Transcript of Snack Attack III: Rise of the Meat Flute

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Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Konan? Visit teamcoco. Com/callkonan. Okay, let's get started.

Today, in lieu of a fan episode, we're going to address something very special. A couple months ago, we did an episode with our talent coordinator, Maddie Ogdon, about the snack basket that she leaves for guests when they come in, and you took some real issues. I did.

I pointed out some flaws, which I think was important Because I'm going to say this, guests were not taking the baskets. They weren't even taking much of the food from the baskets. I noticed that it was a lot of green chips made of kale. Yeah, super healthy stuff.

Mush jerky was one of the contentious things. In there.

We had rats here at Larchmont who were starving to death, and they didn't touch those snacks. I opened the snacks and put them out for the rats, and they left a note that said, Fuck you, in beautiful calligraphy.

In the second episode, I believe, where Maddie gave you her new snacks for approval, Bley, maybe you can weigh in on this. The subject and idea and concept of something called a meat flute came up.

Well, originally, Konan, to your point, you had complained that there wasn't enough protein in the snack basket. You work out a lot and you wanted to get-I do.

Thank you for noticing.

Wanted to get some protein. Then we thought, Oh, but also we work at a whimsicle, funny place. Then we said, Well, it might be fun if we give the guests something, not only protein, but something they could take home and use, like a meat flute. And so fans took this suggestion. They loved it, and they ran with this meat flute idea. Big hit with the fans. Good.

One other thing to add is that we decided it would make more sense for us to have our own product than to be using other people's products. And you were adamant that you wanted to retain all of the profits.

Yes. This sounds like me. I remember when the idea of the meat flute came up, there was some concept that, oh, we'll team up with some company. I was thinking, Wait a minute. Why can't we? I mean, we have a building here. I would guess it's not that hard to curate meats and sell them to FDA.

Who's going to do like just the five of us are going to process me?

I don't have to worry about it. I'm an idea guy. Then it's up to Adam to get one of you two to slice and dry meats. What?

That's you, girls. You would do that. Why? You would make your own meat.

You look like a guy that would wear an apron.

You're a guy who make your own meat.

I get to wear a leatherface apron.

Sure. I wasn't thinking that, but yeah.

I thought as a hobby. Or maybe the apron itself would be made of meats. It would have dried. All right. You're selling meat dress.

My point is that I think this would be a great idea, and it's a revenue stream, and I'm always being encouraged to explore new revenue streams.

I think Meathfluit, the Konan brand.

Yeah, baby.

It's- Well, consider this.

Print paper.

This episode today is almost like exploring all options because we did have some fans mock up some Meathfluits, and you can see these at Team Coco podcast on Instagram. Also, of course, if you watch the YouTube of this video. But there's a bag there.

Oh, I love it. I mean, that photo of me is fantastic. I'm the most deliriously happy person you've ever seen on any food product, and that's really saying something. That guy's just electric with joy.

But Look at the little details in this. All proceeds go to him. Then there's an FDA badge down there with just a skull.

It says not really cleared by the... Then the FDA is in big letters.

Yeah, but is that meat or is it chips? I can't tell from here.

I know. I don't know what that is.

I don't know. Don't worry about it.

Are you supposed to be able to play the meat flute?

Well, this is the other thing is it became obviously like a very phallic joke of Konan's meat flute.

You know what? I was hoping it wouldn't go down that road. It already did. It already had. I'm just too bad.

That just breaks my- You wanted to keep it clean. Here's what you're talking about. That is so disgusting. That looks so bad.

All proceeds to go to him, Konan's meat flute, and it's just a flute made out of meat.

It's so ugly.

What do you mean? It looks like a flute.

Well, yeah, but it looks like something from the Dark World of the Hobbits or something.

I don't know. I think that looks perfectly fine. You guys are reading into it. It's nice. It's a flute. It looks like it would actually play some fine music, and we could try it out. But I would buy that. Come on. If you were in a truck stop, you wouldn't buy that?

No, I would not buy that at all.

We also got some shirts that have been made. Okay. This shirt is made by Carrie London, who's a huge fan, and she has a T-shirt company called Hoosties.

See these? This is nice.

Konan's meat flute, All proceeds go to benefit Konan and Konan-related shenanigans.

