Transcript of Giggling about pregnancy tests, pinky swears, and pilates New

Sup, gigglers?

Gary, fix the Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

What's up, my garden gnome gigglers? Would you ever have a garden gnome if you had an outdoor area?

Maybe if it was like this in the shape of Kitty. Cute. Thoughts on like legitimately taxidermy?

I'm out.

Like when Butter passes, God forbid, in the year 2052.

No, I'm putting her in a freezer and I'm Walt Disney-ing her so that when the technology works.

Why isn't it more— like 3D printers. Why aren't people taxidermy-ing their pets more?

Because it's creepy.

Is it though?

Because I would cry every day if I saw butter stuffed with cotton balls. You're so Nashville-coded right now. You're like, just taxidermy. You're— you know what you are?

That's the meanest thing you've literally—

so stagecoach right now.

That is the meanest thing you've ever said to me.

It's a Monday and I'm coming so hard for your soul.

You just said I was Nashville-coded, which you know is the number one place on earth that if someone said you have to move there, I'd cry.

Number 2.

Oh my God.

Okay, well, don't start trying to convince me to taxidermy things.

Could you imagine how they'd hate me in Nashville? I have an announcement.

I love announcements.

I'm just like, really, since Khloé Kardashian, like, per hairgate I've just been like really into my products recently, and everybody knows Sunday nights is when I do my hair mask and I do all my things. But I actually did my hair mask on Friday, so like my days are a little off.

Anyway, we have such different weekends.

So last night I like showered, was doing all my stuff, and like blew dry my hair, and I was like, you know what, I'm gonna like throw a little wave in here. Like, I'm gonna like do my hair a little so that tomorrow morning on Giggly Squad Zoom I don't look a mess with my hair.

Okay, you could have texted me, but continue.

So I— Sunday is like when I look at all my stuff that I've like gotten delivered, like all the products that I've like never tried before, and they're like all in a pile. And I'm like, so there's this hair thing and it was called a Bondi Boost like heat curler.

Yes, I've heard of them.

And I was like, okay, let me just like give this a whirl. I was shocked, honey. Honestly, I hate that I'm about to say this. It's everything I've been wanting my— it's everything I've been thinking that my Dyson has been doing but hasn't been doing. I don't know if I ordered it. Then here's the other thing, then I like try, try a product and I'm like, I can't remember if I ordered this or if someone found your address. Someone found my address and sent it to me. Because I've been looking at this thing in a box for at least a month and a half, and I'm like, I'm gonna try the price point. I have no idea.

She goes, everything's free in your head.

If it's on my glass desk, it was free.

It was free. Um, what does it do?

It's basically just like a heated round brush, but I had blow— I blew dry my hair, so it was like kind of straight but like kind of puffy. And it just looked like I got a blowout. Like, my ends looked very blowout-ish, the way I want my Dyson to do it, but it just never does it. And I think because I have fine hair. Um, anyway, so that was like—

people lost their jobs just then. Like, that was crazy. You're like Kylie Jenner tweeting that Snapchat's over. Like, that's crazy.

Oh, also, I texted my friend Alexa last night and I said I'm finally ready for microneedling, and she said Perfect, I will find you someone this week.

So what made you think you were ready? Because I'll do it with you because I was scared. I wasn't gonna do it alone.

Well, I've just been looking up— like, I'm always looking at different, like, things the girls are doing. And months and months ago, someone was like doing— made a TikTok and was like, I don't get Botox. And she was like me, she was in her 40s. And she looks—

I love how you're full anti-Botox, um, algorithm now.

And she— well, she said she was like, I don't get Botox, I don't get fillers. The only thing I do is I do microneedling, microneedling once a month, which kind of seems like a lot.

I always have stuff coming up that I have to like be in front of a camera for. I don't know how I ended up in this industry, but, um, then I talked to someone yesterday and they were like, yeah, microneedling, you have to keep doing it and it gets like more powerful as you keep doing it, which does sound like a pyramid scheme. However, one that I would fall into, I'll do it with you because if we're both gonna look busted for like 4 days, that's more fun than me alone.

I don't even think that it's even that long of a turnover. Like, I truly think you get it done, you can't wear makeup like that night or that next day, but then you're fine.

And then I had a dermatologist giggler in STEM message me and say, hey, if you have a really expensive product and you break out after, sometimes it means it's like your skin purging. And I'm like, again, it's giving pyramid scheme. Like, you guys are just keeping me going.

But purging is something I've subscribed to.

It's like, you've been purging for 3 years now.

Yeah, I'm like, okay, but my chin keeps purging.

And final thought, you know when girls would be like, look how good my skin is, cuz they just put like oil on it, and they're like, look how shiny. I'm like, yeah, cuz you put oil on it.

Okay, I, I'm actually having a really great skin day.

I was gonna say, you're very shimmery. What'd you put on it?

A giggler really stressed me out the other day.

Oh no.

