Transcript of Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee

This episode of Bad Friends is presented and fueled by Huel, your go-to for complete nutrition.

Try Huel with 15% off today using code Bad Friends at my. Huel. Com/badfriends. Hey, Bad Friends. I'm finishing up my tour in 2025. Happy 2025 to you. Let's finish it beautifully before I shoot my special. Chicago. This week, I'm in my hometown at the Chicago Theater. I think it's sold out. Maybe some standby tickets. Come see me. Then I go to Durham, North Carolina. Come on, Durham. Show up. Show out for your boy. Atlanta, Georgia, Austin, South Carolina. Then Philly. I'm playing the Met. I cannot wait. Philly, I love you so much. You dirty birds. New York. I'm at the Beacon. Then I go to Phoenix, San Francisco, two shows, San Diego, two shows. Boston, four shows. Four shows in Boston. Come out and see your boy. Then three shows as of now in Minneapolis. Maybe we added a fourth. We don't know. Who knows? Come out and see me, Minneapolis. I love you guys. Andrewsantino. Com. Go to AndrewSantino. Com. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something.

We're bad friends.

I've been watching all the Indiana Jones, and I know which one I like. Which one do you like? I know which one you like. No. Yes. It has nothing to do with short round. No, I like it. I think the third one is the best one. It is the best one. The third one? Yeah. Yeah, with Sean Connery. Which one's that called? The Last crusade. The Last crusade. The Last crusade. You know, Lost Ark is okay. I think it's great. Yes, I bet.

The Last Ark is amazing. The first one?I haven't watched it.It's so good. I haven't watched any of those in so long.

I know because the reason why I'm rewatching it is because I'm playing the video game. Oh, an Xbox? Fuck. Yeah, Bethesda has a new Indiana Jones game.

Where do you find the time?

Oh, the time isn't my own in my hands. Where do you find the time? The time is on my own in my hands.

Between us developing the animated show and the game show, where do you find the time to do all this stuff?

Well, it goes this show, Pussy, and then Indiana Jones, baby? I get it. What's up, dude? You know what I mean? That's the order, doc. Then fourth is Breakfast burritos. I love breakfast burritos.

What's your perfect B. B.

Kofax.

Ingredients, I mean. But Kofax is phenomenal. What do you mean? What's your favorite ingredients of a breakfast?

Oh, Degayo, dude.Degayo.Eggs. Degayo.

You want to scramble or fry?Bacon.Bacon, you want crispy or milky?

I love when they put this frijoles in the-You want frijoles?

Yeah. I'm going to put What do you mean?

Why don't they refry it three times? That's what I always wonder.

Well, you know. We only have a double fryer.

Okay. Then, Luigi Mangione. My son, Where's the new... He shot the CEO from the health insurance. He was here, My boy, my boy. God, what a guy.

Luigi Mangione.

Yeah.

What a name. Mangione. Boycott McDonald's. Wow.

Her name is Nancy Parker.

Look at his chest.

Yeah, look at this guy, dude. Dude, I would harbor him. Wouldn't you harbor him? Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's running from the wall. Come to my house. Come on in. I'm not gay. But come on, dude.

I'm making him a couple of breakfast burritos. Dude, he's Bruce Banner.

Not Bruce Banner. He's like Bruce Wayne.

Hi, Luigi. You slept in last night. What have you been doing this morning? Running from the law? Where have you been going? What have you been doing?

I was just in New York watching a show.

What were you doing in New York? You're on Broadway? Yeah, I'm watching Wicked. Wicked? Did you hold space? You were holding space?

You think he's going to go to prison?

Yeah, pretty sure. I think if you kill someone-No, I'll tell-you-you shoot someone in the back.

I'm going to tell you what's going to happen. Okay, give it to me.

You're the DA?

No, I'm not the DA. I'm Bobby Lee.

What's going to happen? What's going to happen to this guy?

I think a jury is going to quit him.

How and why?

Because They're going to have empathy for him.

Brother, he shot him in the back.

I know, but his mother.

What about his mother?

You know what I also do? He has the same thing you have.

Back problems. I saw that. Yeah, that's what he- You don't see me out there shooting anybody?

I don't, but maybe it's not bad enough yet.

But somebody, if they keep it up, they might get shot.

You're talking about me? No. You'll never shoot me. I'll shoot you first.

I know. Oh, buddy.

No, let's just touch dicks.

He's not going to get acquitted. He's going to prison for a long, long time.

If you read the comments online, the people are behind him.

Yeah, because he's good-looking.

No, it's what he did.

It's because he's good-looking.

Oh, so if I did it? Dude, no trial. Life in prison. No trial. Life in prison. Yeah.

Me, I'd get 20 years. You get life, I get 20.

No, they would have shot me at the McDonald's. Can I have a number? And I'd be dead. Put the big back down. Yeah, I'd be dead. But no, the good looks helps. I'm on O'Simpy. Yeah, but the good looks helps.

It doesn't help. It's the only thing. It's the thing. Look, they posted this photo of him in People magazine. He's being glorified. Yeah.

He is hunky, though, huh?

They're glorifying. Let's be honest. Yeah, he's a really good-looking He's the opposite of Stavros.

No. Yeah, he's the opposite of Stavros.

They have the same sex appeal for two different reasons. That's what it is. But this guy is going to prison for life.

You know what's so funny about that, Stavros? And Stan Rose and Ian finance. I know he's Greek, but these Whites are my type, but they still get more girls than me.

That's not true. You get plenty of women.

I think they get more.

How, dude? How full do you want it They're coppice. I mean, come on. They're white.

That was the point I was trying to make, but the way you said it really hurt me.

They do get Whites. They get Whites. They're white. You get off white. Exactly.

Yeah, I get brown. Is he here? Don't tell him I said that. You manifested him.

Yeah, you say his name once. Yeah. But seriously, you do know he's going to get life in prison. He can't get off. There's no way they'll let him off. I mean, it was too egregious, the crime.

What if Trump pardons him?

He won't. Why would he? Yeah, you're right. There'd be no connection to be made.

But I haven't read one negative comment about him.

Look, that's because the society is fed up with the way the things are going in the healthcare industry. Yeah. Doesn't mean you should kill a guy, though.

I think you're right.

I think it doesn't mean you'd shoot him.

Because he had kids.

Even if he didn't, you don't kill the guy. You don't kill somebody. Can't go out and kill. That's not how we fix everything. Luigi, the hero of 2024, says that guy. Read all of Insanity plea. Oh, they're trying to give him an insanity plea.

Read all of them, dude. They love them.

Tmz, free Luigi mugs and cups on sale. Use code badfriends@freelouigi. Com. Despite who the man worked for, that's not okay. I don't like that they keep doing this. I don't like this. He was someone's son and a dad. He's just a guy. What do you mean? It doesn't matter if he's a father, if he's single, if he's married. He's a guy. You can't fucking just kill a guy in cold blood. You You can't. You can't be- You can.

He did it.

Well, but he's going to suffer the consequences. You're going to go to prison for life.

Holy smoke, Dr. Jones.

By the way, you know how much happier- That's short run.

We saw a temple of Dumont yesterday.

How much happier would- In the Holy smoke, I love it. I know you do, buddy. How happy would society be if he just punched him? Then you would get nothing. Just knock him out then. If you're so angry, would have made the same news, you wouldn't be on the run.

But you also imagine all the people that have died because of United Health Insurance?

I know, buddy, but it's not him directly.

I know, but he is a symbol of it, and it's like he has some power.

Sure, but you can't advocate- Does he not have any power? You can't advocate for murdering him because of it. It doesn't make sense. You can't. I'm sorry. You just cannot. No, I'm not sorry.

I'm for the people, though.

Yeah, you're from the streets. That's how they handle things in Poway. Bobby is pro-assassination.

No, I'm not pro-assassination. I feel empathy for his family. You know what I mean?

You feel empathy for Luigi?

No, for Brian Thompson. Is that his name?

I have no idea.

Brian Thompson's family.

Funny, we know the killer, not the killed.

Yeah.

That's a symptom of America. Look at this here.

There he is. There he is. What's up, buddy?

Love. Give me a calendar. Is that for Mama's Tabrace?

You got to get these calendars, guys.

These calendars are incredible. We hang them up in the front room of our studio. Wow. Don't give it any way. I don't want anybody to see any photos.

Wow.

How are you?

What's up, boys?

How are you doing?Stavi, baby.You.

Got some, too. Don't you worry.

Is this Rosie O'Donnell? How did you get her? I don't know how you got her, but that's great.

I'm Good thing, Steve. Wow.

Let me say something. You're not on Ozempic, right? I'm not.

