah. So I decided, let's just get it. Let's do it. Let's put it up. Let's. Let's mask our depression for the kids with a little bit of joy. And we have loved it. It's been great. We've had it up for two and a half weeks now. I've been having. It's. It's nice to turn the corner and see the lights, everything. Yeah. The lights, the tree, the decorations, the style.

I like the first look in the morning.

Yes.

Come out, come down the stairs or around the corner. And. Yeah.

I'm the last one to bed at night often. And so I'm the one to turn off the Christmas tree. So oftentimes it's dark everywhere else in the house except for that Christmas tree. There is something about that. Just. Just get a snow. If we could just get a snow. But, you know, it's 2024, so I don't think it snows anywhere anymore, first of all. Second of all, I think there's a hurricane coming, if I'm not mistaken. It's crazy, right? Yeah. Hurricane for Christmas. That's that. That's it. All right. We'll have lots more to talk about. Fill your upcoming holiday with a lot of joy. More depressing talk about food comas coming up after. After this.

Since you clearly haven't had enough of me yet, I am back to yap in your ear and subsequently into your heart to tell you to follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok CBP podcast. You've heard these liners enough to know that we are desperate for followers. So help a girl out while you're at it. Maybe shoot us a text at 221-244-3333, TCB or leave us a voicemail spilling your guts and asking for advice. You can also check out our website, tcbpodcast.com if you feel like perusing our catalog or if you're just bored. Now, let's listen to some sponsors because they keep me paid.

You know, we didn't get a chance to talk about this last week, but did. Did you hear that the Onion has purchased infowars and all of its assets and its website and stuff like that. Now, my dad actually was very confused about what all of this was. He was really confused. And, you know, my dad is not an Alex Jones type of guy in any way, shape or form. He asked while we were watching the Paul Tyson fight. He said, oh, what's. Who's this guy who was doing this? And I said, oh, dad. Yeah. Let me give you the rundown. Alex Jones is way out there. I mean, yeah, by any standards, he's way out there. I am not claiming that everything. I'm not stating that everything Alex Jones has ever said is untrue or that there isn't a bit of truth to some of the stuff that he says. I have listened to hours of Alex Jones simply for research purposes. I want to know what the crazies are doing just in case they come to my house. And I will have to say that sometimes Alex Jones will strike upon something that does to me ring a little bit true.

But I'm not going to repeat any of those things here because I don't know them to be true. But Alex Jones is a noted conspiracy theorist. He has infowars. He is this guy who claimed that there was. That some of these school shootings were simply black flag attacks, meaning that they were either recreated whole cloth like a. Like faking going to the moon, faking a school shooting to get people on board with gun reform, or that they were crisis actors involved in the shooting.

Crazy.

That is insanity of the highest level. It is terribly destructive to the people who are actually affected by these things. And everybody knows it, including Alex. If there's one thing that I think about Alex, it's that he does not believe his own bullshit. I think he's smart enough to know different. And I think he knows that he just happened to get on a money train, a gravy train that's hard to get off of. So he keeps going crazier and crazier and more and more loud and more and more crazy. And Alex, by the way, you know, has his own litany of personal problems going on in his own life. We won't get into those. Just know that because he said these things about the crisis actors and all this other shit, the families of this school shooting, Sandy Hook, they decided to sue him and they won a judgment against him for $1 billion plus a billion with a B. Now, some people have estimated that Alex Jones empire, quote, unquote, the Alex Jones empire, is worth $300 million, but certainly not a billion. And he has TV studios and all this stuff where he was producing all this shit.

Even some of his own producers came out and said that they were instructed to magnify this bullshit and that he never believed it himself. It was just once the gravy train started, he couldn't stop. But the unfortunate thing is, is that if you tell a tale, there is a sucker. If you're selling something, there is a sucker who will buy it every day of the week. And some people don't know better, and some people are not so smart. Like, I've. Like I've often said on this show, there's a lot of people on Earth, and now some of them are not so. Well, yes. And so anyway, people were. And it's a whole thing. You know, it. Okay, so Onion. So in order to pay off.

