Transcript of Molly Shannon Returns

Hi, my name is Molly Shannon, and I feel proud and cool to be Conan O'Brien's friend.

Whoa, okay.

Cool!

No, you're not. I don't think I generate a cool vibe, but—

Yes, you do.

Really?

Oh yeah, of course you do. Are you kidding? The coolest. Fall is here, hear the yell. Back to school, ring the bell.

Brand new shoes, walking loose. Books and pens.

I can tell that we are gonna need friends. Yes, I can tell that we are gonna need friends. Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I'm joined by Sonam Sethian.

Hello.

And of course, Mr. Gorley. How are you, sir?

I'm well, how are you?

I'm really good. Although we did discover recently that the chair I'm in makes noises.

Yeah, it does.

Are we going to oil this chair? What's going on?

I am not the person.

Did we find out what's wrong with this chair?

I'm actually—

I will say Jason Shlemmy and I are ahead of the game. We already switched that chair out for you. So this is a new chair that doesn't make noise. I just interviewed a very famous celebrity.

Yes.

And while I was talking to him, I heard—

Yes.

We all thought it was a fart. It sounded like a very old Jimmy Stewart at an auction.

Oh, God.

I can't buy that.

But what it was—

what was going on?

Who was it?

Who would allow a chair like that to even be in this room? Well, we're not exactly— we don't test the chairs every day beforehand. This is why you didn't get that job at NASA. We don't test the rockets.

That's why we didn't test.

Yeah, I mean, we kind of operate in, in this studio, we kind of operate on a, oh, when it breaks, then we fix it, right? Just being ahead of the game. We kind of wait for something bad to happen. I don't know, I— you just looped Eduardo into your failure. Oh no. And, uh, okay, fine. And that's not No, no, I go by that.

Yeah.

Let's just make sure we have the proper equipment. Perfect. Everyone looked at the clock to see how much more time we have during this segment when I started speaking, by the way.

Yeah. Oh, I do. I don't just mark when to wrap. I wasn't making a judgment call. Blay, I like you and I appreciate it.

Yeah, I'm just—

I didn't look at it.

I don't look at the clock. I just look for something that I can hurt myself with.

Just made it so awkward.

Yeah.

Like we want you to just stop talking.

Yeah.

But we tell you that. But everybody just looked at the clock.

No, no, no. Literally, you all look— as soon as I started speaking, everyone looked at the clock to cheat.

No, they didn't.

I didn't look at the clock. You did. You all looked over there. I did. This is on video.

I make sure of the time. That's my job. It's nothing personal. Yeah, okay, but now, now you've talked a lot and I'm—

Yeah, now I'm looking at the clock a lot.

I apologize. Your chair is fixed.

It's fixed.

But it did make a big noise and it was a big problem. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Another big problem that needs to be fixed right over there. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You're saying that this institution literally is not a well-oiled machine?

Exactly.

It is not. Um, we had a topic, um, and then we went down this primrose path. I'm sorry. What were we talking about? I can't remember. Why don't we just start over? No, no, this is fine.

Just—

will you not shut up? When did you decide— Blade, when did you decide that you needed to steer the podcast left and right? I got this, I got this. What a madman.

Leave the man alone. He does a lot here.

I'm—

I know he does a lot.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Sort of the Unabomber. Okay, so we had— I'm talking to you now, Matt. Let's see if Interjecty can just settle down for a second.

What about me?

You're good. Okay, we'll get to you. We had a topic that we agreed on before we started.

We were going to talk about the fact that Sona's sons have learned to swim.

Oh my God, that was the topic? Full disclosure, we sat around for 5 minutes.

That was the topic?

We were trying to think of something.

That was the topic that made us say, "Hallelujah"?

No, it was—

she brought it up and you went, "Okay, let's go." I know you did. I just was saying it.

You proved it. Wow. You know what's looking tempting right now? Blaise's multi-volume discussion of squeaking chairs. Part 4, Chapter 1. But okay, so let's, let's commit to this and see if there's something there.

Okay.

So, Sona, word on the street is that your twin sons learned to swim.

Yeah. Charlie and Mikey can swim now.

Okay.

No floaties needed, baby.

What was the process?

They went to classes and had an instructor one-on-one, and they taught them what to do, and they did it.

Wow. Well, that's a good story.

I got a story.

No, but I have one too.

I want to—

I do want to hear about how I learned to swim.

That's what I was going to say. I want to learn how you— you learned.

Let me show you how you tell a story about swimming. We went. They made a promise that the swimming would be learned. It was learned and all was done.

No conflict.

Then no conflict, no plot point. And then everyone was happy. And then long credits. 20-minute credits.

We did have a little bit of a conflict. Oh, good.

This is how you tell a story.

You didn't want to lead with that?

They were learning how to swim in this one pool, and then they thought they could only swim in that one pool.

Oh, you took them someplace else to make them—

So then when I took them home or took them to another pool, they were like, this is not the pool we swim in.

They took site-specific swimming lessons.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

It only works in that one pool.

Yeah. Yeah.

I can understand that. That's sweet. When I was a little kid growing up, and I think I've mentioned this before, We didn't have a summer house or anything, but we would stay at my grandfather's summer cottage. He had a small house near the state beach in Misquamacut, Rhode Island. And so all of us, the giant O'Brien clan, would cram into my grandparents' house, and that was our favorite thing. We'd go there for like a month in August, and we would go down to the beach, and it was time for us to learn swimming. How to swim. And my mother signed us up for Red Cross classes that they taught in this marshy area that was near the state beach. You know, not the most appetizing body of water. It was like a salt marsh. This is where you're going to learn to swim?

Salt marsh?

Yeah.

And you'd climb through some tall reeds, maybe be attacked by a crane. And, you know, it had that boggy smell, methane-y smell. But anyway, we'd all gather. Of course, my mother— I would burn constantly. And so she would just put white t-shirts on us, which we now know just attracts more sun. And I would get giant blisters on my back.

I'm just picturing these little red children.

No, I was so—

Walking into a swamp.

I was so red. I don't even think they had come out with sunblock yet. This is, you know, the early 1970s. So she put— I think she just put mayonnaise on our faces and then I'd be attacked by these—

for the animals.

Yeah. Attacked by these marsh animals. So I'm sitting there, like, cross-legged, and this woman would lecture us, and then she would say whose turn it was to go in. And the first thing she wanted us to learn was how to float on our back. And I remember she would always read through all our names and we had to say present, but she would always say the same thing. She would go, Ta-na-na, Brian. C-O-N-O-N. Conan O'Brien. And then on the ride home, my brother Neil would go, Conan O'Brien, Conan O'Brien. And I would sit there burning, like shivering, because you get like blisters and then you're shivering, uh, and, and covered in just like a methane-y bog smell and still like a, uh, you know, some kind of, some kind of marsh bird still nestled in my shirt. And, um, that was my traumatic introduction. But I do thank the Red Cross for teaching me how to float on my back, which I can do to this day, which I can do to this day. And yes, you have a story.

