Transcript of The Conan and Jordan Show - Lady Crackers

All right. Well, welcome to the Konan and Jordan Show. This is our second episode. I have to be honest with you, Jordan, I didn't think we'd get to a second episode. Yeah. Because during the last one, I'm just being honest, I wanted to smash your face into powder. But we made it. We're here, and this is by popular demand. People love the Konan and Jordan show.

What polling did you do to determine the success of the first episode?

I've looked at no data. I've talked to no one. I live pretty much a secluded, strange life. But I know deep in my heart that this thing's a smash hit, so much so that, look, we have our own sign now, the Conan and Jordan show.

Now, I was under the impression that the previous recording session was an audition of sorts. Oh, God, no.

No, we use every part of the Buffalo here. We can't waste anything. No, that was not an audition. That was the first episode.

Now, we have our own show. We've passed-We had our-We've passed whatever requirements we needed to pass.

What requirements are there? This is the radio.

I was under the impression it was sink or swim that the first episode was going to determine the future viability of you and I.

Not really. No. No, you were under no pressure.

Is this a vote of confidence by any interpretation?

Nobody. I've run this up the flag pole at Sirius. They said, We don't have a flag pull, and we're not taking your call.

How does this compare, the launch of this show, how would this compare, let's say, to the launch of your late night show? Thirty years ago now. Or any of your new projects. Even your Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend podcast. Would this be comparable launch?

Not at all. No, those were massive battleships that you hit it with the champagne, they slide into the ocean, then they have a storied career on the high seas, defending England or America or whatever country manufactured the ship. I don't know, this is the mission of a little gas, maybe from a broken down machine. But still, it's something that's happening. We have to respect it.

What promotional circuit can I expect? Will we be hitting the road?

Oh, God, no. No, no, no. We can't spread anything.

Is there any press release that I need to approve or anything like that?

I don't even think we can afford that, and I'm told they're free. No. First of all, you've so far been just asking a series of questions, and I've indulged you, but let me get a little bit of stuff out. You have an agenda.

Okay, go ahead.

Well, you don't have to announce everything. It's the Conan & Jordan show. It's the second episode. This is where you and I talk. People do all the time ask me, How's Jordan doing? I want more Conan & Jordan. You know that our videos are a massive hit on YouTube, various other sundry places, the websites. People love them. They can't get enough. They want more. Well, now we're giving them more. What better way to experience us than while When you're driving around, maybe in your rental car or at home listening to SiriusXM? This is the way to do it. People listen to the Conan O'Brien channel. They want to hear this stuff. It's you and I together. How are you feeling about it?

That's what you cut me off to get to? Yeah. I thought you had some bombshell you were going to drop. That's what you had to say? That's the information you had to spread? Yeah. I can't believe you had Billy Corgan on your podcast and you didn't ask him what he was chanting at the beginning of 1979. A question that's been confounding fans for decades on the forums. You had him right here. I did ask him. You could have said, What were you chanting? But instead it was, Oh, I'm a guitarist, too. Do you prefer a telecaster or a stratocaster? Why didn't you ask him the question that people- It's just stratocaster.

It's not strat co-caster. Second of all- We just said the same thing. Second of all, I did ask him. We talked about it as he was getting into his car because the magic moments for me aren't captured. You greedily want me to spill that stuff into a microphone. I walked Billy to his car. It was Accura, and massive dent, the back bumper. I asked him that question, and he told me the answer, but that's the thing I can't share.

You can listen to the isolated audio tracks on YouTube, and you still can't figure it out. He would have told you it's not meant to be a secret. It's not like Quentin Tarantino not telling people he was in the suitcase in Pulp Fiction. It just so happens he's never been asked. Now, you had the opportunity to ask and finally put this to rest, but instead, you decided to stick to guitars.

I asked him what I was interested in, and I also knew that he'd tell me when we walked him to his Acura, and he did. So I was satisfied.

The internet is a great resource for many things. You could look up Beyoncé's song, Lyrx the Lemonade, and see a thousand renditions of it. But there are some songs, John Parr, Saint Elmo's Fire, where there are not accurate depictions of the lyrics anywhere.

You can look at the song Saint Elmo's Fire. Wait a minute. The song Saint Elmo's Fire? Okay. The last car- Do you like that song?

1985 Man in Motion, St. Elmo's Fire by John Parr, which was secretly about differently-abled people overcoming the odds, but under the guise of a teen movie as used in the movie St. Elmo's Fire. They weren't teens.

