Transcript of What if Staying Safe is Keeping You Stuck? Overcoming Self-Doubt with Carlene Marie

Welcome to Notes from the Edge, where we have the conversations we should have been having all along. We talk about the things that we're not talking about. I'm your host, Lisa Lacey, writer, trauma educator, executive advisor, and author of the upcoming memoir Notes from a Certified Madwoman. Welcome to the edge. Hey, hey, my friends! Welcome back to another episode of Notes from the Edge. I am your host, Lisa Lacey, and this is the place we have the conversations we should have been having all along. Guess what? You ain't talking about it. So today we're gonna with our special guest, Carlene Marie, and you missed the podcast before the podcast, and today we're going to be. Talking about how self-doubt, overachievement— how many times have we heard that— perfectionism, and people pleasing can become survival identities, and what it takes to build self-trust beyond them. Before we get into it, let me tell you about Carlene Marie. She is a Master Mind Power Coach, keynote speaker, and author of Enough Already: Release Self-Doubt, Reclaim Your Worth, and Remember Your Light.

She works with leaders, high performers, and women at defining crossroads who may appear confident and successful on the outside while privately struggling with self-doubt, overthinking, people pleasing, and the exhaustion of never feeling quite enough. She blends neuroscience, nervous system regulation, mindfulness, and spirit, and helps women identify and interrupt the unconscious beliefs driving those patterns.

Through her signature COMPASS method, she offers a practical framework designed to help people catch fear before it takes over, steady themselves in difficult moments. Boy, do we need that now more than ever. And reconnect with who they are before they learned they had to earn their worth. You don't have to earn your worth. Carlene is also a trauma-sensitive mindfulness guide and certified life and wellness

coach. Carlene Marie, welcome to Notes from the Edge. How are you today, my friend?

I am amazing. Thank you so much for that amazing introduction. So such a gift to be with you today. Thank you so much.

It's a gift to have you here, and that was all you. And it always sounds easier coming from someone else when they say it.

I receive it gratefully. Years ago, I would probably very much deflect all of that. So thank you. I receive that very, very gratefully.

Well, it's Notes from the Edge, so we're gonna dive right in, and I want to talk about what you just said. How hard was it to learn how to take a compliment, Carleen Murray?

It's, it's, it's been, it's been a journey, right? It's not— I don't think we wave a magic wand and suddenly we are changed. I believe awareness is the first step of that, but it's been, it's been a lifelong process of being able to truly receive that and not— and I run into that all the time, women that receive a compliment and they deflect it. Or they downplay it like this old thing, or I got this on sale, or I mean, those are just very minor ways that we tend to downplay our very worth and being able to receive. So for me, it's been, it's been lifelong, and I still, I'm very aware, and I'm like, wow, I'm receiving all of that, and it feels great. And I think that's all about coming home to ourselves, not abandoning ourselves, and really owning our self-worth. And being able to do that without apology, to feel really aligned with who we are. So it's, it's something that I think it's been a lifelong journey for me to really step into that.

Yeah. Definitely takes daily practice to become a new default for sure. Carlene Marie, when was the realization in your coaching and mentoring journey where you realized that it was about self-doubt. It was about, uh, us as, as women, as females, feeling like we had to earn our worth. What was the moment or moments where you realized that's really where you wanted to work on with people in their transitions?

Sure. Everything that I coach, I have personally experienced. So all of my own Mind Power training, I went through my own Mind Power breakthrough experience in their coaching and Shay Shafidel are the authors of Master Your Mind Power, and that's where I received a certification and a master certification, and I've spent a lot of my time in that Mind Power world. So I say I eat my own cooking as a coach because everything that I coach, I personally have had that— those breakthroughs where I went through that program and released negative emotions And then through that process, really was able to identify for myself where my master limiting belief was. And for me, it was a lot of self-doubt and unworthiness. And so that was something that was very transformative to me, and I brought it into my own practice. And then through the practice of really coaching high-performing women that would show up on a Zoom with me that are crushing it in life otherwise, all the evidence would point to them being highly successful, they would share in some way, shape, or form their not enough story. You name it— not fit enough, young enough, attractive enough.