Because, um, I said on the pod last week, I was like, Kitty's just been like really obsessed with me the past couple of days. I don't know like what's going on. And a giggler DM'd me and she was like, my cat did that a couple months ago, like would not leave me alone. And she goes, turns out I was pregnant. Now look, I've read a lot of DMs before about people telling me about myself, and I'm like That person's nuts. Like, I'm not giving it a second thought. Let me tell you something, I Uber Eats a pregnancy test immediately. I don't know what I was overcome with, but I— because then I, then I go on my phone and I'm like, wait, I should have had my period. I was just with Taylor 2 days ago and she said, oh, I'm getting my period in 2 days. And typically I'm like a week prior to her, so I go on my phone and I'm like, oh my God, I did miss my period. And then I look at Kitty and I'm like, were you gonna say anything?

Kitty's like, I've given you every sign. I'm not hungry. I'm trying to say that you have something growing in you.

We—

I'm trying to tell you we don't have the closet space. We don't have the room. Kitty's like, it's me or her. It's me or her. Pick us. Pick one of us.

The test was negative, and then I literally woke up the next morning with my period.

Mm.

She summoned it. Well, good for the girls for keeping you on your toes.

No, I was like, guys, I don't need the— can I have a day?

I do have to say, I'm reading Lena Dunham's book, and there's like about 4 chapters.

How long are you going to be reading this for?

Well, I take a little break, and then Des and I read at night. Like, I was like, do you want to read your book? He was reading like Kafka or something, and we—

and I was reading Lena Dunham, and I was like, Hannah, that is so freaking cute.

Well, that's what my parents do, they read before bed.

Oh my God, what nerds. My parents would never.

But then we got competitive. I was like getting tired, but he was still reading, and I was like, keep reading. He's still reading.

That's so you.

That's so— well, at one point he was— cuz I was like, I feel like it's too bright, and he's like, well, I have really small words on my book. And I was like— he's like, let me see your book. And he's like, they're small too. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, we're so competitive. I'm like, my words are littler than yours. But, um, she talks for like 4 chapters about— she ends up getting her uterus taken out. Sorry, what? Spoiler alert, cuz she has one.

Why do we do this every morning? I can't just have a normal conversation with you before noon. It has to be like the most traumatizing thing I've ever heard in the past 6 months.

And then she got her uterus removed. Have a great day, good luck at school.

Why did she have to have her uterus? So she had a full hysterectomy.

She had— well, she had endometriosis, she had a lot going on. Then it was like another disease, whatever. But then it's also—

wait, so she can't have children?

Probably not herself anymore, but she talks about that whole like feeling, and the doctors were really like anti— like, we can't take out your uterus. It's so— it's like what makes a woman. And she's like, yeah, but it's killing me. Like, why do you care more about my future child than my current existence as a woman?

Right.

But, um, she also talks about how mentally at one point they're like, are you happy? And she's like, what are you talking about? And they're like, if you're really upset and sad and stressed, it just kind of makes things worse.

So it's kind of like inside your body.

Yeah, but then it's also like, aren't you upset because you are in pain? And then it's kind of this back and forth. So she talks about, about pain a lot in it. But anyway, it got me thinking about how you have pain.

Pain, which is all the time. No, actually my UTI has been pretty good. Like, I've been— I've felt it coming on a couple times and I've kind of told myself no. He says no, it's not.

Oh, so that's the answer? You actually have to just go, not today, Satan.

You just have to look in the mirror. I don't have the time. I'm like, really? I don't have time to go to urgent care.

Say Bloody Mary 3 times in the mirror.

I'm almost at like 6 months, which is the longest I've ever gone since I'm 16 years old.

Wait, that's crazy. I bet you didn't— you didn't do anything besides decide you don't want it anymore.

No, no.

I was like, are you fucking kidding? Oh, you know what it is? It's the, um, what is— what's the new hair wrap that you're using?

Bondi Boost. No, I take one, um, oregano vitamin a day and two D-mannose cranberry supplements, but they're like, they're extra cranberry. Like, they're the classic one, and then I've bumped it up a notch.

Oh yeah, if you go to Paige's kitchen, she has like— I have a little display of UTI meds.

I need my stuff.

My Dyson. They're fucking expensive. It's like half of your rent is a Dyson.

Dysons are really expensive.

And because I'm in so many hotels and leaving everything, sometimes the cleaning people will come in and they like to put your hair stuff like straighteners or Dyson, they put it like away. Yeah, like they hide it. So obviously I love that. Yeah, but then when I'm packing, I'm not like opening cabinets to search for things, right? Then I have to call the hotel, they have to ship it to me. I've had to ship this Dyson all over America.

You know, it's interesting— not interesting, but whatever— because we go on my family vacation every year. One of like the biggest gripes of the family vacation is my mom hair, and she gets stressed about her hair because she has very naturally curly hair. And so like when we're on vacation and none of like the stuff works because we're in a different country, and she's always like stressed out about it, and I hate when she's stressed out about it. So I bought her a European Dyson, so now she can bring it on vacation with us.

It goes voilà.

It says, okay, we'll do your hair now.

Okay.

Okay, I straightened it. Wait, oh my God, more things should just be in Italian.

Yeah, why isn't there an Italian Siri? She's always British.

No, why isn't there an Italian?

It would be like, what the fuck are you doing?

Okay, no, no, I'm not looking that up. Illegal. No. Okay, yeah, why don't you fuck yourself? Wait, petition for there to be an Italian Siri that bullies you.

