Transcript of Giggling about bird theory, boyfriend olympics, and justice

Sup, Gigglers?

Gary, fix your Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

Hello, my gobblegool Gigglers. We had an incredible family weekend.

This was our first holiday together.

My family wasn't there. But I'm just saying, like, in terms of us, I feel like every day is a holiday with you.

That's true.

But, um, how'd I do?

You did amazing.

I didn't get a good photo of my outfit, so I didn't want to post it because, look, you guys, if I get the wrong angle, I didn't want you guys to get the wrong impression. And yeah, you posted like the Conti-est video, perfect lighting, and I didn't want people comparing me, right? So I said I'm gonna just explain it with my words. But yeah, white capris, which by the way, I love a capri. I was on my period. Wow. But it was Easter, so you were— and I said, Christ has my back today.

If there's any day he's looking out for me, it's today.

And I wore my granny panties, my, um, tampax.

This is actually so bad, especially for the like sustainable girls, but like I'll just flow and then throw that underwear away.

That's what I'm—

yeah, like I'm just always ordering underwear. And you know what, I don't care.

Can I say where I am in my marriage? Sure.

Hannah arrived somewhere early and I was like, are you okay? Are you still married? Like, the only explanation I could think is like she's fighting with us.

And I was like, no, I'm literally on the phone with him talking about his knee right now. So I'm— when you're on your period, you know, it's, it's reckless. And whenever you go to the bathroom, it's a whole thing. And when Des and I are in a heavy, you know, gossip discussion, you can't lose momentum. And I was like, really quickly, I have change my— I'm in the bathroom unplugging myself, and he came in, and he's in this bathroom, eye contact with me as I'm unplugging and putting it back in.

And then in a moment, I was like, he's a feminist, like, he's a supportive king.

He's literally handing me the tampon. He's like, do you need me to wrap toilet paper around it? And another thing, his eyes did not move from eye contact, and I was like, oh my God, he loves me for me.

So, um, no, being able to gossip with your partner is like really important.

Very important.

Like, if they don't even if they don't care about what you're saying, it's really important that they pretend.

My favorite is when Des— because Des is honest with me. Sometimes he's like, the story's taking too long, it better be worth it.

Yeah, wrap it up, land the plane.

I feel pressure. And then when I do have a crazy ending to a gossip story and I'm like, never doubt me again. Yeah, because I like details. I like building it up. I like you thinking this isn't going anywhere.

Have you heard of the bird theory?

Yes, I love the bird theory. Is very important.

I think it's extremely true.

Do you want to explain?

If you haven't heard of it, it's is if your partner says, hey, look at this, like, hey, look at that bird outside the window, and if you don't look, the statistics of you guys staying together dwindle.

Shout out to Love on the Spectrum, the best show on television right now. Did you watch it?

I'm watching.

You're watching it?

I'm only like 3 episodes in, but I'm like, Logan— which one is he with the curly hair that wore the velvet suit? Yes.

What?

No, when he said, you know what, I don't need curvy-haired girls to be happy.

Curly-haired girls to be happy.

Nobody kept saying curvy.

Oh, but that's literally every man I've ever met. Like, when they're younger, they think they only like a certain type of girl, and then they like meet a girl who isn't like that, and they're like, wait, I made it up in my head what I like, right? This one girl goes on a date, this Mormon girl, with a very cute man. Like, very cute. Like, the second I saw him, I was like, I'm good, he's good, let's do this.

Yeah.

And at the end she was like, I think we should just be friends. You remind me of my dad. And in that moment I said, she has valid points. But I was like, but you just met this guy. Like, you've never been on a date before. Like, this guy's cute. And that's me being a little bit, um, that vapid and shallow, which I have been in the past. I haven't— I didn't date a smart man till Des, so just remember that.

And he's like really smart. Does? Yeah.

Scarily. Like, sometimes she knows things. I'm like, you shouldn't know that stuff. Yeah, I was kind of annoyed— not annoyed with her, but I was like, okay, I feel like you have two eggs in one basket, whatever the quote is. The next date, she meets a guy who does the impression she likes. He's really handsome. She's laughing the whole time. And I said, we can learn from that. Yeah, she said no to something that she knew she could have done. Yep. If I told you— if you said no to something that you're kind of accepting right now and there was something so beautiful on the other side of it, wouldn't you say no immediately?

Right.

And that's what we can learn from them because they're so honest. They can't fake it, where we'll lie to ourselves, be like, no, this guy's good enough, this is, this is what I need right now. What if I told you your dreams were on the other side?

Yeah, what a good mental health moment to start off the pod.

But also, their dates are literally asking each other their favorite colors, their favorite hobbies, and if they don't have the same hobbies, it's like, let's move on.

It's the first time I've seen a man ask a question on a date, like, and I've watched a lot of dating shows before. I'm like This is the first time they're interested.

No, I'm actually watching. I turned to Des and I'm like, you've never done that. Yeah, the level of romance that these, these guys are bringing to the table is incredible.

And they— I like that they know instantly, like, nope, not for me.

The, the relationships that have made me felt the worst are the ones where I'm like being myself and they don't acknowledge it or reciprocate. Yeah, yeah, like, and not in a jokey way. Like, I like when they make fun of me jokingly, but when you say something earnestly that interests you and they literally could not give a Did you watch the Lamar Odom doc? Oh girl, wait, why did I feel like I liked him less after? Like, I went in being like, he's— feeling bad for him, and then I was like, oh no.

When I was watching it, I, I actually got so mad because I was like, why are— why aren't more people talking about this? Like, justice for the Kardashians. It was so evident. I mean, he said it.

No one wants to say justice for the Kardashians. People would rather do anything than say justice for the truth.

It was so evident when he— I mean, he said it himself. He was like, I married her because I knew it would better my life. I knew I wanted to live the way she lived.

Which, if a girl ever said that, they'd be like, you gold-digging motherfucker.

Especially because the whole rhetoric for years has been any guy that dates one of the Kardashians, like, their career falls balls, they like go crazy, whatever.

I would argue the Kardashians, they're trying to fix these men and then they can't because you can't fix a man.

