Transcript of Giggling about prophets, perfume, and gatekeeping New

Sup, Gigglers?

Carrie, fix the Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. The day just flew.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

Hello, my Galápagos Gigglers. That's a place not in America.

Because it's cold out.

It's cold out.

What is this, like, Entertainment Tonight? Why are we both in like a wall? Blazers.

Why do we wear the same?

What is the CDC?

CDC, what is that again? I think it's related to like a COVID thing.

Yeah, something.

Um, women in STEM of the week is us showing up in our blazers.

Your nails look good.

Oh my God, thank you. Someone stopped me in the line at the airport yesterday and said, what color nails? And I said, sorry, my fan page just told me to get them.

Oh, did you do the exact same thing?

Yeah, what color is it?

I don't know, he mixes it.

And then I felt like I was gatekeeping her. She's like, what color? Like, gun to my head, she's like, what color is that? And I'm like, I swear to God, I don't know.

Which is so interesting when girls will like ask that because I'm like, the bottles are all not labeled. Like, my guy adds one swipe and then does another swipe and he's like, do you like that? And I'm like, pinker. And then he, then he writes down what he combined it.

They're doing full chemistry things. Um, also Law Roach said bring gatekeeping back, and his argument was like, if you are all telling people where the cheap shop in Japan is to get designer bags, guess what? It's not cheap anymore. He's basically like, you guys are ruining things because you're not gatekeeping.

You know what, I kind of respect that.

I respect— at some point, if everyone knows about something, it's not special anymore.

Trying to think if there's anything I gatekeep. Well, all my feelings.

My personal therapist is like, please just tell me what you're actually thinking. Isn't that your job? Aren't you professional?

Why don't you pinpoint it?

If I'm just gonna tell you what I'm feeling, I feel like you're not doing your job.

What's the point?

Also with nails, Hailey Bieber announced the new trend, which is She likes her nails matching her lips. I think she's fucking with us at this point. I think she's just like saying random shit to see what—

I think she saw my Into the Gloss article and said that I like when my nails match my toes.

Wait, did you? Oh yeah, 100%.

Can we go back to the gatekeeping thing for a second? Yeah, I feel like you lowkey have a lot of things that you gatekeep. Like, you never— what products do you put in the newsletter? I never look at like your products.

I know this is insane to you. Yeah, I don't use products. You're like, what's that?

What's that chapstick that you're like, I'll die for it?

Oh, I talk about it everywhere. What's it called again? Um, Revival Skincare Youthful Lip. That's $38.

Is there any product that you've— that you're like, I've been using this since college, other than like Dove deodorant?

No, no, I don't, I don't attach myself to products.

That's so true.

I don't—

you don't attach yourself to big brands.

Yeah, no, 100% do, 100% do, but I don't, I don't define myself through capitalism.

Um, right.

I do gatekeep. There's one like online vintage shop that has really good stuff.

Do you ever go to that big vintage, um, like they have it every year in New York? I think it was actually literally last weekend that I would love to.

I wasn't around.

They have like a big, um, what's it called, like a bazaar. Like it's where like all these different vintage places go to one location and you can like shop through it. We should go one year. I don't know why we never go.

Vintage markets have been going on. You've You've just been okay. You've just been—

I've just been living in the here and now. I've been in the here and now.

I actually tried on something vintage recently and I thought in my head, I'm like, who else wore this?

My jacket's vintage. It was my mom, so I know who wore it.

Iconic.

And she's always like, why do you always wear that jacket? I hate it. Oh, but I'm like, I love it.

Be like, Kim, look in the mirror. This is yours.

And it was like deceiving this morning. Like, it looks really nice out and like springy, but it's cold.

Are we both really tired?

I got a full 8, but yeah, that doesn't mean anything. Actually, I got 12,000 steps in my own home yesterday.

See, that's where I worry about you. Yeah, were you like pacing on phone calls? Were you on a walk? Were you on a walking pad?

Nope, just walking around doing different stuff. Well, I went for a walk in the morning, so that, that helps. That kicked like 4,000. Then throughout the day I was like, I could be doing more things. I've hit the age— this actually makes me want to die— I've hit the age where when you're sitting on the couch, you can't even relax. And especially on a Sunday, because you're like, I could do 10 things to get me ahead for the next week. And it's, it's really— it's actually— I now get our moms.

We're like, remember, my mom will watch TV standing up.

Yeah, remember when you were little where you would be like, just sit down, and like, can we watch this? They're like, I have 8 million things to do.

They're like, we're dealing with income tax, microplastics, there's a lot going on that you don't see.

I'm dealing with a lot more than I should be.

But that's Des, which like, it annoys me but it's good for my mental health, where if we watch 2 episodes in a row, he'll look at me and go, okay, we need a little break. And I go, break? 2 episodes? 2 episodes? Break?

I haven't even finished my snack.

He's like, we should walk around the block, something. I go, break? No, lock in, motherfucker. Yeah, so he like, he's like that where he's like, sorry, I just can't sit for too long. Like, I'll watch TV lying down and he'll just be sitting up watching it.

I'll lay for so long that I literally— my hip starts to hurt.

No, all my lower back is cuz when I'm watching something, I'm in a contorted laying down pose.

Truly.

And Butter's lying on me in a weird position, so I have to hold it or she'll move. Yeah, but anyone who watches multiple episodes of TV, like binges, just like sitting up on their couch is crazy.

I've never sat on a couch.

I've never sat normally on a couch.

Me neither.

If I want to sit normally on a couch, I get a chair.

I don't even have chairs in my living room because I think it's inappropriate.

It's abusive.

Like, don't come over and think you're better than me and sit in a chair in my living room. Get a blankie and be a real human.

Have you ever seen those Instagrams that are like, what kind of person are you if you walk into a room, which chair would you sit in? Yeah, I love those. I'm like, this is my hobby. Where would I sit?

That's you and Lambs. That's literally just you and Lambs. Okay, you want to a gripe I have. Yeah, do you ever go—

do you ever sit and share? Do you ever go to the grocery store?

No, right? It's obsolete. It's not the thing that humans do anymore.

Do I say every week I'm gonna go to the grocery store? Yes.

Do you pop in maybe because like you're passing one and you're really thirsty, or like you need one thing and it's right there? But I'm not going. Here's the other thing, it's New York City, so you can't actually go to the grocery store and do like a big haul because you can't physically carry it home.