Just making sure because-I'm in the control group.

Have you ever thought about getting on it? Because I'm on it. Are you?

Yeah. How's How's he feeling?

I'm losing some weight.

I can feel it. Stand up and show him your stomach. It's unbelievable. The guy lost. He's losing his butt. You look cute, dude.

You're always that cute.

Thank you, dude. He's losing his BBL is going away. That's what we're concerned about. Were you ever a butt guy, though? He had a nice touche. He had a I really did have a Brazilian type.

Yeah. Really? Yeah.

You were Shapely? See, I can't afford to lose any ass. I have a flatter ass that I'd like. I want to get in the gym.

I want to get in the gym. You have an Asian's ass then, Bony.

I wish I didn't, but yeah, I think you're right.

I think you did, too.

Thatit hurts me.

And the dick.

Well, yeah. But look at these calves. I want my ass to look like that.

Look at those calves, dude. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. I feel like I'm at sea.

How are you so tanned?

Yeah, where you been, bud?

It's raining and fucking- By the way, it could either be tan with you or gout? I have no idea.

I would look like fucking Bobby if I had gout. It would be a richer yellow.

That's a good one.

Oh, no. Anyway. They survived. They survive.

Macón.

Good boy. Like the ball boy at the US Open.

Your mom makes the best shit on Earth.

They're so good.

Mama Haukias is, honestly...

Baclava. Yeah, we got a Fava, we got a. We have a mello macarno, we got it all. What's up, Phelps?

Great to be here. Good to see you, and congratulations on the movie.Thank you.Give it up for the movie. Yeah, give him a round of applause for the movie.Thank you.Let's.

Start a cult. Everybody, go watch Let's Start a Cult. It's available right now everywhere, really, right?

You can rent it. Go see me live. I'm on a tour. The Dreamboat tour is out. You can buy tickets to that now. So I'm out here, baby.Let's go, baby.I'm out here.

What's the next show?

The next show, our first show, it starts in February. It's in Wheatland.

Wheatland, California? You're doing the Casino? The Hard Rock, yeah. You done that, didn't you?

San Francisco, going all the way through the West, down the West Coast.

So watch out, ladies. Midwest.

I am looking to fuck. Yeah.

There you are. What's your favorite Indiana Jones movie?

Oh, my God.

The first one.

Everyone's is the first one. Why do you keep asking that?

Wait, you're going to do the one where he's got an Asian sidekid? Yeah.

Holy smock, Dr. Jones.

That one's fun. Yeah, it's a fun one. It's fun, but the first one is the bed.

Okay, can I tell you about the second? Because I rewatched all of them yesterday in a row.

I I found the time. It sounds like.

I found the time.

Honestly, how many emails did you ignore from the people in the room?

I don't read them. Let me say something about it. I'm mad at two. I'm mad at the Temple of Dun. I'll tell you why. Why? Sorry, I have a block of a... Because when I was a kid, I saw that movie. Then they're in some Indian palace. The food comes out, and in my mind, I think that that's Indian food.Right.Right? They bring out a gigantic bow constricter, and then they open it, and there's 50,000 other snakes in it.

Now, they still do have that dish.

There's another one where it's a tray full of beetles.

Yeah, the beetle.

And they eat the underbelly of the beetle. I don't remember this. And then monkey brains. Monkey Brains.

Monkey Brains is my favorite part.

That was cool.

I remember as a kid, I'm like, Oh, I don't like Indian food.

I don't want to eat, Dr. Jones.

I don't like monkey brains. I forgot. I've read the monkey brains. I don't remember how this is-Zoom into that photo.

No, go back to the-That's the monkey part. Zoom The original photo you were just at, not that one. Go back to the first one. Now, zoom in. You see that guy right there? That's a white guy that they just got all dressed there.

All right. It's so funny. That's Steven Spielberg's wife.

That is. Yeah. It is his wife.

Do you think that's how she got it?

I think she auditioned. She went through the process. Really? Oh, yeah. It was an offer over. I bet she read three or four times for that. They got married after. Really? Remember that guy eating the monkey brains? Look, the soup. Eric Griffin made it into the film somehow.

Yeah, there he is. Wow. Eric's in it.

He looks good. I forgot it.

How clearly is that Jello?

Go back. They didn't even try. Sometimes you see special effects and stuff like that in the movies today. It looks too cheap. Go back to the-I like it, though. Look, that's Jello. That's just Jello. They could have tried a little bit.

It's nice and red. I like it because the thing is, it's in the uncanny… They want it to be physical. It's clearly not an actual monkey brain. They respect you enough to do that, but they'll be like, It's a rendering of a monkey brain. Especially, these are like omajes to old adventure movies when they didn't have that stuff, and you could be very racist. It almost feels like they had to be extra racist to be like, Go ahead, Robert.

I don't want to school you guys.

School me, kiddo.

Can I school you for a second? Please. That's frozen Monkey Reign. That's why it's that color, dude.

Sorry about that, dude.

Things get brighter when they're frozen.

I don't know, dude. I don't know, dude.

You're moving at the speed of light right now. You need to slow down. I don't know how it works. Way too fast.

I'm just going to correct you guys. It's not just regular Monkey Reign. You're right. It's been frozen.

That was two and the third one is when- The Last crusade. Oh, with Sean Conner. That one's pretty.

I think that's the best one. No, come on. That's the best one.

It's not the best one. Number one is the best one.

Number one is the best one, but the They both, two and three have their fun little charms, though. Totally. Sean Connery and then the beginning part with- River Phoenix. River Phoenix. That was fucking fun.

But in the temple, my dog.

He also runs into Hitler.

Runs into Hitler. Him Sean Connery fucked the same Nazi, which is funny. Yeah, that's good. You remember. Eskimo brothers with the same Nazi. God, you're good. Yeah, which is a fun. That's a fun plot point in a wholesome- She was so hot, by the way.

The Nazi was hot.

Oh, she was hot. Yeah.

Such a hot Nazi, dude.

She had to read a bunch of times.

No, she got the role offered, for sure.

No, I saw the documentary, really? But she got the role?

She got the role offered.

They cast it. This is the most like, let's lose every young person tuning in. Yeah. I talk about. By in detail discussing Indian shows.

You know who she looks right there? She looks like Einhorn as finkel finkel as Einhorn.

Oh, yeah. She does.

Who is that actress that played in Ace Venturo? Who played that Sean Young?

Was that Sean Young? Sean Young.

Is that what her name? Yes. She has that same look.

You're right, the bone structure.

Yes. Because honestly, this was so ahead of its time, an androgynous. She played a girl so well that could have been a guy that we didn't even question it when they said it was a guy.

I have a different read on that. Okay, go for it.

Give me a read, but San Rose.

Well, first of all, I'll say I was so fucking dumb as a kid that I was like, I didn't realize... Because the whole idea was they put her dick in her ass. Or she was tucking her dick. Tucking. So as a kid, I thought she shit herself. I thought that was the big reveal. Is that she had shit and they're like, She's She's gross now. She's a dirty more than shits herself. But I also will say, I think it's a complete... I don't think she played it as a dude. I think she was just a hot, aggressive woman.

She had masculine qualities that they did tip off in the movie a few times. And by the way, I know why you thought that was poop and not a penis, because Mama Halkias was just feeding you that baklava being like, Don't worry, baby. Don't worry.

You're probably right. It's a poop. I watched it with my dad, and he didn't want to explain. Totally. He didn't want to explain. He was like, She shit herself.

You didn't have a jilted child childhood where my dad was like, That's a dick. That's a fucking dick.

But I think the fact that they played her masculine, actually... Because if a trans girl looked that good, she wouldn't be masculine. They do. But what I'm saying is they wouldn't be more feminine.

Dude, get on the internet. It's insane.

No, they do. It's insane. But I'm saying their mannerisms are not aggressive. They like to be girly.

Do you masturbate? Yes. Do you masturbate to trans? Have you?

You look so concerned.

No, I'm just I've taken it for a spin a couple of times.

You're not a fan of the party? You don't want to show up?

Because of Jim.

Because of Jim Norton?

Yeah. To his wife.

No, I went camping with him.

When you're in a tent with Jim Norton, things are going to be said about a variety of topics.

Got it.

In a tent with Jim Norton.

Yeah, and he told me, who's the ones to watch out there? Then I like to different things and I watched, and I took it. Okay. Yeah, and I felt bad about it.

You can tell Bobby's uncomfortable because he's just doing that voice for no reason. That's distancing himself from the fact that he jacked off to transport. He's doing it in a goofy voice.

