Transcript of How Do the Miami Hurricanes Avoid the Rat Poison? | Local Hour

There's a bunch of stuff that Tony missed over the last few days because he was at Disney World. He's a young father now, and that just turns everything upside down. But something that he missed, I feel, most of all over the last few days, which if we could convince him how to feel these things, I do believe Tony would be a hockey fan. I don't think I articulated quite well enough for the audience or for you guys the feeling of what it was to to go into Carolina and win that way when they're hanging their banner. Because regular season games in that sport largely do not matter. But that one had the energy of a playoff game. And the reason it had the energy of a playoff game is something I haven't seen a whole lot in South Florida, which is— It's not just that as they're hanging that banner, the Panthers are watching it and saying to themselves, you know you won that, but you didn't earn it because you did not take it from us. You know that the Panthers feel that, but you also know that Carolina knows it too.

Like, that part, that second part— the first confidence is one kind of thing, but you know that Carolina can hang their banner, but they didn't take it from the people that would have gotten the most respect if they'd taken it from a healthy Panthers team.

And it's one thing for the Panthers to know that.

It's another thing for the Panthers to know that Carolina also knows it.

That was such a great moment because every Panther fan was kind of triggered by the pomp and the circumstance of what it is that Carolina did. Over the top, no doubt, even for a championship celebration. That's right up there with Alonzo Highsmith before the game against Oklahoma saying, I ain't scared of you, bitch. And I hate to use that word, but it was necessary in this, in this instance. That shot of that bench that Paul Maurice made sure was there for all the cameras.

He knows what he did.

That was, that was great. That was all-time stuff. Dude, man, they were so angry.

Oh, it was wonderful.

You guys should have told me this was happening. I would have watched.

Uh, what?

You know what?

We've been obsessing over it all offseason.

Yeah, but I wasn't here though.

You didn't hear us talk? No, I was just—

this is— no, I was just busy.

Throughout that entire annoying Carolina Hurricanes run?

You guys also had Celebrity Prognosticator yesterday, and I missed that. I had 19 text messages. Oh my God, Larry the Cable Guy's here.

Yeah, this isn't public knowledge, but Tony is a huge Cars superfan.

Like, I am deep into Cars lore. It's my— the one thing that my daughter loves more than any muñequito, more than any sort of like character online, is Cars, is Lightning McQueen. So the fact that you had Mater on yesterday, and we could have talked about Cars 1, Cars 2, Cars 3, okay, Cars Adventures on the Road, we're gonna talk about everything with Larry the Cable Guy. Did you ask him any car questions?

Next week, maybe next week if he wins.

None?

Not one thing?

No, Dan didn't even really know who it was.

I didn't know who it was. It took me a sec. I didn't recognize him.

It's like the one Pixar movie I don't like.

Cars.

Yeah, I don't, I don't get it.

It's easy. Like, they're going around and they're cars and they do stuff.

Oh no, I didn't say I don't understand the plot. I just, I, I don't, I don't get it.

Lightning McQueen is this hotshot racer in the first one, right? But then in the second one, again, it turns into a spy thriller.

I didn't say I don't understand the plot and you're explaining the plot to me.

All right.

No, I'm explaining the arc of the movie.

Rough start to the day for you.

You are listening to the Dan Levatar Show in partnership with the DraftKings Sports app. Now live in all 50 states.

I'm the one who has to be the idiot because I believe that we should learn from consequences that we are bad at planning. And so Chris Cody yesterday was supposed to wear his punishment of, uh, being a pickle.

Uh, my movie theater sells pickles.

How much are they?

$2.99.

So what a deal.

Chris Cody was supposed to do that yesterday, but he failed to do it. And in the meeting, he's like got a big plate of food and he's just shoveling it into his face. He's like, oh yeah, I was supposed to do this today, but I forgot.

And so now he's got to do it today. And he's an owner in Highline. And the guy who owns Highline is coming today.

And one of his owners, one of his co-owners of a Highline team, is dressed like a pickle.

And you're now going to meet an important person. Mike has loved over the last 5 years of our independence, like just moving and shaking through these communities of powerful people. who make deals. You're going to make it. You're gonna meet an entrepreneur and dealmaker today as the owner of Hi-Li, and look at how you look.

That's right, Dano. Big fan of him. I think he's gonna be a big fan of me too.

