Transcript of "Kieran Culkin"

Guys, welcome to today's podcast. How are you both feeling?

Does somebody have a gun to your head?

Yeah. Well, it's just out of frame. It's not so much a gun as a crossbow.

I've never seen you this.

A crossbow.

Welcome to Smartless. Have you ever shot a crossbow?

No.

Did I blow it? Welcome to Smartless.

Smart.

Lies. Smart. Lies. Smart. Lies.

Smart.

Lies.

Surprise guests, give us a little snapper clap, please.

There we go. Oh, wow. We are rolling. The fire cracker.

Hi. Hi.hi. Hi.

How are you guys? How are you?

Can I just dive right in?

Yeah. Do you mind?

You have some prepared material?

Go ahead. I don't have prepared. Guys, I was in the fucking ER again last night. Here's what. I had a kidney stone. I thought I was having appendicitis or something. So I had a kidney stone. So I haven't been to bed yet.

Why did you not cancel this record?

No, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm actually in a good way.

Buddy, it would have been such a quick text for me. I hear that's the most painful thing in the world.

You can't even know. I haven't had one in years and years.

So you had one out or you had one put in?

I had one. So the pain was excusing.

I'm like, Scotty, I got it.

Scotty, I got it out of the air. It was awful.

Can you tell me where it hurts? Is it in the tinky or is it in the kidney? I'm going to say in the kidney.

No, it's in your side. Yeah, I'm going to say it's in your kidney.

Then I'm still a little bit on morphine.

I still have a...

Oh, that's what this will be fun.

That's fun. That is fun. It is. Wait a second. I've never had. Shani, you're in the hospital last week or whenever it was for a couple of times in a night. A month ago, yeah. Right, twice in that one night. Then you're back and then you get the full scope thing that you went and had done, and then you have this. My question to you is this.

Yes.

Are you paying so much attention to your well-being and your condition? You know what I mean?

What do you mean?

No. That was a half a sentence.

Because you're so... I'm not saying that the experience isn't real.

Oh, well, yeah. It's a fucking.

Obviously, it's real. But there is a lot of attention paid to your health and to your condition at all times.

You're saying, is he potentially creating some of this stuff by having such a close look at it? Yeah. Psychosomatic?

I should have prefaced it by saying I'm not a doctor. I think that you guys know that.

You're on morphine, too.

Yeah, and alsoNot from a doctor.

No, but it's like a cycle. I know what you mean, but it's a cycle because if something happens to me, then I fear that I don't want that thing to happen again.

I'm not saying it's psychosomatic, but I am suggesting that maybe you spend so much time and energy thinking about your health and your own condition. I know. That if you were to think about other things or other people, you do think about other, but you're a very thoughtful person. But I wonder, do you know what I mean? Again, I don't know. People are going to be-I know.

But he's being careless with the food that he eats. That's like keeping his eye off the ball and being lax. That is true.

It's surprising for somebody who's so concerned with their health because you are quite on top of it.

You should start smoking. Well, yeah, it's like me.

You know what, though? I was lying there. I just had like bed head and I have these scabs on my ankles and I have this IV in my arm. Not related to the other stuff. I looked at Scotty and I go, All this could be yours.

Can I ask you about where the scabs from the ankle came from?

Yeah, can I ask, too? Not to see him, just where they came from.

I don't know. They just, I don't know, just dry skin or whatever.

Wait, so now you've just got old man scabs? Yeah.

Yeah, he's got old man scabs. I know.

Sean, I imagine walking into the gym I'd child Jim walking into the men's locker room and he's got a hair dryer to his nut sack. He's one of those guys. You're like, Fuck, man. Morning. Dude, how are you doing? You're like, Fucking dude.

His fuckers won't dry.

Dude, what are you?

That's funny. By the way, Jay, I switched the Nutcracker to the 21st if you want to go.

Oh, you did? Okay, great.

Willy, please come if you want to.

I'm going to be back in New York.

Okay. And, Jay, we're going anyway. If you can go, great. If not, we'll do something else.

Jay, are you going to be just you or are you going to bring your nut cracker with you?

No, she'll be there. It's just a great-It's so dumb. It's a great blow to the coffee chat. And here comes our guest.

Nice. Wait a second. I just want to say one more thing. I was just thinking about this. Obviously, I smoke from time to time, and people are, Don't smell me. I feel like I'm a world-class smoker.

Yeah, you're great at it. You are. I really do. You never smell like cigarettes. You don't smoke a pack a day.

Thank you. Thank you very much. You chip at it. Obviously, they're going to play this clip at my... Tmz will play this clip. But it should be noted. It's so great, isn't it?

It's a A hard thing to beat. Although, when I quit, they didn't have the vapes and the gums and the stickers and shit. There are things to replace it now.

Yeah.

There are things to replace it.

You know what? You got a lot of shit and You'll get to it when you want to get to it. No one's pushing you. I know.

There are things to replace it, but there's nothing to replace our guest.

You don't even know who our fucking guest is, but you're actually right, though.

Let Morphine Molly go.

By the way, did you know I was about to say that? You could tell me. No. But one of my cheap segues. By the way, I did move today from where I'm doing the podcast because I wanted to be a little bit cheerier.

Okay, good. Oh, yeah. You used to be in the whisper booth. Now you're in your office.

Now I'm in my office just because I wanted to I just wanted to be in the... Yeah. I wasn't in the Jack Shack. I forgot about my Jack Shack.

Remember the Jack Shack?

The goo room. I think it's the Jack Shack is. I haven't used it. It's covered in cobwebs. I think they're cobwebs. Okay. But you are You are right that our guest today cannot be replaced and certainly won't be forgotten. I don't know why we even begin to forget because this person is so alive and vibrant right now and has been for a long time.

Snaps and clicks were great.

You all like this. They were really good. Those are the mark of... Those are the snaps and clicks of somebody who has confidence, the confidence of longevity in doing what they do. I tell you somebody who loves longevity is old JB. You're going to love this guy because you have a lot, you have Well, certain things in common in that both of you have been performing since you were really, really young on a professional level. I love guests like this, and particularly love this guest whom I do not know because they are so fucking talented, and funny, and cool, and smart. It's not Kurt Russell. But this person has been nominated for- Shirley McLean. And won Emmys, Golden Gloves, everything. You can't even imagine the number of films- Sally Struthers. You know them from Igby is down, you know him from Scott Pilgrim versus the World.

Michael Sara.

No, it's not Michael Sara. Edgar Wright. No, you also know him from Soderberg's No Sudden Move, but you're really going to know him really, really, really, really, really well from his new film, A Real Pain, but also mostly Jesse Eisenberg.Succession.Kieran Culkin. It's Kieran Culkin.

Damn it, finally got it.

Bayman, you ruined the intro when it's just constant guessing.

Sally Strothers was close, though. Sally Strothers was not a bad guess.

That was not... Shirley McClane was pretty close, too. Yeah.

