Transcript of Giggling about roasts, road rage, and heartburn New

Sup, Gigglers?

Gary, fix your Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit.

We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

What is up, my goulash Gigglers? Do you know what goulash is?

It's feeling very fall.

You have no— it is fall. I was going to say you have no culture, but it is fall.

Isn't it like ground beef?

It's a Hungarian dish.

Okay.

Anyway, welcome to the pod. There's been so many women of some of the week.

Like, yeah, I—

now that they know it's a thing, I feel like the women are like, canceled.

I know that truly I think this segment is done. We did— in true Giggly Squad fashion, we beat it, the dead horse.

Like, can I do one, another one though?

Yeah.

Okay, so this video is going around, going viral, of this woman's shopping in Target and she's being filmed and you're from the whatever. Anyway, a girl comes, sees she's being filmed by a man.

Yeah.

And goes, excuse me, that man's filming you.

Oh, like looking out for—

Yeah, like, that man's filming you, are you okay? And the girl turns, she's like, oh my God, that's my husband, like, it's okay. And the girl's like, still doesn't believe her, like, blink twice if he's like— you're being trafficked. And she's like, it's my husband, I swear. And she's like, okay. And then she stops and she recommends a product that she's looking at, and she's like, that's actually really good, don't get that one, it's overpriced, and then walks away. And I was like, girlhood maxing.

Wait, I saw a similar situation like this happen. I wasn't involved in any of it, but I was a bystander. I'm across the street from a, like, nursery school, like preschool. I watch a dad walk his daughter into like the gated area and there was like a teacher there. He dropped her off with the teacher. He walked out of the gated area. He's on the sidewalk. The little girl's like in the play area with the teacher.

You've lost me already.

Why was I telling that so monotone? Sorry, I was making sure you weren't losing me. And that's—

I got lost in your eyes. I was like, that's really pretty mascara. If I can't see I see something visually, I can't understand. I know, but I— okay, so there's a kid walks in play area, dad play area, walks out.

Okay, okay. So the dad's leaving, he's like waving to the daughter, like, see ya after school. He's on the sidewalk, he's kind of like lingering on the sidewalk now for like 5 minutes. He's like on his phone a little bit, he's just standing there, he's watching the daughter play. From an outside perspective, it outside perspective, if you didn't watch him drop her off, drop her off, you'd be like, who is this guy on the sidewalk just watching this little girl play? A car pulls up, a woman is in the car, she yells, hey, what's going on here? The teacher inside of like the school is like, everything's okay. And then I don't know what the dad said because I couldn't hear, but he turned to the car, but I was like, woman in style.

Like, actually, I saw an article about a man who adopted his own child without a wife or a girlfriend, and people were like mind blown, cuz it's true. How many men do you hear like, I couldn't find the right person, so I just—

like a single dad, so I just wanted to adopt? Or like a single guy who gets a surrogate? Yes, yes, I think you never hear those stories.

You never hear those stories.

They're definitely out there. They're out there, but We've never come—

it's never come across my desk.

Somebody, you know, it did come across my desk. Someone was like, Paige, Ryan Murphy did make a Monica Lewinsky show.

No, people were messaging me. They were like, last episode was the most chaotic episode you guys have ever had on Googly Squad. And they were like, Paige made up a show that's already been made.

I was like, genius idea.

You casted the entire show accurately with the director, the showrunner, the main cast. She goes, what if? This is crazy. I'm like, wait, you saw it and it just like subconsciously was in here?

Okay, I had to have. But someone said it was a one season of American Horror Story. It wasn't like— it's not like the JFK Jr. It wasn't like advertised as its own show.

I want like a, a real Monica Lewinsky.

Yeah, I want like multiple seasons.

Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, hi, how are you?

I'm good. I walked here and It really threw me.

Yeah, it got really hot. I don't know why you do stuff like that to yourself. I was not walking here, but I was getting out of the Uber and there was two girls in front of me walking down the street. And all girls have the same conversation. It doesn't matter who you are, where you live, or who you're friends with. We literally all have the same conversation. And the girl turned to her friend and she said, well, my mom said— I forget what the girl's name was— my mom said, I think he's cheating on you with a man. So she's like, so— and then she started talking Spanish. So I don't know the end of the story.

You know the end of the story because you lived it.

I'm like, look, if your mom's throwing out that accusation, she sat there for a while. She thought, should I even say this? So the fact that she said it and now we've said it, it's 100% fact. It's factual.

It's true.

That guy's girlfriend, that girl's boyfriend was cheating on her.

Shout out to her and her mom for being investigative journalists during this time. To continue on last episode, to piggyback into piggyback. Yes, I was— where you just call me pig.

Sorry, did we get over you walking here too quickly? Do we pass by that too?

My problem is I have one speed when I walk, and I'm not trying to be like, I'm a New Yorker, I walk fast. I think I just have anxiety, and I'm like, if we're walking, we're walking.

Nature.

Yeah, I'm not like slowly walking anywhere unless I'm on like— no, I'm not. Unless I'm like with a dog who needs to pee, I'm not stopping. So, which I've never been walking a dog. So after the show, I got back to like this like chic, cool West Hollywood hotel. And I don't know, there's something about like after a long night in heels, like they just— after our show, after our show, it's a different heel than you started the night with. Like, even it feels completely different.

Yeah.

And even it was like the heels are a little big for me and like they just couldn't stay on my feet. So I had to walk through this, like— and it wasn't just a lobby, it was like a lobby chic bar, which was like bright with like pool tables and couches and everyone's just lounging. And LA is so like, whenever anyone walks in, everyone has to like look you up and down.

Yeah.

So I'm like, I have to walk 100 feet in these heels. And I swear to God, I was like—

I—

everyone was like laughing at me because I was a deer in headlights. I couldn't walk. But I was like, it's YSL. And I was just like trying to—

it's YSL windbreaker.

