Transcript of Just A Boy and His Stories...

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On this episode of the Commercial Break. It wasn't romantic in any nature. It was just us talking. It was probably me, Brian, making up shit like I do here on the Commercial Break. Tell Telling stories, making up facts.

I'm sure that was.

Filling the void with whatever shenanigans are rolling around in my head. You know how I do, Chrissy. I can talk for hours. Is it the truth? I don't know. Is it factual? I don't know.

What does it matter? There's some kernel of truth in there.

There's usually something there you can hang on to. There's usually some post of reality. It's like the North Pole. It's really hard to find, but it's up there somewhere. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts Now. It's 30 in the morning. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens. Welcome back to the Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my co-host and my dear friend, Chris and Joy. Holy best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Here we are. I wanted to tell a story or share with you, see if you can remember this. I want to see if I can dredge this memory up from you. Okay. Do you remember when you, I think you were with us, you, I, our friend, a Russian friend, and a couple of other folks, including some of her friends, went for a birthday party up to a cabin. We had rented a cabin for the weekend.

I remember this because I was not there. Oh, okay. All right. But I heard the story when I got back. I remember the reason I did not want to go, and that was because you guys were doing whitewater rafting. Oh, that's right. I don't like whitewater rafting.

You were scared?

No, I'm not scared. I've done it before. I just don't like it.

Well, let me tell you- You're bouncing around over there.

The water is fine.

I've a couple of times whitewater rafting. It's not as nervey. This is not the Colorado River, but we went to the place where they had the Olympics here in Georgia, where they had the whitewater rafting here in the Olympics. Class 5 Rapids is what they say, blah, blah, blah, blah, It was not, to me, as nervy as I thought it might have been. I was expecting that we would really see some deep dives and big throwing around. There was a few seconds of that, but it was like, that was the punctuation mark in an otherwise extremely boring trip down the river. There was like 12 of us in this canoe. I never forget. We were so hung over and starting drinking again. Then we got on this boat, and of course, there was no drinking on the boat because we had to pay attention to what we were doing. We were all really looking just to get back to drinking. It was like an irritation in our day, hung over, ready to eat, not having any interest in this now that we knew. We brought the cooler. They just wouldn't let us take him with it.

He's like, No, no, no, man, those things could hit you in the head. Then we go through the three hours of instruction. If you should fall.

That's where I did not want to go.

Yeah, okay. All right. No one fell out of the boat except for when they purposefully flipped the raft I think just to give you the excitement you were looking for. Thrill. Yeah, the thrill you were looking for. But anticlimateic when you know it's coming, you know what I'm saying? It's like, Okay, now we're in the cold river. Let's get out. We went for a birthday party, and it was one other guy, four girls, and me. So two guys, four girls. There were a number of big cabin, lots of rooms in there. I got a room way at the top, in the attic of the place. Brian got the attic room. But whatever, I don't care. We're here, we're having fun, whatever it is. In Georgia, this is not uncommon. If you have mountains near your house, you've seen these before, these huge houses that look like log cabins, but they're not. They're really very nicely appointed places to stay. They're good Airbnbs. At that time, there wasn't an Airbnb, but you could rent them from rental companies. There are companies that own hundreds of these things up in the mountains of Georgia. So beautiful scenery.

It's fun. It's fun. You usually just stay in the cabin and get shit hammered.

Yeah, play games, watch maybe he's listening to music, get in the Jacuzzi and rip down the shower curtain.

Beautiful open floor. Beautiful open floor plan houses with nice kitchens. Then every basement has the same thing. Cookout. Pool table, arcade games, a grill, a Jacuzzi, and a warning that there are bears. So don't go out there. Be bear-aware, as they say. Be bear-aware because the bears will come, they will smell the food. You could get in trouble. We don't have grizzly bears here, but we have those black bears and the brown bears. They can be nuisances, essentially. But you'd certainly- And those raccoons. Oh, the raccoons are mean as shit. They're cute as a button, but they are mean as shit.

It's the whole thing with your trash, right? Yeah, you got to be careful.

They usually have locks on them or something along those lines. You keep the trash inside until you absolutely need to put it outside. We went to this cabin, got there on a Friday night. We just hit it hard. I will never forget, the first... We were downstairs- Shots, shots, shots. Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, Exactly.

Shots of vodka, if I remember correctly.

That's right. But Brian's smarter than the average bear, no pun intended. I only drink bud light. I stick with the bud light. I might do a shot, but I know that if I add hard liquor into the mix, I'm not going to know how drunk I am. It's going to come up on me really quickly. But that doesn't stop me from having 36 bud lights. On the first night, there is a Jacuzzi outside, downstairs, outside the basement on the lowest floor. There is a Jacuzzi. Like a lot of these cabs, almost all of them have them, these jacuzzis, that are usually eight or 10-person jacuzzis enough to have a nice party. We get the jacuzzi going, we're drinking, somebody's cooking a meal. We're downstairs in the basement. I will never forget the first time I ever heard the Lady I got something, ra, ra, ga, ga, ga, ga, la, is on MTV or whatever music channel, whatever video channel was on in one of these cable stations, it was playing, and I was like, Oh, that's cool. I like that. Whatever that is, I'll take more of that. All that you got. I like that, Lady the guy.

