Transcript of The Big Suey: Hockey Player or Prescription New

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Welcome to the Big Sui. Presented by DraftKings.

Why are you listening to this show? The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan Lebitard podcast.

I'm sorry. I'm not going to apologize for that.

In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging.

I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries if they're just there.

That hasn't happened to you guys? I've done it.

And now, here's the marching man to nowhere, Fatface and the habitual liar.

This episode of the Dan Leventard Show is presented by DraftKings.

Draftkings.

The Crown is yours.

You're a sucker, Zaz. You know what?

That's not on me. That's not on me.

Yeah, of course, it's on you. You know that he's causing.

This is But I have a different mindset when I'm sitting in this chair. Why don't you look at him?

Two left feet.

Take that hat off. Maybe that'll help.

Yeah, that's right. Colin Calherd would admonish you for wearing your hat backwards, Zazla. Where are you going in this world with that look?

I I don't know. I feel like I'm moving up. I think I'm doing all right with the backwards hat.

It has been working out for him.

Yeah, I think it's going okay.

I did- Samson.

So speaking of left feet, I saw Mike Ryan complaining about shoes that he bought that have made you feel old. Super. And this is interesting to me because I want you to tell me about it, but I think I'm going to be able to relate.

Are they Hoka's?

No, not actual orthos. So occasionally, I'll go on an app where you can get some shoes. I don't do the sneakers app draws anymore because you never get anywhere. It's basically everything's secondary market. It's a lot like getting concert tickets. You're not getting these things once they go on sale. You got to do secondary market. So there was this pair of LeBron that I saw on the app. I'm like, Oh, they're doing the Forever King. It's like a career retrospective series. And there was this shoe of LeBron. I'm like, wow, it's gold. It looks like the J's that you can wear to formal events. So I just see the one shoe, I'm like, let me get this. And then there's this huge box that gets delivered to my house. Massive. I'm like, what the hell is this? And it was from the app store. It's GOAT, whatever. So I don't know what I'm doing. I do it. Anybody that wants to be a shoe- We got shoes here? Come on over. I'll shop on your place. So I open this box from GOAT, and it's massive. I'm like, Okay, these are the LeBron shoes. It's like a casket-sized box.

I'm I'm opening it up. I'm like, I didn't know. I would not have bought this particular shoe.

It's a casket-sized box?

It's huge. I would not have done this. It took me forever to open. I would not have done this had I known that this was the presentation of this box. But whatever. Takes me 10 minutes to finally get to the part where I see the shoes, and I open the shoes up. I'm like, Did they screw this up? Because one shoe is gold, and black, and white, and perfect, and the shoe that I looked at on the app and decided to buy. And the other shoe is purple and black. They're two different color shoes.

So you have Laker shoes.

I'm 40 years old. I cannot pull off this look. At least I don't think. One of the shoes is a LeBron shoe that says chosen one. The other shoe is a Bronnie James shoe. The one who chose... I didn't like whatever they... I'm like, I can't read this. But yeah, it's a Bronnie James shoe that's entirely the different color. And I have one standalone shoe, and I'm hoping that they switch it up. Maybe there's a set out there where the left shoe is just the black and gold one that I wanted. But the entire thing, from the box to the two different color shoes to me being confused about it, it made me feel really old and someone that could not pull off wearing two different color shoes. Wow.

Man, let me tell you something. That is the old... People in Congress know about this. You want to get something, you hide it a rider on that shit and say, Oh, so you're against children being saved? Meanwhile, you got your rider in there that's just, Hey, let me get $100 million for this or whatever. That's what just happened to you. They slipped the Bronnie James shoe in there because like, Hey, look, Bronnie sold a million pair because everyone bought the LeBron shoe. Man, I'm sorry for you because you got caught.

I got caught big time. Well, what are you going to do?

I have to eat it.

No, I mean, are you to wear it?

Hell no. How can I wear it. Dude, I don't need that in my life. You can't return on GOAT either. So that's the issue. No, I'm not going to be that guy either. I just got to eat it or hope that there's someone out there.

Or does anyone want these?

That has a left.

Not even does anyone want these? Or you do unto them what was done unto you because you can throw them back on GOAT as a seller, mint condition, never been worn, and just keep pictures of the LeBron shoe and not the Bronnie shoe.

