Transcript of Ep 591 - M-A DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS (Mall)

The Wild Wild West.

All right, here we go.

Yo, speaking of Hot Mice.

Got all that venom out.

Yeah, true. There was a principal at some school in Delaware County that was leaving a voicemail for a parent, and he didn't realize the thing was still going. And he got in trouble because it was a Jewish parent. And after he thought he'd hung up, I think someone was like, Who was that? He goes, this guy is a fucking asshole. He's a big hothead. And I think he mentioned he's like some Jewish guy. He's like, he always wears fucking sweat pants all the time. He comes in here. Oh my God. Wearing sweat pants. And the lady goes, what does he do for a living? He goes, I don't know, controls all the banks or whatever. They put that.

This guy's funny as shit.

The comments were half split between this man is a scumbag, needs to be removed, and people being like, I'm signing my kids up for this school right now.

That's like a worst nightmare. I know. Especially if somebody was not really bashing you. You know what I mean? If you overheard a voicemail where they're like, Dude, he just wear sweat pants all the time. He smells. He's nice, but he's just a gross-He'd have been totally fine if he didn't do the, I don't know, probably controls the banks or whatever. I mean, he had to hit that home run. It's a home run, dude. There's nothing he could do about it. Somebody loved one right across the plate.

He's a Principal, bro. He's going to have to become a gym teacher now.

He's going to have to promote him to gym teacher. Gym teacher will be good, though. Five years.

That's also It's a lot of energy.

That is a gym teacher. He should be a gym teacher. Principal's crazy for that type of thing.

Yeah, true. But yeah, he got busted. But yeah, whatever. That's what you always got to hang up before you talk shop about Jews at work.

You decided, yeah.

And then a lady, too. It's just a total delco lady. Like, What does he do? Is it just fired away the questions? I don't know.

He probably controls the banks or something. All right.

So that was a fun thing to see. That's great. Yeah. I thought it was funny. It was a It's funny.

It's without a doubt funny.

I guess he's going to get fired. He has to get fired. There's no way. I believe he's out on the mainline. He might be Chester County boy.

If he's mainline, that's trouble. Yellow. Yeah. That's literally the home of Bibi.

That's where Bibi is from.

Bibi is chilling out there. True. He's all the time, dude.

I'm surprised. Yeah, he can't have a goy principle popping off like that. Fuck, no. He can't have the goy popping off. On the voice, dude. I don't like leaving voicemails at all. The thought of having it run unnecessarily long.

I listen to everybody. When people call me and it stays on, I listen to the whole thing. I know this motherfucker's talking shit. It's my mom. No. I know they're saying something fucked up about me.

I always spy like that. If someone calls me, doesn't realize, I'll sit there for an hour and just wait to get some stuff.

Dude, I was-It's usually just in their pocket. Can't really hear anything.

Yeah, true. You don't get much good stuff. I was phone I'll be honest, this isn't good, but I was on the plane yesterday, phone screen spying.

It's so hard not to.

Bro, I was catching crazy shit on this dude's screen next to me. So it was like, I don't want to say, but it was-What was he hitting?

Sexual stuff? Some love stuff, yeah. No, Nice. Sex stuff. That happens up there. Yeah, it's nice. You get up in the sky.

Yeah, man was horned up, but it was pretty tight. So I caught one thing, I went, What the fuck? And then I kept looking over and I was watching them go back and forth between some lady, and then there's a guy asking about some lady. It was like...

This guy's having fun.

He was being a beast. He was an older gentleman, too. I was surprised.

It's a big font. Were you able to see it?

I could see it. I could read everything. I would stare straight ahead and just literally just go.

Oh, he's next to you. Yeah. I thought he was in front. No. Next to you.

I was going next to me. I know. I thought at one point, I was ready for him at one point to be like, Could you fucking not please? Because I just kept being like...

You're not very sly either. You're not slick, dude. You were definitely like...

I was in him with the Hawnet Mantrum painting. I couldn't stop. Once I caught one juicy detail, I went...

You're going to need the deets.

Dude, it was pretty sweet, man. I was loving that. I also had a nice flight on the way home. I got a million good boy points because we got on the plane, and I put an old lady's bag up for her. So I'm like, All right, cool. So that's good boy points for the day. And then I sat across from her, and then a mom and daughter got on, and the mom sat next to me, and the daughter sat over, and they were talking. I was like, Do you guys want to swap seats?

I'm sorry. I'm just thinking, because I get fucking hammered on these flights. I tried to get the good boy points. I've smashed people with bags. You got the blue one's yours? Blue one's yours, I got you. Hit some lady in the shoulder that's sitting down. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. They all watch me get 10 fucking vodkas the entire flight. Sorry.

No, you got to get the GBPs on the fucking-I try to get the GBPs, but sometimes there's too many vodka sodies. No, but an accidental smash with the bag is totally something.

I've done it. I'm not kidding. At least four times. This full just like a dead weight of bag onto somebody.

Nate got negative 500 GBPs flying out. It wasn't his fault. I had set him up, but the long story short, as the lady, I just switched seats, and I sat next to the old lady who's bag. I helped get up, dude, for five minutes. You're such a nice boy. I was like, Thank you.

It was the best.

It was amazing.

So I got a million. I'm sorry, one more. I'm thinking of the worst GBP I've ever seen at the airport. My uncle, I've told this story before. It kills me. I love thinking about we just land, we're in JFK, and this lady tried to pick up her suitcase. A girl tried to pick up her suitcase, but it was stuck. And my uncle thought she just couldn't lift it. So he goes and literally fucking deadlifts this thing and just rips it apart at the seams. And her fucking laundry, her panties go everywhere. And then he just walked back and stood next to me like, Oh, shit. And then you watch it come back around to the lady, and her bag just got ripped apart. Anyway, it was great. It was so fun to watch him do it. Come on, shit. Anyway, I'll stop cutting you off. No, that's hilarious. It's so fucking-It's just immediately in my head. Just coming back.

Coming back and going, Oh, fuck, man.

I just ripped that lady's bag in half. He did, dude. I don't know how he did it.

Also, shout out to him. He ripped this suitcase. Shout out to him.

That's awesome. Yeah, he's a beast.

What a fucking animal, man.

I don't know why he did it, though.

I know because every time if a woman is struggling, it's the best thing in the world Got you.

No, I'm saying you feel a little like all this thing's clearly stuck. You must have thought the bag was 800 pounds.

I think he just... I've done this before. He probably went up and was full steam ahead. He might have just been like, what? Because I'll do that every now and When I'm grabbing my bag down, I'll one-hand it and pull it down. So sometimes you pull with too much force.

That's when you hit people.

Yeah, true. Or the baggage claim, when I'm there and I get a bag, I'll try to really just fucking beast it. That's Strongboy I got a lot of-You're winning a strong boy.

The strong boy points at the baggage claim is you're going to want to... Because it's always you're so nervous. Like, dude, I got to get this thing quick. It's moving a little fast. This thing's heavy as hell. It's not ever. You go up and You're going to have to lift it over your head like a fucking autist.

True. The problem is, though, I'll fly. When me and Brittany fly with the kids, we'll do one combined suitcase. So both of our stuff's in there. Dude, it weighs like fucking 65 pounds. So that thing can get beefy. But yeah, Usually, if it's just yours, it's not that heavy. But Nate got negative 500 good boy points at the airport. It wasn't your fault. So we go in there. First of all, we were flying out. Nate was running a little late, and the airport was slammed. So So he almost missed the flight, which that's not your fault. I think they were racist against Nate. They wouldn't let him in the priority lane. He had priority, but it wasn't on the boarding pass. So he went up. I'm like, Just go through priority. It'll be faster. They're like, No. And then he to go to clear, nothing doing. Back to priority. They're like, no. And then he tried to go to clear. Nothing doing. Back to priority. They're like, no. And then I was like, Dude, we're going to board in five minutes. He just beast it under the line, snuck in, cut. It was like a sneak in cut.