Well, it's so obvious that all of these men get with these women because of how disciplined they are, how successful they are. And also, you cannot be successful without being disciplined. Like, so all of these guys that they've dated and, and have married that become drug addicts, like, yeah, they're not drug addicts, so you're not going to become successful.

I literally saw him say I saw her lifestyle. Yeah. And I realized that's the kind of lifestyle I want to live.

And none of them could— oh my God, if I had a frickin' nickel. These men want to say frickin'— these men want to be them. They want their lifestyle, but then they realize they can't actually put in the work to live their lifestyle.

And then because they— Khloé loves him, she goes above and beyond, covers up for him, protects him, protect this man as he embarrasses himself and her.

She still sticks by him, but yet she gets the hate of like, well, why would you protect him?

And suddenly he's the hero where everyone's like, justice for Lamar, like, like, save Lamar. And then everyone's like, fuck Khloé, while she's the one teaching him how to speak again.

I didn't realize that she was only 24 when they got married.

I didn't realize that either. Something hurt me in my heart. Yeah. Do you know she always called him Lammy?

Yeah.

And I thought it was so cute. When he said it was weird, He goes, it was weird she called me that. I said, what?

How about she didn't want to do the spin-off and he wanted to do it?

Oh my God. She basically was like, he loved the camera.

No, these men that are so fame hungry.

Her interviews were so honest, and I like her, and just like not—

yeah, she seems like such a good mom and friend, and so she just seems so nice. What about the part where she said his dad came in and was like, pulled the plug because he wanted the life insurance money. And she was like, what do you want? And he wanted a pair of sneakers and a hotel room. And she was like, here, now get the fuck out of here. How insane.

That alone, you don't realize how like selfish some of these men are, especially at the end when even like his kid was like, I realized that my dad is like my son sometimes and he just hasn't developed and stuff.

I had no idea he has children.

A full family.

How about the kids being like, no, we're not coming to your wedding to be pawns. Yeah, like to make you look good on a TV show when you're never around. I gave his daughter a lot of credit.

And they love— but they love villainizing the Kardashians a lot of time.

Like, oh, what did she do? Like, if you— what?

No, they just were like, what did Khloe do to him? That was what they always said. You don't think she did to him? And stay in the hospital for him.

I didn't realize even when they got out of the hospital, he lived with her and she like rehabilitated him. And then she caught him doing drugs again. Like, she was like, you have the wherewithal enough to get a phone, contact a drug dealer, and get drugs. Like, whenever men say like, oh well, we're just men, we don't think of these little details, that's a great example. Well, you figured out how to get a phone and contact any drug dealer.

I'm also still— I was gonna say reading the audiobook of Strangers, which I don't know if you should. You'd be so pissed, like you'd like punch a wall and break a nail, which I don't want that for you, but She has this like Gwyneth Paltrow, WASPy, monotone voice that is really good to play right before you go to sleep. So I was playing it last night. She's heartbroken by this marriage of 20 years that fell apart and he just walked out for no reason. And there's more tea to it, obviously, which I recommend you listen on your own. But she said something incredible. She goes, I'm looking around the apartment after he'd taken all his stuff away. And she goes, And I'd been reminded of him in so many ways and how our lives intertwined together. And then I looked around and I realized everything in the apartment was mine. The art, the books, the furniture, the stuff I bought for my kids. She goes, was he ever there?

No.

I just got chills.

There's nothing. Okay, one of my— this is so Paige-coded too. One of my like things that will make me infuriated is like when we break up, Don't keep wearing the clothes that I picked out. Like, that was a persona I gave you. Stop wearing the clothes I picked out and bought and acting like you put that outfit together. Enough with you. Like, truly enough.

Oh God. I, um, but shout out to my husband who I love dearly. We are having a little bit of a fight, um, because we're really not— you know this middle spring weather where it's like hot and then it's cold.

You guys aren't aligned.

Yesterday I was watching TV and suddenly I got like overstimulated and I'm like, it's fucking 100 degrees in here. He's like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, I'm— it's hell. I'm living in hell right now. And he's like, what are you talking about? And I go, what is the temperature? And I go, and this motherfucker has it on Celsius because he's trying to confuse me. He—

that's— I would—

but you know what my thing is? I don't give a fuck what number it is. I know I want it at 21. And he keeps moving it to 24. I don't know what 24 means, but I know it's too hot. So then I go and I see it's at 24 when I know I put it at 21 earlier in the day. So I go up to him, I said, you sneaky, you sneaky sneak. And he starts laughing. He goes, you don't even know what 24 is. And I go, I don't care, it's too hot.

Wait, what is it?

I don't know.

Wait, I need to know.

He's putting it at 24 Celsius.

Wait, Anna, I need to know.

What is 24 Celsius? Because whatever it is, it's too hot. What is 24? And then I put it to 21. And then I come back and he's so dramatic, he puts on 75. No, okay, that's what— so then I put it to— I put it to 22, and then he— I come back in the room, he thinks he's funny, he puts on a coat and he puts on— because he says I'm freezing.

Oh, he'd hate my house.

But this is my thing, I can't sleep in the heat like that. So we're in this like war where I keep changing it and then he keeps changing it, and then I keep changing it, and then he keeps changing it, and pray for us.

If it's over 70, I'm premenopausal. I think, like, I can't— I literally— I'm like, I'll freak out. I'm like, I'm having a hot flash.

Like, I know, in the middle of just watching TV, I go, I can't do this anymore.

Well, you know what happened to me? I saw one time somewhere that someone said it's really good for your skin to sleep in 65-degree weather at night. And so I'm 65.

Yep. And I'm a sweaty person.

Maybe. Okay, if I'm going to bed, I'm putting it at 65. When I wake up, maybe I'm pressing it up to 68. If it's a really cold day, I'm going 70. But I'm— my home is never over 70 degrees.

And that's how I want an Italian's home to be: cold, perfectly cleaned, smells like Lysol.

Yep. I love when we're out to eat and you say those dangerous words. Can I say one more thing?

We'll literally talk for hours, and that's why I'm so excited that bottomless apps are back for $9.99 at Buffalo Wild Wings, and you know what that means.

