Transcript of The Sona and Matt of New Zealand

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Com/callkonan. Okay, let's get started. Hi, Glenn, and welcome to Konan O'Brien Needs a fan.

Hi, Hi.

How are you? I'm calling from Auckland, New Zealand. Hi.

Oh, wow. Auckland, New Zealand. Yes. Help me. Which part of New Zealand is that? I'm trying to think. Are you on the north? Where is Auckland?

So it's the largest city in New Zealand, and It's in the North Island, so about, I guess, two-thirds, four-fifths of the way up, something like that of the North Island.

Okay. Well, now I'm completely confused. I've never been to New Zealand before, but I've always wanted to go. The people I meet from New Zealand are fantastic. And of course, I've seen, of course, many images of New Zealand, and it looks beautiful. I just haven't experienced it myself, so I'm anxious to see it one day.

Well, Auckland is called, is known as the City of Sails, because we have a beautiful... We're surrounded by a beautiful Harbor. We have a Harbor Bridge that's like a little version of the Sydney Harbor Bridge. The reason that you've only ever met nice New is because we send all the horrible ones to Australia.

Now, I've been to Australia. I've been there several times.

So you know what I'm talking about, right?

Oh, God, just filled with horrible New Zealanders. Let's talk, Glenn. Tell me a little bit about yourself. I'm guessing you work in radio because you seem to have a professional set up there, and you seem very comfortable on mic. Is that a correct assumption?

Yes, that is a correct assumption. So I've literally just come off here. That's not my show. I'm like the Matt and/or Soner of the show. Oh, nice.

So you're extendable. Oh, we are apart. The linchpin. You could go at any time. The couldn't do without. People wouldn't care. Listen, please. Those are just jokes. I love you guys. And of course, your essential part of this stew, little lentils. And I am the large piece of delicious beef. That's for sure. That is for sure. Glenn, you work on a radio show. Do you get recognized at all when you walk around?

Only if I talk because people don't really know what I look like. They've only ever heard me. They're usually pretty disappointed when they see what I look like.

That is not true, Glenn. You're a very good-looking gentleman. People must get excited, say, when you order a pizza over the phone, they must say, Oh, my God, is this Glenn Hart asking for New Zealand's finest pizza?

I can't say that's happened to me, I did once when I was on a plane and everybody's doing the overhead baggage situation, that pre-flight jostle around. Somebody at that point said, Hey, are you Glenn off the radio? And so then I had that moment of, oh, no, am I about to be stuck sitting next to somebody who is a big fan of the show? That could go either way. But luckily, New Zealanders are pretty shy. And, yeah, he left me alone.

Wait, are you saying you didn't want to sit next to a big fan? That's my favorite thing. I call ahead to the airline and I say, can you find out who knows Konan O'Brien and can you seat them next to me? And then can we talk about my career arc?

This is a New Zealand thing, right? Us, you guys love to put people on a pedestal. You love to be the person on a pedestal. Yes. In New Zealand, the tall poppy syndrome is live and large. I see. Once anybody gets too successful, then it's up to the rest of us to pull them down to our level. Okay, I understand. We all think we could be the Prime Minister if we just gave it a go, for example.

I think we all feel that way. That's a very American- Yeah, in the United States, we all feel that way these days. Glenn, tell me a little bit about your life. I want to get to know Glenn Hart from Auckland, New Zealand. What's going on in your life?

Well, so because I work in Breakfast Radio, I have to arrive here at the station about 3:45 AM. No. So that means my alarm goes off at 2:52. Hard pass. My God. Sona, you don't want a job of breakfast radio? No, I'm good.

I'll pass. She just threw up on the floor. Sona's working hours in her contract are 1:00 in the afternoon to 1:30 in the afternoon. And then we have to pay for her Uber to and fro. That sounds like a big day. So you get up at close to two o'clock in the morning.

What time do you go to bed? As soon as I can. Yeah, all I ever want to do is be asleep. So generally about a quarter past eight. I try and get a little nap in the afternoon after lunch, depending on what's going on in my life, because otherwise by about 6:00 PM, I'm not making any sense at all.

Yeah, you haven't made a lick of sense since you got on with us.

Well, it could be the accent.

Yeah, and you're bleeding from the mouth. Just a little word to the wise. Okay, so you've got crazy hours. Do you have a family?

Yeah. I have a wife and two daughters, grown up daughters. They did both actually leave and go off to university, and then both came back again. How do you feel about that, Glenn?

I think we know. How do you feel about that, Glenn?

Yeah, I think Matt picked up on a little tone there, as I said about that. There was about a six-week period when my wife and I were empty nesters, and we just sat around frequently just looking at each other, saying things like, Hey, what do you want for dinner? And we'd say, Oh, I don't know. Just a toasting sandwich would be fine? Sure. Everything was nice and casual. You're not cooking for anybody. You're not driving people around to places. And then that six weeks went by, and then it all went out the window again.

Wait, so you had six weeks of being empty nesters, then they're back. They're back in the house.

Then one of them broke up with her boyfriend and moved back in.

