Transcript of Ep 578 - Post-Negativity (feat. Shawn Gardini)

The Wild Wild West. Oh, he's a pro now. Yeah.

Let me use that down, bro.

Got that gator clap. The gator hands. That there, boy, gator.

Yeah, Lemaar did a fantastic job. Thank you, Lemaire.

He did? Yeah, he did.

You saved my bottom.

Yeah, you were literally edited it out an entire episode. Yeah. Is that right? Yeah, we did a full episode of us trying to break down all the world's ills.

Yeah, it didn't It didn't go great. We both stutter and stammered like uncles. Yeah, man, I just don't like... It's not nice.

Violence.

I guess most people wouldn't be so mean.

Yeah, let's get that out. Both sides do it. Both sides do it. We hit the both sides do it for an hour.

I think negativity is done. I think it might not be cool anymore to be negative.

We can bring it back. You already had a good plan. Matt explained his evil little plan already. I don't even think he should say the plan. It was just a funny thing to say. It is funny.

But everyone's back, dude. Free speech, comedians rule. We are the vanguard of truth.

Finally, the philosophers are fucking... Dude, the second the government starts censoring us, you know fascism is right around the corner. No, it was good. It was good to see everybody stick up for him for free speech. I'm just glad they were all there for back in 2019. He's my brother and being canceled now. He was canceled for what was that? 48 hours? Mine was a couple of years, but no big deal. What's it doing?

He had to hold tight. You had to hold tight in the Probably a very nice modern house on the hills in LA. He had to sit there and just war room.

You mean he didn't have to lay on a mattress in Queens with two snarky roommates that were like, Did you write that apology? Yeah, I could tell. What the fuck?

Cry Baby Kimmel.

It's nice.

Cry Baby Kimmel is my name.

Cry Baby Kimmel. I do like how he was. I saw a snippet, and he was being very nice.

I like what he was saying.

It was nice.

It was nice, yeah. We need unification. When he called Rogan a moderate, and One lady in the crowd thought that was a joke. She was like, You can hear it. You're like, oh, you got that wrong, bitch.

Yeah, they can't be nasty.

No one else around you laughed. It was you being a nasty lib.

Yeah, she can't be nasty, honey. No one can be nasty now. We got I'm not going to knock it off.

Try not to be nasty.

I'm never nasty.

Nasty-ny.

Nasty-ny, dude.

We're healing the nation with our truth, dude. I hope the government doesn't Fucking get one of us. No more funny business. Get out of here. Clamp it down. March in formation.

Depending on which government. That's what you got to worry about.

Are you talking deep save, bro?

No, I'm talking... I mean, Yeah.

Anyway. Yeah, I hear what you're saying. I hear what you're saying, brother.

So you just got back from Italy, the motherland.

I did just get back from the old country.

How did it go?

It was nice. It was beautiful. I liked going to Rome. Rome was so sick. I was walking around. That would I'm tripping out on that. I didn't sleep, though. I never adjusted to the time difference.

Were you drinking cheap Lambrusca wine overlooking the Janicca Loris Hills? Love that memory. Love that memory.

I don't get it.

This is my video from 10 years ago. Oh, sorry.

But I was just drinking a lot, and I stayed up really late drinking, so I never adjusted to the time, and that really stunk.

So a little bit more of the same.

Exactly the same, yeah.

That's what I was just saying. When I went to Spain, I was like, I'll be different over here. I stayed up till 5: 00 AM every day. I was hammered, woke up, the sun was going down. I was like, Oh, shit. I day meals.

I related to what you said, too, about America is so much better than it. Just like, convenience-wise and comfortability-wise. It's like, Wi-Fi is bad, outlets are dumb, stuff closes.

Your voice changed in Italy.

I'm a little sick.

You have COVID-19. I might have Italian COVID.

God damn it, bro. You have that fashion show, Strain, that killed all the old guys.

Yeah, sorry.

I hope you don't have COVID because...

I don't think so. I feel pretty good now, but I did get a cold. The Travel was like... I don't know. I was telling the mayor when I was going because I haven't really left the country since I was a really young kid. I went to Mexico and stuff. So I thought I was going to be... I didn't want to go.

I was like, I don't like traveling. You thought it was going to be an expansive...

I was just nervous. I don't like leaving my house. So I was like, I never got why people want to go places for no reason. And I was like, maybe when I go there, though, I'll have some wanderl lust thrust upon me, and I want to go see the world, and I couldn't have been more wrong. I don't care to go anywhere still. I was so happy to come back.

It's nice when you get home.

It was so beautiful. I was in Tuscany in Rome. Tuscany was really rural, so that was tough.

Yeah, I do that. I feel like you're just like, this is a green screen behind you, and now you're in a different location. Feel exactly the same. Yeah, I get to stay to my house. It feel like this.

Took me a while. I don't know. I disagree. Ireland fucking rules Well, that's what I was saying before.

I think if I went to an English-speaking country or even a country where I could speak the language, I'd be more comfortable. People speaking Italian, I use very anxiety. I'm an anxious guy, but when they start speaking really fast at you, I was just like, I'm American. A lot of them thought I was Australian, though. So I started lying when I got drunk and I'd be like, Australian.

Yeah, having those guys get in your face.

I did run into two like, ruffians, though. So I was stumbling home at 3: 00 in the morning. I stayed up for 26 hours as soon as I got there. I went up at 7: 00 AM and went to the Coliseum and saw everything. And that was so cool because I was like, I've never been on a road this old before. I've never been in a place this old before. So that part was awesome.

Did you pretend you were like a warrior slave entering the Coliseum and you had a fight for your honor?

No, but it does cross your mind. I think every man in that Coliseum was like, man, get filled in to get energy.

I would stab a tiger in here.

No problem. It's so cool. The Coliseum was so cool and all the old structures and stuff.

Was anyone in there? Is everyone's looking at anyone like, fuck around and flow a little bit?

Everyone's just looking. I mean, it's just like a zillion tourists, like as many tourists as you could possibly imagine from everywhere.

Yeah. I feel like they're mostly Asian, right?

Really? That's where I was getting at, but I didn't want to be rude.

The big thing in Europe was they were all like... Because remember, when we were young, it was all like, fucking Z's, Americans, So now they're all like, damn, we miss the Americans. It's all Chinese now. It sucks. We didn't realize how good we had it with the Americans.

There's a lot of Indians in Rome, too, trying to pedal their water bottles. They're like their Mexicans I think.

They got lost on the Silk Road.

It's the end of the Silk Road. They got there.

Yeah, we were battling an old Indian couple on the plane recently. We went to a wedding this weekend, and it was like... The personal space issue from the east is crazy. It's a real tough Bro, the budding is just like, insane.

Budding in line?

The budding, yeah. We're waiting to get on the plane.

Fucking crazy.

Old Indian couple just fucking budded us, and I had to be like...

Yeah, this isn't the fucking train, dude. Back it up, man. Yeah. We're not fucking jamming in here. Wait.

Yeah, chill, man. We got plenty of room. I was like, front and center, ready to get on, and they just started doing it.