I didn't even know Bronnie had shoes.

Exactly.

Well, he doesn't even have shoes. He has shoes.

He has shoes.

Can you order which one you want to be the left and which one you want to be the right?

I'm hoping, but I'm too, obviously, I'm ancient now, so I don't even know how to figure this out. But if anybody has the left LeBron shoe, come at me. That's the one right there. You have it on your computer. I'm watching on StockX, and they actually have the purple one in front of the gold one, so you can't even see the gold one. If you're in the market for a purple shoe, you're like, Oh, I love this one. But then you look at the gold shoe and you're like, Oh, wait a second. I only saw the gold shoe. The gold shoe looks great.

Mike sounds so old.

Excuse me, does anyone have the missing pair to what I'm searching for?

I'm conceding that. I know. I sound washed. It washed over me right then and there. You're too old for the kick game. Let me get my reading glasses.

But if we can make lemonade out of the lemon here, what you would like to do is find a trading partner, right? You would like for somebody to... You'll send off the purple one in exchange for the gold one that you lack.

But I doubt that they did that. But then he has two right shoes.

Yeah, that's why I'm asking, can you pick left or right? Hold on.

Let's just assume you could.

Let's just assume you could. Who's the guy that says, Hell, yeah, send me I want a Bronnie shoe. I want two Bronnie shoes. You can have them hold LeBron. Who's that guy?

I saw the Bronnie shoe. I'm like, This is basically Big Baller brand. What is this? It just tanked the value of this. Not only would I have not at all been interested, I would have made fun of it on the internet. I had no idea he had a shoe.

So that's what it means when they say that Bronnie has sold X amount of units, right? Yes.

It's coupled with a LeBron shoe, but a singular LeBron shoe of a different color.

How many others are there like you?

I got to imagine there's a lot of dads out there that are like, All right, let me fire this up. Lebron has been playing basically my entire adult life. I like this Forever King thing. He has good shoes occasionally. I'm in on this.

You know who would never do something like this? Michael Jordan. That's true. That's my goat.

Every time we go somewhere on vacation, like recently, my wife and I, we went to Vegas a couple of weeks ago, and we get to where we're going. One of the days, we did a day trip to the Grand Canyon. It was cool. Grand Canyon, whatever. But there's a lot of walking going on. When we get there, when we get to Vegas, my wife always says, Did you pack your orthos?

What'd you say?

Because I I have orthos, and I say no because they always make me feel really old. I have orthos for when we're doing long walks or on vacation, stuff like that because I'm flat- You have a condition? I'm flat-footed. I'm flat-footed and- Not going to get drafted. That was a positive. Not going to get drafted. But when we do long walks, and it doesn't even have to be a long walk when we're on vacation, it becomes very painful for me. I develop plant I have anaschitis, and I don't like wearing my orthos because A, they look like orthos, and B, I feel like an old man, and there's nothing I could do with it. Do you have cool orthos at least? No, there's no cool orthos, man. There's no cool orthos. No, they're not cool looking at all, and I feel like an old man.

Well, I think you've just landed on something that we should put our heads together and figure out. Cool-looking orthos.

Insoles, right? Insoles help?

I mean-You can't do insoles? I try. Does it help? Maybe. What would it feel like if I didn't have the insoles? But it still hurts.

What are they? Are they off beige, your orthos?

They're like gray. They're like a light gray.

Velcro straps?

No.

I was asking.

Slip-ons.

No.

You have maximum stick on the bottom so you can really grip. My grandma has those.

I'm not in jeopardy of falling down. Just to say.

Because usually they're two for one. You get the Velcro, but max stick on the with the orthopedic. That's a three for one.

That's a shoe. Makes me feel old, man.

You got those ufos?

Oh, I got those ufos.

They came out with a shoe.

I know. I gave one to my dad.

The shoes are very comfy. All right. I've only worn them once. I worn them to a rock music festival, which was a much older crowd, so no one can make fun of them. It's not esthetic. What are you laughing at, ortho? They're also military green.

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Dan Levatard. We're going to win. Stugats.

We're going to win.

They're annoying. What an old reference.

