Transcript of Ep 631 - B.B.Q. (feat. Joe Derosa)

The Wild Wild West.

Some bullshit.

You know what, that kid's an odd duck.

Lamar is an odd duck.

He's a real odd duck, dude.

You brought down his whole mainframe.

I did. I came home and unplugged everything.

Yeah, dude, I got a roommate, his name's Lamar.

You see, the thing is this, he's an odd duck.

I mean, dude, he's got to be costing at least, I swear to God, probably $55 a month in paused games. He paused games alone.

He paused— he has an entire setup back there, paused his games and just goes on the road for like a week. I came back, the room's hot from his mainframe, dude. His servers—

you can stay, you can save wherever you are.

Of course, I literally— the first thing I did when I got home was I just went back and ripped all the plugs out of the outlet. I was like, dude, enough of this.

That's crazy.

I'm gonna throw all this shit in the pool when he gets home.

It's kind of— yeah, it's pretty It's pretty wild stuff. His electrical setup was— that was a lot of plugs you showed.

He's got a moped now that was just sitting next to the house. Where? He's got a broken moped here, like a shitty Vespa just sitting out. He's like, I'm gonna fix that.

This is meth. This is like meth.

You are absolutely never gonna fix that.

No, this is meth behavior, dude.

It is.

This is lots of tinkering.

Yeah, but he doesn't exhibit meth.

He's not on.

No, he's certainly not any meth. He does have meth tendencies. He just doesn't do any meth shit. If he was on meth, he would have disassembled the moped.

Yeah, true.

He probably plugged in computers, probably be a tad thinner too.

True, that's rapid weight loss.

Yeah, and his sleeping would not be— he sleeps more than he's awake for sure.

It's all for show. Yeah, it's all for show. He's laying there like this, one eye open, just— true, he's faking, waiting to get back to his plugs in his mouth.

Fake sleep for 15 hours. Fooled them again. Yeah, Joe DeRosa.

What's up, dudes?

Yeah, Joe DeRosa.

I was just thinking the other day, dude, you haven't sung that. You haven't sung that in a while today.

I sang it at the beach.

You did not.

I did. I remember singing it.

Yes. All right, because that was like your song for me.

I love it.

And I love it too. And I hadn't heard it in a while. If you sang at the beach, I was very drunk.

I sang it at the beach. We were in the kitchen. It was in the morning. I remember I was staring at seltzers when I sang it. Okay. I vividly remember it.

All right, I love it. I love it.

Remember, no one, no one really cares about me singing this right now. Everyone's probably annoyed. Joe DeRosa song? Yeah, that's what you're doing.

The, uh, that was the drive back. Is that—

I mean, one of the all-time bonehead choices.

Cake.

It was Cake. It was Cake.

I love Cake. It was Cake.

I could hear my meals in the ride back. Yeah, launched right out of the gate with a KFC Chicken Little, 3 chicken tenders, uh, and a drumstick.

Hitting KFC right away.

Fries. Yeah, about an hour in, getting ready to settle in for 10 hours. Ready for this? Midday, extra large Arby's sandwich, bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

Dude, you eat constantly.

I do, right? Late night. Pull up, taking it home. Whopper with cheese, bacon double cheeseburger, fries. Dude, I was having the time of my life. Oh, and then a king-size bag of Skittles somewhere in between all that. I had the time of my life driving home, dude. I was just grubbing, man.

What was the bowel movement like after 3 fast foods?

Completely normal.

No, stop.

Your body's just— it's activated.

The testosterone takes care of all things.

Taking tests, eating Arby's. You are the king of the road. That's awesome.

That's actually pretty impressive.

I like that. I like— I mean, the way you deflected the decision-making on the drive was impressive. Well, it was really impressive.

As we discussed, I made a massive mistake.

Yes, there are direct flights from Austin to the beach.

Yeah, and I did not know that because I got travel information from Brian Six.

Okay, you called the bees. And I know how that call went. You're fucked, dude. There's no flights out there.

Exactly.

You are fucked, you fucking idiot.

It's just so fun. You can get your phone and be like, 'Are there flights from?' And it'll be like, 'Yes, there are.' Well, he took all Bees real quick.

No, no, no, the problem—

Google and going to Bees is crazy.

He's my, he's my search engine. Yeah, Beezer. It just says Beezer instead of Google.

Ask Bees.

Ask me.

Yeah, how do you spell this word? Like this, you fucking retard.

Why do you even want to know?

Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah.

The only thing he told me was the airport, because I didn't know where the town was. And he goes, this is the airport you got to fly to. So I did go to the internet, but then it was like, no, there's indirect, there's connecting flights.

Yeah.

And then I found out after the fact there was another airport.

But the connecting flight argument bothers me as well.

Nah, I hate a connecting flight. It's brutal. I just did connecting flights last week because I had to go to Lafayette and then to Charleston.

Why don't you drive to Lafayette?

Because I had to get quicker than— because I had to fly to Charleston and then I had to fly to New York. So to rent a car, it's—

now you got—

yeah, but the connecting flight in Dallas or Houston is—

it's cake.

Yeah, it's crazy to drive. How long was the drive? And don't lie, 12 hours.

Yeah, 12 hours.

Like a G. That's so stupid. It's less than a 2-hour flight, dude.

I rode the shoulder.

An hour and 40-minute flight direct.

I didn't know we got to take the direction.

We're at the beach and he's like, fucking Six fucked me on this. I'm so pissed at him. I was like, dude, what are you talking about? It's all you. This is all you.

No, I didn't know.

I won't get into the DM argument. I will not. I would love to get into it.

I promise. I promise. I'm glad you brought that up. I promise you I'll tap out if you promise the same. I'm very curious on a new party's opinion. If they agree, you're not going to believe how every single person agrees. If they agree with you, I will tap out. I will not argue.

I'm saying 99% agree.

But if they agree with me, will you tap out?

Can we make that a promise?

I promise.

Okay, absolutely.

Here, here's the— here's— we just lay out like this. I was saying if you respond to a girl's story on Instagram, that goes to her as a DM. And what I was saying was, yes, it's a DM, but it's not the same thing as DMing her. So in other words, Nate, Hold on, hold on.

I'd like you to start that over and repeat exactly what you said for the record. Yes, it's a DM. So you're DMing her, but it's not DMing her.

No, no, but it's not.

What world are we living in? Hold on. What, what world are we living in?

Give an example of what I mean. The difference is it's still a DM, but Nate or Sean, you got girls. If your girl posts something funny, right, and I go, haha, that's really funny, to the story, and then that sends it to her as a DM.

Now you're friends with her already.

Versus if I just sent your girl a DM.

Let's Let's just go with the real scenario, not these hypotheticals.

It was a girl that was—

no, this is somebody you know. It was a— if I respond to Sean's girlfriend's story, obviously I'm not sliding into her DMs flirting with her, right?

