
Hey, Grissy. Best to you. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe, and happy holidays. Sometimes, podcasts like ours will take off a lot of time during the holidays, but not us. We're glutton's for punishment. We have the 12 Days of TCV coming at you, December 13th through the 25th. Brand new episodes every single day and live fresh episodes during the entire holiday season. As the great Clark Griswold once said, Holy shit, where's the Tylenol? Find it quick and join us this entire holiday season for brand new episodes of The Commercial Break. Hello, is this Jesus? No, this is Patrick. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now. There was more than one monster present at the birth of Jesus. Yeah, dancers and prancers, welcome back to the 12 Days of TCB. I'm Brian Green. This is Kristen Joy Holden, also known as Mrs. Claus. Best to you, Chr. Best Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Mr. Claus is probably at home in his little Santa Claus footprint with his ass cheeks hanging out, flipping some Yacas for breakfast. Flap jacks. Some flap jacks, indeed.
Christie, there's great excitement around the Green household, and I'll explain why. By the way- Santa's coming. Santa is not coming. Well, Santa is coming. Oh, he's not coming. Santa's coming. No Christmas for you kids. I know. You little shits. Santa's coming for the kids, but not for blue. No, no, no, no, no, household because yesterday, as we're recording this yesterday, Disney and BBC have announced they will, in fact, be making the seminal cartoon that has taken the world by storm, Bluey, into a full-length feature film. And everybody is on board. The guy who makes the music, which is wonderful, all of the character voices, and the original creator is going to write the story. Two hours of Bluey in one contiguous sitting. I cannot fucking wait. Because for those of you who have never watched Bluey, and I'll explain something in one second about how this is one of the most talked about topics about TCB, at least locally here where I am. Bluey is really 12 minute episodes. They're so cute. They're 12 minute and then they run two of them back to back with a commercial in between. The episodes are really short.
Matter of fact, they have a few special episodes that are 30 minutes long. But some of these stories, you know they could get more running room out of and make you cry even more than you already do at Fucking Bluey. Where I live, when people find out that we do the commercial breaks, obviously, they want to go listen. They want to know more about it. Some of the children that the kids go to school with, their parents I have obviously found out through the grapevine that the commercial break exists. That makes me highly embarrassed to go to any function where parents are. Yes, I get very anxious about going to functions, especially people that I don't know. I know they're looking at me, and most of them with a look of disdain, how could they let that man and his children in my school? But you know what? It is what it is. It is.
We have to embrace it after all this time. It took a while, but we have to.
Yes. Listen, I do embrace it. It's five years in, it's something that I do. I'm not as embarrassed as I used to be, but I do still get a red face when people ask. I do want to crawl in a hole and die. Every time I go to a function, like a birthday party, and someone asks me what I do, I say I'm in advertising sales. Then they say, What does that mean? Then by the fifth question, I'll go, Well, we're content creators. And then they go, Oh, so you're like, What? And I'm like, Oh, it's a pod. What's the name of the podcast? I'll look it up right now.
Every time.
Fuck you. Actually, most parents are really cool about it. Most of the people that we know are really cool about it. One of the things I have heard most often from people who like the show and then end up listening to it is this, especially if they have kids, I started watching Bluey because of you, Brian, and now I like it. I've heard this four or five times. That makes me proud that the commercial break has done one fucking good deed in its entire life. Bluey is such a great cartoon. It is. For adults and for children. The lessons are not... They don't beat you up over the head with the lessons, but they're life lessons that everybody needs to learn. The reason why Bluey- That's a fun show, too.
It's fun. It's not just about the lessons, but they make it fun. The music is fantastic. Yeah, they dance around. The little family is so cute.
It's really funny. The dad is wonderful. The mom is wonderful. They're dogs. They're Wheeler dogs from Australia. The reason why I think the cartoon hits me in the soft spot is because the lessons are lessons you should learn as a child, but you need to relearn as an adult. You need to remember. Yes, you need to remember as an adult. They do it in a way that's so creative and so fantastic. If you're an adult, even without children, and you sit and watch a couple of episodes of Bluey, and you don't end up at least saying, it's not a bad cartoon, then fuck you. Honestly, fuck you. Bluey is fantastic. I'm so excited they're going to make a two-hour movie. By the time it comes out, my children will have long since grown out of Bluey. But you know what? What are we going to do? I think we can all agree Bluey is generally wholesome, right? It's generally wholesome. You know what's not wholesome, Chrissy? Pokémon cards. Pokémon cards are not wholesome. There are many people. You know what Pokémon stands for? Pokémonster. Isn't that what it stands for? Pokey Monster? I'm looking at Christina like she should know about Pokémon.
I don't know. Isn't that what it stands for, Pokey Monster? I don't know. I think that's what it stands for. What does pokey man stand for? It's like a Poké Ball. Stand for? Pocket monster. Pocket monster. You know what it stands for? Pokey Monster. A pokey monster. A pocket monster. A pocket monster. What does it stand for, pokey monster? A little pokey monster. Ring the bell. Yes, ring the bell. Crawl up your ass and ring that bell. For years, I have watched bits and pieces of a One of the things that we love to talk about here on the commercial break are pastors, especially TV preachers. The guys who get up there, they take your money, they give you nothing in return except for bad advice and wisdom about 3,000-year-old text. It's just a scam that never stops coming. It's cult after cult, bullshit after bullshit, take your money after take your money. Listen, let me remind you, we are not anti-religion. Religion can do a lot of good. There are a lot of the tenants of most of the religions are good tenants to have. Do unto others as you want them to you.
