Hello. Welcome to Smartlist. I am Jason Bateman, 1 of the less smart hosts. Even less smart is Will Arnett, and truly dumb is Sean Hayes. We each have invited well, 1 of us invites a guest per week.
The other 2 don't know who that person is. Some of it's gonna be funny. Hopefully, you won't cry, and hopefully, you learn a little something. So let's get started.
Well, here's the sad part. You have Chumbawamba on your thing ready to go, and it's not a joke.
No. It's a ringtone. He's probably he's getting a call, I think.
I've been going so Chumbawamba heavy lately on the I keep going, like, mid conversation, Alessandra will say something, and I'll just go, you know, the thing about me is I get knocked down, but I get up again. And she's, like but between that and my 10 year love affair with figuring out who let the dogs out Right.
But what about that that that what's the that crap ass band? Well, actually, I've never heard their music, but their goddamn name, Bon Iver? Bon Iver.
Yeah.
What's Bon Iver?
First of all, Boni Ver is a great band.
So is it hang on. B o n e y and then and then v a r or something like that?
Yeah. That's what it is, you fucking idiot.
What's a Boni Ver? Like, what there there be, like, a
fat bear? It's
wait. What song are they singing?
Why what
is it?
B o n and then, space, I v e r. Oh, he likes it because it's French, and he's like, I could speak French. He's not French. He's from fucking Wisconsin, and and it's this guy, Justin Vernon and my friend Chris Messina who works with the band and, like
Oh, then they're great.
I don't know where our guest is, but I but I guarantee you that they like Bon Iver.
I have
this How much do you wanna do real
Do you
wanna do real bad? Wait. I want 100 Canadian dollars.
You know who this is, so you
can't chime in. 100 Canadian dollars right now.
Great. So it's it's a $5 bet. Is that what you're saying?
You know what, dude? That's so insulting. That's so insulting to me and to all my Canadian brethren who I'm gonna publish I'm gonna put your address online.
Oh,
right on. Right on.
Well, just give her. Wait. Can I tell you guys something that I was Scotty and I were watching?
Hey. Were you just changing your diaper? What did you just pull out from your pants?
Why do you wear a pashbina as a diaper?
Because it was it was cold, and now it's hot. I was watching Field of Dreams last night. I've never seen the movie.
Okay. Hold for applause? What are you doing? Okay.
No. It was really good, But, I mean, it's kind of a long way to go to tell a story about playing catch with your dad, but I get it. It was sweet. You know? Scottie's like, you know, these people won the Academy Awards.
I don't know. They were nominated or something. And then we started having this conversation about who would we conjure up from the past that, like, if you could, who would that be for you guys? Who would be who would it be if Hey.
Listen. Jason played catch with his dad at home. And by his dad, I mean, the security guy at Fox. And by catch, I mean, smoking butts behind stage 5. But look.
Yeah. Oh, god. Alright. Well, we'll get to that later.
Sean, who are you so rudely keeping waiting?
Yeah. On
our little podcast today, we have a gorgeous woman inside and out who we all know, we're all friends with
Really?
And we all love. Oh. She is a light, guys. Her lineage is filled with all kinds of famous people. I'm trying to build even the slightest bit of anticipation because you're gonna know who it Let me try with this 1, this random thing.
She graduated college with a degree in photography. Can you guess who that is?
Annie Leibovitz. That's it.
She's a staple in the history of American comedy, will be remembered forever for her many contributions in film and television. She's trending so goddamn hard on social media right now because of her impression of Kamala Harris. It's Maya Rudolph.
No. What?
Stacks of the Samsung.
Oh, look at this.
Oh, pop the cock.
Oh my god.
I was trying to sing Bon Iver.
I didn't lose anything.
Okay. So wait.
Right? How good is Bon Iver? Well, it well, I
think it was great.
It's I listened to the whole thing, and I felt bad for Bateman because he sounded old.
I know. Didn't he? And now you look at him, he looks old.
There's that's fucked up. So they're they're less gross than the name.
They're a person, I think. Right? Isn't it isn't it a person?
Justin is Justin Vernon, Pretty much. And he has other guys who are in the band as well. Sean Carey who who plays, but they're good friends of mine. They're great guys, and they make great music.
Hi, Maya Rudolph. Hi, Maya Rudolph.
Hi, guys.
Thanks for the
Hi, Maya.
Sorry for the mood lighting. I'm in a cave. It's the only quiet place at my house.
No. I was gonna say thank you for the mood lighting.
I'm gonna join you.
It's a wank fest.
Welcome welcome to my jack shack.
Yeah. He was talking about that the other day, how he, you bounced that name off of you. Do you
remember I used to say that to you?
Did you finally build your Jack Shack?
He's in it right now. Look at him.
I can't
hear you. Smile and a guru.
And no pantalones.
Now, Maya, the reason you're looking for quiet is because there are 6 17 kids? So 18 kids
over there. Right? 18. Good for you. Teen.
I like to pop them out. There is nothing elastic about my lower region. Okay. Nothing. It's basically like when you get a grocery bag
Yep.
And something has spilled, and then everything just falls out of the bottom.
So the the bottom got too saturated
Yeah.
And now it's useless to you. So kids are falling out daily.
Falling out daily.
