Transcript of Ep 577 - Bags On You (feat. Adam Eget)

Wild, Wild West. We can. We can start on that. That was hilarious. Yeah, the show, dude. Also, that one girl who just caught astray in the middle of that, where they're like. It turns out it was the mom who was texting the girl the entire time and bullying her. But then they were like, that one girl was always a. We thought it was her interview this other high school girl. And they're like, so you were a. Right. And she was like, I guess. I guess I was mean a little bit. It was probably that Courtney.

Oh, yeah.

Nobody came out of unscathed. That was pretty.

Did anything happen to the kids? Did they end up, like, doing anything?

Yeah, the daughter. It was real sad to see the daughter like that. Like, they have the body cam when the cops go to the house and be like, we've traced the number. It's. It's coming from your mom. Oh, it's really heartbreaking.

Yeah. Devastating.

Yeah.

Did they hit her with a Joe like Joe who?

Like mama.

It was Joe.

Missed opportunity.

That was. I was just home. That's my niece's number one joke. My niece with down syndrome. That's literally.

She got a great joke.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Joe, you go, joe who? The mama. But she switched it up. Now she knows her best joke is N. N. You go, who's there? She goes, Joe. Joe who? She goes, joe Biden.

Good.

Joe Biden's a nice joke.

That's a nice twist.

Joe Biden.

Come on, man.

It's a modern twist on an old classic.

That's great. She's.

Coming.

And then she claps because everyone laughs.

She's like, oh, dude, that kid's awesome.

She's adorable.

Yeah, that's great. Great.

Yeah. I got to go home and spend time with those. Those animals this. This week. It was nice. Got to see little kids football.

I didn't know they played that young.

It was.

Yeah.

How hilarious. Like six years old. Five and six. Yeah.

People pancaking.

No one cares about concussions.

Oh, my God.

These kids are getting leveled, dude. They don't know how, so they sprint into each other, and no one has balance, so it's just hit stick after hit stick. But they break runs, dude. I bet. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, there's, like, three kids that can run. They get the ball, they're gone.

That's awesome.

They weren't keeping score, though. I was a little pissed. I kept the scores. Shamrocks1.

Yeah.

Because you.

Shamrocks. Yeah. I wish I was getting.

I didn't know they. I thought it Was all flag until flag.

So did I suiting him up.

Wait, were you doing weigh ins or what?

Wait, how?

Also, there's no weigh ins anymore. I saw a kid, a unit on like a. This kid must have been £200.

Wait, shut the.

It's like not there was the next. The next kids up. The next team, like ponies or peewees were warming up and there's no weight limit. Now they just have to play on the interior offensive line.

Gotcha.

The interior line is like for real. What kid that was like 6ft 2 50. Using like 7. How old are these? He was huge.

That's crazy.

Yeah, he was just a very, very obese kid. He was bringing it.

I'm glad they're getting their shine. That's kind of nice.

Yeah, it is pretty good.

Yeah.

Like the greatest kindergartner right, right tackle or right guard there ever was.

They said he threatened to shoot a kid.

What?

Yeah. He had never played sports. They just got him. They just got him off the couch. And the first person that hit him, he was like, I'm gonna put two in your head. Where? His words.

Second grader.

Yeah. Oh, honky.

He's pulled him off the cod though. If you pull a kid off the.

Cod, that's literally exactly what they said. They're like, dude, this isn't called dude. Oh, I'm gonna shoot you in the head. So I got that going on.

It's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot of stress. What was a flat? You get a flag? Personal foul for death threats.

No, that was a practice. That was against teammate. Yeah, one of his coaches told me.

He'S gonna channel that to the other teams.

It's time for him to start wailing on it. I don't mind having a little Jalen Carter on your squad. No, I mean somebody who's willing to die. First play of the game. Spit on the quarterback.

That's great.

Nice. That's great.

You liked it?

I saw dad first.

Was there a reason for that?

Yeah, that did spit Adam first. We didn't know. Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like. That's the craziest thing I've ever seen.

Yeah, he got. He got kicked out. He got kicked out of the game.

Right before the first snap.

Yeah, well, the first play. Walked into the Cowboys huddle and spit on the quarterback.

Yeah, but.

All right, you're out.

Yeah. You can't do that.

You were fired up. I was furious.

Did he go for face or like, where?

Right on his chest.

But Dax spit towards him.

Dax spit From a distance towards him.

Cowboy.

Which is a good move if you're gonna fire someone up.

Yeah.

I think it's easy to get. Yeah.

Nick's on the sideline, like.

Okay.

I like it.

I think Jalen, though, that's a guy you got to target.

Yeah.

If you're an opposing quarterback, you can get him kicked out of the game.

You can get him.

If he stays in the game, you're in trouble.

Yeah.

That's why he.

That's why he dropped so far in the draft.

You guys always.

Everybody falls right in your lap. It's unbelievable.

You guys had a good draft. Yeah, but the G men. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We.

We always seem to have a good draft. It just doesn't pay out.

You guys lost again this weekend, right?

Uhhuh.

Dude, I. And the Dodgers are on the bridge. About to get swept, huh?

A lot of tough losses this.

This month.

I'm with you.

It's all right.

I know. This is all. We're talking sports. Yeah.

Yeah.

Notre Dame going on, too.

I know.

I'm a curse on whatever team I love.

Really?

Never mind. The Eagles won the Super Bowl.

Phillies look pretty good.

Phillies are good. But Notre Dame own two.

They're two. They're. They're. They're losses you can take, though.

They're going to go 10, 2. I'm channeling what you did last year. So what if they just, you know, this galvanizes the team and they come back and win? I was like, matt, you're being a girl right now. You're too emotional.

I checked back in like 13 weeks later. He's like, they've won literally every single game.

Every single game since you said that.

You just pulled off a huge upset against Penn State.

Well, now we're talking. Now we're talking about North Texas college football dynasty.

You only watch so many else where you take the ball into your own hands.

I had to. With the quarterback.

I still can't believe I bet on Penn State today.

That was a good game.

That was exciting.

I walked in, I rode my bike five and a half miles charged up, and then I walk in.

Texas, game winning.

Screaming E. It was incredible. The mean greens.

Mean green. Yeah, I mean, they look good. Taking North Texas to the promised land on Heisman. Good luck.

True.

Not many can do it.

You're on Heisman right there.

Obviously, I'm on Heisman.

And you're run. You're. You're cutting through the defense like that.

That's what I do. A lot of guys have hobbies and families playing the computer on hard is crazy. I'm just playing with North Texas, focused on recruiting. You know, all guys have a fulfilling life trying to take the Mean Green. Clemson in the Rose bowl as soon as this podcast is over. And I'm just proud of my guys no matter what. I don't think it's looking good. Clemson on Heisman and the Rose Bowl. But I mean, dude, after this, the way this team came together.

Yeah, it was pretty impressive to see.

Yeah, I appreciate that.

I was hyped.