But what do you do when you're wearing uncomfortable heels and everyone's looking at you? Like, how do you maneuver that athletically? Especially because you famously say that you can fit into any size shoe.

When I was in 9th grade, my mom held a class in my kitchen for all my girlfriends who could not walk in heels.

Oh, she didn't have my number at the time.

I've never— I think because, look, you started sport as a— at a young age, so like you're really good at tennis. When I first saw heels as a child, I was like, yeah, I love whatever the fuck those things are, I love them. So I've been truly walking in heels since kindergarten.

You know what it is? Heels are like ice skates. You either were raised on skating, or you don't know how to use them? Because I'm like, I'm athletic, I could walk in a heel. No, I can't.

It's honestly, it's practice.

Because I'm not hugging it in the right way.

Like, I don't know, you're not gripping at the right time.

I'm not gripping. And then I also like, it hurts my toenail. I also have a wide foot.

I'm trying to like picture how I do it. I guess when your toe is about to come up off the ground, that's when you grip.

Yeah, I'm not— I do not have the right gripping situation.

Situation.

It's almost like SoulCycle when like I know what I'm supposed to do with the rhythm of the flow, but like you gotta practice.

Um, well, it's also— it's also kind of like diving into a pool. You can't just go. You have to start out small. So you really have to start out with like a kitten. You have to walk around and then you have to build yourself up to like a 5-inch stiletto. You can't just be born in a stiletto.

I think we've all been there where you see a shoe you like and I'm like, I'm buying it, and you put it on, you're like, I look great, but you didn't factor in like that you have to move in it.

And if a shoe is a little bit too big and you're not experienced in walking in a heel, you can't do it. I'd actually even say go smaller.

This might, this might be too niche, but I'm an 8 in sneakers.

I was just gonna ask.

I think I'm a 7.5 in heels, and I've been telling everyone I'm an 8, and it's actually not my fault. I've just been sabotaging myself.

That's what it is. I think your shoes are a little bit too big for feet.

Yeah.

And so then, because they were falling off as I was walking, you feel like you have clown feet.

Yes. And there was this like Pete Davidson looking character, like, oh no, he was like 6'4" with a weird fucking mustache and like hair grown out.

And he was judging you?

Yeah, he was like looking. I was like, don't fucking look at me, take a shower, like leave me alone. Oh my God, this is so embarrassing. And I was on such a high that night, like I was like, I'm best friends with Kate, and Mindy loves me or hates me, we don't know.

Yeah.

And then I like lost all my confidence walking back into my room.

Did you watch the Kevin Hart roast?

Yes, I watched it from the beginning because I'm, I'm a researcher of the art of comedy.

They will give men as much time on live TV as they want. Once we hit hour 3, I was like, okay, wrap it the fuck up. Why was it so long? They like really went for it.

I think—

I was like, I don't think Chelsea Handler got the respect she deserved. No, she didn't.

If Chelsea Handler was a man on that stage, she would have had a rock, um, entrance. And by the way, The Rock like came up out of the ground and there were like fireworks and he got like carried to the stage.

I thought he did horrible too.

Well, he was drunk and did 30 minutes. There were good jokes in it. Yeah, but he, he— it's live. I think they should have— why do they have to do it live?

Okay, wait. So when we were at the Netflix brunch, like, sometimes I truly forget. Sometimes I feel like there are situations where I think about, oh my God, I'm nervous, I don't have any confidence in this moment. And then there are other times where, like, it just—

you have too much confidence.

Yeah. And like, I'll take a step back and I'll be like, maybe shut your mouth. Like, maybe you shouldn't be so confident in this area that you have nothing— you have no idea about.

Maybe.

And it's not until it's an afterthought, which is not great. We're at the Netflix brunch. This lovely man comes up to me. He says hi. He gives me his job title, pretty high up at Netflix in, in Unscripted. And we're chatting, we're going back and forth. And he didn't ask me what I thought about their live reunions, but let me tell you something, I told him what I thought. We're talking about like reality TV and we're talking about reunions specifically.

No one's gonna want to have a business meeting with us ever because we repeat Every business meeting on this pod, verbatim.

It wasn't even a business meeting, he was literally asking me to like pass something to him.

And before you say what you're about to say, I, on the corner of my eye, I left Paige for a second and she's sitting down alone with a man. So I stopped my conversation, I go, hold on one second, I have to like— we might need to stop, drop, and roll. Like, I don't know if she's safe.

Nobody talks about the look you give your friend who's trying to help you when you're really like, no, actually I am okay.

It's literally ninja because I— you have to walk behind the guy, she looks at you, she can't make a weird face because then she's put in a vulnerable position. So she has to do it through her eyes. If you weren't speaking, I'd be like, I need to get him out. But you seemed very passionate about what you were saying.

Dialed in.

And tell them what you were saying.

And I don't even know how we got on this subject, but I was like, I have watched reunions before of seasons that I've never watched of television just because a reunion's exciting, blah blah blah, whatever. And I said to him, I was like, except I don't like that Netflix does the reunions live. I don't think you would ever be able to get the amount of content the viewer is looking for and the specific content and answers they're looking for in 1 hour of live TV. I was like, you have to film that for at least 8 to 10 hours even to just cut it up into 1 good hour. And he just like looked at me and he was like I feel like he was kind of like, who do you think you are? But he also did kind of agree. And then I said like by name hosts that I didn't think were very good, that they should stop hiring. Um, and then I think he did get offended.

He's like, I actually was just saying welcome to the brunch. Happy to have you. I have thoughts. But live TV is exciting because there's this air of like something crazy can happen, right?

Which I was going to say, I like that Netflix does live roasts. I think it is okay for that type of entertainment. I don't think reunions should ever be live.