Treat others with kindness and respect. Don't murder people. Don't sleep with your wife. Ten Commandments has got some good news in there. But the truth is that most preachers bastardize these things for their own profit and your loss. That's how it works. They're going to get you every time. They get you coming and they get you going. One of my favorite things do is to watch these hypocritical sons of bitches tell us what's good and bad to do, to read, to look at, to any of it. It's one of my- Praise Jesus. Praise Jesus indeed. This video we're about to watch is pretty famous on the internet. It is a TV evangelist who took Pokémon cards and made them into a Satanic ritual. He said that it's a Satanic ritual, and they are imported from Japan, and kids being taught about the devil through Pokémon cards. He literally goes on a 30-minute diatribe about this. I want to get to as much of this video as I possibly can, so I want to do this. I know it's going to be a quick flip around, but I'm going to take a short break, and when we take that short break, we're going to come back and we'll do an extended couple of segments here on this very famous internet video where the preacher will tell us how bad Pokémon is and all the reasons why.
While we're at it, four of the five charities that we want to focus on during the 12 days of TCB have already been talked about, and I want to remind you of those, and then we'll get to the fifth charity on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund, St. Jude Research Hospital, ASPCA, and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Those four charities spend a majority of the amount of money that they receive each year actually doing good work out there. Some of this work that they're doing is God's work, research for breast cancer and help for people who can't pay for care, getting women out of abusive situations and their children to safety, and then teaching them, giving them the tools and the resources to get out there in the world and live a life without abuse under the guise of controlling an abusive behavior. Saving animals from controlling an abusive behavior. When people give their dogs up because they decided, I don't really need a dog. As much as I complain about Blue, she's still fucking here getting a meal every month, every day and every night. Every month. Every month.
Once a month, I feed her. Once a month, I feed the dog. Then St. Jude's Research Hospital, which I really think does honestly angels work. They provide cancer care to children that otherwise could not afford it, and they do not charge a dime. One of those four charities, we're going to put a link to all four of them today inside of the show notes. If you would be so kind as to give a dollar, $5, whatever you can afford, This is when they make the most money, this is when they raise the most money this time of year. We're just shining a light on these charities. They have no idea we're doing this, and the links go directly to their website, because if they did, they'd probably say no, thanks.
They would say no. Yeah.
Those links go directly to those websites where you can donate, and we don't get in the middle of it. You just go there and you donate. If you send a screenshot to us of one of those donations or of you donating whatever it is, we will certainly be happy to send you some free TCB schwag, like a sticker I picked up from the men ground. So many years ago. So awesome. All right, let's take a short break. Quick flip here, and then we'll be back with Pokémon and Satanism. Perfect. That's a weird transition.
What do you mean you don't know our phone number? I only tell it to you twice a day, four times a week. Fine. If you insist, I will tell it to you again. It's 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3TCB. 3-8-2-2. And don't you forget it. Now, in case you can't remember, our Instagram handle is @thecommercialbreak. A tough one, I know. Our TikTok handle is @TCBpodcast. And that one is the same as our website, tcbpodcast. Com. And one last thing, go to youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak for all of our video episodes. Got it? Good.
I'm Anna García with True Crime News, The Podcast. Every crime tells a story. Every story demands justice. True Crime News, The Podcast, covers breaking crimes, investigating high-profile and under-the-radar cases. Every week, we dive beyond the headlines, exploring the effects of violent crimes on victims and search for justice. We hope you join us as your weekly source for True Crime News. Listen to and follow True Crime News, The Podcast on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcast.
All right, this preacher has a problem with Pokémon, Chris. Because, pokey Monsters, the little pokey, pokey Monsters, the pocket Monsters, have come from Japan. They are doing the devil's work. We'll let him explain all of this, but this is a very famous video that's been going around the internet for probably about 10 years. Let's hit screen, record, and then we'll... I don't think I've ever seen it. Then we'll... You've never seen this video? I don't think so. But it- Well, Chrissy, it doesn't say much. I mean, honestly, I love you, but it doesn't really say much.
That I don't go down dark rabbit holes?
Oh, this isn't even a dark rabbit hole. This is a pretty wide open hole.
For any of you out there, listeners that have watched the Righteous Gemstones on HBO, they had to have modeled the first born son. I can't remember his name on there, but after this guy.
Listen, I have never seen this. Remember we talked about the two Jared? Yes. Remember the Jared Fregles or freegles or whatever they were, fribles? This guy, and what's his name that plays the... I I remember who plays the guy in the Righteous Gentsons. He was Kenny Power. Kenny Power, yeah.
I forget his actor name.
He looks exactly like this guy. Exactly. We are looking at the screen.
They had to have modeled.
Yes, 100%.
Full-blown mullet.
He was in Eastbound and Down. What was his name, Christina?
God, when you say it, I'm going to remember it. Sorry.
Danny McBride. Danny McBride.
That's right. Danny McBride. He's a great actor. He's a great actor. A comedic actor. It's so funny. This guy looks exactly like Danny McBride. Mullet and all. I mean, this is a likeness. All right, let's listen to what he has to say.
Orient. Some things have a big impact on us, and some things don't.
Wow, he even talks like Danny McBride. He does.
They had to have modeled that character after him.