Also, I'm tired of the Europeans being like, Americans are so obnoxious. It's like, dude, have you talked to one person from England?

Yeah. Dude.

It's crazy. Just screaming your fucking face.

Start singing.

We're not singing here. I like the singing. Don't get me wrong. I like the singing.

I like the singing. I like the singing. But you go anywhere, and it is cool to see a different place. But America really is. I'm not saying if you're in Europe or whatever, it's just your country. The way you guys live is embarrassing. It is embarrassing. Everything's just the outlets are fucked up.

Fix the outlets.

Yeah, dude, it's 2020.

Ben Franklin invented electricity. Get with it. That's from Philly. You're welcome. I know.

Well, that's the thing. I was telling Lamair, in Italy, they're not a very the customer's always right thing. I was telling them they all act with a air that they were around thousands of years ago when the Roma... It's like you weren't there when the Colossian was being built. You're just a guy that was happened to be born here. I don't know. Maybe it was all in my head.

They're connected to deep tradition.

That's how they operate that way. They reminded me of how people describe the French, where it's like, I feel like they don't like me because I'm American. But maybe that was just in my head.

It's probably in your head a little.

Yeah.

Because I was always told the Italians are a lot like the Spanish, and the Spanish were very... They were happy to see. I guess it depends where you are. You weren't a very tourist-heavy. I was more of a up and down. Yeah, they were friendly. Montañas.

Yeah, true. Off the beaten path.

You know me, dude. I tried to go off the beaten path. I was like, I got to get the fuck out of here.

Off the beaten path was scary. I was really scared. Before I met up with all my friends, I felt nervous.

Yeah, you're going to get attacked by a ruffian.

I thought, yeah, I was going to get molested or something.

A couple of young Italian boys started getting molested.

Yeah, I thought I was going to get sexually harassed or something. What? As soon as I got off the plane, I was getting a taxi, and they were guys that were trying to do fake taxis, and I guess, charge you more. You know how they do that at JFK?

Wait, what? I loved it.

What's so funny about that?

You thought you were getting on the fake taxi? You're about to get on the fake taxi. You're about to get put in the back seat. Yeah, I I was scared. You were about to get put in a taxi.

You're going to get in the bang fiat? Yeah, I thought so.

How's he going to get stuck in the taxi?

The bang boost.

The Italian job. Yeah. And then-And heist that ass. It was like guys with neck tattoos and stuff.

They looked like the dirtbag Italians, and they were like, Get in the taxi, get in the taxi. And I was like, no, no.

Yeah, you just get in, they pin your butt and kick you out.

They kept saying, what's wrong with your head? They kept saying that to me and over again.

That would fucking piss me off.

I was so pissed.

What's wrong with your head?

Yeah, what's wrong with your head? Tutto, tutto. What's wrong with your head? And I was just like, no, no, no. I just kept saying no over and over again. Yeah.

Damn. Fuck your head. Your head sucks. It's full of dumb Italian thoughts. I can't go to Italy. My wife wants to go to Italy so bad. Why can't go to Italy. Dude, it's-The Italians are the worst part. And also-I think you're confusing me. No. Black ladies love Italian guys. It's a thing, man. I talked to Nate about Black people love Italians. They sweat Italians so hard. I'm always evangelizing. Like, Dude, Italians suck. Irish people rule, and they're like, We don't see it. But it's hard pitching Irish swag to black people. Now, we're just quiet, and we just fucking grumble to ourselves, siloing. We don't wear Any cool jewelry, and they're just like, Bro, your Italian guys are so cool.

But I think Italian-Americans are way different.

Yeah.

Yeah, they are.

Way different. That's true. The people from Italy, are they smaller are over there, too?

Yeah, they all look like they're like a thousand years. They look like pygmies or something.

They look tiny, bro.

Everyone there, they could be 20, and they still look like an old person for some reason. I don't know. Maybe I'm just a really dumb American. I think I was missing the chemicals that I'm desperately addicted to and stuff like that. I was cranky.

The pesticides and stuff. I ran out of school. I thought I packed enough school when I went to Spain. I ran out right away.

I packed six packs of American period.

I had to go straight to six, dude. Lucky stroke, dude. I felt like a fucking GI.

A dope boy.

Yeah, I'm a big dope boy, dude.

The cigs are different. They have scary pictures on the cigs there.

Yeah, they do. They love the scary pictures.

Yeah, I wanted a cigarette company where it's like, Warning, these are so cool. You might die, but that's also so cool. If he died from cigs, it'd be so cool.

You're going to die anyway, dude.

Look cool. I'm going to do a big picture of a guy in a fast car just hanging out of the window. It's like, Live fast, die young. The other One of them needs the Italians.

Did you go to a Discotech?

No, I didn't go to a Discotech. What? No. I was in Rome for a day, so I just like, drank outside. There wasn't like any bar bars.

You know what they say?

What? Went in Rome. Did you do as the Romans do?

I did. I drank outside. There's a lot of foreign exchange students are not study abroad kids from a bunch of countries. It was like, lively. It was like a city. So we just drank outside. There's no bars that we went to. It was just like you sit at a table and they bring you drinks.

Yeah, I feel like the lack of muscle mass in Europe is humiliating. They're real. They're small. They're shrimp, dude.

I do have a big friend, my friend Mike.

I'm sorry. We're in post-negativity. I don't know why. I don't want to be negative to the entire time.

It's a beautiful country. I'm very pro-American. You got to put down every other country.

It's just basic American first stuff that I'm talking about.

Classic America first.

That's right.

I stayed in my hotel. It was next to the Anti-Mafia building, so that was intimidating. Yeah, There's guys with silly hats with rifles.

With the Anti-Mafia?

Yeah, I don't know what that even means.

Anti-ma?

Yeah, it was Anti-Mah. They kept checking in with me when I would smoke a cigarette outside the hotel because I guess their politicians go there and stuff or whatever.

Is that like no Mafia guys can go in there?

I guess not. I don't know. It was weird.

So it's a police station?

Yeah, pretty much.

They walk in the pass where you have to walk in and go, Don't forget about it. All right, you're in.

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Sorry, I just came from the spring, dude.

I'm just fucking-Yeah, we just got out of the water. I've been on my Italian shit. I've been watching a Mussolini show. The Fashistas.

Yeah, The Fashistas.

It's a good show. It's on some made up fucking European network. Really? Yeah. I don't even know what it's called. Fake Bullshit. Yeah, there's a lot of fake bullshit. It's their attempt to TV.

What was Mussolini? He was a bad guy, right? Pretty bad? Yeah. Pretty nasty.

He invented fascism. Oh, what? Yeah. Hitler copied him. Hitler was like, That guy rules.

That guy's cool. Okay. And that was like... I've been trying to figure out a good definition for fascism, and I think it's just like when you love the President so much, you'll beat somebody up.

And the President is like, you better-It's hard to put a real definition to it. But if you look at the definition, that's why it's so easy to call anyone a fascist. Yeah, I know. Because the definition does...

It's like if you will resort to violence.

Also, it is socialism. That's why I always struggled with it. Because I was always like, Isn't that more government? So doesn't that mean it's left? But it's not. It's a far-right version of more... I don't even know.

