Transcript of Ep 594 - Gooniverse (feat. Steve Gerben & Billy)

The Wild Wild West.

And we're live, dude.

Wow. Matthew, thank you for joining us. Bill, thank you for joining us. Steven, thank you for joining us. I appreciate you guys coming here. For sure. Matt, how are you? I'm doing pretty good, dude. I haven't seen you in a while, dude. So uncomfortable, so awkward. Why do you think it's awkward? It's just so fucking weird, dude. I know what you've been up to.

What do you think I've been up to?

You've moved on.

What? Training, bro. Dude, cute training montage. That's all I'm doing.

I know, dude.

I'm training for that when I was in the In a couple of months, I want you to go, damn, dude.

Every time I see you, I go, bro, you need to put that. He's the smashing machine. You're literally the smashing machine. Have you seen that? No. You smashed my cosper.

I didn't watch your smashing. I trained for you I love my mommy. I love to go. Dude, this summertime, my mom gives me the thumbs up or thumbs down. If I go to the pool, take my shirt off, she'll literally be like, you got fat. Or she'll go, wow, you put on some muscles. Hello. Mommy's muscle man. That's what I try to be over here. Mommy's a little muscle man. I'm hoping to be your muscle man this summer.

You're more Jack than Bill.

Right now, it's crazy, dude. I never thought I'd start putting up my-I never thought you would either.

What are you putting up?

Bench 235.

Lie, lie, lie.

Bench 235. Go higher, go higher.

Twice. I'll get up there.

No, I'm not saying lie.

Get up to 3: 15. 3: 15?

For 10?

Never mind. What's your squat? What's your squat? We got the same thick-ass legs, bro.

Squat? I'm all calisthenics right now, so there's nothing.

What's your squat? What's your heaviest squat ever?

I have no fucking idea. I'm going to say 225. I hate that shit. I would just throw my back out every time I squatted. I do like 2: 25 for a week and then just blow.

I'm not trying to be dick. 2: 25 is a warm-up, dude. 2: 25 is a warm-up weight. I feel. I'm going to try to get up to 3: 50. I don't think I'll be able to get the thousand pounds. You shouldn't. I came. I flew here to tell you. I don't think I'll be able to get the thousand- You flew here to go.

I can't do it.

I'm going to do 900-pound club, make the shirt.

You're like a liver king when he admitted he's on juice.

What are you talking about?

Don't bring him up. I'm mad. He's going to come over here. He's going to get you. Wi-fi password. You're the boogie man. Joe Rogan. Did you see him?

What do you say? The wifi passwords fuck Seth Rogan.

Oh, yeah. He calls him Seth.

He's fully lost his mind.

That's probably-He's coming for you. This has nothing to do with me. Yeah. I don't want to-I don't want him on your end. I'm not talking shit on the Lever King?

Me and Brian Johnson go way back.

Dude, I don't know what you're doing right now. He's going to fucking get you. I'm not scared of that, dude. What? Lever King? How are you not afraid of-How are you not scared of cry?

How are you not scared? How are you naming people? What? He's mentally unstable right now.

That's exactly who you don't want to bother.

I don't think he can travel across state lines currently.

He can, dude. I've been following his Instagram. He was just on vacation. He could travel.

The King can move, dude. Look, sitting in front of the board.

The King can move. Yes, he's going to get you. You're on, dude.

Don't mention the king. You never start me for the letter king.

I'm not afraid of B. J. That's all I'm saying. How, bro? He's terrifying. Pretty Boy muscles.

Bro, what are you saying? He's fucking primal, dude.

He's fucking primal.

What are you talking about? I'm primal. I'm not on steroids. Dude. I'm more primal than him.

Dude, if a caveman got steroids, it would take them.

Hold on. Genially, this is a mistake. Like an actual mistake, dude. Lever King is going to get you.

You want to die by Lever King? Getting killed by Lever King would be sick. Death by Lever King.

What do they do? Like pound it, lock it down? Fuck. Fuck. I've been watching a lot of it. It's good stuff. You'd like the Lever King.

I don't.

You don't like them either. God damn. Gurban and Billy versus the Lever King.

Got to be good and true. I love the Lever King. I don't like 3. 0. I like 1. 0. Then once he started Admitting that he's on steroids, fuck that. Just lie until you die.

That's what I was trying to tell you with the numbers for him.

Just lie by the numbers.

As soon as someone goes, How much can you balance? You get a 315. I feel, don't. I don't. What are they going to prove it? I don't understand that shit.

It's like, dudes act like they're not going to get in the Hall of Fame if someone catches them doing steroids. Like, dude, you're just chilling. It doesn't matter.

I have to be on steroids now, pretty much. Well, speak for yourself. Not me. But I'm saying You've been juiced. I'm telling you, I'm on the juiced.

Would you be able to fight in the UFC currently?

100%.

No way. Usada would have you. Usada would be piss and hot.

You'd be burning cups.

Not at all. For what? Maka?

Yeah.

Maka is fine. It's an herbal supplement. You take Maka. Bps. My T is not even high.

I know.

My T is literally not-You teased the highest.

I got a spot with that this weekend. What? I was like, You just had a kid. Your ear is through the roof. And he immediately started smacking himself in the face. We had to be No, no, no, no, no, dude. That's high, too. Sorry. That was high, too.

Self punch is a high-tear response.

He immediately went to the self punch. He started punching himself when I was like, You have too much astrochips. He was hit us with some liberal talking points. So it was very fun to be like, Dude, he is running wild.

It's devastating.

And he took it to heart.

Yeah, it kills you. If you're over 40 white male and you get called a lib, it sucks, dude.

Pretty much a death sentence.

It really is.

I was really...

Kervi Diggerby is a conservative as fuck, dude.

I know. He's quiet about it.

You don't have to really answer.

Okay, yeah. There's certainly, obviously, some conservative.

Have you ever seen Empirium?

No, I don't think so.

With Harry Potter's like a neo-Nazi?

No, but I've definitely seen- It's hilarious.

You should watch it.

Wait, Daniel Radcliffe plays a neo-Nazi? Yes.

I've definitely seen the clips of it.

That's nice. It's very insane.

He hit some wild ones. He's on a march. Yeah, I've seen it. He would not like you.

Oh, Do you think an actor that serious, though, when he's playing that role, goes full method?

He did go full method. He really? You got to go 100%. If you're going to do that, you got to rip the bandaid off. Just say it.

All right, here we go, Nath. Gerbies, what's going on with you?

I'm sick. I got that two-week thing that Billy was saying he had.

Oh, that's nice. That's nice to be able to say it's going around. I'm not the only one with the two week.

Well, because I'd feel bad, but it really has been going on.

Have you had-No, I've been in Texas. I've been safe from the plague. Oh, jeez. But we have the whole allergy thing going on, so everyone's sick. Yeah, it's the worst. Yeah, it fucking blows. Got you. I'm worried. I have to go to Houston this weekend. I'm so worried. I'm going to get sick.

I think it's PA that you got to worry about. Pennsylvania is-No, Texas.

Oh, really? Way worse.

Oh, the cedar with allergies?

Oh, no.

I meant with what's going around.

Oh, yeah. I could get it.

Yeah. All found Billy had it. Your nicotine patch didn't work.

No, it did.

Viral shot fired. That's definitely a shot. Your fucking nicotine badge didn't work.

No, I was on the bandwagon. I was hoping it worked.

I was dancing around, and then a little baby came around, and I think that's who got me sick. And then I proceeded to cough in my girlfriend's mouth accidentally, and she got sick, and then everyone else in the house got sick.

Damn. A baby came around when you were dancing? What was... Elaborate on that. You said you were dancing around?

No, I was dancing around getting sick.

I thought you were dancing around and a baby came around.

You were bug-shaped. You were bug chasing.

That's what you said. I'm sorry.

When I talked to you, you were like, I want to see if I can get it.

I wanted to, yeah.

He was bug chasing on Christmas.

I'm jealous you got it already. Right before filming, it would have been nice.

But if you were going to have it, I think you would have got it because Grace had it.

No, I've literally been talking to you nonstop for the last two days. Yeah.

I'm going to get it. No, but I'm saying Grace had it while you guys were in Europe.

Yeah.

You're not going to talk about that?

I don't believe it.

You dodged the plague. You're in Europe.

No, everybody got the plague that I was with. Any? Yes. Every single person. That's why I didn't fly back with them. The whole wedding got the flu.

Pooping and coughing at the same time.

I was like, I'm not getting on that. So I went to London, dude. I went to Old London town. I went to the World Darts Championship instead. That's awesome. Fucking rock, dude. I was walking in a Littler wonderland. It was only one Littler. It was turds on a plane. It was turds on a plane. I was avoiding that. I'll stay in Europe for three days. I'm not getting on the turd plane.

What was that shit? That was like the Ricky Hatton, do you remember?

Yeah, it's the exact same one. It's the same. It was only one Ricky. Yeah.

I remember buying into the fact that he could win.

Oh, we all did. Mainly because he was a white guy. Then the fight started and we went, Whoops.

Ricky Hatton, Mayweather?

He fought Floyd Mayweather. It was like HBO did the 24/7 leading up to it. And you're watching it like, Dude, Hatton might win. Although we've talked about before. I came back around when Floyd walked out to He was born in the USA. Okay. And I was like, What am I doing, dude? That's nasty. Why am I doing this? I agree with him.

Is Floyd undeaded?

Yeah.

It's nasty. Yeah.

He finished undefeated. He ducked some of the big guys until they were old, but he was old, too. Yeah. But he fought them when they were all geezed up. He was supposed to fight... What's his name? Manny Pacquiao.

I've worn these T-shirts. It's awesome.

Pacquill? Yeah. Yeah, he was amazing. His 24/7 was hilarious. That was awesome. It's just him. He would sleep in the hotel. He's a Filipino. He would sleep in a hotel with 15 people. He would get a nice hotel and put 15 people. They'd be on every bar. What are you talking about?

That is literally you.

In a hotel room? Yeah.

Really, let's bring 15 people into this.

Oh, no, I'm saying to go to bed. They would all sleep in there.

I could see you doing that.

And then he would sing karaoke in front of all of them very seriously.

You'd set up- You'd do versions of that. You show memes very seriously.

I'd show memes very seriously. Seriously. Yeah. You would love karaoke. You would love karaoke, seriously. Yeah. If our whole group of friends was gayer, you'd be the happiest guy on Earth. Yes. He'd be so delighted. That's true.

I think karaoke myself.

We're all like, let's just sing tonight, guys. We don't need alcohol or to go out. Let's just sit around and sing. You'd be so happy.

The one song that I really would like to get down, it's tough, but One Bourbon, One Scotch, and One Bier. It's pretty easy. No, because it's like when You're saying to sing?

Is that Thurigood?

Yeah. Can you sing what you have so far? It's good acoustics down here.

No, because it's like that.