They were in their 20s. Don't anger me. When people call people teens, when they're 25, 26, some of them pushing 30. Emilio Esteves was 44 years old when he started in that movie.

You're a man that appreciates horns. Do you understand the horn work that David Foster put into that final chorus, yet nobody understands what the lyrics are. But I figured it out. Tell me the lyrics. I figured it out. Tell me the lyrics. No, you tried to figure it out. I looked at the sheet music in the '80s, and the sheet music had the wrong lyrics.

I can't conjure I can't conjure the song.

I can't conjure the song. I can see a new horizon underneath the blazing sky. Hold on. They changed the lyrics in the last chorus. That's the power. The lyrics are the same in the first and second, but the last one, he changes it up. But you can't understand what he's saying. I figured it out. I listened that hundreds of times. You cannot figure it out. Everything on the internet is wrong. Everything on the internet is wrong.

A life well spent. Here we go.

You got to get to the end.

We're going to listen to this part first. Okay, I remember this.

The first note is upcut. Famous production error.

I think the year was 1985. I'm in the theater.

Yeah, I just said that.

Settle down. You're revving. Listen to those drums. Those are terrible.

This driving beat, that was David Foster's signature, Nightranger's Secret of My Success. Wait, why are we listening? I told you to get to the end. You like this song? This song is fantastic. This song gets the blood pumping. What are you talking about? Don't you hear that driving beat? It's like four on the floor, but you hear the hi-hat work. It's that 'Ostinato'. You may think that, oh, it's repetitive, the drum beat. I say it's ostinato, the Italian concept of persistence. That is a great musical technique.

We just got canceled.

But they just let me know. Have you heard the end of Arismis, What It Takes? Where he's like, Let it go, let it go? ' That's 'Ostinato'. They cut that off for the single releases of this song.

I'm going to ask you to do me a favor, Jordan. When I hold up my hand like this, you're going to have to stop talking because otherwise, you just wash over me and you're a little out of control right now. We had a nice conversation going, and then you brought up this song, Man In Motion, the theme song for St. Helms Fire, which is a bullshit song.

I want you to tell me what he's saying in the last course. Don't try to deflect, pivot, or otherwise change the subject. Don't slowly fade out the music. I don't care what he's saying in the last. Don't slowly fade out the music after we heard the inconsequential introduction based on the contents of this conversation. Listen to the last course and tell me what he's saying.

You're saying that a great song has an inconsequential opening? To the purposes of this conversation.

That's not a great song.

A great song, by definition, has a great beginning.

How's your hearing?

My hearing is perfect.

Listen to the last course and tell me what he's saying. Or Google it. Take as much time as you need. Tell me what he's saying.

I forgot that the universal sign of good hearing is being able to determine and remember the lyrics to man in motion.

Use whatever resources you have at your disposal as an A-list celebrity to tell me the lyrics of the last course.

Hey, you think I'm an A-lister?

Tell me the lyrics of the last course.

Listen, here we go. Say, No More Fire. I can climb the highest mountain. I can cross the wild to see. This is easy.

This is kids' play. Last chorus, it starts with, I could hear the music playing.

There he just yelled. I think he dropped it.

You missed the last chorus. Okay, stop because I don't care.

Tell me what the last...

No, I'm not going to tell you. My hard work, you're not going to benefit after ridiculing me. You're not going to benefit from my hard listening work. What I'm saying is also there are many lyrics for which no matter how many resources you have at your disposal, short of contacting John Parr, by the way, who's a philanthropist, a British philanthropist. You will not be able to determine these lyrics. Icehouse is electric blue.

He's a philanthropist, but he can't give his music away. Look at that face. Oh, man, you got served, owned. Jordan, you're a terrible person, and our time away from each other has been a salve from my tattered soul. We're together again because the public demands it. We have our own show, and you completely commandeered it right up top to make us listen to that piece of mid '80s crap.

What's the power balance on this show if it is, in fact, ours?

Well, let's take a look at the order of the names. The Conan and Jordan Show.

The size of the font is also- Yeah, big Conan and then little scripted Jordan.

I think you understand what the power balance is here. You're here because I allow you to be here. You live because I allow you to live. Maybe you're just someone that I imagined, and you think you have a life, but the minute I stop thinking about you, you'll disappear. Fascinating. Let's talk. Man in Motion. I do encourage the listeners to try and discern the last part of the song because that's an important use of everyone's time.