Yeah, I think it's military-led.

Let's get the exact definition.

I've looked it up a hundred times. It's vague.

Yeah, I looked it up this week. Force? I've looked it up. Ultra-nationalist, authoritarian political ideology characterized by a dictator, aggressive, nationalism, militarism, force Suppression of suppression of opposition. It's a system in which the government controls most aspects of public and private life and exalts the nation or race above the individual.

Okay.

So again, what the fuck is the difference between communism and that?

I don't know. Have you ever got into... What's it called? Luxury, automated luxury communism? No. That's a big talking point. They're like, Dude, the machines are going to get so cool that you could live it. When you're in communism, it sucks because you only have a little bit of bread. Usually, the economy falls apart. There's guys that are saying, One day we'll have such good automation. Everything will be on demand. It's like luxury communism. Just like, Yeah, sure. Let me know when you guys figure that out.

We're a thousand years away. I know. We're not close.

Yeah.

Rogan was talking about last night because he loves the AI. And I'm just sitting there like, I'm not worried about it.

Is he worried or is he thinking-He's like AI.

Yeah. And he talks to those guys. Yeah, those computer guys. So they're all like, yeah.

I don't know. I fuck with it here and there, and it just seems like super Google to me. Now, I'm sure if you own ChatGPT and you could take the blinders off, maybe it could be like, set me up a geopolitical... If you took all the moral frameworks off it, you could probably do some cool stuff.

Chatgpt infringed. It freaked me out.

You got to speak up.

Sorry. We're not in fucking Italy, dude. Oh, my God. Back in America, you got to pronounce your words.

You get so startled. You got startled. I'm just yanking you, bro.

Chatgpt... You know what? Never mind.

What did he say? No, what is he saying?

He's just a yank, dude? The bag's on you.

Yeah, he was gone for that.

He was gone for that.

I asked if I could take Xanax and Nyquil at the same time because I wanted to sleep on my flight. And then I asked something about pills yesterday, and it said, You can't take that with Xanax, though. It remembered That's what I said, that I asked it about Xanax two days before. That's nice.

You were probably in the same chat. If you're in the same-Yeah, it wasn't.

Really? Yeah, it was a new chat. I don't like that you remembered that I asked you that, and it said, I'm sorry, I won't do it again.

That's fair. It checked your Xanax Zane use? Yeah. How did that work?

Did the Xana-I didn't take the Zane. I just took the Nyquil and passed out. Yeah, that'll work. It was nice. Yeah.

Nice.

The flight was brutal, though, because I'm a hopeless nicotine addict.

What did you do?

I just did a bunch of zins.

I thought that was going somewhere else. No, no. The nicotine, I was like, Oh.

No, no. I just did zins and got really, really angry because they don't really help still. Really? I still really want cigarettes. It's like nine and a half hours. Dang. Yeah, it sucked.

Did you get first class?

No, I don't know. I was a coach.

You got it on that one. It's so expensive, but you got it.

I didn't do that.

It's worth every penny on that.

It was brutal. Yeah, there was a heavyset woman next to me whose buttocks was just pouring into my seat the whole flight. It was comfy.

You're a bit of a little humper. You probably were like...

It was a nice extra.

Yeah, that's for real not the worst case scenario.

Yeah, it wasn't a guy.

Exactly.

There's a guy on the way.

Big fat lady butt.

It wasn't me.

I don't know. I feel like that's not bad, having a big fat lady butt spill into your territory.

Yeah, that wasn't the worst because I had to do to JFK and then come here from JFK. So it was like nine and a half hours to JFK, and then five hours here. It sucked balls. But on the way here, there's a guy on his laptop with his elbows out in coach.

That's a crazy move.

I was thinking on the plane, I was like, if you're going to work on your laptop, you should be in first class. Yeah. Because if you ain't making that bread, your work ain't important enough to be typing back in your coach.

He's trying to get there, dude. Also, I've done it in coach.

You do it in coach. You do it in coach. You do it in coach. You do it in coach. The Ravens were on, just Ravens game.

No, I work. No laptop. I'm all laptop on the plane. I know, but you're in the front. Sometimes I have to sit. That's polite. I have to do coach sometimes, and I just fucking... Elbows in, I do T-rex arms, and I just type, type, type.

I was in the middle, though, because I had to get switched. I was supposed to go to Boston and then Austin. And then that got delayed, so I would have never made it. So they switched me to JFK to Austin. So I had Comfort Plus. I sprung for Comfort Plus. But then the new flight, I didn't get Comfort Plus. I got middle seat.

I was dying. I rocked a middle seat Not too long. I like to flex on my wife. She's like, You know you're going to fly coach? I'm like, I don't give a fuck. Put me in there. And I was in there the whole time like, God damn it. I'm so fucking uncomfortable. But there was a big dog next to me. He wasn't super fat. He was just a giant guy. And he was doing this thing where you just... It's actually really alpha when you just lay down on your tray like that. And he kept spilling into my side, and he would wake up like, I'm so sorry, man. I was just like, Bro, you can't help him, man. You're fine.

Don't sweat it. If they say sorry, it's over.

Exactly. And it was two big dogs, and then me, medium dog. And then it was just like...

Middle deserves the armrest.

And I was like, Dude, we're fucked. There's no where you can go. He was just trying to sit politely, but he was just...

Damn, window seat coach when you got a whiz. Yeah. Fucking everyone has to get up.

That sucks. I went aisle because I just like to get up. I like to move around the plane a lot. So it's like when I have to ask people, especially when they're like, Bro, get up.

Dude, on the Italy flight, everyone's sleeping. So I had to wake the heavyset lady up to go to the bathroom. I felt so bad. I was like, I had to poke her a bunch of times. I had to hold it for two hours.

I was like, I have to. Find a nerve and just...

She would have been pinched the fuck out of her.

What did she do?

She was so sweet. I feel bad even talking about her like this, but she was so nice about it. The guy on the computer I asked, too, and he was like, one second, and he finished typing something, and I was like, Bro, get your broke ass up. I'm going to take the number one.

Yeah, turn off the fucking PowerPoint, dude. Let's go.

I feel bad about being mean to Italy, too, because my friends are going to watch this. I was so happy to see all my friends.

Are they from Italy?

No, but I just don't want to act. I didn't have a bad time. It was an awesome time.

No, I think it was nice.

Okay. Sometimes they all listen to this, and people People, listen, I forget that.

You don't even want to be like his wedding stunk.

That's why you don't want to be- His wedding was the most amazing wedding. It was in the Tuscan Hills. It was beautiful.

Wow. How much you gave him for a gift? Do you mind me asking?

I gave him 300. I felt like that wasn't... I felt like my other friend-He flew to Italy, bro. Is that not good? I thought that was good.

Just you or did you have a guest?

Just me.

Did you give him 300 American?

I think that was fucking fine, dude.

300 American, yeah. But my other friends gave more, and I felt like,. Yeah.

I think that's fine.

He was like, Dude, it costs a shit ton of money.

Would they give him a thousand?

No, no. Five. Some of them gave five, yeah.

