Transcript of Fat King & The Lying Jester

Hey, everybody. We're doing a Bad Friends Live show. It's called Scary Times USA.

Scary Times USA. How do you watch it? Go to moment. Co/badfunds. It's Thursday, October 24th at 6:00 PM. We're going to have exclusive merch available for it. So Bad Friends, Scary Times USA.

Hey, dude. America, dude. Yeah, live stream. October, that's 6:00 PM. Pst.

We're live streaming it. So join us, moment. Co/badfunds. We'll also be hosting an interactive VIP after-party after the show. An active Patreon members can join the VIP Afterparty for free. Scary Times USA.

Hey, everybody. We're doing a Bad Friends Live show. It's called Scary Times USA.

Scary Times USA. How do you watch it? Go to moment. Co/badfunds. It's Thursday, October 24th. At 6:00 PM, we're going to have exclusive merch available for it. So Bad Friends, Scary Time USA.

America, dude. October 24th at 6:00 PM, PST.

We're livestreaming it. So join us, moment. Co/badfriends. We'll also be hosting an interactive VIP after-party after the show, and active Patreon members can join the VIP after-party for free.

Scary Times USA.

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Hi, dude.

I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.

You two are something. We're bad friends.

Let me do the horn, will you?

Shoshamani, baby, baby, But I learned about... Can I tell you what... Let me ask you, how many jazz musicians can you name?

Every single one.

Well, give me 10.

Coltrane.

What's his first name?

John.

That's very good. This guy, dude?Thanks. He knows everything. Keep going, dude.

Miles Davis. Good. Muddy Waters.

He's not in that. Muddy Waters is Blues. He's not jazz.

Yeah.

He's not in it.

Okay.

I refuse to let him in.

Dizzy Dizzy Gillespie.

Dude, that was a good one, dude. Thank you. Dude, that's deep cut, dude. Dizzy Gillespie. Go ahead, dude.

Dizzy Gillespie.

Yeah.

Ella Fitzgerald.

Bro, deep cut. No, not really. It's pretty mainstream. Go ahead.

Mike Martinville.

There's no Mike Martinville.

He used to be an insurance salesman.

No, there's no Mike Martinville. Yeah, Hi, I'm Mike Martinville.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, maybe.

You don't remember him? Oh, yeah.

Auvantgarde. Yeah,. Yeah. Is there a Mike Martin go? I don't think so. That's him right there. Oh, there he is.

Right there.

Mike Martin. Okay. He went to Vail.

It's Martin Vail. No, he's hyphenated. He got married. He took her name. Super progressive for the '60s. What did you learn on this doc, though? Ken Burns taught you what about jazz? What did you take away from it?

It sucks. It really legitimately sucks.

No, jazz is great.

It's terrible. But here's what I learned also. What I learned about it is, man, it's terrible. Because I wanted to go through… I went through the whole thing, and I was like, maybe this, from 1935 to 1940, maybe I'll get into it. But I never did.

It never took.

The only one that I really like is Billy holiday because she's so depressing. In my solitude. I was like, Kill yourself. Why Why don't you? It's so depressing. She's like, Heroin.

But you don't say the same thing about rock music that does sad, depressing stuff. Why? You just don't like the physical music.

I like her. Sarah Vaugh is okay, but I just went through the whole thing and it's like, I just asked myself, why?

Why? Yeah. Well, it touches people in a certain way.

Well, Louis, goddamn man. I know. What a guy. Died in 1971. Duke Ellington He died in 1974. I memorized.

You just know when they die?

No, I just memorized random things in my mind. You know what I mean? He died in 1974 and pretty good. Modern day guy is a guy named Winton Marcellus.

I've seen him on Kill Tony.

No.

He's good. Yeah, no, he is good.

That guy, dude. He is pretty good, dude. Look at him.

His style is great.

Then he had a brother named Brandon or Brandon Marcellus. Marcellus Wallace. Oh, from Pulp Fiction. Marcellus Wallace is good. I heard it. Yeah, very funny joke. Did not like it. That band in his neck, that's where he puts the fucking trombone.

He can blow from the back of his neck.

Yeah, he's a dolphin. You know what he's half dolphin? Yeah. Marcellus Wallace was half-black, half dolphin, dude. You don't know that?

I almost watched Pulp Fiction last night. We were at the house that we stayed in, had a little movie theater, and Instead, we watched. There was a vote on what to watch, and my vote didn't win, but I really thought it was going to be going to be.

What did they want to watch?

One guy wanted Terminator, another guy wanted Pulp Fiction, another guy wanted Wolf of Wall Street, and I wanted Wayne's World, but Wolf of Wall Street won.

Of course it did.

Wayne's World is so funny. It's so funny. It's a great one. Front to Back is one of the funniest movies. The amount of lines. But yes, I wanted something uplifting. Wolf is actually super funny. It's just I wanted Wackado It was funny. Right. But we were, dude, I forgot how funny Wolf was. It's pretty good. I forgot the scene with McCona Hay is so unbelievably funny. When he's doing Rudy Tudor's, when he's doing the little- You'll be so mad at me right now, dude.

Why? I never saw the movie.

You've never seen Wolf of Wall Street? I refuse.

Why? I don't like wolves. I really don't. I don't like wolves. I don't like that creature. I like dogs. You know what I mean? But I'll watch Dogs of Wall Street. Yeah. That'd be fun, right? A little poodle. You know what I mean?

Just Just a boardroom of dogs barking? Yeah. I'd watch that.

Nashtack or whatever. They're in the Wall Street, whatever.

What is that?

Do you hear about this? How Brittany Furlone's dog got attacked by a coyote, and it's all over the news today.

What do you mean got attacked? In their house? Yeah, in the back. Whoa, it got in its mouth? Yeah, right there. That's fucking wild.

Then what happened? Is the dog alive? It died? I think we can't leave the dogs out. She says...

They're safe. Nina was safe.

I got to call her. Don't leave the dogs I got to call.

No, should I call her? Can we play that song while she answers the phone?

She's not going to pick up for me.

I'm going to play Who Let the Dogs Out.

Dude, wait. Before. Dude. But let me get her over first and then play it. Hold on. Let me get her. I'm trying to get her. Yeah, before. Hold on. Hold on. Is she going to be mad?

This is mean.

Is this mean? Is this mean? Is this mean?

No, the dog's alive.

The dog's alive. It's very funny, though. Please pick up. Brittany, please pick up. Who lets the dogs out? Who lets the dogs out? Who lets the dogs out? Dude, dude. Dude, dude.

Wait, is she still there? Hello? Brittany, we love you. We're just calling to make sure everything is okay.

Well, hold on. That's amazing.

Well, who did let him out, though?

Yeah.

You know? That's It's so scary and sad, though. What happened? Eat your pizza, fat ass.

Telephone number 3.

What did you get? From the Prince Street. It's so good. That's my favorite.

Brittany Farlon. Brittany Farlon. She called me back. Get the phone. Hold on. Hello?

Oh, my God. You're the devil.

What do you mean? I heard that. I'm doing this podcast.