Let's just stop wasting time. You're going to sing it. Don't make me talk you into this. Let's just do it.

I'll just see where you're at.

Let's see. I forget. How does it start? It's like, Oh, yeah. He's like, I want to tell you a story about my house, Red Blues.

You got to get a little more guttery than that. What? You got to get a little more guttery than that.

Yeah, guttery is a good word, actually. I'll tell you a story.

That's a little Hall Coggany.

Now, the cold friend blues.

There we go. Keep it going.

Come on. I can't see this is the problem. I can't remember.

Yeah, the lyrics. You need the lyrics. If you're doing Yokey, you need the lyrics for sure.

He's serious. Look up the lyrics to One Burberry, One Scotch, I'm with this motherfucker for the next three months every day.

You've been good. You're two for two. Take out the cheaters. You're two for two so far on days. Two good days. He has not been a little fucking baby once.

Out of how many?

It's two.

How many do we have down the plate?

What he considers being a baby is 40.

True. We should define terms. What's a baby?

He's going like, How are you doing? And I go, and then that's the baby.

That's the vibe. You can't crush the vibe.

You got to be like-When you're walking in in the morning, be like, Hey, what's up? Gerby, gerby babies. And he's like, I'm not in the mood for your stuff today. Okay, well, now you're going to get the worst version.

I learned my lesson. Yeah, you get the vibes are a real thing?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. You got to take a page from Old Black Eyes. They're the best in a morning salutation. How are you doing? I woke up today, didn't I? Yeah. I love Old Black Eyes in the morning, dude. They hit you with the best.

I did, yeah. I basically had to do that in the shower this morning. I was being a baby. I was like, Fuck, I'm going to wink. I'm barely eat. It's like, dude, I'm making a show with my friends. Why are you this gay? Then you get out of the shower and you see your naked fat body. I'm a big fat pussy. What the fuck? First thing in the morning. Self loathing and then getting out and seeing a tiny penis. You go, Jesus, we got to make some changes.

There's no way you have a tiny penis.

Roll off.

Roll off in a day. See those chestpins? What the hell? For real, see these chest pieces? See these chest pieces? They were whittled perfectly.

I've been in the cold plunge. I come back and take the shower. It's literally-It's the tiniest. I think it's my born penis. I get my born penis. It's crazy, dude. Yeah, like, dude, first For sure, dude, coming out of the cold plunge. No problem. Just a pond to be toppled.

Did you get the lyrics?

I did. I thought we were past it.

We're not moving past that. You still have the master's app. Yeah. You're not going back.

No, I don't.

You're out.

Because you could watch... It's actually quite a good app for...

That's a review.

For the Masters. Master's app. For three days a year, you get to use this app.

I got a golf fantasy league if you want to join it. Supposedly, I'm not in it. I just was told it was $100. Golf fantasy league? $100, yeah. I don't necessarily know how you would do that. Do you just pick one guy?

I've never done I've seen people do it.

Yeah, you get a couple of guys. It's very interesting. It's very interesting. That's interesting. I just never really heard of APAC. That's interesting. I never even thought about APAC. They're like, Well, did you take money from it? No, it's just interesting.

The fact that you're bringing that up is very interesting. That was the best answer of all. The best politician-That was nice. Just non-answer was Gavin Newsom.

He was on a podcast, and they were like, Do you take money from APAC? And he's like, What's APAC? Oh, APAC. It's interesting you bring that up. That was it. They kept being like, Why is it interesting? He's like, No, it's just interesting.

Because I haven't heard about them. I haven't thought about them in forever.

Apac.

Also, he's like, bulletproof, honestly. It's crazy. Yeah. He just walks through everything, was at the French laundry during COVID when everything was shut down. Then he pretended to be black with fucking the dude from the Pacers. It was like, Stack wonder bread this high. So you never did that. Yeah, that's weird. It's almost Exist. How bad that lie is. Just assuming all black dudes wonder bread.

He was claiming, I think, single mother. He was claiming single mother household, which I think technically he was rich. Yeah, it wasn't his dad. For a minute, his dad was out of the picture.

Pelosi's his mommy.

No. She took care of them.

She adopted them.

Yeah, but I think then he got into the clone ads and shit. But I think before that, I think he was stacking the- Are you a clone? He's in like- That was like a photography or some weird shit.

I don't think it was that tough on him, honestly.

I like what he's up to.

I think the first five years of his life- I'll vote for Gavin, dude.

I'm a liberal. I'm a liberal.

He's the perfect politician, though. You got to give it to him. This episode.

Don't serve during the fucking prize.

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Me too. I was going to say that.

That was crazy. I love watching Christian play. It's so fun. No, he really balls out. Something about it I really like.

Really balls out.

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Hey, guys, real quick. This weekend, I will be in Houston, Texas, and then Dallas, Texas. I'll be in Houston Friday night doing stand-up comedy, and I'll be in Dallas Saturday night doing stand-up comedy. Tickets to Dallas, solid. Thank you, Dallas. Tickets to Houston, they're lagging a little bit. So if you live in Houston and you'd like to go see me do stand-up comedy, or you'd like to see me do stand-up comedy, please don't let the opportunity pass you by. If you don't want to, that's fine. I don't, whatever.

But come on. Yeah. He's bad. Oh, you know what we could talk about? Because I heard you talk about it. What? I heard you talk about Trump dog saying he doesn't have the juice anymore. He doesn't. You got to admit, the last two weeks, the juice has been back.

The video you showed me where he was-And I sent him to Matt, too.

I can't believe how hard the juice is going. He was killing- The fuck. I don't know how old it is, but he's on the Air Force One. You know how the reporter's always talk to me? He stands next to the bathroom. Yeah. They were like...

Heaning on the wall.

They're like, Mr. President, what was the MRI you got for? And he was like, I don't know. It was an MRI. I can tell you it was not for my brain because my brain's working. I just took a cognitive test and I aced it, something you would be incapable of. He goes, All right, everybody. See you later. You, too. Drills another reporter on the way out.

Also, I noticed, I watched your clip, hitting an Asian lady with like, your brain sucks. When he walked away-Amy, the 80-year-old guy is like, Dude, you have all the confidence in the world.

And the Asian lady, after he walked away, was just like...

Yeah.

I think he's becoming way too clear. When someone's about to die and everyone's in the room saying, Shane, Kermit.

What's doing here? He knows everybody.

Just sharp his attack, and it's just going to fucking collapse.

Dude, the Venezuela thing got me back. Dude, the memes. Leading up to Venezuela, I was like, Don't go to war, dude. The last time we went was a war. Fuck all that. One meme of Takashi 6ix9ine saying, Took that, stole that shit. That's what I do as Trump. I was like, It, America rules. Take all their shit. Do it.

That's why they're showing that.

The tariffs. Did it work or not? Everything was definitely work.

If it didn't work, they'd be talking about it.

That's what I'm saying. That was the one thing.

That was like- Tariffs rule. We're sending us back 400 years of diplomacy, and then you never heard another thing about it.

So, yeah, you're probably right. The tariffs work. Venezuela, so far, so good. People were mad. Then as soon as he was like, Dude, we're making $400 trillion. Everyone was like, Fuck, dude.

Stolen that shit.

That's what I do. They're We're shutting down all the news stuff, too. Because it just works. If Shane watches reels, it's pretty much like someone watching Fox News. I'm up.

I'm literally all I need. Show me a fighter jet reel. I go, Yep, play the Macarena in slow. Play a slow version of the Macarena. You're horny for five seconds. Back to war. It's also really good. Whoever who is running that propaganda is fucking killing it.

We have any Latin American country now. Just like we had terrorism in the Middle East, we can be like, Yo, they're fucking selling cocaine. We can go take their natural We have that locked for the next 10 years.

I will say Columbia's leader needs to shut the fuck up. They're chirping? Do you see it? Dude, as soon as they took Maduro, he was like, Yeah, you won't do that to me, pussy.

I hear what they did. They turned the lights off. They turned the lights off, but then hit people with fucking radio waves. It got them sick and bloody noses.

What?

Like, Kavana syndrome?

Yeah, it was debilitating shit where they were like, Dude, there was 20 of them and 300 of us, and it was a massacre. It's like predators versus humans. It's so They're usually rushing.

I mean, it is embarrassing. If I live in a country, they turned my lights off and took my present. Turned my lights off. You guys be like, No, we fought. It was a brutal fire. Just at least lie.

No, we turned the lights out, turned them back on. We were the undertaker. It was literally the undertaker. The lights went out. The lights came back on. They were like, Where is he? Fuck.

It's like being down the basement and someone shuts the light off.

You think how scary it would be?

It's so scary. They got scared.

They took their president left. It's so scary. They fled out of here. Yo, who is it? Also on Air Force One, they're They're not calling it a kidnaping and all that. He's like, Kidnapping, that's a good word. He's funny. I'm just saying he's funny about this. I agree that he's funny. You know, great move to make everyone forget about Epstein.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, true. And also we need something big, man. Russia is on the offensive. China is supposed to be on the offensive. We can't just sit on their hands. That might be a problem. We got to take something.

What? I for real think that Russia and China are fucked up. China does have less drinking water in Saudi Arabia, and they didn't let people have kids for a long time. So they're populated.

They're populated. They're all eating.

They're all eating. They're all eating. 2030, yeah, 2030, those countries are going to hit it hard.

They can ride all the boats they want, dude. The people are fucking disappearing, and no one wants to bang Chinese dudes. And the Chinese chicks are leaving. Wow, that's a tough one. You shriveled your bros. Everyone in there is pissed. They'll fucking go out swinging, though. If they have no pussy and it's just like we got to ruin everyone else's time, that would be a crazy war. So I'll fucking kill myself.

Just go and put yourself on somewhere.

You'll never get a pussy.

If you're a Chinese village, what do you say?

No water, no pussy. Yeah, that's untenable. I don't care how many sweet bridges are being filmed on YouTube. I'm going to be like, You know what? This bridge is really helping me.

It's a subway that goes through people's houses is like, yeah, because they can't say no.

The subway just went through a fucking skyscraper and everyone else had a fucking-I've never gotten sold on the China hype. The propaganda, that's the one propaganda that really doesn't work on me. I'll watch a drone footage of a city with neon lights, you're like, this looks like shit. They're also like, oh, man, we might go to war with China.

It's like, all right, if we do, we do. If I have to, I will. They were last a second.

They wouldn't last a second around us.

No, it's crazy.

You keep fucking... They might cut off your steroids, though, if you talk... Me? The Chinese fucking, the rhino pills you're snorting. I'm herbal, bro.

You have to get India to take my ashwagandha. The Middle Easterners will take Sheila G. I'm all herbal. They're saying I'm on steroids. I'm on all natural enhanceers.

I completely believe you.

Thank you.

Don't be rude.

What?

Don't be rude. I'm complimenting the man, genuinely. I'm saying you look like you're on juice. You go, I completely believe you're not on juice. That's fucked up.

