Transcript of Ep 633 - Submerged in Silence New

The Wild Wild West. You know what sucks? I think I got my haircut in this shirt.

Ah, it's itchy.

Took it off and now I got fucking hairs all over me.

They got the new—

So if I'm a little grumpy during this podcast, you'll know why.

That would fucking bug me.

Dumbass. I caught Phil with a nice dumbass.

Caught him with a dumbass?

Yeah, it was great.

Catching your dad with a dumbass.

He didn't know I was— no, he didn't know I was home and I heard him call my mom a dumbass. I've talked to you about it. He gave it— she was like, did you take out the trash? Like, I'm doing it now, you dumbass. I go, Jesus Christ, Phil. He started laughing.

And you struck back with the dumbass.

Yeah, you dumbass.

Oh, that's so funny.

Talking to your wife like that. I'm doing it right now. What do you think I'm doing, dumbass? Jesus Christ. Although, yeah, me taking the trash out and someone be like, did you do it, bro? Fucking doing it right now.

I literally have the bag in my hand. It's like having a, uh, an extra voice in your head that you're like, I, I don't need extra narration.

Yeah, it's already like, if you're doing things, are pretty bleak inside my head already. I don't need one more person to be like, did you do anything today? What'd you do? Yo, I was just thinking that. What'd you fucking do?

Also, you know when you have a GPS on, you know how annoying the voice is already, then you put another voice on, you're like, nah, get this other voice the fuck out, we don't need another voice.

I will say, people that use GPS audio in the car, that's a big pet peeve of mine.

It's crazy, I always turn it off.

You have to turn it off.

You have to.

You have to just cut it off when it cuts off the tunes with some directions.

Nothing. There's— especially when you're blasting tunes on the highway and it's like, coming up in 500. You're like, all right, yeah, I'd rather also just miss an exit if that's the case. I'll miss the exit and I'll make up time and blast tunes.

Remember how excited— how dumb our culture is that we were all very excited about, uh, Snoop Dogg voiced the Garmin? No, you could change the voices of like GPS and people were like, check this shit out, dude.

That shit chaps my ass.

It's a big thing for us.

Snoop Dogg Incorporated. And again, I had no, no shade to the man. Snoop Dogg Incorporated kind of chaps my ass. Just, he's just, he's like, every fucking time I turn around, I'll be like Five Below and it's like a Snoop Dogg bobblehead. I'm like, dude, I'm not fucking—

Snoop Dogg. Yeah, he's all right.

Again, I'm obviously hating here, but it's like, he has like a massive— he's like, he has a hand in everything.

Yeah, it's got paw and everything. Wow, wow, wow. You be over here, BA.

Dude, I got humiliated. I got humiliated.

I can't stop listening to that song.

I got humiliated at the pool early in the morning. This is like a couple weeks ago. It was actually— it was really funny. I was swimming, it was like 6 o'clock in the morning.

Water dog.

I am a bit of a water dog.

Crazy.

Well, dude, it was— I was so excited because one of my friends was going to come swim with me. And now that I'm good at swimming, I'm so excited to show people how fast I can swim.

Dude, how often— how long do you swim?

For like 40 minutes.

Okay, that's not— I was like, if you're retreating from your family to the pool, it's so fucking sick to be like getting yelled at. I'd be like, I have to do to do this.

I have to swim.

Swim.

I'm swimming, dude. It's quiet down here.

It's quiet, dude. It's so quiet underwater. Is like—

I've—

dude, I've said it before, I love chilling underwater.

But dude, it's probably so loud all the time at your house.

It's so loud, dude. I just— I just came from just absolutely to the depths and go, oh dude, I just came from like insanity.

Just—

it was just— no, I was just trying to get that much together.

How much did you want to get in the pool while you were there, bro?

Every day.

That's all I want.

I want to get in the pool every day and just go— as soon as I jump in and go underwater and I start just working on my perfect freestyle stroke, it's I'm fucking rocking. Perfect stroke, dude.

So I—

it's 6 o'clock in the morning. I'm like so hyped. I'm like, all right, I'm here a little early. I was like, oh, he'll be here in a minute. My goggles are like super scratched up and shitty, so I can't see anything. So I come up, I heard that gate clank, and I'm like, nice. So I just like come up, I come out of a lap, pop out of the water. I'm like, what up, bro? It's super early in the morning. Just somebody else, just an Asian lady. And it's so early, it's so— it's almost like— I mean, it's not almost, it's offensive. It seems as if I'm popped out of the water like pre-dawn to just rizz up this lady with these silver reflective goggles.

I thought you were a croc. She might have had flashbacks.

Dude, sorry. And I like, I didn't hear any response. I'm like, weird. And I pop them up and I'm like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I was like, my friend's coming here in a second. Like, yeah, my bad, dude. He no-shows me. So now I swim next to her for an hour Now I look like a fucking psycho and a liar. And I, I had this— I had to just like stay the whole time, just like wait till she got out of the pool. And then I was like, all right, I'm out of here.

This is—

I kept like looking at the gate and I was like, fuck.

It would suck if she got out when you wanted to get out. You can't get out.

Yeah.

Simultaneously.

No, I, I mean, run. I just— I use— I also, I race the old Asian ladies every time. I just try to clock their pace and I'm like, all right, I gotta—

yeah, I gotta stay up. You're beating them.

I try to. Yeah, dude, some of them are machines, dude. Some of them, you can tell they got like trained by the government or something. They got— dude, something— there's no way a 70-year-old lady should be whooping my ass like that.

Just saying, go home, GI.

She got selected.

I've been playing a lot of Hell Let Loose, so I got, I got Asians on the brain.

Do you really? Yeah.

Go home, GI.

Who you—

so what do you— what do you fight?

I like— I mean, I'm NVA a lot myself.

Really?

Yeah, I like to get in there, the AK-47, say that, GI, go home. It's GIs. GI, your government does not love you. GI, your government has abandoned you.

GI, who gave them the AK-47? Is that the Russians gave it to them?

Yeah, Russia and China.

Yeah, they've been boys. They've been bricked up for a minute.

Yeah, they've been— they've been boys.

Bricked.

It's so gay. They're so gay.

Calling their currency—

so good.

Calling their currency bricked is crazy. Bricked currency.

It's kind of nice now. It is really. Yeah, now you're saying it's pretty nice.

Well, right now we're— they're in a weird part, or we're in a weird position now. We're like we're kind of working, I think, hand in hand with China a little bit because they need that Ermuz oil. Yeah, they need that stuff and we don't. So I think they're actually trying to be like, come on, dude, let's, let's squash this big beef. We're in the middle of a beef right now.

I think it's for dick.

Huh?

You think Trump's for dick? I don't know. He's saying, dude, this is all going to plan. China, China's got to listen to us now.

They kind of do.

Maybe.

Unless they get bricked up enough.

I've run into some Trump bros that believe that.

Really?

Like full on.

Yeah.

Well, that's that. I, I just read the news about the sanctions, so I was kind of like, you know, we'll see what's up. But apparently he's checking his fucking chicken.

He looks like he's running.

He's definitely just realized he's burning his chicken. Yeah, that's— the chicken's been cooking all day.

No way you should be running.

That chicken just clocked like 19 minutes at 450 degrees. That chicken's, that chicken's bricked up right now.

There's probably a shadow on the—

He was like, he was like a mother hen. He was like a mother hen running to his flock.

The mayor is meal prepping right now. Are you listening?

Gardini walked in on a roommate spat. Gardini walked in and I was like, this isn't mine, this isn't my—

who the fuck is this?

Whole fucking fridge is filled with like Japanese condiments.

Yeah, man.

It's all he buys.

Yeah, you're opening your fridge, you're like, GI, go home.

Yeah, I literally, I open it, I go, oh yes, GI would never eat this. I'm GI, he's NBA. Oh yeah, death to the Steel Dragon! You gotta scream Steel Dragon when you shoot down the, uh, helicopters.

Yeah, fuck, that's awesome.

I'm more of a mortar man though. Yeah, I love firing a mortar.

All right, dude, that is fun. Something about that whole trajectory.

And so it's very enjoyable. And then you just hear a little— makes a little noise if you hit somebody.