I thought... Yeah.

Kieran, I'm so happy to see you there.

It's crazy. This is really exciting for me. This is one of my favorite shows.

This has been a long time coming. We had a few times where we were going to have Kieran on, and then we couldn't for various reasons that we weren't going to get into.

But anyway.

This is Kieran, yes. So he's here.

Look, I canceled for bullshit a month ago. Sean, you didn't even cancel. You were in the emergency Yeah.

What, Jay? What were you going to say?

I just wanted to frame up this 90 second delay on Sean there going, Oh, yes, it's Kieran. Just then.

No.

Fucking morphine is Because of the morphine?

No, because I remember he was supposed to be on... I didn't know who it was, but you must have been that guest that week. Yes.

Yeah, mine was not kidney stone. Scheduling.

Have you ever had one? But it was beyond his control. Have you ever had a kidney stone? Have you ever seen No, to me, that's my biggest nightmare.

But I thought, like you said, I thought the pain came from the pipi, not the...

No, it starts in your back and the kidney. That's why it's a kidney stone. And then it works way through to the bladder. And now it's out. So it's sitting in my bladder. So I have another painful thing coming when I pee it out.

No, no, no.

Because you're going to pee it out. Yeah, because when you pee it out, that's when it hurts. But it only hurts for two seconds because they break it down, right?

Don't they break, right?

If it's big, this one wasn't big.

I think they also have a small tool that can spread your aperture there at the end of your tinky. That's what's coming for you. The meattis, the dime slot. It's a clamp.

When does that come out?

A reverse clamp.

It's a dime slot.

When does that come out? When is that? Do you just wait until you're coming in?

That comes out January 15th, right? His President's Day weekend? Is that what it comes?

Buy a new mattress, pee out of kidney stone.

Yeah, it's going to be a huge opening weekend.

Wait, Shani, is that truly the next stage is the breakdown and then the pee out?

Your body breaks it down. I mean, no, your body doesn't break down. It just passes through. What is The thing, the tube that goes from your kidney to your bladder. Urethra. Penis. No, that's your penis hole.

Pea tube.

Oh, God. Something like that. Anyway, and it hangs out in the bladder. Anyway, Kieran, how are you?

Bunch of doctors. This is great. We're doing so well. Anyway, Kieran, how Welcome to our show. I love this. This is exactly what I thought I'd be talking about, a bunch of bullshit. I got my wife, rather Santa Claus, got my wife a hoodie last year that said, explain it to me like I'm Tracy.

No, come on. Wow.

Are you saying it?

You guys should sue because I I can buy it through you. That's merch money that you guys are getting.

Is that an Etsy? Is that an Etsy thing?

I think it was or Red Bubble or one of those fucking things.

Wait, hang on a second, Kieran.

I don't want to interrupt you. I don't want to explain it to me like I'm Tracy. I want one of those. I do, too.

Hang on, I do want to say one thing. I can also talk at the same time.

No, you can.

I can't believe that JB knows about Etzy. That's the thing that I'm most shocked about.

How do you know about Etsy?

Dude, where do you think I get my throw pillows?

I don't know.

Kieran, my sister is a big fan of yours, by the way. As a moment.

Wait, Tracy's? That's Tracy. You haven't seen anything of mine, right? Haven't you guys not watched succession?

We're talking about succession?

I'm going to make a sweatshirt that says, Find somebody who loves you the way that Tracy loves Kieran. Why don't we just say that? Get that one.

Kieran, I do want to get this out of the way. I am very embarrassed to say I am the only person on the planet that is yet to start only because I'm very serious about my ingestion of quality product. What, succession? Yeah. I'm waiting till I can sit down and just suck it up like the addict that I am.

It's one of the biggest shows It's there.

Everybody I know loves it. I've never heard a bad thing about it.

I'm embarrassed to say I started it and then I got it, and then I was like, okay, I got to restart it and I have it. But I did see most of season one, you are so fucking funny, dude, and so facile and so quick. You can tell that it's... Obviously, it's really well written and there's a great cast, but you have a facility to you that is really unique and really impressive.

Do you know what I mean? No, thank you. It seems very... I have seen enough clips of not only that, but everything else you've ever done. I've seen those things. You do seem very comfortable with what you do. It's fun to watch. That's lately. Well, then you were a greater actor than I thought you were because It always looked like you're having fun. You're not working too hard in the best sense of the phrase. As a viewer, you're relaxed watching you do your thing because it looks like you're having fun and you're not stressing about your performance Are you hitting your beats? Oh, God, no, I don't hit beats or marks or any of that stuff.

You're rad.

I can't wait to see real pain.

About 10 years ago, my wife made fun of me. I was doing a play and I was like, I need to go to work, and she would work. What you do is literally called play.

My wife is the same thing. She's right. She doesn't give it up. Yeah. But she's like- But I was like, She's right.

Maybe I'll go out there and just have fun with it and just stick around. This is not extra serious. This is just us. I don't know. I'd like I like to go out there and play.

Do you think that that level of comfort and ease is because you started so young and it was not really ever framed initially to you as an occupation, a job, a way in which to make a living?

Or was it though? Or was it framed as a way of paying the rent?

There's a lot of stuff that I think because I started doing it at 6, that's helped me now is I learn lines incredibly fast. I've listened to the show a lot, Jason. I know you're the same way. Yeah, that's like Jay. I often on a real pain. Do you guys know Jesse Eisenberg?

Not yet. No.

Oh, no? You should meet him. He's just... He's... Seems awesome. Anxiety personified. And nothing caused him more panic than me walking to set and going, What are we shooting today? And he's like, What? No, I wrote... There's a whole page long speech. What's wrong with you? I was like, I learned the lines fast. Don't worry about it. Yeah. And I don't like to rehearse, and I just look it over really quickly and go, Oh, those are the words. I'll just, I'll probably- Rely on instinct. Yeah, just go. I'm with you.

Yeah. Yeah, J. B. J. B. Is really good. I think that that could be, obviously, it works for you, and it's very freeing, right? So that you're not stuck into it.

But there are certain parts, if I was more courageous, I would take on some parts that probably deserve a lot more research, study, practice. But I do really enjoy not acting. I think we've talked about this before. I love watching actors that do act.

We enjoy you not acting, too. I'm doing as much as possible.

Believe me. We're all waiting for you. I like being the audience as opposed to being the character.

Jason, do you take it personally when everybody keeps encouraging you to direct more?

Yeah, it It's starting to wear-But wait, but Kieran, what about on succession, those big scenes where there's lots of people.

There's so much dialog. I mean, you almost have to memorize everybody else's lines, too, right?

Yeah, and I can do fast. I've done things like that. Sarah Snook and I had a really good rapport. Sometimes I would say, Hey, can you just take my lines? Or vice versa. We even did a scene once by the third take, I just jumped in and stole her line and gave her a little side eye. Then she looked at me like, All right, game on. Then later on, she took mine.

