Transcript of New Era of Toast: Monday, January 27th, 2025

Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to The Toast, and happy Monday. That has truly never felt more like a Monday, because today's a start. It's a rebirth. As Ramona Singer would say, it's a renewal of sorts. We are feeling ageless, we are feeling fresh, we are feeling new. Hello, Jackie. How are you?

Hi, turdy. Welcome to The Toast. I feel like this is a real welcoming. This is a new era of Toast. Claudia moved to her new studio, and due to that, we did a total studio refresh at both studios. So if you're listening as a podcast, you might want to head over to the video today for a Pargie treat because we are brand new.

Yeah. Secret project reveal. Over the weekend, Jackie and I both were hard at work doing absolutely nothing. But having studios built for us, we literally look like we're in the palace of Versailles. I am so excited about this. I can't believe we had such a major change undergoing, and we did not say one word about it to anyone. We were such secret keepers. It's giving like... I don't know. It's giving we can keep a secret.

We were so low key. We didn't even say secret project. I feel like we really wanted people to be excited and surprised by this. So yes, to put a bow on Friday's episode, that's why I couldn't leave my house this weekend, because starting Friday, right after we wrap the show, people have been here around the clock, setting up my new studio, getting the lighting, everything. So I stayed home all weekend. We had a variety of playdates, people coming in and out of the house to keep it a fun weekend at home because I couldn't leave. And now you know why, and I wasn't just being cagey.

No, this is truly a new era of toast. This is also our first dry run with all of our new equipment. If today's episode actually makes it to air, God is good. God is on our side. We are going to be okay. But we have new chairs, and I'm, first of all, so excited to see how this affects my coxedinia and my sciatica. I have really high hopes. I don't think there could have been a worse chair for me to be sitting in than our previous chair when it came to my tailbone issues. My physical therapist actually said that. While this technically was an extravagant expense, it's really a medical expense. It is.

It's covered by insurance.

1,000 %.

And it's covered by pet insurance because Brewie is feeling very at peace knowing that there is now space for him. It's really a couch. We have these big sofa chairs that can fit. We could share one sometime, Turdaloo, if you want to get a cozy.

Depending on what stage of our weight fluctuations we're at, we totally could share one.

We totally could. But now Bruno can be here comfortably, and he's literally been sleeping next to me the entire hour that we've been getting ready for the show. And I feel like we needed to bring back the do to do spirit, the spirit of the do.

B, B, B. Bing, back. Bruno. Bing, back. Bruno. Bing, back.

Bing, back.

Bruno. Bing, back. That's what I've been saying, Bing, back. Do you feel nervous today?

I feel like this is our first show ever. I haven't gotten nervous for work in a very long time.

Not only do I feel nervous, for sure. I feel a little awkward. I don't know why. This just doesn't feel familiar to me yet. So I feel like I'm podcasting in someone's house.

Yeah. I feel the way that I would feel if I was on someone else's show. I feel like I'm really doing a podcast, not just sat with my girl turdy on FaceTime. We'll get to that level of comfortability, but I'm glad we are acknowledging. I have stage Friday today.

Yeah. No, it's like when you and I podcast together in person after a really long time of remote podcasting, you can be like, feel really weird making eye contact with one another and the vibes are just weird. I'm feeling a little bit of that awkwardness today because I'm just not used to my usual setup. Usually, I have you right here. So I'm just readjusting, but I I could not welcome this new era of toast more. I feel like the timing is perfect. I love the vibes. I think a lot of people, there will be for sure people making edits on social media, rest in peace to the Palm Leaves, because they were such an iconic part, an integral part of our brand for the last truly seven years. Now, I don't feel like it has truly reflected who we are as human beings for a really long time. Having said that, people are attached to it, and there's validity in those feelings. I just want to give a moment, hold space for people who might be missing those palm leaves today.

Yeah, they were so good to us. But I'm excited to now look at palm leaves and look at that design and not be like, Oh, I have to sit down and do work. I can maybe go back to enjoying that esthetic, and that's exciting. But I welcome a new esthetic. It's Koumsafresh. It's been a while since we've done a total facelift, and we've never done it as intentionally as this. But I guess every time we move studios, the look changes. So you moving was meant to change the whole thing, which we've been talking about for a while. So the timing really worked But I am very excited. I think these party vibes really reflect us as people because it's very traditional and modern at the same time, and that's how I would describe us.

Very swirly as well. I can't really stress enough how, yes, our show looks different, but what's most different, and I think what people will probably appreciate the most is we've really upgraded all of our equipment. When it comes to videos and audios, we really spared no expense in giving everybody the most premium experience when it comes to watching, listening, receiving the toast. I'm looking forward to way less tech issues because our last studio was truly built by Jackie I and YouTube tutorials. We made it as far as we could- And guitar center. Yeah, guitar center. We made it as far as we could with our own free will and our wit and our scrappiness. And this time we outsourced. I can confidently say I had no part in building this studio, and that's how I know it's going to be great. That's how it should be.

We called in the big guns.

Yeah, I will miss that scrappy, shitty element. Having that jankiness on top of everything we do is so swirly coded.

Well, actually, Claude, we're still going to be those scrappy girls because once they leave today, they're never coming back. And it's on us to learn how to use all of this and do everything post-show that we've always done. So we'll still be those girls. Don't worry. We had a It was a three-day break.

Yeah, we did. It was so nice.

And we're coming back.

Yeah. This is the least amount of effort I've ever exerted in a project, and I have loved every minute of it. I really truly feel like a star.

Also, of course, we vlog the whole thing. So vlog is coming out on Patreon. Claudia vlogged her I vlogged mine, and I'm really excited to see yours, too. It'll be a dual vlog, which I love that. We should do more of that.

We should. There's so much newness and different... Because I'm also in a completely different physical space. Jackie's in the same room, but we've just totally turned it upside down. I left behind a great deal of my past at that former studio. I didn't even realize how much of a part the sirens played every day. I think people who don't live in New York really felt like New Yorkers when listening to this podcast, chasing ambulances and things like that.

They also It felt like they were being pulled over, which I'm happy for you guys that you hopefully will no longer feel that way.

My new studio has one and a half windows. It faces an alley. We're not going to be hearing anything. While that's obviously great for an audio experience, it's not great for those people who really wanted to tune into the toast and feel like they were living in New York City for a week and hour.

And feel like they were watching an episode of Cops.

I'm going to miss the excitement. I really am.

I didn't even realize how many people were going to miss the Truckers for Tasia. That That was a chapter that I forgot about. I wonder how Tasha feels about the Truckers for Tasha. But yeah, they were such a big part of the lore of the last studio, so we'll miss them, too.

Wait, totally separate side. Did you see the Dumont update on Richard Corkinelle and Matthew James, and then Richard Corkinelle's comment on it?

Yeah, I've been through a lot with it. First, I saw that Dumois commented, she had a blind item that Matt and James were spotted together in the city. And I was like- Matt and James, yeah. And I was like, seriously, I'm done with these two. They don't even know if they're together or not. I can't- It's so true.

Leave us out of it.

I can't just keep being invested in their story. Then Rachel commented, No, we weren't together.

No, and she literally said, Wasn't me, implying that he's with another woman.

Or I just think it's implying Or I think it's implying that these are lies.

You think there was no spotting whatsoever? I guess, how do you mistake Rachel Corkanel? Nobody looks like Rachel Kerkanaal. That's why she is Rachel Kerkanaal.

Yeah. If you know Matt and James, then you know what Rachel Corkanel looks like.

It's giving Elizabeth and James.

Yeah, it is. That's so funny. That to me was a demerit in the Dumois column or so.

Yeah. No, it's definitely a crack at her credibility.

Yeah. Where's the accountability? You got it wrong.

Yeah. Yikes. Although the last time she did supply a Rachel and Matt blind item about Japan, it blew the whole case wide open.

I don't want to hear about Japan.