What does it mean?

Bottomless yaps.

Wait, that's really cute. I know, and there's nothing we love more than talking about something that happened 10 years ago and just like recalibrating it, getting new information.

This literally happened yesterday. I was like, hey, can I bring up this story that I've brought up too many times? And you said, that's what I'm here for.

Yeah, look at it from a new perspective. I'm, I'm 33 now.

Also, I hate when you're like yapping and then you run out of food and your yapping goes past your apping. Buffalo Wild Wings, their mozzarella sticks and their fried pickles are perfect. But at Buffalo Wild Wings, they call it Mozz Stix, which makes it even cuter. Cute. Before I let you eat the stick, I need to make sure that it, it pulls apart. It pulls apart the right way. So let's see. Let's watch. We got the camera.

Yes, honey.

Yeah.

Wait, that looks so good. What I need. Oh, oh, like, I'm sorry, fried cheese. Yeah, never misses ever.

Like, our conversations always hit. Now, have you ever had a fried pickle before?

I have.

Fried pickles, I think, are for the girls. I love that you just immediately went for the sauce. You didn't even think twice.

Oh wow.

Oh, a little kick. A little kick.

If I'm going out to eat and someone says let's just do apps and share a bunch, You're my friend for life.

No, when someone's like, can we just throw in one more app?

Throw it in.

Let's add one more thing to the conversation and one more app. Bottomless apps for $9.99 are back at Buffalo Wild Wings. Hell yeah. Okay, let's talk some more, but this time over some onion rings and chips and salsa. So crispy.

Don't get me started with a chip and a salsa.

We never get bored about making the same jokes because like if a joke works, it's a classic. Sorry, I'm gonna do it to everyone I know, even if they're not even in on the joke.

It's like an outfit. If you haven't worn it in front of certain people, that's a new outfit.

And if they don't get it, you go, sorry, you had to be there. You win every time.

Yeah. You know, sometimes I go onion ring over fries.

That's like your freaky side coming out.

Mm.

Also, onions are a vegetable.

Salsa is a salad. This is a bowl of salad.

This is really good. Like, the seasoning— to the chef. There's so many good things at Buffalo Wild Wings besides just the wings, right? And lastly, I ordered the Hatch Queso and more fried pickles for you.

Thank you so much. You know what I love? Something mini. So like when there's a mini pickle—

adorable, adorable—

get in my mouth.

Oh, I could drink that like soda, chug it. We also never get sick of making fun of each other. I'll make the same jokes about your small little fingers I mean, you're thin. Yeah, how dare you?

You're small, thin, gorgeous fingers. And I like making fun of you about just like any shoe choice, or just any choice.

Whether it's a girls' night or a double date, there's always a reason to go to Buffalo Wild Wings. Bottom slaps for $9.99 are back at Buffalo Wild Wings, limited time, dine-in only.

See web or app for details.

Can I be hypocrite for a second?

Sure.

I'm really enjoying this show that Des recommended. Now, Des and I also don't It's hard for us to align on a show that we both love. Love on the Spectrum, that's like our thing. DTF St. Louis. Yeah, when Des first brought this up to me, I said, this sounds like a local cop show.

My brother told me to watch.

I said, I don't like the title, it sounds stupid. It's on HBO. I said, okay. Jason Bateman and then David Harbor, who—

see, I love Jason Bateman. I love his humor. Jason Bateman is always playing Jason Bateman.

Jason Bateman is Jason. Is the Jennifer Aniston of men. Yes. Yeah, but I love how I've been literally saying, does David Harbor mean nothing to you?

No, Lily Allen.

Oh, Lily Allen doesn't mean nothing to you?

Wow, he'd be so pissed to hear that sentence. Does David— yeah, no, but this is my thing.

If the roles were reversed and Lily Allen had like cheated on him and like ruined their marriage, whatever, would she be starring in an HBO show like 3 months after that?

Well, you have to remember that it was probably filmed before.

Yes.

So they're not not airing.

I wonder if they like held it for a bit.

The only time I feel like people have standards on the internet is with women. With women.

Yeah. Standards is a strong word. It's more like projection.

Yeah. Like nobody loves a woman's wrong more than a woman. No, it's kind of crazy. Okay, let's talk about my tablescape.

I was waiting, but anyway, we've done the niceties.

Let's talk about my tablescape. Yeah, my mom—

the non-gigglers are gone.

No, literally, now that there's no non-gigglers— my mom was so proud of me. She— I didn't tell her about the bunny chairs because I wanted her to be surprised, and she was like, oh, very nice detail. I don't know how people host and also cook.

Again, I don't know how people host also cook and then socialize.

Thanksgiving is such a big deal for our family because we host a Thanksgiving Eve party, which is now— the count is up to like 50 people.

Oh my God.

So my mom—

it's anyone who's who in Albany.

It's the who's who of, of my dad's phone book. Okay, it truly is. My mom has that catered. She has like bartenders, but she stays up until everybody leaves. So at like 1 AM she's up, she's cleaning up from it. Then she wakes up the next morning at like 7 AM, starts Thanksgiving, cooks all of Thanksgiving, hosts another like 15 to 20 people. I was— people got there at 10 AM, I was exhausted by 11:30. Paige, by 11:30 I was like, okay, let's wrap this up.

Well, when did you have it? How did you set it up? Like what time in morning?

Tables and chairs got delivered at 8, so I decorated from like 8 to 9, and then I got ready from 9 to 10, and food got delivered at 9.

You told us to come at 10 AM, which I thought was, was early. Yes, it was early. And Des and I got a little nervous, so I— my alarm went off at 9. Felt like the middle of the night. I was, I was—

it was Christmas morning.

I dyced into my hair. Des was asking me about a shirt. We We were the first ones to arrive.

We brought gifts.

We brought gifts.

You brought chocolate cover— or chocolate bunnies.

Yes, chocolate bunnies, some champagne.

And I think the biggest revelation of the day was my dad falling in love with Des. I mean, he offended you a couple times. My dad literally looked at Hannah and goes, this guy's really funny, you should take him on tour. Hannah goes, fuck you.

