Transcript of Giggling about morning anxiety, childhood pets, and european bangs

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What's up, giggler?

Gary, fix your WiFi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

What's up, my Grammy gigglers?

Sexual.

We're misleading because we're recording on a Sunday this week. We're recording Sunday. I'm so excited to watch a red carpet. Red Carpet. Red Corpet. Red Corpet and the outfits. I like the music outfits because I feel like they get crazy.

The Crammies are red carpet. Is Hannah Coded. Oscars? Oscars? Page Coded.

She got it. Me, I'm like, I don't get it. The Chanel?

I don't get it. You're like, why don't you put the meat dress on from two years ago?

No, meat dress was 12 years ago. It's crazy. Oh, no. I was thinking, what did Genzy girls think about Lady Gaga? Because I feel like hasn't had a real moment in the last couple of years. With Genzy? Yeah. Did they realize how iconic she is? I mean, she was obviously inspired by so many before her. Yeah.

Stephanie from New York City. I love her. Stephanie. I think she spells it with an F.

Did you hear? The number one golfer has injured himself, handmaking ravioli. Where?

Where does he live?

The gigglers are out here attacking golfers now. What's his name? His name is Scott Schliffler, so not an Italian. Oh. So what were you doing? So never mind.

I literally don't care. I thought you were going to say the number one golfer in the world. He's this Italian gorgeous man.

No, it sounds like a guy who... His wife was mad at him, so he's like, I'm going to make you handmade ravioli, and then he hurt himself. And this is why if you're not an Italian grandma, just don't.

You know what else it's giving? Lie.

No, it's giving? It's giving? That's a lie.

That's a freaking lie, because as someone who's watched many people make a handmade ravioli, you could do that one-handed. That is not a hard thing to do.

Wait, I love there's two kinds of people who lie. People who just don't answer the question, or then people who go so in so crazy that you're like, you know.

Too much detail. I'm like, I didn't need to know what time of day it was.

I was trying to do a spinach fed a ravioli. The spinach got caught. And next thing you know, lost a finger. No.

You know what's crazy is, I don't know if it's because I'm single, but I feel like... I'm going to say I got a lot coming up. I don't know if it's because I'm single that I miss Giggly Squad. I feel like the weeks are longer. I feel like something will happen on a Thursday, and I'm like, Am I really going to wait till Monday to tell the girls?

I did just say Thursday, you start itching. I start itching. And then I want to tell you things, then I'm like, Hold it, hold it.

No. This weekend, that's why Saturday, I was like, We got to move the pot up to Sunday. I got shit to say.

Well, yeah. And then I'll send you the text like, checking in, what's up. But I hate when I call you and you know when you don't want to say something to someone, but then you can't speak about anything else because you're trying so hard to not say one thing. So they're like, Are you dumb? How about I texted you at 8: 00 AM on a Saturday morning this week?

And I was like, And I just feel weak. Over and over.

No, well, you get morning anxiety.

I get morning anxiety.

That disappears by 1: 00 PM. So I'm out here all day. I'm calling Dez. I'm like, I think Paige is having a bad day. What should I tell her? Radio silence from her. I was like, call me whenever you need. I'm here. I'm literally waiting by the phone, like a good little girl waiting for you. I'm like, She's... I go, She must be in an escape room right now. She must have checked into a mental health rehab facility, and that's why she hasn't called me. Text you around 8: 30 I'm just like, How you're doing? You go, Oh my God, L-O-L, I was so dramatic. I go, I've been freaking out.

Oh my God, that was this morning. Literally so dramatic. I'm over it.

I feel like you wake up in a Do you want to know why?

Because I wake up and I grab my phone. And so when you see me in the comments, bitch, that's 07: 00 AM. My head is clear, my mind is clear, and I'm ready for the day. And then by noon, I'm like, I probably shouldn't have said that. I'm like, maybe no one saw it.

It's funny because I used to be Mrs. Nonmedia-trained, where when people ask me things, I'm just saying the truth. I would just say what was going on, and I didn't know that you technically shouldn't do that, especially with reality TV sometimes.

Things get so misconstrued.

I went on my first red carpet with my mom for Go Red for women to raise awareness about cardiovascular health for women. Did you know? One, it's the number one killer for women. No, I didn't know that.

And two- See, I would have said breast cancer.

See? We don't know. That's why we're not women in stem. Correct. But apparently, up until very recently, they were only studying men's heart health. And whenever a woman would be feeling weird and she'd go to the doctor, they'd be like, I think you're PMSing. But Sharon Stone had a stroke for three days and didn't know. And it's just very 60 %. There's numbers. Trust us when we say there are stats. Numbers are involved.

Numbers are real.

So it's just a classic case of we need to do more research for women. And women will go to doctors and be like, my heart hurts. And they're like, you have anxiety. When it's like, Women, if anything, we have intuition. So raise me awareness about that. I'm like, Mom, let's go on the carpet. First interview, they asked me about you and your dating life. And I'm like, Oh, my God. Because I'm literally trying to remember facts about cardiovascular health.

You're trying to remember the phrase cardiovascular.

I'm trying to pronounce cardiovascular. And they were like, Are you hooking Page up with anyone? And And I literally was like, Oh, I'm- Why aren't you? Well, I just got a finger pointed at my... A long, crazy long, skinny finger pointed at me. I'm glad you brought that up.

Where have you been? Sorry, I'm loving a moment of...

Sorry, I like a moment of rest.

No, let's have a moment of rest and reprieve. We deserve that.

But I told her, I was like, This is the thing, I did not want a headline. I did not want to get involved because you've been involved.

And I was enjoying me not being involved for a So I was like, I know what you're trying to do.

