Transcript of Giggling about hunger strikes, purity rings, and the opera

Sup, gigglers?

Gary, fix your Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me. Hello, my giggly wiggly jigglies piggies.

Hold on, I saved something. I'm not like on my phone, I just saved something.

We literally just started and she's like, no, I'm paying attention, keep talking. I'm just I'm actually bored. Yeah, um, who are you— who are you sexting?

No, I saved something and I wanted to bring it up. Oh, okay, listen to this. 5 countries cracking down on influencers. China has banned influencers from speaking about topics they don't actually know about.

So we can't speak about anything anymore, like literally anything.

Australia has effectively banned kid influencers after implementing world's first block on social media access for children under 16, which I actually support. So agree with.

We stand.

Spain— popular tourist spots have had to regulate or ban travel influencers after selfie tourism ruined the environments and infuriated locals. Whatever. I— whatever. I digress. The Netherlands has banned influencers from promoting online gambling, promoting partnerships between streamers and betting operators.

I mean, true. Like, we've been talking about that. It is giving a little sexist though.

Really?

It's giving sexist. Like, I feel like influencers is giving we don't want women working.

France has banned influencers from promoting fast fashion. They, they are also banned from promoting dangerous cosmetics, surgeries, and extreme dieting products.

Okay, this is— okay, I have a lot of thoughts. I haven't thought this through, so I'll work this out in, okay, in lifetime. I feel like If you're banning influencers promoting fast fashion, stop blaming influencers. Go for the fast fashion. Go for the source, not these girls who are just trying to make a buck. Go for the fucking billionaire who owns it.

Also, I feel like fast fat— I also feel like fast fashion, which I'm obviously guilty of, like loving Zara, I buy everything on Amazon, is because the world is so expensive. Money. You could go on Amazon right now and get a YSL heel dupe, sweetie. Well, also, why would they not?

Back in the day, people used to like sew clothes and like make things, and it was like, I guess, affordable. I don't know, I wasn't there. And nowadays, it's— clothes are either $10 or literally $500.

A little kitty just jumped up on the bed.

She, she knows when we're starting, and she's like, don't forget my shout out in the beginning.

Oh, having a cat is just the fucking best.

I know. Should I tell them about what happened with Butter?

Yeah.

Okay, so Butter— normally when I'm traveling, Des is around or Grace is around. There's always like someone around. Or when Des is traveling, I'm around. This last week, something happened where Des and I were both working and I said, okay, let's get a cat sitter.

For how long you've had a cat, I feel like you never have a cat sitter. I'm rotating cat sitters. Honestly, Daphne likes the cat sitter better than me.

This is the thing with Butter. Butter spoiled. Butter doesn't do cat sitter. But I explained to the cat sitter— I had to get on a call with a cat sitter. I had to like get interviewed, and they were like, tell us about your cat. I'm like, you're not gonna see this bitch. She doesn't want to see you. Feed her and leave. She has a Litter-Robot that's working overtime. You just have to open up a can of wet food, get some water, get out of there. So I'm running around, and I get a text from Grace, who's also We have like multiple people on this cat sitter. This is like my top priority. And she's like, Butter hasn't eaten. And I'm like, okay, every now and then someone like shuts a door and she's like stuck in a closet. We gotta get the cat sitter back, open every single crevice. Butter needs saving. So then the cat sitter is like, she's still not eating. And I'm like, okay, I'm starting to get really worried about my cat because it's like 2, 3 days.

What day? Yeah, this is like 2, 3 days in.

If you Google like 'How long can my cat go without food?' They're very dramatic. They're like, 'After 24 hours, your cat is dead.' And I'm like, 'Okay, not Daphne. Daphne is stored for the winter.' So, but then I start searching, like, when cats are stressed because they miss their owner. And I was like, 'I think Butter's on a hunger strike.' And Grace was like, 'That seems really dramatic.' And I'm like, 'Well, don't count Butter out.' She's so '90s.

She's like, 'I just won't eat for 5 days and then I'll be at my Holy.

But I'm like, I'm very stressed. And Dez is like, I'm getting in tomorrow, I'll know what's gonna happen. He texts me, Butter comes out immediately rolling around on the rug, so happy to see everyone. Doesn't know everyone's been so scared. I'm like, why did you do a hunger strike? She just was like, I'm not touching that food from that stranger. Sorry, stranger danger.

She's like, um, actually that stranger could have injected something into my wet food. Not going to traffic me, bitch. Not getting me. She's like, I've been stray before and I'm not going back. She's literally like, I've been rich and I've been poor and I'll pick rich every time.

So cats like communicate with you doing crazy stuff. Like Daphne will shit on someone's bed when she's mad. Butter will refuse to eat, but then somehow she's peeing and pooping still. So I don't know what is going on, but she's smarter than all of us anyway. Butter's fine. But I was, um, I was in California. She doesn't like when I go to California. She knows it's far.

Cats are so much like their owners that, like, Butter goes into a depression. You are very depression-prone.

Butter was in the back of a dark closet trying to find a happy place.

Where Daphne, like, acts out and then 24 hours later she's like, I just remembered I don't care, you know? And that's like, so that could not be more me. I'm like, I'll burn this whole fucking city down, and then 12 hours later I'm like, I was literally just hungry. I literally don't care about this at all.

I had a tennis weekend. Yes, you know I love my tennis weekends.

Indian Wells, shout out.

So Indian Wells, chic as fuck. They were giving out free yogurt, free fajita in the desert.

That's when you know you, you've hit peak Capitalism.

But I also was like, it was 90 degrees and someone's like, do you want a free yogurt?

And I was like, I was like, we miscalculated.