This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugats.

Dave, I hear we have a brand new game that we are going to play here, and it is called Hockey Player or Prescription.

Yeah. Old news that NHL players of this millennium owe to the fact that it is, in fact, a global sport now. You have those Scandinavian names added to the great names of Canadians, you have the Russians, and so on. Also, everybody's aware of the prescription drug ads that are ubiquitous in our lives, thanks to watching sports.

A lot of blood in your stool.

Yeah, all that talk. So let's see how good we are, collectively, here. I'll go one by one here, and I'll start with you, Amine. You'll see, it's hard to distinguish when I put them into context here, whether I'm talking about an NHL player or a prescription drug. Here we go, I'm really good at these games.

Okay.

Brukinza. Let me put that into a sentence for you. Please spell it. Senator's oft penalized grinder, Darius Brukinza, or Lymphoma treatment, Brukinza.

Can you spell it or no?

I'm not spelling anything for you. Come on.

Country of origin? I'm going to go Brukinza. Is a hockey player.

He said Darius.

Darius is what threw me off there.

Oh, he said Darius?

Yeah. You're not listening.

I wasn't listening. The Darius threw you off.

There's white Darius's, especially in hockey.

Especially from Eastern Europe. Remember Darius and Kyla?

Casparitis.

Darius Casparitis was the inspiration here. Let's try another one real quick. Mike Ryan. Anzupco. Anzupco. Maple leaves small but speedy defenseman Yosi Anzupco. Or chronic hand eczema treatment, Anzupco.

You know about that eczema?

I know you do, Zez. I'm going to go with- Do I look like I have eczema?

Old and eczema?

Yes. Yes, actually. Not today, but When I saw you earlier this week.

I didn't know eczema carries a look.

It does, famously.

Soda drinking, too.

It's either that or rosacea.

That's what I've learned from the last decade's worth of commercials, is that eczema is society's greatest plague. It's the greatest issue out there. I didn't know that everybody or so many people were struggling with it, that were required to have 78 different medications available for sufferers of the eczema.

Oh, yeah. No. I get it on the eyebrows occasionally.

I get it right here, too.

Look at us. We park our car in the same garage.

I don't like that garage, though. Keep me out of that garage. So did you give an answer?

No, we got into it with Zaz's rosacea/eczema. I think it's a medication.

Let's see if you're right there. And Zupgo. And Zupgo is in fact a medication. Rub it on your on your eyebrow there, Mike Ryan, or your terrible sneakers.

Can we do one more here?

You want to do another one? Would you like to play yourself Zaz? Here we go. Van Robies. Van Robies.

He gets the easy one.

I mean, so far, Dave has stumped everybody. Well, you.

I'm going with it. I'm being told by the fellows behind the glass, Louis is saying we don't have that. I'm going with it anyway. Yeah, whatever. Come on. Van Robies. I'm sorry. Van Robies. Shark's centerman, Lucas Van Robies, or esophageitis treatment. Van Robies. Van Robies. You're pronouncing it two different ways. Van Robies. Van Robies.

All right. The fact that you're having trouble pronouncing it makes me believe that it's a medication. So I'm going to go medication.

You are wrong. You're an idiot. He's a hockey player. He is an actual center iceman for the San Jose Shard. Right now, I'm saving some. I'm saving some for later. I thought you'd watch hockey.

It's a good game, folks.

It's a good game.

Fourth liner?

I'll be honest with you. I don't think he's played a great deal. That's part of the secret. I really couldn't go kchuck, could I? I think that would be a tell.

Cellebrini.

That's a medication.

Celebrini sounds like an antidepressant.

If you didn't just watch the Olympics, Celebrini would be the most hockey player, actual name that sounds like a medication ever.

Celebrini is the medication you take. Then in the commercial, they've got Cellebration is the song. But it's not actual Cellebrini. Come on.

Exactly. Well, I want to do, when we have more time, we should do a proper Oscars Award style award of the greatest prescription drug song out there, because there are a lot of them. It used to be the '80s when Zaz and I were growing up, family ties and cheers, you knew the jingo for the sitcom. But those have gone the way of the Dodo Bert. Thank goodness, they've been replaced by prescription drug song.

What? Thank goodness. I missed those days.

