Transcript of Summer S’pouses Episode 3: Tak Boroyan

Hi, my name is Tak Baroian and I— still adjusting to being Sonam Obsession's spouse.

Summer Spouses with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Obsession, and Matt Gourley. And Eliza Powell O'Brien, Tak Baroian, and Amanda Lund.

How many years have you been married now?

It's been 10.

Wait, are you being serious?

No, no, no. We got married in 2019. No. 2018.

Yes.

So that— let me do my math.

Well, we're going to wrap this up. This is already great. We're going to wrap this up.

This is fantastic. We've been together for 10.

I feel like Chuck Woolery right now. Wait, wait, wait.

Oki's 8 years old. So 8 years.

You're going off of Oki's age?

That's how I know.

How many children you have? Well, let's see.

Let's see.

There are 2 little beds. Okay, I'm going to start this off by saying that Tak Baroyan is one of the cooler people I've met in my life. True.

Guilty as charged.

I'm going to give you the evidence. This guy's super handsome, cool graphic artist. Okay? You've worked for Tim and Eric's company. Absolutely. For 14 years. You are a sick guitarist. You've been in a bunch of bands. Okay? Tour. This guy emigrated in 1989 from Soviet Armenia. Incredible. Yeah. Where you either did or didn't cause the plant, the power plant.

We talked about this.

You told me not to bring it up.

I know.

And you, you know what you said? You said I never said he was responsible for Chernobyl.

I never said that.

Yeah.

Roll the clip.

Oh, this is the way I had always heard the story. Tak was on a school trip. They went to Chernobyl to see the plant. They said, don't touch anything. Tack said, what's in this room? And they said, Tack, you irrepressible scamp, you stay out of that room. Tack went in there, removed an important cooling rod, and walked out of the reactor. It exploded, creating one of the worst nuclear disasters ever, after which Tack fled the Soviet Union, came to America, married you, and then you said, maybe we should get a microwave. And he said, who needs a microwave? Watch this. And he just put his hand over the food.

Okay.

Stupid. Okay, look, maybe I said that, but you emigrated from Soviet Armenia, 1989. How old were you at the time?

I was 11.

That's a tough time to emigrate.

Yeah, it's pretty—

your whole world changed.

Yeah, it was like I was somewhat of a child, and then, uh, I was still a child when we came, and I didn't speak any English.

And, uh, I think it's the hardest thing in the world to do.

What?

Imaginable. I'm still struggling with that.

True.

No, to completely— especially at that age or any age uproot and come to a different country and need to learn the language, the customs, everything?

Yeah, it was tough. It was not easy at first, but when you're young, you adjust really easily.

Did you make friends pretty quickly?

Oh, yeah.

Did you?

Yeah.

I want to, because I still haven't. I still haven't. That's cool. Yeah. So you were a cool kid? Were you pretty cool?

No. God, no. I only became cool, uh, when I started, uh, marrying Sona. When I started marrying Sona.

Marrying? It's a long process.

Marrying.

It's a long process.

Still marrying.

Yeah, that's why he doesn't know how long you've been married. It's not official yet. Here's what I remember.

Still adjusting.

Here's what I remember very clearly, okay? Um, I don't know how much you know, but Sona, uh, was a, you know, just a wild tornado at the show.

Oh yeah.

Um, and, uh, she was a force of nature. I love Sona, but she was always getting mad at me for different reasons. And we would bicker and she would say, "Well, I'm not going to give you your messages because you need to—" I mean, crazy stuff was happening. Sure. And then one day she comes in and she's the happiest person in the world. And she was like, "I met this guy." We used to do shows at Comic-Con. She said, "I met someone at Comic-Con, and the next thing I know, you're in the picture." And she was immediately over the moon happy. And then all of us were like, "This guy, Tak, is the coolest guy ever." Then you guys get engaged. You have this wedding. I went to the wedding, and I watched you guys come out, and I was like, "That is the Jack Kennedy and Jackie..." You know, like, you're just like the high praise.

Seriously, thank you. There's this power couple.

Well, and you threw us an engagement party with 150 of our closest friends and family.