I literally can't have a yogurt right now, I die. But, um, I am really close to being like in the Tennis Illuminati. Like, I'm so close. I've had this— wait, do you know how chic Indian Wells is— Indian Wells. Indian Wells. Sorry, you guys, it's the morning.

Indian Wells.

Indian Wells is underneath the stadium court. There's a private Nobu underneath the court that like you can't— no one can go. You have to get invited. Like you have to have like won a Grand Slam to go.

Oh my God.

Like they're like, oh, you played college tennis? Get the fuck out.

So it's not like operating every Friday night and Saturday.

It's operating like It's basically like, oh, Roger Federer is here, take him to the Nobu. Oh, it's chic. It's chic.

So you didn't get to go?

No, they actually— like, someone, some security, like, pummeled me. They were like, don't even think about it.

They purposely were like, if you heard about it, no, you didn't.

Lululemon is like the sponsor of the tournament, which is cool. So I got to host a suite.

Fun.

By the way, It's not easy to get to Palm Springs.

No, it's not. I've only been once.

I've never been to Coachella. Have you?

I've never been to Coachella, and I'm so proud of that. We've never been to any festival.

No festival. I've never been to Stagecoach. No. Well, that's— that's crazy.

You know, there's a place in New York City called Governors Island. I've never been to it.

I've heard of it, but the closer it is to me, the scarier it is also.

I feel like I just— those, those types of events, I feel like I hated in college. Like, I hated raves in college, but I went because we were in college, and when your friends are doing something, you just do it. But now— but once I had free will, I was like, why would I— why would I go sweat? Also, you know me, like, music is triggering. It's not triggering, but like, I'm not traveling to see you. I don't give a fuck.

Well, part of it—

I'll listen to you on my phone.

It's kind of how I feel about sports. Like, if I actually care about the match or the game, I want to watch it in a dark room alone with my cat so I can actually watch it. Like, if I want to listen to a song or like watch a music video, I'm not like, let's invite a crew, um, let's go to the soundstage. I'm a yapper. If there's people around me, I'm missing the whole concert. And I'm like, great, I paid money to have the same conversation I have with my friends every day.

The thing with me and Coachella is like, I'm not walking from stage to stage. Like, I'm not walking around. I think that's my thing. And people like pass out left and right.

I was gonna say, I'm not letting my future unborn child go to Coachella. It's unsafe because I know my kid's not going to drink enough water because they have my genetics, and like, they'll pass out. Why can't we have air-conditioned festivals?

Why can't they just be like in an auditorium?

Everyone has a Dunkin' Refresher.

Everyone like has a seat. Um, I saw this thing online the other day and I knew that it was so— it was so split on the internet, and I know that it's gonna be so split for us, and I already know what your answer is.

I'm so excited to fight with you.

A girl came and made a TikTok and said 'Every— I have a roommate, and every time she showers, she puts lotion on.' And she— and the girl was like, 'That's crazy to me. Like, I could never put lotion on every single time I shower. Like, maybe once in a while I do it, but I can't believe these people exist that put lotion on every single time they shower.' Now me, I'm sitting there, and I have to immediately go to the comments because I know that I'm one of those people. And the comments were very divided. Like, yes, we exist. Like, I'm right here. I put lotion on every— after every single shower more diligently than I do washing my face at night. Like, I could tell you the last time I didn't put lotion on after I showered was probably like 3 months ago, and it's like because I showered really late, I was tired.

Can I ask some questions before I get my response?

Yeah, I knew you were gonna have follow-ups.

If you don't lotion after the shower, do you feel dry and like tight?

Yes.

Now that I have this information, can I get my response?

Yeah, the floor is yours.

Thank you. I think that your body gets like addicted to things because that's how I am with my face. Like if I don't put moisturizer on immediately after showering my face, I like can't smile. It's so like dry.

Yeah.

Um, but I never put it on my body and my body feels great. But like, my mom lotions every time after the shower because she's an adult and she like needs to. I feel like it's like coffee, like you're— but it's like also I feel like even with like, um, putting lip stuff on, I wonder, is there anyone who like never puts lip stuff on and their lips are just like great all the time?

You know what I think about a lot?

What?

Remember when Mila Kunis came out and was like, I'm definitely not bathing my kids every single day?

I do remember that.

I don't know why, but I think about that a lot. Like, I think about it at least once a month.

What was her reasoning?

I think her reasoning was like, they don't get dirty, like they're not dirty every single day.

And it's like, I've seen my little niece and nephew and they can't have a meal without needing to be like thrown in a tub. Yeah, hosed, literally hosed down. Me too, though. I also love a shower.

You love a shower. I also— here's the thing, I've— I have fully reverted back to the structure that my mother gave me in kindergarten. Like, I'm waking up because you want to know what? She was right all along. Why would I ever deviate from her goddamn plan? I wake up, I do what I have to do. Around 5 o'clock, I go into the bathroom, I take my shower, I get ready for bed. And then after like 6 PM, if there's anything I need to do before I go to sleep at night, that's when I do it. But I'm fully showered, like ready for sleep.

But that's why moms are so—

by at least 7 PM.

Some people, if you have like a crazy childhood, like you were never taught how you're supposed to take care of yourself. Which is upsetting.

Like learning basic hygiene?

Yeah, but—

oh wait, well, I love structure in anything. I'm a structured person. I need structure.

You have some Virgo in your chart, don't you?

You know, I don't. I have— I'm a Scorpio Sun, I'm a Pisces Moon, and I'm an Aquarius Rising, which just like so is not me. I don't know where that comes in.

That's why you like smoking weed.

Because I'm an Aquarius rising.

Yeah, but I kind of made that up. Like, I have no idea.

I feel like you did. I feel like me being an Aquarius rising is why I can tolerate quirky people.

