Transcript of Ep 615 - Slim Goodie (feat. Sheryl Underwood) New

The Wild Wild West. Yeah, these are all your crew? Yeah, see, it's the same way with us. Yeah, everybody work with crew, keep confidences, don't talk too much.

No, they talk. These guys, these three are a problem. They get a couple whiskeys every night at the open mics, or not the open mics, you know what I mean.

But they tell stuff.

Oh yeah, they run the house.

They fight amongst each other.

They fight amongst each other immediately.

My— well, no, mine started negotiating and gang up on me. I'm like, who the fuck?

I would cut their heads. The second they unionize, they're dead. They're dead.

This is no union. We're going to get along great. I'm going to try this with they asses.

It'd be like Napoleon's cannon right into the French people's grapeshot right away.

Yeah, actually, I know Kyle from— this is a— so you ever hear I talk about the time I was at the Laughing Skull Comedy Festival and I was in the green room and it was the men's US soccer team just lost, and one of the lady comics walked in and was like, the men's team lost, they suck. I guess they still get paid more than the women. And I was just the one guy who was like, well, it's because they're, they're not as good. And there was one guy in the room with me that was like, don't do it. That was Kyle. I was sitting next to me going, why are you doing this? And I was like, hold on a second. Had to be done.

You were trying to warn him not to say—

He was like, don't.

You don't even do this. Why not? He is our Jim Kelly.

We were in the wrong room for it.

Well, why?

Because it was just—

Was it a bunch of women?

Yes. And even the guys were women.

Yeah.

The whole group. Every single guy in there was like, well, women are just as good at sports.

Yeah.

I was just like, you pussy. You never played sports.

Once you see a bitch get CTE, I have respect.

I don't know, I think they're born with it.

But see, to me, here's my feeling: if you want to be equal, you will be treated equal. And you don't want equal because equal is the same. And that's what everybody— I want to be equal. No, you don't. No, you don't. This— the time that a motherfucker get off the bus, remember we talking about the Pistons? And Lambeer and them, if somebody get off the bus.

Bill Lambeer, let's go.

And choke you and punch you in the face. But we not even on the court. We just fighting in the parking lot. You can be equal.

Yeah.

I like it. Yeah. Maybe the WNBA needs, actually they've been fighting a lot. That's what got a lot of, that's actually what picked the league up.

Do you think that they, but I think that there's certain things like me being a female comic. Women will come to see a man, right, with a guy. It's difficult for a man to come to see a woman and it's an hour and a half. That's why we end our show the way we end our show. It's an hour and a half of men ain't shit. So what guy is going to bring a group of his friends to go, let's go see some women bash us for an hour and a half and pay for it and get 2 drinks and some chicken wings? Who wants to? What man wants to do that?

Gay guys.

Yeah, there's some gay guys in sickos. Pretty true though. Gay guys and sickos.

Maybe this guy See, I know gay men that I get along better with a certain type of energy, right? But I know gay men that don't want to be represented the way the stereotype is.

Yeah.

I know gay men that fix cars. Nate. I know gay men— Are you gay?

No.

Yes.

I was gonna say, that is so cute. He's not.

He's fighting allegations.

Yeah, they just— He twerks at drinks.

I didn't even twerk!

I forgot he twerked. He twerked at Drake's.

I didn't twerk. At Drake's party?

Yes, he twerked out. I had to grab him. I go, no, no, no.

You were twerking at Drake's?

He's just saying that. Hold on a sec. Were you dancing when Sexy Red came on and I had to grab you and go, dude?

Ah, but I wasn't twerking. It was just the vibe. You was doing your version of twerk though.

Oh no.

I do have a little move I bust out, but it wasn't— You was doing the Humpty Dance. It was before Sexy Red came on. I was already—

It was while Sexy Red was on.

Then the DJ pivoted to Sexy Red. Wait, hold on. You was doing the Humpty Dance? You was doing the dog?

The key question is, how low did you go?

I didn't go low at all. I didn't drop it one inch. Don't make that face.

You thanked me.

Well, yeah, 'cause I almost danced to Sexy Red. I did appreciate that, but it was—

Almost is crazy.

Did you stick your tongue out?

Yes. He was looking at me going— I was like, ah.

You love him? Are you in love with him? Am I in love with Shane? Yeah.

Yes.

Yeah, it's the funniest thing. Not gay, but yes, we all love each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah, my guy. But he did twerk at Drake's.

But I didn't, but I didn't twerk. So you and Tony Hinchcliffe have sex together?

Yes, yes, sure. Why are y'all doing this to me?

That's gonna be the rumor. I'm about to live in this now. Oh no, they would just stop.

But Lamar is the freakiest of the group.

True.

Yes, Beth. Really?

Yeah.

No, tell me nothing. What do you do?

I— he'll tell you. Ask him one more time, he'll tell you something. He'll tell you something crazy.

What's the freakiest thing you do?

Uh, oh yeah.

Are we recording all of this?

Yeah, absolutely.

What's the freakiest thing?

I tried to go to an orgy in Milwaukee and it didn't work out. That's a good one.

Yeah.

I like, uh— I knew you were gonna say something crazy.

An orgy in Milwaukee?

Yeah, he was with me in Milwaukee and he got on the internet and tried to find an orgy.

Uh-huh.

And then he wrote a— I think a— an Uber. I took an Uber to a hotel. And they said, "Yo, if you give us $50, you can come to the orgy." And they stole $50 from him.

To me, see, that sound like a setup. Yeah. Yeah, of course.

But here's the question, Lamar, what would you have done had you gone there?

I don't know, man.

He would have fucked everybody. That's $50, that's a buffet for this. It's the buffet of sex. He like, oh yeah, fill it out. That's it. The Uber was what, $5, $10? It wasn't much. The entry fee to the orgy is $50. Oh, you having a good night.

There does have to be the Alaskan crab legs of the orgy. All right, let's save some of that for everybody.

Here's the funniest part about the people that ripped pissed him off was we got back to New York and he confronted them online and they were like, actually, where are you right now? He's like, I'm in New York. And they're like, you're not gonna believe it, we're having an orgy tonight.

What, did you Venmo the money or something?

What'd you do the first time?

You sent them the money online? Yeah. Okay, rule number one, you don't, don't pay before you fuck.

Well.

Leave it on the dresser. You supposed to leave it on the dresser. They have deposits nowadays. Okay.

You gotta do a deposit.

Really?

Yeah.

Is that what we doing now?

Not me.

I mean, but that's what the bitches— or was you fucking a man? No. Okay.

No. There was gonna be some fellas in there. I'd say 3 to 1 guys. Yeah.

So then how many people would've been in the orgy?

I think you gotta at least 10, right?

10 people, that's $50 a pop. Is that what an orgy is, 10?