Do your kids love that description of how they came in the world?
My son well, my son thinks that he came out of my butt because he saw, like, a birth video, so we like to keep it that way.
My son said the other day, little Abel said the other day, he was in the back seat, my, Archie and I were arguing about the genesis of this is a terrible parenting, of Grand Theft Auto games and which 1 came first in GTA 5. And Abel's in the back seat, go, hey, Abe, Real quick, could you Wikipedia? And he cuts me off, and he goes, how babies are made? You got it.
He's got that on his favorites. It's just a 1 1 button. You know, Maya, your husband did describe having a bunch of kids running around the house. He says it's so great, he used a better word, it's like having a fire burning in each room. It's all warm and cozy.
He said that?
He said that?
Well, he's a bit of bit of a poet.
I thought he was gonna tell the, the Jim Gaffigan joke about how it's like because Jim Gaffigan has 5. Right? And I think his joke was having a 5th kid is like swimming in a pool and you're drowning and someone hands you a baby. It's a bit overwhelming. I have to say that being in quarantine with 4 kids is great because I would be very depressed if I was not very, busy.
It would be a lot more quiet and depressing.
Look at Sean.
Yeah. Look at Sean.
I just got up.
Sean is so low right now. He's so low. He'd have to rally to die. That's how low.
How many books is your computer on right now?
Mike Mike Is
Mike is your is your computer on there?
My my computer is actually on a stand right now, but I like to say the books behind me on the shelf. I've read every single 1 of those jackets.
Nice home. Nice
home. Nice home.
Nice home.
Say that
to to Scotty? Or
I say to anybody who'll listen. But He
says it to all the living members of Chembawamba.
Maya, are those kids old enough to help out around the house, or are they just asking you to help them find things to
to do? Because because that is the only reason Jason had children.
Right. I just I can't keep them entertained.
Do you have any teenagers yet?
Yeah. I got a 13 year old and an 8 year old.
The problem with the teen part is I feel really badly for them because they wanna be social, but then I don't want them to be on their fucking devices all day long.
But then you gotta talk to them. If they're off the device, then you have to talk to them.
It's killing me. And I also feel
like The
lesser of the 2 evils is just a a thicker data plan. Right?
Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant dad plan. Yeah.
Let's let Bateman keep talking. Let him hang himself.
Keep going. What is it?
So so 1 teenager or 2 teenagers?
I have 1 teenager. She's 14.
The others are?
I have no idea. No. 10, 9, and 7. Almost 11, 9, and 7.
Is the 14 year old, an a nightmare? Has she found her sass yet at 14?
She's not a nightmare. She's the opposite. So I feel really bad because she's a nice person. Yeah.
I love her.
Don't show off, Sean. Oh. You know? We all have Google.
Sean is godparent to all of my children.
Is that true?
No. Yeah. And like my dad, I've never shown up for them.
Are you guys godparents to anybody?
No. I am.
I don't even I don't know what that means. What does it mean?
Yeah. I I don't either because I think I think I think
We're actually very active, godparents, me and Scotty, to, Jonah and Sammy, Carrie Aisley's children. You are? Yeah. And so, and we're very active. And and legally, it's just somebody in the highly unlikely and hopeful never happening case where something happens to them, we are the legal guardians.
Right.
And
I don't think that's always the case.
It's not a religious thing?
No. It used to be a religious thing that you and I think now it's much more of a just sort of a custom thing that you do. And, baby, listen. Should we be godparents to each other's kids just out of
No. No. We're all set.
I'm good.
That's all you
wanna send over the paperwork? Good.
Yeah.
Yeah. No. Amanda's got it handled, bro. We're all good. How about a question for Maya?
You don't even know what's for dinner.
Maya's actually the godparent to Scottie.
I am.
Does she powder and swaddle him?
Yes. I do.
Maya, I have to say a couple things. 1 is
I love you too.
I do. I really do love you, and I miss you. And I I I feel like I never
see you. Love you too.
But,
I don't ever see you.
I know. It's, it's wrong. But the first of all, I have to say the thing that we all know, but not everybody knows, which is that your mom is Minnie Riperton, who sang Love and You.
I was so surprised that you threw in the lineage thing. These dudes are like, who? Yeah. What?
Yeah. I don't even know Bonnie Barris.
Come on.
Your grandfather owned all the Wendy's in, like, Florida or something?
Yes. That's not crazy.
Hang on.
Sydney Rudolph.
Free burgers for life? Or
So, supposedly, my grandfather and his brother were these, big time business boys back in the day, and he came up with this idea for a company called Trip Charge and, where it was like you could you could get a card and charge it when you were on a trip. This was before the credit card was invented, and it was such a great idea that he sold the idea to Diner's Club. Way to go, Sid Roth.
Is Diner's Club still around?
I don't know, but I guess he straight up gave him the idea for the for the credit card.
So Diner's Club was just for restaurants? Is that what it was?
That's a great question. I don't know. I don't know if it was, like, a traveler's check situation for going around.
Remember those? Traveler's checks. I remember checks.
Carte blanche. Remember carte blanche? Was it the thing that blanche. It's similar. It's like Diner's Club.
I thought it was like, oh, carte blanche. And you just say it.
Yeah. I like I like speaking of the Rudolphs, how is your dad?