Coaching offers I thought were kind of a slap in the face coaching officer.

Slap in the face.

Yeah.

I was like, I took the Mean Green to the Whatever.

The Rose Bowl.

Don't get started. I got a Purdue head coach.

Oh, it wasn't like New Mexico too.

I am the offensive coordinator for the Mean Green. I'm not even the head coach.

Oh, you're O coordinator.

Just the OC Dude.

My cousin was quarterback from New Mexico.

One of them.

He's got two. He's dynasty.

What they're saying on. On espn. Yeah.

Jewish quarterbacks.

Unbelievable.

Yeah. Who knew?

That's why it's a good.

They're not.

They're not a good Arch Manning.

They're the only shoes not running up the score are the egots.

Well, maybe they'll play the Cumberland Valley peewee football team. Drop 40,000 on.

No, but it's.

It's serious. Yeah, I checked. I checked the news. Is that over yet? Not at all.

No.

It's ripping. It's ripping. Just got ruled by the un. Like an official genocide.

No, it's really bad and. Yeah, you want to, but we went to Chicago.

We did.

Yeah. There's some harsh videos. Yeah, whatever. Really? Really. Your day up.

Oh, yes.

Yeah. It's a genocide. Yeah.

No, you hadn't ruled officially.

I've been waiting for that. To call it out.

Yeah. In the UN ruling. Well, you don't know. I don't.

It's funny. Somebody was like, you don't even say Free Palestine. I looked it up. I've been saying it way too much. I said before the conflict hammered like free power. All right, slow down.

Yeah.

The Jays will get you.

They could. They good.

They could.

I mean, they literally could.

Have you ever seen me texting any of you guys? Never mind.

What?

Nothing.

My love. I was.

My bold for something I shouldn't even.

My love.

Chicago was incredible.

My love. I was so excited you got back to me.

My love. Matt. This episode is brought to you by Prize Picks. Man, I'm so happy we've gotten Football back. Like, what was I doing before? Having a life.

Doubt it, bro.

True. Happy as I am, nothing brings down the Sunday vibes like an injury. Sure, the players that feel the pain, but the pain I feel from my picks, that hurts so much more than pain from a guy that's trying.

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I felt playing at Penn State, I.

Got home, it has a loss. I'm gonna have a seizure, dude.

Sorry.

They were the first app to offer injury reboots. I was trying to read that.

They offer injury reboots. Okay. So that gives me some freedom on my picks. So I'm thinking more on Jalen hurts rush yards and. And let's go with more on Christian McCaffrey's rush and receiving yards. I like the way he runs the ball. That's how white man runs. He just plays the game the right way. What the fuck?

What the hell?

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Also, guys, I'm. I'm about to start hitting the comedy clubs again pretty soon. I got a bunch of stuff coming out right now. The only thing that's nailed down is off the hook comedy club in Naples, Florida, on November 7, 2025. Be tight. I have a couple others that'll be coming out, so stay tuned.

All right, I have Houston and Tulsa this weekend. Then I'm In Florida the 25th, 26th, 27th, then October 3rd, Baltimore, Maryland. October 17th through the October 17th and 18th, I'm at Resorts World in Las Vegas. And then November 7th, San Francisco. November 8th, Sacramento. So go to those. Thank you. So we get into Chicago.

Chicago was nice.

Dude, that was one of the best. Seriously, one of the best weekends of my.

For real.

Go see Oasis.

Yeah, I forgot.

I saw exactly so much other going on.

Too much.

It was.

I'm with him, though. I kind of barely saw it.

I know I saw it. I Saw too much of it.

Yeah.

It just got washed out. I was jamming harder than anyone.

You were jamming.

I was jamming harder than anyone, dude.

But no, no coming down, saying, what's up? Before the show, taking a group picture. Maybe the fattest photo I've ever taken. Ruined the photo. I was like, no one's getting this photo.

You're fucking have this look like a fat gill.

Fattest photo possible. And I ruined it.

I'm a huge. Like, it can't be that bad. I looked at. I was like, I can see the redaction go.

Let's. Let's not put that one out, dude.

I was just praying I wouldn't embarrass myself. And I did.

You did. I know.

I said epic like 14 times.

He was full on.

Full on.

Chris Farley SNL interviews Wonderwall Wembley it was so epic. And I was just standing there like.

What the are you doing?

Why are you doing this?

That was nothing compared to the plan was. What was. What were you going to do?

Right. No, they wouldn't get it, but there was. He did an interview with this guy, Alan Partridge, and he says his catchphrase was, knowing me, Alan Partridge, knowing you, Noel Gallagher.

Aha.

And I was going to do that, but say Adam Ega and it would have been infinitely worse.

I would have been so upset. Yeah.

I hit him with all.

Be thankful. I decided against hit him with an epic.

Totally epic. Was sick.

In all fairness, the fucking shows at Wembley were epic.

So.

Bro, I agree.

I stand by it.

Yeah. They were for the win.

I shouldn't have said it 14 times, but he was the person I've always been most nervous. I've always wanted to meet him more than anybody in the world.

He was so nice, too.

That was awesome.

He was the coolest. Even cooler than I thought he would be. And I thought he would be the coolest man alive.

He was also crazy knowing he had to go to a concert that was his chill level before. Having to go do a concert for 80,000 people.

Still remained pretty chill.

Yo, yo.

You see him singing and you'd be like, he was locked in. Yeah, yeah.

They're the.

No, they were. That was his rules.

Yeah. But the real thing that happened was Adam Egat, Mr. Sobriety. Our one guy who's supposed to be the soberman on the trip. Also, Matt was with me and Billions Blood.

Yeah.

I figured. I was like, we're going to drink a little bit. Like, for sure this will be an easy, laid back time.

Yeah.

You know, I mean, like she's going to get that crazy spud. Maybe. Yeah.

I don't drink.

You don't drink?

No.

I don't think you're Mr. Sober.

My wheel, My wheels.

I was.

My. The boulder was rolling downhill for me at that point, though, because for.

The flight was intense, man. The.

The.

What do they call? Bubble.

I was scared.

I'm singing the Big Bopper.

That was.

Yeah.

You shouldn't do that on the plane.

That was terrible.

Oh, baby.

That's a.

What I like, baby. That's what I like.

But Mr. Sobriety, we're up in a box, which. Thank you to Noel for giving us that one.

That was really nice.

Incredible.

But it's tough. It's tough to watch Oasis. You don't want to watch it from a suite.

The vibe was do.

Contained.

It was too contained. Yeah.

Even the. There was the. The plate of glass, the music would seep in through the little tiny window.

So Mr. Sobriety goes, Hey, I got some acid. It was like, no, I'm not taking that. We have a couple drinks, we go, all right. Yeah, I'll take half. Matt will take half. We'll split one. Yeah.

I knew it was coming down.

I'll do three.

Matt buys a bottle of tequila, sneaks it down to the floor where we're all standing.

