Transcript of Rudy Has A Seizure

Hey, everybody. Andrew's on tour.

I'm on tour. Please come see me. I'm going to be in- Indianapolis. Frank, California. Indianapolis, Vancouver, Charlotte. Where else am I going? At Pula. Pucola. Pucola, Oklahoma. Kansas City, Cleveland. St. Louis, Grand Rapids, Detroit, New Orleans, San Antonio. Jesus Christ. Chicago, Durham, Atlanta, Charleston, New York, Philly, Phoenix, San Francisco, San Diego, Boston, and Minneapolis. I'm adding shows in Minneapolis and in Boston and in San Francisco. Come out and see me. Come see him. Andrewsantino. Com. Can you tell them to come see me. Come see him. Andrewsantino. Com.

Andrewsantino.

Com. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. I have some good news for you, though, Carlos. I'm glad you're here. What's up? You know my friend Peter? Oh, yeah. Peter what? The gay Asian? Exactly. Bingo. The only Peter around, my friend. Yeah. Peter, the other night, I was talking to him and he goes, I'm a top now, which is great.

Now, is that a whole thing for them to make the switch?

Hey. Hello. God, you're tan, huh? Yeah.

Where have you been?

Surfing.

Serbia? What'd you go to Serbia for? Yeah. Wait, you've been surfing every day, huh? Every weekend. Santa Monica?

Yeah, or El Porto Beach.

Honestly, you are the most tan I think I've ever seen you.

Yeah.

What's the goal here? I don't know.

I'm just surfing, and I just get really brown.

You're in brown face.

I thought you were getting ready for your Kamala Harris impression.

Oh, let's hear it. Yeah, let's do it. I heard you. No, I don't know.

Yeah, do the impression. Come on.

Give me a word. The phrase that you should say is, You think you just fell out of a coconut tree? Yeah. That's the one she says all the time. I don't know how to do it.

Yeah, just try. Come on. You're at the Democratic Convention, right?

Can you give me a sample and then I'll follow you?

She sounds like she's... You just think you fell out of a coconut tree? She almost sounds like she's going to cry. Do the, You just think you fell out of a coconut tree? Let's play the clip. You think you fell out of a coconut? Oh, there we go. Here we're. Here, here.

Here, here. How are we approaching this issue in a way that we also understand we cannot support and help our young people if we also... Also. Go ahead.

You think you just fell out of a coconut That's pretty good. That's so good. That's pretty good.

Call Laura Michiels. Yeah. Call Laura Michiels right now.

Call a mess for now. Oh, my God, dude.

That was so good, dude.

First try? Let him know he can make right by the Shane Gillis' mistake. Hiring an Asian, South Asian.

That was very good.

You think you just fell out of a coconut tree? That's really good.

That's so good.

You're much darker than her though.

Then the last photo that we saw with the other podcast that I do, that you were on. I know, but a lot of the comments were like, Oh, she's now an adult.

Because she's tan?

No, there's something about the way... Because you have to understand, it's like, dude, in different strokes. You know what I mean? When Willis, not Arnold, but when Willis grew up, we were like, Arnold stayed the same.

Arnold didn't really-Yeah, he didn't. He plateaued. But when Willis became... When you saw him transition into us...

People watch him grow up on the show.

We watched you grow up.

We watched you grow up on the show. Yeah.

She looks the exact same to me.

To me, she looks like a kid. Yeah. Yeah. Our little sister. Our little sister. You know what I mean?

And this thing didn't grow, ugly enough. Up here, it didn't grow. Oh, that never grew. Yeah, it stayed the same. Yeah. Have you learned anything? You've graduated college now.

I haven't.

Wait, how many years has it been? Aren't you been there for four years? For 46.

I have two more semesters, and I graduate.

What What is that? A teacher in Mexico is teaching a student's physics using One Piece. One Piece? What is that? Oh, that's the thing that you love so much. To animate it. To animate. Would you like to learn through One Piece?

Yeah, that would be more interesting.

Did you end up watching that one anime I told you to watch? Not yet. Oh, my God. Nothing I suggest she watches.

Nothing. Well.

No, it's just when you push, then I don't want to...

But I feel like if I don't bring it up, you won't either.

Then that's true. You won't be informed at all. You got to find some way.

Okay, I'll find some way.

I watched The Whale on the plane.

Great movie.

My God.

What Whale?

It's just the Brennan Whale.

I watch a porn called Whale, too. Yeah.

Oh, I've seen that? Yeah. I think it's just that that was like... It just bummed me out. It was just tough.

You had never seen it before.

No. You know what's so funny? I started it once, and then I was like, I just did. You know when you start something, you're like, This is going to fucking make me sad the whole flight.

What's sad for me is I have a drawer like that. You I have one of those drawers. I don't know.

There's chicken in it.

Yes.

Fried chicken. Watching him eat the chicken was the toughest. That's so tough to watch because it's just like... The pizza. Oh, yeah. But that actually looked good, if I'm being honest.

Then What's the q'n'chang, q'n'chang, Asian lady?

She's so good. She's so good in that movie.

She's so good in it.

What is her name?

I just called q'n'chang, q'n'chang, lady. Yeah, Hong Chau. Hong chou. She's so good, that lady. There's something I want to talk about that I was told not to talk about, but you know me.

You got to chat it up.

I got to chat it up because if it doesn't, it turns into a cancer.

Chat it up. It's not a rumor.

It's not a rumor thing.

No, it's a fact.

It's not a fact.

It's just that-So it's a rumor? It's not even a rumor.

It's just a little observation. All right, give it to me.

All right.

I was in Butte.

Butte, Montana.For three weeks.With Jim Balushi, Leslie Jones, Tiffany Hadish.No.No?

Eleanor Kerrigan.

Eleanor. Tiffany was?

No, she wasn't. She was supposed to be in that movie? No, Lil Rel.

That's Tiffany, isn't that the same?

That's the same person. That's right. And Whoopie. It's all three. Whoopie, Tiffany, and Lil Rel, the same person. Yeah.

It's like all the characters Martin played. Right.

There was this guy named Brick Patrick, who, a talented actor. He was actually in the movie, the movie you did, but the second one.

He was in Now You See Me, too.

Yeah, but he was Woody Harrelson's brother in that.

His name is Brick, Patrick Brick?

Brick Patrick. Brick Patrick. There he is. There he is, right? So Brick wrote the movie, great actor. Good-looking guy. Good-looking guy, great guy, right? And he goes, he grew up in Butte, and he was like, Yeah, dude, you've never had Chinese food like where I'm about to tell you.

So back in the '50s, there was a gold rush or whatever, and a Chinese family moved there, and they just never left. I just feel like a Chinese family got lost.

Where are we going? Yeah. What do you mean?

What do you mean? Well, the gold rush was in Northern California.

Oh, that's right. Not in Butte, Montana.

I know.

Let me tell you what happened.

You're not wrong. There was gold in a lot of places. Exactly. But they went too far. But they went east. Keep on going.

Yeah, but they love east. They love east. Yes. We go east.

No, go north.

That's where the gold is. No. No. East. Yeah. They walked east into the desert.

So they end up in Butte, Montana.