Oh well, uh, a year ago when we, we hired a swimming instructor for my daughter Glenn, and So this is the first time she's coming over. We've, we've never met her. She's a wonderful young woman, comes over, gets out of her day clothes into a leopard print one-piece, very attractive young woman.

Wow.

Sits there. Neither, none of us have entered the backyard yet, and she's just sitting there in the pool. Turns out she's in our neighbor's pool, and the mother of the neighbors comes out and it's like, What is this woman?

She went to the wrong house.

She went to the wrong house. What is this? Is my husband having an affair? What is this woman in a leopard print bathing suit doing in our pool? And she came over. She figured it out and came over. She's like, I'm so sorry. I just, I just went to your neighbors and the wife was there and she thought maybe I was having an affair or something.

Can I just say, this is the excuse I use every time Liza catches me cheating. Every time. Who's this bikini bimbo in our backyard? Swim instructor who mistakenly came to You are home. I say that every time. And Liza goes, oh my God. So did you— how did the lessons go?

Fine after that.

Okay.

And she and I are very close now.

I bet you are.

Yeah.

Listen, the important thing is it started off with us not knowing what to say. And Blay, you did try to help, and I appreciate that. You stumbled and bumbled as most large forest bears do.

Yes, I'm sorry.

But you did help. You got us, and then I think my anger towards you caused me to come up, suddenly remember this story.

We got there. Oh, you're a sweetie. Or maybe it was me prompting you guys with some good premise.

It could have been. But don't we always say, "Let's just go.

We'll figure it out." But also, it was Sona's inability to tell a good story that I think, out of panic, I rose to the occasion, and then you rose to the occasion. So, Sona, you helped too.

You're welcome.

All right.

My guest today is a hilarious actress, who was a cast member on Saturday Night Live. Now you can see her alongside Will Ferrell in the new Netflix comedy series The Hawk. This woman is one of my all-time favorite human beings, and I'm thrilled she's back on the podcast. Molly Shannon, welcome. Molly, uh, Listen, I've known you a long time. You're going to listen to me now. I don't know why I said, "Listen." Listen here! I've known you a long— Now you listen to me! I'm a huge admirer of yours. You have the best energy. Molly just walked into this building and just made everybody happy.

Sunshine. It's sunshine.

But that's the effect you have on people. You were talking to everyone. You were talking about how much you love the building. You were hugging me. You were hugging our— our booker, Paula Davis.

I got a hug.

Aw, yay!

Even you got a hug.

Yeah.

Even you! Come on.

I always feel like we have— Oh, here's your coffee.

Oh my gosh.

Let's have this coffee come in. Thank you very much, Maddie.

Thank you.

And you're fired.

Thank you so much, Maddie.

Okay, great. So, I've always felt like a kinship with you, Molly. And I don't know if I'm correct in saying any of this, but— We both are Irish stock. Catholic?

Yes. Irish Catholic.

Yeah.

Okay. And I used to watch you, you know, over the years when I first was watching you on SNL, and I would notice that you would just throw yourself around with absolute careless abandon, often into stacked chairs, classroom chairs, as Mary Kathleen Gallagher, you know? And at the time, I remember thinking, "Well, those must be made of foam." And then I found out later, no, they're just the same chairs they use in a classroom, which are the most dangerous thing in the world you can throw yourself into.

Yeah, yeah.

I would see you do that, and I would think, "Oh, I too, if I think it will get a laugh, will do something— would throw myself into a pile of nails if I thought people would laugh." Yeah, yeah. And I thought, This Molly Shannon, I don't know. It's just always made me very curious about you. And I've always felt like we're quasi-related. Is that possible?

I know it could be possible.

How Catholic were you growing up?

Very Catholic. My dad was really, you know, yeah, we went to church all the time, and he was very, I would say, very religious, you know? Yeah, yeah. He believed that you shouldn't have sex before marriage, or you should put your marriage certificate above the bed. Like that type of Catholic.

Oh my gosh.

Interesting, right? Yeah, yeah. He felt like you shouldn't live with somebody before you were married. Yeah.

Well, that would be my parents as well.

Your parents too?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, interesting. They were both very Catholic.

Yeah.

In almost a 19th century way.

Interesting.

You know, like it felt like—

Interesting.

And they were both very smart. My parents were both very smart people who lived in the modern world, but they— came from this 19th-century idea, I think, a little bit of how one should conduct oneself.

I love that. Old-fashioned values. I was gonna say, but regarding the Mary Catherine stuff, I feel at that time, I was much crazier and more reckless, and it felt a little bit like I didn't care, and I wouldn't even feel pain when I was doing it. I would feel nothing. I would feel it the next day, but I couldn't—

The next day.

Isn't that interesting? Like, I would wake up bruised and cut, and I could not feel it in the moment at all.

So, my wife would always notice, like, I'm getting out of the shower, and I'm like, And I would just— my whole leg would be yellow and purple. And she'd say, "What is that?" And I'd go, "Huh?" And then I'd remember, "Oh, right. We had a water buffalo on set, and I jumped on it, and I got thrown off of it." You know, I would remember these things, and it didn't hurt as much at the time because I was getting all the adrenaline of people laughing. "Hahaha!

Orange Man fell down." And then you didn't even notice you were bruised and—

No, you don't really think about that stuff. And then later on, you'd notice— This leg won't work.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm just walking in circles.

Yeah.

Did you— I think you used to watch Mass on television, because I remember that being a fixture when I was staying at my grandfather's house. He would have the Mass on— my grandmother and grandfather would have the Mass on television. And I remember being kind of fascinated by that because sometimes it was the only thing that came in. This is before cable.

Yeah.

And you would just watch whatever came in. Like, oh, we're getting reception on this one channel. It's a Catholic Mass. Let's check it out. It beats going outside and playing like other people.

Yeah. My sister Mary and I would watch the Mass for shut-ins, they called it, and we would count and they would show people going up to communion and we would try to get the wafer. To get the wafer. We would guess how many people were wearing glasses.

Great.

We'd be like, 1, 2, 3.

And so it was— I mean, today, you were looking into the future because today that's the kind of stuff people bet online about. They can— you can make any kind of bet, and that's the kind of thing people would bet online about now.

My friend's son started Polymarket.

Oh, you're kidding. Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

That must be going quite well.

Wisdom of the crowd, right?

