Transcript of Matt Gourley Needs A Fan

Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Konan? Visit teamcoco. Com/callkonan. Okay, let's get started.

Hey, guys.

Hi, Sid. Welcome to Konan O'Brien needs a fan.

Hello. Thank you so much.

Hey, Sid. How are you?

Hey, Matt. Hey, David. Hi.

You can leave. What the hell was that? You got Konan O'Brien in the room. You got the Queen of England in the room, and you're talking to the footman. What are you doing?

Here's what it is.

Okay.

This is the inaugural episode of Matt Gourley Needs a Fan.

Nice.

Look at you. You've got a James Bond poster and a cat back there. You are God damn right.

Wow, this is great.

Listen, I am very secure in my Fame, and I will allow Matt Gourley to have one fan, and that can be you, Sid, as long as you remain in Budapest and never leave. I can never meet him. You can never meet him. That I will not allow. You meeting a fan, I won't have it. All right.

No, well, this is- Groly, I'll come to Pasadena and I'll find you. How about that?

Oh, my God. Sounds like you already know where he lives. Sounds ominous. Well, tell us a little bit about yourself. We already know that you... Do you listen to this podcast at all, or you only listen to Matt Gourley products?

Well, here's the thing. First of all, I listen to this podcast religiously. There you go.

I'm like Trump. I'm like Trump. You really need to blow a lot of hot air my way, and then I come around.

All right, okay. You're like him in a lot of ways.

I'm a lot like him. It's true. I bloviate. I have insane hair. I spend a lot of time in Florida. But anyway, so go ahead. Tell us the story. You listen to this. I like how this is starting. You listen to the Conan O'Brien podcast all the time. Go ahead.

Yeah, and I relisten to episodes as well. I find certain ones that comfort me a lot. I'm a big fan of the podcast, but I have to be honest, Konan, it was your podcast that made me a fan of you.

You mean it was Matt's podcast? It wasn't yours. It wasn't your- It wasn't your- It was-Oh, wait a minute. I'm sorry. This is episode one.

We'll see how it goes.

But what I'm saying is, you didn't know about me at all, and then you started listening to my podcast.

Well, I knew your name. I knew your face. I saw your little walk on cam, you in the office and stuff like that.

You saw no reason to pursue. I heard your name and I saw your face, and I was out. I love that he knows me from my cameo on the office. That's fantastic. Listen, here's my attitude about all of this.

You want to know the fucked up thing about that? I thought you were Craig Kilbourg. Yeah.

Wow. That's a name I haven't heard in a while. I know, yeah. Listen, I said, This is good for me. You're like a loofer for my ego. You're scrubbing away at it, removing all the dead layers. So I welcome this. I have too many people on the street saying, I want to do you, do me now. We walk around with you. Have you ever heard? No, I've never heard that. This is in my mind.

But I've heard you say that last night.

I I say it. I say it to myself.

No, but Sid- He walks around with the earbud.

It's just a recording of me on a loop. Sid, I am fine. I like that you... Here's how I feel. I'm like a drug dealer in that as long as I get you on heroine, I don't care how you came to like it. When people say to me, Oh, I only knew you from your failed line of designer jeans in 1996, I'm like, I don't care as long as I got you in the door.

But now I feel like I have to apologize because I'm responsible for getting you hooked on this heroine. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Because you were a Gurley fan, right? You listened to Gourly's podcast. Which one?

Yeah. Okay. Matt, genuinely, I am a bit star-strung talking to you. Oh, you got it.

Come on. No, I'm liking this.

This is good. This makes me so uncomfortable. You're so sweet.

I understand that, but I do have to say it. But you and I had a brief interaction on Twitter, actually, back when it was Twitter, a few years ago, where I said that you were more instrumental in forming my comedic voice than anyone else. That's through me listening to the James Bonding podcast. Oh, my God. From day one, over and over, actually. I've relistened the entire run, I think maybe six or seven times. Wow. It was when you were talking to Mad Myra about working with Konan that I was like, Oh, shit. Gourly's got another podcast. Let me check the Konan thing. Oh, yeah.

He's got another podcast with ugly face from the Office cameo. I believe I said Craig Kilbour. Yeah, weird name, ugly face from the cameo. Well, I'm going to... Sid, I honor your love of Gourly. He's very talented, very funny. This is all a great day in my life occurred when I met this gentleman. No, seriously, this is all not going to irritate me. It's not going to irritate me at all.