But we all got into the Jacuzzi because that's what you do. As you do. Well, it was me and this other guy and these four girls, and two of those girls had boob jobs. As you do when you're young and you're drunk and you're having fun and you're in a Jacuzzi, somehow the conversation always turns to sex and somehow someone's always getting naked, right? Yes. Of course, most of us disrobe at some point during the night, and that's just the way it is. Now we're all in various states of nudity in the Jacuzzi, but nothing is happening. Nothing's going on, right?

Yeah, it's fun and playful.

That's right. Night ends, night wraps up. It's just me and this other friend of our friend who had some of the largest fake boobs I have ever seen in my entire life on a very small frame, but they were large. We end up upstairs in my room that has a little balcony off of it, smoking cigarettes and talking through the night. I thought it was a very nice conversation, but I didn't feel it was very amorous. It wasn't like I wanted to hook up with this. It wasn't one of those conversations where all of a sudden you're making out. It wasn't romantic in any nature. It was just us talking. It was probably be Brian making up shit like I do here on the commercial break. Telling stories, making up facts.

I'm sure that was.

Filling the void with whatever shenanigans are rolling around in my head. You know how I do, Chrissy. I can talk for hours. Is it the truth? I don't know. Is it factual? I don't know.

What does it matter? There's some kernel of truth in there.

There's usually something there you can hang on to. There's usually some post of reality. It's like the North Pole. It's really hard to find, but it's up there somewhere. It's grounding us all. It's grounding all of our compasses somewhere. Somewhere. It moves around, but it's up there somewhere. It's a thing you can't see, but you know it's around it. It's helping guide the conversation. Yes, that's Brian. That's what I do.

Now, there's the truth.

That is the truth. I am a storyteller. Storytellers, we don't rely on the truth. What? This is boring. That's boring. Side note, Esther comes in here the other night and she's asking... She goes, That wedding story you told? And I said, Yeah. She goes, You got it wrong. I said, What did I get wrong? She goes, The wedding didn't start at 3: 00. It started at noon. I was like, And? She was like, Well, I just wonder if you remember some of these things. I'm like, Well, I do now that you're telling me, but what did I say? She said, You said 3: 00 PM. I said, That could make a lick of difference in the conversation, in the story that I was telling. It had nothing to do with what time it was. It was long either way. If it started at noon or it started at 3: 00. We were there for a long time. She's like, I know, but sometimes I notice you don't get the dates and the time is, right? And I said, I'm a storyteller. The dates and times are ancillary to what's actually is going.

I stopped trying to correct you years ago.

Yeah, no. Who cares? It gives a shit. It gives a shit.

You're spinning your tails up in the attic?

I'm spinning my tails up in the attic when we're smoking cigarettes and we're having fun And eventually, we disperse for the night. Or I don't know if we disperse or if we spent the night in the same bed, but whatever. The point is, nothing happened. And I'm curious about what you think about this. So night number two, we go to the whitewater rafting. We go into town to go do a little shopping, and then we come back and we do the same. Rince and repeat. Get shit-faced, eat some dinner, hang out in the Jacuzzi. But this time, it's me and this girl that are left early in the night because everyone was... They were hung over and tired. Tired from the day. Yeah, they were tired from the day and they'd had enough. Shopping. Shopping.

What are you all shopping for?

I don't know. Jeweler, shitty $3 jewelry from the local tourist trap. Like a mug. Yes, exactly. A magnet. I was here. I whitewater rafted. The mountains are where I smile.

Right. There's plaques.

I'm smiling because I'm in the mountains. Right. Okay. All right. Congratulations.

Yes, totally. A little bear, salt and pepper shaker.

Salt and pepper shaker. Right. My dog is a wolf. I'm like, stupid shit like that. Take me to my happy place, Ridge, Georgia. Okay. All right. Lake life is great. All the shit you see on the walls of these rental cabins, they just fill it with a bunch of tropes. But okay, I get it. The same thing with the beach. She's showy-showy. It's a beach. Yeah. Life's a beach. It's hard to frown. It's hard to frown when the sun goes down at the beach.

And it's on a light preserver plaque.

Yeah, you sure are happy.

There's so many.

I'm a shell of my former self. At the beach. At the beach. It's a whale of a good time. My morning, but my songbird's are dolphins. All this stupid shit that they put all over those walls. Anyway, I don't know what we're shopping for. Who knows? I don't think I bought anything. I probably didn't have any money. But anyway, Bud Light, that's what I bought. I went shopping for bud light because I drank all of it the night before. God forbid, I'd be less than 10 bud lights in a fridge. I start panicking. I'm like, Oh, no. That's an hour worth of bud light. What do we do? What about you? Croger. Piggly, wiggly. There's Bigly Wiggly. That's right. Listen, I'm not heading on a Bigly Wiggly. No. Yeah, I've seen a few that are the Piggly Wiggly and Ingles. Those two is what you find up there in the mountains. I don't know why. They're the mountain stores. They are. Rins and repeat. It's me and this girl in in the Jacuzzi at the end of the night, and for whatever reason, she starts talking about her boobs. I like my boobs. I got the dot.