Well, the Rose now, they can cut it down to like all the favorite one-liners that came out of those 3 hours. But I will again say Chelsea Handler discovered Kevin Hart. She put him on her show Chelsea Lately, and Kevin gives her all the flowers. Kevin's in love with her. Yeah, but I felt like the other boys were like, even after she did her, her set, she looked— she looked phenomenal. But even after her set, they were like, thanks, Chelsea. Like, if she was a man, they would be sucking her dick.

I know, there were only two girls up there.

They only had two comics that were women, which is bonkers, right?

Right, right, right. Oh yeah.

Um, but Chelsea held her own, and they like came at her like really hard. Like, if they did the normal, like, you're a whore, you're old, but then they were like giving her like accusations.

You know what's funny is that like men will always always like criticize female comedy and it'll be like, all they talk about is like their vagina.

Yeah, Shane made that joke.

And it's like, okay, like you talk about what you know and like we have one. I don't— I never understood why they got so mad about that. And it's like, okay, fine. But anytime they talk about a woman in comedy, it's like she's a whore. And it's like, okay, like think of a better—

also, Chelsea doesn't just talk about her pussy. Chelsea talks about MDMA a lot. Chelsea talks a lot about drugs. She talks about her house in Mallorca, her dogs.

Chelsea has good life. Chelsea's worldly experience stories that you want to listen to, that you're like, oh my God, I'd never find myself in that type of situation. That's why it's entertainment. It's fun to listen to.

Blowed up because of being a good interviewer where she'd get her guests to open up and then shit all over them, and people loved it.

Chelsea Lately was so ahead of its time. Like when they talk about like the boys of late night now, I'm like, right, but Chelsea Lately was one of the funniest shows.

Like, we love Jimmy Fallon. Would they have treated Jimmy Fallon like that?

Oh no, no, they would have been tippy-toeing around Jimmy Fallon.

Oh, you're iconic, thank you for all you've done, you've been in this industry so long. Instead, Chelsea, you old whore. Yeah. And look, I know it's a— I know it's a roast, but there was just a nuance. There was tension in the room. No one came for Regina Hall, which makes me like respect her in a way where like, like, people were scared of coming for Regina Hall. And but Chelsea, look, Chelsea laughed. She's an amazing sport. I just felt like considering who she is in comedy. So anyway, I'm just, you know, talking my own—

I just—

feminist nonsense.

No, I was just shocked at how long it was.

It was long. I also felt like, um, Sheryl Underwood killed. Yeah, she did. Like, because the vibes were kind of getting low. It was tough. And then she came out there and she feel like she brought everyone together because they were making insane jokes about her husband who passed away, who she was down for it because you can make so many jokes about it. And she was like, that's part of my life. But she came up there and she said, we need to stick together, we have to laugh, we have to be open, we have to communicate with each other. So that was a really beautiful message.

Yeah.

And then she fucking murdered—

yeah.

And she's like a Christian comic and was so dirty, it was so funny.

But when a comedian is like not even bombing, just like maybe one joke, I can't— like, I physically have to—

well, there's this—

I can't watch.

There's like a really smart roast joke, and then there's the edgelord roast jokes where it's, it's for shock value. It's like cringe comedy, and the only way it works is if it's smart. And sometimes they say it and it's not smart, and you're just like, you just want to say that word. Right, which is not a joke. That was just—

I hate cringe comedy.

Cringe— well, cringe comedy is an art form that I'd say only Meg Stalter has perfected. Like, she's perfected it where, like, you sit in it and you're so scared, but you're like, she'll take me through this, we will get through this.

That's so true because I don't find her comedy cringe. I almost find it like it's a bit that I wasn't read in on that everyone else knows, and I want to know what it is.

Yes, and that's cringe comedy should feel. It shouldn't feel like everyone's cringing. Yeah, I don't even know how you perfect that. Like, how many— how many bombs did she have to do before she was like, and that's the perfect amount of cringe?

Yeah, or just like how she comes up with things.

She's transforming like, um, press tours We are sleep experts.

No, we are.

But we're also honest, and sometimes we don't sleep perfectly. Everyone's upset.

A lot of things do keep me up at night. Like, I have to have the perfect temperature, I have to have the volume at a certain level. And sometimes Kitty, like, she's not an outdoor cat, but she will bring me treats in the middle of the night, and one of them is like her stuffed animal mouse. And I'm like, thank you so much, I didn't need it on my forehead at 5 AM.

What keeps me up at night is sometimes my husband. Just having someone else here—

I told you not to.

And that's why My Mattress Firm mattress is amazing because Mattress Firm matched me with a mattress that has cooling technology so that even if my husband is warm, I stay cool. And that's why our marriage works.

And Mattress Firm matched me with a mattress that has movement isolation, so if Kitty ever like jumps up there and causes a ruckus at nighttime, I'm just like not feeling it because Kitty's not light anymore. Okay, I'm telling her you said that. You also can compare like a tour bed to your regular bed.

Oh my God. When I'm on tour, it just doesn't feel like home. There is nothing like after a long day jumping into your Mattress Firm mattress and just feeling like this is where I belong.

And Mattress Firm, truly, I have the best mattress in America. I also have an adjustable base bed, which people like don't talk about enough. What is that like?

I have— like you can go up and down? Yeah.

So I can elevate my leg.

Does it vibrate?

Sure does, honey. It sure does.

I might not fit in in other places, and I might be lonely, but my mattress firm will always love me. I also— I'm a bad shopper. Yeah, but there's nothing more fun. Like, make it a day of it. Go to a mattress firm, get a sleep expert, and jump on all the beds, and they'll help you for what's best for, like, your lower back, or, like, how the temperature you like, or just the vibes.

I liked it so much I went twice. One time I brought my dad and I made him do it with me, and then the next time I like really made my decision with my guy.

I should do it weekly. I love how you have a sleep mattress guy now.

Of course, I'm like, hey, what's the new pillow?

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Also, um, I want to just shout out people who blow their nose.

Yeah.

