Transcript of Janelle James

It's the delicious chocolate bubbles in Aero that make it a joy to eat.

Aero.

Feel the bubbles melt. Forget everything you think you know about golf, because there's nothing like the Ryder Cup. It's Europe versus the USA. Twelve their best versus twelve of ours. It's unmissable. It's glory. It's chaos. And there's no golf like it. Enjoy every moment of the Ryder Cup with Now. Just 20 year a month for twelve months. Cancel anytime. 18 plus. Membership required. Content streamed via the internet. Terms and conditions apply. Hi, my name is Janel James, and I feel excited about being Conan O'Brien's friend. I heard he has a lot of money.

I did, and I invested it badly.

Can I redo my... No, I'm just kidding. Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are going to be friends.

I can tell that we are going to be friends. Hey, welcome to Konan O'Brien Needs a friend. I'm coming in with a lot of energy. I've been away for a little bit. I was in Boston, my old hometown of Brooklyn, Mass. Oh, how was that? It was great. Got to see a bunch of my peeps, my old gang that I used to run with. What were you guys called? Okay. What's that? What was your gang called? Oh, it was a pretty tough gang. We wore Lacoste shirts, studied hard for our PSATs. Yeah, we were the PSAT gang. Oh, cool. That's tight. That's cool. So scary. Yeah, it was really scary. We used to run around. Sometimes we'd just maladjust someone's cap on their head without their permission. Oh, my God. No way. Yeah, we'd give it a little twist. What's that? Did you have a nickname in the gang? Mine? Yeah. I guess. I don't want to talk about it. It's a little... It's a little... It's a little... It's his past life. You don't want to go back to that. They used to call me Colonel Baum. Colonel Baum? Yeah. He was a Revolutionary War General, and He was a German.

Is this what the gang was like? Because everyone had to be named after a different Revolutionary War general. He was a German who was sent to fight on behalf of the British, and he was ambushed, I think, up in New Hampshire. You guys would rumble and you would come to victory by boring people? Yeah, pretty much. But I was Colonel Baum, and you just had different people who were different members of the British Fighting Forces. Cool. That's so cool. It's the coolest gang. Sexy, too. A little sexy. So hot. If anyone got laid, they were kicked out of the gang. That's the number one rule. And yet no one did. No, we lost one good guy that way. Oh, really? Yeah. He just came looking at a woman on screen, but that counted. Any orgasm of any kind meant you were out of the gang. Even on your own? Yeah. But you know what? Colonel Baum here. Still in the gang. Still in the gang to this day. Wow. Yeah, still in the gang. There have been a couple of times where I've seen an ad for Coco and an attractive woman is serving it, and I'm like, Restrain oneself.

It's just you and all these 15-year-olds, the new hires. Anyway, no, it was good to get back there. I have to say, wandering around Newbury Street in Boston, I ran into so many people who listened to the podcast who all said, Hey, tell Matt, tell Sona, I said hi. That's nice. They said it in those accents. But still, the message came across, and I heard a great phrase, which is Newbury Street. You remember Newbury Street? It's where all the shops are in downtown Boston. I love that area. I heard a great phrase, and I attribute this to the singer from the Money, Money, Boston, Dickey Barrett, announced her for Kimmel for many, many years. Someone took a footage of me walking down Newbury Street while I was there and put it up. People in Boston were seeing it and saying, Hey, I saw you on Newbury Street. Dickey Barrett told my brother Luke, he was like, Damn, I just saw this footage of Konan in the vein of why can't they leave him alone? He said, The guy can't even shoot the Nube in peace. I was like, shoot the Nube. Walk down Newbury Street is shoot the Nube.

Oh, that's cool. I thought that is the coolest phrase. Just to shout out to Boston, next time, maybe this is something they all say. I didn't know that. The Nube. I doffed my cap to Dickey Barrett who said, shoot the Nube. Kona can't even shoot the Nube without people giving him a hot time. Do you say it now? I say it all the time. Do you ever shoot the Larch? Here on Larchmont? No. You can't. No, it's not the same. Yeah, it's not the same. But shoot The Nube. Liza joined me on the trip. I started saying maybe every 20 minutes the way I do. Oh, no. Liza, you want to shoot the newb? Hey, Liza, we're shooting the newb. Let's go shoot the newb, and maybe I'll find an orthotic insert. You're awful. I'm awful. She got to a point where she's like, Just no more shoot the newb for a while. But I love shoot the newb. If you're in Boston or you're going to visit Boston, I want to do a public service announcement for the city that says, Hey, when you're in Boston, shoot the newb. Hey, you just did it, I think.

They're going to just clip that out and use it for tourism. Not without my permission. And the cost, $15 million. I'll do it. Yeah. No. This is my Boston.

Hey, Boston, shoot the noob.

Hey, that's your Boston. Shoot the noob. Yeah, shoot the wicked noob. Wicked pisser. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how to do Boston. No, you did it. That's the whole... It's the attitude. Shoot the wicked noob. What are you doing? What are you doing? Shoot the wicked noob. I'm from Boston. A, isn't it? No one goes A. It's a pretty good Gilbert Godfried impression. Yeah. Go Sack. Say, shoot the noob, and then say, Affleck. Affleck. Let's go to Fenway Park and shoot the noob. I want to get that. Maybe it's a thing they all say, but I love it. We got to think of something for Large on, but nothing newb. Nothing's going to... The Larch? Let's larch it up. No. Go Larch. March the Larch. March the Larch is dorky. March the Larch. No. No, he just went for that, and then you said it was dorky. You don't march. Anything with march, I think, sounds a little dorky. Yeah, and a little fascist. Okay, that's true. We must march on the larch. Yeah. I don't like it. Okay. What about lope? Lope the larch? What do you mean lope the larch? Lope?

Yeah, I mean, lope. You know the word lope, loping. You know what I love? You know what my favorite blay quality is when you choose to seize the mic. That's my favorite quality of yours. You lurch forward and you seize the mic as if you just cracked E equals MC². Lurch the larch. No, stretch your arch on the larch. Wait, you go for that? Stretch your arch on the larch. Arch it on the larch. That's like a public service announcement. Guys, all I know is that when I was in Boston, you know what I did? Ask me what I did. What'd you do? You can't do it that way. You can't say, Shop the newb. No, it doesn't work. Hey, what are you going to do tonight? Shoot the newb. Oh, he's going to shoot the newb.