By the way, the biggest bottle of Casa Stool I've ever seen. It's like Costco look like a fucking Eiffel Tower.

Half of acid had.

Yeah.

And we were like, this isn't doing much. Let's take another full one. Yeah. So now we're both on a tab and a half.

Yeah.

Kicked in.

Yeah.

And I was just. I was just standing still, watching. But Matt was going wild. He's got the cornhole, smoking weed under his shirt, full bottle of Cosmic.

So I look over at one point.

And he's literally drinking. The creatures, every creature, gathered around this bottle of tequila on the ground. Literally, like, six different big, fat white guys would all just. And occasionally Matt would come by, pick it up, and chug it.

I'd have to prove there was just the bottle on the ground. And I had a T. I had my sweatshirt over it. And then eventually my sweatshirt just got kicked, and people would look at it, and I'd go, dude, you can have some. And they think it was a trap. They'd be like, what is it? And I'm visibly tripping. Like, dude, drink that. It's totally fine. And they were like, is there anything in it? And I'm like, no, there's nothing in it. I would show them by taking a sip. Not realizing I was taking, like, half a shot every time. Had no effect on it.

Yeah, well, of course.

Yeah. I was just. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was. I smoked the bat. The bat did nothing.

Oh, yeah.

Then I look over.

It all culminated. It culminated eventually, every time I look over.

And then at one point, he's got this shirt over his head.

Smoke. You never took this. Put a shirt over your head to let it join the wind. Did you ever do that? It's a classic trick.

It was a side of Matt I've almost never seen. It was like Matt was in 19. We kept being like, 99. Woodstock. It was 20, 25. Oasis.

Oh, yeah.

Because I. I felt like I wasn't tripping that much because I'm not used to that. So I was just, like, staring. I was definitely high as staring at the wall. The graphics.

Graphics.

Literal wonder wall. Just.

Yeah.

But Matt would be like, literally Hillary with the balloons every second. And I was doing that thing where I'm like, I'm not even that up. Look at Matt. Look at Matt. Dude, that's crazy. I was the highest I've ever been in my life.

Every two seconds, I'm like, did it kick in for you?

I would look back and you'd be like, yes.

Yeah. I was just. I was like this. Eventually, I was like, yo, play Wonderwall. I gotta go home.

The concerts, but the music was my favorite part. Yeah, I got in there and there was. When it started kicking in on me, I was like. I just noticed I was doing that same stuff where I'd be like. Like, I don't know, man. Who the designed this? The artwork on the back. This shit's weird. Everything I'd see, I'd be like, that's weird. This sucks. Why is this guy doing that? Like, damn. These guys are, like, kind of old. And then all of a sudden, I was like, I'm not gonna make it unless I shut down this negative thinking. And I complete. I don't know what happened. I flipped the switch and I just. Was no negative thinking the entire time. It was so nice. Oh, exactly. Again, I got the access my brain and I was like, all right.

Every three songs, this hero, this legend goes, walks up there and gets us a big case of bottled water.

He caught me.

He'.

I went up to try to go to the bathroom and had to take a thousand photos. And then Matt came behind me with a case of A whole case of water. And he was like, I got water. I was like, oh, My God, you're an angel. You're a complete angel.

He sent an email to himself at one point.

Yeah.

Oh, that was so funny. Matt's like, dude, check out this email. I was like.

He was literally in the middle of wonder Wall Street.

They were like, ladies and gentlemen, Wonderwall man. I was like, look at this email. Like, dude, please.

I sent it to myself.

Sent an email about, like, we are all vibrations. Your flower is beautiful.

Check out this email.

You showed me your phone. And I was like, I can't. It was just squiggly. I was like, oh, I didn't think I was that high, dude.

I. When I first broke off for a water mission, it was like. There was a. On the. I guess, like, the ground level, there was like a little water stand line was so long, and I was in line, and I couldn't stop laughing about how much it sucks to stand in line. There's a part of you that believes you're so important. Then you stand in line. It's just like a knife just hitting that part for the whole time. Then this guy next to me was like, I don't. I don't know if he's like a Mexican guy or what, but he was just like, you know, I heard that we can go up the steps and get water. And I was like, nice move. That's how we found it.

Say, hey, man, I heard you.

Seemed like. He was like, Mexican, but very American. But then he stopped. But then it came. He was just like, hey, I'm trying to score some coke, man. And I was like, oh, cool, dude. Let's go get some water and we'll talk about that. That's when I discovered you just get people like.

Yeah, that was actually. That helped me, though, with the line. They're like, like, go, go.

Yeah, that's nice.

And I was like, thank you. I'm on acid. Thank you. Hi, I'm on acid. I'm on ass. I told every single. I told everyone for three straight days. I'm on acid. Hi, I'm on acid.

It didn't kick in for me until literally the fireworks.

The fireworks was where I realized how severe it was. Yeah.

Yeah. I didn't know once the fireworks, I was like, okay, this is intense. And then the music stopped and I went, oh, okay, now what's my brain gonna do?

And it was. And that's when Cage the elephant saved us.

Yeah, true.

They literally, like, so kg elephant opened for him. And we were hanging out with them a little, which they were very nice. Like. Yeah. When He. He, like, jumped on me, and I was like, I'm on acid. This is, like, kind of the first time I've ever taken acid. He was like, I got you, man. I was like, I don't know how much you're helping me.

He's like, whoa, check out that.

Right? Yeah, it's pretty. I didn't even notice that.

Yeah, I didn't. I didn't care for the purposeful, like, heaviness of conversation they kept doing, which I. I would be like, I know what you guys are doing. Oh, yeah.

It was bringing up, like, rape. And somebody did what? Somebody in the room.

Yeah, there was, like.

And it was, like, doing it to, like, purposely with us. I don't. It was just.

They were being really nice. Everybody else was being super nice, saved us.

They're being tricksters, dude.

I had to walk out in that crowd. That would have been. I couldn't even. My legs were like, yeah. Vibrating.

Yes.

No homo. I was just. Sounds gay.

I just was sweating so profusely.

Oh.

Right through so many napkins.

And I just. That was the best.

You were dying.

We're sitting in their Greener. They bring us KG oven saves us. They just go, here.

Don't.

Don't Just run straight back to the locker right behind the stage. So then we're sitting there. They're all being very nice. And you were cracking me up with just, like, trying to be in control. Like, this is it. This is as high as we're gonna get. Everything's down from here. I was like, matt, we're gonna be high for a day. This is just starting. We're. We're so.

So I thought for sure it's about to wear off. This kept getting worse.

And I was like, two hours ago, just started. You're like, that's fine. This is as high as we're gonna get. I thought it was 150 degrees.

My feet felt like they were like fish tanks.

My glass. I was wearing glasses. They were fogged up. It was. We were so hot.

There was, like, food.

Trying to eat's. Trying to have conversation, too. Oh, that's what you're saying. They're like, man, Chicago's great. Like, Chicago, what a great city. Look over, and he's got a pile of paper towels because he's sweating, just going, oh, yeah, Chicago. What a town.