He's good. Are you asking about my sweet dad? Isn't my dad the best?
He's so sweet.
He's that guy my whole life that people ask me about. I just got another 1 today. I'm at look look at Bateman. Bateman's like, I don't know your dad. What happened?
Why why don't I get to eat your dad?
Your dad is such a cool guy, and you would be well served. This is like the boning of everything. You would be well served to take that scowl off your face.
That's my rest face. Now I have a heavy brow. I need a lift.
You know? But I am talking
a lot about this. I constantly look like I'm I've just said, what did you say? Yeah. That's that's the that's my rest face.
Yeah. Mine too. Wait.
Are you just coming to terms with
Just to get to regular, I have to I have to pretend I've just said, oh, I see.
Right.
That's what
I had that's what I had. That that lifts things up to where his center is.
I think it's from years of being funny and years of emoting, and now your skin is relaxing into itself. I have developed really gnarly eye bags, and I think it's from years of rubber face.
Me too, Maya.
Maybe you and I can find a doctor that can just cinch us up in all the places.
Says eyes and vaginas. Yeah. Yeah.
There's probably somebody, in the valley somewhere.
They're kinda similar. They're similar areas.
But get your eyes and vaginas done here.
That's like shampooch and shampooch.
Sam pooch and shampooch. That was Ali's
Shampooch and shampooch.
Shampooch and then in the back, you get shampooch.
My here's a very dark, dark story.
Oh, yeah.
But hang on. Before you get into this, I do wanna say this. I wanna say this.
On a date with with Ali?
You went on a date with Ali? Wait.
This is What do you mean?
I went on a date with Ali in New York, and he took me to see puppetry of the penis. Do you remember that show?
Yes. I saw it in in in England. It was terrible. Wait. Ali.
Who's Ali?
Ali Farnakian.
Larry Farnakian is a good he's a funny guy. He's the guy who came up with shampooch and shampooch. Now married with a couple of kids. And we used to
pass And both named shampooch and shampooch.
Shampooch. And we used to pass puppetry of the penis all the time on the way home on seventh avenue. And then we used to also, Amy and I used to always pass, and we'd always say to each other that my favorite title, for a play of yours. I love you. You're perfect.
That change.
Oh my god.
When I
saw puppetry of the penis, I thought it
was gonna be, like, this brilliant thing.
It was just guys playing with dicks
on top.
So painful and awful looking. A lot of a lot of stretching of skin.
Yeah. Wait. So there was actual frontal nudity all the way through it?
Yeah.
Really?
Are they cut or uncut?
They were well, they're Australian. So Yeah.
So uncut. Yeah. Uncut. So Snudders.
Wait. What?
It's a Snudder. Right?
If it's called a Snudder?
I believe so.
If it still
has its little turtleneck,
it's a disgusting foul person, and I've never heard that term.
What about aardvark? We assume aardvark.
Yeah. Sure. Aardvark is standard.
I love the idea that Bateman goes in to get a face lift, and and the doctor says, no. Just, just do the surprise face mask.
Yeah. And could you take care
of my snuts?
How many snutters do you have?
I've got 3 penises.
Sean, I cut you
I I Sean, I cut you off 10 minutes ago.
You cut me off 10 years ago, but that's okay.
Oh.
No. No.
I was just gonna tell a story about my mom who passed away, like, 2 or 3 years ago. God rest her soul. Best mom in the whole wide world. Darkest sense of humor. That's why it's okay to tell this story.
She would even laugh at this. And so when she was 2 years old, she had cancer, and they removed her eye, the entire eye out of her socket.
I knew that.
And it wasn't until she passed away that I found her old medical records from when she was a kid and realized and and learned that they took skin from around her vagina to reshape her eye socket, which was kind of astonishing back then. But, you know, I shared this story with a friend of mine, and he said, wait a minute. You're just telling me this now. The whole time I knew her, I could've fucked her in the eye.
Oh my god.
I thought you were gonna say I thought you were gonna say to her, everybody looked like a cunt.
Oh my god. It's brilliant.
That's better than everything I was working on. I had tear duct stuff and
Oh my god.
Okay. Okay.
Okay. This is Maya,
I'm so sorry.
Maya, I'm
so This is an x rated show. Right?
Yeah. No. It's a thing.
So listen. God,
that's really funny.
So I wanna ask you seriously back to Minnie, your mom. Your dad produced that record from your mom. Right?
Yeah. He they wrote they wrote a bunch of songs together and stuff.
So another common question, and I'm sorry, but I think you and your Did
I get laid? Yes. I did.
Did I get laid?
But did you because you have a great singing voice too. Did you ever wanna do albums and all that and sing and perform like that?
I think the performing part, yes, but the singing part, I knew very early on that I did not have the vocal range
What?
Of my mother.
Well, because you were surrounded by music the
whole time. Yeah. Musical, but I don't have that kind of a voice. I mean, when the standard is like a 7 octave range, you're sort of like, I'm good. But I like I like making music.
I do like making music. I think now that I'm almost 50, I'll probably start publicly making music now that I'm not as afraid as I used to be.
How does 1 start? Is it like you start with jingles or
Yeah. You know, like, you write songs about lettuce. You're like Uh-huh.
Here we come.
Light and cream.