She'd be like, I'm at lunch, do not ask me questions.

Yes, it's August, no working. Wait, imagine Siri just like stopped answering the whole month of August, was like, see you in the fall, you stupid bitch. I don't know, look it up yourself. I would love that.

Google it.

You know what I keep seeing on like my For You page and and for the past couple of months is like everyone talking about bringing 2016 back. Like, 2016, it was so much fun. Like, people posting pictures, whatever. Well, I keep getting like the Beyoncé Lemonade album. Like, oh my God, it was 10 years ago. And like, I don't know why I didn't think of it then, but like, imagine coming home. Just like, imagine being Beyoncé and just like walking in the front door like album's been out for like a couple weeks, everyone's singing it, and like Jay-Z just being like, 'So, uh, like, anything happen at work today? Like, do you get—' Like, did they say— do they say to each other like, 'Did you see that email?' Like, imagine your husband cheating on you and then you make the most fire album to ever exist about him cheating on you, and all the songs start with you speaking and like dissing him? Like, how do they— how did they move on from that?

Celebrity relationships are on such a different like mental wavelength than like a normal relationship. And she probably was like, hey, I sold a bazillion records, and he was probably like, go off.

And you have to say, like, there's a line where she's like, imagine if you 'Never had the coolest girl in your bed.' And I'm like, that would crush me if I'm him.

You know, there was definitely a fight or two, I would say, or three. Um, but at some point they're a like empire, and it's almost— maybe this is all alleged— maybe they got to the point where they were like, 'It's actually more complicated to try to break up than to fight with you every day. I'd rather fight with you every day than go through an insane divorce.' rather little microdose fights than like blowing up our entire empire we built together, I guess. Which is why—

sure, they live separate lives. Yeah. If I know that my husband has slept with another woman, like, there's no— but there's nothing that's keeping— there's nothing keeping me there. There's nothing that I'm staying for.

Maybe she also has her—

because she's rich on her own, so it's not like But you know what, maybe they have secrets about each other. But don't you want to be able to like live out loud? Honestly, their relationship is so, so mysterious and interesting for how long they've both been famous.

It's so mysterious. So mysterious. And you saying that she dropped the album about him, it does remind me at an extremely streamy decimal percentage of my experience of me about to drop my Hulu special, because the very end has like 15 minutes of jokes about Dez that he's never actually heard. And like, I've run it by him. Like, okay, yeah, I've run the premises by him. Yeah, how have you? Like, I wait till he's in like a silly mood, and then we'll be in the car, and I'll be like, hey, I'm working on a new bit about this. And he'll be like, yeah, it sounds good. And like, that's so— so then if he does get annoyed, I'd be like, I asked you. And if people like the joke, like if it's funny, he's always okay with it. But like, I do go pretty hard on special. Like, I have one joke that's like—

can you give us like a taste? Like, yeah, I was just going to say, is there one joke that you're like waiting for his reaction? There's one joke that I'm like, oh, Wait, I kind of want you to tell us.

It's the kind of joke that like he'll either be like, I love it, or be like, yeah, I'm getting an attorney.

What's the genre? It's about his family. Okay, okay, okay. They're all dead, so like who are you really getting in trouble with, you know?

But many people, it's just like the relationship brings so much relatability. And like, I'd never go into writing my specials to be like, I want to make fun of my husband. But there is an empowering thing of growing up seeing all these other guys' specials where they're just like, my naggy wife, my bitch-ass wife, my annoying wife. So it's kind of fun to be a female comic and like make fun of your husband. I feel like it's empowering.

You know who I still think about is John Mulaney, because when I first, like, watched his stand-ups, a lot of his material was about his wife and was about his wife and actually about loving his wife. And I don't know why I think about him, like, leaving his wife and marrying Olivia Munn so much, but I do. I think about it at least once a month. I don't know why. Like, obviously I'm a John Mulaney fan. I think his stand-ups are funny, but I don't— but, and I don't even know what his wife's name is. Actually, I think she wrote a book. It's not like I was like so obsessed with them or like that it keeps coming into my head, but I think about it all the time.

I just got the vocal stem. Am I a Nicki fan? Pull up in the Sri Lanka.

What the hell is that? That's from like Housewives.

That was Housewives, like COVID also. It's crazy how things don't hold up over time. No. Speaking of some random celebrity drama that— don't you love when there's celebrity drama from like the 2000s that you just didn't know about and you're like, why do people not talk about it enough? Do you remember Mary Louise Parker?

I have been in a hole of this.

Did we see the same TikTok or something, or Instagram post?

It's so interesting. Before social media, the men were really getting away with even more.

So do you want to tell them what happened? No, you go. Okay, so Mary-Louise Parker is with Billy Crudup, who's the guy—

wait, if you don't know who she, she is, she starred in Weeds. Yeah, she was the main actress in Weeds.

Hilarious genius, also gorgeous. So, and Weeds was 2005 to 2012. So Billy Crudup, I don't know where he was in his career at this time, I didn't know him, but he's I know him from—

he's in like the first season of The Morning Show. He's like in random stuff. Yeah, he's never like the main, main guy, but he's in— he's in a lot of big stuff.