Chicago.

Hell of a town.

Hell of a town. I love it.

They really were, like, not exaggerating. Maybe, like, 20 paper towels. Yeah.

It was disgusting. Yeah.

It was so funny.

I really tried it for a Second to hide them. But everyone was like, dude, where were they?

In your pocket? Were they in your pockets?

On the table next to the couch.

It was like, a box of food there and a stack of napkins and.

A used, literally, sweat napkins.

Oh, there were so many, dude.

But it was all of his. All the cagey elephant bros are like old Kentucky guys.

Yeah, they were nice.

They were old musicians. So when we were like, we're on acid. This is kind of our. This is my first time getting this high. And they were like, oh, you're gonna have a good night.

Yeah.

They were, like, real.

Oh, yeah. He.

And that one dude was awesome. He's like, show me. He's like, what do you got? I was like, I got one left. He's like, okay, yeah, it's gonna be about seven hours.

He, like, told you exactly what he's like. I think. I think it was more than seven. I think. Yeah. Yeah.

It's more like the entire day leading.

Said 12. And I remember sitting there being like, oh, no. Then we escaped the stadium. On the way out, they brought in the cleaning crew.

Oh, my God.

How funny was that?

That was crazy. It was like a parade.

It was just all the. The people that come in to clean. So it looked like just 40. It was 40 to 50 Mexicans.

It was. It was a small door with a, like. Like a very narrow stairway.

Staircase.

Steps where they came from, like an opening above, down a little tiny stairway. And it's like, you know, you see a cleaning crew, maybe 12 people. It just kept going. It just kept going.

And we just kind of wait there.

And then one was like, shank.

Sorry, yo. It was. Dude, it was 40. It was literally, like 45 Mexicans. And then a black guy in the very end of the procession went, God damn, Shane Gill, is that you? And it was just like.

I was like, oh, no. I think he used. I think he used the N word, which was very accelerating, which was awesome. Which was very funny.

We died laughing. And then it was like, we should have used that opportunity to go up the stairs. And then they immediately turned around and went. And we had to wait for the 40 people back up the stairs.

Yeah, they were shuffling those.

It was like a military procession. It was like they just were showing us, and they were like, all right.

Yeah. It was a show of force.

They, like, back up, and they just went straight back up.

Billy. Billy was leading the way. Oh, but favorite. One of my favorite moments of the night is we get outside of the stadium, and Matt's like, God, Damn. I'm telling you, that caffeine, that coffee, that coffee. I shouldn't have had that caffeine. It got me all jittery. I was like, matt, I just watched you party harder than anyone I've ever seen you. Chugging tequilas, smoking. It wasn't the cup of coffee, man.

It was the second cup and a guy cup of joe.

Yeah, I know, dude. It was the acid tequila in the week.

That was the only thing helping me.

Dude, I think those oysters were off Matt's.

Matt's diet. That. It was oysters, espresso, martini, tequila, weed, and then acid. And he was like, coffee. Telling you, coffee just.

I like, stop.

Caffeine's not good.

I'm telling you, man. It was. I knew.

Double down and be like, I'm telling you. It was the caffeine. I'm telling you.

I don't. I try not to touch this stuff anymore. And we went.

And Billy leads us. Leads us to middle of nowhere to.

Get to the Uber location.

Never ended up until we get under the tree.

I tried to take a picture of a spider, and it's just.

Oh, yeah, you're trying to identify a spider blur.

I'm like, oh, cool. That literally was the coolest spider web I've ever in my life.

Remember there was a whole gang of people under the trees.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. We kept walking, and then that was pretty weird. It was just an encampment of.

Yeah. And we got into, like, a crossover sedan.

Then we just got into a regular guy's car. It wasn't even an Uber. It was just a guy.

Yeah, he was. Yeah.

Yeah.

It was huge.

It felt like a clown car. I don't know how we all fit in that car, but I'm in the very back with you.

Yeah.

I couldn't see, and it felt like he was going.

It was like a station wagon with a third row that you can barely, like, fit. It was. That car was.

I had to. I. I sat shotgun and had the nicest sati.

With the man.

I just saw the skyline of Chicago and it was all moving town looked like the lights were all flickering. I was like, this is the best moment of my life.

It's a great town. Great town.

It's a great town.

It's a great town.

It's a great town. I love it here.

Oh, God.

Just having a nice cup of Joe in Chicago and relaxing.

Joe got up. I don't know what they're putting in the bean in Chicago, but God damn.

I still. I was like.

Like, lsd that's what was cracking me. I was like, literally, when you said it, I had a montage of what I saw you doing.

It was one of those joints that has, like, an eighth of weed. It was enormous. It was huge. Remember the ones. The ones I gave you from Detroit that are just like. They're bats? Yeah, absolutely. They're for real doinks.

Big doinks in Chicago. Oasis 2025.

It was so fun.

But then we go back to the hotel. We're in my room. We're just staring at one painting. Free beer. Free beer painting. I mean, yeah, the free beer painting was.

But it. It looked like it should have been hanging in the loo. Like, it was gorgeous.

I did the dimensions and depth, and it were crazy.

It was stunning.

Stunning.

And then, remember, there was one. I thought it was a swan. And then Billy's like, you retired. That's a rose. She's holding a rose.

It looks like a swan.

It looked like a swan.

Yeah. Thank God for Billy for.

But I'll. Maybe I can send it to you after.

Let me see if I can find the painting. Free beer painting. This is. Nope. All right. Yep. Nope. We're not getting this. That might be just one of a kind.

That was probably an original.

Yeah, I believe so.

But I did wake up the next day and realized it was a dull sack of painting.

It literally looked like it was from Marshall commercials. Like, that's. I guarantee you that's where they got it.

I think it's seared into my brain because Adam showed me, like, several days later on his phone. I was like, God, that's such a nice man.

Yeah, it was epic.

It was epic. Chicago, what a town.

Towards the end. I knew it. The writing was on the wall. I was like, these guys are ready to go to bed. I was keeping the chat alive.

You're trying to keep the chat alive because I'm telling.

Dude, I'm telling you. When I have too much caffeine, when it wears off, the. I just get, like, horrible knots in my chest, and I could feel it coming for me, and I was like. Like, me alone in this room while I'm kind of tripping. Oh, I know.

Kind of tripping.

True.

We were tripping. Oh, nice. It's free beer, dude.

God, that painting's awesome.

I still like it.

I still like it.

It's so.

I still, like.

Does look like a swan, though.

Yeah, of course. It does look like a swan, right? Yeah.

Wearing, like, a white dress.

Yeah. We'll show it. We'll show the folks at Home. What are you doing there? Okay.

I got back to my room and was just like, nothing. Just pack your clothes. Just normal stuff, dude. Just do normal stuff. Pack. I started packing my clothes. I'm like, this is taking a long time. And I would stop and be like, what are you. So what are you freaking out about, dude? I'd be like, nothing, dude.