Well, he goes, yeah, you know, Des and I just understand each other. Like, they have their own little sense of humor. And I said, Gary, don't, don't start with me right now. Don't start with me in this public gathering.

But somebody at Easter came up to me and goes, you have your dad's exact personality. I said, how dare you? How dare you come into my home and disrespect me like that? I go, that guy's fucking out of his mind. They were like, you look like your mom but you act like your dad. I was like, get out.

That's I'm the same way, except I kind of look like my dad. Yeah, but Des and I, we were there to entertain.

No, my mom literally was like, I feel like you hired Hannah.

You hired two professional comedians to dabble in small talk.

You guys were moving around, you were moving around the room, you were doing different jokes at different stations.

Yes, well, people have different types of humor that we need. He was— and I was telling him which stories to tell. I said, Des, tell this story about the time. He's coming in.

You guys were working off of each other. Hire Hannah and Des for your next bar, bat mitzvah, sweet 16.

You had an outfit change into your pajamas.

Yeah, I had to.

Everyone saw the look from every angle, and then you went upstairs.

I was like, I have to take my heels off.

Came back in gorgeous pajamas. Des and I left around— I mean, it was 10, we left at like 2. Like, yeah, 4 hours. And when I tell you, I didn't even pee during that time. I was yap, yap, yapping. I took a 3-hour nap.

Hannah, everyone was out by 3. I fell asleep for like an hour.

I woke up, didn't know what planet I was on. I said, what? And Des was like, we were a hit, but it clearly was— he took too much out of you. I woke up at 6 PM, my mom's like, hello, you have a family, happy Easter.

No, you guys did such good work.

Well, Kim afterwards was like, you guys were so entertaining. Yeah, you guys are so entertaining. I said, thank you, Kim, that's all we wanted.

No, it was so fun.

But it was so fun because I felt like You made the perfect, um, energy. The aura was so right.

You want to know what it was? My feng shui.

Your feng shui was perfect.

I felt like my feng shui— everything worked. You rounded the corner, you could go outside, there's drinks over here. I was really particular about the feng shui because I almost put the tables outside, but then I was like, it might be too hot. What if it rains a little? It's windy.

Yeah.

And so then I did it inside and I felt like it it turned out.

It was— yeah, because there was never one place where people were too crowded. Do you enjoy hosting, or was this just performative, or both?

Performative.

Like, are you—

no, I actually like— no, I liked it because, well, Easter is fun because everything's like pink and baby blue and yellow, so I liked decorating for Easter. Um, no, I'll definitely like host more because it was fun. I don't like being stuck in a conversation for too long, and when you're the host, I was gonna say it's It's so easy to be like, I have to go say hi to this person.

Like, I have to go check on the turkey.

Run.

Like, I hope you have a great day. You can make up anything and they'll believe you. Anything. Be like, oh, the croquettes.

I'm gonna start saying that when it doesn't even go. Oh, sorry, my croquettes are burning.

At one point you had so many tchotchkes around the house, I literally was like, you're about to be like, bring out the dancing lobsters. Like, it was So stimulating but so fun. But also you had—

well, then halfway into it I was like, why the fuck didn't I hire an Easter Bunny?

Well, Des was— Des was— would have done it if we pushed him a little further.

If I thought of it earlier, I would have had him do it. Also, holidays, having like kids around makes it so much better.

Well, yeah, because whenever you want to be out of a conversation, you're just like, oh, that kid's eating a shard of glass, gotta go. Which they are.

Yeah.

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And they also just introduced Revolve LA, which is like their own brand, and it's so good. There's like this one white dress that like immediately sold out that's like backless that I'm like really trying to get. As someone who plans their outfits and knows exactly what's coming up, I'm also obsessed with Revolve because I last minute panic too, because I'm like, what if it's all wrong? And let me just get these things just in case. Yeah, the returns—

oh, that's what it is, that's what it is. They give you the label, you literally— you're like, stork comes in and takes it.

And the Revolve LA, all of their dresses, all their pieces just feel like modern but elevated. Like, they have so much like backless stuff, which I just think is so great for the summer, and just like easy long dresses but like look cool.

What's something you recently wore from Revolve?

I recently just ordered this like Halsa yellow cardigan.

I love yellow right now.

It's so sweet, and I feel like you can still wear it in like spring and summer. Like, I always need like a little sweater, so Halsa is really good at like getting the Yeah, I love their tops and jackets.

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Also, you underestimated me.

For what?

There was a little baby.

Yeah.

And I took the little baby and you at first were like, oh my God, are you okay?

No, that wasn't me. That was the mom. Oh, Mom was like, is your friend okay? I was like, I don't know. I don't know.

I love how the mom just met me and immediately was like, don't know if I trust her with my child.

I was like, please don't touch my child.

Well, look, I make—

no, that baby loved you.

Yeah, because I don't have Botox, so I can make really funny faces, and the baby was loving. But then I had to get new material. Like, you know, when you see a certain face too long, the baby's like, seen this one. So I had so much fun with the babies, but it's because of— shout out Lois and Bobby— that I feel comfortable holding a baby.

There was a moment where I was like, I can't wait to have a daughter, because there was a little girl at my Easter, she's like 4 years old, and I took my heels off at one point before I changed out of my dress, just like popped my heels off. And she looked at me and she goes, um, what about your heels? And I was like, you know what, fuck yeah. I was like, hell yeah, Georgina, I need to put my goddamn heels back on. This is a full outfit.

Georgina fully bullied you at your own party.

She goes, with a name like that, I expect that.

I want hair on your pinky toe.

She was like, gross.

No, Georgina is gorgeous and I love that name. Would read me to filth. Yeah, I was trying to avoid her because I kind of knew she was going to tear me apart. I was so scared of her. Talk about heels. Our Women in STEM of the Week.

This is—

I don't have the username, but now I like am on TikTok.

I'm like, wow, that'd be a really good woman.