Fuck you and Andrew are so nice. We love you. We love you so much. We just wanted to make sure the dog was okay. We read that it was okay. Yeah, she's good. Good. You guys are psycho.

I know, but we just saw the video. We didn't know about it. Because we have dogs. It must have been in town. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. It was awful. But we have to laugh at pain.

Yeah, we have to laugh at pain. And the dog didn't die.

No, I fucking pulled her out of its mouth.

Is she injured? Oh, my God. Look at it. Oh, my God. Look at it. It's so bad. I'm so sorry. I'm going to take her to the vet. She doesn't have any puncture wounds or anything, but when I touch her, she's starting She's trying to cry, so I think she might have something going on.

I'm sorry. We're sorry.

Can I ask you, what are you wearing while you're out there?

In a robe.

A bathrobe. I thought you were not doing yoga or anything? No, I was just about to get in the shower. I see. It was fucking terrible doing this.

I'm sorry. We're sorry.

We're so sorry. Where's Tommy during this? Playing drums? No, he was on a Zoom in the living room. Okay. We said hi. We love you so much. You're on Bad Friends. Okay. Yeah. Wait, what's your podcast called with Brittany? This is the worst. This is the worst. Check their podcast out.

Yeah. We wanted to send you love. We were initially called to say we're happy the dog's okay. But I had We had to play the song just to show you some love. You guys are literally Satan.

Okay. I love you. Bye.

The dog's alive.

It's alive.

Rudy, you know what I mean? Yeah. But who let the dog sound? I don't I'm not looking at them. This is a big nightmare for me. This is nightmare of yours for Los Angeles. It's a nightmare. It's a nightmare. Honestly, every time. Now at night, this is during the day, which is even more insane, but they live in the hills. Where there's way more coyotes by you. Down by us, they sometimes get around the neighborhood. But at night now, I walk with the dog in my arm, put her down to pee, and pick her right back up. I used to let her out, but now I don't let her out anymore because neighbors have complained about coyotes everywhere.

Isn't it a cannibalistic dick?

A coyote eating a dog?

They're the same species. It's like me eating a monkey.

We ate monkey last week. Oh, that's right.

That was delicious. It was a really good monkey. A spider monkey.It was so good.It was so good. It was so good. They're fun to catch.

They are, dude.

You got to climb the last Dessertory, right? They made that noise, and they hate it. But my point is, I just saw a video. Did I send you this? Oh, my God. I saw a video of a man eating a monkey. It was terrifying.

Pull it up.

On TikTok, I I saw a man cooking a turtle.

I've said it once. I'll say it again. What do you mean? It's the greatest app ever created. Yeah. You can see a man eating a turtle.

I got it. I got the monkey one.

You want to see it? We'll send it to Carlos so he can play it for us.

All right, so send us In the meantime, Jules, what's going on?

Take a bite of that pizza. I know that's so good, isn't it? It's so good.

It's one of my favorite. This is your favorite, the Naughty pie?

Naughty pie is my favorite by far. It's not even close. It's the best. It's not even close. They're contending with someone like-Here we go.

Oh, no.

Snacking on some monk.

Yeah. The spine. That's where the meat is, the spine. It's insane, dude.

As he's eating him, he's like, I miss you, George.

That was Curious George. Curious George.

Yeah.

There he was. He got too curious, George.

I want to add my aunt in the Philippines She had a dog, and then the dog escape.

Went missing?

Yeah. Then after a week, there was a party, her birthday party or something.

Stop. Except for that, I love it.

I think I know where this is going.

Can we guess or no? Yeah. All right, so dog's missing. Now, there's a party. Is it a birthday party?

I think it was hers. I don't remember, but there was There was a party.

There was a party. People were just… Party. Oh, boy, I'm hungry. Are you hungry? Humgy. Humgy. Humgy. Humgy. Did you get Jollibee? Who got Jollibee? Anybody? No, nobody got Jollibee. Oh, fuck. Then what happens?

Then her father said, Oh, try this.

Oh, okay. What's his name, the father?

When someone says, Try this, Try this.

In the middle of the party, he has to yell it because there's a lot of party. Everyone, Try this.

Try this.

Yeah. Music stops. Dj stops, right? Then they look at the dad and do they go, What is it?

Yeah, she asked, What is it? Then he just said, Chicken. It's just chicken.

Just chicken. Just chicken.

Out of nowhere, chicken?

Yeah.

Just out of the blue, chicken.So she ate it. Where did you get the chicken?

I don't know, but she ate it and she said, Oh, it's really good, blah, blah, blah.Okay.

And then?And.

Then the father laughed and said, Oh, it's your dog.

Oh, my God.

Which is the oldest prank in the-It's the oldest trick in the book.

It's the oldest prank in the book.

It's really a fun. It's a fun prank.

People think it tastes like a cross between beef and mutton. Very terrible.

Would you be mad?

If you ate my fucking dog-But in that In context. Oh, if someone fed me my dog?

You're having a party, right? I come in. Hey, eat this.

It's my dog.

Then you ask me. What is this?

Chicken.

It's fucking chicken, dude.

It's dark. Eat it now.I'm.

Delicious.yeah. I go, Ha, ha, ha. Me and Carlos, are you there? Yeah. You're obviously there. You have to help.

Who else helped do it?

Yeah. Blood on my shirt. Would you help? No, I don't want to help.

Well, what did you do? Did you crockpot it? Did you put it in the oven? I want to know how you made it.We boiled it.You boiled it.

Yeah.terrible. Then you ate it. Then I go, It's your dog. Tell me the consequences now.

I'll tell you the direct steps of action. Tick, tick, tick. I walk in the kitchen, grab a knife, and I stab, stab, stab, stab, stab It was a prank.

See, some people can't take pranks. That's right. It's like, you know that sometimes? You know that tree prank where people are like a tree or a bush? And they scare people. People walk by. Their general reaction is, You got me. But sometimes you'll see a guy kick him. Yeah. He's like, Oh, you can't take it. That's you.

Kick the tree guy?

Yeah, you're the kick the tree guy.

There's one clip on the internet. A tree guy jumps out at a handicapped girl, and he feels terrible. He scares her. She starts crying.

Let's see it.

It's awful. I love it. This is awful. This is on TikTok.

Can I scare you?

What an asshole. See? Now, this is why guys like me kick the Bushman? Because you do that to a handicap girl and you ruin her day. How do you feel now, pal? How do you feel now, pal?

He wants to watch it again. Can we play to the end, though? Where's the feeling bad part? Does he come out?

Is she okay?

No, she's not okay.

I tried to scare you, man.

Is she okay?

Is she all right?

Sorry about that.

No problem. That's just going to ruin that guy's day.

Can I throw something out there? I don't know. It's not that popular.

Something.

A popular idea, but... Now, forget it.

Go ahead. I just... No, go I don't want to give it a... Let's give it a go. Yeah.

It's a process of elimination.

You think this is Darwinism?

I just... I don't know.

Survival of the take the joke is the best. Okay, got it. Yeah. If you can't take a prank, you don't deserve to live.

That's not what I was saying.

Prank or die.

That's not what I was saying.

Welcome back to Prank or Die.

Anyway, wow.