Got right through. You had to do that. Why are you making that face? That was survival. I had no choice.

If I saw that, if I was standing in line and just saw that, three weeks of racism. I saw people hit the peak. Three weeks straight of racism.

People peaking out the clear light were hitting that like, No, he's fucking not. I could see him behind me, watching me get through successfully. Like, gosh.

You had to do it.

I had no choice. It was survival. All those clear scumbags looking at you. I don't know why I hate clear.

I might be done with it. I used to be clear. I've switched up on them. Yup, you had to. Precheck. Also, the clear would set you up for failure big time. Yeah, man. If you hit clear at JFK, you got to walk past a thousand Indians that are in line. They don't know what clear is. They get furious.

Oh, they get in and then they get stopped?

They're in the line, and then you're going through clear, and somebody's just going like, Get out of the way. You got to walk through their line. Yeah. And they're like, No. They try to stop you, and you're like, Dude, fucking get off.

Get out of here, dude.

Here we go. This episode is brought to you by Prizepicks. Everyone's favorite prizepick... Everyone's favorite prizepicks holiday promotion is back. Seven days of Picksmas. Prizepicks is giving out seven days of deals all the way through Christmas Day, including a Christmas This is a max discount. Picks miss starts December 20th, so download the app today and unwrap those deals. On Prizepicks, how you play is up to you. Matt, I'd love for you to rift all over me about your favorite feature.

I I like the stacks.

Oh, you like stacks? Stacking them.

That's when you stack pics. Yeah. I like to stack all my pics. Especially if I stack against an injury reboot.

What about an injury reboot?

That's what I like.

That's what happens. What happens if... What's an injury reboot?

If someone gets injured, I believe you can reboot your stack.

You get booted up. If you want flexibility, choose flex play, where you can get paid even if one of your prize picks misses. I can't read. I'm sorry. And if you want the biggest payouts, go For the power play, no matter... I don't know what's happening. I think something's wrong. No matter your play, price picks is a great way to put your takes to the test. What the fuck? You got to start reading, dude. I can't.

Download the Prize picks app today and use code Drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks.

It's good to be right. Yes.

Yeah, dude. So he goes, he gets through. He beast his way through. I was like, Good job on that. But then I had already been in there, and the dude, the airport was fucking mobbed. So I go in, and I'm at the very, very far end of the airport, like 36, where it's just like, there's nowhere to be. And I'm like, Fuck, man. It was like, we're about to board. And I'm like, I wanted to get on first because we had a connection. I was in Group One, so I'm like, Let me get up there. I don't like the butt, but I was like, peeping out fucking screens. And I would see three, four, and I keep popping up. I just wanted to be in position. And there's nowhere to go. But I finally weasel next to this guy. He's got a fucking cowboy hat on. He's just standing there with his bag. And my plan was to stand. They have a little market there, but that was roped off. So I was like, fuck. So I just stood right next to this guy, and I just heard him start going.

Yeah, of course. I think he-I'd be so mad. God damn. You guys are piss me off. He was so mad. I'd be so... Dude, if somebody stood right next to me.

There was I don't know where to go. Is this for boarding? We were about to board.

Who cares? Wait till everyone else boards. You're in first class.

No way. Here's the thing, because then people fill up the overhead slots. We're on a small plane. People fill up the overhead slots. Now I got to put my bag five rows back, but then I have to jump off and get a quick connection. Our connection was tight, I think. Yeah, it was tight, I think, on the way there. And we were delayed. So I was like, Bro, I got to get on this thing, get my stuff and be ready to get off this plane. But I wasn't bugging. I've started bugging about that. I was chilling, but I was like, Let me just get in a position. Everything's cool. Say, I'm next to this guy, dude. It literally starts... I'm not exaggerating. He starts to make that noise.

I would do that. I would do that.

Well, then I stop and I like...

I would say something. I would be like, Hello.

Excuse me. I think he was working that up. I didn't touch him. I just got next to him.

How close are we talking?

I was fucking right. Everyone was right next to each other.

Dude, get the fuck out of here. You're crazy. He goes like this.

I stopped. I'm like, Bro, are you okay?

Oh, really?

Not even me and me.

That would help.

I was like, Are you okay, dude? For real? What's going on? He was just like, Everybody's fucking bumping into each other. He's full spas.

He's totally correct.

But I was like, Dude-He's totally correct. I was like, There's nowhere to go. I was like, There's nowhere to go. Of course, there is.

Just fucking stand in the back until they announced you're in a fucking group.

Yeah, but then you got to push out. You got to get up there anyway. So I'm like, I'm not going to stand all the way there and then have to... Because then you try. I've done that before where then they go, Okay, now it's this group. I'm like, Wait, I didn't even get on. It's just like, then I have to I'm like, Let me just get in a position. I try not to ever butt where I'm in front of you, but I'll try to get to the side by myself. It's a whole system I have. So this guy is just like, Everyone's just popping in each other. Full spas, dude. I was like, Dude, I'm like, Oh, man, everything's fine. He literally goes, I was like, What are you even talking about? Because I didn't touch the guy. He was like, I don't want to talk about it. I'm like, All right, fine. He's like, Dude, but it's like, whenever someone's about to spas, I'm just I have to push you. What's wrong? Because I was laughing like, What's the matter with you?

Yeah, that's good stuff.

And then so I'm sitting there, all of a sudden, here comes Nate. I go, Oh, boy. I got a red-face guy in a cowboy hat who's already fucking brewing.

He's ready to swap that hat. He's going to be mad. He's going to break out that BK. I know.

When Nate comes up, I was like, Nate, I'm up for you. I'm watching Nate come through. By the way, no one else had a fucking problem. Nate comes up, and I go, This guy might pop the top, dude. This guy might fucking go. Nate comes up. He accidentally bumped his luggage. And, dude, this guy's luggage was stacked like that high. It fell and hit a lady. Oh my God. I just watch him go, Oh. And I'm sure it bothered him a little bit that day while he was black because it's like, How could this get anywhere? And a black guy puts in front of you and knocks your lung into him. And the lady was like, Oh. I could have been happier.

Yo, fuck you guys. I'm fully with the cowboy. I'm fully with the cowboy. I was like... You got to start hitting the M&M right away. If you're the cowboy, you just go, I'm not afraid.

I dished out. That was my bad. I dished out a double dose of punishment. And it was like... And he He was already fuming. I think the security was crazy. So he was completely fumed out. And he was like, what was it called? Concierge Key. They're like the very, very...

He was a top flyer.

Total top flyer. And he was surrounded by the hoi ploi of Group One and two. So I don't think he was very happy.

I mean, he's still talking about it. At Christmas, he's going to be like, You know what? The airlines in this country have just gone to hell.

What happened? His bag fell. He hit an older lady, and she was like, Oh. He was like, Oh. He couldn't even talk. He was so mad. And then I followed him at the next airport. I was, I'll pray he'd be on our plane. Because I was just like, Damn, this guy's going to freak out.

Where was your connection?

Where did we go to? Dc.

Oh, yeah, we went to DC. He was headed to DC.

We went to DC, and then we were going to Syracuse. He was still in our little wing because we all split off, but he came to our thing. I'm like, Dude, is he going to be on That'd be awesome. I was observing it, but at one point, we made it all the way.