So then I just go, I'm relaxing. And she looks at me and she goes, No, you're- You're like, I'm on voice rest. She literally goes, No, you're not, which I thought was illegal. No. I gave my answer, go to the next question. She goes, No, you're not. And I go, Let me be frank. I'm at home with my cat, which is Grace, is that true? Yes. Yes, I'm at home with my cat. And in that moment, I literally was so close to go full giggler. I wanted to be like, I'm minding my own business.

Trying to mind my own business.

I'm minding my own business. But then I saw the headline being like, Hannah Berner, roots a reporter, and says she's minding her own business.

I wish the headline was, Hannah has been trying to mind her own business.

Hannah Berner struggling to mind her own business. But me trying to not answer a question by press is... It's harder than the Olympics.

No, I've been trying to mind my own business for fucking weeks now. I just I can't escape it.

It's also hard when I'm trying to mind my own business, then people talk about my friend, and then it becomes my business. But then I have to mind my own business because then I don't want to...

And that's why you see me in the comments at 7 AM. No, it's actually so freaking annoying. I Let me just... Let me say to the gigglers what I've been wanting to say since Thursday, since I've been itching to do the pod. Okay, because obviously, I see all the TikTok video. I try and scroll, but I'm also... I love attention. So I'm like, if I see my name, I'm like, well, let me say.

And the algorithm knows you want to see your name.

Right. And so I'm trying to scroll, trying to scroll, whatever. Here's the thing. I never want to address rumors on Giggly Squad because this is my safe space. How dare they try and infiltrate the men, trying to infiltrate my safe space. So it's not that I ignore random rumors or I don't care. Well, I don't care. But it's because I'm not trying to bring it to the gigglers because the gigglers already know me. Who am I speaking to.

The gigglers are tired. They've been fighting the good fight. We do not need to add more to their plate. No, the girls have been on their...

They're like, We don't...

They're taking turns.

I've been getting DMs. They're like, Paige, please stay in the house one weekend. We're exhausted. I'm like, No, bitch, I freaking get it. So let me just say this. I'm saying this here and now, and then I'm never saying it again, okay? I never, in the three years that I dated my ex-boyfriend, I never physically cheated on him, emotionally cheated on him. Can you mentally cheat on him? Someone, I don't know, but I didn't. And just because it's like, oh, my God, Paige was just the worst. And she blindsided someone before the holidays. So let me just say that when I announced my breakup on Giggly Squad, I thought really hard about how I was going to say it, the words I was going to use because of this exact thing. I didn't want to have to do it back and forth. But since no one's sticking up for me on the other side or perpetuating even more rumors, I will say that Craig and I broke up Thanksgiving weekend. That's at the end of November. Craig then went on and did press for Southern Charm, did whatever he needed to do, acting as if we were still together.

And that was fine. I said that he could do that. He was processing in his own way. Christmas came and went. Then I saw that my ex-boyfriend was on a trip presenting himself as single, and I said, Oh, here we go. We're ready to announce. I then texted him and said, whilst he was on his trip, that I'm going to say something on Giggly Squad, and we can both start moving forward. It's been a full month now. My text went unanswered. Fine. Giggly Squad episode came out. That was what at the end of December. And then the narrative just took a turn really quickly that I had cheated, that I broke with him a week ago, moved on with some new guy. Let me say this here and now, I did not move on with some new guy. I am single. I don't have a new boyfriend. I did not cheat on my ex-boyfriend. And it was a full month that we were broken up, and I didn't say anything because even though we are public, there are certain things that I think should remain private. And he asked me not to say anything. And so once he was on a trip and being single, I said, okay, well, I can't deceive the public any longer per your request, I have a podcast, and I have the giggler.

I have the girls. The girls are here. So that is when I announced that we had our breakup. Since then, since I announced our breakup, I have been acting single because I am single. And so even though he's not coming out and saying that I didn't cheat on him, even though I asked him to do that, and he said that he didn't want to say anything about the breakup. So any of the other baseless rumors that have my name in them, they are not true. When you're in a relationship, things happen in your relationship. You take inventory of them, you evaluate, and then you decide if you want to go forth with that relationship. And that's what I did. I decided that I did not want to go forth with that relationship, but no one was blindsided, no one was cheated on. I really took to heart what I said on Giggly Squad when I first announced my breakup. It was really hard for me, and I felt like I spoke extremely highly of him. I will never be I don't want to be the victim ever, but I also don't want to be the villain.

I think this is the last we need to speak of it. We broke up almost two months ago. Nothing happened that was nefarious or like, cheating. There's not some big rumor that's going to come out, period. Now it's time to fucking giggle. Now it's time to laugh. It's comedy time. Yeah, this is Giggly Squad, and I'm pissed that I even have to be serious. Let's get into something hilarious. Kanye West is back on Twitter. I've screenshotted my favorite ones.

Rich, speaking of receipts, bring up the yay tweets.

Damn, just warming up. I'm Rich. I can say whatever the fuck I want. I do This is for the broke me. Shout out to the broke me. This one's for you. Me walking into Prada. Wait, what?

Wait, is that the first tweet?

Yeah, I love it. No context. Just came out. Okay. No, I'm obsessed. Okay. Fuck reading in anyone who can do it. Period. That's what I've been trying to say. How'd you know it was really me? Did I spelt something wrong? Oh my God, me talking to literally anyone. No, I'm just obsessed. Bring back 2016, when we were all happy and Kanye was tweeting crazy things about Kim shitting herself. You know? Bring that back.

Kim was like, That's my man.

Yeah, that's my man on the screen. I love it.

I would love him to take this energy into some new music, though.

Right?

I feel like maybe he's awakening in some way, and let's put that towards your skill point. You know?