Yeah.

So I feel like when I— even when I first moved to New York, actually, when I first moved to New York, there was a grocery store under my apartment, which was amazing. I didn't realize how spoiled I was. And you could go and do your grocery shopping and they would bring it up for you.

I remember that. There was— it was like a thing you could do and you'd have to pay extra for this.

It's called Jubilee Market and I loved it so much.

Anyway, we love your work.

It was so nice. But now with Instacart, like, you can do a whole big order, whatever. I find myself having to do two separate orders from two different places because, first of all, I only ever get matched with a man ever on Instacart or like Uber Eats.

That's the universe having fun.

Oh, like a lucky day you'll get an Instacart and it will be a woman and you're like, they know where the produce is. Like, think God, but seriously, there's no— something should be done because you waste— I waste so much money just redoing the order. I'm like, I know for a fact they're actually not out of raspberries because every time I've ever gone into the grocery store—

straight men don't know what raspberries are.

33 years.

Chris, do you know what a raspberry is? What's that?

There are 5 million packages of raspberries.

Raspberry is saying to a man like, this is the color teal. Like, they just don't process it. They're like, it's strawberries or apples or oranges. They also don't know about clementines.

Oh, they do not know about clementines. Like, the amount of times I've gotten a grapefruit and I'm like, cool, cool, this is not a fucking sumo orange. And now look, I'm not a big chef obviously, so I'm not ever buying for like, oh my God, I'm making a frittata and I can't—

like, no, you saw a TikTok about sumo oranges and you wanted one. Hey, I could try and squeeze that.

Like So it's never like really messing up.

Have you ever had a pomegranate?

Have you ever tried to like take the seeds out of a—

No, I did this when I was little once. It took me 8 hours. It was the most fun I've ever had.

It's one of the—

you have to like hit the open and then like you have to like spit out the seeds, but then at one point you just start eating them because you're like, fuck it. No, you eat them. I think at one point I was spitting them out because I thought they were gonna grow in my stomach.

Oh, you thought you like sucked on them and then like spit them out?

Yeah.

Well, now I just buy them already like taken out of the thing. I love— but you know what, Granite, at night I miss the fun.

Now they just have palm juice. We used to have to— we have to grow it, pick it off the wherever it is, the tree.

I saw a thing on the internet that said if you were born between 1991 and 1999, you had the most picturesque childhood.

Are you crying right now? But I did I love your nostalgia.

Our generation has a really hard time growing up.

Also, I heard that Gen Zs are trying to like do malls because they want to like live what we lived, and it's like, the moment's over, babe. Also, I'm becoming a— you know, you just become the older people in your life because you have a blazer on. Yeah, yeah. I was at the airport yesterday and a young girl, maybe like, I don't know, I can't tell after, like, under— they could be 9, they could be 16, I can't tell. She must— no idea. She was like 12, 13 maybe. Okay, full Juicy outfit. Yeah, I was like, we wore those when it first came out. But I should be happy.

I should be like, well, things like come back around. By the way, the only gripe I have with 12-year-olds—

say it, someone needs to call them out. I was afraid, and I don't wanna—

I'm not mom shaming, I'm not. The only thing sometimes I think is inappropriate is when little girls have long nails, like long fake nails. Maybe that's just because my mom wouldn't let me and I'm jealous of those girls.

I think that's the least offensive thing a girl could do is have long nails. Let her have some art on her hands.

Totally, get your nails done. But I think long nails are a very old-school—

patriarchal. No, but how are they typing?

How are they typing? How are they— I just think it looks to adult.

Well, a girl posted on Instagram kind of like, why would your hands ever not be manicured? And she's getting eaten alive by girls, full women in STEM, who are like, yeah, with a Tahoe brain surgeon. Yeah, what's up, Tahoe? Not Tahoe, Chris. What are those?

A truck?

What are those? Backhoe?

What the hell is that?

You know what a backhoe is? Like for like gardening and stuff?

Spell it.

Yeah, like a big backhoe.

Like a, like a construction.

Yes, girls in construction.

Got it, got it.

Sorry, I really threw us all off the end on that one. Everyone's like, stop the pod. Oh, also, so I was in Miami. This is how my ADHD works. In Miami, and the flight got delayed, so I was like, I'm gonna do some cleaning because The only time I can clean is if I know I only have a short amount of time. I'm like, I have 30 minutes, let's clean.

Yeah.

You, cuz if you have all morning, you're like, you love a challenge. I love a challenge. So I'm like, fine, let's go 30 minutes hard cuz then you're done.

You are the person that's like, oh my God, I have all day to get ready. I'm gonna wait till 30 minutes so I can rush.

It's my favorite. Yeah. Cuz then you're actually productive. Yeah. It's gonna be, be stressed all day. So I'm like, okay, 30 minutes, let's try to put some clothes away. And I put on my sandals.

You know, they say if you have ADHD, you should wear shoes in the house because you're more productive. It's true. Is it? Yeah, it is true. Um, I think particularly laces too.

Okay, yeah, maybe. But I was wearing these like these flip-flops running around, which is essentially a slipper. I'm not gonna fight about this piece. Um, and then I, I'm like, okay, let's get to the airport. Get to the airport, by the way, I'm going to New York City, and I'm in a line and someone checks my ID and she gives me a look up and down, like looks at my feet, and I'm like, that was weird. Look down, still wearing my sandals. And I'm like, I'm at the airport in my sandals going to New York. New York is 45 degrees. And I'm like, like, this is the kind of stuff I do.

Okay, so your whole story was about walking out of the house like in a slipper.

But it did— it didn't occur to me until like another woman looked me up and down. Yeah. And I was like—

she was like, you're wearing your dogs out on the plane. You've got more problems to worry about.

On the plane with my dogs out?

Were they cold?

Actually, they were fine because I run hot, but it was when I got to New York City that I'm, you know, you're stepping in puddles which are Chernobyl. Yeah, so I have to check if I have gout on my toes now.

I saw that you watched the Netflix documentary that you were like, I'm not watching. Yeah, what did you think?

I fought against it for a second.

Well, it's because like if you've seen one, you've seen them all. It's all like, it's the same guy.

I have so much to say. First of all, I want to apologize. Whenever I watch documentaries, I just say what it's about. I don't say the actual title because I watch too Yeah, we're like, that's not the title. It's like False Prophet something. It's number one on Netflix right now. You can't miss it.