That's great. I love that.

That's pretty cool.

But we did it like a play. There wasn't really a lot of rehearsing. We would go in there. We would always run the full scene three, four, maybe five times. Cameras were always vaguely somewhere. There was no such thing as coverage, pickup shots. Really?

I remember in a camera system, he showed up.

It was like a new guy. We were rehearsing. He put a mark down, and I just looked. I stopped the rehearsal and looked at him and said, First day?

Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like a rest of development. You got multiple cameras, and they're just tagging different stuff on each take. And by the time you run it three or four times, it's fully covered.

That's why that show was so freaking alive. I'm on my third viewing of that show. That show was great.

We were never Yeah, but it's true. We were never really aware of the cameras in that way. And talk about a sense of play, truly, we had that same feeling, which was it was super fun and you could do anything.

It's so alive that that's why... Because you guys were connecting and you guys were very alive, and that's what people respond to, I think.

We also didn't learn our lines before. We would do it. We'd have a a camera blocking as it were. It was pretty loose. And we would just everybody would just to throw it out there. Right, JB? How many times... Do you remember that time we would come back to shoot the first Netflix season? The first day, Jason and I had a 12-page two-man scene, which was just... Do you remember that? Then we were walking towards the stage, Mitchell Ritz comes up to us and he goes, Hey, guys. I rewrote the thing and we're like, . He gave us and we just go like this on the way to the scene going, , and then, okay, you're going to come in here. You come in the front door. All right, I'm going to go there. You're going to go rolling in. Here we go. Perfect. And you just fucking go.

That was so fun. Yeah, your back's against the wall. You got to go.

And Kieran, are you excited to find another project that is similar to that? Is it now a way in which you love to work that you'd love to replicate on all future jobs? Or do you want something like the polar opposite, where it's very specific and measured? What do you think?

That is a really good question because I think when I started working on succession, I had to throw everything that I used to do out the window because I'd never done a TV show before. My thing was be off book months before, learn everyone else's lines, be extremely prepared. And then because it's the nature of a TV show where you don't know the next episode, and also our show, we were getting rewrites on the day, similar to what you just said, I had to abandon that and just go fly by the seat of my pants. But it lent itself to that character because he was the guy who could talk his way in and out of any situation. So he didn't really have think before he spoke. So it was like he was that guy. So I've been trying to mentally prepare for like as it feels like going backwards. Like doing a job with coverage and things. And so when we started doing a real pain, I thought we were going to do that, which we did on the first day or so. But the character in that movie is like the most spontaneous, surprising person.

It's the thing where just when you think you have him down, just to spite you, he's going to give you a different reaction to what you're expecting.

Which is a great counterbalance to Jessie's character, correct?

Exactly. Yeah. He wrote it, he directed it. He shot the whole thing. Before I got there, he shot it on his phone, playing my character. He would tell me things like, Okay, so in this scene, you sit over there, and I would go, How do you know? He's like, Well, what do you mean? How do you know? I was like, Well, we haven't tried. He goes, Well, why can't you sit there? I was like, Maybe I could, but we haven't tried it. What do you mean? Why doesn't it work? I'm sure it works. We talked about being in a freaking circle for a while.

I love you. You get to set the first day. He's like, Hey, I got a cut of the movie right here. You were great. We're just doing pickups today. Then how was it when you would say, Well, yeah, maybe I don't sit there.

Maybe I'd stand over here. That way he would just throw out all of his coverage and just be like, Oh, fuck.

He a He landed it on the second or third day.

Wow, really?

You forced him to- Well, because we had to shoot this sequence that he had mapped out, but the whole idea of it was like, I want my picture taken in front of the statue, and then I start gathering the other people in this tour group to come with me. He had planned it all out. I was like, Well, isn't the point for me to get them into the idea and we're all going to take a photo together? He's like, yeah, do you mind if we just try it once? Then he basically just told the cinematographer, never mind, fuck the shot list, pick up the camera.

That's great, though. How cool is that? Because then you guys ended up creating something together. It was much more collaborative. I wonder if, and J. B, you can maybe address it a little bit, having directed so much now. Having that for Jesse, I don't know, we should ask him, having that set, that shot list, everything the way he wants to see it, and he was so ready and so regimen, and you come in, you throw a wrench in that whole thing. I bet you freed him up in a lot of ways.

Maybe I think it freaked him out a lot, though. I'm sure it freaked him out. I think it scared the shit out of him. But yeah.

Because the clock is ticking. You got this call sheet, you got to get done in 12 hours, and it's like, now I got a fucking pain in the ass actor that's throwing it all up in a little blender.

We ended up getting our scenes a lot faster, actually. That's how I felt anyway. I was like, well, let's just run the whole thing a couple of times instead of picking up these little pieces. Then you get to shoot it how you want.

We will be right back.

Now, back to the show.

Kieran, now you're going to take all of that, that way you're working, all that stuff. How is this going to be different? You're now going to go, and you've worked, obviously, you've done theater before, but you're going back to Broadway. Is that right in the spring?

Yeah, I am. Glen Gary Glen Ross. Glen Gary Glen Ross.

Oh, wow.

Can I be in it?

Yes, but no. It's already cast.

What about you? You need an understudy?

What was it with? Sure, it could be my understudy. Bob Odenkerk's in it, Bill Burr, Michael McKeen.

Oh, great.

That's great. Look at that.

Jesus. That's going to be great.

What a cast. What a fucking cast.

I'm terrified. I thought I was...

When do you open?

Marchish? I don't know. They don't even have a theater, but they keep telling me that...

I think it'll be Try the Tabasco.

It's spicy. It's big.

It's a great theater, Tabasco. Home of Goodbye, Oscar. It was a great shoot.

Good night, Oscar.

Good night to you, too. You're about to ask me about funny theater stories.

Yes.

If you haven't.

Any funny things that happen. If you have any, please share them. I love it. But look, Kieran, you can't be- My name's Dela from The Theater Story.

No, I wasn't actually prompting myself for a funny bit. I just know that she likes to ask that. Please. No. It's audition stories.

Yes, jump in. I love those. Those are my favorite stories. If you have one.

I I got a really quick one, which is I did a play 10 years ago with Michael Sara. Nice. This is our youth. And I had food poisoning. It's already funny. The moment the show started and the lights came up, I realized, oh, I'm fucked. So I spent like an hour just trying not to vomit. And by the end of the first act, I had this whole speech and I realized I can't open my mouth, I'm going to vomit. And I have this whole speech where I have to get the money. There's an amount and what I'm spending it on. And I stood up next to the door to leave the apartment. I'm wobbling. And I have the speech, and there's like a five, six second long pause that's not supposed to be there. I hold my hand out and I just went, money. And he put the money in my hand. I ran out and the stage manager, I guess, had put a bucket right next to the door. Oh, God. I started violently loudly vomiting in this bucket. They were trying to drag me away, but I couldn't. I was just holding on to this bucket for dear Life vomiting.