Yeah, you seem fine.

I'm going to get over this.

I'm going to put the knife away.

Speaking of heroine, I'd like just a little taste right I want to disassociate from my emotions at the moment. No, but that's great. I'm glad, but we'll go back to Gourly, but I want to find out a little bit about you, okay? Because part of the whole reason for this podcast, where I talk to people around the world, is to find out what they're up to, and then we can return to the great Matt Gourdes. Tell us about yourself. What do you do? Are you native to Budapest? Tell us about yourself.

Matt Matt, is it okay if I answer that question? Yes.

I will allow it, but you've got 20 seconds, then we get back to me.

Well, okay. I'm not native to Budapest. Good pronunciation, by the way, Konan. I am originally Indian.

I have such an ugly face. I have a lot of time to get pronunciations right because no one invites me out. But go ahead.

I don't want it to be on the record that I find you ugly because I don't. I find you to be a very attractive man. Let's just get that out. Yeah, I'm originally Indian. I left there when I was very young, when I was eight. I was basically raised in Central Eastern Europe. I lived in Prague for a couple of years. For the last 25 years, I've been here in Budapest. I'm essentially a local here, but I don't present as such, obviously.

Do people in Budapest think that you are a tourist often?

When I was a teenager, they thought I was a member of the Roma population, and so they would get a little bit nervous that I was going to steal something from them or behave in an unsavery way or whatever.

Did you live in the States? Did you live in America because of your accent?

Are you asking because the accent? Yeah. There's an I went to school here, and that's where I went to school.

But I mean, the fact that you could do that accent. You've been in the United States. You spent a lot of time here?

No, you went to an American school. No. There's an American international school here in Budapest. That's where I went to school. Wow.

That's very impressive that you would... I mean, honestly, I feel like if I was just talking to you on the phone, I'd feel like you were from Rhein, New York. Yeah. It's incredible that you A school can provide that, give you such a- Yeah.

Did movies and James Bond movies have anything to do with that? I know they're English, but…

Well, it's weird. It was more cartoons, actually, because when I left India, it was a lot of cartoons, but the bugs, bunnies, and the cartoon networks of the world. But obviously, when I speak to my family, I still speak with an Indian accent, so I code switch.

But that happens. I go back to Boston. I haven't lived in Boston since 1981. I haven't really been. That's not true. 1985. But when I drift back to Boston, I find certain things coming out. I'm much more abrasive, intoler. The Bill Bur and you comes out. Yeah, suddenly, little short quips and short breaths. I'm an insane driver suddenly. So that can happen. What do you do for a profession?

What is your- What's the bread on my table? I'm the head of marketing for a cheese company, which is run by my childhood friend. So he's the CEO. It's like a family-run company. So I'm their head of marketing. On the side, I also dabble in stand-up, but obviously, that doesn't pay anything.

Well, I don't know. I mean, it might. Is there a thriving stand-up scene in Budapest?

It's not bad. It's pretty good, but I guess the market for it is limited because you have a couple of filters. You have, number one, people who are interested in comedy, which in a former Soviet country is also questionable. There's people interested people who are interested in comedy who speak English, people interested in comedy who speak English who actually want to go to a basement bar on a weekday. There's a few levels. But we draw a crowd. There's a few very talented people that I admire a lot. Yeah, it's pretty good. It's an up and coming scene. It's been active for, I guess, at most, maybe 15 years.

Why don't you do me a favor? It'd be a nice thing to give a shout out to some of your favorite comedians that you see in the Budapest scene.

And your favorite cheese.

We want a pairing of best comic with best cheese. But seriously, just quickly name a few people so that maybe some of our listeners Someone out there might hear about this, and then we might discover somebody.

Trust me, I'm going to tell them about it. All right.

So shout out to- And your chef as well, Sid, your full name, too, so people can come see you.

Yeah, what's your full name?

Hey, Sid Murty. Thank you very much.

There was no applause.

It's very easy to spell, obviously.

Please, please, settle down. Please.

I'll edit some in.

Yeah.

Thanks, Garley. All right, so shout out to Ram, obviously, who's a big Konan fan. Kitty, Albert, Rebecca.

Hey, let's put the light on Ram. No, we don't have time for that. What is Ram's full name? Ram can call in. What's Ram's full name?

He would prefer to remain anonymous.

He's- He'll go far.

