Transcript of 12 Days Of TCB: Poem Time For Lovers

Hey, Grissy. Best to you. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe, and happy holidays. Sometimes, podcasts like ours will take off a lot of time during the holidays, but not us. We're glutton's for punishment. We have the 12 Days of TCV coming at you, December 13th through the 25th. Brand new episodes every single day and live, fresh episodes during the entire holiday season. As the great Clark Griswald once said, Holy shit, where's the Tylenol? Find it quick and join us this entire holiday season for brand new episodes of The Commercial Break. Tis the season to shake that ass. Tis the season to shake those titties. Bouncing, girl, girl, girl. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now.

We're going to have the happiest, happiest, happiest Christmas in spin Crosby tap dance with Danny fucking K.

Oh, yeah, dancers and prancers. Welcome back to the Commercial Commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Donna to My Blitz and Chris and Joy Holden. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Welcome back to the 12 Days of TCB. Here we are rolling toward Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, the day after Christmas, the day after the day after Christmas. Every day. Every fucking day, you get a new episode of the Commercial Break in December. Fear not. Thank you to everybody who has been supporting us, writing in, saying wonderful things about us. I know. I love the reaction. I do. I do love the reaction.

That is nice. That makes it worth This has been great for the audience.

Not so good for the three of us here in the room as we've been nonstop recording. But hey, we'll get a nice break. We will. Brian, the Beat 'Em Up boss, will give you guys a break, I promise, real soon. Yeah, it will be well deserved. Oh, man, will it be well deserved? Everybody has been writing in saying that really enjoying the 12 days of TCB. Some people have been so kind as to send screenshots of them donating. I saw a National Breast Cancer Coalition fund or two the other day. Thank you so much. A couple ASPCAs, and the St. Jude Foundation seems to be a popular one with everybody. So thank you very much. Your schwag is on the way. I do promise that. So, Chrissy, how are you feeling? I just wanted to take a temperature check in the room. How are you feeling? I'm feeling good.

I'm feeling great.

You sound like you got a little bit of a cold.

No, it's my throat because we've been doing so many shows day after day after day. After a day, I might need some tea and honey.

You need some tea and honey? I might. We'll get you some tea and honey. After this episode. I just finished this one. Not letting you go. You got to finish this episode. Man, I'll tell you what- Don't even say I'm getting a cold.

I do not want a cold.

Well, I already said it, so now you already got it.

No, but don't put that into the ethos.

Oh, God. I put it into the ether. What are we, Theresa Caputo now? What are we going to do? You got to go around, spit twice, spin around, yell in the air? What are you going to do? How do you get rid of a cold? Well, listen, it is that time of year when people do get sick, and you have been coming here where I have 13 to 15 children that bring around every fucking disease possible. I know. Yeah. One of my kids had this weird... Have you ever heard of rosalia? Have you heard of this? No. Rosalia is a very nondescript infection that children get. I thought it sounds like a flower. It sounds like a lovely flower. It basically blooms into an extraordinarily high fever with a rash. But adults don't get it, so don't worry. You don't have to worry about it. Or do adults get it? I'm not sure. If you get it, let me know. I will let you know. But my kid was cooking. She was like at 105.7. When you touch her, she's hot. Listen to this. This is crazy. 105.7, that's where we're at. You say 105.7, their brains are burning at that point, but not true with children.

Children, they have a lot of malability in their brains because they're not fully formed yet. It's much different actually with a child. If you're at 105.7 as an adult, you're dead. I mean, there's no way your body can take that. When my first one was born, he's a year and He was half-old. One night, he was sleeping in the bed with Astrid and I, and I rolled over. He was in the middle of us. I rolled over and I touched him, just put my hand on him. He was like a tea kettle. That's how hot he was. I was like, holy shit, he's a fever. We get up, we get the thermometer, we take his temperature. He's at 105 something. We are freaking the fuck out. We're like, Oh, my God. We get some cool damp cloths and we give him Tylenol or Motrin or whatever it is, and we put a call in to the doctor. The doctor says, Well, listen, if it goes down, Great. If it goes up, go to the hospital. If it goes down, don't worry about it. Come and see us tomorrow. We bring him in the next day, and when the doctor takes his temperature, it's at 106.

I'm totally freaking out about this. Yeah, I know. The doctor is like, don't- This is your first. It's our first. Don't worry about it, which is a really hard thing to do as a child. She's like, Don't worry about it. Honestly, sometimes kids go into the 107, sometimes even the 108s, and it's just their body reacting to an infection. As long as we can bring it down with some a medication or cooling them off in some way, shape, or form, then we don't get worried about it. But I thought to myself, holy shit. You could cook rice at 107. Can you cook rice at 107? I don't know. What does water boil at?

Fahrenheit. A hundred degrees. Celsius.

What is it? I know, Celsius. That always gets me fooled.

Christina, you have the European- No one knows this.

I was embarrassed that none of us knew what temperature water boils at.

What does water boil? 130 degrees Fahrenheit, I think is what it is. There's like a 32 difference.

I don't know.

Okay, fact check that, Christina.

Zero is then 32.

Zero is 32 degrees.

Yeah.

212 degrees Fahrenheit. 212. 212 degrees.

Okay, so you had a little ways to go. Okay, yeah.

We couldn't fry an egg on his head. Rice. Rice can boil. Rice can boil on my son's chest. Anyway, if you get Rosalia, let me know. You know where they get a lot of infections, like Rosalia, is at Carnival Cruises, apparently. I was going to share with you this. Oh, my God. Where is this going? I was going to share with you that right before we got on, I was flipping through Instagram, as I do, and I saw this reel where someone had posted that a guy on a Carnival Cruise, not but 45 minutes to an hour after they left the LA Port, was trying to kick down people's doors. He had his shirt off, big boy, trying to kick down doors on the Carnival Cruise. I have determined that the Carnival Cruise has become the Black Friday Walmart of cruising.

