Transcript of Giggling about roasts, jokes, and shaved heads

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What's up, gigglers? Gary, fix your WiFi. Manifest that ship. We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

What's up, my get back to work, gigglers? No more relaxing. We're taking on the town.

Honestly, I missed Giggly Squad. I feel like I've lived seven lives since our last pod.

Well, okay, we have to apologize not only to the academy, but we dropped the most dramatic episode ever on a Monday with no warning, and we were just like, the figure it out the drama. The drama. And then we went radio silent. See ya.

The only place you could find me was in TikTok comments. That's the only place I looked.

Which is so funny because I haven't been allowed to look at Bravo-related stuff for years now.

Well, here's the thing. I'm in TikTok comments in general. I'm in there.

Well, it's better than the actual videos.

Yeah, I pop in there. When I see one about me, I couldn't... I was like, Let me tell you about your fucking self for a second. I couldn't resist. And you sued someone.

No. How many people did you sue?

I'm so obsessed with the gigglers so much. Wait, first and foremost, let me just say, the gigglers gave me life this week. I don't think I would have survived this week if I didn't see the gigglers in the comments being like, You don't fucking get it. She's not actually suing you.

I started getting tagged of people being really tired, being the gigglers this week, trying to defend Hannah and Page, this woman smoking a cigarette. The gigglers, you guys, you work so hard.

No, they worked so hard. I felt like I had 17 million girlfriends just being like, Would you say to her? What'd you say to her? The fuck'd you say?

Say it to my face.

I didn't cry in the breakup episode, but I literally might cry over the gigglers because I knew that this week was going to be a real tough. I was not expecting the amount of misogyny and the 65-year-old boy moms can absolutely fuck off.

The act of dating is figuring out how long you want to be with that person, and then you get to a point where you go, I think we did our time.

I I feel like I was extremely graceful and nice on the last pod. That was just one version of me. Okay? I made the right decision for myself. Don't make a make lasagna. The virtual lasañas that I got my aunt Pam literally had frozen me lasagna and sent it to my apartment. She's just like a queen. I was going to say something, and literally now I forget. The only... I don't care about any rumor that is ever said about me. I felt like that TikTok sound when it's like, You're a drug dealer. I was like, What? Watching things about myself. The only thing that I was like, Okay, can't let this go by, was because it was a third party involved. It was people saying that I cheated on Craig with Marcelo, which when I first saw that, I died laughing.

I was laughing. I was going to text him, and then I was like, I don't even want to bother him with this because it's so stupid.

I felt weird. I was like, I feel like I have to text Marcelo because what if he sees it? What if he has a girlfriend?

Just for the record, have you ever texted him one-on-one, not in our Bachelet group chat?

One time to get me into the SNL Shane Gillis after party. Literally the only time I've ever texted Marcel was, Hey, do something for me and get me to meet Shane Gillis.

When I see that, I go, Wait, that's my baby brother? Yeah. I go, That's my literal... She would never touch my baby brother.

I can't have sex with a minor. That's a legal.

A literal child. A literally he is our baby. I birthed him. We birthed him from our pussy's. Domingo came out of my fucking vaginal canal.

So I just texted him. I was like, Hey, just want to let you know there's a rumor going around that I cheated on my boyfriend with you. And he was just like, Fuck, yeah.

Wait, should we make a sketch where he comes out as Domingo and he's like, What did he say?

I don't even know. But he was sending me screenshots of DMs he was getting of people being like, We fucking hate you now if you're the reason. And I was like, Marcel, I'm so fucking sorry. This is so embarrassing. No one involved was defending me, which I found interesting.

No, because I think anyone involved was like, We're not taking this seriously. But it is crazy to be on the side of seeing stuff being made up and then how it just can go through the internet like crazy.

No rapid fire. I was like, Wait, am I going to jail?

No, that was when there was a rumor that Des and I broke broke up. I was at the Verizon store and he wasn't there. I texted him and I was like, Are we broke up? No, it's so crazy. This is why I want you to not be in the comments because you don't need extra anger. You're already Sicilian. We're ready up to here. We're going to snap at any second. You don't need this. But I do have to say- I think people forget that we're Sicilian.

They forget. I think that they need to be reminded. And this is your fucking reminder. I'll show up to your house.

But it's also like, I think breakups are so beautiful. I was just getting a lot of really positive messages from the gigglers being like, this was this- The gigglers were sending me some of the- The nicest messages.

The therapist, girl. Did you see that video? Yes, she said- No, we started crying.

She said six girls had brought up your breakup. I hope that your breakup caused a massive breakup where everyone broke up with their boyfriend.

We all got cats months ago, and then we were like, Wait, are we lesbians?

This is why I got a lot of backlash on my Instagram last night because I said, I want you to shave your head like Emma Stone. The girls were not happy. They said, First of all, I think you're sabotaging P. A. S. Sorbo. And I go, She does it to herself.

Second of all, they were like, She's going through a breakup.

Why would you even put this in her head when she's vulnerable? I said, Okay, valid point. Then three, they were like, No one's going to... No guy will want to date her. And I go, Again. Amazing. Don't come near me. But still, the misogyny in that, people don't realize I'm a creative. I come up with I throw ideas. I throw ideas at Paige. She takes what she wants. I'm just throwing stuff in there. Just because it hasn't been done doesn't mean it can't be done.

Well, you want to know what I think? I think there's an Audrey Hepburn biopic that's circuiting speculating Hollywood. That's what I heard. I think all the actresses are trying to get that role. They're dressing like her. They're cutting their hair like her. And they're like- Do you know who I think is going to get it? I'll say who I think should get it. You say who you think should get it.