No, I'm saying, thank goodness that somebody stepped up and it was the prescription drug industry.

If I give you guys Skyrizy, I don't think anyone beats me.

Is that the goat?

Skyrizi is number one. Listen, I want to have a proper- Nothing is everything. Like that one. That's how good.

Nothing is everything.

Yeah. Skyrizi, baby.

They're having so much fun.

My dream in life is to be as happy as the people plagued by whatever ailment has landed them in a prescription drug ad. Those people have the best lives going.

Oh, oh, oh, Ozempic. You know.

That's a good one. That is a good one.

The Goat of Commercial Jingles.

For medications, though.

Take once daily jawdience at each day's start. Terrible.

Terrible.

As time goes by, it was easy to see. It's lower in my A1c.

It's pretty good.

That might be a suing nomine, Dave.

Oh, well, thank you. I didn't write that. That wasn't in an original.

The NHL got back to action last night. Panthers are playing tonight. That's most important. But the NHL got back to action last night. And so that means that the best player in the world, right? Connor McDavid, he met with the media yesterday. Now, certainly this is not the only... Probably wasn't even the first question. It's a whole media session. There's a Scrum. He's meeting with the media members. But get a load of this very forward question from one of the Edmonton Beat guys for Connor McDavid.

This is a hard question, but Stanley Cups found Gretsky and Crosby and those guys and gold medals.

You've been in put yourself in position and it's not finding yet. Did you think it would be this hard? That's a nice question.

Thank you.

No, he said nice question. Thanks for that.

It was a nice question, he said. Wow. Some people are defending it like, Well, he gave a fuller answer to that. I'm confused by why that's an inappropriate thing to ask him. The whole point is to win when you're playing a professional sport, right? Why is it out of line to ask him what's going on there?

It was the nicest possible way to ask that He said, Why hasn't it found you? As if it's just something that happens to you.

Did you think it would be this hard?

Yeah.

I don't know. Do you expect him to say, I thought it was going to be easy to win Stanley Cups in a gold medal?

I'm disappointed in myself. I would have thought it would have been successful in one of these trials. But the good news is I'm young. I think I'm going to have a lot more opportunities to do it.

Not that young. It may be uncomfortable, but that is the whole point. It is the subject when you're talking about Connor McDavid, who otherwise is in the conversation for a greatest player of all time. He hasn't won, so that is why he is out of that conversation at this point.

Looks a bit gaunt there, right?

Yes, he does. I thought the same thing, Tony. That's Connor McDavid? Yeah, he doesn't look well. Maybe that's part of the problem.

Did you see in the Toronto Star yesterday as the Maple leaves are back in action, they're playing... What did they say? That's my gimmick. The Maple leaves are at the Panthers tonight, and the Toronto Star headline yesterday, Austin Matthews made his choice, seemingly putting the party and the President ahead of the playoffs. I know the Canadian media, especially Toronto, is really tough when it comes to hockey. Really, really, really tough. They're going to push these guys away from these teams when it comes to free agency. You want to talk about Florida has become an attractive franchise, the winning for sure, but there's a lot that goes around with it. These guys are anonymous when they're walking around here. This shit with Austin Matthews, and even if you think that question was fair, fine, but you know there's a lot of pressure with Conor McDavid, they're going to push these guys away from those six Canadian teams.

That's what sits Sheryl was telling us on Tuesday, that a lot of players are fleeing the Canadian markets, not because of all the others, like the weather or whatever, but because the pressure is immense. The media coverage there is very intense. It's like New York City media coverage.

I think it's a lot worse.

You think it's worse than New York? It's worse.

I think it's a lot worse.

We're going to be joined by Sarah Sivian.

It's the national sport.

We're going to be joined by Sarah Sivian at 11: 15. I'm curious. I don't think it's outside the realm of possibility that a guy like Connor Halebuck gets some booze at home because- Come on. No. I'm telling you, geo-politically speaking, it is as tense as it's ever been in our lifetimes right now between the US and Canada. You have this layer of them losing to the Americans in their sport, which is embarrassing enough. But then how the Americans have carried themselves, gallivanting with an administration that has started this whole geo-political mess between the two countries, they are not pleased. I've seen plenty of Winnipeg Jets fans going at, Connor Alibuck. I've seen plenty of these Canadian-based teams with Americans on them going at these players. I'm saying it would not surprise me. It would be a bad look, but it would not surprise me if these players, in some cases, get booed in their own buildings.