I love this. Look at this. This is a great depiction of me or John F. Kennedy or Ted Kennedy or Robert Kennedy or George Kennedy, the actor from airport, or Kennedy, the VJ. This is great art. This is my favorite color, Heather Green. It really is. It's nice.

It's a nice color on you.

One of One of the photos was done by Tommy Toon on Reddit. The other one was Fossil Sandwich on Reddit.

Maybe Tommy Toon, the choreographer, too.

Who knows? I'm not sure about the shirt.

You're playing the meat flute here. It doesn't look like you're playing it. What do you mean? It looks like you're fellating it.

Why do you do that? Look at your face. That's the face of someone who's being fellated. People who are fellating, I don't think.

Well, notice you can't see the bottom of the shirt, what's going on.

Oh, God.

Let me see. What? I don't understand.

That doesn't look sexual to you.

No, I see nothing sexual there.

Okay, why are your eyes bulging out of your head like that?

If I was being fellated, my eyes would be popping out of my head. If I'm fellating someone, and I say this from experience, my eyes aren't popping out of my head. I'm like, Let's get this done. No one makes this face when they're- Before that police officer comes back. Do you know what I No one makes this face when they're making music. God, you can't get any peace at this YMCA?

No, no one makes this face. Can't a fellow get a break?

I'm working here. Yeah, I don't get a sexual thing there. I don't at all.

That's a sexual thing for sure. I don't. There's a sexual underwomen.

You can look at a filing- This is a real litmus test. Yeah, you can look at a filing cabinet and you go, Oh, I see what that is. That's a dick and that's a vag.

Files go into it. So yeah, there is something sexual about filing cabinets.

Out of control. Ab Abacus. Abacus. Abacus. Sexual?

The little balls you're sliding? Yeah, you're playing with these little balls. You're adding up all these balls.

You're adding up and then you're like.... Jesus. Oh, God.

Well, now that you've seen the external pitches, we actually amazingly had John Rau, the Prop master.

John Rau. Shout out to John Rau. Yes. Been with me for hundreds of years and a legend.

I love John Rau.

Internally, we've begun some on some cone and meat flutes, and we're going to bring those in right now. Terrific. And these are real.

Oh, God. Jason's bringing them in right now. Also a legend. Oh, wow. Look at these.

Oh, God. I don't need this.

Oh, and smell them. I don't need this. That smells like good quality beef.

I don't need I don't get this at all. I don't have.

Doesn't that smell good? Does this feel sexual to you, Sona?

I don't get anything sexual. Okay.

Seven long, meaty pulls? The seven schlongs of Hercules.

All right, let's try and clean this up. I will Let me say one thing. It's a little triggering for me. Okay? Why? My penis has five holes in it. I worked at a swingline stapler factory. Let me finish. It was no pants day. The year was 1988. I was in between jobs. I remember joking around and saying, Look, everybody, it's a stapler piranha attack.

Wait, so when you pee, it's like one of those portable sprinklers you lie on the lawn.

I'm often asked, when I have had a lot of water before I use the urinal, would I mind going out to the lawn and rotating my body? Look at these.

Are these edible?

These are edible?

They are edible, yes.

To find It's an edible. It's a prop that was just brought into the room by Jason Chalemi. I've been in every country in the world with Jason Chalemi, and I've seen him haul around some absurd props that he's had in his house.

He took a bag of legs to Thailand, yes.

But are This is really edible?

Well, here's what I... Well, shall I be saying...

You have to come in and you have to testify.

Wow, you eagerly came into this studio to make sure we knew it was edible.

They were dropped off on Sunday?

I met John Rauh at a bar. This is how most Sunday. He was sitting with a... No, it's true. John Rau was sitting with a priest, a rabbi, and a kangoo. I remember this. You guys met in a bar and did a meatfluit handoff.

Correct.

There's some beers.

Why couldn't I come?

You had a meatfluit meet cute. It was Midday Sunday.

I would leave my family to go meet you and John Rau in a bar.

Especially if there was the old meatfluit handoff.

I'd be there for a meat fluid heat exchange.

He explained that they're all edible.

Have they been preserved since then or they've just been sitting out since then? No, it's been preserved.

It was in a ziploc. It was in a fridge. It's highly example to be music played from them.

