Transcript of This Is My Deal Here, Wade

A shame on the system for allowing this to happen to our families.

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Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco. Com/callconan. Okay, let's get started. Hey, Max, welcome to Konan O'Brien Needs a fan.

Hey, David.

Hey, Max. How are you?

I'm trying to stay warm.

Oh, okay. Well, you're indoors. Do you not have heating? What's going on?

I guess that hasn't made its way to my part of the country yet? Where are you, sir?

Where are you right now?

I'm in Fargo, North Dakota.

Fargo. Yeah. Okay. That's my favorite movie, by the way. It really is one of my favorite movies. It's a good movie. I love Fargo. I wish you talked like that in the movie. It's my deal here, Jean. Hey, wait. Hey, wait. No, this is my deal here, see. No, no. We talked about this.

There might need to be some incentive for me to talk like Margie.

Yeah, that's okay. Well, Well, no, we're not going to get into some sex game. That's not going to happen. Do you want money? You can Venmo him. No, I'm not giving him any money for this. I think it's just an excuse for me to say, It's my deal here, Wade. No, I mean, I'm sorry.

What accent is that?

It's Fargo. It's Fargo. Are you sure? I'm sure. Hey, I'm sorry. You don't sound at all like anyone from the movie Fargo. He auditioned.

I don't know if I agree with your police work 100% there, Lou.

Hey. Yeah, Max. See, what I was doing was a trick to get you to do that. It worked. My bad Fargo accent brought out your good one. I win this round. I love that.

I love that. Now you don't owe me any money.

Max, what do you do? Besides living in an apartment that has no central heating, what do you do with yourself, my friend?

I'm a meteorologist.

Oh, cool. That's cool. You're a meteorologist. Are you on the radio? Are you on television? Where do you do your meteorology?

I am on television. I'm on the Fox-affiliated TV station in Fargo.

Oh, very cool. Because it's Fox, do they encourage you to put a political slant? Like, Oh, there's a bad storm coming from the left wing. Oh, the left wing. From the left Wing. The left wing of the state. There's a bad cookey storm, but don't worry. No, it's becoming Irish. It's my deal here. Hey, no, wait. We talked about it. It's my deal here. If I stick to my deal here, I think I got the accent. Just repeat that over and over again. Yeah, I think so. Okay. You're from the Midwest. Oh, wait, you are. You're from Southern Illinois. Illinois, yeah. Yeah, it's true. Max, I'm sorry. You're a meteorologist, and I'm going to try to bring some sanity. I think you've upended this conversation with your nonsense.

I think that's a load of bullshit.

Okay. Hey. Wow, Jesus. All right. You just take it easy. You're a meteorologist.

I'm on TV. I don't have to take this.

Okay, you're right. I have the highest respect for you, Max. I think you've lost control. You've lost the feeling in your extremities from the severe cold. You are in the studio, you are doing the weather. Is the weather usually the same in Fargo? Does it get boring? There's that old joke about it's really boring to be a weatherman in Los Angeles because it's always 72 degrees and fairly pleasant. What about in Fargo?

We do have the periods where it'll get a little bit boring, but those are fairly few and far between. Right now, we've got almost 60-mile-an-hour wind gusts and blizzard warnings. It's a good weather day to be a meteorologist, but not a good day for pretty much anyone else who wants to do anything around town because it's not great.

Well, bad luck for other people is good luck for you because you get to say- Yeah, pretty much. It's a big storm coming there, Wade. I'm going to keep going at it. I'm going to keep going at it. There's no way to stop me. Okay, what Do you get outside the studio much? I mean, are you mostly there in front of the green screen, pointing to things like low pressure system, high pressure system, snowflakes, that thing?

Yeah, each individual snowflake that comes down. I'm typically outside the studio point. Here's one, here's two.

Okay, listen to me, you son of a bitch. I'm going to climb through this microphone and come and get you. You understand me? Don't you sass me, young man. All right? I'm 98 years old. I've served this country bravely in World War II, and you're going to treat me with respect. None of your sass now. This is my deal here, Wade. Oh, no.