Some would say the word skinny enough, confident enough, lovable enough. And it really is that limiting belief of not being good enough, which is so connected to self-worth, self-doubt, and ultimately self-trust. And so that kind of was the world that I was living in, and it just was a recurring theme. And literally one day, I just had literally the divine download of the book title, Enough Already. And it was something that I could hear it said to me, or even to the women that I would coach, the way we absorb those words as little girls. Enough already, stop crying. Enough already, you're too dramatic. Enough already, you're, you're too much. And all of the ways that we then believe those voices. defining who we are. And until we get curious and actually bring that into conscious awareness and think, wait, whose voice is that?

Oh.

And do I want to choose to believe it? And what voice do I want to follow? And so I saw that book as a beginning to really honor that little girl that was creating a story, an identity, more often to be safe or accepted or feel like she belonged, and the story that was unconsciously implanted as a survival story, right? How she was showing up in the world, how she adapted in the world. And then to walk my reader, my client, home through this transformational journey with tools, with a method, with awareness, with curiosity, all the way to the end of the book or coaching with me, knowing that no matter what she was experiencing, no matter what season of life she was going through, the challenge, the struggle, that she, despite all of that, could put a hand to her heart and know, I am enough already. So it was really a transition from the words that are hurled at us, we hurl them at ourselves, to a homecoming of great peace to know I am enough already.

I love that you pointed out that eventually we police ourselves. The words are no longer necessary. They're already in there. They're so imprinted in us that we start policing ourselves and we start believing those voices as our own voices. I want you to talk to the high-functioning survivor. The overachiever, the people who are performing and performing and performing to try to prove their worth. Because for me, the end result of that was total mental collapse. It was not sustainable. So talk to that woman out there today still trying to prove herself in that way.

I think it's exhausting. I think it's exhausting feeling like you have to carry that all. And I don't know about you, but for me, I would classify myself as like that striver, that achiever. That's where I gained approval. That's where I saw my worth, right? I was told— my dad, I mean— and the voices that tell us these stories, they don't, they don't normally or typically mean any harm, right? But I was told when I was young, I was the strong one. And so for me, that was just embedded, and that was my identity. I had to carry it all. So I do think it's exhausting. But I also know high performers are also incredibly hard on themselves.

Mm-hmm.

And I wonder, for my own story as well, I could be hard on me because I could handle that. But boy, if you were hard on me, I couldn't handle that at all. So I really think it's a survival strategy, a self-protection strategy that I wanna be the toughest on myself. I wanna be the hardest on myself because I can handle that. But boy, if I disappoint or I receive criticism from someone else, boy, that's, that's a whole different ballgame. That's a whole different story, right? So I think it's really challenging for a high-performing woman who is equating her worth with achievement and striving and approval and gets really wrapped up in that identity, because what happens And I've coached clients that have been at this juncture when that suddenly stops because of a life crisis or a life flashpoint, a health challenge, something stops. And then the question really is, am I worthy underneath that? And a lot of women, I'm sure like you, reach that crossroad, reach that significant event, and then they really begin to wrestle with their identity of who they really are. Are they truly worthy? And so I see that all the time, and I also experienced it myself.

Yeah. How, how do you help your clients find balance again?

That's a great question. I'm trained in a proven process of where we go back and we explore the imprint years. Typically that is 0 to 7, where a story might have been imprinted And the client or the woman doesn't have to actually know the story. She can sense it. She doesn't have to know the entire memory. And I guide her back there to explore it. And it's a very safe way. And we don't stay there too long. Identification is the first step in transformation. So just by identifying, wow, that, that story might have been told to me when I was 6. I had a client that I was working with that was in her 70s. And through our work together, she realized at 6 years old, her mother told her that she was tactless. And she realized she went through her entire life keeping herself small and dim and quiet and not using her voice. Because to her, it was better to be safe and quiet than, as she said, to, quote, put her foot in her mouth at 6 years old. So a story was told to a little girl who then went on to live this unconscious way of showing up in the world, and it kept her light and her voice and her true essence from being known and seen.

And so through the process of being able to guide her back, she identified it. And then through that awareness was able to change it and release it, and release it rather quickly and easily. We think sometimes that the process needs to be long or hard or arduous, and it truly doesn't. Most of my clients can go back and release that, identify it, find the silver lining where that story didn't happen to them, but where they can find that it happened. for them. And when they find that silver lining, that's when they can say, okay, wow, that created resilience in me, that created determination in me, that created empathy in me, or compassion in me, or drive, or determination. When they can find something that, that created within them, for them, as a positive resource that they can now carry forward in life, that is the shift. That is the transformation. And then I'd say the third part of that, Lisa, is really forgiveness. Forgiveness of the self.