I don't hate short men. I hate short men who do bad. I hate little evil short men. If they're short and they're nice, I hate short men that do short things. Yeah, so immediately when a guy does something fucked up, first I check his height. It's the first thing I do. 5'9". It's very telling. 5'9" is not good enough. Not good enough, babe. Not good enough for this. So she's 7 months pregnant. Billy Crudup— well, this is the problem with dating actors. He's, I think, in a show with Claire Danes. They fall in love because they're fucking making out every scene, probably. This is with acting. It's just— I'm sorry, you're just like pretending to pretend to date. You guys are dating. Um, so men are doing full— what is it called when you're like method acting? Method— taking method acting too seriously. By the way, apparently Adam Driver on Girls was doing method acting, but Lena Dunham didn't say it, but it hasn't been confirmed. But she just says how like they'd be practicing their lines and he'd throw a chair. Yeah, and someone was like, he's method acting.

She was like I feel like he's just mad and this is weird.

I'm gonna start doing that. If anyone gets mad at me, I'll be like, sorry, I'm method acting. They're like, for what?

Male actors are very— you know what's funny is you grow up your whole life, and maybe just because of when we were born and before social media, you grow up your whole life having this like preconceived notion about celebrity, specifically celebrity male actors, and then you become an adult and you realize that those men were some of the biggest losers in high school. And like, it's just, it's very interesting.

But then you realize the athletes were also losers.

So then you're like, because they had a reading level of a pre-K student.

Where have the good men gone?

Because if you ask me in high school, like, oh my God, who's like the hottest? Yeah, who's your husband gonna be? I'd be like, a professional athlete, or like a famous musician, or like actor. I would kill myself. Yep. If I ever—

Now the nerds are even diabolical. Now the nerds are more evil than the nerds.

We don't have a lid on the nerds. We've lost the nerds. And we've lost the nerds. The nerds are out here cheating on other nerds.

So Billy Crudup, crudup. Oh, now I'm hungry for a crudup. Yeah. By the way, it's 10:30 AM on Monday.

I was just gonna say, a crudité. A crudité. Good morning. Good day, Billy. Also, you're 61.

Your name's not Billy. Your name is William. I'm not calling you. I'm not calling anyone Bobby or Billy past the age of 12. Grow the fuck up. Pay your taxes.

So true, Billy. Okay, your name's not Billy.

Also, do you know who he's with now? Who? Naomi Watts. The man pulls.

Yeah, something about Claire Danes scares me, and I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's because every role that she plays, it's like this like really overstressed, like anxious character, and that's like how I see her. But like something about her, I'm like, I always have to take a deep breath, I feel like.

But I also— the feminist side of me is like, I love her playing these like really imperfect characters. Like Homeland was iconic cuz like she was so unlikable. And like, up until that time, there weren't a lot of female roles to be unlikable and star.

Yeah, she's just always so stressed, and I'm like, I'm stressed. True.

You're like, take a bath. Yeah, pick it up some salt.

I'm like, do a hair mask, you're gonna love it. Okay, keep going.

No, yeah, so that's what happened. Oh, okay. So he left her at 7 months pregnant, which it's giving It's giving, um, the Wicked Ariana Grande drama.

I was just gonna say, remember when everyone forgot about that? That is— that was crazy. And I think that was still the— crazy work.

I think she's still with SpongeBob.

Are they?

That's actually going pretty strong. Yeah, I just feel like if you're— I mean, obviously it's so nuanced, but like, I just feel like if you're going to leave your wife for someone else, like really physically get up and leave your pregnant or like with child wife, it's got to be for the long haul. And I don't think he dated Claire Danes for that long.

I think it was like 3 years, because also I think they actually did get a lot of public blowback that they like couldn't endure. I mean, I do say I don't care how sturdy your relationship is, if you're constantly being attacked by the public, like it's gonna cause issues.

100%. It might bring you closer together for a minute, for a moment, because it's almost like a, uh, trauma bond, us versus the world type thing. But once your cortisol level kind of goes down, it's like, it's very—

I would argue it obviously sucks, but if a guy leaves you while you're 7 months pregnant, thank God he showed you who he really is, which is that he doesn't fucking care about you. Because all I know based— if I'm 7 months pregnant, I feel not myself. My hormones are insane. I need help. I'm exhausted. Like, you're in a really vulnerable period of your life, and if your man can't be there for you when you're holding and growing his child, I don't want you around later, right?

Get out. Also, I'd go as far to say, like, not only does he not care about you, he doesn't care about, like, Basic human decency. I don't know, just like basic human rights.

World peace. Like, it's just—

I could be— I could date someone for 3 minutes, and if I found out they were pregnant, I'd be like, oh my God, let's do everything that you need.

No, like, I can't imagine leaving Des during his knee operation. He's helpless. Just leaving him on the couch.

How long did you know you didn't like her? 6 months ago? Like, it seems like something that didn't— it wasn't just sprung on you that you don't in fact like your wife.

Oh God.

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Anyway, I did a traumatizing Pilates class. Can I tell you about it?

Yeah, I would love that.