It was, it was a girl. I was— it was a girl who was definitely interested.

Also, this is kind of turning me on, you guys talking about DMing.

But my question is, is there, is there a difference between sliding into a girl's DMs versus responding to her story that, that she receives as a DM? I said yes, there's a bit of a difference there.

Okay.

Also, knowing, knowing the I think is the big difference between that.

I didn't know the person. Well, I knew her. I knew her because we followed each other. Okay, that's it.

Well, who followed who first?

I followed her first.

Thank you.

Now she followed me right back.

Let's go with—

I'll be right back.

Let's go with— yeah, and then you send her DMs, which is appropriate. I don't think that's— it's, it's wild.

You did start with—

okay, we can do that too if you want.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'd love to discuss that as well.

You, you back off now. No, you be nice.

You'd be very nice.

There's a matter, there's a matter that's sealed in the record.

All right, all right, hold on. So this is how it starts. He shows me somebody he likes on Instagram. I say, you should talk to her. He said, ah, we're, we're talking a little. I said, you followed her first? He said, yeah. And then I said, you've, you slid into her DMs? I didn't slide into DMs, dude. I've replied to a story. It tells you, it says, what do you think about this story? She was asking.

I didn't say she was asking. But I did say, but I did say you're responding to the story is a little—

responding to a story is sliding into a DM, and I disagree with that.

I think sliding into DMs, I think sending a DM like, hey, what's going on, is very different from a DM from replying to a story.

What was the reply?

This is funny. I don't know, it was something lit, it was something benign.

You have your telephone on his penis? No, I do not. Your telephone is in this room.

Uh, no, it's not.

I know, left it at home. What was it? Told me not to bring my fucking phone out.

Was the post really like a poll? Like, hey guys, what do you think?

No, no, it was just, it was like a funny story where it's like, what do you guys think of that? And I was like, ah, that's funny, or whatever, right?

That was it. What were your intentions?

Oh, you know what? I actually do remember what I said. I actually do remember what I said.

Yeah.

She— I, I wrote, this is all—

you know what his intentions are.

I wrote, this is awesome.

Yeah, you're trying to spark up a conversation. This is awesome. This is awesome.

All right, this is righteous.

Joe, Joe, pretending you're not sliding into the DMs is crazy. Hold on, why are you acting like you're not?

Do you guys agree there's a difference between a story DM and a, and a direct, just out of the blue?

Okay, that's the only—

now that's his question.

My question is regardless— Is it sliding into the DMs?

There is a difference, and it is slide into the DMs. It's not as—

Of course we both— We both—

Yeah, but all I never said there was a difference. I said it was sliding into the game, and that is what it is.

And I never said it wasn't a DM. I just said there was a different set of words: sliding into the DMs. Let's bump mics!

No, no, no, come on.

See, this is the problem, dude. You're gonna— you're trying to take a win here because this is the crazy thing when I'm trying to say we were a little bit right.

But you'd be— you'd settle with a draw right now. This is unconditional surrender. I need unconditional surrounding.

Truly.

Has anything come about the message?

You're demented, man.

Has the message yielded any more fruit? Have you guys— is that—

no, it was a while ago, and it was not a recent thing. It was a while ago, but we were talking about it, and I said to him, we were just talking about it, and I was like, and then X, Y, and Z.

Well, it was simple. I said I would never do that. Yes, I said I would never slide into—

yeah, yeah, yeah, you gotcha.

I didn't slide into DMs. Yes, you did. End of discussion.

Now, in my defense—

end of discussion.

You know, Matt, you know as well as I do. Yeah, he's coming in with an argument. He's coming in to push buttons.

Yeah, we're sitting there.

So he starts with— he starts with, I would never do that, dude. I would never do that.

Well, that's a funny thing to say.

Immediately you're on the defense. You're like, what did I do?

I didn't—

I just respond to her story.

Edit this. Edit this. Hello.

It was one of those things that was like, it was so like such a frivolous conversation.

We're talking, we're talking, we're talking ancient history anyway.

Yeah, it's water under the bridge.

It got so—

you got so defensive so fast.

You could just—

I love that. That's like while we were hanging out at the beach. I like a good argument.

I know you do.

It's funny.

I know you do. And I'm literally there like, I just want to relax, And you're like, no, let's argue. That's how you relax.

Yeah, but it's not how I relax. If somebody says something silly like that, I'm not— I'm not gonna let it go.

And Pope— Pope's a little rat ass, dude. Pope is a fucking rat.

What do you do, Pope?

Pope, the whole time— the whole time Shane's sitting there, he's going— he's going, Drossos, you don't have to fuck— shut the fuck up, you're wrong. Right, right. As soon as you walked away, he's like Dude, you know Shane does this, and you know he rolled over on you immediately, dude.

Immediately. That fucking rat. Especially he did it a few days later.

What do you think?

He started— he got a little beach argument going. Oh, well, I wasn't there. I wish I was. I raced down to the beach.

That was the day I wasn't there.

As soon as I found out about the beach argument, what was—

what was—

what was, uh, my sun shirt on? And I ran down.

What was Pope's beach argument?

Uh, that you shouldn't give college football players college degrees because they're useless. But he was like, I only care about real football, pro football.

Justin Bay's ankles fully buried in the sand.

Dude, these fucking things, right? Can we talk about those fucking things that Tommy drank at the beach?

Oh yeah.

Oh, the Buzzball looking things.

It was the worst thing I've literally ever tasted in my life, and he said that they were delicious. It was great. And drank not one but four of them. Yeah, they were like 85 proof.

They were rough. Those things were rough.

Yeah, Pope put on a clinic. It's not a real clinic. Our first night—

how can we discuss night work?

No, he asked us not to, but all right, all right. He was fucking Mid fucking ranking seltzer. We're sitting out by the— with the three of us, me, Pope, and DeRosa, in chairs looking at the fucking full moon. Beautiful. So beautiful.

Beautiful. So serene. It was quiet. You heard the ocean.

Just sat in the ocean, sitting there going— I'll tell you, it goes high noons, okay, neutrals.

He put Truly's first.

Truly? No, he put this.

He didn't put Truly's first.

He put Truly. He wasn't in his right mind.

No one's ask him for a ranking. No one even— he's doing this ranking by himself, unprovoked. He's looking at the heavenly bodies and he's going, he's going, what are the rankings of the—

goddamn, High Noons are so good.

He goes, Truly, Surfside, High Noon.

And I go, yeah, wait, true?

Because I thought I was like, I must be misremembering what Truly is.

He was doing a countdown maybe.

Yeah, no, no, he was saying they were— hey, he was saying Truly.

It might be like a Copernican Revolution.

It was.

It could have been the Copernican Revolution. Stars. And he said, hold on a second, I have an Yeah, I think Trulies are the best seltzers there are.

He's standing at the sink, he's just standing at the sink in the house, he goes, ah, Christ, pulls up.