You were observing him? Yeah. That's also in my head, if that's going on with me, I'm going, Are they fucking with me? And you were. There was actually a malevolent force around him. What's wrong with you? Bro.

I was laughing because I was like, dude, he was literally going, I was like, Bro, are you okay? Just laughing.

What's going on? I don't want to talk about it.

I don't want to talk It's totally fair.

What time was this flight? I know you guys love 5: 00 AM.

It was 6: 30 in the morning.

This guy couldn't be more correct. You guys are the ones that are wrong.

We made it all the way to Washington, DC, and I had been following him. I hope he's on our plane. And then we went to the Red Plum market in the airport, and I got some chicken. And then at one point, because I had been tailing him, and I was like, damn, I lost him. We I go to the Red Plum Market, I'm getting my chicken. He comes around the kiosk. It's just like a little place in a bunch of airports. I've been growing up in an airport so hard lately. Red Plum Market is good. They got some good chicken. But I grabbed my tray, and I was like, damn, I lost him. I turned around, who is it? But the cowboy right in front of me. And I went, I just saw him like...

Oh, fuck.

I was so happy. Like, There you are. And he just was like, and just got to... Yeah. Fuck.

He wasn't excited to see you? No, not at all.

I don't think so at I ruined his day. I didn't mean to, dude. I got plenty of space. I didn't bump. I know I didn't bump this guy, but I saw Nate come, and I did. I'll be honest. That evil part of me was like, Hmm, this shit. Here we go. Here it comes. Moving my night to F7, please.

Dude, 5: 30 in the morning. Bro, it was...

Yeah, I had my red light glasses on. I'm just be like, Are you okay?

Were you wearing red light glasses? Dude.

He got hit with the whack bag. He did. First thing in the morning. Imagine if you were genuinely mad and some dude was laughing next to you going, Dude, are you okay? I know.

He's wearing fucking red glasses. You're in a cowboy outfit. And Nate was sweating from sneaking in. I know you were dripping sweat. I know he's dripping sweat. Yeah, you're dripping sweat. He was so sweating. He's That's such a gross ass sweat. You didn't shower in the morning. It's 6: 00 AM.

That was the first thing Matt said when I walked up. After, he told me about the guy, he laughed.

You're all sweaty.

You're sweating yourself. Yeah, that was my Friday morning. Man, I was on this cloud nine. It's been like, this is a funny shit.

It is a treat.

I love seeing spazz. Dude, once people spazz at the airport, and again, it could be me. It could be anybody. I could spazz for sure. But it was like, when I see someone else spazzing, there's just a part of me. It's like, bro, I want to see see how far you can go.

You want to see a real spaz? Yeah. Yeah. You want to see a bottom of spas?

I want to see what you can fully do. I doctor X them. I'm like, you have lots of potential. Let's see.

But he kept it in.

Good for him. He didn't fully spaz.

Maybe.

True.

Who knows? True. Where the fuck he went.

The middle of the next flight is like, Man, the weekend was good, though. A good time. Nice.

Syracuse, New York. It was a good start to the weekend.

Great start to the weekend. Good club, too. It was not bad, dude. The mall, dude, that is the sickest mall. It has a Dave & Busters. It has a Dick's Sporting Goods. What else do you have? Scape Room.

I think that's every single mall. What? Every single mall has a Dave & Busters dick.

Oh, go car track?

Now you're talking next level.

In the mall, though, dude, I never seen it in the mall.

Wait till you go to the Capital City Mall in Harrisburg.

True.

Christ, what are you talking about? That's the Capital City Mall.

True. I've never seen. I only just seen retail malls with a food court. I didn't know they're putting the fucking good stuff in there now. Malls are fighting back. Everyone wants to fucking say malls are dead. Yeah, right, dude. You got to see the... What was that place called? Destiny USA Mall?

Malls got hit with a bit of the same thing that happened in water parks. They did, dude. The Capital City Mall. Not my Capital City Mall, dude. It's changed.

They did the... What do you call it? Prental escort thing.

What's that?

If you're a teenager of any kind, nobody cares. If you're a teenager-If you're a YT.

If you're just a young Team.

Young team. Your parents have to be with you. So they crack down on the cheering, running around.

That ruins them all.

I know. It got us. Thanks. But I don't think they really enforce it. I think it's there. If they need to drop the hammer, they can go, Hey, teenagers aren't allowed in here by themselves. You know what I mean? Teenagers dressed in sports jerseys and sneakers are not allowed in here by themselves.

Old people used to go and walk. The ball? Yeah. You ever see it?

I've seen old people hit the fucking shuffle back in the day.

I think they would just bring old folks homes and be like, Here, just walk around. Yeah.

I think a lot of old people, too. They would get coffee at McDonald's in the morning and then just stretch their legs.

For exercise, just walk through the mall.

Hit the fucking MA double L. But that thing was... That mall was nice.

It made me double hockey sticks.

It was victorious, man. But I did not eat well, man, this weekend. Nothing but fucking fried wings and flat breads from the mall. Dropped a pile, bro.

That's a pile.

Pi Hockey Stick E, dude. Yes. Big time. I woke up this morning, dude. First thing in the morning, just...

Pi single hockey stick. I mean, you put together a recipe. I did. Yeah. I did.

That's why, yeah, I was telling you earlier, fucking goddamn family has pinworms right now.

It's good to pile out. If you got a pin worm epidemic going through the house.

I was telling my wife, and she was like, You got to take the fucking shit. I was like, Bro, you think these things are fucking hanging in here.

What is the shit you got to take?

It's like this. It's like banana flavor. It's like a chalky syrup. I had to chug three tables of it before I came here. That it kills if I have anything. I mean, I could have. Who knows? I could have other parasites. It'll fucking kill whatever's in your body. That's good. Then you got to wait a week because pinworms lay eggs. Oh, my God. So you got to wait a week, and then you have to take it. So in case the eggs hatch, you kill those.

I really hope you don't have any pinworms because I really sit in that chair a lot.

I don't think they come out of They come out of your butt at night time, too. During the day, my little wormies are sleeping.

Yeah, I've heard a lot of stories about this. You got to take a flashlight to your kid's asshole at night. Look for worms.

Yeah, man. That's literally what you have to do.

You got to find the night crawlers. You You got to find the creepy crawlers.

You got to hit them with the flashlight and just wait. Yeah, they come out of their butt hole. Yeah, man. Yep.

That's really fucked up. My cat got worms, and I was sad about it. Watch him crawling out of his butt. I was like, No, Tibble.

Yeah, man. They say you can put tape over your butt when you sleep and wake up. I swear to God. And then you wake up, you check the tape.

Blast the tape off. That's a fun thing to do. I might start doing that anyway.

Or do it like people do that with a door to see if anyone's been sneaking in your room. Just put a piece of tape over your butt, wake up, still there you go. Nice. Good. Nobody's accessed me while I was sleeping.

The flash light into a butt.

And wait Just waiting to.

Just waiting to see if your kids got worms.

Yeah, man. But I was at the Destiny Mall at the time, so I didn't have to deal with that. But yeah, shout out to Brittany for holding down the fort and taking care of all the worms. Worms situation. She was freaking I'm freaking, bro.

Yeah, of course.

I get it.

It's the grossest thing possible.

It's disgusting.

It's truly disgusting. It's my nightmare.

She's scared of bugs. She's scared of regular bugs.

You know I got a thing. I know you don't like them bugs. Whatever these types of bugs are. Parasites. There's something wrong with me. It's a very... Yeah, it is a sign of schizophrenia.