Yeah. You have then? Yeah. Me too. Sure. Yeah. Good. How about you, pal?

I've been free. What does that mean? I've seen it all. There's nothing I haven't seen the internet. I feel like I've literally seen everything.

I've seen it all, too, but have you played with your penis by watching it?

No, dude, I'm usually on there for research, just to really intake information. I'm really looking at it from a cinematic point of view. By the way, I will say there are some new-age shit that's out there. The cinematography is incredible. Not bad. Some of these are so high-end. They're doing such a good job now. It's like full production. Storylines are great and they're twisty.

There's like lens flares. It's really good.

Like JJ Abrams is Yeah, he loves those lens players.

You know what I rewatched on the plane? I rewatched X, Maxine, the X one. I haven't seen it. Dude, it's fantastic. It's so fun. It's fun because there's nothing else like that out there. You don't I've never seen anything like that anymore. Yeah, maybe. Okay, good. It's like a sexy horror, like a really campy- That's the best one of the three. But it's campy.

Was that the first one?

Yeah. X, yeah. But it's super campy, which is like it tips it. Dude, it's telling you it knows it's corny. Yeah. It's funny.

I would love to do a horror movie- And she's fucking beautiful.

With you guys.

I would love to do a campy- A comedy camping horror movie.

No, campy.

Campy.

He wants to get back in that tent talking about transport.

No shit.

I love that. Whatever gets us in the tent with Jim Norton, we'll do a comedy camp.

But why can't we make one?

We can.

We can make one.

Let me tell you something.

We have to write it. When I say we have to write it, it means we can't watch all three Indiana Jones one night. We have to write the movie.

I can I'm in it right now. Okay.

Do it. Go.

What do you think it is? We're brothers. We're all three. We're adopted brothers.

Adopted brothers.

Yeah, we're all adopted brothers. Clearly.

We had to lead that horse to water. You see, he wasn't going to go there. What are you doing?

I'm the one that said the brothers thing.

But you stopped the brothers.

I know. Back in the '70s, right?

Well, how about this? Same mom, different dads. I'm into that. That's fine. Our mom was just a party animal that was sleeping with all sorts of guys. Yeah, I like that. That's fine.

Well, maybe I was told I wasn't adopted, but you guys know that I was. So That's a theme.

We couldn't be brothers either. Him and I look literally fucking nothing alike. Exactly.

Different dads, we could.

No, I don't think so. My dog.

We definitely could be dads.

Stop. We definitely did. We have literally zero gene crossover.

I don't know. Look, I think if you start at a base white woman. So your dad was like- She fucks the most ginger, ginger of all time. We could get you.

And then just fucks- She fucks John Goodman in the '80s. Yeah. To get him. And then Pat Morita.

Pat Morita for you.

She fucked Pat and Rita. Yeah. Okay, here we go.

In the camp, we go back to the camp where she conceived us. She was the camp's lamb piece. Everybody fucked our mom, and we go looking for our dad.

There's a tree, too, with all the names that our mom fucked. That's engraved in the tree.

We have to hunt them all down.

It's a lot of names.

It's like 38 guys for one summer.

Think about this for a movie-wise. Dude, we could get nine films out of this. We could continue to make this movie.

What are we hunting? What do you mean?

We're avenging our mother's death. We're trying to find who killed our mom. That's it. It was one of the guys that she slept with that killed her. Right. And we're avenging her death.

Now we're getting serious. Fuck.

You know what I mean?

It's a party at the beginning, but then it's like, we got to get down to business. We have to get real. We hunt down our mother's killer.

But then there's one name on the tree that's written like there's blood in it. You know what I mean? It just says Frank.

It was a demon that killed I killed a builder. What? We bite off more than we can chew.

That's right.

Now we're fighting. We kill our biological bodies.

We kill everyone on the tree.

That's easy.

Then last name is this big Frank blood one. Maybe this is the-I like this. Yeah, you like it.

Now we're fighting the underworld.

Exactly. We're badass the first half hour of the movie, and then we find the last... How about this? It goes back to, We just kill everyone our mom fucked. We don't like living in a world where a guy fucked our mom.

But there's got to be a Bigfoot.

Because we couldn't stop hearing about it. The beginning of the movie is just us as kids hearing about it the whole time. Everyone coming up to us be like...

Bigfoot has to be in it.

Bigfoot has to be in it.

Our mom could fuck Bigfoot. She could be one of the things we do is Bigfoot. Maybe that's Frank.

I don't know. Frank, Bigfoot, Frank? Yeah.

Bigfoot Fri. Or a vampire. Or he could be a vampire.

You know what you've never seen?

What's that?

A combo. In fact, dude, let me just throw this out there.

Bigfoot the vampire?

Acorn.

I love it. You like investing? I like investing, and I like Acorn. They're both cute.

You know what's Acorn? Squirels invest that.

Oh, they invest- For the winter. For the winter, and you should be investing for your winter.

As a human being, I do it with money. All right. And I do it with Acorn.

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I like Bigfoot Man. Dude, he's hairy, but he wears a fucking black cloak. You're like one of those black caves, but he's super hairy.

How about this? The idea is still the same, though, because vampires aren't really seen that often. Bigfoot's never seen that often. So he moves as seamlessly as Bigfoot does. Okay.

Go ahead, Bobby.

You don't want to have an idea. You know what I mean? I got to toss it up, right? Go ahead. So later in the movie Reveal, we meet the guy, Frank, the vampire, right? The Bigfoot vampire.

Frank, you were going to stick with Frank, or is that just a working name for him?

No, we can figure it out. That could be opened to a discussion.Lusandrio.Lusandrio..

That's good.

We'll go with that.

No, the Manhattan killer.

Luigi Mangione.

Mangione.

Yeah, we'll just call him Mangione. Mangione. Right. Later reveals, we see his penis, and it's been stitched on there. So he's got a Franken dick, too.

Oh, wow.

You know what I mean? What do you think? He's got a Franken dick, too.Oh, wow.You know what I mean? Okay. What do you think? That's what we're gaining from that? It's like Shaquille O'Neill's dick. It's a black dick. Okay. I think we're getting back in the 10.

We can incorporate-We're getting back in the tent. We're right back in the tent. We're back to your sexual desires. No, we're right back in the 10. No, we're not back in the 10. Back to the Let's get out of the tent. Back to the big foot. Back to the big foot. You took us to the tent with the black cock. Let's get back to the movie.

Dude, I can incorporate another movie into it, guy. Shazam.

Another black guy. I get it. Dick, I get it. The tent. We're back to the tent.

It was like Shukil in the New New New New movie called Shazam. That character.

I know there's no bad ideas in brainstorming. I know that. I'm just saying maybe let's reel us back in. I think we were really good. All right, we'll take out the Franken dick. It's getting a little too mystical. We need to pick one magical thing and think with it.

Well, we combine the two. That's fine. That's enough.

You can't take it out. Art already built the dick. We already have them building it right now. Oh, we do? Yeah, they're working on it now.

We'll keep it in there.

All right, it's in.

For the airplanes, we'll just cut that scene out.

That's too expensive. Or blur it. Too expensive. Okay, anyway.

Yeah. Got it. He goes, Oh, you want to do the voice of Bigfoot?

Yeah, maybe. I thought we'd hire somebody, but I didn't…

Wait, what if you play the Bigfoot, too, in the makeup and shit? What if we find out… Okay, here's how we get three different mystical things in. We find out who our dads were, our three monsters that fucked up. We kill all these regular guys, and that doesn't solve anything. Then we find out your dad was a Bigfoot, and it's you and a bunch of makeup.

Where the fuck is my dad Bigfoot, bro?

You know who you are.

Why am I Bigfoot, bro?

No, it should be a dwarf. Bobby.

I know. I thought that's good. You're Littlefoot.

Oh, Littlefoot.

I think mine's better for you. I don't know why I thought you were not a dick. I'm making you a fucking strong fucking Bigfoot.

You're right. Why is your downgraved a Littlefoot, dude?

If your father's Bigfoot, you're Littlefoot.

You'd be the dickless elf. That's what they're doing. I'm like, You're strong off to Bigfoot. Yeah, you're right.

Bigfoot, thank you. That's my dad. Who is your dad? I know. Go Your dad was an oompa loompa.

Okay, what is this about, Bobby? You've turned on me.

You were on his team. I remember this movie, Little Bigfoot.

It was a great movie. Dude.

That's our movie.

Let's just remake that movie.

Scribe the whole thing.

You got the whole thing, dude.

I got it. My dad will be Loch Ness, the Loch Ness monster.

So we're incorporating more.

Wow. That's it. I see. That's a redhead.