I was just—

that's $50 a pop, that's $500. That's a good night. Yeah, who get the money though? That's in Milwaukee. That's good. I don't know, what are we supposed to be talking about?

I'm sorry, this is exactly what we always talk about.

It would be nice to host a non-existent orgy, get $500, and just jerk off by yourself in the hotel room. Yeah, just be like, I made so much money tonight.

Yeah, it's awesome.

It's a good plan.

Yeah.

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Yeah, now you know the crew.

Yeah, yeah, that's pretty much—

yeah, your crew is probably similar to my crew. Yeah, that's why they only smile and they're like, don't tell our business.

Why? What are they into?

Yeah, what the hell? I, I would say I would say I have the best team in the business because we understand each other, we respect each other, and they keep my secrets.

My team sucks.

Really?

They don't respect me. They tell everybody everything, and then they fight each other. Really? Every night. These guys have 3 shots of whiskey and go, "You motherfucker." Really? Yeah.

Well, maybe y'all want to fight each other, Dale and Kyle, now. No, y'all good.

So you guys are tight-knit?

Very much so.

That's nice.

They're, they're like the big brothers. They nudge me out of my comfort zone, like doing Netflix and even considering a special. I'm very afraid.

Yeah, because everything's scary.

Why? Why?

I don't know. Putting yourself out there sucks.

So you've— how many have you done?

I've only done two. I've only done one Netflix special.

Okay. How'd you feel?

I was nervous. And then once I did it, I was—

What made you nervous?

Putting yourself out there. Anytime I make anything and it goes out there, I'm like, why would I ever?

'Cause for me, I'm more comfortable in a nightclub.

For sure.

'Cause the language can be relaxed and it's intimate. And if you lose 'em, you can get 'em back.

Yeah.

In a special, now it's fixed in stone. You know, but I will say this, when Jamie Foxx and Marcus Kane produced this show, Laugh-A-Palooza, and it was filmed in Atlanta. And me and Mike Washington had been going around doing shows right after September 11th. So I was doing some pro-American, pro-President Bush jokes about September 11th in a very hood way. And everybody else in Atlanta was getting up and doing traditional sets, nightclub sets. And I told Jamie, I said, "I'm going to bomb." And he was like, "Why do you think that?" I said, "'Cause I'm about to do some pro-American jokes and pro-president jokes." 'Cause I used to get booed talking about being a Republican and supporting President Bush. But once I did it and the response, Kyle, you, 'cause you were saying, Kyle's sitting off camera, It made you respect me more in that humor.

Yeah, that's when I saw you was not just, you know, ass and titties. That's when I realized, oh, you just want ass and titties and suck a dick.

You—

oh, she got a strong mind. I didn't know that.

But here's the thing, like, I know that didn't sound right at all. I have a rule. I'm gonna take this off-ramp. I have a rule. I don't sleep with or fuck or engage sexually anybody I Hey, 'cause I'm getting fucked twice. If, yeah, you don't fuck who you pay. If you wanna be in a relationship with me and you work for me, you must quit. And then we'll see where it goes.

Yeah.

But in hearing when we got to know each other and the jokes that he appreciated, I had to take the risk and I needed it to be recorded so it could be timestamped. But when you recorded your special, did you bring back any jokes that had been recorded or done somewhere else to put in there? Put in a special?

No.

Really? You wrote all that?

No, but I only did— the only thing I had before that was a YouTube special. So I didn't have anything ever recorded. Really? Yeah.

Really?

But I don't think there's a problem with that.

Really?

Yeah.

And then you and I were talking, and like, I talk in my show about being a Republican but being considered a RINO, being considered transphobic. Being considered homophobic.

There's nothing wrong with being considered that.

Yeah.

Wait, what's a RINO? I get considered everything.

A Republican in name only. So in this administration, I've been a registered Republican for decades, right? But in this administration, the Trump administration, I'm considered a RINO. And which doesn't bother me. I just feel like One thing I love about the power of comedy, it's great discussion. You know, you're not gonna agree. You're not gonna like every joke I tell, you know? And you're not supposed to. You're supposed to have a certain type of reaction to certain things. What I ask the audience to do is sit through the set and figure out what you like and what you don't like, but let everybody else around you enjoy it.

Yeah.

That's fair. Yeah. And if you don't like it, 'cause I was like, really? Like one of my first jokes was, what go good with chili?

What?

What go good with chili? Crackers. Now that you brought up white people, let's talk about they ass. That's funny. That was one of my first jokes that I was telling. But—

Oh, how did the Bush jokes go after 9/11? I bet people were pumped.

Well, the way they were told, yes, they were really stoked. Because they were told in a way that the urban and the Black and the street Atlanta audience could understand. It's not for you to agree, but the president is the president. Like, if it wasn't Trump saying a lot of shit, we'd be like, right, right, crypto, right, let's get in on this. Or right, right, let's fuck these motherfuckers up before they get a nuclear weapon, right? It's who it's coming out of sometimes. And the times that we live in. But I think that's why I said what I said at the roast. You're not gonna agree. It's a roast. And it's a new generation of roast. It's no longer Rimshot, Don Rickles, Dean Martin, Pearl Bailey, Lucille Ball.

And it wasn't in a small room where we're all friends. Hell no. This was in an arena on national television. We never met.

That's right. And it's international.

Yeah.

Right? But what I liked about it was you could see the camaraderie. And I think even talking about the George Floyd joke that Tony told, but I believe on the side of the cookout crew, Pete Davidson represented with the Charlie Kirk joke.

I agree. You got to be offended by both or neither. That's how I felt about that.

That's right. But you should be. The reaction should be offense. The Floyd family should be upset. There should be a crew of people that are mad because that's the reaction you have, right? Because you're not thinking about freedom of speech. You're thinking about your brother who was murdered by a system. But on the same token, I tell people it's a roast and it's a new generation of roasters because everybody's like, Cheryl, how did you feel that they talked about your dead husband committing suicide? Okay. It really, truly happened. And it happened over 30 years ago.

That's how I called you.

Yes, that's why I said it. Well, remember when I did all the interviews?

I would never ever do that without, yeah.

Yeah, but let me tell you something, Shay. Knowing you, knowing Tony, like I'm sitting next to Tony, this motherfucker is ordering Crown and Coke. And I'm like, so people think you a bigot, but you really a Black man.

You look like Tony Robbins. You guys see his apartment?

Oh, it's a Black pimp. It's a Black pimp. It's crazy.

I see that's what I thought.

That's exactly what I thought.

He has a throne.

He has a throne. He has like 2 or 3 different gold thrones. I was there 2 nights ago.

You lying.

It's literally the blackest place I've ever seen in my life.

I'm telling you, that's the feeling I got sitting next to him. I was like, you black. You either something— who beat him up in school?

