Transcript of I Would Rather Not!

And welcome back to WSHIT 6: 15 on the Studio Clock. Sad news for the Crab Apple Township this morning. Last night, WSHIT learned that Pastor Wayne Dauble will be taking a sabbatical and traveling throughout the Southeastern United States for the next couple of months, looking for new sheep for his flock. Pastor Wayne, of course, local to the Crab Apple area, grew up here and started Crab Apple's only mega church, The Hard sword of the Lord. Pastor Wayne is certainly loved by his congregation and has done so much good for the community. We're lucky enough to have Pastor Wayne on the phone right now. Pastor Wayne, I just got to ask the question that's on everyone's mind this morning, why are you leaving Crab Apple? I pretty much fucked every hot check that I wanted to in Pennsylvania, at least in the South Hills area and the surrounding area, like towards the Mon Valley and up to seven Seasons, whatever they call it, Cranberry Township, fucking up by, whatever they call it, Seven Hills 7-7 something. Cranberry tea, get it? It's pronounced Crab Apple. I banged every check that I wanted to so far. If there's some that I missed, please let me know.

Send me a picture because I'm moving to Nashville, Tennessee next for about two weeks. I'm going to tear it up there, too. You know what I'm saying? They're already in the daisy dukeies, I call them. I think they call them daisy dukes. When I see a girl that has the perfect body, size six and smaller, I'm good to go. You know what I'm saying? Well, you heard it here first from Pastor Wayne himself. Lock your doors if you're in Nashville. We'll be back after this commercial break. Daisy dukeies. On this episode of the Commercial Break, Would you rather have to give a TED Talk about your last sexual experience or your search history projected on a billboard for three days? Oh, God.

I Well, I do the TED Talk because like my last sexual experience, it would be very short.

I just feel like, I came, I saw, I came. That was it.

Yeah, I might go to Ted Talk, too.

The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now. Yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Hodeley. Best of you, Chris. Best of you, Brian. Best of you out there on the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Tcb, Raw Dogging It. All right.

That's the new slogan?

Yes, that's the new slogan, Raw Dogging It with TCB. I thought about putting it on the... Oh, so I changed the description of the show. I asked ChatGPT to give a description of the commercial break, and then I put that description on the show. But I made it clear that this was how a chatbot recently described the commercial break. There you go. We're going all in on AI. I'm trying to get out of this seat and have AI do my... You remember how I promised that we would never be an AI show? We're totally AI. We're all in 100%, soon to be 100% AI-manufactured, and more than likely, funnier than ever. Make me a mediocre comedy podcast. One already exists. It's The Commercial Break, starring Brian Greenwig and Kristen Hadley. Hadley. It calls you Hadley. Celebrating Christie's birthday. Congratulations to you, my friend. Oh, thank you. Christie's back from Mexico. We're all here. We're having a good time. It's a birthday month. I like that. At least for another couple of days. I like that. I'll let you ride for another couple of days. Okay. And then no more talk about Mexico making me jealous.

Even though our tans are equal. We have equal tans.

I was thinking about you while I was down there in the sun. Yes.

I would love this. I would love nothing more than to get a natural tan, but not in this weather. It's not happening. I wanted to tell you a follow-up on a story that you may or may not hear in the future in the week, or maybe you'll never hear it, but I was telling a story about SNL 50, in how all the hype and excitement and all the people that were in town for SNL 50, that Superfly is a podcast that's on our network, Odyssey, with Dana Carvie and David Spade.

Oh, that's right. Yeah.

David Spade was telling a story. Dana Carvie didn't go to SNL 50 because he was sick. That was a disappointment to me. One of the few people that didn't show up that I would have liked to have seen because apparently they were going to do Wayne's World. Dana was sick, so they didn't do Wayne's World. Even though Mike Myers was there, they didn't do Wayne's World. That, to me, would have killed it. I think that would have killed it. David Spade tells a story about how Nate Bargatti says, I'm going to go do 1520 at the cellar. Do you want to come with me? They hop in a car and they go. On the way there, David Spade calls Chris Rock. Chris Rock is taking a nap and says, Yeah, if you're going to the cellar, I'll meet you there. Count me in. They go to the cellar, and then Leslie Jones is already slated to be there. That's great. So David says to the show manager, he says, Okay, let Leslie go up first. I'll introduce Rock, and then Rock can introduce Nate, or whatever, how it goes. Then the house manager, and David's to himself, wow, these people paid 18 bucks to see this show.

This is amazing. They got all these great comics. Well, that wasn't half of it because the hour before, the hour and a half before, Steve Martin, Martin Short, and was it Jerry Seinfeld? I think Jerry Seinfeld, they had all shown up to do sets at the cellar in one night. On one night, if you paid $18, you got to see all of those people do 15, 20 of stand-up. That is the supergroup. That is the supergroup.

That's 100% the definition of a supergroup.

Okay, so that leads me into an episode full of gameplay. Here we go. Are you ready? I'm ready. Don't play the music yet, Tina. I'm going to just do a little game with you. I want to know, you have five people to induct into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Are you ready? Okay. Okay. I'm going to give you the list, and I want you Who would pick those five people. Okay, here we go.

They're not already in there.

They're not already in there. It's this year's nominated group. Now everyone's got to vote on them. They'll announce it later on this month, I think March fifth or something like that, later on next month, March fifth. Okay? Pick your five.

How many are there to work with?

It looks like there's 15 to work with. Okay. Bad Company, The Black Crowes, Mariah Carey, Chubby Checker, Joe Cocker, Billy Idle, Cindy Lopper, Joy Division, New Order, Mania, Oasis, Outkast, Fish, Soundgarden, The White Stripes. God.

Hard.

Some people are saying this is some- I like a huge majority of those. Some people are saying this is one of the weakest nominating classes. I would argue that this is one of the better nominated class. Now, I know every year we can have this debate. Yeah. Okay. But I really do think there's a couple in here that are just... They have to be in. They have to be in. I need to. Okay, you ready? You want me to review again?