Well, because it's so cheap, right?

It's dirt fucking cheap. It's like $100 to go to Cosmo for the weekend.

I've seen those ads before.

I've been on a Carnival Cruise, by the way. I went on there many years ago. It was My first cruise was a Carnival Cruise, and I thought it was lovely because I had nothing to compare it to.

Well, I was going to say maybe that's the starter cruise.

Yes, it's the starter cruise. It's the starter cruise or it's the I want to get away for the weekend and I'm not getting paid till next week cruise. Because I've been on Royal Caribbean and Disney Cruise. Now, Disney cruises are crazy expensive anyway, so you get what you pay for in that sense. Royal Caribbean, I think, is like the middle of the road. They have Ritz Carlton cruises now, too. I know.

I'm on that list. I'm on that list now, too. I would go on a Ritz.

I would definitely go on a Ritz-Cruise. If it wasn't $41,000 for the mid-suit. It's so expensive. $41,000. I know.

I looked into it. I was like, Well, Jeff and I, let's treat ourselves.

Jeff and I, treat ourselves. Where do you work?

I was like, Oh, that's way off.

Way off. There's a huge gap between $239 for a person to go to Cosmel for the weekend of $41,000 for the mid-suit on a Ritz Carlton Cruise. I understand that when you make it accessible or affordable for everyone to cruise, everyone's going to cruise. Everyone and anyone are going to cruise.

You're going to get a mix.

But so far this year, I think I've heard that Carnival Cruises has had to pull a for three and a half days back to Port. Many people have fallen and jumped off. All kinds of bacteria running through there. Some lady died in the Jacuzzi. People are literally rocking the boat in the middle of the night. I can't tell you how many fights I've seen in those clubs that night that are going on in those carnival cruises. What is wrong with people? You're on a cruise. Why is everyone so upset?

Somebody was looking at somebody's girl. That's what happened. Drunk.

Somebody is looking at somebody's girl.

That's the way it happened. That's true. I was looking at somebody's man or somebody's girl in alcohol.

Yeah, alcohol is the reason.

Unlimited alcohol or whatever they have.

Yeah, that's the thing. Trust me, they're not giving you Cuervo 1800 on this cruises. The best, the top shelf. Yeah, that's what we call the well liquor. You know why I call it the well liquor? You keep it in the well so people can't see it. That's a true story. I know. Yeah. Top shelf liquor is on the shelf, so people see it and they want to buy it. Well The well liquor is in the well where no one can determine exactly what they're drinking, including the bartenders or the people selling you that alcohol. It is a bad idea to order well drinks all night long because that alcohol is probably high octane.

Carnival, This is the well drink.

They're the well liquor of the cruise world. Absolutely. Listen, you can't fault someone for trying to find a deal. In that regard, I say, Hey, listen, if you can only afford $239 a night or a cruise.

You got to get to Jamaica.

And you've got to get to Jamaica tomorrow to buy some weed and flush it down the toilet before you make it back to Port, like Brian did. Then listen, Carnival is a great option. By the way, Carnival Cruise was the cruise that I got stopped on the way back in. That makes sense. I had a strip search, including an anal cavity search.

I'm surprised they were so strict.

Well, of course they are. They know that the people who are smuggling weed go on Carnival cruises.

I guess you probably don't get the same treatment on the Ritz Cruise. No. At the Ritz cruises, you- They're like, This way, sir.

Yeah, they'd land a helicopter. This way, sir. Here's a special container for the weed. We will now pull into Star Island in Miami, where a Trump helicopter will pick you up and fly you back to a New York City skyscraper, where there you'll have your ass wiped with only the finest cotton sheets.

Five hundred thread count. Yeah.

Ritz, Carlson cruises. You press a button in the bathroom and it goes, Poopoo, or a peepee. Then someone comes running in and they dab your penis. If you peepee, they go, Bing, bing. Clean the seat.

I wonder if they have bidets. I love a bidet.

Oh, they must have bidets on the Ritz, Carl. They've got to. Well, actually, no. There's spaces at a premium there. But I did look at the floor plans on the- I did, too.

You and I were the same. I wish I could do that. Exactly.

I wish I could do that.

That was totally going on my vision board.

Listen, a true story. Astrid and I love a Ritz Carlton. Oh, we do, too. We love a Ritz Carlton. We got married there. That doesn't mean we have money. It means somebody else had money to give us, right? But we have been- It's a treat. We have been lucky enough to stay at a number of Ritz Carlton. That is a treat. We are the people who go on vacation and we spend the money on the accommodations. Exactly. We have children, so we know that we're not going to do anything fun during the vacation, so we might as well stay somewhere nice.

We do, too, because we like to relax.

Yeah. We've stayed at Ritz Carlton. Plus, when you get married to the Ritz Carlton, they give you a bunch of points you can use to stay at a place. We've made the best use out of those points. I love a Ritz Carlton. When those crews, when they started hitting me up about their news cruise ships, I was looking at every floor plan. Some of those cruise ship suites at the Ritz Carlton, they're like 1,300 square feet.

Oh, yeah.

That's half this house. I mean, it's their- That's bigger than my apartment. I know. It's not even in the way that they do them up, every inch is the finest quality everything.

When you go to- Well, for the price because- Of course.

When you're paying $41,000- A night. A person to get on one of those cruises. A person. Then they only take you on a three-day cruise for $41,000. They have three restaurants. When they have racquetball on a cruise ship, you know you're cruising with stuff. I think they actually have a polo field there. I think Harry and Megan do polo on the Ritz Carlton ship. But when you go on a carnival cruise, because I've been on one, they stick a bed up against the wall. There's a porthole you can't see out of. The crapper and the shower are the same thing. Do you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, see, that's what I'm not going to do.

