Transcript of Ep 624 - Big Boy (feat. Nate Marshall)

The Wild Wild West. Hey, we're fired up, dude. We're here, we're here, we're here again. Every week, dude, we're here, we're rocking, cooking. I'm not trying to be purposely obscured in the plants, this is just how the seat's going.

You do got the look going though.

The what?

You got the safari look going.

I do look like Jungle Jim right now.

The wild forbears.

I got cooked in the sun yesterday, so the bucket— I just brought the bucket. I am wearing it inside just to reflect how Absolutely sunburned. I was— I just got destroyed in the sun. And then I was, uh, chilling at the house just dead. I, I had just eaten, crushed my fiber, like, drink for the fiber powder in the drink. And dude, I, I, I'm still in a, a bathing suit with wet underwear because it's, you know, the bathing suit doesn't have ever— like, why do you have an underwear bathing suit? Because they didn't have like a net, and it's just, it's so thin.

And you were around, you were around Children, right?

Around children. You can't have— you can't have the penis getting vacuum sealed. Even, even a life-changing moment, it's just weird. Even if I was like presenting that day, because it is— we're in the Austin heat, this is the best flash of dong weather ever. I could even been presenting, I still don't— you don't want the fucking dick flaccid. You don't want the dick fucking vacuum sealed in the pool. It's just awkward. Yeah. And then you got to watch too, if I get out of the water, I'll try to like unvacuum seal, but then you're just opening your waistband. You can be flashing dong inadvertently.

The— I don't know, I was about to complain about a whole different thing. I got like— I get the same problem, boy. And I wear the Netted Johns, but my like soft water dick gets mashed into the front of it. But it looks like every time— I don't know if it's just the way my dick wrestles my balls, it looks like I have the tiniest boner. And it's just— I get out the pool every time like, oh shit.

Yeah, it sucks, dude. It sucks. You gotta do it. You gotta do a quick like— and then it's like, yeah, you get into the head game of like Is this person wondering why I'm adjusting?

Yeah, I don't want to look like a big dick behavior.

Is it little dick behavior? I don't know. I don't, I don't know what these fucking ladies are thinking.

And I don't want anybody to think it's weirdo behavior because, because I feel like I got to do it every time I get out the pool.

I know, I've been trying to let it ride, but I do. Every now and again it's not as bad as you think.

Yeah.

And that's why I'll keep the boxer briefs on under certain bathing suits that don't have the compression. It's like they're so thin, if I get vacuum sealed, it's just Just awkward, dude.

I get nervous to just even check how bad it looks because I feel like once you make eye contact with it, you have— you notice, you're like, well, I got it.

I try to hit it underwater as I'm getting out. I'll try to— then if you let the water in, it breaks the seal, water rushes.

I haven't even thought of that. I don't think about it till I'm out the water.

I know, 99% of the times I'm just kind of coming out, but lately I have been like, I'm gonna let it ride, I'm gonna let it ride. We have fucking foreigners here, we got guys in Speedos. Yeah, yeah, a lot more.

Yeah, yeah.

There's, there's a dude in Speedos the other day laying on his back just sunning a hog, and it's just like, bro, do you, do you? But like, I, I was— probably feels nice swimming, being like, girls don't even like that, dude. They don't like that.

You're being weird.

And I was like, these two ladies, and I'm like, I was like, they don't like that. That's got to just be—

I gotta ask actually, because now I need to know if ladies think that's like— because in my mind it looks so goofy, it's no way they go, that's hot as hell.

Yeah, it— I honestly though, upon— so I had my eye on these guys. They were gay guys right away. I'm like, oh duh, I was not even worried about what ladies think. Weren't even thinking about them. They were probably wondering what I was thinking about. And I'm like, I am actively thinking— I'm the only guy in this pool thinking about your dong right now.

But dude, like, think about it, like, uh, we see ladies in bikinis and go, ooh, you know?

Yeah, yeah, 100%. Also, Sonny, your dog, probably feels— Sonny, your dick is probably like I, I don't really— outside of like pissing outside during the day, like, I don't know what sun on my dick feels like.

It's probably nice. But he was— but again, it was still speedo'd up.

He didn't have it like hanging out, but still, that's this much of a layer.

That's true.

It was there, and it's like a tight layer. It's not like when you're in just your, your swim trunks was kind of like over you.

Yeah, you're not feeling the rays. He was definitely feeling the rays on his dong.

He—

it's probably what was swelling it up.

I was about to say, it probably makes it— I mean, there's a part of me that thinks it makes it at least a little bigger.

Definitely, dude. Just warm in the sun and there's a fucking guy swimming there with his kids just constantly checking your penis in the pool. He's probably like, what the hell's going on? It's working, it's working. My gay trap's working.

Is that Sunbird dude checking out my dick?

It was, it was just—

I would—

the angle was crazy because he was laying on his back.

Yeah.

So if you're a pool— if you came out of the water, you saw the dudes, you just saw— all you saw was dick. You're like, wow, man, what the hell?

And like the underside of dick, the worst porn shot.

It was like a crazy angle where I was like, bro, did you set this up?

Yeah, did you lift— did you lift it before you laid?

It was— yeah, he was dead. Yeah, he definitely propped it. That's just probably stuff you learn at gay school, how to lay out, how to just put it up properly. We never learned. Our dads never taught us how to put it up properly.

Petmanship and penis presentation, the 3 Ps.

But yeah, that was, uh Yeah, that was the day yesterday. Just floating, swimming, getting absolutely cooked. I learned, I learned about swimming though. I did learn about, um, I learned how to swim properly.

Was it—

took lessons after my kid. My kid got done lessons and I, I kind of, I asked, I was like, yeah, you know, everyone give an old man some technique lessons. Dude, swimming's like— swimming properly is so fucking hard.

Yeah. What, what stroke were they teaching you?

Freestyle.

Okay, by your stroke.

No, hey dude, that's the swimming culture. It's like pause culture can't even be in swimming culture. Swimming culture is so outlandish with Speedos and dude, it was—

it's no real— you'd be pausing all day.

You'd be paused, dude. You wouldn't even be able— you can't even function if you're even in a pause mindset. If I brought Dame Dash or somebody to a swim meet, he would, he would have to, you'd have to leave. He's saying he could be paused for even being there. He'd be like, I was at a swim meet, he's like, pause. You know, he's in a full suit on a podcast trying to do whatever the fuck he's up to.

I hope this isn't a hilariously like, I can't swim question, but what— I know, what's freestyle? Like, it's just anything?

Freestyle's the classic.

Oh, okay, okay, okay.

Let me actually get proper form.

Oh, hand over hand.

My hands are cupped. Oh, whatever that is. But the, um, that's freestyle is hard to do without getting completely gassed. You get breaststroke indefinitely.

Yeah, that was—

you're coming up. But freestyle, I mean, this is— I don't want to bore people out of their minds, but if you're doing it properly, you need to have a plan. Like, okay, 3 strokes, breathe. Because if you're like stroke, stroke, stroke, oh fuck, I'm out of air, and you don't even come up for air, you just kind of roll to your side and your mouth breaches and you take in air and you go back down. But if you miss, I would just bring water in. You're like— it was— I have a long way to go, that's all. I have a long way to go.

So you found out you actually can't swim also?

Oh, I could swim. It's a matter of technique. I mean, I mean, I can, I can do 1,000 yards in about 27 minutes.

Solidarity between the three of us.

No, I hear you. I'm not a particularly great swimmer if you want to bond over that.

I like swimming. I got a great butterfly stroke, bro.

No, you don't, bro.

No, you don't.

When, uh, that's a ladybug stroke. I want to see your butterfly now.

Okay, you know, matter of fact, almost a year.

Where's your legs doing? Where's your legs doing?

We went on the lake, was like about a year ago. You, that you, bro, you were terrified of the water. Me too.

Lake water's— I will say lake water is a little different.

It was. I, I, we, I think we both did the whole day with, uh, the floaty. We were, we were lifejackets.

Really smart. Floaty and floaty in the lake is honestly, especially I'm sure alcohol is involved.

If we wouldn't have done that, we'd have drowned, and then you guys would have been the racist guys who killed us on the internet. That wouldn't have been true, but that's what the internet would say. They'd be like, they went out there with their white little Obama chef conspiracy.

It would have been gay and racist. It was like gay racist conspiracy.

We get overly confident.

I'm pretty sure they fucked their producers and drowned them. Lake Austin.

We get too confident, ruin everybody's lives.