What will the listener take with them after listening to this radio program. They will take with them newfound knowledge, although you didn't allow the knowledge to be revealed, newfound knowledge of a great mystery of the internet.

I think what people will take from this is a newfound hatred for you. If you ever have- They thought they hated you before, but now they're going to go look. Before it was, if I cross paths with Jordan, I'll smash his face. Now it's going to be, I've got to find out where that fucker is, and I need to take him out of the knees. That's what it's going to be now.

If you ever have Eddie Vedder on your show, I trust you will ask him what he's chanting at the beginning of WMA.

It'll be the first thing out of my mouth. Okay. Okay? I promise it. I'll write it on my hand. All right? Swear to God. Go ahead. Usually, it's, How are you? I like to try and ease into it. Small talk.

Yeah, I understand. That makes people feel comfortable.

Are you comfortable? Yeah. That's all. That's my technique. But as a robot, you would know that. You have your own techniques. Jordan, this is what we have to do. We have to do a quick commercial. The sponsor now is Lady crackers. Why don't you just give an ad for Lady crackers right now and just make it up as you go.

Lady crackers, Los Angeles, olive oil and sea salt. Now, you're going to often find lesser quality oils used in many products, things like soybean oil. These are industrial oils. Then you'll find seed oil, sunflower, safflower. Rarely do you find a brand that's willing to go to the expense of providing a premium oil because frankly, most consumers don't understand what they're putting in their body. They shovel food in, they don't understand the quality of said food. Now you have a product that is using olive oil, one of the finest oils on earth. This is unbelievable. He had Can I just confirm?

Can I confirm? Hold on one second. Can I confirm, Frank, he had no idea what I was going to hand him. No idea. This is not written.

There's no copy.

There's no copy. This is absolutely... What are you doing? How are you able to do that?

Well, the first thing I look for a product made with olive oil and lack of seed oils or processed oils like canola, which is also called rapeseed, which people perceive because it has a high monounsaturated fat content. Did you say grapeseed? Rapeseed.

Don't talk that way on this program. What are you talking about? That's awful.

That's a piece of flora. Nevertheless, I look for products that don't use processed or seed oils. I like certain kinds of fats. I like olive oil, butter, or ghee. A coconut oil is fine.

Let's get back to the smart The sponsor is going to want to hear their product name and a little more about the product rather than a list of every oil that exists.

Lady crackers, Los Angeles. Olive oil and sea salt premium. Very few ingredients, which is always a good thing. Would you like to taste one?

Why don't you open it up and taste one?

It's okay.

Could you please?

I typically try to avoid. Would you please? Yeah.

It's okay. Could you please? Avoid. Please, just open it.

When I open a box like this, I like to keep these three tabs intact. Sometimes it's a challenge. I have to look. I believe that we're defined by what surrounds us esthetically every day. I like a beautiful-looking box to surround me. A box that I could picture you, especially if we're producing a program like this,ripping this thing open.I would tear that. I would just tear it apart. Yeah, like a gorilla. But I like to open it delicately.Put it in your mouth, please.Put.

It in your mouth.

Right.

Just have the cracker, please.

Yeah, I understand. Yeah, well- What do you think? Not overly salted. That's a good thing. Sometimes they put too much salt on. They put How much salt? Oh, 340 milligrams. That's a little high per serving. I don't know how you define a serving size. One ounce.

That's a sponsor, Jordan. So just try and be positive about it.

Is that to say that it's a perfect product? Who am I to assess?

This is the worst ad ever.

You You can't just crunch it and say it's not perfect. What I'm saying is, I see a lot of... If you're looking for a cracker, if I were looking for a cracker, if I found myself... A lot of people look for crackers in their daily lives. They feel like they want a cracker. If I wanted a cracker, I would certainly go for lady and larder.

That's a fine pitch. I'm going to do you one better. Lady and larder. I want a cracker at night, and I want one with a clean crunch. That gives you that lady and larder crackle, the Munch Crunch, that makes you happy a whole bunch. That's why I like lady and larder. Lady and Larder. Lady and Larder, tear that box open, rip them tabs, and slam that cracker down your puss. Remember, if any crumbs go astray, use your tongue, get it outside your face and lick them up. Keep that tongue outside your head. It's a good way to get those crumbs. Lady and louder, now with more of the good stuff that you love. Get it now. What do you think?

Good Well, we have different approaches.

