Transcript of Don’t Sit Under The Walnut Tree

Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Konan? Visit teamcoco. Com/callkonan. Okay, let's get started.

Hi, Muntasser. Welcome to Konan O'Brien needs a fan.

I love it. Hey, Muntasser. Hi, guys.

How are you? Hi, Konan.

Okay, there's a lot to talk about here. First of all, I want to make sure I'm saying your name correctly How do you say your name?

It's Muntasser.

Muntasser. Yeah, exactly. Muntasser. Very nice to talk to you. It looks like Lederhosen you're wearing.

Yeah, exactly. I thought I should dress fancy for Konan. This is my lederhose.

Oh, very nice. Yes, I do like it when my guests wear lederhosen. I think that's well known.

Actually, there is another reason for me wearing my lederhose. I am applying or trying to get the Austrian citizenship. I have been wearing this for a month and running back and forth in front of the mayor's office. He hasn't helped yet, but hopefully it will help at some point. Incredible.

Really? Well, that sounds like as good a plan as any, Muntasar, to get citizenship in Austria is to run back and forth of the mayor's office, worrying later, Hosen. Muntasar, where are you from originally?

I am from Iraq, and I fled to Austria nine years ago, in 2015.

How did you... Can you describe how you said you fled to Austria from Iraq? How did you do it?

I just took the longest hike ever, and I landed in Austria somehow.

Did you really tell... You told the Iraqis, I'm going on a hike. Don't worry about me. I'll be back. Don't wait up. Don't worry about the fact that I'm wearing 19 canteens. And later hosen. And later hosen. I'm not going to Austria.

This is how I got in, actually. I got in with my later hosen. They didn't suspect me. You said this is just my...

I'm into bondage. This is not later hosen. I'm into Two bondage. Don't worry about it. I'm impressed. You essentially walked all the way from Iraq to Austria. That's an incredible story.

Yeah. To Turkey, it wasn't a problem. I flew to Turkey. That went fast. Then from Turkey to Austria, I pretty much walked most or half of the way, let's say. Sometimes I got to use train now and then or a bus. But yeah, and a lot of times I just was hiking. Wow.

So you arrived in Austria and you've established yourself now. You've been living in Austria in Linz for quite a while now?

Yeah, it's been nine years, so the first few years weren't that easy, but I started studying here. I have finished my bachelor, and I'm teaching now in a private Catholic school in my I also train beginners swimming, so I teach swimming as well. I teach physical education and English in a middle school.

I have to say, Muntasar, you're an I'm a progressive person. I think you deserve a lot of credit because to be so young to leave your country pretty much on foot, make your way all the way to Austria, and then establish yourself, that's a feat. That's a real accomplishment. Many people don't accomplish a quarter of that in a lifetime. So my hat's off to you. That's very cool.

Thanks, thanks, Konan. This means the world to me coming from you. This is like Yeah, it's crazy.

Well, I've never done anything like that. So I think you're the one to be respected here. Tell me a little bit about your life now. What's going on in your life? Besides, I know what you do for work, and I I know that you're applying for citizenship in Austria, but what's your life like?

Well, it's not much. Austria is a pretty much small country. It's not much going on. I have got a new apartment a few months ago. I've got an Austrian girlfriend.

Let's hear about your Austrian girlfriend. What about her? Yeah, I just like to hear about her. Tell us about your girlfriend.

Well, she is Austrian from the Alps, from the heart of the Alps. We live in Upper Austria, between the mountains. She is five years younger than me, so she doesn't really think that I am cool. Just from a five-year-age gap?

And you walked across all of Europe.

Keep in mind, he's wearing later hosen. That's true. He's wearing later hosen. She's seeing that.

We're getting Snippet.

So your girlfriend is younger. What's her name?

Isabella.

So Isabella is Austrian. She's your girlfriend, and she doesn't think you're cool.

No, not really. I'm still trying to convince her.

Well, what do you think would help make you look cool to your girlfriend?

Well, Konan, that was my next request is for you to come to Austria, and maybe we could wear Austrian later, Hosen, go to a beer tent, and impress, and take my girlfriend with us. My girlfriend will see the girls going crazy at us, of course, and then she will be like, I should keep this.

Muntasr. Oh, no. Muntasr. Oh, no. Muntasr. I know people think I'm crazy and deluded, and that's partially true, but I'm not that deluded. I don't think you're a beautiful young girlfriend from Austria.

Maybe, though, standing next to you, this is a like, she'll look and go, Oh, he is pretty cool.