Well, I will say you might-I'm not going to eat one.

I'm just going to go on. I'm going to say right now that I'm just thinking I have kids. I can't eat this. If I die because I ingested a meat flute. Yeah, you don't want to. Think of that headline, everyone's going to misunderstand.

You think just at first blush that someone just poked holes in these, but he did carve out a reed here.

Yeah, now there's some...

He said, If you're inventive with your lips, you might be able to make noise.

Okay, here we go. Well, I've said that before.

Oh, my God. You two are blowing into sticks of beef. You guys are blowing into sticks of meat right now.

I'll give you a thousand dollars if you can play some Jethro toll right now.

Aqabla. Come on, here we go.

Grown men, blowing into sticks of meat. It's the delicious chocolate bubbles in Aero that make it a joy to eat. Aero. Feel the bubbles melt.

Whether you're living life on the go or just trying to quit smoking, SnoozePal has you sussed. Discover premium nicotine pouches from the world's top brands at snoozepal. Com. Try new flavors, new strengths, and satisfy those nicotine cravings. Order your favorites today at snoozepal. Com. 18 and over contains non-tobacco nicotine, an addictive substance always used responsibly.

I can't get any sound out of this. There's no None of them have any inside parts.

Maybe we can make one.

Oh my God.

I think I just cheated a little bit. Here we go.

What is happening?

It does sound like he's playing a meat flu.

What is happening? Try the big one with the... Yeah, try the big one. Yeah, try that one. Try the jumbo.

I think these will work.

You guys think... Things are flying out. Guess what? You would think this will work. A big piece of beef just flew out the front.

It's the fact that you think music will come out of these sticks of meat. What do you think is going to happen? You're still trying.

You haven't even changed your meat stick.

You're still trying on the same stick.

I can't work here anymore.

We're done. I got to go. I got to...

You're home, son.

I got to leave. This is awful. All our kids are going to be brutally teased right now. Oh, my God.

Hey, Aqualung. All right.

I have quick... This brought up a triggering memory for me. Don't try and eat it. You know what?

It wasn't the taste. I didn't expect it to collapse and be so hollow, and it felt like a rancid.

Yeah, the insides are gone.

The insides are gone.

Did he carve out the insides or were they already actually taller?

It was a special tool. What? Some welding device. Well, okay, here's what we need to fix. No music comes out of these. Now, this is shocking to me. But we do need to address this because these meat flutes can't go out on the market until they are functioning as musical instruments.

I'm glad you've said that because we've now been able to level up where some meat professionals heard about this and sent a professional-grade meat flute right now.

Meat professionals? Meat professionals. We made them take a break from being actual professionals to do this for us. This is stupid. I can't be here.

Look at this thing. Oh my God. Oh, my God.

This is a- Okay, so this one, it's only edible below the rope.

Those words have never been uttered in human history. We have an issue. No, no, no. The smell.

No, it's got to go across the top.

You're on your own, buddy. You brought this up. You got to do it.

How am I doing it wrong?

I think the bottom lip is supposed to touch and you're supposed to... There she is.

Almost.

I can't believe you hosted the Oscars.

Wait a minute. You know what? When we were playing Aqualung, when I was trying to play Aqualung, I had a I've a sense memory of with a guitar singing Aqualung at the Emmys on stage while the cameras are rolling and looking out. The only face I could see was Oprah Winfrey in the front row, staring back at me and knowing this woman will never be my friend. Here it is, 25 years later. I don't think we've ever spoken. Let's bring her in. I'm not getting a sound. Well, I'll tell you this, it's beef. It's meat. It just smells like meat.

I can't believe we thought this was something that had to work.

I think it's doable. Let me try it. Yeah, give it to Matt. You do it, Matt. Yeah, Matt, I can't. One of the things is that to really get your mouth up there, you got to inhale pure old beef.

Is there a reed in these? I guess there is.

I think it's a crop. You got to go a crop like a bottle.

This is just embarrassing. I feel. You You know what? I've never been this embarrassed on the-Oh, wait a minute. Kind of? Something?

Yeah, this will make people buy the meat.

I just feel like I have no integrity. I feel the lowest I've ever felt.