Well, no, hold on. Let me give you two right off the bat that I I think. I think Chubby Checker and I think White Stripes.

Without a doubt. Jack Black is... I mean, Jack Black. Jack Black. Jack Black. He also has a band. Yeah. Jack Black has done so much for rock and roll. With that movie he did, Rock... What at my school of rock or whatever. Listen, Tenacious D is another conversation altogether. I don't think their Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. No. They've done a lot, but I don't know that it's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame level, but they're good in their own right. But they're a comedy band, and it's like they had one or two albums that they actually put together of their own music, and they do a lot of cover tunes. Okay, so I agree with you on Chubby Checker. This certainly cannot be the first time that he has been nominated. He was back in the '50s, and he was one of the- It's like a twist. Yeah. One of the original rock and roll stars. Rock and roll, Chubby Checker, you think of those two go hand in hand. Way back in the day when they were just talking about this newfangled thing called Rock and roll, making the kids shake their hips and literally jizz on each other.

That's what they were afraid of. Girls were going to get pregnant because they were shaking their hips. Maybe it was true. I don't know. Maybe. Yeah. A lot of kids, those boomers, they boomed. They boomed. Yeah, rock and roll made them shake their hips. Chubby Chubby Checker, I agree with you.

Okay. I think I might have to give a nod to Atlanta with Outkast. They've done some really good stuff.

Outkast changed the landscape of music in their own way. I think they are groundbreaking, revolutionary, no doubt about it, and certainly puts Atlanta on the map. I do think that Outkast deserves their place in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Now, they're one of the younger groups that are there inside of the nominating class. I don't know, because you also have Joe Cocker.

I was going to say Joe Cocker.

Who Joe Cocker got an iconic voice. He really does. He's saying so many- He never wrote any of his own music, though.

What's that?

Isn't that funny? I know he didn't write any of his own music.

But got that voice.

Got that voice. Well, with that voice, you just sit around smoking a lot of cigarettes, drinking a lot of whiskey. You are so beautiful to me. Can't you see? Joke, that song alone, right? But then he played Woodstock. He played a lot. Okay. But I agree with you. He didn't write all of his own songs. I still think he deserves his place. I think so, too. As one of the more iconic voices in rock and roll, Joe Cocker deserves to be in there. Billy Idall, I could skip for now. I'm not like, okay, yeah. All right, we get it. I like him. I don't know. Billy Eido is a little... He's like campy punk, you know what I'm saying? I'm not sure that he's He's like a slicky, glossy, manufactured. I'm not saying that Billy Eido didn't have some good songs.

I like his stuff.

I think he's a nice... He seems like a cool guy, but I'm not sure I would pick him in this round. Oasis? I might have a case for it. I think you do have to say Oasis deserves their place in rock and roll history. I'm going Chubby Checker, Black Crowes, Joe Cocker, Outkast, The White Stripes. But that leaves out Fish. I know. And that leaves out Oasis. How do you do that? Bad Company I could give a shit about. I just don't care about Bad Company. I'm sorry. I just don't like their music, but I know that a lot of people, You're a certain person if you like Bad Company, and I don't hate you. I don't hate you for that, but I just think of you have a Harley Davidson that you ride once every three years. You know what I'm saying? I don't know. That's just Yeah, they're good. Bad Company. Yeah, they're good. They had their moment, I guess. I wasn't alive for it, so I don't know. It's not my thing. I know I'm going to get a lot of people that say, Bad Company is my favorite. Okay, Bad Company is your favorite.

Okay. Stop being mad at me. Go somewhere else. Stop it. Stop yelling at me. Cindy Lopper. Cindy Lopper.

Cindy Lopper.

She did a lot for the MTV Generation. She was one of the original video stars. Her voice, anything Everything she touches turns to gold with that voice of hers.

I do really like Cindy Lopper.

Yeah, it's so original. Listen, I say all of them except for Joy Division, New Order.

No, I love Joy Division, New Order.

I do love Joy Division, New Order.

I really love them.

But if you have to take one out, I would say Joy Division, New Order might have to wait till another nominating class. Manya, I'm sorry, don't know who they are, but okay, sure. I'm going to say Manya because I don't want to be insensitive. Manya. The DEI stands strong here in the commercial break. Manya, they're it. Yeah, this is a tough one. Mariah Carey, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Mariah Carey.

I mean, she's got a beautiful voice. No doubt.

Gorgeous voice. She should be in the beautiful voice Hall of Fame. She should be. Yes.

They need categories.

They do need categories. I understand that over the last three decades, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has really come to include all musicians in general. If you are a pop sensation in any way, shape, or form, if you have any clout as far as music is concerned, you could get a nomination for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I ain't mad at that because without that, then we don't have Outkast. Some people might say Outkast is not Rock and Roll. Well, it's not, but they have a Rock and Roll vibe. They certainly are a lot more edgy than most. I would include Outkast in that. Soundgarden is also in there, too. But Soundgarden is young. They're new to the nominations. I think this is like their second or maybe their third nomination. I do love Soundgarden. They can live a few more nominations. They'll get in there. Don't worry, kids. Don't be mad at me. They'll be in there. Just give it a couple more years.

Well, speaking of kids, Fish. I mean, they've been pretty transformative to that whole landscape.

They've been transformative to music in general. Let me explain why. Grateful Dead did this to great effect. Grateful Dead, in my opinion, is the most Americana band that has ever been, not because they're my favorite band, although I do like the Grateful Dead, but because they They did it all without big corporate dollars behind them. They were one of the biggest bands in the world, and still to this day are one of the biggest bands in the world.

They've sold an atmosphere. Yes.

You may have never even heard a Grateful Dead song because there's only one that I can think of, maybe two, Casey Jones and... What's the other one?