You know? Maybe. Exactly. Okay. It's always good I have friends with me here in the trenches firing their rifles into my side as I fight the good fight. Muntasar. Muntasar, yeah, I just want to make sure we get your plan straight. Your plan is, you would say it again, you would like me to come to Austria to help you look cool in front of your girlfriend, and what would we do? Exactly.

That is my plan. I mean, we could have another plan as... You are a powerful man, so you could come to Austria and convince the government to give me a citizenship. If my later Hosen plan doesn't go I have to tell you something right now, Muntasar.

Your later Hosen plan is not going to work out. Running around in front of the mayor's office wearing later hosen will not yield results. I don't know that I can do anything, but I do know this. Anything I do will be better than your later hosen plan. The idea is maybe I help you get citizenship, but the main thing I'm interested in is young people in love. That's what I care about. Does your girlfriend even know who I am?

Yeah, she knows who you are. I introduce her to your videos, to your sketches, and she likes them, of course. I showed her your sketch of you and Andy Richter in Munich, where you were learning how to dance the Schuhplatler.

Yeah, Schuhplatler. Yes, that's a very fun. I love that video.

Yeah, she loves it as well.

Okay, so she's aware, and she's then seen me in later hosen, which is good. I believe I'm wearing later hosen in that, and so is Andy. Exactly. I remembered it being very tight and sensual. I kept asking them to make it tighter, and then there was a certain limit where they just they stopped. Sona? Sorry. It's very constricting. That's all you need to know. I don't need to know. I don't need to know that. I'm going to do a little drawing for you. No, we're good. That pen ran out of me. You're good. No, there's actually more. I can always replace- We go tighter in Austria.

We go tighter than the Germans.

Yes, that's why I prefer Austria. Titer. Muntasar, I would be your wingman is what you're saying. You're familiar with the American term wingman? I would be your wingman. By being your wingman, maybe Isabella would be more interested in you, think you were cooler. Is that the idea?

Yes. I don't know. She goes to music festivals that last for several days. She's going to a music festival next week, I think. They last several days, and it's just loud and too many people. I would rather watch my beard grow for four days than be in a music festival. It's just the last place that I I want to be. Yeah, not so much in color.

No, I'm with you, Muntasar. My daughter loves a music festival, and they go on for days. I like some music, but when it goes on and on and on and everybody's twirling around. Yeah, it's not for me. I would rather be at home.

Sleeping in tents and getting sweaty.

No, that's- That's not for you. No.

No. I go to the museum. I don't know. I go I like to climb trees and pick walnuts, for example. That is another thing I do.

Gee, I don't see what the problem is with Isabella. She's got a boyfriend who likes to wear tyrolian.

You're from a fairytale.

Yeah, you're a fairytale man. You love to wear laterhosen, climb trees and pick walnuts, and she to waste her time at a Taylor Swift concert. No one likes that. I'm worried about you, Muntasar, because I identify with you. I'm a strange man myself. It's very rare that we end up with the cool girl. It's just this tricky one.

Yeah. But if you come to Austria, maybe, and you do that, you will I think, Well, Konan is climbing a tree and picking walnuts, so that is probably cool. I will get you a nice health insurance in Austria, a nice cheap one, and we will go to the Alps.

You have, Muntasar, you have the... I have to say you have the worst ideas for how to get citizenship and how to impress your girlfriend. You're not calling Brad Pitt. You're not calling any of these super cool people. I'll get Konan O'Brien to pick walnuts with me. My girlfriend will see that, and then it's sex ahoy.

Well, maybe I'm just using her as an excuse for you to come and pick walnuts with me.

She doesn't exist, does she?

I don't think this girlfriend's real. You'll keep saying she's just there around that corner. Look at his mug.

Yeah, show us that mug.

Hey, you got a Team Coco mug. This is my Konan, Team Coco mug. Konan, you are applauding, but I'm not sure if I got it from the official website. You probably didn't get any money for this one. It's okay. It's a bootleg. My friend got it for me as a birthday present for one and a half dollars.

It's probably Well, Muntasar, I bet if you put it in the wash once, it'll say, World's best golfer on it.

It was written conal with a K. I'll change it.

Muntasar, I like you. You're a good guy. You're a good guy. Quick question. This is important for me to know. Do you and Isabella live together?

No, actually, I'm trying to convince her to come to my city and live with me because I've just got a new apartment.

Are you in your apartment right now or are you- No, this is my friend's room.

I'm staying here because he has a nice headgear and a nice left.