In Butte, Montana, right? All right. They go, Oh, fuck. We fuck up. The dad goes, What do you mean? We should have gone north. There's nothing here but white people.Correct.Yeah. Let's open a Chinese restaurant.Brilliant.Called Pechin. Pechin?

Yeah. Pechin and Butte.

P-e-k-i-n, I think.

Pechin in Butte, I think. Pekin in Butte, Montana.Yeah.There it is. Pechin Noodle Parlor.Yeah..

Now, look at upstairs. The third photo. See that? It used to be a brothel. It used to be a brothel, and then they divided it up and they go, Let me turn this into restaurant now. I don't know what There's no logic was behind it, but that's exactly what it looks like.Wow.They never changed it.

Are those little rooms to have sex in?

Yeah, but now it's opened and now there's tables where you can eat.

I love the Wild West.

Yeah, right back in the day.

I love the Wild West. Wouldn't that be nice? By the way, why don't they make it a brothel and Chinese food? Exactly.

And opium den it used to be.Oh, how fun.All.

Three?oh.

Come on. Come on. It's amazing. It's like the Asian Walmart. You can get anything you want that's Asian. You know what I mean? I went there and it's not Chinese food.

What is it?

I have no idea.

Was it spaghetti?

Okay, there's this guy. Okay, I have a problem, all right? This guy named Jerry that runs it. His parents ran it for many years.

You met the guy?

Yeah. I did a shit comedy show there. At the Chinese? No, but next to it. It was the theater. He came and we were sitting there in the lobby and he was super skinny. I go, Man, do you know what I mean? I was just making fun of him. I'm going to eat something. But you won't eat your food because it's bad. I kept making fun of him. Then he had tears in his eyes and he goes, Buddy, I have cancer.

Oh, my God. From the food? No. Terrible. No, terrible. Stop.

Msg from- MSG?

Wait, he said- Yeah, tears in his eyes. Oh, Bob.

He goes, Buddy, you want me to be truthful to you? I go, Yeah. I have cancer. It came back, and I'm on Medicaid. I'm like, Oh, fuck. Here we go.What.

Kind?what?what kind? What? What kind? You didn't ask.

I didn't ask.

Why wouldn't you ask?

I don't know what kinds there are.

All is so many.

Shoulder blade.

Yeah, it could have.

Yeah, I don't know. Can you get it in the finger? I don't know. Yes. Anyway-poor guy. Yeah, I go, Oh, man. Terrible. So sorry for making fun of you, man.

Yeah, but you know. Good luck to you. He knew you were joking. You're a comic. You're a friend. He didn't.

He had tears in his eyes. Oh, Bob. Then I go back to the green room. I'm sitting like this and Rick goes, What happened, bud? I tell him what happens. He goes, Oh, fuck, dude. I go, What? He goes, I didn't even know. Half an hour later, I go back on that lobby and the guy has tears in his eyes. Still crying. Still crying. He goes, I'm joking.

Fuck. This guy's great. Fucking guy. I love this guy. I love this guy.

This fucking guy, Jerry.

I'm joking. Well, that's a good laugh. By the way, he does definitely. Hey, he has cancer. What? No, he has Cant. That was his way of playing it off.

But the food was It wasn't bad. It's just not Chinese food. He brought me out a bowl of water.

There's Jerry right there.

With noodles. Is that Jerry? It was zooming. Yeah, that's him. I'm joking.

Look at Jerry.

There's Jerry. Good guy. If you're ever in Butte, you would have pecken.

If you're ever in view, you know how often people are rolling through Butte? I'm going. Look at him.

That's my guy. Does he not look like he has cancer? I mean, doesn't he look like I would buy it?

Maybe I would have bought it. Yeah, you would have bought it, right? Maybe he walks to work every day. That's true. Maybe he just is staying thin to win. It is an interesting play. It's an interesting play because now, do you feel bad No. But maybe he's telling the truth. Look, there he is. Do you think he's got it? He's crying there. He's always crying.

He's telling the guy he has cancer. He's telling the reporter, Look at his face. I have cancer.

Historic family-run Chinese restaurant in Montana. Yeah. Wow. Well, we got to go.

We got to go there. I'll tell you another thing that happened.

Give it to me.

What would you do? Let's do a segment of the show. What would you do?

What wouldWhat would you do? What would Andrew do? Yeah, probably not through the movie.

Fuck you. No, I'm kidding. I'm sorry. I don't get Hollywood shit like you do. Just kidding. You're shit. Oh, Zack Efron. I get the fucking ghetto shit.

I'm just Josh-in. I love when you...

And then I turn on the TV, you and Starr, it's commercial. Yes. Like, he's just killing it. Well, that one- It's like, Don't make fun of me, my pal. I can't get the shit you get. Shut up.

God, anyway. You have an upcoming show on MBC with a brand new top.

That's true.

By the way, the show should be called I Got A Brand New Top. I Got A Brand New Top, yeah. And you guys were in a clothing store. Yeah. I got a brand new top.

That's funny.

Brand new top. You should be the showrunner. I would love to.

Anyway, another thing that happened was I went to an AA meeting.

You only went to one? You were there for two months. I went to two.

It's at the school and I walk in. It's like a lot of people with oxygen mask, tanks.Oh.

The tags.Oh, yeah.

You know what I mean? I'm trying to do it.

Trying to be in.

Right. Then there's also only one Uber in Bribute. When you get an Uber, you have to wait there for two hours. It's just one guy. Then when he shows up, he's like, Sorry, dude. I had six other... He knows your name, dude. You've seen him before. Yeah. Yeah, sorry, dude. I had eight other ones. You know what I mean?

Was it Jerry? He's cooking. He's got an Uber. He's got to do it all.

Yeah. Then this couple, the nicest couple I've met in a very long time, he goes, Yo, man, you need a ride home? Because the Ubers are bad around here. I go, Yeah, man, if you can. You know where I'm staying? Yeah. I get in his car with his wife. The hotel that I'm staying in, the Finland, has a gigantic Finland sign.

Finnish flag or something?

No, not Finland.

Finland? You're saying Finland?

Like country? No, F-I-N-L-E-N. Finland.

Finland.

Yeah. That's it. That. See that thing? That's a neon sign.It glows.It glows. I'm in the car and we're going opposite of that sign.

You can see it.

I can see it. It's the biggest building in view. I'm turning around like this and we're on a freeway going the opposite What's the direction? Uh-oh. Right. Me, I'm like, I think of different things because I'm a thinker. You are. I'm a survivor. I'm like, What do I do here? Jump out?

You know what I mean? Bail.

Yeah. No, but I did the smart thing. I go, Where are we going?

Well, that's a good start. That's a good start when you're being kidnapped. Am I right? Where are we going? Where are we going? Yeah. Like a little lost Asian boy.

I always do that, too. Where do we go? Yeah, a little accent comes out. You have to. Yeah, like I'm the Asian Oliver Twiff. More potter, please. Where are we going? The guy goes, Oh, yeah, you're going to our house.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes. No, I want to go home. Yeah, I know. Me, too. Me, too, at this time.

I want to go home?

Yeah, me, I had an early call.Yeah, you got to work.I had to get home.