Maybe she got a little big for her bridges.

I don't want to hear about Japan. It confuses the Rachel Matt continuum.

Yeah. Who is Japan in this world?

They're time travelers because they're in Japan together. They're also in London having pizza, and they're also in America breaking up in three hours and posting on Instagram, and they're at Nema Colin.

It's a lot. I just want to say I might be hearing phantom things, but is your camera still recording? I just heard a beep-boop.

Yes and yes.

The red light. Okay, just with this new studio, I have to stay on top of it. I heard a beep-boop.

It wasn't my beep-boop. It was a your beep-boop.

It wasn't mine either. No, my beep-boop was good.

We're good.

Okay. We have such great stories today. Actually, a lot happened over the weekend, especially with the football of it all yesterday. Especially with the football. But I would be remiss, devastated, and heartbroken if I did not update everybody on my journey to watch all the movies that are nominated for the Oscars this year. I made so much headway this weekend, and all that remains for me is The Brutalist, and that's because they refuse to put it on in some streaming service. I'm not sitting in a movie theater for three hours because while I love going to the movies, I've realized is that I think I like the movie a lot less when I see it in theaters versus in the comfort of my own home. I was thinking about this the other day, me and Ben were recounting how many movies we've walked out of. I have walked out of so many movies, and I feel like if I was watching them at home, I would have just finished them. Do you know what I mean?

Interesting. No, I feel like you would have just turned it off. But because a walk out is so much more serious, you're like, I walked out, versus like, Oh, I just went on my phone and let it play till the end. I feel like I actually like movies more in theaters because I don't go on my phone, and I really have to be sad for them. But also, I don't go to the movies often. So when I go, I see something that I know I'm going to like. Therefore, I like all of the movies that I see in theaters because it's like I'm choosing differently.

So in theaters, Ben and I on Saturday saw A Complete Unknown, which is the Bob Dylan movie Timote Chalamet. I now understand, of course, why it's called A Complete Unknown. It's still a terrible... Actually, when I was done with the movie, I didn't understand why it was called that. Then Ben was explaining it to me. Let me say this. Ben really liked the movie. Ben happens to have very fond feelings about Bob Dylan because he grew up with a dad who loved Bob Dylan. That's so Bruce. Bruce loves that type of... He loves Billy Joel. He loves these old Jewish men, James Taylor. I could see Ben. Ben was like, I loved it. And he was like, I know you hated it. I didn't say one word during the whole movie. I was counting down the minutes. I really didn't like it. I'm not sure if it's because one, the movie was bad. Two, and I guess I'm just putting this together, I don't like Bob Dylan. I don't know his music. I knew one song from the whole movie.

The answer The answer, my friend.

The whole movie is about how he hates that song. All I really know about Bob Dylan is what Timothée Chalamet portrayed to me. I feel like that's unfair because Timothée Chalamet made him into the most unlikable human being on the planet. I don't know what prosthetics or anything. They made him so physically unattractive that I was looking at pictures of Bob Dylan. I'm like, Oh, he was a major cutie. No, Timothée Chalamey as Bob Dylan was full-blown uggo, really ugly. I don't know what these prosthetics were because I was shocked to see young I got pictures of him. I'm like, Oh, I can understand how he swept the nation. He was a cutie. Also, Bob Dylan is a huge Jew. You would never know from the movie. There was one scene where he got a piece of mail that said Robert Zimmerman, and his girlfriend Is that your name? That was literally it. It's like, Is he hiding his Jewish identity? I'm like, Oh, is he a self-hating Jew? Then I went on, did some research. Oh, the man loves Judaism, wrote this beautiful song, Neighborhood Bully About Israel in the '80s. He's been knowing about Israel since the '80s.

He's even letting a cone.

No. I was like, Where is his identity? I feel like as somebody who knew nothing, nothing about Bob Dylan, I still know nothing. The movie taught me nothing. Everybody in the theater was an older person who probably knew a lot of the context. I did not. He just looked like an ass.

Okay.

Maybe he is an ass. No, that's not the vibe I was getting on Google.

Oh, okay. I can't add. Just like you, I have no point of reference for Bob Dylan. I can't add anything to this conversation.

I know. Then at the end of the movie, they had classic black and white text with all of his accomplishments and how much of a thoughtful and also cause-driven person he was. I'm like, That was not Timothy. Timothy was just a dick. All these things. I'm like, That does not add up with the person you just portrayed in this movie. He won a Nobel Peace Prize. He was really passionate about social causes. In the movie, he was passionate about nothing except smoking cigarettes. It was really just... I didn't like it. But having said that, I don't know if that's a universal truth. I think Ben liked it. I think a lot of the people around me were cackling. I was just not feeling it at all.

Yeah. I wouldn't want to watch a movie about some random guy off the street either. I don't know him.

Yeah, it was a given guy on the street.

He was giving, I don't know her.

Yeah, 100%. But then that led me... I was making progress. I'm like, wow, I only have two more movies that I want to see.

Then you told me you saw it, and I'm like, Claudia, you need to watch Amelia Perez because we talk about it all the time. You're watching the Oscar movies. It's the most nominated. I'm sorry, you have to watch it if you want it really to be taken Obviously.

And there's so much discourse around it that I absolutely... I had to. Ben didn't know what it was about. I tricked him into watching it because he wanted to look up what it was about. I was like, no, I really wanted him to be completely surprised.

That's also the best anyway.

Yeah. And it's such like a outlandish concept for a film that I thought he would really enjoy the surprise. Let me tell you, we watched Amelia Perez, and by no stretch of the imagination, is it a good movie? I would never recommend it. It's almost satirically bad, especially the elements of the musical. I watched the whole movie, which felt like 10 movies in one. It was this weird, stupid musical. It was this story of gender identity, but Very quickly, that ends. The drug lord transitions in the first 20 minutes. It's a two-hour movie. It's actually not about that at all. It's five different movies in one. It's about the sex change. It's about her new life. It's about the organization. Then it's like a hostage movie. It is seriously the most aimless, pointless movie because when... I'm telling Ben as we're watching, I'm like, No, I mean, and this is a story that really shook Mexican culture at the And I'm explaining how crazy it was. Then I wanted to wait till I was done with the movie to research what parts of the movie were real, what parts of the movie were you, you fictionalize.

And I come to find out that the entire movie is fiction. This is not a true story.

Yeah, I don't know why you were under the impression that it was a true story. You had said stuff like that on the show. I think because the tostadas were really offended by it and you were getting the idea that why choose this story to tell as if it true story out of so many other true stories. But that was just a leap that you had made.

So upon finding out that the whole thing was fake, I really felt almost annoyed that I wasted my time. I learned nothing from this movie. Then I was reading a lot of the feedback and why it's overwhelmingly negative. It's a movie that's beloved by critics, but despised by both the Mexican community and the trans community. It's like, this is our story. No, it's not. Then Mexico is like, are you guys kidding You never make movies about our culture, and the one that you do is really highlighting the worst parts of Mexican culture that's really not emblematic of Mexico. That's drug cartels. It's all about these people who go missing, all about violence and crime and drugs. It's like, really, that's what you're putting out there. Everyone's mad for their own reasons. I'm mad because I wasted two and a half hours of my fucking time.

Why does it have 13 nominations? Who wants this?

I'll tell you why. Because they literally created a movie to check a million boxes in the Oscar category. That's why they made it a musical, so it could be nominated in score. They literally were just doing rent because the movie felt seriously just like a hodgepodge of crapola. I don't even know what I was watching half the time.

You know what it feels like? It feels like if you ask A, I. Write me a script for a movie that will win all of the Oscars, and then they start checking off all of these buckets that the Oscars care about.

Obviously, the Vaginaplasty song was the highlight of the film for me, and Ben literally was like, Oh, this is what you've singing all week. I'm like, Yeah, sex change operation. But there were so many songs, Jackie, and they were all just like that. They were either in Spanish or English. I know this is what musicals are. We're having a conversation, then I start to sing But it was highlighted so... I never think in a musical, it's weird that that person's singing, right? Yeah. In Amelia Perez.