I just heard it randomly today. Wait, let's do it on the count, three.

Okay. One, two, three. Ariana Grande. I don't like that.

I didn't cast her.

Oh, wait. Here's another thing I have to say. I've been trying to watch Wicked for... We're going on seven days now. I've taken seven phenomenal maps right when it starts.

Someone was like, Wicked would be so good without the singing.

Wicked would be so fucking fire without the singing.

Do you see how you are, Glenda? Yes.

Ariana, from what I saw, 15 minutes intermittently, she crushed it. She's amazing. She's phenomenal. She's the best singer of our entire generation. I don't want her to be Audrey Hepburn.

Why? She's Italian.

I shouldn't say that because I do love her, and I actually do think she probably could do the role because we've seen her be able to commit and whatever. In my head, it's someone older.

But what if she's playing her that age?

Yeah. No, you're right. But I just think Anne Hathaway has always looked the most like her or Lily Collins. Or you. Or me. Honestly, maybe I just call the drum. I'm like, I've never acted. Put me in, coach.

I've seen you on Summerhouse. You're pretty good.

According to everyone on the internet, I've been acting for three years. My mom is the best mom ever. When I was little, not little, I think maybe I was in seventh or eighth grade, and something happened for the first time ever with a boy. I remember my mom saying to me, and she'd repeat it to me every couple of years, and she would say, Paige, I need you to understand that this is a man's world. It's a man's world, so you need to always be smarter, quicker, thinking on your feet. You're going to get fucked over in situations that you shouldn't just because you're a woman. I feel like that always stuck in in the back of my head. And I think people get so mad at me because I move like a guy. I've always moved in the world like a fucking guy. I will ghost the fuck out of you. I don't give a shit. I will take your job. I'm not the crazy where it's like, I need to get back at you. It's, I'll take your job and become your boss, and then I'll fire you. That's my crazy.

No, 100 %.

So it was just very telling. I knew our world was misogynistic, but I didn't know to the extent until it was coming at me.

I do have to say I saw a stat on Instagram. Guys in their 20s, one in five are in relationships, and girls in their 20s, it's two out of three. The way that makes sense is because girls don't want to date guys in their 20s. They want to date older guys. I'm not saying I started that, but I probably did. There's a maturity thing, but that there is a problem with men right now. Majority of homeless are men. Majority of addicts are men. Obviously, majority of people-Murders.Murders are men. But at this point, what do we do? Because now, Chris, what do we do? Because I was talking to my cousin who's at FIT, and I was like, Who are we dating? And she was like, No, it's not good out there. And I was like, Sorry, I'm with an older gentleman. Chris, can you tell me the year when we were allowed to get divorced? They weren't allowed to get a credit card without their man being on it.

I think not until 1970. What is that? 1969. 1969. 1969.

That's fucking crazy because that's when our moms were born. We're just second generation of women.

No, our parents were literally 10 years old. That's crazy.

That's fucking crazy. Also, I've been working on this bit about X and how the reason X got so popular is because we literally weren't allowed to have X before. No, we couldn't say it. He'd be singing in a restaurant, Happy birthday, to another table, and you'd be like, Well, I literally can't get a divorce. So like, La, la, la, la. Where now he comes in with flip-flops and you go, Divorce, my son.

We've made a whole career on talking about icks and the things we ate about men. A whole fucking career.

I just got tagged in something of me being like, I hate if he's bad at bowling, and you go, I hate if he's good at bowling, and I was like, Oh, no.

Wait, can we talk about Nikki Glazer? Yes. Because one of her jokes to Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban was like, he thinks we're the guitar so much that Nicole Kidman went and made 18 movies this year. So true. She's probably like, Did you ever shut the fuck up?

It's so funny because you just envision him trying out a new thing. She's like, Oh, my agent just gone.

She's like, That's crazy. I have to go to America. She crushed it. It was so good.

It was so funny when she said that no one had eyelids in Hollywood left. That was so fucking funny. I love that she also didn't play the Look, everything's so effortless and I'm just so chill, and this is just me. She was like, I worked my ass off for this for 20 years. I've been in the trenches. I did this at 91 times. I hired 10 writers and I'm testing and testing. I know I'm going to kill it because I put the work. I hate when people are just like, Oopsy poopsy, I crushed it. Then you're sitting at home like, Oh, I guess I'll never be talented enough.

No, I think she's such an inspiration. Not only did she crush her job. She looked... It obviously wasn't an effortless job. She looked effortless, though. She looked gorgeous. She looked stunning.

I think something we like to put out in the world is how women can be multifaceted. You can be beautiful, but also a bitch. I can be funny, but also depressed. I love that she's multifaceted on there. It's like she's not just like, Oh, I hate myself and I'm funny. No, she's like, I'm hot, but I'm also funny. But I also worked really hard for this. I also was nervous. Just being a human.

Yeah, she's very just authentic and relatable. I also loved that people were like, She's the best host since Tina Fay and Amy Poler, which I forgot that they used to host it. Shout out Amy. And Tina. And they were phenomenal. And it's like, oh, does anyone know what guy has ever fucking hosted? No, because he sucked. Remember when Joe Koy did it? Get the fuck out of my face. That's crazy.

I have some tea. Did you know that Nikki Glazer is the reason Des and I are married?

No.

I don't know if you ever said it.

Wait, no.

I saw Dez eight years ago at the Comedy Cellar when I was in sales or something. I thought he was so cute, but his whole set- Wait.

That's so crazy because I keep getting TikToks that are like, You meet your has been twice. Stop. Is that nuts?

That's crazy. Because I remember thinking he's so cute, he's so whatever. But he lives in Ireland. His whole set was how he's in Ireland. But I remembered him. And then years later, I get into comedy and he starts following me. And I follow him back and nothing happens. Okay.