What are your daughter's names?

So Billy and Macy.

Okay, Billy and Macy. I get the sense that you wouldn't be unhappy if Billy and Macy maybe got their own place.

Yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong. I love these girls, right? Yes. But so Billy, for example, she has her master's in classical performance music and clarinet. And so she's gone on to be a teacher. She teaches other kids how to play clarinet, and she also plays piano and teaches piano, teaches saxophone. Sometimes she does this in our house while I'm trying to get that afternoon nap. It would be great if that was just happening.

The other daughter loves clogging. She likes to. We're the traditional lead clogs, which before would. Okay, so listen, don't get me wrong. I understand what you're saying. You're a good dad. You and your wife love your kids, but it might be nice if had their own place.

Yes? Yeah.

Okay.

How do you suggest he does that?

Well, how would it go over if I spoke to them? Would I have any sway with your daughters at all?

Well, maybe. When I told my family that I was coming on this podcast, and I said, You know who Konan O'Brien is, right? And they were semi-blank stairs. They had an idea. And I explained, Konan, he's a famous late-show host. My youngest daughter said, Oh, he's not one of the bad ones, is he? He didn't do something bad, did he?

Well, yes, I've done bad things. I know. I didn't know. But we covered it up. It was in the late '80s before I got on television. I didn't want to talk about the murders. Okay, so they don't sound like they're super fans of mine, to put it mildly.

Yeah, let's put it that way.

Listen, sometimes a blank stare, you can see a little bit of slight recognition in there. Maybe if they saw my face, it would change from blank stare more to, I don't know, horror. Who can say which way it would go? But I'm very convincing, Glenn, and maybe I could find them a place and move them into it. What do you What do you think?

This is music to my ears. I have been waiting for somebody to come along and say this couple of for me.

And not clarinet, which is great. She's a great clarinet player, but it's like Spongebob and Squibbard, right?

There's only so much that you can take.

Listen, the clarinet Annette is fine in doses, and that's fine. But she sounds very talented. They sound like lovely young women, but I think they need to move out of your house. I think they need to talk to someone. They look up to an admirer. Unfortunately, we don't know who that is.

You are taller than both of them, so they would be looking up to you.

Sometimes, what about Old Simpson's episodes? Maybe I could show them Old Simpson. Sometimes people who don't know my work now like Old Simpson episodes that I worked on. Yeah.

One of my daughters was just saying the other night, they just rewatched the Monorail episode.

There you go. There you go. I know. You could say, The man behind the Monorail episode is here, and he's going to help you move into a new apartment.

Yeah. Boy, has he got something to sell you?

Yes, exactly. Then I could sing the Monorail song to them. I'm telling I could- Monorelle. Monorelle. Yes, I know. Monoreal. Apartment.

Apartment.

Apartment. Apartment. Apartment. It's nice and cozy on your own. Apartment. Apartment. It's a separate home. Apartment. Apartment. This bed folds out and it sleeps, too. Apartment. Apartment.

Don't rig dead after two.

Yeah, apartment, apartment. See? We're doing it. I think the two of us could get them out of the house. I say that again with love. I mean, I like it. Me too. Absolutely. I know you love them, me less so because they don't seem to know my work. But I'll get over it. I'll get over it. But I like you, Glenn, and I would like to I'd like to help. I'd like to help you if I could. That's all.

Hey, that's all I can ask.

Well, no. A lot of people ask for other things, too. I was going to give you money, but you said that's all I can ask. You fucked that up real good.

It's just a one-time offer.

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And what about the show? If I went on the show, would I be a good guest for your show, or is it not that program? Is it more serious?

No, it most definitely is that program. I mean, for instance, we had the big country star, Luke Holmes, on the show just this week.

Do your kids know who Luke Holmes is?

I really hope not. I'm not a huge fan myself of country music.

Wow. I'm glad Luke Holmes already did the interview. I know. I'm glad he's out of the building. Hey, you got him on tape. I hope not.

Wow. I just can't believe I did a drive by on Luke Holmes. Yeah.

You just shit on a guest on your show who you were bragging about. You were like, Hey, we got Luke Holmes. You like him?

No.

Wow.

So the question is, though, Caden, could you get up early enough in the morning to come in and be on a breakfast show? Of course I could.

You're an early riser. Yeah, of course I could get. Hey, listen, I'm ready to go anytime time, day or night. Okay? I am always present, always ready to go. Right.

Well, then you'd be a perfect guess.

Let me ask you, maybe because you've been working in broadcasting for a long time in the radio section, I only started doing the podcast podcast about five years ago. Is there any advice you can give me?

Any advice for Konan?

I'm always looking to improve. Just kidding. I'm sorry. That was funny.

I know. You You can see why I was so taken aback because I've been listening for pretty much the whole duration of the podcast, Konan.

Yeah, I know. I was kidding about the whole advice thing.

I just wasn't expecting you to ask for it.

Yeah, I know. I don't know what I was thinking. Listen, Listen, I think I like you. You seem like a fine fellow. You've got a good sense of humor. You wear a shirt that matches exactly the color of what's behind you, which is why you'll never be a weatherman.

