Transcript of Conan vs. Edibles Part III

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Hello and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Uh, gang, good to see you. Normally we do a fan episode in this slot, but not the case today. This is a follow-up episode This is part 3 of the gummies saga. Yes. Now, this all began a while ago when we were talking about gummies and one thing led to another. And Sona, you got me some gummies and someone correct me if I'm wrong, but this company Camino. Yes. That's where you got the gummies. You gave me some. You guys were asking me, would you try some? I've been very hesitant. I've done small bites of the sleep one. Uh, which seems to be good. Okay, you know, it's fine. I've done very little of it, and I'm a big guy, so I'm probably not doing nearly enough. They sent some other ones which I haven't really experimented with. Yeah, to be honest with you, because my mind is a very strange place anyway. Yeah, and I've never been anxious to, um, enhance that in any way. But something arrived today, so I want to talk about it.

Oh yes, it did. So my whole point for bringing this up was so that they would send us some free stuff.

And this has been your ploy since the beginning.

That's all I wanted.

Yeah.

I mean, to be honest, I don't care if you do it, but I, I just—

I was going to say, you seem really concerned about me.

No.

Yeah, no, you don't care.

I really— I mentioned the brand and then they messaged me on Instagram, which I missed. And thanks to David Hopping, he's like, I think they messaged you. You have to check it. And then They said they wanted to send us stuff. My new best friend Melissa came by from Camino and gave—

She came by personally?

She came by personally.

To your house or what?

No, no, here. Oh, yeah. They were in the office.

Who's Melissa?

Melissa, she works in marketing at Camino.

Do you have her number?

I do. I do. And then they sent over—

Oh my God.

What?

This massive Yeti cooler.

Melissa.

Wait, wait a minute. What if there's just like a split? Spleen in there. It does look like there's an— oh, it does look like there's a major organ in there.

Yes. Oh my God, it is a gigantic, like, cooler that they sent. And you think, oh, maybe there's a few. There's like— there's— oh my God, many in here. And I can't tell you how— just what, dump them out in the middle?

Yeah, right here.

I just— hold on, everyone calm down.

This is why Sona got— Oh my God. This is incredible.

This is like Scrooge McDuck with all his gold coins, but just some hothead.

It has— this is incr—

It's unbelievable. The haul is unbelievable. They sent the mints I love. They sent all the things I love.

You understand that's a microphone.

Okay.

That's a microphone and you are shouting into it.

I'm just— I think that I'm not the only one who's excited.

You should have seen the zipper lubricant.

What? I have one of these coolers. It does come with that.

You idiot. Just take the lubricant for the zipper.

I just took a bite out of the Yeti. I just took a bite out of the zipper lubricant. That'll get you so high. Hey, I have a question. Can we— Oh, the hell? This came in. This came too. Oh my God, look at this. Oh, there's personalized.

Yes.

They sent, they sent a personalized one for me, which I should hold up, I guess. It's social. What's social mean?

It's, they, all of them have like different purposes. So there's like sleep and energy.

And what would social do?

Social doesn't like make you zone out so that you could go to like a social event. This is what Melissa told me. And then you can actually have conversations with people and you just feel good.

You don't get paranoid?

No. And then there's a note from Christie, who is the co-founder and president. And this, I mean, we're at the very top. It's just such an— I mean, and everybody at the office is really excited about this. Yeah. You want here to take that one?

You know what's nice? They have a sense of humor. They did send me this Conan's Guide to His First Edible. Do you see this?

What?

Yeah.

Look at that.

It looks like a little religious pamphlet.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like, you know, So You Want to Masturbate. Well, and then that's a booklet that I got at the library.

Tin has your face on it. They actually put your face on it.

The tin has my face on it. This is the same face they used on the booklet So You Want to Masturbate to deter you from masturbating. Yeah. This one is social. So social would do what for me? It would help me.

Well, I think she—

I try one now. Yeah.

No.

Oh, no, it's— this is— it's half— it's 2 milligrams.

Yeah, it's very, very— you're not going to feel anything. So it's just the most amount of edibles I've ever seen.

This is an incredible haul. Sona, how much of this are you going to keep yourself and how much are you going to share? Be honest.