Cold and crispy.
That's the
way it should be. Crispy too. That's right, Bateman.
Mhmm. Swallow it down.
Firm yourself. Brand lettuce. The crispier
Maya, do any of your kids wanna do like, open their mouths and make sounds that sound like music?
They're very they all seem to wanna be filmmakers, so that's definitely happening.
Because your husband or your partner is Paul Thomas Anderson?
Of the above. He's all of those things. And, you know, and they have Imovie, so they make a lot of, movies all the time, which is pretty damn cute.
All 4 of them. Oh, that's great. Truly?
Mhmm. When my, when Archie was born, the night he was born, it was a Saturday night, and, of course, Amy didn't make the show that night. And we We
were supposed to do a Bronx beat that night. You're supposed
to do a You're
talking about Amy Poehler from Saturday Night Live? Is your ex wife
Don't forget, Will, your OB died.
Our OB died the day before. So the day that Yeah. The day Wait. What? Supposed to do.
So it was the first time Hamm was hosting SNL. Do you remember? So Hamm was hosting, and I was John Hamm. Pick up baby. They were shooting up, John Hamm.
I Sean
I love Thanks, Sean.
Sean is like a is like an audio chiro.
Well, and you know what? And here's the thing.
By the way, I have to jump in. So my sister and all her friends live in Wisconsin, and they listen to these podcasts. And she's like, I don't know what they're talking about half the time. They're throwing about names. So that's why I'm plugging in all these names because they don't
My advice to your sister is move. Okay. So, anyway, anyway, that's fair enough. That's fair enough. So Jon Hamm, first time he's hosting.
So we go and we're gonna we're supposed to go to this, doctor's appointment, and the OB dies. He dies that day.
That are you being serious? That's crazy.
That's what it yeah. So he was old. He was old. He was very old.
So Why was she seeing
a guy on his death's doorstep? Did she get a deal on
him or something like that? I mean, you feel like you
could get an OBGYN that that's got a few more years to be vibrant. Yeah.
So, anyways, so we go in Sometimes
you want sometimes you want the best, you go you go you go to the quality.
This guy had delivered this is not a bid. The the big thing was he had delivered Sophia Loren's baby
Oh my god. In the
day, 1 of her whatever.
And we're
like, that was great in, like, 19
Beautiful baby. That was a beautiful baby.
What a baby. But then, apparently, he forgot about it.
But, anyway What a baby.
So so, anyway, we go in and, Archie is born, and we turn on the show that night, and he's a couple hours old, and Maya sang a song.
Oh, yeah. Keenan and I Keenan and I sang a song for little baby Archie.
Really? Live? Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, that's so nice.
Wow. Yeah.
I'm nice sometimes, Sean. I really am.
Well, that's not coming through.
Uh-oh. Sorry. You are
the nicest. I I love you to death. You know that.
I know I love you too.
I wanna ask you some more stuff, but I can I go to SNL, which I know you're probably sick of talking about, but or maybe you're not? But I I'm cool. I hosted your 1st year of SNL. I was always a host during your 1st year.
Oh, I remember.
And even then I was like as I was hosting, I was like, who is this master of comedy? This girl I just I'm who I'm falling in love with so quickly without as much as a date.
I remember the facts of life sketch, so well that you put up, and it was missus Garrett stuck
on Garrett
up her butt. And that's why her hair so red
keeps singing, these are the facts of life.
I can't believe you remember that.
That is insane. Because I couldn't stop singing it afterwards. Miss and Garrett.
It's stuck. Don't care it. But in this wild little head so red keeps singing. But it's got it's got wait. It's got a bunch of effort.
Life. These are the facts of life.
It was, it was,
Who wrote that lyric then?
He did.
Me and Rayna got super stoned, and Reina's a friend of mine, and wrote this entire song called the facts of life, and it went through Reina's
a friend of Sean's who's a cook and who's a very good friend of Sean's. Sorry. Keep going.
That's for Wisconsin. Yeah. Good. Uh-oh.
You're such a.
Alright. So wait. So back to SNL. So when you were there, and I know everybody asked this, but for anybody who's not who's never been part of the institution of comedy, you know, that creates legends like you are now, and, yes, you are. Thank you, Sean.
You're welcome, Maya.
No 1 said any
Everyone always asks
this why I didn't wanna cut him off again because I feel like he might land the plane at some point during the fucking podcast. But I did wanna say, my you are comedy royalty
Yes.
To me. If anyone was listening to anything I've said over the last 20 years, I reference you all the time when we
talk about Everybody does.
A certain level of sophistication in comedy, I will say, like Maya Rudolph, and people go, oh, I get it. Yes. No. I'm I swear to god.
If you're only saying this for me being here today, I do appreciate it.
It's so true, Maya. You know how I feel. I I you are you are 1 of the comedy legends of history for true.
People get it. It's a very, efficient economical way to say, oh, you would like some smart laughs. Got it.
Wow. Yeah. That's a pretty, large compliment. Thank you, my friend.
It is absolutely true.