Touch of Gray.

We'll get by. Touch of Gray. Yeah, Touch of Gray and Casey Jones. Maybe those two you have heard because they were- Because they had some Yeah, they had radio hits, right? They were radio hits in general, and an MTV hit with Touch of Gray. But the rest of their music, largely their catalog, is shite. It's the live music that everybody wanted to see. They wanted to go experience. That's a whole experience. That's right. They built a traveling cult of human beings who did drugs, got naked, and found a way to survive for summers at a time, springs at a time, winters at a time, just on the kindness of strangers. Then they saw some good music at the time. If you listen to the Grateful Dead early on, it's really quite crap, actually, in my opinion, musically, they're figuring it out. But that's part of the beauty of the Grateful Dead, is they figured it out in front of audiences, show after show, time after time, night after night, 300 nights a year. They never went home. They never slept. They just got high and made music until they figured out how it sounded good.

That sometimes would take 400, 500 shows to make a single song sound okay. They did that to great effect with great commercial success. Excuse me. With great success without the commercialization. Now, there's Grateful Dead on everything. There's a fucking- Yeah. Steal your face.

Everywhere.

But that's not always necessarily the Grateful Dead's machine doing that. That's people who enjoy the Grateful Dead. Fish picked up directly where they left off. Fish has had a little bit more commercial success, but not much. But they are still around 30 Five years later.

He's putting on amazing shows. Yes.

They've been through their ups and their downs. Trey had to take four years off because he was addicted to heroin. Listen, they have done amazing things, and there is not a Fish show that does not sell out. There is not a Fish show that does not sell out. They have done it so well and in the lineage of the Grateful Dead, that when the Grateful Dead decided after Jerry died, that they would get together for a couple more shows, you know who they picked? They picked Trey from Fish to stand up and be Jerry or in place of Jerry and stand in his stead. Those were hugely commercially successful shows. You may have never heard a Fish show except for a sample in a jar. You may have never heard a Fish concert. You may have never been to one, but I guarantee you have friends that have. I guarantee you know people who have been to Fish, or I guarantee you know people who are going to shows that were influenced directly by Fish. They have had their tentacles in all kinds of musical history. I am not a cuck for Fish. I like the band.

I like their music. I've been to shows. I enjoy watching them live. It's not my favorite band ever, but I would say they certainly have earned their place, like the Grateful Dead earned their place in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Fish, in a lot of ways, is another American Iconic band that is highly successful. So Fish deserves their place. Outkast deserves their place. Joe Cocker deserves his place. The Black Crows deserve their place. The White Stripes deserve their place. Yeah, there's a lot of good ones. We can talk about White Stripes We can talk about how that's influenced music in all kinds of ways. The Revolutionary Band making music on their own terms. The Black Crows, they're just in your face rock and roll. That voice that Chris Robinson has, and those two brothers, the way they're always punching each other on stage and kicking each other in the balls and stuff. That's one of the great rock and roll stories of all time, along with Oasis, those two brothers. The stories of four brothers who can't fucking get along and they make great music and they can't get out of their own fucking way to get on stage and have make us all happy.

Fuck all of you. They're still doing really well. They played Mimfo.

Who did? Black Crows. Oh, I know. They're talking about Oasis. I was like, What?

Really? Well, those are brothers, too.

That's what I said. Okay. Yeah, that's what I said. You got two sets of brothers that can't get along to save their life and make wonderful music, both of them, like both sets of brothers.

Like you and Kevin.

Like Kevin and I. Kevin couldn't play an instrument to save his life, but I know the saxophone or the sexy phone if you don't mind. That's right. I play Elto. What do you play? Nothing. That's right. Kev, you should have stuck with it because you know how many times the sexy phone has gotten me laid? Zero. Zero.

It's just the fact that you know about it and have put your lips there.

I have put my lips all over the sexy phone. I get my read wet every time. But by the way, when Instruments are some of the most disgusting things in the world. Trumpeters are always spitting their saliva all over the floor. I mean, I was in band for a long time. I know how to play a sexy phone. Not very well, but I was second chair because I was too lazy to be first chair. I agreed with my band director's decision. I was like, I don't want all that pressure to practice. No, I'll just let him play and I'll pretend. When the solo comes on, just give me an A, D, A, D, A, D. But I knew. I knew the notes and I know how to play. I would also not toot my own horn. I won a few local awards for my sexy phone playing, mainly because the guy in the first chair would come with me to the competitions, and he was very good. Russell. It was Russell and Brian. They were mainly Russell, Brian. The people who were judging the competitions would be like, Well, I'm not even sure the second guy played anything.

He just pretended. But Russell was really good.

We would practice for weeks and I would just retire.

Anyway, whatever. Those wind instruments, when you have to get a read wet, you just have to keep on licking it until it's wet and warm. If you think about it, it's all Gross. Now, in my old age, I'm not sure that my germophobes would handle a sexy phone, but back in the day, I could get a read wet. You were good with it. I think that's where I got my tongue skills. There you go. There you go. All right. That is the nominating class of 2025 for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. So, Haters be damned. I think these are really hard choices, actually.

I think so, too.

If you don't mind. Don't worry about all that water around all those electrical wires.

Cough down.

Brian just kicks for a glass of water. Yeah, I think it's a really hard choice, and I don't even know that I could pick five, but I would have to say Joe Cocker, Outkast, I think Fish, I think the Black Crowes, and- White Stripes. Yeah, Chubby I guess. I would get all of them. I would get all of them. I really would. Well, Mariah Carey, bad company. I'm sorry, Joy Division. I know so many people love Joy Division, New Order. I love Joy Division. I know. I was never into that unless I was dating a Goth girl, and then all of a sudden I became a New Order fan. I was like, Oh, yeah, I love New Order. That's great. That's great. What songs do they sing? Yes. I know that there is a big cult following for Joy Division, New New Order, and so can't shit on them too much. But if I had to take a couple of out, the out, and to say, Okay, next time, guys- Just for this year. Just for this year. Yeah, I'd say New Order, Joy Division next year. I'd say Mariah Carey next year. I'd say Bad Company next year, and I'd say Soundgarden next year because Soundgarden is going to get in.