Because he would be honest. If there's one person that would be like, I'm doing it.

It's like the ring, dude. Appreciate that. People start taking steroids and they get real weird, dude. They won't tell anyone. They're like, No, it's natural. It's natural. Yeah, interesting. Everyone who does steroids.

Not now, though, dude. The gym I go to, I sit in the sauna and all the bros are like, they just make fun of each other. They'll be like, I don't know. They're like, Take a cycle, you fucking pussy. It's pretty funny.

Enlarge your heart.

I heard who was the guy? Clavicular. Apparently, allegedly, he's been on TRT since 14, and he smashes his jaw with a hammer every day to get micro fractures. He's look smaxing real hard. What? Apparently, he's a guy.

Yeah, I saw.

He's look smaxed since he was 14, TFT.

How close were you to considering it? Were you a part of the look smaxing?

As I watched the real-he'll do it. He'll do it.

He'll do anything to be part of the look smaxing.

If look smaxing-He looks maxing.

If looks maxing-He looks max on set. I'd be. You look max on set. When we're filming, he looked max. He wears fucking platform shoes. I don't wear platform shoes. He does. That is so... Why is that?

You saw them. No, these are gigantic.

How big would you say the The Soul of your Buddhist?

You know what?

Just give us one of these.

They're Echo shoes. Yeah, they're very comfortable.

Where'd you get them from?

The $23 store?

In Chester, there's a place. We're filming. Me and him are doing scenes. I'm going, Hold on.

He used to have Echo shoes. What?

There used to be a place in Chester where every sneaker was $23, and that's probably where they sold it. Where did you get Echo shoes?

Echo, the one with the rhino on?

That's your Echo. That's like seventh-grade bad kid No.

No. No. No. No.

No. The Echo is rebranded.

Single mother shoes.

If they have rebranded-He's wearing the Shacks. We eat in fourth grade.

Echo is for the baddest- Bro, how sick would it be if he started wearing Echo hoodies?

The red one? Dude, that'd be so sick.

Cco.

I was first down.

Matt had an Echo.

No, I was first down. Really? I did first down.

There's a thing called first down?

Yeah, first down was this shit. I used to have a big first down. Fuck it. I used to have a big first down. Bubble jacket. It was Nasty Zell.

Was it the starter jacket?

It was Echo first day, it was Echo, First Down. They were like, knock off. They were like, not close. Yeah.

South Pole.

South Pole. That's pretty cool. Yeah, it was fucking Nasty Zell. Yeah. Lugs shoes. They were knock off Timberland.

You were swagged out. I did have lugs. Lugs? Yeah, I had lugs. Lugs were nasty. Birdman Catholic school, yeah. Yeah, they're birdman. I would wear Timberland. I had a Miller's shoes for a while.

That's where I had the $23. Oh, The store got P. Miller's soldiers. They fell apart very quickly.

So you have the Echo boots right now?

No, they're not boots. They're just loafers.

They're loafers that are for real. The heel is definitely that thick.

It just couldn't be further from the shoes.

I'll take a picture and we'll add it to this.

It might be a seven-meter. It's not ideal. But the last year, because I wore a work boots, and he was like, you're trying to heighten.

He tries to heighten. He got his shirts tailored.

They tailor them. Yeah, they tailor yours.

No. Yes, absolutely. No, they didn't. They tried to, and I said, no, just give me that one.

Okay, well, it's because your stuff fits you, but I have that weird body shoes, so it like, hangs over my hands.

My body's nuts, dude. What?

So anywho, I said to me, I want baggy clothes this year.

It's very in style. The baggy looks nice on you, honestly. All right, thanks. Yeah.

And then I got flat shoes, and And to him, they're still platform shoes.

I'm so excited to show you guys a picture of these fucking boots.

I can't wait. I got accused of height-maxing on stage by an old lady. Really? I had the hokas on, and I was talking about expensive purses, and she had an expensive... I didn't even notice. And she got mad at me for bringing up a designer bags and how much they cost. And she was like, Well, your shoes, your knockoff shoes make you look taller. I was like, They're not hokas. They're not knockoffs. I was like, She just talked about my tiny penis if you want to hurt my feelings. I had to kick out a 65-year-old lady. I felt terrible. Started to cry.

She started to mist it up. She's trying to say you're stealing high valor. You got to put her down. Yeah.

There's nothing she can say to hurt me, though. I was like, yeah, I'm short. Girls hate it.

You got to go on That's what I have to do. You got to go on one of those podcasts.

I'm sub-six.

What are you, 511?

510? Sub-12? Sub-six. I'm a piece of trash.

You're not a piece of trash, man. I'm sub-six. That could be why you're juicing as hard as you are. Why? Because I'm sub-six. You have to juice, dude. You must be clanging and banging in there.

Sub 6. If I get a girlfriend, best believe it's an abusive relationship. That's the only way I can keep a girl. Psychologically abusive relationship. That's the only way as a sub 6, I can keep a girl around.

I see that on Instagram every now and then.

What's that?

If you leave, you're hurting her. The guy said, For real, fucked up the girls. That's wild.

It's nice.

What do they say, If you leave, you're hurting her?

If you leave right now, you know I'm the only person that loves you. Everyone talks shit behind your back. I say that to fucking Jibbles all the time. I was like, This is why everyone talks shit behind your back.

That's a good move.

I'm going to get into that Instagram content of just making things. Like a girl is leaving, like my impassion thing to keep her to say.

Like that British guy that screams? That shit rules.

He's going to mistreat you.

She's tired.

She's had enough. She can't keep working like this.

That's how the gerby Baby. What's it? What are you up to, boys? Let's talk about your square dancing.

What?

Let's talk about square dancing.

Square dancing? Sure.

We can talk about square dancing. You should see this.

The line dance is nice.

You're an eager beaver out there. My what? You're an eager beaver out there.

Yeah, I'm an eager beaver.

I made one thing and then she got all the... Hold on one second. But I just wanted to say about the Instagram reels, because I said two of the thing. Mine was genuinely, I think... I mean, it was sending me stuff as if I was a girl. What? Yeah.

You thought he was a girl.

Why? Because I entered the dating pool again. Of course. For sure. Then I immediately... This person that did like this person.

He is splashing. Was that really? You got him in the dating pool. You cannaballed into that fucking thing.

I suppose he's making a wave on certain videos. It's just like, Girl, if he doesn't blah, blah, blah. It's like a bunch of stuff like that. What? Yeah, it's funny.

That's awesome. My favorite thing to do at work now is to show Gerby's brain rot. Yeah. He hates it. He has no idea what it is. I just showed him Crocadéro, Bombadero. I just don't get what's funny about this.

Yeah, it terrifies me. It's funny.

I don't actually think it's I do think it's funny. It is funny.

Did you ever see the videos when they showed the homeless people?

I swear to God, it's this. He's like, What's his name? Why is that how I'm getting to wear shoes? Hey.

So the dating pool right now, back in, apps.

He He heads down to the honky-tonk, and he's learned the moves. He knows the dances.

Dude, that's the way to do it, though. Like crazy.

Yeah, line dancing is a ton of fun.

Yeah, that's the way to do it.

Can you grind?

Can I what?

Can you grind on the girls during the line dancing? No.

Hands on hips, I guess.

Oh, no. It's just like you're next to them.

Yeah.

What's the one where you lay on the floor and do Patty Cake? I don't know. You guys all sit on the floor across from each other. Yeah. Do you remember that? Yeah. What is that? I truly don't That's your favorite one. You like that? You pair up with a pretty girl. It was nice. I was jealous watching that.

How do you send a message?

What does that mean?

To a woman that you're line dancing with.

How do you go? Hey, let's take this to the next level.

Oh, I mean, eye contact.

I think you just razzled. Yeah, yeah. You razzled on the floor.

Afterwards, you try and get a drink and just say, What's going on?

Evening, darling.

Yeah.

That's nice.

That's good clean fun. It's really fun. Have you ever gone? I've never gone line I have salsed a bit in my day. Okay. I have salsed in college.

That's crazy. Salsed is so sick. Salsa is crazy. He would love salsas.

That's what I'm saying. You got a line dance is all right. Salsa is just purely sexual.

Right. But I need a partner. Dude.

No, you can go stand.

You can find a partner there. You find plenty of partners line dance. Dude, it's all grunge.

True. Line dancing. It was crazy. Yeah. You can get a million. Salsa is all girls. If you show up and you're a guy, they will definitely salsa with you.

Okay. And you'd wear a salsa outfit. I know you. You would definitely get into it. That's fully, he'd have an on button. I do do that. A hundred %. Yeah.

Yeah.

He's got a cowboy hat now. And boots. You got two?

There's another one? Well, because the first one, everybody says this is a cowboy hat. What do you mean? It's a Stetson open road or 6X. Like Bobby Caldwell wear? I don't know.

So what is it? Is it like rounder on the top? What are we talking?

It's not rounder. It's like cowboy at the top. It's only about four inches.

Yes, it's like a fedora.

No, it's not a fedora.

You're hearing it with the governor cap.

No, he doesn't wear it. He doesn't wear it in public. He goes home, he puts it on, and he talks to his cat, and he goes, Get along, little doogie. And he goes home and wears it in front of the mirror for real.

That'd be Steve Geen. Yeah.

So it's cowboy short brim.

Everybody just said, That looks awful. So then I ordered-10 Gal.

What's that? 10 Gal.

It's right.

Get a giant one.

So I got a regular And then everybody said, That looks like a cowboy hat. So now I wear that one all the time.

Have you worn it in public?

Not in public.

To still at your house. On the golf course?

I wear it home. And then I mentioned it, but like when I work out, all week.

No. God damn it. No, there's something about dressing up like a cowboy. I swear to God. I went to a Western-themed party. I put the gear on and was like...

I understand. A cowboy hat? You wear a wife feet in a cowboy hat.

Work out that. I mean, it's a home gym.

There's no way else. What music are you playing? 10 %, skill. 20 %. Fort Minor.

You're like Rip from Yellowstone, bro. What is that? Rip? Is that what he does?

He's a badass in Yellowstone.

I need a picture of this. Please, tank top cowboy hat workout.

The one song that I really like.

That's what a fifth grader would do.

That's insane.

Look, it is what it is. It's how my brain likes to do it, and I'm doing it. All right. Because it's...

Stand for something or fall for anything. I'm behind Yeah, for sure.

I recognize how big of a douche I look at that kid.

No, it's good. I don't think so. It's fun.

I think it's nasty.

You're shredded, so.

I don't know.

What are you hitting? Pull-ups? What are you hitting in the hat?

Yeah, he rips pull-ups.

Yeah, I have a pull-up bar, but it's a cable machine. You know, like the two...

Yeah, flex?

No.

No, but you're hitting. You're just going. Hitting those things.

Hitting those things.

What is the jam? What are you listening to?