No, that was the best.

Yeah, dude, I do a shot with him.

We're in the kitchen, it's incredible.

We're in the kitchen, I go, Tommy, let's do a shot. He goes, yeah, yeah, aggressive for no reason. Yeah, we're gonna do a fucking shot. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, all right, it was my idea.

He's just peer pressuring you now, dude.

I pour a shot, he pours one. It's— dude, it is like— it is a gulp. I go, bro, it's a massive shot. He goes, yeah, yeah, whatever, man, because I'm a fucking man. We see him, he takes a fucking— he takes a fucking Truly or whatever it is, pours it in a glass, dumps vodka on top of it.

He goes, holy shit, dude, you putting vodka in there? Was he called a splitter?

Yeah, he goes, he goes, yeah, it's a cutter.

He goes, it cuts it.

So he goes like this.

I swear to swear to God, he takes a shot, he fucking bangs it, takes a sip of the thing, and he goes, ah, Jesus Christ. Grabs a third drink, a Surfside from here, and it just starts hitting.

We were like, you had 4—

what are you doing?

4 different drinks in— I don't even think he took a breath. He goes, ah, Jesus Christ.

How's this, Chase?

Yeah, dude, we go to bed, we're all just like, fuck, I'm hammered, I gotta go to bed. Going to my room, he comes running out of his room like, what are you doing? He goes, I'm gonna go get a piece of pizza and have some vodka.

Him and Beezer at one point are just hammered. They're both watching Intervention. I know, look at these losers.

I do like watching them at the end of the day just both chill. Yeah, just watch like A&E for a little bit.

Dude, my last day there I went on an adventure with Beezer, dude. We had the— oh yeah, we had the best fucking time, man.

These are the landlubbers for sure. Oh, major landlubbers.

These are trying to change the narrative.

He did.

He was like Poseidon out there, dude. He went out, he went out so fucking far.

Yeah, it was like, dude, is it true you can't swim? He's like, what the fuck are you talking about? Why you fuckers want to see me swim here?

Also too, like, we would say it all the time, and then he went— he came in unannounced, and all of a sudden I turned, I was like, that fucking Beezer? He just— he went out like 100 yards out in the ocean, was just splashing around.

You guys went down the day he got there, and I was like, I'm just gonna hang back, I'll meet up with Bees, we'll come down. I was waiting for him. I had a couple fucking Surfside's, whatever the fuck they're called, while I was waiting for him. He showed up, he starts cracking them, we start banging shots. He's like, the beach is fucking gay, dude, let's go to the bar.

He hates—

he's like, all right. We went to this bar, dude, we're in this bar.

So funny to fly to the beach all day. Like, fuck, beach is gay as hell.

We're in this bar, just fucking— we start swaying. I'm like, dude, I go like, I can't tell this. Fuck, never mind, I can't tell the story.

It's fine.

I don't think— or can I?

It's probably about you guys doing drugs or something.

Yeah, yeah, it's about Addies.

Yeah, you guys can talk about that.

Talk about Addies, right? For sure.

It's a legal prescription, dude.

Yeah, you guys are. So we took, we popped a 5 milli before we left the house. We get to this bar, we're like fucked up in this bar. Beezer gets 2 orders of, what's that shrimp called? Like, bing bing pile shrimp.

Bang bang. Was it bang bang shrimp?

Yeah, bang bang shrimp. He gets 2 orders of it. He cows the first one and they bring another one. He's like, that shit's good, dude. Eats a whole other order of it. I'm like, bro. I'm flying on addies right now. I don't even know how you're eating, right? I go in the bathroom. He's like, let's go to this other bar. I go in the bathroom. It's going to be a 25-minute drive to this other bar. I go in the bathroom, I'm swaying again. I take another 5 milli to try to wake up. I walk out of the bathroom, I go, bees, I had to take another fiver. He goes, bro, I just gave you a 10. I go, no, you didn't. He goes, yes, you did. You just took it. And I was like, oh, shit. Well, we're going to be in for a ride.

There's probably no shrimp. You guys are probably just munching Adderall.

These are good. Went to the next bar.

You forgot you took the—

chopping it. I forgot. Just chopping it up with a 62-year-old lady.

Called you at the bar. We called you when we got back from the beach. You were still at the bar.

You're like, I'm coming back, man.

I was like, oh my God, DeRosa, you fucking dirtbag. Don't come back. Oh, that was a tough one when you came back, dude. That one we'll keep to ourselves.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a little messy.

Say I entered his room unannounced.

I don't give a fuck.

I was just high tea.

I went up to the room to whack one out.

You were in your room for fucking 3 hours, dude. You jacked off.

That's understandable. That, you know, balance the Adderall.

Yeah, yeah. Just opens the door. I'm like, what are you doing, dude? Get out of here. I was so calm.

She was extremely calm.

He was stim-fapping.

Yeah, he was completely stim fat.

Completely stim fat.

And then he's an actual stim fat.

Yeah, it was.

Yeah, I guess. Go get out of here, dude. He's like, all right. Close the door. He peeks his head back. He goes, I won't tell anybody, dude. I go, okay, thanks. Immediately goes downstairs, tells everybody. I mean, just what a fucking scumbag, dude.

I'm the scumbag?

You're fucking stim-fapping in my own room.

You stim-fapped for 3 hours.

I was in the privacy of my own room.

Oh, that is a sacred abode.

You're in your own I knocked first.

Yeah, and I was like, beat it, come in.

No, I gave you enough time to cover up. Get out. I knocked long enough.

I didn't think you were just going to walk in, man.

Yeah, I figured you'd lock it if you're stimfapping.

There's no lock on the door.

I tried football. I wanted to play catch with you on the beach. You're like, get the fuck out of my room.

Yeah, I wanted to hang out.

I came back down. You did. I did what I had to do.

Bravely too. That's brave. I would have— might have— I'm gonna curl up and like, I might have hit the drive immediately.

Just stimfap. What's stimfapping?

That's when you take stimulants and Jack off.

It's kind of like meth sex, but it's just more private, obviously. It's more personal.

Uh, yeah, I get— I get— if I pop an Addie or two, I get— I get kind of horned up.

Yeah, that's the thing. People— yeah, people get horned up.

Yeah. God knows what I said to the 62-year-old woman. I was probably like, you want to get married, babe?

You're beautiful. I can take you out of here.

I can save you.

I could save you from all this.

We're going to Arby's. It's gonna be a 15-hour—

she's like, what are you talking about? I'm rich. Yeah, the, uh, uh, it was a fun trip, man.

That's a great beach. That beach is truly a gem. Yeah. Oh yeah, airport's having trouble too because it's been— they're like, travelers and vacationers have doubled in one year. So it was like a million people. Now they had 2 million, something like that. 2 million people this season.

So really? Yeah.

No, she's—

that—

Beez wasn't completely lying. That airport is kind of a clusterfuck.