They're going to eventually get in. Chris Cornell died impostumously. He was one of the more interesting voices.

I love Soundgarden, especially in the time of Soundgarden. Whoa.

Bad Motor Finger, if to me, is one of the transformative albums of my life. It was the first grunge album.

Sun-tippled Pilates, Soundgarden. What was the other one I was just going to say? Allison Chains. Allison Chains, yeah.

Pearl Jam, Nervana, and so many hundreds of others. Those were my informative years. Yeah, me too. But Soundgarden, they were older than the rest, and they were first. They were like in the '80s, they were making music that was starting to sound a little edgy, like the time of Guns Roses. They were one of the first O-G original Seattle Sound bands, and that Bad Motor Finger came out just... It preempted a little bit of all of that Nervana, Pearl Jam, Allison Chains hype. Stone Temple Pilots came a couple of years later. But I will tell you what, that Soundgarden album, I bought it in Chicago on a trip home, back to go visit family. My aunt let me buy it at a CD store because I had heard one song, and I wore the shit out of The whole thing. I couldn't believe it. It was sonically explosive, and I just loved it. In his voice, it was like a hot knife cutting butter. It was unbelievable. Chris Cornell, may you rest in peace, my friend. Another great one gone. I can't believe Eddie's still here. Actually, I can't believe Eddie's men are still here.

He's coming to Atlanta. What's that? They're coming to Atlanta. Are you going? I know.

I got tickets for both nights. Oh, you did? I got tickets for both nights. Do you think I'm going to miss Pearl Jam?

Of course not.

I got Pearl Jam. I got Oasis, and for some reason I got Shaqira. Don't ask me why. I don't know. I'm heading there. We're going to go see Ari Shafeer. We're going to do Oasis. We're going to do Pearl Jam. We're going to do Shakira, I guess. We got a lot of things on the books, actually, which is surprising. We need to probably find a babysitter. That reminds me. Why don't we do this? Let's take a break. I'll find a babysitter for all my activities this spring and summer. Then when we get back, a good game of would you rather, Chrissy. Oh, okay. T-c-b style. We'll be back.

We We may do something Brian has never done. Be brief. Follow us on Instagram at the Commercial Break. Text or call us, 212-433-3-TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website, tcbpodcast. Com. For all the audio, video, and your free sticker. Then watch all the videos at youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak. Finally, share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian? That really wasn't that difficult, now, was it? You're welcome.

All right, let's play a little game. I asked our good friend GPT. I asked if-Chat. Chat. Chatty. Chattypt. Yeah. Apt, Apata Apata. Have you heard that song? The Apata Apata? Uh-uh. So my kids were running around. One of my kids was like, Apata Apata. And I'm like, What's Apata Apata? What is that? And then I realized it's a Bruno Mars song where he say, Meet me the Apata Apata, the apartment, the APT, the Apartment. And I was like, God damn. My kids aren't even old enough to wipe their own butts, some of them, and they're already saying words that I don't understand. Yeah, that's happening. I had to ask ChatGPT, What does Apata mean? Up, up, up, up. Anyway, I have been playing with ChatGPT, and I told ChatGPT, go out there, find all the available information about the commercial break, which is a lot because we're thousands of episodes into this stupid show. I said, read all those transcripts, and then I want you do a would you rather commercial break style. Revolving around TCB. Now, not all of them are super specific to TCB. Some of them are more generalized because I think the transcripts sometimes aren't easily readable to things like ChatGPT because we just- Or listenable.

Or listenable. Fair enough. That's true, too. But I thought we'd play a little Would You Rather TCB? What do you think?

Okay, I'm in.

Oh, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Tuesday night. Shine your shoes, put the kids to bed. Would you rather fuck Brian or Chrissy. Anybody for Brian? Anybody? All right. We hit that down just a little bit. There you go. Perfect. Okay, here you go. Rather. Ready? Rather. Rather. Rather. Ready? Rather. Ready? Rather. Ready? Rather. Ready? Rather. Ready? Rather. Ready? Rather. Speaking of Dan Rather, Lester Holt is leaving MSNBC. I saw that. I mean, NBC. Wow. Okay. He's been doing that for 15 years. I didn't realize it had been that long. It felt like just yesterday. It felt like just yesterday. Do you watch? Not that I give a shit.

Do you watch, regularly? No, I don't.

No, I don't. The only reason why I watch the last five minutes because the kids like to watch Wheel of Fortune, so we'll turn it on five minutes ahead of time. All right, would you rather, TCB style, here you go, Chrissy, would you rather co-host an episode with Brian during one of his angry days?

Oh, my God, I can't believe that ChatGPT picked up on your angry days, you do have them.

It said during one of his tangent days, but I'm paraphrasing so that we understand. But hold on, Chrissy. Hold on, because you haven't heard the second part.

What is the second option?

Or co-host with Christie after three vodkas. That's what it says.

Obviously, I'm doing vodkas.

I'm probably going vodkas, too. I'm doing vodkas. That's really funny. I can be ornery. Would you rather, this is to the audience, but we'll answer for you. Would you rather have your most embarrassing story shared on the commercial break or accidentally send a nude email to your entire contact list? Well, let me think about that. Let me think about that one, too. Well, I've already had all my embarrassing stories here on the commercial.

That was my first choice, but depending on the nude, I don't know. It would be a tasteful nude. A tasteful nude to your dad? No.

Yeah, no. Yeah, no. Everybody you've ever worked with, all those random guys at the bar that you've never cleaned out their phone numbers. I'm going to have an embarrassing story. Yeah, I'm going to get an embarrassing story on the commercial. We've already been doing it.