You go, yes!

This is hell let loose Vietnam. Yeah, brother, that's gotta be crazy. That was kind of— that was a big mortar off, wasn't it, back then?

Yeah, it was a lot of mortars.

You just chill. Well, I, I heard— I was reading that one book and they said it would just like— you would sit on a base and you'd just be getting blasted with mortars. You'd be like, all right, let's go find these guys. And you walk around the woods, maybe see a guy. Yeah, shoot him.

Farmer.

You're like, dang it, dang, it was a farmer.

Dang, that was a farmer.

But at night he was maybe firing that mortar.

Exactly.

During the day, again, no, I'm just a farmer, G. I gotta go home. I'm just a farmer. You go, nah, I'm not taking any chances. My buddy just got blown up.

So yeah, well then it turned in.

I don't know what I'm doing here.

Uh, weren't the last couple years like brutal urban warfare? It was—

yeah, there was a lot of that close quarters. Yeah, yeah, Saigon, they got a little active, dude.

That shit, Vietnam War, it's no joke.

Vietnam was tough. A Vietnamese man just burned himself, uh, this week.

What?

My Twitter— I got on Twitter again and it's, uh, it's terrible sex acts and death.

Oh no.

So I saw a Vietnamese guy burn himself on a bench. That was terrible, isn't it?

But don't you get like— that's kind of like bossed up if you—

That's why I was bringing up from Vietnam, because the monks used to hit that.

Yeah.

They would build a temple where you burned yourself.

How'd that, uh, chicken go?

It's burnt. You burnt the chicken.

It's not burnt.

It's not. You worked up a hell of a sweat. 10-foot jog.

It's hot, dude.

It's in the grill. The chicken's all right. It's coming out smoky. I think, yeah, it'll be, it'll be, it's almost done.

It's looking good.

It's looking good.

You just missed the, you missed the alarm.

Yeah. What temp, what temp you cooking that at?

It's about 425.

Yep.

Allegedly, dude. There's no way you got that temperature right on that grill.

Dude, I got it up 425.

You think it was 1,000 degrees the way you're sweating, man.

It's hot.

You look like you're coming from Hell Let Loose. You look like you just came from the shit, dude. I get it, man. I've been in the shit all week.

Yeah. So how— what— how is the new Vietnam Hell Let Loose?

It's pretty sick.

Is it pretty— is it rocking?

If you're playing with buddies, it's very fun.

Yeah, yeah.

I try to go solo. I play 5 minutes, right? Somebody shoots me in the head, I go, fuck this.

So what's the gameplay like from the perspective of the Viet Cong?

Uh, the cool thing is the Viet Cong, you get, uh, you can do tunnels, you can kind of pop up anywhere on the map. Whereas if you're playing as the US, you get helicopters, which are also pretty cool. Yeah, somebody's good at helicopters. Like, I just played a game before you got here, somebody was killing us with the helicopters. Uh, yeah. And as a mortar man, that's not good. You don't want them getting behind our line. They kept getting behind our line and killing us.

You don't want that at all.

Yeah.

Coming up through a tunnel.

Well, I was an NVA mortar man.

What?

And I was saying, go home, GI. Go home. This is not your fight, GI.

Did they really say that in the game?

No, it's just everybody. Every single person screams it the whole time.

Yeah, that's so fun.

The other one that was good was Hold Fast. If you play as the French, everyone just screams, Vive la France! Oh yeah, I remember that. Everyone just screaming vive la France.

I actually remember that. You guys were playing Capture the Flag or something.

Vive la France!

Yeah, that's awesome. Hell yeah, lose Vietnam. Although, is it too soon? Like, what do you think the moratorium is on, on VJs for a war?

No, you can do— I mean, yeah, yeah, Call of Duty's doing future war.

Yeah, that's pretty crazy.

We're doing Taiwan, China. True.

But you haven't seen the Middle East war yet.

In what?

In a video. In a video?

Yeah, you have. What are you, insane? What are you, stupid?

Call of Duty. As I said that, I'm like, oh yeah, Call of Duty's already doing it.

I'm a fucking person.

But aren't they always kind of vague though?

Like, oh, they're always like vague about who the countries are. Yeah, they literally are like, he's the head of Derka Derkistan.

That's right.

Muhammad Jihad, Derka Derkistan. Which is kind of a little more disrespectful.

Derka Derkistan's crazy.

Well, that— yeah, but it's always something Yeah. They're like, what would an Arabic country be called? Yeah. What's he doing back there? He's lurking.

Gator.

The spider's preparing. It's good. The spider's just cooking.

I know.

Never, never cooks. He decided during the podcast today, I'll cook. Jesus Christ.

Especially, I want to know if you're meal prepping for one or two.

Oh, he's running again. He's running again. I've been—

I need a full photo reveal of this chicken. I do not believe that this is not—

he's actually—

it's a lot.

I don't want to compliment him to his face, but he's a pretty good cook.

I heard he's a good cook.

Pretty good cook.

I think anything Jabri learns, he like osmosis, like morphs in genetic field.

He's been leaving his door open while he's gaming. I haven't been home as much, so now that I'm home, I'm picking up on his tent. He's been used to Cap being away. Yeah, now since been playing, so I like to go back there and slam the door as hard as I can. While he's talking to people, I can hear him talking to people.

I'm like, told you to close the door. You should also— you should maintain open-door policy.

No, it's so loud.

No closing.

Glass shit. You remember when Cody Rhodes went in his room? It's so loud.

True.

And he screams about Street Fighter for hours, struggling with the door he's in.

I gotta see this chicken. Let me at it.

Please present the chicken.

Present the chicken to the cam. Let's see what we're working with here.

Damn, that thing, you can smell it burn.

That's gonna burn your fucking— that's gonna burn your little beak, dude. Well, maybe for lunch. Yo, that's a great cross draw.

We can eat the chicken, although you might have selected your most healthy piece.

Let me see it. Let me present that to the cam. Why are you dripping it into the cup? Because it's dripping. That's actually really considerate. Can we see that at the cam? That, Lamar, that's actually good.

Good looking chicken, man. Looks a little raw, TBH. I'd like to see the inside.

I like the way you— I like the way you put the pepper on it, Lemaire.

Yeah.

A lot of people are scared to put a little pepper on there.

When are you gonna make chicken Alfredo again? A little less pepper on the Alfredo. You get a little wacky with that, but I, I like what you're—

Alfredo.

Oh, I need it, Lemaire. This redeems everything. If you do that, we can have an open-door video game tonight. You can have Street Fighter as loud as you want if you make chicken Alfredo. And you can play as girl characters again. I won't make fun of you.

I mean, Alfredo is what a peacemaker.

Yeah, it's nice.

Chicken Alfredo is crazy. It honestly arguably could be the best food.

Then I'll come home after a few drinks, it'll be in the fridge. I'll go, but I can take a bite, he'll never notice. And then drunk enough to get— fuck that, he lives here, I'll fucking eat the whole fucking thing. And then I eat a little bit of it and I go, why would I be a dick, dude? He made this. And then I stop. This is tradition. It's tradition unlike any other.

Just lording over a big thing of Alfredo.

Why shouldn't I?

I deserve—

why shouldn't I? Let me— you play Hell or Lose with me today? All right, that's exciting.

Fuck.

What time's your show?

Uh, 8, 7, 8.

That gives us several hours.

Yeah, I'll play Hell or Lose.

Yeah, yeah.

Time you gooming right after this?

I'll probably goom as hard as we can after this.

Let's go. Yeah, let's definitely goom after this. I'm in no particular rush.

Hell yeah. Nate got new basketballs.

Nate did get new basketballs.

Oh, bro, could be, could be time for the rematch.

They're not ready, dude.

Uh, one week prep, one week prep, come back with the shorts, my water shoes.

All right, true. Damn, Aqua Socks.

Yeah, that's crazy, dude. You have a boner.

You have a fucking boner, bro.

You thought about pool basketball jumping on the guy.

You're confirming Lamar's honker theory.

Well, he's— yeah, he does have a honker. Those two have honkers. I know, dude. Meezy got blessed with the Alfredo.