That's pretty cool, dude. I apologize about the fucking oompa loompa, dude. That was my bad, We'll come up with something better then. Okay, I will.

Who's his dad? What? Who's his dad? What is this, guys?

The Stay Puff Marshmall Man. All right, very good.

Very fine.

Dude, that's fucking fucked up. My dad is the Stay Puff Marshmall Man from Ghost Busters. I think it would be... Okay, then it's a good suggestion. That's so fucked up.

He's a gas, dude.

Time out.

Give me Greek mythical.

Greek myth.

There we go. Let's go mythic.

Greek mythical creature.

Danny DeVito from Hercules, a pan. Half goats, half... That's 100%. Yeah, look up Phil from Hercules.

He just said, Look up Phil from Hercules. He typed out Danny DeVito.

That is 100% you. That's so you, dude.

That's my dad. What is that? A Tasmanian devil? What is it? It's a pig.

I think it's called a pan.

A pan, okay.

They were horny, too. They were half goat, half man horny. That's actually so right. It's fucked up.

Let's end the movie. Let's finish the movie. All right, so we'll figure out who our dads are. We run into the fucking the Vlod, the Sasasquatch with the Franken dick.

Okay, you're back there. It doesn't matter. I thought we were gone with the black Franken dick.

Listen, if you're quiet, you can hear the zippers opening up the tent.

I can hear the...

I also just love that Jim is doing grassroots pro-trans, Jack off organizing. He's just trying to get one friend at a time. He's walking you through who does what you do.

No, I asked. I asked. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he didn't... I go Who's out there?

Don't take it so serious, man. He's just setting it up for you. You don't have to get so defensive.

No, because I don't want Jim to hear it. You know what I mean?

I go, whoa, dude. First of all, Jim knows we love and respect him.

I apologize, Doros.

Jim's not listening. Yeah.

Okay, you're right.

If we're being very clear, no chance.

Yeah, that's my bad. Okay.

How does the movie end, Bob?

Have we killed our mythical dads?

Can't be that easy.

Or do we become them?

We become them is more... How about we We kill them and we think we've done it and then we become them?

Then we start the prophecy and then we go fuck some whore. Then it starts all over.

There's got to be a multiverse thing because all of them have it. We got to put it in there.

Okay, so how do we get-Multiverse is hack now, dude. It's over.

That's out.

It's done.

Really? Because if we go to another thing and then sashquatch, it could be Emmanuel Lewis's… You know what I mean? Emmanuel Lewis. Penis. You know what I mean? I mean, You're right. I'm Zipper. Yeah. Too much 10. I got to get out of 10. You're right. Okay. You know what? We'll figure that out later.

Did you find him attractive? You were a boy. You know what I mean?

We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out.

When you watched that show, did you find him hot? Who? Emmanuel Lewis.

No, but I remember I told you he used to call me randomly at 2:00, 3:00 in the morning. Hey, Bob, I'm in town from Atlanta. You never would I never would hang out with him. Why?

I don't know. Maybe he wanted to borrow some clothes. I forgot my sweaters. Do you have something I could wear, Bob?

Maybe that was it.

Can we borrow a jacket.

It's cold in LA. I never hung out with him because I don't… I don't know.

You don't hang out.

Yeah, I don't hang out. You don't hang out. Yeah, I don't hang out.

If you're going to hang out, it will be with me at most. Otherwise, you don't hang out. Or a girl.

Do we have stars like that anymore, though? We had the Verne Troyers and the Gary Coleman. There's no little… But he's not really a little. He's like a…

Peter Dinklage is a spotify movie star.

That's right. You just threw it out there. He's the one. He's the one.

Warwick Davis is still doing his thing. Yeah. Vern Troy, rest in peace. Tony Cox, rest in peace.

What about that little guy that was R2D2?

He's definitely dead.

What's that guy's name again? I can't remember his name. I don't know. He was a famous actor.

No, he wasn't famous.

No, he was. He actually was. Kenny Baker.

Kenny Baker, that's right. No, he was There's Kenny Baker. I don't know. Imagine being in that metal fucking suit all day long.

Probably loved it.

Probably loved it. They haven't approached you to get... I'm not even joking. Yeah. I would assume they would ask you to be in the extended Star Wars universe as some little guy. For real, you'd be awesome at it.

Not in the fucking... Let me hear you do some R2D to Beep-up-up. Let me see. No, they're not going to cast me.

I'm not doing it. I got to drink some water.

For real, I think in the In the Madalorian or in the fucking nothing?

Okay, so I swear to God, I audition for that last one. You know the lady with the head thing?

Oh, yes.

In the Madalorian?

No, it was the lady with the head thing, the last one.

That was What's your face? Lupita Nyong'o did the voice for.

Exactly. I auditioned for a nine-armed alien, and I didn't even come close. I didn't even come close.

What do you think it was?

You know who you'd be great as?

What are you implying?

No, I'm just saying, what do you think it was?

What the fuck are you implying?

What do you think the reason you didn't even come close was?

I didn't read good. They didn't see me as the part, bro. What are you fucking implying, doc?

Nine arms is hard to fit on your little body. I mean, they get maybe six.

Well, they could be small arms.

They got to be real small. I mean, those two barely fit on that frame. Stop it, dude. It's good. Stop it, but it's true. I think you're right. Also, nine. How are they getting-No, but they could rewrite it. Why an It's an odd number of arms?

I don't know.

That's true. Where's the fucking miss? Where is the lopsided arm.

There's probably just a voice thing, right?

No, it was an actual guy. No, it's a practical costume. Practical costume.

Damn, you would have been awesome.

Like a Bounty Hunter. Not a Bounty Hunter.

That pisses me off. Who got it? Let's fucking find him and fuck him up.

I never get those things.

It's probably such an accredited actor that we're like, I get it.

Have you ever read for a Marvel or a Star Wars?

Buddy, what are they going to do with me?

Yeah, I have, and I never get If I could have gotten anything, it would have been whatever Bird did in the mandalorian.

That's true. If Bird was busy.

Yeah, they were like, Let's go get fucking Santino.

Can you do it in the impression you do? They're like, You want me to be him?

You're like, We do. You know what? We do.

Come to think about, you look like BB2. What's the new little robot? Bb8.

All right, well, you could be fucking Baboo Frick. How about that?

There you are, dude.

Bb8, dude. I'm BB8. Now, let's pull up Baboo Frick and let's see who Baboo is. All right.

That is me, dude. That is me. All right, you win this.

It's so obvious.

You win this, dude. That is me. Bro, you know how-He was cute. What did he say? How was he talking? He was really cute. He didn't really speak, did he? He was fucking He was so cute, that guy.

I can't understand you most of the time, so that just lines up. He really acts, for real, feel like Baboo Frick.

Yeah, I'm Baboo Frick, dude. Baboo Frick. What a cute one. Who ever made that? Dude.

That's such a good-looking character. It's a good character.

I don't even know what happens in the new Star Wars. I've seen them all just so out of my mind on acid or mushrooms. Really?

Yeah. Never sober.

Never sober. I just go in.

I haven't seen any of the new ones. I'm just not there.

I don't think they're good, but to me, they are my favorite ones because I was so fucked up. I've told this story before. I don't want to say too much, but people thought I was special needs when I saw the Babu Frick one because it was Christmas, and I was on. I was so fucked up. I was with my brother, my best friend, and every time he would come on the screen, I would be like... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I've told that story a hundred times, but I literally like... And so for me, I have no... The old ones I saw when I was a little kid, so I don't remember them.

You didn't rewatch them as an adult?

Not really. That's worth it. The prequels, I like the last one.

Can I ask you some trivia?

Yeah, sure. I'm not going to get it right because I've seen it on Monday.

Would you like to play some Star Wars trivia or no?

Choo for the Hip. Okay. Go, baby.

When you were in college and Star Wars came out, how did that You're a bum.

It's so funny to think he went to college.

Okay. That's good. I'm sorry, you were a boy. Luke Skywalker's uncle, what was his name? You got burnt to a Cribsp, remember? You guys know? I got to know.

I don't know.Uncle.

Owen.uncle.

Owen, I did know. Are you being real?

Yeah. By the way, bad character name. Owen? Owen is just a weak name. There's no depth to it for Wasn't he Ben Kenobi's brother, though?

No. I think there was a relationship between Owen and Ben Kenobi. That's family. What? That they were related? I think so. What is it?

Owen Lars is Anacon Skyworker's stepbrother, perceived as the brother of jedi master, obi-wan Oh, so there is some family thing.