I mean, yeah, there was, um, whatchamacallit, I just saw a thing, a famous like Instagram bodybuilder, like a fitness influencer, like an OG fitness influencer, just— yeah, he just— well, he drowned. The guy, I forget his name. He, um—

I saw one about a guy who was like on ayahuasca and he like ran out of a building.

No, wait, the guy in Thailand.

Uh, I'll find it because I, I find the guy I'm talking about.

I just, I just had it here in my phone, uh, yesterday, but there was a guy who was like an OG fitness influencer, 32 years old, and let me see if I can find it right here. Uh, Connor Murphy, I believe so.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the guy.

32 years old. Yeah, he apparently was just in Thailand and bugged out. Like, he smeared paint all over it. He like just was up all night.

Yeah.

It again, he's— I think the toxicology is coming in. It seems like meth type stuff.

I have a video if you want to see him from like when he was about to pass out.

Thailand, that seems terrifying.

This is a video from him.

Oh yeah, he ran— well, the cops came and he ran away and jumped into a like a really deep lake or wherever it was, tried to swim away, and he fucking just drowned. Yeah, that's how he went out. That's him. Is that what he's on?

Oh shit. Oh no.

Oh God, dude, that's fucked. That doesn't look fun.

Yeah, no.

Oh, that's—

he's like playing with his tongue. Damn. Also, that was the thing I wanted to try one day, was ayahuasca, but that like might have just scared me off of it.

I'm staunchly also Staunchly, I don't— I think it's bizarre. Like, all these guys that do ayahuasca, they always do it 50 fucking times.

They go—

you go down into a jungle. I really do suspect that some of that stuff is a cult. Yeah, again, it's like you never did it, blah blah blah, fair enough. But I see a lot of people like, this is my 50th ayahuasca journey.

Yeah, dude, I feel like too fucking many.

Exactly, exactly.

We should get double digits.

If, if it is this like, you know, mother spirit transformative thing you got to pay this guy $1,000 again to do it down in Peru.

Yeah. Why?

I, I personally, and I've talked to my brother about this a lot, he shares, I think, even more so, uh, kind of a paranoid concern where you go down to like, you know, say Peru, wherever, these guys like the ayahuasca guys, shaman types, man, that is the easiest hustle to pull off. Yeah. You get a rich guy from America or London or England, wherever, You have them tripping fucking balls with a bunch of other people, and then afterwards you're like, bro, your aura during that whole thing, like, I think you're like part of the great lineage and you need to come back down here and train. And like, yeah, I don't know, I could— I don't want to be yucking yum or being like a big-time hater on people's fucking, you know, psychedelic bug-out sesh. But like, dude, that shit freaks me out where it's like, this is my 50th time I'm just, I have so much more to clear. It's like, dude, I know, I know one dude who did it.

He did it once and he did, he changed his life. I don't know if it was for the better or not, but he was like, he had like a good job working IT for like a, like a big company or whatever. He just quit and started like, after he did ayahuasca, he came back and quit and started taking care of like volunteering and taking care of dogs at the Humane Society.

That's true.

Like, that's cool. But it also was like, you had a great gig, bro. I don't know if that, I don't know if your family was pretty hype on that. No.

That's the thing. I've heard of a couple people too who have been like, yeah, I've done it once or twice. It was like the— it was life-changing, amazing. It's like, cool, that's nice. I've also— I feel like I've seen a couple people kind of bug, yeah, completely bug on it. And then like, I remember, I remember really early on when it was first coming online, talking to someone where like you would hear about it, like it was like steroids. We'd be like, it was like hippie steroids. Like, dude, he's just on a different level now. Like, my— I remember someone telling, like, dude, my boy did ayahuasca, came back, now he has a dual-screen computer and he just like does shit all day.

You know, it's just looking at conspiracy.

Two screens now, that's— that was the big breakthrough. But yeah, I don't know, I, I do think there's like— I don't know, I, I'm like, the more I see of that stuff, the more I'm kind of— I'm really hesitant.

Yeah.

But my whole point is definitely don't do it in your fucking apartment by yourself in Thailand if that's what you're on.

Every 2 hours.

Yeah, he was doing extra doses.

He said every 2 hours he like taking, uh, ayahuasca with you though?

Just himself?

Just himself, yeah.

Well, that's the other thing. You get people who are like in the States like, not all— I, I can make it, I'll just bring it over. And it's like, I'm not doing it in my house. Yeah, what the fuck, dude? Then you're like, no, take me to the jungle. I don't care if I'm being sucked into a cult. Give me the—

And everybody I know who's done it says it's like a 6-hour trip. Like, every two is like, he was bugging. He had to be on, I don't know, multiple— yeah, multiple levels.

Yeah, he was in all the dimensions. He saw his past, present, and Andrew Tate was— he was talking about ayahuasca. He says it's for cowards. He's like, if I wanted to find myself, I'll go in the ring and I'll fight and see what I'm made of. I mean, I don't need ayahuasca like that, as we said.

Okay, my thing is like, do it before you talk shit. That's the OG anti-stoner. Like, dude, I don't even care what— then he— I guarantee he would bug out and freak the fuck out. That's my thing. It's like, it's probably sick. I'm not saying it's not sick, it's just the context is in kind of bugs me out a little bit where it's like, I'm part of the ancient lineage, and I've heard that stuff's not even real. Like, the— like, I heard they did it, like, there was like a thing they did a long time ago, but like this whole like Iowa Scarrow lineage, I could be wrong. I've heard it's pretty recent in terms of like formalizing it and all this stuff.

Again, it's like the thing we're starting to—

like, almost like if you're a salesman, like, you heard it's kind of a grift. I heard it's a bit of a hustle. Again, I could be wrong, I don't know. I mean, good luck with that. But I don't even know how to spell it. Ayahuasca is— it's like up there with diarrhea.

Yeah, yeah, impossible to spell.

Yep, impossible to spell. But that's all my whole thing is, is like heed caution because it's easy, dude. You imagine again, if you are— if you happen to be a bit of a malevolent actor, it's easy to snap. You have some wayward Westerner and you're— you fucking blow their mind.

You're dressed— you have a log— you just like look like the thing they want you to look like. You'll I believe that, guys. Especially if you're going there for that, you're— you want that to all be true. They already know that, that they, you know, they want you to believe, or they want to believe everything you're pitching to them. It's probably a layup.

I mean, the easiest— I think the babes, the, the babes are there. You can snag the babes. They're first and foremost. It's just like, you have the beautiful mother spirit, you're divine.

I, I do.

Oh my God, have you ever done like Orange Theory yoga classes? How did you know?

Oh my God, you can see it.

Oh my God, I have done Orange Theory.

Is it showing?

It's just a Peruvian creeps.

Again, maybe I'm wrong, all right? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's chill. Again, it's— my thing is, I will say for the record, terrified to do it. Maybe one day it'd be cool. You can all do it. You stay maybe at a company retreat level, that way we— none of us get whisked away into—

so that's like a zero for you, ayahuasca? Complete zero?

Maybe, maybe one day. Okay, again, maybe one day. Again, I could be wrong. I, I, you know, I, I have a lot of— I have a tendency to you like hear things and be like, fuck that, that's bullshit. But I think it definitely probably rocks your socks because it's similar to DMT.

I think I'm nervous. That's when I'm nervous.

I smoked DMT before and I was— you're telling me you're gonna turn that on for 6 hours? No thank you.

Did you do like the straight DMT or did you do like the, the Changa?

But it's still like, I blasted, I was, I was gone. I— it's fucking nuts, dude.

I was so— I had the Changa for a while and just, I had it so long I was like, it might not be good anymore.

You need— and again, this, this is, you know, I'm contradicting myself, but you need somebody there. You can't—

it's gonna be me and my girl. She's not—

you don't— you need like— I, I luckily still have a thing where like if I'm with my older brother, I'm like, my older brother's here, yeah, I'm totally cool. Yeah. So I smoked the changa with him and I was like, what could go wrong with my older— and dude, it literally felt like someone just like, like, you know, we see everything here. I feel like someone just crunched that like a soda can and I was just somewhere else.

I'm laughing because I— you said that, you saw the day I— you were with me the day I lost that. My brother couldn't hang at the show. Yeah. That was the day I was like, yo, I'm big bro now. Like, he went down.

What is a changa?