But I think that to what Jason's getting to, not only are you known for that, but I will say that as somebody who has worked with you a bunch over the years, and and Sean can attest to this too, and the 3 of us did work together as well, there is nobody who's quicker or faster or better in the moment and and can eke out, make anything funny even if the scene is terrible and you wanna throw it out and then find it in the trash and throw it out again because it's so bad. Yeah. You have the ability to make every you bring just you always bring the element. And this is what I think the real the the sort of the trademark of something that's really funny. You always bring in the element of surprise.
Yeah.
You
never know what you're gonna do, and it's so every time, it's so awesome. I always feel Yeah. It's exciting doing a scene with you. No doubt.
This is why getting old is great because we all remember things a lot less than what really happened. So your memories, all of your memories of our time together are so
The capability and the deflection. I love it.
No. This is part
of the intelligence.
It's nice, but honestly it is nice to appreciate. I will, I will get honest from on it. It's nice to appreciate each other as we as we age. Isn't it? For sure.
It's nice to have like Yeah. It's nice to have had fun together because like my my thing, once I started having kids and having to go to work, I realized like, oh, I have to actually like what I'm doing today or I'm gonna wanna kill myself. Right.
Yeah.
Because it's so depressing when you hate your job and you've left your beautiful babies at home. So, all the time that I've spent with with you guys and in out in the world and doing things, I I cherish those times because all I did was laugh my ass.
So hard. I remember I remember there's this 1 scene that you and I were in in the show called Up All Night, that Will was also in with Christina Applegate.
Sure.
And and, those are my reference points, Will. And, and
What so what network was it on? Just people don't know.
This was about the the Coke addicts. Right? No Coca
Cola. So and, Maya, you there's this scene where it wasn't quite there yet with just the rehearsal and the writing and us acting. And we just were trying And
I kept saying, is it in?
Yeah. Right. And I said I said I said if you can't feel it by now
Mhmm.
It's never gonna be. And you and we crafted the scene in such a way that we finally got it there. And then when we shot it, you made like, to Will's point, you made it so funny. I couldn't breathe laughing. And it wasn't a house.
Halloween thing where
we were supposed to be dead or something? We're pretending to
to laugh.
Sorry. Gotcha.
But okay. So here's the thing. But now you've accomplished something that
God. You really did your homework, Sean. What's happening?
This is the obligation of the host, of the the person who invites the guest. They need to be the adult. They need to have the questions. To go. The other 2 idiots get to just throw bombs from the sidelines.
So that's
me and Will. Right?
Side of you, Sean.
Yeah. Well, it's it's it's comforting, isn't it? It's it's well, but, like, to
your point, if you tighten it up, it is. So
okay. Listen. Listen to me.
Now you've accomplished some and I'm now I'm gonna compliment these other 2 jerks. You've accomplished something that even Jason will have accomplished, and I wanted to talk about this. You all came out of the scene as actors who excel in comedy, and and that's kinda what made made you famous in the world. And you all have expanded your repertoire and kind of, like, crushing the dramatic work as well. Like, I even told Jason on Ozark.
It's it's the best work I've ever seen him do. It's he's incredible on the show. And when he cries, I cry.
Very nice of you. Thank you.
Look. His face hasn't changed.
But you both you both excelled at the drama work too, and I know that's hard to accomplish. But what's really hard to accomplish, and you guys have all done it, which is to hold on to a sense of where you came from and acknowledging your comedic roots.
Because
I feel that a lot of people who are famous because of comedy immediately take themselves too seriously and then lose themselves in the journey to prove that they're more than that. And in doing so, sometimes they fail. I mean Sure. Do you do you know what I mean?
I think so.
I was guilty of that first season of, Ozark. I had the the head writer, showrunner cut out all the comedy that he'd he'd put. It wasn't a ton of comedy, but there were some things that were, I was like I was I was so like people have to know that this is this is a this is a drama. You know? They're gonna think that there's a it's
a comedy because I'm
in it. It is a drama. Well, exactly. But like a great writer does, throws in moments of levity to so, you know and so I got less precious about that in the 2nd season, and I and people really like that about his writing and the 3rd season as well. So I got
And that was the 2nd season is when they stopped calling you precious on set. Right?
Yep. Yeah. Yeah. That was the end
of that. Yep. Figured out what was causing it and put an end to it.
I was gonna say, I mean, you guys all know. I mean, comedy is just infinitely more difficult than drama over time. To be consistently, you know, funny, it's much harder than,
Well, dying is easy. Comedy is hard. I I mean, I have to teach them all the adult way.
Did you just
come up with that? Holy shit.
I mean, Jesus. She should give you an award.
This is real crap. Write it down real quick. You're sending it to death.
Oh, I did. That's why I just read it off my page.
The truth is that yeah. What what I mean, what you're saying, Will, is what I feel is like, you know, at a certain point you realize how, they they also the comedy and the drama is few and far between, and you realize how serious and, depressed you really are as a comedian, internally. And then, like, it's all kind of part and parcel the same thing. So the all the little funny bits make the serious stuff real, and it's all kinda
I like that movie you did with Krasinski where you guys were it was funny. John Krasinski. Dramatic moments. John Krasinski from The Office. Jesus.
He was on The Office. Right. Wisconsin. And,
Sam Mendes directed. Yeah?
And Sam Mendes directed. And you guys, that was a great and I I said this when we made our little show flake that not a lot of people saw that was on Netflix, but I used to say people say, is it a comedy or drama? I'm like, I don't know. When I wake up in the morning, you don't go, like, today's gonna be a comedy day.