You got to write it down. Because people are starting to tag the girls and be like, did you know you were Women of STEM of the Week by Hannah Berner? And they were like, who is that? And what's going on. Apparently there's this thing that says Jessica Simpson heels are the most comfortable heels in the game. Now, I haven't bought them, so I don't know. And I don't want you guys just buying stuff without us testing it first. But these girls are like, I've worn these heels all day and I still, still feel good. So justice for Jessica Simpson.

Trying to think if I still have any Jessica Simpson heels.

Do you remember when she had her foot on all of our necks? Yeah, like we were having—

is she a billionaire? She might be, I don't know. But she—

do you remember her edible lotion? Yes, that's what started—

like, I feel like she was like one of— she doesn't get enough credit for being one of the first celebrities to like have a shoe line, have a— like, she did all of those things.

She also so naturally beautiful.

I actually got fed on TikTok like her— one of her music videos from like 2003, and when I was watching it, I didn't remember it until like I was fully— and I was like, wait, I do remember all of these scenes. I remember wanting to recreate that outfit. Like, she was such a pivotal pop star for me.

And it was at a time where like pretty women weren't allowed to be funny, so instead they were just like, she's really dumb. Yeah, she said dumb things, but she was just like fucking with Nick.

But in reality, she's probably one of the smartest pop stars because she capitalized off of it so well. Yeah, her Jessica— she has everything. They make jewelry, they make bags.

Yeah.

Anywho, we're big fans of her.

Anyway, shout out to Jessica Simpson. She's going through a divorce. So is she?

I think she went through it.

Well, she was with a hockey guy, so obviously.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm 100% sure.

Are you thinking of Carrie Underwood?

I've never thought about Carrie Underwood in my life. It's never crossed my desk. And Woman of the Stem of the Week runner-up. Yes. This— I follow all these pages about, like, vintage finds.

It's funny that we have a Woman of Stem of the Week and then you added runner-up as if we always had a runner-up. We do.

Yeah. So she tells me, like, what to buy and stuff. Vintage online, and she said, you know what's the best thing to do for art? Go to thrift shops and buy kids' art for like $3. She goes, no one can tell it's kids' art. Yeah, they all look like really modern and cool. And, and I'm like, that is so genius. So next time you see like kids' art— which is so sad though, like what parent was like, fuck my kids' doodles, but I'm selling them. Someone's trash is another woman's treasure. Not men, just art. Yeah, just art. Anyway, any final thoughts on Easter? I want you to revel in this.

Really funny DMs from girls just being like, okay, love your look. It is giving Lego. But I did. And then I had this one girl, she was like, I'm not trying to be mean, but do you remember those candies when we were younger that came on like the piece of paper?

Yes.

And they were like the buttons.

Yes.

Yes. She was like, it's giving yellow like button candy.

Those were so disgusting. Like, it tastes like actual cardboard.

Yeah.

And we were like—

you could taste it, like paper was still on it.

I tasted the flavor, like it tasted like yellow.

Did you ever go through a phase where people said that you could eat the wrapper that gum comes in? Never mind. Okay, that was, that was just my middle school. Never mind, actually, I digress. I didn't either.

Me neither.

I feel like there were a lot of times I was like, You can eat the paper. Like, no, you can't.

I mean, I've heard you could eat the shrimp tail.

Okay, I would never.

I do.

I have been off shrimp for a couple years. Really?

Yeah, I don't think I ever told you. The meat of the ocean. Really?

Yeah, like, I feel like I ate too much shrimp cocktail and then now I like really can't look at it.

When were you exposed to so much shrimp cocktail that you couldn't do it anymore?

Like, I went through a phase where like if it was on the menu, I was getting it as my appetizer. Yeah, and I feel like I got it like 50 times in a row and I just have—

also shrimp cocktail's so cunty. They're like, this is gonna be in a cocktail glass and we're only giving you 4.

Yeah, and like cocktail sauce.

Yeah, with a little Worcestershire. Yeah, how do you say it? Worcestershire.

Kitty was so like— I didn't tell her that we were having a party.

She's not happy.

And so she was like, okay, like I wasn't aware that there was an assignment.

Like, yeah.

So she was—

forgot to tell her.

Yeah, I didn't tell her. And so she's so my cat because when she hides, she will only hide in my closet. The only place she feels comfortable is surrounded by YSL heels, you know? And so she gets in like the corner of my closet, she was praying to Prada. No, literally praying to Prada. She was like, they'll never find me behind the long hanging dresses. And we didn't. And I didn't. And then like when people left, she crept out of my closet and I was like, you gorgeous, gorgeous girl.

Kitty does love people. I just want to like defend her. Yeah, it's just kids' energy. Like the kids were chasing her. Yeah. And she was like, okay, like, I don't want to be hunted down on a Sunday.

She's like, actually, I don't want to wear a crown right now.

It's the Lord's Day. The funniest thing about cats is they will literally, the second they hear the door close, if people leave that they don't like, they come out. Yeah, they know exactly what's going on. I know exactly who's leaving. Like, they're like small doses with those.

She was like, my mom's napping somewhere, I must find her.

Yes. Another documentary which is— it's heavy. It's heavy. And I don't want to— I don't know how I'm going to say it without ruining what happened. I mean, by the way, you guys, these are documentaries. I'm not giving away the ending. They've happened already, right? Again, but fast forward if you don't want to hear this. It's Netflix about untold Maura Wilson. Why do people who die— why are they always the most spectacular people in the world?

Well, set the scene for us.

She was a skier, so— and then she got injured, so I felt connected to her. But she was like going to be professional, hurt her ACL, became a biker. Of course, she's like gorgeous, funny, probably does charity every day. Yeah, like she's perfect. And she gets involved with a man. She's 25. Again, brain not fully formed. And the man has an on-again, off-again girlfriend. And him and this girlfriend were known. People always said, oh yeah, the girl that he never introduces to anyone, which, by the way, I don't know if you've ever been that girl. I was that girl once with this guy who, like, thought he was the shit.

Interesting.

In a group, he, like, never introduced me. And I remember even—

and I'm vocal, like, never introduced you.

Like, when he was with his coworkers or whatever.

It was, it was very like you were there, like invited you, but wasn't like, this is my girlfriend, Hannah.