Truth something.

Truth of something.

Truth of something.

White Salamander. So we have a Mormon giggler correspondent.

We do?

Yeah, she tagged me and she's like, please, please, please do not just say Mormon. This is a LDS, LCDS. Oh, that, um, LFSD.

I think that was actually really close.

SD. LSD. STD.

LFS.

69 at AOL.com.

This is the San Diego—

sorry, my mom is here. Latter-day Saints. LD.

But isn't in the documentary they're like a more extreme version?

They're basically like— they're basically like Mormons don't even— aren't even religious. Yeah, they're like Mormons are worse.

Yeah, is what they're those sanctimonious, the made-up—

they, they don't even go to fucking church. These, these are the real ones. And it was funny, the girl even, she was like, we are celebrities in our own right because we're the only ones that are actually close to God. And they know everyone looks at them weird, but they like love it. And you know what, LDS, FLDS— this is my thing, I have empathy for all of them because I'm like, find a purpose, babe.

Like, the girls are there and they are like, well, if you're born and at like 3 years old when you have first started having your first memories and someone's like, you've been chosen. Like, what else are you supposed to believe? That's all you know.

Also, it's not like lackadaisical. They're like, you're gonna die in the burning depths of hell, or you're gonna be like having the time of your life in heaven. Pick a side. You pick it. You, you pick it. You could do whatever you want. Which one?

They're like, we're giving you— we're telling you what's gonna happen. I think the craziest part too is like when they had to go get regular clothes to like get that guy from jail. Yeah, they were like, I don't want to do this. Yeah, like I don't want to wear this, I don't want to be— yeah, look normal at all. It's like sad.

It's— brainwashing is real. But I didn't want to watch it because I was like, I've seen this, like a crazy man convinces all the women to have sex with him, like how many times? If I had a nickel. But it's way more interesting than that because it's this quirky, quirky quirky, fun lady who I want to be, by the way. Yeah, who lived this crazy life in Hollywood where she was a puppet. She did puppets.

I missed that part.

You were on your phone.

She's a puppeteer.

Yeah, she did puppet, like, she— where she's like, okay, she was like Miss California. I don't know, she's lived a crazy life. She's now with this like hot foreign dude who does music videos. Like, she's having fun. But she decides to move to Colorado Creek.

Well, she was a wife of one of these guys, so she like kind of knew the brainwashing, and he did like really crazy things to her.

Well, yeah, at first I was like, why does she suddenly feel compelled to live there? And she's like, I was a victim of a religious cult. And I totally get how like that kind of sits with you. Like, you're like, I need to do something about this.

Yeah.

So she's at Colorado Creek, and these people, like, she sticks out like a sore thumb. She's like this Barbie doll looking blonde with her husband who's like, has a camera everywhere, and everyone's like, who the fuck are you? And it took her like months.

They're also in the middle of no gorgeous backdrop though, the—

but it's like all polygamy, polygamy, polygamy, and she gets in with this crew. Well, long story short, the prophet— the prophet was this guy, he died. His son—

he went to jail.

Well, his son decided, I'm the prophet, right?

Right.

Then like, yeah, married like all these 11-year-olds, and they're like, you need to go to jail. And everyone was like, he's perfect, he never did anything wrong, you guys are lying about him. He's in jail and everyone like doesn't know what to do. And when the guy's in jail, he tells them all they can't have babies or get married, which is giving jealous, like Sorry, just because you're in jail doesn't mean— Yeah, and also everyone's related already, so it's like they're already struggling to like build the community, which they didn't talk about.

I didn't think about that.

They didn't talk about that. There's only so many to work with.

Wait, that's so—

All the kids have the same dad.

Wait, I didn't even think of that, that that is like— what's that called again?

Incest. Yeah, in the— and that's a scientific term.

Sorry, I'm not Throwing incest around.

It'll be in the title. But if you think about it, they told the Mormon wives they have to have a kid every year.

Oh my God. No, no, you could die.

Yeah, the kids are just dropping out at this point.

Wait, that's like really scary. Actually, one of my traumatic for your body. Sorry, one of my close friends is like about to give birth. Yeah, she's like, she could go at any moment. Yeah. And this is the first— this is my first friend that like is having a real baby. Is having a real baby. Like, my first friend that I would call at 2 AM and be like, you have to pick me up, yeah, is having a baby. So it's a lot. I got a new eye cream, by the way.

I just bought—

she'll like tell her husband stories about when we were in our 20s, and I'm like, wait, I feel 102. Like, by the way, that was last year.

When I get a facial, I'm always the person that like, they're like, you need to buy this cream, and they put like a gun to your head, and I'm— I always feel bad, so I'll buy like one of them, and then they're like, that was $700. Wait, I buy it. Do you not buy it?

Wait, that's two types of people. Yeah, that's so interesting. When you get out and you're up at the counter and you're paying, and they're like, oh, she recommended this list for you.

You always say no?

Yeah, always.

See, I feel like because I didn't get a lot of facials and because I don't know what I'm doing in my face, it's like the one time a person, like a doctor, would be like, we recommend this vitamin C, whatever, and they're always like, what are you using on your face? And I'm like, I don't fucking know, whatever. So salesy.

So you don't realize it's salesy.

And so I bought an insanely expensive cream being like, well, this is gonna change my life. I'd never use expensive creams. Yeah, broke out.

What was that?

I don't remember.

It was just like, like, just like a moisturizer? No, it was like a serum that you were supposed to use like at night.

My thing is, if I'm gonna pay that much for a serum, I better have perfect skin.

Well, because you don't use a ton of stuff, like it's almost like your skin is brand new. Like, it's like, what is that? So I feel like if it's not broke, don't— you don't—

don't fix it.

Yeah.

Hell yeah.

I can't wait to see what it was.

Oh, I have to— I like totally forget.

Yeah.

Um, but anyway, so in the polygamy world, they're left with no leader and they're not allowed to do anything, and they're all starting to go crazy. And then this literally Joe Schmo, like, he wasn't even respected in the community, he didn't have money— which some of these Mormons have money, by the way. Like they're loaded. Yeah. Um, he had no money because they have all these women working for them. Oh yeah, they're crazy. Shop going on. So he— this Joe Schmo disappears.