Yeah, okay. Then those little guys in Star Wars, they're wearing monk hoods. They're with glowing gold eyes. What are they called? The Sand People. No, the Sand People were the… No, Iranians or whatever. That was it.

Oh, careful.

No, they are called Sand People, and that is... Kenobi is weird about it because they have an actual name, but he calls them Sand people.

But that's not who I'm talking about.

Was it my uncle was in this movie? Yeah.

They're called Jawas.

Jawas. But he calls them Sand people.

Sand people are the ones that try to kill Luke, right? They're two different things.

You're not going to get away with this guy, dude.

No, they're not the same thing. Look up a Sand people in Star Wars. Look it up. Give me an image. Wait a minute.

Look up Sand people on Carlos's computer. I'm afraid it will come back up.

Yeah, that's a sand people.

That's a Sand people person.

Jawas are different.

Yeah, Jawas are different.

Can we say person of sand instead of sand people?

Yeah, you're right. I prefer it.

I respect. I take it back.

Okay, can we continue? You haven't answered anything.

I don't want to. You You're going to. I let you go. No, no, no. First of all, you asked him for the-I'm going to ask you now.

Okay. What planet does Yoda live on?

Oh, fuck.

God, my memory's so fucking bad.

You don't know. I do know. I don't know either. No, I get it. It starts with a D.

Degaba. Yeah, that's right.

That's right, bud.

I do know that.

Last question.

It was originally colonized by Italians. That's true. By space italians. Yeah.

So last question.

Got these fucking space guys coming over here.

Empire Strikes Back, what's the snowy planet? Hoth.

That's right. You really have never seen any of them?

No, I haven't. What are you talking about?

I played the games. I played the... I don't remember any of that shit. A bit of a bunch of the games.

The one is the Battlefront. You ever played that?

I didn't play that because that one's more... What's the one where you get to be a... You just get to the open world? Yeah. I played those Jedi ones. Right. I'm going to be your own Jedi.

That's the new one.

I haven't played those.

But Battlefront was fun. You know how Battlefront's played?

No, I don't play. How was Battlefront? How was it played?

You just play as... It's like storm Stormtroopers versus the Rebels. You're playing everyone online and you're a Stormtrooper. It's chaos. You're killing rebels. If you kill enough in a row, you get to choose to be... You know what I Luke Skywalker. If you get enough kills. Then for a minute, you have a lightsaver and you can just fuck people up. It's such a fun game. That is funny. Let's move on from Star Wars.

I feel like I'm boring you. I feel like I'm a 24-year-old that matched Bobby and Tinder. You never saw Fantomeness, the new ones with the JJ Abrams ones?

None of the new ones, no.

Wow, you've seen them? Yeah. Because of the little guy.

I only saw the ones when we were young. Okay. When I was in high school, I liked them.

You're not a sci-fi guy, though.

Not a sci-fiCyfi guy.

You're a sci-fi, right?

I like Sci-Fi.

I'm open to it. We're similar in many ways.

I'm open to Sci-Fi.

Sci-fi has to be, for me, like... No, I like fantasy more than sci-fi. I like fantasy.

You're like a horse. You're like an elf.

I like fantasy over Sci-Fi. No, I like whimsical shit. I think like out-of-world stuff that's like weirdo shit.

Lord of the Rings over Star Wars shit.

I'm not going to say that it's better than Star Wars. Star Wars is just so good because when we were kids, it was so different. It was the only thing that was in fucking space.

Yeah, I guess what I'm thinking of is a couple, a few bangers like Total Recall. Okay.

Great movie. Okay, right. I was more to like- Blade Runner. Comedy Wimsy. Yeah. Like cone heads. Loved. Okay, interesting. Like, Comedy Wimsey. Like impractical comedy. I love that.

High concept, like crazy comedy.

Yeah, shit that's obviously not real. I love that. I mean, Princess Bright might be one of the best written comedy films of all time. Front to back. That's a great movie. The Wimsey in that movie is-You never saw it? I haven't seen it in a while.

It's so great. A great movie. Were you a never-ending Story guy?

Yes, I loved that shit.

Fucking loved. Atreu? Never-ending story. By the way, you know who followed me on Instagram the other day? Speaking of fucking-The dog from that movie?

Atreu or the dog?

First of all, Atreu's name, his dog is not the name.

What about the big turtle? Was it a turtle?

Do you know the name of the big dog?

No. Okay, give me the first-F.F..

He just said it.

No, he didn't.

Did you say it? Shut up. Yeah.

F.

There's the turtle.

I might rewatch never else.

Falcor. Yeah, the dog. What's the turtle's name?

Morla the eighth. Morla.

Wow. Morlamorla. What a great movie.

Oh, wait. You know who follow me on Instagram. Mandi fucking Patinkin.

Wow, that's huge. Who's that?

You don't know who fucking Mandi Patinkin is? You're a cinophile.

Oh, Mandi Patinkin.

He is Inigo Montoya. He is the six-finger He is going after... By the way, you know who he's going after in the movie? Yeah. Who is he going to kill the six-fingered man?

Is he on Homeland?

He is on Homeland. Okay, that's how I know. So Mandi Patinkin played Inigo Montoya, who goes after who in the film? What famous director do we know that you and I have both worked for play the six-fingered man. Bring up a picture of the six-fingered man from Princess Bride. This is incredible. You've worked for this man. Who is that guy?

Yeah, I know. It's Christopher Guest, but I never worked for him.

Wait, I thought you did.

You know what? That's another way of you slamming my career. That's so fucked up that you do that. Now you know I'm going to go, I never worked for him. You're going to go, Oh, yeah, my bad. And then now I'm hurt.

How did you work for him? I'll give you a second. How did you work for him? I gave you 6 Degrees of Kevin Bagan. You worked with his wife in a major motion picture. That's true. Okay, so that's enough.

But how did you work for him?

I forgot you didn't work with him.

How did you work for him?

On a comedy project that we were just-Yeah, he would never call me in. No, he told me he was going to call you in. I couldn't get a hold of you.

Why are you getting so defensive?

I'm not being defensive. He has a way of going side and then hurting me.

I thought you did something with him.

I never did anything with him.

What about the movie he did with the little people? With everyone in the costume, you didn't do that?

No, I didn't do the little people. Willow? What are you talking about?

What was the where everybody was a mascot?

I don't remember that. Yeah, I audition for it.

I thought you did it.

No, I never did it. I audition for it.

I apologize, but you at least audition.

Yeah, so I have not worked for him.

I did a show for him called Family Tree. I did one throwaway episode. That's great. It was fantastic.

Congratulations, Andrew.

Thank you so much. Let's go.

God damn it, dude.

That's what makes you feel good. No one's heard of that fucking show. That's exactly right.

That's true.

Isn't it better to have not worked for him and maybe potentially be in something good?

But someone got some buzz on the cult movie. What's that? Someone got some buzz on the cult movie.

Why is this turning adversarial right now?

Is that the adversarial? Well, congratulations to him, bro.

It seems like a demon possessed you. No. Like a benevolent demon.

What a joy that you're working.

I am happy for you. I like how you pretend like you've never seen this show. This is exactly what he does. That is true. Can't wait.

But we're hopping along, we're talking about in Star Wars. Yeah, you're right. Then one perceived slight and Bobby has shut down. He does that. Now he's acting out.

No, I'm kidding. I don't get that.

It's very good to jump. I need you around more. How about this? This will get him in a good mood. Yeah.

That was- Yeah, Frank and Dick.

Let's talk about Black Cog for two minutes. Get Bobby back in a good mood.

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Oh, my God. That's the National Football League.

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Let me look. Oh, my God. I know bulge.

Don't look at a guy, Bigdick, Marathon. Coming marathon gay porn video. I know.

And by the way, save it for later.

The tent is a rhetorical device. We don't actually want to pull up pornography.

Get back to reality. The movie is getting a lot of talk, by the way. Everyone is in them streets talking about it.

It is fun. I mean, it's crazy. I am shocked that I got to fucking make a movie. But yeah, it's fun. Go rent it.

Buy it.

Buy it, rent it on Amazon, Apple, wherever the fuck you buy movies.

Now, How did this... Is it something that you had pitched or is it something you just got cast in?

No, I wrote it. Oh, you did? I wrote it with my friends, and we did a short movie, or we did a short of it, and a production company wanted to make it. Wow. Dark Sky Films. And Queensbury Pictures, and they were just like, I'm... It's fucking wild. It's amazing. We just made a movie. Amazing, dude. It's fun. It's stupid as shit. It was like, I really do want to make... I mean, we're joking about the movie about our fucking mythical fathers. Are we? I don't think we are. It was fun as shit because I really think a comedy movie should just be this, where it's like friends get together, have an idea, we all carve out, we write it however long, we carve out a month and we shoot it on a modest budget because we know we can actually be funny. We don't keep it super... We keep it reasonable. Then what the fuck have we done? By getting rejected from the industry for years, we all had to build our own fan bases. Look at this. I think that's what I found. It was just a test of the waters to see if it was fun, but I really want to make more movies with my friends.