Then we pack.

Then get a Remi dog. I don't know what that is. What is that? What's a Remi dog? It's a hot dog. Oh, that's it? I'm named after Jerry Remi. Who's Jerry? Don't say who's Jerry Remi. That's going to piss me off. Say it again because I need to ask it. Who's Jerry Remi? Second basement, Boston Red Sox. Iconic, also a great announcement, an inventor of the Remi dog. He made hot dogs? What's special about the Remi Dog? It's named after Jerry Remi. But there's nothing- What did he do with it? It's infused with the essence of Jerry Remi. That's all you need to know. Like his ashes? Okay, don't. This is getting dark, and I don't like that. I don't know. Is he dead? Is he alive? When we talk about- Is he alive? He has passed on to his great reward. But somewhere he's in heaven sharing a Remi dog with Christ. Wait a minute. There's nothing- Sharing. He didn't add in the video? He probably did. This is getting into stuff that I'm sure is proprietary to the Remy family, and I don't want to get into that. Listen, we are shedding listeners because we're getting way too local, way too parochial.

We can't do that. We've got to open it up. You did the shoot the new thing. I know. You did this. I know, and I thought we got away with it. Then we went down this worm hole of Jerry Remy, Remy Dogg, Fenway Park. This is all important stuff to me, but we are shedding people right now. You guys want to talk about Whittier? More sports. Whittier. Whittier College, Richard Nixon, Bibi. That's where he met Pat Nixon at the theater. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. The Rocky Cola Cafe in Uptown. It's gone now. It's Whittier. It's Wittier. It's Wittier where the girls are prettier. That's right. Yeah. Never shittier than in Whittier. What exactly is never shittier? Show your Tittier on Wittier. Come on. All of these were circulating in Wittier many, many years ago. I'm sure they are. I can tell you that. I'm sure they are. Yeah. Show your Tittier. I'd pity her. Were she from Whittier. You could say, show that you are Tittier in Whittier. Okay, awful. How are you Tittier? You got more. Listen. You're Tittier? I'm running through this through- You have four? Guess what? I'm running this through- You have four Titties?

I'm running this through the latest advanced chat, GPT, and it says, This is the worst segment ever on a podcast. Okay, well, you said Tittier and wittier. I'm just trying to figure out how you can get Tittier. I'm not saying I contributed any good to this. But I did shoot the newp. All right. Let's get into it. Let's do it. All right. My guest today is a hilarious actress, writer, and comedian who stars as Principal Ava Coleman. Such a funny character in the hit ABC series, Abbott Elementary. She is so good. I'm thrilled she's here today. Janel James, welcome. First of all, I'm going to describe the vibe here right now. You can maybe see it if you're watching this on video.

I feel like I'm smoking you out now.

What is this that's happening right now? You've lit some incense.

You never know who entered the room before you. You know what I mean? I wanted a clean slate with my new friend, Konan O'Brien. I brought some incense.

This is nice. What is the scent we're getting here?

This is Palo Santo. Okay.

What are we getting from this scent? I'm not a connoisseur of sense. Cleansing. Cleansing.

Good energy. A little jump off talking point. Yeah.

It'd be great if that was the scent.

Jump off talking point.

Jump off talking point for a podcast. Icebreaker.

Yeah.

This is a hint of icebreaker. Some tones of funny bit we could do. It does feel like a small fire broke out in a podcast studio.

If any time you want me to put it out, I am. No.

I'm liking this right now.

It's going right towards you, so you probably need some plans on this. I was going to say, What does it mean?

It's sensing a black hole of me.

Yeah, it's weird. There is no wind. There's no wing. It's just seriously going straight to me.

She moved it away, too. It's going right to my fat head.

That's why I moved it, and it's going right to you.

No matter where you move it, it's going to come to me because it senses a vacuum here.

It senses pain. Are you Am I just anxious today?

Am I just anxious in general? Yes.

Facts. Same. That's why I walk around with instance like a widow.

Well, let me paint the picture. It's still going right to it.

I'm honing. Let us pray.

Every time you move it, the smoke makes a beeline.

It's in a U-turn.

Must heal creature. Must heal creature. That is weird.

She said it's for cleansing, right? Yeah, it is. What's it cleansing over here?

It's not working yet. It's got a lot to do. You need to bring in a giant bundle of these and light them all at the same time.

I'll do the whole studio for you.

Janel, I'm at this event, and I practically run smack into you. What's that? No.

Facts?

Yeah.

You did almost run right into me. I did. You have a purpose?

I see attractive women sometimes. I just try and do the old- Hey, what the heck? Sorry I bumped into you. I love you. Then you can't get me, too. It was just I bumped into you. It was an accident.

It was an accident. Here I am. That's your worst.

I ran into you. I was so happy to see you because you're very funny, and you're very in an original way. I appreciate that. I was so happy to cross paths with you. You were there, David. I was. I said, I must have Janel on the podcast. Yeah, you called me over immediately. I called you over immediately and said, Can you just make this happen? You said, Well, I don't think I can. You started fumbling. It's so nice to have you here.

He was real standoffish. You were nice. Yeah. He was like, I don't know. I remember. I tried to be as good as possible. I'm just making sure. I'm just making sure. I'm just making sure.

You know what's nice is Matt Gourley is out today. That's not the nice part. But boy, what a nice break. We all love Matt Gourley, but you are sitting in in his stead, David, and you're a big fan. You're a big fan of Janel's. I am a few fan of yours. As is Sona. As am I. You've got a packed house right here. Eduardo over there.

I appreciate. I feel in love. Very happy. I appreciate. I feel in love.

Clay, not so much because you're not in Star Wars.

Yes. That's manifest.