And somehow make that trumpet noise. Is that genetic or did they learn how to do that? Because I— look, people like a loud sneeze. Every now and then I'm like, feel that orgasm, like lean into it. But I was on a flight and this person was blowing their nose like a trombone to the point that it startled me. It was like— and like everyone was shook. And I'm like, is that Genetic? Is your nose canal like a certain angle that it comes out that way?

My favorite thing ever is when Kitty sneezes. When your cat sneezes, you're like— there's something that reinforces that they have organs inside their body, and you're like, oh my God, I forgot you have—

well, the best part is there's no lead-up, so they just go, and then they're, they're scared.

They're like, I want to squeeze her head. Where were you?

On a plane. Oh, oh, like I was sleeping on a plane.

Yeah.

So basically think of the most comfortable place you could be, and then someone takes a band, a full marching band.

I will say is I have been the person on a plane that's like so stuffed up, and I'm like, I don't give a fly.

No, I'm okay with that. You just don't have to— what's, what's a— yeah, you don't have to hit an octave.

But think about how stuffed up that guy was that he had to blow that hard because the pressure.

But that's the thing, you actually don't have to blow hard on a plane. You could do a lot of little blows. That's what I do. Be like, you have to go—

our podcast content has gotten more riveting over the years.

Well, Des is funny because I don't think he actually listens, but occasionally be like, what'd you talk about?

I black out.

And I'll be like, I don't know. Or I'll be like, chess. And he's like, oh, that's really unique. And I'm like, it's It's actually not. It's pretty, pretty predictable for the pod at this point. Like, the girls are like, Jess, boom.

No, I literally talk about things that I would call you on the phone to say. Like, I'm back to hair cycling.

Are you?

I only washed once. I'm getting back to like washing once a week. It's easier in the summer.

You exhaust me. You exhaust me.

I know.

Like, I can't keep up. Like, with what? What were you doing last week?

I mean, I'm going to get my second microneedling in 3 weeks. Like, where?

True.

You know, we have to stay on schedule.

Why did you decide to go back to hair cycling?

Um, I don't know, it just kind of happened. I didn't mean for it to happen, but I feel like it's easier in the summer, and it's easier when my hair is longer. For whatever reason, you can do more with your hair greasy and long than I feel like you can short and long. It's your short and greasy.

Do you think we're turning into the same person? Yeah, I do, because now you have long greasy hair.

I know. No, like, sometimes, like, people will say, like, like comment pictures like, you guys look alike. And I used to be like, you guys are insane. And now recently I'll look at a pic and I'll be like, Halle, we're not sisters, we're twins.

We'll have the same facial expression because we're like so connected emotionally. So like when someone's like, take a photo, we both have this—

like our eyes have this, our eyes are saying the same thing, smaller, and our mouths do this thing where it's like, like we have a secret to tell but we can't. It's literally, we make the facial expression of, I have to tell you something but I can't do it right now.

That's the facial expression, and I know exactly, you know, the second the photo's over, I'm about to whisper something stupid.

Wait, someone came up to Hannah at brunch. This is the most diabolical thing ever. And of course it was a man because no woman would ever put another woman in this situation. Guy comes up to Hannah at brunch and goes, I have to tell you something, but I can't do it until later. And I literally in my head was like, I'll throw up. Like, I'll literally throw up.

No, this is like a famous comedian, and I'm like, hi. And he goes, gotta tell you something. I go, tell me. He goes, can't tell you now. And I go, I'm not sleeping tonight.

No, literally, I was like, we have to perform tonight, how dare you.

Don't have his number, texted his assistant yesterday. I tried to be cool for like 2 days and I DM'd him. I'm like, what's the tea? Didn't respond. I mean, obviously he's busy, I see him on Netflix, like he's doing stuff. But I'm like, you started this with me. So then I have— all I have is—

and it's all I've been thinking about.

I have assistance contacts, so I texted his assistant yesterday and I said Hey, you can give him my number if he wants to tell me anything. And she's like, what? Like, I think she's— who knows if she even relayed that to him. She probably was like, you know, I'm protecting him.

No, I'll freak out.

And I know he's busy. Like, it's the Netflix as a joke, so I know he's not just like sitting on his phone, but I'm also like, I'm stressed. And now I'm making things up. Like, I'm like, oh, I have a full story of what he's telling me. And watch it, because he's a— this is the only thing because he's a boy, there's a chance it's like a really bad piece of gossip. Like, it's like I'm like someone's cousin and they know who you are. Yeah. And I'm like, that's what you kept me up from REM sleep for a week? Because someone knows someone.

I thought about it non-stop since it happened because it's such a great example on how men and women are different.

Like, he's compartmentalizing. He forgot he told me that.

Well, 100% forgot. And women also make decisions based on how other people are going to feel, so— and men have never thought of that in their lives.

Like, that was crazy. He poisoned me.

Men go throughout their day checking off their own to-do list. Yes, you have nothing, and you have nothing to do with it, babe.

Also, by the way, there's— this is something about womanhood. I don't care where you are, you can always tell me the gossip. The person— the gossip can be right there. Yeah, we're finding a way to— because women, we have to communicate with each other to survive. That was such a man thing, because also we were in an open brunch. Like, when you're in an open area, your words like just disappear. There's no echo.

Also, pull me aside. If I—

pull me aside.

Pull me—

there were so many crevices where you could have pulled me aside and whispered something in my ear. Like, what, Pete?

It was a—

it was a mansion. There were 18 rooms we could have gone in. For you to sit down and tell me what the fuck was going on.

Now, in the history of womanhood, has a woman ever come up to me, said, I have to tell you something so important, but I have to tell you in 8 hours? Babe, they invented texting in the year 2000. Whip out your phone and type it right now.