The one thing I don't got— yeah, okay, I get the clothes aspect, like you want to be like covered up and it's like tradition, like whatever, they obey the men. I'm not— I don't understand the hairstyles.

I was gonna say it's kind of iconic. Like, I feel like if Hailey Bieber did it, everyone would be doing it. The wave. The wave.

It's just like, how are you getting your hair like that? I have so many products and I can't get it to stand up.

Yeah, because you know they're not using Dysons.

Yeah, like, what hairspray are they using?

I think they're teasing it, but it doesn't look teased. It looks very smooth.

Yeah, I'm like, how are you getting that whole swoop? And it looks all— no hair extensions.

No hair. I mean, their hair is gorgeous.

This is so intrusive, but I wonder if they're allowed to shave.

Great question.

Great question.

Great question. I'll have our Mormon— yeah, correspondent.

And if she doesn't feel comfortable answering, she can tell us.

You don't have to care. But like, their whole thing is about obeying men. So it's funny because you're watching these women and I'm looking at them like, were they born like this? Like, is this them? Like, because they've been trained, like, they actually love obeying men and they love sitting back. And then you realize that they're brainwashed.

Yeah.

And not to give away anything, but like at the end when you see some of them after realizing they were— that they were brainwashed, they're completely different people.

Yeah.

They're, they're women who are— have a purpose again, who like have opinions. The girl literally was like, every day I realize there's new things I can learn and be.

And I'm like, she was like, there's new things that I love doing. What was it? She was like dirt biking or something?

Yeah, she was dirt— like doing like the most badass shit. She's like a surgeon DJing, like she's doing crazy shit. Yeah, so part of me was like, oh, maybe these are just— there are women that just want to obey to like Joe Schmo.

But do you think there's any— do you think there's any girls that are like really deep in it that have ever come across Giggly Squad? Because I feel like one episode of Giggly Squad, they'd be like, I might be brainwashed.

You know what, I literally was like, get me in that villa. Yeah, put me in that villa. I swear to God, because there's something in me where like the The second a man tells me what to do in any capacity, I reject it.

You know what else people—

and I also can smell a con man a mile away.

That you can. And you know what else people don't talk about is—

unless he's good looking, it takes me about 7 months.

And that's your crossfire.

And that's your—

I'm like, Hannah, only one who doesn't see it. I don't know if he has reading comprehension. You're like, it's fine, I'll read for him. It's fine, I'll spell it out for him.

Um, if he has a jawline, I'm like Oh my God, but this guy didn't even have a jawline.

The thing that I don't think— like, they're obviously not allowed to talk about, or they haven't in these documentaries— is like, okay, you know the mom that was like, I was catching on to it, and then like she went to the blonde woman and was like, you got to help me, like, I have to get my kids out of this. I feel like in some community— communities, there has to be like a ring of women that are like really close with each other that know what's happening is fucked up, but they can't—

yeah.

Say, like, the bonds that the women must actually have, because they don't realize how trauma bonded they are.

So bonded. The sisterhood is beautiful, like, that they have each other. And there's— it's funny, like, there's no jealousy, because I think they're all just like, we're all going to heaven together.

Yeah.

And I mean, maybe there is some jealousy of like, who's—

no, who— but like, couldn't they realize that this guy was obviously like— like, sorry, this guy obviously isn't at like the normal IQ that like, um, person that age would be. Like, you know what, just having one conversation, I'd be like, okay, you have a 4th grade reading level.

For people who like didn't watch, it's literally this like very average man with like 15 girls around him at all times, ranging from like 10 years old to like 30. And do you know what it was giving? The Bachelor. It was giving The Bachelor where like, do you know when The Bachelor season would always start? You never watch it, but it would always start where the guy's like, you're like, he's fine, like whatever. Yeah. And then by season 3 the girls start becoming obsessed with— because like they never see him. When they do, he's picking another girl. It's all the psychology of like, those girls want him. And then the guys on The Bachelor, their head must get so fucking big because they're just sitting there with all these girls like, pick me, pick me. And then in their head they're like, if I get picked, I get Instagram deals, I get all these things. So then it's like a full mental warfare because these girls are basically like, if I can just stay with him, I am going to heaven. And that's what they tell the Bachelor contestants. They're like, if you, if you keep another episode, you will get a million followers.

Yeah.

So you just become— and then next thing you know, you're like, I need to be around him. I love him. He's actually amazing. And next thing you know, like, it takes time. And all these girls didn't want to be with him originally. Yeah. But then they realized, like, it is kind of crazy how, like, dating shows— it's social experiments.

It's very crazy how dating shows still are so watched and profitable when, like, everyone filming the show knows the end result is to like get followers, to make money, to like live.

Also, the argument when people would be like, they're not there for love, or like, they're on the reality show to get famous. Yeah, yeah, who's not? Who goes on reality show to become a better person? Who's like, you know what would be good for my growth? Certainly not.

I don't know why people don't give us enough credit for for leaving, for truly being like, actually, I don't want to be FLDS anymore. I want to wear my hair the way I want.

That was you. That was you. I fortunately was forced out. I was the girl they were like, you're not behaving. No, do you want to know what?

They knew early that you were going to blow up the whole thing.

They're like, she is not listening to the leader.

She's not here for love.

She's not here for love. No, but I wasn't listening to the leader. I was questioning how things were working. I was getting— I was, I was I was talking back to the wrong people and they were like, get her out, get her out. Wait, because basically I was like, either follow me. I tried to take over. I was like, follow me, I know what's right. I have a feminist mentality of this. I'm gonna empower the women. And they were like, get her the fuck out. Yeah, get her the fuck out. She's ruining the whole hierarchy that we built.

Ruin the tour.

She's gonna ruin the world tour.

Yeah.

Wait, I'm obsessed when you put it that way. It makes It makes me feel good. Yeah. The whole group setting. There's like one girl that's always on his lap, like hanging off him.

The one part for me that they— I wish they would dive into more. I wish they should make more shows with people who are out of it. Like, I would like a documentary of like their lives now. Um, their sleeping arrangements. I'm like, what do you mean you're putting 10 girls in one bed? That doesn't even— they're not fitting. What are you talking about?

When that's all you know. It's like my Nana growing up, she was sleeping on the floor. That's all she knew, and she loved it.