He's got the creamy Alfredo. We need to go back to that. Just fucking smaller the penis, it's like everyone's like, that's the ideal. Obviously ancient Greece. Everyone gives ancient Greeks so much shit. They had the idea though. Like, bro, if you're rocking a penis, we're gonna immortalize you in marble. You're the man. You're the man. You got so much energy.

I just got another girl 9/11 text. Today's girl 9/11.

Oh yeah, Dolly Parton.

RIP Dolly. They're all getting the news at different times and everyone's getting texts from girls. Yeah, it's going, oh my God, Dolly Parton died. I'm so sad.

I didn't— I didn't even know until you told me. I'm excited to break the news. Why?

Bring down the thunder. Your girl's gonna be like James Cameron getting out of the sub. You're gonna go, James, you're gonna want to sit down. 9/11 happened when you were underwater.

He was underwater for—

I think he was underwater.

Huge fan of underwater, by the way. That guy might be the biggest fan of underwater.

He must have a crazy family. always— he's in an abyss every day.

The pressure could kill you. He's like, um, totally fine.

Must have the loudest house, dude. He's like, I gotta go to the bottom of the ocean. He was underwater during 9/11.

He was underwater during 9/11.

There's some classic 9/11s. There was the other one is, uh, what's his name, was dressed up like the turtle. Uh, master of disguise. Uh, why am I forgetting his name? Dana Carvey was like, turtle, turtle. He was in a turtle costume watching 9/11.

What? Why is he dressed as a turtle?

Because he was filming a movie. There was some Sesame— there's some Sesame Street characters on, uh, Good Morning America.

Elmo had to fucking go, oh, oh, oh God. Yeah, not all Muslims are bad. Let's not forget everybody.

No, on 9/11, Elmo was like, get him. Turn it to glass.

Where'd the guys in the top floor go?

It is the, the, you know, as silly as America is, we're always— we're probably the most silly country. Yeah, there's every other— those, the serious countries, the war countries are always pretty serious. Yeah, it's kind of like if a tragedy happens to us, somebody's goofing off when it happens. That's, you know what I mean? Like Pearl Harbor, there was a bunch of people wearing fucking grass skirts, fucking coconut bras, hammered.

True.

Oh shit, we never thought it could happen to us.

Yeah, I always forget about Pearl Harbor. I don't know why. I think it's like— I mean, it was definitely kind of nothing compared to 9/11. Is that fair? But it was a military base, right? Yeah, which is not good at all.

No, it was definitely down. Death toll, death toll was— was it really comparable? I think almost.

Probably.

For some reason I'm thinking like 3,000 each.

Dang.

Like similar. Yeah. And yeah, very similar actually.

That's terrible.

Some—

I don't know why I thought Pearl Harbor was like kind of light duty. Obviously not great. So that was fucking nasty.

It was mean as hell.

It was mean.

It was horrible what they did. Yeah, punks.

That was— that was a big-time punk move.

Then we said, GI, come over here. Yeah, GI's coming over there. You shouldn't have done that.

Now we're best friends.

Now we're buddies.

It's every time. Everyone's— it's a classic story of 2 dudes having to fucking square up and wrestle.

I agree.

And being like, all right, dude, you're actually kind of sick.

Yeah, that's what we did. That's what I was saying. Yeah, we did that to the South.

Yeah.

In the Civil War, we beat the fuck out of them so bad they love America more than anyone.

That's— yeah.

All day they wave American flags. We're like, dude, you're It's kind of pussy to be— are you like, fucking kind of hate America? You guys got rocks, dude.

North Korea kind of wants to tussle a little bit. I heard they've been blasting their Acme rockets into the ocean. They've been— yeah, they've been showing out again.

And Trump dogs Trump. I'd look— a lot of people criticize Trump for that. I like the way he handles them.

What does he do?

He's just like, dude, we're boys. This is crazy. Why are you guys acting up, dude? You know me and Kim Jong-un are boys.

Yeah, true.

And everyone's like, I can't believe he's being his friend. No, he's a fucking retard with rock— well, I guess they both are retards with rockets, but Trump's work.

Here's the thing, it's like you can say there's 990 bad things you can make his personality, this and that. The fact that he kind of gels with Kim Jong-un is like, let him have one redeeming trait.

Yeah, I think that's not that—

No one else can fucking chill with that guy besides Dennis Rodman.

He does love like '80s, '90s bad boys.

He's probably— that's why he loves Trump.

Exactly. Yeah, loves '80s, '90s bad boys.

He does love '80s and '90s bad boys.

It's probably because that's all he got was like '80s, '90s movies, bad boys in '80s, '90s movies.

Now he gets to hang out with bad boys from '80s, '90s I mean, dude, it's funny because South Korea is like rocking the film industry right now. They're killing it, dude. NBA YoungBoy lives there, South Korea.

It's big.

It's huge. NBA YoungBoy lives in South Korea now.

Do you think anyone's saying NBA YoungBoy, go home? No, I think they're saying go home. I think it's a problem.

He's so respectful.

Is he?

He talks like Michael Jackson.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Did you ever see an interview with him? He's pretty wild, but his interviews, he's like, yeah, I don't know.

It's the scariest fellas.

I know.

Tyson, MJ, NBA YoungBoy.

Exactly.

Scariest fellas. No, apparently people I think are— I don't know, it's— that's like the vamp, like opiate Black guy is huge internationally. Playboi Carti just stands at a stage in France and just like dips out and the French go crazy. It's like the coolest— it's for real the coolest shit. It's like the pinnacle of like high fashion cool is to be like a Yeah, black guy, cool black guy, just whacked out on like methadone, standing on a stage smoking a cigarette. Everyone's like, this is the peak of culture right now. It's like the coolest shit ever.

It's interesting.

Yeah, it's all about Rick Owens, dude. You— we have to get Rick Owens out. Just like leather domination straps. You gotta— you gotta express your rage through your wardrobe. That's what me and Rick do. Expressing your rage through your clothes.

I don't even have any fucking rage.

I mean, you can just hop on the bandwagon. I think a lot of those guys don't have any rage.

You don't think they're dark souls?

Nah.

I, I don't have, uh, I don't have enough rage. Wait till college football season.

True.

No, if Notre Dame drops another one in Northern Illinois, I'm vamped up. I'll go vamp, dude. Notre Dame drops one to Rice, you'll see. I'm shaving my head and my eyebrows. I'm gonna shave my head and my eyebrows and just keep a Hitler stache. And then dress like a vamp, dude. Oh, we lost some rice, dude.

If you add— that'd be too funny.

It'd be—

yeah, I told you I was reading that book about, uh, that'd be too cool.

I'd be expelled from Hollywood if you went Rick—

if you went—

if I shaved my eyebrows and head and kept a Hitler 'stache and dressed like a vampire, I'd be expelled. There'd be no questions. It'd just be a photo of me and they're here, he's out.

Hold on though, if you were to dress in Rick Owens and go Hitler 'stache, they might take you to another level. They might be like, holy fuck, we didn't know this guy had it in him.

He's the coolest guy who's ever lived.

You have to go to France and just stand there with a cigarette, and they're like, this guy's the best artist that's ever lived. This guy, he's completely, completely brought himself into fruition. That's true, dude. Hitler's, Hitler's gambit— I was like, I was thinking about the Soviets because, you know, the classic question of like, why is it still allowable to wear the hammer and sickle Of course. It's like, you know, I was thinking about it, so I was like trying to really distinguish it between kind of like Hitler's gambit. And dude, apparently Hitler— because the, the communists were like, no, gambit, just like the bet he threw down was like, Germans are the best, therefore we will win. And once we can do a horrible thing, but then we'll just be the victor so no one can judge us. But it was— he was on some only God can judge me shit.

Yeah.

So he was like, his plan was like Germans are superior. We'll just— we're going to destroy the Jews. That was their big plan. And then they're like, we'll go through and enslave and defeat every other civilization. Everyone will be our slaves and Germans will just rock. But the communist thing was like, it was different because Hitler was— it was bad. He was— he had a bad, evil plan, but he goes, who can judge me?

Where are you going with this?

What I'm saying is he had a bad, evil plan. Of course, communists were like, no, we're actually doing a nice thing, but it was actually evil as well. It wasn't as, you know, wasn't as evil.