Mm-hmm.

And then forgiveness of the others in that story who probably were doing the best they can with the tools they had at that time. But I do want to say we're not here to make trauma or abuse— we're not minimizing that whatsoever. We're not downplaying that. We want to honor that in that journey. But what I'm saying for the individual, when she can find where life happened for her and take that resource with her, that's where, where things really begin to shift. So it's really awareness and creating that process of release and being able to find that positive resource where she can now begin to write a different story.

Yeah, the stories we tell ourselves really matter, and you're right, sometimes they are not of our own making. And it is fascinating to me how something that happens to us in those formative years of 0 to 7, even 0, can—

Yes.

Can— we can carry it for decades, even a lifetime. What I love about what you pointed out is that healing from trauma does not have to be a trudge. It does not have to take years. It does not have to suck. Right. It can simply be a, oh, okay, it happened then. That's why. Aha. Okay, what now? What next? That's what I love about mentors and transformational coaches. After trying all the acronyms in the clinical therapeutic arena, you name it, I did it. I had the resources to do it, tried them all. I was still waking up like, I don't know about all this. It was a mentor. It was a transformational coach that helped me move forward. That's why I became one. That's why I'm in full support of them. So talk to me about how important in your own journey and in your client's journey mentoring and transformational coaching can be. Why, why do we need them? Because I believe we do.

I truly do too. And, and I was, I had a therapist and it was, Therapeutic, right?

I love that. Yes, it was a rite of passage. It did it. Yeah.

And also for me, it was realizing I needed a life coach and being able to realize I didn't have to carry it all and I could actually reach out for help that looked slightly different. For me, my process, and I'm guessing you too, like, the therapy was just sitting in it and talking in it, and I found it very depleting. And for me, I wanted the tools and the accountability and a proven way to inch my life forward with clarity, with momentum, with beginning to make change, make transformation. And for me, that was pivotal. So I was so inspired by that at a major flashpoint in my own life that I was so inspired, and I was also at a what-now point after raising my family And my, my 2 children, 17 months apart, were out of the nest. And at that flashpoint, my 25-year marriage came to an end. And so my identity and everything that I was in the home, everything was shifted. It had drastically changed. And it really was for me, who am I? What now? What next? At the time, I was only 47. And My kids were off to college, and of course, yeah, they were going to come home to the family nest.

But what was I going to do? And so it was really reaching out to my own life coach that really helped me gain the skills, the clarity, the momentum, the methods to really begin to become aligned with who I am, my voice, my purpose. And being so inspired by that process, I went on to become a life coach and get different certifications like you and and uplevel that. And fascinating! I'm fascinated with neuroscience, neuroplasticity, how our brains can change, how we can rewire what was once wired, repattern what was once patterned. And I'm living proof that you can. So I think, you know, it's, it's really, it's an, it's an, I feel like I have a sacred front row seat every day to be able to help and guide the clients that I get to serve. And it's, it's my, I'm living in my purpose and it's, it's joy.

Isn't it? It's, it's so different, but you have to first Start liking who you are and believe that you are worthy in, in order to find that mission and find that voice and find that purpose. And you've mentioned a word a couple of times now. I want to circle back to it, and that word is alignment. How would you define alignment in our lives for maybe listeners who are like, hmm, I don't know if I'm in alignment? How do we know?

Sure. One of the things that I actually coach that I also went through to define for myself, we call the 3 Ps in Mind Power, and it's our principles, our passion, and our purpose. And sometimes those things without a coach are just kind of floating around. We'll dabble in a book or we'll listen to a podcast, and that's great. I love that. Self-awareness is amazing. But this is the accountability to sit in a session and really have someone so invested in your alignment, in defining what you hold dear, whether that's in your life or in your career or in your relationships. What are those values that are most important to you? And just brain dump, right? You have a guide to just help you get it out of your brain, dump it, get it out again, and go through this process. And then we get really curious and like, okay, if you could only have number 1 or number 2, which would you choose? If you could only have number 2 or number 3, right? And really bring the client through that process and to really define their principles in whatever area of life we're working.