I'm like, why? I'm like, Yay, the song is here.

Amelia Perez, I'm like, Why are you singing? It was so wrong. None of it added up. Let me tell you, in the beginning of the movie, when she's looking for a doctor who can do the operation but also protect the identity of this person, this very high-profile drug cartel Lord, she travels around the world looking for the best doctors, and she ends up in Tel Aviv. I was like, No way is this movie taking me to Israel. That's what I mean. You never knew what this movie was going to throw out at you next. They ended up going with Dr. Wasserman, the Jewish doctor from Israel, who, We'll keep your secret. Kept the secret. The movie just kept going, right turn, left turn, left turn, right turn. I can't even tell you what the movie was about.

Why you got to bring the Jews into it?

Yeah, no. It was just like, we have our own problems, and this terrible movie, we don't need this right now.

It's a narrative we wish to be excluded from, one in which we never asked to be a part of.

It was actually embarrassing for the well-known actors to participate in this movie. It's crazy because Zoe Saldana is winning, so she doesn't look at this project as embarrassing.

No, as a stain, no.

But the dancing and the singing and It was the crazy dialog.

What was Ben's reaction when Selena Gomez says that line?

Oh, my God. She says it in Spanish, so it obviously hits different because you're reading the subtitles, but she essentially is talking to this man, and she's like, My pussy hasn't stopped the robbing since I last saw you. She says it in Spanish, and he was like, Whoa. That's what I mean. Jackie, it was so unnecessary. The guy that she was on the phone with is an old lover, old and they get back together. It wasn't even a crazy type of relationship. They just kept doing such crazy things for the sake of what? Absurdity. The theme of the film was absurdity. Nothing was cohesive. Nothing made sense. It was seriously, by the end, I was getting so fatigued by the plot twist because by the end, it's a movie about a hostage, and they have to get the hostage back. I'm like, How the fuck did we get here? It was seriously the biggest waste of my time, especially knowing that it was not actually based on true I don't know what led me there. I'm surprised because people are always so quick to correct me when I make things up in the comments. I didn't see one person say that Amelia Perez was not based on a true story.

That's because no one's seen it. So they couldn't correct you because they didn't know.

Correct. So things I did, that. Things I wish I didn't do, also that. And the only thing I have left is the brutalist. And if anybody could give me some tea on whether or not it's going to be on a streamer anytime soon, that would be enormously helpful. Also, when I went to the movie theater, I got into a fight with an old lady.

Oh my God, turdy.

I was walking out of the bathroom at the end of the movie, and there's one door into the bathroom and one door out. She was coming in, I was coming out. We just class. She was like an old lady with a cane. I was like, Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I obviously moved away and let her walk through. She rolled her eyes at me so hard. I didn't do anything wrong. I was just leaving while you were entering. It's just unfortunate that there's one door.

No, things happen. Doors open.

I guess normally, under certain circumstances, a lady with a cane, obviously, I would never be disrespectful to, But like, Bitch, I'm pregnant now, so we're in the same boat. We're both not well. I literally was like, You're going to be fine. What did I do? I went out of the way. I said, Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. Even though I didn't do anything wrong, we just collided very naturally. I did nothing wrong. I was like, Oh, my God, I'm so sorry, please. Then I It was out of the way for her and her cane to come through. She's shaking her head, rolling her eyes. Honestly, sorry, I don't care who the fuck you are. You're a bitch. You're a bitch. It's timeless.

I totally agree. That's so crazy.

I'm just so sick of letting these people... What? Because you're geriatric? No. And by the way, Normally I would, but now I'm checking a box. I'm also... I deserve doors open for me. I'm pregnant. So you want to play with me? You want to play with me, lady.

So what did you do? Did you hit her?

No, I just said, You're going to be fine. And I'm 90% sure she didn't even hear me.

Of course, she didn't. She was probably down the hallway and you're like, to finally come back with your come back.

She was right next to me, but she was so old.

She was hard of hearing.

A normal person would have heard me a thousand %. Because she didn't even react. You know she was the type of bitch who would have reacted if she heard me.

Damn. Well, that's really awkward.

No, it wasn't. It felt good.

Okay. Well, I read this weekend, finally.

Oh, I saw your story.

I read The Goddess of Warsaw, which is a historical fiction book that I actually wish I picked it for the red heads. Oh, my gosh, I posted that I loved it so much. I just had a couple of notes. The author DM me. She's like, What are your notes?

Oh my God. That's seriously the worst part of being as successful as we are, especially in the literary space. Roasting a book on your stories. Sometimes she'll really hate it.

Her message was really nice. The thing is, I didn't roast the book at all. Like I said, I loved it. I highly recommend. I had a couple notes. By notes, I meant thoughts. But of course, I have a couple thoughts. I just read a whole book about the Holocaust.

It's also like, you have notes? Who the fuck do you think you are? She was like, What are your notes?

I would love to answer some questions. I was like, no, I just meant... My note is that I loved the historical... It was historical and then also modern day and the historical piece. It's actually about the Warsaw Geto Uprising in Poland, which I learned about back in the day, but I needed a refresher because it's such a crazy story. It's like tragic, but it's also like Masada, these just heroic, tragic stories. You're choosing not if you die, but how you die and with dignity. So I loved that part of the book, and then eventually that part ends, and then we go into the future. And I just really enjoyed that part more. So that was my note. And I was like, no, I just love that, and I just wish there was more of that. But the book was amazing, and I do wish that I chose it for the Redheads, but you should still read it if you are interested. Also, today is Holocaust Remembrance Day.

It is a great way to celebrate. A great opportunity to donate to the Mark Schönwetter Holocaust Education Foundation, mshef. Org. Or read a book if you'd like to- Yes, there's so many ways to remember.

Broaden your knowledge. There are so many stories, so many tragic stories. Also, what I liked about this book is that it was a historical, fictional take, but it brought in a lot of true things that happened. I I learned so many... Just remember when you were reading that story, I think Sophie's Choice, and you learned about things that happened that you didn't know, just small moments or people. There was a lot of that, just characters and events that I didn't know out that she brought true things into it. So I learned a lot about that time that way. If you do want to learn, historical fiction makes the reading easy. It's not like you're reading a big non-fiction history book, but you get a lot out of it. It was It was actually the perfect thing because I just had said I wanted to read things with more heft, and it was definitely hefty.

Well, for Holocaust Memorial, I feel like people are always asking what to do, and reading a book is great advice. I also feel like check today, specifically, a local JCC or a Hillel Al-Chbad, because I think that a lot of them put on programs of having Holocaust survivors come and tell their stories. We're less than 100 years out from the Holocaust, but we're getting there. We're the last generation of people who will be able to hear first-hand experiences from people who lived through it, people like Mark. But there are quite a few left. Most of them live in Israel, but a lot of them live in America. A lot of them go around and do speaking gigs. They answer questions. They just tell their stories. It's so powerful. If you've never met a Holocaust survivor in person or had the opportunity to hear them speak, it's literally the biggest privilege in the world. Just check your local JCC or something.

Yeah, definitely.

I feel like they'd be doing that today.

Yeah. That's always a good reminder.

Last thing, just taking a sharp right turn. Everyone just ignore me. Lots of people want to know update on our theme song competition. Have we chosen a winner? What's the status? Jackie and I have chosen a winner. We are in communicado with the winner. The winner is working on signing the paperwork, and then the winner will fork over the song, and Jackie and I will get in the studio. I don't know if we're going to share until we have our own version. What do you think? Should we share the winning version on our Instagram?

No, I think that we should wait. It's a nice big exciting reveal, and I'm very excited about that. Got to get on the studio, do my vocal warmups.

There's just so much change happening here. It's so funny. We do nothing. We literally change nothing for years. Then in one week, we have a whole new song, a whole new studio, a whole new life.