Wait, you got me being Aquarius rising is why you don't make me want to blow my brains out every time I talk to you?

You love— because I think Aquarius is like quirky. I love quirky people.

And you know what's crazy? I always love scary women. No, like, all my best friends were like the scariest girl in the school, and I'd be like her, like a little Labrador retriever. And I'm like, don't mess with her. You can mess with me though, don't mess with her.

And I feel like I've never truly had a best friend that's exactly like me because I'm like boring, like who cares? Like, I need a little quirk, I need a little energy.

So my quirk was— and I don't know like the exact reasoning, but you know my mom Apparently I was so— I don't know what I would do in the morning, but like getting me dressed, and I'm talking about when I was like 8 years old, like I wasn't like 2 years old. Getting me dressed in the morning was like— I didn't like change. Like, it's hard. You know how like you're like, hey, can we record the pod? And I'm like, but I'm, I'm in bed right now. And you're like, get up. Like, I don't like transitioning. I'm comfortable. So she would dress me in my outfit the night before. And put me to sleep because she didn't want to deal with me in the morning.

See, you were actually a great candidate for a uniform.

You're so right about that.

You would have thrived.

I would have thrived. Yeah, see, public school, I was crazy and I was wearing— oh, you would have been upset. You would have been upset.

Also, like, as I get older and like I'm hitting prime like maternal ages, I do think of like, obviously there's like random thoughts about like, how are you gonna raise your child? And like blah blah, like whatever. I do think that, like, I specifically know, and I think kids too, like, thrive with routine. Like, once you throw off their routine, they're like, what the fuck's going on? Which I 100% get, because even as an adult, if you throw off my routine, yeah, I'm like, uh-huh. But like, I don't like that.

Like, they'll be like, I don't want to do this. It's like, yeah, you're 3, of course you don't want to do this. But kids want to know what they should do. Like, my mom was even talking about Lois how like they want structure. Yeah. Like she told Lois, we can watch 3 episodes. And Lois was like, okay. And then next thing you know, Lois was telling my mom 2 more episodes where like when I was watching TV with her, she was like, we're going to watch this forever. But like, because I didn't tell her anything. I also have a good note. I have a good feminist note for you guys. I love it because, you know, you talk about raising a son and how you want to raise a great son and we're all like, we want to raise a great son. I saw this.

I'm having a boy first.

Yeah, I saw this thing online and it's very important because I'm like, we blame the mom so much for like when a son comes out wrong. And first of all, we know these moms, like we know them in our heart. Moms are great people.

I saw a video the other day and it was like a kid doing something crazy and all the comments were like, where's the dad? Where's his dad?

Someone said that the way guys treat women is a direct reflection of how their dad treats their mom. So when you guys are searching for a partner, I don't care whatever you do, if he sees the dad disrespecting you, treating you like shit, not letting you speak, bossing you around, I don't care how good you are as a mom to that kid, The kid sees that and that affects his relationship with women. So when you're choosing your man, add that to the long list.

Not to like take it to like a super dark level on like a Friday afternoon—

it's Tuesday, but, but when I—

oh right, what's—

oh my God, and we're on Earth.

Is everyone okay?

Well, I believed you at first. I was like, it is Friday. You're not okay.

Anyway, not to take it to a super dark level, but when I was in like an extremely mentally and physically abusive relationship and—

so was when I got hit by a car by a man, when I literally got beat to a pulp.

Um, sorry, I digress. I can make jokes about it because it happened to me. Um, I'm 100%, if not 98%, sure that this man's dad was also extremely abusive to the wife. Obviously, I never like saw that like full out, but there were just like certain signs. And now, as I'm obviously like 15 years out of that relationship, like, I still think back to it in my 30s and how like I handled it. And as a 19-year-old girl, and there were so many signs that that dad was extremely abusive to the wife.

Yeah, I feel like so many times you see I'll see something and people will be like, wow, the mom didn't do this or that. And I'm like, no, the dad's setting a fucking horrible example.

Well, because it's just like so easy to blame women for everything. It's so exhausting.

Can I—

it's almost like, guys, find something else. The JFK Jr. lookalike contest in Washington Square Park.

I honestly couldn't get myself to click on it. Any guy who says he looks like JFK Jr. gives me the ick. Like, if you think you look like him, you already don't.

And I feel like on TikTok, the girls are really coming for the other girls. Like, this isn't— you're not Carolyn Bessette. Like, you can't— you're not doing it right. Oh yeah, nobody's coming for the men who are posting outfit videos trying to look like JFK Jr. We've truly lost the plot. Like, what, guys?

Well, I had some friends joking that they were like, oh, I might have to walk by the JFK Jr. Um, look-alike contest to find a boyfriend. But then I was like, oh, like, imagine some guys like in the mirror preparing to look like JFK Jr.

Hot take: I love the show, but it seems like they were not the best match for each other. Just gonna go out on a limb here and say, look, I love a woman who will beat her man in the streets of New York City. If I didn't think someone was going to take a video of me, I would have done it so many times. But That's not the best, like, example of a good relationship. Like, if you want to beat the shit out of him— and I've been there so many times— you can't do it. But also, you probably shouldn't be dating that person, let alone marrying them.

Also, especially when she knew, like, all they do is get photographed.

Did you see the actress who came out and was like, um, yeah, I'm kind of pissed at how you guys portrayed me?

I wrote that down. Daryl Hannah. She's not an actress. She's like the actress of the '90s. Are you familiar with Daryl Hannah?

I only know her from that one movie with Tom Hanks.

Forrest Gump, she starred in. She's iconic. And she was in, um, Splash. I think that was with Tom Hanks too.

That was her.