I think a lot of people. I think he got his ass whooped a lot, if I had to guess.

He got like, it was like a Spider-Man bite.

He's just kept getting beat up.

And see, to me, I would love to see Tony and Katt Williams in a buddy cop movie. That would be hilarious. Two little motherfuckers with big attitudes in a movie. Yeah, it'd be great.

That would be very fun.

Remember what I told you? I think you need to remake Smokey and the Bandit.

I like it. That'd be nice. I'm usually getting John Candy. I get those a lot.

I don't see it.

They'll hit me with those.

I don't see it.

Well, I lost a little weight.

Yeah, but even if you were huskier, you have a— to me, you have a sway.

I got it.

Yeah, you got a sway. Yeah. No, no.

I get it, I get it.

No, I mean, you— how tall are you?

6'3".

How much you weigh?

240.

Okay. When I was 5'2" at 250.

Yeah.

I was 5'2" at 250. Hell yeah.

Fucking nose guards. Goddamn. Jesus Christ. You in the A-gap.

But I, I think Sheron Wood knows tackle.

The Ohio State—

no, I gotta put the ball— I gotta hold the ball.

How long ago was this?

Oh, how, how long have I been on a Saxenda, Wegovy, and now I'm on Zepbound? About 3 years.

Oh, nice.

Oh, look at— you can see my weight fluctuate. That's why my book is called I'm Fat Because of You. So I'm writing my life story, and it's called I'm Fat Because of You, because I wanted to talk about the times that my body was protecting me, and then it was attacking me, and all the things that I was going through in life. Because I was like— I was a slim goody back when I was in sexual interpretive dance.

What?

Hold on.

You were a slim goody back when you were in sexual interpretive dance?

That's what we call stripping.

In academia, Nate did sexually interpretive dance. Sexy Red, dude.

Now that's what they can say you do. Let's get out and do sexual interpretive dance. Yes, when I was much smaller, um, but then I think stress—

you were a stripper?

Uh, I attempted to, uh, back then it was called lingerie modeling, and, uh, I was in college and I answered an ad to model, you modeled a lingerie and then the guys, it was in a bar tavern type situation in Chicago. It's no, it's true story.

No, no, I mean a trick. It's to get girls to—

No, uh-uh. You go in, we put on the lingerie, we model it, and the guy who buys it, you're supposed to strip it off for him.

What?

You know, but God lets you know what you can't do. And I wasn't good at it. So I was doing all the Fred Sanford. I was making people laugh. You know, hood do that. You funny. You need to put your clothes on to go home, but you funny.

That's awesome.

You know, so.

You went to school in Chicago?

I went to Fresno City College. That's where my associate's is from, in Fresno, California. My bachelor's is from University of Illinois Chicago. My master's degree is from Governor State, University Park, Illinois. I have 5 honorary doctorates, 4 of them from HBCUs and 1 of them from my own alma mater, UIC.

That's great. That's awesome.

Yeah. So I'm a doctor 5 times. Yeah.

That's crazy.

And I want to go to college, but I also want to be in the entertainment business. You know, I want to be smart enough to sit across from my lawyer and understand what was going on. Sit across from my accountant and understand.

I don't know what they're saying.

Yeah. See, you gotta know.

I don't.

You gotta know.

They're gonna trick me.

Uh-uh. Mm-mm.

They're just gonna trick you.

The legalese is crazy, dude.

No, I don't understand Spanish.

All it is is Latin. It's Latin. All you gotta do, I took Latin in college, but you, You need to, okay, now you gonna have to marry either a very smart progressive Black woman. You need a Black wife. You need a—

He's got a Black wife. Your wife is Black?

Yeah.

Yeah. She's from Chicago.

What's her name? Brittany. Brittany? Hold on. Let me ask some Black people. What year do you think she was born? I don't know what year Brittany was born, but Brittany's Chicago Black.

Like, just to defend me.

Is she South Side Black or West Side Black?

Southside.

Southside Black. Uh, what, what, what location?

Uh, like Pullman, I guess.

Drop a pin. Damn.

So what's where? Pullman. Oh, she in the Wild Wild Hundreds. Oh yeah, Britney ain't no punk.

Matt visits and he jogs in the neighborhood. You got to— and they chase him.

Looks like Rocky.

He's running.

I'm discouraged strongly from jogging jogging, but I don't know my job.

Either you're an insurance man or undercover cop if you walking through the Black neighborhood like that. And you in the Wild Wild Hundred? Did you ever go to the Copper Box?

What's that?

Okay, then Brittany didn't take it. She was like, stay your ass at home. So how'd y'all meet?

Tinder. We met online.

You lying. I swear. And you fell in love?

Came to Philly. Yeah, she came to Philly for her master's degree, and then we met on Tinder.

You have any children?

Two.

Wonderful. How old?

6 and 3.

Wonderful.

Yeah.

How did you know she was her?

I don't know.

I just figured it out. We moved in pretty quick. We went on a second date and I just stayed at her house for pretty much then on.

Wonderful.

I mean, our house sucked.

Yeah, I was living with like 6 guys.

So, yeah.

Oh, so y'all was like a bachelor pad and you fell in love and then y'all accelerated it. I'm very proud of you. Now, what's up with you? I know this is supposed to be your interview, but no, no, this is how we do it. So, so, okay, so what type of— I'm gonna be nosy— what type of women do you like? Describe her.

They usually are blonde.

Good. Yeah, blonde and smart.

Not yet, not yet.

Not that blonde women are not smart, I'm just saying. Do you like a woman who's smart?

It's tough to find.

What did Eddie Murphy say in Coming to America? She make my loins. My loins. Yeah. Do you want someone that you can engage in conversation?

Yeah, of course.

Right, right, right. Okay. Now, see, I don't understand. Like, I've been a widow since my— when my husband died, I have not been in what I consider a long-term relationship. Because I can be quite reclusive. I like my alone time.

Yeah, I'm similar with that.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. I don't like to sit up with a man and watch sports with him, 'cause I'm not talking to him.

I'm okay with that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm gonna tell you a story. So I had this dude I really, really liked, and rarely I let people come around where I live, right? So he was like, "So what you doing tonight?" "What you wanna do tonight?" He was like, "I wanna watch the fight." I said, why don't you, you know, swing by? So I got the fight ready, right? I said, what you want to eat? And he texted. I said, text me what you want to eat. So I got all the stuff he wanted and everything. And then on my side of the bed was a stack of newspapers and magazines, and on his side of the bed was everything he wanted to eat and everything. So he was like, so what you doing? I said, I'm shutting the fuck up so you can watch the fight. And he was like, so you don't want to talk?

That's wonderful.

Why the fuck am I talking to you? We gonna watch the Fight.

This is great.

Yeah.

And he— it didn't work? What's he doing?

No, it didn't.