Oh, for sure.

That airport was packed. Oh my God. Yeah, getting in, I had to rent a car. They do the— I didn't know car rental places still did this where like you go to the desk and they just like wait, they hand you a key. Usually you just get to go to the thing and be like, hey, I— they're like, yeah, just go get your car and there's a key in it. But they like had to go fish out a key and give you— it took— I had 4 people ahead of me and it took, I swear to God, like 35 minutes.

That sucks.

Yeah, it's insane.

That's the problem. That's like when you go to Key West, it's the best time, but the only part that sucks is— and they've got a new airport, but even their new airport is still, you know, yeah, it's not an international airport also. So you get like— or maybe it is, but you know what I mean, it's small. But my point is, is like those trips are the kind of places where at the end of the week you're like, I have to get the fuck home. I'm just like sunstroke. I've been drinking every day.

Yeah.

And you go into one of those airports and you're like, god damn it, man, this sucks right now.

The elderly are fucking brutal at air—

oh yeah, yeah.

They get up like they're there, they get there 4 hours before the flight, and then as soon as like it's like, hey, we're gonna start boarding soon, they all fucking get up with their shit-stained pants and all block. It's like, dude, get the fuck out of the way. Yeah, they get really aggressive.

Those vacation spots, all families. So the airport was just packed with kids screaming and shit. Yeah, nightmare. Yeah, dude, the internet didn't work. It was tough.

That sucks.

When I'm, uh, when I'm in an airport and a full fam— like, when you're like approaching the, you know, like, like, like, let's say you're both approaching the security thing where they have to check your ID or whatever at the same time. If I'm approaching the same time as a family and the family takes the lead in Dude, I get audible. I'll literally be like, you should. I'm like, fuck you, dude.

It's gonna take forever for them to all get through, dude.

Some fucking dad trying to fit the stroller through the fucking security. I saw a guy try to put it through the x-ray machine once, bro. I did. I was like, I literally start being like, bro, there's a metal detector. Yeah, I can't, dude. I can't with that shit.

Sometimes they try to force you to put it through the x-ray too, which is weird. People there, like, put it through. Like, it's not gonna fit. They're like, you have to put it through. You do it, it breaks. And they're just like, I'm sorry. You're like, what the fuck? Yeah, they should let you go ahead, man. If it's— if you're like a family of 4 and there's one person, it's like, please, because it's gonna take for fucking ever to get all that shit up. Your kids are like crying and you're like, hold on, get over. It takes— it takes all day.

There was a dude in front of me, um, so I was flying out of JFK And I was on Delta, so I went to the Delta lounge, but they have another one called the Delta One, which—

you're not allowed in there.

No, I'm not. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, it's for— I know, international or something.

It's like LA and international.

Okay, so I just didn't know what it was, so I went in and I was just like, I don't know if I can get in here or not, but I'm just gonna see what it is. There was a dude in front of me, the lady's like, yeah, sir, you don't have access to here. And he's like, but I'm flying to Mexico. And she's like, yeah, Mexico doesn't count. And he's like, but it says right here international. And she goes, yeah, but it doesn't count. He goes, but I'm flying to Mexico. And she goes, I know Mexico and Canada don't count. You have to be international. And dude, I swear to God, he goes, turns. But it says international, dude. As loud as I could, I went like that. I did the— and then I went—

you went off. Oh yeah, I went with all the black noises like that.

Fucking dude didn't even flinch. The psycho didn't even flinch.

What?

And then finally he leaves, and I go, miss, am I able to get in here? She goes, where are you going? I go, Austin. She goes, no, it's international. I go, okay. And then I turned and I go, see how fast I accepted it? And she goes, thank you.

Yeah.

I was like, yeah, that job sucks.

Yeah, but I could see you could be the guy. 100%. That other guy going, but it says international. Am I crazy or is Mexico part of America? What are we talking about?

I'm a redeemed man saying that's who I was.

Yeah.

And now I fight the crime.

Look how far I've come.

But you slid into the girl's DMs. Replying to a story is sliding into the DMs.

They get aggressive with that though.

First DM encounter, that's literally textbook sliding in.

You take it easy now.

I'm a 2.

Wait, speaking of arguments.

Let me hear it.

I wanna— I was not present for this, but I would love to reopen this can of worms.

Led Zeppelin or Metallica.

You too, Cusker, defended U2 against it.

It was real. Okay, here was the real argument. It was November Rain versus Enter Sandman. I was really arguing Guns N' Roses are better than Metallica, and I got so high on my horse, I was like, dude, U2's better than Metallica.

Uh, I think it might have started U2, Metallica, but you were not involved in that. I don't know, I think you got involved in—

I think I started really too. Yeah, I remember, I remembered it being kind of like a— I went on a very confident branch. Yeah, U2's better than Metallica.

But you're— it was weird when you were explaining to me the argument, you, you sounded like you're Team Metallica because you go, dude, they said that, uh, The Edge was better than Kirk Hammett. And I was like, there's no fucking—

that was Billy. You're getting me mistaken.

Oh, Billy was saying that?

Billy was Metallica.

Oh, okay.

Billy and I, I threw the— I didn't know much about the— I don't know much about U2, but I didn't— I threw Edge out there. I'm like, he's probably nasty guitar. I pulled up a— it's terrible compilation of like his greatest solos.

I was like, goddamn it, sucked. It was terrible. It's terrible. U2's got some great songs. I mean, that's a good argument, but against Metallica?

No, I don't think Metallica is that good.

I'll put Metallica over GNR. I love—

you're wearing all black.

Black. You're biased.

You're a lord of metal.

It's true.

Bono wears all black.

It's true.

It's all he wears. The Edge is wearing a black ski hat in like July.

Yeah, true, true.

The, um, I'll put Metallica over, over GNR.

That was— you missed a good argument. That one got heated.

It was fun. That was, that was—

I went to bed and then heard everyone screaming downstairs.

It was, it was awesome.

O'Connor was great. He was, he was hot by himself. He started the Prince argument just alone. No one was even talking to him. He would just be like, Weezer better than Prince. And we'd be like, who the fuck are you talking to?

That argument turned O'Connor homeless for like 2 hours. He was just like, the fuck you— uh, he started naming just random bands from the '90s because he looked up— he was like, there's 2,000 bands better than Prince. Then he just looked up bands from the 2000s thinking he had a list of 2,000 better bands.

He just looked at the top bands of the 2000s on Wikipedia and just went Connor is batshit. He is batshit, dude.

O'Connor's batshit. I made fun of him about this on Stuff Island. This is a real argument he made to us. We were in Westchester, uh, we were— I forgot the bar we're at, but anyway, um, it was me, Shane, Jamie Lynn Siegler.

Oh, this is a great argument. This is a great honor.

Is fucking trash. This is the night O'Connor ordered McDonald's twice in a row because he forgot and had the same order on his fucking steps twice.