That's Daryl Hannah. She's the mermaid. Yeah, that's her. No, Forrest Gump.

Are you sure? Hold on, I need to fact check. Yeah.

Yeah, I need to fact-check myself actually. Splash, Kill Bill, Steel Magnolia, Blade Runner, A Walk to Remember.

Tarantino was not in 1994 film Forrest Gump. Oh wait, I knew something was up there.

Who was in Forrest?

Usually I let you, I let you just go. I'm like, normally she's trusting herself.

You let me cook. Oh, she wasn't. It was Robin Wright. Okay, well, both two great actresses. Um, so Daryl Hannah comes out and is like, I don't do anything to anyone, I don't say anything to anyone, I never want to be involved in anything. She's like—

she was like, I didn't host cocaine parties, like, I would never show up to someone's TV set and just—

or like, I wouldn't use an heirloom to snort crack on. She basically was like, most of the time I don't respond to like rumors about me because it just adds flame to the fire. But she Totally. The way they depicted her in this was that she was this sad, annoying, disrespectful, horrible person.

Even the actress's voice, every time she talked, you were like, shut up.

It almost— it was done so badly where like, I think they tried to make her like the antagonist so that you'd root for Carolyn, but instead it made— I was like, why would this guy ever want to be with this horrible person? So Daryl Hannah, good for you for speaking up, because I, I know that speaking up causes drama and I don't recommend it in most situations.

I really—

but she basically was like, don't use me.

I really don't speak.

Don't come for my entire person and my entire livelihood. Like, imagine you live this whole full life and then this TV show comes out depicting you as a person. Your entire life and it's going viral and you're the worst, like, side chick in the world. And she's like, that just wasn't us. I would never force a guy to marry me. Like, the, the accusations they had on her was bonkers.

Do you ever think about how, like, we are not JFK Jr.'s type at all? He would have thrown up in his mouth. He would have been like, a brunette? Well, a redhead?

Okay, get out of here.

You know, sometimes the gigglers will DM me and they'll be like, hey, sorry, so I know I'm blonde, but, um, and it's like so funny.

But I do feel like when I find out a guy likes blondes, I get like empowered because I'm like, I suddenly feel free of his wrath. And I'm like, you see, you don't have a soul. Yeah, I'm like, but I'm like, you don't have control over me. Like, you don't fuck with me so that I'm free, where like— but there's— there was drama, and I hate to spread gossip, but I think this was from Brooke Shields' mouth. Brooke Shields, who we love, iconic, went on a date with JFK Jr. when she was still a virgin. She was like America's Most Famous Virgin, which was so '90s to be like, here's the virgin of the day.

Not even '90s. Remember when like the Jonas Brothers wore purity rings? What was that?

That was, um, religious trauma. Was—

what was like that? Like, even like Britney Spears, people were like obsessed with when she was like gonna turn 18. And like, same with the Olsen twins. Like, what a weird genre of like celebrity-dom that like we were just like, oh yeah, she's a virgin, duh, everybody knows that. Like, imagine the world finding out when you lost your virginity.

No, she's like, I'm a virgin, but I have given some hand jobs. Like, that is so— it's disgusting. Oh yeah, so she said that she went on a date with him and it went great, and then she's like, I'm not having sex with you, because in her head she's like, I'll fall in love with this man. So then he apparently leaves her. Like, is like, oh, we're not having sex, and just like leaves her wherever they were. She has to like find her way back. And she said like, he knew I was obsessed with him. And she was like, I was obsessed with him and I couldn't believe I was on a date with him, but like, I didn't want to have sex with him because I knew I'd fall in love with him and I didn't want to deal with all that. Also, it's like, you don't have to have sex with anyone if you don't want to. So then this girl on TikTok was like, he he knew she was in love with him, so he wasn't like upset about that. He liked Carolyn Bessette because she didn't like him. But I also feel like that oversimplifies it.

Like, we don't know what happened between those two, right? And I think we need to stop, or like take it all with such a grain of salt. The internet oversimplifies everything.

Yeah, I do think there is like a argument to be made that men do like what they can't have. Yeah, and they do like a chase, and if you are meaner to them, and they do kind of like that if you like ignore them a lot.

So my argument to that— cool, play games, pretend you're in the courtship, pretend you hate whatever, and, and he'll, he'll— you'll get his attention or whatever. That's not a long, sustainable, healthy relationship.

Certainly not.

It's when you're in your early 20s, treat men like shit, ignore them, don't respond to their texts, let them chase you, and then get— eventually what's going to happen is going to happen, which if you are toxic together, you're toxic, which is what we— I guess happened with—

I do think though, like, the man needs to be obsessed with you from the moment that he meets you. He can't grow to love you where women can grow to be more attracted to you and more into you. But I— if you're not obsessed with me in the first time we've met and you're not like immediately asking to hang out again, I'm not interested.

1,000%. Girls, write that down. Like, literally write that down. If you at any point are looking and seeing if you have to change anything about yourself to make him like you more, get out. No, I mean, we've all been there because we're chameleons.

I want you to like stalk me. I want you to be so obsessed with me that like you can't imagine not dating me.

Can I tell an iconic story? That seems toxic. Can I tell an iconic story about my parents?

Yeah.

My mom and dad meet on a blind date and immediately they're obsessed with each other and he's she's like, where are you going? And he's like, I am going out to Long Island for a family— like, um, it was like Memorial Day, it's like a family party. Do you want to come with me? And like, that's insane if you're not attracted to the guy. You're like, you're crazy. But she's like, okay. So like, that night she meets his entire family.

Nothing is insane. Well, because you want to know what? If the guy says it's okay then it's okay. Like, she was like, like, that's this.