No, that's fair. You flew all the way there. 300 with the international flight, I think is generous.

Yeah, Joe, I love you. Congratulations.

That's Joe. Yeah, seriously, dude. And to your lovely wife.

Mayor.

Yeah, or husband. It was a wife. It could have been a guy.

His guard dog was there going stag. I thought that was a guy's trip.

Wait, what do you mean?

He was saying it was a gay marriage.

I don't want to assume he was heterosexual. Yeah.

He's heterosexual, yeah.

Whose idea? Was it his idea to go to Italy or the wife's?

I'm not sure.

Damn, dude. Fucking marriage in Italy. What a beautiful thing. I hope that lady's nice to him because I'd be really mad.

They're both the nicest guys.

If I did a-Yeah, I would hold that over her for a decade.

Wouldn't matter. It wouldn't matter. Twenty-five years. Remember Italy? It was incredible I did that for you. It was fucking $900,000.

It was so awesome. It was crazy. We were in villas.

We have no fucking money. We were fucked. We could have bought a house.

Dude, the stars, too. We stayed in a villa in farmland. So the stars were like... I saw five shooting stars. The first one I saw, I was like, That's a UFO. There's a UFO over here.

I was like, What did you make a wish?

I didn't make any wish. I was so drunk and on mushrooms every night. I did a bunch of mushrooms. That was sick. Yeah. That was cool. The lady who owned the villa, when I met her, I had to give her my passport to check in. And she was like, You have an Italian surname. Wait, what's so funny?

Sorry, I got a... That was definitely my ring camera. And I watched LeMaire find out who the Chipotle is here. So a buzz. I was like, That's got to be the ring camera.

And I saw LeMaire go, I have to go back to work.

No, I'm working. I'm sorry, I'm laughing about it. Chipotle is here. Dang.

I'm sorry, I'm going on and on about it.

No, I'm totally fine. I was at a wedding this weekend as well, and I was at a camp. It was nice. It was like an outdoor It was like a kids camp, where they did a wedding.

I saw your flip. Yeah, I saw the flip.

Thank you. That was so cool. I appreciate that.

I almost reposted it. I was fired up.

It was all right. It was a great flip. Thank you. I appreciate the height. It's actually easier to flip from something higher.

How tall was it?

Over 10? It was probably 10 feet.

You were hitting flips today.

Flips of the diving board.

Me and Matt went down to Barton Springs and swam in the crisp water together.

It was a far swim, dude.

That was a hard swim.

Yeah, we swam, and then I didn't realize there's a current in that thing.

Yeah, we got down. We were exhausted. We got down to one end, and it was like, oh, fuck.

We had the current pushing us, and we were both like, God damn, this is fucking hard. Then we had to go back against it, and it was just like, fuck.

Dude, let's stop here. Get to the wall.

Yeah, I love that water.

It was nice.

I had only been there once, and before I'd been there, I was like, What's all the hub? It can't be that nice. That was the nicest thing.

Yeah, I'm going to try to start here.

Apparently, there's tits there.

Yeah, if you go to the non-freeside.

No, the freeeside. What? People bust out tits.

I could be wrong about this, but I think Austin has really loose tit laws.

Yeah, they do.

Austin does have really loose tit laws.

I think you're allowed to just rock them out. It's open carry.

I saw a lady in my neighborhood who didn't look like a crazy homeless lady just had her tits out, just walked down the street, totally tits out, and it was just like...

That would scare me.

Yeah.

I would think something was happening.

I mean, there was something happening.

I mean, obviously, that would-You're right, though.

It's not really that horny-making. You see it, and it was concerned like, damn, is that Lydia, right?

It's really mentally-same.

If she was naked, if she was naked, she's on drugs. She was just walking, just pants on, looked somewhat normal. She just had the titties out.

In your neighborhood? Yeah. That's really fucking weird. It was crazy. Should have called the cops. It was like a year.

What? Call the cops. Bro, I'm scared.

I might do something. You guys better get down here.

I don't want them hard as hell. 911, I'm hard as No. No, it's good. They cover them up, man. You really need to have... And I do bra... I wish there was a bra law. No bra fucks me up. No bra might fuck me up more than just bear titties out.

Yeah, bear titties is scary. Walking Being in a neighborhood, bear titties. I'd be like, that lady's having a mental breakdown. No bra? Yeah. They need to stop.

That's concealed, Kerry.

That is concealed, Kerry.

I like... I don't even want to see your nipples through the bra. That's too much for me, too. It's like, if there's We're sticking out more padding. Lock them away. Chastity Belt, maybe, too. Chastity Belt, Handmates. We need Handmates tail.

I've never seen it, but I'm in.

True.

I don't watch that shit.

Handmates tail, rock.

I think I watch Girl TV?

Handmates tail?

That's Girl TV.

That's big time. I can't watch Girl TV. There's nothing they love more than watching them being completely suppressed and being like, It's better not happen. So you guys would be happier. I just tell my wife, she's watching Handmade Sal. I'm like, You'd actually love this. You'd love that. No, I wouldn't. You'd fucking love it. I watched a brutal one. My wife had control of the movie. I had a movie, and then she got to do... We did the Kissing Booth. I She's firing up movies she watched a long time ago. You're going to love this. And then watching it, she's like, Oh, my God, this is so bad. I'm like, Bro, this is... I've done that, too. Kissing Booth is... Again, we're post-negativity, but there's an aspect of the movie where it's about a girl who is best friends with this guy, and they do like Dance Dance Revolution together, and they're just like, Oh, yeah, let's go, bro. But then the guy's older brother is an absolute hunk, and she obviously eventually fugs the older brother. Damn. But then her friend, who's the little brother, is like, I can't believe you in fuck my brother.

And it's like, I thought you guys were friends. It's the whole crux of the movie. It's so dumb. And he also has a girlfriend. So he's...

Does the little brother ever get to smash?

No, never. They'll be hanging out in the pool. She'll be in her bra in a pool and be like, Oh, what are you doing here? Oh, this is crazy. Let's go, best friend.

Kissin' Booth?

Yeah, Kissin' Booth. It stinks. It's a bad It sounds like a stinker. It's a bad movie, but it's like, what's the fucking guy's name? It's the dude from... Did you see Saltburn? No, but Barry O'Keeilgen? Yeah, the big hunky guy from Saltburn. That guy, yeah. He's the hunk. Yeah. He's also in Emporia.

He's a fucking hunk, dude.

Dude, he's a wild hunk. You see? There's pictures of him.

He wears cool clothes all the time.

Yeah, he's a massive-He might be the hunk. I think he is.

What's that guy's name, dude? He might be number one hunk.

I think he is. Aquaman is just too damn much, I feel like.

Aquaman is doing too damn much.

He's like a mythical hunk.

Aquaman is a mythical hunk, dude.

Yeah, he's like... It's always just...

He is a sick show. Aquaman is about the Hawaiian Islands. What? About like... Yeah, what is it?

Jacob Balorty, he is the top hunk.

Jacob Balorty is the top hunk, dude.

Yeah, you got to watch Soul Burn. He hunks out.