I'm obsessed. Speaking of the Kardashians and Kanye and whatever, you know what I'm not here for? People just randomly being mean to Kylie Jenner. People are so mad that she's dating Timothée Chalamet. They're like, She has no talent. He deserves someone what? What do you mean? She's literally... She has stuff.

I feel like there's this concept of Hollywood where it's like, this is Hollywood and then influences are influencers. But I'm sorry, everything is a mush right now. It's all a mush. Everyone's famous.

Everyone's posting content. Is there an A-list?

There's a list, but in a day, you can get out of it.

Yeah. Who's really A-list anymore? Bradley Cooper.

But does that make Gigi A-list?

Right. And is she not as good because she's just a model?

I don't know where the list even originated.

Where's the line? Where are we drawing the line on who's A-list and who's not? I think if you've won an Oscar, you're A-list.

But also, and if I get nominated for an award ever, I never said this, the awards are made up. It's all made up. It's all campaigning and who dicks are being Do you campaign for like... Oh my God, it's a huge campaign. Like, Chalamet, Timothy Chevrolet is doing an incredible campaign for Bob Dylan, like going on SNL and then doing... It's showing that you care. Do you remember Harry Style? How he did the whole... That was him campaigning when he did MSG for like 400 NICE.

People don't talk about that enough. That was mental illness.

That was Adderall, for sure.

That's crazy. How'd he do that?

Wait, can we just announce? We don't do Adderall, which I think is... Why don't we?

Wait, it's so chic.

It's chic because you know what? We like sleeping. So when we feel the tiredness come on, we don't think, Oh, how can I Judy Garland myself?

It's so dark.

No, I was hanging with my uncle all weekend who loves old movies, and I was asking him questions about Judy Garland, and he was like, No, they would just give her pills to wake her up, give her pills to go to sleep. No, that's crazy.

That's how I felt in Denver.

I was like, Guys, you're literally trying to Elvis Presley me right now. I was recently talking to someone about it, and I was like, You know they give you oxygen things? And I was like, Paige was having a panic attack. I put a spa music at her face and then was squirtting oxygen into her mouth. And I was like, Is this CPR? Am I doing CPR?

No, that panic attack was crazy. That panic attack literally opened my whole world.

I do have to say, though, panic attacks are your body telling you something's wrong. Yeah. Not to brag, but I manifested this. It's happening. I don't know how, but manifestation is real. We are partnering with Lactate.

I think it's your dream.

No, I'm I'm hiring after this.

If there's one brand that I can go back from the day that I met you, that you have been faithful and true to, it is lactate.

They sent me recently lactate ice cream. So it's regular milk, but without the lactose. Women in stem know that. Does eat it all. Then I find out they have cottage cheese. They have sour cream lactade. I feel like they made it because they knew I was going to go nuts over it. But anyway, we're partnering with lactate because we love eating milk and cheese, as you know, but we are dairy sensitive. There's something going on. If you've listened to this pod, you know that I have some dairy sensitivities. So we're doing a live Giggly Squad show. We're actually doing Club Giggly with Lactate at the Dairy Lover's Lounge at a pop-up in New York City.

Wait, I'm obsessed with a Dairy Lover Lounge.

Oh, my God. It's going to be so cute. So we're on a mission with lactade to unite the dairy baddies who refuse to compromise their love for real dairy. And by dairy baddie, it's someone who keeps it real, maybe even when they shouldn't, someone who refuses to compromise their love for milk. And someone who knows you don't have to break up with real dairy just because you're dairy sensitive. And guys, just because you're dairy sensitive doesn't mean you're not a bad bitch.

So if you're in the NYC area, you can RSVP starting at 05: 00 PM Eastern Standard Time on February fourth to join us for free on February 11th. So check out the link in our bios.

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Back to Celebrities, I went to this... This was my first charity gala. Where was it? It was in Manhattan somewhere.

Like a big bar?

Oh my God. No, it was in Jazz at Lincoln Center. Oh, my God. Which, by the way, when I went to high school, I get off right there where the globe was and then walk to my high school. It was so chic. It was so chic. I would hang out in Central Park, like little artsy poets in Sheeps Meadow. But anyway, enough about me and my childhood. First person I see, Portia Williams.

Stop.

When I tell you, I did 42 episodes of Chat Room with her in my mom's kitchen, never met her in person.

No way. Oh, yeah, because it was COVID.

It was COVID, and it's illegal for me to go to BravoCon. So there's no way we've ever crossed paths. We've never crossed paths.

She's never come across your desk.

She's never come across my desk. And I look at her and she doesn't realize we've never met in And so she's like, Hannah, what's up? And I'm like, Bitch, we've never met in person. And so that was crazy. Also, she's gorgeous. Between her and Giselle- It's crazy. I'm surprised they let me on that show. They were like, You ugly little rodent.

They're like, You're the funny one.

No, but they're so funny, too. But anyway, guess who the host was? Who? I love when I say guess, you could guess. There's no way- I love the way you tell the Yes, you can't. You can't get it, you stupid little bitch. You can't get it.

I'm like, I don't know, Mario Lopez.

Sharon Stone. Oh, wow. Who is so beautiful. So we're in this big- Now, she does a good short hair, slick back, like sexy. The cheekbones. Yeah, her jaw's straight. And her profile is so cunt. So she walks on.

Sharon Stone in Casino is my overall life mood Well, talk about It Girl.

The most. So there was this huge backstage area because it was a fashion show.

And I think she had a lesbian moment. Well, that's what I've been- And who doesn't?

That's what I've been trying to get you into. Honestly.

Then I'm just like, Jokes on you guys. Jokes on you guys. I'm this close.

