Transcript of Is Tua Tagovailoa 'Absolutely Horrific'? | Hour 2

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You are listening to the Dan Levitan Show. The Hard Knocker Show, in partnership with the DraftKings Sports App, now live in all 50 states.

Greg, you see this, that Tua Tagovailoa, he's gonna lose the quarterback job to a quarterback who hasn't even played yet.

Yeah, sad. I feel bad for Tua. I don't think this is gonna end well for him. I just don't. I think of all of the In their prime age quarterbacks right now, Tua is the most likely to be completely out of football in 2 years. Just done. Whether, whether for medical reasons or just because nobody wants to sign him anymore. I worry about that. He's on that scale because if you can't beat Michael Penix, an average quarterback who is not capable of playing right now because he's hurt. Yeah. I mean, if you can't win that job, Who are you going to beat for a starting job in the NFL? You know, I just don't see it ending well for Tua.

So he, he was really bad in the preseason debut this past week. He even came out afterward and said his play wasn't up to standard. And, you know, I made the point, if you're in your 7th year, you're a veteran, 7th year, you think you're a starting quarterback. You can't come out of a preseason game saying your play wasn't up to par. You should be smoking the competition, right, in preseason. Yeah, that's that. That's a glaring red flag right there. And then yesterday, the Falcons are having joint practice with the Indianapolis Colts, and here is a Colts reporter who certainly doesn't see Tua every day. Here is a Colts reporter summing up, uh, what he saw at the joint practice yesterday out of Tua Tagovailoa.

I thought Tua was absolutely horrific. Um, yeah, I thought the Falcons were terrible with their starting offense. Uh, Justin Wally had a pick in this end zone right over here, pick 6 to end practice.

Horrific is certainly a way to describe Tua's play. That's like the worst word you can use to describe a quarterback play.

It is. And he's the kind of quarterback who is a franchise killer because he shows enough glimpses. He's good enough occasionally where you stick with him for year after year after year. They did the same thing with Ryan Tannehill, the Dolphins did. So between those two quarterbacks, you're wasting 15 years of your franchise, hoping that a guy is going to be good, giving him 7 years to prove himself and then having to let him go and find out through the Atlanta experience that he's just not good. Why didn't you figure it out earlier?

Wasn't Tannehill good? Like, he left here and he played well in Tennessee.

He did. They got to the AFC Championship Game.

Yeah.

Like, I felt like Tannehill was an example.

But they also had Derrick Henry.

I think they also the following year, were they a 1 seed? Yeah, maybe they were a 1 seed. And lost, but they were a 1 seed.

I feel like Tannehill was an example of he was good, but the infrastructure here was not. And so he went elsewhere and got the tools and, you know, kind of again didn't prove to be like this elite quarterback, but clearly good enough to be starting quarterback on a good team.

On the other hand, Ryan Tannehill never retired. The NFL retired him, right? He was available.

He should have—

I remember I said he should have come here.

Yeah, but we don't know, to be fair.

We don't know what kind of offers that he had that he just decided, "Eh, I'm not gonna do it." But like, I remember having this conversation and we were talking about backup quarterback and I said, "If I'm Ryan Tannehill, I'm coming here because the kid gets hurt all the time." And you guys are like, "Oh, why? He could hold out for a starting—" I'm like, "There's no starting spots out there. This is in essence a starting spot because there's no chance the kid's gonna stay healthy." And guess what happened? The kid got hurt. Ryan Tannehill would be the starter today. Today! If he had just taken my advice.

I think if I remember correctly, he wanted to only go to a contending team. Like, that was his stipulation. He didn't want to go to—

as opposed to all the quarterbacks out there who are like, I really want to go to a sh— team, right?

Exactly. But his career is like, yeah, I'm only going to be a starter for a good team coming off of some decent years in Tennessee. But Greg, I do want to go back to— I think Tua's high was higher than Tannehill's high. Yes, absolutely. Like, leading passer.

Like, although Tannehill's high end was pretty damn good in Tennessee. Not as good. Not as good as Tua's. He wasn't leading passer in the NFL. Yeah.

From an individual perspective.

It was tough. Tannehill never played in a playoff game for the Dolphins.