Okay. As I said, your portrayal of Ava on Abbott Elementary, it brings me a lot of happiness because I think it's a very tricky thing to pull off the self-involved, maybe not a villain. I'm not going to say villain, but a character- For a sitcom, I'm a villain. For a sitcom, you're a villain. You're walking this line, but you do it beautifully in a way where I think, This is great. This character is inept, vainglorious, has all these flaws, but you're very funny doing it, consistently funny, and you keep hitting different notes, and I'm just very happy.

Well, thank you so much, Gona. Yeah, really happy for you. Wow.

I don't know. My opinion might not mean anything, but seriously- What are you talking about?

I don't know if you saw the WGA Awards last year, and I had a joke in there where I said, What's funny about late night? And I said, I don't know. Is Konan here? He's funny. And I got a little flag for that. I am a huge I'm a huge fan of yours. That's very nice. I'm a huge fan of yours. In your opinion, that really made me think.

I know that your story is a great story. It really is a great story. It is. You came to your success after a lot of hard work and struggle, and I love those stories. I really do. I think I just won a contest, but I think- But how did you win?

What did you do before you won?

Well, I was a male stripper. Okay. I was in Thunder Down Under, and Loryn Michael saw me grinding it.

I knew he was in it at.

Don't disparage the name of Thunder From Down Under, please. Or Lorin Michael's. That, too. But more importantly, Thunder From Down Under. No, but let's talk about the backstory a little bit because you're born in St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands. I am. Was. You were. You're still being born. We're all still being born.

Hey, if you think about it.

At what age do you start to think I'm funny?

Oh, shoot. Always? No, not till adulthood. Really? Yeah. I don't think I was a... Everybody get that class clown question or whatever.

I was not a class clown.

Yeah. I know I was always a jerk, like a smart ass.

Right. But you were funny. You could make your friends laugh.

I don't remember. I don't know if I'm just old. I don't remember. It gets all this incense. Facts. Could be. Okay. Yeah, I don't remember. I don't remember till adulthood, people being like, You're hilarious. I was like a nerdy book worm growing up, but I've always just been- I'm sensing a kindred spirit here. Yeah, I've just always been in adult business. I know that. Listening to what's going on, curious about everything, and then having something to report. That was my thing and just being I stick with it. I think I became funny, so just people would listen to me state all my facts that I knew. That works.

It's a survival instinct.

Yeah.

How old are you when you moved to- Sixteen. And you moved to Maryland?

Yeah. Then I was there for a year, and then I moved to New York because I loved Madonna. She had that movie.

She had that song, Come to New York.

Come to New York. What was that? Who's That Girl? Yeah. I remember watching that when I was five or something, just being obsessed with her and being obsessed with New York and was like, I'm going to move there and just be like Madonna, just bopping down the street, having a New York life. And so moved to New York, did every hustle in the book that people do.

What's your some of the hustles because...

Man. I worked in a salon in the fashion industry. I worked in a law firm. I worked hosting in many restaurants, a waitress in many restaurants. I worked in many hair salons as a receptionist and like, Shampoo Girl and all those things. I worked at... What's the Howard Stern Strip Club? You know what I'm talking about from the- Is it named after him? No. What is that? Scores. Scores. Scores. I worked at Scores as a Humidor, which is a cigar girl.

What is a Humidor? Oh, so that means you walk around with a tray of cigars?

Too prudent to get naked, but I wish I did when I still had that body. But yeah, Humidor. I was a Humidor guy when I was in Thunder Down Under.

Thunder Down Under? Yeah. They wouldn't let me take my shirt off. I did once, and they Three people went to the hospital.

You blinded them.

They were like, I see a lot of white and then blue veins.

Am I dead?

Yeah.

I What else did I do? I started many home hustles. I taught sewing lessons in my house. I threw parties in my house for entry because I had no furniture. I was like, What can I do all this empty space in this apartment? I threw parties. I started a personal chef. This is when- So enterprises. Because I grew up, my dad had a restaurant, so I know how to cook. I don't like to anymore, but I knew how to cook. I'm just like, What skills do I have there? Can I turn into money? That's what New York was for me. I started this. This is when all the startups were going. We work and all that shit open. I started doing personal chef for all these eight-person offices. I would go in and cook lunch for them.

I will cook your food, then wash your hair.

Whatever you need.

Then offer you a cigar. Whatever you need, baby.

You could do anything. That was called the joy of not cooking. I just remembered that. Yeah, many things. Then in between there, got married, had a baby, and then I moved to follow the man to the Midwest, which is where I started comedy.

Okay. The whole time that you're doing what you call hustles, just jobs, you're doing all these different jobs. You're trying everything.

Sometimes it At the same time.

You're earning your way. Is it in the back of your head, while that's all happening, I've got to get into a performing life?

No, not at all. Not at all, really. Not at all. My ex-husband, he would say, when I had that empty apartment, he would come over and we would imbibe and we would get high. I don't know how else to say that. I'd be running my mouth as I do. He would say, You're hilarious. He's the first person I remember being like, Oh, you should do something with that. Good for him. I'm like, What a clown. What do I do? Being hilarious. It never crossed my mind. It really didn't. Performing or I never did stage play. Nothing. Nothing performance-wise. Life is a performance. I will say my dad had We were like a restaurant on the beach. That's where I grew up. We started as a food truck, and then it turned into a restaurant. Our performance, me and my siblings, of which I'm the oldest of nine, we were the kids that come up to you on vacation and sell you shit. That's my first performing.

Hey, aren't you thirsty?

You got to have game. You have to be able to talk. You know, like, Oh, quench your thirst with this bucket of Bacardi or whatever. We were always performing like, Oh, we're just poor island kids. That thing. I've always been like, I'll go in that way. It's the delicious chocolate bubbles in Aero that make it a joy to eat.

Aero.

Feel the bubbles melt. Forget everything you think you know about golf. Because there's nothing like the Ryder Cup. It's Europe versus the USA, 12 of their best versus 12 of ours. It's unmissable. It's glory. It's chaos. And there's no golf like it. Enjoy every moment of the Ryder Cup with Now. Just 20-year-old month for 12 months. Cancel anytime. 18 plus membership required. Content streamed via the internet. Terms and conditions apply.

You're in the Midwest, and you decide you'll go to an open mic night.