When it rains, it pours.

Yeah, I completely agree.

How are you feeling about all the change? Pulse check, because I know you're not a change friendly person.

I'm actually with this particular set changes. I'm really comfortable with it. You guys know how I had so many problems with my old studio. This new one is just closer to my house. The bathroom is cleaner. Everything about it is better. So I'm feeling okay. Getting rid of the Good Morning, Millenials, which is going to be a big thing for us, and replacing it with a theme song. That I'm having a little bit more second thoughts about because it's hard to create these iconic moments that people come to love and expect and know, and we're just doing away with one. It feels wasteful. I don't know.

Yeah, but evolution.

Evolve or die.

Evolve or die. That's what brings us to today.

That is what brings us to today. Also, just so much to discuss. Taylor on the Field, Travis is going to the Super Bowl. Bruno Mars has a new song that's really taking the world by storm.

Big football news. We'll do football at the top of the stories. In order to recap last night and the puff pastry hot dogs that I made, let me tell you, they were so damn good. I'm cracking up because you Ben called me, and they thought that I stole Ben's idea to make an Ina puff pastry.

Yeah. Ben had just made a video of him recreating an Ina garden recipe using puff pastry and mustard that he saw on Ina garden when we were watching Back to Basics, Bearfoot and Tessa. Then One week later, my sister was making a puff pastry Ina dish using mustard from her Ina cookbook. We didn't accuse. We just thought maybe she saw an inspiration, so we just called and asked.

No. But then we realized we came together and we turned on Ina, and we're Oh, she has one trick. It was in her cookbook, and it was in her show because- Because there's multiple recipes. I had my eye on that recipe in that cookbook for two years, but I never made it. Then I was like, I wanted pigs in a blink, and I was like, Oh, yeah, that Ina recipe. It's in her cookbook, and it's on her show. But honestly, painting on some great gone on puff pastry, Chef's Kiss, she is right for that.

Let me say something about Ina, and I feel like maybe it's unfair to say it just about Ina. I think it's any- Are you going to drag her by her hair? I'm not because her hair is not long enough for that. But what I'm going to say is, and I I think that if you were to watch any... Because me and Ben just got obsessed with Ina. Her show was on Max. We must have watched in the last two weeks, 25 episodes of her show. It's short, it's 25. You just watch a lot of her. I don't think it's specific to her. I think you would find this with any chef, but she's quirky. I feel like her food actually just tastes good because it's all butter and salt. That's it. Anything is good if you put a whole stick of butter and a gallon of salt in it. She garnishes everything with more salt. And that's her catchphrase. She's a little bit more salt because you can never have enough. Actually, you can. It's called high cholesterol. She's just... I don't know. I feel like, is her food good or is it just the butter?

Well, I will say everything that I've made from one of her cook Bookbooks has been good. And I don't go for the butter-heavy recipes. But last night's hot dog in Puff Precidive was extremely decadent. I had a two-thirds of one, and that was as much as I could have. But it was a special treat. Beat, for sure.

Of course.

But it was really- Just saying.

Really powerful. I don't think it's specific to Ina. I'm not being critical of her. Even though I feel like a lot of people think me and Ina have beef because I made fun of her memoir so endlessly, and my husband's in love with her.

Why wouldn't I just like her? I was talking about her yesterday. I had people over, not to rub it in. We were talking about Ina, and I forget what we were saying, but it came up your thoughts on her and how you literally dragged her to filth the last time we talked about it. Every time we talk about her, The next time, I tried to be like, her memoir is exciting.

Well, it's a bad name, first of all. Second of all, I think ever since Martha Stewart said that thing about Aina not fucking with her after going to prison, I just realized that Ina is not the type of girl I would ever be friends with.

She's not the girl you thought she was.

She's not the girl I thought she was. That's not my fault. That's Aina's fault.

I agree.

Great.

Now, without further ado, it is time for the Fast Five stories that you need to know.

The Fast Five stories that you need to know are brought to you by The Flipoff. We've got something super exciting to talk about. The premiere of HGTV's buzzy new series, The Flip-Off. Trust us, as experts on the matter of Tarek Elmoussa, you do not want to miss this one. Christina Hack and Tarek were married. You guys know they're the king and queen of flipping shows. Then they got divorced. But now, after 10 years of history and drama and a couple of new marriages, these exes are ready to face off to prove who's the best flipper around in the flip off. It's Tarek and his new wife, as we all know, Heather El Moussa, flipping against Christina, and their goal is to flip a house with the biggest payoff. It's HGTV at its absolute best, but it's not just about the flips. This series serves up stunning transformations, competitive banter, and some deeply raw and at times uncomfortable personal moments. It's not all gloss and glamor. It's gritty, real, and totally captivating. We're going to see Christina and her soon-to-be ex-husband, throwback to Josh Hall, in a really intense exchange on their way to the flip.

It's really awkward. Then Christina then opens up to Tarek about the troubles in her marriage. The drama is real, but the heart of the series is really the transformations. Christina and Heather's designs, and I for Style, really elevate the new series with high design that you don't see anywhere. Their mastery as real estate experts, flippers, and entrepreneurs is on full display. They spent years honing their crafts, and it really shows. Did we mention special guest appearances? Each week, notable celebrities like Amanza from selling Sunset, Heather Dubreau from Orange County Housewives, Tark and Christina's Mom, and the most surprising, Christina's second husband, TV star, Auntie Anstead, is also guesting on the show. Auntie Anstead. They will be judges to compete. Mark your calendars. The flip-off, Must Watch TV is premiering Wednesday January 29th at 8: 7 Central. To see who wins with the first of its kind competition, you don't want to miss it. Today's episode is also brought to you by Thrive Cosmetics. Whether you like fresh-face, full glam, or somewhere in between, you've probably seen Thrive Cosmetics viral tubing mascara. The one in the turquoise tube all over your social media when you're watching turdy get ready.

I have such a complicated relationship with my eyelashes ever since I burn them off. It was the winter of 2019, and I was in Utah trying to set up a... Whatever. It's a long story. I burn my lashes off, and they never really grew back normally. I have really straight lashes, and so they don't really hold a curl well. Somebody introduced me to the Thrive Cosmetics tubing mascara shortly after the incident in 2019, and it has been the best thing to ever happen to me. It introduced me to the brand in general, and I love their tubing mascara. It's called the Liquid Lash Extensions Mascara. It lasts all day without clumping, smudging, or flaking. It looks like lash extensions, but you don't have to deal with glue, damaging salon prices, things like that. It's also really easy to take off. They also offer a flake-free tubing formula, which will dramatically lengthen and define your lashes from root to tip. They have tons of other products that people love. We I love those hydrating lip tints, the Brilliant Eye Brightener, which is like a highlighter stick made to brighten your inner corners, giving you an instant eye lift, is one of their best sellers, too.

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Thank you, Turdit Money.

You're welcome. I haven't sung in the studio yet. Let's hear what the... Just let's get a quick mic check. The acoustistics. Yeah. Skimming Hannah Montana transitions.

Yeah, so good. I would love to get Hannah Montana transitions between ad breaks and even stories in this episode. We would have to do them live because Okay.

But I challenge, accept it.

I will. So next time I say, Are you ready for the next story? Every time I say it, if you could just remember to do a little ditty.

Oh, yeah.

Our first story, Little Football News, The The Chiefs and Eagles are going to the Super Bowl. The Eagles triumphed over the Ross Washington's, and the Chiefs beat the bills. Sorry to win.

But they don't even deserve the name Ross Washington. Sorry, the way they played crud. Sorry, don't come for me, fans. It was It was not giving Commanders. It was giving the Washington. You know what? I don't want to come. I'll say it. It was giving the Washington Losers. My God, ever heard of catching a ball? Yeah, they did lose. It was really bad. They lost by 25 points.