That's incredible. I don't like the Bushman prank. You know what I do like, though? Even as a golfer, I like the guys that go to the public course and they honk at their air horns while the guys are on the tee box. They get so mad. I think it's so funny, and they freak the fuck out. These guys, and they'll do this in LA, they go to these golf courses and they hide. They hide behind a wall of trees, and then as soon as the guys are swinging, watch this.

I've always wanted one of those outfits.

Me too.

Can you get me one of those, guys? Yeah. They're very fucking chatty.

The real flagrant ones, the guys will be standing there. They'll just stand.Push.

Pause for a second. Can you push pause for a second. Would that bother you?

It would shock me the first time. Then I would realize someone's obviously fucking with me. Would it bother you? A little bit.

I don't think a little.

No, but then I would know it's a prank and you'd get I'm over it at some point. No, that's the top one.

If they do it the whole time, though, the first one's got to be the whole game.

Oh, yeah. It would drive me nuts. Well, they're not there the whole time. Uh-oh. By the way, the guy that picked us up today, the driver that picked us up from the airport, dude, this is why I love Asians. I love Asians. Okay, good. This is seriously, you know. You're my favorite people on Earth. He's an Uber driver. He was in the non Uber He was in the lane he's not supposed to pick people up in. Cop comes over, starts yelling at him, pretends he doesn't speak English. He was like,. The guy's like, What don't you understand? I'm calling the cops. He's like, Then we get in the car, he's like, Sorry about all that.It's the best.Genius. It's the best. Because if the guy says anything, he's racist. You're being racist to the guy. He's just an Uber driver, doesn't speak English. Perfect. I wish I could still do You can.

You can get away with it. I can't because sometimes people know who I am, so you never know. I guess so. But back in the day, you could do it all the time.

All the time.

During fucking Virginia Tech, what do you think I did? Me, no. Yeah, Korean, I'm Chinese. You could do that. Yeah.

Not anymore. You're too famous. You're too famous. No. Yeah. I get asked about people ask about you so much now. It's like-They love you, dude. Really fisting me off.

I was telling you that yesterday, dude. They love you.

That's nice.

It is nice. It is nice, isn't it? Yeah. Eat your pizza. I want to know what's going on in your world for real, though. Take a bite. No, take a bite. What is this?

I saw her.

This is fantastic. This is fantastic. I, too, love Chinese food. I I, too, love Chinese food. I know you, too.

I know you, too. I, too. I, too, love Chinese food. But you know in five years, where she's going to be.

Where?

It's a fetish. In five years, dude, she's going to be living in fucking Thailand, dude. Really? She have long, all painted fucking pink, hot pink. She's going to have a weird surgery.

She is? Yeah, Yeah. You think this girl, that's the path she's taking? Yeah.

She's going to have a boyfriend that has a moped for sure. Get on. Beep, beep, right? This is a...

This is a fetish. Intro to fetish.

It's also a dark path she's leading. Really? We have to stop it now.

We have to cut this off? No. I think you got to let her run.

Oh, you do? Yeah. Why?

Well, you like white girls. Why can't Chinese guys have white girls? That's true. You're blocking Chinese from getting white girls? Yeah. You only like If it was, I like Korean food, that'd be better. That song doesn't exist. It doesn't, yeah. Allison Gold.

Allison Gold. It's a deep... Okay.

It's from a long time ago.

Well, Billboard Hot 100 singles. What the fuck? It I under the Billboard Hot 100 singles, dude.

Click on her profile. Where is she now?

Where is she now? I bet you she's in Thailand.

She released another single. It did not chart. It was just the alphabet, the portion of it.

God.

She does know that someone already captivated that market.

Yeah. A, B, C, D, E, F, G.

The guy that wrote that, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, J, K, L, M, N, and a P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, H, Y, Z. Billionaire. Really? Billionaire.

I don't even know if I know the song anymore.

A, B, C, D, E, F.

There's another TikTok song about A, B, C, D, F, G, too.

What is it?

A, B, C, D, F, you and your mom and your sister.

Okay. I don't like that stuff. I don't like that. It's too aggressive. I don't like that stuff. F, you and your mom and your sister? Yeah. What about your brother and your dad?

I think she also says that.

Yeah, she got to get the whole family. What's that?

That, I don't like.

It's the video. That's the music video. For what? Hey, you were wrong about the fetish.

Oh, yeah. What's wrong? I don't know. It went darker than I thought. Now I know what happened. It was like, Asians were her like, cigarette.Right.Right..

The intro.

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Is Asian fetish really What if they really love the person?

It's impossible to like Asians that much. It's incredible. It's impossible to like Asians that much.

No, I mean, that's not true to say that. It's impossible to love Asians that much. It's not a truth. It's the most insane thing I've ever been.

Of course. You're kidding. No, what do you mean? Is it bad to fetishize?

They have an Asian fetish, but once they meet up and get together, they actually love the person. Of course. You Well, fetish-They just also just like the Asian vibe.

When you say fetish, I think he's saying when you fetishize something, it's almost like you...

It doesn't make any sense to me. You don't respect it. Let's say you're only like peanuts. Is I'm not going to write an L. Zoom in. You're eating peanuts.

It's a desire with gratification strongly linked to a particular object, activity, the part of the body, other than the sexual organs. You're fetishizing something.

Yeah, but without the race or whatever that is. You wouldn't like them. Right. So you like the thing- That has to be a part of it.

Do you have any fetishes?

Is there a white fetish?

Well, I mean, numbers don't lie. You know what I mean? What are That's doing pretty good.

The girl that you met yesterday, would you think she was white? No, but I'm just saying-What was she yesterday? Mexican? Exactly. Thank you.

I'm just saying-Yes, there's a white fetish. For minorities to like Whites, there's, of course, a white fetish. There's minority women that have fetishes for white guys.

There's a girl that I'm seeing now that her previous last four boyfriends, she's white, have been Asian-y. Yeah. Either half or full.

This goes both ways on all sides. Okay. Everyone has a... If that's your flavor, the Kardashian's, they only date black guys, except for the one.

Which one?

I don't know the name. There's one girl that doesn't date black guy. She's married to the guy, the white guy on the show.

Courtney?

Yeah.

Oh, Travis Barker. I mean, he painted himself enough.

Oh, my God.

What are you trying to say? I got it. He has so much tattoo that he's trying to be black.

Or he's not white anymore. I'm completely white.

Yeah. Yeah.

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ, look at that. That is legit. That's all of them. That's all of them.

You think that's sexy?

Yeah.

Wow.

You're full. You ever go to a tattoo artist, he goes, You're full. Yeah, you're done. The tattoos on the head thing is mind-blowing to me. That would hurt so much.

Well, you never had a tattoo, right?

No, but it doesn't hurt. The head tattoo has got to hurt. I don't know.

People go, it's hurt. Have you had a tattoo? No. It doesn't really hurt that much.

The head's got to hurt. Look at this, the temple.

The eyeballs, maybe. But not the head, right?

This temple is so sensitive.

Maybe you're right.

I mean, I don't want it. I'm not going to do it. I can't imagine the head. The most sensitive areas are your neck, your vagina, your butt hole, the back of your front of your knees, and your feet.