Oh, my Lord. I'm in front of the green screen most of the time.

Right. Do you have to adlib a lot? Because sometimes I would think you're there, and I don't mean to put down your anchor because I don't know who your anchor is. But what if your anchor just is trying to be funny and you got to have to play off your anchor who I'm just assuming is... Come on, you're a funny guy, Max. You're calling in, you're clearly a fan. You've already had some good quips. You've put me in my place. What if your anchor is like, and you have to deal with that? What do you do?

Fortunately, that hasn't happened too frequently, but when you're on air, it's always professional.

I I have no experience with that. I don't know what you're talking about, Max.

Stick with me, baby. You're going to learn some things. One thing, the news anchors, when they're reading the news, they're reading off of script, they're reading off a prompter. When I'm doing the weather, it's all free form.

It's all just off the top of my head. Exactly. You're going Commando. No script. No, seriously. You're letting the old pendulum swing, if you know what I mean. Those guys are locked in. They're just locked in. Now the weather. And they'll read it. You know what I mean? That's what it is. It's like the movie Anchor Man. You just put it on the prompter and they'll read it. Do you get outside the studio much? Do you ever get a chance to get outside and have some excitement?

Well, every once in a while for work, I'll do the weather from outside. But when I'm not working, especially when it's It's warm out, it's spring, summer, something I really, really like to do, and as I've been doing for a while, is I go storm chasing. I go driving around looking for tornadoes. Oh, really?

That's cool. I've never talked to someone who really does that. Of course, the famous iconic movies about storm chasing. How inaccurate are those movies? I'm guessing they are fairly inaccurate.

Well, the original Twister, they take a lot of liberties with it. The newest one is a little bit more accurate, but it's definitely It's definitely not just jam-packed, balls to the wall, action 24/7. It's more so you're spending a lot of time in a car just driving around, or if you're just hanging out in a field playing catch with a baseball waiting for storms to go up. But then it's that 1% when the storms are actually going up, that is just the sheer adrenaline rush of storm chasing.

Okay, Max, paint the picture for me. You hear there's a tornado or the conditions are right for a tornado, and then it comes in over the radio, the tornado is setting down over near Cobbler's Grove, and you say, Let's go, gang, and you all hit the gas and you head towards the tornado. Is that correct? Yeah. Whoa, look at that.

Is that something you just got off online? No, believe it or not, I took this.

You took that photo and you got that close to a tornado. Now, what if that thing had suddenly started heading... You know the way when a bear attacks you, if it's a black bear, you're supposed to do this, if it's a brown bear, you're supposed to do that. What do you do if you think a tornado is headed your way? Is there something I should know that might save my life in the future?

The biggest thing is if you're not sure if the tornado is heading your way or not, is to find a stationary object and just have the tornado in relation to that stationary object, line it up. If the tornado is moving to the right of that object, it's going to pass to your right. If it's moving to the left of that object, it's going to pass to your left. But if it just appears to be getting bigger, it's coming straight at you. That's not good news. That means you just got to book it.

Okay, let me ask you a question. Because this is something that I've thought about, and I think about a lot of things. I'm a thoughtful man. So I've heard. When there's a big wave coming towards you, you can try to run away from it, but sometimes that's the worst thing you can do. Sometimes you and you should dive into the wave. Would it ever be a good idea? No. Let me finish. You don't know where I'm going with this. To dive into the tornado. Will? No, and just go with it and ascend. Ascend. Ascend, and there's cows swirling around you. Moo, moo. And there's other people from Fargo. It's my deal here, Wade. No, Wade, it's my. Hey, no, Wade, I talk to these guys. They mean business. It's my deal here, Wade. And moo, moo, and you just descend through them. Is that a possibility?

I'm surprised you left out Dorothy and Toto in that analogy as well.

There's not as much fun as Fargo. It's just not as much fun. We're old move.

Yeah.

Well, you know what, Konan?