I can't think of anything that come over from the Orient that actually had a big impact or a phenomenon-type craze other than Godzilla.
Godzilla? When did Godzilla have a craze? Would they even go crazy over Godzilla? No. Did you go crazy over Godzilla? No.
There is something new that's come over to United States and has actually captured the minds and the imagination of every single child.
As he pulls it out of a black briefcase. What is this guy? Carrying drugs?
You know what? It's not new at all. Japanese kids have been watching this thing since 1995. It started out as a cartoon, went to a comic book. They made it into a video game.
They made you into an HBO television show.
The Toys, Collectible card game. Now, praise God, there's even a movie on it.
Praise God.
It was started in 1995. It's not new, but it's new to kids, and they're eating it up.
Am I correct in saying that this guy is about to put pictures on a projector that your seventh-grade science teacher used?
Yes, I remember that projector.
We have technology now, bro.
It's called Pokemon. It stands for pocket monster.
As we now know.
Brian didn't even know that.
It even made the cover of Time magazine. Now, the first thing I want you to notice is, do you notice any symbol up there that you've seen before?
The swirly, wirly, twirly. No, it's a... What is... I mean, it's a maze.
They're showing a Time.
Yeah, they're showing a time cover with four or five Pokémon on the front of it, big letters, Pokémon. Then one of the Pokémon has a spiral in the middle of it. I don't think that's a- Like the googly eye, the hypnotic eyes.
The spiral. It stands for what? Male fertility. Snales?
Male fertility? Since when does this spiral stand for male fertility? Wow. Jeff and I should get matching spirals on our balls.
I can't believe we haven't heard about this at the 21 Convention.
Oh, there's an audience here. In all the years that I've seen clips of this, I never noticed there's an audience there. Wow. You actually went somewhere. You actually got in your car and you drove to a TV studio where you watched this guy with his little projector and his prophecy Club in the background and his four house plants sitting in front of him.
I know. I was trying to figure out if that was the Glare. It's weird. Those are plants.
Those are plants. Okay.
Now, this thing is actually called Polyworld, but they actually had another name for it before they renamed it.
It's called Penis.
Creature first came out, it was called Hypno, and they changed it to Polyworld to make it a little more innocent. But you see what it actually does?
As if Hypno was an innocent. Listen, just because you put a spiral on something doesn't mean kids are going to get hypnotized.
Is it supposed to be able to mesmerize- Do you think this guy is the most miserable son of a bitch at family gatherings?
Oh, yeah. Yeah. For sure. The turkey legs are spread open, showing its turkey pussy everywhere. It's the devil's work.
Hypnotize its enemies. You can see how that would happen. That starts spinning around, and it's just like one of those hypnotic wheels that they use to hypnotize. You see up here in the top- Which no one uses to hypnotize.
You know what's hypnotizing is the crimp in your hair.
It really is. You had to actually do that. There's a spiral in there.
Yeah.
Here's a creature, an alligator pipe creature over here, Dragon. Kind of a funny duckbill thing down here. This is an interesting character over here.
Nothing tells kids to murder and rape like a duckbill thingy over here.
Character over here is called Mew-2. Mew-2 looks like an alien. If you look at him real carefully, he looks like an alien. But the first thing that I noticed about that thing is-He seems like an angel.
He's Bono and Mew-2.
I looked at it and I looked at those eyes. I said, You know what? That looks like the things that we used to pray to inside that circle.
What? He used to be a Satanist, by the way.
Oh, okay.
Notice that he has a particular I probably shouldn't have left that part out.
He's a former Satan has turned prophet.
He's given. He's in this pose. Every time that you see Mutu, he's in this pose. Now, he has three fingers.
That's because it's a fucking card, you dumb shit. What do you think is going to change? It's going to morph into something else?
Those three fingers are always sticking out like that. Now, he doesn't have five fingers like we do. He has three. But if they were the three...
Which means he's two less, Chrissy. He can ring your bell with one slap of the hand. Bing, bong. Make a jizz all over yourself. Me too.
On us, they It's called Pooh, too.
It's right up your bum.
Be this.
The devil's horn. Yeah, he's sticking the devil's horns up. Or hook 'em horns.
It doesn't mean hook 'em horns. It doesn't mean I love you. It doesn't mean one more. It means hail Satan.
One more?
How would that mean one more? It doesn't mean hail Satan. How does this mean one more? This means two. It doesn't mean one plus one. It doesn't mean two fingers. I'll have one more. Yeah, one more. Hey, waiter. One more. Did you mean two? No, one more. It's the universal sign for one more. No, this is the universal sign for one more. One finger, not this. This means two more.
That all Satanists identify themselves with. It says here-Wow, they got a stadium full of Satanists every Saturday afternoon in Texas.
College Station.
Here, it says, For For many kids, it's now an addiction. Very much so. Cards, video games, toys, a new movie.
Very much so.
Is it bad for them? What we need to look at is whether or not that particular statement holds true.
What we need to look at is which editor at time decided they would waste an entire cover on Pokémon and is it good for our children?
It's bad for them. Here's one of the characters.
Dude, we had Shira when we were a kid. Is anybody taking a look at Shira? Sheera was wearing a thong with her boobs sticking out, running around murdering people.
Cute little one. Everybody, okay, everybody go, Oh, come on. I know. I know you wanted to do that. See, that's why I did that. He's cute.
