Transcript of Born to Be Badminton

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Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco. Com/call with Konan. Okay, let's get started.

Oh, my gosh.

Hi, Vibuti. Hi, how are you? Hi, how are you?

Hi, oh my God. Hello. It's so nice to meet you.

Vibuti, very nice to meet you. Goodbye. There was just a long lag. I don't know if that's because of the technology, but Vibuti- I just didn't know what to say. You know what? There really is nothing else to say. Vibhuti, first of all, welcome. It's very nice to have you on Konan O'Brien Needs a Fan. Tell us where you are calling in from.

I'm right now in New Delhi in India. Oh, my God.

That's cool. India. I've been to India once with you, Sona. That's right. We did something, a little project in Jaipur, and we loved it. I love the people of India. Of all the places I've been in the world, it was the most different. That's all I can say. It was like going to another planet in all the best ways. Really loved India.

Yeah, it was an ad, right?

Yeah, it was for American Express.

I googled it once.

Yeah, it was for American Express. Exactly. Good payday. Anyway- I was thinking about it the other day.

I was thinking about how India has a lot going on, right? You're right. It's very different from the rest of the world. Yes. One big thing, of course, there is it's very vibrant, it's very happening. There's so many foods in colors and blah, blah, blah. That's what everyone says. But it's also very chaotic. I feel like anyone who really appreciates being here has to have a high chaos tolerance.

Yes, I think you will agree with me, Sona, that when we visited Jaipur and we were, remember, we were driving around and traffic was not flowing in any one direction. I don't mean people were going in two directions or three directions. People, livestock, busses, everything was coming from every direction. I I had never seen anything like it, and I found it exhilarating. Me too. I loved it. I love the energy, and I love the lack of order. There was just so much beauty there and a real zest for life. That's what I picked up on. Am I correct?

So true. I was thinking, I think Sona would have... I feel like Sona has a great chaos tolerance. I do.

She has to. She has to. She works for me, and she comes from a family of maniacs. Oh, okay. I say that in the nicest way.

Oh, do you? Yeah. I love your parents. Maniacs? Yeah. I'm going to tell them you said that then.

No, but if you meant it in a nice way, then I'm going to say, Hey, mom, pop.

Konan says we're maniacs.

They come from a very vibrant culture. Yes. Wow.

That's the nice way to say it. We're chaotic. That's all we say about ourselves.

Yeah, maniacs. Anyway, so Vibhuti- But, Gordie, you have a high...

I think you would almost Just like, Confuse us if you came here because you create chaos wherever you go, right?

Yes. I think that if I came to India, my level of chaos would be higher than the people of New Delhi have ever seen before. I think they would be saying, This guy has to calm down.

This guy is too much.

We got to get him out of here. We got to get him out of here. Tell me about your life, Vibhuti. You're in New Delhi. Are you married? Yes. Am I allowed to ask that?

Yes, I got married.

Because I was about to propose to you. I think it's important to know if someone's married before you propose to them. That's a good idea.

But you're also Very gentle.

Yeah, but that thing, it's an LA marriage. That marriage could go at any time. Listen, we've grown distant in the last several days, my wife and I, after 23 years. No, I'm very happily married. Tell me about yourself. Are you with somebody?

Yeah, I got married last year. Oh, congratulations. Yeah.

Did you have one of those big ceremonial weddings where... I mean, some of the weddings in India, it's a giant multi-day affair. Did you go that route?

Oh, my God. It was huge, dude. It was too much. In retrospect, this is how much I'm often thinking about the podcast. I was If only I had applied to Conor Bryant needs a fan before my wedding, I could have invited you to the wedding.

Yes.

I was like, Oh. You say that. You say that. A missed opportunity. But you know what, Vabuti, I don't think you wanted me. I I think, you know what I mean? I'm a lot. I'm a lot. I think on some subconscious level, the reason you... That's true. Don't agree so quickly, but I think one of the- She's talking to us.

I think that's what she meant. She would invite us, right?

Oh, my gosh. To have Matt and Sona and Aaron and Eduardo, everyone. But then we have to have gone in, right? No, we don't. We absolutely do not.

We had this big wedding, and I want to know who you married because I want to say this. I'll say a kind thing. This is a lucky person. You're very beautiful. You're very funny. You seem very smart. You've got a great personality. Who is this person?

Well, now, anything I say seems not good enough, but he's He's amazing as well. I don't know. His name is Casey. Casey. Until very recently, he worked with the UN in Ukraine, informing their humanitarian response.

Oh, wow. That's very good work he's doing. That's very good work and very important work. He sounds like a really cool guy. You've been married now a year. Yes. Where are you right now? Do you guys have your own place?

For the past two months, we've been living here at my You're living with your parents right now?

Yeah. Because that can be tough. I'm going to tell you how I know that for a fact. Until I was 18, I lived with my parents. That's more of a legal thing. But Sona had to, because she lost her house in the Altadina fire, moved back in with your mom and dad and your husband and your two children. Why don't you jump in here, Sona?