Winning or losing in that gold medal game may end up being everything. Yes, it would be okay with Canada if Austin Matthews hadn't won. But taking this off now in celebration of of Old Glory and now going back to the team that is starved for a Stanley Cup run. Yeah, man, I'm with you. I think he's going to get booed, Austin Matthews. In Toronto, I mean, not obviously by the floor.

And Hela Buck, too.

I could see that. I In Winnipeg, yeah.

That's a guy that's getting a lot of it right now on social media.

Are you guys saying booed as in like, And starting a goal, Connor, hell of a. Boo. Are you saying like- Yeah, I don't know. Or are you saying- No, it's smattering. When they lose or if he lets a goal in. Then they'll get on. I'm like, Oh, so now Captain America can't stop a punt?

The scenario that you're painting right now, I think maybe a smattering before the game. But if he lets one in, then tensions start to boil over.

Yeah, you're right. You would need, practically speaking, someone to say, And in goal, Connor Hellebuck, and then see what the response is if you don't give them the moment, which, in fact, I guess you do that standardly before the game. So yeah, it'll be interesting his first time up there. Very quickly, can I ask you guys this? Because I mentioned it a day or three ago. In honor of the Houston and Edmonton Oilers, they're no longer the Houston Oilers, if you haven't heard about that. They're the Tennessee Oilers. There are a number... There are, in fact, six North American sports teams among the four major league that share the same nickname, Tony v Chris Cody. Let's go. You're up first, Tony. Name a team. A team- I love how you're pitting people against one another.

This is good stuff.

Tony, you go first. You know what I'm getting at. The oilers belong to two franchises or Houston.

I'll start with the hometown Florida Panthers and Carolina Panthers.

Well done. Well done. Next up. Lions.

What? Do you understand what we're doing?

No. Can I take his answer? Go ahead, Tony. This is your show. The Jets. The Jets is correct. Can you name them all? You have four to go.

I'm ready. Go ahead, Zaz. Cardinals.

The Cardinals is correct. Can I get a Giants? You got the Giants.

Can I get a Kings?

You got the Kings, and there's one left.

Wait, I want Chris to keep going. Wait, two left. Chris keeps going.

Yeah, Chris. Get one right. I don't want to play.

There's one more?

There's two.

This is good. I like this game.

We've got Panthers, right? Got the Kings. We got the Giants.

We got the lions.

We got the Cardinals. We've got the King of the Jungle.

I still don't know what game we're playing.

Okay, so there's-I mean, this isn't difficult.

They're the Arizona Cardinals, and then they're the St. Louis Cardinals, right? You understand?

It's the same name, but two different sports, Chris. You got me? So the Lions.

I felt like Lions was a safe guess.

They're only in one sport.

I think it's cool that the St. Louis Cardinals of Base and the St. Louis Cardinals of Football, and the St. Louis Cardinals of Football didn't start out there, but they just so happened to both land in the same American metropolis. But anyway, that's not the game we're playing here. Sheesh. How can we can't think of the one more? There aren't two Timberwolves. Yes, there aren't two Stealers, not two Browns.

How can we can't think of the one more as well?

There are two more. I think you keep thinking about Celtics and Keltics, right?

Certainly, Hawks and Seahawks, we're not counting, right?

We're not counting. We're saying North American sports. Just North American sports.

Four major sports. There may be one in Mike Ryan's beloved. The greatest single position group in Miami sports history is Soccer Attacker. If that were true, it would be sad, but it's not true. Thank goodness.

We're not going with... You mentioned- Roy's got one.

The Rangers, New York and Texas.

The Rangers is correct. Well done there.

We're not counting the Oilers anymore because they don't exist in football.

There's one left unless I missed somebody saying it, but you're already real close there, Roy, regionally speaking.

Between New York and Texas?

The Nuggets.

Regionally speaking, northeast.

Stars. No.

Hur hurricanes?

No. Oh, no. Pro sports, man. Pro sports.