I love that Onion. I've loved it for so long.

I know. The judge puts all of his assets up for sale, including the website InfoWars and all the other stuff that goes along with it, including the television studios. And there were multiple bidders on the. I don't know who's bidding on this. I don't know who wants some old television equipment, a shitty place in Austin, Texas, and a website that's notoriously linked with such terrible things. The Onion wants it. That's who wants it. So that they can make fun of him till the day that he passes away. And God bless the Onion. Honestly, God bless the Onion. They must have got. I never found out how much that bid was for, but it cannot have been a lot of money. A couple million dollars maybe, right? Maybe a couple million. Maybe a couple hundred thousand dollars, because it's just a URL and some old TV equipment. That's all it is. And. And Alex has moved on, and he will start a new thing, and they will be chasing him for the rest of his life for every dollar that he gets, just like they're doing with Giuliani right now. Rudy Giuliani right now.

And just running around.

I know he's running around hiding makeup, melting off his face, hiding in different locations, stuffing jewelry in his pockets. I mean, what a. What a fall. What a fall. Giuliani. It could have been so different for you. Could have been so different for you. But Alex will now suffer the same fate doing the same thing, and eventually people would just stop listening to him altogether, because that's what happens, and that's what's going to happen, as was already happening. But I just find it.

I mean, is he even anywhere now? What?

Yeah, he already moved over to a new platform. He's got a new thing. But the thing is, is that every time that Alex gets knocked like this, like, he got kicked off Facebook, then off Twitter, then off whatever, then off whatever, and then he was just. People had to go to the website to watch him and it was disseminated some other places, like some, you know, more conservative social media platforms, I'm sure, like Truth Social and Telegram and stuff like that. But the reality for him is that his audience kept getting smaller and smaller because their ability to find him got smaller and smaller. And now. Yet it will take yet another knock. That brand name he spent so many years building. The brand Infowars is. Is no longer. And now it will be owned by the Onion, where they can poke at him for the rest. I do think this is a little bit of sweet justice for these families. And, you know, listen, I don't wish any ill will personally against anybody except for Alex Jones.

Yeah.

I mean, if I had any interest in the guy or anything he ever said, it was thrown out after this terrible tragedy, because that's just like he went beyond the pale. I mean, he took it way too far. Way too far. Meanwhile, all these. I'm selling supplements all day long. Alex Jones, Super Testosterone Booster 3000. He sells supplements. That's what he does. And guess what? He sells the silver. Silver? Yes.

Colloidal.

Colloidal silver. Colloidal silver. Get your colloidal silver. It makes you strong. It makes your balls big. Makes your dick long. Makes you hard. I mean, colloidal silver, it turns you silver. There's a whole movie about it.

Yeah.

There's a lady who's literally silver right now in the ground because she just drank colloidal silver till she was blue in the face. Remember that? Teresa somebody? Was that Teresa somebody?

There was a guy, too.

Oh, there was a dude. Some people I see on Facebook that I used to go to those parties with seem like they're turning silver. Member? I had a friend who was, like, terribly sick, kept claiming he was the most healthy person in the healthy person in the world, meanwhile, getting a surgery every third day. Yeah. And then I think he turned silver at one point, and now no one hears from him anymore. I hope he's okay. Honestly, I do. But he did turn silver. He was blind, so he couldn't see that he was turning silver, but he was turning silver, and people were saying stuff on Facebook to him. They were like, hey, dude, you're turning silver. And he would be like, fuck you. You're the big state. Deep, deep news. Okay. All right, brother. Well, turn circle silver then. Sorry about your silver. Sorry about your silver skin. Speaking of Facebook and social media and platforms, it is official, the commercial break has deplatformed. Decoupled from Facebook. We are no longer on Facebook. We have deleted the page.

Like, we've been posting there anyway.

I think we never did post there.

I think we're the very beginning.