Yeah. You talked in a very depressed way for a while, and then said, It seems like a high sodium content.

In the end, we both appreciate lady crackers for different reasons. You like the clean crunch. I like the lack of overreliance on processed industrial oils.

It's the clean crunch that gives you a munch, and I love it a bunch. See the way it rimes? People love that in an ad. They're not going to remember your sodium content quip, but they're going to remember mine. They should. Do you have an idea for a jingle for this? Do you want to sing a little song about- The company asked us to sing a jingle.

Can you please do the jingle?

I'm not one to sing, but I could tell you I wrote a jingle for Guinness Bier once. I entered a contest in 1996. Oh, what's here? I believe I should have won. Okay, what's here? They may have this regularly. You had to write a limerick. You're familiar with a limerick?

Oh, that's racist, but sure. I live with a leprechaun, and I just ate a four-leaf clover for lunch.

A limerick is a written work that follows a very specific syntax and rhyming structure. Five lines, one, two, and five rhyme, and then three and four rhyme. Guinness had a contest. Come up with a Limerick, and the winner will get, maybe it was a trip to Ireland or something like this. In 1996, I sent in a Limerick, which I have to believe would have run. Do you remember it? I absolutely remember it.

I can't wait to hear it.

The fact that it didn't win tells me that either they lost the mail or the right person didn't look at it.

What's It's the limerick?

Okay, here's the limerick about Guinness beer. Across ire, a young traveler set out on a quest to find fortune, no doubt. As he strolled into Ennis, he was pulled a cold Guinness, hence the lad's pot of gold was that stout.

You know what? That's good. Yeah, that is good. That's very good.

I spent a long time on it.

I hope you didn't spend too long on it.

I want to know what was better than that. I'd like to know Guinness in 1996, what was a better Limerick than that to promote your product? I got no acknowledgement.

There was an old man from Antucket who wanted his young friend to suck it. He said, Guinness, I said. I didn't mean your head. Then the guy kicked the bucket. I just made that up.

That's pretty good.

You know what? I spent no time on it. It's got something dirty in it, so everyone's going to remember it.

Yeah, I feel mine is superior.

Okay, but the point is, you're still bitter that you lost that Guinness contest. Yeah. What was the prize?

I believe it was a trip to Ireland. I can't confirm. Wow, some prize. I don't drink beer myself.

My family fled that place. Let's get out of here. There's nothing to eat.

You're referring to the potato famine?

No. My people fled in 1982. The line at Burger King was too long. We got to get out of here. Let's get to Brooklyn, Mass. They flew over on Air Lingsis. Air Lingsis, that'd be a funny and a limerick. Also dirty. Hey, listen, I thought you did a good job with the ad overall.

Thanks. This land?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, you did a fine job. We're going to take a little break. When we return, Jordan and I will have a deep philosophical discussion. Don't touch that dial. All right, I'm going to move on to our next segment, Conan and Jordan discuss a philosophical question. Frank, why don't you tell us what you had in mind here?

We're going to have a segment here called, Conan and Jordan Have a Philosophical Discussion. Okay. Jordan and Conan, if time travel were possible, would it be ethical?

Well, I think we would redefine our ethics and morality to suit the emergence of new technology. I can't imagine many circumstances in human history where ethics have stopped the progress of technology, unfortunately. A lot of times, conflicts are justification to develop technology. You look at the nuclear technology, both fission and fusion. Originally, fusion. Then later, fission. Fusion, of course, you're taking two light elements and joining them. And fission, you're taking a heavy like a uranium or a plutonium and you're splitting it. Nevertheless, I can't think of situations where technology never advance, at least to my knowledge, because of ethics and morality.

Can I stop you before you get boring? Oh, wait, I'd need a time machine for that. I have to go back nine minutes ago to the start of your... You just got blammoed. My question would be, is sports betting allowed? If sports betting allowed, then definitely, let's have that, let's go back in time. I could clean up. Then you make a lot of money. Then you go back further in time. When land is really cheap, you go to Long Island and you say, Hey there, 16 A80 farmer, what do you want for these nine acres on the ocean? These nine acres? Why I would wish to have $6. $6, hey? Here's $16. Well, thank you. Yep, that's what you would do.

Would you go backwards or forwards? If you had one shot, you'd go backwards. What would you witness first? If you can only witness- I'd go to Ford's Theater and I'd say, Hey, Abe, behind you.

I'd save Abraham Lincoln's life.