Yes.

Yeah. I know. It's amazing. But I was going to say, and then we would watch this other show called Davey and Goliath right after. Do you remember that?

Of course I remember Davey and Goliath. It was claymation.

Yeah.

And it was— there was a boy named Davey, and his dog was named Goliath. And Goliath would be like, "I don't know, Davey. That doesn't sound like a good idea." And they were made, I think, by the Catholic archdiocese.

Yes.

And they were little morality tales. And so it was always, you know, this claymation boy saying, "I'm going to go over there and, you know, throw paint against that wall." "I don't know, Davey." Oh, there they are. There's Davey and Goliath.

That's so cool. Yeah, I love that show.

So, that show was weird. Some of the episodes were very strange.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll have to go back and look at it, but I remember.

Let me refresh your memory.

Okay.

I'm glad you brought this up. There's one, my brother Neil and I howled for days about this. We were watching it. Davey and the whole family is on a camping trip, and Davey finds this beautiful spring, like a little watering hole that all the animals are drinking at, and it's just beautiful. And Davey finds a can of red paint, and he pours it into the watering hole and says, "Look, I made a giant strawberry shake. Ha ha ha." And of course, the dog goes, "I don't know, Davey." And then you see all the animals try— Yeah, you see all the animals try to drink out of it, and they can't.

Do they die?

And I think they're going to die. And the father has a stern talk with Davey. And I thought, Davey's a sociopath. Yeah, that's amazing.

That's really messed up.

I'm going to put plutonium in this water supply so no one in New York can have a drink of water. And anyone who does will die. I don't know, Davey. That's an act of terrorism. Anyway, I'm sorry I went on a jag there.

I love it. Wait, Conan, do you— are you like— do you consider yourself an extrovert? Extrovert? Or do you ever have time when you're not performing, like not being bruised, waking up bruised, where you're just like, "I have to be quiet and just reading," or are you—

Well, I do like to read.

I was just curious about that.

It's a funny thing where I want to say I'm a— You can be both. It's a weird thing. But you can be an insane extrovert, which I can be. And then there are other times where people come to the door and I just kind of want to stay in my room.

Yes!

Because you almost feel a shyness, like, "I don't want to turn them off." that guy on right now.

Yes, of course.

But I would say most of the time, it's weird. You can be both. I'm guessing you're both.

I'm both. Jack Nicholson used to say when he would go out in public, he would have to be the mayor. You have to be the mayor. Hello, everybody. You know, like, really? And I'm like, that's a good way to put it. Yes, I'm definitely both. I love being around people. I'm like you, and I get energy from people. But I can be by myself for hours and be completely entertained hiking and being quiet. Yeah, so I think I'm an extrovert-introvert, maybe. Yeah, I think you can be both.

I just spent a weekend and it was, my wife was out of town and I just, it was me and my two dogs 'cause my kids are both, you know, out of town. And I just spent my whole weekend either reading a book or walking with the dogs. And then I came in today and I can't stop talking.

I know, that's amazing.

And it's been a problem. They wanna sedate me. Yeah, I'm so glad you've been alone.

So do you feel like giddy when you're by yourself at the dog's house?

Like, I'm by myself. I'm really happy.

And it's like, crazy, I can do whatever I want. And how long do you sit and read?

How long can you, if you have luxury of time.

Oh, I would read for hours if I could, you know. I mean, with breaks.

Yes, with breaks.

Because, uh, I blame apps. Apps have shortened my reading, uh, time. But, um, as long as I take a little break, um, I can, I can read a lot. And I like it. It makes me really happy.

Yeah.

Um, this is interesting because when you describe your childhood, it's not like mine. And you've talked about this, I know, a lot, and you've talked about it on this podcast.

Yeah.

How your dad was very unconventional in some of his thinking.

Yes.

Because at one point, in, in one way, he's very Catholic and very strict, but in another way, he had these very strange ideas that he was about what it is to have a child. Is that fair to say?

Oh, sure.

Yeah. Like, he would encourage— You've never talked about this with me, but he would encourage you to cheat.

Yes. Yes.

Mm-hmm.

He did not care a lot about school.

So this is a guy who says, "No premarital sex. No premarital sex. And you can't live with someone before you marry them. But if you can cheat to get ahead, do it." He was like that.

No, he just— He really thought street smarts were, like, a great thing. You know, learning how to make a buck and— make it in the world. And school, he would say, if I had a big exam and I was stressed out in high school, he would say, "Can't you get a— call in sick and get a copy of the test so you can go in the next day?" So, he really did not care about school. He was so laid back. And yeah, he was much more into street smarts. Isn't that interesting?

It's fascinating.

And then, yeah, so he didn't mind. And then if we went to the amusement park, like, he's like, "Okay, if you guys clean out that backyard, I'll take you to Geauga Lake this afternoon." this local amusement park in Cleveland. And then, but then when we got there, he was like, "I don't really want to have to pay." So he was like, "Can you guys sneak in?" Oh my gosh. "Hop over the fence." And we were like, "But there's barbed wire if you go around." And he was like, "Just do it. Do it.

It'll be an adventure." You know, 'cause he didn't want to pay. It's funny that he's defining this as street smarts.

I know. These are just crimes.

These are crimes.

These are just crimes.

These are crimes.

It was all illegal.

But it must have— I mean—

He was wild. He was fun. We would go to the movies, right? He didn't— I've told these stories before, but we would go to the movie, and then after, at the mall or whatever, they would have those gates that they would pull down, like at Spencer's Gifts or the wig store or whatever. And then we saw a wig store coming out of the movies at the mall, and he was like, "Stick your little hand in there and try to pull out a wig." And we said, "Volley, you have a little wrist to it." He thought it was the claw game that you get in an arcade.

It's like that. You just reach your hand in, and if you can get it, you can— that's a jewelry store. But if you can get your hand in there, you get to keep it.

But we would do it. So I'd pull like wig, wig, wig for me and him and my friend Anne, and we'd put them on and we would die laughing running out of the mall with our wigs on our head.

No one will ever catch us, they said, leaving the mall wearing 3 crazy wigs. Arrest that man in the beehive hairdo.

Yeah, yeah. No, there is 100 crazy stories like that. He was wild. He was a rule breaker. But yes, he was traditional. But understand the Catholic stuff was a little messed up because he is— He ended up admitting right before he died, I said, "Have you ever thought you might be gay?" And he was like, "Most definitely." Oh, wow. And so, I think he was conflicted with his— He's not alive to say what he would've been, whether it be bisexual, homosexual. But I did say, "Have you ever thought you might be gay?" when he was dying of cancer, '72. We were sitting at the Four Seasons Hotel. I was on a press junket. He's like, Most definitely. And then we talked all about it. So, I think the closeted homosexuality or bisexuality was mixed up with the Catholic stuff. Does that make sense?