You're going to hell. But the one thing- Yeah, he's cute, but he will set your children on fire. This little tail back here is a secret symbol. You know what this means? It doesn't mean ziggy-zaggy. It means drink Satan's juice and have sex unprotected.
I've noticed about him right off. This is Pikachu. One of the things I noticed about him right off was his tail.
What? I told you. It's a lightning ball. Oh, yeah.
It's a Satanic Z. It even comes down here to a point.
It's a Satanic Z. It doesn't even look like a Z, let alone the Satanic Z.
Just by looking at him alone, it's not enough to really be able to say, Okay, yeah, that's bad or that's Satanic. What we first need to do is we need to look at-What we first need to do is go fucking crazy, and then we can look at him and determine he's Satan. The actual production of these things. The first thing we need to do is we need to look at who actually produced the trading card game that has captured the minds and the imaginations of our children. Now, it doesn't make any difference what I say. It's what their own material says because their own material will give them away. Okay? I'm going to read to you.
Here we go. Here we go. Conspiracy theories abound.
Here's a direct quote from the web pages of the producer of this game. Listen to this. The Pokémon trading card game is a new collectible card game that is made and distributed by Wizards of the Coast. What is a lizard? Male practitioner of Black Magic.
Wizards of the Coast.
Wizards of the Coast. The same company that made the best-selling game Magic: The Gathering.
Oh, God. The Magic: The Gathering and Pokémon. That's a double Satanic strike right there.
Magic: The Gathering is a heavily-But I don't know.
Wizards of the Coast, they sound like they're cool. They do. They did? You You want to go down? Yeah, they're cool. You want to go down and burn some goats or something? Coastal Wizards. That's right. Hey, brother. What's up? I'm going to roll a fatty, and then I'm going to go down and murder some chickens. Hang them. One more, bro. One more.
Holt-laced trading card game, which has been very popular in the '90s. I should also tell you that Widges of the Coast also owns a subsidiary company named TSR. Tsr is the company that puts out all Dungeons and Dragons material.
Dun, dun, dun, Boom. I feel like this guy should have a board like that always sunny in Philadelphia guy where he's connecting the dots.
Let's look at-Yeah, you want to know why?
Because you have to sell 1,07 million Agent and Dragon sets to make a fucking dollar. So they have to get all the... They conglomerate like this.
Magic, the gathering.
There's one of my children running down the hallway chasing Pokémon, Pokémon Monsters.
This is the same company that puts out Pokémon.
Poketuna Monsters. That's what she's running down there.
Evidence number one.
So let's see where they're coming from.
Exhibit A.
Now, from seeing the symbols, your actual discernment should now begin to be sharpened. How many see a circle?
That's an oval, my brother.
See a pentagram?
They're showing a Magic the Trading Cards or Magic the Game. They're showing the actual logo, the box that you would get.
Yeah. If you look, there it is. See that?
See that? It's a circle. You see that? You see that circle, Chr.
He could at least have a pointer. Yes.
Now, this doesn't mean circle or circle or circle. This means kill your mother and father. That's what that means. Obviously. When I used to pray to the devil back in the day before I had this haircut, I'm telling you right now, it Next time I saw a circle, murderous rage, murderous rage.
Magic the Gathering. This is a role-playing game. Now, parents, in case you don't know what that is, thatIt means you play a role.
That's right. It doesn't mean you roll a doobie. It doesn't mean we're rolling down a hill. It means murder your parents.
That your child actually becomes a character in the game actually becomes a part of the game. That's what makes it exciting is there's not many games out there that they can actually become a part of.
How do I have a... I just have a sneaking suspicion that our friend here, not only was a former Satanist, but he played a lot of Dungeons and Dragons and Magic: The Gather.
They can play it, but they don't actually become a part of it. In this particular game, they actually do become a character in the game. Remember it said that it's an occult game. One of the dangers of this thing is being a role-playing game.
When did it say it's an occult game?
No, they did not say that. I never read that in the-instructions. Then again, I never owned a Magic: The Gathering card deck. I was too busy watching and Oprah and Love Connection.
Yes. Is that it's played with the mind? How many know that the mind is a very fragile thing?
I think your mind is fragile.
He's like a Dr. Phil.
What happens is in these role-playing games, I'm going to use the example of Dungeons and Dragons because TSR is the one that puts out all their material. The danger of Dungeons and Dragons or any role-playing game like this is that it's played with the mind. When you play with the mind, the mind begins to lose that fine line with what's real and what's fantasy. The more you get into the fantasy world, the more it seems real.
Kind of like religion.
All of a sudden now, you don't know what's real and what's not. In Dungeons & Dragons, this is a game played by three or four people. What you do is you have-It really is moving all over the place here.
What happened to the Pokémon?
Yeah, I don't know. One particular person that's a Dungeon Master, and he sets all the rules up for this thing. Then in your mind, you actually fight battles. You go through mazes, you go through Dungeons, and you actually fight wars with evil Wizards, Dragons, Demons.
Power. Then you end up in some stranger's basement, chained to the wall, urinating on yourself while asking for another.
Morphful satanic beings. It's all in the mind. I mean, if you got In my vivid imagination, you can have one heck of a game. What happens is that you can play this game- Bob, can you bring up footage of my 1988 three-day long game with Teddy, Todd, and Chad? For 10 to 12 years because the object is as long as your character is alive.
Ten to 12 years.
One game?
