Transcript of Giggling about crushes, conjugal visits, and kalteen bars

Sup, Gigglers?

Gary, fix your Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

Hello, my Grizzly Gigglers.

Wait, I need to get my phone.

Oh my God.

Well, because I just like— I have things.

I have— oh, you do?

Well, I have notes and stuff.

I was in the car, um, I'm on the way to the Teen Vogue party. Sorry, I just love saying that.

What is that?

Selena Gomez is like, oh, I got a little blue in my hair on the way to the Teen Vogue party. We messed up today.

Yeah, we messed up today. First of all, this is what we get. Wait, first of all, I'm wearing a YSL windbreaker.

First of all, like everywhere you walk today, you got a compliment. Also, her hair is tucked in like Mary-Kate Ashley Olsen. She's obsessed with herself. I'm obsessed But you also don't feel like talking. You just want people to look at you today.

Yeah, I wish— I like, I feel like my voice is different. I'm like, like it's, it's smaller.

It is crazy. Not to defend you and your obsession with outfits, but the right outfit really makes you feel like it's not good. That girl— no, in a good way.

Oh, okay, thanks.

The right outfit makes you like believe in yourself.

Yeah, but the wrong outfit ruin, cancel everything. I've like broken up with boyfriends I'm like, I just can't. I'm overstimulated and my outfit sucks and everybody knows it.

You walk in and I'm like, everyone's whispering about my outfit. That's actually happened to me though. That's in your head. That's my reality.

Today me and Hannah went shopping this morning.

What can I just say? Yeah, not to get deep, but I feel like me and you have like never been more in love with each other. Yeah, we're like obsessed with each other. We're so close, like like on a soul sister level right now. And we've been like making time for each other, which we've never done.

The other day you said to me, if I wanted to stop being your friend, I could have years ago.

No, I was just saying we've chose each other. Like no one forced us to be friends. Yes. I mean, people forced us to possibly not be friends at some point.

Totally.

And we fought against that.

We rose above.

We rectified. I don't know if that was the right word, but yesterday you're like, let's go to dinner. Yeah. Now let me just say, you ordered wine.

I was feeling crazy.

Crazy. And then I got scared. I didn't want to order wine, but I saw they had a coconut drink. One thing about me, I love a coconut drink, but it came in a full coconut. And let me just tell you, it's very hard to have serious adult conversations while you're holding a full coconut.

No, we were the video of like the waiter coming over at the most horrible point.

And he sees me with a coconut, he thinks it's an easy—

he thinks it's fun, it's light, it's like—

and she's like, and then when the lawsuit got involved, she was— and then she lost all her children.

So anyway, I'm sending a cease and desist.

And also, this wasn't just like any coconut, it was like a pumpkin.

Yeah, it was massive.

At one point, everyone was talking at the dinner, and I go, I'm holding the coconut, I'm speaking. Unless you have the coconut in your hands, you can't speak.

That was the funniest joke of the whole night.

I know, actually, I didn't even talk that much last night, which I'm proud of myself because sometimes in a group dinner I don't know how much to talk. I feel like I talked the right amount. Like, I left the dinner being like, I didn't overtalk.

Great performance.

And I had some of the like top hits of the night.

You did. You, you had the—

I got like 2 applause breaks.

Yeah, you had laugh breaks. Me and Des monopolized the whole conversation.

No, I was obsessed with you and Des because you're very powerful separate, but when you're together, you're like too powerful. And you were like Scorping it.

Well, we were also sitting across from each other, so it was like I could only look at him truly. And so I was just like, Paige is fully interrogating Dez.

I'm drinking from my coconut. And it was getting kind of— it was like, like, well, the waters were deep. Well, because Dez has so many great stories. But then it made me laugh. You, you waited till I was married to a man for 4 years before you changed his you like put his name in your phone.

Yeah.

And that's so fucking real.

Yeah, I like just recently saved it, like not that long ago.

It's true.

Like, and it went to like— I had it saved, but it was like Des, Hannah's boyfriend, Summer. Like, I have to write all these, and then it became Des Bishop as of late because I was like, yeah, he's a person and I should recognize that.

Once the marriage is like 4 years in— it was a little bit of a COVID meeting, I understand.

I can't believe you're married for 4 years. Like, I feel like my parents will go out and like, like, my mom is me. Like, so I know like when she goes— my favorite time of year is like my mom's, my dad's high school reunion. It's like, oh my God, like, I can't— not my mom's high school reunion, like, different. My dad, like, when he has one, I'm like, we're picking out her outfit, we're like— it's just like a whole thing. But I feel like when my parents talk about like going out and like they've always had good social lives, like, even when I was younger they would always go out to dinner like with someone Saturday nights.

That's so fun.

Then like for the longest they didn't. I feel like that was like when I was like middle school, high school.

And now that like they were stressed about it, yeah, God forbid they left, you'd get a tongue piercing.

But now that they're like in their 60s, I feel like they like socialize more than ever.

Yeah. And like my parents are partying.

Yeah. And like my mom will call me and like we talk like girls, you know, and she'll be like, and I feel like she was like hitting on your dad. So obviously like I had to go over and be like, hello. And I'm like, stand up for yourself, right? And she was like, and you know Dad, he always plays dumb. I'm like, and I hate when he does that. So I'm like, I feel like, as like, you will always have a crush. It's the people that take the crush to the next level.

I remember the first time I realized my dad realized another man was hitting on my mom, and I was like so proud of my mom. I was like, good, make Dad jealous.

Yeah, I'll never forget one time I went out with my parents and we were in Saratoga, and we went to— there's like after you go to the racetrack, there's like a couple bars that you go to that are like honestly dirty. Like, it's like you're in the dirt, but everyone's dressed up and like drinking from plastic cups, but it's just like the vibe. And so there's one that's like a little more adult called Zero's, and then there's another one that's like a little bit more rambunctious.

And this is your like home court?

It's like my home court. Like, if you go to the one, it's like full high school reunion. So like I avoid it sometimes because I'm like Who knows?

I'm obsessed with small town stuff like this. Yeah, I feel like I did kind of have like a small town, but it's like you knew everyone there.