It looks like a room that a Lego figure would live in. I thought you were waiting for an elevator. Yeah.

It's a dormitory. It's a student's place.

Okay, so you have an apartment now, and you would like her to come live in the apartment. Does she like your apartment?

Well, I haven't decorated the apartment yet, but she lives in a very nice house with the lakes and the mountains. Here in the city, we don't have lakes or mountains.

She has her own house or she live with her parents?

No, she lives with her parents still.

Oh, that's tough. It's tough to get her away from that nice big mansion and come live with you in Walnut tree.

No. Yeah, that's the thing. I have a new apartment, but I haven't decorated it yet.

Are you good at decor? Do you think maybe if you may- No, I'm horrible. Okay, well, listen, maybe if you made the apartment look cool enough, right? I mean, Sona, you jump in here. If a guy was trying to entice you to move in with him, if he made the space look cool enough, would that entice you?

I think it would be more, can I put my own stuff in there and make it cool myself? I see. But yeah, it does make a difference if you put the effort in, I think, instead of an apple crate for your TV stand and stuff, which I've seen and dated guys like that. I didn't love it.

I didn't love it. You dated guys that would just use stuff from a construction site to make a bookcase, right?

Yes, I did. I did. I was younger. It's okay.

It's okay. Everyone's done it. We've all been there and done that.

Yeah, we have. Everyone's done it.

If you got, for instance, a nice big bowl for your walnuts on the table, like a fine bowl.

I have got one, actually. Sure you did. She got it for me.

Oh, she got it for you. Oh, that's nice. She said, These are for your walnuts. That's when you knew you were in love.

I think what's important- Maybe she thought I would use it for something.

Muntasar, I think what's important is that you don't decorate your apartment the the way you would. Do you know what I mean? I think that's very important. I don't know. I don't know either.

I think he should be himself.

You said, Sona, that it's important to ask her what she likes and maybe make the apartment yield to some of her esthetic wishes. Is that a possibility?

Well, how about you help me decorate my apartment according to your taste, and then Okay.

Does she like Civil War memorabilia? Oh, no.

Yes, I think she does. I haven't asked her, but I will answer for her. She does. All three of you.

Conen has a Civil War memorabilia tree that even climbs up and kicks memorabilia.

All three of you can go furniture shopping together. The three of us can. Then she can put in her two cents. But I'm nervous about you.

You shouldn't be.

Or even Muntasser just doing it all on two-zone.

I don't know why you would look at Muntasser and look at me and be worried that we don't know what a woman finds sexy. Okay, sorry. I think you're out of your mind.

Yeah, sorry.

Muntasser, I'm very impressed by you. I think your personal story is incredible. What you've done to single-handedly forge your life through a lot of hard work and taking some risks is amazing. You're a very impressive guy. I would do anything I could to help you with Isabella. I would try not to hurt things. I would try to just only make things better.

Thank you, Kona. Thank you. I will make a whole list of things you can do for me to fix my life and everything, and I will send it to team Coco.

My career has taken some weird turns. I now just have massive to-do lists, and I rush around the globe running small errands. You're like the Mary Poppins.

Well, you haven't been to Austria, so I have still- I've never been to Austria.

I would love to go to Austria, and I would love to meet you and personally shake your hand because I think I'm lucky to have a fan like you, Muntasar. You're a cool guy. Thank you.

Well, I have been listening to you, watching your stuff for years since my beginning in Austria, and I watched thousands thousands of videos, and I laughed at least 12 times.

That's the ratio. That is the ratio, Muntasar.

At least. I said at least, so it's probably more.

It's always been 3,000 to 12. It's been the ratio.

There were some difficult times where your videos helped me a lot. I used to just be alone and giggle with watching your 'Conan Without Borders.

Oh, nice.

Jordan Schlansky stuff.

Well, you know what? The important thing is now we know each other. I know you now Muntasar, and I hope I get to know you better, but I'm very lucky to have a fan like you.

Thank you, Konan. Thank you very much. All right. I think it means the world to me.

I think it's time you go in waxed and oiled your clothing. And your wall does. Yeah. All right. Well, take care, Muntas, sir.

Bye. Thank you. Thank you, Konan. Bye-bye. Thank you, guys. Konan O'Brien needs a fan.

With Konan O'Brien, Sonam Obsesion, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and nick Liao. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer, Aaron Blerd. Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm. Com/conin. Please rate, review, and subscribe to, 'Conon O'Brien Needs a Fan' wherever fine podcasts are down.

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