Ooh. Yeah. Well, man, we have to look at— we always have the 70-point game, right, with Tua. That's—

no, he got hurt and Matt Moore had to start that game at Pittsburgh. Yeah, that's right.

What was—

it was Tua's high. Was it the 70-point game or was it the Ravens game where they came back?

Ravens.

Ravens. I think that's when everybody—

Achan went crazy during the 70-point game because that Ravens game, everyone's like, oh, shit, maybe we do have a great quarterback. That was like comeback on the road.

Yeah. Like, wow.

I mean, they're down, what, 35-7, I think. They didn't get one point in that game. Yeah, and, and then, and then as Tua said, they just decide, uh, every play they're gonna call the eff it plays, which is just throw the ball really deep to Tyreek Hill. Yeah, look, it's not like you're gonna be able to say to Tua, hey, you don't have good weapons there in Atlanta. They got good players around them on the offense.

The guy can't even take a snap. What are you talking about weapons? I know, hiking it. He can't even do that right.

You got to be able to hike the ball.

You have to.

It's kind of a prerequisite. Yeah, Tua was absolutely horrific.

Oh, absolutely horrific.

Wow, not just horrific, absolutely horrific. Was he a little—

maybe there was a little bit of sunshine. Yes, maybe like 78, 85, 98% horrific.

Absolutely horrific. Oh, okay.

And they already said he's not playing in preseason game number 2. That's kind of like, hey, you know, we don't need to pile on this guy right now.

They do this, they do this a lot, right? They do the, hey, we're going to get different looks, different starters.

And I feel like Tua needs as many looks as possible and they're not playing him this week.

Can I talk about Hard Knocks? Absolutely. Horrific. Of course I'm watching Hard Knocks. I watched it last night. I told you guys I was going to watch it and report.

How many episodes in are we on Hard Knocks?

This is episode 3. And so this is the episode right before they play their first preseason game. But we get a visit, guys, in the quarterback's room from none other than Jason Garrett. You guys remember Jason Garrett? Yeah. Former head coach of the Cowboys, but Before he was that, what was Jason Garrett? Backup quarterback for the Dolphins. Backup quarterback. That was what I thought was my favorite— I'd love— the dream job to be backup quarterback, right? Show up to practice, do all this stuff, but you never have to actually get in there and actually prove it. So you get paid to just hang out, right? Well, Jason Garrett painted a picture that to me was like, oh man, this sounds awful because his whole thing was— and he's talking to the quarterback room, he's talking to the guys backing up Sam Darnold, like, Drew Locke, I think is one of them, and I can't remember the other guy. Jalen Milroe. Jalen Milroe. And he's like, you guys, your problem is you don't get reps. And so the starter, Darnold, he can learn the playbook and go out and do the reps in practice and reinforce that.

And then obviously playing the games and reinforce again. It's like for me as a backup, I realized without getting the reps, I had to go above and beyond to learn the play. So he said, I would come out and I would just draw up all the plays, no X's and O's, just lines where they were going. And he said, if I couldn't do that, then that means I didn't know the play well enough and I need to go back and study more. So it was like, oh, his whole job was homework. I'm like, man, that sucks. That sucks. Okay, no one has it. Okay, very cool.

Second, I was trying to see if anyone laughed at my Rosenbagh group chat message that I sent to Samson. All right, no one was like, were you confused as to why Zazz was dressed like a Rosenbagh?

Number 2, the Terryon Arnold signing happens, but like the whole beginning of the episode is not "should we?" It's never "should we?" And I was kind of a little taken aback. It was just, "Is he gonna go to us?" Because we have a phone call with the agent that's on speakerphone, and the agent says, "We got a lot of teams interested, and we just want to find the right place for him as a person for growth as well as a player, etc., etc." And the GM, John Schneider, is like reassuring the agent, "Oh yeah, no, we're really interested and we want him to be— this isn't just for this year, it's for growth because he's really good." But—

How do you like Schneider, by the way? Yo, I— He's a refreshing, like, GM, right? Yeah, he is. Because you've worked with a lot of guys that are very buttoned up, like very, like, kind of robotic, where he seems like he's not like that.