I'm this close. I've been getting eaten out by the greatest lesbian ever. Okay, so Sharon Stone's walking by, and she's with this woman who's in control of the show who I knew. And for some reason, Sharon Stone stops right where I am. I think she thought I was someone I... I think she thought I was someone I wasn't. Or she was like, Oh, this is some girl that I don't know that I should know. And she stops, and I'm looking at her and it's Sharon Stone. And The woman next to her goes, Stand up at Sharon Stone. But I didn't stop. No way. Because I didn't think she was stopping to say... I thought it was someone behind me, but she really stopped and put her hands out. And I go, Oh, hi. And she goes, Stand up at Sharon Stone. I stand up. And I She was like, Hi, Sharon Stone.

No, literally, that's the energy I gave with Victoria Beckham. I was like, What pants on? It's Victoria Beckham. No, that... Yeah, no, I get that.

Stand up at Sharon Stone. So I stood up and I was like, You are just iconic in every way. And she was like, Thanks. And then went on to walk and I looked at my mom and I was like, what the hell was that?

I feel like she's really tall in person.

She's tall, but not freaky tall, but like...

Like a solid 5'8.

Yes. She's just regal. And then she was hosting. And some charities, I do have to say. I mean, shout out Charities. We love what you do.

No, we love your work. We love your work. We're obsessed with all the things you've organized.

Boring. They're just yapping, yapping, yapping about things Because some people at the charity want to hear themselves speak.

Was it a sit down dinner?

No, it was the most fun concert. And they did a...

Like a cocktail hour.

Cocktail hour concert and then a fashion show of all these red dresses. It was amazing. But Sharon Stone, when she gets the mic, she has such an aura. She was telling stories that weren't even completely related all the time. She's killing on the mic. Then Sook Yee Waterhouse is there.

What does she look like in person?

Gorgeous. Tall. The cheekbone is out of control.

Did she get bang?

Yes. And she has an 11-month child. There's something- Which was inspirational.

There's something about British people, and they pull off Bangs better. I didn't want to say that.

I didn't want to say it because you pulled them off very well.

But it's just something like...

They sit on the face better.

They sit on their face better. It's more believable.

Like Daisy Edgar Jones.

Yeah, She's not British. Yes, she is. She's Irish.

She pulls off a lot of accents. European. European.

European. Europeans pull off bangs in a non-intentional way. I feel like American girls were like... That's why the whole thing is like, Are you okay? We go too hard, myself included. I'm including myself in that.

But it's so funny because she's so British, but then she goes to singing and they lose the accent, which no one's ever studied that.

No, it'll never make sense.

It'll never make sense. Someone should study it.

Like, Adele My Adele has an accent. But My Adele doesn't. My Adele in my head, she's from Queens. Are you right? If Adele was from America- Hello, it's me. Yes.

Where are you? I've been waiting for years for you to call. Wait. I've been sitting watching Jeopardy all night long, and you haven't ring me up once. I will beat your ass.

Hello, I'm on the other side of West 55th. Where are you?

How are we not cast in a nora is beyond me, and I'm jealous. Mikey Madison, you're from LA, you're a lucky bitch, okay?

I love that My Adele is from Queens. Let's have fun.

Not My Adele. Then Sara Borela's Are you familiar with her work? I am. I'm not going to write you a love song. Her voice.

Which did she perform?

She performed for 40 minutes, and I was glued to my seat. Her voice is so incredible, and now she's... Whatever. Long story short, I haven't seen other people perform in a while because I have just been hamming it up on my own stage. It's so nice to sit back and appreciate others.

It's so nice to let someone else talk. You know?

Sometimes I'm like, How about you go? These girls have been doing this thing called listening that I've never tried. But swipe up if you want to listen, Hannah 25. I highly recommend it. It was so fun, so relaxing. I think I may have learned something.

I can't tell you the last time I went to something. You're going to say, Listen. Well, that. I can't tell you the last time I went to a performance.

So I want to go see N Juliet. There's also this all in... I think we I'm going to go to some New York City shows because it's the thing people from-When you say shows, what do you mean? Broadway shows. Not musicals. Okay. There's some shows. And Juliet's a musical, I lied. Oh, wait, you just got so mad at me. No, it's just like, you It's stand-up.

I love a stand up.

Look, you come hang with me at some shows. We'll figure it out.

Yeah, maybe I'll just come and sit in the green room of the stand.

I don't know if that's safe for you. I'm still not. Have you ever seen a green room of a real comedy club?

No, but I'm open to new opportunities.

Or you're going to love it. It's honestly just like men who look like school shooters smoking weed and talking about their cum jokes, which honestly can be relaxing.

I feel like they're the guys that when you're in a relationship with them, they're the ones that are like, I was cheated on, and I never got over it. And you're like, What age? And they're like, The fourth grade. It's that type of energy that they hold on to.

No, it's the thing we're on stage. They're so charming. Then they get off stage and you're like, Could you Could you smile once? Yeah.

Maybe also in the audience. But I'm saying I haven't sat in the audience of something in a while, and I'm craving it.

I even think as a performer, it's important to remember the experience of... We never see the front of these theaters. We don't even see where it says like, Giggly Squad, Michigan, whatever. What's it called in the front? What's it called, the front of a theater? The Marquis. We never see the Marquis.

What's it called, the front of a theater?

We will go to a Tons of town, never see the Marquis, because we go in through the back door and get put as you like to do. And then we go...

And then we go in. We never talked about... After I take Giggly Squad Radio City. I got home, my brother came to the show, and he didn't say anything to me other than, really page an anal joke in front of our parents.

Did he say that? Okay, that's giving jelly.

It's giving jealous. I didn't say it was me.