I asked Michael afterwards. I said, Could you guys hear me? He goes, Are you fucking kidding me? It was the most surreal shared experience I've ever had with a group of people of listening to a grown man vomit in a bucket.

I'm just imagining Michael's just dry takes out to the house while everyone's here. He said he grabbed a comic book and started trying to casually read a comic book as if this wasn't happening. Until you made your reentrance?

No, the Understudy came in in Act 2. No.

Wow, really?

While I spent... Yeah, I was vomiting upstairs for the next few hours, and they somehow dragged me home for hours more of vomiting.

That's the best theater story we've heard yet, Sean. That's really good, Sean.

Yes, I think that's really great. I love that.

Wait, so this was in London then?

No, that one was in New York, but Wikipedia is correct. I did do that play in London eight years before that. No, no, no. Well, you're the one who had time to actually do the research.

I actually do know that you did This is Our Youth also in London. I have a very close relationship with This is Our Youth because the original cast, Missy Yeager was in the original cast, whom I lived with at the time. She was my girlfriend in the '90s. I knew that. I remember when they first did it, she and Kenny first did it with Mark and Josh Hamilton. I shot about 42 times. Yeah, it's an amazing- It's a great play. It's such a brilliant play.

I can't let it go. I played it as the character, Lauren in London, and I felt like I never got it right. So I spent like years trying to do it again and then realized I actually was right for the other part. I just had to spend years convincing Kenny Lodergan that I was right for that part. Then I got to do it in Chicago, Sydney. No way. I can't seem to let it go.

That I did not know.

Would it make a good movie?

I don't know. I've always tried to crack that one. I don't think I...

I don't know. What about that? What about directing a movie or anything? Directing? Or anything?

I don't have that thing.

You don't have a directing thing. I'm not that ambitious.

I doubt that's true. I doubt that's true.

I don't know.

You've been around film, and you've been making films since you were, as you said. Six. Well, first of all, what was the first... Let's get into this. What was the first professional professional experience you had working in TV, film, et cetera?

First professional experience I had was a commercial when I was six, and I actually don't quite know what it was for, but it was for something to do with learning disabilities. I remember that the concept was I'm standing in front of a chalkboard with chalk in my hand and I don't know how to solve the easy thing in front of me. The kids in the class are supposed to be calling me dummy and stupid, all that. I have a distinct memory of being there and the director going, Okay, he's like, Action. He starts going, Dummy. Idiot, stupid. Oh, my God. Even then, I'm thinking, I get it. I'm six. Stand here and look sad. I'm not fucking method. I'm six. What's wrong with you?

Right, right, right.

Oh, my God.

Why do I have... I have this image of you. I can't remember what I was watching where you were either you hosted or your brother hosted SNL.

Oh, good. I thought you were going to say, I have this image of you on my hard drive. Okay, keep going.

Well, that's Leah. That's who. But wait, why were you on? What was I watching where they did a zoom in on you and you were on stage on SNL or something.

I hosted SNL a couple of years ago and it was 30 years. That's what it was. It was 30 years almost to the day. It was a couple of days shy of being 30 years from when my brother hosted. I got to be in three sketches. I got to be there for the good nights and stuff like that.

That's really cool. That was so cool.

Was that surreal?

That really was. It was one of those things I thought would never, ever happen, but there's very few things. Like I said, I'm not very I don't have these big, aspiring dreams, but Hosting SNL Hosting SNL, right? Was that one. That one and Voicing the Simpson, which I still haven't done yet. Those are the two things I've always wanted to do.

Here they come.

I remember when JB was asked to host the first time. This is a true story. You probably don't remember this. You got asked to do it. You did it in January of 2005, I think.

It wasn't after the first year or second year of it? Second year, yes.

It was January 2005. I remember you going, Dude, I'm going to host SNL. I go, That's fucking great. You go, I mean, it's like a dream come true. I was like, Yeah, no shit. Obviously, it's a fucking... What do you think you're fucking that's... This was a dream coming true for me. Oh, is it?

No, but a lot of people... But there's a lot of people, and I won't mention their names here because maybe they're not I'm excited about it, but they will never host SNL because it's so frightening to them. I've heard that. It's like the thing they would least like to do, and they've turned it down a million times. There's tons of them.

Yeah, I guess. I've heard that one. That's probably where I was going to say. Okay, that's a good difference.

Do you want one of my favorite Good Nights stories? Because when you do the Good Nights at the end, all that's on the cue card is the musical guest and anybody else that showed up. While you're five seconds of TV, Lauren goes, Okay, enjoy. I go, What do I say? He goes, Anything you want, and walks away. All I'm doing is looking at the cue cards. But I said the normal Good Nights, but my favorite I've ever seen was Liam Neeson hosted in early 2000s. The camera cuts to him and he just goes, Modest mouse. Then it's just quiet and then they just start playing the music. It's so good.

It's just reading the cards, not doing that anymore.

He literally just read the cue card. Modest mouse.

I love it. I started hugging.

No. Karen, you can't be you and not be super smart. You seem hyper intelligent because while you talk fast, like I usually do, not today on morphine, but you talk, it seems like you're firing in all cylinders.

Did they say that you had to smoke the morphine? I don't get it. They give you the option. You were like, no, I want to...

I still have a, what is it called? A drip point. Track marks. But you seem really like you talk fast, which means you think fast, which means you can probably When Will was talking to you or Jason was talking about directing, it seems like people who fire in all cylinders all the time can do stuff like that. If you don't want to do that, what do you do to occupy all that extra bandwidth?

Yeah.

God, I don't, I don't know, drive my wife crazy. I don't even have hobbies. I do like not even... I do like, wordle quartal bullshit. Like I know you guys do. Yeah. Isn't it weird that I know stuff about you because I listen to your show too much?

Will, pull him in. There's that empty seat. Have you guys ever filled my seat?

Yeah.

No, we have Did you say that.

We still play every morning. Yeah, I'm still.

Quirdle, quirdle, and octurtle. Do you do the octurtle?

I haven't done an awhidal. I also like to think this is my favorite. In a while. In a while. What a dips Yeah, you just said I'm smart and I speak fast.

Not correctly. I will say today was really tough. It was a bust. We had three busts on Quirdle today, which was a big... It was sending shockwaves through our octurtle, quirdle, quirdle, What we call Nurtle.

Now, Kieran, I find it hard to believe. There's Nurtle, too.

Nurtle does exist. It's a math one.

You're really saying you do not have a hobby. I don't buy it. Tell me what your day is.

Are you a New York guy?

I live in New York full-time, but also I'm amazed that people do things in a day. I just don't get it. But so you wake up- Exactly.

You get the kid off to school. How many kids do you have?