We're trying not to lose this team, Dan. The new owner's coming in, he's trying to sell all these different franchises, and look, we can't pay any money, let alone the asking price.

We mean business.

Straight up, we can't. This is what we bring to the table, and Chris Cody looks like an asshole.

Chris, you've been struggling with the costume. Is it too tight? Is it uncomfortable?

Is it loose?

Is it cheap?

It's hurting.

It's cutting off the circulation in my arms because it's so tight in order to keep it inflated. Like, like, listen to this. Ready?

Yeah, that's not great.

That hurts.

Oh, man.

That was the tricep that he just snapped that on. This is going to be unpleasant. They're always there.

These things are always worse.

These punishments are always worse than you think they're going to be. I want to talk about some college football here because Clemson and Miami are playing. And there has been a real reversal over the last— I'm going to say, what, 15 years? When you think of the monster programs, it's Ohio State, it's USC, it's Clemson, it's Alabama. And I might be missing LSU.

I don't put them in the class of Georgia. Like these programs that— for Clemson, for a while was one of the 5 best programs of this century. And there are only 5 that you could look at and say they do the things that Dabo has done at Clemson. Clemson was a laughingstock before that.

Dabo is saying this game is going to come back to come down to the last play.

And after the LSU game, I would think that people are out on Clemson entirely, even though he told us angrily the other day, he's like, the season is 12 games and they've won all their games since then. And they are probably better than they looked against LSU, as when I have this right, when I say it looked like the entire sport had left Dabo behind. That's the hottest his seat has ever been after that game. Yeah, I would say that's the closest that— I mean, back when he was interim, maybe there was—

his job status was up in jeopardy.

But given what that guy did to make Clemson, which was a laughingstock— Clemson was a verb.

To Clemson was to lose all the important games. To Clemson.

Clemsoning.

Yeah, you lose the important games when you're that program, and you go to being a champion that's top 5 this century.

And now this point spread has gone from 7 points after They lost the LSU game.

Not before, after.

Clemson at home against Miami immediately after losing to LSU was still only a 7-point dog, and Zaslow told you, I will put $1 million on that. How is that line so low when Miami looks the way they do and Clemson looks like they looked against LSU?

And now the line is up to what?

16.5 I'm looking at right now.

So it's jumped 10 points, and I'm assuming that everyone listening to this does not believe in Clemson because whatever the wins are against North Carolina, against California, against anybody else, They don't resonate the way the loss did, where we were all watching that one night and we're like, whoa, Lane and LSU have really passed anything that Clemson used to do.

Didn't belong on the field with them.

In a way that was obvious. Outgained them by 500-something total yards. And so that's why that point spread has climbed from 7 to almost 17 in Miami's favor. Miami is also getting a little bit healthier in the secondary.

Yeah, well, we'll see. Xavier Lucas is questionable. I think that's a designation. Miami does—

Favorable?

We have some favorable guys. Moten is favorable. Mark Fletcher is expected to return. He's been deemed favorable. I believe Xavier Lucas is questionable. But yeah, there is Mario Cristobal volunteered himself, which I thought was odd. Made me actually believe that Xavier Lucas is not going to play when Mario Cristobal reveals that Xavier Lucas might be available.

Half—

about halfway through that UNC game until the long prolonged weather delay that they had there. Clemson looked cooked. And Dabo has called that weather delay divine intervention because they have found an identity since then. Their identity is QB power. They're going to take 3 yards at a time. They're going to chip away. They're going to try to stay in games and then make a big play here or there. With the weather forecast being what it is, with Clemson now leaning into this new identity with a true freshman quarterback, which is just like, we'll do this 3 yards at a time. And with Dabo's quotes saying this is going to be a one-score game, it's pretty clear what the Clemson strategy is.

A couple of things on this though. When you say the Clemson strategy, I don't believe it's a strategy when 37% of your drives fail to get a first down. It's that you're not good at offense. It's not—

I understand what you're saying about—

That's why they're doing that though.

Yeah, but it's less a strategy than—

It's not good.

They're really not good at offense.

They're not effective. They have 2 great wide receivers. The problem here is the true freshman quarterback seems to be a little limited— a lot limited— when it comes to throwing the football. But they have really high-end talent.