I.

Don't worry about it. It was.

I like that your internal monolog is an actual conversation with yourself.

Oh, big time.

It's pretty crazy.

It's kind of nice. It was just kind of like, dude, we got this. Everything's cool. And I'd be like, dang, why wouldn't it be cool? Dude, shut the up, dude. Totally.

Wait, wasn't that. Didn't you have internal monolog in the mirror or.

Dude, I. I was like, I'm putting my stuff away. And I'm like, this is up, dude. You're overthinking this. Chill, Relax. And I, like, went to go to the bathroom, and it's caught my reflection. I was like, it's all been leading to this. And I just stared at myself. And the whole time, there's, like, this. It was hard to explain. It was like a flash of just like. It wasn't even really insight. It was just like, dude, I'm gonna look myself in the eye. I'm gonna show up for myself. I'm gonna be present in my own body. And I was just like, you got this, dude. I'm finally here. And my first thought was like, shut up the up.

And I was like, God damn it.

Yeah, I was in a fun house, dude.

I went back in those mirrors. Like a play, dude. I was like, oh, no, no, no, no.

I got caught in it, dude. I got fully caught in it. And. Oh, it was. That was. That was a rugged one. And I just laid in bed with just, like, it. It felt like my insides were completely constricted. I held off as long as I could. Finally, I was like, hey, Shane, how you making out? Dude, I'm not doing so hot.

I just fell asleep.

I didn't want to be like.

I'm like, dude, I really. I don't care. Nothing happens. I was having such a nice time.

I just went and started my own shitty painting in my hotel room for about two hours. And then I couldn't sleep. And I just did some mock drafts.

See, I. I tried to go to bed. That was my problem. I tried to go to bed, and it was just like. The feeling in my chest was just horrific. Just like, super tense and Then there was like, I was listening to YouTube to calm myself down. So it was like meditation, YouTubes, all this stuff. Relaxation. I'm playing. I'm just laying there, nothing's working. And eventually they were like, like, like whatever feeling you have, give it a shape. I was like, give it a color. And I'm like, red. And it's like, give it a shape. And I'm like. I close my eyes and it's just like this amorphous shiny blob going, Twix there.

A Twix box.

The shape completely turned on me. It was just like. I was like, this isn't working. It was fun.

Oh my God. We laughed so hard in that.

You need to tell the dry.

That was so funny.

Tell the drip. So I don't care how long it takes to set up. I love this story.

Yeah, true. Please, from the very beginning, fellas, get.

Off your phones and pay attention.

I can't recall.

Somebody needs to hear this for the first time.

I can't recall. I feel like Norm told it somewhere. But we went to go see back in like 2007 maybe, we went and saw legendary baseball player, commentator and actor Euchre, Bob Ucher.

And by the way, is in the Miller Light commercial. Commercial. He's in the middle, which we're on.

It's where they met.

No, I mean this. There's a new one.

Oh, yeah.

So the next, the next day we're talking about the. The bags on you. Yeah. And I'm in the. I'm in a sports bar and you see on tv, I'm like, dude, that's the guy. Yeah. What are the odds?

He was on a famous sitcom in the 80s. Mr. Belvedere. And he was in Major League. And so that's Bob Euchre. And he's a. He's literally the funniest man I've ever met in my life. So Norm and I went to go visit him when I was living in Arizona and he was doing the improv and we went down to see a spring training game. And Euchre, for many years has been calling the brewers games. He's from Milwaukee. And he told us the funniest story I've ever heard in my fucking life. And he was saying that back in.

I think, Wait, tell him the Carson story too.

Oh, the Carson story. So there was a brief time where Euchre did stand up and he did the Johnny Carson show back in the 70s. And euchre, he had his five minute set. He kept running it and then he went to Go do it on Carson. And he was walking backstage before he was supposed to go up, and he's like, yeah, man, I'm fucking. And he cursed like a sailor, and he has a stick accent. He's like, yeah, man, I fucking went to go do Carson back in whatever year. It was 76 or something. And the band leader for Carson back in the day was Doc Severinsson. And he's like. I walked by and fucking Doc Severinson's. His dressing room doors open, and he's sitting in there with this fucking mountain of white shit on the table, and he's like, hey, Euchre, come in here and fucking do something of this. I didn't even know what the fuck it was. I said, I don't give a fuck. I'll do it. So I go in there and I. It turns out it was obviously cocaine. I didn't know. And then. So I'm in. I'm doing my seventh line, I think, at this point, and the fucking showrunner for Carson, he says, hey, Euchre, you're on.

So I fucking go out there And I do five minutes of material in about 30 seconds, and they give me the sign to fucking strike. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing.

Just seeing a pile of co. Go, fuck it. I'll do it. I don't know what the fuck.

I do.

National television. It's so fun. I'll do it.

So the best story he told us in my. I've ever heard was he's like, yeah, man, I used to play for the brewers, and we used to pull bags on each other all the time back in the day on other guys from other ball clubs. And by the way, a bag is a prank. And he called them bags the bag.

The funniest thing be. Yeah, that'll be in the. Yeah, in the language.

It's gonna be in the vernacular forever. Absolutely. So he's like, so one day we decide, oh, this weekend we got the Dodgers coming to Milwaukee. And we said, oh, this is a perfect opportunity to pull a bag on old Don Drysdale. So. So fucking Don Drysdale had a. He had a. In every city, but his fucking primo whore was in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. So we decided, oh, perfect opportunity for a fucking bag on Drysdale. So he didn't know. Little did Don Drysdale know, I'm friends with the fucking chief of police in Milwaukee. So he's in this fucking hotel room with his primo whore, and we paid that fucking bitch off and pretend like she died and had the fucking chief of police and come up, some of his cops come bang down his fucking hotel room in the, in the fucking middle of the night. And he thinks he killed this fucking bitch. And so they cuff him naked as the fucking day he was born. He's crying in the fucking hallway, thinks his life's over. And I walk by, I say, hey, Drysdale, the bag's on you. Any mini? Anyway, so 20 minutes later I'm down in the lobby having a drink and Drysdale comes down, the fucker's still mad.

I said, relax, it's a bag.

The bag's on you. Still pissed.

So Norm and I used to always.

Do this bit where we would talk.

About like how it be great to do a, a sitcom like Candid Camera called the bags on you with Bob Yuker where he just.

The most horrific, he just pulls these.

Terrible, awful, your wife and kids are.

Dead, the bag's on you.

But it's all. Cuz he was a man on you.

Oh my God.

Because he was on Mr. Belvedere for some reason we just kept using these old obscure actors from sitcoms in the 80s. They're like, hey, this week on the bags on you. We pull a fucking bag on Principal Belding.

Like you fucking.

We told me we got evidence that you raped a fucking 14 year old.