Try lions.

Don Levatard. I think I would have been on his side. I would have looked at you like, What did you say?

I'm telling you, me and my friend, the rest of the way home, all we kept saying was, I ain't cheating. Stugatz.

I think he got your ass. Oh, no.

I got his ass. No way. Chris won this one for sure. Not pathetic. That was your Vali, Jeremy.

It was great. This is the Don Levatard show with the Stugatz.

All right, just give it to us.

It's the Jets. We said the Jets.

You said the Jets.

I said the Jets. I said the Jets. I just said maybe I missed everything.

I said the Jets, you're coming.

All right, so speaking of team names, Amine has been ranting and raving before the show the last couple of days, trying to get someone to engage with him. Amine, go ahead and let everybody know what you've been all over.

There are no more cool names that teams can have because all the cool names have been taken and copyrighted by another team somewhere else. Any cool name you think, there's only one. I've got it. I won't say it out loud, or maybe I will. Maybe I'll copyright it to myself right now. Copyright, copyright, copyright. Shout out to Billy Gill. There's one left. Who's that? I'm not going to say it first, but I want to point out- When you say cool name, so what does that mean?

There's only one.

So Some of the names we just said, lions, tigers, bears, rockets, right? Like, stealers.

No one's called the tables for a reason. Exactly.

All the stuff are goofy names or singular names and stuff like that. Nobody likes that. Those are cool names. Minor League Base. Minor League Base, but then they get to go crazy over there. I'm talking about something that you could actually market on a wide range.

That needs to be taken serious.

I'm a curmudgeon about the Minor League Baseball team's caps and everything. They're just trying to get people to pay attention to them. Attention seekers. Until they do silliness.

Yeah, that's the whole point. I get it. That's the whole point.

Are you against capitalism? I'm not against it. It seems like you're against capitalism. We got a picture of you as a commie here.

Where was it taken out of the archive?

Oh, my God.

What era of your life was this?

I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy. That doesn't look like it.

Shocking.

By the way, you know a Yankee Doodle Dandy? Shame the devil. You know the origins of That song? It's making fun. It's making fun of Americans. That's what Yankee Doodle Dandy is. It's like, Oh, look at the Yankee Doon Dandy. Oh, you don't know that? Yeah, you would like that song.

Shocking.

My feelings are getting hurt.

There are no cool names as. Think about all the new teams that have arrived. The Utah Mammoth. Terrible. It's a dumb name, man. It's a dumb name. I don't think that's a dumb name. That's a dumb name. The Mammoth? One Mammoth? One Mammoth?

It's a big-ass elephant. I don't think there's a...

I don't think Mammoths is a real... Mammoths, for sure. It cannot be Mammoth.

No, but I don't think Mammoth is the correct- A hundred %.

It's not a cool name. Okay, where are you? It's not a cool name.

Well, I think there could be some stuff that we could consider cool, but they're not appropriate anymore. In the vein of the Washington bullets is not something that you could use anymore. Stuff like that.

That's my favorite one ever, though, that we decided 25 or so years ago, You know what? We have to do our part to diminish gunplay. There are a lot of kids that are easily influenced. I wasn't interested in shooting anybody or anything, but then my favorite basketball team was called Bullets.

Well, gun violence has gone down since then.

Peaked my interest, especially in that locker room.

I saw Calber Cheney one time, and I was just like, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Am I gun curious now? Sure I am.

The late Abe Polen was greatly moved because a kid in DC got shot over a pair of Chris Webber's sneakers, and he felt like the violence in Washington, DC had gotten to a place. And he said he didn't want his team to be associated with that stuff.

It wasn't public pressure. It didn't sound as good as Baltimore bullets anyway.

They're also bad Wizards. Look up Rasputin.

Amen.

Is he a lizard?

To many.

We don't talk enough about how lame that was. To your point, I mean, that they 25 years ago went with Wizards. No cool names. Pretty bad.

What about the Commandos? That want to be a good name?

No, that's ass.

Really? You know what Commando means?

I think so. This is a very high conversation.

What is the goat of terrible team names in sports?

Of terrible names?