Aquaman is a warrior movie in Hawaii. It's pretty sick. Okay. But I was watching it, and I was like, We needed the British, dude. We needed gay guys with rifles to show up and go. Knock it off, hunks. Knock off the funny business. Knock off the honks with sticks coming out of the water.

So Aquaman's from Hawaii? Yeah. Dang.

Okay. Or Pacific Island. Yeah, somewhere around. I think he's Hawaiian.

That makes sense. He's from where the rock where the Rocks from, basically.

Just think of the Rock and Aquaman running at you and Troy Palamalu and all the fucking... Yeah. You need gay British guys. Hold on. Listen to us, savages.

Let's discuss the concept of land ownership. Yeah.

Yeah, he's from Hawaii. Dang.

Hunalulu. Yeah, they crank out. They'll crank out. They'll spend every thousand years or something. Just four massive hunks emerge. One of them just sprouts up because they're fucking stocky bros.

Coming out of the volcano. Every 150 years, it erupts, and fucking six hunks headed to the mainland, and us Whites have to be like, Get them out of here. It's too much of a hunk.

Yeah, they come out, they're like, Chee-hoo. It's a Moana reference, I guess.

Yeah, what's that? Jacob?

Jacob Baylordi.

Dude. He's a hunk, bro. It's a real bad man. We got to get rid of that hunk, dude.

Yeah, I mean, that is a... Dude, you have to watch Saltburn.

I can't. I heard somebody's fucking come out of a drain, dude. I'm not watching. Once one person told me that, I was like, I'm never going to watch that movie.

It's just like, what would happen if you put the horniest gay psycho around a hunk? Actually, he's more omnisexual, I think.

It's pretty funny. Doesn't he fuck the whole family or something?

Yeah, he fucks the whole family. Drinks come out of the bathtub. I didn't know anything about it.

Drinks come out of the bathtub. It's crazy.

You can tell the guy's obsessed, but out of nowhere, you're watching a guy take a... He's like, watch the dude jerk off in the bathtub. And then you're going like, All right, this It was a little intense. And then as the last of the water is going down, it goes... I didn't know that was even in the movie. I turned around, I was like, Jesus Christ. It got me. I have a pretty high tolerance for weird shit movies.

Yeah, it's all going to come out of a tub. It's fucking devastating. That's disgusting.

Feed it on the shower slugs is crazy, bro.

Dude, think of just the prostetic shower slug they brought in. Even doing that was disgusting.

Yeah, apparently, and there's another scene. I don't want to spoil the movie, but somebody dies in the movie that's very close to him, that he liked a lot, and he starts fucking the fresh soil on his grave. And he, apparently, he adlibbed that from what I heard. He just improbbed. They were like, Freak out and cry over his grave, and he just on set started fucking the dirt. Nice. Yeah, it's a...

That was Barry?

No, no, no. Barry is just like... Barry is pretty fucking cool the whole time, actually. Oh, nice. Kind of reminded me of myself, really.

Wait, the hunk sucks the cum?

No, no, no.

The hunk. So Barry sucked the cum.

Wait, who's Barry?

The little Irish guy.

Okay, my bad. I thought Barry was the hunk. Yeah, that guy, he's a little Irish freak, dude, came in.

He's been coming in the bathtub. He's going to suck his cum.

It is funny because, again, it is a spoiler, but he convinces the hunk that he comes from this poor family of criminals, and it's just all made up. He's a gay psycho. He's a gay psycho. He's like, My mother was an alcoholic. It was so bad. Then they visit his parents, and there's a nice middle-class family, and he's like, Fuck, dude. He's all fucked up. Yeah, Saltburn, it is funny. It's a good Bay movie. Bayes love watching aristocracy movies. That's it in my experience.

I've watched Sinners on the Plane for the first time. How was it? No comment.

Yeah.

You didn't like it?

It was fine. It was pretty cool. The fights were cool.

Yeah, it was fine.

I felt a little bad because I-Sinners was great.

Sinners was It is strong, dude. Yeah. I thought it was great.

I don't think it was like a evil White Man movie either.

I went into it thinking that was what it was going to be, and I think it was like bonding. It was at the end, yeah. Yeah. They bonded? Yeah, they bonded. Well, and the dude, I was listening to the director or the writer talk about why he made it Irish, and it was because he was like, I fuck with Irish shit.

I was like, I like the music, I like the people, and I think we have a lot in common, and I think that made sense for the movie.

It was sick.

That's it.

That's it. Whatever you say, man.

I did. I show my ass up and listened. The Irish music did get me hived. Yeah. He said it gets him high. Rock you Road to Dublin that time. Yeah.

It was cool. I liked it. There's the one scene where he's playing in the barn and then a Bootsy Collins type character manifestsates and he's like, That part. I was like, This movie sucks. And then it slowly started winning me back by the end where he kills all the KKK guys. I was like, All right, this was actually cool again.

That's tight.

Wait, so like-He goes beast mode on the KKK.

How's Bootsy Collins come up in the thing?

It shows all of the Black music history.

Got you.

It was so unnecessary.

Yeah.

Itit was the gayest shit in the world.

They got to the twerking part, which I thought was funny. Yeah. It was like, this is our culture. It's just a lady shaking her asshole.

Yeah, and like a breakdance.

Yeah, it's just as good as old blues. Our culture is evolving.

It was like... Yeah, that part I hated. It was okay, and then that part made me hate it, and then it won me back with all the cool fights.

Yeah, there were some good cool fights, but the fights had some holes in it because I don't know, whatever.

The vampire suddenly became pussies at one point. Yeah, it was-They were like...

The praise, and then all the praise, I felt like it was a little overrated. Of course.

Yeah. If you want to get in, there's a-It was a neat flick. If you go to whatever rides inside that Epcot ball, if you want to get a... They do a European history or like Western civilization. If you want to get that, it's actually... I could see it. If you're black, that's probably sick to watch because I was on that ride Disney World. It's just basically European civilization and from the dawn of time all the way to modern times. And you do get fired up. Like, damn, it's fucking sick. I'm a fucking proud of my ancient Greece. That was sick. And it goes all the way to the modern time. And literally, you end, you're like, there's nothing we can't do. It's pretty sick. Yeah. No, seriously.

I know. It's just funny. I mean, America. I know, but it's funny to be there. There's nothing we can't do. That's what you got out of that? You went on Epcot and you got out like, The White Race.

I'm telling you, You know I'm the least racist guy in America, dude. It's true. For sure.

Post-negativity.

But it fight got me. That Walt Disney's fucking anti-Semitic propaganda got me. I was like, Yeah, dude, fuck you. It's pretty sick. You just start and it has these little animatronic puppets reenacting all the eons of history, and it's actually pretty tight.

It's pretty sick.

I went to Epiket once. Did you? My dad just got drunk the entire time. Drank around the world. I was just in fifth grade. He did the around the world. We didn't go on one ride. My mom was like, It's so nice. You're taking them to Disney. It's so funny. Just watch my dad drink at Disney. That's it. Went on two rides. He got hammered. Drove home. Beast.

That's so tight. It was funny.