And I'm stand— and this was like right when I turned 21 and like would go out with my brother. There were times where we'd be like, let's bring Mom and Dad, and we would go to like a dinner or something. But anyway, so we're at this bar and this guy is walking up to me, and like my parents are behind me, and I'm like, oh my God, like this guy's walking up to me, he's going to be like hitting on me in front of my parents. Like, this is like so embarrassing. But like, he was hot, so I was like, well, they're going to have to deal with it. Like, look alive, Dad. And this guy comes up to me and he's chatting me up, and we're like chatting, and he goes, and the woman behind you, who is that? And I'm like looking around and I like see my mom, and I'm like, who's behind me? And he's like, the woman like wearing black. I'm like, my mom? And he's like, well, sorry, I didn't know it was your mom. Like, is she single? And I was like, my dad is like right here.

And it scarred me. So I was like disgusted. I was so— I was like, this is the worst thing ever.

See, every guy's obsessed with my mom. Welcome to my life. Yeah, every guy I've ever dated, after they meet my mom, they go, wait, so your mom's you except she like has her shit together?

Yeah, mine's the opposite. Every guy I've ever dated hates my mom. I'm like, because she calls you out on your bullshit. My mom literally one time said to a boyfriend Were you a fat child? And now, like, you think you know how the conversation's gonna go after that, like, because it's just so awkward.

But Kim is a silent killer. Like, that'll be the only thing she says the whole night.

No, I know for a fact that man thought about it 3 weeks later and was like, what'd she mean by that? And I was like, she meant what she asked. And he was like, I actually was. And she goes, yeah, you act like it. And I was like, oh my God, because honestly, he was like so crazy about things I ate, and she didn't like that.

No, my mom— oh, I had one those guys.

Yeah. And so she called him out without calling him out. Like, don't project your shit onto my daughter. She can eat whatever she wants.

Oh my God, my, my mom and I had the same thing. And I said, he wants to help me be a fitness model. And she said, you're eating pasta. Yeah. Guys would like go to my mom's house and be like, it's so clean. And I'm like, yeah, my mom's really clean. And then she'd like, you know, she just is fully domesticated while also being successful, while also being beautiful. And they were like, So you're missing a couple.

So did you think this will come with age, or—

Also, by the way, when we go off about our moms and parents on this podcast, I always get a call. I got a call actually yesterday being like, hey, um, some of the stories you told, not true.

Embellished.

She goes, first of all, I didn't dress you before you went to school.

You know, when you were telling that story, I thought, I don't know if Lenore would have done that.

I didn't put you in jeans to bed. She goes, that was when you were an infant. And I was like, okay, why did I think I was 17 when you did that? And she was like, yeah.

So sorry, I thought that was before a tennis match in college.

Also, apparently my dad dropped her off to a date to break up with the guy, but then like—

it's okay, another time.

Anyway, I got to see some of this from my mom again. My mom is like, I'm laughing so hard listening to you like almost get it right. Like it's so close, like your heart is there.

Yeah.

Um, no, I— every now and then too, like, parents are crazy. Like, she's like, I got a Facebook message from like my middle school boyfriend, and I'm like, I'll kill him.

No, that's so insane. Yeah, it's so insane to think like— well, because here's the other thing, at some point your spouse passes away.

I'm very aware.

And I'm like, who's checking in when I first get single and I'm like 75 and like still look good?

Well, one of the most fun things about getting married is like First of all, you're unavailable to everyone, so you feel like around men you're just so calm.

Yeah.

Even if they don't like you, they start liking you because they know you're unavailable. Well, you take away the whole, like, all the time I used to stress about my crushes, which was a lot. I'm not pretending I was fully boy crazy.

Yeah.

Now I spend it stressing out about other things, which has as a result, it has helped my career.

No, that is so beautiful.

So like when you're— when I was single, I deal with so much bullshit with the dating, which we all do. And now my bullshit is in other things. I'm not saying like I'm happier, it's just relationships cause me no drama anymore.

That's nice.

It's like, it's just very calm. And I hate to say it, I used to call my mom for everything and now I have Des.

Lenore, if you're listening to this, now Lenore can have her own life.

Like Lenore has a sewing club, she's in, right, historical society. She's actually, she's very busy.

What is the historical society like? What is she doing? She giving tours?

Oh my God, there's a house on Shelter Island. Shout out Historical Society. And she loves history. And actually, I don't know what those girls—

so you're gonna have to call her and ask.

Um, there's this old house from like— I don't even want to say a date because I'll get it wrong— but like, I don't know, 1700s. And they preserved outfits that they found.

Wow.

And they dress up people in there. You would have loved—

wait, I love stuff like that, the outfits like that.

But like, then I was like, on Halloween, like, that shit's haunted. That's Scary. Interesting.

No, I love like a mansion tour of like— I was just going to say J.G. Wentworth. Why did that pop into my head? Um, like, like the Vanderbilts or something. Like, my mom used to make us do that so much when we were little, and I would love—

go to like historical things?

Yeah, like go to like different like tours of things.

I was so annoying on tours, cuz you know when they were like, does anyone have any questions? I was like, it's my time to shine. Which is so crazy that we're best friends, because I'm just like, I rather puke Oh, I'm such a Leo sun that like when it wasn't about me, I was like, well, someone needs to hear from me.

Even like when we're on Zooms, and it's not like we're like—

we're insane on Zoom.

Well, it's like I don't feel bad not asking a question because it's not like I'm like interviewing for a job or something. It's like people are explaining stuff and then like they're always like, do you have any questions after? And half the time I wasn't even listening because I'm like someone is gonna call me after to talk about this anyway and give me the SparkNotes. But like, I would die. Sometimes I have a question, but like, I feel like we've helped each other.

Like, you have a calmness to you.

Like, I'll start a call and I'm like, yeah, right, because I'm not listening, and you're just—

you're spaced out. I don't know, you're actually—

I'm disassociated.

So then, then I like to ask questions, but I like to wait for you to ask the one question, which is normally like Who are you people? Why am I here?