Yeah, you put down the toilet seat, give yourself a shower, but it's not.

Fun.

Those cruise ships are crazy.

But we're going to Jamaica.

So you're saying there's a chance. Hey, listen, after the 12 days of TCB, I'm treating everybody to a carnival Carnival Cruise.

I think we should do it just for research purposes.

Oh, I would do it. I think those carnival cruises are the ones where they have the yacht.

I'll bring my young food.

The wrestling cruises are definitely on carnival. I can guarantee you that.

Absolutely. Brad Williams was on that.

Yeah, Brad Williams. Or the '90s music Cruise, which apparently is very popular. I saw there was a 311 Cruise. Cree has done a Cruise. No, everybody has a Cruise. Everybody has a Cruise. Why not a TCB Cruise?

Heather McMahon has a Cruise.

Heather McMahon has a Cruise. I thought that.

I thought that cruise would be fun. I bet it would be for sure. I know. She's been talking about it for a while, and I'm excited to hear the stories from it.

Why can't we have a cruise? Well, I think we need to actually probably do the live shows we bailed on last year before we do. People texting all the time. What are those live shows? Stay tuned. Stay tuned. Those live shows may now be on Twitch. We'll figure it out. Hey, we gave you refunds. What can we do? The live show is now on Twitch. The live show is now on Carnival Cruise, from here to Casamel. Now, Carnival is not in on this. It's just us. It's like these charities we've been talking about. They know nothing about at Neither does Carnival Cruise. Christie and I will be doing a live episode of TCB in the formal dining room every night at our table, which I just hope we could sell the table. I just hope we could sell 10 tables.

Maybe we can have a room like your mom has off to the side at the retirement.

Yes, a private. If not, then we'll do it. We'll do it next to the bed by the port hole. I can see it.

We do. We had a whole show planned.

We had a whole show of plants. I'm not even going to get into it. It's not even we're talking about. We'll get back to it, I promise.

But on Carnival- Let's put a pin in it for right now and circle back. Let's put a- Later.

Yeah, 2030. When my next parathyroid gets taken out. When my next tumor grows, then we'll think about it. Carnival Cruise actually sells, and I think a lot of cruisehips do this, they sell rooms underneath the water line.

Oh, my God. Those are the $200.

Yeah, those are the $200. Well, I don't know. On Carnival, you might get a balcony for $200, but you can actually get one of those stow away rooms, and they call it the stow away room.

Like in best in show when they put them in the hotel room and in the janitor closet.

Yes, I'm not even kidding. No window, just a painting of the ocean. Where you getting a tent where you can pretend that everything's... That's how you do it. This is the, If the ship goes down your first room, and that's why it's $100. We need the weight to balance out the ship. $100. What do you I say. But we'll let you have all the well liquor you want. Don't worry about it.

That was probably the guy that was busting down doors on the carnival.

Oh, man, I'll tell you what. Whatever was going on, he looked angry. They actually had to sedate him. The doctor sedated him. Like an animal. Like an elephant. They just stuck him like an elephant. That's crazy. I mean, I don't even know if that's legal, but I guess out in open water, anything's legal.

No, it's lawless.

Hey, listen, great idea. I don't drink. So next time I go on the Carnival Cruise, I'm going to start kicking down doors to get the good stuff. All right. Okay, listen, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is what we're talking about for the next couple of days or for the last couple of days we've been talking about it. We are going to put a link in the show notes. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence helps women and children who are getting out of abusive situations, get back on their feet, find shelter, get away from the abusive relationships, and then get back on their and also with financial literacy so that they can take care of themselves and their family during what has to be extraordinarily difficult times. Super important. I know that the local women's shelter around here, which we give a lot of stuff to and money to. This is the busiest time of the year you can only imagine. A lot of women choose to decouple from those situations. Now, a lot of those women have children. It's just a terrible- Scary. Yeah, it's scary. It's a terrible thing to think about and then to think about the fact that the kids may not Christmas gifts, which makes it twice as miserable and twice as scary, and that the women are really in a shitty situation they've got to dig themselves out of.

These people do God's work by helping other human beings get out of terrible situations. If you would, donate a dollar. Even a dollar can make a big difference this time of year to any of the causes we've been talking about. But this one feels near and dear to my heart. If you would, please, we'll put a link in the show notes directly to their website where you may make that donation directly to them. We have nothing to do with it, but we're just encouraging you to do some good during the 12 days of TCB. The Love Connection has nothing to do with the Carnival Cruises or the abuse. Or maybe, I don't know, we don't know what happened in every Love Connection relationship, do we? But I will promise you, the person we're reviewing today is not an abuser. I'll promise you this. Probably the nicest guy that's ever been on Love Connection. We're going to be back with one of our favorites, What the Fuck, Chuck? Love Connection. After these words, we'll be back.

Holidays getting you down? Family acting out of pocket? Text us and tell us all about it at 212-4333-TCV, or leave us a voicemail with all of the unhinged and/or spicy details. And then follow us on Instagram at The Commercial Break, and on TikTok at TCB Podcast if you need a laugh or an escape. You can always escape for a full hour and watch our YouTube videos at youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak, while you simultaneously peruse our website, tcbpodcast. Com, to find out all there is to know about Brian and Christie. Now, let's hear from our sponsors so we can afford the holidays this year.

I'm Anna Garcia with True Crime News, The Podcast. Every crime tells a story. Every story demands justice. True Crime News, The Podcast, covers breaking crimes, investigating high-profile and under-the-radar cases. Every week, we dive beyond the headlines, exploring the effects of violent crimes on victims and search for justice. We hope you join us as your weekly source for True Crime News. Listen to and follow True Crime News, the podcast on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcast.