It was, it was extremely evil.

It was very evil. But at least it sounds, when you're like pitching, like, well, how does this work? You're like, well, everyone's gonna share. That sounds nice.

Yeah.

When you lead— Hitler was leading with like nasty stuff.

Yeah.

People go, that's obviously fucking horrible. So that's where I was going. I was just like, I was kind of like, what is the real— what's like the real distinguisher? And it was like Hitler was pure bad boy.

And one of them won.

Yeah.

Winners write history, bro.

Exactly.

Although Japan, Japan did the right thing.

What'd they do?

They went, just kidding.

Who, us? No, we would never do that.

Were they trying to like exterminate?

They weren't trying to exterminate every other Asian.

Yeah, yeah.

But they were also hiding it under like, we're getting rid of colonial now, we're all boys. They immediately did the worst things to every single country.

Did they really?

Yes.

I knew they were nasty.

They were fucking horrible. Goddamn. Yeah, that's— yeah, Philippines still fucks with us, and South Korea.

Yeah, they're all like, thank you for that.

That was—

now we're— they're starting to turn on us a little bit.

I mean, that's tough, dude. You got like 100,000 Narutos on your ass. That's fucking tough, dude. That's tough shit. But yeah, I did— so they were, they were that nasty and bad. Yeah. It's, it's so— it— well, the funny thing is, I mean, it's not that funny, but back then it was almost like it was kind of acceptable to be like, yo, our people are the best. We're about to get— we're about to fuck these dudes up so bad. Shitty Chinese. We're gonna fucking kill all of them. And everyone's like, yeah, dude, obviously we're the fucking best. And you ride that last crest where everyone's like, what a monster. And you're like, I thought this is what we're doing, guys.

Yeah.

I thought it was tribal warfare. What the fuck? That's— yeah, you're the last, you're the last guy to be like, let me go for it.

Yeah.

No, they went nasty, nasty. The Japanese certainly went for it.

They did.

Yes.

So they wanted to be king of, king of Asia.

Yeah.

KOA.

Yeah.

Interesting, interesting. I feel like they— well, I, I've, I've gotten reports in the Asian world that like the Japanese still kind of hold it down like they're kings of Asia. KOA.

I think they all do. Like behind that old little like tea.

Not, dude. I, I, uh, Korea— I used to work for Korean guys and they'd be like, nah, Japanese dudes. They would just be like, Japan rules. They were, they were very honest about it and they're like, Japan's the best.

Japan.

I think Japan's cooler than China.

Yeah, dude, 100%. Japan's way cooler than—

I don't get tricked by the LED buildings, dude.

I don't get—

I know Lemaire gets tricked by the drones and LED buildings.

Lemaire's completely China-pilled.

No, he is Japanese pilled.

Really?

Yeah, big Japan guy.

You're a Japan guy?

Yeah, full Japan. Uh, yeah.

I don't want this to sound racist, but would it be a Japophile?

It's a Japophile, I believe.

Yeah, a Japophile.

Well, let's, let's—

if you're a white guy, I think they call you a weeb.

A weeb.

A weeb is if you're a white guy who like loves— I think it's a Japan—

uh, it'd probably be Japophile because that's what they're It's what it always is. Yeah, it's like Russo-Japanese, Russo-Japanophile. What was it in the '50s?

You missed it in— you missed it in—

what was it?

Yeah, you missed it. That's a big N. That's a typo.

N's always big in these discussions and always comes in.

A guy misses— that's a dang verbal typo.

Yeah.

Oh, I like that.

I like that.

A Japanologist is an expert of Japan.

What's somebody who loves Black people?

Is there a nice term for that?

There should be.

I do laugh every time.

I wish I could learn a little bit more about— I wish I cared more about other countries.

What's the word?

What is it? There's stuff I should say on the front.

There's not like an official—

Oh wait, there's not a—

Oh wait, America's safe.

Oh, wait. Yeah, we're not allowed to do this.

Yeah.

What are we talking—

but there's like—

a what?

Migrophilia.

That's not bad.

That's tasteful.

Hey, man, that's tough. So you could say I'm a bit of a—

that's used in historical and artistic context.

Well, this is art.

Exactly.

Yeah, that's fair. Isn't that what O.J. Simpson broke in to get? Kidding.

That was memorabilia. My bad.

Yeah, that's so funny that some guy coined that term and was like, yep, job's done for the day.

It's a Frenchman, huh?

It comes from the French.

Oh, the French.

They have so many cool words.

The French?

Yeah, they do. They fucking do. Here we go.

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You know what's nice about that 3 months is it's football season.

Oh my goodness.

And what a better way to reward your partner with, you know, hey, I'm going to be watching TV. I'm going to be watching football all day. She or he gets a little grumpy with you.

For sure.

And you go, watch this, I'm gonna knock that attitude right out of you, bro. A little Blue Chew Gold. Think about that.

The real— hit her with the real deal.

Or him.

Hit her with the hammer.

Or him.

Or him, for sure. Guys, please come watch me do stand-up. Uh, September 11th, I'll be in Portland, Maine, and then I'll be in Boston, Massachusetts. Those are looking Uh, really good. Looking for a stinker here, guys. Milwaukee, Wisconsin, September 26th. Come on, guys, I need you out there. Charlotte, you guys are looking decent. Oh, Jacksonville, thank you, guys. Atlanta, Georgia, come on, man, let's go. Atlanta, Georgia, that's, uh, October. Fort Lauderdale. And the big one too, uh, Newark, New Jersey. That— I don't know what the fuck they were thinking. That place is massive. The New Jersey Performing Arts Center, the place is great. Looks— it's huge. It's just massive.

Yeah, it's awesome.

I'm excited, but I'm calling all troops. I need to fill the dang thing up.

You'll get it. It looks like the Galactic Senate.

Does it really?

Yeah.

Fuck yeah, it's gonna be awesome.

Pods of people in space.

Really? Yeah, out in fucking— that's beautiful.

Yeah, that one's cool, guys.

Uh, there's a bunch of other cities. Go to mattmcusker.com, pretty please.

I saw Gaffigan there and I was afraid the entire time.

Really?

So steep at the top.

I was—

yeah, not trying to deter. Yeah, but it's a spooky space arena. I have no shows.

Oh, I'll be in Raleigh and Charleston this weekend. Please come if you can. seangardini.com. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you, Sean.

Thank you, Matt. Enjoy the show.

They really do. They were the first ones to, um, well, I think, well, the British coined boredom, but France had ennui or whatever that shit was called. Boredom, you know, the term boredom didn't come into the, uh, come on the scene until like 1850. It's a relatively new phenomenon. Think about that.

That's crazy.

Yeah, it's pretty— they call it before, they didn't have a word for it.

They must have.

There was— and we— there was like little hints there. 4th century monks had a thing called, uh, acedia, which was the midday demon, because they woke up at like 4 in the morning. So noon was their like—

they got a little sleepy, kind of.

It was like 3 PM slag, but it was a demon that would come to you and be like, you're— this shit sucks.

Everything sucks.

And you wouldn't be able to focus on anything. You stare out the window, time would pass slowly. And it was called the Noonday Demon.

I'd like to learn more about this boredom thing because I can't believe it.

Oh dude, I'm telling you, because there's—

there has to be the word.

The term boredom is for sure.

And yeah, yeah, but they had just— what would they say?

They didn't have— do you have it?

No, I'm not finding what was used before boredom. But yeah, it says Charles Dickens popularized it in print in Like 1829.

Yeah, I, I believe the etymology means literally to drill into your head, to bore. Yeah, yeah, that's pretty fucking— but no, it's, it's pretty new because I feel like there was, uh, the, the monks, it was more— it was less of like there's nothing to do. They'd be like, I hate that I became a monk.

About doldrums. Let's see, things like that.

And also, also early on it was viewed as a personal failing, not being shortchanged by your environment. If you were bored, they'd be like, fucking piece of shit, go fucking do something, you piece of shit.

Yeah, there's some English terms from the 17th and 18th century like tedium.

Yeah, tedious.

Yeah, it refers to—

there's a heaviness.