It was like— by the way, I love Pilates, but it was one of those classes. If you see me in a Pilates class, turn around. Do you love Pilates? I do. I love it with all my heart, but I also love complaining about it. If you see me in a Pilates class, you know some shit's gonna go down. Someone's gonna faint, some crazy shit's happening. So I walk in and it's a new Pilates place, and my thing is when I go to Pilates First thing I have to do, go to the bathroom because I have like a phobia that I'm going to have to like poop during the class. God forbid that would ruin everyone's experience. Oh my God. What? Wait. What? What? You scared me. You literally gave me—

You said— I gave you a fright? I'm sorry. Yeah. Because you know how I always— I forget things. So if I don't say it, you said pooping. And so it made me think of it. Have you heard of Coconut Cult? A cult? Hannah, get into it. Okay, saw this girl— I have heard of it for like a couple months, but randomly saw this girl on my For You page like eating Coconut Cult, and I was like, I'm gonna order one of those. Jar of basically like such intense— it's not even yogurt, but they call it a yogurt, but you can't eat it in one sitting. You can only eat one spoonful of a day— of it a day because it has such active probiotics in it. It's— the consistency is actually like a mousse. It's actually really hard to only eat one spoonful. You like, because it tastes good, you like want to eat another one. I am obsessed. I've only had the strawberry flavor. I have one spoonful in the morning and I have like a spoonful at like 4 in the afternoon. If you eat too much, it is diabolical and it is one of the scariest things I've ever experienced in my life.

But if you like stick to a steady routine, you do feel like over time you feel less bloated. I've probably been having it for like a full 2 weeks now. Oh, I'm obsessed. I love it. You have to keep it in the refrigerator and you can't double dip your spoon. Oh, because it's like the probiotics are so active and if you've like already had it in your mouth and then— I don't know, that's like a weird science thing that That's a woman in STEM that I'm not equipped for.

Okay, I'll definitely look into Coconut Cult.

It's really cute branding, and I think it would really help your stomach.

I have had a little sour stomach the last week. Yeah, but I didn't want to— well, yeah, it's, it's still on and off.

You know what I'm always in fear of getting, and I think it's because it's just like the grossest name— have you ever heard of leaky gut?

Why does that remind me of leafy greens?

At any given point in the day, I'm scared that I have leaky gut.

Oh no, that's a whole new thing for me to— well, I know I have leaky gut actually. I've been having leaky gut. Um, okay, so I'm at my Pilates going to the bathroom because I'm afraid I'm gonna have leaky gut, and I'm in like the locker room area, so I see a door. I'm like, this must be the bathroom. I open it up, it's not the bathroom, it's like a storage closet. Shut the door. Oopsie. Go into the other bathroom, and I'm in the bathroom and I realize like an alarm is going off, but it's like a subtle alarm. It's like just the light and being like fire, fire warning. Yeah. And I'm like, and I'm like, did I do that? Like, I assume that everything's my fault. I'm like, it's because I opened that weird door. So I—

that's actually so funny that you go, you live your life throughout the day being like, I messed something up.

No, I did that. Like, what did I do?

No, that's so stressful.

Well, I think it's— I'm very powerful. Like, when something good happens, I'm like, that was me. When something bad happens, I'm like, that was me. I just feel like I'm a catalyst anywhere I go. I'm like, let's change the molecules of this place. So I'm sitting there and like the alarms go like going off very subtly though, and it's basically like, fire, fire, and no one's acknowledging it. But like a chill fire, a chill, like it's chilling. And I can't tell if this is just something that happens in the building, but the lady's not being like, hey, just ignore that, it happens. Instead I'm like, am I the only one that sees this and I'm the one that caused it? So anyway, that's how it started. And then I look to my left. There's a man there in the bathroom. No, in the Pilates class. Oh, I look to my left. There's a man sitting on the sink.

No, he's like, hey, I'm a firefighter. There's a fire.

Get out. No, but I'm literally like, if there's a man here, he better be like putting out this fire. He shouldn't be here for Pilates, but he's there for Pilates. And of course he's doing straight I didn't look at him. I actually didn't make eye contact with him, so I couldn't tell. But I feel like he was straight because she kept—

You can tell without eye contact. I know he was straight.

She kept having to be like, oh, for this one you can add more to him. And I'm like, shut the fuck up.

By himself or with his girlfriend? By himself.

It was like he was like going through something. No, in his 50s. It was like he definitely, like, probably divorce, trying to like start his life over.

I don't like that even more, actually.

No, I know. So I was already like, bad energy. The fire also is giving bad energy. Throw me off. Then now look, when you sit on a reformer, never sit next to the person who's already there. That's just like a rule because we're all doing our leg stretches. Like, go to a different Pilates reformer. So this girl comes in and sits in between me and another girl when there's other reformers open, and I was like, that was a crazy move, but that's fine, whatever, let's be communal. Wait, that's a crazy move. It was— there was like 5 other reformers open. Maybe she wanted to be like in our area, I don't know. But I was a little bit like, interesting decision. And then it's hot in there and she's wearing like a full suited up long sleeve everything. And I'm like, she's probably so hot. And then she's like filming herself. So I guess she was like vlogging or something. And I was like, I'm just gonna ignore this. She starts like taking calls during the class.