Exactly. That's it. That's the whole, I just woke up and then something like, I'm already getting ready for bed. How did that happen? What did What did I see? How many kids you have? I got two, a three-year-old and a five-year-old. So that's my hobby, I guess. Is that's any time I'm not... This is really lovely and I really want to be here, but I feel like any time I'm doing something, I'm just trying to get home to be with the kids.

Exactly. Are you like me? Do you put on Are you going to have a PJ as soon as you're home if you know you're not leaving again the rest of the day, even if it's 1:30 in the afternoon?

Yeah. I mean, my walking around, it's a pair of shorts and a big T-shirt, but yeah, it's the same idea.

And then so then is it television? Is it a book? You're not just sitting on a couch staring at the wall.

God, I haven't read a book since I had a kid, so that would be five years ago. I forgot you're not a reader because the words just keep coming at you, right, Jason? Yeah. Tv? Yeah, this is too much.

We're watching TV?

The words just keep coming at you.

They really do. They just I'm relentless. Almost no time for TV or movies unless I can put it in a schedule. I don't know.

So when you're done with us today, you log off and then what?

What have you- I have a little Zoom meeting right after you, and then I have to go do some... I'm still doing press for the movie, so then about an hour after that Zoom, I go do a press. I actually don't know what the thing is I'm going to. I stopped looking at the itinerary. They tell me to get in a car at 11:30. I get in at 12:15 and hope for the best. I literally This happened a couple of weeks ago. I got in the back of a car about 45 minutes late and the guy said, Delta Airlines. And I went, I don't know. And he said, he goes, JFK. And I said, beats me, man. I really don't fucking know. You probably know.

And then we literally...

I wasn't even I'm not sure if I was going to the airport, except for that I had a bag that was already packed. I got to the airport, I put my passport in the machine, and as I put it in, I realized, I don't know where I'm going today. Wow. Yeah. It was a good thing, too, because it was a long flight. I was going to Warsaw. I'm glad I brought my passport. Why were you going to Warsaw?

Why are we going to Warsaw?

Warsaw.

So we reshoot. The movie was shot in Poland.

Oh, this movie.

Yeah, this movie. It was shot there.

How did you like Warsaw?

Yeah, I was about to say.

I hardly saw it. We were shooting six day weeks.

More like no saw.

All right. Yeah, that was good.

That was good. Good for I like it. Poland, I hear, is a very, very beautiful country.

Oh, you've been hearing that?

I have been hearing that. I have not yet visited yet. Yeah. I'm hearing it a lot.

We're on the grapevine? It's nice.

They're on my text threads.

Really nice parks. My wife's from London, and she always brags about how the parks in London are the best in the world. But the best park she's ever seen were in Warsaw.

Really? Yeah. She went with you. The kids went with you?

At the beginning. They were there for the first 11 into 12 days. And then once they left, I was popping.

How long were you alone without them?

Twenty-five days. That was... That's long. Oh, no, that was murderous. Yes.

Twenty-five shooting days?

That's five weeks? No, 25 full days. Twenty-five. That's why I did it. I tried to actually back out of the movie once I saw that that was the schedule. Jesse didn't know about that. Wow. Because I had recently, I don't know if you guys have these rules. When I was doing succession, I had to do eight days away, and I was like, that was tough but manageable. Then I had to do 11 went, I can't do that. Eight is my... That's my new rule.

Wait, you live in New York. The show is shot in New York.

Jason, that's the opposite of your rule, which is a minimum six months away or you're out.

Well, they're just so noisy, these kids. Wait, where did you have to go for succession that took you out for eight and 11 days away from New York?

There was a lot of places. There's usually once per season watch the show that we ended up somewhere else. Italy, Norway. Sean's never seen us.

Really? Development. We've been doing this podcast, and we've been friends for 20 years. I know, still?

Yeah. I haven't. I always say I've seen it.

I've watched three times. I haven't seen Ozark. It's okay.

I always say I've seen it as much as they've watched Will and Grace.

I've seen a lot of Will and Grace, and I was fucking on Will & Grace. You were on it.

He was on Will and Grace. Yeah.

Why don't you fucking... When you're sitting there passing your stone and nothing else that you can't do fuck all, watch a couple of episodes. You guys shot in incredible locations for succession. That I do know. We did. You That was shot in- Croatia, Tuscany.

Norway. We were all over the- God, lucky to have that.

I know. How good is that?

But it wasn't that... No, it wasn't that nice. I remember at the end of season two, my wife was heavily pregnant. It was August. She was back in New York, and she was basically complaining about how hot it was, and she was alone and all that stuff. She's like, And you're on a yacht in Croatia. I'm like, I'm not on a yacht. I'm on a fucking set. It's not like I'm going swimming between takes and all that. It's like, that's the thing when we travel all these places, unless you can specifically get some time off after, you're not really seeing the stuff. Yeah.

I don't know. Right. Wait, Kieran, so you've always been in New York, or I wanted to get back to this because I saw a video, something of you recently, not even in anticipation of doing this. I just saw it out in the world of you revisiting your childhood apartment.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That was on CBS Sunday Morning, which is a great show. Yeah. Right? That was a great-Yeah, it was.

It was really cool. I loved you going in and then seeing your former neighbor.

That was not planned at all. We were just like, they were setting up a camera outside and he was like, Oh, hi, Kieran. I looked at that was like, Alice. Oh, thanks.

Yeah, they were. Talk a little bit about growing up in New York and auditioning for stuff and what that was like. Now, as I mentioned in the lead-in. Jason, we often talk about people about being able to have that longevity and be able to take what you be a child actor and have that translate into becoming an adult actor as well. It's really Pretty rare.

Yeah. Petrified.

I feel like other than what I mentioned earlier about learning lines fast and knowing that stuff, I feel like everything I did as a kid, I don't think I apply any of the acting stuff I used to do as a kid to what I do now. Really? I think it's the... Yeah, because sometimes I see that in former kid actors. I don't know if you know what I'm talking about, where there's bad habits you can pick up along the way that you have to be mindful.

Right. You mentioned Igby, the director was like, I'm seeing the kid tricks. Just fucking knock it off and be better, basically. Yeah.

Stop showing me what you're doing. Stop trying to show me what the character is doing. Stop showing me what's happening in the scene. That's my job.

Force us to lean in and read your mind, right?

You shifted what you did. Jason, I'm sure a lot of stuff that you used to do on growing pains is now different.

No, that's Kirk Cameron.

Will. Sorry.

Can I talk to you for a second? Yes.

I couldn't. I couldn't.

This whole time?

The whole time, I've never been. But now, Karen, did you have the same level of panic and horror when you were starting thinking about, my God, am I going to be able to transition my ability to make a dollar into adulthood? Or should I go to college? Should I get something where I have a diploma and I have a reasonable expectation of a base salary and some consistency see impredictability in my life?