No, I think it's pretty normal to have like...

It's always like there's bugs on my skin. What do you think? There's bugs on you. Yeah, I thought that. I think there's bugs.

Yeah, okay.

That's fair. Not now, but now I'm going to be worried about...

Pin worms?

When I'm lying in my parents' basement for Christmas, I'm going to go, Mom, I'm going to have enough drinks to work up the courage to go, Mom, when I fall asleep tonight, I need you to come in here with a flashlight. Check my butt off. And just check my butt for worms.

Oh, no, you have worms?

My son has worms? You're 40. You have worms? It can happen to anybody, mom.

She check for sure.

I don't know if she would.

She would check your mom. If you were like, Mom, if you came to her in earnest and was like, Mom, I really need you to check for me. They would do it in a heartbeat. I guess. She would honestly not...

No, she's not. We don't have that. What do you mean? I don't think she's one of those ladies that enjoys that shit. What? Gross shit with their kids.

Not like that, but I'm saying just like, she just probably remembers you as a little tiny baby.

She's like, we probably-She would find out the hard way. I'm all man now. She'd be staring down the barrel of a man's ass. With worms. Sarlack pit. Coming right at you.

Well, America does have this thing where the rest of the world constantly takes dewormers and all this stuff. We think that we don't have parasites and shit. I think a lot of people have parasites. So I can give you a dose, too. You can take some of the banana flavor. Just in case. Yeah, what the fuck? Why not?

It's not going to hurt you. I hear you.

It's not going to hurt you. Probably fucking stop COVID, too. If you get COVID, it's not going to hurt you.

I think it does. It probably does.

Yeah, my immune system is on fire right now. I'm going to take it in a dewormer.

I believe it.

Yeah, that shit was nasty. But yes, that was my fucking deal, dude. Just flew home to an empty house. All my worm girls were gone.

Where's my worm girls? The worm sisters.

All my worm girls are gone. I almost didn't take it. I was talking to a FaceTimeer, and I'm like, I forgot the medicine. What is this? It's like, That's your dewormer. Take it right now. I was like, Fuck. Chugged it. I'm paranoid about taking a new thing. If I take a new medicine for the first 40 minutes, I'm like, Dude, what if it has a weird side effect with just me? And I just die. That was my half an hour before I left just being like, Am I feeling this right now?

I'm probably feeling it. That didn't do shit. I'm taking another one. I'm not even fucking high.

Dewormers sucked. That was our weekend, man. The spas was a highlight. Then we just had two fun shows, and I don't think anything else really fun happened. I think we just had a good old time. Shit, it was just fucking freezing cold. I did work out in the gym. I went to the gym, or not the hotel gym, and there was a basketball team full of like, fourth graders with one adult. So I went in there and fucking magged him with a 50-pound dump. They were playing around with all this shit while this one guy was just like, Oh, be careful. And he was just like, I walked in.

Are you still power listening? You should have been screaming in there.

I wanted to. The I really had with 50 pound.

Slam in place.

50 pound dumbbells. I couldn't even have.

Just slam them on the ground. I should have.

I didn't want to fucking grab one of these kids. I did mog them with the treadmill. I put it on 14 %. They got next to you and you went. I put it on 14 incline.

You became the cowboy. There's little kids running around. Little kids run around the gym. You go, I don't want to talk about it. Especially you juiced up.

You probably spasmed all of them. I shouldn't be in here. No, I didn't even care. The guy was super apologetic, and I'm like, Bro, I need my little corner. And then I hit the 15 I'm 15% incline on the treadmill, and I was running sprinting hills on the treadmill. Dam. Just magging the kids. Of course. Just letting them know. You guys think shit's fucking sweet, bro. I'm about to turn 40. I got worms in my butt. That's it. I'm fucking running.

Yeah, life sucks. I'm in Syracuse on a treadmill with worms in my butt. Yeah, I'm trying to think. I don't even know what I did this weekend. I had a nice weekend off. Yeah, you chilled. Just watched some football. It was a good time. Nice. Watch the Jake Paul fight.

Dude, you guys get to watch that? No, I didn't even know what was going on until I woke up the next morning. I said, Jake Paul got knocked out. I said, so what? Why didn't he fight that guy? That guy's enormous.

Probably for $100 million.

Yeah. I mean, that's really what people wanted to see, is him get knocked out. Yeah.

It looked like Anthony Joshua was letting it go a little further. But he also could have just been waiting to tire him out. True.

But I saw the highlight.

You got to get Jake Paul some credit. He was fully gassed, like falling on the ground constantly. Kept getting up. Good for him. It's also-People love hatin on that guy, and I get it. He acts a fool.

Yeah, he's like a YouTube guy, but it's also-He did stand up, I think, with a fucking shattered jaw. And dude, I mean, fighting that guy. That guy is fucking terrifying. Nasty boxer, but he's also way bigger.

He's a heavyweight champ.

Yeah, dude, that's what I'm saying. It's like, you got to give credit where it's due. Even if they were like, we had an agreement to not do a lot of damage. It's like, dude, if I'd blocked a body shot-You started going for damage. Yeah, he fucking broke his Oh, yeah. If I were to block one of that guy's body shots with my arms, I would still quit the fight. It would kill. It would hurt so bad. I'd probably fall-Punching the fucking arm?

Every Somebody that doesn't know how to fight in these fights just turns around and tries to walk away. You get a hit, you're like, Okay, that's it. You're hooked in the back of your head.

It would seriously just be like... Yeah, I had to give credit where it was due. I was like, Bro, just even fight Fighting that guy because I guess everyone was being like, You're not a real boxer. Dude, just fighting somebody at that skill level is crazy.

And the size difference.

The size was crazy. It was crazy. That dude magged Paul. It was interesting to me because before they signed this deal, he was supposed to fight Javante Davis, who's significantly smaller than him. So maybe that had something to do with it, trying to fight someone bigger than him after he got a bunch of backlash for trying to fight a small guy.

Well, Javante would be a problem. Yeah, he would be a big problem. He would be a real problem for him.

But that was an interesting... They called it off as Javante was alluding to there being shady business going on and stuff. Really?

I think so. I don't know. I think that's every single boxing match ever.

Yeah.

Every single time.

Yeah, that was the rumor stuff I heard online that they believe there was a contract clause to not do a lot of damage.

I think they at least let it go three or four rounds before you start Yeah.

Before you start. Yeah, before you start. You can bet on how long the fight lasts. My friend bet on it to go over two and a half rounds, and that's a lock. If you know that they're doing that, it's pretty shady. Yeah. When you bring the sportsbook into it. True. I mean, that was credit to him for even just taking the damage because that was like, he was fucking whaling him, bro. But they said he never throwing a straight right the whole time. I think He hooked him. Was that a hook? I think it was a hook. I think he just fucking hooked him. Yeah, that was crazy. All my heroes fell, dude. Paul fell. Cobra Tate fell. I might have to step up into the manosphere. West Watson lost 80 pounds of muscle. I was telling you about that. I don't know if it's 80, but he lost a lot of muscle. And fucking, there's a guy who makes... There's a dude on YouTube on West Watson's ass, bro. His name is Johnny something. I forget his name, but he makes real-time documentaries. He doesn't have any fucking muscle anymore. This little twerp just attacks him the whole time.

But yeah, West Watson isn't even about muscles anymore. He doesn't even care. He's on the other shit.

He's too busy.

He's way too busy. But yeah, the guy's on his ass right now. He's like, You're not even jacked anymore.

I saw was cover taken hit with uppercuts.

Yeah.

Just wild ass uppercuts.