But the Commanders were never going to the Super Bowl. I feel like we could have called that.

But good luck telling their fans that.

Last week, no. The team named Commanders, they don't even know who they are.

It doesn't elicit that Super Bowl energy.

It really doesn't. So they're not going to the Super Super Bowl, as you would think. The Chiefs did beat the Bills, which after the Eagles beat the Commanders, I was... By the way, I didn't watch a lick of either game, but I was then hoping for the Bills to win more, even though typically I wouldn't have cared, just to do something different. Eagles Bills?

Yes. I watched both games in full.

The birds are fighting.

It was clear from day one, minute one, that the eagles were going to be winning that game. It was like, Okay, who are the eagles going to play? I also was rooting for the Bills, one, just to change it up, and two, because I heard a statistic about the Bills that Ben told me that actually made me want to cry for them. They deserve it. Okay, first of all, they have never won a Super Bowl, which is just crazy. They had OJ. They're not a losery unknown team. They're always making waves. But they have been three times or maybe even four. Jackie, they went in 1990, '91, '92, '93, and they lost every single time.

Then this would have been their chance to go, and they're not even getting to go. Because I also feel like getting to go is really even if you don't win. Obviously, winning the Super Bowl goals, but getting to play at the Super Bowl is a goal as well. Huge. Yeah. By then, I was rooting for the bills. But the Chiefs these days, they're just the Patriots. They are just that team. They are the best team. They're not winning by chance at this point.

The greatest in the league.

I'm happy for the Eagles to have another shot at the Chiefs. I feel like they wanted the Chiefs to win so that they can have that moment. I feel like they might even let Jason Kelsey play in the game or be on the sidelines.

But the thing is, and sorry, don't comfort me, Eagles fans, because I respect you and I understand your desire. But based on just what I know, it's not even a question the Chiefs are going to win again, because look at the games they played last night. That's what I don't like about these two divisions because I feel like based on merit, the Super Bowl should have been the Chiefs and the Bills. They were the best teams in the league this year. So the fact that the Bills don't even get to go sucks. And I think that if the Eagles played the Bills, they would have lost. Do you know what I mean?

Yes, I do know what you mean. And so odds are- They're rolling into the Super Bowl, having played, no offense, Washington, this big team of losers who seriously could have got arrested if they tried.

And they won by so many points. It's not impressive. If I played a preschooler, yeah, I would win Also. I think that they are coming in thinking they're hot shit. The Chiefs played the Bills. They earned hard. It was a three-point game. They earned it last night. I feel like it's not even a question of who's going to win. I just want to say no hate to anyone involved. I'm so bored. I'm so bored. How many times have I seen the Eagles play the Chiefs? A thousand times. Give me someone new. I understand that's how it works. When you're building dynasties, it's like, I get it. But just as a consumer who's purely showing up for entertainment purposes, I am bored.

I agree. I think odds are the Chiefs will win based on stats and skill. But sometimes people have an off game, and sometimes people have- No, but this team doesn't.

Sorry, they literally don't.

Someone could get injured. God forbid. I don't want that to happen. But that's the thing. They're so stacked. Sometimes the Juju is off. That's what the Eagles have to hope for.

They have built-in contingency plans because I feel like earlier in the year, Travis was stinking it up, and they kept winning because they have such a good team. They have other alternates. They're stacked. They have plans in place for these kinds of things for injuries and lack of Juju.

I also want to say, so not only do they need lack of juju, the Eagles want it more. Yes. Maybe for that reason, they could win. They are the underdog. What does Jason Kelsey say? Hungary dog is going to eat? They might win because of that, because they're hungry.

They might. They're hungry. I think I've seen this film before. I don't know. It's just not hitting in the way that it did the first time around. I loved seeing Taylor on the field, but it wasn't as crazy. It's just like she belongs there now.

Yeah. She belongs with me.

Even the last time we were like, there's no way she's going to be on the field. And then she went. I don't know. I was hoping for something new. Maybe like, Kelly Steinfield on the field.

Yeah. Was she at the game last night? Did you see I don't know.

I went to her social media, and she doesn't post as a wag ever. Her social media is extremely business, promotional, which I really respect. She is this global superstar, but not even on her stories, wearing an offseason Puffer from Kristen Uschek. I saw none of it.

Yeah, but I feel like she was definitely there as the fiance. I don't think anything called her away. But yeah, she's pretty low key.

She is. So I don't even know if we would have seen her on the field.

I feel like we would have, and we were robbed of that. But it is exciting for the girlies. Lur will be at the Super Bowl. Who's going to be in the box with her? This whole thing again. But yes, we have still seen this film before, but we liked the movie. So the movie that we liked got a sequel. It's true.

A sequel. I read a statistic that was Taylor's been to 22 Chiefs' Games, and they've won 19 of them. That's just so crazy.

Yeah. Jessica Simpson is crying when she read that.

A thousand %. Whatever the opposite experience of Jessica that Jessica had, Taylor is currently having.

Yes. But I also think Taylor goes to all the home games, and don't It will just statistically win more home games?

Yeah, that's true.

She does go to a lot of mostly home games. Not to say that she's not his good luck charm. Of course. Everyone wants to play better when Laura is in the room. It's definitely intimidating. And they are also just a dynasty. They're just a good team. She picked a... Maybe she dates Travis because he's on the best team, and that's why the best team keeps winning because it's the best team that she chose.

It would have been impressive if she started dating someone from the Cleveland Browns, and all of a sudden they're at the Super Bowl. That's impressive.

One thousand %.

She's just shooting fish in a barrel. Yeah.

No, but Travis only got a date with her because he's on the best team. She wasn't dating someone from the Jets.

Right.

Not to bring the Jets into this. They've been through a lot.

I'm just bringing everyone into it so people can't say, Charity, you're so mean I'm like the Detroit fans. Don't bitch. I'm mean to everyone.

Also, I think you're mean to all the fans of the NFL because they're all crazy.

They're all so crazy, and it's also funny.

They're all the elk of crazy people in a different way than other crazy people. But people get so bent out of shape.

Although I will say, because I do think a lot of the times people's reactions are so crazy. I did last night, I did really feel for the Bills fans, mostly because I love Josh Allen. I really relate to somebody with old tweets. I love him, and I think he's really sweet, and I think he works really hard, and he does all that he can. He didn't mess up. I just want to say I'm not a football expert, but I know that there's a group of people whose job it is to protect a quarterback, and they had obviously lost their vision or something because they were just doing a terrible job last night. He did all that he could. Nobody had one big error. I felt bad for them. They fought hard. They played a good game.

Isn't that sometimes worse than just losing by a ton, and you never stood a chance. You were this close.

Is Bruno choking? Is he okay?

Classic, Broody. This close. What is it? Lambo? No, that's something. What? Lombardi.

The Lombardi. They don't get Lamborghini's when they win the Super Bowl.

No, no. Lambo Field is the packers.

The Lombardi Trophy is the big football that they get if they win the Super Bowl.

Travis saying, again, he's saying, Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight.

That's what I'm saying. Everything is just giving repetitive.

I feel like I'm literally in a simulation. I guess he did that.

Yeah, because nobody recalled back to him. He said, Do a little dance, make a little love. Then he basically gave the microphone to the crowd to say, Get down tonight. They didn't realize what was happening. So it was like, get down tonight. It was just a little awkward.

Yeah. And I always forget that that's his personality.

I know because he's just serious on the field, except when he's doing his end game, end zone dance. Yeah. I want to be your end game.

Well, that's our Super Bowl. Two weeks, the big game. We'll see who it's going to be, though, at this point. I don't care so much.

Yeah, no. At this point, I know.

And Chiefs v. Igles was really fun when it was Brothers Bowl. The Kelsey Bowl. Brothers Bowl. Yeah. Without Jason, it doesn't hit the same.

Agreed. #bringbackmyjason.

Are you ready for our next story? Mm-hmm. How quickly they forget. Where's my transition?