And my dog. It's a lot. It is a lot to move back home after you haven't lived at home for a while. You need your space. Let's just say you need your space, right? I mean, I need my space.

Have you found it difficult, Vibhuti? We don't want to put words in your mouth, but has it been difficult and why has it been difficult? It sounds difficult. Who is it who really gets to your mom or your dad? Mom. Wait, no, that's your- Oh, sorry.

I want to put it on the record because my parents are going to hear this. They are angels. I love them so much. Okay.

How about we don't have them listen to this? We'll make a second one that they can listen to, but I want the truth.

Oh, my gosh.

Who can be a little rough? They can still be wonderful people, but Who sometimes creates a little bit more of a problem.

She could have ruined her home life.

Would you shut up?

Matt gets it. Thank you, Coralie.

Oh, yeah, he gets it. She says, not a good podcast. That's all. Let's get the fizz out of this soda. Now it's better. It's nice and flat.

My dad has been so warm and loving and welcoming. At the same time, I can see that he has a hard time seeing me as an adult. Yes. Sometimes he says it. To me, You'll always be five years old. You'll always be a little girl. I'm like, That's very sweet. But I'm also not. I'm married. I pay taxes. I've lived in a couple of countries.

How does this come out? When he's treating you like a child, does he ever say, go up to your room? Does he ever churn into the dad of your childhood?

Why do you smell like weed?

Okay, you're projecting, Sona. First of all, you're projecting your childhood and last week. Today? Yeah. This morning.

Mother's Day.

It's Mother's Day, brah. Yeah.

You deserve a break, Sona.

It's Mother's Day. So, Vibhuti, just tell me, what kinds of things specifically does your father do? It's okay. You're saying it with love.

Yeah, with love. With love, last week, I had a flu, and He was obsessed with the idea of me going to the doctor. I was like, It's just a flu. It'll pass in three days. I don't need to see a doctor. He was like, No, you must go. These days, it can be so strong and it can turn into something very bad. I was like, Yeah, okay, cool. I just wanted 48 hours to pass and to see if it's going to be fine. It was fine. I'm still with your dad on this one.

No, I've been there. I had a cough. My dad's like, Go to the doctor. I'm like, I know I don't need to go. They're very parental that way, and it's sweet, but also...

But Vabuti, it's a two-way street. Have you found that you've regressed at all? Sometimes when I would go back home, even when I was in my 30s and 40s, if you can believe it, I'd act more childish around my parents because I was back in the home where I was a child. Now, I know this is a strong dose of weirdness, and no one can understand it. Hard to believe. But I would act more childish around my parents. Do you find that you do that sometimes? What would you do? What would you do, Gonen? Sometimes I'd do long bits or act silly or jump around or do long interviews that had no real point or run on sentences. I'd call my hair up to a big pompador. I would do a dance where I pretended strings were attached to my hips. I mean, I'm going to progress. Wait a minute. I'm describing my career.

Yeah, that sounds like a day in the life of Gonen. Yeah.

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Vibhuti, I'm going to try It's a different tact here.

Let's say that I were to visit you, okay?

Mm-hmm.

And let's say that I were to stay with you and your husband, whose name is, again, is Casey.

Casey. Casey.

I'm sure I'd be welcome there, and your parents. Yeah, for sure. Would they be aware of who I am? Would your parents know who I am?

Yes, they are so aware. My dad has seen you live. He told me live? Many, many years ago. He saw me live? Wow. Yeah, live. Many, many years ago, he worked for General Electric. Oh, as did I. There was some opportunity to see you. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, General Electric was my boss when I was- Some performance for employees. Yeah, General Electric owned CNBC. Back in the day, occasionally, they would need some an orange-haired chimpanzee to go out and entertain the GE crowd. I would do that.

That's exactly how he described you.

Did he like? Did Did he enjoy my show?

Yeah, he did. He also said, the one thing that I guess everyone says is that, Oh, he's so tall. He's so tall.

Yeah, they don't really say funny. They just say tall. But that's okay. Most comedians want to be described by their height.

But my mom really likes you.

Okay. Listen, so it sounds like I'd be accepted by your family. Your mom's a fan, your dad's a fan, and has seen me live. Casey, your husband would tolerate me. You're a fan. I come and I visit. What would we do? What would you want me? Is there a way that I could help you?

Yes. Well, there's a way in which you could help me. Then there's also something that I... Recently, I went to a fort close to New Delhi, and I'd love to take you there. It's a few hours drive.

Wow, you had me a few hours drive to a fort. That sounds pretty good.

Okay, it's cursed and it's still haunted.

Oh, better yet.

There's a The gin that lives in the fort that people worship on a daily basis.

The Irish also worship gin, but it's a different gin. There's an evil gin.

