Sup, gigglers? Gary, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit.
We can't be managed.
I mean, the day just got away from me.
Hello, my guillotine gigglers. Violent for no reason. Um, quick Mormon update. Apparently the girls in The New Mormon Show aren't all Mormon, so people were like telling me that and I was like, how was I supposed to know? It's called The New Mormon Show.
Yeah, is this a new segment we have weekly? It's like updating the Mormon community.
Our Mormon correspondents are in my DMs. And then Macy from the other Mormon show DM'd me and was like, hi girly, we have to play tennis. So I'm in with all the tennis reality girls finally, because everyone's like make friends with Macy. And I'm like, I'm 34, I don't know how to make any friends. And I said, hi my love.
Did you— wait, did she play tennis?
She's like really good at tennis and her sister's really good at tennis.
Oh right, right, right, right, right.
Because I get a lot of like, hey, so-and-so plays tennis, and I'm like, okay, let's, let's see.
They played so funny because my DMs are like, hey, I get UTIs all the time too.
We have such different DMs.
No, we have such different interactions with people.
But I feel like Paige-coded girls are up in my DMs, be like keeping me— they're being like, Paige, I hate that.
They're trying to lend a helping hand.
Yeah, so I get both.
They're empathic.
Oh God. Um, actually I got a really funny DM from a giggler because sometimes gigglers would be like, this would be a funny bit, like you should talk about it. And they said What do you do when a guy's talking dirty to you, dirty to you in bed, and you like can't really hear what he said? Yeah, like you can't say what, because—
yeah, no, that's the worst thing.
What is it? But like you can't just go with it because you don't know what he said and you don't want to sign up for something you didn't sign up for. What, what's the move if he's like, yeah, I just said, mm-hmm.
Honestly, because at that point, if I was a Noah Blue in glass Because really, like, what are they really gonna do that's like crazy? Like, there is such talk. Like, it's 4 minutes and 30 seconds out of your day. Like, what are they really gonna throw at you that you haven't seen before? And like, I mean, I think we're all alluding to anal here.
We are— what are we, 2 minutes into the episode and you've brought up anal?
But you have time to be like, hey, I don't swing that way.
You do, you do. You could be like, I was muffled in the pillow, I thought you said— what rhymes with anal?
I don't know, but I got my microneedling, honey.
Tell me everything.
So I'm like a couple— I got it at 9 AM this morning and it's 4 o'clock right now.
You look normal.
I look normal, right?
Yeah.
It's crazy. I wanna say I was red for maybe 3 hours. I did, it's called RF microneedling. I went to a doctor, I went to Dr. Umberine Mahmood. Let me tell you something that I really appreciate in people. I like when I meet someone and they are their profession. Like, when I met this woman, I looked at her and I go, yeah, you're—
you're touching my face.
I go, you're a goddamn plastic surgeon. Like, I— and I hope that— that I'm also the type of person that, like, if I feel a compliment in my head, I have to say it. Like, so, like, walking down the street, if I think you have a cool outfit, I'm saying it because I think that, like, builds up your aura points. Like, say it, you know? Like, don't keep a compliment in. Oh, so like whenever I see someone and they're just like so their profession, like sometimes Taylor will come to like different things we're doing and I'm like, you look like a makeup artist right now.
Well, because you love Barbie's different outfits.
It's like when this doctor walked in the room first, when I walked into her office, I was like, yeah, this is where I'm getting freaking microneedling done, okay? And then when she comes in the room, I was like Hell yeah. Like, your outfit, your skin, everything about you. Her ring stack. Like, I just felt good.
Her ring stack.
I loved it. So her esthetic. Yeah, just her whole esthetic. I was so proud of her for being a plastic surgeon.
I'm just laughing because the Groupon places I've been to, you would call the police. You call the police.
This is literally insane. So anyway, so I got microneedling done. You go in, they numb your whole face with like a cream for like 30 minutes, and I mean, you're numb. Then the procedure takes maybe 15 minutes. It basically feels like they're stamping your skin, and like, you feel it a little bit. But here's what I'll say in terms of pain tolerance: I actually think laser hair removal hurts. Do you think it hurts?
It's definitely not comfortable, but it doesn't hurt compared to waxing.
Okay, this hurts less than laser hair removal, and it's way quicker. They do like a pass on your face 3 times, I would say.
Does she recommend this over like all the laser facials that the girls are doing?
Different. It's different. Like, it gives you different results. Yeah, like microneedling I feel like is for boost of collagen.
But we're 27. I know, forever.
But here's the other thing why I liked her. Like, when I'm laying in the chair and she's talking to me, like, we're talking about like girl stuff. Like, we were literally talking about if we wanted to get boob jobs or not.
She was selling you a boob job?
No, she was saying like reasons why. She was like, well, this is like reasons why some people don't want to get them, and this is reasons why I personally haven't gotten them, but like I do think about it. Like, it just felt like—
because your plastic surgeon at the end of the day is just a girl.