He seems like he's not like that, but I would say also the guys I work with weren't, but basketball and football are different. Very different, right? It's different cultures. He does not seem to be like the football culture GM. He's the cool GM, right? If he was a teacher, he would walk in on the first day of class and turn the seat backward and turn his hat backward. Let me rap with you kids, right? So, by the way, learned something about John Schneider. Did you guys know he is the only GM in the history of the NFL to win 2 Super Bowls with not a single player or coach repeating from the previous championship. So they won obviously with the Legion of Boom and Pete Carroll and his entire staff, right? And then they won last year. Nobody from the staff was there. None of the players were there for that first.

So there's never been a GM maybe who won in two different places then, you're saying?

Even if he has, he's had people come with him. Like he probably would have had his, you know, assistant, you know, video coordinator.

Really hard to do. Interesting. Super impressive.

Yeah, it's super impressive. Indeed.

By the way, can I just mention real quick too? I don't know if this is the direction you're going in with Terry O'Neal.

Apparently they haven't even signed him yet. Oh, they made it seem like it was happening, right?

They have not signed him yet. Well, it's weird. So there's something weird going on there.

It's not at all weird.

I understand the pause.

The legal issues are pretty—

No, the weird part is it was announced that they've reached an agreement. Yeah, well, they haven't signed.

That's not signing though.

Yeah, it's not signing.

There's a part where him and Mike McDonald are on the field and they're talking about it, and they said like Basically, it's like, yo, so how is this even happening? And he says, fucking why they— why'd they let him go? And it was like, yeah, man, like, it's the— it's pretty, pretty rough. But it's— the quote was, when it's you're the team, it's different than when you're the second chance team, right?

That's what I was saying, where it's like, you can't play for us anymore, but you can go play over there.

So it was one of those things where it's like, they literally said, if it had happened to us, we would have had to cut him, right? So And that's stupid. It seems like a weird kind of loophole in the NFL. Like, as long as I'm the guy who gives him a second chance, I'm fine. But if it happened on my time, I'd have to cut him. Let's see, uh, the part of the process— John Schneider goes back and watches the pre-draft interviews from the combine that they had with the kid, with Arnold, right? And in it, they ask him, did you win much in high school? And he says, No, that's why I went to Alabama, which I thought was hilarious. Like, yeah, man, I was sick and tired of getting my ass beat. Uh, let's see what else we got here, guys. We've got— oh, there was a guy, uh, Montari Foster, who, Chris, was on the squad, got cut. Guess where he ended up? Miami? No, the taxi squad. He was on the taxi squad making bank while he was on the taxi squad. He was a substitute teacher and he got his real estate license and then like kept it.

And so he got called up like in week 17, ends up on the roster, wins the Super Bowl. He's there like with the hat on and everything, gets his ring. He's still doing real estate showings, but now he wears the ring when he goes on the showings, which is crazy. Smart. And he's still like renewing his license. We should see him doing like the the paperwork and paying the fees and stuff, which is kind of nuts to be like, yeah, I play for the Super Bowl champs, and also, can I get you in a 2-bedroom condo?

We don't call it the Taxi Squad anymore. That's true.

P Squad. In highlight, we still do.

Yeah, Juju. No, put it on—

Juju, sorry, Greg. Juju, put it on the poll. Do you miss calling it the Taxi Squad? I appreciate the effort. Thank you.

I did a Michael McDonald impression that fell flat.

I liked it. Let me see. But I thought—

no, it's like he was asking a question to Mike McDonald and the answer was like, you forgetting? But I got—

okay, yeah, be there. Yeah, shut up.

And then finally we got a guy named Uso, who one of the, the D-line— I think he's a nose tackle in high school. He's from Hawaii. He was from such a small island in Hawaii that they had to play 8 on 8. They didn't have enough players to play 11 on 11. As a result, this big nose tackle looking dude, exactly what you would imagine a Hawaiian nose tackle look like, had to play quarterback and O-line. And one of his teammates was like, "Wait, how does that work?" How does that work? Well, it's like they trade off. Sometimes you play quarterback, sometimes you play O-line.