We were at Square Bar. Yeah, he lived across the street.

Yeah. And, uh, O'Connor goes, he would leave and get McDonald's off his step. Flat out, O'Connor goes, name any fucking movie, I can defend it. No reason why, no reason, right? I go, any movie? He goes, yeah. I go, Young Einstein. He goes, that ain't a fucking movie, dude. I go, yes it is. He goes, it's not a fucking real movie, dude. I start pulling it up, I'm showing it to him, and he's going, that's fucking horseshit, it's not real. And then just walks out.

He had a good one that night. I forget exactly what it was. He was trying to name a song, I think, and he was like You know the song Boom Boom Clap? He was like, you guys know that, right? We're like, yeah, of course. He's like, fuck, I was thinking of a different song. He's saying, we will rock you.

All this shit fits him shouting over. I remember I started that argument kind of fanning the flames, like laughing, then I instantly just got pulled into it. Yeah, I know. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about, dude?

We were, we were drunk in Mitzi's one night. Night and we started talking about Star Wars. And he's like, it all sucks except Andor. And I was like, I know you love Andor, it's fine, man, whatever. And, uh, and then we start talking about the prequels and he goes, they were dog shit. He goes, they were dog shit. I go, Revenge of the Sith rips, dude. He goes, it fucking sucks. And he goes— I go, it's better than Return of the Jedi. He goes, Return of the Jedi a fucking masterpiece, right? I go, the Ewoks blow. He goes, the Ewoks fucking rule, dude, right? It's my favorite O'Connor line of all time. I go, they don't rule, and it was supposed to be a planet of Wookiees, and that would have been so much fucking cooler to see those Wookiees, yeah, fight the fucking Empire, and that's why they did it in Revenge of the Sith. And he just kind of just goes The Wookiees are a fucking embarrassment.

Dead ass. Totally dead serious.

Dead serious.

Dead serious. It's so serious. I was like, I don't even know what I was talking about. He would literally be like despondent. He'd be like, the Wookiees are a fucking embarrassment.

Yeah. So yeah, triggered.

I get really upset. And then I'm not paying attention. Like, what are you upset about, dude? He's like, fucking Wookiees. Dude, you need to fucking chill. Whatever's going on.

Holy shit, dude, it's so funny, man.

Yeah, you love a good argument.

I love it.

Love a good argument. I love it. You just don't like being the one who's screaming about Wookiees.

I love a good argument, but I do get— I do get— damn, dude, I'm crying from that. Holy shit. Okay, it's so funny. I'm as much of a lunatic as O'Connor, but, but, but in a slightly different emotional way.

You got— you were quick to get defensive. It was you, me, and Tommy. I get the first beat. You got very defensive and you're like, I know what you're doing, you're gonna start— you're all gonna gang up on me, you're gonna do this. It's like, Joe, just—

well, because Blizz had been in the thread all day being like, fuck you, you piece of shit.

I really thought someone else had his phone. I was like, there's no No way.

Yeah, it was uncharacteristic of the Bliss, man.

This Bliss coming at me.

I was in the group text, was just like, fuck the Rosa, fucking piece of shit.

Joe dies. It was brutal.

Yeah, Joe was on the beach like, dude, I know he's joking around, but like, that's like weird, dude. I'm gonna like talk to him tomorrow.

It was kind of weird.

I mean, it was funny.

And then B started coming in at me, and then you were coming at me.

I wasn't coming at you.

The second Tommy was was like, yeah, Joe Chains, right? I was like this, fuck everybody right now.

And that was— you're saying that was just the group chat before even going there?

The night before, it started with B's called me Bertha, and that fucking just rubbed me the wrong way.

There's a tropical storm that was gonna hit, but if you get mad at getting called Bertha, You're getting called Bertha.

No, no, I know, I know, I know. It wasn't— I wasn't mad at him calling me Bertha. I was mad that I made a joke, that I was trying to be funny with the group where I said, I said, I just drove. I go, I woke up at 4:00 AM, I started driving at 6:00, it's 7:00 PM, I just got to the house and Shane and Tommy are asleep. This is super fun. It was just a joke.

That was funny.

God damn it. And then Bees goes, I just walked past a homeless guy spray shitting against the wall. Why don't you fucking calm down, Bertha?

What the fuck?

Trying to like be funny. It's just funny that I got here and they're asleep.

Like, it was— that made me chuckle. I saw that, I'm like, that's really funny to drive 13 hours.

Could he use the haha? Could he use the haha? Could he use some support in the thread, bro? I'm out there spinning and then Blizz starts just being like, you piece of shit, up you fucking die. What the fuck is going on, dude?

Dude, that's— yeah, that really threw me off. I was like, what is— what did I—

yeah, it was very odd that Blizz was fired up. He's usually—

Blizz and I, as privately, as a joke, we like, we fuck, you know, we send these texts back and forth. But he started going hard in the thread and I was like, I know it's Blizz. I mean, he's— I love Blizz, but there's a little—

it's a little out of— kind of like weird.

He's—

yeah.

Did he ever show up? No, he never came.

No, I think he thought it was the next week. He might be there.

I didn't— he wasn't at, uh, in Charleston either.

No, I think he was in New York.

I haven't seen him in a minute. He's usually at all the stuff.

Yeah.

Anyway, um, yeah, we—

all right, what you got? What you got, Sean? Uh, we got the Noctis on Tuesday. Uh, first and third Tuesday of every month. And I'll be in Raleigh and Charleston at the end of August, and then I'll be in Seattle and Portland September 10th, and then Portland September—

you know, I like you to be in front of the camera.

Oh yeah, okay, sorry.

You know that.

I know.

And you wanted to stay—

trying to see the product.

You want to be asked on camera. You're super—

I didn't want to be rude.

I, you know, didn't want to be rude and intrude. You wanted to be invited. That's fine, go ahead.

Well, I appreciate you guys. I'll be in Raleigh, Charleston, Seattle, and Portland. Please join me. SeanGardini.com. I'd really like to see you there. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Yeah, guys, also August 13th and 14th, this very weekend, I'll be in Spokane Comedy— or Spokane Comedy Club, Spokane, Washington, Portland, then Boston, and then Royal Oaks, Michigan, Milwaukee. Please go to mattmcusker.com. Thank you.

I have no shows. Nice.

So what's going on with you, man? What are you up to?

Yeah, uh, special came out, Netflix.

Rockin'.

I Never Promised You a Rose Garden. Last time I was here was the plug when it came out on YouTube. Yeah. And then a year later Netflix picked it up, so it's, it's out now.

I'm always mystified how like these companies work. I remember some company was like, we want to re-put your YouTube special on our YouTube page for free. And I was like, okay, absolutely not. Well, they— I was like, go ahead, I guess if you want to do it. I don't, you know, then people would watch it and be like, why the fuck is this on this channel now? And I'm like, I don't know either. I don't know, that's a business thing. I don't understand how business works now, dude.