There's a line dancing song called Fake ID. Damn. From the movie Footloose, which I think your friend was in Miles Teller. Oh. Yeah, the remake. Nice. And I could do that entire dance. It's advanced. I can do it.

Well, you Please.

No, not here. No, no, no, not right here. I mean, nothing. You're not in proper gear on it. Shane, I promise you before the show is over, I'll do it for you.

What was the song?

Fake ID.

Is it?

You can watch it on YouTube.

So the workout is You're playing the song, and so are you lifting and then hitting the numbers real quick?

Yeah.

That's nice.

I see more people in the gym who hit like, dance moves, like chorale dance moves now.

It's not our guy. That's the song?

Yeah, this is the song.

That's awesome. Oh, yeah. You know it's good.

I can't believe you're wearing a tank top with a cowboy hat. Listen to that.

Yeah.

I like where you're at. I'm just envious. Here's the question. You're free. You're free, man. Truly free.

Say you hit the square dance, bring a Chica back home from the thing. Would you play some wine dance while you guys are getting freaky?

Could that be the sound track? We've been discussing this as well. What? Music? Well, he's not afraid to hit the red light. He's got a red light. He'll turn on a red light. That's awesome. In his bedroom for sex.

And then treat it like an Amsterdam look.

Have you never tried?

I could get into colored lighting. I'm not going to lie. That would be sick.

Then he's not afraid to hit some nine-inch nails. Nine-inch nails.

Well, something like it. Yeah. Okay.

You're like aggressive stripper music.

But hold on a second. There's a larger conversation.

Nine-inch nails is surprising. I'm not going to lie.

Nine-inch nails is terrifying.

This is scary. You actually hit nine-inch nails.

You're coming out from the bottom of the bed in the red light. Nine-inch nails.

I don't want to Sleeper House.

For real, sleeper houses. Sleeper House Monster.

I actually read a book on how to eat your pussy just later.

No, Nine Inch Nails. Get your bright tiger So I got to go cough.

Yeah, go ahead. Because I left that book out.

Oh, God, dude. Hold on. You got to hear this. We're filming some at his house. So they did a location scout to check his house out. And he's sick as fuck. He left his How to Eat Pussy Book out open on the couch. On the couch. So when the whole crew and- Is it a joke? No. He should have said he was joking.

Yeah.

He said he was in his room while they were looking because he's sick. And then they told me they heard him. Oh, my God. They told me they heard him go, Shit. And then he came out and grabbed his eating pussy book. And they said it was like five pages left, which means he was reading it when somebody rang the doorbell, I was like, Oh, hello.

Hey, guys. We need the book.

It's called She Comes First. He sent me passages. It's a disturbing read.

What?

She Comes First.

Written by a man or a woman. It's got to be written by a woman.

I used to watch all that shit on YouTube. I would just say how to make out the girl, how to grind for any dancer, just trying to get as much as I could in the novel.

No, I remember in Kerner wrote it.

So, dude, it's probably She Comes First.

That is a papaya.

The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. You're a Thinking Man.

Yeah, explain.

I want to know the-It's really humiliating. No, Dude, who wouldn't want to know more about...

No, but everybody came over because I had clean... The entire house was clean. Except for that book on my couch.

That's a statement.

It was a real statement to the rest of the cast or the crew. The whole crew saw it. This guy means business. That's a thinking man that's ready to eat some butt.

The first thing I said to them, I said, I'm so sorry, don't tell Shane. He all told me every single person.

Do you hit him with the rodent where you're just like this?

I'm thinking it.

I mean, you never really thought to rest your hand on your chin. That would be ultimate support.

I would have learned that. It evaded you this whole time. What has evaded you that you got from this book?

Positioning is very important. Both of you need to be physically... Your bodies need to be comfortable because you're in it for the long haul. It's like welding.

The build-up stuff. Yeah. And then like, what? Yeah, I was at-What's the build-up? Like, I would just go. Originally, I would just go straight through. It would go right in.

It's clear. Like a hungry dog. Yeah. They put the food bowl out. That's right. Now, you know you got to be... You're all guilty. Oh, yeah. The trough comes out. We get to it. Yeah. It's happening.

And then just understanding that you can use your gum to create pressure on the top. Not the clearance itself, but the top of the clearance.

His gum? He'll see your gum.

Yeah, your gum. So you could create pressure there.

Are you talking about a second on it? No. Explain this. You're putting your gum...

Pinning it down a little bit.

Yeah, you're pinning it down, and then you're using your two fingers, which I can't do, which is... It kills me.

No, it's okay. You got one Yeah, but you can then put pressure on the G-Spot from under as you're creating pressure downward with your gum, and then it gets over.

It's over.

It's over.

It's going to have been down.

She can't go anywhere and fucking, I want to fuck you like an animal.

Hold on, hang on. I don't play Nightish Nails. What do you play? There was one song that I found very sexy. I had been on an OnlyFans. This person I had subscribed. Lonelyfans. What's that? Lonelyfans. Lonelyfans? I was a lonely fan subscriber to this woman. Yeah. She since deleted her.

She got her out. She found out you were on it. You turned her straight. Turned her straight. That was good. Wait, so what was she playing?

What was the soundtrack?

The song was... So then I Shazammed it.

That's how crazy is this? He told me that he Shazammed while OnlyFancing, while jacking off to OnlyFancing. While jacking off. Oh, you're just perusing. Well, I had jacked off to it. You had already finished. And then you said, what's the name of that song?

At a certain point, you go, you know what?

What was that song?

Fair enough.

It was called Bent. Or no, wait, was that the name of the band? Yeah, it was called Bent by something German, direware for a firewall. No, no, no. Bier is-Is it like Duhas?

Duhas is what?

I mean, it's got the vibe of it. It's got nice sales vibe.

I got you. It's like that industrial vibe.

Yeah, yeah. So So then I tried one time to have sex with it, but the timing of it, a song like that.

Also the combo, like, damn, what'd you hear about the song? You'd have to be like...

Oh, yeah.

I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know.

Because you telephane, you zamed it from the overleave.

Yeah. I can't find a bent.

Oh.

No, man.

It's like a squid game. It's not this.

That's not it, yeah. I like that. I hop really quick into this. You know what I've seen on the plane a lot? I've been seeing older women with mega big font reading erotica on the plane.

It's all they read.

All the time. It's teleprime. I was looking at a lady next to me today.

Lickwood. L-i-c-h-w-o-o-d.

So like German? Yeah. Lickwood. There you go. That's That's more techno. That's more techno.

Lowrider.

I'm going to get the good part. Yeah, true. Because it's like a...

I feel like when they get the bad guys in John Wick.

Oh, wait, wait.

That's It's a drop.

Bro, this is like a red light shit. You're mad, bro.

This is for real Guner shit. You don't think that's sexy?

You're out of control.

I forget what they're called. That's a thing. That's like Guner music. It's what? Guner music.

I'm a Guner.

It's like battle faps and stuff. They'll do it shit like that. I read a article being the state of guning. It's like me and you would be like, we're about to watch. You can last longer. And then you just battle fap your Guner friend.

Oh, wait. What's a Guner?

Guner is a guy who loves porno.

He loves porno. Guning is hard core. It's hardcore editing. It's hardcore. It's like if you were to get your basement and set it up specifically for Masturbate.

Was that a compilation video? Oh, no, not a good idea.

Was that a compilation video you were watching that song?

That? Yes.

No.

Was it a compilation video of her?

No.

So it was just her masturbating that song?

Yes. It wasn't one of those follow the metronomes? Yes.

Like, Sissy Hypnos.

No.

The metronome slaps, honestly.

I'll give it a shot for a minute. Then I go, What the fuck is this? We've all tried, dude. No lie.

The metronome?

Don't even worry. We can't give you the metronome. You'll be too powerful.

I've seen it. I'm not going to say it.

You're going to be too powerful for it. You never tried it one day? No. That was like, Yeah, fuck.

It is tough. Then you realize you're teasing yourself and you go, I got to stop. This is ridiculous.

Just a call back to my favorite episode you guys ever did with the Q+1 when you were talking about porn because you were accusing him of look at it really. Then you were like, What do you watch? You were like, JOI? And you go, That's an advertiser, bro.

You got to have a warm-up.

It's an appetizer, bro. I mean, Shazamming a fucking OnlyFans video is impressive.

And it's impressive. I wouldn't think.

It's impressive.

Well, because I saw a sexy thing, and I was like, oh. Yeah.

You're going to replicate it. Copy paste. The best porn video, and I've never seen anything like it ever again, there's a guy out there who just lets women. No, it lets women pump his butt with their vaginas, and he claims to give them multiple O's from them humping his butt with their vaginas.

I was like, I was one.

That was one where I literally turned the port off and went upstairs. I was like, I'm not turning it off. I saw it and laughed. I was like, I'm done.

I can't. Yeah, it's hilarious.

But yeah, he's just this muscly man. He just sits there and the dick just pump his butt with their vaginas. The title will be like, She came twice. I was watching like, Wait, what?

I think this guy's begging for it. He's going, I'm not gay. I just like somebody humping my butt. Like a woman humping my butt and coming. I bet that feels good.

You're having a vag smash you? Yeah. It's probably not bad. Probably tickles a little, honestly. Yeah.

A vag?

He's having a vag. A vag. He's having a vag. He's having a vag. Something to think about.

Something to consider.

I think I've seen that guy, though, but not from that.

Not at the golf course?

No.

Where'd you see him?

Well, because come twice is one of my fetishes.

Jeez. Why? You got to be wank battling someone. No.

I just... Is that not a... Well, first of all, it is a fit. There was a whole subreddit for that. Come twice?

Yeah. There's nothing wrong with it. It's fine. A man?

What's that? A man or a woman?

A man.

Oh, there's something wrong with it.

Yeah, because it's so good that he premature and then they keep going. Yeah, right. And it's just a really tiny, muscley guy that got... I shouldn't call him tiny. But he would just get dry-humped.

Yeah, dude, that's how I fell into the video. Okay. I was watching the guy get dry-humped, and I was like, All right. Then if you kept following that, there would have been a lady.

He'd follow the trail.

You were right there. All you do is dunk your head underwater. You saw him getting his butt pumps. That's the next video.

Don't I had an underwater...

That's so crazy. I forgot it was from dry hoping. That's what it was.

The Gooners Roundtable. The Gooniverse.

Two overlaps of my fetish eye or whatever.

Fetish eye. The Gooners' Night, dude.

When's the last time? Don't use, bro.

It's been a little bit.

You're fucking crazy right now.

I'm telling you, it's been a little bit. Texas does cure the sickness. You go down there, there's not a lot, dude. There's not a lot to be had. We can find it.

True.

The dude, Gooner bloodhounds. You'd sniff it out.

Kindred spirit.

It's really emergency. It's like emergency FAP anymore.

It's like emergency FAP. So he would scan his face as soon as he got off the plane, as soon as the plane lay in the airport going.