Yeah.

That's why when you see those, is it-The tongue. The meori, is it the meori people that get the...

All right.

That must be so painful right here because it goes from your lip to your neckline.

Do people get them on their gums?

People get them in their mouth all the time.

On the gums.

They say it doesn't hurt.In.

Here?yeah.

It doesn't hurt.

You don't have any tattoos.

Are you going to get them? Oh, wow, look at that. That looks cool, dude.

You have a what?

The black?

The one that has the tattoo.

That looks like you. Why? Because I have gingivitis? What are you talking about, dude? Do you have gingivitis? What's wrong with you today? I already told you I had some bad things are happening, and then you're like... And then you're just attacking me like that.

He's not attacking you. You do have gingivitis.

Does it look like I have black gums? No.

Honestly. No, they're like, brown.

Yeah, but is that bad?

They're not black. They're Mexican.

I know, but have you looked at... No, I'm not being paranoid.

Their teeth look totally normal to me.

Because you never said anything like, Hey, dude, you should get that.

Let me see. Smile. You have great teeth.

Yeah, but what the fuck are you saying then?

He's just egging you on.

A joke about that.

I'm sorry. Okay. Do you ever go to the dentist?

No. Yes. The guy from Glendale, you've seen that guy, right?

Yeah. Yeah, I like him. How often?

It's been eight years.

There's a tooth hanging out right now. Put it back in. Be honest with me. Yeah. Have you flossed ever?

I flossed lately, yes. Now I get it.

Every day?

I've been trying to, yeah.

How many days a week, really?

Because of the beef. What? In Hawaii, they had that dried beef jerky. You have crispy beef jerky chips.

I love that.

But for some reason, they get lodged in between my teeth and they stay in there for three days.

No, no, no. Buddy, you got to floss it out.

I know. But the one had been... I was with somebody and she was like, It smells like that beef jerky. I haven't beef jerky in three days.

You're like, I know. Isn't it good?

Yeah. Then I realized there was in between my teeth beef, so I flossed them out.

That happens. That's not embarrassing. That happens all the time. Beef jerky in the teeth? That happens to all of us all the time. Yeah. Okay? Yeah. You're not alone on this island.

Yeah.

Yeah. You feel better?

I guess you're right. Thank you. Yeah, you attacked me with that.

Who? Me? No, he hit this way. No, he's attacking the shit out of you today. What's your deal? Why are you so uppity and throwing darts at people?

I don't know. I just feel When you feel good. You feel. Is that what it is? When you feel good, you like to attack, huh? Yeah. It's so funny. But it's never him, though. Have you noticed that? I'm not complaining. I'm grateful to be here, but I'm just saying I love the show and I love you guys, but I just look at it and I go, Why him? Why not him?

He talks shit about me.

Yeah, but he never... Not on the show, though. When I'm not around. Yeah.

When I'm not around.

You're going to go, Hey, Andrew, your skin's too pink. Go ahead.

Because Andrew's scarier than you.

Thank you.

Oh, that's right. Let's get into that. If people don't know about the show, what do you do with your face?

I'm just waiting to hear what you have to say.

The power dynamics of the show is... What? Here we go. Here we go. The power of the dynamics of the show is Andrew is… Let's suppose that this is a kingdom, right? That he would be the… The King? The false king. He's like, The false king. He's the King, but not like blood. He doesn't have royal blood.

That's a redhead thing?

No, it's not a redhead attack.

Like I'm not born pure? Like I'm a mut?

But the blood's not pure, no. Okay. You're the king. I just gave you the props.

And what are you?

That's exactly what I'm saying. I'm the king.

Okay.

I have pure blood, dude. You're the girl. Yeah. But I let you sit on the throne. I let him sit on the throne, and I'm like, You know who I am?

Louis, the 15th.

No, Aragorn.

I don't know who that is.

From Lord of the Rings. He's supposed to be the king, Strider. I'm supposed to be king, but I'm out defending.

You do have a lot of similarities to Kings. Blooded, gout ridden.

But here's the... There we go. Okay.

Look up fattest King. Yeah, there you are. Be Beep, bop, boop.

It is yellow, ironically.

There you are. Henry the eighth, right? He was a glutton. It wasn't Henry the eighth, the fattest fucking king of all time? That's him. Look at the size of this moose.

Yeah.

Half Asian.

Anyway, let's be real. You're the king. You're the real king. No, here's the power dynamic for the show, okay? Is you are the boss. I know it's a 50/50 enterprise, but I let you... I don't let you. You make most of the decisions. Am I not right? Let's be honest.

Well, someone has to get up and do it.

Exactly. And I let you do it.

No, I have to do it. You have to do it. If I don't do it, it doesn't happen.

But I also go do it.

No, you never have told me that. Yeah, I go, get it. No, you say you're too lazy to do it.

That's not it. That is 100% true. That's insane. No, I'm a guy that goes, you know what I mean? I understand, but I'm going to let him make the decisions.

That's not true. You don't have the knowledge of the wherewithal. In fact, you don't even communicate with your fucking assistant of your own schedule. How could you make decisions if you don't even know how to schedule your own life?

I purposely do that, so I give you the fucking-No, you do that because you're fucking lazy. I'm not here.

Dude, bro. You started this. You fucking started all this.

Fuck off. Dude, I'm not.

Did I start this?

I'm not.

You fucking started it. I'm not starting anything.

I'm just telling you what the power dynamics of the show. I'm letting the people know how the show is run.

They know. They all fucking know.

Okay. I don't know. Do you think they think-That's what I don't know, and I want to know.

You think they think the Slept King is the organizer? They know not.

Okay. They know not to know.

They know not to know. Yeah, okay. They know that you are a beautiful entity that needs its beauty rest, and I like to organize.

Right. You're the organizer, right? It is a 50/50 enterprise. 100%.

Why are you laughing? On camera.

Oh, what are you saying?

Off Off camera, it's not. Off camera, you don't organize any of this bullshit. No, but it's a 50/50.Talent-wise.Talent-wise. Yeah, you're my brother. Right. Okay, 45/45, 10.

Right.

She's very talented.Very talented. She's an important part of the show. These three guys take them or leave them.

Then these guys act as buffoons. Puppets. No. These guys act as a very integral part of the organization. We need them. We need them very much. In terms of my relationship with them, they're pretty much... Aside from Andreas, these two are more handlers for me.

You're the wacky uncle who comes into town.

This is what pissed me off today. I'm going to just get into it. Let's get into it. I'll show it. I'll show it right here, dog. So shoot, move to 7:30 tonight, he says. But then I emphasized it 2 hours later because he didn't respond. With exclamation marks, which made me mad.

Yeah, you know you can't do that. You can't do that. That doesn't make sense.

Because then I said to you that he already gave me the information. I know. I don't act as... I'm in direct contact with him 24/7. What about David Spade? I slept through that. I made a mistake, but that has nothing to do with me not knowing. I would get in trouble for that. That's what I'm saying. I wanted to be on top of it. Andrew would get mad at me if you were here at a weird time. Okay.

I don't know why you brought up Spade. That was a bad move.

Why? It was evidence.