Well, I'm laying there and I'm like, oh, everyone is just a girl. Everyone is just a girl, and we want to talk about girl things.
Not to come for the men only 6 minutes into the pod, but like, when there's a man who does like facial surgery, especially who's straight, I'm like, men can't tell if you got a haircut. How are you changing like the subtleties of someone's nose?
I don't think I've ever met a man with a nose job.
They're out there, but not straight men, because, because I think a nose that looks kind of broken is like considered hot. Yeah, hot.
Yeah. Well, because remember like two summers ago the guys got Rat Guy Summer and I'm like, that was—
oh, that's— you see a headline and you go, their PR company's fucking great.
Crazy. Like they get dad bods, they get Rat Guy Summer. It's like, what do we have?
Oh, one last giggler message. She is Woman of STEM of the Week. She said that she finished giving her boyfriend a blowjob, and after he came, she went, "Woman in STEM," and he said, "What?" And she goes, "Never mind." That's hilarious. Iconic.
I love that.
Yeah.
Okay, so anyway, so I get the microneedling done, and then they gave me products to use for like the next 5 days. Literally no downtime. If I wanted to put makeup on tonight, I could. It's like a gentle face wash, a, like, good moisturizer.
Want to be— what's it called, the person that does stuff for your face?
Esthetician.
Esthetician. What's the other one that pops pimples?
Dermatologist.
You want to be it so bad, you're pretending you are one right now and you're loving it. You're like, and then you used to use a light cleanser.
I just love talking about my hobby.
Okay, sorry you don't have a passion. If you had a passion—
yeah. And do you want to know what? You have to go for 3 sessions, 6 weeks in between, and then you don't have to go again for like a year or like 6 months. And I'm really excited to see this journey.
I love how you went from Botox to this, and I really hope in 7 months you aren't on Us Weekly being like, don't get Microneedling!
Wait, did you see Page Six wrote an article and then Khloé Kardashian commented it? And I was like, oh my God.
What'd they write an article about?
Okay, Page Six wrote an article about how I said Khloé Kardashian's perfume was the best perfume I've ever smelled. And then Khloé commented it and was like, oh my God, this is like so nice or something. And then I see the gigglers being like, it's a hair mist. I'm like, the one time I like say I like something and I like messed it up. Page Six needs to get, something more else needs to happen on reality TV. Come on.
Well, they also like to take things factually when it's, it's full of a— it's a bit. It's full of a bit. You can't just take half of the bit and post it somewhere.
Again, this is my personal diary.
Well, shout out to CloClo. We love you.
No, and I, I'm sure her perfumes are amazing. She is a celebrity. Like, you know when you look at a celebrity and you're like like Claire Danes. You look at a celebrity and you're like, there's something about you that I'm scared of and I don't want to be on your bad side. When I look at Khloé Kardashian, there's something about her that I'm like, I bet your house smells so good.
Like, I know that for a fact.
There's just something about her where I'm like, I bet she smells so phenomenal.
Well, I watched her— I rewatch her Netflix show where they organize her house. Oh, oh, and she's like, they basically were like, we don't even have to be here because Chloe's already insanely organized, but we're gonna organize her organized house. And when I'm bored and don't want to clean my own house, which is every day, I'll watch organization shows. It's like my version of porn. It's like, I can't do that, but let's watch people who can.
Or like, it's your version of like a motivational speaker.
Yep. And then I never start the business.
It's your Tony Robbins. Where has he been? People don't talk about him enough.
Good, go to sleep.
I feel like there was like a time, like in the early 2000s, late '90s, where there was like a lot of male motivational speakers happening.
Well, they still are. Now they're podcasters. He has a podcast for sure.
Yeah, that's true.
I want to bring back the word baloney, like when someone is like, just like but full of baloney. It's baloney. Someone says something. Baloney. That's baloney.
Do you remember in high school—
say baloney again.
My story is about baloney. Spell it.
B-A. No.
Okay, there's no B-A. Even I wouldn't have said—
there's the Italian version and then the American version. Baloney is B-L-O-N-E. B-A-L-O-N-E-Y, American, but the Italian is B-O-L-O-G-N-A, Bologna.
I'm gonna fact check that one. How did you spell your Italian version?
B-O-L-O-G-N-A.
No, you said B-A.
No, the American was B-A.
No, none of them in no version ever is it B-A.
Okay. How do you spell bologna?
B-O-L-O-G-N-A.
It's B-A. What are you Googling?
I didn't.
I saw. Well, we just had an alphabet face-off on Giggly Squad. Look, don't tell me to spell shit because I actually am good at spelling.
Why does it keep becoming a bolognese?
Because you're hungry.
Whatever.
Okay, you know what, fuck you.
