Transcript of It’s A Small World In Here

Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Konan? Visit teamcoco. Com/callkonan. Okay, let's get started.

Hi, Honeyrood. Welcome to Konan O'Brien needs a fan.

Hello, Honeyrood. How are you? Hello.

Hey. Hi, Konan. Hi, Sona. Hi, Matt. Hi. Oh my God. Okay.

Where are you right now, Honeyrood?

I'm in my bedroom in Bangalore, in India.

Very nice. Very nice.

Yeah. I'm sorry. Can I just say it's so cool to see you guys? I have been watching Konan videos since I was, I don't know, 15 or something. I love Sona. I love Matt. I've seen every remote sketch, and it's so cool to be here.

Well, Honey Ruth, thank you very much for being a fan. It's really nice to talk to you. It's It's also just really nice to know that someone in Bangalore is listening to us. I always get a kick out of that. It makes me very happy.

Yeah, of course. Me and my brother, we do what we call a Konan Bitt all the time.

I'm sorry about that. I feel like I gave the world shingles. Yeah, that's absolutely your fault. I will tell your brother I said hi, and that makes me really happy. I've been doing cone and bits since I was born, so it's a problem for me, too. I know. Well, Uniroud, am I saying your name correctly? I want to make sure I get that right. Yeah, that's right. We practice for an hour before we talk to you. Uniroud, tell us about your situation. Do you live with family? What's going on?

Oh, yeah. I live in something called a joint family, which is where you live with a bunch of nuclear families all together. It's pretty common in India, less so now, but basically, I live with about 15 people. Oh, wow. We just cordon off in three different apartments that are right next to each other. I always like to say it's like the TV show Friends or something because that's how it feels like. You just have a bunch of people living really, really close together. It's pretty chaotic. It It can get quite disruptive. I mean, I know you grew up with six brothers.

Well, I'm one of six. I have brothers and sisters. Oh, you're one of six. Yeah. But there was a good deal of chaos and madness, but in a fun way. I thought it was really fun to have My whole life, I've liked it when there's a bunch of people around me. That feels normal to me because of the way I grew up, and we were all in one house and smashing into each other all the time. It was fun until it wasn't. Yeah, of course. But, Honey Ruud, I'm curious. You're talking about there's 15 people, so you're talking about siblings, but also cousins, uncles, aunts, the whole... Yeah.

Wow. That's right. The whole thing, the whole. Yeah, it's like 15 people, and it's a nightmare to organize stuff. But yeah, like you said, it's fun. It's super fun.

When you say organize stuff, what stuff? Like a sac race? What are you trying to organize?

Yeah, like a family festival thing. We live in India, so There's a ton of festivals. We celebrate everything, like Diwali, which is the Festival of Lights, and Holi, which is the Festival of Colors. Also, we just eat out once a week, every Sunday. Okay, that.

I'm going to say this. Going out to eat with my family, parents, my grandmother, six kids, that was insane because you're all around one table. Especially Especially if it was communal food, like if we go to a Chinese restaurant or an Indian restaurant, it was insane because someone was trying to decide what the whole table should get, and it always devolved into street fights and people stabbing each other. Now I'm picturing 15 of you going to a restaurant. The waiter would probably kill himself as he approached your table. How do you do it?

Oh, okay. This is a whole process. We I'm responsible for selecting restaurants, booking tables, and cajoling wait staff whenever I have to. That's my job. But basically, it is chaos. It always is. It's 15 people just sitting around a giant table. But sometimes we even reserve or book out a room in a restaurant because that's the only way we can see to do it. It is a lot of stabbing. It is a lot of like, I ordered that thing, but this thing came over and okay, but that person ordered this, and blah, blah, blah. It's chaos.

Arjan, I have to cut to the chase on something. Who's the maniac? There's 15 of you. I know a name just popped into your head. You can see their face right now. Who's the one who's really out of control?

He's thinking, Conan. Besides me, who's the one in your pod of 15 people who's really out there?

This doesn't have to be in a negative way, but just they're the wild card.

Oh, yeah. They're the wild card. I have a couple of cousins who I think definitely fit that, Phil. Give me names.

I want names.

Are you going to be talking to them after?

No, I didn't say I was going to do that, although that's now a possibility.

Well, I have this one cousin. We call him Fatou, which is a sweet nickname that we made up for him. It's called Fuck You?