Yeah. I mean, it happens, bro. He's stepping in the ring, obviously. Who am I to even talk? Of course. I don't have any dust. I'm not the man in the arena, but my heroes have fallen. Now, I don't have any idea what to say to girls.

Fuck. I didn't even think about that.

Exactly. I got to hit with that guy who beat him up. I need to hear what he thinks about girls.

What does he think about how to approach women? I don't know.

I'm waiting to hear.

Probably throw a drink on him, spit on him. That's usually the message.

I'm awaiting instructions for my new sensei.

We'll find a new sensei.

Who's going to be? Show me one guy in the manosphere who's still fucking standing strong.

Milo Yunopolis.

True. Yeah, I guess he could talk about what to say to girls, too, now. He's straight as hell. Yeah, he's straight as a fucking arrow. We talked to Milo about girls. I don't know. That'd be nice. He knows about girls. What are you talking about? Dude, he's a YouTube celebrity. You don't think he gets a ton of girls?

Relax, Sean.

I don't know. Or maybe it could be Nicki Minaj might be my new hero Hero.

That's a good hero. That's a good one.

Dude, I don't know. I believe her. I think she's been super right wing this whole time.

I think, yeah. When Lil Wayne met Trump, she was probably... She's probably gone, Okay. Yeah.

And again, She was an absolute... She broke the story about her cousin's gigantic balls from the COVID vaccine.

That would probably... Yeah, that would redpillar. Because everyone's like, Shut the fuck up, bitch. You can't go against the Vax badge.

I know. She went against it. She was the only person. I don't know. I don't know what that's all about, though. I'm curious.

What?

I don't know. I don't know if it's a rebranding thing. I don't know if you see it peeping the Candice bag. Candice's bag is up right now.

Sure. Nicki Minaj has a substantial bag. She probably still has the bag.

Probably has the bag for sure. But, dude, the Candice bag is crazy.

Is it?

Yeah, bro. I think her show is enormous. I think. I could be I think it's one of the biggest-Yeah, she has one of the biggest shows.

I think her podcast is, for real, one of her biggest podcasts. That makes sense. Yeah. I think since Charlie Kirk died, she's been talking about it a lot, and it's blown up since then.

She also has-I watched a couple of those episodes. Yeah, she adds a little... She's got her secret recipe. She has her secret ingredient. She's been heading to her show right now. I'm just feeling like blaming the Jews with everything. That shit's hot right now.

It is hot.

I mean, bro, you give me the word, we can take this show to the top. It is so fucking hot right now to be just go crazy, to go dumb on the J-E-Ws. But no, I just wanted to do a comedy podcast. Dude, I'm telling you. Of course it is.

The The biggest pod. The biggest pod. Every single one of them.

It's crazy. I mean, we're just fucking leaving money on the goddamn table.

We are. We got to get in there. We got to do independent research.

True. I don't know. I'll just make stuff up, too.

On what?

It says she's number one. At the end of this year, she hit number one globally for downloads and views with 3. 6 million daily streams.

People want to know. I looked up her networth, though. I guess you can't really. I don't know. What do you mean?

How true it is. Those things are wrong.

Yeah, it says 20 mil for Candice Owens and Nicki Minaj is like 150 million. Okay, I'll shut the fuck up then. You're probably right, though.

You're probably right, though.

You're probably right, though. You're probably right. Talk about Barbie, bro. Yeah, she had a lot of hits. You're probably right. Yeah, you're probably right. I don't know. She was on Lil Wayne's music label, too. You know.

You know what I mean? Probably.

I mean, young money. Come on, bro.

Come on, bro. How big?

What are we talking about? True. I guess it's not on. Why is it not on Spotify? It is.

Peep number nine. No. Peep number seven. Uh-oh.

True.

We don't have to be nasty like that.

That's true.

We're just number seven. We're just good boys.

We're just getting GBPs around here. Getting GBPs. Also telling on ourselves. I wasn't wrong at the airport. That's my bad.

I knew it was I wasn't wrong. You weren't wrong.

I wasn't wrong initially, but the amount of glee I was taking and following this man and peep. I was peeping on him, dude.

I would have also followed him. I'd like to see what he's doing. There's nothing else to do with the airport. If you're watching a potential spaz, it That was so nice because I see him online all the time. I rarely get to see him in person.

He kept it to... I'll give him credit where it's due. He did keep it contained pretty well. I saw one other good spaz. What do you disagree?

I mean, when I bumped his bag, he hit it out loud.

That was what I pulled up to.

I didn't even see the other shit.

But dude, if you're fucking grumbling, if you're hitting audible grumbles-A sweaty dude comes and fucking knocks your shit over.

He had the The biggest bags of all time.

His bag was crazy.

They were stacked up, for real, for real, almost as tall as me.

It was crazy. It was just fucking nailed. But, oh, man, I just No, I didn't push the envelope any further, but I was trying to get as close as possible to him all the time. You can't spaz like that. I mean, you really should. You can grumble, dude. No, dude, this was a You can grumbble. You can grumbble, but you can't growl.

Do you have headphones on? No. All right.

No. I know what you're saying. He was like, he didn't realize how loud he was talking. This was a growl, dude.

This is a headphones-less grumbble.

A headphones-less grumbble grow. That's fucking crazy. It's so funny, dude. I literally... It's such a joy in my heart.

I become like a mask-wearing liberal in there. I'm very passive-aggressive. I'm like, Oh, that's nice. Oh, he knocked over my back. Great. Thank you.

I guess I'll pick it up then.

Oh, I'll pick it up. No problem. You know what time it is. Everybody at home, it's time. This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money. Matt, I need you to rift from me, Daddy, on what do you fucking do with Rocket Money?

How much time are you spending each month trying to manage your finances before Rocket Money. What do you do with that extra time now? Yeah.

What do you do with that extra time?

It took me a while. When I had my budget all over the place, I didn't have a lot of time to just do the stuff I needed to do, take care of my own personal health, reproductive health. And now that I've organized my budget with Rocket Money, let's just say I've been launching some rockets of my own.

And it's fun. I'll tell you this, man. When you launch a rocket, it's fun to go, Here comes the Rocket Money.

Your babe walks in, you go, What are you doing? Rocket Money.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app. It helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bill so you can grow your savings. Take it away, Matt.

With Rocket Money, you can see all of your transactions automatically categorized across accounts and set up customizable categories and tags to reveal your spending patterns. You can use it to set budgets and goals, get personalized insights and regular reports, and even receive real-time alerts for large transitions.

Sometimes... I thought it was transactions as well. So did I. Large Transitions. I had a transaction joke. What did you say? Sometimes you got to give somebody a real personal alert for a large transaction that's headed their way. You know what I mean? You got to go, Get out of the way. It's a big rocket Rocket Money.

What do you want me to do with this rocket money? Upcoming bills, refunds, and low balances. And rocket money can even automate savings to grow towards your goals with adjustable amounts and frequency. Just set it up and let it do its thing. Shane, give me one more. You do the Rocket Money the best.

Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster.

Join at rocketmoney.

Com/msp. That's rocketmoney. Com/msp. Rocketmoney. Com/msp.

Hey, guys, please catch me doing standup. I'll be in Houston, Texas, January 16th. I'll be in Dallas. Did I have what the fuck that means?

You'll be inside of a Houston Texan.

Hey, guys, it's me. January 16th, I'll be at Houston, Texas, at Performance Hall. January 17th, I'll be at the Majestic Theater in Dallas. And then on to Hartford, Connecticut, Albany, New York, Las Vegas, Denver, Boise. Go and a bunch more places. Go to mattmcuster. Com for details. Also, Tuesday, the day this is out at the Creek, I'll be doing the show, Algonauts, where we go through people's cell phones.