Romans had to talk about boredom. There's no way this is—

Well, there's a, there's an ancient— I think there's a Greek poem called The Bore, but it was about a guy who was annoying who would catch you in the middle of the road and just brutalize you with conversation. It's really funny.

That's awesome.

There's just— it's like an an old poem where this guy was like— I mean, back then too, you'd walk for— you couldn't shake. If you got a Punisher, if you're on like the fucking Roman road just walking, you have like a day of walking, you could pick up a Punisher who would just kill him, crush you.

You gotta hit him with a rock. You go, fuck it, fuck it.

Yeah, it's called The Boar, and it's all about like a guy just greeting you and just being like— one of the popes, like, people would write their own version of it, and one of like the popes or bishops wrote his own version of the boar. It was like a cool highfalutin thing you could do. Just about coming across the worst fucking dickhead on the path, dude.

Just, I gotta walk 12 miles today.

That's— that idea is thousands of years old, just picking up a Punisher.

You'd see him, you'd see him far away.

Fuck. Fuck.

Oh, oh, there.

Fuck.

Oh, it is a beautiful day. How fares thee?

Fuck.

Hey man, I don't really have time.

You walk a little Faster, speeds up. You're like, oh no, well, I have nowhere particular to go. What a curse. Yeah, that's— that, that was—

you'd get away with it if you hit him with a rock.

Oh yeah, dude, you could, you could pop him in the head.

Everyone, everyone would look the other way.

It'd just be you and him.

I know, but I'm saying they'd be like, there's no suspects.

Yeah, no, you can get away with anything. You can still— I mean, the cameras kind of mess it up, but you can kind of still get away with murder. It's, it's still like way easier than people think. Although these new cameras, man, in a city setting—

Is this what you're thinking in the depths? Are you underwater? You know, these fucking flock cameras.

Yeah, those flocks, I, I've been seeing people putting stickers on them and breaking them and stuff.

Nice.

Yeah, that's, uh, that's good.

I think we can all agree on that.

Yeah, the flock cameras. Yeah, but then they go, well, we find like stolen kids. So then you go, well, that's what they say, but that's all released by the flock camera company themselves.

So yeah, I know, but like if you found it—

I mean, they probably do if they're scanning license plates. They actually probably do.

Yeah, they're gonna get everybody.

They haven't because, you know, you— I don't know if you could.

I'm not sure I understand what you just said.

Like if you could save lost kids, you would.

I think they're arguing they have, but where's the proof?

We need some articles.

You got to find these lost kids. Which, hey, well, how—

why do you think that wouldn't work? I mean, the more invasion of privacy there is, the more you're going to be able to find lost kids.

Yeah, but they're not— that's not their purpose. So they're just saying that so they can make us—

The purpose is to catch you running a red light and ticket you.

There's some news stories saying that the flock cameras help them find missing kids.

They might, I guess. Exactly, that's what I'm saying. Like, they're definitely—

What's the point? Is it just to—

It's just total—

Keep tabs?

Yeah, it's just a complete fucking paranoid panopticon, man.

But it doesn't— I'm not advocating for them, but it's not like you need—

Dude, if you do, if you advocate, people will spam you.

I wouldn't.

I don't want them.

But, dude, phone.

I know, you're literally on camera and traced at all times too. That's the funny thing, dude. The major cities have had these, like, like every— I think like almost every block of Philadelphia is video recorded, like has been video recorded.

So hey, lowest murders.

It's—

it works all right.

It works. It gets people. That's why COVID threw it off, because everyone had the fucking masks on.

Yeah.

So that, you know, you kind of— you could trick the camera systems. But every— I know Philly for sure has like completely been cammed up for a long time. So, but yeah, I don't know. I, you know, it's— I think it's bad if you watch everybody every second of the day.

But for sure, you know, they start giving out tickets off cameras, I'm, I'm gonna rage against the machine.

My uncle, my uncle claims you can just, just let those go because he's— he said that they don't have— PPA gives you— Philadelphia Parking Authority was doing the light cameras, and he claims they legally don't have the authority to ticket you for a moving violation. So he just refused to pay him. I got to check in to see how that worked out. But yeah, he was like, you don't got to pay those fucking things. He would never pay him. So I— dude, I didn't pay the park— the park— I owed the parking authority like $7,000.

I got a ton of E-ZPasses going. Oh, though, we got a lot.

Yeah, they'll take my license, bro. Those, those new private— yeah, they'll get— they'll get you. And those new private, uh, in California has— it's a French company who owns the private highways.

French are all over there.

They'll fucking— they'll jack you up to like tens of thousands of dollars.

Yeah, they go wild.

Yeah, they will get you. No, I, I've, I've heard of people racking up like 5 figures in tolls. I'm like, fuck, damn.

Yeah, I'm probably sitting up there. This Texas has been getting me.

Really?

Yeah, it's been a few years.

I would, I would join.

A few years of PA in Texas of me not paying a single toll.

Really? You can call and settle.

I'd be in trouble.

You can call and settle those. Yeah, I've done—

or I might take them to court.

Not bad.

I'll see you in court.

Just—

you should spend fucking— for real, spend a fortune just tying them up.

Okay, I'm gonna tie— I'm gonna tie them up. I'm gonna get the best lawyers. Bulldog. I'm gonna go bankrupt, but then take—

just take a wing out. Just, just have them lay off like 90 people. Get a tiger shark lawyer.

Uh-huh. There are—

if you have enough money, you can, you can like sue municipalities and fight cities and stuff and win. I used to work for a guy who destroyed a historic building, and he goes, my lawyer's a tiger shark, he'll butt fuck the city.

Nice.

Yeah, dude, it's pretty funny.

Far out.

It was pretty tight.

What type of historic building did you destroy?

To be fair, it was bullshit. I was there. I was actually— I helped destroy it. But it was like, it wasn't like, you know, there's like the Liberty Bell, Ben Franklin's house. This was just an old shitty house that they had already done a ton of renovations to. And then the historical people came in, they're like, no. And it was like a modern— it was fucking— it was complete bullshit. Yeah. And, uh, the, the owner was just like, yo, 7 AM, crumble it. Because they were like tying him up in court and he was like, just smash it, I'll figure it out after the fact. And he just had us smash the building. And there was all these historical guys like, you should be ashamed of yourself. And I was just sitting there with like one of those stop signs like, shut up, shut the fuck up.

Should have pointed the stop sign at him.

I should have. I, I did hit the one lady, she goes, that building's history.

I was like, it's certainly history now.

She went— my dad's like, stop, all right, knock it off. It's certainly history now, dude. He was like, stop it, don't talk to them, don't do that. Yeah, I'm saying, I'm ashamed to say it.

She said, what history? Tell me.

Yeah, exactly.

What is it?

What is this?

What do you know about this building?

They actually probably—

well, actually, I don't believe you.

You're boring me. Now you're boring me.

I'm gonna hit you with a rock. You're annoying.

That was one of the sickest things, is watching a guy being like like, bro, I'll deal with the city later. Knock that shit down. It was like, goddamn, please. I don't know, you could just fucking have this thing go to the city and be like, shut up. If you're— I think that's like billionaire status. Yeah, if you're a billionaire, the city complains, you could be like, shut up.

And go, honey, why don't I give you the Padres? I will say I was, I was negative on, uh, Kwanza Jones at first. I've come around completely. She's been a ray of sunshine in every clip.

Yeah. And, uh, yeah, dude, it's turning out that the sports leagues are really— I mean, truly milling Black lady magic. WNBA is fucking running solely on Black girl magic right now. It's just— it's got to be just like fucking really dastardly race-baiting clips.

I think Quanza Jones is—

that's pure— that's genuine Black girl magic.

Yeah, that one's good.

That's good. That's— well, that's—

yeah.

Yeah, that was a nice one. WNBA is being fueled entirely by hate.

Yeah, it's pretty bad. They've entered the trend, dude. It's now trans. It's a trans and race fight.

The trans battle going.

The trans battle's crazy.

Trans battle's crazy.

The trans battle being like, well, we support them. And you have to be like, yeah, me too. All right, jump ball. Let's go, guys. Yeah, try to play basketball. But yeah, that's— yeah, that's, that's a, that's a weird one. I mean, I'm— I want to see them put their money where their mouth is. You know, it's one thing to say, it's all lip service to me. It's like, bro, let me see the roster.