No shame. The government can know exactly what I'm doing.

Just call the capital thing I've touched down on here. Here's my idea. No, dude, I forgot. That's how it started. It was dry humping.

Yes. Because the whole dry- Which comes from a panty job fetish.

Yeah. Yes.

Hold on a second. Hold on a second. What's a panty job? Panty job.

I got you.

This is like the Belmont, brother.

This is crazy, dude.

So panty jobs, it's a whole world of ass jobs, slash outercourt, slash.

Sure.

This is why it ruled.

What the fuck is going on.

Slash unexpected sex, which is not as aggressive as it sounds like. But basically...

How are you doing all this and line dancing?

You should see how horny is on the dance floor, bro. It's fucking causing.

Hey, jobs. What, girl?

Okay, so anyway. But I'll do this, then we can have that out. Okay. If you like a real planned version of this would be mano-job.

Which is- Bro, I'm not kidding. You're hurting our show. Oh, my man. No way. No way.

Well, I'm just saying anybody wants to know what we're talking about. The easiest way to find this is through mano-job. Where there's supposed to be hand jobs. Mano. I think mano is Latin for hand. Oh, so manojo. My bad.

It doesn't matter. I was going to hold your feet to the flame for that one.

I was going to land the root.

But the general idea is what's the etymology of It's supposed to be... It's only supposed to be a hand job or a blow job or a little grind session. But she gets so into it that, whoops, slides in a little bit for a little bit. That is...

It's a pain job is when you stay out of course, but it's between skin and the panties, and you're hitting that gap. Yeah.

It's not bad. I didn't know the name for it, but yes, I've indulged. It's incredible. It's incredible. Yeah, it's a really great video. I've indulged. It's great.

And so this guy Sometimes it's outside and it's a lady in a sundress.

She just lifts it up. It's a nice time. Yes. They're going belly to belly, standing. Am I right?

I know exactly what you're talking about. Carrie light.

What? You know her name? Probably. What did you just say? Carrie light.

Is that her? That is a lady that's on the X.

Well, I need to know this because I've been looking for this fucking lady. Oh, yeah. I have a loss. I saw it years ago.

I have a lost panty job video that haunts. I can never find it. I was like, Got to remember that. Woke up the next day and I was like, It's gone.

Do you want to find it to me? I've never seen yours.

You might have reached the goon state.

Hold on. What did you say?

I do think I'm probably in the top 1-2%-A panty job? Of those videos. Yeah. I'm not proud of that. I mean, I think it's pretty creep.

I don't think it's not that You got a panty job.

You know.

Interesting. Panty job is not bad. It's when you... Like, penny job is so innocent, and then you see the muscle guy getting humped in the butt by a girl's.

What? I've been clean since February. Bill, take it easy, man.

Clean since last February?

I haven't jerked off since last February. That's February.

All right, cool.

You haven't even jerked off.

Congratulations on your...

Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, engagement. That's what it was. It must be nice, dude. Must be nice.

That's what Shane hit me with the friend. Right when it happened.

My wings have been clipped so many times. I've gone No masturbation, no porn. My wings have been clipped so many times. I've been flying, and then they just... I crashed right back in the air. Sure.

Dicarous. That happens.

It's fine.

It's not wrong with it.

No, I don't beat myself up about it.

Got you. Loud and clear. So, Gerby, you're saying you're top one % horneous guys?

You are one of the-I regret saying that. I just think that it's not a horneous guys. What I meant was that style of video because there was a whole subreddit.

You've been locking it down. How long have you been holding it down? For years. Oh, really? You found your thing? Yeah, yeah.

Do you have an old account? No. Oh, you just go anonymous browsing?

What did you mean Do you have a reddit just set up for you to watch porn? No, I just have my regular.

Just rock it.

But it's not like I...

Yeah, you don't care.

You don't have a public... I'm trying to get like, Reddit comment on shit.

You're not commenting.

No. Okay.

You promise?

I commented not on- To get information different.

Not on pool.

Oh, okay. That's what I'm saying. You're not commenting on the shit you're jerking. No.

I would say a comment to get information about a starlet is fine.

She's beautiful. What's her name? Has anyone actually seen her face? That's a great comment.

Name?

If you're information forging, that's an acceptable comment. Yeah.

That's where I think what else does she have? Bottom 10% because there's dudes commenting.

No, I was just saying insofar as the type of video.

Yeah.

Now, it's always nice when you hear somebody knows what you're talking about in terms of something like that.

Yeah.

Because rarely do guys get to have a conversation It's important we talk. We're in my man cave, dude. Pool table, sitting around, talking jizz. That's what it's all about.

The camera setup is nasty.

The camera is nice.

It's that new 8K.

Spotify is going to love it. Spotify is going to go, damn, these boys blessed us again.

It looks like the dogs playing poker. It does.

Spotify is going to fa-fa, bro. Chill. You're going to what? Chill. Fa-fa. I don't know if you know. Dude, he's trying to ruin on us. I've seen the video of Are there boomers?

No. Oh, my God. There's boomers that are going against the ICE people protesting, and they're screaming at them, and the guy's saying, go to Trump. And these gender compliments get around them and steal his glasses. But he's like 55, 60.

He starts to run and just falls like each shit. Falls ass up, dude. He slides on all fours with his ass up. Like a dream fall. The worst fall you could imagine. It looks AI, the type of fall. People don't fall like This is fake. What sign falls?

What sign was yours?

He was on... It was like, he was walking through a protest. He was like, Fucking queers. The kid steals his glasses. Falls ass up. I saw that.

He got back up and then a dude kicked his legs out again. He just went like face first into a curb, a huge gash and had no idea what the fuck was going on.

Still trying to fight them. Everyone needs to go home on those things. It's time to go home. Too dangerous.

That's how all boomers will die.

Just walking by I thought to beat the shit out of you guys.

You're lucky I don't just get a heart attack. They're so frail, brother. Where are the coldest set, buzze? Boomers have not ran in 30 years. If you try to start running, dude, it's over for them.

If you go from no exercise to political violence.

Yeah, fistfight. A wrestling match and a fistfight, you're dead. I know.

Their equilibrium is probably real fucked up.

Bro, yeah. That's been my take from all the fights. It's like, go home, dude. No one's I built for this, dude. Stay home. Hit it on Facebook. All caps on Facebook. Stay in your space.

You hit them on Facebook.

Do not take it to the streets right now. At least let the weather get nice. It's chilling, dude.

It is too cold. Freezing, dude.

That guy was in his glory, though, at first. He was so happy. Then he took it to the streets.

You got to just let the people take your glasses. You got to just go, Yeah, you got my glasses. He fell off with his legs. He was like, Yeah, he was knees out.

Also, dude, imagine, though, if you're crushing Fox News all day, every day, and the fucking Lib protestors hit your block.

I think Fox is trying to get us into some Iran right now. I think we're back on it. Oh, really? Because they're We're in protests, and we're like, We're with you. We're with the protesters.

We didn't start this.

Yeah. Oh. Yeah. There's protests for a regime change. That's all you got to do, dude. Say our name. Say it one more time. Yeah, true. We're Candy Man. Say regime change three times in a mirror. Columbia, I'm telling you, they got two more.

Bogota?

They made a mistake.

I mean, here's the thing, though. Do you think Venezuela is going to boss up since they have all this investment getting poured in? If I was the President of Columbia, too, I'd be like, You won't fucking pour billion dollars in my country, policy.

Tell me what they're doing. They went through hyperinflation in 2016. And then all these doctors and shit were getting paid 50 cents a day doing captures to train AI to get smarter. Because AI has a hard time doing how many busses are in the squares. So these people just got decked with hyperinflation and then start doing captures all day long for food, pretty much.

Yeah.

It's a tough deck. Cards to get dealt. That is.

That is a tough one.

I stand with my Venezuelan people.

Me, too. I'm liberal. I'm liberal.

Yeah, I guess the Libbs do stand with Venezuelas.

You want to build the wall?

No, I don't. You want to build the-No, I don't, dude. Don't even fucking joke about that. I'll fucking beat your ass.

I just went to a fucking crazy showing for a house.

Where? Yeah, this is wild. Down.

Oh, man. I was going through one. I was fucking sick. And then we're going through it, and then the garage is awesome. But on the floor of the garage, and these red letters was 14, a lightning bolt 88. I was like, no one knows what this means.

Really? Yeah. Wait, is that SS?

Oh, yeah.

It's 14. It's the 14 words it led by an 88, Hill Hitler. Damn. He was a proud white man.

What? On the garage. Proud lightman. Just an open house. Also using Zillow. Yeah, I know. Just to be... Yeah, it is funny that Nazis still have to do all that. Yeah, I know. My house is on fucking... Zillow, fucking bullshit.

Checking your Zestimate I'm going to admit, too. On Zillow, I'm going like, as soon as it goes down, you're like, start looking around like, where are they?

Who am I going to blame for this? Oh, never mind. I remember.

Do you remember who's fault this is? 50,000 over asking. Man, fuck it.

Damn. Yeah, that's pretty... I mean, borderline exciting.

You never really see stuff like that. Yeah, you never see an actual white supremacist.

I knew of somebody. I knew of somebody who was in a long term relationship with this guy, and it got pretty serious. And then they finally realized this guy by night would be online, full white supremacy. Yeah, he got in 42. And had to break their relationship. They were dating for years, and the relationship broke up. She got the chat logs? She got the chat log? I think logged on the We were maybe thinking, is there any hos in this house? It was just straight up like, we must present it for the future. It was like, God damn. I love that. Dan and Nancy. He was just working by day and then by night. He was trained by day. He was trained by day.

He was literally everybody on the internet who comments on shit. Wouldn't save my fucking face.

It's just so funny.

I don't know what you're laughing at. Lever King is literally going to break through this window.

I hope he does, dude.

Why are you Hawking like this.

I'm not going to lie, I'm not going to lie.

Lever King would respect that, bro. If you knew you were close to suicide, he would probably hit you with the unsexual tennis and build you up. It's the guy he is, for real, honestly.

I like Lever King. I wish he never lied. That's all.

You see him in front of the crumble cookies with fucking swinging at clubs and shit. I like that.

Cromal Club is so bad for you.

Crumble cookies, that's why Lever King is out there with a club.

He went to a Water burger one time with his sons and got a crazy ass meal. Got 50 burgers.

Clip it. Joke World. Joke World, Billy McCusker. Lever King went to Water burger and got a crazy ass meal. You got to see the clip.

He's fucking crazy. He said he was going to teach his sons how normal people go out to eat. That was like 50 burgers, 20 fries, milkshakes, sodas.

Yeah, like me, sophomore year. High school, dude. In the boys would go. Bacon at her. It's not just Lever King.

There's a couple of bros out here right now stopping people from going in to fast food places, and they offer you a hundred bucks. They're going in to the taco Bell, they're going, I'll give you a hundred bucks.