Changa is when you take— so you take basically DMT, and rather than smoking the crystal itself, you can kind of like melt it down or like dissolve it in something and put it on like an herb, like anything. And then you, uh, let the alcohol or whatever evaporate out, and you're— it like transfers the DMT into a smokable herb form. So that way you can just kind of rip it out of a bong and then having to like blowtorch crystals like a crackhead. So yeah, it was— it's— and here's the thing too, it's like, you know, I'm not the biggest psychonaut in the world, but it's like I've done mushrooms a bunch of times, I've done all that stuff. At the end of the day, there's really nothing that can completely ice out your day-to-day, like a Tuesday 10 AM shit part of the day. Yeah, you can only— you can only get better at that by facing it head-on. The idea, like, dude, I fucking transcended to another dimension with this, and now it's like—

now I'm not—

yeah, maybe for 3 months, man, and then you're gonna— like, you're gonna get an annoying phone call and you're gonna spaz, and it's gonna contradict this whole fucking personality you've built around being high for 10 hours.

That might be—

that might be—

that's gonna suck, and then you're gonna get depressed. Is— I've seen it.

That might be the nice ayahuasca. It might last long, like that, like little—

yeah, afterglow.

Yeah, because the— because you get the mushroom afterglow, I feel like lasts for like—

if you—

if you do— I don't know, I've never really done more than an eighth, but that lasts for like 2 days. Yeah, of like, you know what, nothing's that bad, the world's great, people are nice. And then you get like by day 3, you're back to like yelling in traffic or whatever the fuck.

I mean, again, I'm not against it. I think it's— I think it rocks that we have that stuff, especially for as we get older. Yeah. I think it's like massive. It's gonna be so great to approach death with the ability to be like, oh yeah, diagnosis isn't good. Yeah, time for a 5-grammer. It's all been, you know, I'm not in like some weird basement. This is all above board. I think all of that is phenomenal. It's just this whole thing when guys are like with the whole like Twitter thread brain where it's like, let me tell you about a time I've absolutely transcended, here's how I've done it. It's like, dude, shut the the fuck up. No, you haven't. You're a fucking dumbass. This is probably AI. It's— that's the shit I hate when it's like, I've gone to— I just— I've gone to another level.

I would love to feel like that though, like come back and just be weird around y'all. Like, I'm just—

yeah, dude, I've literally done this.

I've lived it.

I've lived it. And you just crash. It's a delusion. It's a chemically powered delusion that crashes so fucking hard, and you go, fuck.

Just start only wearing the sandals and shit like that.

Just—

no, guys, I know What's going on?

If I got diagnosed with like a deadly disease, I'd be on mushrooms all the time. I think that would be like it, just deal.

I would do like a crazy amount too.

Every day, just like a bunch.

I might eat like a quarter ounce, like a half ounce.

I think I might definitely, if I knew I'm dying, I might do a lot. Pure Vision Quest.

Yeah, fool, you know, lay me down.

I'm finishing my life, God, and it's gonna be right now.

Here's the thing though, maybe, maybe, I like to think I would too, but imagine tripping really hard when you know you have a terrible disease. 'Cause then you might go like, "Oh, fuck, I have a disease!" And I'm gonna die.

Yeah, it could freak you out.

No, but if you take enough, you will leave your body, and that would be pleasant, 'cause you'd be like, "What the fuck's a disease? I'm going over here." "I'm never going back to that thing." "Fuck that." "My body sucks!" "My body's cooked!" "My mind is gay!" "I'm on the fucking ethereal plane!" Oh, come back into your body, you're like, damn, fuck, I thought I was—

I thought I made it out.

Like, I already met—

no, guys, I think overall, for real, probably would help if you have a terminal disease and you get to like blast out of the whole body sphere. No doubt, huge W, spiritual W for sure. It's just when you're like 27, you're a coder, and you're like, I've actually hacked the fabric of reality. And Tate, dude, oh, I just get in the ring to see what it's like. First of all, okay, so then, you know, whatever, I'm not gonna hate on Gilbert Tate, but it's like, I haven't— he's not in UFC or anything. Yeah, it's like, it's definitely impressive to be a kickboxer, but like, okay dude, cool. And it's also like, he's not defined by his fighting, it's his online personality that's attracting people. So it's kind of nuts.

Wait, Tate used to be a fighter? He's a kickboxer.

He's a real— yeah, he's a real kickboxer.

The last time he fought, he like lost though, didn't he?

Yeah, I mean, every fighter loses, but it's also like, I'm not— again, I'm not sitting here hating on Gilbert Tate's fighting. Yeah, but it's like, dude, if that's the case, get in the fucking octagon with a UFC guy, you know? But it's, you know, it's whatever. That whole thing that I've encountered that so many times, it's like, fuck that, smoking weed is fucking— it's like, dude, you will bug out. It's okay, you'll bug out to be like, I don't even need that shit. I'll fuck it. It's like, okay, cool.

I've been debating whether or not I'm gonna like do something like that for my dad. He's getting like, he's getting older, he's getting goofy brained.

Yeah.

And, uh And I don't know, just part of me feels like that would be nice for her, but I don't want to— are you laughing at me calling it goofy brain?

What's goofy? Yeah, explain goofy brain. Oh no, goofy brain. So apparently I, I've read a thing that, uh, single dose massive mushroom things help dementia, and that's from, that's from our health czar Brian Johnson.

See this?

That's a new health czar.

Yeah, Brian.

No, Brian Johnson.

Yeah, I thought he has an incurable disease.

He's got a little bit of— he's got a little fucking autoimmune Dude, everyone has that. If anyone, if anyone can figure it out, it's him. He's just gonna— now he's gonna dedicate all the time and money to curing whatever this is.

You're talking about the guy who was drinking his child blood, has a weird disease?

Yeah. Okay, Brian Johnson. Brian Johnson. Here's the thing. Yes, when he swapped blood serum with the sun, is that creepy optically? Yes, obviously that's a very, very fucking— I mean, it's the essence of creepy to like to actually like suck out your son's youth and inject it into your— it's from fairy tales. He did the mirror, mirror on the wall, and instead of fucking giving a poison apple, he was like, yo, give me some of your genetic youth. Just— you have enough. Let me, let me feed from you, boy. Yes, that's very unappealing. I understand that. However, what the thing I do like about him is he publishes all— he puts all of his money into stuff. And he's very— seems pretty transparent about all of his findings. So I, I do— again, is optically not the best, that is— I, I do appreciate what he's doing.

Yeah, he's doing youth genics on his son.

He's doing me-genics. But yeah, that's, you know, that's the whole thing.

Is he getting funding from people or he's just like his own? Him?

He's rich. He's rich from tech shit. Ah, so he took all of his tech though and he's becoming like a you know, like a healthy vamp.

I love—

he's doing healthy, healthy vamp life, which is a new— it's a totally new thing.

Yeah, I like, I like this new thing where like people make a bunch of money from like one tech thing and then just do whatever they want for the rest of their lives.

Exactly. Yeah, it's not, it's not like, you know, I, I have— we have parallel interests, me and, me and fucking Brian Johnson, but there's a part where I'm kind of like, all right, this is a little weird. I'm obviously a sun maxer, he's not. That's where we really disagree. But the thing he did, he got really—

the sun is bad.

Yeah, he wears an umbrella. It's embarrassing. But the umbrellas— umbrellas for rain are just like— I, I find that questionable enough. For the sun is like, bro, come on, that's just for Asian ladies and a pasty white weeb lady. That's if we're gonna extend it. Irish is unacceptable, dude. I took my burn like a man in the pool yesterday. No sunscreen. But yeah, the, uh, the thing Brian Johnson did is he took like mushrooms, like big doses, and hooked himself up to like state-of-the-art brain shit. And he's now— he's— he's taking his nerd brain, yeah, onto the science of mushrooms. And he's finding like, dude, these things are so good. Yeah, for like a lot of stuff that we're not using.

I was thinking about giving him a little micro and telling him like, yo, this is like, you know, like not even like a half a gram.

Maybe would he take it?

Oh yeah, he— my dad used to— my dad used to be a—

he got dementia, man, he won't know.

I'll tell him, I'll tell him, he'll be like, all right, Nathan, uh, he'll give it a shot. But he used to be a deadhead, like for real, for real. Yeah, so yeah, they're like, might be why he fucking has the fucking shit going on now.

It's a real deadhead.

Yeah, he used to— he told me some story about like riding a motorcycle, he didn't know how to ride a motorcycle on acid. Like he used to be— if you met him, you wouldn't guess it, he comes off like a straight laced, uh, like just dude, but usually the most far-out guys, by the way.

Yeah, like, yeah, pretty straight-laced if I'm being honest.

When he was younger, he wasn't— he went to Catholic school too in Reading, and, uh, like all his homies were just like Italian dudes, and I don't know, he just became deadheads with them.

And that's so sick.

He was like selling weed with you, but like he— and I didn't believe him when he would first tell me, but he did that damn thing where he would like tell it again, like, like it was any— it would never be— it would just be like a story he told like the first time, nothing's different. Oh, he really did that shit. He just wasn't trying to sound cool.