He was like, help me pick out a gift for my sister and let's go. Like, he immediately— men are like, you're my wife. So then he, he gets back, they get back after the weekend, and he's like, what are you doing tomorrow? And she's like, I have a date. Like, she was dating, she was single. And he's like, okay, I'll drive you to the date, break up with the guy, and then we go on a date. And she was like, okay. So he drove her to the date, let her walk in, tell the guy, I'm seeing someone else, get back in the car with him and take her to dinner.

Oh my God, I'm going to cry.

And they got engaged in 6 months and they're still like obsessed with each other.

Wait, Hannah, you got engaged in like 6 months.

That's why the only— you know, I'm not like a crazy risk taker. Like, I'm not doing cocaine.

Yeah.

In my head, I was like, the guy I meet, I'll know immediately, because that's what happened to my mom. So when Des proposed after 6 months, I was like, good. If it was any longer, I would have to get out of this.

Um, speaking of men, this whole pod, you see everyone's really coming at Timothée Chalamet. Well, first of all, for 2 things. 2 things.

Yeah.

One, he said that nobody cares about the ballet, and Um, the opera. And then the third thing is somebody— I forget where it was, I definitely had the freaking video saved too. Um, someone asked him about like having children or something, and he said that like when— something to the effect of like, if you choose not to have children, like, bleak, what's like your life? And the girls are going crazy. Can I say one thing before we dive into it?

Before we digress? Yes. You're like, how do we want to position this?

So I have so many thoughts, and let me just be a devil's advocate because let me just truly say what's happening in my brain simultaneously.

Okay, be honest. In—

I'm being— she's gonna be so honest right now. In— on one hand, what Timothée Chalamet said about the opera and ballet is insane because it's like the oldest art form ever. Like, opera's been around for like 500 fucking years. Like, it's also a time— really? Yeah, people really do fucking love the opera. So I do think that's crazy. But has attendance to the opera and the ballet gone down in years? Well, yes, because there's so many other forms of entertainment. So is what he's saying kind of true? Like, people don't care about the opera and the ballet as much as they used to? Yes, but people don't care about movies as much as they used to either.

But it wasn't his point, kind of like, I want to be doing something that people want to see.

And that rubbed me the wrong way because I was like, you can't get a ticket to The Nutcracker in New York City if you don't book it months in advance before Christmas. But you cannot get a bigger picture.

Being an artist isn't about the applause. Being an artist is about loving what you do and expressing yourself creatively. He's basically like, I do this because I can make millions of dollars and people like it. Where it's like, first of all, you went to LaGuardia High School, which is a performing arts school where everyone auditions with music, dance, art, or—

pretty sure his parents are playwrights or something. Something.

I do think he's doing too much press. We've all been there. I've been there where I've done way too many podcasts where I have nothing left to say, and I'm like, I've said every story about myself, and you just start saying crazy shit. Like, you're like giving opinions on flowers. Like, I don't— if I had a nickel for every time I've called someone and been like, I'm overexposed, I, I have nothing left to say, and you're like, who's even speaking right now? Like, I've never met this person. I do think he's overexposed, and I don't think he wholeheartedly is passionate about his statement. Like, it's not like he's not like fighting to the death to be like, fuck opera.

Yeah, death to opera singers.

But someone was like, also, you made a movie about ping pong, which isn't the most relevant sport.

Well, when I saw the clip, which I thought the clip was actually really funny because no one's talking about how Matthew McConaughey was kind of trying to get him to shut the fuck up.

And if Matthew McConaughey is looking at you like, slow your roll, Like you could hear him be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right.

The thing that I thought of was, damn, if like, let's just pick like a random, like a random actress. If Margot Robbie sat in an interview and said no one gives a fuck about the opera and the ballet, she would not just be talked about on podcasts with like random articles written. She'd be stoned.

Wait, you're so right. They would Katherine Heigl her.

Oh. She'd be done.

She— Chanel would like blacklist her.

They would ruin her. Um, absolutely.

Also because the arts is how you got here. It's like being like, was Shakespeare that good? It's like, okay, well, we needed Shakespeare to get here. It's like, does anyone even understand Shakespeare? I mean, what he said was crazy, but it's also like, this man, his life is so weird right now. Like, he's in an echo chamber of everything he does. Everyone around him is like, yes, Timothée! Like, yes, Yeah, everyone's talking about it, and he's so famous, and you kind of lose touch with reality. And that's what we're seeing. And when— when— if I was a publicist, when I see my client is so fucking famous and so out of touch with reality, and it's not their fault, they're dealing with an abnormal human condition, I say maybe let's not do podcasts. Yeah, maybe let's not do a Q&A about life when he's—

let's sit this one out—

when he's not in touch with life right now.

And let me just say one other thing. Yeah, I don't think that men should talk about having a child ever. I don't think that they should ever have an opinion on having a child because you've literally contributed the least amount of what you need to contribute, contribute to make an actual baby. Like, the woman has to cook this baby in her body, inside of her body for 9 months. If you're a woman that have— has chosen to live a child-free life, you've thought about living a child-free life 10 times more and 10 times harder than the woman next to you who thought about having a baby. My girlfriends that have gone back and forth with having children and not have thought about it way more than my girlfriends who got married and had a baby within a year.

And they're like, we haven't had a baby. It's not a decision, it's just you're unable to have it and it didn't work out.

Right, or it's like a socioeconomic issue. They're like, where women are like, no, I can't bring a baby into this world.

Yeah, yeah.

And so I think any men making any comments about like when a woman should have a baby, if a woman should have a baby— until you can have a baby, don't talk about it.