I'm going to keep all of it. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm going to— I'm going to share it. Everybody's really excited.

Okay. You're going to share this with everyone. I do want to stress this is not an ad. We are not getting paid anything. This happened organically. You are a terrible person, Sona.

Oh.

And you went out of your way to mention this gummy and got some. And then I started talking about it, and now we're flooded with gummies. I still don't know what my personal journey is going to be.

Okay.

I know I'm acting like it's a big deal, but I don't know. I want to be responsible. And I'm an old square, let's face it. But I do thank Camino for being so generous. And I know that everyone on our staff is going to be flying high.

I'm taking one of each.

Are you really? Yeah. Now, what's going to happen at your house? Will your wife— will you take a journey together? Is that what's going to happen?

She's a little bit more—

she says, "Oh my God." You got to be the same.

You're acting like they're going to do ayahuasca.

It's not like peyote. It's not like a vision quest. You want to do metalhead? You know what I love? In my mind, it is like ayahuasca, and I see like, hey, it's time for some pineapple habanero journey we're going to take. And that you're going to see a Native American chief.

Oh my God.

And he's going to lead you down a volcano, and you're going to ride a dragon. In my mind, I know I'm old school. I'm an old—

That's not even old school, though. That's like—

It's just wrong.

Wait, did you like watch Reefer Madness once and you were like, oh, I could never do that? No, I think— look, a lot of this comes from comes from my culture.

A lot of it comes from, you know, my parents, the way I grew up.

He watched Reefer Madness and went, "They're being a little lenient." Yeah.

I still— I have a couple of times when I've really felt like taking a walk on the wild side, I have walked—

Had a coke?

Yeah.

No, I've wandered around some pretty dicey neighborhood and said, "Reefer? Reefer, anyone?

Reefer?" Did your parents, like, have, like, a conversation with you about it?

No. Okay, wait, my parents and I never spoke. There's a lot of kids. I think once they saw me in the hall and they were like, you know, how you doing there, bud?

Um, no, you never got a sex or drug talk at all?

Of course not.

Not even— no. Wow.

Sex? Forget that. No one's talked about it. I haven't talked about it with my brothers. I don't think any of us have had sex. I don't know how these kids showed up. I, I didn't—

I'm older, but I, I didn't, I got a talk, but I didn't get like any usable information.

Right.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay. I want to, um, ask you guys something. Just looking at these, Camino has suggested social for me. Yeah. Which, yeah, I really need help with my social skills. Hello. But anyway, which one, Sona? I'll ask you first, and you too, Gorley. That's, that's, uh, which one of these uplifting bliss, uh, I'm gonna take sleep out of the conversation cuz that's very specific. Um, would you think would be balance? Which is the one that I should be taking?

This is one I can take to like Disneyland. Energy.

Oh yeah.

Energy. That makes me, that makes me go.

And what is, when you say energy, you're just, you're, you're up, you're high.

I'm just like smiling. I'm in a good place. I wanna go on the Winnie the Pooh ride. I mean, that one's like— that one, people, whoever worked at Disney—

why are you getting so— again, you, you either shout into a mic or whisper, but either way, your voice is being recorded.

Is this like an assessment of my performance? Honest, I don't like it. I think that there's— whoever worked at Disney, yeah, they must have done so much ass.

The Imagineers?

Yeah, not even this, like acid. Because some of those rides don't make sense.

Remember Journey into Inner Space, what used to be there before Star Tours?

No.

Oh, boy, do I. Drug trip. What are you talking about?

What do you mean?

No!

It was sponsored by Monsanto.

Was it really? No.

And you go into, like, molecules, and it's all a drug trip with this projected bouncing molecules.

Hey, wait a minute. We don't— no offense to Camino, but we don't need any of this. We can go to Disneyland.

Yeah, we can.

And have the same experience. Yeah.

Oh, but it's better.

Yeah, it's better when you're on this and at Disneyland.

Have you gone to Disneyland High?

Yes. Yeah, she's talked about it.

I was worried about when they found the gummies. I don't listen to this podcast. I don't even listen to her when she's on the podcast and we're recording it.