Is this the debut?

Yeah, the debut show. It's going to be good. It's going to be fun. So if you're still around in town, come to the Creek and Cave. I believe it's at eight o'clock.

It could be a hit news show.

I think it could be fun.

I think it could be a hit.

Go through people's cell phones, project their algorithm onto a screen, and then see what the algorithm says about them. And we'll show our own algorithms, too.

Nice. I just added Chicago, Nashville, Charlotte, and Boston. So check those out. And then, of course, the show at the link in Philadelphia. Please go to that. Let's go. I swear it's going to be good. So we should. Thank you.

Hello. Sorry for the interruption. This is Sean Gardini, and I'll be in Atlanta.

But sorry.

Hello. Sorry for the interruption. I just wanted to let you know I'll be in Atlanta on January 22 and 24, and we have the Noctus January sixth, and then the third Tuesday of January as well. Please come if you can.

Thank you. I saw a guy riding his bike wearing a mask yesterday. Really? It fucking pissed me off. I was just on my constitutional. I saw a guy riding a bike wearing a fucking M95. That's crazy. I wanted to yell.

Unless he was trying to get his-I grumbled. You think he was trying to get his VO2 max up?

No.

That's crazy to wear. No, he definitely wasn't. The K95. It's crazy, man.

On the bike? They're putting up some wild signs around here in my park.

What did you get?

They just keep posting these signs that say, Queer Kids, fight back. They're getting fired up. Queer Kids, fight back? Yeah, and then it's a picture of a dog biting someone. I guess Queer Kids are dogs.

What the fuck?

I guess that's the message.

Was there an event that kicked this off?

I don't know. No, they keep popping up. They're getting bigger signs.

Queer Kids, fight back? I don't know about this. Yeah, man. Hold on a second.

They're making signs for Nate.

I was about to say, We're tired of getting called Zesty. We're about to start biting people. Start growling and biting people.

Oh, okay.

What is it?

I don't know, honestly.

This is in my park.

Queer Kids fight back.

Isn't that wild?

Yeah. It just includes various forms of activism, from grassroots organizing and protests to legal challenges and working with supportive organizations. Well, how about, say, Queer Kids get political? You know what I mean? Queer Kids are cool. Queer Kids are cool.

There's There's a house by me that somebody spraypainted Adultress on the fence. And then a little further down, you see her full name is a slut spray-painted somewhere else. What? Some drama going around.

A little drama amongst the Austin housewives. Yeah. Yeah.

Adultress, real big. It's like, get out there and paint over that. True. In there for fucking two weeks.

Maybe she likes it.

True. Might get her off. I stopped by. I hit the old Wilson, go right over the fence. I go, Hey.

Heard there's an adulterous in these parts.

I heard there's a slut in here. I saw the sign out front. I'm here for the slut.

Go spray-paint your phone number right now. Yeah. Call me slut. Yeah, that's pretty wild, dude. How far is it from here?

I can walk there, so pretty close.

We should take a gander at that between the episodes. I'd like to see this slut.

Yeah.

Just knock up and be like, You know you have a disparaging message on your thing. Dude, we were driving recently, and someone had the... The windshield gets dusty, and people were right. Someone had just wrote the N-word on this person's car. And so me and Brittany were driving back from the gym, and Brittany pulls up and is like, Hey.

It was funny until then. Sorry.

Well, it was two Mexican ladies in the car because I was like, I want to see whose car this is. And then we pull up.

I didn't even know what it said.

I just want to see, what are we working with here? Just two Mexican ladies just sitting there, and Brittany tried to tell them, you have the N, and then they were like, No, Ntiendes. And then she Google translated to them. They went, Oh. I'm just got to get to drive. They didn't give a fuck. I was like, It's so funny. She just wanted to tell them. Yeah, go ahead, knock yourself out.

I think that's a reasonable thing to tell someone. Yeah, you have the N-word on your car. Yeah, you should get a car wash. Yeah, really.

Or just wipe it.

Yeah.

Someone pranked them. They got punked.

It's a classic prank.

That happened to my parents right after we moved here. That was the first thing my mom told me. Because they're old, they don't be taking their car out all the time, but it was like somebody got them with it. On the block, too. Oh, no.

In Redding?

Yeah. It's probably a Puerto Rican person.

Damn.

Or one of you guys. Not taking you guys.

No offense. I'm not trying to claim innocence without knowing anything. Seems like it wasn't us. In Redding?

Yeah. You all are there.

You all are in Redding. Never even been to Redding, personally.

There's like 12 white people.

It's about...

You all are like 10%. Yeah, there's a lot. How big were you talking on the backwind show? That's fucking crazy.

My mom didn't give me the details. She waited for a while before she even told me, apparently. Really? Yeah, she was like, Yeah, we got it. It was all done and said and done when I heard about it.

Rough start. Yeah.

That's what's nasty.

Yeah, that's crazy. Hard R?

Yeah.

How'd they write it?

It was the same way, in a dirty on a dirty car. Hit a dirty part of the car. They're old.

No, I'm not mad that they're a dirty car. I thought you made the face like, what the car? I'm more upset about the slur against your parents.

I thought you would just be a fucking-No, I wasn't like, Oh, you got a dirty car.

That's what you did. Something's going to happen. My man, my man. Don't fuck, dude. My man. I like to joke around. You think I'm actually racist? No, but come on, man.

It's funny. Dirty car.

Yeah, if someone tagged you up? Yeah, man. Because also, that's like, you really got to... You can't just wipe with your hand. Your fucking hands get all dirty and shit. So then you got to just drive with that on there.

I Then you got to go get a paper towel or a towel.

True. I guess, yeah, you're right. I'm thinking about a paper towel. You'd have to drive, man. You have to drive, but you have to go to the gas station thing and dunk that thing. There'd be one second, you'd go.

The Squeegy.

Yeah. Maybe I should just keep this on the back of my car. It's in my car.

It's a free country.

It's a free country. I do whatever I want.

But yeah. I can do anything.

No, he doesn't wipe that off. Stat.

I feel bad for the adulterous lady.

Why?

I just feel bad. The whole situation.

Yeah, I mean, dude, look, dude, that's what happens. That's the drama and the fucking burbs, dude. The ladies, they do a lot of yoga. They get a little horny. They're married to an engineer, what would it be like to have sex with an architect? Switch it up.

Oh, same thing. Oops.

Now you're busted.

Exact same thing.

Oops. Now you're busted. An architect is just a gay engineer. That guy couldn't even get hard for me. Now I have slut on my fence.

Slut on your fence is not great.

Yeah, I lady and tramped the soft noodle. Now I have slut on my fence.

Slurped the nude. Slurped it.

It is funny to be a 45-year-old lady and cheat on your 45-year-old husband with a 45-year-old man. It's like, Bro, does he use a vibrator? What do you think this other 45-year-old man is about to do to you? Not a lot.

He's probably so swabbed, though. At the bar, he was probably like, Oh, man, you and me could do something special.

Dude, the guy's phone I was peeping. He was a bit of an elder statesman. I said, Man, I know you guys are getting all freaky like that. Freaking diggie. I'm over here getting GBPs. I should have told him to the lady next to me. But the guy is texting about fucking people. I think he might have been texting a stewardess. Not going to say anything more, but you know.

Is it true that Nate was taking a nap, and then the male stewardess came over and woke him up, and he tried to kiss him when he woke up? Straight out of his sleep?

It's every time.

Yeah, he tapped on his shoulder.

