Transcript of Conan and Sona in Morocco

Hey there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I'm joined as always by Sona Movsesian.

Hello.

This is kind of a special moment in our podcast because we at the moment are in a car in Morocco. Sona and I are in the backseat of the car.

Yep.

Blay is in the front seat shooting us, I think, for video capture. And Rashid is our driver. Hello, Rashid. Hello. Rashid is helping us out. He's driving. And I may occasionally ask Rashid for any kind of help we might need, like content or humor.

That's good.

Yeah. So here's the story. Shooting an episode along with Sona of Conan O'Brien Must Go, visited a fan who lives in Casablanca.

Yeah.

So we flew into Casablanca, right? And we shot there for what, 2 days?

Yeah, we were there for 2 nights.

Mm-hmm. And we hung out with our fan who was very cool and we had a good time with him.

Yasser. Then can you say his name? Are we allowed to? Yes.

Yeah, go ahead.

Yasser.

Yeah.

Yeah. He's a cool guy.

Yeah. Well, what'd you say? Can we say his name?

I don't know. Is this— we can talk openly and say all the things?

Well, yeah, we're safe. We're far from America. We're in the backseat of a car driving through the desert. So you can say whatever you want.

Okay. I didn't know how much of the episode you wanted to discuss because I should have asked questions before we recorded.

This is okay.

I was talking about how we do it and I just started.

You started making yourself laugh really hard. I was gonna launch into, you know, why we're here, where in the country we are, some of the customs and traditions. But you, seconds before we started recording, started laughing really hard. And I asked you why. And you said, because there was that famous song, right? This is how we do it.

This is how we do it.

And then you said online there was a guy whose name is Howie Do It, right? And why don't you tell us, Sonja, when you control it, when you get yourself under control.

There's a picture of this guy. He's just a guy and his name is Howie. His first name is Howie and his last name is, Do It. And then it just has the song looping that's just saying, this is how we do it. Right.

And how long were you— how long were you watching that for?

It's not how long I watched it one time. It's how many times do I watch it in like a week?

And what made you start laughing about this now in— deep in Morocco, near the Algerian border?

I don't know. Okay. I have no idea. But it was also— Somebody sang the song and it makes me instantly think of that. I'm sorry. You know what?

Wow, that was cool. We almost hit the car ahead of us.

Anyway, I'm sorry.

That was not Rashid's fault because the car ahead of us hit the brakes and it was a mom walking her child across the street, which is illegal. She shouldn't have to do that. Okay, so let me give everyone— now that we got— this is how we do it. Have your system. Flew into Casablanca, right? Then we finish up with the fan and it's time to go to the desert. Okay, here's— I thought it was a funny part of the whole situation. We're at the airport in Casablanca.

Yeah.

And we can't leave because somehow our papers weren't in order.

Yeah.

And we couldn't get on our plane. So we were stuck in Casablanca because we didn't have our papers, Rick. Of course, a nod to the famous film Casablanca. And what's the whole plot of Casablanca? No one can leave because they don't have their exit visas. They're trapped. And so I kept going up to the officials and saying, you've gotta help me, Rick. You've gotta help me, Rick. Like Peter Lorre. And they didn't know what I was talking about.

Oh, they didn't know?

No, no, they didn't know. And I was jailed for a while.

Oh, maybe if you went as Ilsa, they would've been like, you know what?

That was my mistake. I should've dressed up as Ilsa.

Yeah, that would've been nice.

Or else Humphrey Bogart. Yeah, she, yeah, she, you know. Just said, "Yeah, sheh." Yeah.

No, you should have done that. Well, we were there for, what, 4 hours?

Yeah, but we were only supposed to be there 20 minutes. And anyone who knows me knows I can do Peter Lorre going, "I need my papers, Reed. Hide my papers." I can do that for 4 hours easily. I could have done it for 3 days.

You could.

And you know what? When people don't get something I'm doing, I love it, and I do it— I go twice as hard.

I know. I know. Do you ever get tired of your own bits?

Oh, God, no.

Is there ever a time when you're like, oh, this— I've been doing this for a long time.

No, no, no. I'm always just so happy to be trapped inside this guy.

Okay.