Even if they don't have to be fucking huge releases or anything, just to make stuff for the fans that people that come out to see us do stand up who listen to our podcast, they fucking like comedy movies, too. It's just nobody's fucking making it.

No one's making them.

You just inspired me. I think we're going to do it. Let's do it. I'm being real. Let's do it. Let's I can do it.

You know what we got to do, though?Right.

I will write.We have to do it.We're going to do it.You'll do it? Yeah, 100%, dude. All right. I want to do it really bad. That'd be great, dude. Because it's inspiring. I think you're right. I think we have... Because you get a pro all the time, you know what I mean? To read or to look at my script, but it's like… I don't. Oh, really? You're trying to do a Christopher Guest thing again? Do you think I'm doing that? I'm not doing that.

I don't get it all the time. I don't get approached all the time. I don't have a deal with NBC in place where I'm developing a show about an Asian-You want one for Hulu? I don't have one. You have a Hulu show? I have a special on Hulu.

And a show with me on Hulu.

You're on that show?

Yeah, dude.

We pitch a show. We did.

By the way, I'm looking for a fat bug or a fat bird or something for this show?

By the way, you think you're not going to be on the show?

100% you're on that. Are you your mind? Yeah. No read, nothing.

Love it. I don't want to give it away, but I would do there is... Trust me.Don't worry about it.Okay. Don't worry about it. I'm interested. We already have the people that we have in our sight lines of who we want on this show. Bobby wants a lot of good cameos in the pilot. Bill Cosby said he would do a pilot.

You guys go way back.

Space is coming back. Space is coming back? Yeah, he's coming back.

That would be all right.

He plays the principal. You boys have been Yeah.

Well, it's also... I don't know if you guys feel, but it's also cool because it is a ton of people and it feels fun. It feels like it's a team instead of stand-up.

You feel like you're in on something.

Yeah, instead of stand-up where you're just by yourself, especially a movie where you get to... Because I did get to cast some of my friends in that one, but it's like, that's another thing about the next.

We never really...

Yeah, not got it.

We never got it.

Not even...

You actually did.

No, I didn't. Yeah, you did.

Did I? Yeah, but you couldn't do it.

Oh, because I was gone. Yeah. That's actually true.

There was no for you. We couldn't afford you, Bob. Were you going to play my dad? What did you want to play? Do you want to play the newscaster that he didn't play and Tom Papa did?

Yeah, Tommy Papa did it.

You're not a newscaster, let's be honest.

Let's see you read the news. Read what? Give us... Bring up...

No, you're right. Talks about Lou.

You're right.

Wait, bring up the shooting in Midtown, and let me see him read this as if it... Let me see you read this. Let me see if you could...

I wasn't even buying for the part. What the fuck is going on Let's hear it. I wasn't... Zoom in.

There you go. Just the first line.

Hi, I'm Frank Maggioni.

No, the guy's name is making me. You're fired.

No, I got to create my name. You need a name. I'm Troy Fugumoto for ABC channel 7 News, Luigi Maggioni, the suspect in the killing of United Health Care CEO, Brian Thompson, is fighting his extradition to New York, where he faces a murder charge. He was denied bail during a court appearance in Pennsylvania.

I can't believe you can't do that with the ad reads. That's remarkable.

Big effort of producers on that one. Yeah.

It takes us an hour and a half to do an ad read.

That was just cold reading, so could I have done it?

You could have. If I would have practiced. You're that talented.

You don't have the look, man. I'm sorry.

It's okay. We've heard that our whole career. Trust me, the next project I have, you don't have the look for any of those. That's a guarantee.

Wait a minute.

If you really want to come to... First of all, I don't even know if you were friends then. I shot it last June. I think I might have done the podcast.

I don't care. I get how it works. Yeah, okay. I didn't come to your mind. It's fine. No, no. It's fine. I have no resentment. You don't think I would have asked you? It's fine.

You don't think I wanted to?

I'm just saying When we do our fucking movie, you're not going to be in it.

Why are you standing up?

You always get offers and you say no, so don't complain.

I do not.

Yeah, you do every time, dude. That's not true.

I was pumped to have you on tires.

Yeah, did you do tires?

We were in Australia. Oh, tour. Yeah, we tour, too. Okay, you fuck.

There you go.

I would love to have you on tires.

And I'm not doing Cult Part 2, whatever the fuck in the movie. You're going to fuck off.

I wanted to see you. I was happy. All right.

I was happy when we had- Can't play a newscaster. I'll fucking show you, dude.

There's no newscaster in the world except maybe Malaysia that looks at you.

Yeah? Connie chunk, bitch.

She's so much more static.

You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. I'll be honest with you, Star Rose, in the animated show, we're going to get you a lot of work there. Hell, yeah, dude. Whatever projects that we come up with and that I'm involved with, I will have you on because I just think you're super talented. I know the street doesn't go both ways. No, it's. But…

Keep going.

Go ahead. Listen, sometimes streets don't go both ways, right?

These two streets do.

Do these streets?

These are two Two ways? Two ways.

And a freeway off-ramp. There's a freeway off-ramp. There's the whole thing.

And an on-ramp.

Bridge, all that stuff. Dead end. This is a one-way dead-end street, but it's fine, dude. How?

I don't think my mother's cookies.

I'll be honest with you, I did not like it. I didn't finish this piece of shit, Baclava, dude. All right? My Korean grandmother could make better fucking Baclava than this, bitch.

All right?

Fuck the fucking thing, dude.

Now you're being fucking crazy.

Now, fuck off, dude.

Try the other one. Try the other one.

Wait, wait, wait.

Go eat another.

Dude, stop it.

They're right there. Stop it. Eat a different cookie. I'm sorry. Eat the brown one.

Tell me it's not good. Yeah, yeah.

Eat the brown one and tell me it's not good.

I'll eat it on camera. What do you think?

If you say the brown one's not good.

The one that looks like pooh, you mean? Stop it.

I'm sorry. Can I say something about this exchange right now?

What?

I just want to put this out to the world so people understand because we're such close friends. But Bobby, don't let no Asian comedian talk about no Greek mama's baklava.

That's That's true.

Don't let no Asian comedian talk about no Greek mama's baklava. That's the law.

That is law.

Where I come from, we talk about Greek mama's papa. Just eat the fucking cook. Eat the brown. Let me describe it first. Okay? This is like donkey pou. No, it's- Dude, don't be out of line right now.

You got to be. I'm being serious.

What the fuck are you doing? I don't know what you're doing right now.

That's a fucking olive oil.

This guy's mother is a fucking queen, and made this for you.

You eat it and you be fucking nice. With freshly crushed walnuts on top.

How am I the bad guy? You don't talk bad about his mom's- You said my mother's cookies look like donkey shit.

That's right.

I wasn't even done with the description, dude. With little tiny dried maggots on it.

Keep in mind. Keep in mind, when the show's over, he can fuck you up.

I would never.

I don't think he would.

I would never, but I could. But he could. But I would.

I know you could. Let's get out. Yeah, you're a man. You're a man, dude. You got man strength. All right, take a bite. Is this the thing?

Yes. All right.

Phenomenal.

And be real about it.

Go ahead. Take a sip. Don't have to chew into the mic. Fucking people in audio. People in their cars.

They're so good.

Rated, honestly, out of 10. Out of 10.

I call it the Bangladesh road cookie.

Oh, my God. What? You think that was made by feet?

No, dude, If I was on a road in Bangladesh- You are so full.

All right, we get it. You're a good actor. You're pretending not to play these cookies.

No, I'm being real. It's a Bangladesh road cookie. It's the same thing. How have you ever been to- When I'm saying to you do is this, right? That's free in Bangladesh. That's out of line. Yeah. There's nothing you can do about it. That's out of line. There's nothing you can do about it. I'm sure she's a nice lady, though.

Out of line, dude.

Close your eyes. Bangladesh road cookie?

No. Do not play that.

This is so good. You know I've said nothing but good things when I take these home.

It's the Ozempic. Do not play this job, BFC.

I'll take the whole thing home. You take the whole thing, yeah. Great, because I fucking love it.

I can't put anything down.Okay.Okay, so that's my bad.

Just tell me the taste is good, though.

That's phenomenal.