I'll fucking walk home. Get out of my way. Give me a cheesy.

I love that.

Because you see a lot of people, they see the hunter, and they go, I'll give a fuck. Also, you have it on the mind.

If you're in the parking lot of taco Bell, almost nothing can stop you. You've driven there. You're going in.

It's just funny. You watch it, you go, nah.

I'm going to eat this.

I love cheese and verdina crunchies.

Crunch wrap Supreme.

I tried to get one of my mechanics when I left after going to the racetrack. They fucked my order up.

Oh, What happened?

They gave me rabbit food, and I was just like, whatever. Probably better off not getting it. What was it? Tomat and lettuce on the cheese verdina.

How do they forget the meat? I've known people. It's happened to a McDonald's where you get a burger.

I think they had meat as well. They had the meat. They had everything. He just doesn't like vegetables at all. Oh, they put the...

Pick it off. I agree. It's a cheese verdina crunch.

You got the Supreme. They gave you the Supreme.

True. They didn't take off tomatoes.

That's how it works. You guys should have... I don't even want to bring it up. The square, the line dancing.

Oh, okay.

It makes me sad. All right.

Well, if it makes you sad, then, yeah.

I've told them both already. Okay, good. The way you rushed into the room and pushed a girl out of the way to dance next to your sweetheart. Hey, take that.

She's not my sweetheart.

She was very, very pretty.

She's really pretty, but...

He shoved a woman out of the... It just couldn't be further. And the woman wouldn't... Hold on. What was that?

It couldn't be further from the truth.

Are you sure?

Did I shove a woman out of the way?

Yeah.

No.

Did you put your hands on her? No. You never touched her?

Absolutely not.

I watched you touch her. Okay. You were literally like...

Could I imagine a scenario where you- You boxed her out.

Physically boxed her out and started dancing while- Well, I said you. Well, hold on.

Because we know this person.

Further from the truth is crazy.

The way that you phrase it, I didn't like it.

It made me sound... Okay, boxed out instead of shoved. Yeah. And dancing while boxing out a little. Come on, I'm fucking...

No, it's not that. Again, We can't have this conversation because you're getting too upset by it.

Everyone saw it.

Okay.

We could bring down a witness. We could bring down two witnesses right now.

There was a lady in the way.

He was dancing with a very pretty girl.

Let's address what's actually happening here, which I'm the only one dancing. So Shane wants to go to watch me to find a reason to get upset by what I'm doing.

No, I was very excited for you, and I was happy for you. I was happy for you the entire time. That's a bully.

What was going on? He's afraid of lying. There's nothing I was going to do that wasn't going to fall under the gaze of scrutiny because that's what he's there to do.

No, I was there to drink and have a good time.

Which is watching me.

Watching you dance. Yes. Yeah, but you like dancing. So what's the problem? I like watching you It's fun.

Because you're watching to make fun of me.

Oh, no, no. Yes. I was excited to see your moves, and you had good moves, and I was saying, damn, Steve, you're pretty good at this.

Okay, fair enough. Anyway, I was excited. I had two dances I knew how to do. One of them came on. I boxed out one of our colleagues to dance with this pretty woman, and he called me out, and he was right. I should have done it.

It was the line right in front of us. So it was like, from me to you. I was sitting down. I watched Steve Come running back from the bar with two drinks because he went to get us drinks. The song started playing while he was at the bar, so he was in a hurry to get back because he wanted to show this lady the moves, which I understand. Then he comes running back, puts them on the table. Since he left, somebody filled his spot in the line dancing. So the only place he could go to get next door is to push that person out of the way. And I knew he was going to do it. And I sat there and watched him put the drinks down and start to shove a girl out of the way who didn't move, which was pretty crazy. That's pretty wild. She didn't get out of the way. She kept dancing while he was like...

She's awesome, by the way. What's that? We know her. She's awesome.

I think she's great. I was so happy. She stood her ground. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was so proud of her. But while he was doing it, I said, Steve, you're the horniest guy on Earth. And then he stormed off the dance floor. He was like, Don't call me horny. Stormed out.

Yeah, I don't like when he gels that stuff. Shane doesn't like when you talk to women. I've never been in a situation where if I'm talking to a woman that you don't come up and I don't...

Hold on, you're telling me he's a bit of a player hater.

I say, yeah. I say he's a player hater.

I will say I do hate the game. Typically, I don't hate a player. I hate the game, dude. I hate it. If I see someone doing moves to try to get a girl...

We're just talking to a girl.

You talked to several women that night. Did I interrupt once?

No.

Arrest my case. All right, fair enough. Now, when you shoved the coworker out of the way to get next to a woman, did I speak?

It was a sloppy move. I were good.

It was incredibly sloppy. Did anything come of it? No. As soon as he stopped, a Jack dude with a mullet came over and started grinding on that girl.

What are you on doing?

Several other women were talking to him the whole time, and I was delighted for you.

That's very nice.

Have you boxed out?

Boxed out was... Especially when it's... Because the whole time I saw him coming, and I was like, There's no way he's about to do what I know he's about to do.

I'm imperfect.

If any of my friends boxed a girl out to get next to a girl, I'd be like, it doesn't matter who it is. I go, What the fuck are you doing, dude? That's crazy.

You're so horny.

Yeah. So I If you were the hornyest guy on Earth, then stop. If you watched me box out a girl to get close to another girl, what would you say? I would be so happy.

I mean, even Jesus dropped a cross three times.

There's nothing wrong with it.

True.

Especially being bar, hearing the song coming on, knowing the babes there.

Going, Oh, this is my song. It's a pressure. He was excited.

I made it.

Sometimes people do stupid shit with her. Fucking revved up.

I'm allowed to say it. I'm allowed to go, Dude, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah.

If this is how he do it comes on, I'll go.

You get out of my favorite fucking song. Now, would you shove a woman out of the way to get close to a woman?

I could see myself.

Shove.

Making the mistake of boxing out for sure.

Under oath, I would describe it as a slight shove. Under oath. Okay.

Boxing with square dance. Boxing with square dance. With elbows. How about that? Is that a fair?

It was a foul. If it was on the basketball court, they would have teed him up. It was Jaymon. It was a physical box out.

I can't wait to have eyes on you. I couldn't. I can't wait.

Please, Steve.

To geceify you talking to women.

Steve, you'll be in bed when I'm talking to the babe, Steve. I don't talk to a woman before 10: 00 PM. That's your van flight. Dude. Yeah.

I'm going to start staying up late.

I'm going to start staying up late.

I'm not going to watch. You're a van flight.

You cannot van flight.

You're horny.

I would love that. I welcome that. I welcome that type of scrutiny. You need to know I'm not a crook.

It would be funny if he just got hammered trying to stay up late, and then he was on a movie date, and you're like, You're horny, motherfucker.

I would have him removed from the building. Now, please answer me. What would you do if you saw me going like this to one girl to go to the girl next to me? What would you say?

I put the blinders on, let you get to work.

Let me get to work. I would get to work. Don't fib to me like that. I would not.

No, I'm more of a tabulator. I would tabulate. I'd wait till later.

That's interesting. That was crazy. That was a wild one. I couldn't contain myself. Once I saw it, I was like, Steve.

Well, especially you were... It was like he was jammed up to get to the floor and you were in him clock and you were like, I know it's about to happen, which is also another big pressure. So when he hit the foul.

But I mean, I'm sad you think that I was there to criticize you. I told you I wasn't. I was there. I was genuinely happy to watch you. You were frolicing. It was nice.

Sure. And I do also want to say that I appreciate being teased about stuff because it's important to have checks and balances. Sure. And it is true that, but for you in my life, I'd probably be doing that.

For real? A lot. You'd be doing that a lot. A lot?

There's no doubt. If a player is in the game, he needs rules.

That's right. True. I'd run amok.

Have you? He's not afraid to run amok.

If I didn't have a fish bowl, I'd be That's how surprise sex happens.

What?

Have you pulled from square dancing yet? No.

I watched it. You definitely pulled. You were doing well. Seeds are planting. I saw some numbers get exchanged.

I went out on a few dates with... Yeah.

There we go. And very attractive women. Nice work. Oh, thanks.

It's just because of the show.

Yeah, no shit. You got to do something. You got to do something. What else are we doing? Yeah, that's nasty.

It's all those years of hard work.

It did hurt. It I heard when the Jack Smalek guy came in and stole your big boot.

No, that guy's awesome.

First of all. I know, but I see what's going on there. There's a lot of wolves in that building. There's a lot of cowboys in fucking Eastern Pennsylvania. There's a lot of guys role playing in there for girls.

Yeah, true. I mean, that's a classic shepherd, dude.

I'm basically Chris Kyle. Is that his name? Chris Kyle? The American sniper? Yeah. You're either a wolf or a shepherd, son, or a sheep. Which one are you? I'm a shepherd. You're a wolf. But there was me. Big time, dude. You pushed a sweet sheep out of the way to be a predator. That's no sheep. She's no sheep. She's no sheep.

No, she's no sheep.

You think she's up to no good?

Not that she's up to no good, but that's...

I will say her sticking around seemed like she was being funny. Yeah. Because anybody else would have got out of the way. She's very funny. She stayed there because she knew what he was doing. Yeah. She was like, What are you going to do about it? Type. And Steve was ready to go. He would go as far as it took. If I didn't intervene, you would have thrown her to the ground.

The young men that go to the line.

You knew each other while doing this. You guys are a crowded floor.

I would describe it as a square, and they were at the corner, the front corner.

Why I just exposed myself again?

There's no other spot for him to go right there. And he went...

Yeah, I was wrong. I was wrong.

He's a wolf, dude.

I was wrong. And you embarrassed me?

Sorry. Sorry about that. I didn't mean to do that to you.

We're on the clip of the I'm the fucking Lever King at the fucking Water burger.

I'm the liver king went to a Water burger with his friends and had crazy meals. Billy McConsker hour. That was so funny.

It's hard sitting next to you. Breaking balls. The Colossus in the game. I can't keep up.

Shut the fuck up, Billy. No, I think you're the funnyest. You're the funnyest, dude. Shut the fuck up.

Following you must be a motherfucker.

You're the funnyest.

It was so funny.

I thought about it, then sometimes you shouldn't talk. I didn't trust me. Look.

Here's the thing, though. Why don't I say yes?

What size is going to be on the best of 2026?

Those fuckers that go to a line dance, the young kids that are going to line dance, you got to watch out for them.

Yeah, they got 1488 in their garage. No, they don't. They're like the line dancers and stuff for the kids.

You see those kids that are 24 posts and they're like, get ready with me, a life in the day of a 24-year-old in Houston?

That's exactly who fuck it. That Mr. Steal, your girl. That was Mr. Steal, your girl. They're terrifying me. He was a handsome fellow. Got you. Yeah. The guy who came in and stole your prize.

It was not my...

You paraded her around the- You were going for it.