Stack it, stack it up.

You want to get back? You want to fucking knock what's her name? The—

It's just the G League all of a sudden. It's just other NBA guys, guys that couldn't make the NBA. Yeah, fuck, we already have that. That's a good argument for, uh, people always like, what do you not like, women? Because you don't watch the WNBA. It's like, I don't watch the G League. Yeah, I just want to watch the NBA. Yeah, why would I— I'm sure somebody's come to that conclusion.

I don't know, but I never heard the G League angle on that. If that turns into G League ball, but then, but then you get to see G Leaguers dunk like yam. Yeah, I mean, that— the posterize, it's gonna be ugly if you go nuts-to-face dunk on a lady.

Yeah, we put that White Bull in from Philly, put him in the WNBA. He's jumping over those backflip dunks. I think everybody— that's the right move. They should only let white G-Leaguers into the WNBA so we can really—

That's a good— no, those are good.

Like, you want money? Let's get the racial battle going again.

Yeah, that is nice.

Every team gets one white guy.

Oh dude, wait till we do the movie they're gonna make. Is amazing. The movie in 20 years, it's like a league of their— a big league of the—

yeah, Jack Robinson of the WNBA.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's, it's like, it's truly shameful what they're doing right now. It's truly shameful.

But speaking of different genders in sports, I watched our beloved West Chester, Pennsylvania baseball team in the Little League World Series fall victim to a woman pitcher yesterday. A girl from Alabama was just dominating. Really?

Yeah.

She was whipping.

She was whipping. Undeniably whipping. And I was just thinking, those poor boys, those 11 and 12-year-old boys getting struck out by a lady on ESPN.

I mean, I used to cry just getting struck out by—

Yeah. No one was even watching when I was getting struck out by girls.

I can't even imagine.

It's a deep shame. I don't tell anyone I got struck out by girls.

did you play with the girls?

Don't worry about it. There was— we had a girl, she was nasty.

Really?

She was around 11 or 12 years old.

Literally just dealing?

Yeah, she was dealing. There was nothing we could do about it. Fuck.

It was all— we always had like the man-child pitchers where it'd be like the kids.

There's a couple men, there's a couple like 5'11, 6-foot kids already, they're dealing.

Yeah, it would be like small little mustache, armpit hair, and I'd be sitting there like, bro, can I just—

no, this is crazy.

I have a pinch batter, please. Yeah, I didn't know that. I didn't know there was a girl. What was— what was she— what was her MPH? Or is she more of a technician?

She's got— she's got great control, great command, great location every time. But, uh, I don't know, they always do the MLB comparison because the mound's close. They're like, this 91 miles an hour. He goes, it's like 60.

Oh, I see what you're saying.

But the mound's close, so they're like, this is how much time you have to react, which is the equivalent of a 93-mile-an-hour fastball.

Goddamn.

It was a tough one. The boys from Westchester were up 5-nothing.

And they brought in the fucking—

Then they brought in the girl. Didn't score a run.

Mamma mia.

14 Ks, dude. She's crazy.

I mean, that was such a mental game. If I was a— I mean, still to this day, I'd be like, bro, don't strike— get struck out. 14, that's like apocalyptic.

Everyone—

your boys, you and your boys are getting fucking humiliated on a national stage.

That's crazy. Yeah, I mean, that's— I'd be curious to see. I wonder what they're gonna—

I mean, do you fear the bow? Hmm, she's got a bow in her ponytail.

Oh, she really— I fear the fucking bow. Fuck out of here.

I fear the bow, dude. Like, I was tossing and turning last night. I could barely sleep. Although, I mean, high cheese from the bow last night. I was chasing— I was chasing shit in the dirt. I was— I mean, the bow was humiliating me in my dreams, torturing me.

Also too, I might, I might be up there all shucks too. I'm up there being like, man, she sure is pretty. Yeah, trying to swing the ball. She sure— I don't want to hit her ball. I would— I, as soon as I heard— I remember the day, or like when I did baseball a couple years and I heard they were pitching 60 miles an hour and I was like, I'm out.

Yeah, we gotta go.

I'm done. Not everyone run. No, I haven't got hit with one of those balls yet and I'm done. I quit.

I didn't get it.

Never got hit with the pitch ever.

And I was—

you must have been ready, bro.

I bailed. I bailed. I used to— when even when I would swing, I would step out.

I was like, nah, baseball is terrifying.

Baseball is fucked up, dude.

It's awful.

Yeah. Oh, it's such a bad— I, I don't know. It was my— it was my least favorite sport.

With all my time off, I've been catching the Phils a lot lately. Yeah, it's been a nice midday treat.

I was just— I was just—

the 4 PM demon comes around, I go, oh, true, the Phillies.

Everything sucks.

Everything sucks. Oh, the Phillies.

Why did you pick this? Get away from me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That is sick. If you're like, I'm bored, they'd be like, yeah, you're a piece of shit. What do you expect? Of course you're bored, you fucking asshole. And I think too, it was only like the aristocracy could claim boredom. No one— everyone else was like, what? What the fuck are you talking about?

It's odd though, because I think they had a lot of boring ass fucking days.

You would think.

I think they always did.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, it was the same thing every day.

Boring.

But if you were— I mean, I feel like starving adds a little— you're like super hungry, that would get your juices flowing for sure. You're super hungry. If you ever don't eat for like 2 days, you're like everything.

Yeah, I don't think that was—

Yeah, like they were starving that hard. Yeah, although they didn't fucking eat. People did not eat like we eat now. We eat like— at least I think it's like 1,200 more calories a day than Or bigger, right? We're way bigger.

Tiny.

That's why girls can deal like that.

Like, girls are out here dealing. True.

The extra calories did the thing.

Yeah. I don't think life was a bunch of starving people. I think they— one thing I heard was they took so much time off. Yeah, because the fields, the winter, you're just off.

Yeah. You know, they obviously gotta work around the fucking house, but like, no, it was the, uh Yeah, well, there are also— there's so many festivals. I think there was like 35. Like, you have like Christmas.

Yeah, I guess they wouldn't be bored. They're just fucking partying, dude. Yeah, they're farmed all year and now it's time to party.

Strong argument that the life of the medieval peasant was like kind of rocking a little bit in terms of mentally. Every second you're like, dude, I'm not going to hell. You truly believed every piece of it. You're like, I'm not going to hell. My honor's never been higher. I'm like the knights of old. And then you'd be like 2 days later at your festival, what's that? Is that your cousin getting a shower? Oh, hell yeah, I saw that. But yeah, the, uh, yeah, dude, the Romans didn't even have— I think January and February were at their add-ons. They didn't have— they would just get to a certain point and go, all right, really? It's just nothing now. Their winters, they didn't even call it a month. It was just like dead time. And then March was obviously— they would march it to their enemies and slay them.

What?

Yeah, you know, March was like their January. Oh, What do you mean March? It was from the god of wars, the war planet. Yeah, so it was like, that's— that was their official start to the year.

Well, that's because military campaigns start in the spring.

Yeah, but they didn't have January and February. It was— it was a— that's why it's December. It's 12. It's the 12th month. No, it's the 10th month. December's 10th. Yeah, pretty sick. It's a cool fact I learned.

It's a good fact.

October.

8.

8, but what is it really?

Yeah, 10.

Yeah, yeah, it's true. Yeah, wait, Lamar, if you can't speak Latin, you can't produce a podcast.

Why are you confused, Lamar?

We talked about this. Were you not there?

Yeah, I'm confused.

January is—

how does a confused person get a resolution? I don't know, you figure it out. Ask the Pope, he knows everything. I didn't— I, I thought I'd get more credit for the hitting the fucking Easygoing at the end of Fallon. They kind of cut it off a little.

What happened?

I hit the fucking Steve Spiros at the very end. No one, not one person caught it at the end. It was like when he's like, all right, thanks, man. I'm like, Easygoing?

Shane Gillis?

Steve Spiros?

Who's Steve Spiros? I wear my sunglasses at night.