Like they're just talking like, and you're literally like, oh, I'm a plant. Like they're not treating you like you're human. And yes, I was 25 at the time and yes, I was like, he was like important or something. But I remember feeling weird about it. Like once I remember he brought me somewhere and I was cracking some jokes and when we got back he goes, you were pretty confident back there. Yeah. And I remember thinking like, oh, this is not the man for me. So this girl starts seeing this guy who has an on-off girlfriend, but he's like, I'm single. But then he stops responding to her, blocks her at one point, and she moves on. But then he reaches out to her again. He's basically wishy-washy and clearly lying to both girls.

Do you have a moment when you date people that you're like, there's a moment where you're like, yeah, I hate you?

It's funny with guys I've actually dated, dated like full-on relationship. I don't— I haven't really hated any of them.

Yeah.

Because by the time I've, I've like learned who they are as people, I feel like they're good guys. It's more the like situationship ones that I'm like, oh, you're sick.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where guys I've fully dated, I'm not even sad at the end because I'm like, I've seen all of you and I understand this isn't right.

Yeah.

But situationships, you're like, oh, I've made you into something you're not. You're actually the complete opposite, and I'm mad at myself for giving you the benefit of the doubt.

Yeah. I feel like every time I realize I hate them, it's all like similar situation, and it's that, like, wow, you were really, like, talkative with the group or something. Or like, you were really— one time a guy told— I asked him, I forget what we were even doing, and I asked him like, oh, was that okay to say? And I remember him saying like, well, you just like talked over everyone and everyone noticed it, and I could tell that everyone was getting really pissed. And I remember being like, oh my God, really? And then like asking someone and the girl being like, what the fuck are you talking about? Like, no, no one thought that. And then me realizing in that moment where I was like, wow, I actually fucking hate you.

They're trying to make you smaller. Yeah, they're trying to make you— they're trying to dim your light, as I like to say. So long story short, this is the part you can fast forward. She gets murdered and it's not the guy, it's the girlfriend.

Wait, I actually stopped listening.

His on and off again girlfriend murdered her.

The old girlfriend murdered the new girlfriend, and she wasn't even new girlfriend.

It was basically like this guy was kind of lying to both of them, and one of the girls was clearly not mentally well.

Like, I don't say it lightly, picking the wrong guy can kill you. Yes, it could literally. Like, there are also like— there are so many studies where women get into relationships and like develop autoimmune diseases. Like, it truly can kill you.

It was funny because I was thinking about the Manosphere documentary and how they made a documentary about these men making other men hate women. And then I'm like, is there gonna be a Googly Squad documentary about how we told all the girls they're gonna get autoimmune diseases if they talk to men?

No, because you want to know what?

We're raising awareness.

In any type of society, there's like an oppressor and the oppressed, and there's like a whole thing about if you're the oppressed, you know every single thing about who's oppressing you. So us being like— also, we don't hate all men. We like are in relationships, we have sex with them, like we love men. Yeah, but being aware and knowing— it's the whole thing of like we have to do all of these things to protect ourselves from them. But we— like, a perfect example is like the Bonnie Blue, like the girl that does all the like rage bait and like has sex with a million guys in one day or whatever. Never once do— is there ever an article like, well, who are the guys? Like, who are the guys that are standing in line to have sex with this one girl?

Also, if a guy had sex with 100 women in a day, he'd be literally have a sculpture.

That's just like a football player. Like, that's just like the captain of some team somewhere. Like, that's just— I don't even know the Bonnie Blue stuff. Like, I— again, because I don't know like streamers or like any of that shit, but I know that we've never once identified one man that's had sex with her. Like, I'd like to see all of their pictures.

Anyway, I don't know how we got— I feel like this episode has gotten like kind of deep and stuff, but I kind of like it, so I'm gonna add on to it. Um, I was thinking about—

well, I used the word oppressed.

Yeah, let's go! We can't go back, we gotta lean in. Lean in, hashtag.

I'm wearing a Shakespearean top, and so I felt I needed to say the word oppressor.

I was thinking about how I love being in my 30s, and I try to put words to why my 20s is hard so girls in their 20s listening could like be easier on themselves.

Yeah.

And I think I realize I am a perfectionist. I know I'm a Type B perfectionist, so it's weird.

You're 100% a perfectionist.

Thank you. Well, I have a little Virgo in my chart and no one talks about it.

You get very like detailed-oriented. You're like, what if we cut the clip 2 seconds prior? I'm like, shut up.

Just post it. Paige, like, Paige is like says yes to everything, and I'm like, we need to stop 0.01 seconds before this joke ends.

Yeah.

But I was thinking about, as a perfectionist in my 20s, every single thing that happened to me, when it wouldn't go right, I was so upset and down on myself. And then I realized, like, the reason I love my 30s is because I've made all the mistakes already, so I'm not scared of making the mistakes because I'm like, oh, I've done this and I've messed up and it's gone well. So, and I also know the answer to things now 'cause I've made the mistakes. Yeah. So in your 20s, you don't know the answers.

Right.

So as a perfectionist in your 20s, when something happens to you, you go, I don't know this. And you try calling your mom, you try Googling it, but it takes until your 30s to be, to know the answer to things and actually feel good about where your 20s, you feel bad 'cause you made mistakes.

I think the biggest difference for me when I, from 20s to 30s is 20s, I always thought I was stupid. Like I would always just be like, well, obviously I'm not as smart as that person. Like that person definitely knows way more than I do about whatever the situation is. Then when I got into my 30s, I feel like I was like, everyone's stupid. Wait, you're really— you're actually the dumb one, and I'm 10 times smarter than you. I was just a little bit more insecure about it.

Any guy that says he's smart is dumb. Any guy that says he's a good guy is a bad guy. Yeah, anyone who tries to tell you they're something is the opposite.

Yeah. Yeah, so true. Also, like, this has nothing to do with it, but I'm so fucking sick of the term girls girl. If we can never say it again, that would be great.

It's kind of like girls weaponizing other girls in a way.