Dumbass. He wanted to talk.

But that's the— that's odd. I don't know why. Like, if we're watching— okay, what's your favorite team? I saw all the shirts and— what's favorite team?

Well, it's Eagles and Notre Dame.

Okay.

Notre Dame football.

Okay. Now, Kyle, tell them. I watch college sports.

Yeah.

All— when I'm not— when I'm working, I watch enough of it, but when I'm not working Saturdays.

Saturdays for college football.

That's right. I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at.

Sure.

I just know I watch college sports.

Hold on a second.

I watch college sports. And when I was drinking, I had my beer and my shit and my snacks.

Yeah.

But nobody's there with me. Nobody's there with me. Nobody's there. Nobody's there with me. I'm just watching sports. Now I will text Jim. Jim Kelly is my sports guru. Like when I watch Stanley Cup stuff and I go, Jim, My only question, how do they know where the hockey puck is? I can't see shit.

Jim Kelly.

Not the football player. Okay.

If I was that cool, I would've told you that up front. I got a fun story about Jim Kelly.

What?

So I had to do the Super Bowl like 2 years ago. This guy, this rich guy asked me to go to this dinner and he wanted me to do stand-up. But I was like, I don't know if I'm doing stand-up. But we just went to this steak dinner at this— it was like a long table, but it was just NFL Hall of Famers. So it was like, for real, everybody. I was sitting next to Jerry Rice. It was like Jim Kelly, Shannon Sharp. It was— oh, Nate was there. Nate twerked.

But who were you twerking for? It was a different mean thing you did to me that it was, uh, you called me a pedophile.

Yeah, that's how I closed. So thankfully, Jim Kelly led the table in prayer before. Oh, because otherwise I had no material.

Really?

But it was just Jewish bankers and NFL Hall of Famers.

But they have senses of humor. Jerry Rice is my fraternity brother. I'm a member of Zeta Phi Beta. He's a member of Phi Beta Sigma.

The only thing he laughed at was when I called Nate a pedophile.

He probably thought that was funny.

Then he lifted his head up and laughed.

And I'm sure you guys saw the Club Shay Shay interview I did with him.

No, I didn't see that.

Oh. Yeah, Shannon and I sat in the car for hours when he was playing in Denver. So I was in Denver, I think it was when they first opened the first location of the Improv. And what's the other guy? Is it Terrell Davis?

Yeah.

Okay, so I thought Terrell Davis was Shannon and Shannon was Terrell. So he was like, so what you want to do after this? I said, I'm gonna sell these CDs. Back then I was selling CDs and cassette tapes and posters. So he was like, "What do you wanna do?" I said, "Okay, I wanna go on a carriage ride." Right? 'Cause I saw the horse outside. I wanna go on a carriage ride. He said, "Come on, I'll take you." And this is Shannon talking to me, but I think it's Terrell. And so I go, "Okay, let me get this money right here." So he starts walking up these stairs of the club and goes, "Come on if you coming." I said, "Who the fuck you talking to?" I said—

You said that? Yeah.

I was like, "I'm not these bitches in here. I don't give a fuck about you, motherfucker." He was like, "I said." I was like, "And I said." I'm already me, right? Yeah.

So it—

so anyway, it was sexy. I, I got off on it when he said, yeah, come on if you coming. I was like, oh, then I was like, wait a minute, bitch, stand up for yourself. So I pack up my stuff after I said, because even the white girls was like, he's telling you to come on. I was like, bitch, get a backbone. Yeah, fuck are you talking about? So we, we get together We get in the car and we can't find the carriage ride. So we sitting in the car for hours talking about what type of relationship we could or could not have. And fast forward to Club Shay Shay, where we've ever talked about it side by side.

That's great.

I was definitely wanting to be a Mrs. Shannon Sharp, but it wasn't meant to be. And we all stayed friends.

You know, that's awesome.

Yeah, that's what you would hope. I mean, every man I've been with, I'm still friends with, you know, I'm like, cool if they're alive, but I'm still friends.

I left those jokes there.

Yeah. Can I tell you something? Can I tell you honestly? And that's what I've been doing in the interviews is telling people, listen, if they had not come with respect and said, these are the topics. Yeah. But I didn't know what was going to be said. And I did not know that Tony was gonna do the George Floyd joke.

Yeah.

But when he did it, like, I was over there, like, scribbling on paper and asking God, send me, send me the response. Send me the response, like the response to you. Send me the response. But I don't wanna be mean-spirited. But with Tony and the George Floyd joke, my only feeling is, if you don't have the right response, that blows up the room even further, you've set back the cause. So sometimes it's say less. If you ain't got nothing good to cut his throat with, figuratively about comedy, shut the fuck up because you're going to make it worse, in my opinion.

What do you think? I agree.

I think you nailed it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I feel like the— so especially with the late husband talk, it was like this deeply personal, like a tragedy. And the thing no one talks about is that's horrific to even think about and to be up there and just laughing and making a good joke. And to me it's like a triumph where you're like, you rose above it, you made a big joke out of everything. No one ever talks about that. They're like, that's all about it. I thought it was— I watched it, I was like, this is beautiful. And then you came up and I think Shane said a lot of your stuff was kind of off the cuff the last minute, not even on the teleprompter. I was like, that really blew me away to be honest. I was like, how do you do that in that room? I would be glued to the teleprompter sweating, reading it. And to be like, all right, I have my own notes. I just formulated on a stage on live TV in front of an arena of people.

I really was.

I was like, this is amazing.

Faith in God.

Yeah.

Ask God, send me the words. Feeling safe, feeling like I'm not being attacked so I don't have to be defensive. I don't have to be thin-skinned. And culturally, we cracked jokes when he died. We did. We cracked jokes. I had to call my father and go, can you come here and identify the body? My father was like, "Why?" I was like, "'Cause you my daddy. Go on in there and look. Go on in there." You know, but in stress, sometimes humor equalizes stress. So for me, when I first got to The Talk on CBS, one of the first jokes I told was this joke about my best friend Peaches. Now I'm in Chicago, my husband dies, jumps off a building. My best friend Peaches, tries to outcry me at my husband's funeral. And we're in a— what is it, funeral home? 71st and Halsted. And I'm sitting up front, and in my family, we don't— because we from down south, and my father is conservative Southern, but we don't express emotion out in public. But so I'm sitting up front, and weird is wailing coming back from the back of the room and it's my best friend Peaches and she's wailing and coming up and she is showing out.

Black people know she is showing out at my husband's funeral. Now her husband is sitting about 4 pews back.

I'm just thinking about my family at a funeral. If one person showed out, they'd beat their ass.

That's it.

They'd be like, what are you doing?