Exactly.
Today's gonna be a drama day. I wanted it to feel like a representation of what a a life experience is.
I mean, other than, like, Mel Brooks' house, I don't know that most comedy households are always funny. Right?
No. They're probably real quiet.
They're probably really dark.
Yeah. For sure.
Now, Maya, with all the years of experience that you have and the clear understanding, obviously, of the nuance of comedy as well as drama, do you have any desire to write anything long form or direct anything long form and and kind of be the person that that navigates all that stuff?
Directing, no. Directing, I absolutely don't ever wanna do, and I think it's the the amount of responsibility that's required that makes me feel, like, itchy and hot. The the like, knowing that I have to make sure you've got this covered. It's like being the host of a party and making sure everybody's happy. Right.
I don't think that's in my nature and I'm okay with that. That's why I live with a director. I don't want to be 1. But, I honestly enjoy the pruducarial side of giving my opinion, putting my time in. I mean, I I feel like I'm all I'm gonna be a forever writer in the way that I sort of just like haphazardly became a writer at SNL because they just make you write.
You don't have a choice. And no 1 really says, hey, you're a writer now. You're just like, I'm writing my sketches. I don't have a choice. And Mhmm.
It's really the only way to survive. So, I think create I'll continue to create what I do, but the directing part, I like to I like to sit down and eat my lunch. You know? Right.
I don't
I'd like to be a guest at the party, not an artist.
Yeah. It's so stressful. And I love when people love doing it and I love to be a part of that, but I feel like there was a point in my life where I thought like I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do that. And then once I started realizing I don't I'm not good at everything and that's okay, I'm sort of like, yeah, there's no there's no shame in that game.
My recollection of Maya on on Up All Night is just like we'd be shooting shooting all day and be like lunch and then her dressing room was next to mine and then, like, the knock on the door and be like, are we still shooting that scene after lunch? I mean, are
we done with it?
I'd be feeling the same way. I'd be, like, I don't know. We both have little kids and I'm, like, I don't know.
I was nursing. Remember I was nursing at the, like, right like, the baby was in the room. I was pumping and I was sweating all the time.
Who was just born?
It was Jack. Yeah. He just turned 9.
I wanna ask you a serious question. I don't know if I'm gonna get through it with my cohost, but here we go.
Okay. And you
hang on. Let me get the stopwatch and go.
Your mom so sadly passed away when you were younger. I think you were 6, 7, 8 years old, something like that.
In the wheelhouse. Yes.
Yeah. In the wheelhouse. And so and you're an such an incredible mom at as I've seen firsthand. It always seems like your children comes first, which is the correct thing to do
Thank you.
Before anything else. And you're always present, and it's what every kid wants. But does any part of you, when you were starting to have kids, like and it's it's did you have a 1 of those real human fears of, oh my god. What if what happened to me happens to my children and I'm not around? Is that gonna happen?
And
Oh, I'm still not sure that I'm doing this correctly, and I get weirded out all the time that I'm 48 and my mom was only 31 when she died and I'm like, now what? How did how did I get to be older than my mother? It's so crazy. Like Yeah. I don't I don't know how the hell we're all adults to begin with, let alone responsible for other people and in relationships and families.
It's crazy. But I
perfect what's your perfect ratio
of perfect
mate? Your perfect ratio of of work to parenting. Like like like like, what are you doing today aside from this? Like, do you do you
That's a great question. I appreciate that question. I'm gonna do a little voice over work later on this afternoon for
Oh, yeah. Who are you working for?
Working for a wonderful production called Bless the Hearts by our friend Emily Spivey. We Oh, bless the Oh,
bless the hearts.
Oh, bless the hearts.
Up the night with. And, Are they
looking for any new characters or?
Really good.
Damn. It was sexy, but also a little bit scary.
Oh, this guy
And a little a little bit sad. Like, a little bit like
Well, you know what? Because because he's had
a few even though it's Wednesday. He said he wouldn't, but he did.
I thought he was constipated. Like, he sounds
a little
He had a few.
He sounds like he needs water.
When ain't nobody was looking, he had a few.
Or he's a self asphyxiator there in the Jack Shack.
Oh, boy. You know what's funny? I did write in the time that we've been on this, I did write a a theme song for the Jack Shack,
and it's called Jack Shack, shagging it up. Jack Shack, you can shag it. Jack Shack, shagging it up. Jack, check. Shagging it up, check.
Get your jack on.
I love the
Shagging it up. Check.
I wish we had an animated portion of this show
that we could
just it'd be so good.
Shake. Shake.
Maya used to do this character. She we were gonna do a video, and I was gonna be this
We'll pop the cork.
Pop the cork, and I was DJ Metro. It's just a French rapper. And it's just Maya, and she's in just, like, she's in Saint Tropez, and she's in, you know, Italy.
I like to celebrate.
Pap the call. We're
like, pap the call.
We would just say, like, London, pap the cook. Dubai, pap the cook. Israel.
I wanna see you doing all these characters every week again. Damn it. What what I know.
I should answer your question because you bring something up, which is that I I do, every once in a while, go, god, I should do that show, or I should when we were asking about creating and stuff, like, oh, yeah, I should create this show. And then
I'm like, what am I saying?