No, he's- He hires a publicist.

All right, here's what we're going to I'd like to be anonymous. What? What are you talking about? What's your name? This is unimportant. Can we have a photograph of your face? No. I want you in a film. I won't do it. I might be seen.

It's actually a little bit relevant because he's an outspoken Iranian.

I get it.

Not in Iran. If he's seen as talking shit about the government, then he can be called back and dangerous things may happen.

Does he wear a disguise when he performs, like the unknown comic?

No, the The disguise that he wears is remaining in relative anonymity in a pretty small comedy scene.

It's so funny. I asked for a shout out. And by the way, we hear from fans in Tehran, we hear We have fans in Tehran, and a shout out to them because I know they've been going through a difficult time. I'm talking about the people of Tehran. There's a lot of young people out there, and some of them are listening to this podcast. I I think it's relevant to say that we've been hearing from them. It's so funny that you're saying... There are people in Iran who are listening to this podcast, and I Hey, let's give a big shout out. Let's put the spotlight on one of your friends who you think is really talented. You mentioned a guy who's in hiding.

Am I right? He has to fight a certain amount of success. He can't be too good because if he becomes known, then he's danger. So he has to be a mediocre comic to stay alive.

Trust me, I'm familiar with this process. That explains a lot. There aren't a lot of people out to get me, but there are some That's why I've kept it at B minus celebrity status. It's very comforting to me.

He's been given the tonight show, but don't worry, he'll be off very soon.

You know what? It's been a long enough time that I can really laugh at it, and no, I can't. Now I'm coming after you.

Bring it on, then.

Yeah. Oh, wow. Okay. I can't wait to jump out of a mailbox in Budapest and attack you. It'll just be with a wet stuffed animal that I hit you with. The cheese business, you're doing that. I'm going to take a wild stab and say, I don't think you take that business very seriously.

I don't think it's your passion. How can you? How can you take cheese seriously? Who does take cheese seriously, apart from Jordan Schlansky.

My father-in-law and Jordan Schlansky. They would take cheese very seriously, yes. But there are people out there, I'm not saying I approve of them, nor do I approve of my father-in-law. But Jake, if you're listening, I'm after you, too. But there are people that take cheese very seriously. I mean, you can pick any object, and there's someone in the world who takes it very seriously. There are people. Is it a profitable cheese concern? Is it doing well?

It's doing very well. It's thriving. We sell a lot of cheese in the Middle East, actually. The company is owned by a Lebanese family here in Hungary.

What a melting pot this is. Oh, yeah. Of course, an Irish guy sweeps up afterwards. You've got everyone working for you. The cheese is good. You're backing the cheese. How many kinds of cheese do you make?

Tons. We also invent new kinds of cheese as well. Really? What's a new cheese?

I thought there were just the cheeses that exist that are always on a plate when you go to a nice party and they put out the cheese course. There they are. There's the blue cheese, there's the soft cheeses, the breeze. But There's the chatter. But are there really that many kinds of cheese?

There are countless types of cheese. I mean, if an accident happens with your milk and acid levels, then boom, that's a new type of cheese. You just improvise. But it's different consumption methods or whatever.

Could you theoretically invent a cone and cheese?

Yeah. Could you make a cheese? Or he's going to want to make it about you. It's going to be a Matt Gora cheese.

But I think cheese is much more appropriate for you.

Okay, that's good. Do you make rods up the ass? Like a stiff rod up the ass? Because then we could name that after Matt. New ass stiff rod. We call it the goarly.

But it's signature?

It's signature, Mike. I'll take it. It's made of a fine ash. Okay. All right. Their quality is superb.

I worked with the designer, and I I've approved this stiff rod at the ass.

It's the Matt Goarly signature. It's you looking slightly uncomfortable, but also you're a little pleased. You're having a low level of erotic high. Yeah, maybe you can make a cone and cheese, and we could maybe profit together from this venture.

Well, okay, good, because this is what I do. Here in Hungary, our most popular, profitable, whatever you want to call it type of cheese, cheese is halloumi, which is like a Mediterranean type of cheese, which is really popular in the Middle East as well. Every year, we introduce two new flavors halloumi products. This year, we did a Tanduri one and a tomato and basil, basic ones. But we like to go for more and more, I guess, shocking, surprising flavor Well, I am shocking and surprising.

What I want to know from you, I think.

Well, that's really true. I don't know. I'm getting a lot of citrus energy from you.