Now we all looking around like, who is that? And she's wailing. And so my father is nudging me and I'm nudging him. I'm like, I don't know what to do. She crying. So I walk up to her and I put my arms around her and I go, "Bitch, the fuck are you doing?" And we laughing, but it looks like we're crying with each other. And I said, "I'm gonna let you go 'cause your husband, Ivory Eugene Granberry, is for—" 4 pews back, watching you cry over my dead husband. I'mma let you go. He gonna fuck you up when you get home. But I couldn't say those words. And Julie Chen Moonves was the one who said, let's make it TV friendly, but let's put some words in it and give it a little seasoning. Very funny. But it's, when you say culturally, sometimes humor is the thing. It's the most uncomfortable humor. That really kind of, it kind of lessens the tension and the stress, wouldn't you say?

Yeah, absolutely. Do you feel you've ever gone too far in something? Yeah. Yeah, for sure. But then you're like, you know, as soon as you do it in a club, as soon as you're wrong, you go, "Shit." Well, but I mean, puns are supposed to get groans.

Scatological humor, shit jokes. You know, they make you giggle like a kid. You know, the analysis of humor is what I love. But if you dissect a joke so hard, it's like a frog. You got to kill it to dissect it. But to me, for the people who are upset and on social media, I feel like you have a right to be that. Because now I get to talk about mental illness in men and specifically Black men, that men feel, I don't need therapy, I don't need this, I don't need that. That, right, in this society. But people say, well, how could you sit there? Or, it was offensive. Well, don't be offended for me if I'm not offended, but be offended for your point of view. And you can have your point of view. Yeah. We're not saying you can't have it. Have it all on social media. 'Cause most people trying to attempt to do stand-up will never understand how it feels. It's like the greatest, sex in the world with a bunch of people. Nice.

He was just trying to keep the high going.

Milwaukee's going wild. Milwaukee, $50. $50. Now what did you want to ask me? I'm sure y'all had some questions. What do you want to ask me?

Yeah, well really my one question was like, and you kind of answered it, was like how did you kind of put together that ad hoc like response to everything? But you said you just kind of channeled God and just chilled out and relaxed. What do you— I guess this is a question I had too, when like, because I've always wondered this before, like, you know, you've suffered this personal tragedy. Was there part of you that worried like, I can't be funny again after this? It was like, I always wonder that if I befall some like, or some like horrible tragedy happens to me, will it just like destroy my sense of humor and I'll become like serious and sad all the time?

I felt like I had no choice. Yeah, for me to survive. That's why the book is I'm Fat Because of You. Because I had to survive. I had to find a way to pay my bills. I had to find a way to build a career. So I just looked at it as— and my father was like, "Don't why me, why not you?" Like, tragedy can't come to your door like it comes to anybody else's door. So the first thing I thought, what is funny about this? What is funny? A lot of people say, "Well, why would you make a joke about being raped?" And after I was raped, I went to the stage with it because that's the place where I'm most comfortable in talking to people about something.

You feel it? Could have used that one in the roast.

Yeah, I thought you were. No, no, no, no, no. They told me, they told me that, that you guys might talk about me, you know, rape.

I would definitely not do that. Hey, this lady got raped, what a loser.

Yeah, but I mean, come on, crazy. But, but That is what roasting is now. It's no longer you a hockey puck. Roasting in y'all generation, in this time span of comedy, you hit really below the belt. And for me, I feel like the only thing you gotta deal with, you ain't gotta deal with me 'cause I'm your colleague. You gotta deal with the motherfuckers outside on behalf of what they mad about, right? But to me, if you worry about that, you restrict yourself to great comedy, right? So for me, every tragedy in my life, I bring it to the stage so that I can show the audience you can survive any tragedy. If God lets you open your eyes the next day, okay, survive it. Because we talking shit, you know, if one of your relatives at the hospital that you hate and we all in the hospital room going, if we could just pull the plug on this motherfucker. You see how we all laugh? That's what it is. That's what humor does. Even though we know we not gonna do it, or one of us might, but the rest of us not. That's what humor is for.

It's gallows humor. It's Irish wakes. It's Black funerals. It's funny. Black funeral. Hey, dig that motherfucker up and check his pockets. Why? Because he owed me $50. That's humor that gets you over tragedy.

I didn't know. I wasn't certain your husband, your late husband was Black. Oh, because I didn't even feel it. And then when I— the type of— the way he died, I was like, this sounds like a— this is a very white guy thing to do.

Jump off a building? Yeah. How so? What do you mean? Because that takes courage. No.

God, no. I mean, it does. No, I'm not disrespecting him. It does.

You know, people argued me down when I talked about that. It certainly does. In mental illness, it take— I felt it took him great courage to be in such despair that he would do something that there's no way I could have done that. No way. But for that type of despair and that type of stress. And people say, well, you know, because I had some therapy and dealing with some things. But my thing is, I did not kill my husband, but I may have exacerbated his stress. And so now that comes through in my comedy and saying, what type of companion I want to be to a man because I've watched the man I love.

You weren't talking during the game, were you? No. All right.

Not at all. Not at all. Now, that is one thing. Now, I might ask you a question in a movie theater, but I don't like to talk. Mm-mm. No, that's great. Because I talk for a living. Don't you have moments where you don't want to talk at all?

Yeah. The second I get off the road, I sit on that couch and don't talk for 3 days.

And women don't understand it, do they? Well, they don't talk. Fuck no, they get mad at you. That's where that joke come from. You are out doing whatever you doing, your man is out doing whatever he's doing, and as soon as you come home, you wanna talk to him. Give him a minute, let him shit, shower, and shave, and then let him get situated and give you a signal that conversation should come forth. God.

That'd be really nice.

That'd be so nice. See, that's why I tell that joke. That's why I tell that joke.

It's literally just like you were talking to everybody else all weekend. I watched you. Right. It's like, yeah, that's my fucking job.

That's right. But I don't want to talk now.

They don't hear that. But then—

Is that why you're single?

Kind of.

Yeah. That's one of the reasons. Yeah.

Do you— when you finish the show, how do you feel about— because stand-up comedy is the most sexually attractive thing to do. Aligned with singing. No, it is, it's a sexual— to make a woman laugh or to make a man laugh, it's a sexual thing. That's why it's so powerful.

I'm making a lot of guys—

making all these guys laugh. Fuck.

Well, not that one. That guy right there.

Yeah, that guy.

That's why he's happy. That's why he comes to work every day. All right, I like it.

I'll never stop thinking about that, right?

But then when you, when you you stop doing it when the show is over? What do you do with all that adrenaline? I drink. Okay. I used to. It's not like I will never drink again. Yeah. But I really want to see how I can reset my body for longevity. But I will tell you this, I drink because I like the taste of alcohol. And it's not that I like what it does to me. I like the taste of good whiskey or the taste of good gin. The taste of a great martini, you know? And I used to smoke cigars, but I don't anymore. But I like that sort of thing. But are you drinking because your adrenaline is up and now you need to pump the brakes? 'Cause alcohol is a depressant. Or do you drink 'cause you like the taste of alcohol? I like drinking. Right. And you drink by yourself? No. You drink with bitches? I mean, sorry, women.