What did you do? Yeah, somebody handed me a flyer in the grocery store, and I came home, I put it on the table, and My ex-husband said, What's that? I was like, some guy handed it to me. He was like, You should go. Because I went there for him. He was going to school, and so I hadn't really been leaving the house or anything. He was like, You should go. Go outside. I went and I watched. It was my first time seeing a comedy open mic. I had no idea how comedians start or practice or anything like that. That happens. I was laughing, so they wanted me to come back. They were like, Come back next week. By the way, you can do some time. You could do four minutes if you want next week. I was like, What does that mean? They told me, You write your material, you can do four minutes. That's what I did. I came back the next week. I did four minutes. I got my first laugh. I was like, This is it. I loved it. I just started doing it every week, started hanging out with those dudes, five white boys.

We started traveling around. Yeah, not in a van. In a Volvo station wagon. Going to the different clubs around.

Did you work out a set? I did. Or did you have a lot of improvisation in your set?

No, no improvisation. At that time, my dad was dying, and I think a lot of comedians start from some dramatic shit. I was just working that out. My first 10 minutes or whatever that I built up was about my dad dying. But then also a lot of starting comedians, I started getting book gigs like, Yeah, I got 30 minutes, that thing. I had to improvise in that way, but I don't think I was good, but I was doing it. Then my home club is the Jukebox Comedy Club in Peoria. I started hanging out there. That's the home of Richard Pryer, if you don't know. That's where I met all the traveling comedians. The first person to take me on the road was Todd Berry, who saw me there. I love Todd Berry. Yeah. Then where I was was a college town, so all the big comics would come through. Todd then told Rob Delaney, I was going to open for Rob Delaney. Todd told him, Make sure you watch your opener. I remember doing my set and Rob Delaney's at the back of the room with his arms crossed. Then he was like, Hey, do you want to tour with me?

So I went with him. He was huge on Twitter then. I got to, two years in, do these sold-out 3,000 deep back-to-back shows with him. Then Hannibal. I just started going with different people. Then so by the time I got back to New York, Todd had said, Hey, if you're ever in New York, look me up. I showed up and I was like, Remember you said? He was like, No. Hey, man. Hey, man. No, man. The cinch is stalking me, coming to my birthday party. That's where I met Eugene Mermon, and then I started hanging out with them. And Chris and Chal, and all those people.

There's this, and I think it's a common story. I can certainly relate to it. You spend your early years in what feels like the wilderness, and you're wandering around, you don't think anyone's like you. Then you get into a certain little, I don't know, tide pool or something, and you meet one person, and then that seems to be the reality for a little bit, and then you meet one other person, another person, and suddenly you're wired into this community, and it's a beautiful thing.

I was like, Whoa, comedians. I don't know about cool, but yeah.

Let me see. Todd Berry, Eugene Mermon.

As cool as can be. But laughing and hanging out. Sure. They extended The extended adolescence. I luckily came in when everybody was on the wagon, so I missed all the alcoholism and drug shit. There's still time. Yeah, I'm sure.

But that's interesting because everyone you've mentioned is a really funny Hannibal. All these people you're mentioning are- And unique. Unique, funny people. It's also a school because you can watch other people and you can understand different rhythms. I always think it's the same thing as music. You're just around.

I always say, after I met Todd, I did Todd Berry for a year. Very stoic, didn't move around. He taught me a lot about the road, how to get paid, make sure you're getting paid. Those two things are the most important I've worked with Todd, and he is very good at getting paid.

At getting paid. Him and him. Todd, you haven't done it yet. Him and him.

Yeah. Don't get fucked over by these clubs. I learned stuff from everyone. I feel like it was the best entry into this business for me, somebody who's already an adult. Super focused because right in that time, I started missing a lot of shit with my kids as entertainers do. I was very focused because I was like, this has to be It was worth it.

You weren't thinking about Ava Elementary. You weren't thinking about the character of Ava. This was something that came to you, and you didn't even jump at it right away.

No. I got that audition During the pandemic. I hadn't really thought about acting. My whole goal at that time was I want to be Chris Rock. I had just come off. My last tour was touring with Chris, and I was like, This is amazing. I was like, This is my goal. I I would get auditions from our agents, and I would just fuck around with them, especially if I thought it was stupid or whatever. I wasn't ever pressed to get on screen. I was like, If it happens, it will. Then I always thought, One of my friends will get a show and bring me over like Adam Sandler does or whatever. When I got that script, I really liked it, which is rare to read a Paula and like, Oh, shit, this is amazing. I remember I wrote Quinta on Twitter, and I was just like, You're poly. That's so good. I know how hard that is to do. I've been trying to write one myself and failing. She was like, Thanks. I said, I think I'm going to audition for Ava. She said, I didn't know you act. I was like, I don't know if I do.

But I'm good. I don't know.

I'll try. I love how honest you are. You're not selling your sofa talking your way into it. You said, Oh, I have no idea.

I was really just trying to compliment. I was really impressed. I was like, I'm laughing out loud. I could totally see this. I remember telling my agent, Even if I don't get this, this is going to go. It's going to go with or without me. It was in the middle of the I thought we were going to die. I wasn't really trying to do much of anything, truly. I had the audition in my hands for six weeks. The deadline passed. I kept asking for extensions, and I didn't have the motivation. I was depressed. I was depressed. Then finally, my agent was like, Are you sure? I really think, did it. I was like, Fine. I had to pull out all the... I couldn't find my ring lights. I had my son holding a floor lamp towards me for lighting. Then I just sent in the self tape, and then I got a call back. Yeah, that's how it happened. Then I did four subsequent Zoom auditions.

The highest compliment you can pay someone is, I cannot imagine that character being someone else. Thank you. In any alternate universe, you're still playing that part.

Thank you. I mean, that's how I feel. That's how I feel like it's meant to be because, again, I waited so long. Everyone had already auditioned. It worked out for me in that they were still looking for the person. It was like, Oh, this late comer. Then I found out Quinta, once I did my initial, she just kept sending me up. They were like, Well, can we get a name? Who else do you have? She was like, It's this person. It's this. It worked out that I waited. Yeah, I do totally feel like it's meant to be, which is how I like everything in my life to work. I don't want to chase anything. The fact that you spent- Yeah.