There is not another program among the big programs that fails to get a first down more with their drives than the 37% of Clemson. It's worse than Oklahoma. It's worse than everybody, OK? But beyond that, here's the other thing that's happening that deserves at least a little bit of light when you think of the century of football where Miami Miami hasn't mattered and Clemson has mattered the most. Dabo has never been this kind of dog at home.

Are you kidding me?

Not at Clemson.

Like, everything has changed in such a dramatic way. You will never find Dabo at home in that environment with that program as this kind of dog.

It's literally the biggest ever.

It is the biggest ever. It's not something that's ever happened in 19 years because of what that program's been but no longer is.

Wasn't a night game, but if you want to take any data, look at the, the box score from Duke's game at Clemson last year and check out what Mensah and Barkay did against a Clemson that was kind of checked out. Now, this Clemson team, very streaky, doesn't really have consistency in terms of like when they decide to buy in, as we saw with LSU.

Yo, you been making noise like that the whole show? Like, is this the whole show?

It's pretty tragic.

I hate this.

I'm not even kidding. This is This sucks. Yeah, it sucks too.

Can I not do this? 1 hour? 2 hours?

Can you try putting your head through the hole?

That would hurt.

It's gonna hurt your neck.

It's gonna be too tight around your neck. Yeah, your face is gonna turn even redder than it already is if he tightens up the— yeah, the bloodstream's gonna have some problem with the flow there.

It seems like a cheap costume, the pickle.

I mean, weather historically limits explosive plays. I think they're gonna try to do time-of-possession stuff. It's a big game for Armando Blount and Lightfoot, who have both really come on lately. Wilson has a flair for big plays and big moments, but sometimes can be a little frustrating. Setting the edge, gap responsible, and making sure that when they do try that QB power stuff, they don't get loose.

What about Milwaukee?

I hate that in bad weather you get the advantages that Clemson has when Mike is sitting here talking about strategy and identity. And their strategy and identity is we're bad at offense and we don't want to— we basically just want to avoid giving the ball to the other team. We're not even that interested in scoring necessarily.

We just want to try not to have the disaster plays and see if we can win with special teams and a defensive score. You really don't want to be playing in a game as a 17-point dog with a quarterback that's this inexperienced.

Chad Morris, at least at the start of the season, was a disastrous hire. But I'll give credit where it's due. I think he realized that he was being really bad and that his quarterback was really limited. And I do think it is a signature of a good staff to realize this is not what we're good at. We're not just going to do this stuff because you want us to. Yes, we have weapons on the outside, but that's not how we win games. And it seems as though they have a clear idea of how to go into this game and at least keep it close in the second half. And hopefully that crowd pulls them over because Miami has not encountered a crowd like this.

Okay, let's just get to brass tacks here. It's enough. Like, we're pussyfooting around.

All right.

The Canes fans have been waiting for this game. Canes fans have been waiting for this game. And in Death Valley and against that guy, remembering everything that happened over the years, remembering in 2017— Dan, do I need to remind you, back in 2017, after one of those Clemson blowout wins at the Hurricanes, where in the locker room, Dabo Swinney, he's got the— he's got a turnover chain. He's got his own turnover chain that he had made, and he, he has it in the locker room. He gives it to his players. Watch this, Dan.

Practice makes perfect, sir. All right, so now it's the real deal.

Yeah. All right, cutting the turnover chain.

How dare you?

Let's, let's stop dancing around this. It's time to run up the score, all right? That's why I was telling you when the Canes are sitting here as a 7-point favorite for the first couple weeks into the season that I'm gonna put a million dollars on it. Now, I didn't get any donations, Dan, so I actually wasn't able— I, I'm not liquid like that, so I wasn't able to put a million dollars on, but I gave out the advice and that's really what counts here. It's time that the Canes run up the score. on Clemson Saturday night.

It's time to take that lick back.

Didn't Clemson win 58-nothing? Was it one of those games?

Yeah.

44-nothing.

We like that one, though, because that one got a coach fired.

Yeah.

So I want to just step back for a second, okay? Because I know life and sports move fast, but I want to— I want you all to sort of close your eyes and go back. I'm going to say, let's make it 7 years, okay? Let's close our eyes and go back 7 years. And I tell you guys, you're not going to believe this. In 2026, on one side is going to be Bill Belichick. On the other is Dabo Swinney, and they're going to set the sport back 40 years when they play each other in college football. Like, you're going to watch a game between North Carolina and Syracuse and neither one of them is going to have any idea how to do offense.