It's giving jealous. Speaking of my papa, because the Giggly Squad books, there's a galley that's been made, which is the first... I don't know what a galley is, but it's going around, and I think they're giving it to some bookstores to be like, do you guys want it? Or and my papa started reading it and he was like, Do you guys talk about pooping like you do on the pod? And I was like, Probably. I don't know what chapter it is, but he started reading it and he really liked it.

Probably, yeah. I don't- Look at the chapter.

It's pretty self-explanatory.

There's a thing called an index.

Actually, there is a chapter of how to poop in public. I definitely started that chapter, but- No, I'm obsessed with your family, truly. We had a fun weekend with my uncle Johnny. He has a basement of all old movie paraphernalia.

Let's... Actually, I saw it on your Instagram story. You've been Instagram... I love when you get in an Instagram story mood because sometimes Sometimes you're just reposting, you're working, you're like, this is what I've done. But then there are times where you really let your true comedic timing humor. Last night, I rewatched your Instagram story three times. When you posted that dog and said, I love your Bob, I lost it. It was as if it was the funniest thing I've ever seen on the internet because it was.

You know what it is when I'm not with you and I'm not with Des? I don't have anyone to be snarky with. Yes. Then these The internet is. The internet is my people. But that actually wasn't what I wanted to write. I wanted to write Fuck ass Bob, but I knew that all my family would be reading it and be like, Why did you call the dog Fuck ass Bob? And I was like, It's an internet joke, whatever. No, this dog's Bob was so quaffed. And when it would bark, it would do like a... It was literally Anna Wintour of dogs. But the dog was gay. It was a gay man. And honestly, he looked at me and went, Eew. He was like, You really did not like me.

I was like, you would love- So you went for Auburn hair.

Got it. I said, you would love my friend Pate. You would love her outfit.

Wait, not to bring the mood down.

Were you ready for that down once? I know. Or would you bring it down again?

This is so sad. My family dog Polo passed away two days ago. My mom called me hysterically crying.

Did you get a weird sense when she called you that something happened or no? No. You're like, I'm two of my own stuff.

I don't know if you heard me 10 minutes ago. I got my own shit going on.

Mom, I can't talk right now. Fuck that dog.

Actually, this is so fucked up. My mom was obviously so upset. So I'm checking in on her the next morning and I'm like, Hey, how are you doing? She's like, I'm doing a lot better. And I was like, Okay, good, because I'm so fucking overwhelmed right now. And I'm literally, I don't know what's happening. Everyone's being mean to me.

No, but when I tell you this dog was It was like your mom's shadow.

Polo. No, Polo was...

I do have to say, I think we talked about it on the pod, but when I did visit that day. This dog was half in the grave. Okay, this dog is dead. The dog was dead. No one was acknowledging dead dog.

No, this dog lived a good life.

Long life. But I looked over and the dog... You know when they're laying, but it doesn't look like they're breathing.

This dog consumed more Italian meats than any boyfriend I've ever dated.

Some would say that it will kill them. Some would say, prosciutto wasn't the thing to feed the dog. Some would say he was a little overweight and maybe had some cardiovascular problems. No, but I literally, when we were about to go to the show, I go, I hope Paulo is alive and we get back. I I kept making Polo death jokes, which I think is me. I hate animals dying to the point that I'd rather it be a human. So I couldn't handle it. The comedy started to come with it. But then when you told me, I sent him a tag. Yes. I said, Kimmy.

I texted Hannah and I said, Sad news today. Polo has passed away.

No, I'm not really upset. No, I can't even bring up my childhood cat Trixie. If my dad's listening right now, he's going to turn off a giggle squad right now and be like, I need to process this.

No, the great thing about Polo was I got Polo after... Our dog before Polo passed away, and I think we waited maybe six months before we got Polo. But I got him when I was 18, and my parents let me get him because all my friends were going away to college, and I wasn't. And so I just felt... I was in such a weird time where I was just like, I don't know what I'm freaking doing. And I guess I have to go to college. That's terrifying. But I was living home, and I just felt like... A little lonely. I felt like a loser, honestly. I was like, Oh, my God. I'm the only one not going away to school. And so I was like, Okay, I'm going to get this dog. I was with with this puppy every single day. So it truly was my dog. Was he the cuteest puppy? The cutest. Because I was the only one home with it during the day. So me and Polo bonded so much.

When you were supposed to be at school.

I was like, Should I skip class? Bark if yes. We ate mac and cheese, and we snuggled. And also, as a puppy, the laziest dog I've ever seen. Just had no interest in running, jumping, playing. And I was Yeah, get in the bed. And so then when I moved to New York City, I really felt like I had abandoned him, and he truly became my mom's dog, and he was just the perfect dog.

Can we have a moment of silence for Polo? Moment of silence for Polo.

Thank you. Thank you.

Should we start doing moment of silence for everything?

For people that we cut out of our lives. Moment of silence.

Side note, we raise so much money. We haven't gotten the official stats. We'll post it soon for the LA Fires. And with the Giggly Squad T-shirt, we're so happy about that. We love charity. We're also very specific about the charities. We want to do our research to make sure we're not just throwing money or throwing supplies at anything. And Sometimes you do stuff and it makes it harder for people. Anyway, long story short, it's complicated. I saw a TikTok that said, If you have acne on the lower third of your face and you're not premenstrual. Which that happens every time I have my period.

And you're not premenstrual.

And it's all month.

Okay.

Find a new relationship. Stop. Apparently, they said it's a cortisol thing that this man is stressing you the fuck out. And if you're breaking out while you're with him, it's your body's response.

Did you follow any of the Madelyne R. G. Central Sea drama when that happened?

Kind of. But all the videos were too long, but he kept on her?