Well, I mean, we should get the 10-foot poll out for that one to evaluate that because the worst one, any really, it's basically a tie at the bottom. Any team whose name doesn't end in S. Although I do have to throw in the completely lazy move move by the Nashville Predators. Let's come up with a fearsome beast that will intimidate our foes when they walk into our building like, What should we do? We need a Predators to... You know what? It's 4: 59 on Friday. Let's just get out. Predators, it is. It's just all. We're taking them all. All the pred, all the bees that eat other bees, that's our name now. It's the worst one going. What's the goat? He is bad. No, what? He's a bad- What?

He's a.

You're going to let him talk like that?

It doesn't have an S at the end. It creates grammatical conundrums. Have you been to Miami in the heat? The Miami heat is good, but I'm worried more about the grammar of it. The Miami heat is good or are there 12 guys on the team? Who cares about that? They are good. Miami's hot. The heat.

It's always for an awkward interview.

I speak. What do you mean why do I care? Because I speak.

It's a great honor. You said Miami heat. Keep it moving. It's a great honor and privilege to be a heat.

Yes. That's the thing. For instance, if I play for the Knicks, I am a... Knicks. If I play for the Celtics, I am a... Celtic. If I play for the Jazz, I am a... You're a jazz. A jazz player. A jazz man. That's literally what it is.

Really? No way.

I like that. It is absolutely jazz, man. Jazz is the worst for me. That's the goat of bad ones for me.

If someone in Salt Lake City sees a player for the jazz in the mall, they say, Oh, look over there. He's a jazz man.

He's a jazz man.

If you're on the blues, you're a note.

You're doing a joke.

No, not. They're the notes. No, they're not. They're locally the notes. The Blue Noven? Yeah. That's not made up. This Goat Conversation is presented by Frank's Red Hot. Make every dish the greatest. Eat the goat. And by the way, I've done a lot of great work, and I hate to pat myself on the back, but my work here has, in fact, been great in analyzing these things. As a for instance, why would the Los Angeles Clippers, when they've moved to LA, knowing when the day they arrived that the Lakers owned this town. By the way, stupid name, Minneapolis Lakers. That is the plague of Los Angeles sports.

Alliteration saved them.

Well, LA Dodgers, they're no trolley dodgers in Los Angeles.

You're dodging traffic in LA.

There are no trolleys. I don't know anyway.

No, they have a trolley, the one that goes up that steep-ass hill.

That's not a trolley. That's an incline, or I forget what you call it, but that's what that is. That's more like a train that only goes up and goes down. But if you're the Clippers, you arrive there, By the way, I've asked a bunch of Clippers this, or I did a number of years ago, if any of them knows or knew what a clipper is. Tony, do you know?

Of course I do. The Yankee Clipper.

Good hotel. It's a boat. It's a boat. It's a fast moving ship. That's right.

Well, we know now.

There's a hotel here, or used to be a hotel here, called the Yankee Clipper. Chris's favorite pastime.

Dave, everyone knows now because the clippers in their most recent rebrand went super nautical on everything. I don't know if you've been into it. They've got all sorts of waves. It's an awful yoga.

Have I been into it?

The dome.

I get it. I've been in into it. See, that's another one. Have I been in into it? I have been in into it. But what I should be going in is not the home of the LA Clippers. Instead, they should have just veered a hard right turn away from LA's second NBA team and instead rebranded as Hollywood Whatever. The Hollywood Nights, spelled with a K. Unfortunately, Vegas has since jumped in, but I had advocated that for many moons. The Hollywood Nights with a K or rhinos, double on Chandra. Rhinos, that's a fearsome beast, and it honors the residents of Los Angeles who've had rhinoplasty, and a lot of people there have. That's a good name. But I stick with Hollywood Nights as a grand name, a better one. And by the way, Thunder Stinks, Oklahoma City Twisters. That would have been a winner.

That one was suggested, but they felt because the natural disaster thing was a little too sensitive, and they went away from that.

Well, I mean, then you got to get on the hurricanes, both pro and-We're good.

Here's the deal, Dave.

We're great name, dog.

Have you seen The Great Pickle of 2026?

My movie theater sells pickles. How much is it in charge? 2. 99.

It's a good deal. This could be problematic. They rolled out the names, the official names for hurricanes, named Storms. Did you see what one of the names is? Hurricane Bane? No. There's a hurricane that's going to be called Cristobal.