That was fun. That was really— I've never seen so many mustaches in my life. And it was so— And eyebrows. Yeah. So nice of you and Liza to be there. I realize they all had one eyebrow. Between all of us. They grew the one circular one. It's like redwood trees that share roots. I noticed, like, these guys all have to go in one car? Well, we better go now. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, man. Yeah, just been a delight. And then you have the coolest— You have these, these twin boys. Mm-hmm. And, um, they're super cool, good looking. They're just gonna lay waste to the world.

They are. Mikey and Charlie. A lot of energy.

A lot of energy. Yeah. It's a lot. They're a handful, but they're so cute and they're so sweet.

They are really sweet.

Yeah. It's just, uh, the fighting, the constant fighting. Oh my God. It's constant. I always say I'm, I feel like I'm refereeing half the time at the house.

I'm just like, ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You go there.

You go there.

You go there. Yeah. Now, are you a cool dad or are you a dad that loses, gets his, loses his temper? What, which dad are you?

I try not to like lose my shit, but I do, right?

Yeah. Yeah. It's hard not to do it.

But yeah, I try not to do it. It's just like so frustrating at times. You just gotta remember that they're little. Mm-hmm. And don't take everything personally. And wow.

Yeah. Okay. Again, these are skills I've not mastered. Yeah. Yeah. English, having friends, not taking things personally. I I think I need a lot of work. Um, tell me about the music, because you are really into punk music. Yeah. What are your inspirations? Who do you love?

Oh man, there's so many. Um, well, everything from like, you know, old school, like British punk, like, you know, Cockspire, The Clash, Sex Pistols, stuff like that. Yep, yep. And then like American bands, Rancid, like Dropkick Murphys. Yep. You know, that sort of thing. They're, they were on your show. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. And so, and you shred.

Ah, yeah, you do. You shred. You're too modest. No, you're modest. He shreds. I'm all right. He's a really good guitarist.

In punk music, I do okay. Yeah. But in like, uh, compared to like metal guitar players or, you know, that whole circle, I don't.

I'm like a novice. I'm told that when you, uh, go check out a punk band, you'll jump in the mosh pit.

Uh, yeah, we, I do sometimes. When I took Sona into the mosh pit, right?

Yeah. And wait, how did that go?

Sona, we went to Sea Cox Bar in Santa Cruz. They don't come to LA, right? Because someone got stabbed. Yeah. Is that what happened? Hey, it happens. Yeah, it is.

People just— it's written on the Cox Bar ticket. Yeah, you will be stabbed.

And then he, uh, there's like a code with mosh pits too. Like, they're not— it's, it's like violent, but also if someone falls, they create like a barrier. Am I doing this right? And then, uh, but So like Tak just like kind of grabbed me and like took me in there and then the crowd of people just threw me around like a doll. Yeah. And then I got out and it was intense and scary and really fun.

It looks violent and crazy, but there is like a method to the madness. Like people watch out for everybody, at least when I was going to shows, you know? Right. Um, soon as somebody falls down, that's like everyone sort of just jumps in and pulls them out.

Right. Or her out and then stabs them.

The stabbing only comes with— you start mosh pits, don't you?

I do. I love, I love starting a good pit.

Have you ever started a mosh pit and realized this probably isn't the environment for it? We're at a bar mitzvah, your wedding, this is a bris. The mohel is being bobbled around, he's still working on the kid. I think I got it.

I always, I always wanted to start a mosh pit at a comedy show though.

Like, oh yeah, that's a great idea. Yeah. So you're at Comic-Con. Yeah. And how did you— were you wandering around and you saw Sona? Yeah. This was after we had finished the shows for the week. I went back. You said, I'm going to stick around, you know, and check out some of the venues at Comic-Con. Is that right?

I went to the actual convention. Yeah. I was walking around with my friend David. He was walking around with his friend Katie, and they knew each other. David and Katie. Just by chance. Just by chance. And we just ran into them by chance.

And did you know who Sona was in terms of the Conan thing?