Like I said, it could be your life, your career, a relationship, your health. And then we get curious. Everybody thinks, you know, your, your passion is your why, but there's so many passion switches. It's about identifying, do you do what you do? Are you a what because you love what you do? Are you a who? Because you do it for who you want to do it for, your clients, your family. Are you a how? Do you love to do things with excellence and precision? Are you a how? Or are you a why? You know, I do this to make an impact on the world. So I help my clients really understand their passion switch. What is that? That's basically what's going to get you out of bed on the day that motivation has tanked, right? Mm-hmm. It's your switch. It's like, what is that switch that's going to ignite your fire, keep that cauldron going, right? Then also it's kind of like a purpose statement. I do what I do to do what? So for me, it would be like, I do what I do to help others live in their very best inherent worth, in alignment for their truest selves and their highest and greatest good.

I mean, that's a lot, but just to say, like, I know that that is my, my purpose. Now I want to share, oftentimes We think our purpose is stagnant, but our purpose can shift throughout different stages of our lives. And so it's fun to revisit that and go back because my purpose today is drastically different than it was 15 years ago raising my family. So our purpose can shift, but most of the time our principles, our values that we hold dear, those are pretty ingrained. Those don't usually shift. They're usually pretty, they're pretty up there. They might shift in order 1, 2, 3, or 4, but they're usually, we hold those dear and that's usually Something that is very unique to us.

But a lot of us don't know. I remember being in inpatient rehabilitation with a team of 5 of the most brilliant women I have still to this day ever met. And I was in session with one of them and she goes, Lisa, what are your wants, needs, and values? And Carlene Marie, I thought she was speaking a foreign language. I was like, what? I had no clue. I got out of that relationship. I did not know what kind of music I liked. I did not know what kind of movies I like. I did not know the simplest things about myself and, and what I liked. And I had to start with those questions. What kind of music do I like? What kind of movies do I like? Before I could even get to the, the deeper layers. But for many of us, we're walking around on autopilot without this very pivotal information about what are— you call them principles, but what our wants, needs, and, and values are. And many of us have not put ourselves up on the I'm not going to abandon myself place to determine what those are. How pivotal is it that we know those things?

It is. It's absolutely pivotal. It's so pivotal. In fact, you're saying that, and before I even meet with a client for a very first session, their homework, their challenge is to create their 100 wants and define— I know, right? And they're like, 100? And I'm like, 100. And then define them. And it's like, dream big. They can be physical, they can be spiritual, they can be mental, they can be emotional, they can be all of the things that you want. And so many women just like you have shared have forgotten who they are, what they truly want. What kind of ice cream do you want? What kind of movie do you want? What kind of music? Right. And it's permission to tap into that brain to dream again. And most of them haven't made the time to do that. And it's very transformative. And it's, it's really beautiful. They're also challenged to define their 100 gratitudes. What are 100 experiences, things? What are, what are the things that you're grateful for that you can just get them, make a list of 100? So, you know, it's very, um, it's very cathartic. It's very, it's very transformative.

It's very purposeful to be able to tap into that. Was that a really freeing experience for you once you kind of unlocked it? Or was it like an arm wrestle at first?

Everything was an arm wrestle at first, but it gets easier with time and with practice. And, I mean, our gratitudes— I mean, one of the things on my gratitude list is fuzzy socks. I love fuzzy socks. I love the feel of fuzzy socks on my feet. So, you know, they don't have to be huge, but I had to start very, very small because I had always put other people's thoughts, feelings, wants, desires, comfortability ahead of my own. And I just worked. I was a workaholic and I supported everybody and that's what I did. And I was very good at my job while everything behind the scenes was completely falling apart, including me. And nobody knew it because I was such a good performer. It's a very good performer. So yes, it was, it was beyond cathartic. And, and here was the end result. I love my own company now. I sit by myself all the time in the peace that I enjoy, and I think I'm a very awesome, awesome human and woman. And that has been new since doing this work. starting 10 years ago because I hated myself at that time, or I thought that I hated myself and thought that I had to earn everything that I had, um, including the love, the acceptance, the, um, lovability, you name it.

I thought I had to work for it in every area of my life. And to use your word, it was Exhaustive. It is not sustainable over a lifetime. It just isn't. Talk to us about that, about how moving at that pace from goal to goal to goal to goal to goal to goal is not sustainable for us.