I'm gonna take an L on this one because— no, do you know what, period.
And I don't feel like— I got my period this morning.
Oh no, that's not a good sign. That means the gigglers have synced up and that's actually a Ponzi scheme. Like, that's a real problem.
Well, Des yesterday said, are you PMSing? And I said, okay, if, if this is me PMSing, just like questioning if we should go to eat the same food two nights in a row, I must be a fucking angel if this is so bad, me PMSing. And he's just like laughing. And then the morning I'm like, I got my period. He's like, I know. And I was like, so mad he was right. I don't think you're meaner with your period. You just notice things better. Like other things that would— I just let go by on my— when I'm PMSing, I'm like, why would you say in that tone though?
I'm more in tune with shit.
Yeah, like I'm like feeling everything.
I'm clocking.
I'm clocking everything. I was like, I think I'm just too nice when I'm not PMSing.
I think PMSing is when like, like the words have come out of my mouth where I'm like Yeah, sorry, that was crazy, and I had my period, and I apologize.
You know what it is? It's that you can find a problem with everything in this life, and 3 weeks out of the 4, I don't. I choose the high road. But that one week I'm PMSing, I'm, I'm like, and that's wrong, and that's wrong, and I'm annoyed.
You know when men are like, women can't run the country because like they PMS and they'll just like blow somewhere up and like get into a fight with some country? Like I do feel like that about myself though.
I thought you're gonna say something empowering. I thought you could be like— you go, keep me away from the nuclear weapons.
Because you know what, if I was the president and someone pissed me off, you know, here's the thing though, I would have a lot of aids. Like, my mom would be the first line of defense of like— Paige, I think that's like an extreme for like decision. So I'm not worried. But like, sometimes when I hear people say that, like, about women, I'm like, I do do crazy shit when I have my period, you know?
Do you know I wanted to be president when I was little? Like, I wanted to be the first female president, and then I realized later in life that, um, I don't want to be a liar.
Only men can do that.
Yeah, like, men are good politicians because they lie and they're fake.
Yeah, here's the thing, you can never be fake. It's actually so annoying.
It's actually ruined a lot of— wait, can I please— every now and then a TikTok comes up of like a clip of you on a reality TV show, and there was one where someone was like, Paige's ability to not speak at certain times needs to be studied. And I actually, as a student of the game, rewatched this and was like, how many times would I have Tod, fail to mute. But this is the thing, when I would be there with you, I'd be like, is she spacing out? Like, how is she not saying anything? I didn't realize that you're playing chess while I'm out here playing checkers, and you're waiting for the confessional to give the tea. You're writing notes in your head, one-liners. But Paige, how are you in a scenario watching something and you just let it happen without speaking up?
I know a clip that you're talking about, and And I remember that moment.
Why didn't you speak up?
I hate to break it to you, I was spacing out during that. Do you want to know exactly what it was? I had just gotten my eyelashes done and I hated them, okay? And they were poking— there was parts that were poking me in my eye. And so I know through that entire conversation I caught the tail end because I was I was like, I know for a fact that my eyelashes look ridiculous.
People love cutting up clips of your reactions to things, being like, Paige knows. And I'm like, no, she was thinking about completely other things.
Look, I'm never going against good PR, honey.
And I'm not trying to expose you, cuz sometimes it is what it is.
Sometimes I will be knowing things.
Sometimes you do Sometimes. A lot of times.
No, sometimes I do. I am a witch. Like, I do feel things.
We'd film like a whole day and you wouldn't say a word.
Yeah.
If you weren't in the mood.
Yeah.
But then you'd have a day. I was like, oh, she's— she came to work. She's wearing her Prada. Paige was— when she put together an outfit, I knew someone was about to get yelled at. I was so scared. So scary.
I had so many tells that no one ever picked up on. I was like, I'm in full white, honey. Someone's getting yelled at. I have to look virginal. I have to look bridal.
No underliner. You're like, I'm just a fresh young angelic angel.
I'm like, me do something evil? I'm an angel.
I'm wearing white. I have a peplum top on.
One day there is a world where this podcast is just a Summer House recap show.
And what— the day that happens, the internet's gonna break.
The day that happens is the day like my Medicare kicks in. Like, it's time, Hannah, run back the tapes.
But like, one episode could take us like—
yeah, we'd never get 4 episodes before. That's why we're doing it at the end of our lives.
Why do you think more people in their 90s don't do like heroin and meth?
And do like crazy shit. What are you talking about?
Like, I guess they're all—
the STD rate in nursing homes is like rampant.
Like, people are dying from like a—
no, they're not dying, they're just like all getting infected because they're all— they're in this like incubus.
That's the reality show I want to watch, seeing who Gertrude is gonna fuck.