The best part is I try to put it onto you. Did you see that? He looks at me and he goes, I got gossip. I go, about her? Because immediately I'm like, I've been so good. I don't— I don't— this is my Haley Bieber. I don't say anything. I don't do anything. I'm not allowed to comment on anything. I'm not allowed to look at comments. I'm literally at peace. I don't go on certain websites. I'm at peace. So when someone says I have drama for you, I go, it better not fucking be me because I've been doing everything I'm supposed to do for the universe to leave me the fuck alone. So I literally go, it has to be her. It has to be her. She's naughtier than me.

I'm like, first of all, you know I'm in a white dress, so nothing bad can happen to me today. He looks at me, he goes, not her, you.

And I'm like, I'm like, why?

Not Ron, not Hermione, you!

But also, one thing about me and you, and I think you like this about our friendship, even though I'm—

Are you gonna say you hate it?

No, even though I'm married, I should be boring. Like, I shouldn't have any gossip. Anywhere I go, it finds me. It finds me. And I know those people are like, I'm not the drama, it finds me. But like, I have bad luck with certain social situations where like I find myself in pickles. Yeah, often. And that's why I, I try to be selective about when I go outside because I have to like emotionally be able to carry it.

You have some type of magnetism to you, and I don't know if it's like of your own doing. Someone say you got yourself into some situations.

Okay, I, I'm not completely innocent, 100%. I'll take accountability for that. But I call it the subway test. There's like 50 people and then there's a crazy person that comes on the subway, they're gonna go up to someone. Oh yeah, it's always me. Yeah, like they literally find me and go beeline to me.

You have an aura, some type of aura that's like—

someone said it's a star power. Yeah, someone's saying main character energy where he's like, I want to talk to you. Yeah, but I'm normalizing in your 30s knowing that— your 20s, I feel like you're trying to be the main character. You're like, what's my character? What's my vibe? Who am I? I'm the main character of this book. What's my story? I'm working on getting into a situation and saying you don't have to be the main character, which is difficult for me but healthy to be like, let's be a side character in this story. Yeah, let's watch other things. Let's just sit back and then go home and you're not part of any drama. Drama.

You're not part of the main storyline.

I used to, like, someone would tell me something and I'd feel like I had to fight for them, or I had to, like, say my piece.

Yeah.

And I was— I've been looking at old clips of you, of me, where you don't say anything.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'm like, what if, Hannah, what if, what if you just shut the fuck up?

What if you tried that for a little bit? What if you shut up and Well, some would argue that you're being selfish by trying to get in the middle of everything, but I would say that that's wrong, that you truly do always want, like, justice for the underdog, where I'd actually argue I'm more selfish because I'll be in situations where I'm like, I could say something right now, but what will that do for me?

I would say that you're better at politics than me. Yeah, you're, you're thinking big picture. But I do, like, even when I was little, you fight the good fight. I would always be fighting the good fight, but it doesn't always feel good after.

I'll pick and choose on those. But you do—

when you— someone fucks with you.

Yeah, well, that's—

yeah, I feel like in public settings I'm— I can be pretty quiet. Like, if someone's rude to me, I like don't respond. Yeah. Like in New York, when someone yells at me or like a car honks at me, I'll throw a bird up every now and then. You know, people say that flipping the bird. Am I literally in the '70s? I was just gonna say my dad says, how often do you flip the bird, like, per year?

Not enough as I should.

Well, you should because you have the perfect finger for flipping the bird. Mine look like, oh, we can't tell what you're doing.

Well, we don't drive though, like, so I don't feel like we're— because, like, face to face, I'm not flipping the bird to someone on the sidewalk. That's insane. You're a crazy person. In the comfort of your car, I feel like I would be giving the finger more.

What level?

Remember in middle school and someone said that if you put your pinky up, if that was giving the finger in Chinese? Who made that up? That was the thing.

I do vaguely remember that. Someone who went to China and came back with some worldly knowledge. Someone who thought they were bilingual. I'll ask Des. Let me ask you.

Yeah, who— why would that start?

I think this is an important question. When you're dating a man and you go in the car with him for the first time, how much road rage is— how much road rage is acceptable? Because I feel like if he has no road rage, he's— it's— he's getting taken advantage of.

It's so interesting because like being in the car can immediately give so many icks.

It can make or break a relationship.

Yeah, it really shows someone's aura.

Yeah, like I don't care if he pretended to be nice to a waitress for 5 minutes How does he act when someone cuts him off on the road? That's his true character. I don't want him to lose control, and I don't want any violence, but I love a little under-the-breath cursing. Yeah, that actually turns me on.

I don't know if I've like been in the situation in truly the last 10 years where I've been like, whoa, dude, your road rage was out of control.

Like, there's a natural, like, this fucking asshole.

Yeah, I think that's appropriate. But I think if you're— actually, one time I knew, I knew I had something. I had to sit in it for a little. I go, that can't be right, Paige. You've dated psychos.

Yeah, I was like, this isn't—

that's not checking out that you haven't been in a road rage situation.

Also, because you were dating people who were like driving at like 18. Okay, like in New York no one had a driver's license.

Oh, at 16?

Or 16?

Yeah, I'm like, that's illegal.

They've had their license for 2 years.

Okay, I didn't—

does it— the first guy I've dated— no, first guy I dated with a car was like 24.

That's so interesting.

Yeah, like he had a car and I was like, he has a car?

Wow.

I was like, you have a fucking car?

Wait, that is so crazy.

The guys didn't have cars, it was like a walking town. One of my teammates had a car and she was like the shit.

Oh my God, so much happens in high school in like the suburbs in your car or in fields. Yeah, I was in fields a lot. But what was I saying?

What does the guy do in the road rage incident?

Okay, you know in New York City where like obviously there's so many intersections and they're so pivotal like to each other?

Yeah.

And if you get— you're in like rush hour traffic and you get one bus and the bus is kind of just like, fuck you guys, and they're in the middle. Well, that was happening, and I think I was on my way to the airport, and this man got out of the back of the Uber. It wasn't—

oh, he wasn't even driving?