Why didn't you feel that way, that's what's happening. I know. You're blowing into a hand flute made of beef. When you laughed, it worked. I think you have to be laughing at your own- You have to have joy in your heart. You have to have joy in your heart, and you have to be laughing at your own absurdity. Yeah.

I'm like Zamfear, but in hell.

Do you have the Fuse?

I'm good. I just want to put it on the record, I have not blown into a single stick of meat. I just want to make sure everyone knows this about meat.

Sona. Me think so. Don't protest too much. Me? Okay, well- With your face. Okay, here's the thing. This is a work in progress because this does not work as a musical instrument, and I'm pretty sure it doesn't work as beef. It doesn't work as a way to live. I can tell you that much. No. This needs a lot of work, but I am encouraged. I'm like John F. Kennedy talking about the space program in 1961. Yeah, it's the same. I think we're not doing this because it's easy, but because it's hard. We're going to do this and the other things. I believe we proceed. I think we're on to something, and I say that knowing that we aren't.

Who are the meat professionals that made this?

They're from a well-known meat company.

Yeah, but this is the problem. Okay, they're from a well-known meat company, but they don't know shit about a musical instrument. That's right. Yes, that's true.

Can we mention who sent it? I think we're not supposed to.

They clearly don't want us to mention them. They made this, but don't want to have anything to do with this.

That's hilarious.

I respect them for staying well clear of us.

Maybe, Neil, I'll come into your point, maybe we should be pursuing companies that make instruments.

Yes. I think you've gone about this the wrong way, and I'm criticizing everyone involved. That's right. You don't start with the meat. It's got to be... Let's put It's good. Let's put it this way. Let's say I promised everybody a car made of meat. The first thing I would do is work on the car part and then coat it with meat. I wouldn't make the meat first and then think, How do I forge this meeting.

You have to eat it. You have to eat it.

But not the whole thing. This is a pan flute that's encased.

Do you remember there used to be candy flutes?

Yeah. Too sweet.

Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang. Oh, yeah. In theory, this can be done.

This can and will be done. This is something that... I will stay alive to be 150 years old to make this happen. I'm arbitrarily making this the dream of my life and the only purpose of my life.

But can you guarantee you'll die when it's made?

It will probably be the last thing I do. Let's get this going. Me blowing into a huge tube of meat will probably be the last thing I ever do. But I'll die with a big smile on my lips.

Well, to be continued.

Yeah, To be continued, stay tuned. We are also taking investors. If people heard this and said, I want a part of this before it takes off without me, we are going to make this, right, Adam? We're going to make it available for people to invest.

I don't know.

I'm looking for any angel investors, anyone who wants to put upward of $800 million or a billion dollars.

Maybe we just take the L and move on. No. What do you think?

No. Okay. I'm going to take the B with beef, the M for meat, the F for flute, and I am going to take this and I'm going to run with it. Once I have my lips wrapped around an idea this good, I go. You know what I mean? Just like this. I go. Yeah. Yeah.

No, he does. He is blowing it. He is.

He said himself. I may have to advance, retreat, advance, retreat, but I will do that with the meet flute until I get some reaction. If that means going forward and then having to go back and going forward and going back and going forward and go back, and maybe even increasing the speed with which I go back and forth in a more rapid motion. If I have to get in there and tickle the investors, I'll do what it takes to make sure that this thing comes to fruition in an explosion of wealth for everybody involved. You know what I mean? I'll go to my knees for this. That's a promise. I'll put my hair back with a scrunchy and I'll get to work until this is done. If anyone reads into this, you're disgusting. You're fucking disgusting people. Oh, my God. So peace out, meet Fluk. We're going to have this happen.

I'm proud to know you, boss.

You know what? I'm proud that you know me. Yeah.

Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Obsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and nick Leal. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer, Aaron Blaird. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm. Com/conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to 'Conon O'Brien' Needs a Fan' wherever fine podcasts are down.

It's the delicious chocolate bubbles in Aero that make it a joy to eat. Aero. Feel the bubbles melt.

Whether you're living life on the go or just trying to quit smoking, SnoozePal has you sussed. Discover premium nicotine pouches from the world's top brands at snoozepal. Com. Try new flavors, new strengths, and satisfy those nicotine cravings. Order your favorites today at snoozepal. Com. 18 and over contains non-tobacco nicotine and, an addictive substance always used responsibly.