Okay. I had a whole thing where I tried to smuggle in a whole thing of edibles and then it was like this. I didn't even try to hide it. And they're like, you can't do that.

You should have made a, like, a wheelchair out of gummies and said, like, I sprained my ankle and I— so I can't walk today.

Let her the mechanics.

And it's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. When you turn the wheels because it's just— and it's saggy and in the sun it's starting to melt. I think she's— And then they're like, excuse me, ma'am, why are you chewing on— why are you chewing on the footrest of your wheelchair?

Yeah. And I get to go to the front of every line.

Yeah. You get to the front of the line and you're high as a kite.

Yeah. People who have actual disabilities won't be offended by that.

So social and then energy.

You're going to be fine. You're going to be fine.

But you know what I love? That you're stacking it like a dealer.

Can I tell you why? First of all, you're messing it up. I'm doing this because I know people are going to come in and I want them to be able to choose by, by type.

I think people should have to go to you and you tell them which one you get.

Do a personality quiz.

Yes.

Oh, I think you should— I don't think you should just lay them out on a table and people grab them. So now I think you should sit there and people come up and you're like, huh, Ruthie, yeah, you don't need Uplifting because you're very uplifting already. I think you need Recover.

And I should charge everybody.

Yeah, well, what do you—

what—

okay, what do you—

there you go, make some money.

Describe me which one I should take.

You— okay, Sleep, we know, $50. Chill.

What? $50?

I want him to pay me $50 for these free edibles that I got.

I will pay you in Moroccan money.

I think you really need to try Chill. I definitely think you need to try the really low dosage one. I think, you know what, work your way up and then we'll get to like peyote or ayahuasca. Maybe we'll work our way up to that. You need a shaman. You need somebody. If you get nervous—

What if 4 weeks from now I am wearing a full headdress I'm just like, I'm just out of it. You know what I mean?

Like you're a stoner.

I'm just a total stoner. I'm twirling.

Or you've, you've had like a spiritual awakening and you have a third eye and you just have become this, like you said, a shaman or with a headdress or something. That'd be amazing.

Yeah. Or what if it actually helps you and chills you out?

Yeah.

A little bit.

Good.

What if I go to Burning Man at the end, they burn me, then we all win. Like he's tall, he's sort of stick-like. Let's burn them up. And I'm like, whatever.

I don't know. Have you guys ever— have you ever gone to Burning Man?

God, no.

I feel like you kind of would.

I don't think he would. You're the one that would go to Burning Man.

I would. Yeah, I have friends who've gone. They've done—

why do you keep doing this whispering thing?

I don't know, because we're in a podcast.

You're like, come on, I don't know if we've ever been to McDonald's. You're like this. I don't know if you've ever been to McDonald's, but they have shakes if you want. Yeah, we know, shakes.

I don't know, sometimes I get nervous if the things that I'm saying are allowed to be said.

I'd go to— is it because of like the building stuff and everything?

Or what?

Yes. Yeah, that's where all engineers gather.

Oh, there is like—

you seem good with a hammer, go to Burning Man. Everyone has a misunderstanding. I don't know anything, and I know that that's not what Burning Man is like.

Engineering project.

But you also, you create communities, and I think you would be like the guy who had all the random stuff nobody else thought of.

Any—

Coachella, Burning Man, any— nothing against either of these, but any place where thousands of people go on one road to get there and out gives me so much anxiety because all I can think of is like Mad Max: Fury Road.

Yes. But you know what? In the second Mad Max movie, you know that weird gyrocopter?

Yeah.

That that guy has?

Yeah.

I would go to Burning Man if I had access to one of those.

Yeah.

And the same goofy leather helmet that he wore. And when things started to go south, I could go like, see you later, gang.

Brrr!

And I go up in the air.

It's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah.

I'll get you one of those.

Okay. I'll go with you.

Those can't be that expensive.

Two coolest guys at Burning Man right here.

Yeah. So you think I should do Energy or Chill? No, you think I should do Chill, not Energy.

I think you need to do the one with your face on it.

Yeah, but I don't know why I have Energy.

No, Energy is the last one I think you should do.

Yeah, I don't know.

I think you need Chill. Here, take that one. Okay.