Oh, man. Okay, Listen, over the last couple of years, one of our favorite things to do is to review dating shows. Now, yesterday, we reviewed MTV's Parental Control. What a terrible television show.

Whatever happened to Jeremy?

I didn't find Jeremy actually. Didn't find Jeremy. I would have thought for sure.

He's probably wiped his history clean of that show.

Or he's not around. He's not with us anymore. Or he's not with us anymore. He's incarcerated somewhere. Jeremy, I couldn't find him. I thought for sure he would be someone trying to make a living on Instagram, but I didn't find him. I'll continue to look. My search skills are fantastic. If he's out there, I'll find him, but I only spent a couple of minutes on it yesterday. Okay, so one of our favorite things to do has been to review Love Connect episodes. Love Connection, of course, the very famous dating show from back in the '80s and early '90s. They actually had two versions of the Love Connection, one with Chuck Wollery and then another one in the mid '90s with another guy. Not as funny. Chuck is definitely the best. Although he became problematic in his later years. Yeah, he did. He was great. He's great now. He's great back in the '80s.

He died recently, right?

Chuck Woller, he did?

I believe.

I do remember seeing something about this. I think that's since his two years.

I was like, Oh, Chuck died.

Yeah, Chuck died. Okay, I think Chuck died. We'll I'll have to figure that out. Is he dead? Yeah, he's dead.

November 23rd, recently.

That's what I was- Oh, he just died November 23rd?

Yeah, I sent that to you. Oh. I know. Okay. Well, Chuck, at least in the '80s, you were a nice guy. I think I have found the nicest guy that has ever been on the Love Connection stage. That is saying something because in the '80s, the people just had a different attitude.

And also looked 20 years older.

And also look this guy, wait till you see this guy. I I think he's 31. He looks like he's 62. Wait till you see this guy. Okay, let's review this episode of Love Connection. Here's our boy Chuck Wollery. Oh, can you hit play for me? Thanks. Also the music.

I thought I unmuted it, but I don't think it- That's the other one.

Yeah, there you go. There you go.

The CEO of Kentucky says that in 1979 and 1980, they were the best years his social life.

Look at him. He is 37 years old. Chrissy, this guy does not look a day under 65 years old. He does. This is amazing. I know. We have started… I think all those preservatives are- It's a huge mustache.

Look at that. The mustache, I think, adds.

Yeah, the mustache does add years.

And the jowels.

Yeah, the jowels and the gray hair, all of it together, and the caterpillar's on top of his eyes.

He's been divorced for 13 years, but he says that he wants to get married real soon. Oh. Please welcome John DeVall.

The men don't usually say that.

Hello, John. How are you?

I'm good.

Cecilia, Kentucky. That's down around Fort Knox, isn't it?

It's about 30 miles as a crowfly south of Fort Knox.

It's about 30 miles outside of Fort Knox. You see, what you do is- As the crowfly. Yeah, if you take 40 over there to exit 32, then you get off at 32, you can take 16 over to 12, and you know where gas station is, Chevron, you'll take a ride there. I live about 12 miles from there, and you got to pass a couple of pastures first, Chrissy. Just letting you know. Okay.

What was so special? It said 1979, 1980. They were the best years of your social life?

What was so special about that? That was when disco rang Supreme.

You was begging to disco.

I love Johnny. He's so sweet. I know. I used to get in my bell bottoms, and I would go out on Friday night. I like to wear the bell bottoms, but my penis often showed, so I'd put a little pad in there so it was not to upset any of the women folk. Then we'd go out and party hard. We did a lot of cocaine and poppers back then, and that's why I think it was fun.

Big disco where I had a dance partner. We had- Did? Mm-hmm. She was about 10 years older than I was. She had her own boyfriend.

She had her own boyfriend.

He was cuckholding.

This is the nicest guy that's ever lived. I know. Oh, my God. I had a dance partner. She had a boyfriend. Made it pretty clear to me that there would not be any funny stuff, but that was okay with me. I wasn't very sexually mature. I was only 29 years old. I wasn't quite ready for the full ride, if you know what I mean, Chuck.

Made it nice because we would go out there and really do our thing and had a little costumes on. Had costumes? Exactly.

What costume?

I had a tuxedo shirt with tuxedo pants and suspenders.

Oh, that's quite the look.

I got my whole outfit at T. J. Max for about $39, and then she would be wearing a sparkly due, if you don't mind. Then we would go out there and do our thing, and there was absolutely no physical contact after It was nice for me and her husband.

My best partner had a nice disco dress, and we would do her thing, and she would go sit with her boyfriend. Then this was what was so great about '79 and '80.

The girls were- He's just perking right up.

Look at his eyes. I know. He's like, This was what's so great about '79 and '80s. Most people thought I was gay, so I really did not get a lot of action, but I looked good doing it. Do you know what I'm saying, Chuck?

I'm over and asked me to dance instead of having it the other way around.

I sure thought you were good, probably.

I made them all feel like Ginger Rogers, and they'd love me for it. They love me so well. I increased my dating about maybe 5-10 times a week.

Really? Five to 10 times a week? There's only seven days in the week. Jeez.

He's quite the man about the discos.

Yeah. I think even when I was dating someone seriously, we wouldn't go on five dates a week. You know what I'm saying? No.

Very much. Well, now, what happened your social life after disco took a dive?

Well, it did plummet. I got into Transformers and Model Trains, and I had a Model Train partner, and you see, she would come in and help me with the Model Train, but she was married. But what would happen is we would go to the Model Train conventions, and then oftentimes, I would be approached by other men to play with their trains. It was nice in that regard. I felt like I was being paid attention to.

You're really embodying this character.