One game? Now, I have never been into Dungeons of Dragons. Don't know how to play it. Don't know the first thing about it. I have had a A few friends who have been into it. I don't remember them playing for years. No. I remember a game lasting like a day or something, like an afternoon.
It can last for months. Can it really? Yeah, it can last for months.
Do you have friends that play this? Yeah.
I know it can last for months. I've played something similar, but it was what they call a one shot, which is like you do it in one night. Yeah, that sounds like something digestible. I've done that, but no, it can go on and on for a really long time. But 10 to 12 years feels a little excessive.
Yeah, I think this guy is exaggerating. Just a smidge alive, you're in the game.
Once your character dies or gets killed in that particular game, you're out. You can imagine that if a person loses touch with reality and now they've actually become that character, guess what? Anything that happens to that character now happens to them. Why did you become the character?
And there's overwhelming- Why did you become the character? I've been frozen by three ice spells.
People aren't able to separate?
Sorry, Christie, I can't talk right now. I'm frozen by an ice spell. A number three ice spell.
Evidence. Psychiatrists and psychologists both tell us there's overwhelming evidence showing that a lot of teenage suicides that are caused by Dungeons and Dragons are caused because the player has finally lost touch with reality.
Wait a second. Hold on. There is a study that has been done out there. This guy is quoting a study of psychiatrists and psychologists that did a study on suicides that happened because of Dungeons and Dragons. Wow. Okay. All right. Well, listen, I can understand that, but the mind is fragile in so many different ways. It could be Dungeons and Dragons. Some say it was heavy metal music. Other people say it's video games. A third person might say it's movies. Is this true that there is an actual study done?
It is not. It is not. It says, multiple studies have found no link between Dungeons and Dragons and Suicide, including research by the American Association of Suicidology. I didn't know that word. The US Center for Disease, Control and prevention, CDC, and Health and Welfare, Canada. But in the 1980s, there was a widespread conspiracy theory that Dungeons and Dragons was linked to murder and suicide. Yeah, of course there was. Of public satanic panic. But this guy's clearly part of it.
He flashed on. Well, this guy carried Satanic Panic on into the 2000s, apparently, with his projector and his black on black on black suit, by the way. Not a great look for anybody. Horrible time. I know.
What's happened to them now, they actually a psychic bond with that character. And so the character gets killed off and no longer in the game. You have no purpose because all your purpose was for the last 10 to 12 years was playing Dungeons and Dragons. So your character gets knocked off. Guess what? So do you. God. Let's go back to Magic: The Gathering. Here's one of the cards. Yeah, isn't he cute? This is Cabal Ghoul.
It's a skeleton. God, come on.
Ghoul, Cabal Ghoul.
Yeah, listen, I mean, back in Satanic Panic days, back in the '80s, there really was Satanic Panic. Everybody was murdering goats and kids, and kids were getting... Because of Twisted Sister. People thought Twisted Sister was Satanic. It was a bunch of guys running around with makeup on. How was that Satanic? Now, when you get into Metallica and stuff like that, some of their earlier albums, all of this imagery has been used wisely to market the music, to make the music and to shed light on the tone of the music that you're listening to. I was into Metallica for a long time. They certainly deal with dark themes, no doubt about it. But it didn't make me go fucking crazy. I like the music. I like the way they played.
Now, You notice that there's cameras.
When they told me to go in the backyard and sacrifice small animals.
Right. That was the Metallica thing, right?
What's that?
That was the Metallica thing, right?
Yes, it was. It was Metallica master. Dance for It's two points.
It says, Cabal Ghoul. Now, in case you don't know what a goule is, it's a dead, rotting, decaying thing that's been in the ground.
In case you don't know what a goule is. Who are these people he's talking to? From a It's a different universe. I know.
And magically, someone back to life. So you have a walking dead thing, and that's what a goule is.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
In this particular thing, it says at the end of each turn...
I'm sitting there with a Santa hat on. Oh, my God. Only on TCV.
Santa, otherwise known as Satan.
Yes, otherwise known as Satan.
Put a one plus one counter on the ball for the other creature that died during the turn and was not regenerated. In other words, you have cards that will actually keep your character alive for a certain amount of time. And the fool kills them.
Yeah. Is this guy talking about Satan, or is he telling people how to play Magic: The Gathering? Because I'm not sure what he's doing.
Here's another interesting card.
You were making fun of me earlier for not watching. There's a very good reason I have never seen this.
Well, there's probably a very good reason why I've never watched the whole thing either. This guy is totally confusing me. I have no idea what he's saying. We started with Pokémon. We went backwards to Dungeons and Dragons. Now we're on to Magic: The Gathering. And the Ghul. And the Ghul, the Kabul Ghul. Because it's called- The Kabul Ghul. All Halloweens Eve.
The All Hallows Eve card. Again, this is all in Magic. Magic the Gathering. By the way, there was a news clip that I read about two weeks ago.
Oh, I'm sure.
That spoke of a young boy in Maine. I don't remember what the town was, but it was in Maine. He came home one day and asked his mother about Magic the Gathering and said that the teacher had decided to use Magic: The Gathering, this card game, as a new and exciting way to teach mathematics in school, in their class.
Mommy, we're drinking rooster blood. Having one more. The teacher said, One more cup of rooster blood. Do you know about Magic: The Gathering?