It's just like another way to be like, she's actually not a girls girl, actually she is a girls girl. It's like, what's the definition of it even anymore? Like, because to me it was like just being nice to girls, and now it's like But actually, if you go back, there's like— it's just, I can't— I hate the phrase now. Yeah, I like can't see it anymore.

Yeah. And I think our podcast, people who love Giggly Squad are girls who love making other girls laugh.

Yeah.

And love the commonality of joking and girlhood and having things in common and having things in common. And I really realize if you don't have girls in your life that make you laugh, like, what do you do? Try to connect with men. That sucks.

I haven't connected with a man in years. If my good guy friends didn't get married, I probably still— I wouldn't still be friends with them. I feel like— no, like, I feel like when my— any, like, friendship I had with a male in my 20s is now such a different relationship because they're married and I am so much closer to their wives.

Another thing that's hard about making friends though in your 30s is you have to start the story from the beginning, if that makes sense. Like, it's kind of fun, but when you have a new friend in your 30s, you're like, which chapter do we even start on? Like, you need to get multiple drinks to, like, give your lore. I mean, our lore is like, I can't even— I don't know if I can start over with someone.

I need to—

I don't want to send them to someone to, like, give them the briefing before they get to me. One thing I like listening to rap music—

wow, what a change in direction—

as driven women.

Yeah.

Nobody talks about it like rappers, about as you get successful, how many people start lying about you, coming for you, being mean to you, bullying you. And like, only rappers talk about it. Pop stars are like, um, love, love. But rappers are like, literally no one came for my neck until I started making money.

Like that.

And I'm literally like, the amount of lies other girls can make up about you when you're doing well so scary and crazy. So how about this?

Well, because girls are so smart, so they're like, I know that people will hate her if they think this about her. And so then they say it. If a man's gonna make up a rumor about you, it's gonna be like, she had sex with— and it's like, okay, like, good one. Where like, if a girl's gonna make up a rumor about you, it's layered. She's done research. She's like, yeah, it's different.

And then you you can't address it.

No, like bullying in an office setting is next level.

Next level. And even like places that you didn't think— like nurses, I've heard horrible stories. No, teachers.

The nurse lore. I would actually love a reality show based around—

that would be insane. They'd be like, this character is dead.

Oh my God. No, think about what a good— like, okay, because people like love The Pit. Yeah, they love like—

is it girl-coded though?

Like Grey's Anatomy. Like, I, I also love medical show, you like, you feel smarter when you watch it. That's how I feel about Law Order. I'm like, I'm a lawyer.

Yeah.

Um, but nurses have such— well, nurses get such a bad rep too. Like, oh, nurses are so bitchy. And like, well, they're tired, they haven't slept for years. And I think that they would have such a good reality show, or even like a scripted show where it's— but it's just about them. But how would they do it?

They'd be like— the producers would be like 'Hey, can you start a fight with someone?' And she'd be like, 'Yeah, that girl needs an IV or she's gonna die.

I can't like start a fight.' No, they don't have to start a fight, but like, how good would it be if they're getting into it about something? It's like, 'Okay, well, you didn't fill the chart out right.' It's like, 'Okay, well, maybe I didn't have to do your work.' And then it's like someone's coding in the other room, they're like, 'We'll get back to that.' Yeah, and then it's a cliffhanger.

Next episode, does she live or die?

Yeah. And I think there's like hierarchy in nurses.

Yeah, there is. So the new one. Yeah, the new nurse. Well, we watched that whole thing about a documentary about how all the nurses try to blame one of the nurses for like killing her people.

Oh, that baby. Yeah, when we watched that.

Oh yeah, yeah, that was dark. In British.

In British English.

Was it? Oh yeah, it was in England. It was in England.

They were speaking in British.

I can't believe— you know, we've never been to England together. Is that crazy? Or Italy?

We've all— the only time we've been outside of the country together is Canada. We've never been on a vacation together. Wait, we've never vacationed together?

I mean, every day with you is a vacation. Yeah, but I actually was thinking about how I want to go to Sicily with you. Yeah, I would love that. I was talking to Kim about it. You don't have to come, but Kim and I are going.

Why don't you just come on our— that is one thing I will say about my family. My holidays and my vacations are like Yeah, just come. Like, anyone.

You guys are very welcoming.

Like, we've met that you guys 3 times, come on our vacation. My mom has always been really big on, like, each holiday is unique. Like, not every holiday is going to be the same. It's not going to always be the same people. So like, random holidays, we will have random people, and they might not come next year, and they might not have been there the year before. But my Italy trip has truly turned into 'If you're in Italy, come have dinner with us,' as if we're like— like, Taylor is coming on my trip. Sierra came last summer and probably again this summer.

You've had many—

Lucho's coming on my trip this year.

Random boys in and out. My dad loved when I brought guys to like Shelter Island because he would do the Boyfriend Olympics. Yeah. And you think it's a joke, it's not. He would just at one point be like, 'You want to throw a ball outside?' And the guy would be like, Okay, and they'd start with football and then they'd throw a baseball around, and then next thing you know they're doing timed sprints, they're doing jumping verticals. He's bringing them to the beach, they're racing, they're throwing— then they're throwing the frisbee in the water for doing a decathlon. And then my dad— and then my dad is literally like, he made it or he didn't.

And somebody's like, well, are you gonna be able to protect my daughter if the world ends? Yes or no? Let's find out in the backyard.

Like, this is also why I love like big men is because I can throw a football and I cannot explain to you guys how it feels to— I don't know how it feels to be with a man who can't throw a ball farther than you, but it's annoying.

Have you ever dated a guy that doesn't like sports? No.

Even when I dated a musician, he was like— he was like an athlete too. But I'm annoying. Like, I'm— I really am annoying with the sports guys. Like, I've never dated a poet. I don't date fucking No, I don't date any. Where?

They're just poets running around.

Brooklyn.

In Brooklyn.

I've never dated the— I don't date the skinny, like, artsy dudes. I've never dated a guy who was like tatted up unless it was like cool for his sport. Yeah. Or like he had a random cross because he like needed it to win the football game.