I had to put my jacket over his head.

He had one on his shoulder, and he went... Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry, Daddy. That's all right. You don't have to. We don't have to keep the bit You can defend yourself if you want. You did try to kiss a guy on the plane, but that's it. Can't believe you bumped into the cowboy.

No. Dude, it was. I mean, it was just so Early in the morning. It was just, man, amazing.

Oh, I had a good night last night. What did you do? Me and the O'Kahn man got on Hell Let Loose for a while. Oh, that's awesome. Got a little tank crew. O'kahn was the driver. I was the gunner. We had a good time. We were doing well. And then I realized his driving was a little erratic.

I was just waiting. I'm like, there's no way this lasted for more than-I realized his driving was erratic.

And then I was like, dude, are you fucking drunk? He was drunk, dude. Dude, he was hammered. I was like, You're getting us killed, dude. You were getting fucking destroyed.

How did he respond to that?

He was like, No. No, he was like, Yeah. No, I go, Dude, are you fucking drunk? He goes, No. I go, Did you drink today? He goes, Yeah. I was on a flight. I had a couple of drinks. I was like, You're fucking wasted, dude. We're getting killed out here.

It's so funny to be on a tank just like, What the hell?

Yeah, the driving was a little erratic, and then I'd be like, Oh, stop, stop, because I'm trying to aim the fucking thing. There'd be another tank. I'd be like, Dude, fucking stop the tank. He'd be like, I couldn't get a shot. I was like, I can't get a fucking shot, Chris. I had the headset on. I was sitting right here. It was fucking great.

That's so funny.

We finally played for three or four It was awesome.

That is amazing. Tank Crew is nice, too.

Tank crew is very fun. How did you guys do overall? We had some really good games, and then some towards the end. The last game was fucking terrible.

Pizza probably came for O'Connor.

I will say Chipotle came for me at one point. There was a couple of times, I had the mic off. I was fucking grumming. I'd be like, Fuck tank. I'd be like, Oh, shit.

It's a good time. True. That sounds really fun, though. Yeah, it was wholesome.

That's awesome. It was very nice.

We also, we finally have to clear the record for Amy's Ice Cream.

Oh, yeah.

Amy's Ice Cream does roll. I'm sorry, made fun of the ice cream cake. It was just a simple mistake. They sent us a tiny ice cream cake.

I told you, I took some bites of that. It was fucking delicious.

Yeah, that was funny. I got the report a day later. He was like, Yeah, Shane actually like the cake.

The cake was so good. It was a delicious cake. I was on the telephone, and I was trying to throw it out. I was like, I'm not just going to waste it. I'll take a bite. While I'm talking to somebody, I was like, Oh, yeah, man, for sure. I'll get another bite here. I just ate half that fucking thing in 20 seconds. Standing eating ice cream cake on the phone with Tony Ayo. It was with G-Unit. I was on I was on the phone with him.

It was your birthday, too.

It was my B-day. It was your fucking B-day. Tony called me on my B-day. It was nice. That's so nice. Yeah.

Hello, Mr. Yeoh. Yeah, I wanted to clear you. It was pretty awesome. I felt bad. We just smacked an Amy's ice cream cake.

That was all you. I can't believe I followed through with your nasty plan. It was such a funny idea. I feel so guilty about slapping that.

No, that was such a funny thing to just smack your birthday cake out of Sean's hand.

It is funny, but... It was hilarious. That's what keeps me up at night. Fuck, man. Just snappy an asshole for fucking 10 seconds. Your friends hate you. Then I got a text that says, It's Tony Yeyo, G-Unit. I go, This is how he texts?

Yes. This is fucking awesome. That's so tight.

Yeah, I was pretty excited about that.

I need to see G-Unit come back. 50 Star has re-risen. Yeah.

Another great Black Republican.

Oh, yeah, true. That's true.

Maybe Nage 50, Lil Wayne.

What the fuck? Yeah. Think Kodak Black?

Kodak Black, for sure. He loves Toronto. That's his aunt. That's his Gemini twin. Yeah, exactly. He loves it. There's a good group.

Black Republicans might rule.

Obviously, the only way we got to get Jay-Z. He's the ultimate dem, though. He is, bro. Jay-z is such a dem.

He morphed into a dem.

Yeah, he's like an Anderson Cooper dem. Yeah.

But he's become a dem.

Yeah.

He's dem hair.

Yeah, he got the Basquiat, isn't that there? Yeah.

I don't want to trash someone's art, but I just don't like that crap.

Basquiat?

Not a fan.

I don't really know much about it.

It's like pop art. I don't like pop art, I I shouldn't fairly attack Basquiat. I don't like pop art or whatever. Fuck, I don't even know what I'm talking about, but that very modern-looking art.

Like Warhol? Like Andy Warhol shit?

Yeah, I'm not a huge... It's like...

Oh, yeah.

But, dude, I like a beautiful I have heard, though, that those guys that do that stuff can usually technically... Do the other stuff. Are perfect technical painters. They just get bored and do that stuff.

They're like, Alt comics. Yeah. We could do comedy, but I'm just trash the form. You know what I'm saying? I don't know. I'm just here to trash the whole thing.

I don't know if those guys could, technically. Of course, they can. But I've heard because I was talking to someone. I was talking to my friend Ray about that, and I was like, Dude, how do people not recognize there's a beautiful landscape painting, and you have this, and you're like, Oh, they can do that. They just choose to do something else.

I like that.

But it's like, why don't you... That's what I'm saying, man.

Give me some goya, bro.

I love it. But I don't know. I'm not going to sit here and just be a fucking Debbie Downer about anything.

I tried to watch a documentary on the Spanish Civil War. I still don't understand it. I've read so many books about it. I've done the research. I can't figure it out.

Was it north and South still or East and West?

A little north and South. It was the whole country. Just random parts.

Everyone just beefing?

Yeah.

What year was this?

Late '20s, early '30s.

Oh, shit.

This was 1900? It was like they were testing out World War II in there. The Germans were given the fascists some weapons and shit. Okay. Everybody was Russia was helping the commies. Yeah.

So it was a fascist versus commies?

A little bit, yeah. But then that's where it gets fucked up because then there's a bunch of different factions. That's great. Anarchists, communists were on the same team. Fascists.

So all the political parties just attacked each other, basically. Yeah. Fuck.

That sucks. Then occasionally, they'd turn on each other. What? I don't know what the fuck happened. I think there was a spaz. I still don't know what happened. It was a Spanish spaz.

It was a nationwide spaz.

It was a full spaz. I still don't know what happened.

That's crazy. I'm vaguely familiar with it. I didn't even really know they had a big civil war.

But they were just massacring each other all the time. It was pretty vicious. In the village, you'd be like, Yo, that guy's a fucking fascist. Let's go fucking rip his head off. Damn. Yeah.

What the hell do you think that was about? When was TV invented?

After.

So after the '20s?

I don't know.

You think they saw a couple of John Wayne flicks and we're like, Fuck.

No, John Wayne, it was later, but it was close.

Yeah, '20s is way early.

'20s is TV. They might have real early TVs, but not in Spain, bro.

Yeah, right. That was also like they had radios, though. So that was big band was a soundtrack. It was a swing. Yeah. The Roaring Twenties, and then in Spain, they were going. Oh, man. That stinks.

Yeah, it's weird. This is a jump, but did I talk about that Ukraine video, the doc I watched? No. Bro, it's fucking terrible.

What?

Just what about-It's called 2000 Meters to... I forget the name of the town. It's a CBS doc. They just follow these Ukrainian fighters, and it's all like body camp shit. You see them all fighting. It's been then it was last year.