It's fucking hot out here. Let's get out ofLet's get the fuck out of here.

That was fun. Yeah, I went to Disney a long time ago. My older brothers were beating me up for a lot of it. I remember I ran away from them and hopped on a boat by myself as a child, and it took me to Epcot. I just walked around alone in Disney World. That's pretty cool. It's pretty sick. I remember I had still stitches in my lip, and I just walked around with a big cut in my face. Just went back home. It was tight. Yeah. No problem. It was a good day. Yeah, a little 10-year-old child.

What do you think about a Chipotle break?

Let's take a Chipotle break. I got to pee like a mother. Time out, Chipotle. Time out.

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Terms of blah.

This is huge. This is fucking Huge. Guys, we have some clubs coming up. I am very excited. Here they are right now. Helium Comedy Club, Buffalo, New York. October 17th, or October 18th as well. Then, Bricktown Comedy Club in Tulsa, Oklahoma. That's 10, 24, 10: 25. Here comes the big one, Off the Hook Comedy Club, Naples, Florida. November seventh, November eighth.

That's going to be a good one.

Yeah, be a blast.

October 17th and 18th, I'm in Las Vegas. And November seventh and eighth, the seventh, November I'm in San Francisco. November eighth, I'm in Sacramento. And then I got December fourth, Tucson, December fifth, Phoenix. So come on, you all. What were we talking about before Chipotle so rudely interrupted us?

I think we're talking about Disney World. I forget.

Disney World.

Oh, yeah.

Disney World does rule. I went there last year, I don't know, a year or two ago. I was like, I was hating on it. I was like, it's going to suck. And I got there and I was like, this is actually.

Yeah, it's got to be awesome.

It's pretty tight, honestly. It just gets too crowded.

Isn't there a A conspiracy that they trafficked children out of Disney World? Probably. That's what I was thinking of when you said you were walking around alone. I was worried you were going to get caught up. Yeah, got me, bro.

Not me, man. Sorry, not to be negative. Me, they kidnapped you at You could really snag kids there pretty easy. I could get so crowded. I was there with my kids, and at one point at noon, it got so crowded. You could hardly move, so you have to really hold them.

They have a tunnel system under there, and you know what they do in the tunnels.

Yeah.

That's for trafficking kids.

If you were a child trafficking organization, I could see Setup Shop there.

It'd be a good spot. It scares me. Honestly, I got the coffee jidders right now. I'm feeling weird.

Thinking about child trafficking?

Yeah, I'm feeling really weird right now. I get them? I think it's weird that I'm talking different.

I go to a lot of play places, and they worry about that there, where you have to get a UV stamp on your hand that matches your kids because the stamps don't match up. So I think in Texas, they do have Yeah. They're really worried about that because you can grab kids in three hours gone. But yeah. So you got to be careful. There's an old wives' tale that the target near my house is they'll chalk tires. If they see just ladies with their kids will mark your cars, and they wait by it and snag your kids when you come back. I've heard about this. It could just be ladies scaring each other.

Why would they chalk the tires?

It's just it marks. That way, you have someone go by and mark it, then another guy just checks and waits by the car, I I don't know, to be honest.

Because all that would do is see if you moved. That's why you chalk a tire. Really? Yeah. I don't know. They mark it at a certain point. That way, when you move, it's a different spot.

I was thinking just like, put an identifier on there. Be like, Yo, if you see someone coming back to this car.

That can't be real. Yeah.

It's just ladies go shopping by themselves.

Somebody's just given a fucking hookup to a random guy?

No, I think it's like one guy is the chalker. Then you have the kidnappers. I don't know. It's just ladies freaking each other out. They go out and drink wine. They're like, I think they just start shopping and see Mexican guys like, Oh, fuck.

Coming from my head.

But no, there's been through the grapevine of wives in the area. I've heard of there's a couple of them that claim to have encounters where a guy was walking up to the car or something like that.

I've heard of that. I've heard a few of these stories, too.

What's going on with the guys?

I just want to snag your kids, man.

Just walking up to the car going, You are mine. I'm going to get you.

You are mine. Hey, can I have your child, please?

I'd like to take your kids.

Dude, it's my kids now because they're building houses near my house, and my kids come out every morning and go, Hola. I sent the Mexican dudes, it's really funny. It's very sweet. This one guy turned around the other day. He was like, Hey, hello, guys. And they were like, Hola. English is boring. The dudes get fired up. They're just up on the roof, and my kids just stand there and go, Hola. One of the guys on the construction site smashed my trash can.

What the fuck?

It was an accident. It was with the lull. It was like that big, giant forklift thing. Just smashed my planner and my trash can.

Shit.

It's weird, though, because I don't fucking care. It's like, all right, we'll get a new trash can. We'll get a planner. They're going to pay for it. They're a big construction company. And my wife gets so mad. I'm like, yo, this doesn't... It's literally doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I had to go over and talk to them today, and like, Dude, we're so sorry. I was like, I don't give a fuck. No problemo. You got to switch it up. I might claim neck injury.

You should.

Like, dude, I was right behind the trash can when you hit it, and now my neck is killing me. You guys got to redo my front portion. You guys are a multimillion dollar construction company?

I got the plumbers at my house right now. There's roots in the plumbing. And I was embarrassed because yesterday and today, they've been there, and I went out twice or three times, and I was like, I can use the toilet, right? I'm asking them permission to shit. It's embarrassed. They could be like, Yeah, man, you're fine.

I've had plumbers here for the last two weeks. It's embarrassing. They told me a time. They were like, 7: 00 AM to 1: 00 PM. No plumbing. Around 12: 30, 12: 45. I was like, It's got to be done by now. Sent a dump down the plumbing. It was open. I got phone calls. Immediately, they're like, You can't use the toilet. Where did it go? I don't know where the dump went. Where did the pile go? The pile might have come flying at one of those poor fucks. Oh, no. I mean, I thought they were gone, dude.

Oh, dude, it probably flew out of the side of the house.

That's what I was so worried about.

So, Chipotle beer pile came flying right at them. Yeah, I could have sworn by 12: 45.

Where did it go? How did the hell they know?

They knew right away. I think it's literally an open pipe.

Oh, because they're doing like, yeah, outside work. They came back, Dude, I was outside last night before they smashed my trash can, and I was like, so I had bought a bunch of soils. I'm planting a bunch of stuff. And there was a guy in Behind the fence of the construction site, just going like... Just, I think it was like... I got hit with a dump.

They were gone, dude. No one was here.

It wasn't here. It was at my house.

I know, but I'm back to defending mine because I realized as a listener, you might be very furious at me. I'd be mad if I heard someone else do that. I'd be like, Fucking wait. I thought they were gone, dude. Oh, the... Yeah, true. That's a really evil thing to do.

There's probably just a dump behind your wall somewhere.

There's been a dump in my wall for fucking two years. They finally fixed it, but...

Don't get me started on these new houses, dude. It's criminal. Framing with two by fours alone is a criminal move, dude. It's got to be two by sixes. Yeah, they fuck everybody, dude. I think this is wood, but a lot of the houses are just all plastic. It's like plastic fucking composite wood. It's just basically like, mush together. They really get away with murder. And then they just be like, This is a luxury house.