No, no. And it was a school bus, but it was like a some type— not like a Greyhound bus, but some type of like tour bus or like something— and got out and went up to the bus and was like, you're fucking it for everyone else. But not in a like—

and you were like, wait a second, can I do a photo shoot on this bus because I really like the back?

Okay, well, I'll never forget because I was sitting in the back seat, I was eating a Five Napkin salad, and it was the day I discovered Five— have you ever had Five Napkin?

It's not Five Guys, right?

No, it's like on the— I think it's on the Upper West Side. I actually—

I visualize it.

And I'll never forget that day because it's the day I discovered one of my favorite salads.

Wait, so you're like, I'm trying to enjoy my salad And then this sound comes in. I get this annoying voice. Him getting out of the Uber is fucking crazy.

No, it wasn't. This was before the ick was invented, but I knew that I felt it right in that moment.

How did he come back? Like, was he like, got that guy?

Yeah, he came back like, and nothing happened. And I was like, you're not moving the bus. Yeah, you're not Ty Pennington. Like, literally get a grip, dude. Like, you have a vest on.

You've never namedrop Ty Pennington before?

I was waiting for the perfect time.

Also, it's funny because I'm a passenger princess, so I observe. It's actually the one time that I observe and sit back and observe. And I love when, like, people get mad because people are cutting them off, but then I watch them cut someone off and I'm like, guys. But I guess that's life. Sometimes you're the asshole and sometimes they're the asshole.

And then there's people like me. It's like, I didn't know I cut you off. Like, sorry, you know, it's not everything is about you. Like, I was in my own home world, I was vibing. Like, you don't have to give me the finger because I didn't know.

I haven't driven enough. I've like— yeah, someone's like honked at me before, but I— and yeah, that actually really hurt my feelings. I wanted to be like, I'm 2 weeks in, my husband is disappointed in me, the gigglers want me to pass a test. I have a lot going on. They honk. I'm like, we're in fucking West Hampton, why are you fucking honking? Where do you have to go?

I am nervous, though. Like, I haven't driven in so long. I'm nervous. It is kind of like, I told you, you lose it type thing.

I told someone the Summer House story recently about how I got in trouble for not driving. Yeah, it's my favorite story.

Do you know something I never talked about, but something I did threaten Summer House with a couple of times that like I should have followed through on? It was because we had to drive to the Hamptons every Friday. My dad would call me every Friday and be like, I don't give a fuck who's in charge down there. You tell them I said you're not driving. And I'd be like, Dad, I can't say that at like 27 years old that my dad said I can't drive to the Hamptons. But 100,000%, that man was right. I don't know how—

not everyone's comfortable with a 5-hour drive on a highway.

With 5 people in the back.

And these were trucks.

The amount of times I was responsible for over 4 people in the car to drive for 4 hours on one of the busiest highways in the country.

But also not even to get to the highway, you had to get through the city and everyone was trying to get out of the city.

And I had never driven in the city before.

Oh, that's so—

until then.

So yeah, I got called out because I never drive and everyone's like, Hannah, you're a selfish bitch. And I was like, I don't have my driver's license, do you want to die? And then afterward we're sitting in the bed and you were like, I do have a driver's license, but no one's mad at me. And I was like, you're an icon and a legend. And but I was also thinking like, I remember you would show up hungover. Yeah. Like you'd show up like my eyes. You were like seeing colors and you had like, you had like a scarf. Like, that's just how I remembered you. And you'd be like, eh, eh. You once took toilet paper that we had and you used it as a pillow.

If anything, she's resourceful.

And I was like, no one talks to her, she's going through it. And I was like, you know, we're about to drink all weekend. And you were like, I know.

Yeah, but that was my 20s. Like, I know. And I'm so proud of her.

I'm surprised.

Now she is one spicy margarita. Listen to what happened to me.

What happened? You tried to get me to go out again, you little drunkie.

Oh my God, no. To her— wait, when did I go out to dinner?

Saturday night.

I go out to dinner Saturday night, I'm like feeling myself, whatever. Last night I wake up at like, I don't know, like 5 AM. This has been happening to me every single night. I wake up at like 5 AM, I have the worst heartburn ever in my whole life. I'm like, literally, I think I'm having like a heart attack. My like acid reflux is so bad.

But you don't even eat big meals, you eat a ton of little ones.

Yeah, but I think it's because I eat such like spicy, and I had like 2 spicy margaritas like the night before. Yeah, those I wake up at 5 AM, I end up throwing up.

Least surprising thing you've ever said.

I end up throwing up because my acid reflux is so bad.

And where's Kitty during this?

Kitty's just like, she's like, she's sitting there, but she's like, okay, because when you go to the bathroom, they have to go with you. Yeah, like a cat will be with you in 2 seconds. Like, whenever I can't find her, I just go into the bathroom. I'm like, she'll be here in a minute. Okay, so I'm up at 5 AM, I'm throwing up because of my acid reflux. I end up like just like being up. I start doing things. I end up like putting a workout set on. I'm like doing my laundry.

And that's turning a negative into a positive.

I'm like peak doing shit at like 8:30. Then like 9:30 AM rolls around, I realize I'm getting a little sleepy. I want to take a little nap. I take a nap till 11:30. I wake up and I go, did I like crack the code on the best schedule ever? Like, why aren't people doing this schedule more. And then I realized that's the schedule of an infant. I woke up, threw up, played around for a little bit, said, Mom, I'm tired, go back to sleep.

We've all— before noon, we've all at 11 o'clock been like, I could nap right now, but that would be depression.

I had a boyfriend for a couple of years one time, and he would say Paige does this thing called morning naps, and It was in that moment that I realized he was in fact right. I was too immature. But a morning nap— like, if you wake up at— like, if you're one of those people that's like, I really want to be a morning person and wake up and like work out, why aren't more people doing that schedule? But I guess the full 8 hours is really what you need to be like healthy.