So you mentioned the practice squad. Yeah. You've seen the news about the temporary restraining order, all these guys that have signed pro contracts that are in camps right now trying to decide, hey, do I Do I stick with it here? I'm a fringe player, perhaps a practice squatter, or do I go back to college? College, yeah. And secure a bag. Yeah, that's not an easy decision. No. My man from the Bucs, I don't want to mispronounce his name because— Bain? No, no, no, no. Is it Pyburn? Because it looks like it could be spelled like an STD. Uh-oh. But he had 2 sacks over the weekend. And he's apparently really entertaining going back to college. Down levitar!

Is there Back in My Day? There is, actually.

What? Were you not going to tell anyone?

What? Wait a minute. You guys, guys, it's a Tuesday. Greg Cody.

Here's your guy, Greg Cody, with Back in My Day.

Okay, here it is. Sorry. Adultery. That's right.

Yeah, wait a minute.

I've been waiting for this one.

This is the Dan Levitan Show.

I mean, it's a— look, we have, we have this issue in the NBA. There's an actual— he didn't go with P-Burn, huh?

Okay.

There's an actual NBA player like who made an NBA roster, who ended up going back to college because the money is incredible.

So Alabama's roster in basketball is offensive. It's just a bunch of— it's— they're all pro guys. Yeah.

So the G League salary, standard salary is $45K, right? And then there's some bonuses. If you make it to two-way status, which is— that means you're playing some NBA games, you can make up to about $630,000, right? The idea that like, I can do this and play at the highest professional level, right? The thing that I dreamed about. Or I can be a realist and go back to college and make 7 figures and play against competition that's a lot weaker and feel good about myself and all that. I think it's ultimately the greatest, I won't even call it like litmus test, worth versus the greatest test of like how you actually view yourself, self-worth, right? Because if you're like, dude, why am I killing myself to make less to get my ass kicked every day versus I can beat up on 19-year-olds and make millions? Yeah, I—

in basketball, I think it's an easier call. It's harder. There's fewer spots on the roster. In football, like, this is a really difficult decision for, for Pyburn. I mean, he literally I can't— it— this is so crazy what's happening in college football. I cannot wrap my head around watching a preseason game. I watched that game. He got 2 sacks for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Yeah. And he could be playing for a college football team. This was last week. Yeah. This is crazy to me. Do you think it—

I would love to ask an NFL person, would it reflect poorly on him if he said, I can't pass up $3 mil or whatever, goes back to college and then comes back to the NFL?

I don't think he's going to get $3 mil either.

What's he going to get? I like—

yeah, around there, I think. How much? I think less than a million.

Less than a million. Then you got to stay, man.

We'll see. I mean, it all depends on the market. Like, another thing too is like, college starts in 2 weeks. Yeah, you know, we're at the end of fall camp. Like, we're in install now. Yeah, it's kind of crazy.

We're playing against kids though, man.

Like, I mean, he's 22 years old.

He got 2 sacks in an NFL preseason game, man. He's gonna go to college. He could be ripping people's heads off.

Yeah, I, I think You ask a question about how they view the mentality. I don't know. There hasn't been data to borrow from. Like, these are like, you know, the first people being shot into space. We don't know.

Because some of these guys I know on the basketball side, some of these guys realize, oh, I'm never going to actually play in the NBA. Like, it'll be a lot of like a 10-day call-up here, you know, a camp invite.

I can get home on the quarterback. Yeah, that's always— I don't think they'll hold it against him if he goes back to college, puts up a big season, will probably end up There is, there is absolutely a scenario for Byburn where he goes to college, depending on the program that he goes to, depending on like the surrounding parts, plug and play. Who cares if the season starts in 2 weeks? I, I get to the quarterback, I put my ears back. Yeah, he can, he can make himself some money in this equation, no doubt. But he can also make some money by getting elevated from the practice squad, right?

Because that's the thing about the NFL that does not exist in the NBA, which is at any given moment a bunch of dudes can get hurt and then all of a sudden now I'm—

he's with Tampa, they were a mash unit last year.

Suicide is painless. It brings on many changes, and I can take or leave it if I please. Didn't we— didn't say that one the other day?

Who knows the lyrics of that?

I do. Wow. Gosh, I like Chris. I had a hard time too.