Of course it does.

Yeah. Because he couldn't fully be who he wanted to be. So, I think he had anger about that, not being able to express himself.

Yeah.

So—

And then it comes out your elbow. It's a phrase I've always thought that I've heard used, which is— If you can't admit some essential truth about yourself, you think you can suppress it, but it's coming out in some way.

Yes, yes, exactly.

And that means stealing wigs through a grate. Exactly. I heard this one story that you and one of your friends used to go to a hospital to eat food for free. Mm-hmm. How would you do that?

That was so fun. Well, that's kind of like—

Oh, this one's fun. Oh, yeah.

No, I don't think we did it.

No, we would pay for the food, but it was kind of like, I still feel that way. It was if you've kind of felt in a little bit of a rut, I would do— I would try to throw myself into a different atmosphere. Like, "Oh, let's go. Let's just go up to the hospital, and we'll get lunch, and we'll get, like, cream of broccoli soup and a split tuna fish salad sandwich, and we can watch The Doctors." And it felt inspiring to be in a different type of atmosphere. I still feel that same way. And when I would— when I was first in LA and I was struggling as an actress, I would get kind of depressed because I was like, "Ugh, this is it." This is so hard. It's such a hustle. I didn't realize how hard it was. So when I felt in kind of a blue mood, I would drive to Ontario, California, and I would go to the Wilford Academy School of Beauty and let the young students do my hair. And I would get breakfast at Molly's, and then I would feel better, kind of throwing myself in a new atmosphere.

Right?

It's like traveling, but like little cheap ways to kind of open your mind.

Yes.

Yeah.

There is this— concept among, you know, neurologists. You have to just keep challenging your brain. You have to just keep changing it up. And then one of the problems is people get into a rut and they're not challenged. So it sounds like almost the ultimate way to say, I'm going to go to, you know, I'm going to hang out with some scuba divers just to see what that's all about.

Exactly.

Even though I haven't passed any classes and I could easily die underwater, I'm just going to try it.

Well, I love reading about brain science and stuff. And I do think if you do feel in that state, sometimes an action can help you. To kind of get out of your head. And I think, yeah, so I love reading about that. Also, if you ever felt like, you know, angry or something, if you do, or kind of supercharge, if you do a math problem, like a subtraction problem in your head, that can also calm down your amygdala. Or if you— I just love the idea of thoughts and how you can change your thoughts and stuff to do to help you get out of a little rut or something. Does that make sense? I love reading about that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Every now and then I'll be doing something and a friend said, well, this doesn't seem very like you. And I think that's good.

Yeah. Yeah.

Because I want to try.

Like what kind of thing, for example?

Well, I don't talk about it much on the show, but for years I drive a motorcycle. I ride a motorcycle and people don't know that. And I do it kind of like I just like— and you can be another person. You can put on a helmet, and then you can just go. And as long as you have a credit card in your pocket, you can pay for gas, and you can go anywhere. And sometimes I just feel like I'm a different person when I'm doing that. And I take off for most of a day and come back, and I— It's very therapeutic because I'm being someone else for a while, which I really like.

Yes!

I love that. I also kill people in Wren.

Oh my God!

No, you can! You can! If it's completely random, nothing links you to the crime, and then you get away. But you have that feeling of like, I'm choking the life out of you, you know? You know what I mean? And then you run a little quick burial, shallow grave, and then you run away. And then you just feel like, I was just that guy for a while. I've done that second one a lot.

Oh, okay.

And I lied about the motorcycle. I mostly just kill.

Anyway, try it.

You're gonna really I like it.

I know that you were here to talk about this project that you're doing with Will Ferrell.

Yes.

And you two have such a unique chemistry and relationship that just goes back— Had you worked together before SNL, or was SNL the time that you came together?

Oh, that was the time we came together. I worked at Melrose Baking Company, and Will was in the Groundlings comedy school across the street. And we had a mutual friend named Patricia Cotter, and she said, "Molly, I really think you're going to get along great with this guy, Will Ferrell." And I was like, "Bring him over to the house." the coffee shop. So he came over, and I was like, "Nice to meet you. What do you want?" And he was like, "I'll have a scone and a latte." And then we just started talking. We became friends. We've been friends for over 30 years. We did click right away, just like she said. And I got on SNL first, and Will came shortly after. Yeah, we just right away clicked so much and have been really close, close friends for so long.

And then you're on SNL together and everything else. "Wow, this happens." Yeah.

And I really did feel like the press was kind of behind. And when we all first started, all us newcomers, they were kind of really hard on us. And I remember thinking, "Wow, the press is really behind. They're just kind of copying old press." And Will, to not feel bad, he would hang up the worst reviews about himself on his office door.

Oh, man.

Isn't that wild to just kind of take the— to not feel ashamed about it. And I was like, "God, good for him. I could never do that." But I remember thinking, "They're wrong, and they don't—

These people are really good." I'm like, "This is good." So, it helped me understand the press a little bit, where I was like, "Wow, they're outside and they haven't caught up yet." I remember first hearing about Will, and someone said, "Oh, yeah, I've been hanging out with this new cast member, Will Ferrell." And at the end of the season, he was dressed as a character on some sketch, and he decided to just keep wearing that character in the costume.

Yes.

And I don't know if it was like a, you know, like a boiler suit or some kind of over-the-top weird costume, but he wore it for weeks and weeks. And a friend of mine said, "Yeah, I saw him at the Natural History Museum, and he's still wearing that outfit." Oh my God. And I said, "I don't know who that guy is, but I love that guy." And this is before I knew him.

Yeah. I'm blanking on the character. I know he loves doing that kind of stuff, and it's so— He's really just entertaining himself. Himself. And it's just so— he— this is so fun, and, and he's so creative. And I think Will too is more serious too than people would expect. Like, we know his big comedy side, but I know his more serious side, and it's so—

yeah, it's a real drag. Yeah, it's awful. Um, no, I, I, I know what you mean.

It's— you know what I mean?

I think what's tough, and I think it's the same thing with you too, is people would assume you or Will are just just kooky all the time and over-the-top entertainment machines. And both of you are very soulful, real people. You have a very serious side to you.

Yes, yes, very.

And do you find that there are people when they first meet you who think they're going to meet the Molly Shannon who's going to throw herself into a bunch of chairs, and then they find someone who's really talking to them seriously about an issue?