No shade to Camino, but when I've bought marijuana, sometimes it's named after different things. Marijuana?

When I have purchased— Yeah, yeah, yeah.

When I bought weed, sorry, when I bought weed, like I bought a cool John Wick weed. And I bought a White Walker from Game of Thrones weed. I mean, they can up their name game.

That's just the names of it.

That's the name of it. But it makes, you know, I'm like, oh, I wanna get some John Wick. This is all energy and sleep and, you know what? Can I say that we've never got any free shit from those people? Oh, fair enough. Yeah. And Camino has sent us all this free stuff.

I like how this stuff is categorized too, because I, we haven't talked about it a lot, but I did a fair amount of weed in my thirties, but then paranoia hit me.

Yeah.

And so now I'm curious if social will work for me because if it doesn't, Yeah.

I'm gonna say this.

You mean baked, baked and baked?

I have, I'm on the record as saying I really haven't tried gummies and I've never done any drugs in my life, but I think Camino is killing it.

Yeah.

I think they're doing an amazing job. What a great sportsman. And I don't use this product. You're the least qualified. I don't use this product. I'm not qualified to talk about it, but God bless you, Camino. I think you're doing an amazing job. Agree. And they were nice to my people. Yeah. I gotta say that they were nice to my squad.

You know, I was—

Uh-oh. Adam's got something. No, I was just gonna say, I, I think This is part 3 of the edible saga, and Conan has yet to have an edible.

That's so true! We should see how many episodes we can do in the saga where Conan still doesn't try. We'll finally culminate in him doing it. I say no.

Just do a drug. You know what it is? It's a movie. It's got a strong will they, won't they element, or series. And you— if I go to bed, it's over.

But remember Lost? They prolonged it too long before, you know.

I'm not going to be Lost. But I am— I'm not going to do that. All right. But it's going to be a Breaking Bad ending where everyone's like, they nailed it. They stuck the landing. So all I'm asking is that for people stick with us for a couple more years while these Camino gummies molder and petrify in my nightstand. And by the way, I'm going to get burgled so fast. Everyone's going to break in and go right to my nightstand and take my Caminos. But, but no, I'm going to— yeah, I, I, we will see. At one point this will resolve and I will—

I don't think it will.

Mm-mm.

I'm gonna say it. You'll never do it.

Yeah. So you don't want people to keep listening to the podcast?

Oh no, I want them to, but I feel like you'll just never do— I don't think you can break that programming. I think you're just too nervous. I don't think you'll do it.

There's no way we'd all come in about an hour before we record, uh, take a, a just standard dose and then record an episode.

No, I would do it.

I would.

I just want to make sure that we're being responsible, that kids listening know that this isn't something—

As a nerd, I want to jock pummel you so bad. I just want to, like, I want to wet will you, I want to wedgie you, I want to shove you in a locker. You can do that. And just go, "Nerd!" And then I want to go win a football game. I don't know how that's going to happen, but I want to.

Spoken like a true aggro jock. I'll wet willy you. Oh, I can't wait to give you the old purple nurple and then go hit the gridiron.

That's my point. You're making my point.

I know.

Do you really think you'll do— I'm being— this is a serious question.

I, I think I will. I don't think you will. I'm only saying it to create this incredible tension.

I'm going to do one tonight.

But, you know, you're— it's okay if you're not. If you're not that guy, we'll find out.

That guy will find out.

It's okay.

We'll find out. What if it changes him and then it— that changes the whole— and then he decides to just move to Bali and not do the podcasting? We, we, then we've screwed ourselves.

No, have we?

We don't. Well, I'm just saying, then you'll never work again.

That's my, that's my ambition.

You will never— no, no, I want people to keep listening because there's going to be another installment, and I think you're all going to be— there's going to be a number 4. We're all going to be fascinated by what happened, and it's coming.

Has all the staying power of the Fast and Furious, whatever that shit is.

Okay. Oh wow, you're the Vin Diesel of of this franchise.

I'm just saying.

Yeah.

I got my crew, and you know what? Family is everything to me.

Ah.

Ah! All right, stay tuned. Ugh.

Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan, with Conan O'Brien, Sona Movsesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leão. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

Take it away, Jimmy. Jimmy.

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