I seen the Armenia episode like a few months ago before that. And then I was like, where did I know this broad from? You know, she looks so familiar. Yeah. And I thought she was somebody's cousin at first. I was like, I, uh, it's like, you're so-and-so's cousin. And she's like, yeah, I am. And then, uh, and then it clicked and then we started talking and I told her what a good job she did on the episode.

That was a lovely episode. It was.

It was great. You took me to a matchmaker.

I took you to a matchmaker. And little did we know that— In a way it worked, right? In a way it did, because you were on television with a matchmaker. We couldn't find you a good match. I think most of the people that the matchmaker was showing us— she was on her computer— she said, "We have to wait for him to get out of prison." They were all 40 years older than you. And they all look like they had been— they had had a rough couple of years. And then she did say like, oh, you got to wait. That's a really good episode. Yeah, that was a great episode. Very powerful.

It was. And then because of that episode, because the matchmaker, I got a lot of random requests, friend requests from guys. I was one of them. And he was one of them. And so the next day, because we didn't exchange information, the next day I stalked him on Facebook and then I found him. He had requested me as a friend like months earlier.

It was more of a thing like I was like, I was like, how do we not have any mutual friends or relatives? Because we're in the same business. We're the same age, roughly. I'm a little older. And I was like, how is this possible? We don't— never met. Right. Yeah. And then I sent her a friend request, never heard back. And then when we got back from Comic-Con, I was like, well, hello.

Game on. I connected it. I know.

And I think Zach swept you off your feet. He did. He's very gallant.

Well, you met a lot of the— guys I had dated before Tac. Yeah, yeah. It was not that my standards were low, I'm not saying that, but I'll say that when Tac showed up, it was a miracle.

It was fantastic. What the fuck? What do you mean it was a miracle though? It was fantastic.

Why?

Because he's, he's like this, you know, dashing, cool guy who can do everybody's, you know, I don't know, I just, it was, and, and, and, you know, some of the other guys I didn't like, that's all I'm saying. You know, they weren't good guys.

Yeah, no, it's okay.

I know one of them had an air mattress in an alley, you know.

God, it was a video game guy.

They wanted you to drop them off at the methadone clinic. What are you talking about?

What are you saying? The guy from the— who was playing video games when you showed up. Oh, it's in your book.

I'm sorry. But you know what? But I was like her— I was like a father figure. So she— I would say she'd come back from one of these dates and I'd say, well, how did it go last night? And she went, um, it was okay. I mean, I went to his house He answered the door in his underwear. He said, I'm not ready to go out yet because I'm still playing. I'm on a new level of my video game. Can you just chill? And she said, okay. And he gestured to a beanbag chair and I sat in that and he played his video game in his underwear and then said, well, should we just walk to like the Olive Garden and then we can split the check? And I was just like saying no.

He wooed me like the A wooer.

You're a wooer. How did you become a courting?

What did you guys do for your first date?

Our first date was at CityWalk. That's like Amanda and me. Yeah, it was an ironic CityWalk date, right? Yeah, we went to see— we went to Hard Rock Cafe, and then we went to see a horror movie, and I did the move, you know, like What was the movie?

There's a couple of movies there.

That's just one of them, I think. Was it—

it was Lights Out. Yeah, which I— and I, I hate horror, and I told you I hate horror. You're like, but this one's good. I'm like, all right, I'm in charge.

I know, this is video games.

This guy's taking me to Hard Rock Cafe. Yeah, it was fun. It was really fun, obviously. Yeah, it was good. Married him, had babies with him.

Did all right.

We did okay. We did okay. Yeah. And are you— how are you adjusting to Sona's family? Let's talk about that. You've got Gil, who I love. Gil. Love Gil. That's your dad, of course. Yes. Don't do it. Sorry, Gil. Whatever. You know what I love? When I do my Gil, I put a finger— he's got a pronounced mustache. I put a finger under my nose. And what I love is I blow on this, on this corner of the finger to make it lift up a little bit. Love Gil. Nadia, you know what Nadia said to me when she first met me in 2009? She said, "Conan rock USA." "You rock USA." She said, "You rock USA." Yeah.