I need to clean on my contact list.

Yeah, me too. I really do. Turn it down just a little bit more. Thanks, Tina. I appreciate it. For some reason, it's very loud on my ears. Would Would you rather be a guest on an episode where Brian's talking about pyramid? Would you rather be a guest focusing on you as a pyramid schemaer or a crinchworthy pickup artist?

Oh, pickup artist.

The pickup artist, for sure. Yeah, because we like the pickup artist. Yeah, exactly. Pyramid schemers, I don't have any. I don't suffer for those. But the pickup artist, sometimes I'm like, okay, I get what you're saying.

No, we'd love to have one Yes.

Oh, that's true. We'd love to have a pickup artist on. I'm just too afraid to ask them because then you ask Franky B. So many people write in and they're like, get Franky B on, get Franky B on. I'd love to do that, but then the game's over. If he comes on, I mean, maybe it's not.

He's real.

Yeah. What's that?

He's real.

Yeah, he's real, and he's probably going to be nice, and we're probably going to like him, and it's going to be hard to bust on his ball. We've had people on that were like, we had questionable thoughts about- Yeah, and then we were like, We love them. They were like, Oh, they're really great. Yes. At least most of us did. Some of us did. Would you rather join Brian on a misadventure in the jungle? Check.

I've already done that.

As, or accompany Chrissy on a wild night with hazy memories.

Wait, we've done both of.

Well, we've done both of. At the same time.

Separately at the same time.

Would you rather be the subject of a TCB deep dive into your awkward teenage years or have them analyze all of your social media posts in the last three years?

I'm going social media posts because I don't post many.

Well, yeah, for you. But if you're like a regular listener, I'm probably saying if you've made it past 30 years old, you'd probably rather a steep dive into your teenage years because at least then you can say, well, with some hindsight, I'm a better person. But if you're- No.

I don't have bad memories.

Harding Kanye West social media post that I'm not going to feel good about it. Hold on one second.

I don't have bad memories from my teenage years.

You don't have bad memories from your teenage years. I don't have meant. I mean, yeah, I do have bad memories from my teenage years. Would you rather be featured in a PCB segment about dating fails or a PCB segment about bizarre restraining order?

You mean like, I'm the subject of dating fails or restraining orders? Yes.

I mean, that's an easy one. Dating fails. Dating fails. Yeah. Gp T. They took that one to the extreme. Would you rather have Brian prank call your boss live on the podcast or have Chrissy send a flirty text message to your wife? I'd say flirty text message. Yeah. You just say, They have an AI text message system. She does that to everybody.

I'll send them flirty to Astrid.

Yeah, you wouldn't want me prank calling your boss because it's likely you'd end up without a job. Yeah. You know, I used to do prank calls for the show, and I called such infamous people as O. J. Simpson, Bill Murray. But not a lot of them made them on air because I was like, I don't know what the legality is of recording these and throwing them there. Although lots of other shows do it, I'm sure there's some loophole that lets me do it. Maybe someday I'll play it. I called OJ Simpson. He answered the phone, just letting you know that. I think we might have played a portion of that on one of our shows. But I called O. J. He answered the phone, sounded like he was on the golf course. We talked for a minute, and he laughed at me and hung up. Would you rather have an awkward first date recounted on TCB or have them discussed your most recent wardrobe choices?

Or have... Okay. Like if it's... Okay.

Wardrobe choices. Wardrobe choices. Yeah, I think so. For sure. You don't want us discussing your relationships. That's for sure. No, we're bad at that. Would you rather participate in a PCB game where you have to guess the outcome of a bizarre news story or one where you have to decipher the meaning of obscure slang terms?

I'm going to go a news story?

I think news story. I think That's an easy... I don't think either way. Fine. Okay. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy critique your karaoke performance or your toast at a wedding? Oh, your karaoke performance. Definitely. Because if we did your wedding, you'd be out of the family. Would you rather have your high school yearbook photo displayed on TCEP social media or have them share your most awkward childhood nickname? Well, I would say social media because no one actually looks at our social media, There you go. Yeah, there you go. At least people listen to the show. Would you rather have your Brian and Chrissy- Your Brian. Attempt to set you up on a blind date or have them plan your next birthday party?

Oh, birthday Sorry.

That's a good one.

Come on.

I don't know. I mean, I think if we were given a list, I'll tell you what, I think we could do just as good picking a blind date as some of those television shows. We were going to try We were going to try that. But again, I was worried about the legalities. Should something bad happen. Yeah, hooking people up with- Yeah, I just don't know. Yeah, hooking them up with stalkers and murders. And then all of a sudden I'm in a courtroom, something bad has happened.

It's like my birthday party. Yeah.

Do you remember that Jenny Jones lady? Yes. Okay. The Jenny Jones Show was just as popular as Jerry Springer at one point, and almost as popular as Oprah. The Jenny Jones Show started taking that Jerry Springer-esque type of attitude and mood.

She did.

Someone murdered somebody after they were set up or confronted on a date on the Jenny Jones Show, something along those lines. The Jenny Jones Show went away within a year. It went away.

The same thing happened with Springer. Remember on that documentary they were talking about?

Yeah, but Springer continued. I mean, Springer went on. Yeah, because he was loyered up, I guess. I'm not sure. But we don't have the money to pay for lawyers around here. No. Would you rather have your most embarrassing voicemail played on the podcast or read your last series of drunk text messages? I'd say, please neither.

Yeah. I mean, you have to choose, I guess, drunk text messages.

I think my most embarrassing voicemails are probably really embarrassing. I know exactly who I would have sent them to. People would be like, he's a monster. I mean, you know.

It's Madison. I sent him to Madison.

What's that? Mads? Mads. Did I send it to Mads? If you're watching Love is Blind, then you know. I-k-n-y-k-y-n-y. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy improvise a skit about your most recent mishap or have them reenact Do a skit about your most awkward family gathering?