But if you are just an observer and had no ability to change anything and you can witness one event, so you could pick the time and place, and you can go back. Would that be it? I mean, just as an intellectual curiosity.

I would go back in time.

You would go back to the assassination of Lincoln. Would you go back? Because Lincoln, there's I don't want to have just one. I don't want to see many things. No, if you had one or two, would you go to the Kennedy assassination to uncover the mystery, or would you go to something where there's certainty, or would you go back to the Jurassic period and look at a dinosaur I've seen Jurassic Park, and I think they probably got it right. Okay, so that doesn't interest you. I don't need to see that.

Would it be the link in the section? I wouldn't go to the Roman Times because I saw Gladiator, and I think that's a good... I think most movies have pretty accurately depicted what those times were like. I think if I go back in time, it's going to I look like that only a little dirtier. People's togas will be dirty. I'll be like, This sucks. I don't want to see that. So, nah, I don't want to see that stuff. I really just want to go to Ford's seat and go, Hey, Abe, heads up. Because you know what? I'll tell you this. Abe Lincoln was 6'4, my height, and a strong back woodsman. He would have turned around. Booth was a relatively small guy and an actor. I've interviewed enough of them to know that they're pretty easy to take in a fight. So he would just clean Booth Booth's clock. That would be fun. Abe would just be whaling on Booth.

And then it would just turn into another failed assassination attempt, which there are many throughout American and world history and wouldn't be as consequential as it was today. In the end, you wouldn't have witnessed a momentous occasion. You would have just witnessed a closer to average occasion.

I would have witnessed the ultimate beat down. Abe Blinken kicks the shit out of some little actor, takes his derringer away and kicks the shit out of him, then throws him off the balcony. Then all the actors that are starring in the play, Our American Cousin, starring Laura Keen, they all start kicking Booth.

You see, you have me inside you. Sometimes you'll give me a straight answer, and you have the facts as well. What you ridicule me for is really a reflection of yourself.

Did you just say that I've had you inside me?

You have me inside you now. Stop.

Don't ever say that again. Don't ever say that again. I don't want you inside me.

What you see and you detest in me lives inside you. That's why you detest it. Don't ever say that. It's a ferocity.

Don't ever say that again. Don't ever, ever say I'm inside you again.

I'm a part of you, and you're a part of me. I've seen you at your best. I've seen you at your worst. We have an incredibly intimate relationship that you don't acknowledge.

We're certainly inside each other. If we're inside each other, then it is intimate. That's hard to do, too. Think of the geometry of that one.

He mentioned where he would go if he could time travel.

Jordan. Yeah. Where would you go? Oh, yeah. This is fascinating. This is a legitimate question. Yeah. Gosh, I'm assuming one shot, one chance. I mean, the question is, future or past, right? Because future is unwritten. Where do you even go? Do you go 10 years? Do you go a thousand years?

I'm not going to take away future. I'm just going to say past.

Oh, past. Well, I would want to witness something. I probably like you wouldn't necessarily want to solve any mystery as much as just witness something. I might go back and witness dinosaurs if I could assure my own safety, and you'd have to be in the right place at the right time. You really have to educate yourself.

Assure your safety. We have to talk to the dinosaurs first and say, Leave that guy alone over there?

I don't want to be killed by a dinosaur. I just want to witness them.

Well, it's going to be a problem. If you go back there, you have to take that into account. Yes, I do have to take it into account. There's a good chance. I could see you being very irritating to a brontesaurus. I could see a brontesaurus being like, I just fucking hate that guy.

It's a brontesaurus.

It is not.

Now, you're just saying- Brontesaurus, of course, the Latin for lizard. You're just saying shit. It's not brontesaurus. Quetzalquatlus. What? You're familiar with Quetzalquatlas, the flying dinosaur? There was a 1982 or 1983 horror movie called Q. Q stood for Quetzalquatlas, or they called it Quetzalquadel. But the actual scientific name is Quetzalquatlas. Quetzalquadel is a Mexican God, I believe. By the way, you know the 1980s?

Just talk over me. That's fine. No.

Quetzalquatlas, if he was a Mexican God, he must have been named after Quetzalquatlas.

Say how you pronounce brontesaurus again. Brontesaurus. Okay. You need to be hit, I'm not going to say with steel rods, but with A denser wood. Like a wood, but it's a dense wood, like a mahogany. You need to be hit with mahogany because no one says that. Even a brontesaurus, if it just heard that, would put both of its giant paws in front of its eyes and just be like, Oh, my God, what a dick. No, it's not. How do you say pterodactyl?