I guess that is— I guess that is like—

they're not taking— that's a whole different kind of cult where they take you from like a good place. But a lot of the time with cults, they say like you have to endure pain so when you're feeling pain, you feel like closer to God. You feel like you're gonna earn the love of things. I know you could never see that.

No, but I could see that in my head. God's like, doesn't want me to struggle because he's like, you're perfect, you're adorable, why would I give you this hard stuff?

From the athlete perspective, like, they would be like, you have to, you know, run 2 miles. And I'd be like, I don't want to do that, but if I want to be a champion, I know I have to because other people won't. So I just kept pushing myself, pushing myself, pushing myself until I had nothing left to give except trauma on this podcast. So I know we, well, we hate being told what to do. You wanna do what? Only by my mom.

Yeah. Only by my mom. I was just gonna say, unless I was in your vaginal canal, mm-hmm. Don't tell me what to do.

Mm-hmm.

Like that is the only per— because she put all of her cells together to make me, I will listen to her till the day I die. Mm-hmm. But anyone else, I'm sorry, you weren't with us in the hospital.

Are you, are you at the point where you like don't take advice from anyone anymore?

Yeah, but when did we— I think, do you want to know something? Um, I think one of the reasons we're so similar is because we do have the same type of relationship with our parents, and I think we grew up very similar.

I forgot what I was saying.

Oh, so I don't think I— I don't think you've ever taken advice from someone that isn't your mom, and I don't feel like I Like we've listened to—

I'll say recommendations. I'll do recommendations.

I'll read your suggestions.

Stop. You can submit to the DJ. Okay.

You can request your song.

Request your song.

You have free will.

It's running by Lenore.

At the end of the day, the two people making the decision are me and my mom. Sometimes we're like, say to my dad, we're like, you can excuse yourself. You don't actually have to—

No, sometimes the dad like clouds the whole— I'm like, you need to go. You need to go.

But there There are times where my dad's thrown in a sentence. Mm-hmm. We've, we've taken that sentence.

We say he has a good point, but at the end of the day, did the decision become, become, it has to still run by a lot of things. I also fully, I guess I was like 32 or 33 and I had a big important career call. Mm-hmm. And my mom was on the line. My mom was on the Zoom taking notes. They were like, what is that lady doing? I go, she's taking notes.

No.

And she was literally shaking her head at points. I go, she didn't like that. I like that.

One time my mom fixed her glasses on a Zoom and I go, she's pursed her lips, we're, we're done here. We should just stop it. She's actually put her pen down, she doesn't need to hear anything else.

I think I've heard someone be like, oh wait, you can't bring your mom to a meeting. I go, watch me, watch me. I'm sorry, after the Kardashians, you bring your mom.

I'm so happy you said that because they're I'm gonna tell her all afterwards.

I'd rather her see it firsthand.

In the past year, Kim has been on so many Zooms.

She's on your emails.

And people are like, oh, and this is Paige's mom.

And I'm like, uh-uh, she's not just my mom, she's the head of operations of my life.

Yeah, what are you talking about? She's the only person in this meeting that actually cares about my best interest.

Period.

Period.

It's crazy and it's true.

So anyway, the mental load those two must have, it's really— it's actually sad. It's like, I, I think about having a daughter and I'm I actually don't want a third career. No, I can't then manage her career.

Like, I don't, you look, I have to go through so many emails.

I think we're gonna have daughters and they're gonna be like, don't worry, we're gonna be like lawyers or doctors. Okay. We're not.

Yeah. My mom had to retire from her job to keep up.

My same. My mom retired from her job and now works full-time.

Support for today's episode comes from Square, the system powering like half the places I go. If you've ever tapped to pay and thought, whoa, that was fast, it's probably Square. Square is the platform behind the scenes of so many businesses you already love. Whether someone's selling smoothies, cutting hair, fixing bikes, or running a boutique, Square gives them one connected system to take payment, manage inventory, and run payroll, send invoices, and track it all from one place. Square even has software for managing staff staff, marketing, and customer insights. It works for one-location shops and businesses with multiple teams or service areas. You don't need an IT team or a degree in accounting. Square isn't just fast, it's smart, transparent, and built for the way people actually run their businesses. No contracts, no hidden fees, no complicated installs, just tools that accept every major payment, let you see sales and inventory in real time, and help you access your earnings immediately with Square Banking. I feel like I never even bring my card anymore because I'm always just tapping with my phone, and it truly does make living life just so much easier. If you're starting a business or running one that deserves better tools, Square helps you sell, manage, and grow without slowing down.

Right now you can get up to $200 off Square hardware at square.com/go/giggly. That's square.com/go/giggly. Run your business smarter with Square and get started today.

Not to brag. Yeah, I, and I'm not trying to come for you and like come for your brand. Okay. Cause it's a thing people have been doing since the beginning of time.

Coming from my brand. Yeah, you're right. In kindergarten, there was another girl, her name was Paige, and I'll never forget it. Paige Barber. If you're out there. I'm like, send me a DM, haven't talked to you in so long. She told me she didn't like my dress in preschool and I never forgot it.

She said there's only room for one page in this kindergarten class.

It was green and it had yellow flowers on it. And she was like, I don't like it. And I was like, it was the first time someone—

God forbid someone take a risk.

The first time someone I think ever told me they didn't like something. And it was like a core memory in my life.

God forbid you have a little whimsy.

I went up to my mom, I go, she doesn't like my dress.

Can you believe that?

I was dumbfounded.

Meanwhile, I was pretending I was Nala and scratching the other kids, and they had to, you know, call the police. But, um, I read a book. Yeah, I bought Fame Sick by Lena Dunham.

Oh, okay, you already read it?

Well, I was on the flight yesterday, and I was gonna do the audiobook, but I also brought the book.

I ordered Strangers.

Good, the actual—

it arrived today.

Oh, great. So I read for 3 hours.

Like, read, read.

I read 150 pages yesterday.

Oh my God.

But I also— like, you haven't read a book in years.

We're starting a book club. We're not—

which we're starting. We're okay. But everyone should read. So my— I'm obsessed with Fame Sick right now because one, Girls Raised Us. Like, we remember when Girls would drop, like the new episode would drop and it would like a different color of girls would come on the screen.

I'm trying to send Lena Dunham a Hannah tea because I'm like, she would love Hannah Berner or Hannah Horvath, doesn't matter.

Same.