God, I don't really think all that often. So all I know is I suddenly found myself at 20. And I remember my manager who I'm still with, I've been with her for 30 years. She used the word career and I panicked because I've been doing it since six. But it's like a six-year-old shouldn't really pick their occupation for the rest of their life. They're not really qualified to do that. So I think I panicked and was like, okay, well, I don't know if this is what I want to do. I think I spent many years trying to figure out what I want to do and doing this in the meantime. But at that point, you're 20.

At that point, you're 20, so you could still start college. You'd be a 20-year-old freshman, which is not cute, but you still could have done it.

I'm a high school drop out as well. I don't really Yeah.

Jason, remember we asked this recently to Kerry Russell, and she was like, no, I had no thought about making the leap from being a child actor to... She didn't I don't worry about it at all. You did. You were cognizant of it.

I did, but I still didn't do anything to mitigate the risk. In other words, I wasn't taking night classes in real estate. It's really fucking stupid what I did and what you did, Karen, what Kerry did. We're still at this... You're gamblers. I'm 55. I'm still running wild. Great show, by the way. That was me and Kerry Russell. If this doesn't work out in the next, what, six months, things could go completely dry. This is true. At any point in any of our careers, we don't have a diploma or a degree in something that says, no, I'm knocking on the door. Give me a job.

But isn't that the thing that drives you? Is that fear?

Yeah, but this anxiety that's behind all the time. I know.

I think a really good antidote to that also, for me, has been rich parents.

Yeah, you fucker.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. They're not.

That must be really nice.

I'm being flippant. It's true.

It's not true. I remember my My grandma, about 20 years ago, she was in North Dakota. She asked me, she goes, You're still acting? I said, Yeah. She goes, When was your last job? I said, Oh, God, a little over a year ago. She goes, You should get into meat. People always need meat.

Really? Really?

Your grandma said, Not terrible. You should get into meat.

Not terrible advice.

People will always eat it.

We'll be right back. Now, back to the show.

Forgive me, Is it just you and Macaulay that were actors or were there other people in your family?

My brother, Rory. Actually, at some point, we were all given the opportunity to act, and some of them just didn't take to it. Some did.

Then all seven of us. Then Seven. Seven kids.

Seven kids, yeah.

In that small little apartment.

Sorry, where do you fall in that?

Right in the middle. Yeah. Okay. But I don't really have that middle child thing because I was the favorite. Yeah, there you go.

I don't really believe in birth order as much Which is other people do.

You're one of four, right, Willy?

Yeah. I was the baby for almost 10 years then my brother was born. I have two older sisters. I don't know. I just don't buy into it. Yeah.

You I'll take it what you will. Yeah, exactly.

We're all capable of anything. Real quick, their names?

Hallam, Jackwatt, and Jackwatt.

We'll let you come back on that. Okay.

I do love them, I think.

Look at Sean, you have a question for our guest? No, I was just saying, but then as far as the lineage of the Colcom family- Loving if Sean just threw up right now.

And the Anthony Stone comes on my throat instead of my people.

Guys, I passed it.

No, but parents and grandparents, or did this acting bug start with you, the kids of the Colcom?

I think my father and his siblings did it as kids. That's my understanding because actually, I only know that because a few years ago, we went through an old storage unit and I found this pamphlet of, I guess, what his parents were trying to... I don't know exactly what it was, but it was like, Hey, we have a son that's an actor, and we have this other son that's a magician. It was like we have these performing arts kids.

Isn't it amazing? The stuff you find out about your parents way later. I grew up without knowing anything about my or obviously my dad.

But my mom-No idea your dad was such a great driver.

I know. Do you know the make of the car? At least.

You didn't know that your dad didn't own a map, I guess. We had a bad memory He had a bad memory.

Wait, do you guys remember that car, the Mg? The Mg, the car? Sure. My dad owned that.

No kidding.

He built a car built for one.

Built for barely two people. He had five kids. That's the first sign, man. Yes, I know. You should have punctured the tires. I know.

Isn't that the truth?

Isn't that the truth? That's such a red flag.

Oh, God.

Also, ever gets old.

You know what the other red flag was? When he said, I'm fucking out of here.

Oh, man.

That's so fucking funny.

It's so weird for me because it feels like you're just meeting me, but I feel like I'm hanging out with my old friends that are just fucking with each other. You are. We are. My wife used to tell me for months, she was listening to this show before I listened to it. This happened on more than one occasion. She'd be like, Oh, my friend said blah, blah, blah the other day. We were having this chat, and I said, Which friend was it? And she'd think, Oh, fuck, that was Smartless. It happens all the time. Who is that? Was that Shams? No, I know. She actually... A couple of months ago, we were at this because her favorite episode is the one you guys did with Matthew Reece. Oh, yeah. She She loved it. She listened to it more than once. We're at this party and she goes, Oh, Matthew's here. Let's go say hi. She started dragging me over. I was like, Matthew who? Then right before we got to him, she stopped me and started pushing me away. She goes, Never mind. We haven't met him. We're not friends. Oh, my God, that's Smartless.

I love her. That's hysteric.

I love her already. What is her name? Very sweet.

Jazz.

Jazz. Jazz.

Jazz. It's not short for anything. Actually, right when I met her, that was one of the first things I said. It's not. It's dumb. When I first met her, I shook her hand and I said, What's your name? She went, Jazz. I said, J-A-Z-Z, like the music. She went, Yeah. I said, Well, that's fucking stupid. It just came out of me. Right away, I was like, I blew it. But instead, she laughed. So it worked out all right.

Where were you when you guys met? Tell us the story. Is it a meet-you? At a bar.

But that was it. What I love about the story is it's fast. That was pretty much it. The only other thing was when I walked into a bar with a friend. Is that your ride? I saw her. You have to go? Yeah, that's- You have to go? This is New York City.

You're like, I don't know where the car is taking me. It's my dealer. It's my dealer.

I walked in a bar, I saw her, and I yelled, Holy shit. What city?

New York.

I was with this dude, and I said, Hey, we need to go stand near this girl, which I'm realizing now, it sounds creepy. We stood near her.

It's what we had to do before these dating apps. You just had to circle. Yeah, you show up.

Fucking easy now, right? This was 13 years ago. She was sitting at a table with some dude, and the moment he got up to leave to go to the bathroom, I just jumped in there and stole his seat. No I literally... All I did is I sat down and said, Sorry, I just stole your friend's seat. She went, That's okay. I said, Was that your boyfriend? She said, No. I said, Do you have a boyfriend? She went, No. I said, Then I'm Kieran. Wow.

Oh, wow.

I've never been that forward in my life.

Then she said, I'm Jazz, and you said, That's fucking stupid.

I said, That's fucking stupid.

Then what are you drinking?

You guys have been making music ever since.

What part of town were you? Do you remember?

It was... What the hell was the name of the place? It was on seventh and A. It was called Cabin down below.

Oh, nice.

Do you know that one?

I don't know if I know Cabin down below. Seventh and A. So that is Lower East Side? I want to say.