It truly isn't. And along the way, we abandon ourselves, right? We abandon ourselves. We think we're not. We think we're striving and achieving. But along the way, without stopping, I'll quote my father saying to smell the roses. But to stop and really give ourselves a pat on the back, an acknowledgment, and let the unconscious mind know that there's something in it for the unconscious mind to say, hey, I just crushed that. Good job. Like the self-talk to be able to congratulate ourselves. I call those like micro moments of micro wins. And just to be able to get into the practice of doing that even daily can be such a game changer and prevent burnout. But it's a practice, right? And so we think, we think we need to wave this magic wand and like create this major change drastically. But it's the small— I say small hinges can swing big doors. When we can take time throughout the day and begin to really acknowledge ourselves with those little micro wins and start changing our self-talk and congratulating ourselves. Because without it, as you know, you just keep moving the goalposts. Most high achievers are striving, achieving, and they just—they're get crossing things off their list and moving the needle again.

I'll feel good when. I'll be happy when. I'll be proud of myself when. And we lose ourselves along the way, and then we wake up one day and life has passed us by, and then we don't know what kind of music we like or who we are, or right, or what we want in a relationship because we've been so. Accustomed to making everybody else happy, reading the room, filling the gap, the needs, serving the needs of others. And in the name of service, you know, I talked about that in the spiritual aspect of my work, then when we're called to be servants and help others, but at the cost of our very selves, our souls dying, then what is that truly being a blessing? You know, is that that sacrifice truly honoring when we are absolutely depleted and we've got nothing more to give and we can't, we can't pour out from an empty cup, right? So it's so multifaceted. But I do think I hear what you're saying. We lose ourselves along the way and we abandon ourselves. And that's why I'm so passionate about saying for women to come home to themselves. But awareness is the beginning of that.

It doesn't happen overnight.

Yeah, it is. It's a, it's a daily practice. It's a daily practice. You said something else I wanted to circle back to, and I may have lost my, um, completely lost my train of thought on it, but it was, it was important. Self-sacrifice, drain other people. Oh, asking for help. Talk to us about the practice of asking for help, because even finding a transformational coach or a mentor That's us going, hey, I need some additional help here. And, you know, sometimes it's as simple as we're looking left and we need somebody to go, yo, look over here on the right because there's some stuff to see over here. It can be that simple. But I had to practice asking for help because one, I thought it was weakness to do so. Um, 2, it never crossed my mind to. Yeah. I thought I'm the strong one, right? I'm the capable one. I'm the one that takes care of everything. I don't need help. I got this.

Sure.

So talk to me about the practice of asking for support and help, the right kind.

I totally can relate to that because being told I was the strong one as well. And then there were some times throughout my life, I can look back at the little breadcrumb moments where I was vulnerable and I did ask for help and I did not receive it. So then I told myself another story that I can— I have to rely on me. So there's another example of like that story that's running behind the scenes in the unconscious mind, right? Like, well, what's the, what's the purpose of that? But realizing for me, when I couldn't carry it alone, that it was actually strength to invite my coach into my world and realize that I didn't have all the answers. That I needed some help to get clarity, to get the support, to have somebody that understood where I was emotionally. Um, at that time, I wasn't emotionally where I am today. My, my world was falling apart. So at that moment, I really needed— and I was— I would say I, I liken that journey to being like on a roller coaster, and then all of a sudden you're— you get pulled to a stop and you're, you're hanging upside down and dangling down into the— The preface, like, precipice.

Like, that was that moment for me. And being able to have somebody to support me, to— I felt incredibly comfortable to be able to share. You know, it had to be the right person, of course, right? It had to be that right person that was highly qualified, that was very compassionate, but also very willing to, um, to be that accountability partner, but also, you know, to give me that kick in the ass if I needed it. Mm-hmm. In that moment, but also be able to come alongside of me. And I say now, when I meet my clients, I will meet you where you are, but I promise I won't leave you there because you're coming to me for, for, for a reason. But I do believe, because we both have experienced that— I've experienced that too— to be able to be that vulnerable, it requires a vulnerability, but it also requires strength. It's actually very strong to admit that you actually want some help and are inviting that person to come alongside and to guide you. And it has been, you know, it has been a journey for me, too. There are still days where I have to realize that, boy, I can ask my husband for help around here.