But yeah, no, he's probably— and also he probably was like, yeah, I would imagine he wouldn't try to just sound cool for his case. Probably like, yeah, yeah, especially if he was a— yeah, being a Deadhead back then must have— it was those Black Deadheads. Black Deadhead is wild, dude.

It was—

and it was like those dudes just like chomped LSD with no fucking clue what it was.

Yeah, that was apparently— that was him.

I got on Black Deadhead all the white women you can fuck, dude.

Bro, he went to Catholic school. When I was a— I don't mean to hop up my dad, but—

No, that is a buffet. That is a snow bunny buffet. That is a bunny buff.

I was at a— y'all know the PAL? They had PALs. Yeah, y'all know the PAL, right? I was at the PAL for like a summer camp, and this lady found out about me, realized she knew my dad. She was a freshman when he was a senior. She brought in the yearbook, showed me the picture, and was like, oh, she told me, She was like, all the girls used to like your dad. And it was just like, hell yeah.

Yeah, dude, he was probably the absolute girth monster of the dead lot in the '70s. He's the OG girth monster. Yeah, you got to find out if he had like a hippie name because a lot of those dudes did have like an alias that's really fun.

Yeah, I gotta ask. Dumbass.

Probably was just Girthquake.

Girthquake is so fucking funny.

That's true, they called you Girthquake in Buffalo '72.

Son, how'd you know?

That's gonna be nice though. You give them the mushrooms, you got to play the dead. You got to put on the dead face.

Put on the dead.

We're Mack in the day moment.

Yeah, true. That's a good idea. That's actually a good call.

Yeah, that's a good call.

My brother's on a similar quest to get my parents on the micros.

Yeah, that'd be good.

It'd be good.

Where are they? They're not in Philly anymore, right?

They're, they're in Philly. They're like right outside. Okay, okay, where they always been. So I mean, they should just move to Florida. Yeah, honestly, that would be the most chill if they just— or at least like split time. Yeah, just go on there all winter and come back, get around the warm.

Yeah, not worry about shoveling. Or does your dad still shovel?

Or like, dude, they, they get like— I mean, they're— they get full Tonka toys. They have— because they have like loaders, they have like excavators, loaders. Oh, they use excavator for the thing, but they'll use like backhoes.

Yeah.

And just plow the driveway. They're so into maintenance. Yeah, grass, all that shit.

So they might miss the winter if they go down, uh—

I think they, they would enjoy— my dad's a big fisherman, so he'll enjoy the fucking boats. He's a, he's a big, uh, pedal kayak guy. So like, he loves being on the smallest boat in the water and looking at all the big boats and being like, the fuck would you need that Yeah, it's a fucking waste. It's his favorite thing in the world. What the fuck is that, dude?

Ain't nothing like cutting your own grass though.

Yeah, I don't know.

We were just— I, I don't want— I don't want to— I haven't— I got an apartment instead of trying to rent a house for that reason. I did not want to.

I used to cut my grandma's grass all the time, and then she had like a yard.

It's cool. I mean, it's, it's— if you put on— the thing is, is like you try to put in the tunes, the fucking lawnmower's so loud it The tunes don't come through that well. I used to mow the lawn back in the day with the CD Walkman. It was just torture. Hit a bump, skip, and I'd be like, fuck, trying to listen to fucking Wu-Tang Forever.

I'm surprised you don't have like mowing grass fears because of Jabri. Uh, just real quick, please come to Optima Noctis. Me, Lamar, and Sean— oh no, Sean probably won't actually be at that one, I think. But he— I think he's going straight to, uh, to Philly though. Wait, no, so what is it, 17th? 21st. Oh, he'll be back. Yeah, me, Lamar, and Sean will be there out in Monocles Creek in the Cave, July 21st. Please, please come.

All right, August 7th and 8th I'll be in San Jose, California. Please come to that. August 13th and 14th I'll be in Spokane, Washington. That'll be fun. And then the old fall tour kicks up, uh, September 11th I'll be in Portland, Maine, and then Boston, Massachusetts, Royal Oak, Michigan, Milwaukee, Charlotte, Jacksonville, Atlanta, Chattanooga, Chattanooga, excuse me, Fort Lauderdale, Tampa, Orlando, Newark, New Jersey, Baltimore, Columbus, Cincinnati, San Diego, Sacramento. So that'll go into December. So please come, guys.

Hell yeah.

Hey, mccuster.com.

Wait, guys, wait, don't leave. It's me, Lumiere. July 31st in, uh, Savannah, Georgia at 7 PM. Please come to that and then check lamerely.fun.

Mowing grass fears because of debris.

No.

What happened to him?

Uh, he cut his toe off.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nah, I used to mow it to my grandpa. Died on the lawnmower. It's my like bloodline.

Dang, he did? Really?

Yeah, he was working at the vets, like the AMVETS.

Such a beast there.

Yeah, then he had like a heart attack and just like kept going.

Fucking beast. That is a fucking beast.

It really is.

Dying on a lawnmower is nasty. You know what kind of craft he was working?

John Deere, brother.

The green and yellow Fuck, dude, I didn't know that. That is such a beastly death.

It really is.

Dying what you love, doing what you love.

You just kept riding, literally rode into the sunset.

I'm just praying he got to lower the deck. It'd be a shame if he didn't get to lower the deck and smell that grass one more time. Yeah, I'm gonna— right now, I don't know, I don't know when this just like hit me the other day. I'm on a personal quest right now to make my mind better than the phone scroll. So in any moment that I have mental downtime that I initially— it's like instinctively pull out the phone to scroll.

Yeah.

I don't know when it just occurred to me, I'm like, dude, that's such a fucking affront to myself to be like, my mind's not better. It's like every time I scroll, I'm like, it's pointless. This is dumb.

Yeah.

But then I'm going, well, I'm saying that's better than just like my mind. I'm like, I'm on a quest now to be like, no, my mind's better than the scroll.

I can find more entertainment.

I can find more entertainment in my own brain. I don't need to scroll, and I've been off it. I've been off the scroll. My screen time's down to like 2 hours.

I, I was reading something that, uh, that was like saying that boredom is like good for your brain too. We're trying so hard to not be bored. Like, you're taking a dump, phone. You're doing— you're waiting at like, I don't know, at the doctor's, phone. And it was like, boredom is good. It's like your brain is— you're thinking about things, you're, you're, you're, you're getting better empathy, you're doing all this other like, I don't know, dumb human shit. Not dumb human shit, but like human shit that we don't do as much anymore because all of our downtime is like, all right, I got downtime, what's going on?

Well, yes, it's literally like subconscious, uh, processing. So that's why when they say like sleep on it, like you, you thinking about stuff, then your brain goes offline and you wake up, you're like, oh, you know, that's why people figure that out. I think the boredom is like, for me, it's just like, yeah, it's just a sick part of the day. It's like you're left alone with yourself and you have to like, like they did back in like the day when you were out in like a field in like the 1700s, you would just be like staring at the sky with nothing to do. I feel like that's a good idea generation time. That's when you kick out a sick idea or one leaps out of nowhere. Yeah, that's the whole thing of just constantly pulling that out. It's just, I don't know, for some— I don't know when it happened, I just got like sick of the idea. I was like, dude, my brain is— but my brain's better than this. Yeah, why the fuck am I— what am I doing? Why am I— why am I nagging my brain and mind as if like I need to watch people fall and argue?

I love watching people fall though. Watching people fall is so good.

It is nice.

I—

you don't need to, but then you see one, you're like, well, that's the funniest thing I've seen all day.

I know, it is good. Again, it's not— not— my problem is I'll be bored and then I'll scroll till I'm so bored of scrolling that then I'm somehow able to return to normal life. And I'm like, dude, I'm just gonna cut it out. I'm gonna try my best to cut it out altogether.

I do feel mentally drained after those long scrolls. Like, I can feel like something in the front of my head, like, feels like tired. Like, I don't know, maybe dopamine or whatever.

Your brain's literally going— it's so much fucking stimuli. Your brain just— it's not like you're going, oh, I'm here, and oh, now I'm entertained. It's like a mentally taxing event to constantly be like, and then to watch and be like, why the fuck would they say that?

It's kind of like a psychological assault, you know?

That's my whole point. It's like, dude, it's The, uh, and it's like you have almost every single person tuning in. Not everyone has different algorithms, but it's like there's a part of your individuality that is like those quiet moments, I think, kind of make up. Because you're in those moments, you're going, huh, I never thought about this, I never thought about this. But in all your quiet moments are replaced with almost like watching a commercial. Yeah, it's going to be like it has this like bland, uniform way to put it, like watching a fucking commercial. That's kind of what you're doing. You're watching a very sophisticated commercial.