But that's the thing, too, is that I feel like you probably, after all these experiences you've had, not just as a stand-up, but all these experiences you had just trying to make your way in the world, none of that's wasted. That all goes into your ability to look at this character and say, Here's what I would do with this.

Also, what's the word? Is it empathize? I don't know if it's empathize. But yeah, she's a hustler at the end of the day. That's really what I took out of her ethos. She has, same thing like me, multiple businesses even though she's a principal.

Why does she own a party bus? Exactly.

She has a thriving TikTok shop. She has a rotating closet in her. She's doing everything.

Also, when she unveils the sign that she spent thousands of dollars for a public school that's very much in need of funding, you spent it on a sign that you're on.

But Inspiring? Yeah. Is really what I was trying to- That's the word I wrote down right here. This is what she was trying to do. Thank you. Because I don't know anything about- Because what is a $1,000 when you need millions? Is how I.

But you know, I think empathize is the right word because you're saying these characters don't work if you also don't like them. The fact is, if you just looked at the character of Ava on paper, I don't know that you would see anything that you would like, but your portrayal of her, I see a lot of qualities. She is fearless. She completely believes her own bullshit. My favorite characters in comedy are diluted, egotistical. Delusional. To me, it's- That's the entertainment industry, baby.

Yeah, it is. It got to be delusional.

To me, it goes back to Peter Stelra's Clouseau or Don Nott as Barney Fife. People that don't have the skills, they don't really have any of the backing that they need. They completely believe in themselves 100%.

I think that's the difference between me and her. She has almost unearned confidence. I think just the coming up in standup, it's in how I... I mean, them shows I did in the Midwest were horrible. I'm doing like BFWs with a full house of white men just staring at me with their arms crossed. So nothing once I got to Hollywood and acting scary anymore. I also had the backing of the Grace. I've had Chris Rock tell me, You're the real deal. These are the things that are giving me the confidence to do this character, which is my first role.

Yeah, it's unbelievable. But it makes sense to me because early on, I always insisted. What I had was my mind, and I thought, Okay, I can develop these other things, but I want to be in control. I I don't want to go around and say, I'm a blank slate. Someone please cast me. I knew that I had to form this... What is it? This personality. This cone of thing. I knew what it was, and I just kept doubling down on it. I think your story is very inspirational to me because I see you finding yourself and you get to- If you make me cry, that's the way to go. Again, I'm going to give the credit to the tie stick you brought. Not only are you going to cry, I'm going to cry and vomit blood.

Just smoke ties. Again, do you need me to put it?

No, I love it.

All right. I can't tell when you're being- It's usually not serious.

I've never said a serious thing in my life.

That's what me and him being, I love it, could mean anything. No, no, no.

Excuse me just one minute. No, but you took control. I think that has informed everything you've done is you deciding, No, I'm not going to chase anything. I'm going to develop What I would think was my worst nightmare would be to be trapped in a character.

You're saying you developed your own thing. As many stand-ups are, it's like, I'm a thing onto myself. I am me. That thing. Then to come to this, play this character who's her own thing, really fucked my head up for the first couple of seasons. Now I'm like, I have to come back to, I like this person. I think she's interesting.

How did it screw you up a little bit?

People saying that I'm that person. I see. That type of thing, which I've now intellectualized as, Oh, that's how well I'm doing that people think that I am her. You mean so? Right.

People meeting you and thinking you're a diluted egotistical narcissist.

Yeah.

I get that, too.

Yeah.

You're like that Konan guy. No, that's my character.

But also having to realize that they admire it. Yeah, we're saying it as a negative, and they're like, I love that you're this diluted narcissistic.

I always think, comedy writers, I know in my career, when I was on the Simpsons, I only wanted to write for Mr. Burns. I only wanted to write The Villain. The villain. It was so much fun that they had to tell me, You can't pitch another Mr. Burns story. All your ideas are about Mr. Burns because he can be infinitely evil. He can have vast amounts of money. He can have robots in the basement. It's this whole world, and it's the same thing with Ava, where she can- Anything.

She's almost a cartoon.

Yeah, you can come up with- Now that you say it. All kinds of stuff for her. The hello sign that she aims towards herself I love it.

I did that to make myself laugh. Quinta was like, Leave it.

That worked out. Because someone tried to change it. Someone tried to say a- I did it like, Isn't that funny?

It's facing me. Then I was like, All right, let me put it back. She was like, No, put it back. That's hilarious. It's like, Yeah, no greeting for the outsider. It's for me.

It's you saying hello to yourself and explaining who you are. Yeah.

It's such a little touch. I love it. I love that it stuck and people...

But that becomes catnip for writers because I think one of the reasons your character just took on a life of its own is there's no end to it. People can have a lot of fun saying, Oh, wait, I just thought of something that Ava could be doing. I mean, people watching the show can think of that.

That goes back to me being like, Oh, no, I'm stuck in this character. I'm really not because she can do anything. She can do anything. I think more than any of the other characters who are very like, they are their ethos and their character, Ava can switch up at any time, and it won't be a surprise. We You're waiting for the switch up.

Were you happy when your former boyfriend was revealed to be a- Iguidala?

Is that what you're talking about?

Yeah.

Was I happy?

No, I mean, it's just so- He's hot?

Sure. Quint actually ran that by me. What do you think about this guy? I liked that he was married because I was like, Oh, less instance for sexual harassment. I was like, Oh, a family man who's also a tall, attractive ball player who wouldn't want that in their lure. That's her lure. That she only dates athletes.

Which you can keep adding to.

Yeah. I mean, she founded the roots. I don't know if you've heard. Sorry, I forgot about it.

No one I believe that you knew Questlove, and then you showed up.

I don't know how many times I got to bring it to these motherfuckers. That's what I like about her. She's like... She says things, and then it turns out to be true.

That reminds me so much of... I grew up in Boston, and Red Sox, of course, or everything. The star of the picture was this guy, Louis Tiant. We had this... I got to be careful here, so I don't get anyone in trouble. I had a teacher who will go unnamed, who was just a character and was always spinning stories about hanging out with Fidel Castro in Cuba and escaping Cuba and being shot at and swimming across the ocean to get to America. You just thought, nothing he's saying is true. He used to talk about how his good friend was Louis Tiant, who was the biggest star in Boston. We thought, Bullshit, whatever, man. One day, we're all having class.