I know I can count on him. But I think when you have been used to, even me and the Coach and the awareness and the transformations I have had, that the wiring is there and I am used to carrying things and just getting it done, right? Like, just get it done. And I know, like, you are driven, too. It is like, I can just get it done. But to be able to pause, have that awareness, and being able to voice it and not stuff it down and say, look, I could really use— I could really use some help. And being able to say that, it's incredibly empowering. And I think when we can begin to transition that thought that it's weakness and then think, actually, no, I'm using my voice, I'm using my empowered voice, and to be able to like transition that thought and transform that thought. So empowering.

It really is. And what I've discovered is that the people who are— because I was scared about it at first. And what I've discovered is the people who love, care about, and support me actually want to help meet these, these wants and needs that I have, but I have to articulate them because we cannot hold people accountable If we have not articulated what those wants and needs are. But as I am in service to them, they are in service to me too. So the people in my inner circle are more than willing to meet those needs if they can. And if they can't, it's a no. And that's a boundary. And we respect each other's boundaries in that way. Um, talk to me about boundaries. Boundaries. In this transformative journey? Because I didn't have any for myself, but I also didn't have any for other people either.

And I think that's very common. It kind of, it kind of goes hand in hand. I say that boundaries are self-stewardship, that when we can speak our truth without aggression or apology, we are truly stewarding our very best selves. And I love that because I think like we hear the word boundaries and we think that they're walls and we think they're divisive and they kind of have a little bit negative connotation. Like, I need a boundary and it has to be harsh. But boundaries, I truly believe, are self-stewardship. And I believe when we can kind of turn it inward and think, what do I need in this moment? And being able to give my client or give my reader an easy framework because most of us are walking around without a boundary strategy. We're, we're usually, we're usually like a deer in headlights, right? We're depleted. We don't feel aligned or called to help. But because of all of the unconscious patterns that are running behind the scenes, we'll say yes when every ounce of us wants to say no.

Mm-hmm.

And over time, that builds so much resentment. And it doesn't just stay in the mind. resentment we feel in the body. And every thought we think, every word we speak, the body listens, right? So it's so psychokinetic— psycho, mind, kinetic, feeling, body. We can't escape that. And so without getting in the habit and the practice of being able to speak our truth without aggression or apology, oftentimes we're being so reactive. And so I love giving my clients and my readers a very simple back pocket strategy that sounds like this: I'm willing and I need, so I will. I'm willing to help, but I need advance notice, so I'll help next time I get it. I'm willing to have this conversation and I need respect, so I'm going to step away for a little while until we can come back and have this, you know, in a nice respectful tone. I'm willing and I need, so I will. Now, I also do say not everybody in your world gets the need. I would say the need to somebody who's— who I feel is in my inner orbit, right?

Yeah.

Then I would share the need. But a lot of other people in the outer orbits, they don't— I don't need to share my need with them. I'm willing, so I will. Yeah. I'm willing, so I will. And it's just practice. And it— and a lot of us don't have a boundary strategy. And I love that I offer that, um, to my clients in coaching and in my book. And I just think it's like, have that strategy in your back pocket. And the first time you use it, it might feel really weird. It might feel really different. You might feel uncomfortable. But uncomfortable doesn't necessarily mean that it's negative. Uncomfortable can just mean that it's new.

Yeah.

So boundaries, I think, are, um, self-stewardship, self-love. It's honoring who we are and what we can give. And also, I think it's truly honoring of the other person as well.

Yes. And it, it builds respect between the two of you eventually too. And, and that was an epiphany kind of aha moment for me when I first started Setting boundaries. Now, I will say I was probably a little too aggressive with them at first. I was way overcompensating. Oh, I've got boundaries now, everybody get the F out. So yeah, it's balance. It takes practice. I love that you're going, don't be aggressive, but don't apologize. And I love that back pocket strategy because it gives language. See, we didn't have language for this. And so language and dialogue helps. Yes. So much. And if we rehearse it to ourselves, we'll be ready with it when we need it. I also love that you pointed out not everybody gets an explanation from us. I used to explain a damn doctor's appointment that I was canceling and paying $75 to cancel, and I would go into a whole 20 paragraphs about apologizing for canceling a doctor's appointment that I was being charged for. I mean, it was that— it was that bad. So Talk to, talk to me about apologizing.