That's impressive. So a couple days ago, I don't know if you guys saw this, one of the founders, co-founder of ESPN, Bill Rasmussen, right? Passed away, 93 years old. And they were, they were, they were doing a live tribute. Like, it happened— what— or the news came across at the same time that ESPN, uh, First Take was on. And it's the end of the show, they're rolling the credits, and they want to say something nice about Rasmussen. And as they're going around the room and they're saying nice things. The show cut off. Were you close to him? No, because you sound— you sounded very—

I'm trying to be— I'm sorry for your loss. Yeah, I'm sure we're in the wrong color.

Okay, I'm trying to be respectful.

Maybe he's gonna go see him upstairs.

And the show cut off. That's my Uncle Charles, y'all. The show cut off because it was the top of the hour and the new show began, which was Pat McAfee. Like, in the middle of them talking about Rasmussen It then went to McAfee, the start of McAfee's show, you know. And so people were, were making fun, you know, what are you laughing at, Chuckles? And so people were making like, they were getting on ESPN's case, McAfee's case, you know, when, when in reality, I don't know, like it's, it's no one's real fault.

It's not. I can tell you whose fault it's not. It's the Pat McAfee Show's. It's not their fault for starting when they were supposed to start.

Well, yeah, it's not their fault for Starting when they're supposed to start, but also you know what's— I mean, we have it on the screens. I'm going off of when I was on The Jump and/or SportsNation. You'd be on set and you can see in the monitor programming. Sometimes.

They could have a— I don't know what they're setting up.

Maybe they don't. Maybe they don't. You're right.

They could totally be locked in being counted in and not worrying about that.

We always had programming there so we'd see exactly what's happening. And so you kind of, you get an idea like, hey, or even definitely the director, the guys in the, in the, in the room, they have their own little world there.

I can totally see. Maybe not. Yeah, you're right. This is, this is when we feed our show.

This is our countdown. So yesterday, Pat McAfee on his show took the time, I guess, to explain how television works, to explain what it, what we know as a hard out. And that'll be where— he had graphics and everything.

What you just watched was TV magic. First Take was live from NYC. We are now live from Indianapolis, Indiana. The way it transitions from one to the other is called, in large font, hard out.

Conventional spelling.

The producers for every show that's ever been on TV are counting down to the hard out. The hard out is coming. The hard out doesn't care if you miss it. The hard out is one of the most important parts of television. Been around since the beginning of TV, dot dot dot. And you just watched one. That's funny. It is, but like they're treating it as like this unicorn that people have never heard.

What is this? Hey, that's our gimmick.

I know, right? Like, like, I just imagine someone who used to watch our show or watches our show and then also watches McAfee and is like Are you explaining the thing that these guys did for like 10 years?

Dan yelling at the end of an interview, "Hard network out!" Right, I mean, this show—

like, this show explained the hard out to everyone on ESPN years ago, right?

He wore a hat with a clock on it.

Yeah, right. I'm the king of the hard out.

So, can we relive any of the experiences that have been had on this show?

Uh, there's one.

That stands out above the rest. I just want to give you a sample of what Greg Cody sounded like, which set us all off in a panic. Everyone except for Greg Cody, because he's old and he's stubborn and refuses to go to the doctor. So that's what you sounded like for the better half of a month now. Me, Dan, everyone, we told you repeatedly to go to the doctor. You ignored us. You finally went to the doctor, and the results of your visit to the doctor were Or what?

Yeah, after several tests, they found a tumor in my chest.

It's Dad, Stu, and Greg Cody on ESPN Radio.

It didn't seem funny at the time.

I remember listening to that show and like immediately, I think I texted Chris like, what the hell is happening?

It was benign for the people that are unaware.

That's true, I survived.

Real cliffhanger.

But like, think of that. Think of this guy took the time to make a whole graphic explaining what a hard network out was. And meanwhile, we're doing alley-oops for Greg to reveal he has a tumor.

Yeah, tumor jokes.

Oh my God. Tumor humor.

Oh man, I'm so disappointed. That's another mother— that's a mommy situation.

We're rolling now.

That's another Greg Cody first down!

Speaking of which, Greg, it is your time to shine. We all know every single week on the Greg Cody Show featuring Greg Cody, every Monday you reveal new catchphrases. We are counting down from 70. What numbers are we on right now?