Wait, what was the first again?

Do a skit about your most recent mishap.

Most recent mishap.

Whatever that is. Yeah. Okay. Spilling coffee in front of a bunch of strangers. Showing a photo of your dog during a PowerPoint presentation. I don't know. Or a cat. Cat. Not a cat. I'm not a cat. I'm not a cat.

I don't care. Either one.

Yeah, I don't care. Whatever. Would you rather have your... Whatever. That's not that. Would you rather have your Internet browsing history discussed by TCB or have them analyze your most recent dreams?

Oh, analyze the dreams.

Analyze the dreams. Yeah. I would not anyone, anyone, looking at my No.

Especially not ours.

No. That computer. That computer is a national treasure right there. It's a research. Would you rather have your most awkward high school memory turned into a TCB bit or have them dramatize your last terrible job interview. I guess a job interview.

That would be funny.

Yeah, I'd say school memory only because so much time has passed and school was like, all my school memories are awkward. You know what I'm saying? And I think most people's are. Would you rather have Brian and Christie provide commentary on your most recent social media photos or have them read aloud your last five text messages to your loved one? I'd say the social media photos because we all put up there what we want people to Yeah, exactly. There's not going to be anything too embarrassing. Right. However, Esther and I are married. Sometimes we say things like, Did you call the divorce attorney? Or, Meet me in the bedroom in five minutes.

There's time.

The guest bedroom. The gas bedroom. Would you rather have your most embarrassing moment in a public place discussed on PCB, or have them discuss your most disgusting habit? My most public place embarrassment, I think for sure. I think so, too. Yeah. I don't want anyone to know about my bad habits. It's cream and cereal. But you don't want me to see it. You don't want to see that. It's an ugly thing. You know? It's like when animals die in movies, they don't really show it because it's going to make everybody all upset. Yeah, you don't want to see it. Yeah, that's like my cereal of cream. You don't want to see it. You know it's there. You know it happened, but you don't want to see it. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy have you confront your most irrational fear or have them know your most common daydream?

I think help the irrational fear.

Yeah, sure. But I have a lot of irrational fears. I don't know. It'd be hard to pick one, I think. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy speculate, or would you rather have Brian and Chrissy display your most unusual talent or have them know about your most guilty television pleasures? This is an interesting one, Chad. I do have to say that. It is an interesting one.

I don't know. I feel like I've said my TV guilty pleasure.

Yeah, we've already talked about our TV guilty pleasure. So I don't know necessarily that that's that big of a deal. So probably that one. Would you rather have Brian create a mock advertisement for the product you sell or have them do a parody about your favorite hobby? Probably free advertisement. That's what I'm going for. Even if it's a mock, it's a free advertisement. Do you know what I'm saying?

We used to be in advertising. Yeah, we did. Still are. There you go. According to who we tell.

According to us. Who would party with. Okay, and one more here. Would you I would rather have Brian and Chrissy read random pages of your diary or have them know about your most embarrassing sex story? Oh. Oh, neither. Thank you.

I would rather want to know about someone's most embarrassing sex story.

I don't know. I think reading random pages in a diary might be interesting, too. Although you're probably going to get random musings about the lady at Starbucks or something like that.

I I don't think there's a show about things that happen during sex, bad things that have happened during sex?

I'm pretty- Sex, sent me to the ER. Yes. Sex, sent me to the ER is one of the more fascinating television shows that's out there.

People really need to stop putting light bulbs in their ass.

There's all kinds of crazy shit on that show. Yeah, and it's on at two o'clock in the afternoon. I know. Which means sometimes my children, because I watch a lot of TLC, sometimes my children are watching it and I'm like, Oh, shit, you guys shouldn't be watching this? What are you doing? Why are you watching this? All right. Okay, so that's the TCB version. I got a couple more Would You Rather's. Maybe we'll throw them out in the next segment. Why don't we do this? Let's take a short break, and when we get back, more fun and shenanigans with Christie and Brian. We'll be back.

Hey, it's Rachael, your new voice of God here on TCB. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears, and I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast. Com and visiting the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire Commercial Break library, audio and video, just in case you want to look at Christie, at bepodcast. Com. Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212 433 3TCB. That's 212 433 3822. Tell us how much you love us, and we'll be sure to let the world know on a episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine, too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond. Now, I'm going to go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors. And then we'll return to this episode of the Commercial Break.

All right, and we're back. We're doing a little Would You Rather? Let's do it without the music this time because I think the music felt a little too loud in my ears for some reason. Sometimes I like the music, and sometimes I'm like... I think it just depends on what I'm in a mood. Brian on an angry day. Here I am. I can't believe it said that. I can't believe it said that. It did. All right, so these are not specific to TCB. These are some Would You Rather's, not specific to TCB, but I thought if we'd ask them anyway. Ask them I'm ask them anyway. Okay. But let me take a drink of water while we're at it because I feel like after two hours of talking, my mouth is dry. I'll spill it all over myself. I'll The older I get, the more I'm just spilling and dribbling. Sometimes I'm eating and my nose starts to run like my grandpa's did. I'm like, What? Why is my nose running?

Why could you keep it freezing wherever you go?

I do keep it freezing wherever I go, and I have absolutely no nose hair because I cannot stand it. I know that every single ear, nose, and throat doctor will tell you that that's the worst possible thing you can do. You're inviting disease and sickness, but I just can't take it. I'm not going to be one of those guys who's got nose hair. You can just trim a little bit. Yeah, I'd let it. I'm sticking that thing halfway up my sinus cavity. I can't stand it. If I see a hair, I'm like,. Why is it that when you get to a certain age, your ear and nose hair grows faster than anything else on your body? It's like, where did that come from? Esther and I were talking about we each have one eyebrow hair that when I wake up in the morning, all of a sudden, it'll just be sticking out. It was like, it wasn't there yesterday, and now it's three inches long. What What happened overnight? The little goblin come and pull it out? I mean, it's so weird. So strange how your body works. All right, ready? Ready. Would you rather get caught watching porn by your grandparents or your boss?