And I said, "Fantastic." She said to me too, for some reason. Yeah, I thought it was special.

But you do rock USA. Yeah. So, you know, anybody— you guys do have any questions?

Matt, do you remember I pitched that you and I do it? Podcast together one time called Paris Toyka, where we just talk about the toys from our youth, mine in America and yours in Soviet Armenia.

But you know what, don't you have some old Soviet toys from your—

Yeah, this is why. Yeah, we bought some for the kids. We bought a Krakadil Gena and Chiburashka. Oh, who?

Can you tell us who?

You don't know who those are?

Oh, you don't? You don't know? You guys are— This is a rough day.

It's Wednesday. Vinny Puch too. They're, they're like, you know, Vinny Puch is Winnie the Pooh but the Russian version, right?

Uh, and it's—

and he's got, and he's got a smoker's voice. It's Winnie the Pooh, but he's in— instead of like the Hundred Acre Woods, he's, uh, he's in a line. He's in a line to get borscht. It was a beautiful children's cartoon.

I'm sorry.

What's the wolf one?

That one's weird. Oh, Nupakadi. Yeah, that's like the Tom and Jerry of Soviet animation. It's like a wolf and a rabbit always tries to eat them. Right. And you know how it goes.

I know how it goes. Itchy and scratchy. It's itchy and scratchy. Yeah, yeah. But isn't it— it's fascinating to me that it doesn't matter what the culture, kids are going to want the same kind of stuff, and the culture will provide that for them. It will look different to us. It will sound different. We want, uh, we want two characters that are trying to kind of kill each other. Kill each other.

That's it. Yeah. Yeah. One crazy ugly one and one cute one. And ah, that's it.

And do your kids like these toys?

Yeah, I think so. No, they don't play with them anymore. Uh, uh, they sing. So you press the button and they sing the songs from the cartoon.

Do they look, uh, because these were made a long time ago, right?

No, these are like remakes. Oh, they're remakes.

Okay. What's the song Crooked Deal Gena sings? I want you to sing.

I'm not going to sing that. Come sing it, Rush. Let's move on from that.

Okay.

All right, all right. Well, listen, we've all had childhood toys. I had, um, I had a Mrs. Beasley doll. Um, Mrs. Beasley, crazy reference. Family Affair. Family Affair. Uh, listen, you can— that'll come right out. What? And snip. Uh, and, uh, we're back. Um, Family Affair. Yeah. Yes. Boy, that'll help. We were talking about Mrs.

Beazley?

No, that's over. Oh, we cut that out. Oh, and I know we didn't.

We did.

It's still in. Stop that. Stop that.

It's out. It's out.

When am I going to play music with you? And what would I do? Anytime you want, my friend. What would I fit into? Because, you know, my vibe is sort of more rockabilly kind of thing. So I don't know. I've never really tried to play punk, although I love The Clash.

Rockabilly and punk are kind of adjacent. They're kind of adjacent.

Yeah. I mean, it's funny. I play rockabilly. So fast that it might sort of— it's actually a genre, a subgenre called— it's called psychobilly. Yeah, I'm kind of a psychobilly guy. Are you really? Well, a little bit. And my— in my youth, I was more psychobilly because I was just more insane. And believe it or not, I have mellowed.

To me, psychobilly is like communism. It like sounds good on paper, but for some reason when I put it—

I hear it together, I'm like I still think it could work. Yeah. And we're going to find out in Manhattan real soon. There's a joke.

They say like rockabilly is like the retirement plan for punk rockers, you know, because they get older and they grow their hair out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, maybe, maybe that's me. Maybe that's me. There you go. Maybe after all, I am punk. Now, Sona, is there anything, grievances you'd like to air here? Or maybe Tak, you'd like to say something? Come on. Is there something that Sona's doing around the house that you'd like maybe for her to alter her behavior a little bit? This is a safe space we can talk about it— proceed! How much time do we have...

Oh my God yeah yay yes let 'er rip baby tack tac tact taccaymack-tac no everything's great I one thing that drives me crazy is sometimes I play certain kinds of music and Sana will get mad at me and be all "Why're playing American?" You played an Asian song?!