What is it? Fuck Two. Oh, Fuck Two. Oh, I'm sorry. It's a sweet nickname called Fuck you. Hey, fuck you. I love you. I'm sorry. It's a satellite connection. These things aren't perfect. But clearly, you have a lot of love for Fuck You. Fatou. I'm sorry. Fa, too. Go ahead.

Yeah, and he's just turning 18, and he's in that teenage angsty phase. And so that leads to a lot of stuff. I mean, he asks me about how to talk to girls and stuff that because he's never really done that before. And also at the dinner table, he is the guy who always diverts the conversation to whatever he likes. I'm sure Konan, Sona, and Matt would be familiar with that.

We know a little stuff about that.

We'll get to the Civil War in a second. I'm talking about that in the second half of this discussion, and Tiedem, specifically. Okay, so Fatou is a bit of a... I mean, he's a troublemaker, but in a lovable way. He's a scamp.

Oh, for sure. Okay. Yeah, he's a sweetheart. That's why we call him Fuck You.

Now, what's your story? Are you single? Are you married? What's happening?

Oh, okay. I have a girlfriend. We met in college, thanks to you in part. Really? Yeah. Well, I was a little drunk on this particular day in college. It was my second year in college. We were friends at the time, me and my girlfriend, Irene. We decided to write an email to ask you if you would be interested in hiring us as interns. Oh, like a package deal? Yeah, totally. The both of us. You could pay us half each of an unpaid internship, and we'd be happy with it.

Okay, so half of nothing. I get it. Half of nothing. I How long ago was this?

Oh, this was about six years ago, I guess.

Five or six years. Both of you together wrote an email asking if you could be interns on my show.

Well, because we went over to the show website and we were like, Oh, international students can't really be interns or something like that. I was a bit inebriated, so I wrote an angry email. I have it with me, but basically, Basically, it was just about the... It's titled Concerns About the Diversity of the Show in all caps.

Okay, fair.

It started with this line, Hey, fa, too. Pretty much. It started, I mean, I was just trying to be funny, but it just started with, Hey, you. Yeah, you. And that's just how it's- I think it's always a fun joke when you email someone that you think their show reeks of racism.

That's always a fun little jade. All right.

Don't you see... Yeah.

Yeah, I understand. You can see the potential. Yes, we can all do better, I suppose. Although, look, it means the United Nations in here.

She pointed at me and Eduardo.

What a diversity.

I love Armenians. I have an Romanian friend.

Yeah, it's like it's a small world in here. Oh, my God. It really Oh, well. Yeah.

And so the dawn of the Bell is coming your way.

Hey, you. Yeah, you.

I got an email going out to Smartlist to see if I can get on that show.

Good luck to you. Right there. That's all the colors of the rainbow. Those three guys. It's the most diverse show I've ever seen. Different kinds of white male. Unnie Ruud. Unnie Ruud.

You can just call me Ani.

That's cool. Okay, Ani. I'll call you Ani. All right, so you wrote a hostile accusatory email to me thinking that would be fun. And what was the response?

I received an automated response, which just said, Hey, your email will be read by somebody soon enough, and we will get back to you. But I think that someone who immediately is hostile and talks about concerns about diversity is just a great intern to have around.

I think so. Well, first of all, it's all fair, and I think it sounds like you got to... But I think the bigger issue would have been you were writing this from India. Is that right?

Yeah, that's right.

And so explain something to me. Your girlfriend, Irene, was she with with you in India at the time when you wrote this email?

Oh, yeah. We wrote this email together, and basically, that's what I consider our first date, which is writing an email.

What if I had written... That's very nice. But what if I had written back, me, I don't answer these myself. My brother does. But if you had heard that, yes, you had an internship, would you have flown all the way from India to take an unpaid internship?

Now that you say it, it doesn't sound smart, but I do think I would have done that.

Well, that's really nice. You met because... It sounds like Irene's a fan.

Oh, yeah. I mean, we bonded over late-time shows. We talked about you, of course, and we talked about Steven Colbert there. That's how we started to get close and become friends. That's nice. Yeah.

Well, it sounds like you guys have excellent taste in comedy, and that's the important thing.

Yeah, you mean Colbert?

Yeah. I did, actually.

I did. Okay. All right. What? Well, the whole part started off with, So your girlfriend's a fan of mine, too?