You were dancing for a while. She was showing you. She was teaching you moves.

Can I say something?

Yeah, for sure.

And we're back.

Yeah, fair enough.

I should have said that last bit.

No, I think it's fair. Steve, it's context.

Context, Matt. Yeah, Yeah.

You're a freak.

You're totally fair.

We're Allied right now on this episode. You and I are allies, dude. We're fucking...

You guys have all been Allied. You guys have been Allied. The McCusker brothers are on your side. It's me against the world. I'm Germany. I'm Germany. Sorry. Sorry, I called Germany. You're England. No, I'm not. England.

You forced your hand. You're in a possible situation.

I had to do it. Poland. I had to take Poland right away. You're France, dude. I'm the US, I'm sorry. You're next. You're not.

I'm the SSR. I'm going to fucking kill myself.

I'll kill myself. I'll kill everyone here.

I'm going to starve to death in front of you.

Do you remember when we put the crippling financial sanctions on Russia? Yeah. We were supposed to put them back to the Stone Age. What happened there? Money's fake. Yeah. Wait, is that recently? No, that was like...

Everyone changed their profile picture to the Ukraine flag instead of Russia.

Well, they had that fucking pipeline. They only supply Europe with all their natural gas.

Then something happened to it. I don't know. No one even knows. Fucking Somehow somebody blew it up. We wouldn't do that to our allies.

Anyway, so I didn't mean to kill the conversation, but whenever we were talking about Venezuela, I wanted to say that, too. Remember, yeah. It was supposed to be back to the Stone Age, and it's like, how is that still working?

The prediction is they're going to grind their economy to dust with the war, and eventually, they'll collapse again.

Okay.

That's the prediction.

The equipment I've seen them using over there, though, it can't be that fucking expensive. Which isn't bad. It's like a fucking tank. It's covered in battle bots. For real, they have to have battle bots tanks because they get hit with drones. So all their tanks have 10 feet of shit hanging off of them. Oh, man. Yeah.

And their drones are like Best Buy drones.

That's all you need.

It's like 30 grand a month from Best Buy funds the war.

Honestly.

I wonder if after this war, they'll get brought into the fold on favorable terms. Never.

Russia has the worst luck. Why? They've just been getting shit on forever.

They've been getting shit on forever.

They really have. Why would they fucking hate Russia, bro?

But didn't they help us big time in fucking WW2?

Yeah. No, everyone forgets about that. They helped us. And on this podcast, we don't bring up past wars. That's my one role.

Michael from Love on the Spectrum started a podcast, and he was like, In this podcast, we have one rule.

We do not speak on Pass Wars.

That's a fan role, actually.

Good for him, dude. He could get his hands on the wrong book.

Lose the liquid death money.

Yeah, dude. I don't want you to feel bad about anything you do.

No, time out. I don't want you to feel bad about or worried about it because I truly mean what I say about that, which is like, I need checks and balances on-Well, I like what you're doing.

Cowboy hat, tank top. Snake boots? I support that.

They're not snake, but I do have cowboy boots.

You should think about getting snake skins or gators.

You can be the man in black. They'd get all black. Black cowboy hats.

No, it's all like browns and tans.

No. You got a Peacock a little bit.

No, no, no.

You've moved on? Yeah.

Not even a feather in your cap?

No.

I would wait to be master of the dance before you go all black.

No, but Evelyn... She got me one that was really funny.

That's awesome.

Really? Yeah. Do you think you're going to stay line dance or move on to different...

I've already started doing some jive. There we go.

Yeah.

What the fuck is Jive? Jive? What are you going to see it's in the show. It's before the customer walks in today. I'm demonstrating to Kyla some new dance techniques. We're excited to have you tomorrow. Yeah, we're going to be great. That's going to be great.

Good old time.

Sorry, this is a boring topic really quick, but has anybody seen the rehearsal, too? Like the one where he goes and he... Never mind.

All right.

What is that?

It's a fielder. What's it?

Nothing.

What's the rehearsal, too?

It's like that Nathan Fielder thing on HBO.

It goes into an airplane.

I've heard of it. I heard it's really good.

I thought it was so funny.

I'm excited to see Jive. What type of music is played during Jive?

Like a jazz dance. Oh, shit.

Yeah, that stuff. Baby, baby, looks like it's going to hit. Stuff like that. Oh, shit.

Like big band. Is that what it's called?

Big band and swing.

Yeah. Our Our grandfather liked a big band. He also loved Herb Albert.

Our grandfather?

You're creating a monster.

I try so hard, dude. Yeah. Just a minute ago, I was apologizing. Then you hit me with you dancing the fucking... Baby, baby. I think that's fucking bullshit. That sucks ass. Fuck.

What's the next step after drive?

Whatever comes up on the YouTube.

I really need you to get into crumping. Yes. Please get into crumping.

Yeah, crumping with me. I do at some point, though. I want to show you the fake ID line dance because I-I'd like to see it.

When we finally get a day off, I'm going to go back to line dancing with you. Yeah, that's awesome. I love it.

That's when we're going to have to show up some people because I need a lot of space.

Okay. Yeah, you go. True. We can clear it out for you. Okay. That place would be so high if we cleared it out for you to dance.

To make the accountant, dude. What's it? Do you ever see the accountant, too? No. They're dancing, and they get a big fight. It's pretty sick. Two brothers, they just love each other. They're a lion dancing, they get a big fight.

That is exactly what's going to happen.

We can look it up. It's called Footloose, the remake, Fake ID. And then it's-And you mastered the dance from the movie?

Or is it just the-I definitely have it down.

I wouldn't say I've mastered it because there's-Dude, there's people with that lion dance, the black dude and the white guy.

They were fucking killing it. He is the elf. Nasty. He's enjoyable to watch. Yeah.

And then the other lady?

Yeah, people take it very seriously. Oh, yeah.

It's fucking tight.

And then Gerby's gets out there.

And then what it was all over. Then, Shane dance, drink. He started playing drink.

Dance? Once everybody laughed. I got out on the floor.

This lady was being mean to him for no reason?

What the hell? Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.

Just straight up yelling at him for something.

Yeah. What was that? What did she say?

She was just saying like, you're not good or I don't know.

Yeah, it was like sitting down. She came over like, Hey, Yeah, I was like, all right.

She might have been negging you, though.

I tried to just walk between them. Then he was like, his chain just was like this. Then he goes, Don't worry about it. Then he's like, to her, he's like, You, live. Thumbs down.

That's just good clean fun. It's good clean fun. Back to Drag Dance. Getting the thumbs down.

That's what you get.

That's all you need to do to somebody. Bitch. Don't be afraid to talk after the Waterberger thing.

Sorry.

It's just hard to keep up. After the Waterberger fiasca?

Maybe he just edit me out the entire thing. We're playing that like 10 times. I should roll.

That was so good. That's the Pageon episode.

I should roll. No.

Who hit that burp?

Probably Matt. Matt might have it.

Oh, wow. I'm sorry. I'm crazy. I really apologize. I got spit. I didn't know. And then you said that. I'm like, my mouth does taste pretty horrible right now. My mouth tastes like a hate track.

He burped up tacos. He was like, Bro, it literally smells like they just cupped up.

I hate the smell of burps.

I apologize. Has it been broken down shit.

It's like a fully cooked meal. It doesn't even sound bad.

I ate like a pint of guac before I did this.

That shit stays with you all night long.

Yeah, that was bad. I'm sorry.

We'll say when you start filming, you forget how much of a pussy you are. What? Dude, I have to wake up early. It's crazy.

6: 18 for me tomorrow. Hilly Gal time.

I started doing calisthenics, and it makes me want to fucking die.

Cool.

Yeah.

What do you do?

I'm doing like three pull-ups at a It's so embarrassing.

No. I mean, pullups are hard.

I, for real, might trans. Just to make it less embarrassing.

I'm fucked up. It's true.

Just take my tits back out of it. Ten pull-ups in. True. It is the most embarrassing thing in the world. Just failing doing three pullups.

You got to do it, though.

At least you can do three, dude. That's pretty good.

That's what I was saying. Three is like three over and over. Plus three. Yeah, three over and over again, dude. All the reels.

Three every time. That's awesome.

Great.

Well, I think we've done it.

Dude, thank you all. Yeah. Thank you.

Great seeing you.

And Matt, when you head back down Austin Way, I'll be on down the Fort with these two fellows. I'll get Spot Dog in here. Yeah, you guys are going to get to know each other a little better. All true. And he is a delight.

I mean, me and Gurman got along. We golf fucking together.

We had a good time. Was that with Phil? Yeah. I was using women's clubs. It wasn't a good time. Until he got his code.

Yeah.

He bumped him twice.

That's good clean fun. Why did you get so upset about that?

Because I was drunk. Because I was drunk and I bumped him twice.

You don't mess around the golf course.

That's right.

Okay. That makes sense.

It's a gentleman's game.

I can't. If people are taking golf seriously, I get very mad.

Yeah. He's turning in a Jackass.

Bro, I was going fucking less than... It was so slow.

Your car was playing with your kid.

He became But when I-Franc, no one was home.

Alire, we were having a good time.

You guys were having a good time. Yeah.

The bumps were not hard. They were light bumps. It was definitely not Jackass.

Fair enough.

Admit they were light bumps.

They were 100% light bumps.

Did you ever react?

No.

He became dominant daddy.

He did dom me. Yeah, he did. At my own golf out. It's perfectly okay to say, Hey, I don't like this.

Boundaries.

That's not overreactive. Hold on.

Because you won't stop. If somebody bumps my car and I turned around and said, Hey, I don't like that. Watch it, Buster. What do you think is going to happen? You're getting bumped.

Right. So I'm in checkmate immediately. And so all I'm going to do is say, You know what? I'll put my foot down. This is my thing. I said, Chris, let me out.

As soon as he got out of the car.

He started staring at me. And then I said, Well, how do you diffuse this?

No.

So I just laid there and took it. It was humiliating.

It was one second. As soon as I saw you were actually sad, I left you alone.

I don't think there was time dilation going on there.

Sure. Well, I was very annoyed. Yeah, you got mad. I got mad at the whole fucking... I don't tolerate that.

I didn't say tolerate. I don't know what I said. I said, Hey, don't bump me.

He said, I'm not on your level.

That was what he did say. I'm not on your level right now. I don't feel like dealing with this. I'm not dealing with this. I'm not on your level right now.

Oh, that's a great thing to say.

Clear boundary set. Yeah.

Why did you take it so bad?

German was on real.

He took it so bad. You got in the car and went home. My mom was like, Come say hi to people. And you're like, Absolutely not.

How many people am I saying hi to? We said a lot of people.

You got to say, I know a lot of people. It's a fucking Down syndrome charity. It's a charity event for Down syndrome.

I thought we were done with the obligation of doing the charity. All right, my man, next time.