How? It's in Austin. It's $8 million. This is?

They're doing it everywhere. They're doing it in Philly, too. And they build them. Don't get me started, dude. It pisses me off. It's a really evil thing to do. It's one thing to try to save some money, but there's going to be massive problems. And they're just like, sue us. Look, I just spent all of my money on this house. I can't sue you.

You made the house $10 million. It's two bedrooms. It's crazy.

Yeah, it's really shitty, especially Especially here.

They're getting fast and loose with the pool, too.

Yeah.

I walked outside, just the hot tub was empty one day. I don't know where that water was.

Bro, you could have jumped in there and got hurt.

I know. That's a big fight. It's deep. It's like a fucking six feet deep.

Cannibal in.

Fuck. Are you just stuck down there?

We should get real litigious.

It could be tough for us.

I'm going to sue those builders for sure.

Yeah, it's time to start suing people. Yeah.

My neck. I should have laid by the trash can. God damn it. What the hell, man? Yeah, they're pretty funny. The guy was like, You got a neighbor you don't like? Maybe just switch it with your neighbor. I was like, Brother.

Fuck it.

I won't be doing that. I think, yeah, I think... Well, whatever. I do think as a guy, we're like, Yo, we got it. Then I went to the actual... I guess they had a bunch of their subs, and I went to the foreman or manager or whatever. I was like, Hey, just want to follow up on this. And he was like, What? He came and saw it. He was like, You know who it was? And I was like, Describe the guys. No. He was just like, I described him.

Yeah.

I don't want them passing the buck.

It's probably tough to... I told on that. How did you describe him? Short, wearing a crazy outfit.

Sun glasses, fixed cover. He was wearing an Ed already jeans. I was like, The one guy was a Short, plump Mexican guy. You should probably find him.

The other one was a short, plump Mexican guy.

Now, they got it on cam.

They're here with the I am, Sparticus.

True.

They got it on camera. Cam. They have those giant fucking I in this guy.

I'm going to be impossible. It's still going to be impossible.

Like a Where's Waldo picture. Yeah, true. Well, we'll see. We'll see what they come up with because My trash can is fucked up right now.

That's bullshit. It's plastic, right?

Yeah, they just fucking ran it over. You know those giant forklift? It's a lull where they lift. It's like a forklift that can extend a boom and go up three stories. It's one of those. They've been whipping those things around, and they fucking caught my planner. Luckily, if I had something in it, I'd have been fucking pissed, but it was empty. So I got my watermelons growing. I cannot wait to harvest my watermelons.

That's going to be awesome. When does that happen?

I don't know. Shall we? I think in maybe a month or two, hopefully, before it gets too chilly. So I'm pumped about that. I got watermelons and planned some garlic, which is about, I heard, a year long process.

Oh, trying to keep the vampires out. You have a sinner garden. You I have a full sinner garden. All right, well, if we're being racist. I was at a Chicken Chip Bingo, and it was me and three African-Americans. Yeah. And they feed the chicken watermelon. Do they really? Yeah. Getting the shit? Yeah, I guess. And I was just standing there and I was like, Don't look, dude. You'll go crazy. If you see what's What's going on in there, you're going to go crazy. Don't look.

You're talking about a watermelon fat chicken?

Watermelon chicken. Don't avert your eyes, bro. Tie yourself to the mess.

It's like a In France, when they dip the pigeons in cognac. Oh, man, I think it's probably good eating, too.

We talked about before, black people get a terrible wrap for that. Yeah, that sucks. So unfair. The most delicious foods.

I told you, I was working with a guy one time, and we were leaving a construction Our option site, and I don't know how we came into this. Wherever we were working, maybe we were next to a supermarket, and someone just gave us some watermelon and some other stuff. And my black coworker was carrying the watermelon. I could tell he was walking home with it, and Or walking back to the car at one point, he was getting uneasy. And I was like, Bro, you want me to carry the thing for you? He's like, Dude, I just feel fucking crazy holding this thing.

Last night, Brian Simpson walked into the green room eating a banana. Tony immediately was like... He took one bite, he was like, Oh, fuck. And then I was like, Tony, you can't eat it. You'd be gay. It was also funny. I was like, You tie your hair back to eat bananas, dude.

Yeah, getting crushed.

Food stereotypes, that hurts.

Yeah, true.

Especially, dude, fried chicken's so good.

So good. And dude, meanwhile, Koreans are the real fried chicken hounds. Koreans love fried chicken. Yeah. Well, they've protected the merchandise. Now, the Korean-Black connection is strong. Korean-black connection is strong.

It's true.

Very strong. I used to work for a very racist Korean man who was stabbed twice. That'll do it. Yeah, he's got his reasons.

I'd be pretty upset. He wasn't even If it was his dad twice, I'd be like, I'm racist.

Yeah, the story, it was in a convenience store that sold 40s. He's like, I worked in a 40 deli. Very bad neighbors. He always called it neighbors. The neighbors were very bad. He got stabbed. Yeah, he called it neighbors. He was holding down the 40 deli. That's where he was wearing his very Korean socks and flip flops.

You're going to die in there. You're going to go down with the ship in the 40 deli. The 40 deli to North Philly is just-It's crazy.

Polo fleece, socks of Flip Flops, being like, Oh, wait a minute. Getting fucking poked for the 40. Just two Silver Thunder. It's like, Let them go, bro. They cost you $3.

Let them go. They do defend their wearers. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You're not shoplifting, dude. They're coming out. No, man. With a broom. They hit you with a stick. They have Ninja Durnal weapons.

He kept that thing on him. Oh, really? He used to love to show us. Me and my brother worked for him. He'd be like, Oh, he pulled it out. I'm like, Dude, sick, man. What's up? Use it, pussy. Shoot someone.

You had a gun on you and you got stabbed twice?

I think that's the reason you got the gun finally.

After the stab me twice.

You got to stab me twice. Can't get stabbed again. He wasn't like...

He wasn't vitriolic or mean about it. Because I would to deliver to certain areas, and he'd be like, Be very careful. Loss of bad people. He's just like, You might get stabbed. Be careful. Was never mean. But yeah, that was the one time he teetered on the edge. That's fair, though.

That's like-He got stabbed. If you get stabbed twice, and somebody's going back to that neighborhood, that would be like somebody going to Elm Street. You'd be like, There's Freddy Kruger there. Michael Myers lives in that neighborhood, so you might get fucking He got stabbed. It's a horror movie. That's terrifying.

I've talked about it before, but it always make me laugh because he's always rattling off business ideas. The one time, he was talking about pet shops. He's like, Pet shops is a good business. He was in there and I was like, Okay, just waiting for another delivery. I know what's next. Black people love a to Pitbull. And I was like, No, bro, come on. But he was like, No, they buy a lot of stuff at a Pitbull. And I was like, sick. Just being a servant. I was like, All right, so where are these going? He's like, I'll be very careful. Dude was funny as hell. I told you, he showed my brother his dick.

I forgot about this. I'd like to hear about it again.