We're on the first floor, ding, ding, ding, ding, banging on this teacher's window, and he goes like, Hey, guys, I got to go outside and talk to El Teante, and goes outside. Suddenly, I realized he is friends with Castro. Everything else is true. Everything is true.

But it's the same thing where you can- Now he's a teacher, and it's just like, yeah, I'm like, this character.

Another reason I was mad about the character being characterized with this character is like, I'm like, This is the least interesting thing about me is playing its part. I had to get over that and realize that that means I'm doing a good job, that comedian ego shit.

Do you like the part now? You're very well known. It's a hit show. Your character really pops. Do you like being recognized, and how do you handle that? Because you're not someone who was three years old saying, I've got to be recognized. That wasn't you.

How do you do it? Again, I had a very rough first couple of seasons, just wrapping my head around all of this. Because you said it wasn't anything I ever actively pursued. Then comedians are like, especially standups, we're like contrary loners. You know what I mean? Then to have people think that I'm this character, which I know comes with a performance. That's how we're different in that she wants to be famous. People approach me as like, This must be great for you that I'm recognizing you because that's what you want because you're that character. That was hard for me. Now I've gotten better because I just stay in the house.

What a healthy approach. I saw a therapist. Everything's better. The therapist Don't leave the house.

Everything's better. No, it's been wild. I do that. Yeah, a therapist.

I have two now. They just talk to each other now. Yeah.

Like, Oh, what's going on with this, bro? Yeah. Then I don't want to feel... Because then people take that as ungrateful because people think that that's what they want or you wanted fame. I'm like, I just wanted money and to have fun, not to have to perform every time I leave the house, which it does feel like a performance. I'm glad that I'm a villain that people like to see. That's one thing. Everybody's approaching me with happiness and joy, but that's still so much energy output from me when I'm just trying to go get some dog food or something.

I hope you have a dog. That's all I'm going to say.

That shit is good. Have you tried it? All the actresses on the dog food diet It's great now.

That gets out, and everyone's eating dog food. It works.

Ozempic who?

Are you on dog food?

Are you on dog food? All your nutrients.

I found Alpo in your garbage can.

How do you deal with it? You've been doing that forever.

I know.

We ran into each other because I was running up on you. How do you feel about it? I was like, That's going to be O'Brien.

I'm I'm very happy that you came running up on me. That didn't happen a lot. Before I got famous, women weren't running up on me. I say yes to Fame. Well, I have two good witnesses here that will tell you, because they're with me all the time, Sona and David, and they see me out in the real world. I learned a long time ago, there's two types. There's someone like a Steve Martin, who I think is just absolutely brilliant, a comedian legend, icon. I mean, he's up there in the Mount Rushmore of funny people, and he's very reserved and quiet and shy out in public. I think a lot of his career has been people not understanding that crazy guy with the arrow through his head, I saw him, I'll go up to him, and I'll give him that energy. Do something wacky. Yeah. Now. Exactly. It's like they're coming across a very shy art history professor and they're confused. What a jerk.

Yeah.

Then there are people like myself- Love it. Who are me all the time to the point where it's probably an I mean, I'm just- Drive off of it. I just like to try and... I do the same stuff with the waiter or the person who's selling me the insol for my shoe. I'll do the same thing for them that I would do with you here. It's no difference.

That's great. I mean, it depends. For me, if I'm with someone that I feel safe with, I love it. I love talking to people. I'm a comedian. I want to know, what's your deal? What do you do? How do you... And I I always say that's what this experience has taken from me is talking to strangers, really, because what I'm looking for now is people who don't recognize me. Then I'll have a conversation with them, and I'm like, I leave so energized because I do like people. Then right Before I step away, they'll be like, By the way, I love you on the... And I'm like, Oh, no. Did I tell that person where I live? Because that's how I talk to them. I'm like, Yeah, I just moved to... Where did you eat? I love this restaurant, and we'll have a great thing. And I'll be like, Wow, made a new friend. And they're like, I think I already know you. That's what I don't like. And I've also noticed that I will also be more open. Now, I'm going to tell people how to fucking approach me. But if they come up and they're like, I love the show.

I'm like, Thank you so much. I'll do the whole thing, but I'm wary of it. But if they say, I've been following you since stand up, I know you're a Netflix special, then I feel like, Oh, you know me. They know you. Then I'm like, What's up, homie? You know what I mean? It just depends.

I came to your fake restaurant.

Exactly. I'm working on it. I smoked some of your cigars. Hey, I saw your titt in the '90s. What? What's up, old friend? Me and Stern.

That's where I know you. That's where I know you.

The year is 2008. It's me and my friend Stern. Here you come, cigars and titt. I'm like, Yeah, you know the real Janel. What's up, friends?

How has your family reacted to all this?

Oh, my God. Well, my mom just came around because she's- Did she love it? My mom is very shy. I am also, and I didn't realize this, I am also surprisingly shy. My mom is very shy. She, for the first couple of seasons, wasn't even telling anyone. Then she said, I put a picture of you on my desk and people keep stopping by. What is it? She's like, That's my daughter. They're like, What? She's been your daughter this whole time or whatever. Now she's leaning in. Also, I'm trying to get her used to the fact that I have money and that she can accept things from That's been a big deal and that she can have nice things. That's something I had to work through. Like, Oh, I have money. It's been so many things all at once. My kids don't watch the show. They're cool. I think that's good. I think it's good. My older son says it's weird to see me like that. He's like, What is that voice you're doing? Who is that? But he's like, Wow, you're like... I took him just recently to a talk I did at a college and just him seeing how people react to me, which people cry with me.

I'm always like, I'm not MJ. It's cool. I'm just a lady. But people cry and shaking. My son was like, What the fuck? You're famous. I was like, Yeah, this shit is wild. That was just a couple of weeks ago, and that's the first real conversation we've had about. Because I tried to tell them, but it's not until your… My mom, too, I took her to New York. We went to Broadway. People were chasing us. My mom, she's so tiny with her little legs running, and she was so anxious. She's just like, What the fuck? It's been crazy for all of us. But yeah, again, I just say in the house. She's a hologram right now. I'm beaming in.