I think this guy's very nice. I wish for one minute I was as innocent as John was.

Country Western scene came in.

He just changed the music. It doesn't matter. Country Western's in. Take off the sequent best and pop into your cowboy boots. It wasn't.

I couldn't keep up with his steps. I couldn't keep up with his steps.

I don't care about that. Cottonye Joe. Cottonye Joe.

I didn't really like it, Chuck. I didn't like because disco was so sweet and the way we turn and touch dancing, and this was all, Hey, jerk them around, cowboy. I didn't like it.

This was all Jerk-Em-Off cowboy. I was at a certain cowboy bar, and I don't know, it just didn't feel right to me, Chuck. Yeah, I didn't care for it. Plus, the tight jeans didn't show off the best of me, if you know what I mean. I found that my dating decreased by 5-10 days a week.

In fact, I get sore arms and dancing with some of the cowgirls, and so I didn't like that.

I bruised easily, Chuck. I got sore arms from dancing with the cowgirls.

Well, he gave it a shot. Yeah, well, listen, he's a man about town.

He likes to dance. Basically what? He does. Well, you got hair like that. Well, disco is your thing. It is. Right. I think he probably should have changed his haircut after disco.

I've been doing the last couple of years.

Waiting for disco to come back. Waiting for disco to come back.

And sitting in a hole and playing disco with my thumbs.

Well, let's take a look at the tape.

Playing disco with my thumbs. To John Son. I remember you're going to vote. This is my favorite part when we get to look at the ladies he's going to choose.

Okay, first there was Tony. She enjoys dancing and woodworking. She's been divorced for four years.

She likes dancing. She likes woodworking. And woodworking. And woodworking. I think that's something John could get into.

She has a five-year-old son. Now, she thinks the best thing about being single is having her own bathroom. She says, Men are a constant source of surprise. Here's what you mean.

Someone who seems like they'd be very dull on a day turns out to be very exciting. Some that you think would never be interested in a small child become very attached.

Oh, well, that might be a downside there, Terry. The '80s were a different time, guys. Some men just take no interest in my child, and some take a lot of interest in my child. That's right. I think this lady is a perfect fit for our boy here. She's very soft-spoken. Yeah, Tony.

My child. It's always new and it's always different.

All right.

What does your child feel about that? I know. It was Lynn.

She admits that she talks too much. She says that she'd like to get married so that she can stop having blind dates and start having children.

Here's how Lynn likes to be read. Lynn's 33, looks 43.

I want to be taken seriously. Definitely.

Not because I'm female- If you want to be taken seriously, don't wrap your shirt in a bow. I mean, let's just be real about it.

I have different anatomy that I have different feelings or different emotions than they do.

But if they want to be a gentleman, that's okay. If it makes them feel comfortable, I don't demand it. I don't have to have anybody open my door. She's very forward for the early '80s. She is. She's in construction. Well, you got to have a good head on your shoulders to be in construction.

Finally, She watched Ellen. She's originally from Richmond, Virginia. She enjoys going to museums. Says that she wants a man who's attracted and smart as she is.

Here's what she doesn't want. You can tell in Ellen's eyes that she's already way too advanced for our boy here.

I think so. I don't want him to be an egotistical person.

I'd rather have somebody that was more interested in things in his life than his own life. In other words, like maybe his hobbies or things that does rather than himself. I don't want the guy that's always taking the mirror and going like this while he's driving.

Well, you locked out on this one. I'm not sure this guy has ever looked in a mirror. Okay.

Then look at all three of us again. Of course, it's Tony. She's 36. She's a high school teacher. Len works in the construction industry, and she's 33, and Ellen's 34. She's a sales rep for a textile company. The audience, you met John, seen his three choices.

I know a lot about it. They're choosing now. Who is your fixer number? Number one.

All right.

It was a fun and interactive way for the audience to get involved.

It was a fun and interactive way for the audience to get involved. Choose which person is going to go on a blind date with this luscious, lovely man.

We're out of time, so we're going to find out who John picked and hear everything that happened.

Don't worry, Chrissy. I got the second half.

We're going to find out tomorrow, though. That's our show for today. I'm Chuck Willery. I hope all your dates tonight are good ones. We'll see you tomorrow. Bye-bye, everybody.

That's a nice way to end things.

This is one of the very early episodes, by the way. You can tell just by the histing noise in the background and the way that this is made.

How they can get on Love Connection. It's a lot easier than they think. Now, if you're over 21, just call this number right here and have a free date on us. How bad can that be?

Well, it's weird that you set people up on blind dates. They show up at each other's houses. At your house. Yeah.

Oh, That's an early set.

Yeah, I love the music.

All right.

Chapulary's Foregrope, finished by Pierre Cardin.

Pierre Cardin, Chrissy. I'm just letting the music play because I like it.

Action. Today, you'll meet John.

He always recites poetry to his date. Yesterday, the audience voted on which- We didn't know about that part.

Would you think that reciting poetry to you, would that be weird or would you like that?

I mean, it depends on the poem.

Poetry? Yeah. But I mean, If you just met a guy and he came in on the second date and he just said, I have a poem for you. I'd like to read it. Yeah, maybe on the second date. Yeah, maybe like the second year of marriage. Right. Yeah, something like that. No, not for you?

I don't think there is any situation where it is appropriate for a man to read me a poem. Oh, really? Unless I am at a poet's event. Yes.

What if he- Poetry event.

I had someone write a poem for me.

I've written soliloquies, but I don't think I've ever written a poem for anybody. I I certainly wouldn't recite them to him. That's what I message is for.

It's like making someone listen to you play the guitar. It's giving Barbie. You guys know the scene.

Yeah, I've done that a lot.

Escaping Brian.

But to be fair to me, I was drunk or high. So there you go. These three women- They willingly did it because they said, Well, it's better than him talking. I said, Do you want to hear a little Brian's escape?