Can you have imagined that scenario from the prism?

I might not have gone back far enough. I don't know when it is exactly that—

I'm pissed off you decided to tell me about UNC-Clemson and not COVID.

Yeah, the, the UNC-Clemson game that Dabo won. Dabo Dabo yelled at us, Dabo yelled at everybody saying, don't judge me on the LSU game, I've got a full schedule here. And they were down late against North Carolina, and, uh, it looked like Belichick was going to salvage some of the stink around him, and then, uh, Dabo throttles them. Do you realize what this would do for Dabo's season if he pulls off this upset at home after lecturing us, being left behind by LSU in a way that was obvious to everyone in the audience? His job should feel unsafer than it ever has there because he's fallen that far behind that quickly, Lane Kiffin.

It's felt pretty unsafe for the last few years now. Remember when a true freshman Emory Williams— there's a true freshman starting in this game— a true freshman Emory Williams beat Clemson. Reuben Bain had a huge game in that game as well as a true freshman. And Dabo then went on a run. They won the ACC and they made it to the CFP and actually played Texas pretty tight. This was just 2 years ago. As people have been pouring dirt on their grave since then. Dabo can be resilient. I know I'm trying to avoid the rat poison here. Miami should go in there. Good teams go into that building against an inferior team, against a limited quarterback, and they wax that ass. That's what we want to see.

Down, Le Batard!

God, I would love to see that interaction. Lord, let there be a day.

Hey, Oprah!

Let there be a day. Oh, The Color Purple!

You like these glasses?

She would see these glasses, she'd be like, this is someone I'll take a picture with. He looks sophisticated.

I love Big Game, Not a Big Game.

Jonathan Saslow!

She would say that to me instead of me having to go up to her and say I'm a big fan. She'd be like, I love Big Deal, Not a Big Deal.

Huge fan of your work.

You're a one-time or two-time championship broadcaster?

Two. Oprah, two.

You think Oprah would say like, hey, know about that book club?

Well, and I would say, yes I do, Oprah! Yes I do!

Have you seen Weapons?

But it was a kids'—

This is the Dan Levitar Show!

I don't believe that Clemson is as good as Wake Forest. I guess we will find out together whether the only thing that I think that helps Clemson stay in that game is weather. That weather and weather at home somehow slows all of Miami's speed and strength advantages.

Dan, you mentioned Wake Forest. I'm ready to call it now. Lopez to Hernandez, best college football Hispanic duo of all time.

Well, you missed a lot, uh, the last few days you've been at Disney. Well, that was one of my 51 Monday observations.

You had 51?

I had 51.

Wow, I gotta go back and listen.

You missed 51 observations.

What number was it?

You also missed the stat that 3 of the 5 most recent quarterbacks at Miami have played. Hispanic.

Wow, good for you, Dan.

We have been celebrating Hispanic Heritage Month even though we have fallen out of Hispanic Heritage Month and are now in October. Lopez to Hernandez is fun and special, but don't sleep on Iowa with a Hispanic wide receiver.

Really?

How'd they get one over there?

It's a good, it's a good question.

We did not miss Hispanic Heritage Month. It makes all the sense in the world that it starts September 15th and ends October 15th.

Okay, so we're still in it.

Good.

We're late arriving to the party.

Latin time.

My bad.

I didn't know that.

There's all sorts of things that I'm learning about Hispanics. That and the fact that we're good at falling from heights.

I wanted to ask you guys about something FSU-related here because we were talking about the business of all of this and the fact that a buyout can be so expensive that you just have to eat it because the FSU athletic department is in real debt and trouble. has fallen behind Florida and Miami by miles and can't do anything about it by satisfying their fan base by firing the coach.

So they just got to go cheap.

And they play Virginia this week. And the thing that I wanted to ask you guys about Virginia, okay, I don't know the answers to the questions I'm about to ask, but perhaps you can look this— some of this up to me because I have the— I think I have the premise right on what I'm about to say. Virginia's offensive line has 5 guys in the top 100. Virginia's offense will maul people. because of the 5 guys. But I think the average age of the 5 guys is about 27 or 28.