What do you want to talk about? The honest truth, it's... Oh, my God. No, I'm going to be real.

What desserts do you like?

I don't know.

I go to theDuck feet? You ever had duck feet?

Let me be completely and honest with you.

Please don't start lying now.

I'm not going to lie, okay? Yeah. The flavor was good. The texture is not my thing.

Fantastic.

Because it's a little soft.

Yeah, it just crumbles in your mouth and it's not my thing. That's wonderful. That's great. But That's just my own thing.

That line is so funny. It just crumbles in your mouth. That's delicious.

It moist and melts in your mouth.

It's got a pumpkin, spicy vibe to it.

It's a white people's flavor.

I like umami.

His mom is from the Mediterranean.

It's an olive oil-based cookie. It's not butter. It's honey, olive oil, ginger, cinnamon. None of that's, I would say, explicitly white.

Yannis' mom and John Stamos' mom would make better cookies.Oh my God, dude.That's a fact.I've had better cookies.Now you are starting to get to me, Bob.I'm being real. That's not true. I'm not being real. That's not true. I'm not being real. And your mom isn't really great. Oh my God. It's like a Greek adjacent.

And that's fine. That's fine. His mom is in the fucking What?

His mom is dead. His mom's fucking dead.

And she still makes better cookies. Yeah, yeah. Fuck you. Yeah, fuck you, stop. Fuck you. Stop, bro. Okay? So they're okay, guys.

Honestly, bro.

Yeah.

I don't like this behavior, but man, you're coming out swinging, dude.

You're swinging right now. It's insane. I mean, it's the truth, and I'm a truth teller, am I not? You are a truth teller. I lay things out on the table, and I'm all feeling-based. My feeling is that it's all right.

Stamos would never bring you cookies, and you never.

There you go, truth teller. Look into your glass ball.

Tell me what you see. This is what I see, okay? Tell me what you see, dude. Oh, I see. Read our fortunes. Yes. Your mom isn't hairy enough to be Greek.

Bro.

That's not a thing. That's not a thing. That's not a thing. That's a compliment. Go back.

You named a negative thing and said she wasn't that.

That's true. I just don't do crystal ball improv. Yeah, I've never learned it.

You didn't take that class.

I didn't take that class.

That's more groundling stuff. That's groundlings stuff.

Yeah. You're not there. You know what, dude? It was pretty good, and thank you so much. But can I be honest with you? If you never brought cookies here again, I wouldn't really even think about it.

I would think about it because I'd want them. So bring them for me.

Honestly, can you get this trash here?

Oh my God, dude.

I'm being real. Because I don't want it in front of me.

Macone, if you bring a trash can over here and throw that in the trash can, I'm going to be fucking pissed. Oh, my God.

I think I'm thinking, Macone.

Don't do this.

Don't do this. The disrespect is crazy.

Look at my eyes, dude. Look at my eyes, dude. Just look at my eyes right now, you piece of shit. Do not do that. I swore. Do not go to the fucking trash. Beat it. Beat it. Beat it, kid.

Then he beats it to the kid?

Yeah. Garbage. Garbage. Garbage, everybody.

How do you say garbage in Greek? Teach him how to say it just so he knows.

Scupedia.

Scupedia.

Scupedia. Scupedia. Play it for us. Click it. Scupedia. Scupedia. Scupedia. Scupedia. That's insane. You need to get back in the tent. You need to be more loving.

I understand that this is because you're insecure, Bob, and you're lashing out.

No, I'm insecure about what? Stavros.

I don't know. I honestly, legitimately don't know, but you are, and that's what's causing this behavior.

You know what's beautiful about that? That is true. He shouldn't be insecure about anything. No, he shouldn't. It's a perfect little being. But why are you? He is.

Why are you throwing him? I feel like he's being attacked. By whom? Okay, let's go back the last 40 minutes. That's not even it. No, that wasn't even it. Number one, the fucking short round slams. You started. Okay, number two, the fucking Frank and Dick like, I want to suck dick or something. You do. I don't. You didn't help him. I don't want to suck the dick, all right? Okay. Then number three, to pile it on, he offered everybody in town a role in his movie except me. That's not it. Because I'm not personal enough to play a fucking news anchor, okay?

The only part I had was newscaster left. Yeah.

Okay, it's fine.

Which is an insult to me more than anything.

Yeah, it's obviously it is. Number four, shitty cookie. His mom never baked him cookies.

That's what this is about. His mom never I see him cookie. I see his brain working a thousand miles a minute. His mom never bake him a cookie. It was like another act.

Are you guys looking forward to Nosteroffu?

Nosteroffu?

Yeah.

Nosteroffu.

Are you looking forward to it or no? Big time. Me too. Aren't you? Robert Eggers. I love him. Oh, yeah. It'll be fun.

Are you going to see this Dylan movie or no?

Dylan who?

This Bob Dylan movie.

You know what?

I'm not interested in that.

I love you. No disrespected Timmy, but I just...

No, I'm not interested.

Those movies don't interest me. It's just like...

Like the Elvis movie? Yeah.

Although the Elvis movie was… If Bob Lerman did it, I would watch this movie because I like Chalame, and it's so weird. It's a frenet. The pacing's crazy.

Anyway, we're not going to see it.

I don't know what it is. It just turned me off. The preview doesn't look good. Coney and I talked about it, too. I'm not a huge Dylan guy.

Yeah, I don't give a fuck about it.

Hey, Mr. Tom. I don't know how to do it.

But a bunch of boomers.

I know, but even still, my dad's a boomer, though. He just never was a Dylan guy either.

Yeah, which one? The Criminal or? Dude.

No, the Criminal. The Highway '61. Criminal was more rock and all rock.

Highway '61 revisited. You didn't like that? Blonde on blonde. Blood on tracks.

Blonde on blonde, if it's a Hornography.

Yeah. I mean, these are masterpiece albums, dude.

Wait, really?

I'm being real. These are Dylan albums.

I just don't really love them. This might be a generational thing.

Oh, you think so, guy? I do. Really?

Yeah, I'm going to feed into it.

Well, yeah, because after Vietnam, you were-Fuck you.

What? After Vietnam, what?

After Vietnam, that's when you found your niche. That's when you really started to groove. You're fresh out of Vietnam.

Yeah, you got back. You were a spy. They sent you into the NBA.

66.

You were two. No, I wasn't even born yet. Thank you.

You had to think about it, though.

I'm not that old.

You did have to siphon through that brain to go,.

It is crazy. You're very youthful. It always takes me back. It's awesome to watch people find out your age for the first time.

What hold are you again?

I'm 35. I have the opposite problem.

Oh, shit, dude. No, you look great. You have a baby face. Thank you. When you When you hear my age-You also have baby hair.

Yeah.

That's good. That's really good. It's both. 53 is old.

No, it's not old, dude. We're just fucking around.

No, I'm just saying, but that's much older than you got. Now, you're 40.

I'm 41. You're closer to death for sure.

I would honestly just assume you were-You're the same demographic, maybe.

Yeah.

Because of your lifestyle. We talked about that.

Yeah, I probably had life experiences different than you. I think when I was in high school, there was no cell phones and stuff. Did you have cell phones when you were in high school? Yeah. Yeah, we didn't have that. Or internet.

I didn't have a cell phone. Senior year.

T9.

Yeah, T9 texting. People got cell phones. My senior year, people started to become a thing.

You didn't get one, though, right?

I did get one at the end of my senior year. Yeah, I did get one. Did you beg your parents? Beg, beg, beg, beg, beg. Yeah. Got a Nokia, a little Nokia. A little brick.

A little brick. A little Nokia brick. That game, snake, I played like 1-12 hours.

All day. All day, every single fucking day. That game is I'm Super Nintendo.

Yeah, me too.

You're a Super Nintendo, too? I'm an-I'm Nintendo first, but then SNES was my shit. I didn't get Nintendo. Okay, see that? Right. I guess I'm more Nintendo, you're more Super Nintendo. That's what I am. And you're more Atari. No. That is Atari.

In television.

In television, yeah.

You know what in television is?

Were you plugged in the fucking thing?

No, look up in television.

Damn.

That's what I played with. Look at that thing.

That looks like a radio. Is it funny? One of your cousins made it.

Yeah. In television, it was incredible. Oh, my God.

That looks pretty fun. They are pretty tight. You didn't know any better. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Oh, the cookies worked.

Yeah, it was the cookie. The cookie came out.

My mom heard you cursing.

She'll hit you from anywhere.

She's good like that. In television, there was a game that was like a Dungeon and Dragons game. But basically, it was just a box and you were a dot.

I remember? Oh, yeah, I do know this.