That's right.

Here's our latest single.

He best for him.

Today, you'll hear who John chose. Sunny Side Up. Sunny Side Up. I just was a fan of things, words that sounded good together. They had no meaning.

Says his date. And you'll meet Jan.

The audience chose a date for her, and it didn't work out. Today, we'll hear about her date with the man she chose.

We won't actually hear about that date, but we'll hear about Joe's date.

They were already saying it didn't work out back then.

Well, because she came back for a second round. You see what I'm saying?

But in later years, they don't say.

No, they don't do that. In later years, they also don't have a seven-and-a-a-half-minute introduction like the commercial break did for the first two seasons. Now, here's our host, Chuck Polerade.

Thank you.

It's so good-looking.

There you are.

Oh, yes. I bet he has ass hair.

We love ass hair. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Ladies love Chuck.

We get started by meeting our first guest. He's originally from Cecilia, He's been divorced for 13 years, but he says that he's ready to remarry. Says that he came to Love Connection because he didn't like the women he's been meeting.

He's been divorced for 13 years. He's 37, so he got divorced at 25. He got divorced. Yeah, 24. That's young to get divorced. But I mean, if you were married to John, I know. John Duvall. It's going to take a certain personality. It is. Nice guys sometimes do finish last. It's a true story. The reason why nice guys finish glass is because there is a certain boredom that comes with always being nice. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I can see John- Well, in your young 20s, maybe.

Yes. Although he sounds exciting with the discos.

Well, listen, yeah, he sounds so exciting that he couldn't find his own dance partner.

John, welcome back. Have a seat.

John, what's wrong with the women you've been meeting?

Well, I'm still meeting some women at bars and places like that. They seem to be a lot different than they did back in the early '80s and the late '70s. They're more cold and callous. In fact, they seem like they're more ugly. Why do you think they're more ugly?

They're more ugly. He threw that in there, too.

Damn.

Well, Brad Bitt. I know.

Women got standards, and he can't stand it.

I can't take it anymore.

I don't know. Well, it's It's really hard to say. Maybe I could be getting older, too.

You could be getting older, John. That might be a statement that might be true.

That was dating before that we're younger, getting older, too. We're all getting older.

I'm.

We're all getting older. Yeah, we're all getting older, Chuck. It's just one of those unfortunate things. One year I'm 36, and the next year I happen to be 37. My birthday was last Tuesday, Chuck, and I almost ran over a squirrel. Luckily, I avoided any contact. But it was because my arms are sore from all that flipping and flopping and country or western type music.

Well, I- You write this?

Yes. This portrait is my own, and I write it. Normally on a date, if I reside the portrait, I'll recite a poem about myself. Just let the girl- Roses are red.

Roses are blue.

Violets are blue.

I'm getting older. How about you?

I don't know what I'm like. It's like a self-portrait poem. Then if I like the girl- Yeah, maybe shy away from the self-portrait poem.

Yeah, we don't need to hear about your self-reflection. It's like Aaron Rodgers doing a whole Netflix special on his ayahuasca experience. It's a little glow up we don't need. You know what I'm saying?

I'll recite her poem that I wrote to one of my last love, which was quite a long time ago.

What? To one of your last love.

Yeah, nothing gets a girl wet like the last girl getting poetry.

The poem you wrote for the last girl.

Yeah, it works every time.

I don't mention her name or anything like that.

We don't say to Helen.

I'll leave it out. I do have one poem that I have a blank in it.

I could put a girls' names in. Well, please repeat it. Please recite it. But of course, Chuck won't have a follow-up question here, which will suck because that's not what Chuck does. Chuck's bad at follow-up questions.

But I don't do that.

He's got to move things along.

Let's bring everybody up to date on what happened yesterday.

Let's move this along. Let's move away from the interesting part of the show and back to the boring part of the show.

Now, we show the audience John's three choices. They voted on which one they thought would be best for him, and we're going to take a look and catch you up today. First, there's Tony. She enjoys dancing and woodworking.

She likes dancing I mean, I like it.

That's Tony. Then Lynn, she says that she'd like to get married so she can stop having blind dates and start having babies.

Ellen says that she wants a man. Way to summarize Yeah, thanks, Chuck. To be fair, that's what she said.

Who's as attractive and smart as she is. Now, the audience vote was recorded yesterday. We're going to get that a bit later on, but right now, John is going to remind us who he chose.

Chuck, I chose chose Ellen.

Oh, he chose the one that I thought would be least a fit for him because Ellen looks and sounds like she's lived some life. Saucy. And John looks like he literally reads novels on his day off.

Let's go right now. Let's say hello to Ellen Gileski. Gileski, I'm sorry.

Ellen Gileski.

Hi, Ellen.

Hi, Ron. How are you? Fine, thank you.

Just make yourself at home back there, okay?

You can tell me about the date.

I went over to pick Ellen up.

I took Route 34, and then I got off at Exit 12, and I was in my jeans and had some suspenders on. Chuck, All right, John, let's move it along now.

She invited me in, and I go into the house right there, and she looked very nice. The beautiful blue eyes, which she corrected me as turquoise eyes. Very nice pretty. Very nice movie. Let's put it, Everything we're in the right places. Absolutely.

That's good, Josh. Both the eyes.

I We get in. We've got to give her a chance to put the roast water, and she had to water some of the other plants, so I went on a little tour.

All right, John, let's move it along now. We only have 15 minutes.

She had some other plants.

She had some other plants. Please name them, please. I hope this guy I believe so.

We get into this one room and she opens up the door, and I'm noticing some of the art that she does. She's a fantastic artist. Is she? Nice paintings. Just one painting, though, we're talking life-size male nude. Oh. I There, I saw it.