Well, I always feel like you're gonna answer— you're gonna ask the question that I would have, so I'm like, I don't actually have to do it because she's gonna do it.

And that's why we work well together.

Wait, I had a giggler DM me because we were talking about my— or what our big three were the other day, and I just found it interesting because a lot of girls were like, wait, I have your exact—

yours?

Yeah.

What did they say?

Um, her name's Taylor_Astrology. She said, giggler here, random astrology thought after you mentioned not identifying with Aquarius rising on the pod. Sometimes the rising sign is more how other people experience us than how we feel inside. I actually see Aquarius in you in a really cool way. You're always ahead of trends, very innovative. Daphne pajamas that double as an outfit is very Aquarius. You're quick with observational humor and you're great at stepping back and reading group dynamics. Aquarius has the ability to detach and see things from a bird's eye view, which can be as helpful balance for Scorpio Sun and Pisces Moon, like a mental zoom out button when the water gets intense. Also, Aquarius tends to enjoy others who beat to their own drum, AKA might be a little quirky. And I just thought that was sweet.

Wait, she's talking about me? Yeah, I'm obsessed with that because I just went on TikTok.

You do beat to your own drum.

Well, I just got— this is what comes on my algorithm: me because I'm too weird for the popular girls and too popular for the weird girls. And I go, that's weird. So I go into the comments and everyone goes— someone goes Scorpio rising core, and then someone goes Leo sun, Scorpio rising, and that's me. And I was like, oh my God, so astrologically things are going well.

Thank God. And it's all that is.

I don't give a fuck. I care so much about astrology. I'm gonna go—

I love it. Me too. It's just because it's branded as women, and that's why people are like, grow up. Did you see Doja Cat? Did you see it, or you're just laughing at the segue?

Well, I love that Doja Cat, you won't hear from her for months, and then she'll come out with like the craziest quote and then get herself into a drama that she never had to be involved in. Like, she was at peace, but she's like, I want to know what her chart is.

Yeah, I would love to know what her chart is.

What did she do?

She basically did like a full— when she said said the whole thing about Timothée Chalamet and was like about the ballet and the— what was it? Opera, I guess. Kylie Jenner had commented her Insta or her TikTok, wherever she had posted it, and Kylie said, calm down, LOL. And so then I don't know if this is why Doja Cat did an apology, but then like seemingly a couple hours later she did like an apology, and the apology was, I have to admit, I've never been to the ballet and I've never been to the opera. And wait, I actually screenshotted it because I thought it so interesting what she actually said. And she basically said that she did it for clicks.

And then I think she felt guilty because she realized a second ago it could have been her saying something that everyone was jumping on, and she felt bad. So I think she was trying to like fix her karma.

I've never been to the ballet, I've never seen an opera, and took it upon myself yesterday to kind of give it to the man because there is a culture— there is culture based around outrage. What I was doing yesterday was virtue signaling because I wanted to connect, and I knew that Timothy— Timothy's goof-up was something that I could leverage in order for people to connect with me. It's a modern way to garner clicks, likes, approval, and kinds of things like that.

I'm actually obsessed with her.

She kind of did a— not intentionally, but unintentionally did a social experiment and just proved that, like, I mean, I feel like because we're from reality TV, we can see it so clearly that, like, one person can mess up and it could be like maybe not that bad, and then— but people just feel part of a group when they like pile on top of that person.

Also, when someone does something wrong, your algorithm will be full of people that agree with you, that agree with you. And also, you get the most clicks when you're speaking on an issue that's like hating on someone.

That's why like I don't understand how anyone's taking anyone seriously that's like, I asked ChatGPT all my questions. It's like Okay, but it's programmed to like eventually start agreeing with you.

It's very strange.

It's very strange. I'm like, I feel like I'm living in the Twilight Zone. I'm like, what are you talking about?

For everyone online who's like, their job is like calling people out and critiquing—

whose job is that? Well, like some, like some people, like some, like, yeah, it was just like tea.

And that's because they want their own fame. Yeah, like no one actually—

I'm gonna be honest, I didn't like— I had to reread virtue signal.

I mean, it was—

I was like, what does that mean?

I I think she's saying like she was pretending that she like really cared about the art of it, but then she knows deep down she feels— she doesn't feel a type of way about it. She just wanted attention, and then I think she felt guilty.

Some people are like, wait, what? Other comments are like, she's playing 4D chess. Yeah, like people should be as self-aware as her. Just interesting.

Yeah, it's funny because if you think of whenever anyone posts something, there's always a reason. They want to make someone jealous, they want to make someone laugh. Sometimes they want views. And I know as a content creator, sometimes I'm like, okay, what do people want to see? If I wanted views, whatever drama is going on, I could just give my take on it, right? That's how I actually would get views. But I don't want to be a part of that anger economy.

I post to look at myself.

I know, I watch it. I look at you, look at yourself.

I'm posting today because I want to see this outfit on a big screen.

Next time you post something online, figure out like why you're doing it and make sure there's good karma behind it, because that shit bites you in the ass.

Yeah.

Are you aware of the David Protein drama?

No.

Oh my God, you'd love this.

What?

Okay, I'm gonna like butcher this.

I'm not big into— I'm like the— I'm not big in the protein community.

I get so many memes that are like, the world's falling apart, but at least we have protein popcorn.

Yeah, it's just like everything has protein in it, and I'm like, how much was I lacking?

It's a joke.

Like, I like— oh my God, you guys are really serious.

It's a trend, I think, because a lot of people are on GLP-1s and when you're not eating a lot, you're not getting enough protein.

Got it. I just saw a thing that said that they were like doing studies and like Ozempic is like making your bones brittle.

Yeah, well, I think if you overdo anything, it's bad, but I haven't done the science on it all.

However, thank God.

But everyone wait, I'll do the science eventually and I'll let you know my report as a woman in STEM. So I'm very into protein bars. Yeah, it's my thing.

Oh my God, I've been—

well, as a tennis player.

So you've been hiding this from me?

Where? My bag right now. Like, I always have protein bar just in case I get hungry.

Are you doing protein powders at home?