I've dated a couple guys that don't watch sports. And what do they talk about? Not to sound like misogynistic, I really don't. I do prefer a guy that watches sports.

There's something about like their brain needs to be focused on something of structure, or they're, they're philanderers.

Well, it's kind of like, it's kind of like babysitting where you're like, there's a game on tonight, perfect. Oh my God, it's gonna be occupied. The Mets are 7 to 9:30.

The Mets are 4 hours. Yeah, it's literally like he puts himself in the room.

Yep. I'm like, what if we turned on the game and I got you a snack, put him down, sat down, and we were quiet.

Turn on the game, put him down, and yeah, he's good.

I don't want you to have a lot in common with me.

It's less important that you have things in common, more important that you have the same sense of humor about it. Yeah, that's the tea.

Um, I need someone that's not afraid to make fun of me. A lot of my boyfriends are scared of me, so like, I need someone—

I need to like— who's not afraid to be like, why do I feel like I need to sit them down and tell them how to like rip you to shreds. Yeah, like, that's in a charming way.

Like, God forbid, God forbid we had a little back and forth.

I don't remember a moment that I didn't make fun of you. Like, I think the first day I met you, because it's like, do you even care about me if you're not making fun of me?

Like, no, because it's at a level of comfortability where it's like, yeah, I can say that to her. Obviously she's not gonna get offended.

It takes me knowing about you and remembering details about you to make fun of you, which means I care. Period.

Yes. Done. That's what it is.

Can I say one thing about football? It's going to piss you off. Fine. This girl on TikTok said that football games are actually only 11 to 18 minutes of actual playing.

Okay.

And the rest is commercials and just like fucking around because they need to give people enough time to make bets and to just like consume, like to eat food and to order stuff and to watch commercials. These guys are— I mean, yes, it is like they're getting hit by a car all the time and they're never going to be able to like think the same because they have CTE, but it's really 11 to 18 minutes of actual play and they act like it's just saving the world. And that's a shout out tennis, but like these men are playing 3 out of 5 sets just out there for 5 hours. Even like baseball is like 8 million hours long, but they're not really moving a lot. Soccer, they just add random time at the end of the game because like, you guys haven't ran enough, there's 4 more minutes go.

Wow, that's very interesting about football.

Very interesting.

So it's all just to sell things during the game. I mean, if you think about it, if you ever go to like a stadium, it's all ads all the way around.

It's all capitalism.

It's all capitalism.

I want to apologize to The Academy because I actually am really annoying about talking about Dez this episode. I never do this. If you're a non-gay player, like, enough with this guy. I never do this, but he has a really funny joke that I need to tell, and I'm gonna butcher it, but he talks about How? I'm going to butcher it. Okay. Going down on a girl is kind of like the end of a basketball game. Like when she says she's about to come, it's like a basketball game saying there's only 2 minutes left. There's actually not 2 minutes left and it's going to take forever. So shout out to men in sports and men in the bedroom. I hope you give women actual orgasms. Hmm.

Wait, I was talking to one of my girlfriends. Actually, she's not. She's one of my girlfriends. Girlfriends.

Important.

Yeah, so she's like my friend-in-law.

Girls go—

she was my friend-in-law. So I like, I don't really know her, but I was with one of my friends and she was there, whatever. And she was talking about she had just recently broken up with her boyfriend. I was like, oh my God, like what? Just like asking normal questions about it. And I don't know how one does, but we got on the topic of like, well, how was your sex? Like, was it good or not? And she was like, no, like I never came, not once. Like I used to fake it a lot. Mind you, this girl is I think she was maybe like 26, 25, 26, whatever.

And if I had a nickel—

yeah, no, literally. And I was like, oh my God, like, did you ever talk to him about it? Or like, did you ever have conversations? Like, did he know you weren't coming? Or did he know you were ever faking it? And she was like, yes, one time I didn't fake it, and he— and I was like, oh, I didn't come, or something. And he said yeah, all my girlfriends like have a really hard time coming. And I was like, the gaslighter of the century.

God, he's like, for some reason I'm attracted to girls that don't know how to come.

Yeah, he like put it all out. He was like, yeah, something weird happens and like they have a really hard— and I was like, why would he say that? Why would he admit that?

Have you ever hooked up with a guy and immediately when he's like, yeah, I had a girlfriend for like 6 years, and you're like Oh, you never made her come.

Yeah.

And in your 20s, at least, like, it's less embarrassing to be like, hey, that's my thigh. Once you're here, stop moving. But when a guy's in his 30s, you start to be like, holy shit, like, no girl somehow—

girls, when you get to the point where you're closing your eyes and picturing someone else, yeah, yeah, you're like, maybe I should leave.

Or you're just like, hey, let Mama handle this. You're like, mentally, I have to shift into a new stratosphere right now because this continuum is like, look, somebody Mandela Effect is happening, but I have to leave my present body, go somewhere else.

I'll be back in 3 seconds.

What's it called? They say that you could like levitate, you can go to a different realm or something. That's what girls do all the time. Um, your friends, especially your best friend's boyfriend or husband, that is your co-worker. That is so fucking—

and he works remote.

Not only is he my—

you don't know what he does.

You've heard from her what he's like in the office.

Yep.

Um, but you're not in meetings with him.

We're not on—

yeah, we're not at the water— at the water— at the water fountain.

You see him passing, like going to the bathroom.

You can tell if he's like in a mood or not, but that's pretty much it. And then when you leave the company, um, you never speak to him again.

He's also like kind of similar to like, like your aunt's husband that she divorced but still comes to holidays. Like, he's also kind of like that family member where it's like we don't see him a lot, but he's part of our family, but I'm not blood related.

Yes. And you know that he could get fired at any moment.

Yeah.

And that's— and if you never saw him again or talked to him, it wouldn't affect anything.

Okay.

Yes. Yeah, 100%. 100%. Well, I'm glad we figured that out, you guys. Thank you so much for dealing with us. I have my last weekend of tour going to North Carolina. I know, this weekend, North Carolina. Two more shows. If you're in North Carolina, I'll see you there.

Just North Carolina?

Just North Carolina.

Okay.

How are you? Bye.