Yeah, I'm very acidic. I also Have me with any medication, and the medication will be less effective. There you go. That's just part of my personality. When people are- It's there, though. What's that? Well, orange hair. Orange hair.

Vitamin C, C for Konan. There you go.

This is very good. Good. Matt, and there's a reason you love Matt. I don't get it yet, but I'm going to listen to this podcast.

He's got- Please don't.

I'm going to. Please do not. I think an orange-flaved cheese, and maybe we add some other things that are very Konany. If it could look like it has some spotting or freckling, that would my arms are just riddled with.

That would be maybe like rose petal.

Rose petal, or- That would be pretty good. Yeah, some Bacteria. Just add a little salmonella in there.

Just some lucky Charms.

Could you put some lucky Charms in there? Oh, the marshmallows from Lucky Charms. I mean, we can think.

How about fruit pebbles? That's your go I like the Fruity Pebble.

I wouldn't say it's my go-to. It is what they're going to find coming out of my mouth when I'm found dead in a hotel room. You have to have it removed from your house. Yeah, exactly. I did. We had a whole box of it, a crate, and I said, Get this away from me.

Then I accidentally bought you more, and you would have thought I brought him a gun.

Yeah. Get that away from me. Depressed guy with a gun. Well, I think that's a possibility. Maybe we could get into business together.

Yeah, let's do that. You can have whatever cut you want because I'm salaried, so I don't get a cut of anything.

I'd like you to see a little something. Also, I think, to be fair, we should cut Matt Girlian as well.

Seriously? Great. I'm in.

You're the one that- Let's do this. You're the one that... You brought me, Sid. You were the entryway drug to the much harsher and, of course, much sought after, Konan drug. I think that Matt should also participate in the profits.

Yeah, okay. We'll do this. We'll do the code and cheese, which is with orange and salmonella. Done.

Very good. Can't wait for the ads for this. We'll be no return customers. A wave of strange salmonella deaths in the cheese loving, experimental cheese loving community. All right, well, Sid, you've been terrific. It's been really nice to get to know you.

You've been really terrific.

Absolutely.

I've been really terrific.

I want to just say. You've reawakened my love of Matt Gourley, which has been dormant for a very long time. Has it ever even been? Well, I'm saying it goes back to before I even met you.

It's like Ali's It's a comet once every 80 years or whatever it is.

Exactly. But, Sid, very cool to meet you. Likewise, going in. Best of luck to you. Maybe we'll cross paths someday. That would be really fun.

Hey, I'd love to have you here in Hungary. You know what? It gets a bad rap in the media. All you hear about is how horrible the government is, which it is. It's relevant that we're recording this now in June, which is pride month, where the rights of queer people are being stamped on every day. But you know what? There are good, solid people that don't get spoken about, and they're lumped in with all the horrible people. I think that Hungary deserves a shot. Hungary deserves your presence in it. I think that you'll find a lot to love over here.

Well, I think that's true of so many countries where the leadership sends you one signal, but there are lots of good people there. Lots of good people there. That's a good point that you make. My shout out to Hungary and to all the people there. I just love getting to talk to people, sensitive, funny, smart, creative people from all over the world who represent what's possible. So thanks for reaching out to us.

No. Thank you for doing what you do, Coden. I think you've added more positivity in the world than you really realize. Your episode in Haiti, in particular, and in Ghana as well, we're very moving for me. I think that you shed a light on the goodness of humanity in ways that will only become clear in a few decades. Your impact has felt.

But I'll still be alive. No.

Yeah, because the rod up your ass.

You owe me for that. You know what saved you? The rock up your ass. Your left ventricle collapsed, but the circulation kept moving. All right, hey, Sid, thanks for those kind words. 20,000 holes. Yeah. Maybe we'll see you soon. Take care, man.

Absolutely. Hey, would it be all right if I took a picture? Is that okay? Yeah, let's do it. Let's just do a screenshot. Fuck it. Thank you guys so much. Really appreciate this.

I love you. Say hi to your friend who's a comedian, but not too loudly. All right, take care. Kind of whisper it.

Thank you for everything, Matt.

Konan O'Brien needs a fan with Konan O'Brien, Sonam Ofsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and nick Leal. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer, Aaron Blaird. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm. Com/conon. Please rate, review, and subscribe to 'Conon O'Brien Needs a Fan' wherever fine podcasts are done. Are down.