What a weird way to put it. Finally, we get out of Casablanca, right? We get out of Casablanca and we fly. We take a plane and we fly for, I don't know, 45 minutes, an hour. Yeah. Way to the east. Right to the— near the border because we want to have some of that sweet Sahara sand look, you know, the classic look of camels and dunes. What was the name of the place we stayed, Blay? It was in— it was in— for the desert, this is Merzouga.

Merzouga.

Merzouga. Merzouga. We stayed in Merzouga and we hung out there. And it was incredibly hot. So hot that our camera equipment could fry.

Yeah.

Melt down if we didn't keep it cool enough. And boy, did we found a place I'm never supposed to hang out, didn't we?

Oh my God.

I mean, it was 105 in the shade. It was incredible.

Just the elements are working against your biology. Yeah. And I saw it in real time.

Yeah, but it was fine. And it's beautiful.

Yeah, it is.

And you and I had some adventures there. Mm-hmm. We had a very special treatment that'll be featured in the show where we get buried in sand, you and I, which is incredibly hot when they first do it and you think you're going to die.

Mm-hmm.

And then your body shuts down. You don't feel it anymore. So that was fun. Shut down? Yeah, I died for a while. They had to resuscitate me.

That did not happen to me.

I was medevaced to a hospital in Aspen, Colorado. And then flown back to the shoot. So that's why this remote is taking us over 9 years to shoot. Then today was the day where we need to drive because we're now making our way to Marrakesh.

Yeah.

So to get to Marrakesh is a very long drive. We are on our way to Quarzazate. Quarzazate.

Is that right, Rashid?

Of course.

Yes. Of course.

I think the way I said it was more accurate, Rashid.

Oh my God.

It's so rude of you to correct me. Do I correct you when you say Newton North or Brookline High?

Two things he's never said in his life and will never say.

I don't, you know, when he says, hey, let's go over to Roxbury. And, um, "Let's get a roast beef sandwich at Buzzy's Roast Beef." I don't start parsing his pronunciations. Anyway, um, we are gonna fly from Khorzazate to, uh, Marrakesh. Then we'll be in Marrakesh and we'll shoot there.

Yeah.

Um, and Marrakesh is gonna have— That's gonna be a little more luxe, I think. It's gonna be a lot of shops and bazaars and stores. Yes. Maybe I'll buy you something.

A lot. You'll buy— you can buy me a lot of stuff.

Well, no, I can't. I don't have a lot of money.

Oh, okay.

Very famously, I've not done well.

I'll just charge it to the show.

You can't.

Okay. I just want a lot of stuff. I want a bag. I want stuff for the boys. I want something for Tac. I want stuff for my house.

Okay. I'm just going to end that now.

Okay.

Yeah, I'm just going to end that now. So we are on our way to Marrakesh, and that got me thinking. It'd be great if we could sing a song in the car about going to Marrakesh. And then, of course, there's that Crosby, Stills, Nash song.

Oh, I thought you were going to say, "This is how we do it." No, no.

That was my second thought, but not my first thought. You know, Bley, you know this song, "All aboard that train, meet you in Marrakesh. All aboard." Well, listen, I bring it up for a reason. I've never liked that song.

Oh, no.

I don't love that song. And It's the only song I know that's about Marrakesh. And so I thought we should come up with our own song about Marrakesh.

Okay.

And then maybe we can use it on this travel show.

Oh, that sounds fun.

And if it catches on, we own the rights.

Yeah. If it catches on. Uh, you know, I'm tone deaf, but it's okay. Well, I'll do my best.

Yeah. So what are you thinking? Any ideas for a song on our way to Marrakesh?

Marrakesh. Oh, Marrakesh. It's a land of things to buy.

And you weren't kidding when you said tone deaf. I forgot.

Really bad.

You can't.

Oh, Marrakech.

What?

What are you doing? What are you contributing to this?

You sound like you're not even that interested in Marrakech. You were like, Marrakech passed you. It's nearby. It's kind of across the street. You don't really want to say hi to Marrakesh. You went, oh, Marrakesh. Do you know what I mean? You don't want to stop and chat with Marrakesh.

It's supposed to be revelatory.

Marrakesh, like, dissed you at a party. You got some beef with Marrakesh, but you still kind of like Marrakesh, but you're not ready to talk yet. That's the way you just greeted Marrakesh.

Maybe it's a diss track to Marrakesh. Yo, this is Marrakesh. Marrakesh can Suck it. Okay.

You don't want to do that.

No, no, no.