They even formed what was called a magic club, and that all the kids were part of this magic club. Well, the mother said, Well, you're not going to become a part of that. You're not going to be in that. But one of the kids had given him one of the cards, and that card he showed to his mother, and that card was called Necromancer.
Necromancer.
Okay.
Is that true? There's a necrophiliac in Magic: The Gathering? Because if that's true, then maybe that's taking it a smidge too far for the young kids. I mean, I'm not against Magic: The Gathering, but if you're dealing with terms like necrophiliac, necromancer?
Yeah, necromancer, not necrophiliac. Okay. Very different.
Necromancer.
I think that person can- Like a vampire, right? Yeah. Okay. When necromancy enters, if it's on the battlefield, it becomes an aura with enchant creature put onto the battlefield with necromancy.
That was Yeah, listen, a little necromancy doesn't hurt anybody. Necromancing does hurt people that are currently dead and being screwed by somebody else. That's necromancing. Okay, let's take a break. We're going to get back to lots of Pokémon Satanism, magic to gather. I'm not sure where we're going with this, but you know what? I don't know. I'm having fun watching it, nonetheless.
Stay along for the ride.
Stay along for the ride. Merry Christmas. Put on another log on the fire. As you run up to wrapping Santa's gifts for your kids, just remember, they're probably going to murder you in a rage if you give them Pokémon cards. All right, donate to our charities. We'll be back.
Hi. You know what time it is, so let's get to it. Pull that phone out of your pocket and follow us on Instagram at the Commercial Break and on TikTok for now, I guess, @tcbpodcast. You can also find all of our video content that we're filming in our brand new studio at youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak. So check it out and throw us a follow, a like, a comment, whatever you and spare. If you want to get in touch with us, you can always text us or call us and leave us a voicemail at 212-4333-TCB. Now, I have one last request. During the 12 or 263 days of TCB, check out our featured charities and donate to them if you can this holiday season. All right, let's take a listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.
All right, and we're back with our preachy pastor buddy here from the Prophecy Club, telling us all about the Satanic panic that happened around, apparently, around him with Pokémon, Magic: the Gathering, and what was the other one? Dungeons and Dragons. That's right.
On that card, it showed spiritual beings actually being risen up out of the ground, out of their grave. Then he asked his mother, What does 'summon' mean? She said, Why do you ask that? She said, He told me- Daddy told me he got a summons from you to be in court tomorrow. Where he said, Because all the kids on recess, go outside on the school grounds, pick up huge sticks, wave them in the air and say, spirits, enter me.
' 'Spirits, enter me? ' That is a Tuesday night at the Hodeley They also go outside, pick up sticks and say, spirits, enter me. And then they do with a little Sprite, maybe some Coca-Cola. Christie, what is that? You say, spirits, enter me. And all of a sudden, a margarita is going on your goal. True.
True. This is all Halle's Eve. Again, two points symbolized by two skulls.
Here's your demonic-Are you teaching us how to play or telling us to stay away from it, dude.
Black cat. I guess it's a black cat. I've never seen look like that.
It's a bear.
There's your demon in the middle. Jack o'lantern, full moon. Mount Monster. It says this card is called Sorcery. Sorcery comes from the Greek word pharmakeia. It's where we get the word pharmaceutical. In occultism, it's witchcraft Through drugs, sorcery.
It says-Wait a second. That smells like horse shit to me. That really smells like pharmakeia. I think he's reaching. Yeah, I think he's reaching. I think that's a newspaper article he just made up. Listen, this is before the internet when you could to actually fact check anything. People probably just believed it. They want to believe it.
Put two counters on this card. Remove a counter during your upkeep. When you remove the last counter from All Hallows' Eve, all players take all creatures from their graveyards and put them directly into play. Treat these creatures as though they were just summoned, you choose what order they come into play.
The mind is a very terrible thing. It's very fragile. I've read an article, Chrissy, about, I don't know, it must have been about four weeks ago. Can't remember the name of the newspaper, but it said that a young man came home with half-decomposed bodies in his hand and said, Mommy, did you know I got these from the graveyard? It all came from this card.
Again, this is a role-playing game.
Remember. I mean, those people that are in the audience, they're- This is called the majority.
Yeah. Well, first of all, they look like they're sleeping.
I think I would be.
I would be. I think this is probably a paid public access audience.
I wonder why.
Here you see- Well, that is a little... He's showing another card, and it's a guy in a jean shorts, it looks like, praying over a fire with demons on the side of him.
Man kneeling and look, he's forming with his hands the triangle right there. He's kneeling in front of a flame. There are the Crescent moons behind him. Over here can only be demons. Hellfire all around here. It's called the Magician. These are collectible cards.
He knows a lot about all that.
Well, because he's played it, you know that this is a reformed Magic the Gathering addict right here.
That one day your child may come home with or may know of a student that has given him some of these cards. Now you will know what they are.
I'm empowering you to take those away from your children because nothing says do it like taking it away from them.
Right. Back to Pokémon, because now we've already established that the same company that puts out that game and puts out Dungeons & Dragons, puts out cute little Pokémon. Isn't that interesting?
Cute little It's Pokémon. Christie, I read an article, must have been about three weeks ago, where a young man took a Pokémon card and sliced up his dog and ate him for dinner. Then he said, Mommy, have you heard of Slice 'Em It's a cute little animal on Pokémon where you slice up your dog and you eat him. True. It's true. It's all true.
Now, before we go any further, I want to see that if we as a group can agree on something. I need little audience participation here to say yes or Okay. Are you into that?