Because why are you poking the bear?

You're poking the bear, dude. Because he was really... Is he? He was 40. Should I get mad? Yeah. Yeah, you're poking the bear, dude. Why'd you bring that up? Bro, what did you do before the shoot? What shoot? You peed on... This one we're on right now. I can't believe... Bro. Bro. I can't believe that you're soaked with lies. You're the lying fucking gesture. In this kingdom, you're the lying gesture, dude. You're the guillotine, dude. In the medieval times, you've been the What are you trying to accuse me of? Peeing on the court jester's coach. Okay.

Say what you're claiming.

What are you claiming? He peed on my Mercedes that he bought, basically.

He peed on your car. That I bought. Do you have any proof of this?

I took a video of Andres looking at a puddle, then we can go lick it and see if it tastes like pea.

Send Mâcone out there to lick it.

Mâcone, go lick. No.

Wait a minute. You're claiming that Bobby urinated on your vehicle?

Yeah, and where you would pump the gas, too, so I have to touch that area now.

Bob, did you pee on his car?

You saw me here, right?

I didn't see you pee on his car.

I know, but did you see him? Yeah, so you had your eyes on me the whole time.

I've seen you the whole time. Did I pee on his car? You smoked a cigarette. I didn't see it.

I didn't see that.Case is closed.Case is closed. And that, apologize. I just feel like in this kingdom is so corrupt. No, I apologize, dude, for being soaked in lies. I'm a Menendez, brother, now, dude. I'm going to I haven't seen the document. I'm going to do it.I can't wait to see it. I'm going to watch it tonight, but apologize, please.

Interesting.

No, dude, I can't. You peed on my car.

I didn't pee on your car, dude.

You know what? That's fucking insane.

I didn't pee on your car. You're telling everyone I peed on your... I did not pee on your car. That's illegal, too. It's public indecency or whatever. That's insane. Apologize. My son wasn't even down. Apologize. You peed on your car. Apologize. I'm sorry, sir. Okay, I peed on your car. Fuck. I peed on your car, dude. I peed on your car.

That was a good lie. Hey, what?

What were you going to say? What? What's up? I was just going to say that Tito Bobby has a tendency to do that because he even pees on a cup in his room.

Yes, he will pee in a cup in his room. Okay, what? Sometimes. What are you saying? Well…

That's next level. I don't pee in the cup in my room. That's crazy.

When in the garage in your gaming room where I have to clean…

Okay, back then I did. You're saying the past.

A couple of years ago.

Yeah, because it was so far down. Listen, when you're playing Warzone with your fire team…

You can't walk away.

I had to pee real bad. I'm like, Hold up. I'll crouch down, and then I'll pee in a cup. I'm here. I'm still here, right? Then I'll pee, and then I'll go, I'll do this later.

What cup?

Sometimes it was like-Coffee cup? No, sometimes a coffee cup, but also sometimes it was like an empty bottle of water, like plastic.Wow.Yeah..

You can get it in there? Yeah.

You have a thin dick, dude. All right, dude. I have a thin dick, right? That's rude. I've seen it.

It's great.

What you're doing is rude. I didn't. I'm sorry.

He did pee on your car. It was very funny. We were laughing so hard.

We did it as a joke. I go where the He goes right for the laugh.

Yeah, I apologize. Also, then be honest on your side. If we're going to be honest over here that he peed on your car, he peed on your tire.

Yeah.

He peed on your wheel.

No.

Am I wrong?

I think you are, actually.

Where did he pee?

Just above the tire, and it hit the body of the car. I wanted to get the whole tire. I don't want to get half a tire, dude.

If you don't... He's right, though. You got to start at the top. Well, because angle-wise, it has to go. I see.

Yeah, it makes sense. Okay. Sprinkle. Yeah. I could have opened the door and peed inside. That would have been bad. That would have been bad. Yeah, you're welcome then.Thank.

You.it was unlocked. Yeah. He could have crossed the line there.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

Where's the weirdest place you've peed? In a mouth. What's the strange... In a mouth? You have peed in someone's mouth. Have you peed on somebody? Yeah. You've done that. Yeah. They said, Please pee on me.

They were into it. I know where I peed, and I can't say, I'm going to get in trouble for this. Please. I'm going to be in... Please. I'm going to get in so much trouble over this. Displate. Displate is a one-of-a-kind metal poster designed to capture your unique passions. And guys, I I have so many unique passions. It's unbelievable. I get to display them on my walls. Displate created a 21st century canvas that's sturdy, magnet mounted, and durable enough to withstand a lifetime of intense staring. I used to have a poster of brook Shields on my wall when I was a kid, not a kid, but in high school, whatever. Not Brook Shields, Duran Duran, I mean. I forget. It got destroyed in a couple of months. But if I had this, it would still be up there. Displate has both branded and artistic artwork. They have over 2 million designs available for everyone, including official designs from brands like Marvel, DC, Star Wars, Netflix, NASA, plenty of games and movies, including official Bad Friends design, like the one I'm carrying right now. Use the link in the description, displate. Com/badfrens, or use code badfrens to unlock exclusive access to the best Displate deal before it's gone.

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No way.

No way. Yeah, because have you been there? Yeah. You have to walk to the backstage. There's no bathroom back there. The only way to go to the bathroom is through the front of the fucking venue.

You had to pee so bad.

I'm back there and they're about to me up and I'm like, Oh, fuck, I got to pee. I just peed on the wall.Wow.Yeah..

A lot?

As much as I peed on his car. That's a lot.

That was a lot. It was a huge puddle.

In my mind, while I was on stage, I was like, I'm going to clean it when I get off. I was going to spray it down with.

With what? Is there a hose nearby?

No, like a bottle of water or whatever.Just to wash it away.Yeah, to wash it away. I completely forgot.

Well, you know now. Sorry.

Yeah, but I love that club. Please, I'm going to work it again. I'll never do that again.Okay.Okay..

Where's the weirdest place you've peed?

I'm a girl. I can't just pee anywhere. I wish I had a dick.

No, you don't wish you had a dick. You don't.

Like a dick.

Yeah, dick tube? Yeah, dick tube. A piss tube. You guys should have a piss tube. They make those.

Well, that's cool. That's cool. You're going to get one of those. Yeah.

That is very cool. That's pretty cool. You pee anywhere.

I was on a radio station once, and my ass crack was so exposed on their white couch. Then it left a brown streak. Then the next time I was at the radio station, they got a new couch, but they cut out the streak and they framed the fucking…That's.

Really cool.It.

Was really in my honor.

Would you ever get a piercing on your balls?

That would be cool, to have a piercing.On.

My balls?Yeah. People pierce their nuts all the time. No. The Prince Albert goes through your wiener, but the other one just goes through your balls. Scrotum piercing. That'd be tight. A little dumbbell right there, or just a little nose ring, but on your balls.

There's a porn guy that I remember that had-Go back to that other one.

There's a porn guy that has-The piercings in the phone.

In a weird way, that could be like Dune part 3's fucking poster. In a weird way, Dune 3, you know what I mean? Well, that'd be Dune 2. Oh, look at those hills.

That's Dune 2, two rings.