Well, Dez wakes up at like 6 AM, and at like 7 o'clock I put on a movie to put him down. And he immediately is out. And I'm like, he's had a long day. Like, I woke up 4 hours ago, he's been up— yeah, for like 16 hours. Sometimes he'll wake me up and he'd already be like, I went on a run, I played 18 holes of golf, right? I changed my name, I like— I have a new family. Like, he does this.

He's like, I just went and hung out at the DMV just for fun to see if they needed an extra hand.

He fully wakes me up. Do you want to— wait, you really made us laugh. Paige called in the morning and said, happy Mother's Day, Des, because he takes care of the family. And I still say happy Mother's Day to Des. He wakes me up like he—

I know that as a Scorpio, his mental load is like, you wouldn't even be able to scratch the surface.

I put a lot on of his mental load. I put a lot on that man. He's stressed, he feels everything, but he holds it together for the family. He literally did that thing, you know, when your parents wake you up where they're like, get up, don't make me say it again. He said that to me and I was like, it's Sunday.

Did you ever tell the gigglers that one time Des told me something but he didn't want to tell Hannah because he didn't want to stress Hannah out? And then Hannah told me something, but she didn't tell Des because she didn't want to stress Des out. And I was like, get me out of your perfect love story, you fucking freaks. Like, literally leave me alone.

That's our foreplay. Not telling each other things that will cause anxiety. But then we all had to— we had to, like, act all weekend like we both were fine. And then finally you go, you guys both know about this. And then I was like, why don't you fucking tell me? I was like pretending everything was okay. And he was like, so was I. And it wasn't.

I'm like, get out of my apartment.

But you and Des together are too powerful. I don't like when you connect too much. Someone said they were listening to Giggly Squad from the beginning.

Oh my God.

And like 2022, and I just want to know like how dumb were we in 2022? Because you know, people go, people change. I think you actually can see like us change, or lack there, or it's exactly the same. I don't know, I can't get myself to listen to it. Like 2020 was when we started. What a time.

Which doesn't— 2020 feels like 2 years ago, but it was 6.

Do you know when 2006 was 20 years ago? When The Devil Wears Prada came out? Yeah, 20 years ago.

We've been friends for—

I'm only 20 years old.

We've been friends for 10 years, really, probably, because if you count like meeting on Summer House, we really met that like year before.

Yeah.

10 years. You know, I had this thought the other day because I was— I'm always like doing my hypothetical bachelorette party in my head.

Same.

Sorry, I'm not stronger than the patriarchy, but so I'm always like planning my hypothetical bachelorette party. And you know how like people will always say, oh, don't trust her if she doesn't have any like childhood friends, or like, or they'll just like, or they'll say different things like, oh, she always has a falling out with a friend, or like girls that have big— or even the opposite, girls who have big groups of friends, like, can't trust them because they're not close with any of them.

Or someone said if you just have childhood friends, you can't make new friends, that's a red flag.

Either way, you're wrong every way you like. And I would always kind of get down on myself because I remember, like, if I had a falling out with a childhood friend, I'd be like, oh my God, what does that say about me as an adult? Like, am I not as nice as I was? Whatever.

Are you a girls girl?

Yeah.

Are you even a girls girl? You knew a girl and you weren't nice to her. You're a girls girl. How many girls do you have in your life? Are you— do you go, go, go? I'm a girls girl.

No, wait, why is that the perfect accent?

Because that's when I see a comment, that's how I read it. Is she even a girls girl? Have you even met a girl before? Are you even a girl? Do you have any girls in your basement?

I love when people will do like full dissertations on the internet and you're like, wow, that's a really good point. And then at the bottom, the end, they'll be like, and she's mean. You're like, okay.

Um, so whatever.

I always like think about that, how like girl— women get yelled at for like any type of friend they have. And then I was thinking about men and how they always have so many group chats. Like, I have so many girls in my DMs being like, my husband's group chat is like 14 of them and they played Little League together. Like, it's like, okay, great, get some new friends. Anyway, I feel like I figured out men have a ton of friends and they don't have falling outs, and they have different groups of friends from different parts of their lives that they're still friends with because they have low emotional intelligence.

Yeah, they don't talk about anything. If you talk about it, you'll never fight.

Yeah, they don't— like, even if they do get into a fight, they don't even talk about that fight. They just get over it.

Even if they get gossip it dies with them. Like, they don't tell anyone it— we're like, think about every problem in a girls group. It's because eventually one girl says something about the other girl, the other girl agrees or disagrees, and then immediate beef. Whenever I'm in a friend group, there's that like initial high that like you're in a group and you feel like you belong to something.

Yeah.

And then an immediate fear of, oh no, like there's gonna be drama. And the second a little whisper comes in that like so-and-so said something about you, you're like, oh my God, you know, we have to make sure of what?

We have to make sure we're in the same mom group.

Oh no. Are you a girl mom's girl? Mom's mom? Are you a mom's mom? Are you a girl mom mom?

How about this? Have you seen the thing on the internet?

Wait, I know what it is. I sound like I'm in a Swedish club. Are you a girls girl? "Are you a guys guy?" That's a good point. Someone could do like a remix.

Yeah, like 6ix5ine.

"Guys." Wait, imagine guys being like, "Is he even a guys guy? Are you a guys guy though?" No, truly. Actually, the roast was— Oh my God. What? My favorite part of the roast. Because, look, say what you want. The man's gone through some stuff. Yeah. Katt Williams inspired me to be a stand-up comedian. His— he did phenomenal opening of that special where he walks on and he goes, "Every day I'm hustling" is the best opening of any special. Anyway, his career's, you know, there's been some craziness. I think he got in a fight with an 8-year-old. Who knows? Did he? Which is hilarious.

Yeah.

Um, so him and Kevin have beef because he just like talked really bad shit about Kevin on Shannon Sharpe's podcast about how Kevin's like an industry plant, da da da, and they don't fuck with each other. Yeah, Katt Williams shows up and he calls Kevin—

who is Shannon Sharpe?