Then I'll never be home. I can't do that. Right. But I'm lucky enough to have a lot of talented friends, and I'll do, like, a little bit here and a little bit there and a little bit and that
And that's plenty for you. That's enough.
It's plenty. Sometimes I spread myself too thin, and then everyone's gonna say, no. Now I'm ready to get back in the saddle and do it. But I also like to go home sometimes.
Have you been courageous enough to play with the idea of an empty nest at some point, sometime deep, deep in the future? I I say that because because I have. And it it just as much as I am, I I love to be out and working, I love my kids. I love that they are here, and I think I'm gonna be a mess when they go to college.
For sure. You would
have that times 2. Right? Because I got 2 kids. You got 4.
Yeah. And, like, when what you know that, like, when 1 of the kids isn't home and they're at a friend's house or something, you feel like, there's no 1 here. The house is so quiet, and it's just strange. Yeah. I don't know.
I don't know what I'm gonna do, but maybe that's a good time to, you know, move back to New York and start all over again.
Yeah. There you go.
Go see puppetry of the penis with Ali and.
Yeah. Just do some sort of a sequel to puppetry of the penis. What would that be called?
I wanna go back to the question I had about
We'll come back on that.
30 minutes ago.
What Yeah. Sean, definitely definitely tee up another real question. Go ahead. What's number 2.
Get rid of the other people.
Because I wanna know these things.
Like I know you do. And you know what, by the way?
Yeah.
Good for you.
Thanks, guys.
I know. It's very responsible. I feel like
you responsible.
You brought me in and you're like, I have to ask her real questions or she's Yeah.
Otherwise, it's like there's there's just bits which I love.
I don't care. You don't have to ask me anything real. Listen. You can ask me anything you want.
I love it. And so I wanna know how you feel about me. No. I wanna know. So I wanna know, like because way back 30 minutes ago when I was talking about Saturday Night Live and how you've you've you've helped create that institution that it is.
Everybody wants to know what was it like getting the gig that you always dreamed of getting. Like, what was it like the 1st week? Is it like the 1st week of school, and were you nervous? And, like, how did you navigate around that?
That was crazy because I came in at the end of the 25th season, and I had this really lame situation where I listened to, like, a bad manager. I was so young. And she said, don't audition. The The new contracts are really binding. And I went, oh, okay.
Fucking idiot. And so, I didn't audition and then, long story short, I was lucky enough that they asked me to come and do the last 3 shows. So, I did it was more like trial by fire, but it was the end of the season, so everyone knew each other already. It was it was like it was like joining a school year with 3 weeks left. So, like, I didn't know anybody and everybody knew where to sit in the cafeteria kind of feeling.
I just felt really bad and scary.
I didn't I didn't know that.
You did not audition? No. So you were you a part of the writing staff and they wanted to put you then on camera?
No. It was really confusing. It wasn't clear. They brought me and Zach Galifianakis, and I think it was Jerry Miner. I think we were the 3 people that they brought out for this this 3 week trial period, but Zach and I didn't know what was going on.
Zach said they brought he had auditioned and then he said like they brought me out, but they were just auditioning as a writer and he was really like, I don't know what's happening. We were a little bit confused.
Did Zac do the show?
He wrote for 3 weeks. He and I shared an office and we were both like scratching our heads like I
didn't know that either.
What are we doing?
I didn't have no idea. See, you assholes? It's good I ask questions like
that. It is good. You know what, Sean? Great question.
Great. You've finally been validated. Sean.
Way to go.
String 2 together?
Well, that seems like it's very difficult.
I can't believe we've gotten to 30 minutes in, and we haven't asked you whether you're excited or dreading the whole Kamala, Harris, for the next probably 12 years.
Can I just say, wouldn't that be a nice problem to have instead of this fucking shit pile of shit of shit mountain that we're living on?
We just we just had her on the show.
You did?
Literally, the day before it was announced that she was on the ticket with Byron.
She's pretty fantastic. Us.
She's pretty fantastic.
She's awesome. She's amazing.
There's nothing there that isn't cool. It's, like, hey, do you wanna play a cool superhero? Like, yeah. Sure. I'm I'm good.
Like Yeah. You know this. You know, you get to be Batman, and it's fun. It's fun to, like, be a cool person. It's what am I gonna
kinda what I'm known for, Batman.
Oh, you're
talking about Will? No.
But once the, as Will calls it, the hoax virus goes away, you're gonna have to fly back and forth to, to New York all the time. Are you going to be happy about that? That's that that could get burdensome.
I don't know. I I really am I think I'm a little bit in denial of what is happening in the world and what's going to happen. I mean, I is there going to be a live show?
Doesn't matter. You know what's gonna happen, Maya. Let's not play this game. We both I like
to I like to play hard to get. Well
You don't have to start wiggling when you say that, Maya.
Oh. I still have my exercise tank on. I have an exercise tank.
Showered. I didn't showered yet.
Shy. I need to take
a shower. You don't want any of this.
Uh-oh. Do you guys want Chinese chicken salads for lunch? Everybody? Everybody? Everybody's Chinese chicken salad?
Let's get chin chin. I want chin chin.
Is chin chin still around?