How long is this before you went on your first date? A year? A year. Okay.

We've been following each other for a year. Then I take a photo with Luanne, and I tag that I'm in Shelter Island. He DMs me, Are you out east? Yes. Do you want to get coffee in Sag Harbor? Here's my digits. Got there.

Did he actually say the word digits?

I said digits.

Okay.

I was really done. I was like, Yes, please. Digit. Long Long story short, he was like, Oh, I started following you because you were in the background of Nicki Glazer's Instagram story, and I thought you were pretty. And he goes, I thought you had fake lips.

You do have phenomenal lips.

Thank you. They are overlined right now.

They do always a plump.

But he basically was like, I was following. So because of Nikki, my husband found me.

Oh my God.

Because him and Nicki had been friends.

Wait, that's crazy. Have you ever told her that? Yes.

Also, Nikki, early on, one night, she was like, Do you want to follow me around? I was like, Yes, please. I just want to smell your hair.

That's so nice.

She literally was like, I'm practicing my set, and I watched her do a set at the stand. We jumped in a car, went to the cellar. I watched her three other spots. We sat at the table and she looked at me and I asked her some stupid questions. I was like, How do you remember? I just asked her, Do you forget things? Do you bomb? She just was so nice. From that moment on, I was really inspired.

Women supporting women.

Women supporting women.

No, you love to see it. I don't know why I feel like this, probably just because of the week I had. I feel like all the gigglers and the girls are in on a secret that the guys don't know. It's like the guys and the women over 65, they're on their own island and we're all- Chris is on our island, too.

We don't know what he does when he leaves the studio, though. He cannot be held accountable.

Yeah, we don't know who he dates.

Did you think when you wrote See You in Court to that one guy that he was going to I'm like, I'm like a whole thing?

I certainly didn't think People magazine was going to be like, Page threaten legal action. I was like, It's a joke.

It's a fucking giddly squad joke. Welcome to my fucking life.

I was like, Listen to my podcast, you idiots.

No, the gigglers have been defending us day and night. I think they're taking turns.

No, they're tirelessly working. Also, I need to shout out Tracy Carnazo and a team of gigglers sent me a massive bouquet of flowers. It literally looked like I died in a car. I was like, Wait, what happened? It was so nice. And then they donated $500 to a woman's shelter. Is that not the sweetest? I was like, It's all worth it. No, because they're your people. This is all worth it. No, because they're your people.

They're our fucking people. Well, because our own was going through it last week. One of our own. The range of emotions I went through.

At one point, my mom was like, I think I need to hang up.

I hate to say I was happy that you were getting some press because I was trying to get out of my own press.

No, literally, Hannah is getting mauled with Blake Lively, Justin Baldonia. I got to hold my bear. Hold on, I've got your back.

I literally was like, Okay, we're driving an episode tomorrow.

I'm pretty sure. No, there was a moment where I was like, should we just drop it today to really stop this?

My only note that I'm going to say about that is that it was crazy that there were five comics and we're all doing the roughest roast jokes you could think of. Yes. And one line from me is the only thing that got picked up.

Hannah, Tim Dylan, I love him, dressed up like a murdered man. And everyone was like, phenomenal, creative. You said the word cunt, and they were like, I'm sorry. This whole week, I I felt like a witch in Salem. I was like, wait a second. My ancestors truly are like, bitch.

Also, I just want to say the joke in general was...

Phenomenal and hilarious.

It was about how girls are getting hate.

Yes. It was high-brow, high-level.

It's super high-brow. I also have to say that the word cunt in America, people fucking hate.

But it's an amazing word.

They lost their mind. Thank you.

Gen Z, really. Shout out to Gen Z for bringing that to it being normal.

There were some people that were mad at me. So this one woman kept commenting on my photos cunty, and I was like, I don't think she knows. It's a serve. I'm like, that's literally the look I'm going for.

You ate it up with a spoon. No, the amount... Okay, that's the other crazy thing. The amount of mean comments. It's never a girl our age. It's never a girl younger. To see a mom... It actually is pure comedy, and I feel like we could write a skit about it. To see a mom with a Pixi cut and glasses and her profile is like, Live light, God, and then us- Okay, well, I love Pixie Cuts. But continue. A psalm. And then to be like, You're a raging bitch, cunt, and I hope you never get married and have children. I was like, That's crazy.

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I wanted to tell you the jokes, some jokes that were that I thought were way worse. Okay, yeah. I want to see if you think they're funny or not. Okay. This first one I'm starting with was actually written by Kim Congdon, who's this amazing roast writer, and she pitched this joke to me, and it's fucked up. Okay. Selena What an evil... Okay. Selena Gomez got engaged to Benny Blanco, who seems nice, but he does look like the monster inside P. Diddy. That was too savage. That's so savage.

That's hilarious.

Okay, next. Let me go easier. This is a sweet one that got cut. Okay. John Krasinski was announced the sexiest man alive, the same guy who took five seasons to try to fuck Pam. Then I go, this whole industry is very plastic. Every time there's a wildfire in the hills, I assume a Kardashian got a little too close to an open flame. Okay, this is mean. Because I said, No plastic surgery for Jeff, though. I like your suit. You look like a fancy aborted baby.

Oh, my God.

I wrote that one.

Oh my God.

I said, Big year for podcast. Color Diety had Kamala, Rogan had Trump, and I had a more influential blonde, Hawk Tua. She gave me amazing financial advice. Wait, what is going on with her? I don't know. I don't know who's managing her, but you know that that was not her idea.

No, someone took advantage of her.

Someone took advantage of her, and I'm not witch hunting her.