You were gonna say she started interviewing.

No, her phone was like buzzing. She was like, hello. You thought she was gonna do man on the street with me? I thought she was gonna be like, can I ask you a couple questions? Do you care if women fart? Okay.

So she's on the phone, is she still doing the moves?

Kind of. And she's like, hey, like talking on the phone, like it was crazy. And I'm like, this is— yeah, this is bonkers. And then this other girl on the right of me was one of these like insane breathers. Do you know— look, I— you have to breathe in your Pilates class, but you know the performative breathers where they're like shh every breath? And I was like, there's no need to breathe like that on this particular— like, yeah. So she's doing her performative deaths that are next level. This one's picking up phone calls. A man is plotting all our deaths. Usually the perfect—

the person that, for me, that I always notice is doing the performative breathing is like one of those moms that's like, kids are grown, kids are grown, kids are out of the house, they still call her for everything. She's bony, she's bony, she's a hat on, okay? And she's and like tiny, tiny little thing. Hasn't had a carb since '92. Oh my God, has not had a carb since before Y2K. And you're like, how do you run all these marathons? And you— and you're like, you have osteoporosis, like you have to stop doing this.

This is like the fourth thing she's done today and it's 10 AM and she's already like done all her groceries, she's like biked 4 miles. Um, yeah, so she, she was doing crazy breathing, and then I'm sitting there and I'm like, this is, this is my hell. Like, this is where I came for peace. And then I'm wondering what they're thinking about me. They're like, this bitch starting fires. So I survived it to tell the tale.

I'm so against workout classes. See, I can do it in my own home. When I do it alone, you don't trust that you're doing it right.

No, I know I'm doing it right. I know that I don't trust myself to keep doing it. Like, after 3 sit-ups, I'm like, we're good.

Okay, so I'm the opposite. I will keep doing it, but I don't know if I'm doing it right. So it's like, is this— am I doing it for nothing because I'm doing it wrong?

I needed peer pressure, and I'll do anything if someone else is there, but when I'm alone, I cannot be held accountable.

See, for me, I want to turn my TV on. I want to be listening to that. I don't want to really be listening to the girl teaching. I just want to watch her moves and I just want to keep doing them. And then I want to mind my own business.

See, I'll be like, oh, that kind of hurts, I'm going to stop. But then if I'm in a class, I'm like, I'll, I'll break my leg right now for me to finish this if the girl next to me is finishing it, right?

But that's my own— that's how we're different.

That's how we're different. I have a woman in some of the week Yeah, fuck yeah.

I'm so obsessed with women. I'm 7 of the week now.

See, we grow and learn. Yeah. Okay, so you know how you— Paige introduced me to ice face baths, like, when we first started Summer House. Yes, like, she's been doing it. Like, wake up hungover, she's like, watch this, and then she'd waterboard herself for like 20 seconds, like 3 seconds too long, where I was like Should I check on her?

And like, then you were ready to take on the day.

Yeah. So have you heard of the snorkel that girls have added?

I have seen it.

Is it something people are selling online? It's stupid. It's stupid. Okay, well, girls have invented a snorkel so that when you go under an ice water face bath for yourself, you add a snorkel so you could stay down like forever if you want.

So dumb. Gimmicky. She's like gimmicky and stupid. Like, stick your head in the bowl of ice. You don't need to breathe in there. You're not staying longer than 30 seconds. And if you can't hold your breath for 30 seconds, we have bigger issues. You need to go to the doctor because you're not getting full lung capacity.

Something's wrong. It's giving when they invented that straw that you sip that doesn't purse your lips, so you don't like purse your lips too much. To get— I never saw that. Lip wrinkles.

You've never seen it? Wait, I love that. Now that's something I could get behind.

That's a Shark Tank product I want to see. Yeah, so it's— you like— it's like, it's different. So I don't know, you could look it up.

Wait, I'm obsessed with that. Yeah, all day I try and think of things that like I can— literally since I'm like 16, I'm like, what's something I could invent so that I never have to work again?

I've thought of— to this day I haven't thought of it. Do you remember my last invention idea to you was cute, colorful smelling garbage bags? Full pitch deck. I pitched Paige full pitch deck and you were like, I'm obsessed.

I'm like, I think they have these, but like, I love your perseverance. I love how yours is different though.

I was like, this is going to be a wasabi color.

People need to call more things wasabi color. And that is true.

Yes, and that's true, and that's true. Wait, do you know who's having really bad PR right now? So you were never into this show, but I was an avid watcher of The Bachelorette. Yeah, and there was a time when people were sacrificing 6 to 8 hours of their week on these shows, and if you got on these shows and you, you got the good edit and you made it like at least 5 episodes, like you were made as an influencer. Like you'd have over 800,000 followers, you'd be going on the other excursions Bachelorette Island skiing, whatever. Yeah, the mountains, like you were made. And then obviously they had drama, um, with the host and they lost the host, um, he got canceled. And then— oh right, I like forgot that time.

Yeah, anything that happened during COVID I'm like, I actually don't remember.

Well, people are saying we feel 20 7/28, because that's when COVID happened, and that's when all of our lives stopped.