It's the same.

It is funny, she was describing the characters and Marnie is so you, it's so funny actually. And Hannah's so me. They were like, she means well but her delivery is awful.

And like, we live together and I'm like, all I care about is me.

And they love each other.

Yeah, they did.

They really did. So because we are working on our first ever TV show, I took it as like a research where she's discussing how she got off the ground. Um, she was like doing little films with like the Safdie brothers and like little, um, out of college. Yeah, like little festivals. And she basically was like, it's a boys club, just like all these boys making movies. And she puts out Tiny Furniture. She puts out this indie film.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It blows up. Judd Apatow's emailing her, this other lady's emailing her, and she's like like, I have something here. And next thing you know, as like a 24-year-old—

hadn't written Girls yet?

No.

Okay.

She walks into HBO. Well, she had all these LA meetings, and it was really funny to talk about. And then she walks into HBO, and they like get her, and they're like, let's do it. So she talks about writing the pilot, all the stuff that goes into it, and I'm like, I'm locked in. It's really fascinating, and I think you should read it to help our journey. Yeah, maybe I will, because she talks about the casting process, she talks about her anxiety through it.

Also, the Girls pilot was so— like, you rarely do you watch a show where the first episode is one of the best episodes of the whole season, and Girls, I feel like, really was. Like, usually you watch one episode and you're like, okay, like, I'll watch a second. But I remember watching that first episode and being like, this is the best show on TV.

Well, and it was back then where actually a lot of stuff wasn't being made, so It aired and her life immediately changed. She was— they made— she had done like a little press thing. They took that photo, put her on the COVID of New York Magazine.

What was this, like 2006? Like later, 2010?

I have no idea. Look, I've been around for a long time.

I've watched so much TV.

But like, it was— everyone was locked in on it, and she's on cover of Vogue. Like, and she— this is the thing about her, she's not like us. We're front-facing people. We're like, put me in front of the camera. She wanted to be a movie director. She wanted to be sitting in the chair writing and directing. And she was like, "I guess this role could be for me." And HBO was like, "You'd be perfect for it." So she didn't want to be famous.

Oh, wow. So she didn't write it with the intention of her being the main character.

No. And then it also talks about her meeting Jack Antonoff and their relationship. So I'm only 150 pages in, um, but—

Which I, for whatever reason, during that time of pop culture, I— I like don't remember that.

They were like—

I don't remember him.

He was like touring all the time and they would occasionally have like cutesy little—

I think maybe because they were— it was more like— then he went on to date like Lorde.

Yeah, I haven't got to that drama yet, but, um, she is such an amazing writer and I think it's because she's not trying to be anything but herself. And I feel like, you know, when you read things and people are like, I'm so hot, and like, this is like— she's never bragging about herself, which I feel like so many of these autobiographies everyone's like, it was so hard being so hot. Like, she's just, she's just like herself and you fall in love with her. And she, she talks about everything, um, and she's hilarious. So anyway, I'm really enjoying it.

But she also talks about how also it was like right when social media, I feel like, started.

She— and no one told her that you like can't be reading about yourself. So while everyone else was like, calm down, she was the face of it. So she'd just search her name and see all these horrible things about her when really she was at the most iconic time of her life. But in her head she thought that everyone hated her. Yeah, because that's just what the internet is.

That's so—

when actually she was changing the world for women.

She really was. She was definitely changing it for like, I think, this industry.

But everyone was— oh yeah, and then at one point they told her she has to gain weight because they— she was getting too thin. They were like, you have to be fat for the role. Yeah. And she— and she's dealing with her own like image issues and food issues, and she like couldn't comprehend. Like, it was very complicated because she felt like the whole show was riding on her weight.

Do men ever have to get really fat for a role? Like, what's the last—

they do, but people like really applaud them. They're like, he gained 20 pounds, the next day he lost 20 because he shat it out.

I can't think of like one movie where I'm like, oh my God, he played like— he had to gain like 40 pounds for that, other than like Christian Bale. But it's like, well, I know the guy from DTF St.

Louis who dated Lily Allen, or was— yeah, he put on like a fat suit for the DTF. Yeah, to get like a tummy. Sorry, I said the tummy. That's weird.

Was it imperative for him to be big for that role? I don't—

yeah, he was supposed to be like like schlubby. Love saying that word. Schlubby.

Um, you know what I love? Schlep.

I love saying schlep.

Schlep is such a good word.

It's such a New York word. It's Yiddish, I think.

Yeah.

Thank you. We have my mom nodding. Um, also one more documentary, Born to Bowl on HBO.

To bowl ride?

Bowl. Bowlers.

Oh, I thought you said born to bowl.

So Ben Stiller produces it, and it is— it's giving— if you were into the chess documentary center, you'll be like, it's the same kind of man. Um, it is.

Where in the country are they?

It's a little like Midwest-ish, but these guys have full-time jobs because like you can't make a living off of it unless you're like winning everything, which is like very difficult.

And like, how much are you winning?

You could win up to $100 grand for like a huge tournament, but like if you don't, you could lose money.

Yeah.

And it's these guys' lives of bowling. And whenever there's competition I'm in, they all have like characters. Um, I'm invested.

It's like theater. Yes, bowling is very theatrical.

Yes. And it's, it's also like pretty simple. Like, so if you make one little mistake, you're fucked. It's very mental. And one of the guys—

and I would assume it's very like one-on-one, like tennis, where it's like if you messed up, like, no, you messed up for your team.

Yeah. And like they're sacrificing their families to like be on the road for 3 months.

Why isn't bowling in the Olympics?

It should be, right? I'm also obsessed with one of the guys' wives. She was a former college bowler, and she's like, I just— we get each other.

Like, curling is in the Olympics, and you're not just like going— you're not on a Friday night being like, oh my God, you know, it'd be fun if we all went curling. You're not planning your daughter's 8th birthday at a curling center. Like, why wouldn't bowling be in the Olympics?

I love bowling because I love when people take things too far.

Like, I love it.

You're like at a birthday party and you're like, what if I mastered this? Like, I love that for them.

Remember, um, bumpers?

Do you remember bumpers? Yeah, most fun ever.

Like, I didn't realize people weren't using them. I was like, why would you not use a bumper?

That's crazy.

And then when they like took them away, I'd be like, this is stupid.