Oh, yeah.

Real House House of Beverly Hills star, Erika Jane's son, Tommy Rizzo. Oh my God, that's us. Tommy Zizzo Jr. Testifies at ASAP Rocky's trial. So, yeah, this is really just a who's who of Hollywood and showing what a small town it can be.

It's so true. It's so random. I think when people read the headline, you're like, what? But then you hear the facts. It's actually not that crazy.

Thomas Zizou Jr, an LA police officer and son of Erika Jane People don't realize because he's not on the show, but she has a son, and he is a police officer in LA.

And he took this- His last name is not Jade or Girardi, so you would never know that they're related. It's Zizzo.

He took the stand on Friday during day one of ASAP Rocky's trial, TMZ reported. Asap faces two counts of assault with a semi-automatic firearms related to a 2021 shooting incident in Hollywood. He is accused of firing two or three shots at Tarelle Efron, a childhood friend. According to the AP, Efron claims the alleged shots grazed his knuckles. The rapper has pleaded not guilty, and he faces up to 24 years in prison if convicted. The officer Zizzo was one of the first LAPD officers to respond to the scene of the alleged 2021 incident. While on the stand, he testified about what he saw the scene when he arrived.

Okay, so yeah, he was just like a cop, a part of a trial. Cops do trials all the time. It just so happens that this is a high-profile trial and that the person on the stand has a wife who's obsessed with housewives. That's the funny part. People were like, I wonder if Bad Gal Riri still follows Eric on Instagram. She does. I feel like she probably wouldn't have put this together until the internet did. It's so random.

It's true. I don't think she would have put it together, how could she? Unless someone had told her, but who would know such a thing? I don't see how this changes anything of Rihanna's standard. He's just doing his job.

Do you think that ASAP's lawyer could use this as some leverage for a mistrial? It's not a conflict of interest in any way, but a lawyer maybe could spin it like that.

No, I think in Hollywood, the odds that two people in a trial have a connection to fame are not crazy.

The judge has seen it before. But I guess then if anybody on the jury is a huge fan of Housewives, they would have to recuse themselves.

Perhaps, but they won't know that they I can't consume content about this trial, so I don't think they would know this.

It's also low-key, no one's talking about ASAP Rocky being on trial for egregious crimes.

I didn't realize that.

It doesn't It's all set up. I don't know. It's giving he's framed. What I know about him from being Rihanna's boyfriend, being happy to play second fiddle to her.

He's a supportive partner and a doting father and husband partner.

Yeah, right. People who are supportive partners and let the women in their lives make way more money than them and are so proud of them, they just don't go around shooting people. They just don't.

They don't choose their childhood friends.

No, they don't. It's incongruent with the man that I've come to know. Yeah. I'm on his side.

We're now on watch for this trial because also for two reasons now.

Right, of course.

It would have been news regardless.

That's the thing about Bravo. It is connected to everything. There's always a Bravo connection. Katie Perry suing the 1-800 flowers guy. It turns out to be Cameron West Scott's father-in-law. It's crazy.

Yes, but I also think it's because the housewives are notable people or their families are notable. That's why they're housewives because they are connected connected.

Speaking of housewives, did you see Bows from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills had a birthday party in New York, and Doreet flew from LA to be there? All the Roni women were there. She was posting, and then she was like, My girl Doreet flew in from LA. Oh, so cute. I was like, Oh, these two They're real friends.

No, I didn't see that. Why'd she have it in New York?

I don't know. Maybe she has a lot of friends in New York, or she just happened to have been in New York, but Doreet flew, and they were posting such cute pictures. Love. Love? No, I'm obsessed with their friendship.

Apparently, when I asked last week who was on watch Open's Live, apparently, was Bowes, and Dorit was in the audience. Or their best friends. Yeah, I don't know if Dorit was in the audience. Wait, but she was saying that she was defending Dorit at every turn. I would have loved it. So now I got to go watch. I have them all recorded. Yeah.

No, I'm telling you, I had a good feeling about her when she showed up, and It's nice to be right, finally, about something.

Oh, my God. Speaking of not being right about something, and I'm not saying that we're not right, but things are taking a turn with Justin Baldoni. Do you find?

Did you see the video of Justin Baldoni on the beach at TMZ? Backrid got a video of him playing with his kids in the ocean, he's on vacation in Hawaii? No.

I saw that he was on vacation.

Anybody going into the ocean to frolic? It's so unattractive. There's no cool way, especially the really choppy Hawaii waters. There's no attractive, cool way to dive into the ocean, but he does this jump as a wave is pulling out, and he literally just hits the deck. It's on TMZ's Instagram. I highly recommend watching. It just made me giggle. But yes, I agree. Things are not looking good for Blake Lively and those who defended her. Having said that, I still haven't changed my mind. I'm just being quiet about it because I'm really not in the mood to deal with it. But yeah, they were just subpoenaed to turn over all their personal text messages, Ryan and Blake.

Right. And that, regardless of how it plays out in a legal sense of what The crimes. The crimes, it's not going to be good. However, you talk to your husband about your coworker that you don't like, it's not going to look good from a public perception thing. So when I saw that, I was like, this is going to be really bad. I also just feel We also know she texts weird with her Kaleesi. Right. No, it's not going to be good, and it's not going to look good for her. I feel like a lot of people are really turning. Now that the case has turned criminal, not criminal, but no longer For Sybil, where it's like, really, they're going to trial. I think things are starting to look really bad.

I know. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. All this stuff has happened. She hasn't responded at all, legally. I'm feeling like, does she have this big thing in her arsenal that's going to end it, or is she just rolling over and taking it? Also, I thought there was some law against... I know you don't have to testify against a spouse. Legally, if you're married, that is a protected thing. I'm shocked to find that you would have to fork over. Under what grounds would I ever have to give my text messages with my husband?

You know what I mean? Yeah.

It's egregious. Even for anyone, I don't know. I'm not understanding the legality I'm sure if the judge said they have to do it, that there's a reason, but I feel like I've never heard of that.

No, that's why when I saw that, I was like, Well, damn. There's no way those are going to be good. They're screwed.

They're screwed. They're screwed.

Even if it doesn't prove anything in a court of law, just seeing them won't look good. Oh my God.

Reading two people who are in a marriage of multiple years, seeing their communication is going to be crazy. But two people of notable Fame and wealth and lots of connection connected friends and just who we've gotten a window into how Blake speaks, and it's weird. I'm just thinking about if anybody ever read my text messages with Ben, the other day, I thought he finished the cream cheese. I was standing in the fridge writing probably the nastiest text message I've ever sent to anyone because it's like, I know Ben likes cream cheese, but I'm the one who's been stocking up on cream cheese because-No, you go through a lot of cream cheese when you're pregnant. I have a bagel every morning. Yes, I have a bagel every single morning. Honestly, when you have a bagel every morning, you go through a thing of cream cheese after seven days. When Ben eats it and finishes it, you leave me without cream cheese. At least tell me, I'll buy more. So I was writing such a... I'm like, The fact that you would disrespect me. I was really being so crazy. Thank God, right before I sent it, I saw that cream cheese was right in front of me.

But that's just how married people talk.

No, it's going to be crazy to see how they talk about Justin because think about also how you just talk about other people in your personal text messages.

Yeah, my enemy.

How they talk about Justin, it's not going to look good for them. But then also it's going to be a window into how they talk to each Other mother, which- Could be bad, could be good. Could be anything.

Hopefully, they're just a couple who prefers to communicate in person more. We'll talk about it when I get home.

Yeah. All my texts to my husband are like, I am Tali's. I'm voicey, Tali. I'm voicey, Tali.

So paper, please. Bruno needs to go No, I'm also- Who don't need to go, Stry o'clock, please. I'm like, talk to texting when I'm really mad in the back of a number. I'm like, And that fucking fat bitch said to me. Sometimes I can't wait to unload it onto Ben in person. I have to send it via text message. I I truly... I don't think they could have received a worse order. They would have said, You know what? We'll go to prison for a year. This will be so bad. I'm seriously wishing them well. That's horrible.