People from nearby villages come to offer sweets because they believe the gin will grant them their wishes.

Wait, so it's a cursed fort, but we would go there hoping that the jinn would grant our wishes?

Yeah. Sometimes if we want our wishes to be granted, we have to do dangerous things.

But that doesn't sound cursed. Is anything bad potentially going to happen?

Well, so the story goes that the reason it's cursed is because it was once a bustling township and fort and whatnot, and there was a beautiful princess who was desired by this evil magician who tried every technique to bring her under his control, and he always failed. Then one time, he tried to give her a magic potion, which she immediately recognized. He disguised it as a perfume, but she knew what it was, and she threw it on a rock. Then the rock became possessed, and it crushed the magician to death. But before he died, he cursed the fort, and he cursed the people, and he cursed the land that it will be barren forever.

Magicians are not good people. I know that's a blanket statement, but they really are. He's an evil magician, to be clear. You don't have to say evil magician. Just say he was a magician. You know? There's something weird. Yeah, there's just something going on there. I love magicians. Oh, no, no, no.

You want to look David Copperfield in the eye and feel comfortable? There's no way. I don't know.

I'll hang out with David Blaine. He seems cool.

Yeah, sure. That'll be fun. That's a fun date. Hey, what are we doing? Are we going to a restaurant? No, I'm going to get inside this little bubble and not eat for 17 days. You can watch me in Times Square. No, I don't think that's happening. Apologies to David Blaine, but famously, tough date. Vibhuti. Okay, maybe we'll check out the cursed Fort that's a couple of hours away, visit the gym.

Gosh, so uninterested.

Anything else that we would do while we were there? Is there any way I can help you?

Well, Let's get to badminton.

I'm sorry, I'm not getting around anymore. Yeah, let's get to badminton. There's a badminton in the notes.

There's a badminton thing.

Sorry, you're getting older.

For the past two months, I've been really getting into badminton. In my neighborhood, there is this girl who is unbeatable. Her name is Tholeca. She's amazing. I'm never able to get past her. I could really use your help to improve my badminton skills, maybe team up, and just for once and for all, claim my spot as the best badminton player.

Well, here's the deal. I'm glad you called Vabuti because I am recognized as an incredible natural athlete. I have not played badmitten, but I don't even have to have played badmitten. I think anything that involves hand coordination- It would be so great. I would be amazing. Your height would make you very good at this game. I'm very tall. I'm a distraction to the other team because I'm quite unusual-looking. The hair is flopping around. Exactly. They get confused. My limbs are out of proportion. But also I'm a fierce competitor. I dominate. I need to win. I could help you beat your arch-rival, Tolica, in badminton.

Yeah. That would be amazing. If you could do that for me, I would be forever grateful.

He can't. Well, what are you talking about? Yes, I can. I can and I will.

I mean, high is wasted on you. You can be over the net, but I don't- Just go to the foreman. Have you ever even played Badminton?

I think once. I played Badminton, and only three people were killed. Vibhuti, I want to make your dreams.

I'm also not that good. I'm not that good at badminton. My mom beats Tulika. It's just that I can't beat Tulika.

Oh, your mom can beat... She's good.

You just suck. But my mom is incredible. Maybe it can be Tulika and my mom versus me.

Yeah, maybe your mom is your archrival.

My mom beats Tolika once in a while. She usually loses. Once in a while, she wins. I don't win.

Okay. Well, I think Tolika, first of all, has been probably getting professional help. She probably has a coach. I mean, there's a reason Tolika is so good. She's juicing. I think she's juicing. I definitely think she's juicing. She must be. She's on some steroid. She must be. There's no other option. Does she have massive forearms? Does she have an anchor tattoo? She's so strong. Does she say, I always eat some spinach? She might. Okay. She's pop up. She has a girlfriend named Olive Oil? Yeah, she does. Does she ever say, I am what I am? When she laughs, does she go... Vibhuti, I need help, mental help, but I'd love to help you. I'd love to be of assistance. You seem like a very cool fan, and I'm happy for you. I'm happy for your marriage, your healthy relationship with your parents, even though your dad sounds very domineering and treats you like a child. It doesn't understand that most things are, most illnesses are short-lived, quickly go away on their own. But other than that, everything sounds fine. I'd visit a cursed fort with you any day to visit the gin and see the rock that crushed the magician because I don't like a magician.

I could have wrapped this up so much more easily. Yeah, you could have. But I've had a little aneurysm here. Did you need an assist or something? No, I'm done. Vibhuti, thank you so much for calling in. You seem lovely. You really do. Have a fantastic day, and I do hope that we get to meet in person.

Thank you so much going in. Matt, Sona, it's such a pleasure to have spoken to you. Thank you for your time. Thank you.

Thank you, Vibhuti. Bye-bye.

Bye.

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Delicious chocolate bubbles in Aero that make it a joy to eat. Aero. Feel the bubbles melt.