His eyes. Yes. His eyes roll. It was a penis. I came to the real- Life-size. Yeah, life-size penis. I came to the realization I was dating the wrong sex.

Exactly.

I mean, am I here in the somewhere's right now? I don't know.

In fact, she said- I don't know, maybe you'd be thinking, what if she want to paint you?

Well, I don't know. I don't know if I could meet up with this nude.

I don't know if I could lead up to this nude.

I don't know if I could meet up to this nude. His penis doesn't quite measure up.

It's a very good artist. I mean, we're talking detail in some areas, if you know what I mean.

He's been dying to tell this story.

Oh, he has.

He knew. It was the most exciting thing that happened to him since the disco days.

He knew the second that he walked into that room that he had the best love connection story. He might be right because this might be This is at number three. It had great detail in some places. Please tell us which places it had great detail.

Hours posing this one.

A lot of hair under the arm. Exactly.

All right. I think that's a good place that we should take a break. Let me remind you that we are talking about the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is one of the five charities that we are going to focus on during the 12 days of TCB. We're just shining a light on these charities that do such great work. If you would be so kind as to just donate a few dollars, $5, $10, $50, $1,000, whatever it is to one or multiple of these charities, we certainly would appreciate it. It'll make you feel better. They'll be able to do some more good, go out there in the world in 2025 and help some people, some pets.

We've vetted these charities, too. They use almost all of their money that's donated.

Most of these charities use a majority of All of these charities use a majority of their money to the intended causes, which not all charities do. There are many charities, probably the ones you know most about because you hear about them all the time, that do nothing but market their own charity. They'll spend 70% of their budget on getting more money, and then they pay the people who run these organizations a whole shitload of money. None of these organizations do that. St. Jude does do a lot of advertising, but they also do a whole shitload of good, and they do more good than do advertising. Anyway, you get the point. Links are in the show notes. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Please go donate. We'll take a break, and we'll be back.

Hi. You know what time it is, so let's get to it. Pull that phone out of your pocket and follow us on Instagram at the Commercial Break, and on TikTok for now, I guess, @tcbpodcast. You can also find all of our video content that we're filming in our brand new studio at youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak. So check it out and throw us a follow, a like, a comment, whatever you can spare. If you want to get in touch with us, you can always text us or call us and leave us a voicemail at 212-4333-TCB. Now, I have one last request. During the 12 or 263 days of TCB, check out our featured charities and donate to them if you can this holiday season. All right, let's take a listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

All right, now we're back with All right. All right, we got it. No problem. Don't worry about it. Christina here in studio with us. By the way, just doing a wonderful job. There's so many moving parts now to this whole thing. Thank you, Christina.

Despite my snafu earlier.

It's okay. You know how many times we've done it? If we had never done it, I probably would be frustrated, but we have done it so many times that it's just part of the gig.

Yeah, we're really on season 10. We did it earlier today, too, so I don't feel that bad.

Christina and I recorded something twice today. All right, so we're back with Chuck. He is literally with the nicest guy in the world. They're about to tell us about... Well, he started to tell us about his date, his blind date with this young lady. We got to the part where he walked in the apartment and he saw a nude painting of another man with a apparently very large penis. Here we go.

Who was the model for this particular painting?

Well, I went to an art school in Brentwood, and it was just one of the models that they have at the art school.

But I guess I exaggerated some things in a certain way. Okay, she got creative.

Jack is flushing.

I know. You know the people in the audience, they are freaking out. A penis!

I'm really getting a like for a lot. I'm thinking, it's about time for the you know what, the poetry.

Oh, Lord, you just walked in the door, John. You just walked in the door and saw a picture of a penis. The you know what? The poetry. The poetry. I thought he was going to say, You know what? My penis. I mean, honestly, you can't give this girl 15 minutes before you start dropping poetry on her? Man, the '80s were a different time because if this worked, if she goes on a second day with him, I'm going to be very surprised.

Not exactly the first thing that Not the first thing that bounced into my mind.

No.

I'm sensitive. He's a rapscallion, that John.

Remember that? No, I realized, with all due respect.

He does this little eye roll, too.

I know, he's got his little eyes. That was eyebrows move up and down, and they're accentuated by the world's largest eyebrows. So you can't help but notice. He's like a little kid. He's cute.

I recite a couple of poems, one about myself, and then that one special poem that I referred to earlier.

The one special poem?

The one that I wrote for the lads love. What did you think of his poetry?

Oh, it's beautiful.

It's warm and sensitive. I'm here with I walked through the door. Did you know my penis hits the floor?

He's an excellent poet.

I'm a poet here. I can't believe it. Okay, so what happened next?

Okay, Well, we leave there and we caught something to eat, and then we went back to her place.

You caught something to eat?

I know. I thought you said caught.

This talk's so weird. Yeah.

She invited me in, and I had to get my… I had to left the jacket right there, and it What happened to be in her bedroom.

Wait, hold on. What happened to the rest of the date? You went and got something to eat. What happened there, John?

Caught something to eat that came back to her house. You're naming- Then he had left his jacket in her bedroom.

That's weird.

While he went on the food out.

He was trying to get another look at that? He was.

Was the nude in the bedroom?

In one of the doors, in the apartment. First of all, second of all, you were literally describing plants she had in her house, and you said, We went to eat. I mean, what happened? I know.

So Obviously, I had to go get my jacket. Got my jacket, and we got back to the door. So far, all we've really done is maybe hold hands because we don't want to rush these good dates.

What?

Oh, you want to savor it.

Yes. So far, all we've done is I brushed side her, Chrissy, and I got an erection immediately. You don't want to rush these things, you see?

I said, Well, I'll give her a little peck on the lips, and a little peck on the lips got a little bit more. This jacket's really getting heavy in my arm.