Yes. Oh, I'm into audience participation, big boy.
Listen to me carefully. If we examine the-yes. Characters of this particular program They are the role models that we-They're showing a Pokémon.
I mean, the most innocent Pokémon card you've ever seen in your entire life.
On our kids to be watching. In other words, if this whole game, the characters of this game, the monsters, this whole premise of this thing, actually goes to establish the values, the standards, and the morals that we want our kids to have when they reach adulthood, that it's okay. In other words, if they actually help to establish the morals, values, and standards that we want our children or our grandchildren to have when they get to be an adult, that it must be all right.
Can we agree on that? Yes.
Okay.
Yes. Tell me more, doctor.
What we need to do is we need to examine and see what role models we have in this game. Now, what we need to do then- Listen, I don't have time for all this bullshit.
Could you just come to my house and smack my kids around for me?
Can anybody go O again? I know he's cute, isn't he? Little Satanic tail.
Little Satanic tail. He's adorable, isn't he? Murderous little fucknut. Can I just pay you to come to my house and make my kid's life miserable? Is that possible?
Here is the Pokémon Ball. That's this thing here. Inside of that, you catch the Pokémon. Let the camera get a view of that. That's the Pokémon ball, and you actually catch the-I bought this on eBay for $675.
No one touched it. I can't get finger pin shot.
What he was preaching here really worked because today, Pokémon has been eradicated.
Yeah, Pokémon, no more. No one plays it. No one plays Pokémon.
Inside of that thing and harness the power in there. Then you can call on that power to regenerate itself outside of that ball. And praise God, it turns into the bigger and better monster.
Praise Jesus. I sermon you. Spirits, enter my Pokémon balls and grow bigger.
Now, we're told that there are 150 species of these particular creatures on the face of the Earth. We're also told in the material that these pocket monsters are creatures that inhabit the world with humans.
We're also told to stone to death men who lay with men in the Bible, you jack hole. We don't run around doing that.
That they can evolve and grow in bigger and better creatures. Now, the object of this game is got to catch them all. They tell you that if you catch them all, you become a Pokémon master. Listen, parents, that word master will appeal to any child because they can become a somebody body. They can become a master. You know what? If you're the master of something-Oh, there's one master that really got me as a child, but it just started with the word master.
I'm telling you what, every young boy will get there eventually.
You don't need mom. You don't need dad. You don't need grandparents.
No, I actually like to stay on the other side of the house if you don't mind. You don't need aunts and uncles.
You don't need school, and you probably don't even need a church.
Well, in Brian's case, the church was a great place for masters.
No, that's right. You're a master. You can become a God. That's the premise of what this has been teaching.
Yeah, that's exactly what Pokémon is teaching. Be your own God.
You become the Pokémon Master.
Or it's just a fun game that kids like to play.
That's the whole premise and the whole goal of this game. Now, Now, this is the main character right here. He's called Ash Ketchum.Not Hal Ketchum.Ass Ketchum. Not How Ketchum.
Ask Ketchum, that's right. Master Ass Ketchum. That's what his name is. Master Ass Ashtchum.
Ashtchum. Listen, Master Ass Ketchum over here.
Oh, Pokémon, destroyed my technology. Oh, Pokémon, why you do this to me?
It's what I say, it's what their own material says. I'm going to tell you what they describe him as.
Listen to this. Let me read it here. Master Ass Catchup.
Master Ass.
Oh, God, we're getting slap happy on this. 24th day of G-CV.
Yes. An energetic and determined 10-year-old who's a little too competitive, and he's obsessed with catching all Pokémon and driven to become the world's foremost Pokémon master. Every time your children watch this program, whether it's a video, whether it's a cartoon, whether it's a comic book, no matter what it is, they hear this mantra, this rap song that's played over again. It says, I will travel across the land searching far and wide each Pokémon to understand the power that's inside. Then it's enchanted to them. Got to catch them all over and over and over and over again. You know what it does? It fuels your child's craving for more cards, more books, more videos, more movies. It's designed to do that.
It's designed to sell. So are you. It's designed to sell. So is religion. It's the same thing. It's marketing. We've been doing it for hundreds of thousands of years. We're going to continue to do it. I don't think master ass ketchup is going to really... I don't think that's going to destroy anybody's life. Listen, when the Pokémon game came out on iPhone, I think it was a little much. I saw people trying to catch Pokémons in places, and I was like, really? Did you have friends that were playing this?
Yeah, of course. Well, it was during the pandemic.
That's true. Yeah, I thought it was a little much, but I didn't think there was any harm being done there.
No, unless people were running into each other.
Yeah, it was just annoying when people were trying to catch their Pokémans walking in front of you.
That's what we call enchanting. Here's the next character. This is Misty. Look at this. Now, this is off of a comic book. This is actually a page of a comic book. But if this was clear-Look at her breasts hanging everywhere.
Misty, the But there's short shorts and suspenders holding her breasts back.
If this was actually clear, you'd see that that's a halter top. It stops right there. Halter top. She's got short shorts on. You know she's got to be about the same age as what Asha is.
Let me tell you something, Master Ass Ketchum and Misty have a relationship that's secret and sexy. I have a whole book written about it. I do some fanfic on the side.
Okay. She's described as Asha's companion, and listen what it says about her. She's headstrong and stubborn, constantly arguing with ash. Typical woman. Now, just- Now we're getting the root of things here.