It's wild. Like, um, I, I, I work with these guys that help me with my YouTube, and they're, they're real— they're called Wildline. They're really great. But one of the services they'll provide, if you want them to, is they'll go out and find all of your clips.

Hey, hummingbird! Like, oh shit, look at that hummingbird!

That's nice.

Sorry, dude, that's—

I missed it right behind you. Hummingbird's better than your fucking YouTube channel.

Hummingbirds are fucking sick.

Yeah, but they'll go out and find clips of, um, like of you or you, you know, from your pod or whatever that other people just post, and they'll redirect the monetization back to you because there's clips out there, like people just post clips of your pod and they have millions of views on their channel, which—

yeah, me and Matt have never been too good at monetizing that.

It's hard.

It's just channels that monetize.

There's a lot to—

that was a decision 10 years ago.

We're like, fuck that. Yeah, fuck your system. We'll never monetize.

We don't monetize this this channel?

I mean, it probably does. I was, I was incorrect what I said to you. I think if you don't monetize, it won't show ads.

Yeah, that's why I said no. So on my special, they were like, you want to monetize it? I was like, it means there's going to be ads in the middle of the fucking special. No.

Yeah.

So that's cool though. YouTube doesn't show ads if it's not monetized.

I don't think I monetized it because my cousin Jeff executive produced it and he funded it.

Yeah.

Like, I want to make Jeff his money for sure, you know. So, uh, Um, but, but yeah, but anyway, that's, that's what's going on, man.

Did you ever get into the science of like thumbnail engineering where they'll do— there's guys that'll do a thing where like they'll, they'll put a thumbnail out and then they'll gate— they'll put like 3 different ones and test them. So changing all the time, whatever one gets the most, they like swap that out after.

Netflix does that.

Do they really? Yeah, like pretty wild.

The shows, they'll like cycle thumbnails. Yeah, see who clicks on what.

Yeah, they, uh, the, the— my YouTube guys do that with my podcast. They have 3 thumbnails and 3 titles and they A/B them. Yeah, there's so much— it's kind of annoying with, with all this shit because it's like, it's, it's hard enough that we all have to like now do this other stuff that we— that didn't even fucking exist when we started doing comedy, let alone like we had an idea of it, you know what I mean? So it's like, like we're all doing it now, we're all playing ball, but now there's like all of these these sub-elements.

I think these other people are just making shit up so that they have jobs. It could be your thumbnail. I got you an extra 400 views, that'll be 5 grand.

I mean, have you ever looked at YouTube Studio? It's like the analytics are—

it's crazy spaceship, dude.

Dude, yeah, you have to learn. It's like, it's like war—

it's like never seen it.

War Room reports, dude.

You don't even want to look at that stuff, dude. You look at YouTube analytics, and they're like, average watch time, people stopped after 1 minute. You're like, yeah, great, that's nice. You're like, thousands of people looked at, how long are they watching? 2 minutes on average. Like, it's a fucking 45-minute thing. That's great. Yeah, it's good to know.

Yeah, yeah, I try, I try to have some familiarity with it because I'm, I'm just trying to look at it like the way you'd look at television or something. You're like, well, this works in a certain way and, and whatever. So yeah, I want to have some understanding of it, and I also want to understand why when I— when money comes in, I understand why that money is coming in versus just—

but you don't understand anything.

Uh, yeah, you're a businessman. You're, you're a businessman.

Not really. What, what do you— are you referring to the hoagie shop I used to have?

Yeah, the hoagies.

Well, that's— I'm out of the hoagie shop still. No more Joey Roses.

You made a good hoagie at the beach.

I made a good hoagie.

You still have it?

I still have it. I still have it, but who knows what the future holds.

Maybe I wasn't even— maybe I wasn't saying that a bad way. I'm like, you have to be pretty savvy.

No, no, no, no, I know, I know you weren't. I was saying I'm not a great business.

You're out? Oh really?

Yeah.

What was it like owning a hoagie shop?

Uh, it's—

you were in there getting wasted. You were acting like you fell down.

You're like a Greek guy out front of your pizza shop getting carried out of your own hoagie shop.

It was pathetic. I went down there, I saw you getting tossed out.

I can't believe how few times you and I drank in there. That's crazy.

I was in Austin.

Now you were in New York.

When did you open it?

2020. Shit. Like, I'm actually—

yeah, shit, that was the whole time I was in New York. I didn't go anywhere. I lived in New York. I did never go anywhere.

I know it was— you'd always be in Philly all the time. You were doing Gillian Keeves and all that stuff. But like, I don't say it to give you shit.

Like, no, I know.

I just mean, I can't believe we didn't just get wasted in there for free all the all the time.

Yeah.

Um, did I— I did not, not because of anything related to my shop. I just did not enjoy the experience of what it was to operate a business like that in New York City. I think I could have very much enjoyed it elsewhere. I did not enjoy it in New York. New York is a very, very hard place to operate, is a very hard place to survive in, and, um, and it was very, very stressful. For me.

Um, yeah, I heard just starting, like, getting your license to start a shop like that is like really, really, really difficult.

It's funny, all that was easy, which is— this is— I don't want to get conspiracy theory or whatever, but I felt like New York, because of COVID made all of the red tape extraordinarily easy.

Oh, right, right.

And then once you were in and COVID ended and all— everything changed, then it was like, all right guys, now we're going to be New York about everything again.

Yeah.

So, uh, rent was cheaper because of COVID uh, the, the red tape was easier, the liquor board hearings, all these things were so much more amicable because people desperately— there were— everybody was leaving New York City. They gave— oh, put out outdoor seating and spend all this money on it because it's going to be a new part of New York City and, and all this shit. And then COVID ended and every landlord in the city was like, your rent's going back up.

Yeah.

City's like, hey, get this fucking outdoor shit out of here. Yeah, you got to be able to hide it. You can't have it out here all the— and it was just like, this fucking sucks. Like, so I had some really, really wonderful times in that bar. I made some really great memories. It was the best phase of dating I've ever had in my life.

Thanks for the memories.

Come to your own— come to your own establishment.

It's the coolest thing ever to be like, want to go to my bar?

Yes, it's kind of nice.

It's pretty cool. Uh, but yeah, but that's that. But, but other than that, no, I did not enjoy it. I would never open a business in New York ever again. Yeah, ever again.

Especially now with Mom Donnie.

True.

Yeah, especially with Khan Donnie. Uh, you're a big Mom Donny guy, right?

Of course. Yeah, yeah, you know I am. Yeah, yeah, I fucking love taxes. I trust the government with my money, so I, I love giving the government money. I think that's a good choice. I think it goes to the right places.