Probably, yeah. I think I am more serious. I really like to get to know people, and if I have time, and I think I'm more a one-on-one, and I think I'm shyer than people would think too. But yeah, I do feel that a little bit too. Yeah. And the whole thing too with critics, like what you were saying too, I feel like I'm very conscious too of like, "God, you could so easily—" You know, the whole like showbiz is such a hustle, and I just don't like getting into that thing of like going back like, "You're good, you're bad, you're good, you're bad." I think it can really repeat like childhood patterns. And so, I try to be healthier. You know, when you think about life and how lucky we are to be healthy, I just don't really worry about that. I try not to get into that too much.

Don't you think having a family helps?

Oh my God, it helps so much. It's just my everything. Like, I'm just so glad I'm alive to be there and do it. It affects every decision in my life. My children, I want to be there. I love being a mom. That's my number one. So it makes showbiz less, "Ugh." I'm very real. I'm pretty laid back about it, I would say.

You have, like, a solid foundation. Like a solid basement foundation of this is what matters. And then, you know, other stuff can come and go.

Yeah. And I feel like I just don't want to do that to myself, like rile myself up like that, like never feeling good enough or that you're only as good as your last thing. I'm like, ugh, enough. You know, I want to— I feel like I'm proud of myself and I try not to have to need that so much from the outside. Does that make sense? Yeah. Otherwise it just feels so unhealthy. And I feel like there can be a nice place to be healthy and be creative and not, like not worry too much about that. Yeah. I worked hard in therapy to not rile myself up like that.

What kind of therapy did you do?

If I'm not being too personal. I mean, I've done EMDR. And do you know what that is, kind of?

No, I just said, mm-hmm, too much. Oh, okay, yeah. Look like I know what's going on.

It's more for like trauma where you do like bilateral stimulation. So if you were nervous, you do the beep, beep, beep, beep, like the little, there's like a buzzer where you would hold the buzzer and you go back into, you could pick like supercharged moments in your life, like the top 5 where you're like, ooh, and feeling scared or whatever. And the bilateral stimulation kind of will bring it from like a 10 to like a 3. So you slowly kind of can reprocess this, these trauma. Yeah. And so it really, it's, it's great. Did you ever do cognitive? Cognitive? I mean, yes, yes.

Cognitive is so fascinating because they say if you have a good imagination, it can be great. Or you also have a great imagination for bad things. Yeah. So that's anxious. My career is over. I suck. I'm terrible. All these things David writes to me every day.

Yeah. Oh my God.

Every morning?

Just little memos. Yeah. But I start to spiral and go down. And one of the things I learned is write it all down on a piece of paper, walk away from it for 10 minutes, come back, and then read the piece of paper. During a worry time. Yeah. And you read it, and like, "I'm the worst person who ever lived." And I go, "Well, no, Stalin was bad." Oh. I mean, yes, I'm bad, but I'm not that bad. And then, you know—

You find evidence contrary to the beliefs.

But also a lot of the things you've written down just look silly. Yes. You know, like they just look ridiculous. And so I find that to be— and it's helped me talk to my kids if they have anxiety. That's really useful. All these little tools. But I'm always looking for another thing, you know, because you— okay, I've got those tools, but I'm always looking for the next thing.

Yes, I love that. I love that kind of stuff though. But that does make sense, the act of writing it. That you can put it aside. And then when you go back and look at it, you're, you know, you're like, yeah, I just, I just read a great book called Social Anxiety for the Overthinker, and it talked about that same thing. And I love that kind of stuff. I talk to myself out loud. One of my kids overheard me. I don't want to talk, they're private and stuff, but I was talking to myself in my office and that one of them overheard me and I was like, just going through these files. It was kind of tedious. And I was like, you're doing a great job, Molls, out loud. And one of my kids They heard me and they were like, yeah, they yelled over the house, you're doing a great job, Molls! But I wasn't aware that I was doing like a kind of Long Island coat talk, literally talking to myself out loud, telling myself I was doing a good job. I don't know, it just came out. You're doing a great job, Molls.

Isn't that like— I love that. But no, I love, I love positive self-talk, creative visualization. I feel like life is hard. Like any tool tools that can help you. For me, it's exercise. Like, I have to— I feel like I'm in great shape, but it's not really about exercise. It's about— it just makes me feel so happy, so good. I sleep better.

It just makes me relax. You do this because exercise releases all these endorphins. And so what I have found is I'll get on a treadmill and I'll run really hard. It's like, wow, I did— I just did 40 minutes on the treadmill, really, you know, really going all out, and I'm sweating, and I get off of it, and I'm euphoric. I am euphoric. And when I've been on the treadmill, I've had all these ideas. And it's like, "I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna learn how to play the oboe, and I'm gonna become a really good oboe player." Like, I'll come up with all these ideas for what I wanna do. And I'm gonna take a woodworking course, and I'm gonna build a sideboard and give it to my wife on our anniversary. It's gonna be made out of maple. And then I'll play the oboe while she's open. I'll have all these ideas.

And I'll start looking up stuff online.

Online, like oboe classes, carpentry classes. And then I get in my car, I drive here to the studio, I get to work, and I think, "I don't want to do any of that. I don't want to do any of that," because my heart rate came down and all of this great stuff that gets released. So I have learned, don't make any calls. Don't make any plans after the exercise period. Just wait a little bit. But it feels so good.

Yeah, yeah. That is so— I love it. That's great. I love that you have that inspiration though, while you're exercising.

If I ever call you right after a workout, just don't listen to me. I'm gonna say, "You and I should get married. We should leave our spouses and marry each other. I'm gonna take a woodworking course, and I'm gonna build you a house, Molly. It's gonna be the bestest house you ever saw." That is so funny. And then I get to work, and your husband's like, "What the fuck, man?" I'm like, "Sorry, man. I just had a really good exercise session, and I love Molly." Konen, where do you get your work drive from?

Like, how did you learn how to do that when you were fresh out of college? Like, is that from your dad or your mom?

Uh, work was prioritized when I was a kid, but I don't think all of us learned that lesson in my family. But I certainly— I don't know. I decided— I remember kind of thinking, like, in fourth grade, like, I'm just gonna— I didn't know what I was good at. I had no idea that I'd be good at anything. So I just decided, well, if I work really hard, that'll make up for the fact that I'm not good at anything. I remember thinking that. And so I just started. It's not a cool— you started off by saying, I feel so cool. I'm not a cool person. I was— I just worked really hard when I was a kid in, in a way that makes me a little sad. I'm really worried about stuff. Yeah. And the way I combated my anxiety was to prepare really hard for things. And then that yielded these benefits. And then people later on said, "You're really smart." And I thought, "I think I just work really hard." So, but I have a work ethic, and I like to make things, and I like to work with people and make things.

And so I think that's kind of just part of who I am now. That's great.