I see that. I see that. I see that a lot in my coaching. I see that a lot. And, and it's really common to be able to over-explain is a weaker boundary. Not, not truly. We think we're being so honoring, and, and I oftentimes it's just an unconscious response, an unconscious reaction. It's not the woman that I'm working with or the man. They don't even realize that they're over-explaining, and it's so empowering to really own that. And it always begins with the power of the pause, right? The awareness. Oh, there it is again. Okay, wait, now I want to show up differently. I don't have to offer this long, right? I can just— what would be honoring? What would be true? For me, it would be like, what would be truthful? I always want to be truthful, but what, what do I need to say here? And again, depending on the orbit. So I think I liken, you know, your orbit. You have like your inner circle then you have like a little bit of an outer circle, and then even further out, right? So the people that are in the closer inner circle, I might feel through choice that I may want to offer more.

I certainly don't have to, but I may want to because they're in my inner orbit. They're my family, my loved ones. But then beyond that, it's really empowering to think, what is— what, what is it that I want to say here? I do believe in being aligned in the truth, but We don't need to tell everybody, you know, every detail because then I think it's— we're losing our— we're losing ourselves again.

Giving up that energy, giving up that power. Yeah, yeah. And it— it— you're absolutely right. Not everybody in our circles, right? There's a few deserve the hard conversation either. Not everybody. And we've got Richard joining us who is a transformational coach himself. He says outstanding interview so far. What's up, Richard? How are you, my friend?

Thank you.

So yeah, not everybody deserves the hard conversation either. It depends on where they are in that circle of influence. So absolutely. Absolutely. Carlene Marie, what's one of your favorite transformational experiences with somebody who read your book or a client? What's a favorite kind of aha moment you've been through with somebody?

Oh, okay. So this just came to me. I've talked about this before. I was guiding a client through a release of going back, and this was not to an imprint time, 0 to 7 or 7 to 14. This was a significant emotional event where this woman was abducted at gunpoint.

Hmm.

And we were releasing that significant emotional event and transforming that. And in that moment, she really struggled with where it happened for her and like was definitely, fuck you, Carlene. I'm— and, and so I'm keeping her safe in the process. And through that process, this was so amazing to me. Through that process, she was— it took a little bit longer. A lot of clients usually can release something like that in 8 to 10 minutes. Sometimes clients need 15 to 20. This was a little bit longer, but we stayed with it. And she was able to realize through my gentle questioning, just inquisitive in guiding her through it, that that actually did do something for her and not to her. She realized that she had resilience, that she had so much determination, and she actually realized that she could have done some things differently. Look, there was no There was no shame. There was no fault, but it was her own realization, and she became the empowered director of that positive resource that she could carry forward now into her her life continuing on, and was able to bring that person onto her stage of forgiveness and say everything that she needed to say.

And she didn't say it out loud. Lisa, she said it internally because the brain doesn't differentiate.

Mm-hmm.

And we spent that time for her to say everything and anything until she was complete. And then she brought herself in that moment up onto her own stage of forgiveness, emptying out, saying everything she needed to say to herself in that moment, and being able then to visualize that energetic connection or cord to her to herself and that person, and then to herself and that version of herself, and being able to let that be severed, knowing that she could, if she wanted, when she wanted, and how she wanted, could re-establish that to that version of herself. She certainly didn't want to establish it with the person that was holding her at gunpoint. That was released. But that was one of the most powerful and most memorable experiences I've had. And I've been honored. It was very sacred to be able to guide somebody through that. And it was released, and it was very transformative for her, very freeing. And she felt very complete at the end of that process. That was a great question. I haven't— I haven't— I've talked about that, but I haven't— I haven't really answered that publicly before.

Well, and what I— I— and she left with a different story.

She left with a different story.

Oh, I just got chills. She left with a new story. It's beautiful work you do, Carlina Marie. Beautiful work.

Likewise. Likewise.

Thank you. Thank you, my friend. I've got my dream job. I'm talking to brilliant people who have been through some heavy shit and are now helping other people. I mean, it does not get better than this. It does not get better than this. This was the universe answering much, much, my friend. So I love that. Say there is somebody out there And they need a transformational coach, they're looking for a mentor, and you have been speaking to their soul today. How can they find you?

Well, first, if that nudge is there, I think that's worth honoring. That's your higher self, your intuition. It really is something to pay attention to. Whoever that is, whether it's me or you, Lisa. But if that's there, it's so honoring. And that's the first step to transformation is really honoring what's going on inside. Oftentimes, we wanna push that down. or push it away. But we're here for such a finite amount of time. If not now, when? So that's what I would say, right?

Yeah.