Now that we're as many years out as we are from COVID it really did change our lives. Like, like, I think because we're millennials, we're like, oh yeah, like another crazy thing happened. Yeah, I really don't think we're sitting and realizing how much it changed. Like, I keep saying Maybe this is because of reality TV too. I used to have so much fun in my life prior to COVID. I had so much fun.

She goes, I used to do this thing called fun. Yeah, I have.

I'm genuinely— I can't— and I don't mean fun like day-to-day fun. Like, I have fun every day. I'm doing some— I, I live with Kitty. Something fun is happening. Yeah. And I don't even mean in like work stuff. Like, okay, we went to The Devil Wears Prada. So fun. I haven't had a night out of fun, like stupid fun that means nothing, debauchery, didn't plan this fun in years.

Not to relate to Lena Dunham, but she said somewhere in an article that she hates organized fun. I hate it. And I've never really— I was like, no one's put it into those words. I'm so bad at organized fun. Like whenever people are like, this is supposed to be fun, then I'm immediately in my head, I'm like, why am I so different? The rest of the world. And like, why can't I experience things like other people? And you're so dramatic. I'm so— I'm literally sitting there being like, why can't you for once just fucking be normal? You're so the girl like looking out the window at like 12 years old, like, I'm different. Looking out the mirror, no, but no one is like me.

That— my first immediate thought is New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve is a great example of like everybody's having fun and we're all going here and we're going to have fun. And every year I'm like This is the worst and I'm going home.

Yeah, well, New Year's, when I came back from Florida and was going to school at Beacon Upper West Side, it was like the first time I was invited to like a cool Manhattan. And it was not cool. It's like me and like my 7 friends who were not doing hard drugs. Like, we were not the druggies. We were like kind of the athletes. Boring. There was no— well, no one was telling me about the drugs. No one was talking about the drugs. But like, we were like 17. And all I remember is playing beer pong and yeah, getting so drunk that I like threw the ping pong and it like hit the wall. Like I was like falling as I was throwing it and I passed out and puked. And then my mom called the police because she was like, the one time Hannah goes to a party, because I was supposed to come home that night, I guess. And I passed out and I didn't come home. My mom thought I died.

You were a missing person. Your mom literally thought you were a missing person.

'Cause my mom's in Brooklyn being like, my daughter's on the island of Manhattan. That's why I can't have fun. I ruined everyone's day.

And there was no, there was no like location sharing.

No, she just was like, she's dead in the, in the, in a dumpster somewhere.

The way that we are probably gonna like live our mom's dreams, like my mom would have given her left arm if for them to have invented location sharing. In the year 2006, like when I entered high school. Like, that would have been her dream.

Gen Z is like, are jealous of us for certain nostalgic things, which is so valid. Like, I would be too if I didn't have to grow up with a phone. But the fact that we didn't have location sharing or Ring cameras is iconic.

I mean, the way I'm going to torture my children, like, I, I'm literally gonna put an Apple AirTag in my child's shoe, like, in case they fake— like, there's no situation that, like, they're moving and I'm not knowing exactly where they are in today's day and age. It's actually kind of sad. Like, I'm gonna be so annoying as a mom because I'm gonna be like, tell me everything.

I was with a mom recently whose kid goes to school in the city, like, teenager, and she was tracking the Uber and was like annoyed with the route the Uber was going to get them somewhere. She was like, why would they take that bridge? Why would they take that bridge? And I'm like, the fact you know this— and she was like texting him, tell him not to take the bridge. And I was like, guys, everyone calm down. Like, I didn't— we didn't even have Ubers. How do we get places? Taxis?

Subway? But you know what's so funny is that it's just like, not all men— we wouldn't have to be tracking everyone and knowing where our kids were at all times and tracking Ubers if the men weren't out here doing weird fucking shit. But not all of them, just a million of them. Yeah.

Oh yeah, so Maura Higgins was recently interviewed being like, do you want to be The Bachelorette? Because that was like his kind of thing, like if you got famous and you were single— well, no, The Bachelor never really had famous people on it, but I guess they asked people, do you want to be The Bachelorette? And she literally was like I think I'd rather not be. I don't want to be the Bachelorette. She's like, I don't want a man, I want space to myself. Having a ton of men in my vicinity is literally my nightmare. Sierra also was like, fuck that, I would never want to be on The Bachelorette and deal with a bunch of like thirsty dudes that want to be famous through me.

She can do it and she doesn't have to be on TV. It's giving Rihanna like 2008, What Are You Looking In looking for in a man, and her being like, I'm not looking for a man.

Yeah, but I think it's just so funny. There was a time where being the Bachelorette was like the coolest thing. Like, you get to pick from all these guys who want to do like protein ads on their Instagram and start their own like workout company.