We assembled the studio in your house.

I'm like, Oh, why do celebrities- Good job, Eduardo. Why do celebrities live in the mountains? I know now.

It's so nice to see someone's work from afar, just see their work and admire them and then meet them.

Colin O'Brien just said that about me.

No, but what I'm saying is admire them and then meet them, and they're just who you would want them to be, which is you are yourself. I am. You are yourself, and there's no changing that. So many people would have been warped, bent, twisted, stretched by this experience.

I wish I could lean in, though. I wish I could be like, Yes. I don't know. That's what Ava would do. I'd be out as her. I'm leaving so much money on the I know. I can perform as her. Welcome to the Ava extravagant. I could probably have a fucking Vegas show, all kinds of shit.

There's still time.

Don't say no to it. Don't say no to it.

There's always time for that. In fact, it's not time for that right now. It's time for you to see this character through. Now, some people are speculating because your character got fired.

Facts for a couple of hours. At most, yes.

We would We all panicked when that happened. I didn't think you would be.

I was like, Oh, I'll go back on the road. I wonder what Chris is doing. I was like, Oh, my God. I was like, I mean, that's the benefit of having multiple skills. I've quit jobs for any reason before, again, I'm always on the hustle. I'm like, Okay, well, if you think that's the best thing for the show, for me to be off of it, I agree with you, Quinta. You're a fucking genius. Thank you so much for the opportunity. She's like, No, you'll be back the next episode. I was like, Oh, I don't even get some days off?

Can't your character be in a coma? Can't Ava be in a coma and you still get paid just as much? I was like, How many days?

Can I go to Mexico? What's going on? No, I was back the next episode. But that was very thrilling for me because people still come up to me now. That happened last season, months ago, and people still come up to me now like, Let me know when you're back on the show so I can start watching again. I'm like, Dude, I was on the next episode. People were like, I don't watch it anymore. They fired you. Why would they do that? That was gratifying for me. Like, Oh, wow, I'm a thing.

Yeah, yes, you are a thing. Thank you. Absolute delight.

Thank you, Connie.

To get to meet you, get to know you.

I think I told you when I met you, I wanted to do time on your show, and then I was too precious about my little five-minute set, and then all of a sudden, you weren't there anymore. Here we are. Who knows what I was going to say back then? Yeah, exactly. My dad is dead. Killing. Look at me crushing. See, still got it.

Still got it. I'm sorry. It's just such a funny line. My dad is dead. It just kills every time.

That was probably my set back then. Yeah.

No, it's just one of the things that makes me really happy, this has been a real gift to me, is this podcast format, which was invented by people long before me. I just came along and it fits me like a glove because what I really want to do- Love your tribal series as well.

Oh, thank you so much. You're the best at talking to people. Anyway, I love you. Thank you so much.

But what I love to is in the old days, it would have been you. Yeah, it would have been you doing your set and me coming over and thanking you and us standing together for a second. Walking from the desk and shaking my hand. Yeah. Then good night. We'll be right back. Janel James, everybody. Credits. This, to me, is more meaningful. Because we really get to talk about some stuff.

How many listeners you got on this?

We got a lot. Okay, great. I don't do numbers, but- I'll be the judge of meaning for numbers, guys.

I don't I'm not here.

I know. I'm not here. I'm not here. I'm not here. I refused to be here today.

It's okay. I was doing a bit like, How meaningful is it? We shall see. Good quantifying. Will my followers...

A lot. We have a lot of people listening, and they're all the greatest people ever.

You are your fan base. I always say that.

Yeah. Janel, you are just a delight, and I do hope you come back sometime. Anytime. I hope we are friends for real because that would be... Seriously, that'd be a nice thing for me. You would up my friend game.

I feel like everybody says that. Then I'm in your backyard and you're like, How did you get here?

No, you don't. I really don't have a lot of friends, and I'd be so happy to... I'll come to your house and I'll hang out. Okay.

I just got a pool. What's that? I just got a pool.

What's the shape of the pool? Is it kidney-shaped?

Nope, it is. Oh, is it? Kidney-shaped. It's bulbous. It's more squash-shaped.

Is it kidney-shaped? The mind wanders. I'm here for your bulbous pool, Janel.

Welcome. Is what I will say. Oh, my God.

The way you just invited yourself over. I'm going to ring your bell. Here for bulbous pool. Who is that? I don't know. I can't see, but I think it's Cona McBride.

I'm going to say, Here's your incense. Please cleanse yourself before you enter, and let's have a great time.

Thank you so much for being here.

I appreciate it. Thank you. I mean, this was so great. Oh, great. And easy.

Love it. We all win. And My close fellow. Thank you, guys. You know what? I'm going to go home and my wife's going to say, Who are you cheating on?

A Catholic nun.

You smell like Parsimons.

It's the delicious chocolate bubbles in Aero that make it a joy to eat.

Aero.

Feel the bubbles melt. Forget everything you think you know about golf, because there's nothing like the Ryder Cup. It's Europe versus the USA. Twelve of their best versus twelve of ours. It's unmissable. It's glory. It's chaos. And there's no golf like it. Enjoy every moment of the Ryder Cup with Now. Just 20 a year a month for 12 months. Cancel anytime. 18 plus. Membership required. Content stream via the internet. Terms and conditions apply.

Let's do a review the reviewers. I like it. I like to keep my finger on the pulse of what the podcasting listeners believe, feel. That's right. This is where we go to Apple Podcasts and we take a five-star review. Okay. Not hard to find. It's nice. Okay. You're weeding out all the no-star reviews. I don't think you can give no-stars. You have to do one. I'll find a way. To your own podcast? Yes. I'm going to load up our comment section with no-star reviews. All right. We read it and we review it, or if there's a question, we'll answer it. This is from Annalice 0912. The title is Best Podcast Ever. Wow. Yeah. I listen to this all day at school. I have absolutely no idea what's going on in any of my classes, but I'm sure I'll figure it out. The bad thing about listening to this at school, though, is that I can't laugh out loud. And believe me, I really want to. Seriously, if you look over at me while I'm listening, you would see tears streaming down my face, me quivering and shaking with laughter and my face is red as a tomato.