This is the same guy who bruises because of country-western dancing. You have to understand. John hasn't been to a gym ever.

Walls to the floor. What? It just so happens there's a chair there because you get tired if you stand up very long.

What? When do you get tired if you stand up very long? Who is this guy?

He sat down to kiss for her.

Wait, did she sit on you? I don't know.

There's a chair. I don't know. Like, Hey, chair.

Yeah. Jeez, John, God. I thought you were a nice guy. Now you're just like a little hellcat waiting to be unleashed.

On the chair and we're still kissing. We thought, Well, this has been such a nice time. Maybe it's time to cool it.

No, she We thought this has been a nice time. Maybe it's time to cool it.

That's basically when the date ended.

It was- Okay, so you told us about none of the dates. So far, you walked in, saw a penis painting, caught something to eat, made out on a chair, and she told you enough is enough.

We both read.

Okay. That's nice. How would you sum up this video?

Well, when I came to Love Connection, I was looking for a handsome, intelligent man that was ambitious, and I found one. Wow. Can we go. They made a love connection. Look at John. I'm trying to love connection. I wanted to see the audience look for you. I found my dancing partner who does not have a boyfriend.

That's right.

Let's see how good day he was.

I knew that I would pick one because of the dancing.

Yeah, because of the dancing and because they're both very quiet in nature.

51%.

He just gave the audience He's scathing. Look.

Yeah, he gave them the death stare. I think lasers came out of his eyeballs. That was crazy.

But if you want to take the audience's advice and take Tony out, that's the one we'll pay for because that's who they suggested. If not, you're on your own, you can do what you I hope it's quite obvious by now that I would very much like to go out with Ellen. Actually, it is rather obvious.

Yeah, it's very obvious. Come on out, Ellen. As much as it can be in '80s television, that things have heated up between the two of you.

Where are you, Ellen? Oh, yes. Come on out. Come on out.

Come on down. Come on down. Get yourself a furry young man. She She's lovely.

She's wearing a leather skirt, too.

I like it. She is lovely. Good for them. I actually wanted to see this work out for this guy because he really is a nice guy. He does seem like it. You would be hard-pressed to find somebody in 2024 that talks and acts like this. Hard-pressed. Oh, yeah. While he may be a little… Maybe he's got old-world themes. This is the '80s, right? He's 40 years old in the early '80s. He He's got his family crest on his pocket for God's sake.

The Sunday Crest.

Thanks for coming on the show, Sharon Bateley.

No, I think that's a hang-up.

We're going to come right back with another couple.

Hang in. All right, there's There you go. Well, I feel really happy for John. I'm really excited.

I hope they worked out and had babies and their family crest can be passed down.

You know what? This is a couple that I probably would never find online because I don't think that John is the type of person who probably kept up with technology. But I do have to say, what a lovely couple. What a lovely just wholesome episode of the commercial break. Could we make it any nicer for you as we lead up into Christmas?

That's a feel good story. Yes.

We didn't go for anybody. We've done so many love connections, and so many of the guys are just jerk offs to the... Remember that one guy who was The guy who was like a bouncer at the door? You remember that? He was touching the ladies and he was like, I date all night long, or whatever he said. I can keep going all night long. So many of these guys were headed straight to Jerry Springer, but John was a nice, classic, wholesome young man. Or jail. Yeah, or jail. That lady was so lovely. Nothing like parental control, nothing at all. All right, well, listen, how much more damage can we do today? Honestly. I think we need to close our heads. That's quite while we're ahead. All right, let's quit while we're ahead. I do love a good love connection. I do, too. I really do. It was part of my childhood. I remember my parents watching this show a lot because it was on during daytime TV. If you stayed home sick or you're on vacation, you would get Prices Right. I love Prices Right. You would get Love Connection. You would get Judge Wapner.

Oh, the Wapner. Yeah. In the '90s, you would get Oprah. It's something you would get. What time did Oprah come on? 4:00. Oprah is on. That's right. That's right. 4:00. You had to miss it. Can't miss television. Oprah. Oprah Winfrey. But Love Connection was one of mine. Love Connection was the one that I really love. All right. Tcbpodcast. Com. That's where you go. You find out more information about the show. All the audio, all the video right there at one location. Now, every single episode of the Commercial Break Moving Forward will be available on YouTube the same day that it's available here on the audio feed, Spotify, just a couple of days afterwards. Please do us a favor. Go to the YouTube channel, subscribe, like, comment on your favorite video, share if you dare, share if you care, or you can go to Spotify and watch those videos, like I said, just a couple of days after they drop here on the audio feed. Also, do us a favor. 212-433-3tcb. That's 212-433-3822. Would you be so kind as to text us? Comments, questions, concerns, content ideas. We take them all right there at that phone number.

You can leave us a text message. You can leave us voicemail. We don't care how you do it. Just do it, please. @thecommercialbreak on Instagram, T-C-B podcast on TikTok, and again, youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak. Also, because we know you're in the giving spirit, we certainly would appreciate it if you could spend a few bucks. If you want to give Christie and I something really special this holiday, you can do two things. You can keep listening to the 12 Days of TCB and beyond. Follow us on your favorite podcast platform. But then, secondly, you can donate a few bucks to one of the causes we've been talking about. St. Jude's Foundation, the National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and the ASPCA. All of these organizations doing wonderful work. Spend a few dollars, make yourself feel good. It's tax deductible. Go straight to their website by clicking the link on the show notes. Thank you in advance. All right, Christie, I guess that's all I can do for now. I I hope so. But I will tell you that I do love you. And I love you. Best to you. Best to you. Best to you.

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Happy holidays. Until next time, Christie and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. If you got a softy in your brain, you're going to have a softy in your pants. You know what I'm saying?