I got to go to work.

Oh, you go to your house, right? Yeah, you're going to our house. I go, Why? You're meeting the family. Oh, no. Yeah. What's so funny? It's insane. I walk in, these two gigantic, I don't eat mastiff dogs.

Bull mastiffs?

Yeah, jumping on top of me. I'm like, Oh, right? These three kids come out. They were sleeping.

Oh, you woke them up.

Yeah, these white kids. Coming on, just. One of them looks at me and goes, Danny gave me a $300 allowance to get school closing in Missoula.

Very nice.

I wanted to go, Oh, yeah? I don't give a shit.

That's mean.

But that's what I wanted to say.

I know.

Hey, kid, I'm never going to see you again. But I didn't do that. I go, because I'm a good guy. Yeah. I go, Oh, yeah? Really? Missoula?

That's beautiful.

Exactly. I must have been there for an hour now. What would you do?

Lee. Oh, my God. I would have never gone.

No, you're in the car.

In the car, I would have made myself throw up in the car. I would have stuck my fingers down my throat. I threw up all over the car. So they got to pull over. Yeah, pull over and I'm out and I'm running.

By the way, the nicest people I've ever met. I have his number. We're just kidding. We're just kidding, but you were thrown up.

I made myself thrown up. 100%. Gag myself and get out. How do you get out?

What would you do?

I just scream and say, Stop the car.

You would scream?

No. They're going to go, What are you doing? What are you Then they would take you to a hospital. Then they would take you to a hospital.

And do a seizure.

Do a seizure.

Seizure.

I don't know. That's different. Let me see you do a fake seizure. We're driving.

I'm in the car. We're both driving.

We're both driving. It's a two-wheeler car. It's a two-wheeler car.

It was a new two-wheelers. What's your name?

Tudu Wheelers. My engine's different. No, my engine's different than yours. Okay. So mine goes, What's your engine's going?

Mine goes…

For sure. Yeah, it's broken.

The with the belt. Your belt is wrong. All right, we're going back to our house. Are you excited? Come back to our house.

Are you excited?

Stop the car.

No, we can't stop the car.No.

We can't do that. Stop the car.

Stop the car. What happened?

That was insane. That was insane. You're not having fucking...

You're getting possessed. Yeah, we got to take it to a mental hospital.

Stigmada, dude. That was stigmada, dude. Dude, oh my God. I would stop the car and run out.

We'd be running into the desert. I guess she did it right. Holy shit.

That helped. Wow, dude. That worked. That was really good, dude.

Well, I hope that never happens. Oh, shit. I hope we never encounter that.

That was the funniest thing I've ever seen.So.

You had a fun time.

I should have done that.

You had a fun time in Butte.

I should have done that. God. Right? Not as good as hers.Hers.

Was really good.

You do a stigmana. Oh, my Yeah, it's good. Wow. Did you see? You're growing up.

Yeah. Yeah, you're all growing up.

But the movie was fun to do.

The movie is going to be good. I heard a little Moconey Boney says you're very excited about it.

I'm excited because Jim Balushi, I never thought I'd ever meet him. He's the man. Just one of the nicest guys. Just what a great, generous guy. He seems like a cool dude. How was throwing... Let's go to you, Chicago.

This is the ball.

Yeah.

I threw the first pitch.

If anyone knows, he went to the Cubs game.

Yeah, and I sang the seventh-inning stretch. There he is. And thrown out the first pitch. This is a big deal as a kid from Chicago. Thrun out the first pitch is fine. They let local insurance agents do that. But to sing the stretch, that's a big deal.

Was Did you hear a pop when they said your name?

Yeah, it was actually fun.

They go, Andrew Santino. You can hear-Well, you can see it.

They'll play.

Let's see.

He's doing my credits.

What's that push pause? Didn't hear bad friends at all.

He definitely says bad friends. He 100% says it. Listen. Okay.wow.yeah, it was pretty cool.

Is that your wife screaming?

No. There's a ton of people around. I mean, there's 30 of us.

Bam.

Oh, wow.

That was so good, dude.

I had to give Clark a Big hug. Wrapped my legs around the boy. So fun, man. That was great.

I'm so proud of you.

But the coolest thing was this, was getting up in the booth and singing. Singing was the best part by far.

Let me see you sing. How exciting. I want to hear you good and low.

A one, a two, a three.

Take me out to the ball game.

Take me out to the crowd. Who buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks. I don't care if I am. This is my favorite. For the Cubbies. I love it. It's great.

Anyway. What a dream.

It was actually. What a storm. It actually was one of the coolest moments in my life. I even said I was off a couple of drinks, and I turned my mom and my wife, and I said, I can die now. They got a little upset, but I really did mean it. That was it. I did it. That's it? This is it.

That's it. I don't know, man.

Doing that.

That's the death.

That's it.

You've done everything. I did it all.

Popular podcast.

Bingo.

It's a very small but supple television career.

Very good.

Couple of films. Very good. Standup, not bad.

Pretty good.

Sing in the seventh Inning stretch. Check all the boxes.

You did it.

Bury me, baby.

I think you did it. Bury me. Please, no. I need you to be around for at least another four years.

I'm going to stick around for another four years. Four years. Yeah, that's fine. Until we do stop the show. Then die.

Then die, and then I'll disappear.

It was a big moment in my life. Congratulations. This was one of those things for me that was huge. Also, we had a family member that passed away. Oh, no. Not during this.

Oh, thank you.

I mean, thank God. Some of his ashes got spread on the field, which is also, boom, nice a little tip of the hat because he grew up around the corner from it. I thought that was nice. We spread his ashes. Well, I didn't. Someone did. You don't do that? Have you never spread ashes somewhere sacred?

That just sounds insane.

How's that crazy?

I'm watching a game. I'm listening to there's a powder in my face.

No one's near you.

Yeah, a little powder on my face.

It gets done. What the fuck was that? It gets done.

Andrew's uncle.

Real sly. Real quick. Real low.

No.

Is there a smell?

There's some right there. Look, who's Asha's?

Luke's mom, someone on tour, gave us this. What? Yeah, our fan's mom.

Right, a fan gave us some of his mom.

So weird. Yeah, he I'm going to come back here now.

Is that really that weird? That's some of his mom. He wanted some of his mom to be with us.

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I mean, if you think of Castaway in the movie, Tom Hanks is out there on this island for years. For years. You ever see that movie? No.

She has no idea what that is.

Do you know what it's about? No. Okay, we can tell you.

Castaway with Tom Hanks.

Castaway is this, okay? He's best friends with a volleyball.

What?

But don't laugh. That's not funny.

That's not funny.

He grew up-He's a little slow.

Remember Forrest Gump? Yeah. He's playing the same guy.

It's like a sequel to Forrest Gump. Yeah. What ends up happening is he gets HIV, and they banish him to this island.

They banish him to the island. But they go, You can bring one person, your friend. This is in the post-future. Yeah. He goes, Well, I want to bring this volleyball. They're like, Dude, you can pick a human.

He's like, That is a human.

Yeah, that is a human.

He gets HIV. They banish him to this island.

See that blood on the thing? It's some of his HIV blood on the thing. Wilson has HIV as well. Right. They want to be the same. What's so funny?