Yeah.

And it's just like, you know, like a Pepsi commercial, although it's tied to like all the corporations, and they're just like keeping you in that— like, I call it a negative flow state. And you're just in it, literally a negative flow state that like goes nowhere, and they're just sending you fucking bullshit.

You're horny, you know, somebody got hurt, so that's funny.

Yeah, that's awesome. Oh, someone you don't like has embarrassed themselves. Yeah, congratulations. Good job, you win. No, I, I'm really am— I'm really working that out of being like, yeah, I need to— whatever to fit— whatever I'm deficient in to make it so that I can't enjoy a quiet moment with myself, I'm gonna actually take that head on rather than staring at my phone and continue to pacify myself into oblivion.

That's nice.

Do you think a book counts too?

Books are good. Books are good.

Why are they different than the phone?

I'll tell you why. A book, you're taking on the spirit of the author. It's a transformative experience. You never once You put it on a book, you can go— I've never once put down my scroll and have been inspired in any way. The book, on the other hand, is you're communing with people dead and alive on a very, very deep personal level. So I would say books, 100— oh, this is, this is my, is my prescriptive action, is you have to come up with actions that make time feel not like torture. So books, a constructive action instrument, obviously I think is a huge one. Walks, talking to people, anything else than staring at your phone. I really think it's bad. Puzzle's fantastic. Puzzles are great.

I've been wanting shooting to be like my new hobby because I live close to the range, but it's like buying bullets is so fucking— it's not like a cheap— you go like, all right, I'm just having a relaxing day. Yeah, you drop $150 on bullets, you're like, well, now I'm stressed out about these bullets.

How much are bullets now? I haven't bought bullets in—

depending on— because I have a 9 and I have a like a gun that shoots 5.56, and the 9's not too bad. Head, but the 5.56 is the one I want to shoot more. And yeah, it's that— those are fucking like a box, a decent box is like, I don't know, $150 or something. Like, for like 150 of them ends up being like $50, $70 depending on— yeah, I don't know, it's always like a different box size when I go to the range. So it's just like a different—

well, you know, you could do— you could become a cop because then I think if you're a police officer, you go to the gun range there and they give you ammunition. You can just not use it all and you can stockpile Basically free, so I've heard. But you're stockpiling, brother.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're the fucking—

you're the well-oiled militia that's going to protect this government, dude, so you deserve some fucking ammo. The taxpayers— I like it.

I've been getting cop peeled. What do you mean?

They're, um, bad cop pill or good cop pill?

No, it's just like, uh, ever since the Legos thing, it's really like exposed, and I've been watching like a lot of, uh, Midwest Safety. And a lot of cop stuff is just like, cops, they pick a person and then they're like, that's the bad guy, even if it's not the bad guy, you know what I mean?

I don't know. I mean, sometimes, but I also think they have—

also, I feel like they work for the rich too, right?

But I mean, that definitely, dude, if you're, if you're rich, obviously the cops are gonna favor— if you, dude, if you donate to that like FOP shit You could do whatever you want if you, if you're like for real or in there like actively donating to the police all the time, bro, they're gonna let you go for sure.

The first car I ever had, I, uh, I feel like I like never got pulled over. And then I— what I did one time as I was driving, they were giving out like, if you took— gave a donation on the side of the road, they were giving out these magnets that were— I forget what it was, but it was about like a cop who got killed. It was like, uh, it was like something. And I slapped it on the back of the car and I just had it on there for years. Uh, did I have my white Acura when I knew you? I don't when I had that car, but never, I never really, and then, and then somebody crashed it and, uh, I, I had the FOP sticker. My fiancée crashed my OG car and, um, at Stitcher's Comedy Club. At Stitcher's Comedy Club.

Dang, somebody, somebody crashed it.

We were like early date, I picked her up hammered, I was like, you could drive the, you drive back. Crashed it in the parking lot. I was—

dang. Well, here's also, LeVar, to your point, I mean, who do you think tortures cops more, rich people or poor people?

Poor people.

I mean, but like, they have— it's like, uh, it's like working at a McDonald's, you know? You know who's gonna come.

Yeah, true.

But still, yeah, I mean, to be fair, they're getting tortured by poor people constantly. Yeah, it's just a matter of fact. And obviously, you know, it's not only that, but it's like they're fucking torturing them, dude. Imagine, dude, just having to go into a domestic dispute. I would— I'd be crawling in my skin just because I don't— I don't like being there where people are fighting. But then it's— you're around strangers who are going at each other, their children are crying. And you're in their house, after the 100th one, I'd be like, man, I really can't stand those guys. I really dislike having to do that. That sucks so bad. They're both screaming at me now. That shit sucks so bad. Yeah, I would put it— I would put that off. So I would be like, yeah, I'll be— let me do something.

The only time cop shit really irritates me is when they are doing shit for like quotas. Or there was a, this doc, I think we might have talked about it before, but it was like about the girls who got killed in Austin at the ice cream shop. The dude who, the first like 3 dudes who got arrested for, who have now like, they're cleared. They got arrested because the detective who was interviewing them was really good at tricking people into being like, the best thing for you to do that'll be like, is to say you did it and we'll go from there and you won't get as bad a time. But so he was like tricking dudes who didn't do shit to be like, just say you did it, it'll be okay.

Yeah.

And, and then they were like in jail, like their lives were ruined.

That's, that's jerk stuff. That's the thing when cops, well, they get like, uh, uh, they get like career ambitious. So it's like, yeah, the more stuff they do, the better it looks. It's, you know, they're just, they're not upholding their true calling.

And that, and that shit is like ruining lives on the way.

Like, I get it too. Yeah, attorneys do it too. They'll be like, hey man, just, it'll be better for for you. And it— for them, it's like if they have a prosecution rate that's high, they're like, that's all they care about.

Yeah.

So it's not about justice.

Yeah, we need to get back to justice.

I think I'm going to become a justice cop after when this is all done.

Justice cop would be nice, dude. Yeah, bro, I'm telling you, I— when Brittany was a cop, I was so close to becoming a cop. It's kind of— it's like, as shitty as it is, I remember being like, you could make this chill.

Your husband-wife partners might be awesome.

Dude, there's— it's more than you think, and it's— I think it's a disaster, honestly. Really? It's— yeah, there's— there— it's either cops either marry other cops or nurses. Um, typically that's what I saw. The cop-nurse combo is like the fucking absolute age-old love affair.

Yeah, the cop sends him to her. He's like, I hurt this guy, patch him up, man.

Patch him up, but not too good.

You could make it a chill job, for real.

Well, you said it would be.

You, I— you could, you could, but the thing is that sucks is, uh, I didn't know this, but a lot of times starting out you're on shift work. So you could work the mornings for 2 weeks, then you're in the afternoons, then you're on the fucking graveyard, and that shit sucks.

No matter—

you can't never get a real sleep schedule.

No, you're fucked. You're kind of fried all the time. So if you can avoid shift work, you need to walk in, you need connections. If you go in there with a sweet deal, yeah, where it's like you're on the 7 to 2 You're off. That would be chill, but it's like, I think it's— I don't know, it's— it—

7 to 2, I'd be a bad 7 to 2 cop because I'd catch a hangover.

Maybe 10 to 4.

10 to 4, I'd be great. 7 to 2, you catch me on a hangover, I'd be like, you were speeding, you're gonna fucking pay for this.

Just say you did it, man.

You'll be fine.

You know what sucks the most? Imagine if you just munch lunch. You haven't done shit all day. You eat a big fat— you eat a meatball sandwich and then just like, everybody, they hit you on the radio and now you gotta get out of your car and full sprint after a guy who stole like a fucking pipe off a construction job.

That shit, that's why they get heart attacks, man, because they're just super stressed, dude.

They just munched. It's like a— even a snake knows not to move after it ate. A boa constrictor knows to lay for like 4 days after he eats a fucking prey. The dude, imagine munching, thinking about it, like especially like 4 coffees deep, meatball sandwich. Now it's like, yo, yeah, you're about—

you're constipated now.

He got over—

you just, you just finished the hoggy, you're 3 fucking Refreshers deep, Starbucks Refreshers, and now you gotta chase a guy who might have a gun. You're like, it's fucked up.

He better not let me catch him.

Fucked up my digestion. The bliss of having just finished a big sandwich.