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's strictly—

okay, like just a bar?

Protein bar.

Okay, and what's your bar of choice right now?

I really like those Barebell Proteins. It's always normally like peanut butter.

Remember when you totally, um, what are the bars from? Calteen bars. Remember you totally Calteen barred me on tour?

So I, um, there's this thing called Perfect Bars, and they're perfect. They're perfect, and they just taste like you're eating peanut butter. They're like 400 calories. It's like a meal replacement.

And I told you once, like, in the airport, you were like, hey, those are really good.

Those are really good because sometimes in the morning I don't want a full breakfast. I'll have one of these.

And I'm like, this is a minuscule little bar. This is amazing. I'm gonna eat these all day long. And I'm eating them, and Hannah's like, how many have you had? And I'm like, I don't know. And she's like, those are 400 calories each.

They're milk.

I'm like, are you trying to move me up a weight class?

Are you kidding? I go on this tour, we gotta be sturdy. You gotta pick up your luggage.

I'm like, I'm literally disassociating from the world on this tour.

Well, you're gonna die. And I'm gonna get this wrong, but there's this thing called David Protein Bars. Okay, you might have seen them around. They're the guys who did RX Bars. RX Bars were the ones that are like— oh yeah, wait, I didn't realize that I know so much about protein bars and you literally— what is this documentary?

Like, I've never heard of David.

You ever see the bars that say no BS on them?

No.

Oh my God.

Oh yes, yes, yes. Okay, like dates, egg, like, all right, fuck you.

And a nickel. That's like all that's in it. It's like cardboard and egg. At least we tell you what's in it. So I think they sold that for a lot of money.

Okay.

And then something kind of sketchy happened.

We're not done in the protein space.

Something sketchy happened where they somehow claimed that a certain way they make their protein, they like own it, and that other protein bars can't do it. So they basically were trying to take over the protein space by saying like we've, um, clothing lines have that too.

Like, we've, we've made this whipped fabric that no one can use.

Yeah, no one could use it. So that was weird. But so I was being dealt with, but then it comes out that they've been saying that it's like only 150 calories, and a report comes out saying that their bars are actually 250 calories, and people are losing their fucking minds.

Who's doing these like independent studies? Someone was just like, I've got a hunch.

I have no idea what my sources are, but all I know is Someone was like, hey, we tested it and the calories aren't— also, how does anyone test calories? Like, how do— so people are freaking out. They're like, this is protein bars.

Well, that's— it seems illegal.

Well, but then David just came back. I don't think his name's David. I don't know.

Is he the actual—

Mr. David has come back and he's— they're like, actually, you tested it wrong. But it's gotten all blurry and people are aghast. People are—

oh my God, I would be living.

And the protein community is like, the macros didn't make sense, this is weird. So at the end of the day, one thing my mom, who's a dietitian, told me is just eat real food. Yeah, when in doubt, just eat real food. If you're like, should I have this fiber bar, should I have this protein bar, eat a fruit, eat a vegetable, and let's move on.

Yeah.

So anyway, watch out for that.

Wow. I didn't expect— I was— I didn't expect it was like a CNN day. Yeah, to get like the workout protein lore.

Yeah.

Speaking of food, um, did you see the McDonald's CEO like taking a bite of like advertising the like new burger and everyone's like he couldn't bite it?

When I saw it, I couldn't get— there's so much content I can't get myself to actually watch.

But here's what I found interesting about it, and not even that like Not even that, like he didn't do it like a normal bite. He like bit it as if he didn't want to eat it. And that's the whole thing.

Billionaires don't know how to act as humans.

Well, here's my thing. Why do we give a fuck about the McDonald's CEO like biting the burger? I don't care what's in it. I truly don't. I'm going to buy it. Yeah, I don't need— I actually don't. If there's one thing on the planet I don't need you to sell me, it's McDonald's.

It's also—

I'm going to get it.

If there's one person who's not the McDonald's demo, it's the billionaire CEO.

I mean, it's just like, I don't even know.

I don't know what that meant. But I also— do you remember there was a Kim K ad where she got in trouble where they were like, she actually bit down on that? Like it was some vegan burger she was promoting. Yes. And they were coming with that.

It was like Beyond Burgers.

Yeah. But also when you shoot these commercials, you have to do it like 800 times. So she probably was like, I'm not—

I can't eat it anymore.

I can't keep eating this. I don't think if I've ever had to eat something like on a shoot My biggest pet peeve is when there's a commercial where someone's like drinking water and you could tell there's nothing in the water bottle and they're fake swallowing. That really pisses me off. I'm like, gotcha.

Or like sometimes when I'm watching TV shows, I'm like, what do they have in place of the alcohol?

Oh, apple juice.

Yeah, like what's in place of certain things?

Champagne is apple juice with a little sparkling water. Water, I think.

I believe you are right.

Movie magic. I will—

yeah, like set design and not set design, but Yeah, I guess set design. I am so fascinated by stuff like that. Like, I love watching people come in and like do—

well, there's food artists.

Yeah, food art. Food artistry, I think, is crazy.

I love a food artist. Like, how did we get here?

One time I was on a shoot, I forget what it was for, but it— something was like sitting in ice cubes, but the ice cubes were fake, but they didn't look fake, and I was fascinated. I was like, oh my God. And I went up to the like food director, and I touched it, and she looked at me and she was like, don't ever touch that.

Like, I know your finger's tiny.

I was like, I'm so sorry, I was just coming over to give a compliment. Now I have to go.

No, that's like matters the most in a food shoot. Like, the model's the last thing.

Yeah, it's all about the food. Do not ever look at her and touch her stuff.

We had empanadas yesterday.

Yeah, we did.

We had quite nice—

we had a flight.

A flight of empanadas.

I don't think we've ever shared a flight of alcohol together, but we have shared a flight of empanadas, and that's like way more important to me.

Also, our drinking days, we don't remember. I used to drink.

Yeah, you did. That's why I was so— I was— I couldn't believe you got a mocktail last night because I was like, let me set the scene, I'm gonna get a cocktail. And I drank that whole glass of wine.