Oh, that's a good one.

I think boss.

Boss. Yeah, boss. Listen, I'm going to have... I'll have no job after this. Yeah, exactly. But one could make the argument that you would have a bunch of bosses over the course of a lifetime. If you got a cool one, they'll understand. Totally. Even at the office, sometimes you need to get one out. But your grandparents, it's a hard thing to put back in the bag. They see you as their little… My little kiddie pie. My little sussy baby. Honey, it's time for dinner. Oh, my God. Is that a penis going into an asshole? Yeah, grandma, I'm just jerking one-off. I'm not making any more pancakes for you. But your boss would be like, Oh, who is that?

Which one is that? I saw that one.

Is that Tina Taylor? Is that Tina Taylor in Double Bang Action? I love that one. That's great. Would you rather accidentally text, I'm horny to your family or to your landlord? To your family or to your landlord? Me or- God, I'd rather die than do either of those things. Yes. Yeah, because your landlord, they could kick you out, and your family, they already hate you. You know what I'm saying? I'm horny. Well, I'd rather do it to my family because they think I'm a weird human being anyway. They probably just go, What is Brian doing? What joke was that? They think it was jokey. Would you rather have to give a TED Talk about your last sexual experience or your search history projected on a billboard for three days. Oh, God.

Well, I do the TED Talk because it would I think my last sexual experience, it would be very short.

I just be like, I came, I saw, I came. I saw. I came. That was it.

Yeah, I might go to a TED Talk, too. That's a nightmare to even think about doing a TED Talk. You've done many talks, but...

I've done a lot of Yeah. It gets easier with time. Of course. Though the nerves never go away. When we have these comics up, one of my favorite questions to ask is, do you still get the nerves? Are you still nervous before you go out on stage? I think they call it the longest 15 feet or something like that. Eddie Brill used to say, he termed it the longest 15 feet. What he meant by that was the 15 feet between backstage and the microphone is where it all starts flooding in. You get nervous, you get I've heard comics say that they have this irrational fear that they're going to pee themselves on stage. I heard one comic, no one you would know. It was like a comic on another comic show. He ended up being a comedy writer for TV, but he had to stop doing comedy for six years because he had an irrational fear that he was going to pee himself on the stage. So irrational that it paralyzed him from going out on stage for five years. He couldn't do stand-up. Going out and talking in front of public is never easy.

I don't care who you are. If you don't have that fear, then you're just not human, I don't think. Doing a TED Talk, one of that prestige, would be really difficult. You do not want to fuck that one up. You get one shot at it, usually. And people are really expecting something fantastic to come out of a TED Talk. They paid $1,000 to be there. They want to hear you say something brilliant. My last sexual experience is not going to be that. That is not what it's going to be. I can choose any sexual experience, and it's all going to be the same. It's not going to be super impressive. You know what I'm saying? But my search history, that's- Projected on a billboard for three days. No, thank you. How do you lengthen How do you lengthen your penis? Would you rather have a one-night stand with someone who won't stop crying or won't stop talking? Oh. Gosh. Wow. A Neither.

Thanks. Yeah. I've had- But I would go talking, I guess.

I think I've had both. I think I've had both, and I don't think either were fun. No. Crying in bed is a disconcerting thing, and I've had it happen a number of times, and I can understand why. Look at me. You come to the realization that this might be as good as it gets. This bald, hairy, fat man writhing around on you. I've been in bed with people- Talkers. Yeah, with talkers. Remind me to tell you.

It depends on what they're saying. If they're giving direction and saying, encouraging things of what you're doing, then talk away.

I had an experience with a- But if you're talking about what you did at work earlier, that's different. I had a couple of experiences with a mutual friend, and the talk was not sexual in nature. I think they were trying to deflect the intimacy of the moment or the tenderness of the moment or maybe the embarrassment of the moment. I'm not really sure what it was, but it was like this incessant need to talk so that... I don't know, but I didn't want to talk like, Okay, can we stop talking for a second so we can enjoy this? And she just kept on talking. I didn't find it to be very interesting. But then the crying part of it, if you've ever been in bed with someone that cries, that is a reason for concern no matter what. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. There's usually some trauma behind. Yeah, no, thanks. Neither. I'll take neither. Would you rather have an orgasm every time you hear your name? Every time you hear your name or never be able to orgasm while music is playing? Oh. Oh, that's terrible either way, I think.

Yeah.

I think orgasm every time I hear my name, I guess.

Yeah, I guess that, too.

We reviewed a video once- Yes, we did. I was just thinking about that. About a guy who couldn't control his orgasm. On a follow-up note, I found a video where it was clear that that guy was making it all up, even to the doctors. The doctors caught on that they were like...

Yeah, it seemed really far-fetched.

Yeah, it did. He was just...

Yeah, he was at the park.

Yeah, around kids, and he was like... It was weird. Holding his balls. It seemed a little acty to me. It turned out it was acty. Would you rather moan every time you stretch or gasp dramatically every time you sit down?

That's funny.

That is a good one.

Moan when he strikes like...

It's like that guy that I saw at the gym one time. Oh, right. Every time he was punching something, he'd be like, Everybody in the gym was looking at him going, What in the world is going on with you? He was fully committed to the bit, too. Fully committed to the bit. I think dramatically gasp every time I sit down. I think I do that now. I'm surprised I still can sit down with these aging bones.

It happens.