We posted a few times at the very beginning. We got a couple hundred people that followed us and then we decided to focus our energy elsewhere. But I am over it, so over it. It is a dead platform. It is all bots and old people at this point. And occasionally one of my crazy friends posting something. Yeah, it's a good place to, like, send along a message, like if you're getting engaged or. Yeah, I went to this wedding or it's an anniversary. Yeah, it's like a calendar reminder is basically what it is. That your friends did something cool and you did not. That's what it is. Or a place for yet some other people to just bitch and complain into the wind, it seems like, to nobody. Or to other people who can commiserate.

Yeah.

So Facebook, okay, is gone. Breaking news break. No breaking news whatsoever. But just know that if you were following me on Face, following us on Facebook, it's. It's not there anymore, so. Or it won't be there. I think it takes like 10 days for it to actually, like, wash itself from the platform. So get your jollies now and go look at posts from 2020. So if you give a shit about any of that stuff, go look at it now because it's all going to be going really, really, really soon. You know, I do have to say this, that I'm proud of myself, Chrissy. I'll tell you why I'm proud of myself. Very rarely am I proud of myself, but today I am.

Please do.

Okay. All right, here it goes. There was a time, and this is going to sound ridiculous, but just follow me here. There was a time when I would. Could walk into like, a restaurant cooler or open someone's refrigerator or something like that, and I would see a can of whipped cream and the first thing I would think is, whippets. Let's do whippets.

Oh, God, I forgot about that.

Do you remember that? Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay. All right. I know that lots of people are still doing it. I think I told you that the. I. Yeah, the local.

All the vape stores.

All the vape stores now sell.

Yep.

You used to have to go to a fish concert. It was someone's dad who was a dentist to get. But it's not that. You know, I. I don't know this personally, but I know someone who bought one of those canisters from a head shop and they said that for some reason it wasn't quite the Same thing. And I think it's because they go, they can only sell the food, like the food grade, not the medical grade. That makes nitrous oxide. Right. But for those of you that don't know whipped cream in a can, it has nitrous oxide. This laughing gas, the same stuff you get at the dentist. And that's how they keep it cold and compressed like that. And so now in many states, like in Georgia, you can just buy it. You can buy whole cans of it, bottles of it, big tanks of it, but you can't get the medical grade stuff, like actual. The actual, like, Strong Laughing gas, 100 laughing gas, unless you have a license to do so. And I do know that there's lots of people that can do that, too. I don't think it's hard. I think you just have to prove that you're some.

For some good reason, you're using nitrous oxide, which I don't. I think you just manufacture some paper. I'm telling you how to do it. I'm just saying you might be able to do it. Hey, stay tuned, kids. I'll show you how to do all the illegal stuff. But there was a time in my life when nitrous oxide through a whipped cream can was really hard to ignore. It reminds me of a story that when we worked at Chili's that we would go through whipped cream like it was. I mean, for the desserts, because every dessert included whipped cream. You might go through 10 cans of that stuff on a busy Saturday night. No shit. Because just think of all the desserts, they got all the whipped cream. And, you know, then, kids, you put extra whipped cream. And, you know, sometimes you make, like, whipped cream pie, like just whipped cream, that's it on a bowl, and send it to the kid. But one time the general manager had to, when I was working there, had to have a conversation with the staff because people were just going in there and doing.

And huffing it.

Yes. Like whole boxes of whip it were getting lost because basically we were taking all the nitrous oxide. I say we, because I was included in that. We're taking all the nitrous oxide out of it. It was something fun to do in the middle of your shift. Just go and get a quick whip it, and then you'd come back. And so for years at. When I was younger, it. A whipped cream can was not something you passed by. It was something you huffed. Right. That was just the way that it was. I mean, I don't know about you, right? But me, right okay. But I was so proud of myself. Now I haven't. I haven't been tempted by a whipped cream can in a long time. I know there's better ways to do it if I want to do it.

But is this the proud part?