I don't know what she's saying. I'm drunk. I don't know what she's saying. I'm not listening. I don't care. We're listening to music. We're having fun. And she takes her top off, and she starts asking me if I would feel her boobs because her boobs are the gummy bear boobs or whatever. Did they do a good job? How does it feel?

Yeah, it's a special type.

Yeah. So I start feeling her invited, of course. She's invited to feel her breasts. Why not? Of course. Why wouldn't you? I'm single. I'm not beholden to anybody. It's completely consensual. She's asking me. Just to be clear about this story, I don't want anybody to get it twisted. I wasn't just feeling some girl up because she said, I have gummy bear boobs. But I started feeling- I think a lot of women do that.

When you get a boob job, you're proud of it and they feel real and you look at them and feel them.

You're proud of them. Yeah, you're proud of them. Yeah, you're proud of them. You spend a lot of money on them. Sure. Why not? If it's someone that you trust and you're having fun and having a few Why not? I had seen them the night before, so it wasn't like there was no mystery about it. This wasn't some big secret. I started feeling her boobs, yada, yada, yada. Rince and repeat upstairs again that night. More smoking cigarettes But this time, she just has a towel wrapped around her waist while we're sitting up there. And so her boobs are just hanging out the entire night. Okay. A little strange, but okay, I'm not going to argue looking at tits all night long. She They pay a lot of money for them. Great boob job. They looked real. I mean, they didn't look real, but you know what I'm saying. You get what I'm saying. There we are the rest of the night. Then again, Brian borres her to sleep. Brian starts It's story time with Brian. We go to sleep. By the way, I do remember this woman was a real intellectual. She was like someone who was very smart.

She had a lot of conversation in her, and she knew what she... This wasn't some vapid conversation. We were talking about deep stuff, the stars and space and aliens and all this other stuff. She was an educated woman. We were having a good, I thought, very meaty conversation. I remember it that way. I don't remember what we're talking about, but I remember it that way. I remember thinking, wow, this is a smart conversation.

She can call the conversation.

Yeah. Again, I remember specifically this time we go to bed, we go to sleep, and she goes to bed naked, right? Okay. But there is no vibe under I mean, listen, if there was a vibe, I would feel it. I've got a vibe dar for this thing. While I think it's been wrong a couple of times, I don't think it's been wrong often. I didn't feel any her feeling any attraction toward me. I understand she's naked, but you got to understand the premise of the whole weekend. It was a naked weekend. You know what I'm saying? There was a lot of tits and ass. There was a lot of tits and outs.

The last naked weekend in the woods.

Yeah, that's right. My micropenis is now everybody's... It's no secret anymore. Everyone's just doing their thing, feeling not a lot of inhibition because we're all feeling comfortable with each other, except for me and this other guy had a huge swang, and now I got my little PPs hanging out. That's why I took my shorts off in the Jacuzzi while it was bubbling, so no one could see. I proved to you that I could be naked? Yes, because this guy takes them off before he gets in, and I'm like, I I would have chew if I had that. That is a baby arm right there. What are you doing? That is a whale dick. That is a pizle. You got a pizle. But it's just that weekend. It's that vibe. So at least in my state of intoxication, I don't find any of this to be particularly strange. It's just what's going on this weekend. And I've been in far crazier situations than this. This is not weird to see a topless woman walking around the house or walking the room. We go to sleep. I do remember she was nude. I do remember going to sleep.

I do remember thinking for a few minutes, is this like, are we having a vibe check here? Is she inviting something that I'm just not picking up?

Yes, I could almost see that then. Because otherwise, it seems like maybe she would have found a T-shirt or something.

A something.

You would have thought- To indicate no.

Well, I think part of the conversation was, I sleep in the nude. That's what I do. She was like, right? She was like, yeah. But there's no other hints that are dropped that I pick up on. It's an intellectual conversation where we're smoking cigarettes and drinking. In the nude. Her tits are out. That's right. Her tits are out. Then we go to sleep and she's in the nude. But nothing happens. I don't even think I touched the girl at night at all because I didn't feel like there was any indication that that was Okay, that's what she wanted. That's what she was interested in. Next day, everybody separates, goes their own ways. This girl and I had been texting on occasion, not frequently, but on occasion. I don't know, a week later, I text, Hey, how are you doing? I had a fun time at the No response. Then a texting. You remember the boobs? No response. What's that? You remember the boobs? I remember the boobs. Hey, how are your tits doing? How are you? Hey, how are your tits feeling? Do you need some help? How are you? Nothing. Nada.

No response.

Months later, I saw her at a party, an event, a party. She was just dismissive. I was like, Hey, what's up? I texted you a few times and I didn't hear her back. She's like, Well, I just felt like you clearly weren't Weren't into me, so I didn't want to bother you. I said, Weren't into you? How? She's like, Well, I just got the friend vibe. We had that night together and nothing happened. I picked up what you were putting down. I was like, What was I putting down? I didn't pick up that vibe at all. I must have missed the cues. She's telling me I missed the cues.

But would you have- She was naked.

That's true. That was the first. You're saying that the first indication that a girl is into you is if she's naked in your bed.

It's a pretty good indication.