So you know why— oh, you know I didn't, because we had a big day today.

Oh, because we had to go shopping.

So this is where we fucked up.

We had so much fun yesterday together, and then we said, let's keep it going.

We're like, we could have slept—

we would have had a sleepover if like Des wasn't there.

I would have been like, even with Des there, we were about to have that work. But I— yeah, I was like, we're gonna go shopping, it's gonna be so much fun. You got there at noon, I got there at noon. Thank God it started to rain, or we would have kept going.

No, we would have kept going.

But then I got home and I was like, I'm done for the day, I'm exhausted.

No, why is it that like I could do a million things from like 6 AM to 6 PM?

Yeah.

And like be fine. And then it's like when you have a leisure day, you're like, I'm exhausted. When I have to do 2 hours for anything else.

Oh my God, I love answering emails and editing videos is my like relaxing state. Yeah, it's the best.

If I'm on my—

rolled up—

but if I'm on my computer and Kitty's on the ground like licking herself, I'm like, this is true happiness.

Someone was saying how like kids nowadays don't understand what it was like to like be on your laptop in the bed. I feel like millennials, we still do it. Well, you have your little iPad sometimes, but like, are kids not using laptops? I don't think they're like bringing it in the bed. Like when we're making a big purchase, we're bringing out the laptop.

Yeah, I've switched to making per— like flight purchases on my phone.

True. Yeah, well, the app is sometimes better.

Yeah, I'm like, I have to make the switch.

But do you ever like— you're like, I'm on my phone too much, I just need to watch TV? You're like, oh, I need to get off the little screen and just watch it.

I'm just watching. Well, because my mom will text me all the time about my attention span. Yeah, she's like, TikTok's rotting your brain, you're not gonna have an attention.

I just need to watch a movie.

I'm like, Mom, that's for Gen Z, not me. I could lay in bed for 8 hours. What are we talking about? You've been around.

But like, I literally meditate and like get off my phone to meditate while watching like a nice—

wait, speaking of TV, you rarely watch Love Is Blind, right? Have you ever?

I feel like after the first season I was like, got it. Yeah, yeah.

I watch— I've watched a lot of seasons, not every season, because sometimes the casting is like so bizarre. But this year was, uh, or this place that they did it, they did it in Ohio. Oddly, Ohio has a lot of famous people that come out of there, which I just find interesting. Anyway, I digress. So they're doing— their reunion was last night, and I don't know what it is, but Netflix just really has not figured out the reunion. I don't— I honestly, I don't think anyone has figured out the reunion but Bravo. Like, Andy truly is— as someone who's been at multiple reunions and then watched multiple reunions He truly is the best, uh, out of everyone. Yeah, Netflix no longer did it— is doing it live, which thank God, because that was like— I'm like, guys, no one can get a word in. Last year they had like some man come and like play basketball in the middle of it. That was like so bizarre. This year, now I'm gonna be honest, I skipped through some parts because I was like, don't care about you, don't care about you, like don't care about this, like okay.

How do you really feel?

She's like, well, they had so many like random interludes, and I was like, I don't care. Like, that's so happy for the people that used to be on and they're like still married and thriving, but like, I don't care. I want to get to the couples. Now, this is a very interesting show because it's hosted by Vanessa and Nick Lachey, who are a married couple who should not be hosting reunions. Like, I love them as the hosts. I love when they come in.

Are they getting along with each other? Yes.

But okay, here's why. Because they've—

people love commenting on their relationship.

Sometimes they're quirky. And look, and you know I love a quirky person, so like I've been into it for this one.

We were raised on him and Jessica Simpson, so we're like, we know the lore here.

And I love Vanessa, like I've watched, watched her on MTV, a professional. Here's why I think it's weird when they do host the reunion is because he's a straight man.

Yeah.

And she's a married straight woman.

So they need a gay man is what you're saying?

No, well, here's the thing, they need a gay man because a gay man can get away with way more than a woman ever could. Like, I could make a TikTok and verbatim say something about like someone's outfit, and girls would be in my, in my messages being like, that's the meanest thing. And it totally, it could have totally been. But if a gay man did it it's like maybe a little funnier. He didn't really mean it. Like, he can just get away with more things.

As someone who's watching RuPaul's Drag Race every day, these men are so mean to each other, but they're so good at like making up and it being funny. If it was girls fighting, people would be murdered. Yeah, but instead it's like funny. So you're so right, the gay man is the perfect way. Like, Andy's able to say the—

like, like a shady thing, be so shady, and people will be like, clocked it, you're smart.

Where if it was a straight woman, they'd be like, what's her problem with her?

So you're jealous of her? Yeah, so you're jealous.

No, that is like—

I didn't even—

right, that's—

and with it being Nick Lachey being a straight man, sometimes he wants to go hard at the other straight men, which we want someone to go hard at them. But it almost feels like a little too much when it's like straight man on straight man.

Oh yeah, I don't want to see a war. I don't want a battlefield. Did we—

yeah, did they walk through like security check before they got here? Like, we can never be too sure. Hannah, the other day I was in the park and I walked past 3 14-year-old boys, and in my head I was like, they have a bomb.

I'm not kidding.

I'm not kidding. They walked over to the trash can, put something in it I literally go, we gotta go.

And he goes, I'm recycling, ma'am.

I'm like, I can't trust your kind.

They both had— they picked up litter and threw it away that you dropped.

All three of them had blonde curly hair. Something was up.

Well, they're getting perms nowadays. They're getting perms. The boys are— I'm not getting into it. It'll upset me. I'm not getting—

I'm not getting—

we did so much work that the genders have undone.

I'm not even getting into that.

I'm not getting into it. Hot take about men. This is a really hot take.

You love them.

You know, like, a man's in jail.

Totally.

I watch a lot of like serial killer documentaries. Yeah, there's men in jail, they do all this.

The other day Grace texted us and was like, what are you guys watching? And I literally said back like, rainbows on the shore of like Canada or something, I don't even know. And you were like, death in the room. To fall asleep.