I don't want to go that. Yeah. Not what we're going to talk about.

I'm actually, and I don't mean it because I'm actually really excited.

No one, you know, the great thing about you, Sona, no one listens to anything you're really saying.

So true.

They sort of, they get the gist, but no one's, no one would be offended even living in Marrakesh.

When I first started singing the Oh Marrakesh one, that was me kind of trying to do Oh Canada, but with Oh Marrakesh. And, um, it didn't work. But what's yours?

Moving along, along to Marrakesh. Moving along, along to Marrakesh. I put my troubles on the back of a camel. Moving along, I gotta go to Marrakesh. Breakdown.

No, when you beatbox, you kill it. No, no, no, no, no. When you, when you also, what genre was that?

I don't know.

It started folky and then you started doing a beatbox and that doesn't make sense.

Okay. Hold on. Well, sometimes you're supposed to mix genres and that creates a whole new genre and then you're remembered forever.

Oh, you're being an innovator.

Yeah. Well, anyway, we'll think about that. I don't know that between us we're going to come up with a song for Marrakesh.

Marrakesh.

I don't know that we're going to come up with it. Marrakesh. Marrakesh. Hey, I want to have a sesh in Marrakesh.

Yeah.

Isn't that short for session?

Sesh? Sesh, yeah.

I want to have a—

But what kind of sesh?

Sex sesh.

Oh.

I want to have a sex session Marrakesh. A wanna have— Hey, Rashid is laughing. Rashid, do you like this? I want it. What's that?

You like it?

I'm gonna have a sex sesh in marriage.

Yes.

He likes it. He loves it.

I don't think anyone's ever called it a sesh before.

Well, you know what I like?

A sex sesh.

A sex sesh is you're having, you're hooking up, you're knocking boots, but you're also keeping records for your tax attorney. You're monitoring the time. You're making sure that any suggestions made during sex are kept and sent to an interoffice memo. I'm gonna have a sex sesh in Marrakesh.

It's the least sexiest song I think I've ever heard.

Well, but one of the least sexiest, not the least sexiest. That means it's kind of sexy.

What? Oh, I guess. Yeah. No, it's just not. It's just a bad song.

What do you think so far? What are your observations about Morocco?

First of all, I love how they drive. I think Americans are a little uptight, but these guys, you know, if someone's in front of them and they're driving slow, they just pass them.

Yeah. Even if cars are coming in the other direction.

Even if car—

but everyone's killed. Everyone's killed. They still don't mind.

Yeah. Oh, oh, God.

Another thing that I have noticed, the food is great. I mean, Moroccan food is always great. Every meal we have is fantastic.

Tout. And then I realized on this trip I love camels.

And then camels are cool. Yes, they're very smart. They seem like they have— they're very soulful.

Yes.

And, man, you're up so high when you're on a camel. It's fantastic.

I almost fell off getting on and off.

That would've been good. I mean, it's, no, it would've been good footage if you were falling off. Oh. 'Cause we could play it, you falling and then bloop backwards and then falling off again and backwards and put sound effects on it. Boing.

I don't know why that's what you think of. You should have, how about like, oh, I'm so glad you didn't, Sona. It's nice that you didn't fall off the giant camel.

Yeah, it's really funny to put a sound effect to someone not falling off a camel. That's hilarious. How you doing up there? Well, I'm perfectly comfortable and I'm sitting very steady on this camel. Boing. That's not funny. Come on. You can't do that yo-yo sound. Whoop, whoop, bang, bang, bang.

I don't think I would enjoy the desert as much as you.

You know what I would have loved? If you had done America's Funniest Home Videos, but all the videos were a kid walking very carefully around a pool and not falling, someone walking in with a tray of meatballs and none of them fall off, but you put funny sound effects to it.

Yeah.

Here's some meatballs and they look just fine. Boing! As they set them down on the table and nothing bad happens? Wouldn't that be great America's Funniest Home Videos?

That would— you just make normal mundane videos.

Yeah. Uh-oh, there's grandpa on the diving board. And oh, that was a nice simple dive and he seems fine. Boing! I'm gonna have a sex sesh in Marrakesh. Wait, going to have a sex session in Marrakech today.

I don't like how you're doubling down on this. The song, the Sex Sesh in Marrakesh. It doesn't even roll off the tongue. Can you say it 3 times fast?