It's not funny. Then what ends up happening is on the island, he makes a wish one night to grow old. He does it on like, this is Ultar, is like a little animal that lives on the beach. Then he starts to grow old.

But then what happens is, you remember Benjamin Button? Yeah. That he goes the other way. He goes backwards. But since Wilson is a volleyball, he doesn't go backwards. He just gets...

Right.

Yeah. Stop. I know. Stop.

First of all, hitting on her, all this stuff today, your thinest device.

Thinnest device, right?

Says he wants to snort the mom's ashes.

Well, you were You don't tell.

Don't tell to me, bro.

You don't tell them in a minute. You don't tell them to me. What I'm saying is when we're doing a bit, you know what the bit is, and you're cackling like a fucking hyena, how is that going to work? You, too, M'Cown, I was holding it together.

Wait, what's the end of Castaway?

The end of the movie is amazing. His friend Andy comes to rescue him. His friend Andy comes to rescue him. There was a rift between him and his old boss, Buzz. When Andy comes-There was also a rift in the time continuum.

Space-time Continuum. Time Continuum, yeah.

He goes back home and his wife has already fallen in love with someone else.

Helen Hunt.

Yeah.

Now, let me ask you something. Great movie. In that scene when they find him and he comes back and Helen Hunt is remarried.

Yeah, got a family, right? They didn't have kids.

But then doesn't she try to fuck him after that? No, it's over. She doesn't chase after? They have a moment. They have a moment where they kiss, right?

No, they don't kiss.

I think they do.

They kiss. Well, it's her ex-husband.

No, I think they fuck one time. No, they don't.

No, they don't. Really?

No, they Okay.

But I will say they have a moment, then he leaves and then jumps in front of a train. And he dies. Yeah, he jumps in front of a sad ending. That's a sad ending. It's a bad ending. Here's another movie I saw. By the way, it was a local train. It wasn't even an Express. It stopped a lot, which I think it was nuts.

Yeah. That's sad. You got to watch it. It won 15 Academy Awards. Okay.

We talked about this the other day. Tom Hanks has never been, except for the Elvis movie, he's never been a bad guy in any movie he's ever done. He's always been the hero in a night. No.

What about the one Catch Me If You Can?

He's not a bad guy at all.

He's chasing Leo.

He's chasing a criminal.

Oh, he's the bad guy. Yeah. Okay, that's right.

I do agree with you. Yeah, Leo is the bad guy. Leo is not the bad guy, but he is the bad guy. Yeah. That's interesting. You can't name any movie he's done where he's the bad guy. A memorable movie. A Good Memorable Movie. Oh, no, don't. Well, go to any of them then. Go to his top hits. Don't go scroll through everything, but go to the top hits.

Before you do, let me think, though. Okay, Saving Private Ryan, good guy.

Philadelphia.

Yeah. Big. Great guy.

Mr. Rogers.

Yeah, of course. Lady killers.

Lady killers.

He's a bad guy.

No, he's not. They're killing ladies. They deserve to be killed. What murder. Go to the movies. Seriously, go to the movies. Castaway Philadelphia, Big Forest Gump. I mean, go down. You could see all the things he's done. It's just all the toy stories, Charlie Wilson's War, The Da Vinci Code, Polar Express, The Terminal.

I mean, just look at that fucking career.

Road to Perdition. That career. Green Mile. He's a hero or a good guy in everything. He's that thing you do. Apollo 13.

What a great... Have you seen Apollo 13?

No. A League of Their Own. He- Watch Apollo 12 first.

Watch all the Apollos before that, but 13 is the best one.

You could start at four. Start at Apollo four. Start with four, yeah. By the way, we have to play this trailer real fast because we were going through movies of what to watch back home with my mom. I wanted to watch Mr. Baseball with Tom Selleck. Do you remember Mr. Baseball? Oh, my God. This is one of the best. So good. Watch how fun this trailer is. Tom Selleck is Mr. Baseball. Look at how these two do trailers, by the way. Okay. This is phenomenal.

Elliott's really struggling up there, Ralph. Well, there's a Japanese people in this? Oh, yeah. Far east.

There's no way I'm going to play in here.

Welcome to Japan, Mr. Base.

What do you think of our country? The airport's nice, and there's lots of little people walking, talking very fast.

Dude, I want to remake this movie so bad. He falls in love with the manager's daughter. Yeah. This is a great movie. It's so good.

Explain to me why.

Because it's a fish out of water. I know. I mean that from a sushi reference. It's a fish out of water.

Can you go anywhere else?

No, it's got to be Japan. It's so funny in Japan.

Why can't he go to Bosnia?

Okay, we could try Bosnia. Let's try Bosnia. War-torn Bosnia? Is that where we're going? Yeah. Wow. It's such a funny-Okay.

Because it's filled with racist stuff. I know.

It's hilarious.

I get PTSD. I don't know why when I hear it… When I hear that, for some reason, how do you feel about that? How do you feel about that? It's very racist. Yeah, but how do you feel? You start…

Yeah. Do you have a seizure?

It hits us in a way.

For her, it's like…

That almost, wow.

Let's see if you have a seizure when that music comes on. See, it didn't… You're fine. Or a gong. Yeah, the gong.

I've never seen a gong, ever.

Well, we got one right here, don't we?

Oh, yeah.

I used to have one? That's right.

I know.

It's crazy. That's why. You could only have made this then. Then. You could not make this today, but it would be funny as shit today.

No, what you do is you get a punch of just Asians and just show this movie. I'd love to see the reaction.

Oh, yeah. React.

That'd be fun. That's very good. That's fun.

What are you scrolling through, Sweetheart?

Just some white... Well, go to Mickey Rooney. Have you seen Mickey Rooney play Asian? There was a white guy named Mickey Rooney. So good. You're going to love this performance.

He's still alive. Yeah. That's a white guy.

That's a white guy.

With prosthetic?

Yeah. No.

Is there any video or no? What? Some of his work? This was completely accepted in He accepted.

Promoted. Promoted.

We loved it. Loved it.

They loved it. This is what Trump is talking about. This is what he's talking about. Make America Chinese again.

This is real, dad. Don't laugh.

Don't laugh.

Try not to laugh. To be fair, this is how you wake up.

Yeah.

What happened to you? That's the funny thing you've ever said. That's the funny thing. All right, that's it? No, really. I want to see him to talk to these people. I brought this.

Audrey Hepper. Insane. You cannot go on or keep ringing my bill.

You disturb me. You must have a key made. I don't want to do any good. I just lose them all. Timer. Okay, that's it.

He really does look Asian.

He looks It doesn't sound… The voice needs to practice. Perfect.

It sounds perfect.

The sound is? Look at that. How do you feel about that?

Scary. Yeah, it is very scary.

But he looks…

Like your uncle. Yeah.

Hair and makeup did a great job.

You know what? Did you get an Oscar? Hair and makeup should have got an Oscar for that.

A hundred %, I would. Breakfast at Mr. Ushanoes.

Yeah. Then John Wayne, we've seen that, right? Oh, yeah.

I think we've shown this.