He's— he was a football player, I think, or he does like sports stuff.

Because I was like, why does everyone— every guy I've ever met know who that— like, know who it is?

People go on his podcast and I guess he gets a lot out of them.

Yeah, I've seen that, but I'm— but I didn't know what his like initial thing—

how he started. Yeah, he looks like a football player, like he's jacked. Um, so apparently Kevin Hart was supposed to host the Oscars, which is funny because if he got that gig, he would have kept it forever. Yeah, he's a really good host, but he had a homophobic tweet come up. And Kat says what the tweet was, which was, if I had ever had a kid who was gay I would take a dollhouse and hit him in the head with it. And Kat goes, and that's the gayest way to deal with it, to deal with your kid if he's gay. And then he goes on to be like, Kat, he goes, and then you created a vegan restaurant chain.

Gay.

And he goes, and you're always hanging out with all these muscular men and The Rock. Gay. Like, he goes off about how gay it is. Which is really funny. And then they have this beautiful moment where they kind of say like, let's make up, like, let's call a spade a spade, which like is so boy to be like, let's not talk about any of the things that were said or done. And I'll trust you right now if you trust me. Let's move on.

Really the worst things ever. It's like you were at a Diddy party. Like if somebody tweeted Paige Desorbo has actually been seen at a Diddy party and done like weird things. I'm never— not even am I never speaking to that person again. I'm literally— no, burning your house down.

Guys will get into physical altercations.

Yeah.

And like still invite them on the bachelor party. He's like, well, he's invited, he'll be fine. After a couple beers, he's really fun actually.

They also can do the most insane things. Like the amount of times I've heard guys be like, oh, I became friends with him because like we were dating the same girl. And then like, and I'm like, that's like kind of fucked up.

Or it's like the most random thing. Like, I'll see two guys sitting next to each other at my stand-up show and like they'll immediately become best friends after saying like four words to each other. He'd be like, I got his number, and like, we're hanging out tomorrow.

Well, they say because they don't have— they don't feel competition between each other because there's enough seats for all the men. But women feel insane competition because there's not enough seats for us.

Well, it's like, because we we are like trying to protect. No, they're protecting and we're the attackers. Like, we have to get power.

So we have to like, you know what I said to a man over the weekend? I said, yeah, and we're the only species that's attracted to our number one predator.

And he looked at me and goes, oh, he goes, it's 7 a.m., go back to sleep.

I was just asking if you wanted still or sparkling.

Anyway, do you know why I couldn't go to dinner that night?

Why?

Because I was editing the podcast. It took all day fighting for my life. Shout out to Grace, we respect your work. Because back in the day when I was editing the pod, we didn't have video, right? Now it's like there's video, there's baked-in ads, there's like—

you know what she does a lot?

It's— she's talking to the CEO of Dunkin' before she go— like, it's crazy. But Grace sent me a photo which I'll put in the newsletter, of her floating in water saying, "Me while you're fighting for your life." And you know what? She deserves it.

She does.

She deserves it. It's important that you make sure that your employees take breaks.

Yeah. No, you have to have good benefits and resting days.

Yeah.

Josephine literally takes off whenever she wants. I'm like, yeah girl, mental health day for me too, actually. She tells me when she thinks we should take the day off.

She was like, gone too far.

She's like, I canceled everything.

I'm like, you can't. She goes, it's been a long weekend.

One day, one day she really did call me and she goes, I think you're gonna be tired for that in 2 days, so I'm gonna cancel it. I'm like, no, we can't cancel that. She's like, no, I'm gonna.

I do love though when someone puts something on my schedule and they're like, are you sure? And I go, you're so fucking right, I'm gonna be— I'm not gonna make it.

Um, one thing we can't cancel is well, it'll be today, Tuesday, May 12th. Daphne Summer is launching. Oh, Daphne fits. And I really like— I've been trying to make a bloomer for a really long time.

Wait, what is a bloomer?

Like the little, like, shorts that look like— because I feel like they're more pajama than they are like going out out.

Yeah.

And like in the summer I wanted like a little strip, so I've been like trying to make them in different fabrics and we finally like figured it out. So they're launching Woman in STEM, and we just have like cute little like sets for over bathing suits. Yeah, it's a really fun summer.

How many pieces?

A lot.

You— I don't know, I'm not involved in that part.

Full summer collection. Like there's like 3 different pants, matching tops.

I'm just like so happy for you because I feel like you were meant to say, I came out with a collection. You love saying the word collection.

You are the collection. And I'm really trying to lean— I'm leaning into Daphne this summer. Like, I really just want to lean into it and our show and Giggly Sweat. I forgot so much.

Oh, so much to go.

Actually, I just realized.

Oh yeah, she goes, actually, never mind, I have to go. Forget all that. Oh, I want to leave us on a mental health moment.

Okay.

I was getting a spray tan at 10 PM in LA and boom, period, mental health. I was talking about asking her about if she does a lot of weddings because it's like wedding season. And she's like, you know what's interesting? When a bride is really crazy, more crazy things happen to her the weekend of the wedding. Or when a bride is calm, less stuff happens to her. And I was like, that is so life. Like, when you come in with bad energy, bad energy finds you. It's almost like you, you, um Manifest craziness. We're like, not that crazy things aren't happening to the calm bride, but it doesn't like extrapolate. Like, it doesn't— crazy word— it doesn't like build and become more chaotic. It's like if you're in a china shop and you're a bull.

Yeah.

If you trip on one thing and then you stop, it's like you tripping and then getting mad, and then you hit something else, and that hits something else, and it becomes crazy. So I just want everyone to leave with that. Be— try to be the calm bride. And the world will respond to you.

Love that.

We love you guys so much. Thank you for giggling, and we'll talk to you later.

Bye!