Put that in the old brain bank and remember it next time, Brian. If she's naked in bed, well, then Astrid's got a lot of explaining to do, or I have a lot of explaining to do to Astrid. I just missed it. I missed it altogether. You were being respectful. I was always respectful. You were. I was always respectful. Listen, here's my piece advice to the young men out there. Despite what other podcasters might tell you, other podcasters might say. Respect is the ultimate flirtation, period, and descent. No matter what the situation is, respect an invitation. Wait for the invitation, ask for the invitation, whatever you have to do, but always respect the boundaries. Even if there's a naked woman in your bed, doesn't necessarily always mean. It probably means she's into you, but it doesn't necessarily always mean that she's into you. Still not 100% welcoming. You can't assume anything, I guess is what I'm trying to say. That's very true. I didn't assume anything. Therefore, I missed out on an opportunity with an attractive young woman. But we both ended up in better places. Well, yeah. I don't know where she ended up, but I ended up in a better place.

I'm just assuming she ended up in a better place. We didn't talk much after that. No. But that's okay. You know what? Onward and upward. There's my story about a naked cab in a Having in the woods. Remember, kids, Jacuzis should be cleaned often. That's all I got to say. Let's take a break. Yes, they have to. And we'll be back.

Let me do something Brian has never done. Be brief. Follow us on Instagram at The Commercial Break. Text or call us, 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website, tcbpodcast. Com, for all the audio, video, and your free sticker. Then watch all the videos at youtube. Com/ash the commercial break. And finally, share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian? That really wasn't that difficult, now, was it? You're welcome.

Let's catch up on a few television shows. I'm just talking to myself. Let's catch up on a few television shows. Let's do it. All right. So Paradise. You told me to watch Paradise. Were you the one who told me to watch Paradise?

Yes, I do like Paradise, but I have stopped watching. I watched the first three, but then I stopped watching it because it was too hard to wait each week. So I'm going to wait until they build up. Okay.

All right. So I watched- I have seen the first three. I watched the first episode in 10 Minute Chops. Did you like it? I really like the way in which the timing and tempo of it. I like the fact that it gets right into it. It's not a lot of backstory in 15 weeks of this and that and the other thing. But I found at the end of the episode, I won't spoil it for anybody. I found at the end of the episode, I was a little disappointed in the whole plot twist. I thought it would be a little bit, I don't know, a little bit more grounded in reality, I guess would be the right word to use.

You mean the first episode?

The very first episode. Where you find out. Where you find out exactly what's going on. I won't ruin it for anybody. But just know it's sci-fi drama mystery thing going on involving a president in the Secret Service. It's very well-acted. It really is. Very well-acted. Even the first episode, you're like... Those are usually the worst-acted episodes of any show. It was so well done by the actors involved. I really enjoyed it. It kept me going. I had to break it up into four different sessions because I can only get 10 minutes of a fucking time in this house to watch anything. But I do have to say I'll give it a second and a third episode. Oh, yeah. But I was a little bummed out by where the direction it headed.

The second and the third are great.

Are they? Mm-hmm. Okay. Do we find out more? Is there more that's on- There's more that's on camera. Do we understand a little bit more about why we're here and what we're doing?

A little bit more, yeah, from what I remember.

Okay. I'm I'm not going to give it a try, but I would suggest if you're into that lost type of television show, I guess, but much better acted and probably well-directed, better directed, Paradise is right up your alley. I still think Severance is the best sci-fi television show that we're all watching right now. If you're not watching Severance, you must watch Severance. Adjunct to that, I'm going to throw in another one that you must watch, Baylen Out Loud. Baylen Out Loud is one of the best television show that's out there right now, I'm just saying.

Okay, it keeps flashing up on my max.

Are you watching Baylen out loud? I'm not, but it keeps popping up.

Okay.

Just watch an episode. I know that first episode is going to be a little hard to watch because Baylen has one of the most severe cases of Tourette syndrome, according to professionals that they have seen, and it is intense. She really has a hard time controlling what they call ticks, her ticks. It goes from everything from facial movements and body movements to compulsive behaviors. She has something called I don't want to mess it up. I'm not going to say it, but there is a version of Tourette's, the one that we're probably all cartoonishly familiar with, which is people yelling out obsenities at any given time. Like, Go fuck yourself, suck a dick, stuff like that. That's right. Baylen has this, and it is apparently very rare for people to have this version of Tourette's. She's one of the, whatever they say, 5 to 7% of people that have this, and she's got it bad. The thing is that TLC, in their infinite wisdom, shows all of it, even when she's cussing. I guess they've made an editorial decision that let's go ahead and show when she's saying the word dick or shit or fuck or whatever.

Most of those come out without bleeping. It's really intense. You get to see it. But Baylen herself is an absolute sweetheart. She's a dollface. The show is interesting.

What time does the show come on? Because it might be a thing with the timing. Because I've noticed that some shows I watch, definitely, that are on main network TV do have a lot of cussing.

She's on at 10: 00, so it's after safe hardware. Oh, it's 10: 00. But it's also a cable channel, so they can do what they want. They choose not to because they want the advertisers, but it doesn't seem like they're having a problem getting advertisers on Baylen out loud. I like this show. I like this girl.

You were excited about it before it started.