Can I tell you something crazy? One of my friends reached out to me like not too long ago who who was like, "Hey, I have this TV show idea, I wanna run it by you." And so he's running it by me and it's basically that. It's a nursing home but it's reality TV. [FOREIGN LANGUAGE] And so I put him in touch with some people that I feel could talk to him, whatever. And this one guy calls me about it and he's like, "Hey, I've seen this show pitched before. People have tried to make it. I've seen pilots, I've even seen first seasons of things." and he goes, I'm gonna say something that's like really unfortunate, and like, this isn't coming from me, it's just like what happens in this specific genre. I was like, okay. He was like, people don't want to watch old people on TV because one, they're like not as good looking as if you put a bunch of 20-year-olds in a house, so people like fall off. He was like, also like, nothing. They're not doing anything. Like, they're not— we're not tracking anything because, like, they're so old. Like, they are going to die.
Okay, well, I have— I have thoughts.
And, like, people can watch someone like a Love on the Spectrum and not feel that way, but when it comes to, like, older people where, like, they're maybe dying because of just old age, people tend to find, like, the lack of empathy.
Okay, but if you— which I was like, oh my God, there's no much better drama than being like, where's Mildred? And they're like, she's not coming to breakfast today. That's so bad. And someone's like, she owes me $20.
But like, as someone who is like, I love watching hot people on TV, it's like my favorite thing.
I think this guy's wrong because one, um, what's it called when they're in the water doing their exercises? Like Jazzercise?
Yeah, like aerobics, water aerobics.
Water aerobics, that gets crazy. Um, they always have different talents come in.
So like, you would get different talent, cast of like— you would just need it to be phenomenally casted.
But Paige, it's going to be like Below Deck where— who are the people working in the work in the nursing home?
Well, I think that would actually be—
so you're actually following the people who work for it, but then you get all the comedic timing of old people who don't give a fuck. I mean, my grandpa went on Summer House and looked at the camera and said I hate the Hamptons.
Actually, a good show for that would be like how they film The Office. It'd almost be like a fake documentary style of a nursing home.
And it's cute where like you come in, it's already a community and be like, look at us having a business meeting on Google.
Guys, sorry.
By the way, this is what it's like to get on a Zoom with us as a production company. And like 40 minutes later they're like, we actually do script it.
Today we were in a meeting. Look, sometimes we're in meetings and like sometimes they're think tanks, they're brainstorms. We're like, what can we create? What's like our— the story of our lives? And sometimes Hannah will throw out the most insane things and she'll be like, yeah, and I sent my friend and everyone knows it's me. And it's the most insane thing you've ever heard and everyone just kind of looks at me like Damn, she was in a dark place at that time. I go, I had this friend once who dated a really horrible guy, and I would send her articles, and I'm just like, oh my God. I'm like, was me?
Has anyone ever sent articles to their friend that are like scientific about like what's going on hormonally when they like meet a guy, and like what month they start getting annoyed with him, and what month like you cannot trust yourself because like you're just on like a crazy serotonin high.
No, they don't.
That's why I'm gonna sit down with my daughter and be like, the first 4 months don't count because you guys are sniffing each other's, you know, armpits.
You send me scientific data, like you send me like, Dr. Ashwagandha said, and Stephanie will send me like the most spiritual, like psychedelic, like this is what your aura is saying right now. So I always get like Like, sorry, I like to cite my sources. Eastern and Western medicine.
And we know where you go. We know where you go.
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You know, it just came across my desk and I like—
I'm so hungry right now. Sorry.
Me too.
So like, it just hit me.
Wait, listen to this. This is really bad and my mom's gonna be so mad at me.
Okay.
10 PM last night, I need a little snack. I little— I need a nosh, a little whimsy, like something. And it's not to the point where like I'm ordering something And like the thought of like getting up and cooking something, I'm just like, who do I think I am? But then I got a grilled cheese in my head and I was like, whatever, it takes literally 5 minutes to make a grilled cheese.
You're a chef.
I'm a chef. I get up, I make my grilled cheese, I go back to my bed.
Do you put butter or mayonnaise on it?
So I put butter in the pan and then mayo on the sides of the bread.
You naughty little girl.
No, she's crazy. She's zany.
You dirty dog.
I go to bed. Great. I wake up this morning. I grab my dish from my— the night side table. I'm bringing it downstairs. I'm about to make my hot water with lemon before I go to get my microneedling. I'm having a—
I'm obsessed with you.
I'm having the most Paige morning of Paige morning. I give Kitty a kiss. I give her some food. We're having a time. I walk in the kitchen and I'm like, it's a little warm. No, Hannah, I left the stove on the entire night.
Wait, isn't that like how you die?
Yeah, I could have blown up.
No, but also from the CO2, don't you have like, um, a thing, alarm to go off if that—
oh, like carbon monoxide?
Yeah, carbon monoxide poisoning. Oh, now you're— now you're gonna be Googling side effects of carbon monoxide.
But is carbon monoxide fire?