But the turns out the bag's on you. Now that's all. Allegedly, we don't know if Drysdale had a whore in every city. No, it's all funny made up story. Bag, it's just a bag.

And then Drysdale pulled the bag, he.

Thought it was the. Well, I don't know. Yeah, this is, this is one of the most intense bags I've ever heard.

Keeps going. Allegedly, the, the Drysdale thought that he's like, Drysdale didn't realize I was the one that pulled the bag. It was my idea. But he thought it was the third baseman. And so we didn't know that Drysdale's buddies with these goombas, these Italian goombas, after the wops couple these fuckers and, and we're going down and we're gonna go play in, in Los Angeles. And he gets a couple of these fuckers to go take the third baseman out in a fucking limousine by gunpoint. They drive him out into the fucking middle of the desert and they hand him a shovel and they say, hey, start digging. And this guy's fucking crying, digging what he thinks is gonna be his own grave. And we go, hey, now the bag's on you.

It's just for just for kids, the most evil pranks. Those are serious bags.

Just some baseball player stuff.

So funny.

70S baseball bags. Probably 60s. Yeah, probably, maybe even. Yeah, Jesus Christ.

60S Relaxdale after that.

Oh yeah, it's very funny to see. Oh yeah, it's like a Don Drysdale. I didn't realize Don Drysdale was like, yeah, he was nasty.

He's an all American.

Oh no, look at the bag getting pulled on old Drysdale.

He probably was using.

Yeah, he wasn't thrilled.

That hooker. Yeah, he's a. Yeah, dude, that hooker was passed down. He's probably like, oh rats, the broad is dead.

I killed the goddamn broad.

Just what I need.

This broad was sick. This broad came down with the heebie jeebies.

The jig is up.

Just you look, Drysdale, I'm going to.

The big house for sure.

Oh, Drysdale, you're in a pickle this time. A real pickle. Not just all bases get out of it.

Oh, I'm gonna have to shoot my way out.

Just my luck. My primo craps out on me.

Honestly, these dogs could go really, really bad.

Yeah, jumped out of the hotel easily.

Primo whore is such a funny bag.

He's going to wild. Dude, that was honestly probably in the best Western in Milwaukee. The bag got pulled on old lair.

Oh, is that right? You had a bag?

A couple fellas in Reddit pulled the old bag on Lamar Lee. Oh, what happened tell were you with your primo? So I'm in Milwaukee, I just get off stage, I get on Reddit and I find Milwaukee's gone wild. That's a little subreddit where they're selling orgies in Milwaukee. I say 75 bucks for an orgy? Yeah, I'll take a razor scooter over the Western. I get in there, they say, we're, we're not in here. Thanks for the 75 bucks. The bag's on you. My favorite, my favorite is we're back in. We're back in New York. We're back in New York.

Just taking off with a rock hard cop, $75 slider.

Oh, Jesus. Well, you waited, you waited for how long?

I waited like 30, 40 minutes. I was in time and they were like, we can't come down now, we're too busy. Good, get back, get back to New York. And he, he tries to confront Milwaukee's gone Wild. And they're like, actually, it's funny you ask, we have a orgy in New York tonight.

Good for you.

The bag's been pulled on him a couple times on The Internet.

Bag me once, shame on you. Bag me twice.

True.

This time the bag's on me. Yeah, the bag. Lamar's been hit with the Internet bag.

Yeah, they'll get you.

Jacking off bag. Send it to your friends.

Jacking off bag.

You better be careful. You're going to want to hear do this. Which one? I sent my dick to a dude on Snapchat. I thought it was a lady.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

It happens to the best of us.

True. But you, I. I admire the fact you were like, go ahead and release it to all my friends. They're cool.

You literally. So they get. They get your Instagram so they see who your friends are, and then they go, this is who I'm about to send it to if you don't give me $2,000 and you go black. Well, you got to send it because you can't negotiate. They're going to go, all right, here's another list. 2004. I'm sick. To them. Yeah, yeah. You can't negotiate with terrorists. You can't negotiate with these dictators.

He didn't even send it, did he?

Oh, he sent it. What?

He sent it out. He did send it out. Yeah.

But nobody answered it. Like, everybody was like, this guy sent me a message about you. I was like, don't, don't. Look, everyone opened it. Just so you know, every single. I would open it. Everyone's opening that.

Yeah, true.

We were talking about this horrible recently, and a girl told me, because we were sharing stories about this, how it happens to people, and a girl was like, happened to my brother. And it got sent to every single member of my family.

Oh, my God.

He was, like, 18 when he did it. It got sent to his sister, and it was a video of him jacking off.

Oh, my God.

With his face in it, like.

But he survived.

People are evil.

Yeah, that's.

That's like that Black Mirror episode. And they made him do all that crazy. No, that was a different episode.

Bags on me, the back's on my dick.

Before I get the pig.

I would almost rather have, like, a. If it could be like a side profile the pig than, like, an eye contact POV of me jerking off on the street.

I disagree.

Side profile of pigs.

That's pretty wild.

Vicious.

That is wild.

We can at least deny some culpability. Be like, bro, know if you're eye contact in the camera, like, I'm gonna come.

They're both awful options. But I still go, yeah, jacking off. Everybody is nuts. Yeah, that's an odd Choice.

A real pig, not a lady pig's dead.

Oh, that's different.

No brainer.

Obviously the dead pig.

It's a dead pig.

Dead pig. Who would.

They're about to you then you can sell it anyway. Yeah, a bunch of Italians.

We just paid that pig off to pretend it was dead.

The bag's on you.

He's upstairs with his primo pig.

I didn't even have to send the video to my family. I don't even know why I did that.

I like that dude. Show the terrorist who's boss.

True. I might start sending my family just non stop. I gotta get ahead of this dude. They got me again. Yeah.

Got me. Keep sending videos of you jacking off to your dad. Dad, don't open, dude.

I got catfished terribly once back in. Yeah. I mean 10 years ago. And my friend told. I was like, I got a bad feeling about this girl invited me over. It's late at night on Tinder or something. And I was like, I got a weird feeling about this dude.

He's like, yeah. And something's wrong.

I'm like, I could get laid, but I might be murdered.

Yeah.

And my buddy's like, oh, you know what you can do is you can put the phone number into the Facebook search bar at the time and it'll show if there's a profile link to that account. I swear to God, I typed in the phone number and it's literally. It doesn't matter that they're black, but they happen to be black and wearing a ski mask.

Whoa.

It was literally just three pro and he definitely had a gun in another one. And I'm like, I'm glad I looked that up.

That's really nice.

I still want. I still went, you know, go, what? No, I didn't go. When you get horny, it's like, yeah.

On the website.

Definitely been murdered.

Yeah. You got robbed for sure.

Yeah.

It's a good way to rob people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's better than Reddit.

Org.

Seduce like a married guy into coming to your house. That way he can't tell on you. Oh, yeah, you just rob him. They. You go take acid, rob people. It's a good podcast now.

The horny traps. The best.

Yeah.