Like, I think that they are like 6 and 7 and 8-year guys in the sport. And I also think, Zaslav, that my guess is that the average age of the Virginia offensive line is by many years— I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say by many years— more than the average age of the Dallas Cowboys offensive line. Not by a few years. Please look this up for me because I I think Dallas has the youngest offensive line in the league. But if I told you, as an example, perhaps we'll find out what the facts are here, that Virginia's guys are 27 and 28 years old.

So stupid.

It is stupid.

Have you watched Monroe Mills? He's 24, but that dude is a freaking load.

My question to all of you about this, if, if the basic facts of what I'm saying are indeed facts or close to being facts, because we'll look up the numbers in a second, 6'7, 323.

Virginia, 24 years old average age. Cowboys, 23.8.

That's— what a stat.

So 24, because I would have thought it's older than that if you're talking 6, 7, and 8-year seniors.

But okay, 20.

I thought they were even older than that. I thought that they were running close to 28 years old on the offensive line.

It's an average, Dan. Some are older, some are younger.

Yeah, if you got a 26-year-old, uh, it averages out with a 22-year-old.

My question to you, based on what it is that we just determined, which is a great stat of the day—

Are you trying to be more right than you already were?

Yeah, well, I thought it was by years.

I didn't think it was just by months. I really did think it was by years. The question is, what the hell are we doing?

How can you pretend that that's college sports and not minor league sports when I give you that stat? How is that not minor league football? That's not college sports when you have an offensive line in college that's older than the Dallas Cowboys offensive line. Any objections?

I want to know what— I want to know what classes those kids are taking. I want to know their schedule.

Tons of PE, basket weaving.

Remember, they got the extra year because of, you know, risking their lives for our entertainment during the pandemic.

When I give you 7 and 8-year seniors, you guys don't think to yourself, that's not the same sport that we were pretending was the college football?

I saw a 30-year-old motoree decapitate a 17-year-old the other day.

Okay, so we're— but so just to Let me be clear, we're all good with just skipping past the idea that all of those college players are like Chris Cody in the pickle costume where it's like, look, I'm pretending to be a student, but I'm wearing, I'm wearing the clothes of someone who's 8 years older than a student.

They are students.

Are you a cop? Like, yeah, like, this is all going to get cleared up. It's a 5-for-5 rule and then we're done. I think all the COVID kids are, are pretty much clear.

It's all going to get cleared up with the Protect College Sports Act.

We're going to get— we're going to fix—

We did good work yesterday.

Did we?

We did do good work. A seat at the table. A seat at the table.

I wonder— I'm trying to get and have been trying to get for, I'm going to say, more than a month now, the congressman in Connecticut or Cory Booker or somebody to come on here and give voice to something that I just don't believe has enough voice. They shouldn't be allowed to do this in plain sight with the sheer amount of corruption there is all over the globe and in America, that while you're not looking, they dress it up in Saban and Disney and they take all of the money for themselves by putting a cap on the kids because no one's paying attention and no one cares. And Nick Saban sounds like he's actually trying to save college football when he's not trying to save college football. He's just trying to make sure that all of the power imbalances that have been created by the players asking for their fair share Keep the imbalances such that the people in power get to feel like they're still in power, because if you control the spending, you control the players.

The players aren't even asking for their fair share. They're resorting to the media asking for the players to have a seat at the table because there is no one representing the players. They want to freeze the revenue share at 22%. Meanwhile, the revenues will continue to go up. They want to hold it where it is. I saw Ted Cruz kind of lament the criticism. Like, why are people coming out at College GameDay? We're not talking politics, we're talking sports. No, no, no, politics is involved here. You're Ted Cruz and you are driving this bill. This has been ruled— what the NCAA is trying to do has been ruled illegal 100 times at every level of the court, including the Supreme Court. They're asking for an antitrust exemption so they can keep their illegal cartel going. And that would be fine because there's antitrust exemptions for pro leagues everywhere else. But What is distinctly different is in those other antitrust sports, the players have a seat at the table, and they are trying to do this with zero representation, shut the door, and make sure these people are capped. Meanwhile, Malachi Tony and Jeremiah Smith also have to lose 28% of this revenue that comes from college football and fund all the other sports.

Uh, Zaslav, I wanted to ask you about, uh, something I learned last night that I legitimately found, uh, shocking. Are you guys aware of how Mike Schur watches baseball? baseball games this time of year? Because the Boston Red Sox were eliminated by the Yankees, and just a terrible way to end a wonderful season.