No, it's almost entirely men. You should see my green room. It's literally—

why you don't slip the Mickey and then get what you want? Cuz I see you looking at him. Slip the Mickey in the drink and then you know you got him. Finally I got Shane where I want him. Got your hat turned back. Yep. Got your socks off. Get him.

Bad boy. He's a bad boy for life.

Get him.

Takes over the whole Usually just guys.

Well, see, but that's the wind down. Yeah. Right? It's the wind down. And remember, we would go, we used to have this thing and everybody goes to it. It's called the company field trip. And the company field trip is where I would take my entire team to the strip club. And I would bring in sex workers.

We should have a company field trip sometime.

Yes. You'd love it. You'd love it. It's a lot of fun. Lot of great food. Where we going, Magic City? Magic City in Atlanta. The wings are amazing. The wings are good. The broccoli.

I fucking Grubhub them. Yeah. I didn't even go to Magic City. I got fucking lemon pepper wings to my house. The wings and the broccoli. Yeah. Wings and the broccoli.

And the service is amazing. And we would go in there and people would say, well, Cheryl, why do you go into strip clubs? One, to talk to the girls about, listen, I came last year.

I like to talk to them too.

That's right. Your ass still here. Yeah. You said you were doing this for beauty school. Why the fuck you still here? Or college or whatever. But then also it's the only place where the guys aren't looking at me. They're talking to me about politics and sports and current events or street life. They're not looking at me, they're talking to me. They're looking at her. And then she primes 'em up. And then I just lean over and go, "So what you doing after this?" It's kind of genius, honestly.

Yeah, it is funny. It takes like 12 naked tits to just focus on conversation.

Yeah, yeah, sit next to her just like, so how have you been? Yeah, yeah, I never even asked. What's going on with that?

How's little Tay Tay doing? How the kids?

Yes. Me? Yeah, who, me? Stinking Lincoln. I got— yeah, just the stinking Lincoln. July 17th, please come to Lincoln Financial Field in Philadelphia. It's the most important moment of my life.

Yeah, that'll be fucking nasty.

And if it doesn't go well, I'm gonna leave this earth. I'm gonna get pyro underneath the stage and I'm gonna tell them, go ahead. Yeah, just send it. Flame me.

I'm out, guys.

I picked up some comedy club dates all summer long. We're going to be having fun together. I'll be 6-5, uh, June 5th and 6th. I'll be at these Summit City Comedy Club, Fort Wayne, Indiana. And that is— that's in just a few weeks.

I ran into a buzzsaw over there. Did you really?

Yeah. What'd you— what happened?

Just an absolute buzzsaw. Negative experience. People were just hammered.

It's a fun club. Yeah, that'll be— I'll be there in the dog days of the summer. Levity Live, Huntsville, Alabama. The Stardome Comedy Club, Birmingham. I'm excited for that. And Spokane Comedy Club, Spokane, Washington. Uh, also, it's not up yet, but I have a bunch more dates, so So check them out on mittmccleskey.com.

Goodbye. Seth, what else you want to know?

How do you wind down now after the show? That's something I always struggle with. How do you like— because I feel crazy.

How did you not drink after the roast? That was fun.

I kept telling myself, you don't want to— I got a goal that I'm trying to get to. Sure. I kept telling myself, stay focused. It's like being an athlete. Most people don't look at us as athletes because it's such a sedentary life and, you know, it's excess, right? But being a stand-up comic, you have to be able to remember what you're doing, then remember what joke, when it doesn't work, to replace it with another joke. You have to be ready to, if I've been drinking all night, now I'm puffy on camera, right? So it's a lot of regimental type training. But for me, after the roast, I just felt relieved. That's the first thing. I wanted to get out of my shoes. But also, I normally don't go to after parties. I don't hang out. Rarely do I go to what they call Hollywood parties because I'm kind of reclusive. But then I thought, come on, Cheryl, you need to engage people because you need work. I need work, especially there's no TV shows, no movies being done. I was on daytime TV for for 14 years. So for me, I thought, "Okay, do this." And then I would never got representation and the things that happened so fast after that.

But also I wanted to enjoy the high of working with my colleagues. That's what I want to experience it without alcohol in my system so I can remember it. Why you smiling?

I just, I had a great time.

Yeah. I was fucked up.

Yeah, you— I love my colleagues. Well, I'll tell you. Made me love them even more.

When you walked up to me with the Bud Light in hand, I said, that's the guy. Yeah. That's the guy. And I thought that was the coolest thing. But the chance that we talked backstage, but then also to have a 45, 30-minute conversation with The Rock about life. Yeah, that's cool. Okay. How'd you feel?

I've met him before and he's the nicest. Yeah. Yes. It's crazy how nice he is. Yes. When he was making fun of me, he was talking about me and him working out together and then sitting in a sauna. It was true. We really did that. Yeah. And me and him were in a sauna and he was just the coolest. Yes. Nicest. It was weird. Yeah, it was. And having our body types sitting across from each other. From each other. Very funny.

Okay, but would you work out with him and would I or would you on a consistent basis?

No. Fuck no. Brent.

Mark Wahlberg. Would you work out with him? No. He's a real—

He's up at 3 in the morning working out.

But he's a really great person.

I've never met him. He seems like it. Very spiritual.

Yeah. There's a photograph, the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight. There's a photograph of me and Mark Wahlberg on a, like, some kind of landing. And we're just really ragging on Jake Gyllenhaal. While he's being interviewed. And he's a really good dude, spiritually good.

Good Catholic.

Yeah, but he understands his humanness. Yeah. You know, that's one good thing about being in the entertainment business. You come across people you see on TV and movies and you get to talk to them and you'll find out the good or the bad and go, "You a trip," or, "I'm glad you're not." I haven't met too many bad ones.

Really? Not yet.

Of those that are not your one name?

No, I don't think I've really met any.

Yeah. Rarely do I get my feelings hurt. People are pretty cool. Yeah, same way. But that speaks more to who you guys are than who the person is. You know? 'Cause you're not gonna track too much bullshit. You got hands, Shane.

Nah, it's been a while.

You got hands. It's been a while. You put your beer down. As soon as you put your beer down—

Yeah, you miss a punch and fall down. Yeah. You get kicked. Ass comes out of your pants. Pants fall down.

That one I gotta step up and throw these little hands.

Yeah, that I need you. Gotta throw these little baby hands for you. No, that's why I keep my squad of niggas.

You keep big baby? That big baby over there.

That big baby. Big baby, LeBron.