Would you rather have your partner's parents walk in on you? Would you rather have your in-laws walk in while you're having sex or have your boss walk in while you're having sex? I'd say, again, this is boss. Boss. Yeah. I can get another job. I can't get more in-laws. Yeah. Would you rather have your phone autocorrect every word into something sexual or turn every emoji into an eggplant and a water symbol? The eggplant and the water is simple. I was going to say, yeah. Something's wrong with my phone. That's what I had to say. Would you rather have to wear lingerie to work for a week or go Commando for a year? Well, Commando can be covered up. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it can. You can put a pair of jeans on and go Commando. I don't think I'd want to wear anything to work that reveals anything.

Not for a whole week.

No, No, thanks.

Yeah, I'll go Commando.

Would you rather accidentally scream the wrong name during sex or have your partner do it to you? Oh, that is a good one.

Whoa. Because I was going to say whatever is the opposite of calling out someone else's name, I would say that, but not if they're calling out someone else's name to me.

No, I think I'd much rather do it to them because I'm a numskull anyway.

Either way, you're not finishing the sex.

Either way, no one's having an orgasm.

Either way, you're done.

Either way, there's going to be a long conversation. It's going to be a long night. All right, how about three more about relationships? Would you rather be able to only have sex in public places or in complete Date silence. Public places. Public places. Yeah, I don't like silence. That makes me nervous when someone doesn't say anything. Been there, done that, too. That's a nerve-wracking one. Would you rather date someone who's amazing in bed but terrible at communication? Or someone who's an amazing communicator but terrible in bed. I'd rather than be average at both.

Yeah, of course.

Because at least I get something out of everything. If you have to choose. I think eventually...

I would say good communicator, bad and bad. Good communicator, bad and bad. Because you can teach.

Teach somebody. Yes.

You can teach somebody. They're already a good communicator. They're open to it. Yes.

Let's be real about the nature of sexual attraction in sex and long term relationships. It ebbs and it flows. It comes and it goes. But communication you always need. Yes. You might have periods where you're fucking six nights a week, and you might have periods where you're fucking one time a month. That's just the way that relationships are for so many different reasons. But you always need to have good communication, especially during the times when there's a lull in sex. So I'm going to go with that one. Would you rather have to roll roleplay as a different character every time you have sex or never be able to role play again? I'm saying never be able to role play again.

Oh, no. I'm going every time.

You're going every time? Yeah. I need those cameras in that house. Desperately. That was easy. Oh, Chrissy. What's going on over there? Would you rather have sex with your celebrity crush once, but no one believes you, or never get to do it, but everyone believes you have. I want to have sex with Dua Lipa regardless of who believes me.

Right. I was going to say I would do the crush and never have anybody believe me. That's fine.

I know what happened. I don't give a shit if you think I have.

I don't care. Sure. I know it happened. I got the memory.

Until this show, I've never been one to talk about my sexual exploits anyway. I don't care. Who cares? Would you rather find out your partner is secretly running an OnlyFans or secretly has a foot fetish?

Oh, foot fetish.

Foot fetish, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Would you rather your partner never shave again or never wear deodorant again? Oh.

Neither. Yeah. I might go deodorant.

Deodorant. Yeah, I guess. I can deal with your musk.

Yeah.

But there is a point when it's too hairy. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't mind hair down there. God bless you. God bless America. As a matter of fact, just a personal preference. I'm not a huge fan of the totally bald thing. That to me feels a little weird. It always has.

Bush is back. I read something the other day.

Bush never went anywhere. There's a few of us. That's what Jeff said. Yeah, Bush is back. A few of us have been ringing that bell the whole time. Bring it back 70-style. I don't care. But there is too far. There is a little bit too far. When it's running down the side of your legs, it's a little bit too far.

Yeah, it's not even have the option. Yeah.

Okay. Would you rather date someone who's way too loud during sex or never makes a noise while orgasming?

Oh, way too loud.

Way too loud. I agree with that one. You could put me in that category. Way too loud.

Let's This is fun.

All right. Thanks, Chad. Yeah, thanks, ChadGPT. I like that game.

I do, too.

Well, I got like 600 more of them, so there you go. Chadgpt overachiever. That made me a bunch of them. Here's another. Way overachiever. There's another and another and another. It just kept on going. Even when I turned it off, it was like, I woke up this morning and it was like 700 of them. Yeah. Nice. Cool. I like when ChatGPT does, they can make us more games. We'll figure it out. Yeah. Okay.

They're a good little supplement.

Yeah. I'm going to be honest about it. I'm not going to be like all the other creators and not tell you that that's what I did to make that game up. Okay? There you go. Would you rather Brian not tell you that Would you rather was made by ChatGPT or pretend it wasn't? Which one? You tell me. Tell.

I like the truth.

Send in your favorite Would You Rather. We'd love to hear it. We'll play a game and we'll use only your Would You Rather. Oh, that's a good one. So send in some Would You Rather's to us, and in a couple of weeks, we'll play it again. Listener style. Only listeners. You make it about TCB, make it about not TCB, I don't care. Whatever it is.

I feel like it's an interesting one.

Oh, we will, because some of the people that text in are really interesting. I love them all, but some of them are more interesting than others. Let's put it that way. All right. In order to do that, you got to know how to get a hold of us. Here's the best way, 212-4333-TCB. 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. We take them all right there. Also, we'll listen to a voicemail or two. If you want to be the next voice on the commercial break, you could be the open of the show. Leave us a short voicemail at that number, 212-4333-TCB. 2822. If you don't want your name said, take it out. Don't say it. We've had people doing that lately, and I really like it. There's been a few. Also, some people have commented that the bits are back, the bits are back, the bits are back. I've been making bits at the beginning of the show while you were gone. If I have time, I will do them. Just sharing that. You don't expect that every time. It's hard. That's hard. It's a special occasion. Yeah, that's hard. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok, and YouTube com/thecommercialbreak.

Also, all the audio and all the video and your free TCB sticker at tcbpodcast. Com. We'd love to hear from you. Okay, Christie, that's all I can do for today. I think I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. Would you rather us say goodbye?

I got to get some cocaine. It's time to be graded.