Oh, really? Yeah.

It was likeSo it was just war footage? So you're watching it and you're like, damn, I was at a Notre Dame game during this. What are these? What the fuck? I don't know.

Is it pretty brutal?

Yeah, it's really brutal. Jesus Christ. Very early on in the documentary, a guy gets shot. You hear him screaming. His boys just drag him into a fucking trench. And they're like, We got to get out of here. And he's like, Dude, just leave me. They're like, Don't fucking blow yourself up, dude. You promise? He's like, Yeah. They're like, We're coming back. He was like, Don't come back. Then you see his body cam footage from the trench he's laying in. Dan. Just looking up at the shitty sky. Yeah, it's really terrible. He blows himself up? I don't know if he did.

Oh, he just chilles.

He was talking shit like he was about to, which he did get shot through the arms legs. So he was...

Yeah.

It's either that or you wait for a fucking drone or they come over and stab you or some shit. It's a really terrible... Obviously.

You died down. The Israel Palestine stuff took over on that front. You don't hear it now. You're still hearing about, I guess they're going to be talking about peace. Be nice little peace for Christmas.

That'd be nice. That'd be nice.

A little peace for Christmas.

Yeah, give it a watch. What's it called? Andrievka. It's a tough one.

Dude, I don't know.

2000 meters, yeah.

It's rugged stuff.

It's crazy. The battlefield is fucking crazy. It's like two sides of it are fields that are covered in mines, so you can't go through it. And then there's just little A little stretch of forest that's just a straight line to the town. That's 2000 meters. So they're on one side, they're on the other side. You just got to keep sending guys through this forest. But they always do five on five. It's very weird. You never see a major battle there. It's always like 10 guys, and it looks like paintball. Yeah, that's crazy. It's weird. Yeah.

Because I know that was a big worry from Russia. There's those open planes that you can easily go from Ukraine right to one of their capital cities. That's like their weak point as a country. So they got that just load it with mines now. So it takes care of that problem.

Yeah, and it's all cratered out. It looks like World War I. It's weird. It's weird that it's just going on right now.

I've said it before.

I know that's a fucking eighth grader's brain. No. Being like, It's crazy. Wars are happening.

They As technology increases, it does become embarrassing where it's like, well, you could just all blow ourselves up. It's like, this is crazy. We're still murdering each other to be like, these five miles are ours. It's like, split it or something. I don't know. Fucking split it in half. Don't fucking shoot each other, you psychos. It just seems like an insane way. It's the way we handle it. It literally is the highest court in the land. You go through everything and nothing works. It's like, I don't fucking shoot this guy.

They're talking about some shit with Venezuela right now, and I think they're supposed to make an announcement today.

I don't know why they're beefing with Venezuela right now.

Oil. What's your name about oil? Cooking bitch? True.

It's gone to be the Earls.

They better not. It better not what? It better not fucking go to war with fucking Venezuela.

Is that even like aYeah, what's that called?

Gunboat democracy? Or gunboat... Fuck. We just park a bunch of shit outside of a country's... We pull up on the Coast. Oh. And go, Let's talk. Yeah. Let's negotiate. Oh, those? Fuck it. Don't worry about those. Yeah, those are all-Yeah. Hopefully, this goes well.

I mean, is that even a remotely fair fight US versus Venezuela?

It would be shitty for us. Yeah. It'd be like Vietnam. It's in the jungle, and there's all these fucking-Oh, yeah, I forgot.

I forgot. Yeah, Vietnam was bad.

You could get bogged down there very easily.

That's also crazy, dude. Be like, Let's repeat Vietnam. I'd like for somebody to give me a case why we should start aggressing Venezuela. Is it the oil? Or are they saying they're a communist country?

They're saying they're communists. Bro. Who gives a fuck about the drugs? That's an excuse, I think. Yeah, bro. Get out of here. I think Maduro... That's his name, right? Maduro. I think he's starting to deal little with Russia and China instead of us. We're trying to maintain our sphere of influence.

He's on that bricks. He's on that bricks thing.

He's talking some shit, dude.

I told you before, we should join bricks as America. We're in bricks, too. Now, you guys are with us. Yeah, it's collapsed. Dumbass. Well, dumbass. Now, you're part of my coalition. Tricked you.

Now, we're bricks.

And then they leave bricks. What do you think of that? They leave bricks. Go back to the dollar. I knew you'd get out of bricks.

I knew you'd get out of bricks. You guys knew you'd get out of bricks. I knew you'd get out of bricks. I knew you'd get out of bricks. I knew you'd get out of bricks.

I mean, I don't know. It does become embarrassing at a point to be like, you have a bunch of guys just shooting each other in the face. It's like, dude, you're just not allowed to do that. Don't make an exception. Well, you can settle that. But then someone shoots in the face. You're going, well, you can't fucking shoot him in the fucking face.

Yeah, we're going to fucking shoot him.

What the fuck is that?

Well, whatever. Chasing him? We're like commandeering oil tankers.

Why? Just pulling them over.

We're going, these are ours. We're just stealing their fucking oil tankers, bro. We're going, Let's do that.

Maybe they're like, Yeah, I guess they're going to say they're probably maybe using them to smuggle stuff. No, it's-It's just funny to be like, No, they're just smuggling with oil tankers.

It's fully just us stealing their oil. What the Is there a Trump and the Secretary of War speech tonight? It's happening right now? Yeah.

I guess oil, too, is so- Hopefully, that's nothing. Yeah, that'd be nice if it solves it. Because oil is the one commodity you really can start blowing people up over. Usually, don't fight people over bananas and shit. So I think there is that one. I know there was that. We used to. Yeah, I knew there was that one. Fuck, what was that called? It was a horrible thing the government did. It was like the Banana Company or whatever.

Yeah, the Dulles were helping the... Fuck, what is it called? The Fruit Company? It was like... But there was Banana Republics. That's what that's about. They would try to nationalize their own...

Yeah, United Fruit Co.

They would try to nationalize their own shit, and we'd be like, No, that's ours. Yeah, we need a regime change.

Your bananas are our bananas.

All right, put in this fucking insane guy who promised us to give us the bananas. That's so crazy. Yeah, it's crazy.

Just be the big banana boss.

There were some big banana bosses.

You're Donkey Kong.

Donkey Kong, yeah. We installed Donkey Kong as their dictator. He went,. Get them, Donkey. Get them, D. K.

Be the president of a banana company and just be like, kill that guy.

Think of the dumbest product Product you can think of. That's what was like sugar. That's crazy. Bro, we need to kill a million people for this fucking sugar.

Bro, imagine them. I need tea. Imagine getting a tanker of already freckled bananas, and you're the banana boss. You go, someone's got to pay for this. Someone's No one's going to pay.

We need our bananas.

I got two days to sell these bananas. It's called papers. Do some articles about banana bread. All right? We're going to use bright bananas for banana bread. Get that going.

We're going to kill this guy. Yeah, that was like the foundation of the CIA. Yeah, I remember. Dulles Brothers, they were lawyers in New York. They were corporate lawyers who worked for the United Fruit Company. And then they were, I guess, still boys with them. So they were like, We're going to found the CIA. And then like, Bro, you got problems? Oh, yeah. Now we can fucking do shit about it.

Get some bananas flying.

We'll get the bananas going. Well, heck, freaking, yeah. Whatever. I could be wrong about all that.

No, I think you're right. I remember as I said that, I was like, Oh, yeah. I remember hearing something like a United Fruit Co thing.

Well, that's a good episode.

Hour.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify.

Do it.