I am. Now, because... Let me share something with you in case you don't know something about the commercial break. I do like good television, but I like really bad television also. I'm into the 90 Day Fiance, 600 Pound Life, the series of shows that usually come on TLC. It's just been a channel that I've enjoyed watching Devolve into Absolute Shit Show for the last two decades.

You somehow dragged me into part of it.

I know. It's not hard to get dragged into. Once you get sucked in, it's like a whirling dervish. I know. It just brings you in. Some of the television shows are just fascinating looks at other people's lives. While some of it you know is manufactured drama, it's still drama that's interesting. I am over 90 day fiancé boot camp or whatever it is.

The resort. I'm done. The resort. Last Chance Resort. I haven't even kept up with it. I'm like, I'm done.

These people are the thirstiest people on earth. It's so bad. Since the two hosts of the commercial break started in 2020. They are so thirsty. They really are. It is terrible. It is horrible. It is terrible. It is terrible. None of these relationships have a shot of making it. They are just there to collect a paycheck and have a nice two-week vacation. I know it. I'm sure of it.

I thought that that one woman is pregnant now with another man's baby. Who? The one The one from... Is she from Brazil? Jasmine? Jasmine.

Jasmine is pregnant with someone else's child? Yes, I read that. Drizama drop. Drama drop right here.

Did you really think that those two were going to work out? No.

Yes, I actually did. You thought they were. It seemed like they were one of the couples that were actually doing things together.

Not to be.

Oh, poor Gino. Gino. Gino. Gino and his hat and his bald head, his little tuft of hair hanging out. I know. You've got to know I mean, Gino is just... He is one of a kind, and Jasmine is one of a kind. She is an explosive woman. Explosive. But she is nothing as bad as Natalie. Oh, Natalie. Natalie, the Russian girl who is a Russian girl. She is insane. There's no rhyme or reason to anything Natalie does. But I don't want to bore you all with that. I'm done with that. I'm done with 90 Day Resort. I'm sticking with 90 Day Fiance or 90 Day The Other Way. One of those two. There's a new season that's starting, and I And one of them has a thruple. It's a thruple, 90-day fiancé. How are they going to get them over here on a 90 day visa? I have no idea. If they're a thruple, unless two of them are American, right? Yeah, I guess so. And they're bringing the third one over. But okay, you got me, TLC. You got me for another three episodes.

Was there another one that did that? What about the... Or was that an actual show based on people trying to find a third?

That was an actual show. Yes. My Sister Wives. Seeking Sister Wives. Yes. Yeah. Which that's still interesting. We're waiting for that show. But now I'm I'm seeing there are commercials for new TLC programming. One of them is very small people. I don't know what they have. It's not like the seven little Johnston's type of Dorfism. It's like a different type. There's two of them that are married and they have a new television show. This is just Brian just staring at other people's misfortune. I know that it is in some ways, but they are putting themselves out there, I assume, to humanize, to get a paycheck, to get a little bit of traction, maybe a little bit of fame. We all can assume that if you're on a reality show, you're looking for that attention. Then additionally, I think to humanize in some way their condition or their lives, to say, Hey, we are out here being people, too, and we can do these things also. We can get married and fall in love. That's Seven Little Johnstons is on season number 27. I'm getting over it a little bit, though, because it's the same thing every episode.

I've said this, it's the most formulaic of any TLC shows. I do love the Seven Little Johnstons. I really do. I mean, as people, I think that they're very interesting human beings.

You wanted to be on the show.

I want them to come on the show.

Or you wanted to be on their show.

Yes, and I want to go on their show. I want to be a part of it. Can I come on and make an appearance on the 7 Little Johnstons? I know you live close, so come on, let's do this. It's a collab. Is that what the kids are saying these days? Let's collab on something, 7 Little Johnstons. But the problem is you got to break that formula of the show. Here it is. Some goofy game that the family plays, like a made up, Hey, today we're taking pictures for Instagram, so we decided to do a silly little dance. We're all learning a silly little dance. That takes up half the episode. Then there's some drama. That drama is resolved. Then in the last five minutes of the show, new drama appears. That's it. It's formula, formula, formula, formula. Every time, you got to break that formula. We need sex, drugs, and rock and roll. That's what we need, seven Little Johnstons. Get on it. Come on. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Somebody go to a strip club or something. That's what we need. Hey, invite me on the show. I got the answers for all this formula.

You just shake it up. Yes, for sure. You got to shake it up. A lot of these kids, they're in their 20s now, so they can get to it. What are we doing? We're boozing, we're having fun, we're going to the strip club. Maybe we go to Vegas. We do some fun things, but things that aren't necessarily pre-planned and script. It's too scripted. But anyway, I will digress just for a second so that we can ask Christie, what is your favorite television show that Brian is not watching right now?

That Brian I'm not watching. God, whenever you put me on the spot like this, I go blank, and there's a million of them that you're not watching that you should be.

Name one. Tina, what's the show you're watching? I'll ask Tina. I'll give you a minute to... I'll give you a minute to dig in. Did you do Lionel? I want to see Lioness or Landman? I can see those rather quickly. I want to see both of those. I want to see Lioness, and I want to see Landman, but they're both on Paramount Plus. Amazon Prime. I watched mine on Prime. But it's connected to Paramount Plus? Maybe.