Wasn't it wild? Like, it— like, living in Texas, the first time I was like, when I became a full-time resident and like declared homestead and everything, it was only a few months ago. I was part-time time when all of a sudden my business manager was like, oh dude, you don't need to worry about that with your taxes. I was like, holy shit. Yeah, like all of a sudden I was just like, oh my God, you saved so much fucking money.

That's what I heard. I heard New York's pretty brutal.

New York's crazy.

Yeah, it's rough. PA's not bad.

PA's good.

Yeah, yeah, PA's not bad. But, but, um, but anyway That's kind of cool though.

How long did you have it for?

It's still there, I'm just not involved anymore.

Just sell it off or you just—

I, I can't, I don't want to get into it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you gotta pay for it. You're like, it's like Trump Towers. Yeah, that's cool.

Probably his face on it.

Yeah, my face is not on it anymore. Okay. Yeah, I took my—

but, but I bet business is booming. You were like a scarecrow, that fucking mug up there was scaring everyone away. Jesus Christ, that's the guy making the sandwiches. I'm not eating that.

There's a Tunisian family like that.

Look at that scumbag up there. The, uh, I, uh, I, um, what's it called?

I—

it's still called Joey Rosenthal.

Were we born? You—

no, I just was making sure I wasn't late, that's all. I get paranoid. Um, the, uh, I, um— stop.

What?

Let me be.

True.

Let's talk tax regulations.

No, no, no.

Yeah, no, good call.

I didn't bring it up, he did.

No, good call.

Now, um, wait, what'd you just ask me? Oh, my face. Hideous face.

There should be like an animatronic Chuck E. Cheese thing of you in there.

They're still at bars.

I was involved.

Fuck you. You know, you've always been an asshole to me. I'm always so good to you and you're such a piece of shit. To me.

Uh, I was involved for 4 years.

That was my favorite. That was like our best conversation. You're like, dude, you're, you're cock-sucking me all the time. How come you don't do that to Soda? Yeah, how come you don't do that to Matt or Soda ever? I'm like, because Matt and Soda aren't dickheads to me. No, it's very, it's very obvious.

You said it better than that. You said it better than that. I want you to get full credit for this because it was such a, it was such a drop the mic moment. Go, why don't you do that to them? And he goes, because they don't say the worst things imaginable to me all the time.

And I go, all right, yeah, that's the best part of DeRosa is you're going to fight.

Yeah.

And then the next day you're getting a call, dude. I'm just like, can we stop with this? Like, every time we hang out, it's just like, it's like, Joe, you said I was a fucking piece of shit, like, horrible person.

Be, be, be, be fair though. You do, you do push the buttons first a little more than I do. You have to. Come on, you, you gotta admit that much.

We've had this conversation.

You know you like—

we can keep track of it.

You know you like—

I literally will walk into a green room and you'll go, well, well, well, look at this piece of shit. There's one, one nothing. Let's go. You walk up to me, I walked out here, you called me barbecue first thing in the morning. Don't you like seeing me?

Fuck it.

You piece of shit. All right, good morning, let's start.

I was taking a shit and I heard that.

Yeah, yeah, of course you do that.

I'm sorry, I don't even realize I do it.

See, Matt, I give him a hug. What's up, dude? He goes, what's up, man?

You know what's funny?

When you hugged Matt, I was kind of like, he didn't hug me. Yeah, and I didn't even realize.

Now if Matt walked out of the— if you would have done what Matt did, I would have said something immediately.

You know what, dude, the dump on arrival is the DOA.

Fucking crazy.

I was happy to see you.

Dump on arrival. I heard him call. I didn't know you were here. I heard you like— I was like, Matt's taking a shit.

DeRosa was talking about something, and midway through I'm like, I'm sorry, I gotta shit right now. Made a conversation. I was like, I gotta go.

Pardon me.

Yeah, excuse me.

I beg your pardon, I have to shit.

That's all right. All right, you got— you gotta— you got a point.

No, I do it too. You definitely do.

You love walking up and going You got your big opening line, you got a real bad attitude today. You love starting with that. Like, I was just gonna say hi, dude.

You do have a rotten attitude every time I see you. And then it's so—

that's such a funny thing.

I just drove 13 hours. Beezer lied to me about the airport. Shut the fuck up, Joe.

Dude, and then you'll fucking— another one you'll do, you'll text me, there'll be some hang that weren't there for, next morning you'll be like, I know what you did, you fucking scumbag.

Yeah, that's nice. I like to stay home, dude. You guys are out partying, I go, I'm gonna take it easy. I know what you're up to.

Uh, the, uh, wait, there was another one you do that I was, I was just trying to remember it. Fuck. The bad, bad attitude is a big one.

Bad attitude. So what, um Well, well, well is nice when someone comes in.

It's— look, you're playing offense as the defense, Drew, because you know it's coming. I know. Oh, that's what it was. I remember now. I remember now. I know when you think— I know when you think that you were fucking with me too much. And it's very nice, but you will do a thing now when we're drinking. If you think you're fucking with me too watch, for no reason you'll come up behind me and you'll grab my shoulder and you'll be like, you're a good man, dude.

I love you.

He thinks he's fucking with me.

Yeah, you get so upset.

I get upset sometimes.

But you get so upset.

You know how— this is how I describe you. I've described you a lot like this to all of our friends. It's not a bad thing. It's actually a compliment.

It.

Yeah, I'm sure.

No, no, no.

Yeah, I've described this to you this way to all your friends behind your back. It's a good thing.

No, no, it's— I swear to God, it's, it's, it's, it speaks to your prowess of your insight into another person. I always say you're like, like if you read the Justice League comic books, Batman, he has a way to take down every Justice League member in case they ever go AWOL. Like, he's like, he's— so he's got a kryptonite bullet because he's like, in case Superman ever goes crazy like that, we have kill him, right? And I'm like, that's Shane. Shane is Batman. He knows exactly what everybody's kryptonite bullet is, and he knows exactly how to fire it at you and get you the most mad you could possibly get. I honestly mean that as a compliment. It's a skill that Patrice had it too. Patrice could just look at you and be like, yeah, you fucking— and say the thing that you left the house thinking about, like, goddamn it, man.

Yeah, so deep insecurity.

Pretty.

It's just gotta be a good— you go, he's gonna notice what I thought about when I walked out, so I gotta fucking nail him, dude.

So I, I do tend to get a little, little, uh, a little more, uh, uh, yeah, you're right. I, I get—

I get emotional. Yeah, maybe I'll stop messing with you.

We'd stop. Never. We could try it. Never. Last year on this very pod, we tried to call the truce.

Yeah, and then I walked into the green room and you're like, hey, look who's here, you fucking tub of shit. No, no, no.

Okay, that night you started it and then you kept going, you kept going. All right, that's it, I won't do anymore. I was like, come on, dude, stop.

I would make fun of him. I'd make fun of him and go, oh, truce, truce, truce, truce. We can't, we can't, we promise.

Yeah, 6 beers later, we're like, fuck you, dude. Just goes to shit immediately. Just went to shit.