Yeah, same. I do feel like things are really negative. So we shall see. We shall see. Are you ready for our next story? Number three.

Oh, yeah.

Gracie Abrams is blasting a fan petition to replace I'm obsessed. To replace Dora Jarr as her tour opened her. If you never heard Dora Jarr before, it's okay. I'm with you.

Dota Dota Dora Jarr.

I was like, Dota Dota Dora? What? It was a lot. So anyways, Gracy Abrams has an opener for her tour named Dora Jar. And I guess- Pop off. What?

Pop off Dora. Yes.

I guess some of her fans didn't know who Dora Jar was, and they weren't excited about that. They started a petition petition to replace the opening act for her upcoming tour dates, and Gracy has now responded. Anyways, the petition was on change. Org, calling for Jar.

Where real change happens.

Her real name is Dora Jarkowski. Which sounds like- Is she Jewish? I don't know. But Dora Jar, yeah, calling for her to be replaced. The petition has now been deleted, but it read in part that says, quote, many fans, including myself, and myself being a person named Dexter Morgan, These are all names, you guys. Dexter Morgan, we are baffled by the recent announcement. We are perplexed as we do not recognize her. And with less than two...

I'll get the source. Com.

And with less than two weeks till the tour, it's virtually impossible to familiar ourselves with her slow-paced songs. For a memorable concert experience, an opening act should set the mood and get the crowd excited. But Dora's slow tempo songs may not achieve this goal. This can't be real.

Jackie, I'm so glad we're talking about this, and I'm so glad that this happened because I feel like it really proves a thesis of mine for the last couple of years, where Stan hood is a true mental illness. Anybody who would put this together, write it, and then publicize it is actually a danger to society. I don't know what they thought was going to happen, but I imagine they thought that Gracie would see this be like, Oh, my God, my fans don't like it, and she would cancel on this girl just to appease these crazy people. The sense of entitlement that reflects is genuinely that of a true narcissist sociopath. I believe when you get really involved in Stan culture, it can actually affect your mental health. This is what we're seeing on change. Org right now. This is so crazy. It's so rude. First of all, do you know what an opener is? This isn't Coachella where you know everyone. An opener is someone who opens, somebody who's less than, less famous, less successful. It's their opportunity to get to know. It's like a platform. I don't know what... You obviously don't understand what a concert is.

But seriously, I wish Grace would honestly have been a little bit more harsher with these people. I know she wants to be nice to her fans, but sometimes fans need to be yelled at. I love that video of Halsey coming out screaming at everybody. Yeah.

She commented on an Instagram post about this and said, Just hearing about this absolute ridiculousness. So wildly uncool and bizarre and also just does not remotely add up. I've only seen everyone's total excitement, and I couldn't be luckier or prouder to share a stage with this talented wonder. Stream everything she's ever made, whether or not you're coming to the show. Dora, Forever an era. She said, Do Strong, is what she said.

She said, This one's for Do.

This one's for do.

I like that she was like, you know...

She tackled it head-on. She put them in their place and stood up for her girl Dora. I would stand up for Dora.

It's tough because these types of stands are like, that's what you want, right? These are the types of people who show up. They rush the barricade. They buy tickets. For every pop artist, you want that crazy fan. But then you also have to deal with this. This is seriously so crazy and so disrespectful and so wrong. I love that Gracey stood her ground, and I hope she brings Dora out every show and makes Dora into a star.

Yeah.

But seriously, people are deeply Wow.

Stream Dora.

Yeah, put the do on...

Do what you got to do. I have to thank Dexter Morgan because I had never heard of Dora Jar, and now, one, I've heard of her, and two, I feel compelled to support her artistry. So thanks, Dexter. You just made her bigger.

And I love that they were so proud. It wasn't like anonymous troll behavior. They put their names on this.

But don't you feel like Dexter Morgan sounds like a fake name?

Yeah.

Who is Dexter Morgan in this world?

It sounds like a TV character. Right. I'm sure the... What do the Abrams fans call themselves? The Abrahimas? The JJs.

The JJs. Love that. I'm sorry. Grace Abrams, you're so talented. Seriously, she We're holding space for two truths.

She's an Epo baby who is talented.

She is. Nbt, next big thing. She is it. But I just can't ever separate the two, which is good. I'm sure she's so proud. Lost was an amazing show, I think I've heard.

You've never seen it? No. I'm at it so good. Is it? Yes. It gets a little silly at the end, and I don't think the end for a lot of people, myself included, satiated what we were dying to find out. It was an impossible plane to land, for lack of a better metaphor. But the show itself, me and Ben talk about it all the time still.

It was so good. Okay, question. If I were to do a show, a whole watch of a show, should I do Lost or Breaking Bad? That's a good question.

Honestly, they're both good. There's no wrong way to go. Okay. I think you would like Lost better. Okay.

I think for the JJ lore, I should see Lost.

The only problem I really had with Breaking Bad was the fact that there wasn't one character I didn't want to choke. I hated them all. I hate that feeling.

I don't want to feel that way. I know.

Like Skyler, the mom, the dad, Breaking Bad, whatever his name was, hated you. Walter. I guess we were supposed to like... Walter, I think. I think we were supposed to like Jessie. I feel like I've seen it. You have.

I've seen it in my mind's eye.

A thousand %.

Are you ready for our next story?

If it's our next story that's perchance brought to you by ship skis, is It pertains it. This is for the skiers, the girls who love to... We have to introduce you to ship skis because of course, we love to ski. You guys know we take our annual trip to Utah, but it's definitely a struggle traveling with all that stuff. The airport struggle of hauling your own snowboard, skis, bulky gear through security, baggage claim. Sometimes it gets lost, and that stuff's really expensive. But now we use ship skis to guarantee our equipment arrives safely and on schedule without us ever lifting a finger. So skip airport stress and costly airline fees with complementary insurance, real-time tracking, dedicated support, and on-time delivery. Just schedule your shipment, attach your label, and Shipskis will handle the rest. They will deliver your gear directly to your destination. So think about how many times you have to lift up all that stuff, into the taxi, out of the taxi onto the baggage claim. It's seriously so much work. Shipskis offers white glove shipping for ski and snowboard gear. You can travel worldwide with luggage. Shipskis will deliver to over 180 countries for a hassle-free, gear-free journey.

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Nile Horan.

Oh, yeah.

Our next story is a bit of shocking news. Bruno Mars' new song, with Sexy Red, is shocking the Internet. Bruno Mars has just It's a new song. It's called Fat, Juicy, and Wet. It's actually more- On the heels of this conversation we had about him last week. It's actually more shocking than you would even think based on the title, which is shocking.

Yes, it is. It's his version of WAP. It is Him releasing that teaser on the heels of us just doing a whole episode about how he's so amazing for families, and my in-laws love him, and everybody loves him, kids, adults.

He said, Hold my beers.

You're going to read the lyrics, of course, yes?

I plan Do I have them up here on genius lyrics. Claudia, I'm clutching my pearls. I actually don't know if I could read these words. I'm going to try.

Okay, and you let me know if you want me to do it.

I've only gotten through the first- Be better for entertainment purposes if you did it. I've only gotten through the first verse, even. Now I'm looking at the second verse, and I'm in shock, but I've gotten myself comfortable with the first. Fat, juicy, and wet. I don't even gang bang, pussy so good. Make me throw up a set That Good Kitty, Kitty. Good Kitty, Kitty. Make it my pet, pretty pussy type of pussy. You ain't ever going to forget fat, juicy, and wet, wet, wet, wet, wet I can't. Pussy like weed, pussy like dope, pussy like cocaine, put it up your nose.

Oh, wow. Put it up your nose. Okay.