Have we seen this? I think we did. But she's never seen it. I know. She needs to know what it was like.

You got to know. Yeah. All right, tell me what's going on with Gen Z. Yeah, we want to know. Yeah, we want to know what's up on the streets for Gen Z.

Gen Z?

What was the segment? Spiel the tea. The tea. Spill the tea with Rudy. The tea?

There's no tea, but I have a story.

God bless.

I went to Hermosa Beach to party.

With who?

With my friends. They said that they were going to be cute guys. All I saw when I went there was old white guys with cowboy hats.

Yeah, you went to Hermosa Beach. Yeah.

I got sick from it.

What do you mean?

Tell me, what did you get?

Put something in your drink?

No, I don't know. But I was sharing drinks, and I have a cold.

Now you do? Yeah.

But I'm okay. It's been a week. It's been a week.

Thanks for coming to the show. It's been a week. Wait a minute. Don't share drinks. Don't share drinks, and don't take drinks from other people.

No, just friends.

I don't trust your friends either.

I know, but whenever-Not at your house.

When you say old, are you talking 30-year-olds?

Like 40 and up. Okay. They were trying to to dance.

On you?

It was so weird.

It's so weird. They all had cowboy hats on?

It was so weird. The girls were like, Oh, there's going to be cute guys.

But they paid for the drinks. That's where you went. No. Where did you guys go? A bar?

Yeah, a bar. Sharky's.

Oh, my God. Sharky's in Hermosa Beach. That's insane. Yeah. Wow. How gross.

You're going to get new friends, I think.

That's why at the Kalaila's.

Did anybody recognize you? At school? No, at... Where? At where?

At work, this random guy just came in the office and was shouting, Are you from Brad Friends?

From Brad Friends? Brad Friends. Was that Mickey Rooney? Wait, I want to know, though. At Sharky's, when you go to Sharky's, It's your girlfriends and four old white guys in cowboy hats?

No, the crowd was older.

It's hard to believe. Why don't you guys just leave? Why don't you just leave?

I don't know because they don't know anywhere else. I thought we were going to LA.

Yeah, you need a completely new group of friends.

You got to switch.

They're the party girls, so I thought, Oh, they know.

They're not party girls.

Obviously, their partying is bad. Yeah, they're bad.

They don't know how to do it.

This is bad partying. It smelled like piss.

The music was so bad. I got sick. What was the music? I don't know. Like Budolts.

What's Budolts?

Budolts, it's like a Filipino disco song.

Budolts?

Budolts.

When I go… Never heard that before my life.

I actually know that song.It's a Filipino disco song.It's a Filipino disco song.

No, you don't know. Honestly, you know Budolts. Yeah.

It's popular on TikTok right now.

Oh, yeah, okay. I believe you. I believe you. Yeah, I believe you.

He said, Paging, Dr. Vic.

Paging, Dr. Emergency.

Paging, Dr. Vic.

Well, It's got to be nurse-oriented if it's Filipinos. Hey. Come on. Good.thank you.I like it.

But yeah, that's what happened. That's what happened. But I thought you had... If you're cruising for dicks, I thought you had a boyfriend.

I'm not cruising for dicks. I'm just like... Then why would you care?

I like to look.

Oh, you want to look.Windo.

Shopping.windo shopping.

It's always fun when there's cute guys.

I see. It is always fun when there's cute guys.

I went to a party that you would have loved. Where? Malibu.

Oh, a little Malibuian over here?

I have a friend that had a little party in Malibu at her house. They were all 20 somethings. She invited her. Men and women. And you? And me what? I tell you this. Hey, guy. I don't think. No. Morgan & Morgan. Life can be crazy sometimes, and one person's negligence can result in another man's settlement. If you're injured by negligence of another, you deserve to be paid.

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I can handle it. I I was going to say age range.

The age range. He's saying, And then there was you. Somebody walked in the living room. They're like, Could somebody order Chinese food? You dropping off or picking up?

That's strange. It's interesting.

But the party was nice?

It's interesting that you would say that because that's exactly the demographic of people that like our show.

That's right.

I have to say that they were big fans.

Big fans.

They even knew who you were, my friend. Okay?

So you were vibing with them?

The guy's King Viber.

I'm the master vibe. In any situation, I'll go to a library, I vibe.

He vibes everywhere.

Yeah, I can go to a fucking Pep Boys. I'm vibing. I'm vibing, dog. You know what I mean? I can be in Mazetla.Vibing hard.

Hard. Hard vibe. Hard vibe on Mazetlan. Where else can you be, you think?

Me? Yeah. The point ofNo return.No.

Return to. You're vibing out there.

When I'm at the point of no return, king vibe, dude. King vibe.

Yeah.

You know what I mean? When I'm cruising.

Oh, you're cruising. You're vibing, dude.

You know what I mean? The cruises I go on? Hard vibe. But then I went to the Chili cook-off in Malibu with the gang. Have you been there? No. You know what it is? I do. Have you been to the chili cook-off? You guys know? What is it? It's a chili cook-off in Malibu. No, it's not. There's shirts said Aviator Nation about it. I know, but do you know what it is? It's a fair. Okay. There's rides. I don't go to fares, dude. It's a ride.

That's right.

They have those ride, like the Zipper.

Yeah, I like the Zipper.

Remember the Zipper?

Yeah, it goes this way. It's like a-Yeah, it's so scary.

Yeah. Then now, back in my day, they had the thing where it looked like a saucer. You go in and you get stuck to the wall. Right, I like that.

You like that?

I love those. But check it out. The new generation improved it.

They walk in the middle, don't they? No. Why would they do that? I've seen guys walk in the middle of those things.

I've seen, though.

Yeah, black dudes love to do it. First of all, it's called the Gravitron. It's called the Gravitron. Yeah. Gravitron.

But now what it does, it tilts.

Oh, yes.

Before, back in my day, it never tilted.

No, now it goes sideways.

It goes sideways and back, right? There it is.

Gravitron. There it is. Gravitron. Love this thing. You'll always see there's a guy who's bold enough to get in the middle and fuck around. There's always a nerd like that.

What's going on here? Just younger people know our podcast. Yeah, I think- No, I'm talking middle school.

Why were middle school people there?

I don't know, but it was like...

My boss's son knows about us.

How old is your boss's son? Middle school. That's what I'm saying. I had kids come up to go, Can we get a Mr. He missed her.

Well, if we If we have this influence from middle schoolers-Excuse me, Mister?

I go, Yes, son? May I get a photo of your youth, Mister? Sure. Where are your parents? Fuck them.

Oh, wow.

I go, Whoa. A rebel. Fuck you, too, Mister. I go, Just take the photo quick before It's shocking to me that it's a good thing. It's a good thing.It's.

Good.play to the youth.Play to the youth.

How are they listening? Youtube?

Yeah, we're on YouTube. Okay, that's good. We're on YouTube and we're on YouTube, and we're on Spotify, and Apple Music. We're everywhere. You can get podcasts. That's really good.

You can get That's really good. So you're Dean's... What? What? Whose son?

My manager's son. At work? Yeah, at work. She said, My son listens to your podcast. Oh, wow.

And what did you say?

How old is he? And then she said 12 or 13.