Did you ever hear that statistic about like judges where, uh, I guess when people have like their, uh, their hearings, like any sort of like hearing, like, um, you're trying to get parole or whatever, if you catch the judge like a couple— like he was close to his lunchtime but he didn't have lunch yet— is like those dudes have the worst records of like getting out because they're grumpy. Like when they're a little grumpy, watered— yeah, watered deal with— if you catch them like right after lunch, you have a better shot of— wow. I saw something that said that's a real statistic.

I didn't do research about it, but it's like, your honor, your honor, before I present my case, you hungry?

Would you like a Snickers? It's true.

Why wait?

I saved up my commissary, your honor. I worked for 17 hours to get you this Snickers.

Here's a pack of peanut butter crackers. That's— I could see that, actually. I could definitely see—

as soon as I heard, I was like, oh, that makes so much fucking sense.

Yeah. Oh dude, especially a lady judge. Come on, come on. Life sentence.

Yeah, you're cooked.

Life sentence. You hear a lady, you're speeding in the construction zone, she missed lunch, you're doing 3 years fucking hard labor camp. Why did you do that? I think this is a little— what? Your Honor, I think you're— you might just be being overly emotional.

Excuse me, Your Honor, uh, is it by any chance your period?

They should— for real, that's like a real thing. Yeah, that's a real—

they should not be allowed to be judges.

Decide fates? Are you kidding me?

Yeah, that's— I never even thought about that. That's unreasonable.

It's crazy.

That's— we, we've gone to a little too far with, uh, dude, where's the, where's the, where's the statistic on that? There's gotta be one.

There's gotta be.

I'm—

you can't even study it because they'd be like, what you wanna— please look that up. That's got— there's got to be something. There's got to be something to that. What is the Grok— what is the period judge Statistic, dude. I— while you find that, Lamar, I had a, uh, for— we were talking Fourth of July earlier. We had in my neighborhood, there was like a little— they did like a little thing where like kids and whoever could like walk around, I guess like a parade.

Yeah.

And, uh, you know, and it was, it was hot as fuck, you know, as we know. Huh, dude? It will— it was hot. It was like fucking hot as shit. So we were like, all right, we'll just like go— we knew where the end point was. Let's just chill, do our thing, and then we'll go to the end point of the parade and we'll wait, because then like they opened up this little building and they did face painting and all this shit. Yeah, so like we'll just wait for like the after-party type thing on Fourth of July. This is like fucking whatever it was, like 10 in the morning, it's early, so— or 12, whatever it was. But so we're like ready to go in, it's like a crowd now, all the parade walkers are done, they're waiting outside this building, and uh, and it's like a decent little crowd. Yeah, and there's like the— every— the kids are excited, there's face painting, there's like cotton candy and shit inside. So we're like waiting to go in, and you know, with all this, like, whenever there's like a free public thing, you're always like, oh, this is nice.

Yeah, I always—

there's always weird politicians, like low-level politicians that come and they use it at— they like hold you hostage to do their shit politician shit.

So just sit there and listen, dude.

Here's— this was the weirdest part. So I'm like, all right, excited. I fall for it every time, and I'm like, of course, here comes the fucking— some guy who's a whatever cabinet chancellor bullshit. So the, the, this like guy starts talking and they— I didn't realize they had a camera and they're giving speeches, but they didn't have a real mic. They only had a Rode mic that hooked audio to the camera. So they're— they were doing political content in front of a crowd and nobody could hear them.

Yeah.

Uh, so they're not like— no projection.

They weren't even talking to us. They were using the the visual of a crowd and being like, what Fourth of July means to me. It was fucking pissing me off. No, that's so bad.

Thanks.

That's so bad on the day of Independence.

Yeah, I want the 250th birthday. You're gonna make on 250, bro.

Oh, I forgot if it was 250, I might have fucking— I might have dumped something over. I'm gonna flip the face paint into the fucking pond, bro.

It was 250, dude. He's 3 of them.

Or 3 or 4 of them did these fucking jerked-off speeches. It, it bothered me so much, dude. It was fucking so brutal. And it was like nobody could hear them.

Yeah, it was just for sure.

Okay, hold on. They take it off, give it to the other guy, and they use the crowd almost as like a— look at my supporters, look what I'm up to here. And it was like, you motherfucker. Yeah, people are bringing out their kids to see me and to hear my thoughts on this. It's like, dude, just fucking open the face paint, get the fuck out of the way. Those politician guys, it'd be so easy for them to be like, hey, I'm a— if they were just had a slight sense of humor, like, hey, me, your local scumbag politician, just letting you guys know, get in there, it's gonna be sick, happy Fourth of July everybody.

I would go, I remember that guy, it was fucking normal, he was cool as hell.

I have no other faces to these names, I'll fucking tack that guy on. Just be transparent, like, hey, I'm running for office, annoyingly. I have to just like get my face out there. Yeah, I know it sucks. Love you guys. Happy Fourth of July. Let's get after the cotton candy. Hey, little kid, dude, you didn't even fucking ruffle a little kid's head. Hit a little scamp, raw head ruffle, little baby kiss. I, I would have instantly been like, what's up, little guy? You gotta get in there.

Politicians can't kiss kids anymore though.

Nah, head ruffles.

All you can do, maybe baby, maybe baby. But after, I think, I think the, like, all that other Epstein, all that shit, kissing the kids.

No, you gotta go full open mouth.

Licky on a baby, man. That guy really loves our constituents.

He's being so upfront about it, it can't be that weird.

It's like when a dog's corner of its mouth goes up. Whoa, sir. Yeah, I, I was just watching that being like, this is bad. Yeah, it just sucked. It's like, dude, be fun. If you're a politician, you're— if you're trying to attract attention, first of all, If— and again, maybe this isn't a YouTube, maybe this is for their personal website, but if— which probably was a YouTube video— do you really fucking think anyone's gonna watch? Yeah, a shitty speech on— it was like, dude, be a fucking orator, dude. Get out there and project.

Yeah, yeah. Fellow constituents, like, you got somebody actually with their voice command attention, that's good.

Like, well, they did have a crazy homeless lady who was there, who was like their kind of like mascot for— and she was rocking it, dude. She was— they had a marching band and she was just like yelling nonsense and moving around. I was like, at least she's entertaining. Yeah, these guys were boring. I was in the very front going boo. I kept fucking with my kids being like, boo, this is boring.

What were they doing?

They were just laughing like, when do we get a face band? Like, once these jerk-offs stop talking. These jerked-off low-level politicians shut up, we can finally get cotton candy and face paint.

Oh dude, I saw Britney had jiu-jitsu on Monday.

Yeah, she was dropping it. Yeah, the little jiu-jitsu camp. My kids were kind of stoked on that. But dude, I was— oh yeah, so then yeah, we go in there and it was just like, um, it was, it was fucking annoying. That Fourth of July did rule though. I was in a pool all day, it was fucking nasty as hell. Got to play horse pool ball. But then Sunday, so I go to the farmer's market and that's my sort one of my favorite things during the week. I like going to the farmer's market. I like whenever there's a new vendor, I'm like, ooh, what's this? Raw milk cheese? Yes please. Which, by the way, I'm gonna eat when I get home. But the, um, Fart Mac's coming, dude.

I—

it was the— I've been— I don't know what it is. So there, there's been— I've been discovering just new freaks. There's, there's different— and this one guy I think was one of one. I'm at the farmer's market, I'm in line to get— I was getting like like figs and peaches or whatever. So I'm in line to get that and a watermelon. I'm in line ready to get my produce. It's fucking hot. We all know it's hot outside.

It's hotter than they're saying it is.

That's a fair point. I think the weatherman might be lying to us. Yes, it's probably like 200 degrees, right?

I think it's 250 degrees outside. There's no way it's only 98, dude.

I'm in line, we're all crammed in, and the lines at a farmer's market— I've already talked about this— are annoying enough because everyone Everyone feels like they have to talk to the fucking vendor where they're like, hey man, those peaches I had last week— it's like, shut the fuck up, buy your peaches, dude. We're at 1,000 degrees in a line. Buy and fucking leave. But whatever, that's fine. I'm dealing with that. And, uh, I'm in line and there's this older guy behind me and, you know, it's hot, we're all hot. And this guy goes, ah, right in my fucking ear. And I go, come on, bro. I'm looking ahead like, that better have been one of one, like, no more of those. 2 minutes later, oh, oh, and I turn around, I'm like, bro, are you okay? Yeah, you're moaning in my ear. We're all hot. This is despicable what you're up to.

How old did he look?

He wasn't old enough to be— he was like maybe my dad's age.

Okay, okay.

Where it's like, dude, this is crazy behavior right now.

Yeah, you're not dying. Get off the heat.