Lower East Side. It was one of those places where I kept getting turned away. Every time I tried to go there, they were like, It's a private party, because I wasn't dressed cool or I wasn't famous. But they knew my wife. There was one time I went there and I was with a couple of, I'm not meaning to name drop, I was there with a couple of famousy people. Sure. I walked up first and they were like, sorry, private I looked back at one of my friends. I'll just tell you who was. It was Scarlett Johansson. She's like, I got this. She walked up, she goes, hi, there with me. And he looked at her and said, it's a private party. Then he looked at me and went, Jazz? She was like, Yeah. I was like, Oh, are they with you? She would be like, Yeah, come on in. Jazz for the win. She's one of those fucking people. She's like, Yeah.

That's one of those New York fucking- Jazzy jazz.

She's just one of those people, man. She makes friends everywhere.

Now, since you guys are acting as generational, what about the three-year-old and the five-year-old? What are you thinking?

I'm not against that.

You're going to support it?

Yeah. I had a really nice experience with it growing up. Me, too. Yeah, it was nice.

However, it is that thing, getting back to that Another point is, are you going to... At some point, I would imagine you would say, now, would you want to help your odds a little bit by going to college at the same time, maybe?

I would probably encourage an education. I never got one, but I don't know. Yeah, I would probably encourage that, but I don't really know. I've also heard of people... This is something I wish. It hasn't come to bite me in the ass, really, but I remember doing a lot of press as a kid, and I feel like I would maybe try to protect them from doing that a bit. Because sometimes I'll get quoted on something stupid. I said, I'm like, I was 13. That's not what they actually think. Like, I don't...

Sean, remember that time you paid that guy to bite you in the ass? Sorry. It just reminded me of that story.

Surprisingly cheap, too, wasn't it?

Yeah. I mean, he lowered his rates for me.

That's really funny. There's also the part about training yourself to believably be someone else at a time when you're trying to figure out who you are? Starting to act when you're a little kid. Did that ever screw you up at all?

No, I think other things probably screwed me up. I don't know if that was it. What fucked you guys up?

Oh my God. You're feeling pretty balanced now? Have you... Self analysis or professional analysis? I'm a big fan.

Therapy, therapy, therapy.

No therapy. I prefer to go undiagnosed.

I love therapy.

I should. I know if you guys...

Long walks work, too.

Sean, you go to therapy? We're all in progress. I go to therapy every week. Oh, yeah, you do. I love it. Instead of dumping it all on Scotty, I just pay somebody to listen. Again, I think Sean...

You pay somebody to dump it all.

You confused me.

You beat me to it. I know.

Oh, my God. All right, Kira, what about are we a sports fan, television show fan? You said no.

No, you don't watch TV.

No. No hobbies. I don't do anything.

Cierra. It's I don't understand it.

I don't know. I just don't have time. I don't even get to the gym.

Do you go to meet people for coffee?

Do you like- No, I don't really even have friends anymore.

What will you click and you just hang up. Kind of. What will you do after this, Karen, after you're done with this little...

He's got to Zoom and then he's got to go do more press.

I got a press thing and I got the thing. I like doing this. Hey, this is a new one. I think I need therapy because I like doing... I like flower arrangements now. Do you really?

Okay, there you go.

That's great. That gives me some calm.

What about a garden on the roof of your apartment?

That's such a nightmare. It's New York. That's not going to be nice no matter-There's public gardens.

You can rent a public garden in a public- That's a bit of a bummer, too, I find.

I'll do crafts with you till we fucking-Careful, Karen. All the time. Until what? I don't know. But we could get macaroni and glue and make Stefan on paper plate.

I can do that with my children, but yeah, please come on over. Don't have him over to the house. You can join us.

We got all that stuff. He's turned into a morphine addict. He's going to steal your silverware. It's not- I'll never leave him alone with the kids, but yeah, he can come over.

He's supervised.

Now, when do you start rehearsals on the play? Yeah.

Oh, gosh, February or something like that. That terrifies me because- Can we get a commitment?

Can the three of us come to the opening night of your play?

Yeah, you're invited. Of course, you can.

The public is inviting my stupid ass.

No, I'm asking them to- You need me to give up one of my five tickets to you three?

Yes.

I mean, I could. Yeah, fine. Fuck it.

Yeah.

No, leave them alone, though. I'm sure you have connections yourself, but fine. You three are my guests. We want to come. No plus ones, though.

Exactly. Now, is Jazz in the business as well?

No, not at all.

But she understands enough about what you do to empathize?

It's taken a while. She used to think that... She goes, I don't understand why actors get awards and things. She's literally thought that directors puppeteered the actor, told him where to sit and the cadence on how to speak. That's literally what her point of view was on it. She had never been on a set or anything around it. She's come to understand it a bit now.

Where'd she grow up, Chet? What's going on?

London, but yeah.

Okay.

Closer than here.

I do like London.

You guys spend a lot of time over there as a result?

We do. Yeah, I love it out there. We always consider living out there.

I do, too.

I noticed the throw, the throw pillow behind it.

Yeah, that's what that is. That's what we do here.

Look at Sean. Look at Sean's right eye. Is it half?

Oh, my God. Is it open?

No, the whole show, it's just been half open. The left one's fully open. The right one is really tired. This morning, Sean spent 45 He spent 45 minutes bent at the waist outside his front door this morning.

It's so true. I was at the ER at Cedars, and it was a seven-hour wait. What?

What is wrong with you? Why didn't you cancel?

Because there's no other option.

Was Scotty with you?

Yeah.

You didn't take the driverless cab this time?

I told him, I'm like, Fuck off. I'll just take the thing.

What's it called again?

That's sweet.

Waymo.

Waymo. You did have a good It's a great experience, right?

Yeah, I love the way, Mo.

Do they have that yet in New York, Karen?

I've never heard of that.

It's the driverless-Oh, that scares the shit out of me.

No, I haven't seen any here. How do you get around New York?

Are you a bike rider?

Oh, God, no. I don't do that either. See, that would fall under hobby, probably, or at least exercise, and I don't do that. It could. Yeah. No. Are you a subway guy? Subway, yeah. That's the best way to get my kids to school.

If it's raining, you take a cab.

No, it's not today. It's rainy today.

You know what I've never figured out about the subway is once you come up out of the stairs after you've reached your destination, I can't figure out whether I'm looking north, south, east, or west because I can't find the sun.

Oh my God, because you're used to getting in the back seat and your driver just taking you places.

Sir, can you change your This is a whole host.

I actually requested nobody talk to me on this ride. You know how you know a lot of the times, J. B, is because on the avenues, certainly on the avenues, you know which direction they go, whether they go uptown or downtown.

You can look at the numbers. I think if you can count, you can figure it out.

But that necessitates walking a block to see if the numbers are going up or down.

That's my problem. Oh, gasp. Yes. You might walk one block out of the way.

But But I shouldn't have to walk a block to figure out which way I'm going.

You also have smarty phones now.

Do you want to go to a council meeting in New York? Maybe you can be heard. You know what I mean?