He probably watched it on his couch, right?

Well, no. Listen to what I'm about to say to you, because that would be not surprising. That would be a normal way to watch it. You're playing the game well by answering in a way where I'm going to go much more extreme away from what it is you're saying. But I was saying to Mike Schur, I don't believe many people in the world watch their teams the way that you do.

In the world.

He feared what the Yankees did to the Red Sox.

Feared it so much that he knew it was gonna happen. And because he knew it was gonna happen, the way he watched his favorite team play its most important games is by not watching his team play its most important games and get updates from people because he didn't want to watch them, you know, uh, start— like the same way you don't want to see a pig in the slaughterhouse before you eat the hot dog.

Like, he'd watch the game if they had won, but because he knew that was gonna happen and it happened, whatever it was, the Yankees outscored the Red Sox, Sox 18-2 in the 2 games. He, he just didn't watch the games, and he says it happens more than you think.

I'm on a text string with a Padres fan and a Braves fan that are both watching the baseball the same way I am.

I don't like that. That's look-at-me-Louis behavior. Oh, you're the biggest fan. You care so much that you can't watch.

It's just bullshit.

Like, you're not Billy Beane, buddy. Just watch your team.

You got to eat it, you know? Like, if I'm watching the Heat I'm watching the Heat getting smoked 2 years ago in the first round of the playoffs by Cleveland. You know, the Heat are down by 40 at halftime. I'm not shut— I know they're not gonna win. I'm not shutting it off because I have to eat it. Like, this is part of it.

Yeah, you're Jalen Hurts watching the confetti fall.

Just speaking of confetti falling, I understand this. Salute to my brother Mike Schur. Brother, if I could have gotten out of watching the Chiefs beat the Bills from that referee talking about it's not spotted here instead of there, I would have loved that. I'm traumatized, so I understand, big bro.

So you guys get— are you guys with Juju on this? Because I found it very strange. You cannot enjoy your team that way. You are costing yourself the joy of if they're winning, you're sharing it with your friends because they're winning at the same time. It's the reason you watch sporting events live. It's the reason that's the only thing basically we watch at appointed times. You don't want to be 7 hours late to my team won or lost.

There is a— I have a couple of friends that kind of check out the second that we meet adversity. Like when Miami lost to SMU, it was the same old story. Yeah, we suck. And they don't allow themselves to feel the pain because they, they built this—

No, you gotta eat it.

Shield. I love big. I get sad big.

And it'll—

when it happens for my team, I remember all those low moments and it makes it all that much sweeter. Now, it's a terrible way to live because I'm literally dying in College Station. My knees are knocking and rocking and I've given this thing so much power, but then Bryce Fitzgerald brings down that pick. I mean, it's truly one of the greatest moments of my life.

You think I want to see sit in the patio in the backyard of the Zazzle Mansion catatonic after the Panthers just got swept by the Lightning in 2022? No, I knew they weren't going to win that game 4.

Mackenzie Wheeler.

But he knows what he did.

He knows what he did.

But I'm— I still gotta watch, and then I'm gonna sit in the backyard catatonic with a drink in my hand, not knowing what to do with myself, and I have to text my wife and tell her, can you please come down here because I've never been in such a dark place before, and that's part of the experience, Dan.

Dan Le Batard.

Mike Ryan's in there, and he's the one with a baby.

He's the one who's gotta, like, worry about what the future is. And Mike Ryan bet on DraftKings because Mike Ryan bet on us.

This is the bet you're afraid of doubling down on? Putting up a billboard in Edmonton?

Mike Ryan.

I care more about Matthew Tkachuk than I do my daughter.

This is the Dan Le Batard Show.

Uh, Mike Ryan just said that he was literally dying at Texas A&M, which That's not technically accurate.

We're all literally dying.

Motore is not dying.

He'll never die.

He died for our sins. He will never die.

That day?

That day he died for our sins and then came back.

Whatever is wearing that number 1 right now is a reanimated version.

He's in his 8th season.

Like Damar Hamlin.

Yes. Man, what a picture of him being held up celebrating.

Exactly. I had to sit through that. Salute to Damar Hamlin. But it's— this is where I came up with my method that don't watch Josh Allen as like, oh, is he gonna win the Super Bowl? No, every week is a different movie of Superman. Last week, holy moly, Superman was ass and he still won. Awesome, man.