Tuesday. So all these women will be like writing letters to men in jail, and I always thought like, okay, these girls are crazy. Then I realized maybe they're geniuses. Think about it. If your man's in jail, he's up to nothing. Yeah, he's not showing up at your apartment. He also is dealing with— he's learned that there's repercussions for your actions. He is forced to go to therapy. He has some form of a job, he's got structure, he's got structure, he's up early, he's writing you novels. Yep. And like, he doesn't bother you. Like, low-key, I'm like, like, you could go and do whatever.

He's not like tracking your phone.

He's not tracking your phone. He doesn't have a phone. He doesn't have a phone.

Some of them do.

Oh, because they stick it in their butts?

I mean, I'm not exactly— I don't think. No, I think they can just get them.

You're not gonna fight during that 1-minute phone call.

No, you're not.

You're like, you don't even know him well enough. You're still in the like flirty phase. Like you can't even get past the like cute phase because you only have a minute with him.

I am such a girl's girl. I'm like so for the girls. Like I really like, I believe them first and like I root for them. Not all of them because some of them are psychotic and crazy.

Are you coming for my girls who are calling?

If you're writing to a person in jail to have a relationship with, you're insane.

Look, some people— let them, let them have her.

No, that's crazy.

Let him have a crush.

Like, okay, actually this reminds me of it because I feel like I heard this and I never forgot it and it stuck in my brain. Remember Laci Peterson who got murdered by her husband?

Yes.

When he went into jail, the amount of women that wrote to him was like insane.

No, I know you randomly— not like you saw a guy on TV who killed his wife who like looks like a bad boy.

How am I randomly happening upon inmate 302 in Poughkeepsie? Like, are you kidding?

Look, it was a bit. It was a bit I thought was cute that you made dark.

You know what I do like, though? When you see a mugshot and you're like, okay, New York Fashion Week. Actually, we could change your whole— we could change your whole situation.

There have been men and women that have gone viral for that.

Yeah, remember that guy?

People used to get discovered in malls. Now they get discovered with a viral headshot.

Do you remember the viral felon who married the heiress? To Top—

uh, he had gorgeous blue eyes. I remember.

What was that? What was that store? Why do I want to say Topshop?

Topshop.

I was going to say Top Shelf.

You can find out that he like knows how to write. Like, I've dated a couple guys where like I'm finally like hanging out with him and I realize that he doesn't know what punctuation is. I also think when you're writing to a guy in jail, as one does—

thought about this—

when you do it, it's like when you oversex Like you say all these things and then suddenly he's like, hey, I'm out, you want to hang out? And you're like, no, this is me having fun. I was just flirting.

What are your thoughts on like a conjugal visit?

I think that's hot because it's like you can't touch me.

No, that means you can.

You could touch it. What does conjugal mean?

I think like having sex, like touching.

Is that the thing like in the back of your throat?

Conjugal? My fornication?

You can't have sex with them.

Yeah, you can in some jails. You have to be married.

How do you know you have to be married? That seems fucked up.

Does it?

Yeah, you should be able to have sex when you want to have sex.

But it's like, where do you go? They put you in a room. Haven't you ever watched—

Stash room like Jersey Shore?

Have you ever watched 50 Cent's music video 21 Questions? I'm pretty sure it's like depicting a conjugal visit. Yeah, I'm actually 100% positive.

50 Cent's conjugal visit in his music video is accurate.

Okay, well, he went in a trailer for it, so And that's where I do my research. Wait, didn't the other day I feel like I said to you like, yeah, I really dislike that person, but like in a 50 Cent way?

Yeah.

And I'm proud of that.

And what do you mean by that? Like you want to make a documentary about them?

Yeah, like I could make a documentary and it would just like— and I'd be like, gotcha.

I feel like that's everyone.

Wait, I don't want to bring up Kanye West on this podcast, but I saw a quote from him the other day.

Yeah.

And somebody asked him if he wishes Kim the best, and he said no because that would mean she'd end up with me.

So he's still flirting.

I mean, he's just an insane human, but that line absolutely ate, you know? It's like, how could I wish her the best when I'm not available?

Your problem, you love a one-liner, and sometimes you'll separate the artist from the art. Yeah, if you like the one-liner, gotcha.

Yes, it's too much.

Coco Moco is this creator online who—

I know we're going back into the protein bars situation.

You know, sometimes a Threads pops up.

Uh, my worst nightmare.

Which, by the way, I don't look at Threads, but then Instagram recommends Threads to me, and they don't have the same muting that I've done on my Instagram, so I have to remute my Threads because I have my social media very organized for my mental health.

Yeah.

But this was actually a funny one that came up from Coco Moco, and she said if men text in all lowercase, they're gay, because that means they have to uncapitalize the first letter and purposely—

like, my husband, who's straight, not to brag, no, in this day and age, it's like, oh wow.

At first I make fun of him because he's writing like he's putting punctuation, he's putting— he puts commas. He's 50. Even on Instagram, he responds to someone's comment with like like full punctuation. Yeah. And at first I was like, babe, you're coming off like intense. This is too strong. And then I realized, no, he's a straight man in his 50s.

No.

Yeah, when a guy is like, I'm gonna answer with an esthetic.

No, the other day—

look at that evil laugh.

The other day I was like watching a video or something, and one of the guys was like— I don't know if he was gay or not. I don't think he was, but if you have to ask— yeah, that's so true. But he was shortening every word, like abbreviating it. And there was like a straight man listening to the video as I was watching it, and it was just like so— they were like— he was like, what are they saying? It was just—

I have an answer to that. Only gay men shorten words because gay men are busy. They have things to do, like they have like— they're creative directors, they have like multiple things happening.

It's just like they're doing reunions.

That's why they walk so fast. Like they're going places. Also, they have to deal with like possibly getting chased by like angry straight men. Straight men, like, you know, things happen. Um, that's why they're good at reunions.

Yeah, they're busy, they're doing reunions.

Oh, so we figured that out. Um, recently I was walking behind someone who was walking fast. Has that ever happened to you recently? Sorry, sorry, I'm in Canada.