That's cuddly do-right right there. That's cuddly do-right.

He just squeal, squeeze somebody.

Just get in there and squeeze him. Our whole squad's drunk. We would lose to almost everybody.

So you're lovers, not fighters? No, we try to fight. You're drinkers.

We try to fight. Try to fight.

It's a swing and a miss, ladies and gentlemen. But I would say I was, I would go around, went to the after party, but I was like, come on, Kyle, let's get in the car. Why? Because it's time to go. Yeah. You know, even doing Tony's podcast last night and people go, there's a party after.

Oh yeah. Yeah.

Oh yeah. And I was like, hey, let me, let me do my thank yous and thank you for having me. And, you know, you get to a stage in your career where you're like, this is wonderful. You kids have fun. I'm going to go to bed. Turn the lights out. Make sure you put the humidifier on.

I did leave that after party. Really? After the roast, I left. Yeah. Really? Yeah. But then I was walking out and there was TMZ. Yes. They got me.

What were they asking about?

I was trying to find Louis. Our one friend was— I don't think he'll mind. He was on Molly, I think. Oh, yeah.

He doesn't care.

And I walked out and TMZ was out there and they're like, what's up, man? How do you think that went? And I was like, I'm trying to find This is my Mexican friend, he's on drugs. And they followed me around the corner and Lewis was sitting there like, ah, and I was like, this is him. Yeah, because right when I walked out, the door guy was like, there's a guy named Lewis who says he's with you and he keeps bothering us, you got to get him the fuck out of here. I was like, damn. Then TMZ was like, what's up, dude?

That's— how do they not air that? That's a great—

I don't know, I hope they have it. That's a great interview.

How often do you come to Never. Really? Yeah. Why? You don't like it?

I only really go places for shows, to do shows. So once a year, twice a year. Really? Yeah.

See, I look at LA as a— it's a small country town with a lot of big inflated people. You know, it's really— everybody knows everybody.

That's true.

It's smaller than people think. It just appears big because it's, you know, Beverly Hills Hollywood, Century City. But if you actually get in it, you'd be like, oh, you're just like regular people. You just have maybe a lot of money or a lot of power.

Yeah, I'd never go to LA.

Yeah, I like LA. Started out as a puritanical religious community, funny enough. Movie industry came in and they were like, eh, maybe not. Yep. Yeah. I like California in general.

I just like the— it is awesome.

Yeah, it's nice.

You know what you would really love? What's that? San Joaquin Valley. I've never been. It feels like the South. It's a lot of farmland. When I went to high school, I went to Atwater High, Castle Air Force Base. We had Aggies. And so the Aggies are kind of like the country and the cowboys and stuff like that. That's nice. Yeah. You would really like it.

I would like it. Yeah.

You would like it a lot. Lot of drinking.

I like drinking.

Lot of shotguns and guns.

And I like looking at farms.

Yeah. Not working. There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You gotta go to Napa.

Is nice.

You just hang out, get hammered on farms.

I was supposed to go there this weekend. Why you not? What happened?

I was— I'm tired. True.

I didn't want to go.

It was like a music festival.

Yeah, yeah, dude, you wouldn't feel good afterwards. No. Yeah, get hammered. So what's, what's the plan then? So you said after the roast it would just— things kind of connected and took off. What's, what's the plan outside of the special?

And, um, I would say continuing to work on the road because I love working on the road. Me and Kyle and I Need a Job tour. That's why we named it that, because like most Americans, we need work. Yeah. I want to get deeper into podcasting.

I was just about to say, do you have like an interview show you do or anything?

Well, Kyle and I are working on Politics and Punchlines as the podcast because I want to be able to talk about the politics of all situations, including politics. And the punchline is the humorous thing that comes out of that discussion and move on to interviewing people. I want to start with just me and Kyle because you can't depend on the interview because the interview either might not show up or might not be good. Yeah. If you guys aren't good together, your chemistry, then you don't have a show. So I want to get into podcasting. I want to go back to terrestrial radio. Nice. I believe in radio, even if I'm just a contributor in all formats. Sheryl Underwood's Great American Talent Search. We're doing the first one in Lake Charles, Louisiana. And I believe that— What kind of talent? It's everything.

Everything? Spoons. Someone's gonna play the spoons?

Spoons, washboard. If you do hair and you can put in a quick weave in 60 seconds, that's your talent. If your dog jump through a hoop or if it bark and sound like it's singing, that's a talent. You can do a monolog. But if you are a singer or a singing group or a band, you must master the past. That's classic rock, classic country, classic R&B, classic soul, classic gospel, classic Latin, whatever you're doing.

Not classic hip-hop.

Yes. Classic hip-hop. The guys up there like, "Hey everybody, my name is Juice." Yes, yes, yes. Because what it does, it brings in the demographic that remembered all that music. Right? If somebody gets up and does Ronnie Milsap, wouldn't it be great if a white dude got up and was singing some type of country song, maybe even a George Jones song, but then said to the audience, let me show you what else I can do, and then start singing Keith Sweat? It'd be wonderful.

Wouldn't it? And I come out and have my dog jump through a hoop and I'm like, hey, everyone.

Okay, so wait a minute. Some guy with a fucking pair of spoons is sitting backstage going, Oh fuck, I gotta follow that. That's it. Wait a minute, I like that.

So would you guys help me pull it together? Matt would.

We'll perform. Yeah, really? I like playing music.

Yeah, all— but it's anybody doing anything.

He's got a blind dog.

There you go. I'll have a blind dog playing the spoons.

It's hilarious. You can't beat that kind of talent. Benji.

That does sound nice though. I like the multi-genre. Like, let's see it all. Let's see what you can do. But it crosses—

the reason I want to engage radio with it, it crosses all formats. And I want to do the preliminary rounds through comedy clubs. So it's really an elevated version of the open mic hosted by local comedians and local radio jocks. And then when you get to the final round, then that's where you really have It's a bigger experience for the community. It brings in small businesses, it brings in corporations, but it brings the community together. If your fire department got up and did New Edition, it would really be a great experience for that. But the one we're doing in Lake Charles is doing Juneteenth. And I asked them while we're tabulating the results, could we do a reenactment of Juneteenth? I'll be a part of that. Yeah. Now what would you be wearing? Blue or gray? Blue. Come on, you see the house? I know. I just want you to say it for the people. Yeah, yeah. Right? But don't you think, see, to me, that's what brings us together, right? And to do something fun like that after we do the I Need a Job tour. My next tour will be Sheryl Underwood's Great American Talent Search.

Oh man, I was gonna make a terrible joke Okay, reggae. You know what the guys did after Juneteenth? What? They went on the I Need a Job tour. They said, oh shit, I need to go on tour.