Gonna have a sex sesh in Marrakesh. Gonna have a sex sesh in Marrakesh. Gonna have a sex sesh in Marrakesh.

That's not—

Gonna have a sex sesh in Marrakesh. Gonna have a sex sesh in Marrakesh. Gonna have a sex sesh in Marrakesh.

Okay, that was good.

Not bad. Yeah, not bad. This will catch on. It will be huge. No, it won't. Do your Trump where you go, it's gonna be huge.

It's gonna— my Trump is gonna be huge.

Yeah, terrible.

It's gonna be huge.

What?

He's gonna be huge.

You are the worst impressionist.

I really am bad.

Yeah.

But I, you know what, I commit, I try. Do you do it?

No, I can't do it. I, he's, uh, he's not a big enough figure and he's not, I don't think enough people sort of know how he talks or find him ridiculous. So how can you, how can you do an impression of someone like that?

Oh, I just did, but okay. You can't do it.

That's fine. We're rolling along. We're rolling along. We're on our way. To the next flight. This has been a lot of travel. But you know what I've noticed? When we sit down and have the food, I keep thinking the same thing. And I keep saying, Sona, is this what it's like in your family? Because it's lots of plates that are filled with various dips and breads. And everyone reaches in and gloop, gloop, gloop. And I thought, this must be very much your home. And everyone's sort of shouting and having fun. I mean, our crew.

You were asking this question. I couldn't tell if you were making fun of me.

No, no, no, no.

You are Armenian.

Or if you were actually saying it.

You are Armenian. You are not Moroccan. But I've noticed that there are certain similarities. There's baba ganoush, which you love. There's various flatbreads. There's a lot of fresh, wholesome vegetables.

Yeah.

And of course, the chickens are amazing.

Yeah, they're so good.

But it just made me think of your family.

It's like a collection of little plates and dips and bread and then the main dishes. Yes. In that way, yes. And are we loud? Yeah.

You guys are very loud.

Okay, well, like, you guys weren't loud. 6 kids.

Nothing like you. You're the loudest person. You're the loudest mammal I've encountered. I'm including other, you know, I'm just, it's incredible. I, no, I once tried, am I? I once tried to help.

Pretty loud.

I once tried to help a bear that was screaming for its life out of a bear trap, and you were twice as loud as that bear. And when I let the bear out of the trap, it attacked me. Because it was my trap.

I have a hard time—

I set the trap.

I'm moving on. I had a hard time believing you and your 5 siblings were like precious, sitting, eating your ham and your potatoes and your boiled food.

Each one of us had our own ham and it hung on a rope above where we sat at the table. So there were 6 kids, my mom and my dad and my grandmother. So that's 9 hams hanging from 9 ropes. Around a circular table in the kitchen on Kennard Road in Brookline.

Is it like oxygen masks falling from an airplane?

Yeah. In an emergency, a ham would drop down, and we'd all bat at it and grrr. And then it was like that scene in the first Jurassic Park where when it's over, the person on the roof would raise the hams, and they would come up, and it was just bones and pieces of metal twisted cage. I just added the cage in there.

There. So you were allowed to, but we're allowed.

We've drifted. Anyone who's tuning in right now has no idea that we're in the backseat of a car driving through the desert in Morocco on our way to Marrakesh.

Yeah.

If you're just tuning in to this podcast, if you're just tuning in, well, I don't know how it works.

How do you not know how it works? It's been like 8 years that you've been doing one.

Picasso didn't understand how the paints were made. He used the medium in a masterful way and defined a generation, really created 20th century art. So I think I'm doing the same thing with whatever this is. I don't even have to know what it is. But we're in Morocco and this is cool. We're on to— I've never been to Marrakesh. Have you?

I've never been to Africa.

Oh, that's right.

I've never been to Africa and I haven't traveled with you Since like 2017, I think.

That's right. It's been fun having you. I will say that. You've been a great addition.

I miss this.

We've been having a really good time. And I think you couldn't come for a long time because your kids were so little. Now they're old enough. You were FaceTiming with them the other day, and I got on, and they get— they know who I am, obviously. And I mean, I'm their godfather. Yeah. I'm going to make them an offer they can't refuse. Isn't that funny? That's pretty topical.

Yeah, that's good.

That's very topical. Yeah.

And it's all the rage right now.