You get someone in. Yeah. And you're just kind of. You can't be like, oh, I was. Why were you there? Be like, you needed help moving stuff in the fridge, bought a brand new fridge.

Yeah. That was an easy one to come up with.

Yeah.

The governments do it.

Yeah. Honey potted.

Yeah.

Damn, that Would have sucked though just to go in the apartment.

Black Israel really mess up. Yeah, it's possible.

I honey too. I literally could get honey potted too.

That's why they do.

Oh bother. Oh bother, bother.

No, just a guy in a. I.

Also feel like now if they want to honeypot you cuz they have your whole Internet porn search history they can like craft a scenario out of like a porn you watch.

Go quickly. My stepmom stuck in a dryer. You go, seems fishy, but I gotta take this chance.

You got the facade written all over it.

But what if she is stuck and she needs my help.

Having a stock honey pot would be so funny. What? What is this?

Going to a party. Someone be like, oh, that room. Oh, my stepmom's stuck in the dryer. Don't worry about that mirror. That looks like a camera could be behind.

He'S walk up the mirror.

I know you guys are watching. I'm doing it.

Yeah. My step. My stepsister's frozen in the kitchen. You can do whatever.

It's this crazy thing. It's called free use. She's just bent over the kitchen counter. Don't mind the Jewish cameras everywhere.

You go home, you're like. Your dad's like, jane, I got a divorce. This is a new stepmom. She's like a 23 year old Brazilian lady. You're like, this seems fishy. I've seen videos about this massage.

Keeps getting.

She's so nice to me. Yeah, honey pot is the best. I mean it is a good. It's a good trap. I'll say.

Yeah, you're gonna get trapped. You might as well get honey pot.

Yeah.

You know true. Legally.

Yeah, you know that's right.

You know for sure I'm not.

Because then it's like my thing is if I'm. If I got caught into the honey pot, I would start to be like, can we do another one? Can we like do those?

I don't know if you made my mind up yet. I'll never talk. Keep sending chicks to suck my dick to the worst spies ever. I'm just lying. Just keep making up.

Because if you. If you get caught with one bad photo, that would. That'd be crazy to be indebted for like years and years and years.

It's gotta be a real bad one. Yeah, you gotta really has to be. Yeah, exactly.

It's almost like. It's almost like something like this is happening in the world right now.

Yeah.

Yeah, it definitely is. No.

Yeah. I'm talking about the Epstein List.

Yeah, yeah, dude, the letter. The letters also now though, you can just claim Deepfake.

I never thought of that.

You never thought about that? You ever thought of that?

The bag's on you. Stephen Hawking.

Dude, Epstein was a monster bag down.

To the beach, she can't even walk. Put a couple kids on him and take a picture. We go, hey, Stephen, the bag's on you.

What do you mean the bag?

Enough of your universe. Gotta support Israel.

They pulled a bag.

We decided to pull a bag on.

Him.

Back at the. We're back at the bar. Three hours later, Hawking rolls in.

He's still pissed.

I'm in the limbo line.

I'm in the Congo line with 5, 10 year olds. Hawking rolls in the right.

Is he dead? When did he die?

Two, three. Two years ago. Wait, didn't Stephen Hawking just. Just die?

I think it was like three or four.

Three or four years. Really? That was kind of during all the Epstein stuff.

Kind of, yeah.

That must have had to be nice to be an assassin and be like who you got to kill today? Like Stephen Hawk.

And you're like seven years easy.

Just turn him off. You just.

You know, he's saying some dangerous things. How do we stop him? I got it. I broke his charger last night, snuck into his house.

It's almost two easy. It's just crazy enough to.

Yeah. Hawking being on the Epstein on the island.

Yeah. Yeah. That's tough.

He was. He was probably old as too.

I know.

Oh, bother.

True.

They really him on that.

And why did only like two people. It was him and like a magician that got released. There's only two people there.

Oh, David Copperfield, I think.

Copperfield. Copperfield, I think. The mysterious Mr. Copper, if any.

Wish you could make that list.

2015 email from Epstein. The email mentioned allegation from Epstein accuser Virginia Guthrey concerning a supposed underage orgy involving Hawking.

Yep.

In the Virgin Islands.

Oh, I thought you were gonna say the best Western in Milwaukee.

That's the one Lamar got locked out of. Thank God Stephen Hawkins.

Rolled himself home $75 lighter and pissed off.

You promised me the mayor. They had the whole thing set up on like a 40 screen computer.

They almost got you.

You. I'm on my way to NASA.

Oh, it's funny.

There's actually going to be an orgy at NASA later this afternoon. 75 bucks ride.

That's a deal.

Man.

Sick.

Was that the only two people? I feel. I feel like it was. Was. I could be. I don't want to put smut on Copperfield, but I feel like his name came up. It was like a famous magician.

Yeah, I remember.

It was just those two. The names I heard. I could be wrong.

I don't want to get sued by David Copper.

Exactly.

I don't.

Or his estate.

Maybe it was Houdini.

Yeah, damn Houdini.

That's. I Get me wrong. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong.

Hawkins was having a blast. This is him on the island. They said he would. They said Stephen Hawkins would like. He would go into a room with like midgets and make them do math naked. I heard that. Yeah. I don't know where else I haven't seen any sources pick that up, but that was the rumor.

Naked math for midgets.

He would make little people do math.

He had him in the math castle. Did you ever play that game?

Yeah.

Yeah. What? Dude? The lit. The lit. Things are too funny. Oh my God.

God, that's so funny.

There's some. Really?

Yeah, he's got some incriminating stuff.

Why are there only pictures of him? Interesting.

He was just probably stoked to be at the party.

Yeah, he's just happy to be invited. He's just happy to get out of the house.

I don't. Yeah, I don't think. Because I think a lot of the other people might have been big power players. And Hawking was just probably like, you know. Do you ever see like the coming of age, like high school tales and the nerd gets invited to the.

Finally gets invited to the pool.

I can't believe I'm finally here.

Did you guys know that universe says shut the up, Throw him in the pool? Oh, God.

It was. Can't hardly wait.

For sure. God, that's crazy.

Yeah, that's wild. It's also crazy to think about how that happens. Like, cuz if you become like a millionaire, multi millionaire, you're like, you know, you're getting into like more and more kind of like rarefied circles. And all of a sudden it's just like, dude, I have an island. We're going to have sex with children. You're like, oh, what the.

There's no way they laid out.

Yeah, maybe not.

I did. I mean, that's another one. Fool me twice.

Yeah.

Second you get on this. The second jet, you go, there better not be any kids here. Jeff, you.

During the Clinton era, that was like the 90s, dude. Jailbait was like. That was like a funny popular thing. Like, dude, she's jailmate. Yeah, it was not like now it's.

Like, pedophile that made it late. Dude, that was during, like, Obama.

That was like, dude, I say it all the time.

The first jail bait was like, watch.