You can come out storm chasing, and we'll let you dive into a tornado, and we'll see how it goes.

First of all, I would do it because I am very... I do stupid things. Anything for a bit. If it's for a bit, and I think it'll make people happy, I'll do it. You'll just find a red wig later on and some bits of flesh. That's fascinating that you go chasing after the storms, and you don't feel endangered when you're doing that. Even if you see a tornado, you think, Oh, it's a pretty good chance it's not going to come our way.

No, I've been doing it long enough where I have a pretty good handling on being able to look at what I'm seeing in front of me and know if I'm in a good position or in a bad position. There's been a couple of times where maybe we're rolling into a town and we're getting reports that the tornado is rolling into the same town we're driving through, but we can't see as much because there's trees, there's hills, and we got to try to find somewhere to get visual of the tornado. Those moments are definitely a lot more scary just because you can't see it. You don't know where it is and you're trying to get visual on it. Those are definitely when the blood pressure goes up a little bit more.

Isn't there an app that will tell you where the tornado is? There's an app for everything. If there isn't, you should invent one. But there should be an app that tells you there's a tornado and it's 6 feet that way, and there's a little arrow.

Well, I don't know if it can be that precise, but when we're chasing, I've got the weather radar in front of me, and I can see where we are in position in relation to the storm. I've got the National Weather Service chat room open, so I can see what other meteorologists are saying. That's always a big help. But until you can actually see it for yourself yourself because weather radar can only go so far, especially if you're far away from a radar. Got you. You're not getting the best picture.

You can't just rely on... I'm guessing it's a Doppler.

Yeah. You know the terms. Well, whatever.

I pretty much helped invent the technology.

Oh, you're that, Konan. Yes.

Konan, Orion.

Oh, Konan, Doppler, Orion. Okay.

You seem like a happy chap Happy, Max? Is life good for you? You enjoy your life. You're a young fellow. You're part of a proud guild of meteorologists. I don't know. I'm impressed. You know what I mean? Sometimes you'd think, Oh, are you going to talk to a meteorologist? It's all just going to be some crusty 65-year-old guy who's like, I remember the tornado of '57. I'm like, Oh, Jesus, this guy again. But look at you. You're a very young guy, and this is pretty cool.

How did you know what tornado went through Fargo in 1957?

I know a lot about tornadoes. I know a lot about Fargo. Fargo? Yeah.

Fargo. Except how to do an accent.

I think my accent is so good, it scares the shit out of you. I'll be honest with you, I can tell you I can see the color drain from you every time I go, That's right. Hey, it's my deal here, Wade. There it is. There goes the color.

I just live in Fargo, so I'm very, very white.

Do you have family? What's going on in your life?

It's your social life? I grew up in the Twin Cities. It's pretty close by a couple hour drive into Minnesota. Most of my family is in the Twin Cities, so get home when I can, basically. It's not always easy to get home and see my family. But otherwise, it's when I'm around town here in Fargo, I'm really big in a photography, so I'm taking pictures. Obviously, you saw the photo that I took. I'm taking pictures of the storms. Then this past summer, I got really big into starting to take film photography as well.

Oh, okay. I'm just curious, do you ever get together with the other meteorologists? Is there a rivalry? There must be meteorologists in town from other stations? Is there rivalry between you guys?

Yeah, well, you've seen Fight Club, right?

Yeah. Sure.

I love this already.

Yeah.

Well, the first two rules is I can't talk about it. Sure. But I'll let your imagination roll. Or as you would say, Hey, Wade, first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club, Wade.

Make it stop. I'm sorry. I just wanted to put a little Fargo spin on it.

We punch each other and then say, Sorry.

Yeah, sorry. All right, so it sounds like life is good. Do you have a question for me? Is there a way I can help you? I'd like to help you, Max, in any way that I can. I'd like to use what skills I have. I'm a humble man, as you can tell.