This is the proud part. The other day I was at my dad's and I opened up the refrigerator door, and they had been to Costco, and they had bought a whole box of whipped cream in a can. Like 20 bottles, right? And I looked at it, and just for a second, I was like, ah, everybody's sleeping. No one will notice when the whipped cream is all watery when it comes out because Brian huffed all this stuff. No one will notice that I'm outside with my pants off, howling at the moon. No one will notice. But I was so proud of myself because I was like, now you're too old for that shit, Brian. You got kids now. You don't need to do that for you. So proud of my, like, little victories, Chrissy. Small, tiny little victories. There was one time when we were in Athens and we were visiting a young lady, a hippie chick that her and I had been friends for many years, and we were visiting her in Athens where she was going to school. Me and my friend Eduardo were up there. And it was like a Thursday night or something.

Not a lot to do. We didn't want to go to the bars, so we decided, let's do some whippets. So we went from head shop to head shop, trying to figure out if they would give us at the time, the little cartridges that you could get. Oh, yeah, they only sold the cartridges. They did not sell the crackers in order to get into the cartridge. So we had. So we bought a couple of boxes, but we could not figure out where to get a thing to open the little cartridges of the whippets. So in an act, a final act of desperation, we went to Kroger and cleaned out every single whipped cream can that they had. And there was like 30, 40 whipped cream cans. And we put them in a bunch of baskets and we rolled it up to the front. And I'll never forget my dear friend who was like, you know, trying to pay for college with loans, broke out her credit card, and we paid like $400 for these whipped cream.

Oh, my God.

And the guy was like. The guy at the front, the counter was an older gentleman. He was like, why are we buying all these whipped creams?

Having a big party.

That's what we said. We said, ice cream party. Ice cream party. And all I remember is just being really, really intoxicated for most of the night and waking up to many, many, many whipped cream cans all over the.

Place and horrible headache.

Oh man. That's the thing, is that nitrous oxide in that form will give you a fucking headache because who knows what else it has in it. But listen, it's a good time for a couple of minutes, you know, you'll have fun. That's the other thing too is it doesn't last very long. And then you learn, I think, what stopped all this, the no. 2 for me. Besides when I go to the dentist and I want it because I don't want to feel the dentist in my mouth, what stopped the nitro. Nitrous oxide for me is that I learned just how damaging it is to your actual brain cells.

Yeah.

It's not the reason why you feel the wah wah wah is not because of some magic ingredient in the nitrous oxide. It's because it's starving your brain of oxygen making it's. It's replacing the oxygen in your blood cells, making your brain go haywire for a second. And that's what it is. Turns out you could, you know. What's that? Auto erotic asphyxiation is probably just the same. So go ahead and tie a rope to the back of the closet.

God.

And Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

Oh, he's gone off the rail.

Don't Tony Bourdain it. Sustain it with no. 2 loud fresh whipped cream. So next time, next time you go to that family event and your mom says, can you pick me up some cool whip on the way, you say, no, mom, it's whippets for me. That's the only way to go. And then at least, you know, let get through dessert before you do the whip it. That's all I. That's my suggestion to you, Chrissy. That's my thing.

Words to live by.

Well, thank you. It is Thanksgiving. I thought I'd give a little wisdom to the kids. All right, we'll be back.

In case you guys were wondering, I am currently trapped in the closet in the studio being forced to record liner after liner and I never get to leave. So help me by following us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok@TCBpodcast. And go to our website, tcbpodcast.com for more information about Brian and Chrissy and access to our master massive catalog of video and audio episodes. Now Please text us at 212-4333. TCB and tell Brian and Chrissy to let me out of the closet.

Are you into pickleball?

No, but my dad is.

Oh, your dad's playing pickleball.

It's sweeping the nation.

It is sweeping the nation. I'm just reading about how tennis and pickleball, they're, they're at each other's throat a little bit because a lot of communities are changing their tennis courts into pickleball courts. And some people are up in arms about it. But the guy who leads the national association of I don't know, tennis people decided put out a statement and said that actually pickleball has been great for tennis too. Yeah. Because it's generated interest in ball related sport in general. Yeah, yeah.

