Transcript of Oatmeal Milk

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Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Konan? Visit teamcoco. Com/callkonan. Okay, let's get started.

Hey.

Hi, Mustafa. Welcome to Konan O'Brien Needs a Fan.

Hey, Mustafa.

Hey, Konan. Oh, my God. Sona, Konan, Matt. Konan, I'm being a fan boy right now. Thank you for inviting me here.

Well, of course. We're very happy to meet you, Mustafa. Tell us, where are you right now?

I'm in Bagu City, Philippines.

Bagu City, Philippines? Where is that? I know where Manila is. How close are you to Manila?

Because now we have a new highway. It will take you around 3-4 hours to reach Bagu City. If you take the highway. If you take the highway. If you want to go through the scenic route, it will take you seven hours.

What if I was hopping on one foot?

I never thought of that.

You got to think of these things, Mustafa, if you're going to be giving people directions. Tell us a little bit Sorry. Tell us a little bit about yourself, Mustafa. What are your interests? What do you like to do? Who is Mustafa?

Mustafa. I am trying to be the Philippines' greatest action star. That is my goal right now. I quit my job when I was in Dubai, working for 10 years. I said, You know what? I'm going to take a bet on myself and try to be an action star in the Philippines. I'm half Filipino, half Arabic, and half amazing. Wow. Sorry, but I had to get that out.

I like this. I like that you're betting on yourself. I like that about you. Okay, if you want to be an action star, let me ask you a question. Some action stars are martial artists. Are you trained to be a fighter?

I'm trained to be a fighter, yes. I'm actually a martial artist. I live the martial arts life. I've been a martial artist ever since the age of eight. I've been a delinquent for so long when I was younger, getting to fight because I was born angry. I just want to fight. I look different from a typical Jordanian. I grew up in Jordan. I look Japanese, so people were constantly bullying me. Then when I went to the Philippines, I don't look Filipino, so I was also bullied. I got into a lot of scrapes.

You know what, Mustafa, there's There's a song by Johnny Cash, the singer Johnny Cash, a boy named Sue. The whole idea is that a man names his boy Sue, and then he's picked on all of his life, but he becomes an amazing fighter because his dad called him Sue. What you're basically saying is you've never felt like you fit in, so you've become an amazing fighter.

Well, I don't want to say I'm an amazing fighter. If you want to describe me, I am amazing at protecting my family. That is my goal right now is to be amazing at protecting them.

Well, that's admirable because if trouble breaks out, I will leave my family.

Believe me, I tried.

I will leave them to fight the bad guy and I will take an Uber to the airport and go to a safe haven that I have prepared for myself.

Believe me, I tried, but people will look at me badly, so I have to keep up the image.

See, I lost all my self-respect a long time ago. People look at me badly now. Tell me, what martial arts do you practice?

I started with karate. When I was young, I trained in karate. I reached almost a blue belt in karate when I was young. I trained in judo, a Brazilian jiu-jitsu. I've taken also the Filipino martial arts harness. I'm a silver medalist in that. I've been training in boxing ever since 2003. Then I trained really hard to be an MMA fighter for Arabic League, but it felt good because I got injured. But yeah, so that's... I might be forgetting something.

Let me ask you a quick question. Do you think... Some people practice martial arts, and they only use it in the gym, but they could never incorporate it into their lives. Do you think if I jumped out and attacked you from nowhere, you'd be prepared?

I I hope so as much as possible, yes. I am practicing something called zanshin. I'm not saying I am perfect at it. I'm still a student as of now. It is basically zanshin. It means in Japanese martial arts, it's the state of relaxed alertness. I have to always be prepared. My body has always to be prepared. My senses, I never dull my senses as much as possible when I'm outside.

I hope so, but- Sanchen, it's called because I feel like I practice zanshin in comedy. I You do. I do. I am calm, but also always ready for any attack. Ready for a bit.

You're just ready for a bit.

Or an attack.

I actually believe that. Matt? I actually believe that.

But I think that I am calm, but I'm constantly, I know what you're talking about, constantly aware that at any moment the calm could break and I must be ready.

Exactly.

Except instead of chops, it's sarcastic aside. Yes. It's very similar.

You're chopping, but the chopping has nothing to do with it.

Tell me, what can you tell me? Because I would like to get better at fighting. Why do you laugh? That's very hurtful to me, Mustafa. You've hurt my feelings. Why would you laugh? I know why Sona's laughing because she can actually see what my arms look like in person. But why are you laughing?

No, I'm just laughing because fighting should always be the last option. But yeah.

I like it. I want it to be the first option. Oh, no. I I'd like to rent this. I'd like to take out this library book. Well, let me check. Bam. I want it now.