So anyway, don't leave your oven on. It's really, really, really unsafe. This is why you don't cook.
Okay, now I'm like, do I have to air out the whole—
Yes, open. But I feel like if you were gonna die from carbon monoxide, it would have happened last night. Like, I feel like if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. Like, now you're like Spider-Man. Like, you could probably like crawl walls now or something.
You know those women whose like husbands try to poison them but they don't do enough, so it's like their body just like absorbs it? Like I feel like I'm the type of woman that like a man would have to try and kill me like so many different times, it'd be like a funny movie. Like every time I just like weirdly get out of it.
Or you'd be like, I think I fixed something. Suddenly I have more energy I've ever had before, right?
Like they inject me and I'm like, I was actually testosterone deficient.
There was a documentary— shoot, where was it? I think it was Argentina. I think it was Argentina, about this old lady who— oh my God, she started killing all her friends because she started her own Ponzi scheme. Oh, I love how everything's coming together, what we've been talking about today. And, um, she basically would get them to lend her money, and then she, she started a Ponzi scheme within her tea club, like her mahjong group. Basically, she got them all to lend her money, and then once they started saying like Hey, can I have my money back? She would poison them and kill them. But they're like all like 80. So the first one dies and everyone's like, yeah, an 80 person died. And then 2 weeks later another one of them dies because she like fell and everyone's like, RIP. And then a third one dies and no one thinks of anything. But then finally they start to realize that every old person who died is owed— she owes money to. And she was literally like putting little bits of stuff in their tea and killing all her friends.
Oh my God.
Yeah, but she still says it wasn't her because they don't actually have the evidence. But they're like, 3 old ladies who were in your coffee club eating biscuits with you, you owe them all $20 grand and they're all dead. And she's like, this is recent, or like, this is an older documentary? This is like, it was 20 years ago when it happened.
Oh, so she's dead.
I think she might still be alive. I don't know. I don't like Google stuff after, but, um, even if she was like 80. But I love how when women kill, they do it, they do it tastefully.
It's just always shocking when a woman does something, but I hate that it gives the men like any—
well, you know what I would say? Not all women.
Not all, not all women.
Also, what's pissing me off is I watched Lainey Wilson's documentary on Netflix.
Yeah, I saw that.
She's so cute and she has a big ass, so I feel like we're like connected. I'm like, she's one of us. She's one of us. And she's—
That's why you love Elle Fanning.
I've never thought about Elle Fanning's butt.
I thought you just said that you love the Fanning sisters.
I do, but not— but I wasn't— I wasn't like sexualizing her butt.
Oh, because everyone says like Elle Fanning has like the best body.
I mean, she has an amazing body. I have to check out her butt after this. Thank you. I'll put that on my to-do list. Look, am I a country girl? Not really, but I appreciate a good music documentary.
Yeah. You have red hair.
Yeah. Country music's crazy because it's one of those things that they're like, it's for the boys.
Yeah, they hate women in it.
It's like how only men could be chefs, but women cook. And it's like in country music, it's for the men. It's like stand-up comedy where it's like it's for the men. Like, I related to her because I felt like women in country music or like female singers.
Really, like any women in any sports. I'm sure they have stories for days.
Story for a day. But it's just so funny that who decided like a genre of music was for men?
The men.
But I've never like heard a woman sing and been like, that would have been better if a man sang it, right? Never. And then yeah, like all the pop girlies are like killing it. But then if there's like too much guitar, you're like, no, that's a man. That's a man that sings that about beer. If you sing about beer, you got to be a man.
There's also so many like subsets of country music.
Well, that's why they were so mad about Beyoncé. They were like, no, this is not country music. And she's from Houston, right? So I just want to shout out all the women fighting for their voice in country music. Also, when I think of country music, I think of the girls. I think of Shania Twain. I think of Dolly Parton. I don't think of I've never thought—
you know something that did come across my desk that was actually like quite concerning? Wait, first, did you see that Harry Styles and Zoe Kravitz might be engaged?
Yeah, I feel like the new celebrity thing is like, after Zendaya did not show her wedding, everyone was like, wait, that's cool. So now everyone's trying to do everything on this— on the down low.
Do you think?
I think it's more fun to wonder.
Yeah, that was so pessimistic of you, but I don't know if they're not— shit, I feel like they're just not sharing it because they're such A-list celebrities and he's got to sell a tour, honey.
Oh, true. I've also got on a weird TikTok algorithm of psychics like telling me the vibes they get from couples. Have you ever gotten on that?
Yes, I love it.
It's— and they're always like, this is— this could be completely false.
And this is just based on what I think, because then I'm like, I'm a witch. I knew it. I think she's a Scorpio. I really feel like I could— I would connect with her. Sometimes I see her in clips and I'm like, that would be my friend.
She's a nepo baby that people don't talk shit about because she's such a cool nepo baby. Like, her parents are so cool that they're like, you should be in front of the camera.