That's Dune 2, two rings, yeah. Well, look at that. Okay.

This is a thing that... Oh, my God. Okay.

No, thanks. Yeah, I pass. I pass on that.

You know what we should do? We should get your tongue pierced, Bob.

No, I'm not. Please. I'm not getting piercings through that. That's a stupid thing.

How about your nose?

I don't want to do any of that.

Your septum, you'll never see. Yeah, I'm not...

What? I've had it pierced.

When did you have your ear pierced?

Right here, this one. You can even feel the...Cartilage?Right here.

I never knew you with an ear piercing. What? You never wore an earring when I met you.

No, I did it when I was 17.

That's rad. Bad boy. Was it both pierced or just one?

What? Both or just one? Just one.

Left side.

Then my dad was just so mad about it. What? We were eating Beebibop, and he looked at me and he go, Are you gay? I'm not gay. No, are you gay? He kept saying that. He's right.

Why was it that your left side was not gay? Your right side was gay when we were a kid. Why was that a whole thing? Both was fine. Left was fine. Right was gay. Who started that? That's something that she doesn't know about. When we were kids, if you had one in your right ear only, it was gay. If you had one in your left, it was straight. But if you had both, it was totally fine. Oh, it's called the gay ear myth? Signaling. Signaling. Rich history of Julie being shown off to show wealth, nobility, or status, but then it was used to show off sexual preference.

That's cool.

So this was like a code. It was like tipping. I see, yeah. Interesting.

The effects of the gay ear.

It became common for men to secretly communicate their sexual head by wearing an earring in their right ear. By the '90s, it becomes so widely accepted as a secret code that it was an article about a New York Times. After that, there weren't many questions about which ear was the gay ear, left or left for straight men, right for gay men. Interesting. But you know who can pull it off without sexual orientation ties? Who? Black dudes. There'd be black dudes when we were young that would have a right earring in and no one would say anything. Yeah.

I just got a fucking text. That made me so mad.

What is it?

I left $3,000 in my hotel. Cash?cash?

Yeah. Why did you have $3,000 cash in your hotel?

He loves cash. I love cash.

What would you need three grand for?

Because sometimes my cards don't work.

How much are you eating? A lot. You're not going out drinking. You're not going out gambling. What do you need that much cash for? There's no chance you're spending three grand on dinner.

It's safety. I feel safe.

Well, you should feel It was in the safe because you just lost it.

No, I left it in the safe. I left it in the safe.

That makes me feel safe. How did they know? Did somebody open the safe and find it?

No, I left the hotel, came back to LA, and I go, Fuck, I left $3,000 in the safe.

They're never going to give it back to you.

Then we went out to them and goes, Here's this code. There's some money in there. They're like, Well, we'll just put it back into his credit card. Can they do that?

I think maybe. I mean, that seems strange. Could they do Can they do that? Probably.

That seems shady. It seems shady. But it's the Ritz.

Oh, they'll do it for you.

They'll do it, right? They'll do it for me. Yeah, they're a high-end-A five-star hotel would do it.

Yeah. Any other stars you're not getting that much.

I should do that.

I think that's fine.

Or they say, We'll send you a check, but I'll just put it back into the thing then.Put it back into the thing.Okay, good.

Put it back into the thing.

Here's another thing. This is a dangerous path that I want to just show you because I don't know what else to talk about.

Take me down that road.

This is what I've been doing all day.

I'm pretty sure. What is that?Send.

The photo to Carlos.Jules.

What's been going on with you, though? Is there any new news to share?

I think I have narcolepathy.

Really? Really?

Yeah. Tell me about the narcolapsy.

Well, my aunt, she also has narcolapsy, and she gave me a medicine for it. Then she just said to try this because I'm always so tired. I feel so heavy in the morning. My brain is just always so empty.

Have you ever fallen asleep while driving?

No, but I can sleep anywhere immediately.

Like right now, you could go to sleep? Yeah.

Yeah, she has a sleep thing for sure. So do you. No, but she can sleep right now.

So can you.

That's right. What is this thing?

Guess. I mean, is it a mold of your penis? Are you molding your penis?

No, I'm not molding your penis. No. Huh? This is what I've been making.

What have you been making?

It's cava, dude.

You're making cava? Yeah, dude. What the fuck are you talking about?

Cava, dude.

What cava? The root. What are you doing? Are you making drugs? Is this a new drug? It's not a drug, no. Is it drugs I don't know about?

It's not a drug. I'll tell you what happened. I'm in Hawaii, okay? And I'm with Jean. You're my buddy Jean? Yeah. We're at The Cove. The Cove? Yeah. The best I say, don't you think? In Hawaii. Okay. We're regulars there. They came up to us and said, Here's some of this. It's a glass of muddy water. That. Cava. Yeah. I drank it and we were both like… You're not high, but we were just like…

It's a calming agent. The calming agent.

Wow. I got some cava and I brewed some at home.

It's a root. It's a cava root. You break it down and you don't get high. Did you strain that?

You're supposed to strain it, but I didn't have a cloth strainer.

Cheesecloth. Yeah. It's called a cheesecloth.

Yeah. So I used a T-shirt. I thought it's the same theory.

Drinking cava during recovery, is it a relapse?

Is it?

No.

It's not?

No. It can affect the brain, similar to alcohol and narcotics, but…

It could be helpful tool in managing cravings. Right. Yeah.

Alternative to consuming alcohol or illicit drugs. It's a healthy alternative.

So I drank some last night before I went to bed, and I slept for 14 hours.

Give me some of your cava.

Dude, cava is the best.

Do Bobby Cava. Yeah. I'm Bobby Cava.

I'll give you the powder. You can make it at home. Got it. Yeah.

I can make it myself. You don't have to go buy cava root somewhere.

No, I have the powder.

Did you order it off Amazon or something?

No, I got it at the Cove.Oh.

You brought it back?Yeah.

I brought it back with me.

Did you clarify that when you got to the border? You didn't declare it, did you? Well, now you've outed yourself.

Arrest me for cava powder. But you Can you buy some cava powder here online?

Yeah.it's totally legal, right?

Totally legal. Yeah. But it really helped me with my sleep.

I took mushrooms the other night. That helped me with my sleep.

It was great.

I didn't take mushrooms at all. Like a lot? No, just a little bit. We had just a little something, something. It really jazz me up.

Do you perform with it?

No, we were in the woods.

Why is it when you're super drunk, you call me?

Because I love you.

But it's weird.

I love you.

Then whenever you call, you're with friends, you always go, Hey, my little Chinese guy.

I didn't say that. It's something like that, yeah. Hey, little man, little man.

You know what I mean?

No, I said- You guys all laugh. What's not true. See, now you're lying to the audience.

No, what do you do, though?

I call you- But you say little things. First of all, First of all, when I called you, I don't call you all the time like that because I don't like to call you when I'm drunk.

You call me on stage, too.

I love calling you on stage. But I called you because I was with friends and we were talking about you and my friends were saying how much they love you, and I was like, Well, I want to call them.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, because we-I always call you back.

You always. You answered that time, and then I was in fear for my life for a second of it.

Why?

I was tripping a little bit.