I don't know for sure, but I watched them on Prime. You had to subscribe.

Yeah, that's the thing. Lioness is a good one.

You got two whole seasons you can just run right through. I want to watch that one. I did watch Landman.

Was Landman good?

Landman was good. Okay. It was good.

I heard a lot of people talking about that first episode. They got very excited about it. I was just wondering if it managed to follow through on all the excitement it had produced. Yeah.

It was good.

John Ham's in that?

He is. He is. Yeah. I love John Ham. I do, too. Who doesn't? I love John Ham. Did you watch all those Fargo's?

I did watch all the Fargos. Yes, I've watched all the Fargos. A Return to Form this last season. A Return to Form. I really like the first season. I like the second season. The season with Chris Rock was not my favorite season. It just dragged a little bit. I thought the story was a little too forced. But then the fourth season, which I think is the last one with Jon Hamm. Yeah. Very, very good.

Very good, yeah.

Have you watched The Hole? Is it the whole, the one with Well, but that's been out for so long. I think if you wanted to watch it, you could watch it. It's about a giant hole in the ground. It's literally about a giant hole in the ground, and it's starring that guy. Now, I'm not going to... I'm going to fucking forget his name. He was in No Country for Old Man, not Harvey or Burden, but the other one. He's like a gruff. He's got a goatee. He talks like this, and you say he's got a really cool low voice, and he says, Hey, someone done killed some drug dealers up on the ranch, and now I got to go take care of it, so I need you to stay here. I got this bag of money. Remember No Country for Old Men? Yeah, I do. I love that show. One of the best movies. Now everybody's looking.

Well, I'm looking at my phone because I'm trying to remember what I just watched. I watched something. Okay, hold on.

No Country for Old Men cast. Tommy Lee Jones. No, but he was in that, too. Josh Brolin, Woody Harrelson. Josh Brolin. Josh Brolin. Josh Brolin started an Amazon Prime show that was so fucking good. Let's see here. Not Sicario. Sicario was good. I liked Sicario. I can't remember what television show he was in. Anyway, I'll remember it and I'll get to it. One of the things that I wanted to say that everybody has to watch while we're talking about television shows is Slow Horses on Apple TV. Yes.

I've seen all of that.

It's so good. There's four seasons of that now also. Every season is quick to and so well done. That's really good. There has never been... I mean, the acting in Slow Horses is so incredible. Gary Oldman. Gary Oldman was born to play this guy. He was born to play this guy. What's his name? I'm having a hard time with all the names.

We're both having a hard time.

Anyway, he was born to play this role. Born to play this role. He is so good in this. Watch Slow Horses. He Anyway, what did you think of?

Silo. I just got done watching Silo, and that's really good. Oh, that's right. You told me about Silo.

Everyone's talking about Silo.

I loved Silo. I can't wait for the next one.

Haven't gotten into Silo. Can't wait for the next season?

Yeah.

For all mankind is really what I'm excited to see the next the next one of For All Mankind. We talked about that when I was watching it. I think there's four or five, six seasons of For All Mankind. So good.

Okay. I haven't watched that one.

You got to suspend disbelief for the first couple of episodes. It looks like it's a historical drama, and then all of a sudden it takes a right-hand turn and you're like, Wait, that's not how all this shit went down. Just follow it. It's an alternative historical drama. If things had been different in the space race, what would have happened? It is so fucking good. If you aren't thirsty for the next season, by the time you get done with the established episodes that are out there, then you just don't like good TV. All right, let's take a break, and when we get back, Brian will talk more shit.

Rachel here. While Brian takes his old man bladder to the little boys room, let's talk turkey. Tcb needs your help. If you love the show, do us all a favor and share. Sharing is caring, and we know you care. Don't you? Well, don't you? That was some childhood trauma. Rearing its ugly head. Do you want to be on the show? Leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3822, and you could be the next TCB a disembodied voice. What'd you do today? I was a disembodied voice. That sounds more dangerous than it actually is. Find us on Insta @thecommercialbreak. On the web at tcbpodcast. Com, and all the episodes on video are available the same day at youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak. I'm going to go help Brian get back up the stairs while you listen to the sponsors, and then we'll all meet back here and get back to this episode of The Commercial Break. I'll take a raise now. Bitches, bye. Okay.

I wanted to mention a story that I read that all of us were talking about the other day on our group chat. There is a woman, I won't mention her name here on the air, but there is a woman who was recently fired from her job as a police training officer because she was trying to make ends meet for her children by doing some racy photographs at night. She was on one of these websites where people could pay her to disrobe, essentially. She got fired because As the local town council found out about her Moonlighting job. Even though there was no rules in the handbook about taking Moonlighting jobs, as a matter of fact, many police officers Moonlight in many different ways. They're Uber drivers, they're delivery They're security. Security at concerts and at bars. I mean, those police officers aren't standing there doing the work on behalf of the taxpayers. They are getting paid by the event producers, the bar, the facility, whatever, to stand there. Cops who direct traffic in the morning for schools or offices. They're doing that to make extra money, to make ends meet. That's one of the fringe benefits of being a police officer is that it's likely you can get pick up secondary work because people need you to do other work that's not taxpayer approved.