Yeah, Lenny Kravitz is somewhere like, say it, I dare you.
That's what I want to watch. That's, that's celebrity. Lenny Kravitz and Charlize Theron.
Yeah, those are A-list celebrities. We're losing the art of A-list, and I, I don't— I— that's sad to me. We've lost club culture. I don't want to lose the art of like an A-list celeb because A-lists want podcasts and podcasters want to be A-list.
So no, it's gotten gray.
Stop, guys.
It's gotten gray.
But then there was like a blind item weird rumor that was like Taylor Swift was mad that Zoe Kravitz was dating Harry Styles, but I forgot that Taylor Swift even dated Harry Styles. But also, I'm like, she's engaged, I doubt she would be mad.
I have a good question. Yeah, in terms of your friends and who they dated, is there an expiration date? Like, how long— what do you mean, how long has to go by before you're cool with them dating an ex? You know, Hannah, what a crazy question.
Phenomenal question. And I truly think every situation is unique because there are men that I dated for years that if my closest friend called me and said, hey, I'm gonna hook up with him, I would not care. I would less than not care. I would be worried for her and I'd give her all my concerns, but I'd also be like, I couldn't give a flying fuck.
I've also dated nice guys that I'm like, I'm not the one for you, but like, I really want you to meet someone and I have some friends if you'd like to talk.
Totally. And then it's like, I have a situationship that like, we could have hooked up 5 times, and if someone called me and said they were going out on a date, I would melt to the ground. I'd be like, no, you can't do that to me.
No, that's such a good point because we're all just like energies like meeting each other, but there's certain people in your life that you're like that's my man forever.
Yeah, like there's definitely certain men that I'm like, we never dated, but like, we dated, we dated, you know, we dated, and I know we dated and we had like a weird, you know, but like we never actually dated.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Also, I think things get so changed so much when you cross over into your 30s because relationships go quicker.
If you dated a guy and then your friend starts dating him like a couple years later, then you do look at her funny, like, okay, the whole time were you like eyeing like, were you even giving me good advice? Like, you start just like thinking about that.
Yeah.
I also feel like if you have a crush on your close friend's man, that will hurt your relationship with her because like you can't act normal, right? And I also think that's why it's important to be in relationships like me and you, where we have such opposite taste in men. It's so funny.
Anyone that I would go for, you would be like, that's adorable.
Yeah, every now and then you'll dabble in my kind of man. Yeah. And I will be like, why the fuck did you do that? That's a horrible idea.
Well, because any guy that I've dated that I've really liked— like, because there's some I've dated that I'm like, wait, I hated you the whole time. And that's—
that says more about me and love are close emotions.
And like, that's my own trauma. But the guys that I've had like the best relationships with are the men that love how girly I am.
Oh my God, that's why no man has ever been attracted to both of us too.
But I'm like just thinking of like what relationships I would categorize as like those were learning lessons, that was actually a good healthy relationship, wrong timing, or like this was a bad relationship. Like when I look back on my life of dating, you can— you really can see the level of like either mental illness or the level of confidence. And it's kind of crazy.
Well, we talked about this before, but I think seesawing is so real. Whatever happens in your last relationship, you search— like, you overcompensate for the opposite, and then you keep seesawing until you find that like your balance. Exactly, exactly. But it's also interesting as you get older, like, people get divorced, stuff like that. There's so many— I think you don't even have to be in a small town though, because LA and New York, I feel like that happens all the time. But I guess, no, LA, it is like a small town because like they're all fucking famous people, all fuck each other. So there's a lot of like, oh, he's now with her ex-husband.
I'm nervous and scared but excited for the tea in like 10 years when we get to the point where like everyone's getting divorced.
It's gonna be crazy but also empowering. Like, when it's gonna be really empowering— I love when girls divorce. I feel like it's so exciting. But, and then also, like, there's a whole crop of divorced men who are pre-trained and so tired from being yelled at and, like, had court-ordered therapy that are, like, coming out of that relationship better.
Like, I have one girlfriend— I have one girlfriend and she's single, and we'll, like, talk about dating or whatever, and she'll say, like, no, no, I'm second wife energy. Like, I— and I just kind of love it, like, because she's like, I know what I want and what is gonna happen for me, and like, my energy is second wife, and I'm fine with that, and I'm waiting for that.
And I'm like, okay, that's so good. I actually just thought of something of why I feel like I've never— I've never double dipped with a friend, and I think it's because I'm too competitive. No, not competitive, but prideful. Because my thing is I never want to be with a man who didn't choose me the first time.
Yeah.
And that is what you should remember. Be like, at the end of the day, he saw you and the friend and picked the friend. You weren't like— whatever it is, you weren't chosen first. Don't be chosen second. Like, and I think that's why, like, even if I like thought a guy was cute and he started hitting on my friend, I'd be like, not the one for me. Move on.