Sorry, we've done this podcast for 6 years now, so this will be the topics moving forward. Sorry, let me get this straight. Recently you were walking behind someone and that person in front of you was walking super fast.

So were you walking behind them?

Because it actually doesn't sound like you were.

People have to talk about this. I'm— I hate a crowd. Yeah, the second there's a crowd, drama. Also, I don't care if you're walking with me, I'll lose you. I have to get out of this crowd. If you want to hold my hand, come with. Otherwise I'll leave you for dead. But I'm getting through the crowd. Like, you know, someone's slow, I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm not—

no, I'm getting through it.

Yeah, I'm getting through. Either come with me or don't. Yeah. Oh my God, so sorry.

So it's really one for all and all for one when you're in a crowd. It's like, if you're coming or you're not, make the decision now.

Yeah, like if I make a move to go around, you gotta— you gotta go when there's an opening, or like you're getting— you're fucked if I sacrifice myself. Anyway, so I saw— I went, where was this? Oh, I was at Indian Wells. There was a crowd, and I said— and it's— Indian Wells, a lot of retired people, it's calm, it's California, everyone's chill.

It's a weekend social event.

But I see this crowd, I can't do this. And then there's a woman in front of me with a backpack, and she's not having it either. And she starts like— so you mold yourself through the back. Random woman. I go, I'm following this woman. So she paves the way for me, and me and this woman, we got through a whole tennis tournament together. And I just want to say shout out to that woman with the backpack at Indian Wells. Thank you for, for being there for other women.

The only thing in the way I could say that I could relate to that is, you ever been in an Uber?

You ever been—

you ever been in an Uber that gets right behind an ambulance? Let me tell you, that Uber driver has never been happier in his goddamn life. He's riding that Uber— he's riding that ambulance all the way down Fifth Ave. Like, I mean, he's going, he's moving.

I was in an Uber recently where the guy fully just went in the like empty lane that you're not supposed to go to, and at first I was appalled, and then I said, this guy's a genius. Yeah, because when it's you— when other people do it, they're assholes.

Well, I feel like when I'm in an Uber, like, unless I feel like you're gonna sex traffic me, I'm on your side.

Like, when an Uber guy, when he honks—

we're a team—

when he honks, stick up for us. When he honks, I'm like, it's us versus the world right now.

No, I'm like, no, that guy was Crazy, you were in the right.

And because I've been in Ubers that are a little lackadaisical, they don't care to like— when it's yellow, they just like stop, like they're not in a rush. I'm like, so you don't care about like my well-being?

I've low-key been in Ubers and gotten in car accidents, like fender benders. I've been in like 2, maybe 3. That's not great.

Yeah, you are in a lot of it.

I'm in a lot of Ubers.

Um, I have a question. What's your Uber setting? Like, do you say don't talk to me?

No, I'm not a monster. They get the vibes when I get in there.

I'm the opposite. I have to say no talking.

That's insane.

They still talk to me because I have such a nice aura.

Yeah.

So when I walk in, they're always like, hi, and I say hi, like polite. But then I'm like, I don't want to be in a conversation. When a little kid makes eye contact with me, yeah, I'm making that motherfucker laugh because my comedy, it's childlike. It's— I really kill it. It's kid-friendly. The 1 to 2 year old demo, like, they get me. Like, they Isn't it funny? At such a young age, they know I'm trying to make them laugh.

I actually would say, even though you don't have children, I would leave my children with you without even thinking of it, because I know you're such a people pleaser that you're gonna be like, and what do you guys want to do?

But that's the problem.

What's the matter?

You know, back and it's craziness. I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna— I'll be an enabler, but they will have fun.

They will have fun.

But I have to learn to put my foot down with my future unborn child.

Yeah, well, your kids, but like other people's kids, you don't have to put your foot down. So it's like a free-for-all.

I jack them up, I get them so excited, and then I leave before it's— you have to put them to bed.

Yeah.

Did you babysit? You—

oh wait, you were the—

no, I thought you ran like a babysitting like business. Yeah, there was always like one cool girl that like ran a full like—

not me, not me.

You never babysat?

One time I actually remember a mom like asking— I was like a senior in high school maybe— and a mom asking me like, oh my God, do you babysit? Sit, and I remember being so offended. I was like, no. Like, and I remember calling my mom being like, she asked me if I could babysit her kids. Like, no, no, I don't know your kid.

I don't know if I met your kid. Can I see a photo first? What's their sign?

Wait, asking for a photo and being like, no.

I'm a pick-me when it comes to being a babysitter. I'm like, Who's your favorite babysitter?

And I mean, I've like watched like my younger cousins.

Like, I've seen a kid before.

I'm like, I can't get fired from this job.

They're the purest form of a soul. Yeah, that's how kids are. You're just like, I don't know, like, you know, like you're in the airport and you're waiting in line, you want to fucking kill everyone, and then some kid looks at you and it's like, hi.

No, I actually get more mad. I'm like, and there's goddamn kids.

I don't have a follow-up to that. Kids, they do make stuff about them, which I think that's what you don't like. They're like, it's about me.

Well, I just find them annoying. I'm like, you don't be an adult.

What if they have a good outfit on?

Adorable. Well, that's a testament to the mother.

So which, at the end of the day, it's all about the moms. It's all about the moms. Um, have you heard of this Nona maxing thing?

No.

Really? That hasn't come across to you?

Like, as in, like, grandmas?

Yeah, nona maxing. It's—

no, but I'm quite interested.

Eating generational recipes. Okay. Cotton nightgowns.

Okay, check, check.

Walking everywhere.

Check, check, check.

Um, Italian penicillin soup. Air out the home.

You must air out your home. Was airing out your house a big thing when you were growing up?

No, because we lived in New York City.

Every single window in the house. It would be like the first nice day and she'd be like, we have to spring clean. It was as if like the Pope was coming.

I feel like that's like, um, a rural thing to do. Like you have to have nice air to do that. Yeah, like you guys had nice air.

Yeah, we had nice air.

Yeah, we didn't. We were like, oh, but then—

yeah, that's true.

Some guy's smoking a cigarette outside.