Sometimes I think about show business, I'm like, "You have to be crazy." It's like, I think, like, you know, you're from Boston, I'm from Cleveland. Like, I just think, Oh my God, what did I think coming out here not knowing anybody? Like, you have to be kind of crazy to think that you're gonna come on, let's, you know, you have to, don't you think?

Yeah, no idea.

I mean, if you really were to, if I were to really have known how much work it would be and what I would have to do and the somersaults and backflips and what was gonna, I'm like, oh my God, I can't believe I did it. Yeah. You know?

No, when I look back now. Do you feel that way? Yes, of course. I look back now and I think, wait, graduated from this really good school. Yeah. And I did well and I was like, okay, I'm going to LA with my friend Greg. We took a People's Express flight out there. I don't know if you know, People's Express was like, if you had no money, you flew People's Express. You gave them some cash. There was no, you know, it was like flying— You give them the credit card on the plane. Yeah, it was like flying a barn. You could get on a barn and fly. They put wings on a barn and you flew to LA. We took a red-eye and Greg Daniels, who's gone on to create every great show. He did okay. Yeah, he did fine. I go to Greg for loans. We just had this goofy existence. But the only thing I can say is it was like a salmon swimming upstream.

Yeah. And did you come out— you guys leased an apartment for a year, and just did you take jobs while you were taking comedy classes?

We did. Well, we had an entry-level job. We had a job at this show. It was on cable. It was on HBO, back when if you wanted to watch HBO, you checked into a hotel or a motel. 'Cause no one I knew had HBO. But we worked on this show called Not Necessarily the News, and we had a sort of an entry-level job at that. But then we would take other jobs. I took some kooky other jobs.

So did you come out with just a small amount of money too?

I love your podcast. This is fantastic. I know. I know. I love doing the Molly Shannon Podcast.

I have so many questions for all of you. Did I do what? Did you come out with like $3,000, or did you have a— How much money did you come out with to LA? I can't remember what I had.

I don't— I didn't— We knew that we had this gig. We just didn't know if it was gonna last. Okay. So, we were under the impression that we were on, like, a 3-week tryout, I think. We just didn't know. And so, we came out very ready to leave immediately, or that was what we kind of told ourselves. "If this isn't working, we can do something else." But I remember thinking, "I'm not leaving." That's so great.

I love that. I love that.

And I kept thinking, "I just wanna have a girlfriend." Aw, of course! That was Lars. And no one would talk to me. That's so sweet. Well, it was just very sad. Let's talk about The Hawk because you and Will Ferrell are together. Yes. And again, which is as it should be, Will is out there doing all kinds of insane stunts, which I love. This is the Will we love to see. He's out there 100% committing to being The Hawk, who is this down-and-out, aging, PGA golfer. And you are his ex-wife. And tell us a little bit about that relationship.

I'm kind of frustrated with him because I feel disappointed. I'm like, "Oh, these nutty golfers." And, you know, I kind of regret— I'm like, I just don't— I'm being very hard on him.

And he was great in the past.

He was great in the past, in his glory days. But now I'm like, "Oh, God, I'm so sick of your bullshit." You know, I'm really tough, and I kind of want to do my own thing and not rely on him. And I want to pull myself out of these worlds of golfers, these crazy people.

It's all-consuming, that world. Yeah.

How they can compartmentalize things. And— but we have a son. But yeah, so— but we really do love one another. We're just kind of in a little rocky period, but we truly do love one another deep down. And yeah, it's about our relationship, our family. And we have a son who's a pro golfer. And who's really good. Who's really good. Yes. He's excellent. So, yeah, so it's just that whole world. And— Yeah, we had a blast shooting it. It was so much fun.

I am just going to imagine that when you two get together for a project, it's right back to— could be the third week at SNL that you're together.

Exactly. It is like that.

There's a lot of tomfoolery, chicanery.

Yes, yes, yes. Skullduggery. Yeah. We had one day where we were shooting, and there was a little stuntwoman who was hired, and her name's Sandy Gimple. But Will said, he was like, "Molly, did you see her?" Did you see when Sandy was taking a rest on the ground during when we weren't shooting? I was like, "Well, of course I noticed." You know, she's like flat on the ground sleeping. And we notice the same things that we think are funny, or, you know, it's just, it's an absolute joy. We talk about our kids. I'm really close to Will's mom and dad. Will was really close to my dad. It just feels like family, in all honesty. And Will is so professional. This is what I always tell people. He is the most professional, most prepared, most thoughtful, you know, just like he's just It's just the best. You better be on your A-game because he—

Ferrell is ready to go. But see, that's another misconception. People would see a Will Ferrell or you, Molly, and they would think, "Well, they're just wacky, and they get together, and they're crazy together, and then they roll it." They don't understand that there's just an immense amount of preparation and professionalism that's required to get to that space. And then there can be some improvisation, but that's like the frosting on the cupcake. Do you know what I mean? Yes, exactly.

He's sitting there, and he's looking, and he's like, "Uh-huh, uh-huh." And he can look at the scene and go, "Yeah, we could lose that. I guess we could cut that. You know, he's looking at the writing very technically and, "Excellent!" You know? So, it is just all those things, but he is there before everyone, ready to go, and memorizes really fast too. Like, he'll have these giant scenes where I'm like, "Wow, you started memorizing that last night? That's hard." You know, he's just a pro. And so, it just feels so fun. It's just working with your friend, and it's just— it's the greatest. I feel like— There's no greater joy than when you get to work with people you love. It just doesn't even feel like work. That's truly how I feel.

Well, that's how it— you know, it's so many people in the world have to do a job. Yes. That they don't maybe love or have a connection to. Yeah. Yeah. And anyone who gets to do anything like what we're doing, and it's not just in the arts or in comedy or entertainment, it's just, you know, people that really love what they do. What you do. That is the ultimate gift. It is the ultimate greatest way to go through life. Yeah.

And you should never— I think it's so important to not— but to enjoy where you are and not be like, oh, I'm only as good as this last thing. It's, it's, it's just— I, I try—

doesn't that come with age though?

It comes with age. Like, I try to just enjoy. Like, I'm like, if you can't be happy— I, I had a, you know, when you think about life, how precious it is, and health, I just think, I don't want to live like that anymore. I, I had a— my childhood was up and down.

You're good, you're bad, you're good, you're bad.

It's I'm not gonna do that anymore. I don't like that. This life's too short. So what I wanna say is, yes, it makes you appreciate— I don't like buying into that you're only as good as your last thing. I think if you do work that is meaningful to you and you love it, that's all that matters. 'Cause like I said, I've seen people become superstars who feel like they're only as good as their last movie. And I'm like, I don't wanna live like that. Like, if they're like that, I should just enjoy my level where I am. 'Cause there is— Do you know what I'm saying?