I'll often at times have to go to the bathroom, and I'll sit there and just laugh. I'm sure everyone thinks I'm a big creep, but I could care less because Konan is so funny. Also, Sona and Matt, pure gold. I'm only I'm 16 years old, so I love getting to know guests that I have never heard of. I think that you all should make a Team Coco iPhone app. You could have full episodes of all Konan shows, not just the clips like YouTube, remotes, podcasts, and anything Team Coco related. My screen time would be off the charts if you all do that. Anyways, love the podcast and love Konan. First of all, I love Annalise 0912, and thank you so much. What a great comment. Adam, you can get involved in this. Why aren't we an app? Why aren't we an app? I think the main ask I heard out of that is that she wants the full episodes. My guess is that this review was written before we started releasing full episodes. We're doing what she wants. You don't have to go to an app. You go to YouTube where everyone has access to.

This was a year ago. Yeah. I think it's- That's how long- Now she's 17 and despises us. Oh, no. That's how far back I had to go to find a five-star review. The part of my brain that determines what's of quality developed in the last year. No, it's really nice. I usually push aside compliments, but we just have to take this. It's so nice. Are you worried, though, that she's in high school and she's listening to this during class? No, because I remember in high school learning nothing that was of use to me. I'm just, come on. When was the last time you used any of your math skills, Sona? I barely. You still walk around with an a kiss. Graduating high school. Exactly. I know. I used to write disco rules on the tables I sat on. Did you really? I don't know why. But disco didn't rule when you were in high school. I know. I think it was just me being silly and ironic, and I would just be like, disco rules, because I didn't think it ruled. But I also... Maybe I did go through a bit of a disco phase.

It's a fun genre. I like disco. But I think that what I'm excited about is she's young. I know. Young people, I really want them to like me. Really? Do Do you guys ever feel that way? Or is it just me? I know. He does. I want young people to assist me. Help me up if I fall in. Guide me to the part of the iPhone that I can use. I'm mostly looking to young people for... I actually, I will say this, this is honest. I love the enthusiasm of young people. I really do like that. When young people are happy, I'm happy. It's a I don't know if that's weird to say, but I am. I think that because I tried to think I was hip for a while, and then now I've completely lost touch with 16-year-olds where I don't know what they're interested in. I think that when they like something that I'm involved in, it makes me feel good. Yeah. Why not? I like this. I like this very much. I have to say, when I'm cruising around, not cruising. What? Where were you cruising? There was a time in the late '70s, early '80s when I was cruising.

It was after the- Disco-ruled. Al Pacino movies, Cruising came I didn't understand what it was about. Don't even know what that movie is. I just thought it meant having a nice walk.

Did he cruise?

Yes, he certainly did. He's an undercover cop that went in underground in the gay scene to solve a murder. Oh, cruising like that? Yeah, I didn't know what it was. I wore the same outfit that Al Pacino wore in Cruising, which was all leather in a leather cap. I would go and I would yell, I'm cruising around, and I'd walk around. I didn't know what it meant. But boy, certain people were very friendly to me. But anyway, that's neither here nor there. What's important is just walking around. A lot of young people say they enjoy this silliness, so that's nice. I wonder what a youngest listener is that finds it on their own, not that their parents listen. It would be in utero, I think. You think so? Yeah, there are obstetricians that say you should be... There's a way you can just put the podcast up to your belly and a child, as it's forming, a fetus can be listening to this nonsense. Can you imagine that if a child is formed with only this as its influence? Yeah. It comes out and it wants to immediately buy all the products we mentioned in the ads.

Oh, man, that's dark. What qualities does it take from us? I think it's loud, it's needy. I don't think that's my one quality Well, we're talking dominant qualities. I know. What is your dominant quality? That I must dominate. Oh, what are you going to dominate? That's true. This conversation. And then... You can say it. I don't want to say nerdiness. I knew you were going to. But But you knew that, then why did you make me say you knew? Why didn't you just say it? I'm not going to take your idea and do it for you. When a baby's born wearing a straw boater. I'm wearing a T-shirt that says Wittier Rock. I'm more worried about the mother's birth process with a straw boater on that baby's head. It gets slightly knocked askew. After that, it's fine. Is it a boy or a girl? I don't know, but it's wearing a straw boater. It wants to get to the Rose Bowl, swap meat immediately. That does come up a lot. I've literally never once been to the Rose Bowl flea market. You've never been? I've never been. You've never been? Even I've been. But you sit just outside the Rose Bowl and wish you could go in.

They won't let me in. You're blacklisted because they're too scared. I've been to the Pasadena City College, though. It's pretty good. That one's really good, too. That's pretty good. He was escorted out. He's not allowed back to the Rose Bowl anymore. Why? He I'm going to have to go to the loopt. You know what? That's not true because I'm going there this weekend to see the Oasis, motherfuckers. Me, too. You are? Saturday? Yes. Me, too.

What are you doing?

Are you coming? No. I do like Oasis, though. I love those Gallagher fellows. It's different Gallagher than the one you're thinking of with the sludge of that. It's Peter Gallagher. I honestly thought that Peter Gallagher was one of the Gallagher brothers because he's got the Yeah, he does. They won't tour with him because they really hate him. Yeah, they just thought his work on the OC was inferior. Shout out to Peter Gallagher. Love you, man. All right, what's there? Enough nonsense. You're knocking off, you eight balls. Come on. All right. Hey, a shout out to Annalise 0912. Very much appreciate your encouragement, and just try and study some, just some. Come, okay? All right. I look forward to you being my surgeon. Take care. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Cessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and nick Leal. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and Mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brenda Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnik.

Talent Booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brit Kohn. You can rate and review this show on Apple podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Konan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm. Com/konan. If you haven't already, please subscribe to Konan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

It's the delicious chocolate bubbles in Aero that make it a joy to eat.

Aero.

Feel the bubbles melt.