This lady is just doing other work. Listen, whether or not you believe that pornography should be a thing, let's put that aside for just one second. The lady is trying to feed her children, and she cannot do that on her police officer salary. The story goes, she had an emergency at her house. A tree fell through her roof. She needed a new roof or a hailstorm or a windstorm or something. She needed a new roof, and she couldn't afford it. She took somebody up on their offer. As many people do. Yeah, as many people do. She took somebody up on her offer to put out some photographs. Those photographs were racy. They were graphic. I saw some of them, like any pornography is. And who fucking cares? Okay, so the training officer has some titty pics out there. What does it It's 2025. This lady is a police officer. She is putting her life on the line every fucking day for other people, and she just needs to feed her children and have a new roof. Who cares how she does that as long as it's legal. If it's illegal, I get it. If she's selling weed on the side, I understand.

You can't be a police officer and sell weed on the side. Though I did know a police officer who sold weed on the side. Oh, yeah. A Georgia State Patrol officer. I don't want to get... I don't even want to... Maybe I shouldn't say that. A police officer who was selling weed and doing cocaine at my house, and he was a Georgia State Patrol officer. Now, he was off the job. He was not working at the time. So whatever's clever, it doesn't bother me one bit.

That would be really weird if he was in his uniform.

If he was in his uniform. He wasn't in his uniform, but he had his badge. And trust me, I was a little skived out by the whole thing. Somebody else brought him over to my house, and I was like, Dude, did you just bring a cop that's got a badge on him? Oh, my God. He whipped out the badge to grab a credit card to cut the cocaine with. I was like, Oh, no, we're not doing this, aren't we? Because that guy could, I don't know, he could flip on me. Yeah, at any moment. It saved me out to the point where I didn't do anything, like any drugs in front of him. I was like, No, this is a step too far. But I knew the guy, But whatever you do on your private time is your private time. I guess if it's illegal, you should probably uphold the law if you're having other people uphold the law. But the point is that this lady not being able to make ends meet and then getting fired for doing something perfectly legal, maybe not moral in your eyes, but perfectly legal to make ends meet is like the epitome of hypocrisy.

We're allowing them to put their bodies on the line when we need them to, when they're the last line of defense or the first line of defense, we call their bodies into action willing to sacrifice on the altar of public service. But when they want to use their bodies to make sure that they have food in their mouths, it's not okay. It doesn't make any sense at all whatsoever. Think of it what you will. Decide whether or not you want to watch pornography or look at these pictures. That's your choice. Absolutely. But it's your choice. Her choice is to try and make enough money to pay the rent. I don't understand for the life of me how this is a problem. If she's a teacher, I get it. I totally understand it. If you're a teacher, you need to set a good example for the children. It's just part of the job requirement There is some expectation of morality. The kids can see the pictures somehow. Yeah, the kids can see the pictures, especially if you're a teacher of old... Well, I guess if you're a teacher of any children, if you're a college professor, then I get it.

The kids are old enough to understand that this is the way the world works. But if the kids are 10 and they're looking at nude photographs of you, then I can understand how that would be disruptive in class. Therefore, while I don't disagree with the methodology, I do agree that you need to have some... You need to tow align in some way, in some way, shape or form. Listen, let's all get over ourselves a little bit here. Do you know what I'm saying, Chrissy? Let's get over ourselves and allow people to do what they need to do to make ends meet in 2025. It's a tough tough life. It's a tough life for everybody.

We're all doing the best we can.

Absolutely. We need to be able to keep a roof over our heads and feed ourselves. If that means that we have to go to footfinder. Com and sell some sexy hairy pictures in order to make ends meet, well, that's what I'm going to do. You don't have any expectation that Brian is not going to do pornography, do you? I'm not putting my life on the line. For you, it's really, really hypocritical to believe that this woman should never do anything you don't agree with if she's trying to make ends meet. That's all I got to say. I just wanted to throw that out there. I think officers get a bad rap for good reason. There's a lot of shitty police officers out there, but there are There are probably many more who are just trying to make ends meet and really like public service. The bad one should be weeded out, and bad policing should be weeded out, and all that other stuff. I don't need to go over every single type of bad policing, but there are a lot of good officers out there. One here in my hometown just lost their life.

Yeah, I know. That was so sad.

Just checking up on a suspicious person. Yeah, at the grocery store. Yeah, and the guy opened fire as soon as she opened the door. I think it was a she, if I'm not mistaken. It was a he. He died instantly because some dude just opened fire. That's a tough job. Yeah. No, I know. That was so sad. That's a tough, tough job. Yeah. We should let our police officers do anything within the bounds of law to make sure that they live high on the hog. That's my opinion. Then we might get better police officers. You know what I'm saying? They might be more inclined to do good police work if they know they don't have to struggle to make ends meet. Is it the theory that I have? Is it the theory that I have? It's like the Amazon guy throwing packages at my door. I understand. That job is tough. That's a tough fucking job. Brian's ordering some random wire from Taiwan and needs it yesterday. I'm like, Where's my shit? There it is. There it is. Okay, all right. I get it. I totally understand it.

I know. I get it, too. We have a little gate thing, and a lot of times they just leave the package just over the gate. I'm like, I get it.