Oh, you were high, too? Were you seeing things?

Were you seeing things? Not seeing things. I was just feeling the wave.

When you're out, just playing around, it takes you away from what is really important, I think.

What's really important?

The quiet times. Sitting there with a girl, looking in her eyes. Sometimes you might be attached heads in there. You can make little nicknames. Hey, Mungo. You know what I mean? You hit your head against her.Mongo.Yeah.

Mongo.mongo, Mongo, Mongo.

Hey, Mungo. Right? And you go. What?

So aggressive.

Too much?

Yeah. It's a love tap.

It's a love tap. You go, Hey, Mungo. Like that, right? They're like, Ow. Right? They go, Mungo, quiet. Yeah, Mungo, quiet.

Quiet, Mungo.

Yeah. Mungo, get me. No, seriously. I love you. You have to say that.

You have to say it. I love you.

I love being with you. Headbutt. Make me a sandwich. Can you please make me a sandwich?

You miss the quiet time.

Yeah, I love those times. Let's get you back. Or when you're watching something with somebody, you're watching it like a sunset. Yeah.

You missed those. I missed it. Let's put it out to the world. Last night, you're ready.

I was watching the Penguin last night by myself. I know you haven't seen it.

I haven't.

But I was going, What an interesting character.

The Penguin? Yeah.

I also thought to myself, Why isn't there more?

More.

Why doesn't Batman have more enemies?

Well, the Joker was big.

It's just not enough because they're recycling through the fucking… On all the movies. I think the next one, I think the scarecro is back for the next one, right?

But look at how many. The Joker, Hugo Strange, Penguin, scarecro, Clayface, Mr. Freeze, Man-Bat, Bane, Killer Croc, Two-Face, Deadshot, Boys diving. This is a lot of fucking energy.

I know, but you... No, but let me... Can I say something?

Yeah, that's 30 guys.

I know. I understand that. But you can't use the killer croc.

Okay.

How about this then? Because all the Batman movies now are based in reality, right? So it's like the Riddler was just a serial killer.

Okay, but Catwoman made it through, and that's it.

But they recycled them.

Okay, but Catwoman- Get some new ones that are human-based.

That's so many. What? You know what I mean? Like their calligraphy.

Ra's al-gul.

Oh, right. But they're going to use... We already did that. Okay. We got to find other ones. I don't know. Calligraphy is not a good enemy name. Black Mask.What?Black Mask. Oh, yeah. Black Mask. Yeah, but he's not... Woke enough. What?

What did you say?

It's not Woke enough.

It's got to be Woke.

Oh, it's got to be White Mask.

Well, what if Black Mask transitioned? Yeah. Hush?

What if they transitioned?

What if they? Sorry, I apologize. Man Bat.

Yeah, you can't do that guy. The Philippines. Yeah. That's just a Filipina with wings.

I come to kill you, Batman. You're going to go down, Batman. Batman, you die, Batman.

But why do they always recycle them?

Because Because look, people are afraid of new property. They want the old stuff. Give them the old shit. They want the stuff they've seen before. They want the stuff that's familiar with them. I guess you're right. But we all like the flavor that we know. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

How would you do Poison Ivy in this more realism Batman?

The same way they did a cat woman.

She uses plants to poison people.

She has to be the what's it?

Botanist? A botanist. A botanist? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, she's a botanist, and she literally gives people Poison Ivy. Yeah. Okay. You scratch yourself to death. Yeah. Good luck with that without lidocaine. Yeah.

I've been scrolling a lot. Here's ones I don't understand. Why do I always get the fucking eggs? What? Yeah, the mother smashing the egg on a baby's face.

That was fucking a year ago.

I still get that, though. Jesus.

You're behind. You're behind.

Yeah, so I get that a lot. Or I get riddles. I get a lot of riddles. Can I show you a riddle?

Give me a riddle.

All right, here we go.

Okay. There's two fathers. You have to say riddle me this.

Why? Because. Riddle me this. There. Riddle me this. There's two fathers and two sons.

Chinese riddler.

Riddle me this. There's two fathers and two sons.

That'd be really hard for me. Riddler me this.

Riddler me this. There's two mothers and two sons in a car, but there's only three How?

I feel like Andrew can answer this. He's somewhere.

You know that one? Yeah, there's two fathers and two sons.

Yeah, but there's only three people in a car. But there's two fathers and two sons.

Right, yeah. It's a grandfather, a dad, and his son. Very good.

You're so good.

No, it's really easy logic. That's right down the road.

Give me a riddle. I've never solved one.

You've never solved one?

No, I get confused. Go ahead.

A train is going 30 miles an hour, right? It leaves a station A train leaves a station at 6:00.

There's no way.

There's numbers. The train is going-I need visuals.

I need a visual. This is a train, right?

The train leaves the station. This is a station. At 6:00. It's going 30 miles an hour.

Hold on. I'm being real. Hold on. What time?

6:00.

I got to put 6:00 right here.

I put 6:00. 6:00 train. Train leaves the station at 6:00. We got to read the 6:00. It's going to go 30 miles an hour.

Oh, fuck. How do I do 30?

And Tucson. 30 miles per hour. And Tucson is 40 miles away.

What? Tucson? Tucson, Arizona? Right here. 6:00 3:00, 30 miles per hour, Tucson.40.

Miles away.40.

Miles away. 30, 40.

How did the train get there at 6:30?

Wait, it's going 30 miles an hour, but it's 40 miles away. How did it get there at 6:30? It sped up. Can it speed up? I don't know. I'm only going 30 miles an hour. I want to say this, too, right now, dude.If this is a fake If this is a fake fucking riddle, dude, I'm going to be so fucking mad at you, dude. Okay. It doesn't make any sense. So 30 miles per hour and it's 40. Well, it gets there because the math is right.

He gets there at 6:30. What's the math?

Well, the 40, it'll make it. If you do it-What is the math? If you're 30 miles per hour, 30 miles per hour in 30 minutes, you can get there in 30 minutes, 40 miles. So the math is correct. So that's correct.Okay.He makes it there. Sure.is that it?Yeah. Yeah.

That's the riddle?Of course, yeah. Of course, he makes it there.So.

I got it?You.

Got it.

Oh, good, dude. Is that a real riddle?It's not.You made it up.Yeah, I did. Give me a real one, dude.

I'm not filled with riddles.

Give me a real riddle. Get me one Riddle me online.

Riddle me this.

Yeah, riddle me this, dude. All right, here we go. Give me a real riddle.

Don't look up at the screen. Okay.

You don't look either because you're going to be my problem solver.

Kids can make it but can never hold it or-Oh, I got to sit next to her. Yeah, I get over there. Hold on, he'll flip the cam.

Look at me. Riddle Squad.

By the way, these are riddles for kids that I'm reading. Okay. These are for kids. All of you should be able to figure it out.

All right, let's All right, zoom in.

Okay. What can kids make but can never hold it or see it? What do kids make that they can't hold or see?

Fart.

Laught.

Laught. Laught, fart? They're both right. Noise. Okay, so you're one for one for riddles.

Okay, very good. Riddlesquad USA. Let's go.

What question can you never answer yes to?