No, some men definitely came in and ruined all her shit. She's probably going to disappear now because what'd she do? She stole a bunch of money from people?

No, she did a... It's Bitcoin stuff, so obviously a man did it. But it's like she got people to buy Bitcoin. She didn't know. She didn't know. That girl did not know.

She didn't know.

No. Okay, this is the most fucked up one. Are you ready? Some girls have been singing out loud during the wicked screenings, which is not okay. Kind of makes you wish Luigi hit a couple AMC's.

Before he got the CEO. No, that's evil. That's... Same.

So that's Rose Jokes.

No, I love it. You did so good on that. Thank you. And you looked phenomenal.

Oh, my God. I found an amazing makeup artist out there. Yeah.

Your hair and makeup, honestly, so good.

Thank you. I wore a dress that I'd previously worn that I knew was comfortable. Shout out to the gigglers.

You should use them for the thing we're doing in March in LA.

Okay, scrambling eggs. I do have to say I got there and John Stamos was playing on the drums. Immediately, I always know the Zaddy in the room. I'm like, Hi. But I was like, I'm not talking to him. I don't talk to famous people in the room. So I'm minding my own business, and we make eye contact accidentally, and he starts mouthing something to me because he was behind the drums and I was in the crowd during a practice. I'm like, What's he saying? And he goes, Got you.

No.

That's why I started going, No. No. I turned around, and she goes, No. And I start laughing. And then I turned to the girl next to me. I'm like, I think John Stamow has just made an inside joke about my podcast, but I think I'm high. I think I hallucinated it. Then I try to avoid him for the next hour because I just, What do you say? What do you say to him? What am I supposed to say to John Stamos?

Yeah, what do you say to Uncle Jesse?

Finally, he comes up to me and he goes, Hey, watch your special twice. But he was so nice, so talented on drums, so cool.

Yeah, I didn't even know he played. How did that even come about there? Like, And we'll get John Stamos to play drums.

I think Jeff Ross has been in Hollywood for so long. He's friends with... Diplo was there just because was friends with him. It was definitely on the verge of a P. D. E.

Free golf. No, I feel like we need to go to LA and have lunch with John Stamos and Anne-Becky. I met her one time at a wedding, and I literally, I mauled her. I was like, I love you. You talked to her?

Yeah. Was she nice?

It was literally right after she got out of jail, and I was like, I don't care what they're saying about you. I'm upset. And she was like, Thanks.

You go, I love a woman in step.

I love a woman scheming, plotting. Okay.

No, he couldn't have been more nice and afterwards just chill. I love when celebrities don't pretend they're on... You know when they pretend they're on a different planet and they can't process anything around them because they're so famous?

Right. They're so out of reality that they don't even know. They're not in tune with the majority. They can't process a moment.

And you always feel like it's your fault. You're like, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have opened my mouth in your vicinity. But then you're like, oh, no, people can be normal. So shout out John Stamos. You're a giggler. He did a video for us.

No, I love him.

But overall, I had to cancel my vacation, which I never- You canceled seven vacations this month. I canceled every vacation. I'm so bad at vacationing. It took so much balls for me to click book. And then I got an email. And Des and I were at dinner, and it said Netflix Roast, and I just looked at them and I was like, We're not going to Columbia or wherever we're going to go.

You're a career woman.

I'm a career woman. And then I just worked. I didn't sleep for the next five. They gave me five days to get the jokes together. So it was chaos, but it was so much fun.

No, you did phenomenal. It was so exciting to watch. I literally had a Hannah weekend the other weekend. I watched your roast again and you're special.

That's me when I just go to your Instagram to look at your outfit sometimes.

I was like, This is my human beta blogger. I'm just going to put her on in the background. Wait.

I did FaceTime you a couple of times when Des was napping.

Yeah, that was nice. That was nice.

Oh, yeah. We're going to go to the next game tonight. Oh, yeah. With our dads. How adorable. What are our dads going to talk about?

Who needs a son? Honestly, is the first thing I'm thinking of. I can hear them giggling in the other room right now.

Our dads and dads are talking. I would love to know what they're laughing about.

What could they possibly be talking about? I don't think they ever thought that they would get here with us. Do you know what I mean? What do you think our dads think about us?

I was just thinking because my dad, he's so cute, he has a basketball league. When I first started comedy, a guy came up to him and was like, What do you think about the stuff your daughter says online? She's pretty gross. My dad laughed it off, whatever. It's like, Yeah, me being gross online, got him courtside tickets, bitch. Okay.

No, my dad's friend think that I do porn. My dad's like- I do do dildo ads.

We did not buy courtside tickets. Radio City is owned by MSG. Yes. We have two sold-out Radio City shows, so it's a thing they do where they give people who are playing Radio City seats, and we asked our daddies. We're just two daddies girls.

When I asked my dad, I really didn't think of it. I was like, Oh, we got these tickets. Hannah's going to bring her dad Do you want to come? I didn't realize it until I got home for Christmas how excited he was because his friends were calling him like, Hey, just checking in. When were you going to that game? Where are your tickets? And he was like, We got the separate entrance. That's what Paige said. I didn't realize how excited he was. I forgot how much men love sports, and it's adorable.

We went once, my dad and I, and it was the most amazing experience. And afterwards, he goes, So next time, can I bring my friends? I was like, This isn't for your 20 friends from Brooklyn to show up. No.

How the tables have turned. Literally before we got in the car today to come, I looked at my dad and I go, Now, act like you've been somewhere before. Please don't embarrass me. If you're thinking, should I say that? The answer is no.