For me, they were too Gen Z. I was like, these are kids. These are kids, they'll figure it out. But the videos I've been seeing, sometimes I can't identify. Are they back together? I don't think they're back together, but he just recently put out a song, and it was basically about her and everyone was making videos. I hope she doesn't listen to this and go back to him. I would crumble. It was that... Okay, got it. Oh, you're glow up and you're happy now.

I would just call him and be like, Give me 20 %.

Where's...

You're using my likeness.

Just cut. The amount of men I'd like to call and say, Hey, that'll be 10 fucking grand.

Well, that's where I carry suing her ex for wasting her time. Honestly, I didn't understand her until this moment. At first, I was like, Okay, Mariah. Okay, now I'm like, Why haven't more women done that?

No, the pettiness of Mariah Carey is something to be studied. Yeah. What was he saying?

You were saying Central C wrote a song.

Okay, so he says in it about her skin glowing or whatever. And she does look completely different since getting out of the relationship with him. All of her videos, I would follow her because when I thought she was just cute and work- I I love her accent. I love her accent. She would always make videos about her acne and her skin and all this stuff. Then recently, she's the clearest skin I've ever seen, honey.

You do see some girls in relationships, and I'm talking about not FaceTune, just raw, where you're like, I think he's draining that bitch. I think she's being drained from the inside out. Yeah. I want you girls, look in the mirror.

You don't really know. And I think you don't notice it until you're out of it. I'm trying to think if I had any breakups where my physical appearance drastically changed.

I once was in a relationship where I knew I needed to break up with him, but I was so scared, and I stopped eating, which has never been done in the history of my life. I was so skinny, but in an embarrassing way where I wanted to eat but couldn't. I remember going to one of my mom's jazz gigs with my family, and I ordered pasta, and I couldn't eat it, and I was trying to figure out ways to make it look like I ate it, but I was so sick and nauseous. Because I knew that I was going to be pulled aside and be like, What the fuck is wrong with you?

No way.

Because bitch has never not finished a meal. Then even at work, I'd be I'm eating my sandwich and I'd be picking on it and people comment about it. People be like, Do you not like your sandwich? Oh my God. Yeah, and I got very skinny and then I started to feel like I was sick. I had a disease that was taking-Mao, I feel like I don't have good friends because I feel like any time I'm not eating, they're like, You look great. No, when you're not eating- What do you do? Keep it up. Are you not finishing that? Can I eat that? Can I have that?

Yeah, but that's different. You're just inquiring about if you can eat it or not.

I just remember the I got out of it, and it takes a week or two or three, and the next thing you know, my body was back in balance.

It's funny because one of my girlfriends was in the midst of breaking up with her boyfriend in the past couple of weeks. It It's so funny to go through a breakup and then be on the other side and then be talking to a girl about going through a breakup. And you just like, you really do have to let them get out all the possibilities, all the scenarios that they've made up in their head. And she was going back and forth, and she was just like, I don't know if it's right, blah, blah, blah. And I was just like, look, if it is right, you'll get back together. You'll be fine. And then, I mean, we were three hours in. This bitch was like, I've never been more myself.

You're like, A monkey has been lifted off my back.

You're also three martinis deep. True.

Girls do... Losing hair is a thing, too. Losing hair. And people don't talk about it because I think it gets scary, but it's more common than you'd think I've definitely had friends being like, you're in the shower and you're like, oh, fuck. Your body is literally like... You can try trick your mind, but you can't trick me, bitch. You can't trick me.

I think I've had breakups where my face, I felt like I was holding weight in my face. And then I would break up and I'd be like, oh, she does have a jawline. We didn't know.

Human guasha. Did I say that right? Guasha? No, it's very interesting.

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Oh, I have a show I've been watching. Did you watch White Lotus?

No, that's one of the shows I haven't watched. I haven't watched White Lotus. I haven't watched Bridgerton.

Wait, you should because it is very true crimey.

Yeah, I want to watch it.

Like a little mystery. Okay, whatever. The last season of White Lotus, there was a guy... Shit, I can't think I have his name, whatever. He was really hot in it. And he... Jamie? I think he was British. No, not Theo James. I love. No, it was a different guy. Anyway, he's on this new Apple show called Prime Suspect. Oh, oh, yeah.

I haven't watched it. It's so good. Can I just say, shout out to Apple TV. You're a little expensive, but you're- No, they're putting it more. Quality over quantity. When they put out a show, you know it's been green the fuck lit.

You're so right because their top 10 is the same all year.

Yeah, and it's just fire. And then they bring back the really good ones.

Question for you.

No, I don't know what's going on in Severance. I can't understand it.

Oh, I've given up on Last pop, we were like, watch it, rewatch it.

I have to watch another episode.

When you go to your apartment and you're turning on your TV, what is... I love this question. You don't know what I'm going to say, I don't think. What's your streaming platform? What's your device where all your apps are on?

Okay, I feel like I'm about to be naked in front of you guys. This is the rawest I've ever been on this pod.

If it's what I think, I go.

Okay, well, first of all, can I answer it in my own way? Yes, of course. This is an open forum.

We created it.

I sit down and just out of habit, first of all, I don't know how to share my own TV on. There's too many remotes. I click every button until somehow it miraculously turns on. Then I go to the Tennis channel.

Okay, let me rewind you. You're going to the Tennis channel first, but how are you getting to the Tennis channel? So it's on cable.

It's on cable, but I don't know the Tennis channel, so I have to go Tennis channel. So if I'm on the phone with you and I want to go Tennis channel, you're going to go Tennis channel. I think it's 500 something. After past 30, I'm not remembering. If you are past 30, I don't know what channel you're on. So I put the channel on. And if it's a match I like, she's set. And I'll do my thing, and I will have it on all day. If it's not a match I like, I can also go to Amazon, go to live TV, and they have other matches on that are sometimes women's matches that I want to watch. Then I do go to Netflix as my first, just to be like, Is there a new documentary?