Uh, I'm about to reveal numbers 8 and 7 for now. Wow.

Yes, numbers 8 and 7 for now. Good change.

We're digging into the top 10. I doubt it will change. It's out of my control, but as far as I know right now, it's gonna stay at 70. You are in total control.

Let's remind everyone what we have so far. Let's start at number 70.

Number 70: I'm fuller than Vern Fuller. 69: Where's my click-click? 68: Hey, Butterfinger! 67: Punt. 66: Scranton! 65: I'm busier than a one-armed paper hanger. 64: Georgia? Georgia! 63, I'm the kind of guy that's 62 ballin' the jack. 61, hey hey, we're the Monkees, baby. 60, thank you, Billy. 59, I love 'em like a pet. 58, who made it a salad? 57, we're rollin' now, huh? 56, your brain beatin' me. 55, let's go States! 54, driver comfort is paramount. 53, dummy up, say bop. 52, catch as catch can. 51, doesn't make it right. 50, so on and so forth. 49, very good. 48, the Little League theory. 47, nice hat, asshole. 46, the others, they all learned from me. 45, don't go showerin' to try to please me. 44, look at that jerk. 43, it's like a packing house in here. There should be hams hanging from hooks. 42, what'd you learn? 41, hee haw. Badaap. 40, I'm not gonna take a quiz. 39, sassafras. 38, what'd we break a window? 37, hello. 36, who won? 35, trailers for sale or rent. 34, you gotta eat a peck of dirt before you die. 33, 3 words, we are the Lobos.

32, you're gonna go to Buffalo with Bernie Parmley. 31, rappy cac. 30, another crisis solved. 29, nice chatting with ya. 28, he ain't heavy, he's my blank. 27, hey, that's what I'm talking about. 26, who let a pet? 25, good on ya. 24, dancing swords. 23, QK, quick crap. 22, bae. 21, blankin' it. 20, that's a fact, Jack. 19, gotta wanna learn, gotta wanna earn.

Take a breath.

Contagious.

Oh boy, must be another tumor.

I'm fine. That was one of the rare times that that should have been the internal monologue. It must be another tumor.

Breathe, please.

Take a swig, take a swig, take a swig.

Yeah, all right, that coffee will help.

While Greg is composing himself, drink some milk. Zazz, are you okay? Because you've been coughing non-stop.

I'm totally fine, man. I had to clear my throat. Okay.

18, put a Lobos mint under your pillow and dream. 17, quite a bit. 16, take the rest of the day off. 15, do what now? Struggling. 14, right on. 13, who shot John? 12 of I had a hammer. 11, rap, rap, rap, they call him the rapper. 10, do it till you're satisfied. 9, me maximum. And now, gather yourself. Yeah.

Well, don't make them laugh.

A money tumor. Um, number 8, the burp suite.

Absolutely horrific.

Brad, Asswipe, Sack, and Yike. The burp suite, right? Exactly. What are you calling it? The burp suite. S-U-I-T-E. I like that. That's why Right, the burp suite. The burp suite: Brad, Asswipe, Sack, and Yike. And now number 7. Uh-huh. Absolutely horrific.

Wow, that comes in at number 7.

He kind of skips like the, the origins of that is someone says something and he goes, what?

What?

Yes, like he kind of skips when he does it. He skips straight to the— but the origins of that is someone says something and he's so shocked. There's a buildup.

Let's do it. Let's do it. You're Greg, I'm someone. Mustard. What? What? What? I like the idea that Greg has given us like the radio edit version, cuz you can't play the full album.

No, a lot of times he forgets what these are. On the— on his podcast, he just did, and I was like, you don't remember the origins of that? He doesn't like remember these.

Yeah, we do the etymology of all these phrases How they began and etc. and so forth. How'd this one begin? Um, just like exactly like he said. If somebody says something surprising to me, I'll go, "What?" "What?" Yeah.

It's two "whats" before the "It's what?" Well, what is the—

"What?" Tell me the origin.

I mean, that's the origin is him doing that.

Right. Like, why did you start doing that?

Just because everybody says, "What?" Okay.

And I go, "What?" Branding.

Thank you.

Yeah, I like it.

Yeah, thank you, Billy.