Yeah, punch immediately. I feel the same sometimes.

Tell me about the strike. The strike is important, right?

Yeah. A strike. I like that form. A strike should always come from zero to 100. Zero to 100. You should never telegraph.

That was like, I've measured this. This is 22 miles an hour.

Is that bad? It's just a saying. For example, you never should never accelerate it from zero to 10 to 20 or never telegraph your punch. It's got to be instant.

Show me yours.

I don't know if I have space or if you're here. Yeah, let's see it. For example, no, Sorya, please don't hit me.

That was fast. I like that.

I like you also played different characters.

Yeah, that was really good. Please don't help me, sir.

Wait, the guy doesn't want you to hit him, but then you hit him? Is this a scenario?

That was the confusing scenario. That was the confusing I have to do what he said, right?

How about this?

Look at my scenario. Wait, is this oak milk?

It's not.

Jesus.

It's going to be justifiable. Justifiable. I will do the same.

It was nothing intimidating about what you just did. I wanted almond milk. If it was almond milk, it could be intimidating. But no, that was not intimidating at all. It's okay.

You're just not that sad. The only scenario I could come up with was a guy who wanted oak milk and didn't get it. Then he has to go. That's his only choice.

To be fair, somebody ordering Oatmeal, it means he's ready to go for a fight. No, it's oak milk.

To be fair. No, it's not oak meal. It's oak milk. Sorry. Now I'm going to fight you.

I thought you were drinking Oatmeal. Sorry.

Oatmeal, that's not what I said. Let me ask you a question, Mustafa, because it's always good to know who the competition is. Because you want to be an action star in the Philippines. Is there an action star now? Who's the reigning action star?

The top action star here in the Philippines, believe it or not, his name is Koko Martin. Koko Martin.

Can we look him up? Can we look up Koko Martin? Let's see this guy. This is the guy you want to replace. He's currently, right? Oh, my God. That's what? That?

Action? What? He looks like he's from a boy band.

Yeah.

He is handsome. He's a good-looking guy.

He looks like he's here to host Extra. Extra, extra. It's a new You're coming out. Bad Boys 9 is coming out, and we're going to talk to the cast. Wait, so that's Coco. I think you're tougher than Coco. Yeah.

Thank you. Actually, when you say that, it makes my heart on fire. I'm going to punch somebody now.

Okay, wow. That's interesting. God forbid you ever fall in love. You'll kill someone.

I'm tough.

Yeah, but listen, I believe in you. I think you could be an action star. I think, first of all, back me up on this, guys. This is a good-looking guy. He's good-looking. He's got it. And guess what? You have a lot of personality and you're clearly well-trained. I think you should be an action star. And also, when I see the existing action star you guys have, I'm like, No, he's a weatherman in Denver. You're the guy. You're the guy. You're the guy, Mustafa.

Oh, thank you.

And also, you appeal to so You're from so many different groups. You come from your ethnicity. Because your ethnicity is mixed, you appeal to so many different groups. That's very cool.

What if you were an action movie villain and you're the hero, if we could just role play it real quickly, what that would be like, this is your big chance to shine.

You want to try something right now? Let's do a scene. Let's just say it's always revenge. Okay. You're just going to be Mustafa, okay? But early in the film, you were hanging around with all your pals and your buddies, and I killed all of them. Killed all of them, and you managed to get away. I thought I killed you, but you got away, and you've slowly been killing everyone in my entourage. Finally, you break into the room where I am. Okay?

And action.

Okay. I finally found you. Okay, let's try that again. You go first and do exactly what you just did. And action.

I finally found you.

I was told you were dead.

Well, I'm not dead because I drink Oatmeal milk. Is it correct? Oatmeal?

I never drink It's correct. You just dropped character to find out whether it was Oatmeal milk or Oatmeal, which now makes you much less frightening to me.

Sorry, sorry, corona. Sorry, Connor. I can go with that one.

Mustafa, I I fear you when you burst in here and I killed all your friends, but now not so much because you seem so apologetic about if it's oatmeal or oatmeal milk. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Yes, Connor. You What's going on? Today is the day you die because my fist go from zero to 18 miles an hour in four minutes. I'm going to beat you to death. What do you think of that, Mustafa?

I think. Wait, I'm lost. I got it. Here we go. You throw me off, Konan.

The name of the film is Bring It. You just look at me and you say, Bring It.

Konan, bring it.Yes..

All right, I go to hit you. You block, right? Block me. Yes. Then, thank you for that. That's a great sound effect. Thank you. I'm going to keep trying to strike you. You keep blocking, and Matt, you make the sound effect. Okay.

I hate your Oatmeal milk.