Yeah, it's strange.

I was like, Oh, is he-Is he Asian?

No. You're going to ask him, Is he Asian? No. Yeah. That's a Wait, is your manager Asian?

Latina.

Latina, okay. That'd be a weird question to ask then. The first one was like, Is he Latino?

No.

Yeah, for us. Then Asian made me next. Anyway.

God, it must be so nice to not wear sunscreen. I think whenever I just… It's unbelievable. It's my whole life.

You look red right now.

I know. I was out in the sun. I spent $600,000 last year on sunscreen. 600,000.

Yeah, $600, yeah.

$600,000. Spf 100.

What's that there?

What is this?

Just some really cool new commercial that just came out.

Oh, it's a brand new commercial out? Yeah. Let's see it.

Wait, I feel the lose.. You need 9X.

Wow.

Finally. I'm not good enough. Oh, does he kick it, E.

O.

G.

Wow, nine shades lighter. That's what it means. That's awesome. We should get you some of that, Ruud. I tried whitening skin.

You need 12X, I think.

It doesn't work.

Kids on fire today. You tried what?

I tried it, and it doesn't work.

Wait, you've tried that? Ninex?

Not that. Another product.

A whitening cream?

Yeah. A whitening cream? Yeah. I bought a whole set of scrubbing and the whitening soap and then the liquid thing.This.

Is terrible.It's so terrible, dude.

You have to be proud of who you are.

You got to be proud of who you are.

I used to do it in the Philippines because everyone was using it.Yeah.Well.

Look at that guy.Look at that guy.White fade. Yeah. Get yourself a white fade.

We have a white lady here. She doesn't even know how good she has it.

Yeah, tell me about it.

She just walks in and gets shit.

These white broads. Yeah. They get whatever they want.

They get whatever they want.Wow. What?

Nine X.

What do you think of that, though, of people that are brown wanting to be white? I get it in India, it's a huge thing, right? It's a sign of class and prestige or whatever. But why is that in the mentality of human beings?

Are we having a real conversation about that? Colonizers. Yeah, it's colonization.

Colonizers.

Yeah. Wow. Whites.

Whites. Not me. Not you.

No, You're on a claim. I'm one of the good ones. I got through. I was at the cookout. I think it's mind boggling that this is a promoted... I bet you they make a ton of money. People use the shit out of it. What did you use when you were in the Philippines then?

Gluta. I forgot the- Gluten free?

What?

Something Gluta.

That is how you turn into a white person. You want to be gluten free?

It's like an orange Gluta orange soap.

Was it expensive?

Gluta orange soap. Put that in.

Gluta orange soap. Then you would rub it on your skin every day?

Yeah, every day.

It worked for other people. You saw like, Oh, Sabrina.

Like my friends. They were so... There it is. That one, the brightening.

Lemon, brightening lemon.

That one, Kojic. That one? Yeah.

So both. How much is it? Fifty bucks on sugarbaby. Co.

You think that would make me disappear?Suicide. Can we order some? Yeah, let's order that.

We can order some.

What are we going to do with that?

I want to use it on one hand.

You're pretty light, dude. Yeah. Oh, you think so?

You're very light. I'm very light, okay. For an ethnic, I'm pretty light.

You're very light. I was thinking about that the other day.

I'm very light, uppity in that one.

You don't even look yellow. You just look white.

Thank you. That's the best compliment you're-Well, maybe this will help.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Brightening lemon, tumeric, and kojic acid soap.

But let's see you... Let's suppose there was a time machine, and you went to 16th century China.

No, thanks.

I know, but this is a scenario.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. I know when I went.

Okay, so you're in 16th century China. You're confused, right? There's peasants. But if you ran into me, be real, would you think I was a part of the empire, like you know what I mean, royal, or would you think I was an immigrant? Or like a peasant, I mean.

Based on your weight, I would think you're of superior. Well, because they do say if you were a little chunky, that means you ate well and you had money. That's not an insult. No, I like it. Right. I would be seen as a poor peasant because I'm thin and in shape. They'd go, This is a poor peasant worker boy. Oh, I see. But you're a rotund, and they'd go, This guy eats well. He is a royalty. He is clearly of some hierarchy class. Carlos, peasant boy.

Yeah. Peasant boy. I'd probably sound I'd probably go, Haddaw.

Oh, my God. Sexy.

I'm eating like bread.

No, a plum. A plum. You always have a plum. Haddaw. Little plum boy.

That's what they call you. Would you like to see my concubines?

Yeah.

My collection of concubines. Yes, I would love to see them.

My little plum boy.

What about her? If we ran into her. Yes, royal. Witcher.

I like that.Clear.

Witch.yeah, clear witch. What are those photos? Just looking at me.Okay, look at Push people. Yeah, push.

Zoom in on that. This is a rich guy in ancient China.

Dude, that's me, dude.

There you are. Had all. Just a little bit more beard hair. Yeah. But that's genuinely you.

That's genuinely me. I'd wear that hat and everything.

Oh, my God. Look, right there, the writing. It says Bobby Lee in the writing.

Yeah. That's beautiful. That's beautiful.

If you could take a time machine, when would you go back to?

Oh, that's interesting. I look like me?

You're Bobby Lee right now.

Bobby Lee time machine.

No one would know you in in this past. You're not you.

I would not get in that time machine. There isn't an era that I want to go to. This is the best my people have ever had it.

But I think you, specifically, would thrive I've-In what? In the late '60s, early '70s.

In America?

The cultural revolution.

I'd be in San Francisco.

That's what I mean. Yeah. I think you'd be like-I would just stand up. Well, you'd be a music... No, I see. I think you'd be a musician. You'd be a super popular musician making funk and fucking intergalactic.

You want to have a good time, baby, every day. Yes.

See?

Everybody, peace. Yes.

Whoa, dude. I think you would be an intergalactic, early '70s. I'm telling you. Really? The cultural revolution, the hippie revolution in Northern California, you would have been it, man.

You'd have been- But why can't I just do you mean? After that show? He goes on Malone at the hotel.

He does. You don't think he gets to get to get to get to get to I don't know if I just don't think referentially it would work.

My style. Yeah. Your style is too- Too wild.

Too wild. Okay. Lenny was a beat poet. Yeah. You have to be a musician to let your freak flag fly. Here, let's go. You're in a jazz club. Let's hear some comedic poetry. Dog.

Lip dog. Cat. Mind.

Reading.

I don't know. I've never... Desert. Hey, baby. Come down to the street. Meet my parents, my cat, Zetual.

See? It wouldn't work. Just doesn't work.

I don't even know what they sound like.

That was it.

I was trying to commit, but I didn't know what the fuck. I said Liverpool. What else did I say?

Come down to the street.

Me and my parents. Come down to the street. Me and my parents. How about you? You do it. No.

Corporate. It's good. White man killing us with their rules.

That's good. In their shoes.

Cut your hair. I don't care.

Where do I need to be where I am. Very good.

See, I would have been in.

That just sounds like the worst. You and I.

We'd get eaten alive.

We wouldn't even go to that show.

It would have killed us.

We'd be like, Boring.

Yeah, it would have been bad. Show us your dick. You think you'd show your butt hole in the set?