I'm like, now that I think about it, like I feel like she was right. Like, yeah, because you're cooped up all summer just breathing each other's— breathing in the same air.

Yeah. I also feel like the most Italian thing about you is if you ever go to Italy, or just in general, even in Brooklyn, old Italian women love to just sit out by their window. Yeah, observing. They're protecting, they're cutting in the gossip. They just sit there all day and you're like, isn't she bored? No, she is people watching, collecting information, spying.

My grandma had two rocking chairs outside on the porch. She like, come on, we're going to sit outside, we're going to talk about the neighborhood. Like, I was 4 years old and I was like, she did what next door? I'm like, Grandma, are you fucking kidding me? Like, my grandma was everything I want to be today. Like, she smoked cigarettes, just chain-smoked them. And like, I think—

well, we don't do that.

I think about— right, cuz we don't do that anymore. But I think about like if we were like girls at the same time, like, oh, we would just go— I would gossip. And if I lived in the '50s, all I would do is smoke cigarettes.

In my family ancestry.org, yeah, which someone messaged me, it is run by Mormons, but okay, they're just kind of obsessed with lineage.

Yeah. Um, so I don't feel like the Mormons are like taking your info.

So when I got all the way back to like the 1600s. Yeah, with my Italian ancestry. I clicked it, one of them lived till 93. Wow. So I called my mom and I'm like, 93 in the 1700s, is that insane?

Super insane.

And she said, Hannah, there's these things called— I'm laughing because now she's gonna call me and be like, you said the story—

Blue Zones.

Blue Zones.

Shut the fuck up.

She goes, we lived in Sicily in a Blue Zone. You know what a Blue Zone is?

Yeah.

How the fuck do you know?

There was like a documentary a couple years ago, and your mom being a dietitian, she definitely saw it, and it was about all these different places in the world that people live to like an insane age.

So in Sicily, there's blue zones where you have to walk up a cliff to get to your house, and I guess it's so good for your lungs.

And like, they pretty much have like a Mediterranean diet.

They're just these healthy Mediterranean Italians walking all around.

Imagine if I had 90 years of gossip.

93. But also, back then, I thought, I thought you croaked at 36.

'93, right?

He must— who was he talking to? Did he have friends, right? Were they all just old? But it's like, I think then everyone moved to New York and everyone was like getting hit by trains, and like it was just craziness. But when you just live in a small Italian island, maybe that's the way you do it if you want to live a long life.

It sounds like we're going back.

I think we're going back to the homeland.

I mean, a blue zone does sound relaxing.

Do you have blue zone in your family?

I don't know. Well, you have to figure out where.

And this pod is not sponsored by Mormonism or FamilySearch.org. Just want to say that in case anyone was wondering. But I did have a Googler message me who's like, I work for like the Celsius of something really important, as the Googlers do. And she's like, it's very legit.

The census?

Maybe Celsius.

That's a drink.

Bless you. Celsius. That's true. It's also a temperature. Yours?

Oh, right.

I love when we correct each other double wrong. You go, you dumb bitch. Celsius, that's a drink. Wait, yes, Celsius is a drink I drank once and bashed my head through a wall.

And it's temperature for like, not for Europeans. When are we ever using Celsius?

Des uses Celsius sometimes.

And he's European.

Also, he's he uses military time sometimes. There's things going on in my relationship that I'm working out.

Okay, but again, that is European too. They do that in Europe.

Yeah, it's Europe. Well, we found out that Dez read Wuthering Heights in one week. That's—

no, we found out that he reread it. He was like, well, obviously I read it years ago, and we were like, oh my, pardon us. I was like, okay, well, I read my first book in 20 years last month.

Okay, what are you currently reading? The gigglers want to know.

Seven Husbands. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn— what is it called?

Evelyn Hugo?

The Seven Husbands— whatever, that one.

Is it good?

Yeah, it's good. I'm only on like— I really am not doing well. I'm only on like page 50. I'm not doing well.

Wait, stop with the negative self-talk.

No, and it's not the book. I like the book, it's just I'm not as into it as I was my last one. I don't know why, but I need to like buckle down.

Are you going to read on flights?

I don't think I can bring myself to do it.

You know why you like a book? I know why you like a book.

The esthetic.

It's an accessory.

Totally.

It's better— when you posted that photo of you at the beach, I go, oh no, you saw something in your lay flat and you were like, something's missing, something's missing.

I was like, should I do my sunglasses? No, we're over that. Like, we've seen those. And then you're like, how much is the corner of my book? No, I literally texted Kazzy and I was like, I'm going to the beach, I'm going to take the best photo of your book.

Yes, yes, because that's what friends do. Friends do.

That's what friends do. They support their other friends and they like want the best for them.

Women supporting women, Giggler supporting Gigglers. We also are going to the iHeart Awards. Hell yeah, Podcast Awards. We did forget to tell anyone to vote and they closed the voting.

Did they?

Yeah, we're not—

because you want to know what, we're not pick-me. We're like, if you happen upon it in your own time, great.

Yeah, I'm not forcing the Gigglers to get us an award. Also, we don't need awards for happiness. We have each other.

No, and we do have the best podcast.

And we're also saying this because if we lose, we're like, well, we didn't care.

Like, we didn't care.

And then if we win, we're like, oh my God, surprise!

And if we win, we're like, we didn't even have anyone vote for us. Doubly amazing.

I'm wearing a pretty crazy dress.

Yeah, I still haven't picked out my outfit. I'm just like not loving anything these days.

Are you gonna try to match me?

No.

Okay, um, do you think the gigglers are gonna be for or against the dress? Which is basically, do you think they're gonna think you liked the dress or not? It depends how it photographs.

It depends how it photographs. I like the dress because it's so true to you and like your personal style and being quirky and like trying something and being like, you've seen that before and you're like, I love that, the way that looks. And I think that's cool.

Yeah, and you go— and I love when things get you excited.

I love that for you.

So keep an eye out for those photos. Hopefully they come out well. If they don't, just, just say a little like, post a little like, little I support you, I support women in the arts. Um, we love you guys so much. Thanks for giggling, and we'll talk to you on Monday.