100%. In my stand-up show, there's a portion where I talk about like if I should have kids or not, and I like to, you know, poll the audience, make a little group project, and I say like, who thinks I should and shouldn't have a kid? And I love talking to the women. And whenever a man jumps in with his opinion of whether or not I should have a kid, I go, I'm sorry, did your butthole and vagina rip into one open sore? Then I'm— thank you. I don't, I don't need your opinion on that. I'm sorry, have you— what? How are you giving an opinion?

I saw this meme or something and it was like, the next time a man says he needs to have a child because of his legacy, make him name his great-great-grandfather. Honey, your legacy of what, playing Fortnite in a swivel chair? Sweetie, come on.

I've been on a— in a k-hole, another k-hole of family. I think it's familysearch.org. Now, oh God, let me just put an asterisk around this because I do think it's affiliated with like some religious organization. Oh God. And I may have like put my entire family in danger, but in my 6-hour trip to LA, the entire time I was on familysearch.org. The entire— okay, so you put— first you just put yourself in, you put your parents in and their birth and, and where it was. Then it starts pulling public records of like marriage certificates, um, census reports, and it finds their parents, and then it recommends like, is this the right person? I went all the way to the 1400s in Sicily.

Wait, I gotta do that.

You like— I was so—

the 1400s, babe.

My— this is the funniest thing about my Sicilian side. These motherfuckers did not leave their block.

They lived in the same town in Sicily because nothing bad ever happened in their bed.

My dad's grandparents, Max Berner, May Berner, nothing after them. Yeah, they were Polish, Austrian, Russian. I can't find a single thing of that side. Meanwhile, the Italians are—

wait, I need to do mine because we were there. Like, what if, what if there were just like two girls that lived on the same block and they were like really funny and they were friends, but like they'd get stoned if they said any of the things they were thinking. I also— they're like, maybe I don't want to make a fucking bread this Sunday. Did you ever think of that?

These women were having babies. Like, it was like— and these names are like incredible, but they were all having like 10 kids, but then like 4 of the 10 kids would die. Would die. It would be like— well, because they had no money for food and they would get a sniffle or something. But I would— oh my God, I'm— girl, these names. No, I need to do it.

Nunzio.

Yeah, I low-key love that name. Nunzio.

Giacinto. Nunzio is actually on my baby name list for a boy, but my mom was like, no, it's too Italian. It's too much.

I love a girl named Vita.

Vita. Yeah, I like that.

Vita Bruno was Um, also Erasmo. Erasmo Pipitone, shout out.

Sorry, Erasmo Pipitone, whatever your brand you come out with or whatever, if you ever sell a product regardless of what it is, that's the name of it.

Vincenzo Pipitone. Vincenzo, make me a fucking caprese salad right now.

You know, I always thought at some point in my life I would date a Vincenzo and I never did.

Wait, I feel so— I'm so sorry. Thank you. Um, I have a lot of Vincenzos and Vincenzas. These— I also kind of, when it comes to like naming pets, kids, I kind of love pulling it from your ancestors and like keeping it in the family.

Well, you heard a name the other day and I saw your wheels turning because you were like, hmm, could I name my daughter that?

Oh, you don't remember? Yeah, well, okay. I like the idea of names kind of à la Taylor Swift where like it's a name that's unisex. So when she emails, people can't tell if she's a man or a woman. And I was telling that to one of my good friends, Stuart Fullerton, who's an amazing comedian. And I was like, I love your name and people call you Stu. And when you email, people can't tell if you're a man or a woman. And I think that's like really good. And she's like, no, everyone thinks I'm a gay man because I'm obviously using tons of exclamation points. She's like, no one thinks I'm like a tough dude.

Wait, that's so funny because I was just gonna say I love the name Ryan for a girl.

Yeah, I love the unisex names.

But then also, honestly, the name Ryan is just like too Irish for me to ever use.

No one will believe it.

Truly, my whole family would be like, who the hell is Ryan?

Also, you have to understand too that like, like Stuart's like, it's annoying to have to explain it all the time. And I would hate for me to have like a fun little feminist moment, my my daughter then has to like explain herself because I had a fun name idea for the rest of her life.

Not to toot my own horn, but I think I have one of the best girl names in the game.

I know everyone's waiting.

No, I'm saying—

oh, you're not— Paige.

It's really good. Fuck my daughter, we don't know her.

You can't go wrong with Paige.

Paige is so— it just, I feel like, truly encapsulates who I am as a human, and it's extremely feminine and girly, but it's also like one syllable. There's no nonsense. I— it's Paige.

Feel the exact opposite. I hate my name. Really? It's so soft. No one can hear when I say it. Hannah, Hannah, Hannah, Hannah. It's not me. I'm an Amber. That's what it should have been, Amber or Lucy.

I think you're more Lucy than you are Amber. Amber gives like— you're Amber gives such tough girl vibes. Like, Amber will fuck You are— see, that's who I think are sideways.

That's my Scorpio side.

But you're so— you're actually— I'm Lucy. So nice.

Wait, I'm such a Lucy. So sweet. I— my name is Hannah. Lucy is my name. I tried to change it, my mom was like, uh, no, you had to do that in college, babe.

You're too late. You could have rebranded in college as Lucy.

I almost did. Yeah, if I become a pop star. DJ Loose. Oh, DJ Loose.

You want to know what? Actually, that's really good. You want to know what? Women stay pivoting, so I'm not going to even say that you might not be a pop star because at some day you might be.

We know one thing about me and Paige, we love surprise and the gigglers. Um, I also— this is a theory I have. I think Charli XCX, because her Brat was so fucking good but also like kind of just autotuned. I think it's inspired everyone to get into music. Like, Hilary Duff's like, I can do that. Like, I feel like everyone's inspired by Charli XCX because like, even like Lily Allen, she's like, let's go.