Well, Did you think anybody with a haircut like that was going to be the guy you'd want to go on a date with? No. Just kidding.
God forgive me.
All right. God forgive me. God forgive me. Let's get back to Misty in a tits.
Frivolous spirit. That's what it was. Here's Brock over here in the corner. Brock is by far the most hormonal because...
Now we get to it. Now, here it comes. He's about to go unhinged.
His fascination with the opposite sex many times gets him or the group in trouble. Well, then there's Pokémon trainer Gary.
Gary is not- I don't know this game, so I don't know. How does it get them in trouble?
I know. I think it gets Brock in trouble.
Yeah, I guess Brock's boner gets in the way of us catching all those Pokémon.
Captured in here. But Gary is a real self-centered jerk. He's vindictive and he's obnoxious.
Is that how he's described in the game?
I guess. Do they really describe Brock as a hormonal Pokémon catcher?
Two characters, and one's called Jessie, and the other one's called James. Listen to what it says about them. There we go. It says, prepare for trouble, make it double. Jessie and James are an evil gang looking to steal rare Pokémon. Jessie and James are stuck up, fashion conscious. You know what? In the program, they're also prone to cross-dressing. Now, if you don't know what that means, that means that if you feel like you're a woman in a man's body, you wear women's clothing. You dress like one.
Which is what I do on Tuesday nights, but that is not Prophecy Club films on Thursday.
Yeah, it's okay. One day a week.
If you're a woman who feels manly, you wear men's under clothing and dress like one.
A man's under clothing? First of all, it's super sexy when a woman wears a man's boxer, so let's just go there, okay?
Cross-dressing. What role model would that be? God. Okay, now, remember at the first, I think that's enough right here because I think- Role model is that goatey. We got a pretty well good establishment on this thing. Remember that I said that if the characters were the role models that established the value, standards, and morals that we wanted our kids to have when they got to be an adult, that this game or this particular thing is okay. Remember we said that? Okay, so let's examine what we got. Let's see. Remember?
Remember five minutes ago when I told you something? Yes. I'm sorry, I'm busy looking at Misty and Brock, imagining their relationship, steamy and sexy.
A headstrong, stubborn, quibbling, self-centered, vindictive, obnoxious, hormonal, sexually preoccupied, evil, thieving, cross-dressing, jerks. No. I don't know about you, but I mean, even if I wasn't a Christian parent, I wouldn't want my kids to grow up with those traits. Then we have to actually that the characters of this game don't- You know what I've learned about this video?
You know what I've learned this entire video? I've learned that our boy here has not only made Pokémon, Magic: The Gathering, and Dungeons & Dragons extraordinarily boring, but second of all, he has proven nothing except his ignorance about the world in general. I think that's all we need to know about this video. I wanted to break it down for a long time, but you know what? Sometimes you get exactly what you deserve. Joke's on us. Yeah. Joke's on us.
Sometimes it happens.
Sometimes it's good, and sometimes it's not. Listen, it's funny, but he's not that interesting. No. Yeah, he's boring. God bless the woman who sleeps with this guy. Does he have a wife? Let's see. I just want to see if there's a ring on his finger. I think there is. Hold on one second. There is a ring on his finger. God bless America. Well, the sucker born every minute. What can I say?
I want to play Pokémon now, though.
I've never played. I never have to. Never played. Don't know the first thing about it. I think it was a little after my time, excuse me. I think Pokémon became real hot in the late '90s, early 2000s. Yeah, that was already a grown man. But I read about Brock, and nowhere doesn't say his hormones get him in trouble. That never says that.
I think you inserted that in.
But listen, is that not every boy ever? Their hormones get them in trouble? I mean, that's just... I think that's most adolescents, actually. Their hormones get them in trouble. Yes. Well, don't be a cross-dressing son of a bitch. That's the moral of this story. Pokémon chasing hormonal cross-dressing son of a bitch.
Unless you're dressing like Santa.
Santa's not cross-dressing, really. That's playing. That's role-playing, Chrissy. You're role-playing Mrs. Claus today. I am. And you look hot doing it. All right, tcbpodcast. Com. That's where you go to find out more information about the show. All the audio, all the video right there from one location. Now, every single episode of the Commercial Break moving forward will be available on video, either on the website, Spotify, just a day or two after it releases, and youtube. Com/ The Commercial Break. Go to YouTube. Follow us there. Like, subscribe, comment on your favorite video. We would just adore you if you did. You can also text us, 212-433-3TC. Tcb. That's 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, we're taking them all. If you want your free TCB sticker or schwag, two ways to get it. Number one, go to the website, hit the Contact Us button, drop down menu, I want my free sticker. Give us your address, we'll send it to you. Second way, take a screenshot of you donating to one of the causes we've been talking about. Send it to our text message hotline, and we'll be happy to send you one at the Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok.
All right, Christie, that's all I can do for now. I think so. I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Christie and I will say, we do say and we must say goodbye. Oh my God.
Episode #664:
Donate to St. Jude, The National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund, the ASPCA and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
The Bluey Movie
Pokémon & Pastors
Righteous Gemstones
The spiral famously stands for male fertility
Duck bill drama
Hook 'em Satan horns
Wizards of the coast
Murderous rage
A 10-12 year long DND game
The ghoul!
Spirits, enter me
Pikachu’s devilish tail
Ass Catchem
Pokémon fanfic
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