Okay, I don't think you're understanding my question. How long are you going to let me go? Well, you said you wanted to do it in your own way, and I'm a supportive friend. What is your box?

Optimum. Optimum. Wait, can I just say one thing? I'm not involved in the electrical part of it. I'm not involved in the system. My husband deals with that. I don't know what the WiFi password is. I come in and I use it, and when it doesn't work, I say, Des. And then he's like, How come you always I'm not going to take the TV.

No, I should have come correct as someone who does not believe in Bluetooth or Wi-Fi, has never had a wireless headphones. I should have come correct. My theory is, and I know it's true because I know that this is you, too. Men don't have an Apple TV. They don't have a Roku. They say, This is a smart TV. Why would I have that? Is that you?

That's what Des has done to me. And what's crazy is our TV, for me to watch Hulu or HBO, I have to do it through my phone because it's not up on ours. And I just thought that's the life I had to live. But I'm realizing now- It's not the life you have to live. I can just... I used to have Roku when I was living with girls.

Correct.

And they came I switched to an Apple TV about two years ago, from a Roku to an Apple TV.

All my apps are right there. Everything's signed in. Everything's gorgeous. I go to my brothers and... Chaos. Chaos. Chaos. Chaos.

Chaos ensues.

Chaos. I'm like, How did you even figure out where HBO Max is?

No, I know. And not to brag, but Dez is a man of the world. So occasionally, for some reason, our TV thinks it's logged into Ireland. So then I can't get certain things because it thinks we're in Ireland, which is a very small country and limited.

He's VPNing your TV and you don't even know it. I don't know what's going on. He's given your TV an ST day and you have no way of getting it back.

My idea of Dez is He's in Dublin.

For how long?

He's coming back for a second. He's on pretty long of a tour.

Oh my God.

But also we have stuff going on, too.

Wait, so what have you been doing?

Well, that's why I hung out with family for the first time in years.

You're like, Well, I got to know my mom and dad. That may seem lovely.

I sent him flowers for Polo.

You're Martha May-Huvier.

I spoke to Chris and asked him a couple of questions, but when he came in- You're corresponding Penmanship. I'm going to watch the Grammys full with no interruptions tonight. Wow. Literally three minutes into the red carpet interview, he goes, I can't believe you're going to watch this for three more hours. All the questions are the same. And I go, Yeah? And I'm observing a hundred different things of I'm like, This is girlhood that you're not understanding.

No mental good.

And he's like, This interview is awkward. I'm like, and that's why I like watching it.

Yeah. Because I want to see. Well, this is the first weekend there's no football. So I wonder if the boys were okay. Was everyone okay?

Oh, yeah. Because they're waiting for the Super Bowl, which... Do you know there's some conspiracy theories about the Super Bowl, which I don't like to spread, but I watched the game. They played- But please say them. I will. They played the Buffalo Bills.

Okay.

And there were just some rumors that the refs are being very lenient with the Chiefs, which would make sense because at the end of the day, capitalism wins again. Capitalism wins again. Everything's about money. Everything's about money. The league makes more money when the Chiefs go to the finals.

Because of a woman. And now we've said it.

And the way this bitch deserves a cut more than anyone.

I think about it all the time. Here's the thing. There's no way the NFL isn't giving her somewhat of a cut. I don't think that they would ever say that because that... I don't know why that feels illegal, but whatever.

I feel like they've played her music. There's just no way.

Because here's the other thing. The TV viewership alone, she's made them millions and millions of dollars. How would they not pay her? Like, something.

Or maybe she's signing to let them cut to her because she's not only getting hate from that.

Oh, yeah. Maybe she's saying, You can show me.

You can cut this amount of time, maybe.

If you give me a certain amount of money.

Maybe her team gets approval. It's just making shit up. Also, yeah, I love this.

Or, and hear me out here, or she's like, I'm a billionaire.

I don't give a fuck. I don't care about your little game.

I don't care. I'm literally here to watch my bonehead boyfriend. I'm being supportive. I don't give a shit.

Can you help me with this one thing? Because I don't want to hurt any of the man's feelings. I'm talking facts right now, Chris. I want you to hear this. Why are the positions fullback, cornerback, runningback, tight-end? We don't tight-end. Who was in the room like, Okay, what do we call the fourth one? And they're like, Obviously, tight-end. And it's always the hot Travis Kelsi's tight-end, Gronkowski's tight-end.

They pick the cute ones. See, I can say positions, but I don't know where they are.

Tied-end is a crazy thing to seriously name a position.

Honestly, if any man said tight-end to me, I'd be thankful. No, but it's- You know what I'm saying? Thank you.

It's one thing if all of them were like, Side-end, wide-end, tight-end. It has nothing to do with tight-end. And then they just decided- What is a tight-end? A tight-end is the guy on, I guess, the end who keeps it tight. He keeps that motherfucking shit tight.

After the game, what do they do together? Shower.

And let's be honest, these men can afford their own showers. You don't have to go in the same showers.

And I've heard multiple men, football players are not saying it's team bonding. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I've never team bonded with a friend naked.

The closest me and you have been to being naked in the same room together is when I'm pooping and you happen to be trying to do your makeup in the same room.

Yeah, and it's against my will. I know for a fact I was in there first. I know for a fact. And then you had a chimichanga. Okay? So let's not even act like it was just us bonding. It was you have a serious problem. It was also a clean emergency.

That's medical.

That's just medical. I'm your emergency contact.