Like I say, New Zealanders, we just like to fade into the background. Yeah, exactly.

How would I get along in New Zealand? If I come to New Zealand, how would the people treat me, do you think?

I think that they might... There is a guy called Chris Parker, who is a tall, red-headed comedian in New Zealand, and people might think that you're him if they don't know that you're you. Okay, that's fine. Yeah.

As long as he's well-liked, I'll take it.

Yeah, he's very popular.

So if I go into restaurants and say, I'm Chris Barker and I want a lamb pie, they'll serve it up.

That'll work well. Except in New Zealand, we have this thing. So you know the rule of six degrees of separation, right? Yeah. That everybody knows everybody in the world Because you know somebody who knows somebody, blah, blah, blah. Well, in New Zealand, we call that rule two degrees. So like I said, there's only 5 million people here. So we know somebody who knows somebody. Right. So chances are you'll go into that restaurant, and Chris Parker will actually be sitting there anyway.

Yeah. Okay. So my scam won't work. My scam of running up a big tab and putting it on this red hair Chris Parker, probably not going to work out.

That's one of the main reasons why I wanted to be on your show, Konan, because you've talked to all these fantastic people, people like Jeff Goldbloom, people like Harrison Ford. Now I'm only two degrees away from those people. It's fantastic.

Aren't you just one degree away?

Well, I know you. You know them.

I always get confused by this, too. I get confused by it, too. I think it's two because if it was just you, then you'd be one degree. I think it's more with Harrison Ford because he can be a very distant person. I think it's five degrees of separation. He's a degree and a half.

He certainly sounded like he was trying to separate himself a little bit further away.

I tend to frighten him. I like this. I like talking to you, and I wish you all the best with your daughters. I think maybe if you start familiarizing them with my work, who knows? Yes. Then I'll have more.

Who knows? I've been trying to get them to watch Coden Must Go.

I'm trying to get them to watch. Yes. Drink this This happens to be on. Do it. It's good for you.

Maybe if you go visit, first thing you have to do is an orientation where you do a presentation on who you are to them.

Then you can get them in an apartment. Maybe that's what I do. Nice.

Like a PowerPoint.

I'll do a PowerPoint presentation on who I am and why they should care. Then I'll tell them to get out of the house. You can stand in front of a green screen with a pointer.

Here's the monor rail on the Simpson. Here's me looking a Norwegian in the street.

The whole arc of my career. That's all you know? That's all you know? Oh, my God. You just took Lincoln from wood shopper to Ford's theater, and you skipped the whole rest of the part.

Listen. And then here's the house. Here's the apartment away from the house or the flat, as we would call it in New Zealand.

We'll get you into a flat. I'm going to... Well, I hope someday we meet. I hope maybe it's possible that I can get your daughters to move nearby because you do love them. You care about them. You want them to... But enough for the clarinet at 2:00 in the morning. Sure. We'll try and see if we can make that happen. I think that'd be nice.

That would be a dream. Yeah.

Dream come true. Well, that's what I do. Some people say I make dreams come true. Who says that? No one's ever said that yet. Okay. What I said was aspirational. Okay. That someday someone's going to say you made my dreams come true. I I see. Something that hasn't been said yet, but could be said in the future. Okay.

So what you're saying is you could be in my dreams tonight.

You frightened me. I didn't see you there. You drifted into the background again. Glenn, you're a madman.

Hey, I haven't had a lot of sleep. I'm sorry.

Yeah, you're a sleep-deprived madman. Have a great day or night. I don't know. What time of day is it where you are now?

It is just coming up to 10:00 in the morning here.

Okay, so probably time for you to go to bed.

Yeah, it's almost past my bed time.

Well, my best to you, not my best to your daughters because they don't seem to give a shit, but we'll correct that.

Yeah, we'll work on that.

Have a terrific day. I hope our paths cross. I really do.

Okay, so do I. I really hope. I really hope they do.

You never know. You never know in this crazy world what's going to happen. All right, go change your shirt. Bye-bye. Bye.

See you. Lovely I'm going to meet you, Matt and Sona.

Konan O'Brien needs a fan. With Konan O'Brien, Sonam Obsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and nick Liao. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer, Aaron Blaird. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three See free months of Serious XM when you sign up at siriusxm. Com/conon. Please rate, review, and subscribe to 'Conon O'Brien Needs a Fan' wherever fine podcasts are down. Uncork our fabulous Christmas Black Friday savings this season at O'Brien's. We've amazing Black Friday six bottle case deals with up to 50% off. Rioja Reserva, Albarrino, Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc, Burgundy, and more. Our great value Black Friday case deals start at just €75 each. Get your Christmas list sorted with over 150 Black Friday wine offers. O'brien's. Discover the wines we love. Shop in store or online at obrienswine. Ie. Please enjoy alcohol sensibly. Did you know we all have a superpower? The power to make our family and friends feel loved at Christmas by sending them a handwritten card. Send magic with Christmas stamp booklets. You can buy them in app, online, and at your local post office.

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