Which we both like randomly without telling each other watched the Charli XCX movie. I thought it was like the only person on the planet to like see it on Amazon.

Well, I paid $20 on Amazon Prime. That's really embarrassing. I don't want to tell people about that.

So did I. I was like, rent immediately. I liked it. Like, I thought it gave me the vibe of that show I Love L.A.

Okay, so I liked it, but I think it didn't know if it was a comedy or not. And then I also think if you're not in that world, it's not relatable.

Except the thought that I had while I was watching it was she was outside of the box in terms of— she was like, I'm gonna do a movie about my tour without doing a documentary about the tour. And it's like, this will be the—

I actually really enjoyed it. I could understand some of the critics. I can understand some of the critics of it.

Like, I think I thought Kylie Jenner was so good.

Kylie Jenner was incredible in it.

She was incredible when she was like, it's not funny. No, it's actually not funny.

You know what it is? I think people wanted her to go full comedy or no comedy, and it was kind of this in-between. But again, Charli XCX, you can't not look at her. You can't not watch her. Yeah. And she's British, so she's inherently more interesting.

Yeah. Do you think that British people think that? No, no, I don't know.

British people are like, literally are like, they're not even speaking English. They're like, they butchered our language. That's what they think. That's what they think about Timothée Chalamet.

If I was British, I would have such a superiority complex.

Well, that's why I would— when I dated British Dave, he would be like, you guys ruined all the words. Like, you add— you add— like, you say sidewalk, it's so obvious. Like, of course you're walking on the side. Like, instead, what do they call it? They call it something like simpler. They call it like— actually, I forgot. I don't— I didn't listen to him when he was talking, but he was like, you guys butchered the language.

I would feel so much better. I'd be like, you guys literally like had to create another country.

Do you know that the British still like technically run Canada? Like, they don't run it, but they're like in charge. No, sorry, I've been traveling a lot. No, I actually didn't know that about the Brits. Can I tell you about this weekend in Indian Wells? Like, we started the pod, because something really crazy happened. So I'm like obsessed with the Tennis Channel, so I invited like all the Tennis Channel hosts to come to my suite, and I met them all, and I was like— but also like in my head, you were socializing. I'm a correspondent. Like right now, if you were like, Hannah, you have to do a— you have to call a match for Indian Wells, I'd be like 100%, and I'm overprepared for it. Like In my head, I'm a sports broadcaster. Yeah. And one of the girls, Dani, was like, come to the Tennis Channel desk. So I go up to the broadcast and I'm like hanging out on the desk, having so much fun, living my life. So then they were like, let's do a segment for Tennis Channel. And this girl Coco Vandeweyde, um, she was like, let's hit. Now Coco Vandeweyde is, um, played professionally, is amazing.

Coco Vandeweyde and I have lore.

Okay, I just love the name Coco Vandeweyde.

Like, she's iconic.

Sorry, I have to say it 10 times.

Coco Vandeweyde. And she— her grandpa, I think, was like an amazing football player named Kiki Vandeweyde. Great name as well. Great name. Great family of great names and athletes. Yes, she's—

by the way, like, so fun when you meet a family of great names.

I played her when I was 14 years old, and she's a big hitter, and I'm more like crafty, whatever. I get up 5-2, and she's fuming, like off her rocker, breaks her racket. And I'm like, wow, this— she's losing her mind. I'm gonna get this set. An umpire comes, tells her, you get a point penalty. Like basically a slap on the wrist, and she calms down and ends up coming back and beats me. And I was heartbroken after that match, never forgot it. And I reached out to her, I said, you know, we played each other, and she was like, I don't remember you. I'm like, that match ruined my life. Um, so then we're hitting, and it was like this incredible, like, full circle moment because she just retired I'm obviously retired, and we're laughing on the court, hitting with each other. And we had like— it was just this beautiful full circle moment of two girls who, in our 14— when we were 14, were in such an intense, scary, like, angry phase.

This is make or break.

This is life or death. Like, crying. Like, it was chaos. And then the two of us were able to just laugh and hit as two just like successful women in their 30s. Even though we went about it differently, we like found each other again and it was just a beautiful International Women's Day moment. And I'm so proud of her. She's like killing it as a journalist. She's such a natural and she's so multifaceted. And I— all these girls I hated, like I hated all of them in the juniors. Like we all hated each other. It wasn't a team. It was me versus you. And, and I'm now friends with so many of these girls I played in juniors where we all actually feel like kind of trauma bonded. 'cause we understand each other. And so many of these girls have gone on to do so many amazing things. So anyway, I just—

I saw a thing the other day and it was like, why do women hate each other starting at such a young age? Like, no, why do girls automatically feel so competitive with each other? And someone said because there's just a finite amount of girls that essentially get picked. So like, and not in marriage way, like in a work way. Really in every facet of our lives because there's so many men around, but there's only gonna be a couple women in that field. And so it's kind of like, even in school, it's like, okay, well, only a couple girls are gonna win the spelling bee or something. So it's like you automatically are so competitive with each other. And I think that it's so important for our generation. I saw this other thing that it was like, if you're sitting at a table, you better make sure there's another woman there that you you helped like get there.

Oh, I love that so much because in stand-up comedy, if you guys look at any lineup— I'll say New York City, LA, ever— it's always 4 men, 1 woman, because they book the men and then they go, shoot, we need a woman. So when you're a woman in stand-up, you're like, oh shit, they picked her, not me, as the woman on the lineup. And it's a man— a man's world. And that's why I just want to do a shout out of the comedy podcasts, of the top 10 comedy podcasts, the women— we are representing. We got Amy. Like, we have there— if you look in the top 10, the women are there. And I'm proud of us because we, like, we didn't get picked.