What would you suggest? Is somebody at the exit of every station telling you where to go?

In England, they take the time to paint on the road there, look left. Maybe New York can say, You are facing north on the ground.

It doesn't say which direction you're facing.

No, but I'm saying-It doesn't say north or south.

It says look left.

Case dismissed.

That's why you don't get hit by a car.

No, I understand, but I'm saying there are efforts that the infrastructure folks can go to to help out the people on the road.

This is real stuff. Sean, remember last week, you were having dinner at Richard and Jenny's, and you came outside and I was bent over at the waist. This is true. I said, and I looked at me and go, Yeah, they hire Alan.

Do you remember that? That was one of the hardest times we were left in my-It just related me.

Wait, what?

I'm hunched over at the waist. You know Richard? Richard Eerlik?

Yeah. He was the world's best realtor. If you're looking for a house in Los Angeles area, contact Richard Eerlik.

That's a true story. That is true story. We walk out to our car as the night's over and we're walking out to his driveway. Will goes acting like he's completely bombed out of his mind. He goes, Hey, man, can I ask you something? I go, Yeah. He goes, Do you know where I can get some heroin? I'm just asking for a friend. I'm asking for a heroin. I'm asking for a friend. I don't want it. I don't want anything to do with it.

By the way, let's not make light of people who are struggling with it.

No, of course not. It was just a funny find.

Obviously, we're not. We're just having fun because Sean happens to be hooked on morphine.

Hooked on.

I don't mean addicted to.

Karen, this is it.

We could just talk to you all day knowing that you have nothing else to do.

He's got to do this all over again.

He's got to do it all over again.

Is there anything you want to ask Sean? Is there anything... Because you've listened to a few episodes. Is there anything you need to know from Sean? Go ahead.

Ask him why he hates his colon so much.

Yeah, why? He's always in the hospital. What What is wrong?

No, because my... Yeah. Well, I'm not... Just my heart thing is the big thing, but it's all being taken care of.

You know why, Kieran, if you went to Sean and Scotty's house, every meal, it's like a 12-year-old's birthday party.

This is true. Okay. I know. It's It's true. It's true.

Napkins on laps.

I eat the same. I'm the same when it comes to the food thing. Are you? Yeah.

You like the food?

I do. It's the shitty stuff. My wife the other day reached in and grabbed some Cheetos that I was eating was about to, and then she let go and said, What am I doing? Wait, what are you doing? Where did these come from? I said, They were in the house. She goes, How? Stop putting this in our house.

How old a man are you?

42. I can't be eating like that.

Do you guys take turns going to the market and doing the shopping?

Yeah, and then I do that thing where I shop hungry and then I'm buying the... I find that they have that chicken in a biscuit, those box of crackers.

I love those.

I'll buy them by the case.

I love just pushing the cart row by row by row. No list at all. I'm just going to go down each row, however long it takes. I'm going to look at everything and see what I want.

But you don't put anything in the cart, right? Because you just eat the salad.

I fill it. J.

B, I love hearing you describe normal everyday necessity for people as a novel idea. You know what I mean?

It's like a fun- Hashtag relatable. You know what I like to do?

I like to walk into an office and get you into all the places.

I like to pretend I have a job. Where's my call? Burk, burk, burk.

Amazing. Kieran Calk, what a delight you are. You are a delight. You are. You are a delight.

You guys are fun.

You're a good man. You'd be a good dinner hang. Well, maybe we'll hit you up for dinner in New York.

Yes, please. Come see the show.

Yeah, I want to see the show. I really want to see the show.

Let's all hang out and do the thing. You guys never do repeat guests on your show. It's not either, right?

Because-we have done it on live. When we did the tour, we did some repeats and had some friends.

I remember that. I watched that doc. It was great. That's when I learned from you, Jason, and I think about it every time I'm about to shake a salad. You said, Don't shake it. You remember that? Whenever you put whatever you put You're dressing in a salad, you went, Don't shake it. Don't shake it. I think of it every time now and I go, Oh, wait, I'm not supposed to shake it. Then I go, Wait, why? What's wrong with you?

Let it cascade.

Why? No, you got to shake it to get it even.

I'm a pretty vigorous shaker now.

Let it cascade. Let it cascade. What a T-shirt. Let that blessing. See, merch. This is what you guys need. More quotes like that. Let it cascade. That's a sweater right there.

And the Tracy one.

That's right. Yeah, and the Tracy one, which she wears.

Talk to me like I'm Tracy. You are a guy who you deserve all the success that you're having now, especially considering how hard you worked and how talented you are. Such a massive fan. Dude, honestly, what a thrill to have you. Yeah, keep going.

This is a dream come true. I mean it. Thanks, guys. Kc. That guy, yeah. Big, big fan.

See you in a few months. Go get 'em. Bye, guys. Bye, client. Thanks, pal. And he's slamming it.

They told me to not slam it, but I'm slamming it.

Who says not?

No, no, no, don't slam it. They said don't slam it.

Because you've got a redundant- Are you doing your recorded home? Are you doing your recorded?

I am. That's why I got to do a thing. Wait, do Can I do a thing now and then I slam it? Do your thing and then you can slam. This is a great goodbye. I don't know how to do it. What do I do? What do I do with the thing?

I don't know what I'm- If you bring your mouse to the bottom, do you see that little sound icon?

No. Yes, no. Click on that. Yes, and then hit Stop. Hit Stop and then hit Save. You guys got to use this as part of the goodbye. Okay. I press Stop and then no, I just press Stop. I don't see anything that says safe. We're fucked. At the top left, file and Save. Save.

So embarrassed.

Save these. Oh, my God. This is all in the show. This is such a great goodbye. It's all in the show. Use it. I'm done? We're done. Do I fucking slam it now? Yeah, slam it. Slam it.

Love you, bye. Love you, bye.

Now, there's a nice young fellow, Will.

There is a nice young fellow. You're right. What a great guest. That was a good guest. Good guess. It was a good guess. Good guess. I've been excited to have him. Like I said, we had to reschedule, and that was a whole thing. But I was like, oh, God, we were so close to getting him. I'm so glad we had him on.

I've always wanted to meet him because The interviews I've seen him do, I used to like, God, that's a great guy. I wonder if they just got him on a good day. I hope he's really like that, and he really is. What a good guy.

He really is like that.

I want to work with him. I want to hang with him.

Hey, Sean, now, as you scan The Bias.

Yeah, I wanted to talk to him about his-I saw his eyes skin. Well, I'm about to watch Home Alone because we watch it every year, and he's got a little part in Home Alone. Yeah, I love that.

He's in it. I bet he's still getting residuals on that. The They're not thick ones anymore, but fun to see all that.

Actually, you know what film he was in? He was in the first one and also the second one.

Which was what?

Father of the Bright.

It's pretty good. That was pretty good.

Smart. Nice. Smart.

Nice. Smartless.

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