No, it's You're fine. No, I feel bad. You shouldn't feel bad. You did exactly what you would do. No one was like, what the fuck?

I'll go back next year.

Phil was like, where the fuck is Gurban? I was like, he went home, and that was it.

We went, oh, all right. He was tired. He got bumped. He got bumped twice. He got all up in his grill.

He got bumped twice on the 18th.

The 17th? All the way down 17. Turned out 18.

All the way up to 18. Admit it was funny. It was a slow round. Admit it was funny when I was-We were playing corporate outings. Admit it was funny when I was playing Flight of the Valkries on the Bluetooth while chasing it.

That is Jackass.

Sure. It was great.

You got a mad dog and bump them back. It's hard. It's like, go crazy.

He was the VC. I was in a helicopter playing Fortunate songs. He hit the deck, dude.

I hated it. But your dad was a blast.

Yeah, he's awesome. Yeah. Thank you, man.

Chris was reminding us of one of his lines because Billy's backswing was quick. Billy was just joking with him like, I missed that because you were talking to my backswing, and your dad's like, I had to be an auctioneer to talk into your backswing.

I heard you were out in front of the whole group. You didn't want to play basketball.

No, I didn't even know what we were doing. First, yeah. Yeah, then I figured it out.

First, he was just going his own way.

Yeah, and they were just following me. They were like, Don't do that. I was like, Why? You understand the rules, yeah. But we got it.

There you go.

Who wants? There's another event your sister's got coming up.

I don't even know. We'll do one. Yeah, we're doing it. We'll get you out there. I'm going to be there. If you get bumped.

You know what? The problem is I can't go to war with you. Yeah, you can. No, I can.

You have the ultimate weapon, which is you can make me feel very bad. No, I can't. Yeah, you can. You make me feel sad.

Not in the moment.

When you get hurt, I feel sad.

So I had to get physically hurt?

No, not physically. I just emotionally. You've never been physically hurt. But why? I'm always very gentle with your penis.

I completely agree with that.

I would never ball tap you.

We've always said that nobody is better at...

Nobody's better at handling a dick of nuts. I got a whole book on it. It's pretty impressive. I got a book on it. He got a book on it.

He comes first.

So that is his follow-up. He comes next.

He comes next? Yeah. Oh, it's a real follow-up?

It's a real follow-up. I ordered it. It's not worth it.

I got to take I'm going to write-I got to take a look at this author.

No, it's all about how to please guys. Oh, really? Yeah. That's what I thought it was.

I'm going to write, he comes fast.

The author? No. You. He wrote the book by himself?

Apparently.

I mean, that'd be such an easy book to write. I could write a fucking tome on what I'd like.

It checks out. Yeah.

It makes a lot of sense.

What's the cover art?

I'm not going to name the author.

It was a Jewish author.

You guys hate Jewish sex, dude.

It's crazy. Stay out of the Jewish bedroom.

Jewish bedroom is intense, dude.

That's what the butt plug rabbi says. Stay out of the Jewish bedroom. Pierce, you're obsessed with the Jewish bedroom.

Click the old early life on the Wikipedia.

Where is he from? Brooklyn. He's also Jewish. Thank you,.

They don't do that to any other religion. I rarely do that to any religion. In the In early life on any famous person, if you click it, if they're Jewish, it's immediate. Almost like... The ABL runs. His grandparents were one-quarter Jew. Yeah, they really do. It's the fucking Gestapo on that thing. It's really weird. It's crazy.

The ABL, I think they do shit on Wikipedia. They scour that shit.

And they're adding? Yes.

They're getting numbers. I mean, anyone who rules is like, he was Jewish.

Hey, he's claiming dough.

Hold on. Do you have a Wikipedia? No.

Yes, you do. You have to have a Wikipedia.

Oh, you don't even know. Yeah.

I mean, you don't put your own Wikipedia up. You should. Yeah, you should, really. I don't know if you can edit them anymore, though.

I don't know. You don't have. Oh, whatever this fucking thing is. What is that? Personal life. The condition is aggravated by...

I don't want to be here for googling me.

What the fuck is WikiTia?

No clue. I mean, it's probably something to steal your data.

Got me. No, you don't have a Wikipedia.

Damn, you got to get one, Gurban.

You're going to get one after this. Half Jewish. Early life.. That is so true, though. Everything-i've never seen it. That could be very funny. It's rare.

You can start editing them in the early life, just put yes. Yes. It turns out, yes. Changed his name when he was 15.

You're wild, man. You're going to see him tomorrow. I can't wait. He's balling out this season. I can't wait.

It's so much fun.

It It was fun. I sucked. I sucked to the second half.

You did not suck to the second half.

I sucked to the second half. What do you mean? Fish. We get a lot of scenes after lunch, dude, and it's just...

That's tough. What'd you eat for lunch?

Cob salad. Yeah, he's had salad. It's light.

Yeah. Something light.

It's just-We're getting tired. You get tired.

Yeah, everyone's tired.

Second half.

No, it's exhausting.

Then we have catering ladies bring around. It's fucking insane. They bring a tray of fucking Wendy's burgers yesterday. Son of a banger. Just like an hour after lunch, just like, We got to eat cheeseburgers.

Remember last time they brought a giant thing of soup and just give everyone a thick cream soup. Delicious soup. Yeah, it was nuts.

You should let me doge that shit. Cut all that out, save as much money as possible.

True.

Get people hungry. Just get Takedos from 7-Eleven. 15. If you want them, take them. They're so good, bro.

Yeah, they are. I haven't got them in long time. 15 years. But every single time I'm at the register about to buy some Zins, I go, You and me used to have something. There she is.

That was always blackout clues. I'd wake up and go.

Every single time. 7-eleven in Westchester, I'll go in there, I'll get a dozen 7-Eleven wings. Threw up every single time. It's just crazy. All right. Well, that's a good one. We got an hour and a half.

The cam stayed.

Yeah. Hopefully that works. Sorry. Bill, thank you very much. Why are you sorry? Nothing to be sorry. But see, this is their defense against me for real. You hurt my feelings. You can't hurt me. And then I genuinely feel bad. You didn't feel bad. Yeah, I feel bad for you, dude. I didn't mean to make funny like that.

Lever King's story is already good. It's already got a watch.

Lever King went to Water burger with his family. It got a crazy meal. Look it up. Look up Lever King. I will talk to my fucking phone.

Look up Lever King Waterberger. It's fucking amazing.

I will. He teaches his kid how to go out of me. You should go on Rogan, dude. Yeah, I should fucking kill my dad right away. Dude, did you see Lever King went to Water burger with his family and got a crazy fucking meal?

I was just trying to get things going.

You're talking about spot the whole time. That was great. That was what you did. That was the invite me here and I done it.

The If the Lever King comes after you and I'm around.

Oh, yeah. I'll do the thing.

Why are you talking like this, dude?

Lever King.

He's tighter than a crab's ass. You see him fucking running around.

He's got no movement.

Bro, he's...

That's what I was saying. All four is behind him, and then you push, and then jump on top.

Do you think you're going to sneak up on the King?

You bet it's not miss.

Yeah, that would be the problem. He's missing it. You think you're going to yank on his- Pull his beard. You don't talk on Superman's cape. You don't pull on Lever King's beard, dude. I tell you that. You think you're going to fucking hit him with three students' dogs? He kicks his dog.

He kicked the fuck out his dog.

Everyone got pissed at him.

He went into Caravan to Austin. They got arrested. I call them fucking cops on Lever King. That's how you deal with his ass.

He was crawling in the hallways. At the Four Seasons, yes. Can you imagine if you open your door? I was like, Shit. Oh, man. I want nothing but peace with the Lever King for him.

We got to unite the King.

Just for the record, dude. War mode versus Lever King is nice. Spud's not going to agree with you. What? God's not going to be happy you signed him up for this. He's got a family, dude. 3.

0, good and true. He said that he's still lying.

This shit was fucking good. This is 100% going to get to him.

I don't fucking care, dude.

If I were you, I'd be I'm so nervous.

I'm not nervous. I pray for him. True. He's going through it. He's going through a tough time. True. You scared? Go to church.

I'm genuinely scared. Yes.

Brian Johnson wants to do it, not the live forever Brian Johnson, the other Brian Johnson. The guy to be afraid of is the fucking Brian Johnson who lives forever. The guy is trying to be like fucking 250.

Oh, that fucking guy? It's like, translucing. True. That guy is scary. He's just transing into Gurban. There's a guy out there that he's 60. He's transing into you. He's becoming a Jewish man. Is that right? No.

Did he see the 23 of me or is that fake?

No. What?

Someone swabbed their bearded dragon 23 of me. No. And sent it in and came back, Ashkenazi Jew.

Oh, my goodness.

That's not true. Look it up. It's like the bearded dragon's early life on Wikipedia. Jewish.

Brian Johnson is just trying to become a reptile.

Where'd you see that?

Look it up. I don't fucking know.

Nothing matters anymore.

23 of me.

After a Lever King meal, it was just like a dragon.

I just looked at it as a guy. That'd be funny. You should have Q.

We got to fact check that.

The fact check, I don't care.

It's funny.

Is it true? It's just exposing total fraud, dude. It has nothing to do with the actual result.

But the actual result is Ashknazi Jew.

51% Ashknazi Jew. Jesus. It's bat Lizard is 48% West Asian and 51% Ashknazi Jew. Dude.

It could have been any ethnicity. It came back that. Even if it's fraud, it's still funny. It's funny, so.

Obviously, it's hilarious.

It's so fucking funny.

Brian Johnson is going to eventually start eating bugs and sitting under a lamp. Try to over-touple regimes.

Hey. Hey. Hey. That's all we got. Hey. Like a bus driver. It's a dickhead. Hey.

You got to sit up front now.

I just sat up front for half a year.

I believe it, dude.

I was crawling under the seats in the bus.

I believe that.

Getting dirty as shit first thing in the morning. You ever do that?

Yeah, I'd crawl under there. It is nice. I didn't mind that day.

You get to the wheel while and then you go, oh. Yeah. Stop.

He gets to the seat.

I clocked a full year in front of the bus. As soon as I walked on, The last driver looked at me and my cousin was like, Up here. Matt and Pat, get to the front.

You had the vibe.

We had the vibe. We used to sit, we used to hide behind the seat. As soon as she looked up in the mirror, we were ducked down. She was like, enough. Just, you're up here. I don't know what you're doing.

How about under the bleachers at a high school game? You ever get under there? No. It's good stuff down there. Yeah.

I think I sipped Tennessee under there one time.

That's crazy. That's pretty sick. Yeah. That was good. My sister's basketball games, I'd run under there. Oh, yeah. That's fun stuff.

That is fun.

Reach up, grab someone's ankles. That's good stuff. All right. We've done enough. We did. Thank you, guys. Love you, guys.

Yeah.

I love you. Thank you. I love you. I miss you.

Nothing to love. Miss you, too.

Bye, everybody.

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