That's why, like, when the government was like, do you want to pay taxes? And I checked the box that said no. I was like, why would I If you give me the option, why would I pay taxes? Did I owe money to the government? Yeah, I told you the first time I ever had like a job with a W-2, they were like, fill out this form. And you ever fill out a W-2 for the first time? It is the scariest thing ever. I don't know what anything meant. Yeah. And it said—

no, it's actually insane that as a senior in high school there is not a class for the things that you are immediately going to be hit with as soon as you graduate. You're like, I've never heard of it.

Yeah, when they start, and then they, they tell you like, you should know when they start talking about health insurance and they say, what's the— yeah, oh my God, the words they were using. It's like school, they're like, yeah, go, go to the real world, see what happens. Um, so it— there were two questions. It was like, do you want to pay federal tax? And I was like, no.

So they never took it out.

Why would they give me the option if it's illegal to not do it? And that's when my accountant at the time was like, are you sitting down? You owe like, you know, like $500. But he was like, are you sitting down? And I'm like, how is this happening to me? And he's like, did you check something? And I'm like, I don't know, I don't know.

No, I get that.

Anyway, so I'm Women in STEM of the Week for that. I had the best meeting with my friend, actually Allie. We were like gonna jump on a call to like write something. And do you know when you have a meeting, it was like 6 PM— no, it was 4 PM on a Friday. Do you know when you have a meeting how like you're so dramatic the 3 hours before it? Like you can't focus on anything because you have a meeting coming up. And I was like, I'm gonna take a nap. And like the nap was like so good before it because I'm like, these are my last moments.

Well, doing a meeting on a Friday at 4 is insane.

So I— we had rescheduled twice already because no one's listening. I was like, I can't reschedule.

Yeah.

So this is why I love it.

The two of you.

Yeah. This is why I love Allie. Get on the phone and she's like, I'm tired, by the way. And I go, go, so my— do you not want to do this? And she goes, did we hop on the Zoom call to cancel the Zoom?

And I was like, wait, I wish I was on.

No, you would have loved— I was like, this is so big. We literally go, we're in charge, like, we could cancel this right now. And she was like, let's not do it. And I was like, I was doing it because I thought you wanted to do it. And she's like, I never want to do it. And I was like, having free will—

like, I was supposed to go to that dinner the other night, and I was like, what if I just put the outfit on, took pictures, and then didn't go? And everyone was like, yeah, you could do that. You are—

as long as you don't tell anyone on the podcast.

Okay, great, get a camera, take a picture right now.

Also, Ali and I did end up talking for like 20 minutes on the Zoom, but it wasn't work related. I was like, anyway, how are you now that we're here? And we're just gossiping. And I was like, we could have done so much work on it, but we canceled the call.

And it was like, you know that like the 2 minutes before you get on a Zoom that I'm just there by myself with other people? I pretend that I'm on my phone texting you to tell you to come than the same because I get nervous. I'm like, oh, actually, I'll text her right now, like, she's coming.

I'm surprised that you keep dealing with that because I purposely show up 2 minutes late because I don't want to be early on.

You know, I fucking knew you were doing that so that you didn't have to do the beginning, like, yes, hey, where are you? Are you guys in LA?

The pleasantries? I'd rather kill myself.

Skipping the pleasantries?

Yes, I'm not doing the pleasantries.

Wait, I'm gonna skip too.

Yeah, you just have to show up like 1 minute 30 seconds late and they've already done their own stuff, and then you come in all like, what'd I miss? And they're like, don't worry about it. I'm like, okay. Okay, and then I go straight to business. I say, you're fired.

That chess documentary did something for you because people are out here playing checkers and you're playing chess.

How'd you not realize that? Very strategic. Because I'm consistently—

you are a phenomenal actress because you come on the Zoom as if you were rushing from something else. I was, I was like, oh my God, sorry, I'm rushing to be there 2 minutes late, looking at something else. You're like, I'm like, sell the stock, sell the stock.

Sorry, I'm really busy.

Woman in STEM.

I'm like, I have imaginary kids running around. I'm like, sit. My mom tried to poison me this morning with whole milk latte.

Oh no.

Because we haven't like had a morning together in a while, and she's the best. So I wake up and she goes, your coffee's ready, and she's making the bed while I'm in it. That's her favorite thing to do. She's making the bed.

You're the cat in the situation. You're her cat.

Oh, and she's like, it's your stuff you planned that we we have to do. And she's like, I'm ready, I'm fully ready. You haven't done anything. So I get out of bed and I see whole milk, and I'm like, ooh, I've been doing whole milk but lactaid whole milk, which is—

wait, highly recommend everyone— petition for lactaid. Okay, listen, we had to deal with all the nut girls for president. No, we had to deal with all the nut girls for the past 5 years. Oh, I drink oat milk, I drink pistachio, I drink almond. How about the next time I go to order a coffee at a coffee shop, lactaid is an option?

All the other ones taste like shit. I said it. It tastes like shit.

They're also all bad for you.

They're, they're high in sugar.

Milk is horrible for you. Almond milk tastes like actual ass. Soy milk I don't think is that great for you either.

No, there's macadamia.

That's, that's a dessert. That's a topping on a dessert.

Put it in a cookie.

They won't let us have OG cow milk anymore because they're like, you're a grown human.

Whole milk. Stop putting protein on stuff.

No, have a chicken cutlet. I don't know why— here's what I'm not understanding about the whole protein epidemic. I get it, our world is changing, GLP-1s, people want to build muscle, totally. Why are you coming up with the most insane situations for protein when you could literally eat one chicken cutlet and there you go, done, you're good, like you're fine? You don't need to put it in your dessert, you don't need to put it in in your ice cream. Like, I don't need it in my morning coffee, my protein vodka. I don't—

protein vodka company, get strong while you're getting blackout.

It's too much. It's too much.

Um, so my mom drugged me this morning and I said, oh, I don't know, did you drink—

you drank it and then you were like, hey, what milk was that? Or you—

no, I knew from the beginning. Well, this is my problem.

You drugged yourself.

It's like smoking weed for me, where every couple years you're like, let me try it. I forget. And I'm like, it's been a while, maybe my body's changed, my palate's different, I can handle it. I'm not the girl I used to be.

Yeah.

And I said, I can drink a latte that my mom made with love. Yeah, like there's love in it. Like it would never cause me harm, my mom made it. So her argument is that I chugged it. That's why she thinks—

Iced coffee?