You can't deny yourself the adventures of the Josh Allen viewing experience because you're watching sports this way. I was making fun of Mike Schorr, and I will continue to make fun of Mike Schorr. That is no way to go through life, son, to be so anxious that you can't even enjoy sports because you can't watch your team play its 2 most important games of the season when the, the Red Sox story has been so sweet.

sweet this year.

Boston loves that little gritty team that couldn't score very much, but they'd hold you to under 4 runs and they'd scrap their way to victory. And they run into a buzzsaw in New York.

The top of the Yankee rotation, like honest to God, Schlittler, uh, you're—

when you sitting there going after, uh, Fried and Schlittler and now Gerrit Cole is next, uh, it's just, it's a lot of pitching.

And so to, to watch Mike Shore suffer his team and not even watch the playoff games— why did Jeremy What's going on in here and why are you guys making faces?

Are we talking baseball?

Like it smells bad in there. What happened?

A dog whistle? That's not what a dog whistle is. What do you mean?

It's our play-on.

Wait, is it a play-on?

No, I play on. He doesn't decide what is a play-on there.

No, wait a minute.

I like the idea of Jeremy running in here.

I think I used that term wrong.

You absolutely used the term wrong. But, but here's, here's one of the reasons it's not wrong. Jeremy did indeed hear a whistle none of us heard when we started talking baseball.

I'm right!

Yeah, but the dog—

That's not how it's used.

But it's still, it's a whistle of a dog that he can hear the frequency that nobody else can.

Yeah!

Baseball?

No, dog whistle is saying Hispanics are good from falling from heights because I think you're alluding to offense. Oh, what are we doing there?

Well.

So you ran in here because what? He said Schlittler.

That's it?

That was—

that's the dog whistle?

Yeah.

But you didn't say Ben Rice. Oh my God, Ben Reiss, Dan. He was the MVP in the first month of the year and now he's the MVP again. He did something Mr. October's never done.

You don't need him when Boston scores 2 runs.

It's crazy.

18-2 in a series? I mean, that's embarrassing. Poor Boston. Poor Mike Schur. Sucks for him. Glad he didn't watch.

No, that's not the way to do sports, Ez.

Am I wrong about this?

Like, do you think— when I'm making the accusation to Mike Schur, when I'm saying there simply cannot be many people watching sports this way—

I'm not even sure I believe that he's watching it that way.

Well, but he's saying that it's more common than I think. and he's saying, I got a Padres fan, I got a Braves fan. I'm assuming this has to do with just the general level of anxiety, but it's also a pessimism that is, uh, it's not helpful. It's not the— whatever it is, that it's not healthy to be so pessimistic that you can't enjoy something because you fear the worst result.

I think it's all about expectations. Like, if you're a White Sox fan, you're happier than a dead pig in the sunshine right now because you got to go in blissfully unaware of whether or not there were any expectations, and that was wonderful.

Put it on the poll, please, Juju, @Le Batard Show. Is a dead pig happy in the sunshine? Because I don't feel like a dead pig can feel happiness, and so I don't know why you use that phrase. I don't know why you would think that a dead pig would be happy being dead under any circumstances. If it could feel happiness, it can only do so while alive.

You know, you say the word And it has me thinking about the story that has totally consumed my algos. Dan, are you familiar with what's happening in Tennessee?

All right, no more baseball. I'm out of here.

Christa Pike, I believe is her name. She committed a heinous murder when she was 18 years old. Now, if you dig into her story, horrific upbringing, reasons why she became the monster that she did, was sentenced to death via lethal injection. Dan, the lethal injection went down very recently. Recently, she survived the first one. She was heard snoring, and then they gave her a second dose of the lethal injection.

Slept right through it.

Good job.

She is still snoring. Dan, she survived 2 lethal injections, was carried away in an ambulance, which begs the question, did she serve her sentence?

So I want to ask the judge here, Zaslav, and I think this is a little bit dangerous, at least in part because I don't know the crime she's accused of, but— It was a heinous one. Heinous one, Dan.

I feel like we can, we can, I don't know.

It was bad.

It was super bad. I think we're not putting enough on heinous. It was the heinestest.

It was, but if you look at her upbringing, there's a reason why she committed such a heinous murder.