I literally gave him the speech he would give me when I was eight, like going places. That is so funny. Well, my dad, just to warn you, loves a buffet. Lives for a buffet. The last time, I didn't know there was free food. So he ate beforehand, showed up, saw the buffet, looked at me, said, Why did I eat beforehand? Now I have to eat.

Were there hot dogs in that buffet?

Yeah, there's everything you can imagine. That's what I really want So my dad hones in and goes, he thinks that he's- No, you are his daughter. He thinks he's losing money if he doesn't eat at the buffet. So he needs to eat. He's getting ice cream. He's getting ice cream in between because my mom's not around, so she can't judge him. I think he has gout also. And I'm like, Go Go off, King. Go off.

No rules here. We're cool daughters. We're not regular daughters.

We're in the messy house.

I'm obsessed.

So, Paige, I am letting you know we're putting my output together 10 minutes before we leave, per usual. But I'm excited. Do you think they're going to get along, our dads? They've hung out, but not in this capacity.

Yeah, I think dads...

Have to.

They have to because they're just dads.

But also our dads weirdly have this crazy connection that both their daughters who were written off many times, are now have a good business together.

No, my dad... Look, he's very supportive. But when I tell you that he did not believe in me for a second, I am not over I will thank him at every award show, but when I tell you... When I tell you this man was nervous, it's okay. I was applying to colleges and he said, What are you doing? Do you really think you're going to be able to do that? I said, Dad, I think I should try. And he goes, Look, I'll take care of you for the rest of my life. And I said, Okay, thank you. And look at us now.

My dad was literally the exact opposite. The way he raised me, though, was like a dog. He would just throw a ball and be like, Can you bring back, and I was like, I love you, Daddy. Was that fast enough? We only connect over sports at first, but we are the same person. But he believed in me too much. I would lose a match to the number one girl in the nation. He'd be like, What the fuck was that? What are you doing?

No, that's good.

But his belief in me made me who I am.

He gave you drive.

Yeah, in any room I walk into, he made me... And he's also a feminist king, my dad. He loves the WMBA. He loves female comedians. I think Cousy is such a girl, dad. You don't see what women deal with. It's like Des. He hasn't seen what female comics deal with. He'll be like, Oh, that's weird. They picked your quote. Or like, Oh, why didn't they choose you for that? Is that not crazy. They learned so much from seeing it through our lens. I think my dad, he loved when I was on the boys team and the boys were complaining. My dad lived for that.

No, I think that life is such a cycle that men get daughters that need to have daughters.

My dad needed a daughter.

Like, beyond. Because they always say that when you have a son, a certain part of love that you've never experienced, you experience it. But I feel like with dads and daughters, it's 10 times more.

We're very similar. Also, I feel like the sons, they have that little bit of fucking authority where they want to be like, I'm my own man. Where me with my dad, I'd just be like, I love your daddy, you can do nothing wrong.

We'll also I just like, think of their generation. They're the generation of like, yeah, you couldn't get divorced, you couldn't have a credit card. So them growing up and then having daughters that are so opposite of anything they've ever been used to is crazy. But that's a testament to our moms.

Well, I was about to say my dad is the least powerful person in the household.

My dad doesn't know where a goddamn thing is.

My dad doesn't know my birthday or his own birthday. My dad did not know one gift that he gave over the holidays. I love to look at him. I said, dad, what is this gift? What is it? And he just... It just beats me. It beats me.

Because I don't know whatever your mom picked out.

But it is a cool full circle moment to bring our dads to game, to watch other men run around. No, it definitely is. How cute. You're going to like their huddles. They do huddles here, too. I love when they huddle. They huddle and they whisper, they gossip about the other team. They'll be like, he is really bad at passing. So I'm not saying that.

No, I'm really excited. I thought about my outfit for so long. I'm just like, what would Chloe Kardashian wear?

Oh, what What is your inspo and why did you choose what you chose? Because I'm obsessed. Also, I feel like your makeup is a little Charlie X-E-X.

I felt like ponytail gives wag. So I was like, slickback ponytail, model off-duty, just like a tank in jeans, and then a Trench. Yes.

I like trench because it looks like you're busy and you have to go somewhere, but you don't.

Because there's so many pockets.

There's so many pockets that you do look like at any time you're like- She has to get to things quickly. And you look like you're going to investigate something or to bash someone. Right. This is where me and you differ. I wanted to wear this jacket, but I cannot deal with the fact that I'm afraid that when I sit down, I'm going to feel hot.

We put it on the back of your chair.

No, but you know how it's the outfit it, you can't take it off. I don't like feeling trapped.

That's why I wear a tank top. I get claustrophobic. Because I was like- You can have it hang off. Yeah, I felt the same way. I was like, Am I going to want to take it off? But I can't wear a tank top. This is my first time on a Jumbotron. Yes.

Watch, they don't do it.

They just do you. They're like, Hannah, the giggly squad in my club.

No, there is an asterisk that says, We can't guarantee that you're on the Jumbotron.

Is there?

Yeah, but I think just like, if they ever fuck up, they can't get sued. Okay, got it.

I need to be on the Jemotron.

Also, the Jumbotron, it's very quick and you always like, Look, I was on the Jemotron once at the Met game, and it was pretty great, but it goes so fast. You don't know where to look. Because if you look at it, you're not looking in it. It's a whole thing.

No, I'm a little nervous.

You're going to be great. You've been training your whole life for this moment.

No, I've been training my whole life for a Jumbotron. That's how Pamela Anderson got discovered, and I think that's been in my head because I'm like, hello.

Is that really how she Yes.

Pamela Anderson got discovered on a Jumbotron at a football game, I think? Wait, you're right. No, a professional baseball game, maybe.

Do you like how she's been showing up to red carpet? It's just like, no stylist, no makeup, just me.