Now, when? But I can be reached at carleenmarie.com. That is my website. People can schedule a complimentary conversation with me to just kind of find out if we're a good fit. And, um, it's really— it's a sacred honor to be a guide, and I love working with my clients. Typically we work in a 6-month or 12-month capacity, always opportunity to work longer together. But I will say that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. But the second part of that that a lot of people don't know is when the student is really ready, the teacher will disappear. And so I'm not meant to be the guide for, you know, 5, 10 years. That's, that's, that's— I wouldn't be doing my job as a coach. I want to, I want to help you soar. And I get this sacred gift to being able to walk alongside somebody for a few seasons or a few chapters of their lives. And then I'm always there for support if they want to come back, of course. But the goal is that you've developed the tools, you've released the limiting beliefs, the unconscious negative emotions that are preventing you from really truly living your very best.

So many people wonder, why do I keep— I know better. Why do I keep doing what I don't want to do? And that's what a transformational coach that can really tap into, uh, proven neuroscience of the brain and a proven transformational program can really help you set that free.

I love that. Carlene Marie, I would love to have you back to talk a little bit more about some brain science because I'm a bit of a brain science geek. So if you would be game, I'd love to have you back for around 2 weeks. Yeah. So, all right, friends, you do not have to write Carlene Marie's website down. We will have it in show notes in a clickable link as usual. But Carlene Marie, before I let you go, I always ask our guests 2 questions to close out. Are you ready for the first one?

I am.

All right. In your own life, what do you feel like you have performed the most in order to survive or just get by? And what did setting that role, mask, or performance down do for your life?

So the word perform, I'm going to be very compassionate with because at the time of my life where I thought I was carrying it all and being strong, that version of me, I don't believe, thought she was performing anything. I think she thought she was doing the best she could with the stories that she was told and the expectation that she was trying to live up to. And so I look at her with a lot of compassion. And she was doing the best she can to, to carry it all, to be strong. Setting that down and realizing that that was a story that I told myself and that actually asking for help, being able to articulate my needs was really being strong, being in touch with myself. That was true strength. Mm-hmm. Not carrying it all, not shoving it down, not pretending that I had it all together. But I'm compassionate with that word perform because at the time I think I was doing the best I could with that story and those tools and the version that I was doing. Setting that down has been the most empowering, freeing. I'm living in true alignment with my purpose.

I use my voice and it's been incredibly freeing. And I think too, when we are fully our authentic selves, it's so inviting. Others to be the same, and then I have found the relationships in my life are that much richer. The people that are drawn to me, the people that I'm drawn to when we live that authentic, authentic part of our essence, of our true worth, of who we are. There'll never be another Lisa again. This is your time. There'll never be one before you. Same with me. We're here. We have this time and space to. to live to our utmost. And so that to me is exhilarating. That's really inspiring and empowering. And that's kind of when that realization shifting has really done that for me.

That's beautiful. And let's take up all of that space, shall we? Let's take up all of that space. All right, Carlene Marie, we are so aligned. Last question for you. What do you want us as human beings to be having conversations about? What do you want us to be talking about that we're not? Talking about?

I think truly to recall and remember that we have inherent worth and that we're always typically trying to go find ourselves, go out there and find ourselves. We're here, we just have to go within. Going within is so powerful. I love— I say this all the time— Carl Jung's famous quote. I won't say it exactly, there's so many different renditions, but until we make the unconscious conscious. It will direct our lives, and we will call it fate. And so to be brave, to be bold, to be able to be willing to go through those unconscious patterns and explore them, make them conscious, and then choose— whose voice was that? Do I choose to still follow it? What do I want to— what's the story that I want to define about myself, my worth, my very essence, my light. I don't think we have to go search for it. It's all within. We just need to remember it.

Yeah, and as you say, come back home to ourselves. Yes, amen, exactly. All right, my friends out there, my goodness, we can talk to Carlene Marie for hours. We will have her on for a round 2 to kind of dig into some brain science geekiness. Uh, I'm gonna ask you guys out there the same question I always do, and in the same question I asked her The dogs are barking, we talked about that earlier. Friends out there, what are you performing in order to survive or just get by? And what might setting that role, mask, or performance down do to lighten your load just a little bit? I am your host Lisa Lacey, here with our special guest Carlene Marie, and when you find the answer to that, we will both see you at the edge. Thank you, Carlene Marie.

Thank you so much.