The pilot of Californication. It's the. It starts with him having sex with a high school girl and being like, oh, I'm such a crazy writer. And that's. That's the pilot episode, I think, of the series.

Old School.

Yeah.

He a high school chick.

Pineapple Express.

Pineapple Express. Pineapple Express. His girlfriend's in high school.

Yeah. What was he like? How old was he? What the.

I wonder who wrote all those. Who's doing this to us? Why are they doing this to us?

Remember when you saw the Twix canister?

Twix was full Star David. We were hitting the hotel Candy, and I was like, bro, I'm not joking. This Twix is the star Davis. And it really did exactly. Just like I saw into Kanye west mind. Then I remembered immediately, Kanye's been ranting about Twix. And I was like, that's why, dude. The story of David.

Twix, Twix, Twix.

That make you Twix bigger to make us fat. Shut up before you get exiled. That's my. That's still the best Kanye. Oh, it's like, I'm doing this alone. None of you are with me at all. And it's like, I'm with you guys. Shut up before you get exiled. He's in someone's house, calling everybody into my hotel room to be like, I'm the only one doing it. I'm by myself. None of you are with me. Looks like the Star of David story.

About the one that made me laugh harder than anything. Well, the other thing that made me laugh so hard was that that dumb.

Elton John meme, Elton John meme has been making me.

That is one of the best elderly couple.

It was like a headline, news headline.

And it said, elderly couple attacked at Elton John concert. And then the comment above and stay out of the pit.

Yeah, that had us. That had us crying, laughing for 45 minutes.

That was very funny.

Now, what was the story, or not about the.

The guys that you work?

Just say, we can edit it. Oh, we've already done it.

That was a classic concrete text. We've never. I need to get the text.

You gotta get a hold of the.

Text and tell that it's different.

Another episode.

It's crazy.

It's so good.

He rattles it off like the Gettysburg Address. He really did. It's crazy.

That was yeah, it was a great night.

It's a classic text from just like a horrible employee. Just obviously high and up at four.

Extremely high.

Just a nine. It's like a nine foot text. Yeah, it's a meth test.

It reeks of meth.

Yeah, Meth tax is actually like 30.

Paragraphs of just like. I would never lie to you. For real. I love this job so much. Trust me, okay? I'm not a liar. Okay. What I said was going on at that time. Okay. Like, it's that 10 minutes.

I'm an idiot. Okay.

Yeah, I'm an idiot. Okay. We'll see. I will win. I always win.

By the way, did you know that when you Google tips for coming down off of lsd, they give you the suicide helpline?

Jesus.

I swear to God.

Crazy.

Yeah. Imagine I'm sitting. I wonder if there's any like, maybe tips and tricks, like. Like a blanket or a warm shower. It was like, help is available. I was like, oh, God.

And we're back.

And we're back.

I'm reading a book right now called Drunks and Monks, which. It's about a guy. It's a really good book. It's about a guy who's an entertainment lawyer in Southern California. And he just. He was like, kind of killing it. His wife divorces him and he spirals for like six years, becomes. He had never drank. He had an alcoholic mom, so he never drank a day in his Life and at 34, just starts hitting the paint harder than anybody. Yeah, it's gotta be completely. It was, dude.

Well, it was. You remember how fun it was the first time you drank?

Yeah, I sure do.

It was awesome.

Imagine being.

Imagine being 34, being like, oh, yeah.

I've been missing this my entire life.

The problem was he was showing his ass. So he was going through divorce. He would, like, go to weddings. He was like making out and grinding on a lady. Throwing up, literally. Yeah. And his mom was like a rec. His mom actually then like, re. His mom got diagnosed with cancer. Then she relapsed.

You got to hit the.

And got dementia. So he was like his mom. They didn't realize the mom was already like, kind of a drunk who, like fall down. But then the mom started herself all the time.

The time.

So at one point he gets, like, kicked out of his second wife's house and he's just. With his like, mom who's like, you know, is going to die pretty soon, but, you know, she actually rallied for like six years and the dad would just freak out. So he was like 34 in his childhood bedroom. And he had a horrible childhood. But at 34, S is in there with his. His dad being like, what the wrong with you? In your pants and like screaming and breaking.

Something happened. Does anything good happen?

Yeah, I think he becomes a monk. I think he eventually leaves.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I think. I haven't finished the book. He becomes like a devout.

You haven't finished the book.

You.

So you're just guessing.

I'm pretty sure he becomes a devout Catholic Month. Because I watched some interviews after the last time.

You read Bukowski?

Not for a couple years.

You would really like Bukowski.

I like.

I remember, like, you like this.

I read his. I forget the one book. It was good.

His whole. Yeah.

Like ham sandwiches or something and post office. This is nice because it's that. But then it has kind of like a theological under text. Because he's constantly. He like gets. He just starts, like singing in a choir, like a Latin mass. It's really. He's just a drunk. It's really funny. It's really funny.

I used to drink at Bukowski's bar a lot.

Really?

Yeah, The Frolic Room.

That's nice.

And this drinking, but not really. But.

Yeah, I can see how you would not miss it.

But there's days. There's good days and bad.

Yeah. Yeah. I just read, like, he had that book of shorts. I read that one about that girl. He was the. Like. She was like a prostitute, but he, like, loved her. It was. I don't know. It's kind of beautiful. It was like, rules, but into just a guy who's a drunk mess. That's.

Yeah.

90% of the stories are him.

Yeah.

It's most getting drunk at a bar, eating a lady's supposed to be getting knocked out by another guy.

Yeah, it's pretty great.

All those great writers.

Someone's house getting knocked out.

They were all literally the biggest drunks ever.

Yeah.

Hemingway was like Faulkner.

He was a good drunk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Until he got the Eagles gun.

No, that was. That was. I think he had dementia.

Did he?

Yeah, I think he started to have.

Oh, no.

Dementia or Parkinson's.

Yeah. But didn't like. I think a lot of his family. He's like a family curse. A lot of his family kill themselves also.

I think he might have been, you know, throwing some jabs at women.

Yeah.

So maybe it wasn't the best drunk.

Oh, he's punching.

He'd have a couple and go.

He's drinking mojitos, too, which is funny mojito and be like, yeah.

He was like a adventurous drunk. He'd be like, I'm in a war. I'm fishing or something. Yeah. Kowski's literally just like, yeah, bar fly. Those ugly looking at me. So I was like, you, you ugly? And he knocked me the out. Then I woke up in a puddle. My own puke and blood.

Shakespeare.

And then I raped a lady. She does that a lot.

Yeah. That's rough.

He's not afraid to. Yeah.

Jeez. Wow. Jesus. For sure. For sure.

Maybe the greatest writer of all time. What's a. What's some pros? He was fucking drunk at a bar. Fucking ugly motherfucker. I punched him in.

He puts out little gay poems. He writes little poems that I like.

Yeah, it is cool.

It's a good episode.

That was fun. Thank you, guys.

See you soon on the Patreon.