Court games.

Hey, listen, I, you know, I'm, I've played pickleball once. It's fine. I've played tennis a lot. It's fine. Also neither of my favorite sport to play, but it's not bad. However, what I saw yesterday on Instagram was. Did you see that guy who kicked the other guy in the head playing a pickleball match?

No.

They were going to, they somewhat, you know, it's doubles, so it's four gentlemen playing and the match is over. And one guy screams loudly, yeah, look at that, we won. You know, and he goes to shake hands with the other two, drops his paddle and when he goes to pick it up the lose, one of the guys on losing team kicked him. Like, I'm talking like punted him. Punted him in the head. And it was way disturbing. I was like, wow, holy fucking shit.

That's bad sportsmanship.

Bad sportsmanship. That's not fun for anybody, is it? Is it? Do I have to go there? No, I want to tell this story. Last week you never got to it.

The rest of the wedding.

No, not the rest of the wedding story. I'm going to tell that. But give me a. There's reasons, there's reasoning, and I'll explain when we get there. But okay, just settle down, everybody. Settle down. I don't quite want to tell the wedding story yet. I really do have a good reason. Last week I got invited to a civic presentation, let's put it that way. A presentation where some civic leaders are going to show up, including the mayor of Schittville here, where I live. And I, I gotta tell you, I, I thought I was in. I thought I was in a movie like Christopher Show.

Yes, Christopher Guest movie.

Yes, I did. I was wondering when somebody was going to pop out and say, we're filming this for you know, I. I don't know, Mr. Beast or something like this, because it was the most insane thing I've ever seen. So this was at a school. The kids were there. The school was being presented an award for this, that or the other.

Congratulations.

Yes. Not to me. I had nothing to do with it. I just was invited to come watch. And so what you've got. Let me set the scene for you. You've got an auditorium full of middle school children, okay? So probably two or 300 middle school children. You've probably got about 150 adults in the room sitting up front in the first three or four rows. You've got a stage. That stage has a full middle school band on it. They're all standing there just lovely as can be, ready to play for the dignitaries in the room. And then you've got the mayor of Schittsville. I'm not going to mention where I live because whatever. And so the principal of the school gets up and she says, we're so excited to receive this award for, you know, it's such an honor and we've done so well. And this goes out to all the students and faculty who made this happen and the parents who are supportive and yada, yada, yada, all the pleasantries you would expect. And she was just as lovely as could be. We will now. We'd like now like to hear a song that the band has prepared for us.

And it was like Wind Beneath My Wings or something, right? With two poor children who are just scared shitless doing a duet together, you know, Meanwhile, while the band has got like, the recorder. Yeah, okay, fine. That is to be expected. You just expect that coming out of a middle school. Children, like, they did the best they could. They really were brave for getting up there and agreeing to do it in the first place. And I give them all the credit in the world for doing it because I was in band once too. And I know once you get up on the stage, it's a scary thing. Like there's a lot of people watching you and you feel like they're all watching you and that zit on your nose. But anyway, so then somebody gets up and he starts giving this. He starts giving this, like, biography, this big hyped, you know, at the age of three, our next distinguished guest found himself, you know, in the bayou of Louisiana, raising himself up, wrestling gators, saving babies, taking children out of flame orphanages, you know, I mean, it just went on and on and on.

It was like this big hype fest. It was almost like the mayor had hired a hype man or handed him the thing to read, which I started to assume, you know, at age 17, he joined ROTC, where he was named the best ROTC man ever in the history of rotc. He. He was almost hurt in combat, you know, in overseas. It was just like this 15 paragraph biography where the guy could do no wrong and he was the hero in every paragraph. And I started to think to myself, did the mayor write this himself? Did he write this himself? Because no one. You could write a. You're my best friend. You could write a hype piece about me to introduce me somewhere. You could not find 10 really nice things to say about me that were impressive. Every sentence was impressive. And it started to sound like bullshit after a minute.