My competitiveness has gotten me in some pickles. In dating.
Yeah, because you want to like show off in a way, and then you're like, I fucked myself.
I'm like, you don't like me? Like, just wait on it, wait on it.
And then I'm like, uh, Mom, I know why you didn't like me, because he's fucking crazy.
Can you help me get out of something really quick?
Hey, I'm locked up.
No, it's so crazy.
To a refrigerator.
In so many words, I'm always calling my mom every day asking, can you help me get out of something? Like, that is the general vibe. I'm like, can you help me with this really quick?
It is. I do, like, I don't want to annoy my husband and my mom with too many scenarios, but then you know when you probably should have just called them in the beginning, but you're like, I'll deal with it by myself.
Sorry, I was just looking up because I couldn't think of what was the— what was the baloney company that was like really And it was Oscar Mayer. I couldn't think of the name, but that was really annoying me because I'm pretty sure I have a memory of my childhood of me singing, of going on the Oscar Mayer wiener car. If I was an Oscar Mayer wiener, that is what I truly want to be. And if it was an Oscar Mayer wiener, very happy to be in love with me. I just, I It was, it was annoying me the entire—
you singing a hot dog song, no one would have guessed that would happen on this pod. Everyone's mind is blown.
Yeah, I need to call my mom after because I don't know what this memory is. I'm having a memory, and why were we in a parking lot, and why was the Oscar Mayer wiener truck there, and why do I kind of remember wearing ballet flats?
I have another question for you. Yeah, I love all animals. Like, I know I'm a cat person, but I also like dogs sometimes. When I'm walking past the dog park, I'm walking up to the fence to look at the dogs in the dog park. But then recently I've started to be like, am I fucking creepy that I don't have a dog and I'm just looking at other people's dogs?
I would say if it was a playground, yeah. Dog park, no.
But like, when you're just like watching other people's dogs and like You feel weird when you do it every day.
That is weird.
Yeah, I live right by a dog park and every time I have time, there's this little Dachshund named Kevin who I love. I want to steal Kevin.
No, I don't think that's weird. I don't think that's weird.
But like, if you brought your dog to dog park and a couple keeps coming and like trying to get attention from your dog, I'd be like, get your own fucking dog.
I think you'd be like trying to sex traffic me.
Yeah.
Did you see Billie Eilish said that you can't love and claim to love animals and then eat them?
Why are you trying to ruin my weekend?
Because I was just wondering, as an avid animal lover, as you're—
Oh, you love animals so much? Eat tofu, bitch. Oh, you love animals? Sorry, I hate vegetables.
Thought you said you couldn't be fake in the beginning of the pod. Thought you said you couldn't fake it, huh?
I love when you call me out. It makes me so happy. Um, no, she's right because I—
you think she's right?
And it's like when I eat meat, I have— I lie to myself and I like eating meat like not like— I like when it's like a hot dog, like I can't look at it and be like, that's the head of a pig. Like I like to— I lie to myself like I'm eating beef jerky and I'm like, this is just a little lollipop of protein. So if when something looks too like, that's the leg of it, yeah, I can't. And look, I wish every animal would live. I wish every animal would live. I haven't thought about this, so I don't have a formal PR statement. So Us Weekly, shut up, don't say anything.
I just kind of feel like—
PETA's gonna come for you. What are you gonna say?
I just kind of feel like I'm a human, and to survive for millions of years, humans have eaten animals, and there is no if you do a no animal diet for the rest of your life, I would assume that you have to supplement those vitamins with something else. And if not, I would assume that that could be really like detrimental to your health. Like, yeah, well, it is like if you're iron deficient, I feel like eating a steak once in a while is good. But I also—
it is a privilege to not be able to eat meat and like, yeah, I get all your nutrients. Like, to be able to be like, well, I go to on, and I get the tofu salad, whatever. Because if you're just eating chips every day, like, you're not gonna make it.
I'm not trying to alienate the vegetarians. I can just say that I have never thought about being a vegetarian for even a second.
I just— I wish we could be more organized about it. Like, I would so be down if we were like, every Monday no one eats meat and it saves this many animals' lives. Like, I'm more about like, how do we make it the least wasteful as possible? Where we're not just like killing animals we don't need to kill.
Okay, I can support that.
The vegetarians have to be more organized, and because now it's like one-offs— I don't know, maybe they do have meetings without me.
They need to have a PR strategy meeting for sure.
Their PR is bad.
It's all over the place.
It's a damn mess.
We need a consensus, like a short statement of what is their thesis, like what are they standing for.
And it's giving like how feminists— everyone thinks like— everyone used to think feminists were just like angry women who wear, um, cutoff shirts. You know one thing, what do lumberjacks wear? What do lumberjacks wear? Overalls. Yeah, overalls.