No. No, not at all. No stylist, no makeup, no hair. No, we can tell. No, I clocked that. So empowering. She is studying. She's gorgeous. I love what she's doing. But I would like to see a look. I like to see one look.

I think I get it. If you're saving money, stylists are so fucking expensive. So is hair and makeup. Truly. And I get it, but she doesn't have to.

She could have... Look, I am so... Do whatever you want, truly. Don't wear makeup, wear makeup, get dressed up, don't wear heels.

She could just wear a light makeup.

Do whatever. But sometimes I do think when you are invited to certain events, it is almost rude if you don't come correctly, appropriately.

But I do think when you're such an icon and you're of a certain age, rules go out the door.

Like Jerry Seinfeld only wear sneakers.

Like Adam Sandler. Right. Even though he did dress up.

That's fine for them, but I don't like that.

Can I tell you what I've been doing this whole break? Yeah. Nothing. Yes. I've been watching Dexter.

The new one?

No, I've never watched it before. Okay, yeah. Because I haven't watched that many TV shows.

That's so crazy. I'm watching the reboot right now because I watch- First of all, Hot.

If you don't know, it's a show about a serial killer, but he only kills Bad people. Bad people and serial killers. It's like Robin has serial killers. I got so into it. I watched five seasons, and then does make me stop because he said it gets bad after four and a half. It gets so bad. He was like, I don't want to ruin it for you. This is the one thing I love about TV shows. You know when you miss your family? They're my best friends now. You get invested with them. I'm like, What is Angel doing? And Matukha.

Well, good news because they just rebooted it as a prequel of how he got there.

This is where I'm going to be annoying. I don't like change. I don't know if I'm going to like them.

That's fine. They use some of the same cast.

That makes me happy. I also saw Christina Million is on it.

She's phenomenal. She She's so good. I'm very proud of her.

I love all her music. Yeah.

Oh, come on. I love all her song.

I've been doing too many roses. I love all her songs. I love picking up I can't.

I literally thought I was going to lose my virginity to that song.

No, that was so good. And then the Sarah James Geller. Sarah Geller. What's her name? Michelle Geller, Shant James.

Sarah Michelle Geller. Sarah Michelle. It was one of them. People don't talk about her and Freddie Prince Jr. Enough.

They're so- One of the longest lasting couples. I think because people aren't talking about them is why they're doing well. Also, quick thing about in interviews at these award shows with these actors. Sorry, didn't act a breath. It's so funny. They're so different than... They take themselves very seriously, but they're saving the world that day. How do we get that passionate about... What if we talk about gig? Doing this podcast, I felt connected to the feminine energy that the space had not open for. Then the work I've been doing every week as I put my head down, and I trained for this for months, making fun of my little brother, to be able to put myself in this place with you in this moment, in this present moment on the mic It's a word salad. I'm like, What the fuck are we talking about?

What did you just say?

You were in a movie where we don't know. What?

Yeah. No, I feel the same way.

I love that I couldn't think of one movie. I Name a woman. Name a movie. No, I can name one movie. The fact that the interviewers remember anyone's name is a miracle because you get so nervous.

I'd be like, You- No, and I'm going to shout out. You, Heather McMahon. There's a shout out to Heather McMahon because I feel like she is bringing a little bit of Joan Rivers back because she will laugh. Even if people don't laugh with her because they're so serious, she will laugh at her own joke, and that I appreciate.

She's not She's not taking it too seriously.

She's just having fun. She's not taking it too seriously. The other E-news host, Zuri Hall. I'm sorry, but if I was an actress and I showed up to the red carpet and the interviewer looked 8,000 times better than me, I would be like, What the fuck? This is my night. She's always best dressed for me.

And she's extremely professional and smart. And shout out to Keltie Knight.

Yes. And Keltie looked gorgeous, too. I will say all of the E-news girls are great at their job. I don't really watch any other red carpet. But I will say, I think everyone's just scared to say anything, and it's so serious.

Well, someone was saying how interviews It's either too deep of a question, what does this movie represent for your entire life? And people are like, Wait, what? Or they say something super, a question like, How did you get ready this morning? There's no in between. But it's also, I don't know about you, but it's so hectic when you're on a red carpet that you are just word salad. That's what I do.

No, 100%.

Then I just look at them like, Did that make sense?

I also bring back the Manny cam. Like, What? Do you remember the Manny cam? Wait, who? The a mani-cam when they would put their fingers. No, I know. Yeah, like, Bring it back. But also- Honestly, the era of Giuliana Ransick and Ryan Seacrest, I think I hold onto that. Where is she? I don't know.

Did they ship her back to Italy?

No, she lives in Chicago, I think, with her husband.

She has a family.

She has a family. I think they own Italian restaurants there. But I don't know- Well, you know it's taking over now.

Tiktok? Bitchy gay is on TikTok, who I'm obsessed with.

There are no gays on the red carpet. Why? Why are there no gay interviewers? They would be 10 times better.

I feel like there are, but not not on E.

I don't want a straight man interviewing me.

They have Siriano on.

Christian Siriano. Who I think is gay. Yeah, but it's also like he's a designer. I mean, someone that their profession is What's his name? They have Mario Lopez.

Nicki something. Who's the guy who's hung over and just goes, no, ill, bad.

Oh, on TikTok?

Okay, why'd you do that? I'll tolerate it. I want him to destroy my voice so bad. I know he's going to see it and just go, No, she's so good. But why can't we have that on TV?

I know it's rude, but I think you need a villain. Well, I think streaming networks should start doing red carpet.