No, just hot.

Okay, cuz that is kind of hard to chug.

I did it. Okay, because I'm coming to Giggly Squad, I got to be ready, got to be on point. And I'm like, ooh, I have to go have diarrhea. My mom's like, it's not possible that that quickly you were able to have diarrhea. And I was like, honestly, anything's possible in the world of the White Salamander. So she— that's a Mormon reference for anyone who doesn't know. So I shot myself like 3 times this morning Um, but I feel really light now.

I was gonna say, you feel aired out.

Aired out. I actually think I did it because I, I flew yesterday, so I feel like I was a little— wow, a little backed up. Wow.

So, you know, people don't talk about— um, I was feeling a little backed up and I said, you know what, I have the perfect cure for this. I'll get Chipotle. I get Chipotle, I eat it, I'm like, I'm waiting, I'm looking at my clock, I'm like, any minute, surely this nothing ever happened.

Oh no.

So now I'm bound up, and now I'm bound up with Chipotle, and I'm like, Kitty's worried. What should I call Hannah? Like, what should I do? So I have a stomachache for 4 days.

Well, that's when you have to do a whole milk latte.

I can drink whole milk.

Oh yeah, because we have slightly different genetics.

Yeah, I don't— I mean, I really shouldn't because I do like get a stomachache and I feel bloated, but I don't have to like run to the bathroom bathroom.

To go full circle from the beginning of this conversation, I have one more thing about skincare I want to bring to the forefront. Okay. I also don't care, like, whatever people say, like, this will make you look like younger, younger, or whatever, um, pretty, juvelisse, gorgeous, no pores, whatever people are trying to do, glass skin. If it smells weird, I'm not doing it. And I once had a facialist be like, you have to buy this, I bought it. And I— it was some like crazy oxygen whatever thing, and it smelled—

was it the Biologique mask?

I don't know, I don't know, but it smelled like shit. Butter was like, what the fuck is this? My husband was like, who are you? I'm in bed, I, I couldn't do it.

If I put something on my skin, it smells bad, I am jacked up because you know it's doing something. I'm like, where did they find this?

It must have worked so disgusting.

I'm like, it must work so well that they were like, this is gold, we can't change the smell of it because it'll change the composition.

You're right. Of this, it's always the most expensive, best stuff that you put on, you're like, I smell like molded foot.

Yes, yes. So if I'm putting it on and I'm walking out of the bathroom smelling—

but it sucks because it's not like you're putting something like on your knee. Like, you can't stop smelling yourself. I'm smelling my upper lip and I'm like getting nauseous from— but I also like can't wear perfume, so that's maybe my I don't— no, perfume is like too much going on. Wait, what? I get overstimulated with perfume. I can't also be smelling something while I'm existing. Wait, I didn't know that.

You never wear perfume ever?

Des is the same way. Once we went to a Mets game and a guy was wearing like crazy cologne and Des was like, I have to leave. 'Cause it was like so strong.

I never knew that.

This is a sober couple going out where like the cologne is too crazy, I'm getting high. I'm getting high. Like, you ever smell someone?

Do you know that I have designated areas in my home of where perfume goes so that in at any given time I can spritz if I'm walking out of the house? If I'm— sometimes I'll spritz before a Zoom.

But you never are overwhelmingly type of way. Thank you. Like, I had a coach who, like, I don't know if it wasn't showering or something, but he would spray like crazy and we'd go to, like, do workouts and I like be nauseous from his cologne.

Can I say, one of— low-key, one of the best perfumes I've ever smelled, and I've literally put a bunch of my friends onto it in the past couple of months. And this is like not an ad, not sponsored. I smelt it. I actually thought it was a room spray at first. Khloé Kardashian's new scent, it is so good. I have never gotten more— I know when a perfume is good because I have so many different ones and there's like a couple that I know that when I wear, I'm going to have at least two people ask me. One is the Prada Paradox. Another one is my Victoria Beckham in like a turquoise bottle. It's Positano, it's called. And then my Khloé Kardashian one, by far the most people will like stop me and be like, what scent is that?

I love how you have a full control group when you walk outside. You're like like counting how many people.

Yeah, I'm doing stats.

But deep down, my thing is like, you don't like someone because of their perfume. You like them for them. And like, I want people to fall in love with my pheromones and my natural scent.

Yeah, no, I've had full relationships with men when it was— and it was only based on how they smelled.

Same. And then like, he's— you realize you don't like him, you like his cologne.

I do think the birth control thing is true. Yeah, you smell people differently. Yeah.

Yeah, so anyway, just like keep an eye out for that in these streets. Do you like him or do you like his cologne? Yeah, because men are out here gaslighting— perfume-lighting you, gas-perfuming you, hotboxing you with their perfume.

And this is even— this is how this— I like all men's cologne.

Also, by the way, why are they calling it cologne? It's perfume. It's perfume. Why are they like, oh, it's cologne? It's perfume.

Even like, have you ever smelled like gas station men's cologne? You didn't—

you've never gone to 7-Eleven? What?

You've never seen like cologne in gas stations?

Like, because that's the kind of guy that you have a wild night and you're like, you're like, look, don't tell anyone about this. I want you to flip and throw me around like you've never thrown me around before.

I can't think of the—

oh, I have that Exxon Parfum.

Okay, you can get off-brand Viagra at a gas station. You don't think they're also gonna do that?

A little cologne. The way a man who, um, doesn't have a job will have sex with you because he needs a place to sleep at night, that's how that cologne smells. And you'll never have better sex, and you'll never hear from him again because he doesn't have a phone.

But gas station cologne—

wait, it's called gas station.

There's like one brand I feel like I can picture it. It.

It's not Ax.

It's not coming up. No, but it's like, I think also it smells good.

I have PTSD from Ax. Yeah, also Ax, it's like, these guys, get a personality. Stop just spraying Ax and thinking girls are gonna throw themselves at you, even though it did work at the time. Um, guys, it does work on me.

I'm not stronger than the patriarchy, okay? I keep saying this, I'm just one woman. I'm just one woman.

Thank you guys for giggling with It's time. Oh, thank you guys for giving me— you had no notes. You came in with nothing to say, so I don't know what you're talking about. I love you guys so much. Thanks for giggling. We'll talk to you later. Bye!