No she didn't say anything on camera but then later when someone asks us if there was any kind of issue or conflict between them they go oh well he plays some weird stuff so now everyone knows what happened okay whatever anyways um uh this guy came over here today right because his wife had left him alone too long without food wow good point thank god your mom made dinner tonight huh guys tacos please give up already man why don't y'all just leave while people eat their That's pizzas dude hahaha hey Mac Taco how many times did our parents tell such ya not to come a home late from school haha LOL anyway back into good topic wait hold off before anyone says something Sony stupid Samiha has been saying things lately though which really impression. bothers Omid very deeply: Tacos!?

Haha ha-ha-hey mac taco Mmmhmmm mhm mm-mhh, hmm-mm-baby look who decided Right?

Spot on. Spot on. He plays like Megadeth for our 5-year-old.

No, they gotta learn something else.

Megadeth is great. But like, there's some— what was the one that had a lot of like F-bombs in it? Like it was the one who just— the guy, the Irish guy who died like a couple years ago.

Oh, the Pogues? The Pogues.

Oh, Shane McGowan. Shane McGowan. Yeah.

Oh, you gotta hear the Pogues.

But they were like 3.

You could barely make out what he's saying.

No, no, it was 3 years ago. I mean, Shane McGowan couldn't understand Shane McGowan. No, it's just like, "How does that go?" They don't know what that is. They don't know what that is. Sorry, Shane.

RIP. There's a lot of, like, not age-appropriate music he puts on. He's just so eager for them to, like, have the same music taste. I'm like, "They're 5." Are they?

Do you think they're going to be interested? Do they? Oh, I've seen you guys used to put on some music, and then when it jumped into it, it got fast. Yeah, they would both— I mean, they were like 2 at the time. It was a folk song.

They would sort of—

they were sort of gyrating a little bit with the music. And then the minute this fast part would come, they would both spring to life, and it was just so good to see.

They'd start a mosh pit at home.

No, it's, it's, it's not even that. It's like I'll play like a little bit of like country music or something in the car, and she gets mad at me.

Like, what's wrong with country?

It's, it's not fun country like, you know, Dolly or Woody. It's like redneck country, and I don't like redneck country, and I, I've said I don't like—

I don't play Walmart country in a car. I play like, like Gram Parsons, you know, like cool shit.

Oh my God, yes, one of my Tack.

Tack.

I gotta— Parsons is mellow. It's—

I don't know.

And she's like, what is this? I'm gonna say this. I, I love Tack. And don't get mad at him. Don't get mad at him ever, Sona. Ever. Ever. Yeah. He can do no wrong. Whatever you're doing is right.

He's gonna be crowdsurfing with our boys. You've crowdsurfed. I did. Yeah. He's crowdsurfed before. You know, people who just are like on top. Yeah. I always wanted to do that, but I've never done that. But he's done that. Yeah.

If that's one of your wishes, we can make that happen.

We can crowd surf.

I want to crowd surf. Yeah, we'll use everyone who works for the podcast company. You will wear a fishbone concert.

Fishbone? Really? At Crenshaw High Auditorium.

Oh, that's cool.

I know, isn't that— You crowd surfed at a Benny Goodman tribute concert.

But it went on so long they passed me into the fishbone concert.

Oh my God.

Button up your overcoat when the wind blows free. And he's jumping. Woo! They're just lightly massaging you as you go. Bunch of 90-year-old women holding you up. He's like stage diving. This is good. This hurts. Yeah. Oboe solo.

And I was just tossing out Shakespeare t-shirts as I went the whole time with a cannon.

Zach, thank you so much for coming in. You are a superstar. You're one of my favorite people. And also, I love Sona, and you made her and continue to make her so happy. You're such a good guy, such a great dad, such a great husband that, um, I'm just, uh, I'm delighted. I'm delighted that you could come in today. Seriously.

You heard it, folks. Yeah.

Blowing endorsement from the man himself. Yep. We all know that Conan only says reasonable things that are beyond dispute.

Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avcessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me. Matt Gorley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leão. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get 3 free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com/Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Live Brian Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.