I also think if there's com... Let me say that. You don't need a villain. It's like the roast. If there's comedy to it, if it's clever, if there's entertainment to it, that's one thing. We don't want people bullying people being like, She looks ugly, she looks bad. This looks stupid. I have We want funny. And not funny being like, Oh, she looks like a lampshade. We've heard that a zillion times. Oh, she looks like a mattress cover. Oh, like good one. We want it more- Well, here's the problem with us.

Banter. More banter. The problem with us is we're so self-deprecating. And let me tell you, the majority of people are not. And it's genuinely uncomfortable when you're around someone that takes themselves so fucking serious. It's This is such my biggest heck.

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I did something so embarrassing, speaking to talking to people. I tried to put myself out there, be a good friend. There was a person who I love. We've only hung out a couple of times, but he basically posted saying that he was going through a hard time. Okay. And I was like, You know when you think in your head, I should have said something I'm like, I'm going to say something nice to him. So I messaged him. He goes, You're actually the reason for all of these problems. I messaged him, I said, Try to keep your head up. You're really talented and bring joy to so many people. Take care of yourself. And he wrote, Thanks, Hannah. I appreciate so much. I'm still kicking and making shit just a bitch. I read it as, I'm still kicking and making shit just a bitch. And I go, You being a little bitch makes you who you are. He goes, No, I'm saying it. He goes, I'm saying still making shit is just a bitch. Like me.

Like making content. This is why we have no friends. This is why it's just me, you, and Grace. This is why Chris fucks with us just once a week.

This poor guy is so... He's teetering. I go, Yeah, because you're a little fucking...

You go, Yeah, well, everyone knows you're a little bitch.

I go, Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I called you a bitch. I go, This is why I don't help people. This is why. You're Oh, by the way, suck it the fuck up, you bitch. He basically was saying his job is making content. He's like, Making shit is a bitch. And I go, I know you're a little stupid bitch. Then I was like, I hope I made him laugh. And then I checked in and I'm later like, Hey, we good? And he goes, I don't even know, worry about us. Anyway, just be careful. Sometimes when you're trying to make people feel better, it makes them feel worse.

Okay, I'm going to also say something that's so crazy. I miss Tor.

I do, too. I miss Tor. We had a purpose.

I had a reason to get up every day because I had a flight. I'm like, Well, I can't miss my flight. I'm not losing out on that money.

No, the quiet was loud during vacation.

No, I genuinely realized that you and Grace are my best friends, and I only want to be around you guys, and I need to go back on tour even if I have to heavily medicate myself.

See, I knew you love Tor. I love Tor. We love Tor.

No, I love it.

That's why I'm obsessed with rap music because they're always rapping about hustling and being on Tor. So I pretend I'm a rapper.

Wait, I want to tell the gigglers.

Are you going to talk about Taylor Swift?

Maybe for a second. I wanted to tell the gigglers because I love the bit where it's like, Oh, I hate music, whatever. I don't hate music. I used to be a huge... I only listen to rap. In the past three weeks, I'm back. I have a Slickback Bon. I mean, Slickback Pony. I am so back. She's alive. There is music playing in my apartment at all fucking times. Cheesy. No, it's just like Future and Gunna on fucking repeat, and then I'll throw in a sad Taylor Swift song.

Did you hear the new song called Peggy? I'll send it to you. Who is it? It's this British rapper.

Love a British rapper. Girl.

It's basically about being a dominatrix. I love a girl rapper. It's based about shitting on men and being a dominatrix. I love it. She's iconic. I was going to say people kept tagging you.

In Midnight Rain.

Being like, Pige, listen to this song. Did you listen and are you now a swifty?

I did listen. I'm not a Swiftie, but I'm not less Swiftie where I'm like...

I'm not emotional.

I'm not going to murder people that go against her. I think she's one of the most talented songwriters, like vocalist. She's amazing. But in high school, all I listened to is Taylor Swift. I was there when the first album dropped. I've always been a Taylor Swift fan. I just have some thoughts on her wardrobe. In the Sri Lanka, what is the quote?

She goes, Are you a Nicki Minaj fan?

What? She said the wrong quote.

Pull up in the Sri Lanka.

It's not the sentence.

Is there a particular Taylor Swift song?

I started listening to the one that the girls tagged me in. But no, honestly, I've been going more rap music because I feel like that's where I'm at that more emotionally.

One of the final questions, because we pre-recorded our last episode, missed some stuff. Do you have any thoughts on Lily Jay's essay?

Who the fuck is Lily Jay? Lily Jay's essay?

Sorry, the boys are laughing. No, they're literally so loud. It makes me upset.

We're trying to work.

The girls are working so that you can have your quartet seat.

A laughing up over there.

Jobless. Nobody wants to work these days. Jobless fucks.

You're going in a home as soon as you're of age.

I'm not wiping your asshole.

A state facility. Who is Lily J?

She is Ethan Slater's ex who wrote... I was like, Why are you pretending you don't know what this is? I feel like you had... Bravo.

Did you read it? No. But she did say like, Hey, this is fucked up. Yeah.

She basically didn't address anyone, though, but in so many words was like, I'm a therapist. My whole life, I've wanted to be a therapist. She is. She helps women whose children are dying. So she's an angel. An angel. And she goes, My whole job being a therapist is that they look at me as a blank slate. I can take in all their trauma. And she goes, Now people see me and know my story of my own issues. And that affects my job because my job as a therapist is to be unknown. I'm fine with Ethan Slater doing this thing, but I've always wanted to be anonymous because that's my job and that's what I do. And then she basically drops the bond that she went to England, had the baby to support him while they were shooting in England, and then makes no other detailed comments.

That's where they filmed Wicked?

She had the baby.

They went on double dates. They went out to dinner with each other. That's...