Yes. I get
it all
the time, and it's so fattening I call it double chins.
Chin chin is still the best. Just the Chinese chicken salad. I don't think I've ever had anything else.
The best.
But you know that the conversation that's happening right now is, so Maya will come and do this show. She'll come Saturday, and then she'll come the next Saturday, and so Maya will come.
That's Will's attempt at Lorne Michaels impression, everybody. Wisconsin. Wisconsin.
He says, Sean, they don't need to know. Not everybody needs to know everything.
Lorne Michaels is my forever boss. I just decided the other day, like, he's my forever boss. He'll always be my boss. He'll be my friend. But no matter whether I ever work there again, he'll always be my forever boss.
Mia Mia Rudolph.
Yes, sir.
You've been incredible.
It's Mia Randolph.
Here comes Mia Randolph. Question 3. Get ready.
No. This is no more questions. I was gonna wrap it up because I know you have kids to take care of.
Oh. You mean diapers to change? Yachty.
Yeah. But there's no
more in diapers. Right? You're done with diapers.
I'm done with diapers. Yeah.
So, I can't thank you enough for being here, and we love you very, very, very much.
I love you very much.
It was
way too short.
Even though we, don't get to speak that often, I think about you all the time.
Really? Like, all the time?
Yeah. Hey. Hey, guys. Hey.
That was so that was so convincing. That was so convincing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, sure.
I do. I really do. I think about you all the time.
You're always such a you're always such a sweet little cookie press. Can you
sing the Jack Shack song 1 more time? Is that is our sign on?
Jack Shack, shunning it up. Jack Shack is totally crispy. Jack Shack, 100%. 100% Jack Shack and then Chuck.
It's totally crispy.
I love it. It's totally crispy.
Think about it. It could be.
Box of used socks sold separately.
I was gonna say there should be a sock sponsor to that. Maya, super, super nice of you.
That was really fun, you guys. It's nice to see you. It makes You too. This is 1 of those days where when I'm dying and I'm laying there shriveled up, and then I'll think about today, and I'm gonna have a big smile on my face.
Oh, look at that.
Love you, Maya. You're the best. You're the best.
You're the best, man.
You're the best.
Thank you, Maya.
Bye, John.
Enjoy the rest of your day.
Nice to see you all.
You too. See you later.
Bye.
Bye. Tongues included.
She winged that song, and it's gonna be my head for the rest of the day. Jack, Jack.
We were working on on, on up all night, whatever, 10 years ago, and she said, what did you do this weekend? I said, I spent most of the weekend in my Jack Shack. She said, And she was so enam she loved that idea. She thought it was the grossest expression, and she used to bring it up all the time. She's like,
how's your Jack Shack? Hey. Is your, hey, is your Jack Shack taken this weekend? I ain't got
any place there,
bro. I got it on Airbnb now.
Yeah. Good. Anyway, I love her. We love her. I'm so glad.
By the way, she's the kind of guest that you that we have on that we can just completely be ourselves and fuck around, and it's so fun. And
She could guest host the show with us at any time Yeah. Because she's so funny and so and we love her and know when she's got such an ease and comfort, and she's just everything about her is the fucking best. I love hanging out with Maya.
Yes. Absolutely.
When I I hosted, Kimmel a couple years ago and Oh, here we go. Yep. And the ratings spiked. The point is this. I don't even know if sweeps are a thing, but I know it was a big deal to Jimmy, and it got him a new contract.
And I don't even know why I started on this story. But the point is I needed a guest, and I said, remember Jimmy Son was was was in the hospital and stuff, and last night I went there and I I needed a guest. I was like, who can you count on in a pinch to come in and be funny Available. And available? And Maya happened to drive by at that moment.
No. And Maya I called Maya because yeah. Because she's incredibly funny and quick, and she saved my ass. She made me look good.
Yeah. She's always she's always there. Jason, have you ever worked with her?
Yeah. She was on SNL, the 1 time I hosted way back when, but I would love to. And I was serious. I have I have talked about her a lot in anything that I have, have a say in. I've always wanted to.
More and more and more. I don't I don't I don't like what the kids are doing to, her life, and my ability to see her on camera more often. Mhmm. So I'd love to talk to her about that. Maybe finding another place for those kids to live would be Sure.
Best for me.
Start. You should call Dave Becky and put a light of fire under his ass. You know?
Well, but maybe Dave could babysit the kids and book her on a couple more things.
That'd be great.
Dave Becky is her manager.
Thank you. Jesus.
Thanks, Sean. Again. Thanks, Sean.
That's my, that's my Wisconsin accent.
Hey.
Thanks. Hey,
guys. Don't worry about it. I got it all sorted out. I just heard Sean said that, Dave Becky's her manager. Okay?
Yeah. No. Sean just straightened it out.
He straightened it out for us out here. Okay? Don't worry, Dave. I guess he's some kind of Hollywood manager.
Anyway, great guest. I love her. I love you guys. Bye.
Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
Wait, Sean.
Bye. It isn't.
Smart,
Smart. Less.
Superhero Maya Rudolph skydives in for some cork-popping fun on another juicy episode of the pod. Songs are sung, stories are told, and Maya educates us all, by example, on how to be the coolest cucumber around.This episode was originally released on 9/7/2020.
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