Well, yeah, because that's how they met. I know.

I think that's a fair question. I feel like you were just trying to reinforce the fact that she was your fan, just to make sure. She's what? You were trying to reinforce the- He just wants to- Got you.

Don't do it. So angry. Anyway, so she's a big fan and always has been.

Okay, Unirude, where does Irene live now? Oh, well, she's doing a graduate degree in the US. She's interning at Google right now, so she's all fancy. She's out there stealing jobs and learning about tech.

That must be difficult. That's a long distance relationship.

Yeah, that's right. We've had ways that we adjust with that. For instance, I I started up a podcast of my own called The Irene Show, where every year on her birthday, I do one episode, basically, and it's just soundboards of celebrities and you I didn't mean for that to sound mean, but basically, sound boards are-We get it. And you.

And also you. Trust me, you're just echoing the voice in my head. That's really sweet. It seems like a very creative, sweet person. That's a really sweet gift. This sounds like a good relationship, and I don't want to put you on the spot, but is there a potential that this relationship could go to the next level at some point? Oh, my gosh.

I mean, her parents need to... That's a scary question. But her parents basically need to be okay with it.

What's their problem? Why are they not okay with it?

Just Indian stuff. Come on.

No.

You let me handle them.

Yeah, so... Oh, okay.

Bringing this white guy in. He'll take care of it.

Hi, I'm on Smartlist.

Hi, I'm on Smartlist. I'm the most diverse member of Smartlist, and I'd like to say that you need to give Honeyrood a break.

Well, I think, have you met them?

Yes, but they didn't know we were dating. Basically, I've met them a couple of times as a friend, and her dad's this really strict guy. He's just super quiet, assertive, and manly, and I'm not, so we don't really get along very well. But yeah.

Well, I think most dads, I think, just want their daughter to be with someone who's a really good person, and that's you. I don't think I don't foresee an issue. I just don't. If there is an issue, I'll intervene. That's okay?

Okay.

That will mean nothing to your dad, to your father-in-law, who sounds like you'd be quite hostile to me. Anyway, we Please, you don't like me, but talk to this manly man, Connor O'Brien. Where is it?

What's going on? Do you want to hear about Antietam? Yeah. Let's talk about the Civil War.

It was a war of attrition.

You must be here for my wife's Book Club. It's out back.

Did you say Book Club?

Yeah, I did.

Do you have any Huckleberry tea?

No, not another one.

I'm making my sounds again. Well, listen, Uniroud, or Uniroud, as I call you, or, of course, in the yellow pages, Uniroud, Uniroud. I'm just losing my mind.

We're wasting valuable time here.

Is it really valuable? That's valuable. What are we doing after this? Don't we just play cards after this? Go fish?

Yeah, I want to get to those.

Uniroud, listen, I'm excited for you. I'm lucky to have such a smart, cool fan, and please give my best to Irene and tell her that I approve of you. I think you're fantastic.

That's really sweet.

Tell... Was it Fatoum?

Fatoum.

Is that right? Yeah, Fatoum. Okay, tell Fatou. That's right. Tell Fatoum that he needs to settle down. But this is... No, I wanted to sow his wildotes now. I wanted him to enjoy being the madman of this 15- He's 18. Yeah, exactly. Hey, man, you were nuts all through your 20s. Yes, I was. To your 30s. Yeah. Still nuts. Let him live. Yes, exactly. Mom. What are you say? What? Anyway, lovely talking to you, Unirud, and have a great day, okay? I hope our paths cross someday because I think we have a good time.

Oh, yeah, I absolutely agree. I think it's just bound to happen in some way. I don't know why I said that. I'm not spiritual or anything, but I think so.

No, it's going to happen. It's like anything else. You have to manifest it like Oprah says. You've got to manifest it and it will happen. I know where you live. You know where I live and you've already sent me a threatening email, so we've probably already had you investigated.

I'm on a list somewhere.

For you to say that proudly. Oh, I'm on a list. All right, take care. Nice talking to you.

Bye-bye. Nice speaking to you guys, too. See you.

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Obsesion, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and nick Liao. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivina. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer, Erin Blaird. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm. Com/conon. Please rate, review, and subscribe to, 'Conon O'Brien Needs a Fan' wherever fine podcasts are down.