It's funny because I saw a TikTok the other day that was talking about how we'll always say since the beginning of time that like women are like gold diggers, or they're looking to marry someone who has a lot of money or has a big job or like can provide for them and blah blah blah. But we never talk about how men can also marry extremely well, and it's never even brought up that like, oh wow, that guy really married well. Like his whole existent. And actually, they were giving the example was Emma Grade, because she's like getting a lot of criticism for like random stuff. And she's on her book tour, and people were like, I'm sick of her, or she's speaking to like rich women, she's not speaking to you. Like, there were just like all these different discourse things about her. And one of the things I saw was her hus— they were talking about her husband, and it was like, yeah, he's a businessman, but his best investment ever was her, and that like he knew that she could take whatever he was doing and blow it up 10 times more. And I just think, I feel like women never get— you never get that like accolade of like, well, actually he married well and I changed his whole life.

Well, that's like Michelle Obama being—

yeah, actually they were— he was another example, like Barack Obama actually married extremely well, and the— probably half the reason he got the presidency is because he had a phenomenal wife behind him.

And I just want to add to this conversation too that people's— what makes a person is more than what they look like, look like, and how much money they make. There's something about like integrity and kindness, character, drive, and character and conversation that makes like a quality person. So just when you see numbers on a page or like someone with like a nice nose. Like, let's like stop for a second. It's because people do marry people without considering their character, and that's why there's 50% of divorce every day.

They're doing it every day. I had a friend text me, a guy friend of mine text me because he saw one of our clips, and one of the clips was me being like, if you're a 36-year-old man and you're trying to date like a 26-year-old girl, like, what do you have in common? And I was like, I was like, the guy wants to go younger because anyone, a woman his age, probably isn't putting up with as much shit as someone 26 because maybe they haven't experienced it or they don't know, and they're just more apt to like put up with your bullshit. And he texted me and he was like, this is so not accurate. And he was like the perfect person to text me and say that. Yeah, it was just interesting how like life really imitates art, and no one in my real life ever like will text me like something that's said on Giggly Squad because I'm like, this is a safe space, it's like my personal journal. But that was an interesting text that I got.

Shout out to Rhea from Chicks in the Office. She did something really funny. I think like her husband was like annoyed with her for some reason, or something happened, and she was like, this is what I always do to make him feel better. And she goes up to him with her hand and she goes, look how much bigger your hands are than mine, to make him happy. And I was like, genius. Whenever he's like in his head or like upset about something, just stroke his ego and be like, look at my little hand and you're just so big and strong.

That's actually really depressing because sometimes my hands are bigger.

Well, actually, as I was saying it, I was like, this isn't for all women. It's me.

If you just heard Hannah say that, do not feel slighted. My fingers are so long. Typically my fingers are always going to be longer.

I also can't do that with men with calves. Like, I can't be like, look how much bigger your calves are than mine. Never mind. One person who does have as long fingers as you is Hailey Bieber. Like, you have similar font of fingers. Like when she does her skincare, I'm like, oh yeah, her and Paige could have finger pinky— what's it called? Pinky swears.

Like crazy. Our pinky swears would go nuts. They'd wrap all the way around the city block.

I mean, do you remember how powerful a pinky swear was back in the day?

I still put a lot of onus on a pinky swear. Like if— like I'll sign a deal with a pinky swear. I'm like, but you swear.

No, there's something about pinky swear where you're like, I— that was my firstborn, I just gave away.

Yeah, because it's, it's very, um, I think because it comes from childhood, it's like you mean it. Like, you're— you wouldn't fuck with a little kid, so like you're being serious, right? Like, that's your inner child. Yeah, it's like you wouldn't lie to my inner child.

Shout out to a really good press tour. Of a movie star. Like, and you know, there's like stars and then they're like, oh, that's a movie star. Yeah, like this is a celebrity. Like, this is like, I'm like aghast every time I see her. Charlize Theron. Yes. And I think I added a little, a little chutzpah to the end of her name. But first of all, if your name is Charlize Theron, you can't not be a movie star. The fuck? I'm saying like Thoreau. Yeah, Therese Theron. Is that it? Therese? Yeah, Charlize Theron.

I'm just looking something up about her. Keep talking. She's a movie star.

Her looks have been so cool. Like, it's the kind of thing that like, yeah, other people could try to copy, but it's not going to hit.

When she stepped out in that like men's suit, I think it was YSL, but it was like men's. Like she put that thing around her neck. Oh, she is so gorgeous.

And people don't— I mean, people do talk about her, but like, it was kind of game over when she walked. I was like, oh, and that's, that's a celebrity. Like, bring back celebrities.

Did you know that her mom killed her dad in self-defense, like during a domestic violence situation?

And that's where all our conversations go.

I'm pretty sure she— I'd have to look up the story, but I heard this It was apartheid in South Africa.

It was crazy violence. And yeah, the mom defending herself shot her dad, and her mom's still alive.

And I think she like watched it. I think like Charlize was like in the room. She was like 13 or something.

I mean, I cannot imagine. But that's why one of her like Oscar speeches, she broke down thanking her mom who was there for like everything she did to protect her. I love her. So anyway, Charlize Theron, you're that girl. We love you. I think she has a movie out.

She does, on Netflix, but like a thriller. You know how I feel about— I'm scared.

No, I'm scared. I'm scared. It's like, enough. Anyway, you guys, to end on that note, thank you for giggling with us. We love you so much. Anything else, Paige? No, I feel good. Perfect, perfect. Have an amazing week. Just keep your head up. Bye!