When we first moved here, the person who lived here before us said that she was an old lady, an old kook. She said, Oh, kook. She said, She told the UPS and the FedEx drivers, I don't want you coming to my front door because the dog barks and it bothers me. So leave it on the side of the house. And so for a year or two, whenever we got a package, it ended up wet on the side of the house, in the mud, on the trash can, down the street. It was crazy. It was crazy. So finally, I had to have a conversation with the guys. I'm like, Hey, dudes. We're okay.

Bring it to the door. Blue is I'm going to bark no matter what. Yeah, I don't care.

So we're used to it. Throw it at the door. Just get it somewhere close to the front of the house, and I'd be happy. I'm always searching around the woods for my packages. Like, Did it blow over there? Did it go over there? That also reminds me, there's The trash can people. The trash can people, the trash folks, they're lovely human beings. I know that's got to be the most thankless job in the world. You got to sit in that stank, in that sweating hot mess during the summers and cold during the winters, flying on the back of that truck. Rain. Rain, all of it. I think about a day like today when it's just raining cats and dogs, and you got to be on the back of that truck because today's our trash day. You got to be hanging on to that truck wet with all that sloppy garbage flying all over you. God, I could never do that job. But then they have this automatic trash can machine that grabs it and throws it up in the back. Do you know what I'm talking about? The arm that just grabs it?

Ours has it, too.

Yeah. Well, the person who's driving the truck or doing the arm or whatever can't seem to find my driveway to save his life. All the way down the street, after trash day, you'll just see a row of trash cans out in the middle of this incredibly busy two-lane street. People are honking, they're hitting the trash cans. I've noticed it. Yeah, you have? I have. Being the good neighbor that I am, Brian, the good neighbor, I sometimes go down the street and pull the trash cans in just to make sure that no one gets into an accident.

We get the same thing on our street.

It's unbelievable. It's all over the I'm all about automation. A poor guy doesn't need to be sitting on the back of the truck throwing the trash into my trash can. Fine, fine. Go ahead. Use your arm. But could you do me a favor? Put it back where you found it, at least within a foot or 10 feet. Not in the middle of the fucking street. People are literally getting into car accidents because they're trying to avoid my trash cans, driving way too fast down the street in front of my house. It really drives me crazy. I bet it does. Yeah, it does. All of us neighbors, we got a little WhatsApp group going on like, Hey, dude, what's on there. I don't know. I took a picture of it the other day, but then I didn't send it in because I was like, these poor guys, they already have enough fucking grief.

I know, that's the thing. You're dealing with your trash.

Yeah, they already got to take my jizz napkins and throw them in the... Blue's pea pads. Oh, Blue's pea pads, yeah. There's no trash that smells like Brian's trash. Between the baby, my 21 EPMs and the dog, it's a cesspool of germs and shit. Sorry. I'm really sorry. But I do appreciate the trashman. I certainly do. All these people who serve me. Because I worked in the restaurant industry for so long, it takes me... You have to get me really fired up to get me angry enough to call and complain. You really do have to get me very fired up. I'm just not that guy. I'm not that fussy. I really am not. All right. Well, listen. It's a little bit of a short episode, take it where you can get it. I got things to do. This isn't the only thing in my life. You got to go get the trash can. That's right. I got to go take nudy photographs to make ends meet. That's what I got to do. I got to put some highly graphic photographs of my taint out there to a guy named Dave.

I want those pictures now.

Sounds like Josh Brolin. Give me more dick. Kiss me on my penis. Kiss me. Okay. Kiss me. We were doing that 700 Club, and I was doing the voice of Pat Robertson. Kiss me on my penis.

That was disturbing. His hand. I can't stop thinking about the hand.

His whole present Yeah. His hand was like a skeleton coming out of the grave. We're all headed in that direction, by the way. I know, which is bad. Poor guy. All right, we didn't have a TCB infomercial this week, but go back and listen to Ari Shafir from last week. It was a great episode. A lot of people comments it that they really enjoyed the conversation. It was not only funny and fun, but it was insightful. I think that Ari has got a good head on his shoulders and a good perspective about what's going on in the world right now, and I can appreciate it.

I know. His podcast is great, too.

You be tripping. There it is. His podcast is considerably better than this one, so go check it out. Of course, the people that come on are more famous. Except for Ari. Ari actually came our show, so I take that as a compliment. It's like having Johnny Carson on. Yeah, he talks to a lot of famous people, but Johnny himself is a famous person. So there you go. Thanks, Ari. We appreciate it. See him in a couple of weeks. We're going to go see him live. That's right. I'm excited. We're super excited. All right, check out aryshapeer. Com for tours For more information, check out America's Sweetheart on Netflix. I'll put the link in the show notes so you can just get there quickly. As far as we're concerned, 212 433 3TCB, 212 433 3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, or you can be on the show. If you leave us a voicemail, you may be the next opening voice of the commercial break. Go ahead. Touch base. Have the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok, and tcbpodcast. Com is Our URL, all the audio, all the video right there. But you can catch the video at youtube.

Com/thecommercialbreak. Same day the episodes air here on the audio feed. Okay, Christie, that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. I'll say to you. The best to you. The best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Christie and I do say, we will say and we must say. Goodbye. What the fuck is going on in here?