All right, let's put that off to the side and let's make this hypothetical not actually involve the family or even a truth. Let's just submit it as a hypothetical to the judge without these details because I don't know the details and I don't want to play with this without knowing the details. But as a hypothetical removed from the story that Mike is sharing with us, us.

If I just say the absolute in a vacuum, if you can survive 2 lethal injections, should you be allowed to go free? Just because they gave you a life sentence, they tried to end your life, they failed twice. They failed twice. And again, I'm removing this story from it, please, because I don't know the details, and I don't want to mock a family's pain if there's something so heinous here that I don't even want to repeat it. But just make it more of an absolute put in a courtroom without any details other than the hypothetical I'm giving.

I don't think we can call them lethal injections is the problem. How is it lethal if she—

Well, no, it is.

No, no, but it is a lethal injection because it is absolutely something that kills people. And this woman snores twice during it because she can handle the dosages. It wasn't lethal to her, but she survived the lethal injection. She survived the lethal injection doesn't mean that something lethal was not put in her veins.

I'm ready to decide.

All rise.

The Honorable Jonathan Zaslav now presiding with prejudice.

All right, Dan, let me hear the case again, please.

I thought you just said you were ready to decide. Why do you have to hear the case again?

Really?

I just opened up the courtroom and you're gonna throw this kind of disrespect at me?

Contempt.

So here is the hypothetical, apropos of nothing happening presently in the world right now, tied to no present things that are happening.

Got it.

I am asking you if you are willing to live in a world, in a world where if someone is able to survive not one but two lethal injections injections improperly administered and they somehow survive them, should that person, no matter their crime, be allowed to go free?

Okay, there has been a precedent set. I remember actually where you had an inmate who was sentenced to death, they survived it, they woke back up, and they appealed that their life sentence has been served now because they died and they back. It didn't work out, Dan. I am ruling you do not get to go free after the improperly administered lethal injection. Because if that were the case, how do I know? I'm not going to set the precedent that you could have, uh, shenanigans with the person who's doing the lethal injecting. Maybe they were bought off, maybe they were paid off to incorrectly administer the dosage, and then the person gets to go free.

I don't think I've ever heard a judge like espouse a kooky theory.

That is my final ruling, always a prejudice.

I believe that none of us should be allowed to go free based on the fact that we're trying to make fun of the idea of lethal injections, which is wildly inhumane.

That one wasn't lethal though, so we can talk about it.

Suck egg!

It was just as lethal as Danny Glover in all those movies.

No one heard us say baited.

So you're sure, Chris Cody, you've looked through the internet with your pickle outfit and you have determined that the Virginia offensive line averages in age They've got 5 of the top 100 offensive linemen.

They are a bit of a problem up front. But again, it's because all of their guys are grown men. Those are NFL bodies. Those are not— those are not growing student bodies. Those are adults. Those are— those are formed football players.

Yes.

25 years old. You ran up, you did the math on all of their starting offensive linemen. You did 6, 7 years, 8 years. You did it all.

The one—

because I don't believe that you did the math right. I don't believe that in that pickle costume while you're fishing wedgies out of the back of your pickle. I've seen you back there rummaging around in the back. I don't know what you're pulling out.

No circulation in my arms right now.

You're going to be exhausted after the show today, right? You're going to be— you're going to be really tired because of how tight those elastic bands are on your neck and your—

The longest podcast hour ever. This has only been 36 minutes.

Yeah.

I would cut the sleeves, but I'm pretty sure we're just going to return that.

Roy, the White Sox won for the first time in 21 years to get into the playoffs and won a playoff series for the first time in 21 years. This team lost 119 games last year. Let's check in with another champagne celebration that comes a couple of days after their previous champagne celebration.

You got to tell me, what are you feeling right now?

100.

100, not 1,000 this time?

Yeah.

Hey, it's early in Japan. They're celebrating with you. Anything you want to say to them?

Same. Hi. Same, same, same. Yeah, he's drunk. He's drunk. But he's drunk. Yeah.

Told me you didn't need him.

I'm drunk. Yeah, yesterday maybe hangover, you know. Yeah.

Tomorrow hangover.

Yes. No, no, yesterday. Tomorrow. Yeah. I don't speak English.

You don't need the translator. Congratulations, winner.

Thank you so much.