That's all a humble man. Yeah, that's a sign of a humble man when they tell you. Well, I'm going to I'm going to maybe break the rules a little bit. I'm going to ask two questions because I think you're probably not going to have a great answer for the first one that I'm probably not going to use. You have any advice? Okay, Dick. Go ahead. Any advice to spice up maybe my on-air weather forecasting?

Well, first of all, what are you wearing when you do the weather forecasting?

Clothes.

No, but come on. What are you wearing? How are you dressed? A suit. You wear a suit? Do you have to wear a suit? I mean, you're a You're a young guy and times are changing fast and you're working on a local station and you might want to make a splash. You might want to jazz it up a little bit. Maybe you want to go with something, I don't know, a little more au courant. You know what I'm saying? Maybe you want to dress more like you would out on the street or out, if you're going to a club, there must be a cool club near you. He said, not sure at all that there was. You might- Like a shiny shirt, something that pops. Or whatever, a hoodie or whatever. What you have do is separate yourself from all the other people in suits that are saying that there's an ice storm moving in and it's going to be cold tomorrow. You've got to pop. If that means you get some fashion-forward glasses, a la Jeff Goldblum, whatever you've got to do, you should do that, in my opinion. You said my first answer was going to blow, but it didn't.

It's exactly what you should do. Not that you're not rocking the world right now in your black T-shirt, but let me tell you something, buddy boy. If you want to make it, you've got to shake things up a little bit.

I'm surprised. That was surprisingly better than what I thought I was going to get. I thought it was going to be, don't wear pants and underwear, something like that.

No, I'm not some perv. You're the guy You're the guy chasing storms around. They probably have a restraining order out against you. The storms have a restraining order? Yeah, it's a tornado. They can talk. They're like, God, that creep is... I'm just trying I'm going to fly some cows around. It's that creep again in his van taking a picture of me. Storm chaser. Storm perv, more like it. All right, Max, you I got one more question.

All right, Konan, when are you coming out going storm chasing with me?

Well, not that you don't make it very enticing because you've pretty much explained to me that nothing happens 99% of the time, and most of your Cribs have been insults. So I'm coming out right away. Maybe he has good snacks in the car while you sit and wait. I mean, that's the problem is I would go storm chasing with you, but I have a feeling that how are we going to time this? When is good tornado season? Is it the spring, summer?

Yeah, April, May, June.

Okay, I'm going to lock off those three months. I'm going to get a best Western in downtown Fargo. I'm going to walk around going, It's my deal here, Wade. Then we'll wait for something to happen, and then you and I can jump in the van together. Haven't said that in a while. Sorry. Fire up the old Doppler. Is it a 1780? What Doppler is it? What do you got there?

I got the 1800 model. Those are fantastic.

Those are great. Just make sure. Well, you probably have already looked into it. You got to use the correct megahertz. Max, I'm going to sign It was very nice talking to you. I like the cut of your jib. You seem like a fine lad. Really think seriously about what I said about changing it up a little bit. Dressing, a little fashion forward. Separate yourself from the herd. Is what I'm going to say, because the rest of the people in that station are going down, going down hard. You want to survive, okay? You're young and accentuate your youth. That's what I say to you. I'm a survivor. You're a survivor, exactly. All right? I think we're good here. Okay. I'm going to ask you to go and look into some indoor heating, if that's possible. We'll see. We'll see about that.

Some people like a cold.

Yeah.

I'm not one of them.

No, not at all. I think it's good to have, especially in Fargo, probably some heating because the alternative is death. Max, I hope you survive the winner, and I sincerely doubt you will. So do I. But if not, I'll come by when we'll chop you up into slices and use chunks of your flesh to cool our drinks. Max, good day.

Tell my family I love them.

Well, I don't know them, and I'm not sure you do. Max, I'm ending this. I tried. I've tried several times to end it, and I just want you to say, and if we go out on one thing, it's... It's my deal here, way. Oh, my God. Thanks, Max. Bye, Max.

Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ofsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and nick Leal. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer, Aaron Blaird. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm. Com/conon. Please rate, review, and subscribe to 'Conon O'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are down..