It's a movie. Godfather. Yeah. Use all your power. Use all your skills. I don't want his mother to see him like this.

Is that Trump?

That's my Trump. Use all your power. Use all your skills on the economy. You know what's funny? I'm doing political comedy right now.

I know.

And it's very edgy. Yeah. And also the New York Times is going to love it because it's very smart and incisive.

You know what? Yeah.

You know what I'm going to do to Iran? I'm going to make them an offer they can't refuse. Right? That's just it. I mean, that's— I'm going to get all of the best prizes for being smart.

But they can refuse it and they have refused it.

Listen, but that's part of— oh, this is— I can't believe I'm a satirist now.

Yeah, you are. Okay.

I'm pretty incisive.

But yeah, no, you're their godfather. They saw you. They were really excited. They love their Uncle Conan.

But what I'm saying is they can now handle you taking off, so maybe you'll come on more trips.

Yeah, I would love to come on more trips. This was— this has been so fun. It's nice. It's nice for me to get away.

Um, and how does Tak do looking after the kids when you're gone?

He's great. He's such a good dad, and he's able to handle it. He's on top of it. He feeds them, gets them ready for school, takes them all the after-school stuff.

It's getting boring. When you said feed them, I was like, okay, now we're going to get down the list of meeting basic human needs. He waters them. He makes sure that—

How nervous was Liza every time she left you alone with your children?

Do you think she left me alone with the kids once? No. No, she would not.

I won't blame her.

I would use them for bits and they would be lost. I'd say, I don't know where they were. The whole bit was they get on the bus and I don't know where it's going. That's the bit, Liza. So no, Liza is an incredibly smart woman and that's the last thing she would ever do. Yes.

Yes.

And here's the thing. Oh, wow. Rashid. So Rashid peeks around the truck and look at this. Then he guns it and passes the truck. Now, Rashid, have you ever had a close call where you came around to go forward and then you almost got nailed? You know what? What do you say? He doesn't want to talk about it.

Wait, when do you go off-road? Off-road? No, today no. Oh, okay.

Today no.

Have you ever got— gotten close to an accident?

Accident for last night or what? No, last night. No one said last night.

Rashid, you just—

you just blew your cover. Rashid, you're wanted for a hit and run. They're looking for you.

No wonder the front of the car's all bent.

Last night? Rashid, you would be terrible in police questioning. Sir, do you know anything about a crime last night? Murder last night? Me? The sorority? Rashid? Yes, sir. Oh my God. All right, Rashid, you're gonna have to be a regular part of the podcast now. You're coming with us to Los Angeles.

Yay!

You're gonna live with Sona and Tak and all of her relatives. You'll sit at a long table.

We don't all live live in one house.

Oh, please. You know you will.

That's not how it works.

You guys sleep in a bunk bed that's 13— it's 13 beds tall. Your dad's on the top, right? He puts little weights on his mustache so it unfolds over the side of the bunk bed. Um, I love Gil, you know that, but he has a mustache. It's ridiculous.

Um, don't say it's ridiculous.

What?

Gil's mustache is not ridiculous.

No, no, he's a handsome man. He's a good guy, but it makes him very easy I can become Gil at any time by just sticking a napkin under my nose and saying, Sona, Sona. It's one of my better things that I do.

Is it better?

Is it one of your better things? It's my best impression. It's better than my Trump. I'm going to make you an offer I can't refuse. I only do that because the movie's so new. All right, Sona, we're going to wrap it up, but this is exciting. People are going to hear this back home. Yeah. And this is— and look, I'm going to lower the window and you're going to hear what it's like outside. In Morocco. You can hear the desert.

Listen. I'm sorry, me talking about tech feeding the kids was boring?

I'm trying to be international here. Hold on a second. There's a— uh-oh, there's a policeman and he's looking at me holding the microphone out the window. Oh wait, he's scrolling through his phone. We're okay. Anyway, I put the microphone out the window and it's just air passing over a microphone. I didn't really think that through. True, um, but I thought it was still fascinating and a worthwhile experiment. Uh, okay, worthwhile. Sona, I love this trip. I can't wait for people to see what we've been up to.

Yes.

And, uh, let's continue with your regularly scheduled podcasts. And remember, gonna have a sex session in America, right?

No, I like mine better.

Okay, peace out.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avcessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Erin Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and by Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get 3 free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com/Conan. Www.sxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.