Stop with the Oatmeal milk. It was a simple misunderstanding over a Zoom.

You know what? I told you you should drink regular milk. Who drinks that milk, Ronan?

I'm Wackoach Intolerant. The only thing I can do is switch to... Shut the... Who was that? That was the sound of your biceps. Okay, so then you do one round house kick where you twirl around and you knock my head off my body. Gustafa, do it.

Okay, but I'm sitting down, so I'm going to do it via chair.

Okay.

This. I got to return to the other side. I dropped my earphones and everything. I got to fix it right now. Thanks a lot, Thomas, for making me do this. Technical difficulty, guys. Sorry about that.

I love that. When we shoot this scene, Mustafa, and I do hope we shoot this scene, we're going to figure out a way that your character falls into an office chair and then has to do a round house kick. Okay? Maybe you catch me and I'm in an office supply store. Yeah, that's good. Wow, that was really funny. I love it. I think I'm telling you 100% God's Honest Truth. You have charisma. All the best action heroes also can be funny. Do you know what I mean? Dwayne the Rock Johnson is really funny. A lot of these guys are funny, and they can play the comedy, too, and I think you can do that. But I think you've got what it takes. I really do.

Conan, no joking. You You are really my idol. I really look up to you, and you say that really humbles me. I'm very grateful for that.

When you say I'm your idol, do you mean as a fighter and a physical specimen?

No, actually, to be honest, as a comedic genius and as a person, I idolize you. Okay. Ever since I was young.

Well, you know what? That's a very sweet thing to say, Mustafa. I am going to get in amazing shape because I'd like to meet you. Listen, if I can make you an action star in the Philippines First of all, I would participate, I think, financially. Maybe we could work something out, right?

Okay. I can be paid by oatmeal.

Okay, enough with that. I won't be mocked on my own show.

I will not be mocked. I will not be mocked. Sorry, I love you, but I love you.

Okay, well, listen, I'm very excited about this guy. I think you've got a lot of charisma and talent, and I'm honored to meet you. I'm really honored to meet you. I've never been To the Philippines, I have a friend, a close friend, who's from the Philippines, and he always wants me to try. He says, If I go to the Philippines, I should eat Balot. Do you like Balot?

I can't try everything, but Balot, I die whenever I eat that. Every time I eat it, for one second, I'm in heaven and I see Jesus Christ and I go, What did I just eat? Wow.

It's like a communion wafer to you. You really like Balot. What is it? Balot is an egg, a boiled egg, but they've let the little baby grow a little bit inside the check. I've seen these. When you bite into it, there's a little crunch of 10. A little beek? You get a little beak? You get a little beak. You get a little... Yes, this is something that they eat in the Philippines. And guess what? Every culture is different and people love it, right? People love Balot.

Yeah. Look, I'm not here to disrespect I can't expect anyone, but I cannot eat it. The taste is okay, but the texture, you see the- Yes, the crunching, and then you know what it is.

Yeah. And sometimes it's old enough to go, Please, no. Chep, chep. Don't load it, please. No, please. Chep, no. Chep, chep.

That's the bird. I just think it's alive, but yeah, that's your imagination. You'll be imagining it.

Maybe it survived and it's just like, I could still... Okay, I'm cooked, but I could still grow. Too much?

I'm toasty.

No. Okay, that bite hurt and I lost half my body, but still alive.

Listen, maybe I went too far.

You never know, Mustafa. You never know in my business because I, too, am always aware and ready to go in any direction at any time with any movement. Too far. Or not quite far enough. Mustafa, I wish you well. I really do. I hope we get to make that action movie someday together. I think that'll be a lot of fun.

Thank you, Connor. Thank you. Thank you for giving me the chance to talk to you. It's a dream come true. Sona, Matt, it's an honor to meet you guys. I will cherish this for the rest of my life. If you're in the Philippines, I will gladly have you here, and please visit the Philippines. You'll have fun here.

I think I would. I can't wait. I want to do it someday. I really do.

We'll get into our fight scene together.

We're going to do our fight scene, and I'm going to work out for the first time in my life. Mustafa, you take care. Be and I hope to see you soon.

Hope to see you soon as well. Thank you, everyone, for inviting me. It's a great honor. Thank you.

Have a nice day. Bye. Take care.

Bye-bye. Bye.

Konan O'Brien needs a fan. With Konan O'Brien, Sonam O'Sessian and Matt Gourly. Produced by me, Matt Gourly. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and nick Leal. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer, Aaron Blaird. Associate talent producer, producer Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of Serious XM when you sign up at siriusxm. Com/conon. Please rate, review, and subscribe to 'Conon O'Brien Needs a Fan' wherever fine podcasts are down.

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