Oh yeah, just fucking move, dude. Get out of here. You can't You can't get peaches this week, you're gonna die.

Yeah, did you hear about, uh, Big Boy? No, it's a— it was this, this train. Yo, the bear loves this. It was this train that, uh, was going through like all, like all the, like, PA, like an old train that people were really excited to see, like an old freight train. And they're, they're, you know, all out there waiting, just waiting for it just to drive past. But it was so fucking hot in PA that like 150 people went down.

Exhausted. Mid-train?

Not like— they were not on it, they're just standing at the side of the tracks waiting for to drive past. It was just like 1,000 autistic people.

There was so many people watching this train.

Oh, these were just train enthusiasts.

It was just enthusiasts. Over 100 of them went down to just—

See the big boy.

Just to see the big boy. No deaths, no deaths. 30 hospitalizations and like 100+ EMTs like needed to help.

So their butt got as sweaty as it could.

And then they were just like— Waiting for the train.

Like, like, passing out the Big Boy is so fucking funny.

It's just a loud freight train. It's nothing else. And then there's a shoot-off fireworks when it comes past. Oh my God, it rides past, it stops for a little, and then keeps going.

On Pandas This Week, we were like, it was Big Boy mania.

I mean, giving it all, leaving it all on the field for Big Boy is nice, but I know I left it all on the tracks. I was still the maximum amount of heat for Big Boy, and me and 100 other biggest nerds ever just fucking passed out.

That's so funny. Like, imagine dying like that.

That might be something I would walk away from my kid. If my kid's passed out waiting for Big Boy, I would just quietly turn heel and fucking get in my car and drive away. I'd be like, I don't want to do this anymore. My fucking kid passed out. I raised the fat autistic son, one arm across his shoulder like fucking Vietnam, and he's walking back to your car, man.

Come on, the big boy passed me.

Yeah, he passed. It was beautiful. You saw it.

You saw it, man. Passing out and missing Big Boy.

I didn't even think about that. This is final words. Did I, did I see Big Boy down? Yeah, they had a red, white, and blue banner on the front of the grill. It was beautiful, son. You saw it, you saw it, you saw it.

I promise you saw it, you just don't remember you saw it.

It is a pretty nice train though. When we saw it, I mean, to be honest, I, I would—

yeah, I, I—

any of us could pass out looking at it, especially when it's 300 degrees outside. You dressed for 110 and it was 340 degrees.

I mean, just the— I mean, it is the palest legs. Just like Central PA. Imagine the flashbang, because if your kid's going down, you're probably close. Yeah, and you're just walking through a field of passed-out autists, the train horns like, where am I?

It's goddamn D-Day.

How's there no snack bar? Where's the concession stand?

There was none of that.

You're getting helivac'd to a Quick Stop right now. I wish I knew about the battle. I not see the big boy fallout.

He's barely able to his sheets. It's so funny.

Mondani's against the fucking autists right now because he did the, uh, air conditioning. He like tried to have it so people couldn't have their air conditioning below 78 degrees or 74, whatever the fuck it was, because they were getting— they were expecting outages because there's— they were in a massive heat wave. So I think he did, you know, try to get into some like cool socialism, like, come on guys, let's all Oh, let's all be the same temperature. Isn't that— wouldn't that be cool if we're all the same exact temperature, guys? And already people are like, fuck you, it's hot as shit, I'm going to 73. And also, to be fair, that's like give me liberty or give me death. It's like give me 72 degrees or give me blackout. I'd rather be hot and sweltering and just like a complete electrical blackout than be like, oops, the governor said— or whoever said— the mayor said I couldn't go below this thing in my house.

And if that's the one thing too, because if it blacks out, you're like, well, everybody was under 74. Yeah, imagine you had yours on 74, you're hot as shit, and it still blacks out.

And you go to your neighbor's house, they're on 73, and you're going, bro, mayor's orders. He goes, what are you gonna tell you, bitch?

Now, would you be pissed if you went to your neighbor's house and they were on 68?

Well, here, this was the big thing. The thing I saw was that I, I think, I think, uh, Taylor Swift either had or was planning to have a concert at— or not a concert, a wedding. Yeah, yeah, with her beloved. Yeah, she had it, Chelsea. She had it. And they were going, I bet that wasn't 74 degrees. It's like, yeah, you fucking— of course it wasn't, dude.

Yeah, yeah, she rented out MSG.

So I, I, again, it's like, I, I'm not like a huge proponent of the rights of billionaires, but this whole thing of being like, the billionaires, it's like, yeah, they're fucking billionaires.

Yeah, they're gonna do it.

They're not going to be— all the shit you're worried about has— it just stopped making it seem like it'll ever have anything to do with them. Them. They're fi— they're financial mutants. Yeah, they're not going to be like, well, we're going to turn down our thermostats.

It's like, no, you imagine they're billionaires.

It's like, I get why you're mad, but it's like, be real. Yeah, you know, you're not going to be like, well, do it, billionaire. That's why they have a billion dollars. They're going to be like, hey, uh, fucking turn off their shit. Yeah, they can do that. That's what happens when you're a fucking billionaire. I don't know, it's not a welcome take, but it's like, stop comparing yourself.

It's just, it's fucking billionaire. It is what it is. One of those, it is what it is kind of thing. It completely is.

Yeah, it's like, at least free yourself from the mental burden by being like, I bet Taylor Swift's wedding was— yeah, it fucking was, dude. She's a billionaire. She had a comfortable wedding in Madison Square Garden.

Stop wasting your time worrying about it.

Yeah, you're never going to get anywhere that way.

I've tried to have that, a similar conversation with my mom about politics. She'll be working exactly like like, it doesn't matter, you're old as shit.

Like, yeah, just relax.

You're mad about this.

Yeah, it's a sad thing to get mad about.

That's exactly— that's— I've said it to her, like, it bums me out how much time you spend thinking about this. Yeah, you're gonna die one day, lady.

You have a mayor telling you to control your thermostat.

You think she feels the same way with you about aliens?

I don't talk to her about it. I'm not a psycho. I'm not gonna be like, Mom, have you heard about the aliens?

It is funny to calm her down about the news, like, now about these aliens.

Watch, Nathan. I'm about to die.

No, that's the thing too. It's like, I don't know, it's just you read all this shit and it's like, there is, there is the other aspect where it's like, you know, if we're going into a future of super hot, super cool socialism, which we might be, of just babes being like, let's all come together as one and turn down our thermostats it's like, yeah, maybe there's a, there's a cool community aspect in that. But first of all, it's like, I know people are cheating, dude. Yeah, I know people are going, well, I have fucking—

have you been getting the Austin Energy texts? No, I've been getting the text from Austin Energy that's like, we're expecting higher because of the heat here. Like, they're— I'm getting the same thing, like, maybe below on your electricity. They don't get specific about like the temperatures, but there are like—

they're big—

be conscious of it, be conscious of your— the electric you're using during the day today.

And you're about to get a data center $1,000 bill.

I know, right?

Are they coming? Do we have them here now?

There's data centers in Texas. I don't know if really in Austin.

Yeah, but there's some like outside, like, and they're jacking up the electrical bills for everybody because they're using so much electrical that then becomes so in demand that they can raise their prices. And they're kind of, kind of on the electrical companies, dude.

It's on the electric companies and the data centers are like lying about how they're how much electricity they're going to use too.

I think that sucks. Who's sending these? Like, like lowly pop— they put them in lowly populated places, which are usually not a lot of money there too. You get a person making, you know, $40,000 a year who—

and then their bill skyrockets. My thing is, why doesn't the utility company take the W and say, cool, we're now selling more gigawatts, or whatever the fuck they're called?

Well, there's this one company that like stopped— it stopped giving power to people. It's going to stop giving power to people in just 4 days. Power to the people It's going to stop. It's taking away the power from the people.

Their literal power?

Yeah, it's literally taking the power away from the people.

Is that true?

Yeah, in like Mount Vernon, California or something.

Hold on, but so they're just not going to have electricity now? I find that hard to believe.

It's going to have to get another company to come like support the town.

I find that— that strikes me as sensational. I don't know, maybe that's true.

Again, because like, dude, think about it. If the people can't afford it and the company with all the tax breaks can't afford it, you're going to go You're just gonna give all your electrical to the company?

Yeah, dude, I'm sorry, dude. If you were— one day they were like, bro, yeah, I would not give you— that sucks. I would be fucking livid if they were like—

I was trying to find it.

I don't know, dude, you're kind of— you got to kind of like do something if you want electricity. It's like, come on, man, what the fuck? I was asking for a little bit of juice here, trying to power my Switch and watch some TV.