I'm going back to Waterloo to hang out with the vampires. This place looks like New York, Manhattan.

It's—

that's so funny.

Show their tits.

Going on shows or doing— you might be a fucking niche lord. You were kind of niche mogging on Fallon. That's crazy, bro. That's crazy how hard you niche mog.

Well, my buddies were there and I was like, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do this for you guys at the end because I— this is all very embarrassing. Easygoing. It was the first time I should— they showed it. It was very— you could see it. And I think they cut it off. I think they thought I was up— I think they thought I was dog whistling.

True.

I think they thought I was I was going, white power.

I was going easygoing Steve Spiros. For those of you who know me, who is Steve Spiros?

Nobody.

Damn, I'm getting Nishmaak so hard with that.

Nobody. I'm gonna be— I'm gonna be committed to an isolation unit. Oh, that's right, I'm gonna be crucified. I don't mean to yell. I, I don't mean to raise my voice. Yeah, I've showed you this video a thousand times.

I mean, it's like the schizophrenic.

Yeah, that's awesome. Boy, mid-breakdown, gets hit with a fucking fashion, fashion sense interview, style studio or some shit.

She goes, what's your name?

And he goes, what's my name?

I'm confused. Yeah, I've seen— I, I know you're talking about—

You're supposed to believe in the ministry, right?

She's like, yeah, the fuck? Easygoing. So funny.

Steve Spiros, easygoing.

Yeah, I have, I have seen— I know what you're talking about.

Waterloo, they're creating bums. They created me, bro.

If you went full schizophrenic to hit him with one of those shows, it'd be so—

I know. Well, we talked about it before. That's why I did the easygoing. Yeah, I was like, I should just— I could 99% that thing. Be so 99% accuracy. Steve Spiros on Fallon, just keep going while he's trying to— all right, we'll be right back. And be like I don't know, ask the Pope. He knows everything.

Fuck up. Just get a guy, just earbud, where dude, he's like 5 schizophrenics just being like, and then on the 3rd day—

They love names. Oh dude, schizophrenics love hitting names. Yeah, mid-breakdown they'll just be like, and I talked to Nate Marshall and he told me 657. Okay, so if you ain't 657, motherfucker, get the fuck out of my face.

I do like how they can flow from one topic to another where you're like, hold on, no problem, how do we get here?

No problem.

They crush cigs. Yeah, my— it was like my cousin's cousin.

Sweatpants, cigs.

Swig. Yeah, let's go. Weed. They like to get their hands on the weed every now and again too. Oh no, dude. My, uh, oh no, my cousin's cousin's uncle was schizophrenic and we would bring him weed and he would just literally chill in sweatpants and just bless us for like 30 minutes. We just get high and listen to him like, dang.

I think I brought it. I have it somewhere in this house. I think my one boy's uncle was schizophrenic and wrote a book.

What?

It's fucking awesome.

Yeah, it's probably fantastic.

It's just ideas. Every paragraph is a different idea that he has, and he's like, swimming is for fucking gay people.

Fuck.

Oh yeah, my bad. He was big. He hated swimmers. He was like, sexual freaks, dude.

He's not wrong about this.

He was very like, you guys are very sexual. This is wrong. This is against God. Swimming is for homosexuals and sluts. Well, He's not gonna watch him swim and get mad.

It is very sexual to glide through the water.

True.

It's, it's almost like unbearably so. Um, I'll be—

yeah, unbearably sexual when you're swimming.

Yeah, I, I— there's something about it. I mean, I'm, you know, every sport has its downfall. You can get shin splints when you run. Swimming is like, you got to be careful out there. You're not paying attention, someone can just bull shark across lanes. You're like, no.

Oh man.

You're all tired from the laps, they would drag you right down. Yeah, you'd be careful.

Take you underwater, hit you with a gator roll, you know.

You might— you're so swarmed up, you might— you don't know what the hell you do, you know.

It is. Yeah, the schizophrenic guy was right about that.

He's 100% right.

Yeah, chicken fights. Being in a pool with a girl is chaos, dude.

It's— yeah, you got any of those— look, if you're breaststroking, you can Pause. But you can wrap the pet— you can, you can like, if you reach into a lane, you gotta be really careful about that because you don't know where you're at. You know, when I was just a young guppy, I would, I'd be all course corrected. You could easily crash and hit a— and that's like, it's kind of a quagmire. Yeah, because she's in a bathing suit. You could, you could look— shudder to think about it. It's shudder to think about it.

You're in international waters. Swimming pool has no laws as long as you're not touching the bottom. You gotta be in the deep end.

True.

I was— how should I know? I was floating, Your Honor. I was floating in a liquid.

I was, I was listening to 2 minorities tell me the beach is for white people.

Really?

And I didn't like that. I think, I think anybody can have fun at the beach.

I've seen a huge uptick.

It was Lamar's, Lamar's opinion.

I think the beach is for everybody.

The beach is for everybody. God gave us the beach.

Nah, the beach is for whites.

No, I've, I've seen a huge uptick.

You said it, brother. Clip it.

I've seen Ocean City, New Jersey is where I always went, and Ocean City, New Jersey in the '90s very much so appeared to be for whites. I went there a couple years ago and it's now— it's the rainbow coalition.

You're saying it's like the mall?

It's like the mall. Yeah, very similar to them all.

Very similar to them all. Although '80s, '90s, it was for white bad boys.

For white bad— a lot of Indian bros though are crushing the beach right now.

It's a little theory I have with the influx of minorities going to our shopping malls. Do you think that's when they found Hot Topic and introduced Black goths and vamps?

Hmm, that's a good theory.

Thank you. I just came up with that.

That's a great theory, actually. It is funny, huh?

I do love goths, but I, I think—

You love goth baddies.

I think, I think I love goth baddies, uh, but I, I think that was Lil Wayne. Lil Wayne made everybody go to Hot Topic. We found Hot Topic because of Lil Wayne.

From skateboarding and shit?

Yeah, skateboarding. He was wearing like Like those weird belts. And then through that we started to dip our toes into that.

Do you think it's possible that Kanye turned Black people onto high fashion?

Uh, probably a little bit. Little Kanye, mostly Kanye, little Jay-Z.

I heard a, I heard an anecdote.

Jay-Z was like—

He had the, he had Roc-A-Wear, which was trash. But he also like, he was the first one to be like, I'm too old for jerseys and I gotta wear like a polo. Like I gotta dress a little different.

Polo was Ye all day.

Polo, Ye made it cool. The pink polo Ye made cool. But I think Jay was rocking the polo a little bit too. They were making rockerwear polos. Big as shit.

Yeah, they were pretty mad.

I think we're talking about high fashion.

You're talking about high fashion.

No, don't get me wrong. I consider a polo, any polo, the pinnacle of fashion.

It is the height of my fashion. It's the modern suit.

It's as far as I get.

You saying polo with the polo horse, not high fashion?

No, no, we're talking about like designer shit.

High concept.

Yeah, that's probably Kanye. Or like Lady—

I, I heard— so I heard an anecdote about Kanye. I know someone who went to grade school with him, 2 years below him. Apparently he would like design sneakers when he was like in 8th grade and mail them off to like Nike. And he would just like mail sneaker designs off. Apparently called his shot pretty hard the whole time. He's like, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna do that.

And he was—

the guy was just like, yeah, you fucking Yeah, everyone thought he was a fucking asshole, but turns out he rocked. Yeah, he was like, dude, we were all like, this guy's out of control. Turns out he called his fucking shots.

Yes.

Pretty— it's pretty sick. Mailing the sneaker designs, kind of tight in 8th grade. It's kind of a nuts move just being like, now they got to see this shit.

Yeah, they—

everyone copied his sneaker. The Adidas shoe he put out, everyone copied that, that like knit-looking thing with the— truly, the guy was a fashion genius. He had it until he said what he said.

Until he said what he said?

Until he said what he said.

Until he said what he said, he kind of had, he kind of had everything going for him.

He'll be back.

Huh?

He'll be back.

Yeah.

He's back.

I don't know if he, I don't know if the shoe, I don't know if he can get to the shoes point again. I mean, I think Kanye can do anything.

Why not?