And I was like, maybe it was somebody who wanted to curry favorite.

I think that's what was going on. Curry favor. Or again, it was handed to him to read. On behalf of the office of the mayor. Now, let me tell you about the mayor of Schittville. The mayor of Schittville, I know a few things about. He is roundly disliked here in our community. He won by a small margin. He. When it looked like he might not win the election was rigged. Rigged? You rigged betcon. He was not going to concede.

Recount.

You recount. He was not going to concede. He. He was getting investigations, investigators, lawyers and attorneys. He's just one of these people who just gets all riled up and can't find a way to gracefully bow out or lose. So it had to be him was the one that was the winner, or it was illegitimate altogether. Now, he did win legitimately by a couple hundred votes, but he is just this type of personality who has zero political experience in his life and does not know how to address a crowd without getting ultra political. Do you know what I'm saying? Okay, You've got a room full of children. You've got maybe 150 adults in the room. You are talking to the kids. This is a school presentation, an award. Yes, but here. You ready? Yes. Please. Please give a warm welcome to Mayor Flugelhorn. Mayor. You know, like warm applause, you know? Okay. Okay. Hi, children. I am so proud to be here today with the distinguished principal and you children here and your parents and others. What an honor it is. What an award you. You've won. I want to talk a few minutes about God.

God is the most important thing in any one person's life. And that's why I have decided to start all city council meetings with Prayer. And since I'm starting all city council meetings with prayer, I want you to go home tonight and remind your parents of the importance of prayer. I want you to tell them that you would like to start every morning with prayer and end every day with prayer. Because if you don't start your morning with prayer, your 5 inch screen will start to take over your life. Do you know what the five inch screen is, children? And they're all like a phone.

Yeah.

Instagram has been programming you since the day you got on it. And TikTok is controlled by Chinese media conglomerates that are posting things directly inside your brain. And the 5 inch screen will control your life unless God intervenes. And that is why today I would like to tell you a little story about myself. When I was five years old, I found myself opening the cookie jar after my mother told me not to. And when I did, I took a cookie, even though my mother told me not to, and I closed the cookie jar. She did not know that I took that cookie. But after reflection and prayer with our Lord Savior Jesus Christ, I decided that it was time to tell my mom that I took that cookie from the cookie jar. And when I did, she said the following words to me. God will save you, my son. And that is my message here today for all of you and your 5 inch screens. Put them away and put the Lord in your hands. The Lord is the one who will save you and only the one that will save you. When it seems like transgenderism is going to take over the world with its homosexuals and its polyamory, God will save us.

When bastards want to claim that elections are fair and free, when clearly they're rigged, God will save us. When women want to assert themselves in households and talk back to their husbands, as my wife sometimes does. Am I right, honey? Am I right? God saves us. So let us end with a prayer here today. Now I square on all this holy. Now maybe I'm getting a little bit exaggerated. This went on for five minutes, this whole rah rah rah sis boomba about God, like super conservative Christian hahui in a school that is not a parochial school. It has nothing to do with Christianity. It's not one of those kind of schools. But he went on and on and on, even joking that his wife gets out of line sometimes and he has to pray to God on a how to put her back in line. Chrissy, the principal of this school, who is a girl boss, I just might say, was standing behind him looking increasingly uncomfortable about all things that were going on in here to the point where she kind of continued to, like, creep.

Up on the stage where she was.

In his peripheral vision. And then finally, like, you know, almost. Almost. Guy kind of took the microphone out of his hand. This tweed, by the way. He was wearing, like, a bright, bright orange shirt with a dark blue tweed blazer. It was the most. It was a clown suit is what it was for the most part. And the kids in the audience couldn't have gotten less out of the conversation that he had for them. But he just went on and on and on, and it reminded me of such. What strange times we live in when these things are usually just very ceremonial. Congratulations to the kids. Congratulations. You're at a wonderful school, and your faculty has done a great job, and you're the future, and we can't wait for you to do great things in our society and help our communities grow. You kids, you really got a good thing going here. Keep it up, right? Today is national or today is the Schitt's fill you school day, right? Yeah. I hereby declare it Schitt's Phil you school day and then leave. That's it. Shake a few hands, kiss a few babies. But everything is so fucking partisan these days that you can't get up and use a mic, have a microphone without spouting some crazy fucking shit.