Sorry, grandpa, papa, whoever's listening. Do you ever have a gas bubble that you're like, this is how I die? I was in the car.

What's a gas bubble? You have to fart?

Let me explain. So I was in California with Andrew Colin. I ordered a salad. He ordered a cheeseburger with fries, but it was before our show. So I'm like, I can't have a cheeseburger before the show. But obviously I'm starving. And he goes to get the car and he didn't finish his fries. So I'm like, well, now I have to eat his fries. So I shovel a bunch of fries in my mouth. And then you get the adrenaline of like, oh, my God, I'm going to the show. I get in the car, everything's normal. Do you know when you get a wave of diarrheate, like a wave of pain in your stomach? Okay, is it above or below?

It's bubbling. Okay, in your stomach. It's not like a heartburn bubble. No.

For me, It's always... I don't even burp. It goes out one hole. I guess you're more of a puker.

Thank you.

That's so dainty of you. Wait, the other day?

Wait, this is so bad. The other day, I coughed so hard. I threw up in my own bed. I go, This is a new... I'm like, I need to go to the doctors. This is not okay. Daphne looked at me and was just like,.

Daphne, who just shot in your bed five minutes earlier was I'm like, Do that in another way?

I honestly felt like it brought us closer because I was like, Do you think I'm a cat? I just had a hairball.

You're becoming the same thing.

Oh my God.

You know when you have to have diarrhea, but you hold it because you're in a car. So it goes away and then the wave hits again. I call it a gas bubble. This bubble needs to be released. But I'm with a straight man. And if I was with you, I would just immediately be like, I'm going to give you a stat, a play by play, until we get to the hotel of I'm doing. So Andrew said that I just got really quiet. He was like, ask me questions.

This is when you start sweating. This is the moment.

I'm sweating and he's being funny. And I'm like, if I laugh right now, we're going to have a disaster. So I'm just holding it in and I'm like, you're sweating. It's horrible. And When I ran to the bathroom and we have a small green room and it was just him outside and me in the green room releasing my inside.

There's nothing worse than, and I remember, what city was it in?

Milwaukee. Milwaukee.

There was nothing worse than that.

That was not even a bad one. That was not even a bad one.

Grace and I almost passed away. Grace and I wear a polo, deceased.

For all of you who are judging me right now at home, if you want a laxative, perform stand-up comedy. I don't care what's in your body. You know what? Before you go on stage, you feel like a lion's chasing you, and your body needs to release it.

I've never been married. We know. I've never been I'm engaged, but I can imagine the feeling you get before you walk down the aisle of like, Oh, I have a nervous pee, or a nervous poop, or whatever. It's that feeling.

You know what's crazy, though? I never had a crazy feeling getting engaged or getting married. I was nervous before walking down the aisle, but I'm way more nervous about having kids.

I hope they never listen to this.

Can we have a moment of silence?

Let's have a moment of silence.

So, yeah, I had a gas bubble, but I survived. Final thing I just wanted to say to bond with you.

Do you feel like we're not bonded enough?

I feel like this episode, we didn't really connect. I looked over in the car today and my Nana's... First of all, seeing your mom or your Nana scroll their Instagram is so... My Sheila. My Sheila. And I looked and she was... Her algorithm has runway on it. And Nana's like, oh, I love this dress.

And I was like,. Wait, I'm going to start DMing Nana different outfits I see that I like.

Nana is so cute. She was like, I have to respond to my fans right now. I need a minute. Okay, I have to talk to my girls. And then she got upset because she realized... This is the funny thing that's ever happened. I set that up too strong. She said she realized that her Instagram posts are going automatically to her Facebook, and she's upset about it. And I said, Nana, that's makes your life easier. And she goes, my audience is different on my Facebook than my Instagram. And I'm writing to my Instagram, girls. When I write on Instagram, I don't want it to be... My Facebook is a whole different demo.

I think our Facebook recently got hacked. I didn't know we had one.

We don't. We don't? Oh, no. A Twitter.

No, I feel like someone did a... Anyway, there's something not on Instagram or TikTok.

We've been hacked. You got to know what's going to happen, but when it does hack. Justin Bieber.

Do you know how many people I wanted to comment on the internet this weekend? Blocked.

Can I just make an announcement? This last week, everything Paige just said she was hacked. She was hacked. Anything you saw on TikTok or Instagram, hacked. But one last thing, just shout out. Schaparelli. Look at you. Oh, my God. No, the way my jaw dropped at the works of art. Is anyone doing it like Schaparelli right now?

No. It's truly works of art. That's the thing. Like with fashion, it can be so different and truly be a piece of art that you're wearing.

Do you think Schaparelli is actually where we... Come together? We come together in Schaparelli because one, it's Italian, two, it's a little out there, but three, it's gorgeous. Schaparelli is us. We are Schaparelli. If you see us, you go, Those are Schaparelli, girls.

Wait, we I need to be in Schaparelli together.

Thanks for giggling with us. Thanks for crying with us. Thank you for starting fights with us and starting fight defending us. We love you guys so much. We have shows coming up in Hollywood, Florida. San Augustine, Florida.

Nashville.

Nashville, New Orleans for Galentine's Day. You guys better be there.

I need to get all my outfits.

I know me too. I don't have them yet.

I forgot.

Red-pink moments. Schaparelli. Oh, shoot.

Schaparale. I'm wearing Schaparale.

Okay, love you guys. Bye.

All I want is my favorite bowl, Flavan's porridge to warm the soul.

Such a creamy spoonful, oh wood, and tippy lovely.

Creamy porridge is what I like. That, and a baby that sleeps at night.

Oh wouldn't it be lovely, lovely, doubly, lovely. Only Flavan's double baked their oats for creamier porridge.

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