He did, but he's like putting them out himself. I don't know if he has like the factory, the amount of factories you would need to do what he did before. What would stop him from obtaining factories and high-level connections.

I don't understand.

I don't know.

Yeah, what do you— what do you think? What do you think would stop him from that?

Uh, I don't understand. I don't understand what you're talking about at all.

Yeah, I just meant like acquiring. Just this accusation.

He's looking at New Boots. You New Boots goofing?

Didn't he—

didn't he like lower all of his prices too, apparently?

Yeah. Yeah, like crazy low. Like, I don't know how you could profit off of them, like make quality and profit. I mean, maybe, maybe it's not about profit and maybe it's just giving back to the people.

It could be.

What?

Didn't Stephon Marbury have like cheap shoes when like, when they were kind of quality in the, in the time when— yeah, it's possible.

We've covered this.

They weren't trash.

We've covered this quite a bit. Shaq Diesels were cheap as hell.

Shaqs were cheap.

I think they were all bad quality.

Shaqs, I can attest.

You do not talk about the Shaq Diesels.

They were blisters. I used to get blistered so hard the Shaqs. It was a nice thing he did, but I was getting Shaqs from Kohl's. They were like $18 and I was blistered out.

It's interesting, back to the Snoop Dogg conversation. I don't mind that Shaq's in everything. Yeah, I like seeing Shaq.

Me too.

You know what I mean? In every commercial.

I do too.

Snoop Dogg, I go, why don't you—

Who's a drug addict? He's addicted to marijuana.

Who? Snoop Dogg.

He's a drug addict. I see him, I go, this is a drug addict off TV. Yeah, this is goddamn—

Shaq Diesel's just known for having a good time, slam dunks. Yeah, I said good time, slam dunks.

Snoop Dogg's a hoodlum. He's a gangbanger, dude. He's a drug addict.

Pronunciated it. He's a hoodlum. Snoop Dogg's a hoodlum. Snoop Dogg is a hoodlum.

I used to love Snoop Dogg when I was a kid.

Cool.

I didn't know what Doggystyle was, and I handed the album to my mom like, can I please get this? She was like, no.

Why?

Why not?

Because that's how you were conceived. Now put it back.

Probably. I got hit hard on the pimp algorithm on YouTube. Pimps, pimps, just interviews. Not— I was— the tricks are maybe the funniest interviews of all time. Just guys, just— I don't know why they go on and do these interviews. They're like, yeah, I, uh, I love buying prostitutes all the time. It's like, dude, what is the upside to this fucking No, they're not. Like, maybe they're paying you, but it's like every time, like, yeah, um, smoke crack sometimes and, uh, losing my family over it, but I just— hey man, what's, what's that? What's it to anyone if I want to enjoy myself with another adult? It's like, what the fuck are you talking about? But then I saw— I got that fed me into the pimp algorithm, dude.

Pimp out? Yeah, I've been there. I've been there a little. It bothers me immensely.

Do you know the picture I sent you of the guy just going like this?

No.

Oh dude, it's, it's so funny. They did the Soft White Underbelly. I talk about Soft White Underbelly all the time, but the guy They take like— he's a photographer, that's like his real thing. So he takes pictures of them mid-interview, they show it. Usually people just stand there and smile for the camera. This guy went—

it's—

but he gets on, he gets on right away, he goes, my mama was a certified hoe. What the fuck, dude? Dude, my mama was a certified hoe. But he was, he was, he was gorilla pimping. That's frowned upon.

What's gorilla pimping?

Gorilla pimping is when it's, it's forced.

Oh, you're using violence?

Force. Yeah, it's claimed that a real pimp, you should never even go to jail because there's nothing to charge you for. These women just love you. Yeah, but grill pimping's not—

Grill, you're being mean.

Using drugs, using intimidation, beat, hitting on them.

Can't hit on your hoe.

You shouldn't, you shouldn't.

But that whole—

the whole game's fucked up now.

But who fucked up the game?

LA gangbangers.

They fucked the whole game up?

They got into pimping, they're not pimps. The LA gangbangers, they're rough, bro. Really rough pimps. Get a real pimp like Magic Bishop, Don Juan. Those guys look at it and they go, that ain't it.

That's not it.

That's real. The real pimp is apparently loved by his community. So yeah, I've been watching nothing but pimp propaganda. You watch the guys who are like, no, I'm mean and I do it. It's like you watch that and you're like, goddamn, these guys are vicious, man. Very, very nasty, nasty line of work.

There's almost nothing worse than a mean pimp.

Yeah, no, they're— I mean, they literally are like sex traffickers. Just, it is funny if you stay within the state, they're like, man, yeah, he hasn't trafficked them. Yeah, it's very, very bad stuff. And then if you get locked up as a pimp, you can get the boys. You can start working the boys. You start pimping the boys. Goddamn, pimping the boys, that seems like more fun, honestly.

That seems like you could, you could actually have a very healthy relationship with your, with your mom, with your bottom bitch, with all your, with your flock.

That's what I'm saying.

You could actually be boys with them.

That's what I'm saying.

Let's hang out, dude.

I just, I love a motley crew. So having your motley, like my ragtag group of guys, yeah, we would turn, we would, I mean, dude, it'd be a ragtag ensemble, but we would turn.

Who do you want?

Mark will suck you. Mark.

Come here, man. You can play Xbox first if you suck that guy. Thank you. I'm not gonna let him play first.

Yeah, I'd like to think— I don't know, I, I would— I might get gorilla pimping on my boys though.

I think I can see you doing that. You would— oh my God, heavy gorilla pimping when you— yeah, if you got power, you would gorilla pimp immediately. You punch Nate in the head. It's like, I told you to wear that outfit. Put on something shorter. Get out there. I know it's hot out. Get out there.

Yeah, that's, that's such fucking nuts. I mean, imagine that you wake up in the morning, you're just in a hotel room with like 3 cracked out ladies. You're like, all right ladies, come on, let's organize. What the fuck did you say?

Yeah, you're gonna have to slap a little.

Yeah, I'm, I'm obsessed with— I keep hearing about Figueroa Street. Figueroa Street's apparently in LA.

LA.

It's— apparently there's just hundreds of like ladies with their hineys out. So it's apparently it's a whole scene.

They just have their butts out.

They have their butts out more like everything's out. And these poor guys are just driving by and there's dudes that like can't stay off. They're there every day. They're there every single day.

I wonder if they have the Snoop Dogg GPS while they're trying to avoid Figueroa.

Oh shit. It's— well, it's so funny because I like like, I— again, this obviously sounds insane, but I, I do— I want to see it so bad. I'm just curious what it looks like, that's all. I just want to see it. So like, next time I'm in LA— I kept laughing, I was with my whole family— I'm like, let's just take a weird route and drive by. I'm like, holy shit. Oh God, what the hell? Yeah, stay off of it, dude. You gotta be careful.

Yeah, I won't, I won't go.

Figueroa Street. Fig.

I don't think those butts are Yeah, I bet those butts are—

it's hot cross buns.

I bet those are tough hineys.

There's a lot of tough hineys. Yeah, but here's the thing, that's what I hear. I hear it's like, it's, it's not like lot lizards apparently. It's just a collection of true beauties.

Really?

Yeah, that's, that's the whole problem.

That would be an issue.

It's true beauty. It's true beauties. Sweethearts.

So you're saying there's sweethearts with their hineys out on the street?

Like hundreds apparently, if you go down there. down there. Again, I, I've never seen it. I'm just literally dreaming it up from what I hear. But that sounds insane.

Who told you they're pretty? Uh, one of the guys.

All the horny guys on South White Underbelly. Yeah, some beautiful girls, man. Apparently, I mean, anything— apparently it's literally anything you can think of, they got it on the Fig. Which again, I would say stay away for sure. Yeah, you don't want to go down there. You don't want to get caught up with them. So I gotta— I, that's— I wish I'd stop watching South White Underbelly. That's all, that's all I watch on I watch pimp interviews. I fly for 2 hours, watch 10 interviews with pimps, and I get to San Jose and I'm like, all right, let me get this hour together. Yeah, I've rotted my brain with pimp material.

Well, I think we've done it. Let's, let's do the Patreon. Goodbye, everybody.

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