Oh, imagine what would happen.

You get arrested. Like with Lenny. Yeah, you and Lenny. He's like, What are you in for, man? Saying your truth.

No, I showed my butt hole to the audience. What do you think? You would like it or no?

No.

You wouldn't like it? No.

Wow. He'd be like, Hey, man, I'm at this hack in prison. He was so bad.

I know, I get a hack.

Showing your butt hole back then when he's doing his thing?

But no Asian has ever done that before.

Well, I guess that's breaking the mold. Yeah. Yeah, maybe you would be king shit back then.

Yeah.

Because they were like, You can't believe that this kid's wild, man. He has his butt hole. The inside of his butt hole.

He's Asian.

Whoa. Is it sideways?

Yeah.

Wow. Everybody turns their head when they see your butt hole.

Do you know anything about the Beatnik era? No. Yeah. You don't know any about the music?

She didn't know who Bob Dylan was. Last week, we said Bob Dylan.

Yeah, you didn't know who Bob Dylan was.

It blew my mind. It blows my mind. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's all going to go away. It's all going to go away.

I'm almost 53.

You're going to be 53 soon, kiddo. What do you want for your birthday, speaking of which?

Remember what I got you?

Yeah, I do.

I got you a bunch of shit.

You got me a watch case and you got me a range finder. Yeah. Very nice. Well, you I mean, your assistant did. I got it for you. Okay.

I've wrote all that, how much that is. No, I have.

Okay.

I just want ballpark. Whatever that is, you get me.

How much did you spend?

Grand.

You Is it $1,000? Yeah.

So whatever at that ballpark, you get me whatever. If it's $1,000 worth of KitKats, get me KitKats. But I want all of it.

I got to be honest with you. I've already gotten you your gift.

Is it $1,000?

It's a gift card to Panda Express for $1,000. That's great. You're going to be going a lot. I'm good.

I love it.

Is that okay?

Yeah, because I love their kong kong chicken. It is pretty good.

Pretty good. Yeah. Anyway- You know my favorite thing to do, by the way, lately?

Should I have a party? For your birthday? A dinner.

No, you got to have a dinner.

Okay, should I have a dinner?

Yeah, we got to have a big dinner. You know what we should do? What? Well, I was going to say have a party here, but that's probably a bad idea.

No, I don't think 53 is a milestone. I think when I do my 60, I'll do a big one.

Buddy, you're not...

You don't think I would make it 60?

No, yes, you will. No, 53 is big, man. It's an angel number. 53 is the smallest prime number that does not divide in the order of any sporadic group.

Here's what I want to talk to you about. This is what I want to... You got me in a conundrum.

Well, it sounds like it.

You got me in one. Go ahead. It's the pressure of doing a special now.

Yeah, he texted me this guy. He texted me and he says, I don't like this pressure. I said, What pressure are you talking about? I said, Don't push. Let it happen on its own.

Well, they came to this club. If they didn't come to the club, they came and they were like, We need to sit down with you. What do we need to talk about? Where it's going to be, what we expect it to look like, you know what I mean? This and that. It just made it so fucking real.

There is no pressure.

Okay.

It's also not for a holy calendar year. Okay, that's right. You know what? What? You're prepared.

I'm ready.

You're ready. You deserve it. I deserve it. People deserve it.

But here's why I fucked up. I should have done one a long time.

That's right.

Do you know why? Because I've held out this long, I feel like there's way more expectation on it. No. Is that not true? No? Probably. No. Oh, thank you, Carlos. You don't think so? Carlos, you are...

You're the worst human.such a fucking-You're a piece of shit.

I mean, it's the truth, No. You know what? Let me... This is good. No, no, no. Really.

Right. People don't believe it's going to happen.

Well, I signed the contract.

Sure. But America doesn't-Do you think I can pull out? You sure could. How could you not? It's a year away. They haven't paid you a dime. You don't get paid until you shoot it. If they didn't give you any money, you can always leave. Okay. Which you should not do.

I'm going to do it. People are excited for you to do it. I 100% want to do it.

What do you think you might call your special?

My first special.

Perfect.

Why can't it be?

I just said perfect.

Or first time.

No, I think what you just said was good.My first special.My first special.

Yeah. But when the posters show up, people will be like, Oh, this is going to be a big deal.

Well, you know what you should call it? My last special.

That's funny. That's actually funny.My last special.My.

Last special.

Yeah, that's it. My Last Special.Thank you.

You're so good with words.Yeah, I'm smart.

You're very smart.Thank you. What do you guys think of that?I like it.You like it? My last special?

Ask the foreigner and the lunatic. Or Dumplin.What?Dumplin..

It says the fucking porg. It looks like a space bird.

All right, let's talk. When you also called me, you said you want me to help you buy a new car, and I said, We got to do it. We got to get you a new car.

Okay, I need a car.

Let's take an audience vote. Let's have the audience write in what they think Bobby should be driving now, genuinely. Based on the audience, truly, we'll do a poll, and whatever they pick, you got to buy. Does that sound fun?

Well, I like the one I have right now. What do I have right now?

You have a Hyundai, a Genesis.

A Genesis Hyundai.

No, just a Genesis. You just need a lot of guy rails, like a not more thing, a tank. What was the car? You just had a Lamborghini. He's not going to buy a fucking Lamborghini.

Then you said a Mercedes what?

You said you wanted a luxury car. I said you either do BMW or Mercedes if you want a luxury-branded car. But then I said, But you want a Sedan or an SUV?

I want a small little sports car.

Yeah, he said a sports car. I was trying to pick what's a good little sports car for him. Audience at home, what's a good little... Like a Honda S 2000? That's fun.

Yeah, but I want something that's...

How appropriate it would be for you to have a rice rocket?

Like a Laura and all that stuff?

Just like a little... Yeah, wouldn't that be so cool? That'd be cool. I'd love that. Look up a Honda S 2000. When I was young, I thought this was the coolest fucking car on Earth. Look at that thing.

That's cute. That?

I love that thing.

But I don't like the...

What? When it's Oh, you don't want a drop top?

I want a real top.

A hard top.

Give me a hard top one.

You wouldn't want a drop top car? I don't like drop top. You don't want your beautiful hair waiting in the wind?

No, it's going to break.

What do you mean it's going to break?

I don't know how to do it. It's going to rain, and all of a sudden, it's.

Oh, right. Well, you'll leave the roof open 100%. That is a fact. That. How fun is that? That's cool.

How much is that?

Well, they don't make them anymore. These are old. This is from the early 2000s. Oh, fuck.

You can bid on this one for 27 grand. But they don't make new ones of those?

No, I don't think there's any new Honda S 2000. They make something like it, I imagine. I don't know.

Now, the Genesis I have, that's on a Hyundai?

Hyundai is the parent company. Okay. It's Genesis.

Give me a Genesis, a brand new Genesis, see what they look like. Maybe I'll get a Genesis.

You can do. Genesis is Hyundai's luxury brand.

Okay.

Right, there you go. Here in the G70 right now. I think that's what it is.

I'm not going to mat it last time.