Yeah, makes sense. All right, good job there, Greg. Thank you.

Thank you, Zach. Okay, no one has—

okay, 6 next week.

Next week, 6-5.

Should we do the final 5 one at a time?

Oh, that's a good idea. I like that.

Really drag this.

Yeah, because this thing has not gone on long enough.

Has it been a year?

Uh, the better part of a year.

It's been like 35 weeks. Jesus. 36 weeks, something like that.

That's a good 8-month bit.

And I've, I've heard rumors that Uncle Dick is forming a catchphrase list of his own. That's Crafter. Yes, do you want his podcast? Wait, he'll come on our podcast.

Is it Uncle Dick's featuring ranking of Greg's sayings, or this is Uncle Dick Originals.

Let me see what he said.

Ranking them will be very meta.

This is his own.

His own. We have a podcast network now. Do we have an Uncle Dick saying? Just give me one. Doesn't— I don't know. You don't know any of his catchphrases?

The man's your brother, how do you not know? No, what's the one when he drives a golf ball? Doesn't he have one of those?

He whistles in his own backswing. Yeah, he'll be up at the golf and you'll hear like, who's whistling?

It's him. But that's—

is that a catchphrase though? Yes, I thought of it. Okay? You know what—

Is "the burp suite" a catchphrase like, you know? But he texted me cobbling a list: Uncle Dick's Dirty Dozen of Catchphrases Stolen from Me. Oh!

What?!

Yeah, that's what he told me. You're making that up.

He texted me that 2 days ago.

Whaaat?! W-w-what!? Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff wut!? Stolen from me?

Now he didn't say who did the stealing, Greg. It might be catchphrases that Chris uses that he stole from Uncle Dick. But the implication here is that you are plagiarizing.

Oh, okay.

That's what Uncle Dick is— that's the vibes I'm catching. Fine, okay.

Down levitar! Can't wait for 39.

Yeah, I can't either. 40 comes first.

Do you know what 40 is yet?

Not yet. See, what are we doing?

Greg, did you just laugh? Did you just laugh out loud at something Lewis said in your ear? Great, Cody!

Yes, I couldn't help it, it was funny. Yeah, but thanks, Lewis. Yeah, gagging the goose, of course. Choking the frog. I mean, there's a million of them. Of course, half of them would sound dirty if we keep doing it.

This is the Dan Levitan Show.

Dick's List.

And I know what you're thinking, yes, Uncle Dick does actually have a cell phone.

It's green. I saw, I noticed a green text.

Do you know, Greg, do you, do you know your brother's phone number if I were to ask you right now?

Offhand? Yeah, right now.

No, offhand, no.

Is it in your phone?

Yeah, we're asking if you know. Yeah, it's in my phone.

You don't know it off the top of your head?

Like, all right, I know this person, here's his number because I've dialed it a trillion times.

I know mine, I know my wife's, I know my two sons.

You know my number? Yeah. Oh, well, I don't know.

605.

Shut up.

I don't know a single person's phone number.

That can't be true. I mean, that can't be true. You have a beautiful mind. You can remember a trillion things.

You know what?

You know who was the MVP in 1997? There's a cost.

There's a cost. Shut up.

605.

All right, the bit's over. We're live.

Eh! Okay! The cost of having all of these important facts is that things that I've deemed— my brain has deemed don't need to know it because it's in the phone. Don't know anyone's phone number. Not my parents', not my children'. You don't know your kids' phone numbers?

My wife, I think this was 2 days ago, she's filling out some form for high school sports, yeah, and she says to me across the room, she goes: What's Corey's phone number? I go, I don't have a fucking clue. I have no idea what my boys' phone numbers are. I know 4, uh, I know 3 people's phone numbers. Who? Yeah, 3. Your wife? I know my wife. I know my mother. Okay. And Boog Shambi.

Boog Shambi?

That's it. Boog. That's the only numbers I know.

I feel vindicated. I'd rather not know anyone's number than say, no, Boogzombie's number, but not my kids.

Like, I don't know, I don't know my kids, I don't know my father's, I know my, my wife, my mother, and Boogz.