Like that. That was pretty much what it was. I went over to my friend's house and he goes, Check this out. See where the green is? That those are areas that you're not supposed to go. But he goes, Check this out. He went through into a green area and he goes, Secret room. At that time, it was like, Wow.

Yeah, he's like, What's no rules here. He started taking his pants off. Secret, Bobby. No one knows what happens while we're in here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Went back to the 10, huh? Yeah, you did. Yeah, went right to the 10. Okay, we're figuring it out.

Yeah.

It is the secret room. No one has to know what we do in here.

I'm finding out what the lashing out is. This time it's 25% latent homosexuality, 25% career anxiety. That's what the cocktail of the last time was today. I just put it together.

I think it's 80/20 if I'm being honest. It's a little bit more. Because career The sugar is going good.

Yeah, but he still is sensitive for some reason, I don't understand, because you are awesome. You're the man, and people want you and stuff, but still a little lashing out.

Yeah, the shaky lashing out for no reason. I respond to energy.

You do. And your energy was a little too much. You came in here like, You're the boss, and I'm like, I'm going to push back.

You wanted to make sure he knew you were the boss.

That's right. The voice is back.

Anyway, we're all good here.

It's fucking cookie shit. Hey, stop with the cookie shit.

It's clean. Yeah. It looks fun. Congratulations, everybody.

Were you a Dungeons & Dragons guy? Were you a D&D guy?

No, but can I tell you about Dungeons & Dragons real quick? There's a Dungeons & Dragons movie that Chris Pine was in. It's really good.

We got I got to pull it up.

It's called... What's it called?

The End of Thiefs or something?

Yeah. Honor Among Thiefs. That movie was so surprisingly good. Here's my problem.

I heard that. Here's my key problem. Why is there a hot guy in Dungeon of Dragons thing? Well, he's a rogue.

Now we're back on the same page. He was a rogue. He was obviously a rogue.

Make this entire cast unattractive.

No. Make this entire-The Thorx need to pretend they're a sexy guy.

But I really like that movie a lot.

That's what every guy who plays thinks they look like.

Guys that look like me play, think they're that, think they're getting goblin pussy looking like that. That's the whole point.

You can get goblin pussy, though. Oh, and I do, my friend. That's the idea.

Now, if we were in that world, would you get goblin pussy?Me?

Without question.

No, it's not my style.

You'd be only for elf pussy? Come on, dude. Come on, dude. Faerie elf. Every once in a while, you'd get a little goblin pussy.

Can I tell you something? Yeah. I'd stick to my elves. I'd stick to my elf, my fairies. I'd stick to my-Fairies are tiny, My favorite.

Yeah, perfect. Tiny. Perfect.

Tiny cock.

Tiny fairy. Yeah, I'm just fucking Tinkerville, and it just makes sense. My thing is just that size. I'm like, Yeah.

Imagine fucking a fairy, and then she He's like, Is it in?

No.

Fuck. But what would you be?

Would you be-A nymph? I'd like a nymph? I'd be more into those.

I'd be into alchemy.

You'd be a lizard, a warlock?

You'd be a warlock. Potions. That's my whole thing.

I'd I want to have a big ax.

He wants alchemy.

You're like a Gimli. I want to be a brute. You're like Gimli.

He wants alchemy so he can pour himself a pocket pussy.

Yeah. I like collecting things, you know what I mean? Like mushrooms and whatnot.

You're a forger.

Yeah, forager. How would you be in that?

I'd be carrying some weapon. I'd be defending the community. Yeah, sure. I'd be a brute.

Yeah, you'd be a brute. I'd be a brute.

I'd be a brute.

No, buddy, buddy, buddy. No, dude. You'd be my companion.

I'd be a brute.

Someone's got to see over the trees.

No, you're like Samwise Gamge, the emotional support. Yes.

No, you're a physical man. Okay, how about this? You and I would be a team. Just say that. I like that. Be a team. How about this? We'd be a team, you're getting crazy goblin pussy, and I'm focused on the mission. That's the character dynamic.

That is true.

I'm like, Stop, we have to go.

One second.

Let me hit this real quick.

I'm like, Bobby, can you mix me up an elixir that cures herpes? Here you go.

I already took it this morning. Then I would say, Can I go with you guys?

Yeah.

Hey, guys. We'll Maybe not on this run.

No, because I've never seen a dragon before, and I know you guys are going to go hunt that dragon.

Oh, and that's awesome, and we're going to next time for sure. We're going to, for sure. Actually, we're not even going to see any dragon. Not on this journey.

No way.

Why are you going to Mount Lonely?

Well.

That's where the dragon is. No, there's a- We're going by there. Near it.

Oh, I see. But it not stopped. But then where would you go? Are you going to Carlsbad?

We've got- Or Bakersfield?

Where are you going?

Do you know about the sand people?

Oh, yeah. Okay. We're going to see that. Okay, so you wouldn't invite me to the-No, we would.

It would just depend on the mission.

Let me throw you some things. Damsel in distress, would I get to go?

No, that's nuts.

I say we bring him.

What for? How many damsels are there?

Can I be honest, your attitude today?

You're not going to invite a damsel in distress.

Oh, interesting. I don't know.

When we're podcasting, this is fine, but we're in the woods, there's orcs descending on us. I can't have a little freak out. You know what I mean? Because we offended you. You need the eye on the prize. I don't need to worry, is he actually going to give me the cure for orc pust.

See, here's the thing, Stavros. Is he mad at me? I wouldn't be mad because you actually invited me into your movie. It's when you don't invite me is when I get mad. Do you see how that works, fuckface? I understand. You understand how that works, fuckface? If you invite me, I'm jolly because I like to feel included, you fuckface. Hey, hey, hey. No, I'm sorry. My bad. That's all right. I'm so sorry.

You're right. We would take you on aI'm not going to send you a mission.

My bad. That's all right. I'm aggressive.

What would be awesome is I wish I could go back in time and just send an email to you that you definitely wouldn't have read.

Yeah, you could prove it. I sent you an email and I'm like, Oh, my bad.

Yeah, I would love to hack your email.

You wouldn't have known? You're going Tell them we talked about it.

I should have said... Actually, we did. Dude, what are you talking about? You were supposed to be the second lead.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah, you bailed.

Yeah, I bailed. I had to rewrite the whole movie. The guy wasn't Korean anymore.

I probably wouldn't have done it in the first place. I know. You know that, right? I do know that. Yeah, I would probably have done it in the first place.

That's what's frustrating about this. I know you would have turned me down.

Yeah, I wouldn't have read it. Immediately now.

Well, everybody at home needs to go watch it.

Watch it because I read a couple of reviews. I'm lying.

Go on Rotten Tomates. Yeah, go on, Rock. Good guy. Go check it out. And also get the calendar. Please get the calendar.

Please buy tickets. I'm going on a huge tour.

Where's the calendar at?

Stavi. Biz. S-a-v-v-y.

Let's start a cult. 82%. That is huge. That's huge. That's insane.

Not enough real guys reviewed it. Reviewed it to get on the tomate.

What do you mean not yet? But it will be.

We'll get there, basically. How many reviews do you need?

I don't know. I think it's 100. Isn't that right?

All right, now go to borderlands. See what I got. What did that get?

I think it's still at 15 or 20? Zero.fifty.ten percent.Ten percent.Oh.

Man.okay.that's bad.It's.

Not bad. I got a couple of those. It's fine. It is what it is.Yeah.

The Kevin Hart game one.Yeah.

Me time.Me time.

That's probably what's at Me time. What's Me time at?

Me time has got to be at Maybe four and a half, seven. Seven?

Seven.oh.

Shit.tough..

These movies are fascinating because it's like, those guys are so famous and they're the fakest movies of all time, with disrespect. They almost feel like movies from 30 Rock, making a joke about a shitty movie that Kevin Hart was in. They're both so famous and talented. It's like, how did this happen? But I guess they're getting the bag from Netflix.

Well, because it just doesn't matter. It's just they pump these things out. That's the thing. They just pump them out. But they're not pumping out, Let's start a cult. They're not pumping out stuff like that. Go watch it.

But guys like us, though, we're in movies like this. They're fine because they're like, Oh, I got nine movies I'm about to do. Him and I are going to be like, Okay, I guess this is it.

This is what we get.

This is what we got this year. You know what I mean? It sucks.

Well, go watch. Let's start a call. Go see Stavi Baby on tour.

You know I love the company. Thank you, dude. I love you. I appreciate.

I love you.

Let's go have dinner. What a fun... No, we'll have dinner tonight. Let's go. All right. Thank you for being a bad friend. Thank you.