We— some girl posted, she was like, I just— it was my first day of law school and my class is 70% women.

Well, this is the problem. They've angered us. And now we've gone too hard and now they're upset.

And now you've made us mad. And now we have to take your job, fuck your dad, and fire you. Sorry. Sorry about it.

We went from 0 to 100 real quick.

We really did. We went to like empowering women and then we were like, I'll have sex with your dad.

Side note, I did this Zoom meeting, which as an entrepreneur, I love a little corporate Zoom. I love when I'm doing something with like a company and they're like, can we hop on Do you want to Zoom with the company? And I'm like, yes. And I'm sitting there, it was all women at this company. Now the cutest thing about this Zoom is while we're doing the Zoom, they're all in the comments. So like I would be speaking and all the girls are in the comments being like, yes, and like, and like tagging me up being like, me too, girl. And I was like, is this normal in like a Zoom corporate call that all the girls are in the comments?

I always get really confused when people do that.

It's like they don't want to interrupt you, but they want to let you— these girls were having so much fun in the comments, and then they were like saying inside giggler jokes. Like someone was like, no notes. I was like, this is the most fun corporate call. But if there were men in it, I feel like no one's writing in the comments. That would be like creepy.

Well, every time I'm on a Zoom now and there's like a man, I like kind of call it out because that doesn't— that never happens with us because we do, we do kind of primarily work with all women, which let me just say one thing, as someone who has worked a couple different jobs and worked with like all different types of people. There have been times in my life where I'm like, oh fuck yeah, thank God the boss is a woman, like this is gonna be so much more comfortable. And yes, in certain parts it is. Like, do I think she's gonna hit on me and get mad when I say no?

No.

But I've had some female bosses where I'm like, holy shit, well, you might be one of the worst people I've ever met in my goddamn life, and I actually rather be getting annoyed with a man than you right now because—

well, because they're smarter.

They're supposed to protect me. Well, hurt people—

not to defend her, but hurt people hurt people. And sometimes when like you've been abused and when you know how hard it was for you to get there, it goes back to what you were saying, that like only so many women can get picked. So it becomes a girly girl situation. Girly girl.

Don't walk in the office and cut a bob and not say anything to me when I had a Bob.

Okay, yeah, so you— that is okay.

So, okay, so you do actually like me because now you have Paige.

There's room for more than one Bob in the room. Totally. There's— wait, but we're figuring something out.

We need room for more than one Bob. We—

that's the thing. Once there is room for more than one Bob, then people stop, like, be mean to each other. But when you think there's only room for—

you could have just said to me, I love your bob, I'm thinking about getting a bob, and we would have had that moment rather than you coming in the next day miraculously having a bob and never saying anything.

You just want credit where credit's due.

It's not even that. It's just like sometimes you do get excited to work with other females and you're like, I hate that. I hate that.

Yeah, actually, when you said that, I was like, that was sexist. That was disgusting. I got upset.

I was like, oh, that was actually really vile. You do get excited that like you're gonna work with other women, and I will say like 80% of the time it is easier and it is better and things happen better. But there are times where you're like, you don't have to be so mean to me because it's only us here. Like, we need to band together.

Well, it's giving like Tyra Banks, hurt people hurt people. But I do think like one thing I loved about tennis was it's the one sport where the women were like more famous than the men. Like Serena Sharapova, Monica Seles, like Steffi Graf. Like these, you can't argue how good they are. And me and Madison were playing tennis and all these men were like signing up to try to hit with us. And like, I don't care what gender you are, you can't beat us. Like, it's not like a, well, I liked his, his jokes were funnier. No, I kicked your ass in the sport. Like, that's just rules. And it was, it was, oh, it's so empowering. And But also the funniest thing is Lululemon, they were like, Hannah, we want you to have fun, go play tennis. It's 90 degrees, by the way, and not to brag, my ass is out of shape. I've been on a plane since September. Occasional Pilates isn't gonna do it. And even if I was in shape at 90 degrees playing tennis, I would be tired. So like 15 minutes in, I'm like, water break. And the Lululemon girl's like, do not push yourself, you don't have to win, this isn't like— just have fun.

And I'm like, we're dealing with a lot of demons right now. Yeah, she literally was like, Hannah, you don't have to win this. I'm like, then don't make it a competition.

It's tough, it's so hard, life is hard.

So I also like, I almost called a medic. I kept like pretending to fall down so I could lay down. I was like coughing.

I just would have— I just would have left, Hannah.

Well, I was like, free will, what would Paige do?

No, I I wouldn't leave.

I pushed myself, like, to the point where, like, my throat was bleeding.

Like, I was like, anytime there's something I don't want to do or someone I don't want to be around or just like something I don't like, I remember, oh, I'm an adult and I'm leaving.

Bye. No, my makeup artist literally pulled me aside and took a fan and was like, are you like going to faint right now?

And honestly, that's how I felt when I did Love Island. I was like, actually, I'm leaving. I don't care.

Bye. Which is actually so empowering. But to me, I'm like, they finally gave a woman a chance and she's going to She's gonna black out. And here I am, I'm gonna croak.

No, that's how I felt doing Love Island.

I was like, I finally get my— I just like, I'm really excited.

Then I was like, I'm going to my bed, see ya, this was fun, gotta go.

You're so right, it's called boundaries. Also, I just have to say, I've been doing this new thing with my Dunkin' iced latte where I've been putting a shot of raspberry.

I actually downed a ham and cheese croissant from Dunkin' before we did this, and I'd never had it, and it Fucking—

what refresher are you drinking? You finished it.

I was drinking the strawberry dragon fruit.

Thanks so much to Dunkin' for partnering with us for the episode, and we love you guys so much. Thanks for giggling. See you on Friday, bitches.