So I was thinking about this driving in today. I was like, man, because my— I had had a text conversation with my sister and then she had written my number in the text message about some Zelle stuff. And I was like, I wonder if she had to look that up or if she knew off the top of her head what my number was. Because then I was like, do I know her number? Yes, of course. It's XYZ. And then I started going through the Rolodex in my mind of like, I know at least 10 numbers of people in my family. Wow. I know every, every single person in my immediate family. I know exactly their parents and siblings, parents, siblings, wife, uh, brother-in-law.

Um, no, Louis's number.

I have a semblance of what Louis's number is. I just have to put it together like when I'm typing, right?

Um, not that many combinations.

I have a couple of buddies. My shithead friend Kevin, I have his number. I don't know Haas's by memory.

Kevin made the cut, huh?

Yeah, shithead Kevin, because he used to call him like back when I used to actually have to dial the number in like the early 2000s.

How far back can you remember? Like, I, I, I remember the phone number of my childhood home. Me too. I do too.

I do as well. 1440. Wait, what? That wasn't the phone number. That was it.

I mean, I believed it. Greg's number was also XYZ, but it was just Roman numerals.

What was the phone number for 1440?

Should I say it? I don't know.

Yeah, it doesn't matter. No one cares.

It could be because people are going to be both still living.

Why would anyone call a number from 50 years ago?

Because it's a number now. How do you call KL5? No, like, you give out a number, it's going to be somebody's number, and they're going to get flooded.

555.

No, hold on. You— when Greg's house had a number, you had to call an operator to call the Klondike, whatever.

Connect me to the Klondikes. Klondike.

No, there was a number. It was 987, and I'm not going to say the other 4 numbers, but I'm proud of you.

I have always remembered 557, like, and then the rest. But people don't even know the area code. What are you talking about, Mike?

I don't think we had area codes back together.

You did.

You always had an area code. No, but you, you didn't have to use it though.

You didn't have to use it, but you always had an area code because if—

yeah, if someone was down you long distance, they would have to use it.

You always had an area code.

That makes sense.

Yeah, well, uh, you always had area code after we transitioned from operators with wires plugging in KL517.

Yeah, you'd have to start using area codes for local calls like mid-'90s maybe. No, even later than that.

I remember party lines were a thing. What? Party line?

What is that?

Remember the party line? It's dressed like a party line.

It's where like two people that— another person you didn't even know and you shared a number. Really? Yeah, something like that. Yeah. And once in a while, something like that, that kind of wires would get crossed and all of a sudden you're talking on the phone to somebody and somebody else jumps in or something.

I don't know. I thought party line meant something else.

Do you miss the days when you would be on the phone and someone else in the house—

Mom, I'm on the phone! So Becky, what's going on?

What are you doing tomorrow?

Or you're online, you're on AOL.

Yeah, downloading something. That picture's 75%. And then someone uses a phone and you're booted off the internet.

Yep, the party line was just a cheaper way You could just have like, you could share with other people, but you'd have no privacy. They could check in on your calls anytime.

I honestly thought a party line was like the, like 1-900 numbers. Like, hey, you want to party with us? Call 1-900. What were they doing, huh? Go on.

Keep talking to me. That was a great scam back in the day.

$3.99 a minute.

Oh, they were, they were, you thought you were talking to some hot girl. Definitely a slob.

It was like a porn phone call.

Such a slob.

Yeah, that's exactly what it was.

In your neighborhood. Yeah, man.

I'm dying to talk to you. Here's how Mr.

Google refers to a party line. A single— I just said it. You did? You can go ahead though. A single line, phone line shared by two or more subscribers popular in rural or mid-20th century neighborhoods.

Singles are dying to talk to you.

Just like 1440, Great American Home. Is it Great American Home or Story of a Great American Home?

What would the book have been called? Um, 1440. I hadn't decided. The legend, the legend of an American home, perhaps.

Greg, you ever call one of those naughty lines?

I have not. Never been curious.

I mean, they would advertise in the Herald all the time. You never read yourself and be like, let me do something else.

It was a different time. You get a discount back in the day being for the Herald.

I've always had to pay for a prescription or a subscription.

I thought you were going to say sex.

Yeah. No. Singles are dying to meet you.

Anyway. Me? How do they know?

How do they know it's me?