What's the song actually called? Claudia, I'm not reading anymore. What is the song actually called? What is the song actually called? It's called Fat, Juicy, and Wet. I listened to the first 15 seconds, but we had someone in studio with us, and I was seriously so uncomfortable, and I turned it off. Embarrassed. I was just embarrassed. I can't even read the next line. If you want to take it away, go ahead. Bruno, what have you done? Bruno, what have you done? I need my dog after you. It's really shocking.

When I think about his lyrics, historically, they're not clean, but I don't know, they don't come off as that juicy wet- Claudia, go to the next stanza.

I don't know if you'll be able to do it. Stanza.

Okay, which verse?

Verse, The Sexy Red Verse.

Bust down middle part, badass. No, higher. Sexy Red. Hold on.

A verse one, Sexy Red? After a P like cocaine. After a P like cocaine.

Oh, wow. Okay. Oh, No, I can't read that. Right? Yeah, no, I can't. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. No, Claudia. This is really crazy.

This is so crazy. This may look like a nursery rhyme.

Yeah, It really, really does.

At least they had an acronym.

It's true.

This could have been called FJW.

This is so unBruno-like, but honestly, and I know he references the the gambling rumor about him in one of the lyrics.

Do you think that the debts are this steep that he's had to resort to this?

It's the only logical explanation that I can offer here today, honestly.

However, this won't make him more money. If I was in $50 million in gambling debt to the MGM Casino. This is not going to be a cash cow.

But have you ever seen a song of Bruno Mars get this much press?

Actually, I have to be honest. I saw he had a new song. I didn't know that it was this vulgar. And then you said Let's make it a story. So then I was like, Oh, okay, what's Broody up to? So no, I hadn't seen a lot of press about it, if I'm honest.

Okay. I'm obviously not familiar with Sexy Red's line of work, but I did see her going viral last week for sharing an AI image of herself and Martin Luther King. Actually, Martin Luther King's granddaughter, Bernice King, actually asked her to delete it, saying it was very disrespectful because she's a very-I saw that as well. Out there performer. I didn't know much about sexy, right? Now I know a lot about, obviously, her FJW and her work with MLK. She's big on acronyms. She's big on acronyms. I don't know. This is so not like the Bruno that I know. We're just coming off of Appata, which is such a cutesy little box.

It's a song for everyone. Now I'm worried if I put on Appata on Spotify, is this going to come on next? I listen to that with the kids.

You need Can't you block your Spotify from playing that song. No, it's- It's true because a lot of the kids love Appetit. It's becoming a baby shark.

Yeah, it really is. It's a great song. I don't know what this is about. I'm just going to skip over this one.

Yeah, just blind spot. It's so important. Things don't add up. I can't even bother trying to get down to the bottom of it. I'm just going to ignore this.

Yeah. No, this was really shocking. Go read the last of the lyrics for yourself. I feel like I really step up to the plate, and I read some craziness.

You did, and I feel like you pretty much gave us the gist.

No, it gets crazier. Just no.

It gets crazier. It really does.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story that is such interesting news to you and I?

I keep thinking the same Hannah Montana transition. What are other ones?

What are you singing? But also transitions are what you make them, so let's make them rock.

100%.

Our fifth and final story that you and I are going to find so interesting, and everyone else might turn off, is that Spotify has now put out their Inaugural Podcaster Milestone Awards. Spotify is giving out awards for podcasting streaming numbers, just like how the YouTube does, oh, when you hit 100 million views or 100- You get a plaque. You get a plaque. Joe Rogan and Crime Junkie have both toped the 500 million all time streams on Spotify. Spotify has given out awards.

That's just on Spotify. Yeah.

They have the gold, which is 500 million streams. Silver is 250 million streams, and bronze is 100 million streams.

I would love to know what we have because we had 100 million streams a couple of years ago, but that was across all platforms.

That's all platforms. So not on Spotify. We are not on this list. I think we would have been awarded something if we were.

Yeah, we would know. I'm just trying to guess how far are we from Bronze.

Yeah, but it's also interesting to see who has hit these numbers on Spotify. Of course, shows that are exclusive to Spotify are going to have a better chance. But Joe Rogan and All Time Junkie are the only two to have hit 500 million all time downloads, which makes sense.

That's cool.

Silver Podcast, so 250 million plus. There's a bunch of them, and actually, probably not what you would expect. Dateline, NBC.

Go off Dateline. I would expect that they're always topping charts.

My Favorite murder.

Classic.

Barstool's part of my take.

Classic. The male equivalent of the toast. Right.

Stuff You Should Know. I've heard of that one.

I think it's called You Should Know, no?

Here it says stuff you should know. Okay. Then that's all for Silver. It's a shortlist. Then Bronze, 100 Million Plus streams are Diary of a CEO.

Classic.

Rotten Mango.

Never heard of it. That's insane.

Small Town murder. Okay. And views with David Dobrick and Jason Nash, and that's it. Views?

Is that of all time? Because that show has been off the air for five years, and they just brought it back.

It must be of all time, which is also interesting. Their grandfather.

There was a time where that show, at the peak of right before the whole scandal, when David would release a vlog and the world shifted, that I imagine they probably crushed it on the podcast. That's why Jason Nash, who was left unemployed after David Dauberg decided to take some time off. That's why he's always begging David to bring it back. They did just decide to bring it back. Did you see David Dauberg dropped a new vlog?

No, I didn't see David Dauberg dropped a new vlog.

I did, actually, and I watched it. It didn't hit the same, obviously. It was also different shtick. It was a year-long project that they, whatever.

Honestly, He's still 4: 20?

No, exactly. I'm not going to bother explaining it to you. It was just a vlog. But I think he's actively coming back to vlogging and now the podcast. I do wonder if the podcast will be as successful. It was so big at the Yeah. Yeah. Very interesting group of podcasts I wouldn't have guessed. Kind of some sleeper podcasts.

At this point, there are so many Spotify exclusive podcasts.

Wait, what about Smartlist?

What about Armchair Expert? Aren't they Spotify exclusive? Wait.

See, Smartlist is huge, but they weren't Spotify exclusive. But still, I would have assumed they would have made at least the brands.

Because they're so big, apparently.

But to be armchair expert... No, and by the way, Smartlist doesn't do video, so they really don't split up their audience that much. It's usually just Apple or Spotify. That's interesting to know. Suss on smart list. Then armchair expert being Spotify exclusive, people were forced to listen to it on Spotify. That's really shocking.

Okay, flop. Same archetype. I'm sure you were shocked by that.

Sure.

Josh and you?

Yes, I do find this interesting, although I don't know if other people do.

I don't know if other people do, but new goal, new manifestation next Yes. Yes. Next year's podcast. You know what? Next year's PMAs.

I'm actually going to reach out to our Spotify rep who I spoke to last week. She was asking because they were not uploading our episodes. How far off we are.

Yeah, let's find out.

Goals, hashtag goals. I'm not going to share it. I'm not going to share. It's not good.

No, we wouldn't share externally, just internally. And then we would S-O-T-U.

I have all these empty walls to hang my accolades on my new studio.

We need our PMAs.

Let's say a little prayer that this episode worked.

Say a little prayer for you.

We're going to wrap up so we can try and get this episode uploaded. Thank you guys so much for listening to the Jocelyn morning's Morning Show. We deliver the fast-time stories. You need to remember Monday, Friday on YouTube. If you're watching us on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give us a video, a thumbs up. We're also available as a podcast. Anywhere podcast can be found. Everywhere podcast can be found. I hate radio, catch all the place. We'll be in a podcast. Find us a to see faster review about a beautiful signing in. We can lay down. There we are.

Love you. Bye. Let's try for a heart. I'm doing it like you. You do something and I'm going to copy you. I don't know why we can't actually try. Move over. Which way?

Because towards the armrest. You see our armrest is still in frame. You see, hover above the edge of the armrest.

More. Oh, yeah. Wow. Okay. Okay.