This is his dick just like, insane. But also, again, I don't care how- I can't imagine. I don't care. No matter how good the dick is, you get tired, you get bloated. At some point, you're like...

No man is worth ruining another woman's life and a child.

I believe in love. I have that story when I was a freshman and my friends and I who were very similar.

My whole thing is just break up. You You don't have to cheat. Everyone's an adult. So if they get their feelings hurt, shoot, they're going to have to deal with that for a little.

You don't have to cheat. You break up. That's what the internet was saying about you, Marcella. I mean, we were trying to tell you. To my own damn advice. But I do believe, and I wasn't cheating because I wasn't official, but my friend hooked up with the guy I had been talking to for a couple of weeks because I was playing tennis tournaments, and they were just hanging out.

This is your college friend? They got married.

They got married. They have babies. And I go, as they should. They were clearly meant for each other. As they should. They found love. I wasn't going to marry that man. No. When people find love, sometimes it gets ugly. But as long as people are happy, I'm happy.

No, That quote of, If you can take them, have them. Yeah. If you can take them, I don't freaking want them. Yeah.

I just... Shout out to Lily J. She may have been under an NDA, but I thought it was very classy of her not to throw anyone under the bus. But she just spoke of... First of all, she's like, I'm Dr. Lily Okay. When all the tabloids write about me, she goes, It's Dr. Oh my God. Isn't that so nice?

That's so good.

She basically was like, This is my life and my perspective of what I'm dealing with, and I hope it helps any women who are struggling because I got through it. It was a phenomenal essay.

Wow, good for her. It was great. What a strong mom.

And Paige would write a essay about her experience, but she can't read or write. Who knows how we did the book?

I don't love punctuation, okay? Sue me.

Oh, God. Any other notes that we have?

What else? Oh, I have a quick question. I don't know why, but I've been getting a lot... My TikTok algorithm, it's all over the place. I've been getting a lot of moms preparing to have a baby and getting their nursery ready and doing all these things and whatever. And I had a thought, do pregnant women shave their vaginas?

I think some of them do.

I'm talking when they're about to give birth.

I think some of them... I think I'm spitting out of my... Because you can't see it. I have no idea. I think if you have a midwife and stuff, they will trim it for you. I think nurses will trim it for you because it's uncomfortable.

I would feel like it's uncomfortable.

But also you're not going in there being like, Oh, I'm going to make sure she's shining. I know it was just a thought that I was just like, I need to know this. I feel like you don't want a full Bush just to keep it cleaner. I I have no fucking clue.

I just feel like it would get in the way.

Also, I love that people on Instagram are like, Pace doesn't want children when you're like, my whole TikTok algorithm is out of the page.

My whole TikTok algorithm is like... Because I get tagged in so many little girls dressed up and they're like, your daughter, your daughter. So my algorithm becomes that.

You can blame that. You can blame other people.

I've been doing it my whole life. I've never once been a problem. That's crazy.

No, these These are the whole packing the bag thing when you have a baby. That's a whole thing that...

No, and I love when people just gave birth and they do a TikTok with their husband. It's like, you can pick any name when you get down there.

There was a crazy story. Do you know when the thing was trending with that funny Muppet face and it was people with these insane stories? Mm-mm. Well, our girl, the. This one girl told a story. I'm going to fuck it up, but she was pregnant and her water broke and she got somewhere and it wasn't the right doctor. And her husband started yelling because he was like, Where's the doctor? And they kicked them out because the husband got upset. So then they had to go to a different hospital and they get there and they get her all set up. And then they're like, We just got a call, and we're owned by the same hospital that you were at, and you aren't allowed to be in this hospital. So I got kicked out again. What? And this whole crazy story about... But I feel like everyone's freaking out when you're about to have a baby.

Yeah. I mean, what?

That's just a day in New York City trying to cross the street.

No, honestly, the more I think about it, the more I'm so open to a home birth.

I'm obsessed that you go from a breakup to talking about a baby. It's very celebrity of you.

Guys, I'm having a home birth.

It's very Kylie Jenner of you. Right?

I just think I would be more comfortable. Very Gigi Hadid. I mean, I want all the machines and all the people and we all sit... I want health professionals.

It's giving second baby is going to be surrogate energy.

Thank you so much. That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

But they say the second one just falls out.

Yeah, I could feel that. They could see that.

How many are you going to have?

How many kids? Well, my psychic said I have two and I could have an accidental third.

Okay, you're freaky. You're just having fun.

I have another psychic appointment this week, so I'll update you guys on that.

How many have you had?

This will be my second.

Okay. Is it the same person?

No, different person. I like to compare notes. Test, compare notes. I'm like, Are you guys aligned?

I'm like, Let me fact check you. I'm like, Let me fact check you. I'm like, Let me fact check you. I haven't spoken to each other. I love that for you. Thank you. Also, thank you again for fighting the good fight. You guys are probably so exhausted out there in these streets.

No. I'm sick of my own myself, so I can't imagine you guys. But I also want to say thank you to the gigglers. I'm being serious. I would have been destroyed this week. If it wasn't for you guys. I saw comments, and then I saw... I could spot a giggler a mile away, and it just... I I felt so much better. I'm so fucking proud to be a woman.

I love everything I've said because I can't wait for my daughter to hear it.

I did realize that the majority of people were projecting onto me and I was like, Oh, you hate your marriage. You hate your life. You don't have a daughter.

You hate seeing someone have freedom and choosing themselves.

Yeah, you were in that situation and you picked the other decision, and I picked the opposite, and you're pissed. I'd be pissed too, girl. You can't go back. You can't go back. That sucks. Have a great week, everyone. She's back.

We love you. Thank you for ginkling.