You know one thing that really grinds my gears is when people are like, she's a bad feminist. Like, I just feel like it's another thing for women to be mad at women about. It's like, okay, now she can't even be a girl good enough?
Well, you know what someone was talking about on TikTok, which makes it real, that men are in the defensive. They just have to defend their power, where we have to be on the offensive. And when we're fighting each other as women, plus we're trying to take, it's so complicated because we're like, you're not even fighting the right way. And where men just have to protect, they just have to protect what they have. So us trying to gain is so much more complicated. And feminism PR is fucking horrible. Yeah, because yeah, they all think that we're just like lumberjacks and we hate men when we just want equal opportunity and we hate men.
Oh God, I'm just so mad that I didn't spell baloney right.
Wait, this is the thing though, learning how to take an L will make you more successful in the long run, and that's my mental health moment of the week.
Oscar Mayer bologna, B-O-L-O-G-N-A.
Yeah, that's the Thai version that I gave. I gave you two versions, both correct, with the like in a sentence, and you still were like, no. I gave you the pronunciation. I'm just not so old. You're trying to find an article?
Well, B-A-L-O-N-E-Y is the common spelling for the pronunciation. Which pronunciation? And the slang.
You're not winning this argument.
Why do you keep repeating it?
You're making me look better every time you fight it. You're proving my point.
Honestly, I've said that in so many relationships, Hannah. Oh my God, I've never heard that back to myself. Oh my God, I've never heard that back to myself.
I've actually never said that line before. Was it good?
Yes, that hits. I'm so proud of myself. You're making me— you're proving my point.
I've actually heard you say that. You're proving my point.
I needed that. Hannah's heard me fight through walls before, and that's actually like my favorite lore ever. Okay, that's all the time we have.
Paige was on the fight through wall, and at first I was like, I shouldn't hear this. Then I realized, oh, I need to be in on this. Then I started texting her like, no, you're not crazy, that was valid. I literally watched him gaslight her, and I was like, no, no, no, no, stay with your point. You, you were right. Don't turn, stay with your gut on this.
That is every woman's dream, to be in a fight with her man and have her friend on speed dial. Like, basically, you were my— we were in a boxing ring, you were my coach, I was coming back, cut me, you were pouring water in my mouth, fixing up my cuts, and being like, get back in there, your point was valid.
That was the ultimate friendship, because at first I felt like it was like listening to two people have sex. I was like, I feel wrong about this, and then I was like, she needs me. Like, this is an opportunity.
So funny, because in the beginning I was nervous. I was like embarrassed. I was like, and Hannah can probably hear this. And then 10 minutes into it, I was like, and I hope she's listening, because I feel like that was a great line that she would appreciate.
Also, as my best friend, nothing feels better than like hearing your best friend stand up for herself.
Yeah, you're like, fuck yeah.
Yeah, I'm like, go harder. Go harder. And then you want to jump in. I'm like, tag me, bitch. Tag me. Anyway, anyhow, I also have to apologize to the Academy for one last thing. I've been doing this thing back to my headphones where like, you ever go on a Zoom and like, you can't hear the person, you're like, I can't hear you. And you get all frustrated and you're like, they're clearly wrong. And then you realize the whole time that your thing wasn't plugged in and then you have to pretend that you like like clicked something crazy to make it work. I do that too often to people. I've done it to you. Raise your hand if you've been personally victimized on a Zoom by me being like, can't hear you, fix your side.
Yeah, I've been personally victimized on a Zoom more than once in one day by you.
Like, wait, why are Zooms so chaotic?
I feel like I've gotten on a Zoom and you've been like, no makeup today. Got it, okay. I walked into two separate meetings today, one in person, one not, and I literally was Elwood being like, I wasn't aware there was an assignment, actually. I'm unprepared for both of these things.
That just happened to me. I went to a meeting and they go, did you send— did you get the slides?
And I said, no, I'm going to No, normalize being like, no, fuck, I didn't look at it.
Like, but then normalize being like, I didn't get the slides. Let's reschedule this. I'm not about to just do this meeting to do this meeting if I didn't have the proper information.
And sometimes, moral of today's episode, you don't have the proper information.
Sometimes you were not— nobody prepped you. No one prepped you properly. Wait, the Elwood scene when she goes, did you read the book?
And she's like, I actually was unaware that there was an assignment. That scene shaped the— my young adulthood.
I wake up in the middle of the night sweating thinking that I forgot there was summer reading and all summer I didn't read, and then I showed up on the first day to a British woman being like—
and she gets kicked out of class. I was like, I was so hurt in that moment for her.
And but also, why didn't she have a computer? Like, everyone else had a computer. That felt She did the outfits. Like, how much could she do? She put all her money in her vintage—
she brought a moving truck to Harvard. Okay, okay.
We love you guys. Thank you for giggling with us. We'll talk to you later.
Bye!
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