I do like the PA and OL.

There's a big PA.

There's personal attacks and there's over the line.

There's over the lines. Oh, oh, so if you paid me, I'm gonna pay you. Okay, but that's an OL, dude.

I, I don't think any of us have a lot of OLs.

Everyone has an OL.

What's, what's— no, I'm saying like I haven't witnessed a lot of OLs take place.

Yeah, we, we usually don't take it that far.

No, no, the, uh, I'm trying to think of somebody who who does.

Tommy's kind of a habitual OL stepper. Spit on Nate.

Oh yeah, that's OL.

He did slap me in the face and I'll slap you in the face kind of as hard as he can.

Yeah, yeah. And I go— and you were like, you were like, Tommy, what are you doing? And he's like, what, what, what?

Oh yeah, yeah, he stares at you.

Yeah, that's great, you just did it Perfect. And I go, look, it's no big deal, dude. It's no big deal. We're drunk. I don't care. I go, do me a favor. Don't wake up tomorrow worried about this and call me and be like, dude, I'm so sorry. I'm embarrassed.

Whatever.

He goes, I'm not fucking going to because I'm not sorry. I was like, well, don't do that either. That's psychotic. Yeah, but he just was so just like, I don't And then he did call me, like, sorry about that. But yeah, he'll slap you in the fucking— he'll give you a nice slap.

He's a big slap guy.

It's wild. It is.

He's a big slap man.

After a while, you'll see him slap someone, you're like, dude, is it like a Robert De Niro kind of affectionate?

It is, but he takes it too far.

Yeah.

And sometimes he's a little too drunk. Yeah. He'll really slap you.

True. He— yeah, fucking— we, we were in— I was in New York the other night. Fucking Gomez. I'm sitting backstage at Kill Tony. I didn't know who it was. Gomez, Luis Gomez comes up behind me, puts me in a— starts by like hugging me around the neck, and I'm like, I don't know who this is. Slides into a triangle chokehold and starts doing it so strong where I go, bro, bro, stop, man, that fucking hurts. And he goes literally like, you are such a pussy, you tap, you tap. What kind of pussy He says, stop. I go, I didn't even know who the fuck it was, dude. Are you a psycho? You're defending this? That is psychotic. And then he opened with it on stage and it bombed. Yeah, he went out, he's like, DeRosa's— because I was on panel. Yeah, yeah, there was such a pussy. I put him at triangle choke, he didn't even— he doesn't fucking tap. He goes, stop. And the people are like, uh-huh.

Yeah, at the Garden.

Yeah. And then he had a great set, but that first line, they were just like, yes, yeah. Crazy.

Yeah, do that move police kill people with. And he was all pissed off about it.

That's an OL, right?

That's an OL.

Well, yeah, a bit of an OL. Well, no, I mean, it depends how hard he strangled you.

An anonymous triangle choke from behind.

It borders PAOL. It's right there.

It's sitting on the line now.

Defending it immediately and calling you a pussy, that's a no. Yeah, yeah, that's strangling someone and then calling them a pussy. You pussy.

Oh well, fuck off, man.

She just gave one of the bodyguards like $1,000 and like, destroy this guy.

I would love to go get a couple of those Rogan— those Rogan troops. Those guys, do me a favor, handle that, handle that. Fuck, dude. Yeah, but, uh, Yeah. Anyway, well, the slap thing, it is— it's like Shane said, like, it's— he's not doing it to be like, fuck you. He's doing it to be funny. But it's like Tommy also gets to— like, he'll hug you and it hurts.

Yeah.

And he's kissing your face.

The kissing is outrageous.

Yeah.

And you're like, Tom, this hurts. Please stop.

Kissing is absolutely the most outrageous fucking thing.

I've seen it.

And his beard wet from drinking. Dude, get the fuck— he's like, what? I love you.

God forbid somebody loves you.

Fucking piece of shit. Fucking asshole.

His beard like digs into your face too.

You're like, ow. Wide-eyed. Just fucking, fucking wide-eyed. You want to have a drink? I've been drinking all fucking day. All right, man.

We had a nice time cooking at the beach. Me and him sat there for like 2 and a half hours cooking. It was so, so so nice.

Yeah, the meals were great.

He can fucking cook, man.

Yeah, he is.

He's like— it's unbelievable.

He's amazing.

He made like a steakhouse, like a real steakhouse dinner. Yeah, it's—

it's—

he's just sitting there the whole time flipping everything. I'm gonna go check the steaks back and forth. I'm like, dude, how the fuck are you doing this, dude?

We— then he fucking resentfully serves after he makes a nice meal. He's like, here you fucking piece of shit. No, as soon as somebody's got to feed these fucking children, no one here can make a fucking meal to save their lives.

As soon as O'Connor came in, it went, oh, that was crazy. Connor goes, what's that, mushroom risotto? And I get— O'Connor was trying to be nice and cheery, but he was so drunk that when he saw it, he goes, what's that, mushroom risotto? And Tommy goes, yeah.

I was so— I was walking to the bathroom, I heard it. I leaned back in, I was like, say thank you, Chris. Oh, it was so nice, dude.

The second man was trying to be nice, I could tell.

What's that, mushroom risotto? Chris, say thank Thank you. Don't just fucking complain that there's mushrooms. I'm not complaining there's mushrooms. Sorry, you're a fucking piece of shit.

Second night we were there, it's me, Shane, and Tommy. We're on the beach. Tommy's like, I'm going to cook a steak dinner. I'm going to make a Greek salad. It was amazing. We're down at the beach. We get pretty bombed up at the beach. Me and Tommy go back. Shane's still sitting down there. I go take a nap. Actually, no, I left first and I just went up and took a nap. I wake up from my nap, I'm like, fuck, man, I was out for like 2 hours. Jesus. I go downstairs because I hear noise. Tommy's alone in the kitchen. He's got a Greek salad in front of him, dude. He's like, where the fuck were you? I go, I was upstairs sleeping. He goes, I'm in the fucking weeds. I'm working my fucking ass off down He was yelling at me like it was a, like, a real restaurant kitchen. I was like, I never said I would help you with any of this fucking weird meal you wanted to cook.

The Greek salad was incredible. It was the best Greek salad.

I don't even like tomatoes like that, and I was like, these are delicious.

It was amazing. He was so on edge, man.

Oh, so funny.

Guys, I love you. I gotta roll.

All right, um, Joe, congratulations.

Yeah, thanks. Uh, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden on Netflix now. Please go watch it. And my new podcast, Violent Horrendous, on my YouTube at Joe DeRosa.

You're in Tires.

Tires Season 3.

Yeah, it comes out Thursday.

Comes out Thursday. Awesome. And livedatesjoderosa.com. Guys, thank you, man. This is fucking awesome.

Of course, man. This is special. This was a special one.

Thanks, man. Wait, fuck off.

Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify.

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