Wow. That's pretty cool.

They do it. I've looked into this. The meteorologists have some name that they check through A through Z, and then they go back to A, and they just keep going.

They've got to alternate male and female names, and then they go by the first letter, A, B, C, D, et cetera.

Well, speaking of this, I've advocated before. It's right there. If your home has to get destroyed, it's terrible no matter what. But Katrina, Like she, like Ruth, Hurricane Ruth.

There's a lot of names in it to cycle through.

It's an extra gut punch. We should be using football players' names. I mean, it wouldn't feel as bad if your- Hurricane Mahomes. My house got destroyed by what? Hurricane de Brocauchat. Like, Oh, well, I mean, How would you possibly survive that?

I don't want to see that hurricane.

How about after Butkiss? Like, What happened? Hurricane Dick, say no more. Hurricane Mean Joe, I never had a chance.

To go back to your, Well, how come you got hurricanes as a team name. Current names or current teams are grandfathered in. I'm saying as a new brand, you can't come out with a new brand like that. But if you did it back in 19, whatever, or 1890, whatever, then it's all right. It's fine, because back then, there were different sensibilities. There's only one name left. You know what? I've decided since I said copyright, copyright, copyright a bunch of times. I'll say it on there.

Yeah, I want to know it.

Mako Sharks. Maco Sharks.

You needed to copyright that, you felt?

The Miami Mako Sharks. Miami Makos.

Okay, if you just go Makos, that's all right.

Mako Sharks? What's it like? Knickerbocker. It's the long name, but then we just shorten it to Makos.

Okay, I like that. You won me over.

What do the heat players call themselves? On the internet, I've seen Heesians out there.

No, Heesian is a stupid name.

Hoties. But what do they call themselves?

Heedle. I'm a heat.

That's bad. That's bad.

It's also bad. You know what? The one that has been around for more than 100 years is White Sox and Red Sox. I'm a Red Sox player.

I'm a magic, is worse.

I'm a magician. Magician.

Why do they get to spell it with an X?

Jeremy Tashay sent me this. It's a tweet from a guy named Jay Kuda. He said, Most teams named after a sock by professional sports league. Mlb is in the league with two. They've got two teams. All other league combine, zero. Why were we naming teams after Sox back in the day?

Sox are big in baseball. There are a couple that are good. My least favorite going, legitimately, not just because it doesn't end in an S, is Wild. Minnesota Wild as in the Outsides. That's what it's a reference. The Wild as in the great outdoors. The great outdoors would have been better than Wild. The Minnesota Outsides is a terrible name. Also, Net is an underrated awful one. Let's name it after something to do with the sport. Like the balls?

No. The rim?

The hardwoods? No. We're not working blue. Cleveland rims.

The Metropolitan. There's actually three in baseball. I understand why people think there's a racist origin to it, but they were named the Cincinnati Red Stockings at first.

Remember that show?

Silk Stockings?

Yeah. Right after raw, right? Yeah. Every Monday night on USA.

I like when they name people after or they named the team after their best player. The Cleveland Spiders were called or changed their name from Spiders to Indians because their best player was a Native American. That's true.

I got your best one right here.

The Los Angeles Lebron.

The old name of the Brooklyn Dodgers. Do you know what it was? The name of the Brooklyn Dodgers before they were the Dodgers?

The Trolley Dodgers.

The Bridegrooms.

Mike, you know I have one rule to live by, right?

Don't place parlays on multiple long shots. Don't say a game is one when it hasn't hit triple zero No.

Always drink your Jägermeister ice cold.

That's the rule. Everything else is merely a suggestion. Everything else? Everything else.

Wearing clean underwear every day?

Well, that's just a personal decision.

Brushing your teeth?

Obviously smart, but not a rule.

Never PP on an electric fence.

Okay, maybe there are two rules, but the one that is 100% that I insist on completely, Jägermeister must be drank ice cold. Or don't drink it at all.

Damn, that's cold.

Exactly. You're finally starting to get it.

Drink responsibly. Jägermeister L'Core, 35% alcohol by volume, imported by Mass Jägermeister US, White Plains, New York.