He showed my brother his dick. He was just complaining how he couldn't get hard. He couldn't get any power. He got a power. Oh, you got no power.

I have no power. No power. I'm going to steal that.

He just showed my brother's gun, then he goes, and just flashed in his penis. I was like, Yo, what the fuck? No power. Dude was the fucking man.

Yeah, it sounds like it.

He's so funny. That was the guy who told me, If I get my girlfriend pregnant, I lose. He's like, I'll make sure to wear a condom. You get her pregnant, you lose. He's a fucking beast.

He's all over it. I wonder what he's up to now. He's probably been stabbed a third time by now.

I would drive deliveries. He would sit in the passenger side, Indian style, and just be like, What the... And just sing Korean songs himself. Such a beast. Yeah, he was a man. He He had a Beamer, and he just eventually just started loading it with beer, cases of beer, and just be like, Take him in my car. And he just trashed his car. The Koreans are very fly. They're the flyest Asians by far. So let it be known. Chinese people It's not a fly, but it's like space-age fly. Koreans just got bemer's fucking crushed fried chicken. It's really sick. It definitely peeped game.

Showing your dick to your boys, though, is nice. Having No fucking any worries at all. Just be like, Dude, I can't even get hard. Look at this thing. No, dude. It's crazy.

It's also, too, you can diagnose that problem by looking at a man's plastic penis. It's really soft right now. Yeah, dude, you're not lying. Your penis is soft as hell. It's so small. It's fucking Tuesday at 10: 00 AM. How small my penis is. What the fuck? We're in a chilly warehouse in December at 10: 00 AM. It's crazy. Your dick is so soft.

I saw your face, Nate. You didn't like that. You didn't like that I got away with saying that. No, it's fine. I was like, It's nice. It's nice. You can show your dick to some guy. And I just watch Naked. It's like, And I'm zesty. No, I'm embracing it now. I'm leading it. It's fine. I just still had that thing.

Normalize it.

You're a black community. It's fine.

It's post up. You be like, What's up, guys? Do a cool handshake. They go, What? Bust out your dick.

I'm going to sit on Lamere's egg for him. He's a dragon egg. I'm going to hatch it. Wait, what? Excuse me? Lamere's got a dragon egg. I'm going to sit on the hatch it for him. It's a thing we're back in. Yo, what the fuck? What? We're joking around. You're going to sit on the mayor's dragon egg? Dragon egg.

You guys really don't know how to joke around about gay stuff. This is crazy, dude.

He's new to them. You guys are the first generation to adopt the white way of being constantly gay. It's like a little kid cursing.

It's like, Wait, that's not how you use it. What the shit? What the damn? Yo, I'm going to fucking throat my boy.

Come on, man.

Just fucking smack his balls.

Yeah. I touched your penis today.

He got me underwater. What? Underwater? Yeah, bro. Bro, there's levels to this shit.

Yeah, that's how you do it. Well, once you master swimming, you guys are going to get swimming and gay shit. Some guy was like, You want to try these goggles? I was like, Yeah, I'll try them. And I put on goggles immediately, just went underwater. I'll squeeze Matt's balls.

He got a cold water penis in his head. He was like, Oh. There's nothing wrong with going underwater and giving someone a little...

Because you can hear it through the water, which is very funny. You hear something? Oh.

I was working with a little crappy. I had no power. I had no power.

Yeah, true. I didn't even think about that. I didn't get a grip. Just so you know.

I was just laughing like, dang, that was not a good one.

Caught a Matinas? Yeah, if somebody caught my tennis in there.

Caught a goldfish. There was a goldfish.

That was a guppy down there.

It was finding Nemo.

Water was cold.

It was refreshing, though, man. It was really nice. But yeah, it was chilly. I just had to jump right in, man. I can't walk in. I got to just...

I thought I could Godzilla walk it.

That's a tough Godzilla walk.

I had to just stop halfway. It's worse. It's worse doing it. It got worse.

That was my second time swimming today.

Godzilla walks powerful, though, in the cold water.

It's very tight. It feels nice. It is very tight. But yeah, the die landed right on my back. I just wanted to feel out a gainer off the diving board. Bro, fucking landed flat. My back felt like it was on fire. It hurt so bad. But whatever. That's what happens.

It was fine.

The backflips have been... I have a backflip.

You're over. You're going too far. Yeah, you're getting too much sky.

Front flip, I land it like... Yeah, right on my fucking face.

You're over-extending on these flips. Got it. You're too powerful.

I got to get to the one and a half. That'd be nasty. Hitting a one and a half would be cool.

You're close.

Yeah, if I kept rip it, I could definitely do it.

You ever see those videos of the African-Americanies jumping into the pool with all of their clothes on?

I think that's a Memphis thing.

I love that.

Yeah, it's very fun to watch.

We should do that at Barton Springs.

We could do that at Barton Springs. It'll be tough to get out fast. True. You got to keep cycling.

Yeah. Yeah, I was at a wedding recently, and it was a black wedding, and a lot of people were jumping in that night in all their clothes, and I was confused. What is it? Then I saw the internet.

I was like, Okay, it's a viral trend. Were they doing that? I wasn't there.

Lay flat? Oh, we got the video. They went back, and we were at a different resort, and then they went back.

I don't know why I thought that was a Memphis thing. It could be right. Will you look that up? Will you look into that? Jarvis.

Could have started in Memphis.

I don't know why.

It's how I got to Memphis.

It's pretty crazy. I mean, it looks cool in the video when you jump in with all your clothes, but I'm like, What do you do after? Cut a rug.

True. Stab I have a cran. Go to the 40 store and go, This is mine.

A lot of it is coming up here.

It's like you were flipping in the pools, Memphis. But then like a lot of Memphis. This is what YouTube has shown me. They're all like, Memphis pool parties look like this. Yeah, look sick as hell.

I do like the black streaming game. It's fucking sick. I don't understand any of it, but there's massive fortunes being amassed.

Yeah, Kaizenat, High Show Speed.

Yeah, it's just the fucking line of chat flying down. It's just dudes like, it's pretty sick.

Yeah, Kodak.

I want to steal it and have our...

Kodak had a great appearance.

Kodaks was so good. A little glitch for the Twitch.

It's just fucking awesome.

I want to steal the swag, and for all of our episodes, it has to have a fake chat log flying down. It's be like, CTFU Skulls, CTFU Skulls. Fire, fire, fire. Be on for it. Just chilling in an apartment. Pretty tight.

It is. I just speed went to the stand. I know.

I saw that.

I didn't realize he went to the show and those cameras have a huge light on it.

Oh, God.

While Aaron Bird was on stage and he's just in the back filming Aaron Bird with a huge spotlight on him.

Oh, my God.

Then he went on stage, did a backflip, barked, and then ran out.

Yeah. That's pretty tight.

Yeah, it was pretty sick. That's what it's all about now.

Jungle Joe made an appearance.

Who's that?

The Joe Rory.

Jungle Joe. Oh, nice. We're in an hour?

Okay.

Hell, yeah.

Arrivederci.

Yeah, there it is.

Ciao. Bye.