Of course. Well, there's also, there's a lot we can't control. Control. Yes. Yes. So if you're, quote, "only as good as your last thing that you did," you have very little control over that. Yeah. You know, there have been things I've been involved in that I thought were just the most amazing thing ever, and it didn't— no one talks to me about it, doesn't go anywhere. And then there are other things where everyone just loved it, and I don't remember the difference. There's just other currents, things that are happening. This is a very— this isn't— I'll say this. You came in with this energy. Okay. Okay, this— I'm not— you're not being punished. You look very upset. No, no, you can't. You come with this energy that I'm just going to call— this is going to sound very LA and crunchy, but you come in with this energy that's very healing. Aww, true. And very positive. Uh, and I just absolutely, uh, love talking to you. Uh, you have always been I mean, you came on my show so many times over the years. You would always come on and be just outrageously entertaining. But I also knew that you were the highest quality person.

You really are. And so, to have you— And you coming in today, and just everybody is irradiated in this Molly Shannon glow. It's a lovely thing.

Well, you know, thank you, Conan. That means so much. Well, I feel like I could almost get choked up. You know that I feel the same way about you. And I remember 2 years ago, "you were so nice." Conan's exactly the same all the time. Like, you treat everyone with respect and kindness, and you make everyone feel good. You have that ability, that gift. You were that way with my father. But I wanted to say, too, that if I get fucked up about comedy or thinking too much about competition, or— Sure, everybody has it. "Oh, he's doing that, nah, nah, nah." I just think when I really want to get back to be grounded, I think really I do it to make people feel good. Like, I like when people feel happy, or they're like, "I love that." That is really all it's about. You won't get fucked up. It's a— I'm an actor. Entertainer. It is a giving. It is— do you know what I'm saying? And if you think about it that way, like a service almost, then you're not going to be so self-centered about it. Does that make sense? Yes. And I want to enjoy my life on Earth as an artist, not be like, you know, I don't want to be that way, competitive, or you know what I mean?

Exactly.

I do know what you mean. Um, but I still want others to fail, you know what I'm saying? I want people who aren't me in comedy to fail.

No, that's not what Molly said.

Wait, is that not what you— No, that is the complete opposite. I agreed with what Molly said, and all I'm adding is that I want others to fail.

Yeah, no, you missed the point completely.

I want to do better, not because of my own abilities. I want them to fail so that I rise. I see.

Yeah. You see what I'm saying? No, still, still completely wrong.

Okay, well, whatever. I think we pretty much said the same thing.

It's okay.

No, but Conan, listen, getting back to the Irish thing, because my Irishing was that my dad could be tough, you know, this and that. My mom died when I was little. So much of me getting into it was a bit of a painful thing. Like, my dad really would've loved to have been an actor. My mom died. I thought, "Well, if I get famous enough, I'll bring my mom back from the dead." It was very sad stuff. And I still have to ask myself, "Do you really still want to do this? Is this really you? Do you—?" You know, I really have to check in with that, you know? But that's my point going back to the Irish stuff of it, was it had some dark stuff. Of course it does.

You know what I mean? Really dark. Do you relate to that? But also, of course I do. Yes. There's also the, "Am I doing this because in some way I'm not well?" Like, what's the whole wanting to make everyone laugh? Is there an unhealthy part of this? Is there a part of this which is revenge? Like, "I can make everyone happy because maybe some people weren't happy, but now I'll make everyone happy." And is that it? Is this unhealthy? And if you get healthy, does that mean you can't do this anymore? All the dark stuff.

I had— I just got my star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Yes, and congratulations. And Will gave a speech. Will gave a speech.

That's great. But I was going to say, I get very shy when people have to show up for me. That makes me shy. I can go be a celebrity by myself, alone. But if people have to come for me, I get like, oh, God, I'm going to disappoint you. Or even at SNL, Will would always bring tons of friends to the show. He'd have like, you know, he has so many friends. And I was always like, I would prefer strangers because I felt like if a friend is gonna come, they're gonna get disappointed, and they're gonna wanna leave.

This is me. I mean, everything you're saying is— If there's a thing where people, which hasn't happened a lot, but something like the Twain Award, where people come for Conan O'Brien, I was mortified. Really mortified that, like, people— I don't want people to have to come. No, they're flying in. They're flying in! No! And they're gonna prepare. They have to prepare stuff. And I had done it for other people. And felt fine doing that because I loved the people I was showing up for. But I couldn't see it the other way, so I was kind of mortified. And then everything you're saying, I always, when I was doing the late night show or any show, and people were like, "Yeah, and guess what? Your friends—" I'm like, "No, no! What do you mean they're here? Oh, no! Now the show has to really be good." Yeah.

Because if it's a stranger, it's like there's nothing, you know? Yeah. When I would do SNL, if I did invite a friend, I have to give them a list of rules. I was like, "Don't—" You know, because they'd be like, "More Molly!" And I'm like, And I was like, "Oh my God, like, really don't. If you go hard on us, you're just gonna make me feel bad." So I had, like, a list of rules, like, "Say that— You can't say this." Like, I already am hard on myself. Like, so no more— More Molly in the show.

It's like, "Love, come on." My least favorite is occasionally— There's an etiquette when you come off a show. I know, first of all, you're always gonna be great, but no matter what, "Oh my God, great show, Molly." That's what you do. And that's what you would say to me if I came offstage. I love people that come up come to me up and go, "How do you think it went?" Oh my God. Is that right?

Yeah, I bet it's so—

"How do you think it went?" "I don't know. How do you think it went? I'm just curious what you thought." "Oh, well, I guess I should get out of the business." All right, we have to wrap this up. Okay. But Molly, I adore you. I love you. You're so great. And you live in this neighborhood, so can we get lunch? Wouldn't that be nice? Let's do a lunch sometime.

Yes, it will be very satisfying.

Deadly serious. Seriously, no joking. No bits.

I'm gonna break you down, baby. No bits. No bits. No bits.

It's like a— it's like a no shoes, no shirt, no service. No bits. Can you do it?

I think I can do it. Deadly serious.

So get ready. It's gonna be My Dinner with Molly, like My Dinner with— it's just gonna be the same thing, like serious. All All right.

This was a joy, a pleasure. I love this office.

Oh. Conan, what could be better? Everyone loves you.

I mean, this is so— Thank you so much. That's so nice. Everybody loves you.

Thank you guys so much. Molly Shannon Day's a fun day.

I've tried to start shit, you know, start saying— I've said shit about you to try and get negative stuff out there, and it doesn't take. No, no, no. You know when people, I'm just like, "You know, Molly Shannon, I think she's kind of—" They're like, "No!