You want to build a goddamn generator?

I find that— so I, I highly doubt that's true. I'll be honest, there's no way. Find that story. I need to see if that's actually true. But the Maldani thing's making me laugh. I, I just— I have a— I'm just curious to watch that all play out. Here's the thing, I'll be honest, if that worked, if he somehow united the entire city of New York in some very kind, compassionate, thoughtful manner that works for all That's amazing. Yeah, I just— there's no, there's no track record of ever really people ever getting away with that and doing it without that devolving into the people in power becoming absolute fucking psychopaths.

Yeah, like, wow, I'm controlling everybody.

Yeah, yeah. I just don't, you know, I don't see that working out, but we'll see. In the meantime, in New York City, don't touch that fucking thermostat.

You think the plan— I will tell, like, his people— he'll say everybody do it, but he knows his supporters will be like, mandani said So they'll do it in that half, or however many is enough to kind of be like, all right, we fucking— we got the— we got the dumbass half. What do you—

what do you—

wait, do you mean like, like the people who voted for him who are like super Mondani supporters? Like, say he gets that, like a small portion of that group, which says like 1/10 of the population of New York to, to actually do it. He's saying it to everybody, but there's like, there's no fucking way everybody's gonna do it. But that 1/10 is enough You know what I mean? Like, almost like you're tricking the people. Like, everybody do this. And he's like, no way everybody's gonna fucking do this.

Maybe. I, I personally, I think it could be— and again, I don't, I don't know if it's, uh, if it's this deep, but I— maybe it could be one of those, like, they call it the totalitarian tiptoe, where it's like, hey, everybody turn your fucking air down and see if you can get them to do little by little, see how much control you really have.

Then they start putting a monitor on.

I wonder, because they could probably measure in watts how affect how much people are actually listening to them, which is kind of creepy to be like, let's measure the electrical output and see if people are 100% with AI now.

100%.

You can like look in people's house with Wi-Fi.

Probably.

Yeah.

No, you can't. No, I've seen that.

Yeah, like the signal bounces off the walls and then like it hits anything that's interfering the signal and it can like tell you what's in the room.

Whoa, it's kind of sick.

Yeah, it's crazy.

Like, I think the government can like, like military can like do that, like look in. They can see everything in this room, like us sitting here being fat.

I don't know if our—

I don't know if it's I don't know if it's bouncing off of our penises. I don't know if they can see that, like, or if it's just like your clothes outline.

I spent a decent amount of time in here naked, to be honest. If I like walk or work out, I'm sweaty, and then I come in here and I throw my clothes in that washing machine, and I usually get a shower, and I'll just sit here just waiting, waiting for my clothes. My clothes are just in the process of being taken care of, they're being washed.

I found a story. It says, what's the scoop? NV Energy, the Nevada utility company, has supplied most of Lake Tahoe's electricity for decades. It has informed Lake Tahoe's Liberty Utilities that it intends to, uh, that intends to— will stop delivering power to the region— that it will stop delivering power to the region sometime after May 2027, forcing the provider responsible for serving 50K area residents to scramble for a replacement energy source. So they're going to have a new place step in, but because they're giving all of their—

yeah—

energy to the data centers, because up in North Vegas is where they're building the most data centers.

Yeah, like, okay, so then they have to— dang, so they're not even hooking them up with like, here, these guys will switch you over?

Yeah, you gotta find a new guy by May 2027.

And that's not a little bit of people. 50,000 is a lot of fucking people.

It doesn't even make sense. So what my thing is, that electric is attached to an infrastructure. Yeah, so you can't just be like— unless somebody— someone must have taken that over, or—

no, I think they're saying someone's going to have to take it over.

I don't think you can legally do that as an electrical.

They're doing it, man.

They must be paying so much.

It must be giving Trump money.

Yeah, true. Trump 2.0 is not going down favorably.

Let a lot of people down.

Not a lot of people are going out fair. Even the FIFA thing was interesting too, which stepped in and, uh, reversed the red card Oh, I—

wait, did they actually reverse it? So after— way after the game happened, they ended up reversing it.

The dude got a red card in one game, that was— he was kicked out of that game, and then he was supposed to be suspended for the Belgium game. And apparently, I don't know if it's true, Trump knows the guy from FIFA somehow, which I'm curious how he knows him because it almost strikes me as like he might have some dirt on the guy.

The FIFA guy.

Well, the FIFA guy reversed apparently. I didn't realize that's never been done before, like reverse or appealing the red card suspension. Yeah, they somehow did it and got it done. So then that player was allowed to play in the Team USA game against Belgium, which they just lost anyway. Yeah, but yeah, so the international community was fucking livid about that. But now England's going for a red card appeal. Yeah, so England's like, fuck you, if you let them do it, we can do it.

Got him. Just give it to him.

It's so sick. America ruined the World Cup.

England window.

But they're— they're— I think someone got a red card in their battle against Mexico, so that they will be suspended for the next game. And England's being like, yo, fuck this. Yeah, there's a lot of sad people walking down the street on, uh, Mexico game. Yeah, those jerseys are sick though.

They are. They're fire.

Those jerseys, they're very sick.

Yeah, you know what, there was no sad American Americans though.

When we lost, everybody seemed relieved.

Yeah, I was at the bar and everybody was like, oh, that sucks.

Hot take, soccer is a minor league sport. It's literally a minor— it's the Philadelphia Phantoms, dude. It's like, I'm stoked people are excited about it, but it is genuinely— World Cup is minor league. It just is, dude.

It was, it was fun for a little bit knowing other countries were like getting to watch us be dickheads. Heads though. Like, it's their favorite time of like the century or the decade.

Yeah.

And it's just us with like red, white, blue face paint, yelling USA, being mid. It's just— it's— they're like, you guys aren't even that good. Shut the fuck up, dude.

It's like if the Philadelphia Phantoms went and played abroad and like, yeah, they got 4th place in a global tournament. We go, cool.

Yeah, nice.

Cool.

Kind of did better than we thought.

Yeah, great. I'm glad everyone had fun, man. That's a good thing. I'm glad everyone got out there and gave it their best. The The— which one called it— the, uh, the hell's gonna say— people apparently, the, you know, everyone like abroad is like, America sucks. Apparently the World Cup was a giant, um, it was a big leg up for like the image of America abroad because everyone— there was all the shit was going back where everyone's like, this place rules. I don't know, everyone's saying America sucks and everyone's assholes, but all these people from all over the world were like, this country fucking rules. Yeah, they got to experience it. But the Trump reversal, I think, erased some of that goodwill where they're like like, I knew it, they think they can do whatever they want. First of all, we did. We literally can. Like, like the revert, which again, I don't know how they did that, but that was like on, you know. But that, uh, yeah, I'm glad everyone's enjoying the World Cup. It's fun. It's fun to watch. But again, it's— losing is kind of like, whatever, guys, we won. We made all that money.

All our businesses thrived during the World Cup. Yeah, it's been great for us. We looked great during I've been enjoying watching like foreign people try our foods. Yeah, ranch is a big one apparently. Ranch? Yeah, apparently there's a lot of videos of foreigners trying ranch and being like, what the fuck is this shit?

I've seen good ones of barbecue, like trying barbecue and them being like grabbing one of them big ribs and just being like, holy shit, like taking a bite and being like, oh man, I'm not coming back, I'm not going back to where I'm from.

American cow, very big cow.

Yeah, that's why they're just in Philly. They're yelling, I just go, go Birds, in like a dumb accent.

Just, just like— I mean, dude, it really is, it's, uh, it's sick to let people come here and be like, yeah, this place actually kind of does rule. Yeah, let's stop being haters for a second and be like, this place kind of fucking rocks. We have our problems, obviously, but like, it fucking rocks, dude. It rocks. You know, it sucks the town that got fucking completely unplugged sucks. That sucks. I'm sorry.

There are places where the coolest thing to do is go see a big train drive past them. That kind of sucks.

But no, that's good.

One of them was in Reading, like where I'm from. I'm not even—

that strikes me as a big train town.

We're on the— we're on the Monopoly board. We're the train. We're the Reading Railroad. That's us. Oh shit, it's us.

I didn't think about it.

It was— the railroad doesn't run anymore. I think it was like a big deal because it came back through where it didn't run for my whole life.

Yeah, that's fucking right. Reading, no surprise. That's probably why I had the association was from Yeah, well, I think we did, uh, let's, let's switch over. Might even— we, we'll just jam this up and maybe cut it in half. Lamar, let's just keep rocking, man. Keep rolling.

Hell yeah.

Um, let me pee real quick. I have to pee.

Yep.

Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify.

Do it.