Pterodactyl.

Why do you say these things like Dracula?

I'm just looking at the root of the word. I understand that these words have Latin roots, and I look at the root of the word and I use it properly. I'm not one of those people that says alum or hapazardly throws out the word alumni improperly. What do you say? Well, if I'm talking about a man, it's alumnus. And if I'm talking about... For God's sake. Okay, we'll see what you're doing. When you're talking about a man, you got an alumnus. A woman is an alumna, right? Two men or a mixed group is alumni, and two women or multiple women is alumne. The word alum is not based in any reality. Conventional wisdom says, Now, if you're using it express gender neutrality in a modern way, that's fine. But you have to know all the rules before you break them. That's what air supply said in Making Love Out of Nothing at All. I know all the rules. I know how to break them. Written by Jim Stiman, who, of course, was an author, famous songwriter. He would act through his muses. He couldn't sing himself, Jim Stiman. So we got meatloaf. He got Céline Dion.

He even got Air Supply, who I believe Max Weinberg played with Air Supply in 1986. Do me a favor. Go back and visit the dinosaurs.

Go visit the dinosaurs. That's my request. Go back and visit the dinosaurs and just stand around and see what happens. Okay? And If you get stomped or crushed, that's just what happens.

You're an alumnus of Harvard University, okay?

No, I'm an alumnus of Harvard University. Are we going to say it correctly or not?

I don't know what that was.

Alvada University. If you're going to say it, just say it.

You gave a great speech at Dartmouth College? Nope.

I gave a great speech at Dartmouth College.

You may remember the success of your speech, but I remember some of the events that happened surrounding that. There were dinners. You came with me when I gave you. Yes. There were dinners with alumni of that school who have gone on to achieve greatness, captains of industry, CEOs of major company who I hold on customer service with for 45 minutes, were coming up and giving me their business card. And all these people respected and revered you. They wanted to talk to you. They wanted to meet you. Because absent the ability to intimately know somebody, people use certain classificative data to assess you as a person. They know what your education is. They know some of the facts that I know you on an intimate level. I know what they don't know. So while these captains of industry were coming up and respecting you and talking to you. They had their tweed jackets, and you probably had some tweed jacket as well because that's the role you play when you go to an Ivy League school.

I also had a Falcon on my shoulder.

They're coming up and talking to you. I know the real you. I know that you're an animal. I know that you're eating hot dogs, you're eating Big Macs in your spare time, and then you get all dressed up and cleaned up and you talk intelligently to these academics. But I know the real you behind the curtain.

That's all I'm saying. Well, if an animal is someone who eats fast food, then call me an animal and call most Americans an animal. I love the United States of America. I really do love this country. For you to attack it that way, I think, is not just scandalous, but treasonous.

You're thinking in your head as they're talking to you, you're thinking, Yes, they respect me. Yes, I am respectable and sophisticated. Then you go home and you shove your face with your crackers or with your crackers of different seed oils. You're just, Look at it. He lost it. Or industrial oil, soybean oil. You lost it. The wheels just came off the trolley. The wheels just came off the trolley. No, I'm eating lady crackers and you're eating Ritz. In your hotel room at Dartmouth after weeping in the corner in your tidy whited. I just gave this speech. These people respected me. This is insane. I'm an academic. I'm wearing this tweed jacket. I know you're an animal. You're wimpering in the corner eating Ritz.

We're ending it here. You know what you've had? You've had a complete breakdown today. I can tell always because you get a fiendish look on your eyes, your eyes arch up, you start to smile.

That's my face. That's the face I have. No, no, no. You're talking about my physical condition.

Then you lost your mind. You started spiraling on the word cracker, and you lost it. You flamed out. Now, a bunch of men are rushing up to you and pouring foam over you so that you don't burn to death. Jordan, this was a great episode. It was a great episode because you came out of the gate hot, and then you ended up in this spectacular explosion. I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for anyone who's in your life. But I also love you. When I say I love you, I'm lying. It's just not true. Anyway, this has been episode 2 of the Konan and Jordan Show. I think one of the most fascinating shows in the history of any medium. It's unrehearsed. We never know what we're going to talk about. We just play with this spinning top that is Jordan Schlansky.

Medium comes from the Latin medium, the singular media or media being the words. The term.