And it drove me up a wall. You should have. If. If he couldn't, I'm sure he was looking at me at some point, and he could see the clear look of disdain on my face.

Arms crossed.

Yeah. Oh, arms crossed. I think I made a blowjob motion at one point. Like, it was. It was so highly partisan. And I thought, what about the other people in the room who maybe don't feel the same way you do about God and Jesus. Jesus Christ. Like, is it okay that we exist, too? Is it all right that we're here also? Can't we just talk about the school and forget about it? Do we have to talk about transgender bathroom use when it. When it's not a problem? There's nobody here having that problem that I know of that I'm aware of. I mean, for God's sakes, Chrissy, what.

Are we going to do, vote him out?

Well, I didn't vote him in. That wasn't my choice. That's my opinion. I swear to God, Chrissy, was there.

Anybody else that kind of, you know, you looked around and they were. Everybody was like, God, what?

I definitely got the sense that some of the teachers were snickering. Yeah, I definitely Saw a couple people right in front of me moving around in their seat in a way that would indicate that maybe they didn't feel comfortable with what was going on. But I don't. I don't. I, you know, I. I don't want to speak. I don't want to put words in anybody else's mouth. And maybe it's very well possible that everybody knew exactly what he was going to say, but I don't think he gave a copy of those remarks ahead of time. And everybody was like, sounds good, dude.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No way.

Yeah, you were pretty, you, you were pretty upset about it.

I was upset about it, Yeah. I felt that it was completely inappropriate. And as a dignitary also in the room. Yeah, as a dignitary in the room, I felt it was rather unfair that we had to be subjected to that shit. I just wanted to go there and help the school celebrate. That's it. That's all I wanted to do. But, you know, whatever. To each their own. I'm also well aware that, you know, there's plenty of people that don't share the same opinions I do. So. Yeah, I just got a good dose of the other side of the aisle at a time when I didn't expect it.

Forced dose.

Forced perspective. All right, well, here we are Thanksgiving week, and we'll be here with you for the rest of the week. I hope you're enjoying what I assume is some time off with your family, with your friends, with your loved ones. Turn on that thing. Thanksgiving dates parade tomorrow and then follow it up with the kennel show and then the commercial break. It's a trifecta. You can't lose. You'll go from super celebratory to awfully depressing, and then it'll be a day you can't then turn on. I think there's a 600 pound life marathon on TLC to help you count those calories. Oh, my God, man, I'm not watching any 600 pound life, that's for sure. No way. All right. TCB podcast dot com. That's where. What do we.

I don't know. I look over at the tv.

Reminds me of that fight. Wow, the Jake Paul fight. Yeah. Tcb, podcast dot com. That's where you go. More information about the show and Chrissy and I. You can get your free sticker by going to the contact Us button. Drop down menu says, I want my free sticker. Give us your address, we'll send you one. No muss, no fuss. All the audio and video is there too. You can watch it and listen to it. All that good stuff. Please subscribe on your favorite podcast player. Follow us that would be huge. It'd make a world of difference to us at the Commercial break on Instagram TCB podcast on TikTok YouTube.com the commercial Commercial break soon every episode of the commercial break will be on video on YouTube and on Spotify. So check that out. 212-4333TCB okay Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you.

Best to you.

Best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time Chrissy and I always say we do say and we must say goodbye. Ed I have it have no family to celebrate Christmas with this year. The commercial break is live the entire holiday season to make you even more miserable than you currently are. So put your Christmas pajamas on, gather around the Christmas tree and listen to brand new episodes of the Commercial Break.