What?" Yeah, he talks so much shit about you.

Yeah, and it doesn't take. It won't take. Nice to see you. I'm going to try again later today. Yeah, good luck.

All right, thank you for having me.

My assistant David Hopping has entered the room, and you You have an announcement to make, you said?

Yes.

So, um, I do not know what this is, by the way.

Oh, you're— I think, I think you're gonna like it. So your doctor just called every once in a while and he says the tests are back and you're hilarious.

No.

Um, okay, so every once in a while I will get tagged in different TikToks about Conan. And last night I opened up TikTok and I had like a bunch of notifications recommendations. So I clicked it, and we all know Toy Story 5 just came out and you play Smarty Pants. There is an entire side of TikTok that find themselves attracted to Smarty Pants. And it's not like just a few. These videos have like over 100,000 likes each, and all the comments are about how weird it is to be attracted to a potty training toy. What? And I sent Eduardo some of them to pull up to show you.

I was— check this out. Multiple levels. Ew, hold on. Oh God, it says—

it says, 'Hear me out.' 148,000 likes on that video.

Oh my God. Uh, excuse me, does it not occur to you that maybe this was my intention when I brought this character to life? No kidding.

Yeah, walk us through your process.

Well, I have a lot of rizz, I think is what the kids say. Is that right, Sona?

I don't know.

I'm not well. This is so gross and disturbing. This is like—

I didn't see this one coming. I have to be honest. I tried to— you can say I tried for a second to go with it and be like, yes, and then I realized I can't. Oh, there's more. Oh, here we go, here we go, here we go. You want Marty's hand? I want, I want.

Oh God, no, the internet needs to—

yeah, um, I know you're not supposed to kink shame, but shame on you.

Yes, no, yeah, you can— for this we can kink shame. Really? This is kink shameable? This is kink shameable. You are a potty training toy in a children's movie and people are like, I— what are— like, what, what are we doing? Like, there's so many hot cartoon characters out there. David, oh Do tell.

There's a lot of hot cartoon characters out there.

Are you saying— so you're saying it's not just that I'm a cartoon character, it's that there are other far more worthy sexual, uh, let's hear who they are.

Off the top of my head, I mean, this is not in a cartoon, but recently I was reading a comic book and I was like, when did Superman get like this hot? Like, there's been a lot of illustrated characters I have responded to recently. I just, I can't think off the top, but not fucking Smarty Pants. Not that. That is ridiculous. I'm sorry. You can't see it.

What about though? There's a section where Smarty Pants has my hair. You know, it's a dream sequence, a fantasy sequence.

Are you asking me if them adding one of your characteristics makes it more attractive to me? That's my question.

Yes. Yes, Senator. That is my question.

The answer is a hard no.

And it's, it's even more no. The gentleman from Boston will yield his time. I yield my time.

And I also yield my hair.

So ask for a weapon to kill myself. I know that doesn't usually happen in a Senate subcommittee hearing. No, but if there's a weapon present, I will use it. He will go into a warm bath.

Arrested. No, this is weird.

Okay, so, you know, no, uh, David, give us your thoughts because, you know, you discovered this.

I was shocked whenever I clicked on it to see what this was.

Yeah, yeah. Um, well, uh, I don't know what to say. Uh, the world not well.

No, I mean, there's hot cartoon characters. Again, you keep saying that, but you don't— I think we can all agree Jessica Rabbit is a hot broad we all want to bang, right? And then I— like, even me. And I think that there's hot cartoon characters. A hot cartoon character? No, I want to bang her. But I'm saying there's hot cartoon characters. You are a pot—

we got to think of another way. Who's another hot cartoon character? David, you're probably thinking of someone.

Uh, any of the Like, well, I think I just had a stroke.

Now we're gonna take a look into your psyche. Like, Skeletor, like He-Man can get it.

He-Man? Yeah, he can get it. Sure. Are you saying— yes, are you saying He-Man fucks? Yeah, I think he— oh, He-Man fucks. Guess what? Skeletor fucks. Skeletor doesn't fuck. Jared Leto playing Skeletor, he fucks. Unfortunately, unfortunately, Skeletor is DTF. Yeah, yeah, he bones, he bones. There you go. Nice. Nicely done, nicely done, Blade.

No, I remember my friend had a thing for Gambit from X-Men. That, like, he's hot. That's a cartoon character? Yes, from X-Men, Gambit. But I just, I, this, this, this is one of those things where you're like, people don't need to post everything on the internet.

That's the, that's, you're not a human, he's a machine, he's for kids. He is, he kind of a childlike?

Well, I think, uh, he has many of my qualities, so yeah, probably a little bit childlike.

Like, I would do Woody before I did Smarty Pants, I think. Oh, I know Buzz Lightyear for sure can get it.

All I know is that a van—

well, you know, you can get him if you just go to the store.

I only know for ranking the Toy Story.

All I know is that a minivan packed with Disney on their way, is driving from Anaheim to this podcast studio right now at 110 miles an hour. Absolutely. And you know what? Anyone who goes to see Toy Story 5 the day after this comes out, yeah, is going to see just, just pixels where I used to be. Yes. And a burn mark on the screen. I think that's for the best.

We lost any chance of you being in the 6th one.

Actually, anybody that goes to see the movie is going to be put on a sex offender list from here on out and has to go door to door in their No, they're gonna stop the film the minute my character's about to come up and go, all right, you perverts, we got you.

Clear out, clear out. Raid of Vice. Clear out, you in the raincoat, get out. Oh my God.

No, even, even WALL-E before Smarty Pants.

I have a list. Can I say— I have a list. Now you're just being mean.

No, I'm not. WALL-E. WALL-E is like sentient, and he got Eve.

And sensual, apparently.

Yes. No, he got— he landed Eve. There's like a thing to him. There's a, there's a sensitivity. There's nothing about your character.

That's just— what are you talking about? I'm, I'm adorable.

I mean, you're talking about peepee and poopoo most of the time. A lot of your humor is like peepee poopoo humor.

I based him on you. I saw what the character was and I said, oh, you want the Sona.

Okay, this is happening. Those people up there putting this up are into some weird shit.

Yeah, uh, Well, listen, uh, I think the only way to decide this matter is for everyone to go see Toy Story 5 in theaters now.

The biggest—

and guess what? The van just turned around. The van just turned around. It just did a hard 180 and it's headed back to the Magic Castle. Oh my God. Uh, all right, uh, peace out.

Conan O'Brien needs a The Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avcessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Erin Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get 3 free months of SiriusXM when you sign up Sign up at SiriusXM.com/Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.