No, don't mad it. Look at that. That's a slick car, man. That's pretty good. Not that one. That's a Hyundai, bud. Just write Genesis, not Hyundai, dude. Get Hyundai out of there. Just Genesis. What's that?

I like that.

That's what you have. That's the smaller one of what you have. Okay. Go to the website for Genesis. We're going to kill most of this anyway. Yeah, we'll kill it. Hold on. I just want to see which one's my... Look, that's Fly.

That's Fly, dude.

That's a G80, and it's electric. Do you want electric? I don't want electric. No, you want gas. Good for you, man.

I like gas.

What's that? Magma. Schmegma. That's the Schmegma. The all-new Hyundai Schmegma. What is under your skin?

Okay, good. I'm going to get that, maybe.

You know where Hyundai is made?

Korea.

Korea. Yeah. We should get you a Korean car.

I'm going to get a Korean car.

It'd be foolish for you to not. Yeah. You know why I drive German cars, right?

Why? Well. Exactly. Yeah. Because you're Italian. Yeah, that's right. Okay.

Yeah. Because I can't afford Italian car. Yeah. Or Mars or something. I had bug bites all over my leg. In the Midwest, there's this thing going on. This is so gross. We have cicadas. You know what cicadas are? I love them. No, you don't know, do you? No. This is so wild. Only people that know. Cicadas are these things that come out.

Are they like-Look at this.

That's what they fucking look like.

Oh, my God. Alien-looking.

Wait, this is weird. You don't know cicadas. Yeah, they are alien. They live underground for like-Oh, my God.

Look at that thing. Seven years.

Seven years, they come out every... No, is it more than that? Isn't it?

I think it's seven. Weren't there so much cicadas during early summer?

Where? Not here. We don't have cicadas. No, not here. Somewhere. Well, all over the country. But look, two to seven years, they bury themselves underground. Look, tell me this is not fucking- I'm listening to you. This is dinosaur alien shit. I love it. Then every two or seven years, they just come back out and they breed and they de-shell. So these little shells of their body are left all over the place. And they breed and they make this like, do a cicada noise when they're all together. It's like No, it's like a hum, though, because there's so many. It's so alien. Do the sound of it. Do YouTube cicada sound. So back home, they're everywhere. And then they bury, and they leave these little mites and shit in their eggs, and then they bite you.

Oh, shit. Yeah, they're so gross. You got Lyme disease?

I got Lyme's. I got Orange disease, too. Let's do this here. Look at my hair.

Here, hold on.

Listen.

It literally sounds like running water all day. You can just see them flying around all day.

Listen how loud that is. Wow.

But you know what's even a scary noise? Have you heard of the trumpets?

Little tiny trumps? No. Oh.

No. Eric and Barron. You know what I'm saying, though? Eric Barron.

Jim said it's very good people. Very good people on both sides.

No, I'm telling you, in remote places where there's no city, no planes, nothing. The sound of angelic trumpets.

What are you talking about?

Look it up then.

Angelic trumpets in remote areas.

Remote areas, yeah. Strange sounds are being heard around the world.

It's from six years ago. It says, now go to the first comment. It's fake. They're all fake. Wait, who What is that? Everybody, all fake. Who says that? Everybody. All the videos are saying it's fake.

What about the Appalachian?

Here we go. Maybe that. What's happening with the Appalachian?

What's going on with Appalachian? Right now?

No, I don't know how to pronounce it.

Appalachian Mountains. Appalachia?

Appalachian.

Yeah, we got you the first time.

Yeah, we fucking got you. God, get her some of that white cream.

But on TikTok, they're saying it's really the lure on that is really scary. You hear voices when you hike.

Oh, up in the Appalachian mountain range? Yeah. Yeah, they do say that they're very haunted. That I have heard. That's where my dad's from. Seriously, they do say that the Appalachian Mountains are home to a lot of ghostly, haunted. Seriously. No, that's- You know where they think most of those people are? Civil War deaths. That's insane. They think that the souls have retreated to the mountain range. Can you imagine if they won?

I wouldn't be here.

What a dream.

So good. You don't really mean that.

No.

There is this post I saw that Bobby liked?

What did you like? No women. What is this?

No women, no alcohol, no drugs, no smoking, no party, no entertainment, no video games, no distractions, no fast food, no hookups, no scrolling, no Netflix, no junk food, no negative people. This place is something different. They removed everything that's not making men grow.

When you enter the-So no Bobby Lee? No. That's everything you.

That's all you. First of all, how do you know that I liked It says it right there, liked by Bobby Lee. I know, but stop doing that. That's so private. That's intrusive.

Instagram shows what you like. But don't look. I see what you like all the time.

I know, but don't look. Don't look and don't like. How? If the thing comes up in my-Don't bring it up. It's so personal. Yeah, I like that. I want that. I want to be there.

Well, let's go.

Yeah. I want a place where I can just detach and just... You know what I mean? I know you're laughing, Macone, because you're not my age. You're young, vibrant. You got your whole life in front of me. But I have baggage. I have things that I'm dealing with, all What else?

This does look great. The Bali time chain.

Are there other things that I like that you've seen?

What else does he like?

I mean, I... Let's see. No, it doesn't show you what you like. Okay. How did you know that I like that one? Because it popped up on my algorithm and it said liked by Bobby Lee.

But why is it in your algorithm? You're in my... I mean, everything. Because we're all together, I see shit that you like all the time. Okay. I see shit that he likes all the time, and it's fucking scary. It's scary. It suggests stuff to me, and I'm like, No, thank you. The one was like, Build your own glory Hole at Home. Why would you need that?

Why would you need that? Here's this Asian woman who sells houses for single people.

Love this woman. House folder single.

. She's speaking English.

What?

Oh, my. I just got that.

Do it again.

Houseful the single. Oh, I literally thought you was speaking Chinese. Did you?

It says it right there. I know.

I was just watching her and watching the house, actually. Wow. Can I ask you something about that? I thought about buying that.

Like a little single man. Yeah, but where do you put it? I mean, where would you put it?

Yeah.

Probably in the front yard of your current home. Just have two houses? It's a tiny little thing.

It's like a little-Right, but to get one of those, do you have to buy land and then put that on the land?

I would imagine this is in a community, in a tiny home community where they all are, or you have to find a place to put it.

Would that be Interesting, huh? Do you want to do that? To buy a little land and get three of those things and connect them?

Oh, for friends?

Yeah, that'd be fun, no?

Or you could just live in a regular house. That's true.

That's true. That's the gala gala of it.

All right, Rudy, if you have nothing else to contribute right now. If you have nothing else that's burning inside of you that you need to get off your chest.

Well, we moved houses. I know. It makes me so sad. Wait, what do you mean?

We're not in the current house anymore.

Where are you guys?

Farther.

Where?

Away from me.

Away from here.

Away from Los Angeles? Mm-hmm. You moved out of LA? Mm-hmm. Good.

That's fine. Is it a big or a smaller room?

It's about the same, but the drive to here is really far.

Oh, wow. I'm sorry.

All right, so you moved and it's okay. You like it?

I like it a lot.

Have you decorated your room?

No, I'm too tired.

Yeah, that makes perfect sense.

Well, take us out.

Thank you for being a bad friend. Perfect.