Listen to me, listen to me. For the brothers and sisters that's watching, he means the Fisk Jubilee Singers. Okay, so we got you on camera. You gonna, you gonna help me pull this together? 'Cause I think it'd be great for the country. And you can find talent. And if you wanna put Afrobeats or EDM underneath some classics, you gotta do something. I just think we can find the next Styx or Boston or even Lynyrd Skynyrd. Yeah. I think, 'cause all of that, these kids do not understand the fun we had in forming a group or making a band or, you know, trying to make this music. This, and coming together, you know, as entertainers. How could Michael Jackson be vilified, die, and then become the best-selling movie, but all his music is going back up the charts? If there isn't something there, right? Yeah. And so for me, I just wanna bring the country together. And I believe in this as something that will bring us together. There and could possibly turn into something really, really great. That's awesome. That'd be nice. Yep. What else you want to know? Is it time for me to go?

Let me look at— oh, look at the time.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, that's another thing too that I have a tendency to do. I could be with a man and I feel like I'm getting a little too relaxed, a little too talkative, and I go, you know, I think I need to go to the bathroom, and then I'll just sneak out of the building.

That'd be so confusing. It was like things were going well and she left.

No, no, I, I, once these phones came out, yeah, I will text her from the car and go, hey, call me later, or I'm gonna call you when I get home. That stops the, oh, she left, no, she really likes me, but I snuck out.

I still would be like, I also think I scared her. Scared of what? If a lady escaped? Yeah, well, if she left the house without saying—

if I'm lingering, my dad had a saying, a saying, that's nice, linger long, linger long, but die you I don't want to linger. That's how country as hell done. We from Arkansas. Yeah, we from Arkansas. So to me, yeah, he said, linger long but die you must. That's right. Time will make a monkey eat red pepper. You know, he had these great Southern things to say. Think about that. That's nice. That's right.

That's tough for me to figure out, but I like it. Yeah, yeah.

Chicken ain't nothing but a bird, and bush ain't nothing but chewed up grass. That was my dad, right? So to me, if I'm— if I feel I'm lingering, I will make a getaway.

Yeah. Lingering after you hook up? Because that's a great topic. If a lady escaped after that, I'd be like, that's one.

Clinginess is a problem. Yeah. Yeah. To me, I kind of resist. Maybe I'm— you think I'm a commitment phobe? Wouldn't you say, fellas on my team, I'm a commitment phobe? Possibly. Well, listen, I believe in love. I believe in monogamy. I'd like to get married another time, but I believe marriage is till death do us part. I talk about it in my show. But I want to go through the courtship. Like, I believe you should not live with a man in the house. And I could be married to a guy and not live in the house until we're ready to live together. Because that's what fucks up the relationship, in my opinion, when you rush cohabitation, and you're not ready. So for me, like, if I'm back in my one-and-done days, sleep with a guy, I would like wait for him to go to sleep, and I would just ball my clothes up and sneak out the hotel. It's wonderful.

Nothing better than waking up and be like, oh, nice.

And if I'm at his house, I would sneak out the house and put my car car in reverse and let it coast out so the car wouldn't start.

That's another one where I'm starting to get worried.

No, no, because, hey, Kyle, do you remember that time that I pulled the young handsome man? Basketball dude. Yep. From the front row. And then what did I do? Didn't I call you?

And I said— And I was like, why are you whispering?

I said, shh. I was like, oh, oh, oh. I said, come get the luggage. And you was like, why are you whispering? Shh, come get the luggage and don't let the elevator ding. 'Cause I'm right next to the elevator. 'Cause I didn't wanna see that pitiful look in y'all face when the woman leaves.

I was like, shh, come get the luggage. You know that pitiful face is fake, right? You know that's fake.

Now some men be looking sad. Oh, don't leave me. Some men look sad. They look, why you leave me?

Where you going? No, that's fake.

We were gonna go get something to eat after. No, no, no. I like my alone time. That's good. Nah, we see, we should do a dating show.

I rarely talk about it. But yeah.

But you know, because I think women need to hear what men really feel. Yeah, nothing. See, I think y'all do feel something. Y'all just don't believe that women are going to listen. Listen, she's stupid. But yeah, yeah.

So you can't be vulnerable to a lady. She'll hold it against you forever.

That's not the right girl.

I saw you cry, you bitch. Okay, okay.

What sporting event did you cry at? So many. Thank you. Yeah, that's right.

Oh, Who gets the scholarship? The walk-on. Oh, that's every time. It's over. Down syndrome guys hitting threes.

Yeah. Makes you cry.

It makes you cry. Putting a guy in. Yeah. Special needs guy on the bench comes in, hits a couple threes.

Fuck, that's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. So why can't you cry in that?

I could. Yeah. Even to one tear. That's nice. Yeah, I'm okay with that.

If she's smart, she won't rag you for it. She'll understand he does have humanity. Yeah, but shut the fuck up. Sometimes, bitches, you ain't got to say everything to this dude. Just notice everything.

That'd be nice. Yeah, yeah, I feel, I feel a lot, I feel a lot of feedback myself.

Yeah, you get some feedback?

I get a lot of feedback. Really? Yeah, see, I just don't think, I don't think we need to talk about everything, you know. Sometimes when a man is ready to talk to you be ready to listen. And sometimes don't answer back, just listen to them and nod. Go, mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Wonderful. I got it. Or sometimes I'll say, are you cool? Are we cool? Are we still together? Yeah. Are you cool?

I feel like you need some time behind you before you can eat the proverbial pepper of just not bothering a guy that hard.

Time plus distance equals clarity. Yes. I'm going to leave you alone so that I don't shoot you, right? I'm going to let you have your space because you're talking to me crazy. You know, you kind of flagrant right now. I know you mad about about some bullshit. I didn't know that was your father. Motherfucker, why is you in my face? Just listening. You listen to a guy. Also figure out what he eats. Figure out what his comfort zone is. Make that great, because then he's gonna make everything great for you. 100%. Happy home, peace of mind. Makes a man comfortable. You hear this, Lamar? It's true. That's right.

Me and Lamar live together.

So will you find the man of your dreams? That's me.

He doesn't make me anything. Lamar hasn't cooked once. Actually, he made chicken Alfredo. That was nice. There's chicken curry in there from a week ago. That's in that fucking jug in there? Yeah. Throw that out. That's been fucking disgusting. Come on, he's got a jug of fucking chicken curry in there. It's fucking gross. I didn't know where to put it. Throw it out, throw it out. But how are we doing? That's, that's good. Yeah. All right, thank you very much, Cheryl.

Thank you for having me. Thank you very much.

I was stoked when I heard you were coming on. I was like, this is awesome. Yeah, look for—

look forward to working with you guys. Let's, let's work together and truly bring the country together. I would love that. Let's do it. I would too.

Good stuff. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify. Do it.