Did you ever kill No, you could easily answer yes to that. You could know if I didn't, though.

Yeah, but it's possible.

It's not possible. I will never do it.

What question could you never answer yes to? It would be impossible to even say yes.

Are you dead?

That's pretty close. Are you asleep yet? Yeah, that's good. Are you dead? It's even better. Don't look at the fucking-Okay, dude, where are you at?

I was thinking. Where the fuck are you at, dude?

You're running a race, and at the very end, you pass the person in second place. What place did you-Second, second, second, second.

Bitch.

Wait, wait.

She's right.

Wait, I didn't even get it. Ask it.

What has 13 hearts but no other organs? Thirteen hearts but no other- Artichoke. Very good.

Is it artichoke? It's not.

But that's really good.

Thirteen hearts?

Thirteen hearts, but no other organs.

Thirteen hearts.

Can you give a clue? Oh, cards.

A deck of cards.

Yeah, it's not more than a clue. I just told you what it was.

All right, here we go.

I'm light as a feather, yet the strongest person can't hold me for five minutes. What am I?

Breath.

Yeah, Bob. That was so fast. That's really good.

I'm fucking a mathman.

You're a mathwiz. Don't look at the screen. What has many, many needles, but doesn't ever sow.

Hey.

It's a pine tree, but we'll take it. What band never plays music?

Rubber.

A rubber band. Honestly, you suck. I suck. You suck. You haven't got one of these. These are for you. These are for him.

Is a rubber band really the thing? Yeah.

A rubber band. Okay, one more, one more, one more. What gets bigger... Did you see it? You saw it. I swear I got it. What gets bigger the more you take away?

It has to do with feelings.

I want it to be, yeah.

When you take away- Biger? Yeah. It's like your rage gets bigger when you leave more. You know what I mean? Like a woman leaves and you get bigger, rage, your hole in your heart. Wow. Love?

You're so close, though. Ironically, you're so close.

Well, I think it's something like that.

You said it.

Yeah. What is it? A hole. Huh? A hole. But you got there-I got there-organically. Organically in a weird way. Yeah, I got there. This is great. Okay, this is dumb.

Yeah.

I'm trying different things.

No, it's really good.

Do you guys watch K-Drama?

Here we go.

Do I watch K-Drama? Mm-hmm. What is that? Korean shows. Give me K-Drama.

Okay, I'm watching this one, Judge from Hell.

It's called Judge from Hell.

Yeah, so she's basically a judge, but That's hard. A demon went inside her body, and her task is to kill 10 murderers who doesn't repent, no regrets about anything that they do. It's so cool.

Wow. Is it all in Korean?

Yeah, but there's subtitles.

Yeah, I hate reading. I can't.

We have that in America. It's called Judge Judy.

Judge Judy, yeah.

It's the same Same thing. Yeah, it's the same thing. You've never seen Judge Judy? No. I'll tell you about Judge Judy. Tell them about judge Judy.

That's not a demon?

Yes, it is. That's a demon.

That is a demon, and it's fine. Look at her hand.

She curses people.

She's not lifting her hand. The demon is.

She's also been taken over by a demon.

Yeah, that's demon shit.

That's demon shit. Yeah. She's dark.

She's dark. Anyway, there's another Korean one. What about the one? Have you seen the North Korean one? What's it called? It's called Fly By. What's the lady that crashes the plane? Crash landing.

Crash landing. A Korean show about North Korea?

No, so this lady... Let me get... I haven't seen that, but this lady is on a plane. She crashes in North Korea, and then she falls in love with a North Korean soldier. It's not a plane.

She was on a parachute.

She jumped out of a plane, right?

Oh, so she just jumped from the ground. No. She jumped from the ground up as if she's fucking Superman, and then she fucking fell down in North Korea. What happened?

It's the one where you use the wind, you run, and then you do-Oh, Paragliding.

Paragliding.

Yeah, that one. That makes sense. Honey? Honey? Yes? Let's go paragliding today. I would love to. But you know where I like to go do it?

The D&Z.Yes..

At the DMZ.

We'll go to DMZ.

Because we love to paraglide on the border.

The wind is awful strong.

Yeah.

Oh, honey, what going? Oh, no.

It makes no sense.

There was a storm.

Oh, a storm?

Oh, really? Yeah.

Then she was-She's paragliding on a storm.

Lands in North Korea. Then what happens? She meets a North Korean soldier.

Yeah, but she has to hide.

You've seen there's a hot North Korean-This guy is so hot. North Korean fucking soldier sitting there?

This guy's hot. This guy's hot. But he's South Korean. Yeah. That's the trick.

Dude, he looks like he's been eating.

Yeah, he It looks healthy.

You think North Korean's shoulders are eating? No. Dude, there's a North Korean. There's a North Korean Instagram site, and I get it in my feed. What's it called? I don't know, but it's basically they're making... Basically, it's like this. Who says there's no discotechs in North Korea? And they'll show a discotech.

It's like the government is promoting.

Yeah, it's the government. Who says there's no Burger King in Korea? And then it's like, is that it? Who said North Korea doesn't have McDonald's? Yes, North Korea has an even better version of the American fast food chain.

Do you think they build this on a stage? Do you think it's on a soundstage?

There's actors sometimes and they get hamburgers, and they don't know what to do with it. They open it up, they go, What is this? It's the government. You can tell that there's people going, eat it, behind the camera, and they get fucking scared.

You know what I mean? So crazy. Go back to that video, though. Click on the profile to see other videos.

All those videos. What are you doing, dude? Who said, North Korea doesn't have marriage? Nobody said that. No one ever said, Hey, they don't have marriage there.

But look at how nervous he looked. Yeah, they're all nervous. They're so scared. They're so scared.

Look at them.

Because they're going to be beaten after this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look at that camera from 1958. Go to more.

Go different. Yeah. Yeah, what's this one? Who said, North Korea doesn't have delivery service?

That's a body. He was carrying a man's body. Yeah. And they bought a DHL jacket on Amazon. Yes.

North Korea has a efficient, fast, and efficient delivery.

It better be efficient. They'll kill you if it doesn't get there on time. What is it?

Yeah. Who said, North Korea has maternity hospitals?

Who said any of this shit?

No one said that. Keep going. Go to more. This is insane. There's so many... Who said North Korea doesn't have general store? ' Yeah, let's see this general store.

Well, yeah, there's a motorcycle inside What the fuck general store is at? That looks like a weed shop.

Yeah. Honey, should we get the rice or should we get a motorcycle?

We'll take two bag of rice and motorcycle, please.

No, go Can you just scroll and keep scrolling or no? Or do you have to do that?

I think because it's not on the phone. It's not like the phone. Do the roller coaster one.

Yeah. Who said, North Korea doesn't have to pet roller coaster?

Oh, my God. That just falls off of a cliff on the other side.

You know what North Korea don't have? A cat. A cute cat. A cute cat.

Did you know that, Hong? We have to build.

Yeah.

Who said, North Korea planes always crash?

Who doesn't have automotive vehicles?

What? Nobody ever thought there wasn't fucking cars there. Yeah. All right, Rudy, end the show the right way.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

You're very good..